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Title: The Life of Rev. David Brainerd, Chiefly Extracted from His Diary
Author: Edwards, Jonathan
Language: English
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*** Start of this Doctrine Publishing Corporation Digital Book "The Life of Rev. David Brainerd, Chiefly Extracted from His Diary" ***

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CHIEFLY EXTRACTED FROM HIS DIARY ***

------------------------------------------------------------------------

                          Transcriber’s Note:

This version of the text cannot represent certain typographical effects.
Italics are delimited with the ‘_’ character as _italic_.

Footnotes have been moved to follow the paragraphs in which they are
referenced.

Minor errors, attributable to the printer, have been corrected. Please
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[Illustration:

  View of the Parsonage in Cranbury, New-Jersey, July, 1833.
  Occupying the ground where Brainerd preached to the Indians, 1746.
]

                                  THE
                                  LIFE
                                   OF
                          REV. DAVID BRAINERD,
                   CHIEFLY EXTRACTED FROM HIS DIARY.

                  ------------------------------------

                         BY PRESIDENT EDWARDS.

                  ------------------------------------

                           SOMEWHAT ABRIDGED.

                               EMBRACING,

                       IN THE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

                       BRAINERD’S PUBLIC JOURNAL

                                 OF THE

                          MOST SUCCESSFUL YEAR

                                 OF HIS

                           MISSIONARY LABORS.


                            PUBLISHED BY THE
                        AMERICAN TRACT SOCIETY,
                      150 NASSAU-STREET, NEW YORK.



It is a striking characteristic of the life of BRAINERD, from the time
of his entering on the study of Theology till his death, that he _daily_
“walked with God,” or mourned the absence of the light of his
countenance. President Edwards has endeavored to exhibit the state of
his mind _each day_, as described in his diary. In this edition, many
passages thus inserted by Edwards, especially such as much resembled
those preceding or following, have been omitted.



                                CONTENTS


                                                                   Page.

 President Edwards’ Preface                                            5

 CHAP I.—From his birth to the time when he began to study for the     9
   ministry—containing his own narrative of his conversion, his
   connection with Yale College and the grounds of his expulsion

 CHAP. II.—From about the time when he began the study of             32
   theology, till he was licensed to preach

 CHAP. III.—From his being licensed to preach, till he was            45
   commissioned as a missionary

 CHAP. IV.—From his appointment as a missionary, to his commencing    52
   his mission among the Indians at Kaunaumeek, in New-York

 CHAP. V.—His labors for nearly a year at Kaunaumeek—temporal         61
   deprivations and sufferings—establishes a school—confession
   offered to the Faculty of Yale College—days of fasting—methods
   of instructing  the Indians—visit to New-Jersey and
   Connecticut—commencement  of labor among the Indians at the
   Forks of Delaware—ordination

 CHAP. VI.—Labors for the Indians at and near the Forks of            95
   Delaware—idolatrous feast and dance—journey through the
   wilderness to Opeholhaupung, on the Susquehanna—erects a
   cottage at the Forks of Delaware—some evidences of a work of
   the Spirit among the Indians—journey to New-England, to obtain
   funds to support a colleague—visit to the Indians on the
   Susquehanna—journey to Crossweeksung, in New-Jersey

 CHAP. VII.—Being Part I. of his public Journal of “the Rise and     132
   Progress of a remarkable Work of Grace among the Indians in
   New-Jersey and Pennsylvania; kept by order of the Society in
   Scotland for propagating Christian Knowledge”—commencement of
   his labors at Crossweeksung—renewal of labor at the Forks of
   Delaware—conversion of his interpreter—return to
   Crossweeksung—outpouring of the Spirit—visit to the Forks of
   Delaware and the Susquehanna—a powaw—a conjurer—renewal of
   labor at Crossweeksung—remarks on the work of divine grace

 CHAP. VIII.—Being Part II. of his public Journal of “the            194
   Continuance and Progress of a Remarkable Work of Grace among
   the Indians in New-Jersey and Pennsylvania; kept by order of
   the Society in Scotland for propagating Christian
   Knowledge”—renewal of labor at Crossweeksung—outpouring of the
   Spirit—remarkable case—signal displays of divine power—a
   convert—a number of Christian Indians accompany him to the
   Forks of Delaware—striking conversion at Crossweeksung—day of
   fasting—Lord’s supper—conversion of a conjurer—general remarks
   on the preceding narrative

 CHAP. IX.—From the close of his public Journal, June 19, 1746, to   278
   his death, October 9, 1747—continuance of labor at
   Crossweeksung and Cranberry—journey with six Christian Indians
   to the Susquehanna, and labors there—return to
   Crossweeksung—compelled by prostration of health to leave the
   Indians—confinement by sickness at Elizabethtown—farewell visit
   to the Indians—his brother John succeeds him as a
   missionary—arrival among his friends in Connecticut—visit to
   President Edwards, in Northampton—journey to Boston, where he
   is brought near to death—usefulness in Boston—return to
   Northampton—triumphs of grace in his last sickness—death

 CHAP. X.—Reflections on the preceding memoir                        345

                                  FROM
                      PRESIDENT EDWARDS’ PREFACE.


There is one thing, easily discernible in the life of BRAINERD, which by
many may be considered an objection to the extraordinary evidences of
his religion and devotion, viz. that he was, _by his constitution and
natural temper, so prone to melancholy and dejection of Spirit_. There
are some who think that all religion is a melancholy thing; and that
what is called Christian experience is little else beside melancholy,
disturbing the brain, and exciting enthusiastic imaginations. But that
Brainerd’s temper or constitution inclined him to despondency, is no
just ground for supposing that his extraordinary _devotion_ was only the
fruit of a warm imagination. Notwithstanding this inclination to
despondency, he was evidently one of those who usually are the farthest
from a teeming imagination; being of a penetrating genius, of clear
thought, of close reasoning, and a very exact judgment; as was apparent
to all who knew him. As he had a great insight into human nature, and
was very discerning and judicious in general; so he excelled in his
judgment and knowledge in divinity, but especially in experimental
religion. He most accurately distinguished between real, solid piety,
and enthusiasm; between those affections that are rational and
scriptural, having their foundation in light and judgment, and those
that are founded in whimsical conceits, strong impressions on the
imagination, and vehement emotions of the animal spirits. He was
exceedingly sensible of men’s exposure to these things; how extensively
they had prevailed, and what multitudes had been deceived by them; of
their pernicious consequences, and the fearful mischief they had done in
the Christian world. He had no confidence in such a religion, and was
abundant in bearing testimony against it, living and dying; and was
quick to discern when any thing of that nature arose, though in its
first buddings, and appearing under the most fair and plausible
disguises. He had a talent, which I scarcely ever knew equalled, for
describing the various workings of this _imaginary enthusiastic_
religion, evincing its falseness and vanity, and demonstrating the great
difference between this and true _spiritual_ devotion.

His judiciousness did not only appear in distinguishing among the
experiences of _others_, but also among the various exercises of _his
own mind_; particularly in discerning what within himself was to be laid
to the score of _melancholy_; in which he exceeded all melancholy
persons that ever I was acquainted with. This was doubtless owing to a
peculiar strength in his _judgment_; for it is a rare thing indeed, that
persons under the influence of melancholy are sensible of their own
disease, and convinced that such things are to be ascribed to it, as are
its genuine operations and fruits. Brainerd did not obtain that degree
of skill at once, but gradually; as the reader may discern by the
following account of his life. In the _former_ part of his religious
course, he imputed much of that kind of gloominess of mind to spiritual
_desertion_, which in the latter part of his life he was abundantly
sensible was owing to the disease of _melancholy_; accordingly he often
expressly speaks of it in his diary, as arising from this cause. He
often in conversation spoke of the difference between melancholy and
godly sorrow; between true humiliation and spiritual desertion; and the
great danger of mistaking the one for the other, and the very hurtful
nature of melancholy; discoursing with great judgment upon it, and
doubtless much more judiciously for what he knew by his own experience.

Another imperfection in Brainerd, which may be observed in the following
account of his life, was his being _excessive in his labors_; not taking
due care to proportion his fatigues to his strength. Indeed, the seeming
calls of Providence were very often such as made it extremely difficult
for him to avoid laboring beyond his strength; yea, his circumstances,
and the business of his mission among the Indians, were such, that great
fatigues and hardships were altogether inevitable. However, he was
finally convinced that he had erred in this matter, and that he ought to
have taken more thorough care, and been more resolute to withstand
temptations to such degrees of labor as injured his health; and
accordingly he warned his brother, who succeeded him in his mission, to
be careful to avoid this error.

Besides the imperfections already mentioned, it is readily allowed that
there were some imperfections which ran through his whole life, and were
mixed with all his religious affections and exercises; some mixture of
what was natural, with that which was spiritual; as it evermore is in
the best saints in this world. Doubtless, natural temper had some
influence in the religious exercises of Brainerd, as it most apparently
had in those of the devout David, and the Apostles Peter, John, and
Paul. There was undoubtedly very often some mixture of melancholy with
true godly sorrow and real Christian humility; some mixture of the
natural fire of youth, with his holy zeal for God; and some influence of
natural principles, mixed with grace in various other respects, as it
ever was and ever will be with the saints, while on this side heaven.
Perhaps none were more sensible of Brainerd’s imperfections than
himself; or could distinguish more accurately than he, between what was
natural and what was spiritual. It is easy for the judicious reader to
observe that his graces ripened, that the religious exercises of his
heart became more and more pure, and he more and more distinguishing in
his judgment, the longer he lived. He had much to teach and purify him,
and he failed not to profit thereby.

Notwithstanding all these imperfections, every pious and judicious
reader will readily acknowledge that what is here set before him is a
remarkable instance of true and eminent piety, in heart and
practice—tending greatly to confirm the reality of vital religion, and
the power of godliness; that it is most worthy of imitation, and in many
ways calculated to promote the spiritual benefit of the careful
observer.

The reader should be aware that what Brainerd wrote in his _diary_, out
of which the following account of his life is chiefly taken, was written
only for his own private use; and not to obtain honor and applause in
the world, nor with any design that the world should ever see it, either
while he lived, or after his death; except a few things which he wrote
in a dying state, after he had been persuaded, with difficulty, not
entirely to suppress all his private writings. He showed himself almost
invincibly averse to the publishing of any part of his _diary_ after his
death; and when he was thought to be dying at Boston, gave the most
strict, peremptory orders to the contrary. But being by some of his
friends there, prevailed upon to withdraw so strict and absolute a
prohibition, he was finally pleased to yield so far, as that “his papers
should be left in my hands, that I might dispose of them as I thought
would be most for God’s glory and the interest of religion.”

                                                   JONATHAN EDWARDS.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                 =LIFE=

                                   OF

                         =REV. DAVID BRAINERD.=


                  ------------------------------------


                               CHAPTER I.

_From his birth to the time when he began to study for the
    Ministry—containing his own narrative of his conversion, his
    connection with Yale-College, and the grounds of his expulsion._


                       April 20, 1718-Feb. 1741.

David Brainerd was born April 20, 1718, at Haddam, Connecticut. His
father was Hezekiah Brainerd, Esq. and his mother, Dorothy Hobart,
daughter of the Rev. Jeremiah Hobart.

He was the third son of his parents, who had five sons and four
daughters. The oldest son was a respectable citizen of Haddam; the
second was Rev. Nehemiah Brainerd, a worthy minister in Eastbury, in
Connecticut; the fourth, Mr. John Brainerd, who succeeded his brother
David as missionary to the Indians, and pastor of the same church of
Christian Indians in New-Jersey; and the fifth was Israel, lately
student at Yale-College, who died soon after his brother David. Their
mother, having lived about five years a widow, died when the subject of
this memoir was about fourteen years of age; so that in his youth he was
left both fatherless and motherless. The following is the account he has
himself given of the first twenty-three years of his life.

“I was from my youth somewhat sober, and inclined to melancholy; but do
not remember any thing of conviction of sin, worthy of remark, till I
was, I believe, about seven or eight years of age. Then I became
concerned for my soul, and terrified at the thoughts of death; and was
driven to the performance of religious duties: but it appeared a
melancholy business that destroyed my eagerness for play. And though,
alas! this religious concern was but short-lived, I sometimes attended
secret prayer; and thus lived “without God in the world,” and without
much concern, as I remember, till I was above thirteen years of age. In
the winter of 1732 I was roused out of this carnal security by, I scarce
know what means at first; but was much excited by the prevalence of a
mortal sickness in Haddam. I was frequent, constant, and somewhat
fervent in prayer; and took delight in reading, especially Mr. JANEWAY’s
_Token for Children_. I felt sometimes much melted in the duties of
religion, took great delight in the performance of them, and sometimes
hoped that I was converted, or at least in a good and hopeful way for
heaven and happiness; not knowing what conversion was. The Spirit of God
at this time proceeded far with me. I was remarkably dead to the world;
my thoughts were almost wholly employed about my soul’s concerns; and I
may indeed say, “Almost I was persuaded to be a Christian.” I was also
exceedingly distressed and melancholy at the death of my mother, in
March, 1732. But afterward my religious concern began to decline, and by
degrees I fell back into a considerable degree of security, though I
still attended secret prayer.

“About the 15th of April, 1733, I removed from my father’s house to
East-Haddam, where I spent four years; but still “without God in the
world,” though, for the most part, I went a round of secret duty. I was
not much addicted to the company and the amusements of the young; but
this I know, that when I did go into such company I never returned with
so good a conscience as when I went. It always added new guilt, made me
afraid to come to the throne of grace, and spoiled those good frames
with which I was wont sometimes to please myself. But, alas! all my good
frames were but self-righteousness, not founded on a desire for the
glory of God.

“About the end of April, 1737, being full nineteen years of age, I
removed to Durham, to work on my farm, and continued about one year;
frequently longing after a liberal education. When about twenty years of
age I applied myself to study; and was now engaged more than ever in the
duties of religion. I became very strict, and watchful over my thoughts,
words, and actions; concluded that I must be sober indeed, because I
designed to devote myself to the ministry; and _imagined_ that I _did_
dedicate myself to the Lord.

“Sometime in April, 1738, I went to live with Rev. Mr. Fiske, of Haddam,
and continued with him during his life. I remember he advised me wholly
to abandon young company, and associate myself with grave elderly
people; which counsel I followed. My manner of life was now wholly
regular, and full of religion, such as it was; for I read my bible more
than twice through in less than a year, spent much time every day in
prayer and other secret duties, gave great attention to the word
preached, and endeavored to my utmost to retain it. So much concerned
was I about religion, that I agreed with some young persons to meet
privately on Sabbath evenings for religious exercises, and thought
myself _sincere_ in these duties; and after our meeting was ended I used
to repeat the discourses of the day to myself; recollecting what I
could, though sometimes very late at night. I used occasionally on
Monday mornings to recollect the same sermons; had sometimes pleasure in
religious exercises, and had many thoughts of joining the church. In
short, I had a very good _outside_, and rested entirely on my duties,
though I was not sensible of it.

“After Mr. Fiske’s death I proceeded in my studies with my brother; was
still very constant in religious duties, often wondered at the levity of
professors, and lamented their carelessness in religion.—Thus I
proceeded a considerable length on a _self-righteous_ foundation; and
should have been entirely lost and undone had not the mere mercy of God
prevented.

“Sometime in the beginning of winter, 1738, it pleased God, one Sabbath
morning, as I was walking out for secret duties, to give me on a sudden
such a sense of my danger, and the wrath of God, that I stood amazed,
and my former good frames presently vanished. From the view which I had
of my sin and vileness, I was much distressed all that day, fearing that
the vengeance of God would soon overtake me. I was much dejected; kept
much alone; and sometimes envied the birds and beasts their happiness,
because they were not exposed to eternal misery, as I evidently saw that
I was. Thus I lived from day to day, being frequently in great distress:
sometimes there appeared mountains before me to obstruct my hopes of
mercy; and the work of conversion appeared so great, that I thought I
should never be the subject of it. I used, however, to pray and cry to
God, and perform other duties with great earnestness; and thus hoped by
some means to make the case better.

“Hundreds of times I renounced all pretences of any worth in my duties,
as I thought, even while performing them; and often confessed to God
that I deserved nothing for the very best of them, but eternal
condemnation; yet still I had a secret hope of _recommending_ myself to
God by my religious duties. When I prayed affectionately, and my heart
seemed in some measure to melt, I hoped that God would be thereby moved
to pity me. There was, then, some appearance of _goodness_ in my
prayers, and I seemed to _mourn_ for sin. I could in some measure
venture on the mercy of God in Christ, as I thought; though the
preponderating thought, the foundation of my hope was some imagination
of goodness in my meltings of heart, the warmth of my affections, and my
extraordinary enlargements in prayer. Though at times the gate appeared
so very strait that it looked next to impossible to enter; yet, at other
times I flattered myself that it was not so very difficult, and hoped I
should by diligence and watchfulness soon gain the point. Sometimes
after enlargement in duty and considerable affection, I hoped I had made
a _good step_ toward heaven, and imagined that God was affected as I
was, and would hear such _sincere cries_, as I called them. And so
sometimes, when I withdrew for secret prayer in great distress, I
returned comfortable; and thus healed myself with my duties.

“In February, 1739, I set apart a day for secret fasting and prayer, and
spent the day in almost incessant cries to God for mercy, that he would
open my eyes to see the evil of sin, and the way of life by Jesus
Christ. God was pleased that day to make considerable discoveries of my
heart to me. Still I _trusted_ in all the duties I performed, though
there was no manner of goodness in them; there being in them no respect
to the glory of God, nor any such principle in my heart. Yet God was
pleased to make my endeavors, that day, a means to show me my
helplessness in some measure.

“Sometimes I was greatly encouraged, and imagined that God loved me and
was pleased with me, and thought I should soon be fully reconciled to
God. But the whole was founded on mere presumption, arising from
enlargement in duty, or warmth of affections, or some good resolutions,
or the like. And when, at times, great distress began to arise on a
sight of my vileness and inability to deliver myself from a sovereign
God, I used to put off the discovery, as what I could not bear. Once, I
remember, a terrible pang of distress seized me; and the thought of
renouncing myself, and standing naked before God, stripped of all
goodness, was so dreadful to me that I was ready to say to it, as Felix
to Paul, “Go thy way for this time.” Thus, though I daily longed for
greater conviction of sin; supposing that I must see more of my dreadful
state in order to a remedy; yet, when the discoveries of my vile, wicked
heart were made to me, the sight was so dreadful, and showed me so
plainly my exposedness to damnation, that I could not endure it. I
constantly strove after whatever _qualifications_ I imagined others
obtained before the reception of Christ, in order to _recommend_ me to
his favor. Sometimes I felt the power of a hard heart, and supposed it
must be softened before Christ would accept of me; and when I felt any
meltings of heart, I hoped now the work was almost done. Hence, when my
distress still remained I was wont to murmur at God’s dealings with me;
and thought, when others felt their hearts softened, God showed them
mercy; but my distress remained still.

“At times I grew remiss and sluggish, without any great convictions of
sin, for a considerable time together; but after such a season
convictions sometimes seized me more violently. One night I remember in
particular, when I was walking solitarily abroad, I had opened to me
such a view of my sin that I feared the ground would cleave asunder
under my feet, and become my grave; and send my soul quick into hell,
before I could get home. Though I was forced to go to bed, lest my
distress should be discovered by others, which I much feared; yet I
scarcely durst sleep at all, for I thought it would be a great wonder if
I should be out of hell in the morning. And though my distress was
sometimes thus great, yet I greatly dreaded the loss of _convictions_,
and returning back to a state of carnal security, and to my former
insensibility of impending wrath; which made me exceedingly exact in my
behaviour, lest I should stifle the motions of God’s Holy Spirit. When
at any time I took a view of my convictions, and thought the degree of
them to be considerable, I was wont to trust in them; but this
confidence, and the hope of soon making some notable advances toward
deliverance, would ease my mind, and I soon became more senseless and
remiss. Again, when I discerned my convictions to grow languid, and
thought them about to leave me, this immediately alarmed and distressed
me. Sometimes I expected to take a large step, and get very far toward
conversion, by some particular opportunity or means I had in view.

“The many disappointments, the great distress and perplexity which I
experienced, put me into a most horrible frame of contesting with the
almighty; with inward vehemence and virulence finding fault with his
ways of dealing with mankind. My wicked heart often wished for some
other way of salvation than by Jesus Christ. Being like the troubled
sea, my thoughts confused, I used to contrive to escape the wrath of God
by some other means. I had strange projects, full of Atheism, contriving
to disappoint God’s designs and decrees concerning me, or to escape his
notice and hide myself from him. But when upon reflection I saw these
projects were vain, and would not serve me, and that I could contrive
nothing for my own relief, this would throw my mind into the most horrid
frame, to wish there was no God, or to wish there was some _other_ God
that could control him. These thoughts and desires were the secret
inclinations of my heart, frequently acting before I was aware; but,
alas! they were _mine_, although I was frightened when I came to reflect
on them. When I considered, it distressed me to think that my heart was
so full of enmity against God; and it made me tremble, lest his
vengeance should suddenly fall upon me. I used before to imagine that my
heart was not so bad as the Scriptures and some other books represented
it. Sometimes I used to take much pains to work it up into a good frame,
a humble submissive disposition; and hoped there was _then_ some
goodness in me. But, on a sudden, the thoughts of the strictness of the
law, or the sovereignty of God, would so irritate the corruption of my
heart that I had so watched over and hoped I had brought to a good
frame, that it would break over all bounds, and burst forth on all
sides, like floods of waters when they break down their dam.

“Being sensible of the necessity of deep humiliation in order to a
saving close with Christ, I used to set myself to produce in my own
heart the _convictions_ requisite in such a humiliation: as, a
conviction that God would be just, if he cast me off for ever; that if
ever God should bestow mercy on me, it would be mere grace, though I
should be in distress many years first, and be never so much engaged in
duty; and that God was not in the least obliged to pity me the more for
all past duties, cries, and tears. I strove to my utmost to bring myself
to a firm belief of these things and a hearty assent to them; and hoped
that now I was brought off from _myself_, truly humbled, and that I
bowed to the divine sovereignty. I was wont to tell God in my prayers,
that now I had those very dispositions of soul which he required, and on
which he showed mercy to others, and thereupon to beg and plead for
mercy to me. But when I found no relief, and was still oppressed with
guilt and fears of wrath, my soul was in a tumult, and my heart rose
against God, as dealing hardly with me. Yet _then_ my conscience flew in
my face, putting me in mind of my late confession to God of his
_justice_ in my condemnation. This, giving me a sight of the badness of
my heart, threw me again into distress; and I wished that I had watched
my heart more narrowly, to keep it from breaking out against God’s
dealings with me. I even wished that I had not pleaded for mercy on
account of my humiliation; because thereby I had lost all my seeming
goodness. Thus, scores of times I vainly imagined myself humbled and
prepared for saving mercy. While I was in this distressed, bewildered,
and tumultuous state of mind, the corruption of my heart was especially
_irritated_ with the following things.

1. “The _strictness_ of the divine _law_. For I found it was impossible
for me, after my utmost pains, to answer its demands. I often made new
resolutions, and as often broke them. I imputed the whole to
carelessness, and the want of being more watchful, and used to call
myself a fool for my negligence. But when, upon a stronger resolution,
and greater endeavors, and close application to fasting and prayer, I
found all attempts fail; then I quarrelled with the law of God, as
unreasonably rigid. I thought, if it extended only to my _outward_
actions and behavior, that I could bear with it; but I found that it
condemned me for my evil thoughts, and sins of my _heart_, which I could
not possibly prevent. I was extremely loth to own my utter helplessness
in this matter: but after repeated disappointments, thought that rather
than perish I could do a little more still; especially if such and such
circumstances might but attend my endeavors and strivings. I hoped that
I should strive more earnestly than ever, if the matter came to
extremity, though I never could find the time to do my utmost in the
manner I intended. This hope of future more favorable circumstances, and
of doing something great hereafter, kept me from utter despair in
myself, and from seeing myself fallen into the hands of a sovereign God,
and dependent on nothing but free and boundless grace.

2. “Another point that irritated me was, _that faith alone was the
condition of salvation_; that God would not come down to lower terms;
and that he would not promise life and salvation upon my sincere and
hearty prayers and endeavors. That word, Mark 16:16, “He that believeth
not shall be damned,” cut off all hope there. I found that faith was the
sovereign gift of God; that I could not get it as of myself; and could
not oblige God to bestow it upon me by any of my performances, Eph. 2:1,
8. “This,” I was ready to say, “is a hard saying, who can hear it?” I
could not bear that all I had done should stand for mere nothing; as I
had been very conscientious in duty, had been very religious a great
while, and had, as I thought, done much more than many others who had
obtained mercy. I confessed indeed the vileness of my duties; but then
what made them at that time seem vile, was my wandering thoughts in
them, rather than because I was all over defiled like a devil, and the
principle corrupt from whence they flowed, so that I could not possibly
do any thing that was good. Hence I called what I did by the name of
_honest faithful endeavors_; and could not bear it, that God had made no
promises of salvation to them.

3. “I could not find out _what_ faith was; or _what_ it was to believe
and come to Christ. I read the calls of Christ to the _weary_ and _heavy
laden_; but could find no way in which he directed them to come. I
thought I would gladly come, if I knew how; though the path of duty were
never so difficult. I read Stoddard’s _Guide to Christ_, (which I trust
was, in the hand of God, the happy means of my conversion,) and my heart
rose against the author; for though he told me my very heart all along
under convictions, and seemed to be very beneficial to me in his
directions; yet here he seemed to me to fail: he did not tell me any
thing I could do that would bring me to Christ, but left me as it were
with a great gulph between me and Christ, without any direction how to
get through. For I was not yet effectually and experimentally taught,
that there could be no way prescribed, whereby a natural man could, of
his own strength, obtain that which is supernatural, and which the
highest angel cannot give.

4. “Another point was the _sovereignty_ of God. I could not bear that it
should be wholly at God’s pleasure, to save or damn me, just as he
would. That passage, Rom. 9:11-23, was a constant vexation to me,
especially verse 21. Reading or meditating on this, always destroyed my
seeming good frames; for when I thought I was almost humbled, and almost
resigned, this passage would make my enmity against God appear. When I
came to reflect on the inward enmity and blasphemy which arose on this
occasion, I was the more afraid of God, and driven further from any
hopes of reconciliation with him. It gave me a dreadful view of myself;
I dreaded more than ever to see myself in God’s hands, and it made me
more opposite than ever to submit to his sovereignty; for I thought He
designed my damnation.

“All this time the Spirit of God was powerfully at work with me; and I
was inwardly pressed to relinquish all _self-confidence_, all hope of
ever helping myself by any means whatsoever. The conviction of my lost
estate was sometimes so clear and manifest before my eyes that it was as
if it had been declared to me in so many words, “It is done, it is done,
it is for ever impossible to deliver yourself.” For about three or four
days my soul was thus greatly distressed. At some turns, for a few
moments, I seemed to myself lost and undone; but then would shrink back
immediately from the sight, because I dared not venture myself into the
hands of God, as wholly helpless, and at the disposal of his sovereign
pleasure. I dared not see that important truth concerning myself, that I
was “dead in trespasses and sins.” But when I had, as it were, thrust
away these views of myself at any time, I felt distressed to have the
same discoveries of myself again; for I greatly feared being given over
of God to final stupidity. When I thought of putting it off to a more
“convenient season,” the conviction was so close and powerful, that the
_present_ time was the best, and probably the _only_ time, that I dared
not put it off.

“It was the sight of truth concerning myself, truth respecting my state,
as a creature fallen and alienated from God, and that consequently could
make no demands on God for mercy, but was at his absolute disposal, from
which my soul shrank away, and which I trembled to think of beholding.
Thus, he that doeth evil, as all unregenerate men continually do, hates
the light of truth, neither cares to come to it, because it will reprove
his deeds, and show him his just deserts. John, 3:20. Sometime before, I
had taken much pains, as I thought, to submit to the sovereignty of God;
yet I mistook the thing, and did not once imagine, that seeing and being
made experimentally sensible of this truth, which my soul now so much
dreaded and trembled at, was the frame of soul which I had so earnestly
desired. I had ever hoped that when I had attained to that _humiliation_
which I supposed necessary to precede faith, then it would not be fair
for God to _cast me off_; but now I saw it was so far from any goodness
in me, to own myself spiritually dead and destitute of all goodness,
that on the contrary, my mouth would be for ever stopped by it; and it
looked as dreadful to me, to see myself, and the relation I stood in to
God—I a sinner and criminal, and he a great Judge and Sovereign—as it
would be to a poor trembling creature to venture off some high
precipice. Hence I put it off for a minute or two, and tried for better
circumstances to do it in: either I must read a passage or two, or pray
first, or something of the like nature; or else put off my submission to
God with an objection, that I did not know how to submit. But the truth
was, I could see no safety in owning myself in the hands of a sovereign
God, and could lay no claim to any thing better than damnation.

“After a considerable time spent in similar exercises and distress, one
morning, while I was walking in a solitary place, as usual, I at once
saw that all my contrivances and projects to effect or procure
deliverance and salvation for myself were utterly in vain; I was brought
quite to a stand, as finding myself totally lost. I had thought many
times before, that the difficulties in my way were very great; but now I
saw, in another and very different light, that it was for ever
impossible for me to do any thing toward helping or delivering myself. I
then thought of blaming myself, that I had not done more, and been more
engaged, while I had opportunity—for it seemed now as if the season of
doing was for ever over and gone—but I instantly saw, that let me have
done what I would, it would no more have tended to my helping myself,
than what I had done; that I had made all the pleas I ever could have
made to all eternity; and that all my pleas were vain. The tumult that
had been before in my mind was now quieted; and I was somewhat eased of
that distress which I felt while struggling against a sight of myself,
and of the divine sovereignty. I had the greatest certainty that my
state was for ever miserable, for all that I could do; and wondered that
I had never been sensible of it before.

“While I remained in this state my notions respecting my duties were
quite different from what I had ever entertained in times past. Before
this, the more I did in duty, the more hard I thought it would be for
God to cast me off; though at the same time I confessed, and thought I
saw, that there was no goodness or merit in my duties; but now, the more
I did in prayer or any other duty, the more I saw that I was indebted to
God for allowing me to ask for mercy; for I saw that self interest had
led me to pray, and that I had never once prayed from any respect to the
glory of God. Now I saw that there was no necessary connection between
my prayers and the bestowment of divine mercy; that they laid not the
least obligation upon God to bestow his grace upon me; and that there
was no more virtue or goodness in them than there would be in my
_paddling with my hand in the water_, (which was the comparison I had
then in my mind;) and this because they were not performed from any love
or regard to God. I saw that I had been heaping up my devotions before
God, fasting, praying, &c. pretending, and indeed really thinking
sometimes, that I was aiming at the glory of God; whereas I never once
truly intended it, but only my own happiness. I saw that as I had never
done any thing for God, I had no claim on any thing from him, but
perdition, on account of my hypocrisy and mockery. Oh, how different did
my duties now appear from what they used to do! I used to charge them
with sin and imperfection; but this was only on account of the wandering
and vain thoughts attending them, and not because I had no regard to God
in them; for this I thought I had. But when I saw evidently that I had
had regard to nothing but self-interest; then they appeared a vile
mockery of God, self-worship, and a continued course of lies. I saw that
something worse had attended my duties than barely a few wanderings; for
the whole was nothing but self-worship, and an horrid abuse of God.

“I continued, as I remember, in this state of mind from Friday morning
till the Sabbath evening following, (July 12, 1739,) when I was walking
again in the same solitary place where I was brought to see myself lost
and helpless, as before mentioned. Here, in a mournful melancholy state,
I was attempting to pray; but found no heart to engage in prayer or any
other duty. My former concern, exercise, and religious affections were
now gone. I thought that the Spirit of God had quite left me; but still
was not distressed; yet disconsolate, as if there was nothing in heaven
or earth could make me happy. Having been thus endeavoring to
pray—though, as I thought, very stupid and senseless—for near half an
hour; then, as I was walking in a dark thick grove, unspeakable glory
seemed to open to the view and apprehension of my soul. I do not mean
any external brightness, for I saw no such thing; nor do I intend any
imagination of a body of light, somewhere in the third heavens, or any
thing of that nature; but it was a new inward apprehension or view that
I had of God, such as I never had before, nor any thing which had the
least resemblance of it. I stood still, wondered, and admired! I knew
that I never had seen before any thing comparable to it for excellency
and beauty; it was widely different from all the conceptions that ever I
had of God, or things divine. I had no particular apprehension of any
one person in the Trinity, either the Father, the Son, or the Holy
Ghost; but it appeared to be Divine _glory_ that I then beheld. My soul
rejoiced with joy unspeakable, to see such a God, such a glorious divine
Being; and I was inwardly pleased and satisfied, that he should be God
over all for ever and ever. My soul was so captivated and delighted with
the excellency, loveliness, greatness, and other perfections of God,
that I was even swallowed up in him; at least to that degree that I had
no thought, as I remember, _at first_, about my own salvation, and
scarce reflected that there was such a creature as myself.

“Thus God, I trust, brought me to a hearty disposition to _exalt him_,
and set him on the throne, and principally and ultimately to aim at his
honor and glory, as King of the universe. I continued in this state of
inward joy, peace and astonishment, till near dark, without any sensible
abatement; and then began to think and examine what I had seen; and felt
sweetly composed in my mind all the evening following. I felt myself in
a new world, and every thing about me appeared with a different aspect
from what it was wont to do.

“At this time the _way of salvation_ opened to me with such infinite
wisdom, suitableness, and excellency, that I wondered I should ever
think of any other way of salvation; I was amazed that I had not dropped
my own contrivances and complied with this lovely, blessed, and
excellent way before. If I could have been saved by my own duties, or
any other way that I had formerly contrived, my whole soul would now
have refused. I wondered that all the world did not see and comply with
this way of salvation, entirely by the _righteousness of Christ_.

“The sweet relish of what I then felt continued with me for several
days, almost constantly, in a greater or less degree. I could not but
sweetly rejoice in God, lying down and rising up. The next Lord’s day I
felt something of the same kind, though not so powerful as before. But
not long after, I was again involved in darkness, and in great distress;
yet not of the same kind with my distress under convictions. I was
guilty, afraid, and ashamed to come before God; and exceedingly pressed
with a sense of guilt; but it was not long before I felt, I trust, true
repentance and joy in God.

“In the beginning of September I went to Yale College, and entered
there; but with some degree of reluctance, lest I should not be able to
lead a life of strict religion in the midst of so many temptations.
After this, in the vacation, before I went to tarry at college, it
pleased God to visit my soul with clearer manifestations of himself and
his grace. I was spending some time in prayer and self-examination, when
the Lord, by his grace, so shined into my heart, that I enjoyed full
assurance of his favor, for that time; and my soul was unspeakably
refreshed with divine and heavenly enjoyments. At this time especially,
as well as some others, sundry passages of God’s word opened to my soul
with divine clearness, power, and sweetness, so as to appear exceeding
precious, and with clear and certain evidence of its being _the word of
God_. I enjoyed considerable sweetness in religion all the winter
following.

“In Jan. 1740, the measles spread much in college, and I, having taken
the distemper, went home to Haddam. But some days before I was taken
sick I seemed to be greatly deserted, and my soul mourned the absence of
the Comforter exceedingly. It seemed to me that all comfort was for ever
gone. I prayed and cried to God for help, yet found no present comfort
or relief. But through divine goodness, a night or two before I was
taken ill, while I was walking alone in a very retired place, and
engaged in meditation and prayer, I enjoyed a sweet refreshing visit, as
I trust, from above; so that my soul was raised far above the fears of
death. Indeed, I rather longed for death, than feared it. Oh, how much
more refreshing this one season was, than all the pleasures and delights
that earth can afford. After a day or two I was taken with the measles,
and was very ill indeed, so that I almost despaired of life; but had no
distressing fears of death. Through divine goodness I soon recovered;
yet, owing to hard study, and to my being much exposed to interruptions
on account of my _freshmanship_, I had but little time for spiritual
duties, and my soul often mourned for want of more time and opportunity
to be alone with God. In the spring and summer following I had better
advantages for retirement, and enjoyed more comfort in religion, though
my ambition in my studies greatly wronged the activity and vigor of my
spiritual life. It was, however, usually the case with me, that, “in the
multitude of my thoughts within me, God’s comforts _principally_
delighted my soul.” These were my greatest consolations day by day.

“One day, I think it was in June, 1740, I walked to a considerable
distance from college, in the fields alone, at noon, and in prayer found
such unspeakable sweetness and delight in God, that I thought, if I must
continue in this evil world, I wanted always to be there, to behold
God’s glory. My soul dearly loved all mankind, and longed exceedingly
that they should enjoy what I enjoyed. It seemed to be a little
resemblance of heaven.

“Some time in August following I became so reduced in health by too
close application to my studies, that I was advised by my tutor to go
home, and disengage my mind from study as much as I could; for I was
grown so weak that I began to raise blood. I took his advice, and
endeavored to lay aside my studies. But being brought very low, I looked
death in the face more steadfastly; and the Lord was pleased to give me
renewedly a sweet sense and relish of divine things; and particularly
October 13, I found divine help and consolation in the precious duties
of secret prayer and self-examination, and my soul took delight in the
blessed God:—so likewise on the 17th of October.

_Oct. 18._ “In my morning devotions my soul was exceedingly melted, and
bitterly mourned over my great _sinfulness_ and _vileness_. I never
before had felt so pungent and deep a sense of the odious nature of sin,
as at this time. My soul was then unusually carried forth in love to
God, and had a lively sense of God’s love to me. And this love and hope,
at that time case out fear.

_Lord’s day, Oct. 19._ “In the morning I felt my soul hungering and
thirsting after righteousness. While I was looking on the elements of
the Lord’s Supper, and thinking that Jesus Christ was now “set forth
crucified before me,” my soul was filled with light and love, so that I
was almost in an ecstacy; my body was so weak I could scarcely stand. I
felt at the same time an exceeding tenderness and most fervent love
toward all mankind; so that my soul and all its powers seemed, as it
were, to melt into softness and sweetness. But during the communion
there was some abatement of this life and fervor. This love and joy cast
out fear; and my soul longed for perfect grace and glory. This frame
continued till the evening, when my soul was sweetly spiritual in secret
duties.

_Oct. 20._ “I again found the assistance of the Holy Spirit in secret
duties, both morning and evening, and life and comfort in religion
through the whole day.

_Oct. 21._ “I had likewise experience of the goodness of God in
‘shedding abroad his love in my heart,’ and giving me delight and
consolation in religious duties; and all the remaining part of the week
my soul seemed to be taken up with divine things. I now so longed after
God, and to be freed from sin, that, when I felt myself recovering, and
thought I must return to college again, which had proved so hurtful to
my spiritual interests the year past, I could not but be grieved, and
thought I had much rather die; for it distressed me to think of getting
away from God. But before I went I enjoyed several other sweet and
precious seasons of communion with God, (particularly Oct. 30, and Nov.
4,) wherein my soul enjoyed unspeakable comfort.

“I returned to college about Nov. 6, and, through the goodness of God,
felt the power of religion almost daily, for the space of six weeks.

_Nov. 28._ “In my evening devotion I enjoyed precious discoveries of
God, and was unspeakably refreshed with that passage, Heb. 12:22-24. My
soul longed to wing away to the paradise of God; I longed to be
conformed to God in all things.—A day or two after I enjoyed much of the
light of God’s countenance, most of the day; and my soul rested in God.

_Dec. 9._ “I was in a comfortable frame of soul most of the day; but
especially in evening devotions, when God was pleased wonderfully to
assist and strengthen me; so that I thought nothing should ever move me
from the love of God in Christ Jesus my Lord. Oh! _one hour with God_
infinitely exceeds all the pleasures and delights of this lower world.

“Toward the latter part of January, 1741, I grew more cold and dull in
religion, by means of my old temptation, ambition in my studies. But
through divine goodness, a great and general _awakening_ spread itself
over the college, about the end of February, in which I was much
quickened, and more abundantly engaged in religion.”

This awakening was at the beginning of that extraordinary religious
commotion which then prevailed through the land, and in which the
college shared largely. For thirteen months from this time BRAINERD kept
a constant diary containing a very particular account of what passed
from day to day, making two volumes of manuscripts; but when he lay on
his death bed he gave orders (unknown to me till after his death) that
these two volumes should be destroyed, inserting a notice, at the
beginning of the succeeding manuscripts, that a specimen of his manner
of living during that entire period would be found in the first thirty
pages next following, (ending with June 15, 1742,) except that he was
now more “refined from some imprudences and indecent heats” than before.

A circumstance in the life of BRAINERD, which gave great offence to the
rulers of the College, and occasioned his expulsion, it is necessary
should be here particularly related. During the awakening in College,
there were several religious students who associated together for mutual
conversation and assistance in spiritual things. These were wont freely
to open themselves one to another, as special and intimate friends:
BRAINERD was one of this company. And it once happened, that he and two
or three more of these intimate friends were in the hall together after
Mr. Whittlesey, one of the tutors, had engaged in prayer with the
scholars; no other person now remaining in the hall but Brainerd and his
companions. Mr. Whittlesey having been unusually pathetic in his prayer,
one of Brainerd’s friends on this occasion asked him what he thought of
Mr. Whittlesey; he made answer, “He has no more grace than this chair.”
One of the freshmen happening at that time to be near the hall, (though
not in the room,) over-heard these words; and though he heard no name
mentioned, and knew not who was thus censured, informed a certain woman
in the town, withal telling her his own suspicion, that Brainerd said
this of some one of the rulers of the College. Whereupon she informed
the Rector, who sent for this freshman and examined him. He told the
Rector the words which he heard Brainerd utter; and informed him who
were in the room with him at that time. Upon this the Rector sent for
them. They were very backward to inform against their friend respecting
what they looked upon as private conversation; especially as none but
they had heard or knew of whom he had uttered those words: yet the
Rector compelled them to declare what he said, and of whom he said it.
Brainerd looked on himself as very ill used in the management of this
affair; and thought that it was injuriously extorted from his friends,
and then injuriously required of him—as if he had been guilty of some
open, notorious crime—to make a _public_ confession, and to humble
himself before the whole College in the hall, for what he had said only
in private conversation. He not complying with this demand, and having
gone once to the Separate meeting at New-Haven, when forbidden by the
Rector; and also having been accused by one person of saying concerning
the Rector, “that he wondered he did not expect to drop down dead for
fining the scholars who followed Mr. Tennent to Milford, though there
was _no proof_ of it; (and Brainerd ever professed that he did not
remember saying any thing to that purpose,) for these things he was
_expelled_ the college.

How far the circumstances and exigencies of that day might justify such
great severity in the governors of the college, I will not undertake to
determine; it being my aim, not to bring reproach on the authority of
the college, but only to do justice to the memory of a person who was, I
think, eminently one of those whose _memory is blessed_.—The reader will
see, in the sequel, (particularly under date of September 14, 15, 1743,)
in how christian a manner Brainerd conducted himself with respect to
this affair; though he ever, as long as he lived, supposed himself ill
used in the management of it, and in what he suffered.—His expulsion was
in the winter, 1742, while in his third year at college.



                              CHAPTER II.

_From about the time when he began the study of Theology, till he was
    licensed to preach._


                      April 1, 1742-July 29, 1742.

In the spring of 1742 Brainerd went to live with the Rev. Mr. Mills of
Ripton, to pursue his studies with him for the work of the ministry.
Here he spent the greater part of the time until he was licensed to
preach; but frequently rode to visit the neighboring ministers,
particularly Mr. Cooke of Stratford. Mr. Graham of Southbury, and Mr.
Bellamy of Bethlehem. The following are extracts from his diary at this
period.

_April 1, 1742._—“I seem to be declining, with respect to my life and
warmth in divine things; have not had so free access to God in prayer
to-day as usual of late. Oh that God would humble me deeply in the dust
before him! I deserve hell every day, for not loving my Lord more, who
has, I trust, “loved me and given himself for me and every time I am
enabled to exercise any grace renewedly, I am renewedly indebted to the
God of all grace for special assistance. “Where then is boasting?”
Surely “it is excluded,” when we think how we are dependent on God for
the existence and every act of grace. O if ever I get to heaven, it will
be because God pleases, and nothing else; for I never did any thing of
myself but get away from God! My soul will be astonished at the
unsearchable riches of divine grace when I arrive at the mansions which
the blessed Savior is gone before to prepare.

_April 2._—“In the afternoon I felt, in secret prayer, much resigned,
calm and serene. What are all the storms of this lower world if _Jesus_,
by his Spirit, does but come _walking on the seas_!—Sometime past I had
much pleasure in the prospect of the Heathen being brought home to
Christ, and desired that the Lord would employ _me_ in that work; but
now my soul more frequently desires to die, _to be with Christ_. Oh that
my soul were wrapt up in divine love, and my longing desires after God
increased! In the evening was refreshed in prayer, with the hopes of the
advancement of Christ’s kingdom in the world.

_Lord’s day, April 4._—“My heart was wandering and lifeless. In the
evening God gave me faith in prayer, made my soul melt in some measure,
and gave me to taste a divine sweetness. O my blessed God! Let me climb
up near to him, and love, and long, and plead, and wrestle, and stretch
after him, and for deliverance from the body of sin and death. Alas! my
soul mourned to think I should ever lose sight of its beloved again. “O
come, Lord Jesus, Amen.”

_April 6._—“I walked out this morning; had an affecting sense of my own
vileness; and cried to God to cleanse me, to give me repentance and
pardon. I then began to find it sweet to pray; and could think of
undergoing the greatest sufferings in the cause of Christ, with
pleasure; and found myself willing, if God should so order it, to suffer
banishment from my native land, among the heathen, that I might do
something for their salvation, in distresses and deaths of any kind.
Then God gave me to wrestle earnestly for others, for the kingdom of
Christ in the world, and for dear Christian friends.

_April 8._—“Had raised hopes to-day respecting the heathen. Oh that God
would bring in great numbers of them to Jesus Christ! I cannot but hope
that I shall see that glorious day. Every thing in this world seems
exceeding vile and little to me: I appear so to myself. I had some
little dawn of comfort to-day in prayer; but especially to-night, I
think I had some faith and _power_ of intercession with God. I was
enabled to plead with God for the growth of grace in myself; and many of
the dear children of God then lay with weight upon my soul. Blessed be
the Lord! It is good to wrestle for divine blessings.

_April 9._—“Most of my time in morning devotion was spent without
sensible sweetness; yet I had one delightful prospect of arriving at the
heavenly world. I am more amazed than ever at such thoughts; for I see
myself infinitely vile and unworthy. No poor creature stands in need of
divine grace more than I, and none abuse it more than I have done, and
still do.

_Lord’s day, April 11._—“In the morning I felt but little life; yet my
heart was somewhat drawn out in thankfulness to God for his amazing
grace and condescension to me, in past influences and assistances of his
Spirit. Afterward, I had some sweetness in the thoughts of arriving at
the _heavenly world_. O for the happy day! After public worship, God
gave me special assistance in prayer; I wrestled with my dear Lord, and
intercession was made a delightful employment to me. In the evening, as
I was viewing the light in the north, I was delighted in the
contemplation of the glorious morning of the resurrection.

_April 12._—“This morning the Lord was pleased to lift up the light of
his countenance upon me in secret prayer, and made the season very
precious to my soul. Though I have been so depressed of late, respecting
my hopes of future serviceableness in the cause of God; yet now I had
much encouragement. I was especially assisted to intercede and plead for
poor souls, and for the enlargement of Christ’s kingdom in the world,
and for _special grace_ for myself, to fit me for _special services_. My
faith lifted me above the world, and removed all those mountains over
which of late I could not look. I wanted not the favor of man to lean
upon; for I knew that Christ’s favor was infinitely better, and that it
was no matter _when_ nor _where_, nor _how_ Christ should send me, nor
what trials he should still exercise me with, if I might be prepared for
his work and will.

_April 14._—“My soul longed for communion with Christ, and for the
mortification of indwelling corruption, especially spiritual pride. O,
there is a sweet day coming, wherein “the weary will be at rest!” My
soul has enjoyed much sweetness this day, in the hope of its speedy
arrival.

_April 15._—“My desires apparently centered in God and I found a
sensible attraction of soul after him sundry times to-day. I know that
_I long for God_, and a conformity to his will, in inward purity and
holiness, ten thousand times more than for any thing here below.

_Lord’s day, April 18._—“I retired early this morning into the woods for
prayer; had the assistance of God’s Spirit, and faith in exercise; and
was enabled to plead with fervency for the advancement of Christ’s
kingdom in the world, and to intercede for dear, absent friends. At
noon, God enabled me to wrestle with him, and to feel, as I trust, the
power of divine love in prayer. At night, I saw myself infinitely
indebted to God, and had a view of my failures in duty. It seemed to me
that I had done, as it were, nothing for God, and that I had _lived to
him_ but a few hours of my life.

_April 19._—“I set apart this day for fasting and prayer to God for his
grace; especially to prepare me for the work of the _ministry_; to give
me divine aid and direction, in my preparations for that great work; and
in his own time _to send me into his harvest_. Accordingly, in the
morning I endeavored to plead for the divine presence for the day, and
not without some life. In the forenoon I felt the power of intercession
for precious, immortal souls; for the advancement of the kingdom of my
dear Lord and Savior in the world; and withal, a most sweet resignation
and even consolation and joy, in the thoughts of suffering hardships,
distresses, and even death itself, in the promotion of it, and had
special enlargement in pleading for the enlightening and conversion of
the poor heathen. In the afternoon God was with me of a truth. O, it was
blessed company indeed! God enabled me so to agonize in prayer, that I
was quite wet with sweat, though in the shade and the cool wind. My soul
was drawn out very much for the world; I grasped for _multitudes_ of
souls. I think I had more enlargement for sinners than for the children
of God; though I felt as if I could spend my life in cries for both. I
had great enjoyment in communion with my dear Savior. I think I never in
my life felt such an entire weanedness from this world, and so much
resigned to God in every thing. O that I may always live to and upon my
blessed God! Amen, Amen.

_April 20._—“This day I am twenty-four years of age. O how much mercy
have I received the year past! How often has God “caused his goodness to
pass before me!” And how poorly have I answered the vows I made one year
since, to be wholly the Lord’s, to be for ever devoted to his service!
The Lord help me to live more to his glory for the time to come. This
has been a sweet, a happy day to me; blessed be God. I think my soul was
never so drawn out in intercession for others, as it has been this
night. Had a most fervent wrestle with the Lord to-night, for my
enemies; and I hardly ever so longed to live to God, and to be
altogether devoted to him; I wanted to wear out my life in his service,
and for his glory.

_April 21._ “Felt much calmness and resignation; and God again enabled
me to wrestle for numbers of souls, and gave me fervency in the sweet
duty of intercession. I enjoy of late more sweetness in intercession for
others, than in any other part of prayer. My blessed Lord really let me
come near to him, and plead with him.

_Lord’s day, April 25._ “This morning I spent about two hours in secret
duties, and was enabled, more than ordinarily, to agonize for immortal
souls. At night I was exceedingly melted with divine love, and had some
feeling sense of the blessedness of the upper world. Those words hung
upon me with much divine sweetness. Psa. 84:7. “They go from strength to
strength, every one of them in Zion appeareth before God.” O the near
access that God sometimes gives us in our addresses to him! This may
well be termed “appearing before God:” it is so indeed, in the true
spiritual sense, and in the sweetest sense. I think that I have not had
such power of intercession these many months, both for God’s children,
and for dead sinners, as I have had this evening. I wished and longed
for the coming of my dear Lord: I longed to join the angelic hosts in
praises, wholly free from imperfection. O, the blessed moment hastens!
All I want is to be more holy, more like my dear Lord. Oh for
sanctification! My very soul pants for the complete restoration of the
blessed image of my Savior; that I may be fit for the blessed enjoyments
and employments of the heavenly world.

           “Farewell, vain world; my soul can bid Adieu
           “My SAVIOR taught me to abandon you.
           “Your charms may gratify a SENSUAL mind;
           “But cannot please a soul for GOD design’d.
           “Forbear t’ entice; cease then my soul to call;
           “’Tis fixed through grace; my God shall be my ALL.
           “While he thus lets me heavenly glories view,
           “Your beauties fade, my heart’s no room for you.”

“The Lord refreshed my soul with many sweet passages of his word. O the
New Jerusalem! my soul longed for it. O the song of Moses and the Lamb!
And that blessed song, that no man can learn but they who are “redeemed
from the earth!”

                 “Lord, I’m a stranger here alone;
                 “Earth no true comforts can afford;
                 “Yet, absent from my dearest one,
                 “My soul delights to cry ‘My Lord!’
                 “JESUS, my Lord, my only love,
                 “Possess my soul, nor thence depart:
                 “Grant me kind visits, heavenly Dove;
                 “My God shall then have all my heart.”

_April 27._ “I arose and retired early for secret devotions; and in
prayer, God was pleased to pour such ineffable comforts into my soul,
that I could do nothing for some time but say over and over, “O my sweet
Savior! whom have I in Heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth
that I desire beside thee.” If I had a thousand lives, my soul would
gladly have laid them all down at once, to have been with CHRIST. My
soul never enjoyed so much of heaven before; it was the most refined and
most spiritual season of communion with God I ever yet felt.

_April 28._—“I withdrew to my usual place of retirement, in great peace
and tranquility, spent about two hours in secret duties, and felt much
as I did yesterday morning, only weaker, and more overcome. I seemed to
depend wholly on my dear Lord; weaned from all other dependencies. I
knew not what to say to my God, but only _lean on his bosom_, as it
were, and breathe out my desires after a perfect conformity to him in
all things. Thirsting desires after _perfect holiness_, and insatiable
longings possessed my soul. God was so precious to me that the world,
with all its enjoyments, was infinitely vile. I had no more value for
the favor of men, than for pebbles. The LORD was my ALL, and that he
over-ruled all, greatly delighted me. I think that my faith and
dependence on God scarce ever rose so high. I saw him such a fountain of
goodness that it seemed impossible I should distrust him again, or be
any way anxious about any thing that should happen to me. I now had
great satisfaction in praying for absent friends, and for the
enlargement of Christ’s kingdom in the world. Much of the power of these
divine enjoyments remained with me through the day. In the evening my
heart seemed to melt, and I trust was really humbled for indwelling
corruption, and I “mourned like a dove.” I felt that all my unhappiness
arose from my being a _sinner_. With resignation, I could bid welcome to
all _other_ trials; but sin hung heavy upon me; for God discovered to me
the corruption of my heart. I went to bed with a heavy heart, _because I
was a sinner_; though I did not in the least doubt of God’s love. O that
God would “purge away my dross, and take away my tin,” and make me ten
times refined!

_May 1._—“I was enabled to cry to God with fervency for ministerial
qualifications, that he would appear for the advancement of his own
kingdom, and that he would bring in the Heathen. Had much assistance in
my studies. This has been a profitable week to me; I have enjoyed many
communications of the blessed Spirit in my soul.

_May 3._—“Had a sense of vile ingratitude. In the morning I withdrew to
my usual place of retirement, and mourned for my abuse of my dear Lord;
spent the day in fasting and prayer. God gave me much power of wrestling
for his cause and kingdom; and it was a happy day to my soul. God was
with me all the day; and I was more above the world than ever in my
life.

_May 13._—(At Wethersfield.) “Saw so much of the wickedness of my heart
that I longed to get away from myself. I never before thought that there
was so much spiritual _pride_ in my soul. I felt almost pressed to death
with my own vileness. O what a “body of death” is there in me! Lord
deliver my soul! I could not find any convenient place for retirement,
and was greatly exercised. Rode to Hartford in the afternoon; had some
refreshment and comfort in religious exercises with christian friends;
but longed for more retirement. O, the closest walk with God is the
sweetest heaven that can be enjoyed on earth!

_June 14._—“Felt somewhat of the sweetness of communion with God, and
the constraining force of his love; how admirably it captivates the
soul, and makes all the desires and affections centre in God!—I set
apart this day for secret fasting and prayer, to entreat God to direct
and bless me with regard to the great work which I have in view, of
_preaching the gospel_—and that the Lord would return to me, and
individually “show me the light of his countenance.” Had little life and
power in the forenoon: near the middle of the afternoon God enabled me
to wrestle ardently in intercession for absent friends: but just at
night the Lord visited me marvellously in prayer. I think my soul never
was in such an agony before. I felt no restraint, for the treasures of
divine grace were opened to me. I wrestled for absent friends, for the
ingathering of souls, for _multitudes_ of poor souls, and for many that
I thought were the children of God, in many distant places. I was in
such an agony, from half an hour before sunset, till near dark, that I
was all over wet with sweat: but yet it seemed to me that I had wasted
away the day, and had done nothing. O, my dear Savior did _sweat blood_
for poor souls! I longed for more compassion toward them. Felt still in
a sweet frame, under a sense of divine love and grace; and went to bed
in such a frame, with my heart set on God.

_June 15._—“Had the most ardent longings after God. At noon, in my
secret retirement, I could do nothing but tell my dear Lord, in a sweet
calm, that he knew I desired nothing but _himself_, nothing but
_holiness_; that he had given me these desires, and he only could give
me the thing desired. I never seemed to be so unhinged from myself, and
to be so wholly devoted to God. My heart was swallowed up in God most of
the day. In the evening I had such a view of the soul being, as it were,
enlarged, to contain more holiness, that it seemed ready to separate
from my body. I then wrestled in an agony for divine blessings; had my
heart drawn out in prayer for some christian friends, beyond what I ever
had before. I feel differently now from what I ever did under any
enjoyments before; more engaged to _live to God_ for ever, and less
pleased with my own frames. I am not satisfied with my frames, nor feel
at all more easy after such strugglings than before; for it seems far
too little, if I could always be so. O how short do I fall of my duty in
my sweetest moments!

_June 18._—“Considering my great unfitness for the work of the
_ministry_, my present deadness, and total inability to do any thing for
the glory of God that way, feeling myself very helpless, and at a great
loss what the Lord would have me to do; I set apart this day for prayer
to God, and spent most of the day in that duty, but was amazingly
deserted most of the day. Yet I found God graciously near, once in
particular; while I was pleading for more compassion for immortal souls,
my heart seemed to be opened at once, and I was enabled to cry with
great ardency for a few minutes. O, I was distressed to think, that I
should offer such dead cold services to the living God! My soul seemed
to breathe after holiness, a life of constant devotedness to God. But I
am almost lost sometimes in the pursuit of this blessedness, and ready
to sink, because I continually fall short, and miss of my desire. O that
the Lord would help me to hold out, yet a little while, until the happy
hour of deliverance comes!

_June 30._—“Spent this day alone in the woods, in fasting and prayer;
underwent the most dreadful conflicts in my soul. I saw myself so vile
that I was ready to say, “I shall now perish by the hand of Saul.” I
thought that I had no power to stand for the cause of God, but was
almost afraid of the shaking of a leaf. Spent almost the whole day in
prayer, incessantly. I could not bear to think of Christians showing me
any respect. I almost despaired of doing any service in the world: I
could not feel any hope or comfort respecting the heathen, which used to
afford me some refreshment in the darkest hours of this nature. I spent
the day in bitterness of soul. Near night I felt a little better; and
afterward enjoyed some sweetness in secret prayer.

_July 1._—“Had some enjoyment in prayer this morning; and far more than
usual in secret prayer to-night, and desired nothing so ardently as that
_God should do with me just as he pleased_.

_July 2._—“Felt composed in secret prayer in the morning. My desires
ascended to God this day, as I was traveling: was comfortable in the
evening. Blessed be God for all my consolations.

_July 3._—“My heart seemed again to sink. The disgrace I was laid under
at college seemed to damp my spirits; as it opens the mouths of
opposers. I had no refuge but in God. Blessed be his name, that I may go
to him at all times, and find him a help.’

_Lord’s day, July 4._—“Had considerable assistance. In the evening I
withdrew, and enjoyed a happy season in secret prayer. God was pleased
to give me the exercise of faith, and thereby brought the invisible and
eternal world near to my soul; which appeared sweetly to me. I hoped
that my weary pilgrimage in the world would be _short_; and that it
would not be long before I should be brought to my heavenly home and
Father’s house. I was resigned to God’s will, to tarry his time, to do
his work, and suffer his pleasure. I felt _thankfulness_ to God for all
my pressing _desertions_ of late; for I am persuaded that they have been
made a means of making me more humble, and much more resigned. I felt
pleased to be little, to be nothing, and to lie in the dust. I enjoyed
life and consolation in pleading for the dear children of God, and the
kingdom of Christ in the world: and my soul earnestly breathed after
holiness, and the enjoyment of God. “O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.”

_July 29._—“I was examined by the Association met at Danbury, as to my
_learning_, and also my _experience_ in religion, and received a licence
from them to preach the Gospel of Christ. Afterward felt much devoted to
God; joined in prayer with one of the ministers, my peculiar friend, in
a convenient place; and went to bed resolving to live devoted to God all
my days.”



                              CHAPTER III.

_From his being licensed to preach, till he was commissioned as a
    Missionary._


                        July 30.-Nov. 25, 1742.

_July 30, 1742._—“Rode from Danbury to Southbury; preached there, from 1
Pet. 4:8. Had much of the comfortable presence of God in the exercise. I
seemed to have power with God in prayer, and power to get hold of the
hearts of the people in preaching.

_Aug. 12._ (Near Kent.)—“This morning and last night I was exercised
with sore inward trials: I had no power to pray; but seemed shut out
from God. I had in a great measure lost my hopes of God’s sending me
among the Heathen afar off, and of seeing them flock home to Christ. I
saw so much of my vileness, that I wondered that God would let me live,
and that people did not stone me; much more that they would ever hear me
preach! It seemed as though I never could preach any more; yet about
nine or ten o’clock the people came over, and I was forced to preach;
and blessed be God, he gave me his presence and Spirit in prayer and
preaching; so that I was much assisted, and spake with power, from Job,
14:14. Some Indians residing here, cried out in great distress, and all
appeared greatly concerned. After we had prayed and exhorted them to
seek the Lord with constancy, and hired an Englishwoman to keep a kind
of _school_ among them, we came away.”

_Lord’s day, Aug. 15._—“Felt much comfort and devotedness to God this
day. At night, it was refreshing to get alone with God, and _pour out my
soul_. O, who can conceive of the sweetness of communion with the
blessed God, but those who have experience of it! Glory to God for ever,
that I may taste heaven below.

_Aug. 17._—“Exceedingly depressed in spirit, it cuts and wounds my heart
to think how much self-exaltation, spiritual pride, and warmth of
temper, I have formerly had intermingled with my endeavors to promote
God’s work: and sometimes I long to lie down at the feet of opposers,
and confess what a poor imperfect creature I have been, and still am.
The Lord forgive me, and make me, for the future, “wise as a serpent,
and harmless as a dove!” Afterward enjoyed considerable comfort and
delight of soul.

_Aug. 19._—“This day, being about to go from Mr. Bellamy’s, at
Bethlehem, where I had resided some time, I prayed with him and two or
three other Christian friends. We gave ourselves to God with all our
hearts, to be his for ever: eternity looked very near to me while I was
praying. If I never should see these Christians again in this world, it
seemed but a few moments before I should meet them in another world.

_Aug. 23._—“Had a sweet season in secret prayer: the Lord drew near to
my soul, and filled me with peace and divine consolation. O, my soul
tasted the sweetness of heaven; and was drawn out in prayer for the
world, that it might come home to Christ! Had much comfort in the
thoughts and hopes of the ingathering of the Heathen; was greatly
assisted in intercession for Christian friends.”

_Sept. 1._—“Went to Judea to the ordination of Mr. Judd. Mr. Bellamy
preached from Matt. 24:46. ‘Blessed is that servant whom his Lord, when
he cometh, shall find so doing.’ I felt very solemn; had my thoughts
much on that time when our Lord will come, which refreshed my soul much;
only I was afraid I should not be found faithful, because I have so vile
a heart. My thoughts were much in eternity, where I love to dwell.
Blessed be God for this solemn season. Rode home to-night with Mr.
Bellamy, conversed with some friends till it was very late, and then
retired to rest in a comfortable frame.

_Sept. 4._—“Much out of health, exceedingly depressed in my soul, and at
awful distance from God. Toward night, spent some time in profitable
thoughts on Rom. 8:2. Near night, had a very sweet season in prayer; God
enabled me to wrestle ardently for the advancement of the Redeemer’s
kingdom; pleaded earnestly for my own dear brother John, (who at length
became his successor as a Missionary to the Indians,) that God would
make him more of a pilgrim and stranger on the earth, and fit him for
singular serviceableness in the world; and my heart sweetly exulted in
the Lord, in the thoughts of any distresses that might alight on him or
on me, in the advancement of Christ’s kingdom. It was a sweet and
comfortable hour unto my soul, while I was indulged with freedom to
plead, not only for myself, but also for many other souls.

_Sept. 16._—“At night, enjoyed much of God, in secret prayer: felt an
uncommon resignation to be and do what God pleased. Some days past I
felt great perplexity on account of my past conduct: my bitterness, and
want of Christian kindness and love, has been very distressing to my
soul: the Lord forgive me my unchristian warmth, and want of a spirit of
meekness!

_Oct. 21._—“Had a very deep sense of the vanity of the world, most of
the day; had little more regard to it, than if I had been to go into
eternity the next hour. Through divine goodness, I felt very serious and
solemn. _O I love to live on the brink of eternity_, in my views and
meditations! This gives me a sweet, awful and reverential sense and
apprehension of God and divine things, when I see myself as it were,
standing before the judgment seat of Christ.

_Oct. 22._—“Uncommonly weaned from the world to-day: my soul delighted
to be a “stranger and pilgrim on the earth;” I felt a disposition in me
never to have any thing to do with this world. The character given of
some of the ancient people of God, in Heb. 11:13, was very pleasing to
me, “They confessed that they were pilgrims and strangers on the earth,”
by their daily practice; and O that I could always do so! Spent some
time in a pleasant grove, in prayer and meditation. O it is sweet to be
thus weaned from friends, and from myself, and dead to the present
world, that so I may live wholly to and upon the blessed God! Saw myself
little, low and vile as I am in myself. In the afternoon preached at
Bethlehem, from Deut. 8:2. God helped me to speak to the hearts of dear
Christians. Blessed be the Lord for this season: I trust they and I
shall rejoice on this account, to all eternity. Dear Mr. Bellamy came in
while I was making the first prayer, (having returned home from a
journey,) and after meeting we walked away together, and spent the
evening in sweetly conversing on divine things, and praying together,
with tender love to each other, and retired to rest with our hearts in a
serious spiritual frame.

_Oct. 26._—“[At West Suffield.] Was in great distress, under a sense of
my own unworthiness. It seemed to me that I deserved rather to be driven
out of the place, than to have any body treat me with kindness, or come
to hear me preach. And verily my spirits were so depressed at this time
(as at many others) that it was impossible I should treat immortal souls
with faithfulness. I could not deal closely and faithfully with them, I
felt so infinitely vile in myself. O what _dust and ashes_ I am, to
think of preaching the Gospel to others! Indeed, I never can be faithful
for one moment, but shall certainly “daub with untempered mortar,” if
God do not grant me special help. In the evening I went to the
meeting-house, and it looked to me near as easy for one to rise out of
the grave and preach, as for me. However, God afforded me some life and
power, both in prayer and sermon; and was pleased to lift me up, and
show me that he could enable me to preach. O the wonderful goodness of
God to so vile a sinner! Returned to my lodgings, and enjoyed some
sweetness in prayer alone, and mourned that I could not live more to
God.

_November 4._—“[At Lebanon.] Saw much of my nothingness most of this
day; but felt concerned that I had no more sense of my insufficiency and
unworthiness. O it is sweet _lying in the dust_! But it is distressing
to feel in my soul that hell of corruption which still remains in me. In
the afternoon had a sense of the sweetness of a strict, close, and
constant devotedness to God, and my soul was comforted with his
consolations. My soul felt a pleasing, yet painful concern, lest I
should spend some moments _without God_. O may I always _live to God_!
In the evening I was visited by some friends, and spent the time in
prayer, and such conversation as tended to our edification. It was a
comfortable season to my soul: I felt an intense desire to spend every
moment for God. God is unspeakably gracious to me continually. In times
past, he has given me inexpressible sweetness in the performance of
duty. Frequently my soul has enjoyed much of God; but has been ready to
say, “Lord, it is good to be here,” and so to indulge sloth, while I
have lived on my enjoyments. But of late, God has been pleased to keep
my soul _hungry_, almost continually; so that I have been filled with a
kind of pleasing pain. When I really enjoy God I feel my desires of him
the more insatiable, and my thirstings after holiness the more
unquenchable; and the Lord will not allow me to feel as though I were
fully supplied and satisfied, but keeps me still reaching forward. I
feel barren and empty, as though I could not live without more of God; I
feel ashamed and guilty _before him_. I see that “the law is spiritual,
but I am carnal.” I do not, I cannot live to God. O for holiness! O for
more of God in my soul! O this pleasing pain! It makes my soul press
after God; the language of it is, “Then shall I be satisfied, when I
awake in God’s likeness,” but never, never before: and consequently, I
am engaged to “press toward the mark,” day by day. O that I may feel
this continual hunger, and not be retarded, but rather animated, by
every cluster from Canaan, to reach forward in the narrow way for the
full enjoyment and possession of the heavenly inheritance! O that I may
never loiter in my heavenly journey!”

_Lord’s day, Nov. 7._—“[At Millington.] It seemed as if such an unholy
wretch as I never could arrive at that blessedness, to be “holy, as God
is holy.” At noon, I longed for sanctification, and conformity to God. O
that is THE ALL, THE ALL. The Lord help me to _press after God_ for
ever.

_Nov. 8._—“Toward night, enjoyed much sweetness in secret prayer, so
that my soul longed for an arrival in the heavenly country, the blessed
paradise of God. Through divine goodness I have scarce seen the day for
two months, in which _death_ has not looked so pleasant to me, at one
time or other of the day, that I could have rejoiced that it should be
my last, notwithstanding my present inward trials and conflicts. I trust
the Lord will finally make me a conqueror, and more than a conqueror;
and that I shall be able to use that triumphant language, “O death,
where is thy sting! O grave, where is thy victory!”

_Nov. 19._—“[At New-Haven.] Received a letter from the Rev. Mr.
Pemberton, of New-York, desiring me speedily to go down thither, and
consult in reference to the evangelizing of the Indians in those parts;
and to meet certain gentlemen there who were intrusted with those
affairs. My mind was instantly seized with concern; so I retired, with
two or three Christian friends, and prayed; and indeed it was a sweet
time with me. I was enabled to leave myself, and all my concerns with
God; and taking leave of friends, I rode to Ripton, and was comforted in
an opportunity to see and converse with dear Mr. Mills.”

_Nov. 24._—“Came to New-York; felt still much concerned about the
importance of my business; made many earnest requests to God for his
help and direction; was confused with the noise and tumult of the city;
enjoyed but little time alone with God; but my soul longed after him.

_Nov. 25._—“Spent much time in prayer and supplication: was examined in
reference to my Christian experience, my acquaintance with divinity, and
some other studies and my qualifications for the important work of
evangelizing the heathen,[A] and was made sensible of my great ignorance
and unfitness for public service. I had the most abasing thoughts of
myself; I felt that I was the worst wretch that ever lived: it pained my
very heart, that any body should show me any respect. Alas! methought
how sadly they are deceived in me! how miserably would they be
disappointed if they knew my inside! O my heart! And in this depressed
condition I was forced to go and preach to a considerable assembly,
before some grave and learned ministers; but felt such a pressure from a
sense of my vileness, ignorance, and unfitness to appear in public, that
I was almost overcome with it; my soul was grieved for the congregation,
that they should sit there to hear such a _dead dog_ as I preach. I
thought myself infinitely indebted to the people, and longed that God
would reward them with the rewards of his grace. I spent much of the
evening alone.”

Footnote A:

  Mr. Brainerd was examined by the correspondents in New-York,
  New-Jersey, and Pennsylvania, of the Society in Scotland for
  propagating Christian knowledge; to whom was committed the management
  of their affairs in those parts, and who were now met at New-York.



                              CHAPTER IV.

_From his appointment as a Missionary, to his commencing his Mission
    among the Indians at Kaunaumeek, in New-York._


                     Nov. 26, 1742.—March 31, 1743.

_Nov. 26, 1742._—“Had still a sense of my great vileness, and endeavored
as much as I could to keep alone. O what a nothing, what dust and ashes
am I! Enjoyed some peace and comfort in spreading my complaints before
the God of all grace.

_Nov. 27._—“Committed my soul to God with some degree of comfort; left
New-York about nine in the morning; came away with a distressing sense
still of my unspeakable unworthiness. Surely I may well love all my
brethren; for none of them all is so vile as I: whatever they do
outwardly, yet it seems to me none is conscious of so much guilt before
God. O my leanness, my barrenness, my carnality, and past bitterness,
and want of a gospel temper! These things oppress my soul. Rode from
New-York, thirty miles, to White Plains, and most of the way continued
lifting up my heart to God for mercy and purifying grace; and spent the
evening much dejected in spirit.

_Dec. 1._—“My soul breathed after God, in sweet spiritual and longing
desires of conformity to him, and was brought to rest itself on his rich
grace, and felt strength and encouragement to do or suffer any thing,
that divine providence should allot me. Rode about twenty miles, from
Stratfield to Newtown.”

Within the space of the next nine days he went a journey from Newtown to
Haddam, his native town; and after staying there some days, returned
again into the western part of Connecticut, and came to Southbury.

_Dec. 11._—“Conversed with a dear friend, to whom I had thought of
giving a liberal education, and being at the whole charge of it, that he
might be fitted for the gospel ministry.[B] I acquainted him with my
thoughts on the subject, and so left him to consider of it, till I
should see him again. Then I rode to Bethlehem, came to Mr. Bellamy’s
lodgings, and spent the evening with him in sweet conversation and
prayer. We commended the concern of sending my friend to college to the
God of all grace. Blessed be the Lord for this evening’s opportunity
together.

Footnote B:

  Brainerd, having now undertaken the business of a missionary to the
  Indians, and having some estate left him by his father, judged that
  there was no way in which he could spend it more for the glory of God,
  than by being at the charge of educating some young man of talents and
  piety for the ministry. The young man here spoken of was selected for
  this purpose, and received his education at Brainerd’s expense, so
  long as his benefactor lived, which was till he was carried through
  his third year in college.

_Lord’s day, Dec. 12._—“I felt, in the morning, as if I had little or no
power either to pray or preach; and felt a distressing need of divine
help. I went to meeting trembling; but it pleased God to assist me in
prayer and sermon. I think my soul scarce ever penetrated so far into
the immaterial world, in any one prayer that I ever made, nor were my
devotions ever so free from gross conceptions and imaginations framed
from beholding material objects. I preached with some satisfaction, from
Matt. 6:33. “But seek ye first the kingdom of God,” &c.; and in the
afternoon, from Rom. 15:30. “And now I beseech you brethren,” &c. There
was much affection in the assembly. This has been a sweet Sabbath to me;
and blessed be God, I have reason to think that my religion has become
more spiritual by means of my late inward conflicts. Amen. May I always
be willing that God should use his own methods with me!

_Dec. 14._—“Some perplexity hung on my mind; I was distressed last night
and this morning for the interests of Zion, especially on account of the
_false appearances of religion_, that do but rather breed confusion,
especially in some places. I cried to God for help, to enable me to bear
testimony against those things, which, instead of promoting, do but
hinder the progress of vital piety. In the afternoon, rode down to
Southbury, and conversed again with my friend on the important subject
of his pursuing the work of the ministry; and he appeared much inclined
to devote himself to it, if God should succeed his attempts to qualify
himself for so great a work. In the evening I preached from 1 Thess.
4:8, and endeavored, though with tenderness, to undermine false
religion. The Lord gave me some assistance.

_Dec. 15._—“Enjoyed something of God to-day, both in secret and social
prayer; but was sensible of much barrenness and defect in duty, as well
as my inability to help myself for the time to come, or to perform the
work and business I have to do. Afterward, felt much of the sweetness of
religion, and the tenderness of the gospel-temper. I found a dear love
to all mankind, and was much afraid lest some motion of anger or
resentment should, from time to time creep into my heart. Had some
comforting, soul-refreshing discourse with dear friends, just as we took
our leave of each other; and supposed it might be we should not meet
again till we came to the eternal world.[C] I doubt not but, through
grace, some of us shall have a happy meeting there, and bless God for
this season, as well as many others. Amen.

Footnote C:

  It had been determined by the Commissioners, who employed Brainerd as
  a missionary, that he should go, as soon as might be conveniently, to
  the Indians living near the Forks of Delaware river, and the Indians
  on Susquehanna river. The distance of those places, and his probable
  exposure to many hardships and dangers, was the occasion of his taking
  leave of his friends in this manner.

_Dec. 18._ “Spent much time in prayer in the woods; and seemed raised
above the things of the world: my soul was strong in the Lord of Hosts;
but was sensible of great barrenness.

_Dec. 23._—“Enjoyed, I trust, the presence of God this morning in
secret. O, how divinely sweet is it to come into the secret of his
presence, and abide in his pavilion!

_Dec. 27._—“Enjoyed a precious season indeed; had a melting sense of
divine things, of the pure spirituality of the religion of Christ Jesus.
In the evening I preached from Matt. 6:33. with much freedom, power and
pungency: the presence of God attended our meeting. O, the sweetness,
the tenderness I felt in my soul! If ever I felt the temper of Christ, I
had some sense of it now. Blessed be my God, I have seldom enjoyed a
more comfortable and profitable day than this. O, that I could spend all
my time for God!

_Jan. 14, 1743._—“My spiritual conflicts to-day were unspeakably
dreadful, heavier than the mountains and over-flowing floods. I was
deprived of all sense of God, even of the being of a God; and that was
my misery. The torments of the damned, I am sure, will consist much in a
_privation of God_, and consequently of _all good_. This taught me the
absolute dependence of a creature upon God the Creator, for every crumb
of happiness it enjoys. O, I feel that, if there is no God, though I
might live for ever here, and enjoy not only this, but all other worlds,
I should be ten thousand times more miserable than a reptile.

_Lord’s day, Jan. 23._—“I scarce ever felt myself so unfit to exist as
now: saw I was not worthy of a place among the Indians, where I am
going, if God permit: thought I should be ashamed to look them in the
face, and much more to have any respect shown me there. Indeed I felt
myself banished from the earth, as if all places were too good for such
a wretch. I thought I should be ashamed to go among the very savages of
Africa; I appeared to myself a creature fit for nothing, neither heaven
nor earth. None know but those who feel it, what the soul endures that
is sensibly shut out from the presence of God: alas! it is more bitter
than death.

_Feb. 2._—“Preached my farewell sermon last night, at the house of an
aged man, who had been unable to attend on public worship for some time.
This morning spent the time in prayer, almost wherever I went; and
having taken leave of friends, I set out on my journey toward the
Indians; though I was first to spend some weeks at East-Hampton, on
Long-Island, by leave of the commissioners; the winter season being
judged unfavorable for the commencement of the mission.

_Feb. 12._—[At East-Hampton.] “Enjoyed a little more comfort; was
enabled to meditate with some composure of mind; and especially in the
evening, found my soul more refreshed in prayer than at any time of
late; my soul seemed to “take hold of God’s strength,” and was comforted
with his consolations. O, how sweet are some glimpses of divine glory!
how strengthening and quickening!

_Feb. 15._ “Early in the day I felt some comfort, afterward I walked
into a neighboring grove, and felt more as a stranger on earth, I think,
than ever before; dead to any of the enjoyments of the world. In the
evening had divine sweetness in secret duty: God was then my portion,
and my soul rose above those _deep_ _waters_, into which I have sunk so
low of late. My soul then cried for Zion, and had sweetness in so
doing.”

_Feb. 17._—“Preached this day at a little village in East-Hampton; and
God was pleased to give me his gracious presence and assistance, so that
I spake with freedom, boldness, and some power. In the evening spent
some time with a dear Christian friend; and felt serious, as on the
brink of eternity. Our interview was truly a little emblem of heaven
itself. I find my soul is more refined and weaned from a dependence on
my frames and spiritual feelings.

_Feb. 18._—“Had some enjoyment most of the day, and found access to the
throne of grace. Blessed be the Lord for any intervals of heavenly
delight and composure, while I am engaged in the field of battle. O,
that I might be serious, solemn, and always vigilant, while in an evil
world! Had some opportunity alone to-day, and found some freedom in
study. O, I long to _live to God_!”

During the next two weeks it appears that for the most part he enjoyed
much spiritual peace and comfort. In his diary for this space of time,
are expressed such things as these; mourning over indwelling sin,
unprofitableness; deadness to the world; longing after God, and to live
to his glory; heart melting desires after his eternal home; fixed
reliance on God for his help; experience of much divine assistance, both
in the private and public exercises of religion; inward strength and
courage in the service of God; very frequent refreshment, consolation,
and divine sweetness in meditation, prayer, preaching, and Christian
conversation. And it appears by his account, that this space of time was
filled up with great diligence and earnestness in serving God; in study,
prayer, meditation, preaching, and privately instructing and counseling.

_March 7._—“This morning when I arose I found my heart go forth after
God in longing desires of conformity to him, and in secret prayer found
myself sweetly quickened and drawn out in praises to God for all he had
done to and for me, and for all my inward trials and distress of late.
My heart ascribed glory, glory, glory to the blessed God! and bid
welcome to all inward distress again, if God saw meet to exercise me
with it. Time appeared but an inch long, and eternity at hand; and I
thought I could with patience and cheerfulness bear any thing for the
cause of God; for I saw that a moment would bring me to a world of peace
and blessedness. My soul, by the strength of the Lord, rose far above
this lower world, and all the vain amusements and frightful
disappointments of it.

_Lord’s day, March 13._ “At noon, I thought it impossible for me to
preach, by reason of bodily weakness and inward deadness. In the first
prayer, I was so weak that I could scarcely stand; but in the sermon,
God strengthened me, so that I spake near an hour and a half with sweet
freedom, clearness, and some tender power, from Gen. 5:24. “And Enoch
walked with God.” I was sweetly assisted to insist on a _close walk with
God_, and to leave this as my parting advice to God’s people here, that
they should “walk with God.” May the God of all grace succeed my poor
labors in this place!

_March 14._ “In the morning was very busy in preparation for my journey,
and was almost continually engaged in ejaculatory prayer. About ten took
leave of the dear people of East-Hampton; my heart grieved and mourned,
and rejoiced at the same time; rode near fifty miles to a part of
Brook-Haven, and lodged there, and had refreshing conversation with a
Christian friend.”

In two days more he reached New-York; but complains of much desertion
and deadness on the road. He stayed one day in New-York, and on Friday
went to Mr. Dickinson’s at Elizabeth-Town.

_March 19._ “Was bitterly distressed under a sense of my ignorance,
darkness, and unworthiness; got alone, and poured out my complaint to
God in the bitterness of my soul. In the afternoon rode to Newark, and
had some sweetness in conversation and prayer with Mr. Burr. O blessed
be God for ever and ever, for any enlivening and quickening seasons.

_Lord’s day, March 20._ “Preached in the forenoon: God gave me some
assistance, and enabled me to speak with real tenderness, love, and
impartiality. In the evening preached again; and of a truth God was
pleased to assist a poor worm. Blessed be God, I was enabled to speak
with life, power, and desire of the edification of God’s people; and
with some power to sinners. In the evening I was watchful, lest my heart
should by any means be drawn away from God. O when shall I come to that
blessed world where every power of my soul will be incessantly and
eternally wound up in heavenly employments and enjoyments, to the
highest degree!”

On Monday he went to Woodbridge, New-Jersey, where he met the
Correspondents, who, instead of sending him to the Indians at the Forks
of the Delaware, as before intended, directed him to go to a number of
Indians at Kaunaumeek; a place in New-York, in the woods between
Stockbridge and Albany. This alteration was occasioned by two things. 1.
Information which the correspondents had received of some contention
between the white people and the Indians on the Delaware, concerning
their lands; which they supposed would be a hinderance to the success of
a missionary among them at that time. 2. Some intimations which they had
received from Mr. Sergeant, Missionary to the Indians at Stockbridge,
concerning the Indians at Kaunaumeek, and the hopeful prospect of
success which a Missionary might have among them.

On the day following he set out on his journey for Kaunaumeek, and
arrived at Mr. Sergeant’s house in Stockbridge March 31.



                               CHAPTER V.

_His labors for nearly a year among the Indians at Kaunaumeek—temporal
    deprivations and sufferings—establishes a school—confession
    offered to the faculty of Yale College—days of fasting—methods
    of instructing the Indians—visit to New-Jersey and
    Connecticut—commencement of labor among the Indians at the Forks of
    the Delaware—Ordination._


                     April 1, 1743.—June 12, 1744.

_April 1, 1743._ “I rode to Kaunaumeek, in the wilderness, near twenty
miles from Stockbridge, and about an equal distance from Albany, where
the Indians live with whom I am concerned; and lodged with a poor
Scotchman, about a mile and a half distant from them, on a little heap
of straw, in a log room without any floor. I was greatly exercised with
inward trials, and seemed to have no God to go to. O that God would help
me!

_April 7._ “Appeared to myself exceedingly ignorant, weak, helpless,
unworthy, and altogether unequal to my work. It seemed to me that I
should never do any service, or have any success among the Indians. My
soul was weary of my life; I longed for death, beyond measure. When I
thought of any godly soul departed, my soul was ready to envy him his
privilege, thinking, “O when will my turn come! must it be years first!”
But I know these ardent desires, at this and other times, rose partly
from the want of resignation to God under all miseries; and so were but
impatience. Toward night I had the exercise of faith in prayer, and some
assistance in writing. O that God would keep me near him!

_Lord’s day, April 10._ “Rose early in the morning and walked out and
spent a considerable time in the woods, in prayer and meditation.
Preached to the Indians, both forenoon and afternoon. They behaved
soberly in general: two or three in particular appeared to be under some
religious concern; with whom I discoursed privately; and one told me,
“that her heart had cried ever since she first heard me preach.”

_April 16._—“In the afternoon preached to my people; but was more
discouraged with them than before; feared that nothing would ever be
done for them to any happy effect. I retired and poured out my soul to
God for mercy; but without any sensible relief. Soon after, two ungodly
men came, with a design, as they said, to hear me preach the next day;
but none can tell how I felt to hear their _profane_ talk. O, I longed
that some dear Christian should know my distress. I got into a kind of
hovel, and there groaned out my complaint to God; and withal felt more
sensible gratitude and thankfulness to God, that he had made me to
differ from these men, as I knew, through grace, he had.

_Lord’s day, April 17._—“In the morning was again distressed as soon as
I awaked, hearing much talk about the world, and the things of it. I
perceived that the men were in some measure afraid of me; and I
discoursed about sanctifying the Sabbath, if possible to solemnize their
minds; but when they were at a little distance, they again talked freely
about secular affairs. O I thought what a _hell_ it would be to live
with such men to eternity! The Lord gave me some assistance in
preaching, all day, and some resignation, and a small degree of comfort
in prayer, at night.

_April 19._—“In the morning I enjoyed some sweet repose and rest in God;
felt some strength and confidence in him; and my soul was in some
measure refreshed and comforted. Spent most of the day in writing, and
had some exercise of grace, sensible and comfortable. My soul seemed
lifted above the _deep waters_, wherein it has long been almost drowned;
felt some spiritual longings and breathings after God; and found myself
engaged for the advancement of Christ’s kingdom in my own soul.

_April 20._—“Set apart this day for fasting and prayer, to bow my soul
before God for the bestowment of divine grace; especially that all my
spiritual afflictions, and inward distresses, might be sanctified to my
soul. And endeavored also to remember the goodness of God to me the year
past, this day being my birth day. Having obtained help of God, I have
hitherto lived, and am now arrived at the age of twenty-five years. My
soul was pained to think of my barrenness and deadness; that I have
lived so little to the glory of the eternal God. I spent the day in the
woods alone, and there poured out my complaint to God. O that God would
enable me to live to his glory for the future!

_May 10._—“Was in the same state as to my mind, that I have been in for
some time; extremely oppressed with a sense of guilt, pollution, and
blindness, “The iniquity of my heels hath compassed me about: the sins
of my youth have been set in order before me; they have gone over my
head, as an heavy burden, too heavy for me to bear.” Almost all the
actions of my life past seem to be covered over with sin and guilt; and
those of them that I performed in the most conscientious manner, now
fill me with shame and confusion, that I cannot hold up my face. O, the
pride, selfishness, hypocrisy, ignorance, bitterness, party zeal, and
the want of love, candor, meekness, and gentleness, that have attended
my attempts to promote the interests of religion; and this, when I have
reason to hope I had real assistance from above, and some sweet
intercourse with heaven! But alas, what corrupt mixtures attended my
best duties!”

_May 18._—“My circumstances are such that I have no comfort of any kind,
but what I have in God. I live in the most lonesome wilderness; have but
one single person to converse with that can speak English.[D] Most of
the talk I hear, is either Highland Scotch, or Indian. I have no
fellow-christian to whom I may unbosom myself, or lay open my spiritual
sorrows; with whom I may take sweet counsel in conversation about
heavenly things, and join in social prayer. I live poorly with regard to
the comforts of life: most of my diet consists of boiled corn,
hasty-pudding, &c. I lodge on a bundle of straw, my labor is hard and
extremely difficult, and I have little appearance of success to comfort
me. The Indians have no land to live on but what the Dutch people lay
claim to; and these threaten to drive them off. They have no regard to
the _souls_ of the poor Indians; and by what I can learn, they hate me
because I come to preach to them. But that which makes all my
difficulties grievous to be borne, is, that _God hides his face from
me_.

Footnote D:

  This person was BRAINERD’s interpreter, an ingenious young Indian,
  belonging to Stockbridge, whose name was _John Wauwaumpequunnaunt_. He
  had been instructed in the Christian religion by Mr. Sergeant; had
  lived with the Rev. Mr. Williams, of Long-Meadow; had been further
  instructed by him, at the charge of Mr. Hollis, of London; and
  understood both English and Indian very well, and wrote a good hand.

_May 20._—“Was much perplexed some part of the day; but toward night had
some comfortable meditations on Isa. 40:1. “Comfort ye, comfort ye my
people, saith your God,” and enjoyed some sweetness in prayer. Afterward
my soul rose so far above the deep waters, that I dared to rejoice in
God. I saw that there was sufficient matter of consolation in the
blessed God.”

On Monday, May 30, he set out on a journey to New-Jersey to consult the
commissioners, and obtain orders from them to set up a school among the
Indians at Kaunaumeek, and that his interpreter might be appointed the
schoolmaster; which was accordingly done. He proceeded from New-Jersey
to New-Haven, where he arrived on Monday, June 6; attempted a
reconciliation with the faculty of the college; and spent this week in
visiting his friends in those parts, and in his journey homeward, till
Saturday, in a pretty comfortable frame of mind. On Saturday, in his way
from Stockbridge to Kaunaumeek, he was lost in the woods, and lay all
night in the open air; but happily found his way in the morning, and
came to his Indians on Lord’s day, June 12, and had greater assistance
in preaching among them than ever before, since his first coming among
them.

From this time forward he was the subject of various frames and
exercises of mind, in the general much after the same manner as hitherto
from his first coming to Kaunaumeek, till he got into his own house, (a
little hut, which he made chiefly with his own hands, by long and hard
labor.) He found that the distance of the family with whom he at first
lodged, debarred him from many favorable opportunities of access to the
Indians, especially morning and evening; and after about three months,
removed and lived with the Indians in one of their wigwams. Here he
continued for about one month, when he completed the small house of
which he now speaks.

Although he was much dejected during most of this period, yet he had
many intermissions of his melancholy, and some seasons of comfort, sweet
tranquillity and resignation of mind, and frequently special assistance
in public services, as appears in his diary. The manner of his relief
from his sorrow, once in particular, is worthy to be mentioned in his
own words.

_July 25._—“Had little or no resolution for a life of holiness; was
ready almost to renounce my hope of living to God. And O how dark it
looked, to think of being unholy for ever! This I could not endure. The
cry of my soul was, Psalm 65:3. “Iniquities prevail against me.” But I
was in some measure relieved by a comfortable meditation on God’s
eternity, that he never had a beginning. Whence I was led to admire his
greatness and power, in such a manner, that I stood still, and praised
the Lord for his own glories and perfections: though I was (and if I
should for ever be) an unholy creature, my soul was comforted to
apprehend an eternal, infinite, powerful, holy God.”

_July 30._—“Just at night, moved into _my own house_, and lodged there
that night; found it much better spending the time alone than in the
_wigwam_ where I was before.

_Lord’s day, July 31._—“Felt more comfortably than some days past.
Blessed be the Lord, who has now given me a place of retirement. O that
I may _find God_ in it, and that he would dwell with me for ever!

_Aug. 1._—“Was still busy in further labors on my house. Felt a little
sweetness of religion, and thought that it was worth while to follow
after God through a thousand snares, deserts, and death itself. O that I
might always _follow after holiness_, that I may be fully conformed to
God! Had some degree of sweetness in secret prayer, though I had much
sorrow.

_Aug. 3._—“Spent most of the day in writing. Enjoyed some sense of
religion. Through divine goodness I am now uninterruptedly alone, and
find my retirement comfortable. I have enjoyed more sense of divine
things within a few days last past than for some time before. I longed
after holiness, humility, and meekness: O that God would enable me to
‘pass the time of my sojourning here in his fear,’ and always _live to
him_!

_Aug. 4._—“Was enabled to pray much through the whole day; and through
divine goodness found some intenseness of soul in the duty, as I used to
do, and some ability to persevere in my supplications. I had some
apprehensions of divine things, which afforded me courage and
resolution. It is good, I find, to _persevere in attempts_ to pray, if I
cannot _pray with perseverance_, i. e. continue long in my addresses to
the Divine Being. I have generally found that _the more I do_ in secret
prayer, the more I have _delighted to do_, and the more I have enjoyed a
spirit of prayer; and frequently I have found the contrary, when by
journeying or otherwise I have been much deprived of retirement. A
seasonable, steady performance of SECRET DUTIES IN THEIR PROPER HOURS,
and a CAREFUL IMPROVEMENT OF ALL TIME, filling up every hour with some
profitable labor, either of heart, head, or hands, are excellent means
of spiritual peace and boldness before God. Filling up our time _with_
and _for_ God, is the way to rise up and lie down in peace.

_Aug. 13._—“Was enabled in secret prayer to raise my soul to God, with
desire and delight. It was indeed a blessed season. I found the comfort
of being a Christian; and “counted the sufferings of the present life
not worthy to be compared with the glory” of divine enjoyments even in
this world. All my past sorrows seemed kindly to disappear, and I
“remembered no more the sorrow, for joy.” O, how kindly, and with what a
filial tenderness, the soul confides in “the Rock of Ages,” at such a
season, that he will “never leave it nor forsake it,” that he will cause
“all things to work together for its good!” I longed that others should
know how good a God the Lord is. My soul was full of tenderness and
love, even to the most inveterate of my enemies. I longed that they
should share in the same mercy; and loved that God should so do just as
he pleased with me and every thing else. I felt peculiarly serious,
calm, and peaceful, and encouragement to press after holiness as long as
I live, whatever difficulties and trials may be in my way. May the Lord
always help me so to do! Amen, and Amen.

_Aug. 15._—“Spent most of the day in labor, to procure something to keep
my horse on in the winter. Had not much spiritual enjoyment in the
morning; was very weak in body through the day; and thought that this
frail body would soon drop into the dust; and had some very realizing
apprehensions of a speedy entrance into another world. In this weak
state of body, I was not a little distressed for want of suitable food.
I had no bread, nor could I get any. I am forced to go or send ten or
fifteen miles for all the bread I eat; and sometimes it is mouldy and
sour before I eat it, if I get any considerable quantity. And then again
I have none for some days together, for want of an opportunity to send
for it, and cannot find my horse in the woods to go myself; and this was
my case now; but through divine goodness I had some Indian _meal_, of
which I made cakes, and fried them. Yet I felt contented with my
circumstances, and sweetly resigned to God. In prayer I enjoyed great
freedom; and blessed God as much for my present circumstances as if I
had been a king; and thought that I found a disposition to be contented
in _any_ circumstances. Blessed be God.”

In his diary for Saturday, he says he was somewhat melancholy and
sorrowful in mind; and adds, “I never feel comfortably, but when I find
my soul going forth after God. If I cannot be holy, I must necessarily
be miserable for ever.

_Lord’s day, Aug. 21._—“Was much straitened in the forenoon exercise; my
thoughts seemed to be all scattered to the ends of the earth. At noon, I
fell down before the Lord, groaned under my vileness, barrenness, and
deadness; and felt as if I was guilty of soul murder, in speaking to
immortal souls in such a manner as I had then done. In the afternoon God
was pleased to give me some assistance, and I was enabled to set before
my hearers the nature and necessity of true repentance. Afterward had
some small degree of thankfulness. Was very ill and full of pain in the
evening and my soul mourned that I had spent so much time to so little
profit.

_Aug. 23._—“Studied in the forenoon, and enjoyed some freedom. In the
afternoon labored abroad: endeavored to pray, but found not much
enjoyment or intenseness of mind. Toward night was very weary, and tired
of this world of sorrow: the thoughts of death and immortality appeared
very desirable, and even refreshed my soul. Those lines turned in my
mind with pleasure,

             “Come death, shake hands; I’ll kiss thy bands;
             “’Tis happiness for me to die.—
             “What!—dost thou think that I will shrink?
             “I’ll go to immortality.”

“In evening prayer, God was pleased to draw near my soul, though very
sinful and unworthy; so that I was enabled to wrestle with God, and to
persevere in my requests for grace. I poured out my soul for all the
world, friends and enemies. My soul was concerned, not so much for souls
as such, but rather for Christ’s kingdom, that it might appear in the
world, that God might be known to be God, in the whole earth. And O my
soul abhorred the very thought of a _party_ in religion! Let the truth
of God appear, wherever it is; and God have glory for ever. Amen. This
was indeed a comfortable season. I thought I had some foretaste of the
enjoyments and employments of the upper world. O that my soul was more
attempered to it!

_Aug. 31._—[On a journey to New-York.] “Was in a sweet, serious, and I
hope, Christian frame. Eternal things engrossed all my thoughts; and I
longed to be in the world of spirits. O how happy is it to have all our
thoughts swallowed up in that world: to feel one’s self a stranger in
this world, diligently seeking a road through it, the best, the sure
road to the heavenly Jerusalem!”

He went forward on his journey, and after tarrying two or three days at
New-York, set out from that city toward New-Haven, intending to be there
at the commencement.

_Lord’s day, Sept. 11._—“[At Horse-Neck.] In the afternoon I preached
from Titus, 3:8. I think God never helped me more in painting true
religion, and in detecting clearly, and tenderly discountenancing false
appearances of religion, wild fire, party zeal, spiritual pride, &c. as
well as a confident dogmatical spirit, and its spring, viz. _ignorance
of the heart_. In the evening took much pains in private conversation to
suppress some confusions which I perceived were among that people.

_Sept. 13._—“Rode to New-Haven. Was sometimes dejected; not in the
sweetest frame. Lodged at ****. Had some profitable Christian
conversation. I find, though my inward trials were great, and a life of
solitude gives them greater advantage to settle, and penetrate to the
very inmost recesses of the soul; yet it is better to be alone than
incumbered with noise and tumult. I find it very difficult maintaining
any sense of divine things while removing from place to place diverted
with new objects, and filled with care and business. A settled steady
business is best adapted to a life of strict religion.

_Sept. 14._—“This day I ought to have taken my _degree_; but God sees
fit to deny it me. And though I was greatly afraid of being overwhelmed
with perplexity and confusion, when I should see my _classmates_ take
theirs; yet, at the very time, God enabled me with calmness and
resignation to say, “the will of the Lord be done.” Indeed, through
divine goodness, I have scarcely felt my mind so calm, sedate, and
comfortable for some time. I have long feared this season, and expected
my humility, meekness, patience and resignation would be much tried; but
found much more pleasure and divine comfort than I expected. Felt
spiritually serious, tender and affectionate in private prayer with a
dear Christian friend to-day.

_Sept. 15._—“Had some satisfaction in hearing the ministers discourse.
It is always a comfort to me to hear religious and spiritual
conversation. O that ministers and people were more spiritual and
devoted to God! Toward night, with the advice of Christian friends, I
offered the following reflections in writing, to the rector and trustees
of the college—which are for substance the same that I had freely
offered to the rector before, and intreated him to accept—that if
possible I might cut off all occasion of offence from those who seek
occasion. What I offered, is as follows:

  “‘Whereas I have said before several persons, concerning Mr.
  Whittelsey, one of the tutors of Yale College, that I did not believe
  he had any more grace than the chair I then leaned upon; I humbly
  confess, that herein I have sinned against God, and acted contrary to
  the rules of his word, and have injured Mr. Whittelsey. I had no right
  to make thus free with his character; and had no just reason to say as
  I did concerning him. My fault herein was the more aggravated, in that
  I said this concerning one who was so much my superior, and one whom I
  was obliged to treat with special respect and honor, by reason of the
  relation I stood in to him in the college. Such a manner of behavior I
  confess did not become a Christian; it was taking too much upon me,
  and did not savor of that humble respect which I ought to have
  expressed toward Mr. Whittelsey. I have long since been convinced of
  the falseness of those apprehensions, by which I then justified such a
  conduct. I have often reflected on this act with grief; I hope, on
  account of the sin of it: and am willing to lie low, and be abased
  before God and man for it. I humbly ask the forgiveness of the
  governors of the college and of the whole society; but of Mr.
  Whittelsey in particular. And whereas I have been accused by one
  person of saying concerning the reverend rector of Yale College, that
  I wondered he did not expect to drop down dead for fining the scholars
  that followed Mr. Tennent to Milford; I seriously profess that I do
  not remember my saying any thing to this purpose: but if I did, which
  I am not certain I did not, I utterly condemn it, and detest all such
  kind of behavior; and especially in an under-graduate toward the
  rector. And I now appear to judge and condemn myself for going once to
  the separate meeting in New-Haven, a little before I was expelled,
  though the rector had refused to give me leave. For this I humbly ask
  the rector’s forgiveness. And whether the governors of the college
  shall ever see cause to remove the academical censure I lie under, or
  no, or to admit me to the privileges I desire; yet I am willing to
  appear, if they think fit, openly to own, and to humble myself for
  those things I have herein confessed.’”

“God has made me willing to do any thing that I can do consistently with
truth, for the sake of peace, and that I might not be a stumbling block
to others. For this reason I can cheerfully forego and give up what I
verily believe, after the most mature and impartial search, is my right,
in some instances. God has given me the disposition, that, if a man has
done me a hundred injuries, and I (though ever so much provoked to it)
have done him only one, I feel disposed and heartily willing humbly to
confess my fault to him, and on my knees to ask forgiveness of him;
though at the same time he should justify himself in all the injuries he
has done me, and should only make use of my humble confession to blacken
my character the more, and represent me as the only person guilty; yea,
though he should as it were insult me, and say, “he knew all this
before, and that I was making work for repentance.” Though what I said
concerning Mr. Whittelsey was only spoken in private, to a friend or
two; and being partly overheard, was related to the rector, and by him
extorted from my friends; yet, seeing it was divulged and made public, I
was willing to confess my fault therein publicly. But I trust God will
plead my cause.”

I was witness to the very Christian spirit which Brainerd showed at that
time; being then at New-Haven, and one whom he thought fit to consult on
that occasion. This was my first opportunity of a personal acquaintance
with him. There truly appeared in him a great degree of calmness and
humility, without the least appearance of rising of spirit for any ill
treatment which he supposed he had suffered, or the least backwardness
to abase himself before them who, as he thought, had wronged him. What
he did was without any objection or appearance of reluctance, even in
private to his friends, to whom he freely opened himself. Earnest
application was made on his behalf to the authority of the college, that
he might have his degree then given him; and particularly by the Rev.
Mr. Burr of Newark, one of the correspondents of the society in
Scotland; he being sent from New-Jersey to New-Haven, by the rest of the
commissioners, for that end; and many arguments were used, but without
success. Indeed, the governors of the college were so far satisfied with
the reflections which Brainerd had made on himself, that they appeared
willing to admit him again into college; but not to give him his degree,
till he should have remained there at least twelve months, which being
contrary to what the correspondents, to whom he was now engaged, had
declared to be their mind, he did not consent to it. He desired his
degree, as he thought it would tend to his being more extensively
useful; but still when he was denied it, he manifested no disappointment
or resentment.

_Sept. 20._—“[At Bethlehem.] Had thoughts of going forward on my journey
to my Indians; but toward night was taken with a hard pain in my teeth,
and shivering cold; and could not possibly recover a comfortable degree
of warmth the whole night following I continued very full of pain all
night; and in the morning had a very hard fever, and pains almost over
my whole body. I had a sense of the divine goodness in appointing this
to be the place of my sickness, among my friends, who were very kind to
me. I should probably have perished if I had first got home to my own
house in the wilderness, where I have none to converse with but the
poor, rude, ignorant Indians. Here, I saw, was mercy in the midst of
affliction. I continued thus, mostly confined to my bed, till Friday
night; very full of pain most of the time; but, through divine goodness,
not afraid of death. Then I saw the extreme folly of those who put off
their turning to God till a sick bed. Surely this is not a time proper
to prepare for eternity. On Friday evening my pains went off somewhat
suddenly. I was exceedingly weak, and almost fainted; but was very
comfortable the night following. I thought we were to prize the
continuation of life, only on this account, that we may “show forth
God’s goodness and works of grace.”

_Oct. 4._—“This day rode home to my own house and people. The poor
Indians appeared very glad of my return. Found my house and all things
in safety, I presently fell on my knees, and blessed God for my safe
return. I have taken many considerable journies since this time last
year, and yet God has never suffered one of my bones to be broken, or
any distressing calamity to befal me, excepting the ill turn I had in my
last journey. I have been often exposed to cold and hunger in the
wilderness, where the comforts of life were not to be had; have
frequently been lost in the woods; and sometimes obliged to ride much of
the night; and once lay out in the woods all night; yet blessed be God,
he has preserved me!

_Nov. 3._—“Spent this day in secret fasting and prayer, from morning
till night. Early in the morning I had some small degree of assistance
in prayer. Afterward read the story of Elijah the prophet, 1 Kings,
17th, 18th, and 19th chapters; and also 2 Kings, 2d, and 4th chapters.
My soul was much moved, observing the faith, zeal, and power of that
holy man; how he wrestled with God in prayer, &c. My soul then cried
with Elisha, “Where is the Lord God of Elijah!” O I longed for more
faith! My soul breathed after God, and pleaded with him, that a “double
portion of that spirit” which was given to Elijah, might “rest on me.”
And that which was divinely refreshing and strengthening to my soul,
was, I saw that God is the _same_ that he was in the days of Elijah. Was
enabled to wrestle with God by prayer, in a more affectionate, fervent,
humble, intense, and importunate manner, than I have for many months
past. Nothing seemed too hard for God to perform; nothing too great for
me to hope for from him. I had for many months entirely lost all hope of
being made instrumental of doing any special service for God in the
world; it has appeared entirely impossible, that one so vile should be
thus employed for God. But at this time God was pleased to revive this
hope. Afterward read from the 3d chapter of Exodus to the 20th, and saw
more of the _glory_ and _majesty of God_ discovered in those chapters
than ever I had seen before; frequently in the mean time falling on my
knees and crying to God for the faith of Moses, and for a manifestation
of the _divine glory_. Especially the 3d, 4th, and part of the 14th and
15th chapters were unspeakably sweet to my soul: my soul blessed God
that he had shown himself so gracious to his servants of old. The 15th
chapter seemed to be the very language which my soul uttered to God in
the season of my first spiritual comfort, when I had just got through
the _Red Sea_, by a _way_ that I had no expectation of. O how my soul
then _rejoiced in God_! And now those things came fresh and lively to my
mind; now my soul blessed God afresh that he had opened that unthought
of way to deliver me from the fear of the Egyptians, when I almost
despaired of life. Afterward read the story of Abraham’s pilgrimage in
the land of Canaan. My soul was melted, in observing his _faith_, how he
leaned on God; how he _communed_ with God; and what a _stranger_ he was
here in the world. After that, read the story of Joseph’s sufferings,
and God’s goodness to him: blessed God for these examples of faith and
patience. My soul was ardent in prayer, was enabled to wrestle ardently
for myself, for Christian friends, and for the church of God; and felt
more desire to see the power of God in the conversion of souls, than I
have done for a long season. Blessed be God for this season of fasting
and prayer!—May his goodness always abide with me, and draw my soul to
him!

_Nov. 10._—“Spent this day in fasting and prayer alone. In the morning
was very dull and lifeless, melancholy and discouraged. But after some
time, while reading 2 Kings, 19, my soul was moved and affected;
especially reading verse 14, and onward. I saw there was no other way
for the afflicted children of God to take, but to go to God with all
their sorrows. Hezekiah, in his great distress, went and spread his
complaint before the Lord. I was then enabled to see the mighty power of
God, and my extreme need of that power; and to cry to him affectionately
and ardently for his power and grace to be exercised toward me.
Afterward, read the story of David’s trials, and observed the course he
took under them, how he strengthened his hands in God; whereby my soul
was carried out after God, enabled to cry to him, and rely upon him, and
felt strong in the Lord. Was afterward refreshed, observing the blessed
temper that was wrought in David by his trials: all bitterness, and
desire of revenge, seemed wholly taken away; so that he mourned for the
death of his enemies. 2 Sam. 1:17, and 4:9-12. Was enabled to bless God
that he had given me something of this divine temper, that my soul
freely _forgives_, and heartily _loves my enemies_.

_Nov. 29._—“Began to study the Indian tongue, with Mr. Sergeant, at
Stockbridge.[E] Was perplexed for want of more retirement. I love to
live alone in my own little cottage, where I can spend much time in
prayer, &c.

Footnote E:

  The commissioners who employed him, had directed him to spend much
  time this winter with Mr. Sergeant, to learn the language of the
  Indians; which necessitated him very often to ride backward and
  forward, twenty miles through the uninhabited woods between
  Stockbridge and Kaunaumeek; which many times exposed him to extreme
  hardship in the severe seasons of the winter.

_Dec. 22._—“Spent this day alone in fasting and prayer, and reading in
God’s word the exercises and deliverances of his children. Had, I trust,
some exercise of faith, and realizing apprehension of divine power,
grace, and holiness; and also of the unchangeableness of God, that he is
the same as when he delivered his saints of old out of great
tribulation. My soul was sundry times in prayer enlarged for God’s
church and people. O that Zion might become the “joy of the whole
earth!” It is better to wait upon God with patience, than to put
confidence in any thing in this lower world. “My soul, wait thou on the
Lord;” for “from him comes thy salvation.”

_Lord’s day, Jan. 1, 1744._—“In the morning had some small degree of
assistance in prayer. Saw myself so vile and unworthy that I could not
look my people in the face when I came to preach. O my meanness, folly,
ignorance, and inward pollution!—In the evening had a little assistance
in prayer, so that the duty was delightful, rather than burdensome.
Reflected on the goodness of God to me in the past year, &c. Of a truth
God has been kind and gracious to me, though he has caused me to pass
through many sorrows; he has provided for me bountifully, so that I have
been enabled, in about fifteen months past, to bestow to charitable uses
about an _hundred pounds_ New-England money, that I can now remember.
Blessed be the Lord that has so far used me as _his steward_, to
distribute a _portion of his goods_. May I always remember, that all I
have comes from God. Blessed be the Lord, that has carried me through
all the toils, fatigues and hardships of the year past, as well as the
spiritual sorrows and conflicts that have attended it. O that I could
begin this year _with God_, and spend the whole of it to _his glory_,
either in life or death!

_Jan. 3._—“Was employed much of the day in writing; and spent some time
in other necessary employment. But my time passes away so swiftly, that
I am astonished when I reflect on it, and see how little I do. My state
of solitude does not make the hours hang heavy upon my hands. O what
reason of thankfulness have I on account of this retirement! I find that
I do not, and it seems I cannot, lead a _Christian life_ when I am
abroad, and cannot spend time in devotion, Christian conversation, and
serious meditation, as I should do. Those weeks that I am obliged now to
be from home, in order to learn the Indian tongue, are mostly spent in
perplexity and barrenness, without much sweet relish of divine things;
and I feel myself a stranger at the throne of grace for want of more
frequent and continued retirement. When I return home and give myself to
meditation, prayer, and fasting, a new scene opens to my mind, and my
soul longs for mortification, self-denial, humility, and divorcement
from all things of the world. This evening my heart was somewhat warm
and fervent in prayer and meditation, so that I was loth to indulge
sleep. Continued in those duties till about midnight.

_Jan. 6._—“Feeling my extreme weakness, and want of grace, the pollution
of my soul, and danger of temptations on every side, I set apart this
day for fasting and prayer, neither eating nor drinking from evening to
evening, beseeching God to have mercy on me. My soul intensely longed
that the dreadful spots and stains of sin might be washed away from it.
Saw something of the power and all-sufficiency of God. My soul seemed to
rest on his power and grace; longed for resignation to his will, and
mortification to all things here below. My mind was greatly fixed on
divine things: my resolutions for a life of mortification, continual
watchfulness, self-denial, seriousness and devotion, were strong and
fixed; my desires ardent and intense; my conscience tender, and afraid
of every appearance of evil. My soul grieved with reflection on past
levity, and want of resolution for God. I solemnly renewed my dedication
of myself to God, and longed for grace to enable me always to keep
covenant with him. Time appeared very short, eternity near and a great
name, either in or after life, together with all earthly pleasures and
profits, but an empty bubble, a deluding dream.

_Jan. 7._ “Spent this day in seriousness, with steadfast resolutions for
God, and a life of mortification. Studied closely, till I felt my bodily
strength fail. Felt some degree of resignation to God, with an
acquiescence in his dispensations. Was grieved that I could do so little
for God before my bodily strength failed. In the evening, though tired,
was enabled to continue instant in prayer for some time. Spent the time
in reading, meditation, and prayer, till the evening was far spent: was
grieved to think that I could not _watch unto prayer_ the whole night.
But blessed be God, heaven is a place of continual and incessant
devotion though the earth is dull.

_Jan. 14._ “This morning, enjoyed a most solemn season in prayer: my
soul seemed enlarged and assisted to pour out itself to God for grace,
and for every blessing I wanted for myself, for dear Christian friends,
and for the church of God; and was so enabled to “see Him who is
invisible,” that my soul _rested upon him_ for the performance of every
thing I asked agreeable to his will. It was then my happiness to
‘continue instant in prayer,’ and I was enabled to continue in it for
near an hour. My soul was then “strong in the Lord, and in the power of
his might.” Longed exceedingly for an angelic holiness and purity, and
to have all my thoughts, at all times, employed in divine and heavenly
things. Felt the same divine assistance in prayer sundry times in the
day. My soul confided in God for myself, and for his Zion: trusted in
divine power and grace, that he would do glorious things in his church
on earth, for his own glory.

_Feb. 3._ “Enjoyed more freedom and comfort than of late; was engaged in
meditation upon the different whispers of the various powers and
affections of a pious mind, exercised with a great variety of
dispensations; and could not but write, as well as meditate, on so
entertaining a subject. I hope the Lord gave me some true sense of
divine things this day; but alas, how great and pressing are the remains
of indwelling corruption! I am now more sensible than ever, that God
alone is “the author and finisher of our faith,” _i. e._ that the whole
and every part of sanctification, and every good word, work, or thought,
found in me, is the effect of his power and grace; that “without him I
can do nothing,” in the strictest sense, and that, “he works in us to
will and to do of his own good pleasure,” and from no other motive. O
how amazing it is that people can talk so much about men’s power and
goodness, when if God did not hold us back every moment, we should be
devils incarnate! This my bitter experience, for several days last past,
has abundantly taught me concerning myself.

_Feb. 7._ “My soul felt and tasted that the Lord is gracious; that he is
the supreme good, the only soul-satisfying happiness; that he is a
complete, sufficient, and almighty portion. The language of my heart
was, “Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that
I desire beside thee.” O, I feel that it is heaven to please him, and to
be just what he would have me to be! O that my soul were “holy, as he is
holy!” O that it were “pure, even as Christ is pure;” and “perfect, as
my Father in heaven is perfect!” These I feel are the sweetest commands
in God’s book, comprising all others. And shall I break them! must I
break them! am I under the necessity of it as long as I live in the
world! O my soul, wo, wo is me, that I am a sinner, who continually
grieve and offend this blessed God, infinite in goodness and grace! O
methinks if he would punish me for my sins, it would not wound my heart
so deep to offend him; but though I sin continually, yet he continually
repeats his kindness to me! O methinks I could bear any sufferings; but
how can I bear to grieve and dishonor this blessed God! How shall I
yield ten thousand times more honor to him? What shall I do to glorify
and worship this best of beings? O that I could consecrate myself, soul
and body, to his service for ever! O that I could give up myself to him,
so as never more to attempt to be my own, or to have any will or
affections that are not perfectly conformed to him! But, alas! I find I
cannot be thus entirely devoted to God; I cannot live, and not sin. O ye
angels, do ye glorify him incessantly; and if possible, prostrate
yourselves lower before the blessed King of heaven! I long to bear a
part with you; and, if it were possible, to help you. O when we have
done all that we can, to all eternity, we shall not be able to offer the
ten thousandth part of the homage which the glorious God deserves!

_March 3._ “In the morning, spent (I believe) an hour in prayer, with
great intenseness and freedom, and with the most soft and tender
affection toward all mankind. I longed that those who, I have reason to
think, owe me ill will, might be eternally happy. It seemed refreshing
to think of meeting them in heaven, how much soever they had injured me
on earth: had no disposition to insist upon any confession from them, in
order to reconciliation, and the exercise of love and kindness to them.
O it is an emblem of heaven itself, to love all the world with a love of
kindness, forgiveness, and benevolence; to feel our souls sedate, mild,
and meek; to be void of all evil surmisings and suspicions, and scarce
able to think evil of any man upon any occasion; to find our hearts
simple, open, and free, to those that look upon us with a different
eye!—Prayer was so sweet an exercise to me, that I knew not how to
cease, lest I should lose the spirit of prayer. Felt no disposition to
eat or drink, for the sake of the pleasure of it, but only to support my
nature, and fit me for divine service. Could not be content without a
very particular mention of a great number of dear friends at the throne
of grace; as also the particular circumstances of many, as far as they
were known.

_March 10._ “In the morning, felt exceeding dead to the world, and all
its enjoyments. I thought I was ready and willing to give up life and
all its comforts, as soon as called to it; and yet then had as much
comfort of life as almost ever I had. I longed to be perpetually and
entirely _crucified_ to all things here below, by the _cross of Christ_.
My soul was sweetly resigned to God’s disposal of me, in every regard;
and I saw that nothing had happened but what was best for me. I confided
in God, that he would never leave me, though I should “walk through the
valley of the shadow of death.” It was then my meat and drink to be
holy, to live to the Lord, and die to the Lord. And I thought that I
then enjoyed such a heaven as far exceeded the most sublime conceptions
of an unregenerate soul; and even unspeakably beyond what I myself could
conceive of at another time. I did not wonder that Peter said, “Lord, it
is good to be here,” when thus refreshed with divine glories. My soul
was full of love and tenderness in the duty of intercession; especially
felt a most sweet affection to some precious godly ministers, of my
acquaintance. Prayed earnestly for dear Christians, and for those I have
reason to fear are my enemies; and could not have spoken a word of
bitterness, or entertained a bitter thought, against the vilest man
living. Had a sense of my own great unworthiness. My soul seemed to
breathe forth love and praise to God afresh, when I thought he would let
his children love and receive me as one of their brethren and fellow
citizens. When I thought of their treating me in that manner, I longed
to lie at their feet; and could think of no way to express the sincerity
and simplicity of my love and esteem of them, as being much better than
myself.

_Lord’s day, March 11._ “My soul was in some measure _strengthened in
God_, in morning devotion; so that I was released from trembling fear
and distress. Preached to my people from the parable of the _sower_,
Matt. 13, and enjoyed some assistance both parts of the day, had some
freedom, affection, and fervency in addressing my poor people; longed
that God should take hold of their hearts, and make them spiritually
alive. And indeed I had so much to say to them, that I knew not how to
leave off speaking.”

This was the last Sabbath in which he ever performed public service at
Kaunaumeek, and these the last sermons which he ever preached to the
Indians there. The methods he adopted for their salvation, he thus
describes in a letter to Rev. Mr. Pemberton of New-York.

“In my labors with them, in order to “turn them from darkness to light,”
I studied what was most _plain_ and _easy_, and best suited to their
capacities; and endeavored to set before them from time to time, as they
were able to receive them, the most _important_ and _necessary_ truths
of Christianity; such as most immediately concerned their speedy
conversion to God, and such as I judged had the greatest tendency, as
means, to effect that glorious change in them. But especially I made it
the scope and drift of all my labors, to lead them into a thorough
acquaintance with these two things: (1.) The _sinfulness_ and _misery_
of the estate they were naturally in; the evil of their hearts, the
pollution of their natures; the heavy guilt they were under, and their
exposedness to everlasting punishment; as also their utter inability to
save themselves, either from their sins, or from those miseries which
are the just punishment of them; and their unworthiness of any mercy at
the hand of God, on account of any thing they themselves could do to
procure his favor, and consequently their extreme need of Christ to save
them. And, (2.) I frequently endeavored to open to them the _fullness_,
_all-sufficiency_, and _freeness_ of that _redemption_ which the Son of
God has wrought out by his obedience and sufferings, for perishing
sinners: how this provision he had made was suited to all their wants;
and how he called and invited them to accept of everlasting life freely,
notwithstanding all their sinfulness.

“After I had been with the Indians several months, I composed sundry
_forms of prayer_, adapted to their circumstances and capacities; which,
with the help of my interpreter, I translated into the Indian language;
and soon learned to pronounce their words, so as to pray with them in
their own tongue. I also translated sundry _psalms_ into their language,
and soon after we were able to sing in the worship of God.

“When my people had gained some acquaintance with many of the simplest
truths of Christianity, so that they were capable of receiving and
understanding others, I gave them an _historical_ account of God’s
dealings with his ancient professing people, the Jews; some of the rites
and ceremonies they were obliged to observe, as their sacrifices, &c.;
and what these were designed to represent to them; as also some of the
surprising _miracles_ God wrought for their salvation, while they
trusted in him; and sore _punishments_ he sometimes brought upon them,
when they forsook and sinned against him. Afterward I proceeded to give
them a relation of the birth, life, miracles, sufferings, death, and
resurrection of Christ; as well as his ascension, and the wonderful
effusion of the Holy Spirit consequent thereupon.

“And having thus endeavored to prepare the way by such a general account
of things, I next proceeded to read and _expound_ to them the Gospel of
St. Matthew (at least the substance of it) in course, wherein they had a
more distinct and particular view of what they had had before some
general notion. These expositions I attended almost every _evening_,
when there was any considerable number of them at home; except when I
was obliged to be absent myself, in order to learn the Indian language
with the Rev. Mr. Sergeant. Besides these means of instruction, there
was likewise an English _school_ constantly kept by my interpreter among
the Indians; which I used frequently to visit, in order to give the
children and young people some proper instructions, and serious
exhortations suited to their age.

“The degree of knowledge to which some of them attained was
considerable. Many of the truths of Christianity seemed fixed in their
minds, especially in some instances, so that they would speak to me of
them, and ask such questions about them as were necessary to render them
more plain and clear to their understandings. The children, also, and
young people, who attended the school, made considerable proficiency (at
least some of them) in their learning; so that had they understood the
English language well, they would have been able to read somewhat
readily in a psalter.

“But that which was most of all desirable, and gave me the greatest
encouragement amidst many difficulties and disconsolate hours, was, that
the truths of God’s word seemed, at times, to be attended with some
_power_ upon the hearts and consciences of the Indians. And especially
this appeared evident in a few individuals, who were awakened to some
sense of their miserable estate by nature, and appeared solicitous for
deliverance from it. Several of them came, of their own accord to
discourse with me about their soul’s concerns; and some, with tears,
inquired what they should do to be saved?”

The Indians at Kaunaumeek being but few in number and Brainerd having
been laboring among them about a year, and having prevailed upon them to
be willing to leave Kaunaumeek, and remove to Stockbridge, to live
constantly under Mr. Sergeant’s ministry; he thought he might now do
more service for Christ among the Indians elsewhere: and therefore went
to New-Jersey, and laid the matter before the Commissioners; who met at
Elizabeth-Town, on the occasion, and determined that he should forthwith
leave Kaunaumeek, and go to the Delaware Indians.

By the invitations which Brainerd had lately received, it appears, that
it was not from necessity, or for want of opportunities to settle in the
ministry, that he determined to forsake all the outward comforts, he
might thus have enjoyed, to spend his life among _savages_, and endure
the difficulties and self-denials of an Indian _mission_. He had, just
as he was leaving Kaunaumeek, had an earnest invitation to a settlement
at East-Hampton, one of the pleasantest towns on Long-Island. The people
there were unanimous in their desires to have him for their pastor, and
for a long time continued in earnest pursuit of him, and were hardly
brought to relinquish their endeavors, and give up their hopes of
obtaining him. Besides this, he had an invitation to preach with
reference to a settlement in Millington, near his native town, and in
the midst of his friends. Nor did Brainerd choose the business of a
missionary to the Indians, rather than accept of those invitations,
because he was unacquainted with the difficulties and sufferings which
attended such a service; for he had had experience of these difficulties
in summer and winter; having spent about a year in a lonely desert among
these savages, where he had gone through extreme hardships, and been the
subject of a train of outward and inward sorrows, which were now fresh
in his mind.

After this he continued two or three days in New-Jersey, very ill; and
then returned to New-York; and from thence into New-England; and went to
his native town of Haddam, where he arrived on Saturday, April 14. And
he continues still his bitter complaints of want of retirement. While he
was in New-York, he says thus, “O it is not the pleasures of the world
which can comfort me! If _God_ deny his presence, what are the pleasures
of the _city_ to me? One hour of sweet retirement where _God is_, is
better than the whole world.”

_April 17._—“In the evening, at my brother’s, singing hymns with
friends, my soul seemed to melt; and in prayer afterward, enjoyed the
exercise of _faith_, and was enabled to be fervent in spirit: found more
of God’s presence than I have done any time in my late wearisome
journey. Eternity appeared very near; my nature was very weak, and
seemed ready to be dissolved; the sun declining, and the shadows of the
evening drawing on apace. O I longed to fill up the remaining moments
all for God! Though my body was so feeble, and wearied with preaching
and much private conversation, yet I wanted to sit up all night to do
something for God. To God, the giver of these refreshments, be glory for
ever and ever. Amen.

_April 18._—“Was very weak, and enjoyed but little spiritual comfort.
Was exercised with one who cavilled against original sin. May the Lord
open his eyes to see the fountain of sin in himself!”

After this he visited several ministers in Connecticut; and then
travelled towards Kaunaumeek, and came to Mr. Sergeant’s, at
Stockbridge, Thursday, April 26, having performed the journey in a very
weak state of body.

_April 27_ and _28_.—“Spent some time in visiting friends, and
discoursing with my people, (who were now moved down from their own
place to Mr. Sergeant’s) and found them very glad to see me returned.
Was exercised in my mind with a sense of my own unworthiness.

_Lord’s day, April 29._—“Preached for Mr. Sergeant both parts of the
day, from Rev. 14:4. Enjoyed some freedom in preaching, though not much
spirituality. In the evening, my heart was in some measure lifted up in
thankfulness to God for any assistance.

_April 30._—“Rode to Kaunaumeek, but was extremely ill; did not enjoy
the comfort I hoped for in my own house.

_May 1._—“Having received new orders to go to a number of Indians on
Delaware river, in Pennsylvania, and my people here being mostly removed
to Mr. Sergeant’s, I this day took all my clothes, books, &c. and
disposed of them, and set out for Delaware river; but made it my way to
return to Mr. Sergeant’s, which I did this day, just at night. Rode
several hours in the rain through the howling wilderness, although I was
so disordered in body, that little or nothing but blood came from me.

_May 8._—“Travelled about forty-five miles to a place called _Fishkill_;
and lodged there. Spent much of my time, while riding, in prayer that
God would go with me to the Delaware. My heart sometimes was ready to
sink with the thoughts of my work, and going alone in the wilderness, I
knew not where; but still it was comfortable to think that others of
God’s children had ‘wandered about in dens and caves of the earth;’ and
Abraham, when he was called to go forth, ‘went out not knowing whither
he went.’ O that I might follow after God!”

The next day he went forward on his journey; crossed the Hudson, and
went to Goshen in the Highlands; and so traveled across the woods, from
the Hudson to the Delaware, about a hundred miles, through a desolate
and hideous country, above New-Jersey, where were very few settlements;
in which journey he suffered much fatigue and hardship. He visited some
Indians in the way, at a place called _Miunissinks_, and discoursed with
them concerning Christianity. Was considerably melancholy and
disconsolate, being alone in a strange wilderness. On Saturday, May 12,
he came to a settlement of Irish and Dutch people, and proceeding about
twelve miles further arrived at _Sakhauwotung_, an Indian settlement
within the Forks of the Delaware.

_Lord’s day, May 13._—“Rose early; felt very poorly after my long
journey, and after being wet and fatigued. Was very melancholy; have
scarcely ever seen such a gloomy morning in my life; there appeared to
be no _Sabbath_; the children were all at play; I, a stranger in the
wilderness, and knew not where to go; and all circumstances seemed to
conspire to render my affairs dark and discouraging. Was disappointed
respecting an _Interpreter_, and heard that the Indians were much
scattered. O, I mourned after the presence of God, and seemed like a
creature banished from his sight! yet he was pleased to support my
sinking soul amidst all my sorrows; so that I never entertained any
thought of quitting my business among the poor Indians; but was
comforted to think that death would ere long set me free from these
distresses. Rode about three or four miles to the Irish people, where I
found some that appeared sober and concerned about religion. My heart
then began to be a little encouraged: went and preached first to the
Irish and then to the Indians; and in the evening was a little
comforted: my soul seemed to rest on God, and take courage.

_Lord’s day, May 20._—“Preached twice to the poor Indians; and enjoyed
some freedom in speaking, while I attempted to remove their prejudices
against Christianity. My soul longed continually for assistance from
above; for I saw I had no strength sufficient for that work. Afterward
preached to the Irish people; was much assisted in the first prayer, and
somewhat in the sermon. Several persons seemed much concerned for their
souls, with whom I discoursed afterward with much freedom and some
power. Blessed be God for any assistance afforded to an unworthy worm. O
that I could live to him!

_Lord’s day, May 27._—“Visited my Indians in the morning, and attended
upon a funeral among them; was affected to see their heathenish
practices. O that they might be ‘turned from darkness to light!’
Afterward got a considerable number of them together, and preached to
them; and observed them very attentive. After this preached to the white
people from Heb. 2:3. ‘How shall we escape if we neglect so great
salvation?’ Was enabled to speak with some freedom and power: several
people seemed much concerned for their souls; especially one who had
been educated a Roman Catholic. Blessed be the Lord for any help.

_May 28._—“Set out from the Indians above the Forks of the Delaware, on
a journey toward Newark, in New-Jersey, according to my orders. Rode
through the wilderness; was much fatigued with the heat; lodged at a
place called Black River; was exceedingly tired and worn out.

_Lord’s day, June 10._—“[At Newark.] In the morning was much concerned
how I should perform the work of the day: and trembled at the thoughts
of being left to myself. Enjoyed very considerable assistance in all
parts of the public service. Had an opportunity again to attend on the
ordinance of the Lord’s Supper, and through divine goodness was
refreshed in it: my soul was full of love and tenderness toward the
children of God, and toward all men. At night I enjoyed more
spirituality and sweet desire of holiness, than I have felt for some
time: was afraid of every thought and every motion, lest thereby my
heart should be drawn away from God. O that I might never leave the
blessed God! ‘Lord, in thy presence is fulness of joy.’ O the
blessedness of living to God!

_June 11._—“This day the Presbytery met at Newark, in order to my
_ordination_. Was very weak and disordered in body; yet endeavored to
repose my confidence in God. Spent most of the day alone; especially the
forenoon. At three in the afternoon preached my probation sermon from
Acts, 26:17, 18, being a text given me for that purpose. Felt not well
either in body or mind: however, God carried me through comfortably.
Afterward passed an examination before the Presbytery. Was much tired,
and my mind burdened with the greatness of that charge I was in the most
solemn manner about to take upon me: my mind was so pressed with the
weight of the work incumbent upon me, that I could not sleep this night,
though very weary and in great need of rest.

_June 12._—“Was this morning further examined respecting my
_experimental acquaintance with Christianity_. At 10 o’clock my
_ordination_ was attended; the sermon preached by the Rev. Mr.
Pemberton. At this time I was affected with a sense of the important
trust committed to me; yet was composed and solemn without distraction;
and I hope that then, as many times before, I gave myself up to God, to
be for _him_, and not for _another_. O that I might always be engaged in
the service of God, and duly remember the solemn charge I have received
in the presence of God, angels, and men. Amen.”



                              CHAPTER VI.

_Labors for the Indians at and near the Forks of Delaware—idolatrous
    feast and dance—journey through the wilderness to Opeholhaupung or
    the Susquehanna—erects a cottage at Forks of the Delaware—some
    evidences of a work of the Spirit among the Indians—journey to
    New-England to obtain money to support a colleague—visit to the
    Indians on the Susquehanna—journey to Crossweeksung in New-Jersey._


                     June 13, 1744.—June 18, 1745.

_June 13, 1744._ [At Elizabeth Town.]—“Spent considerable time in
writing an account of the Indian affairs, to be sent to Scotland; some,
in conversation with friends; but had not much spiritual enjoyment.”

On _Tuesday, June 19_, he set out on his journey, and in three days
reached his residence near the Forks of Delaware. Performed the journey
under much weakness of body, but had comfort in his soul, from day to
day.

_Lord’s day, June 24._—“Extremely feeble; scarcely able to walk: however
visited my Indians, and took much pains to instruct them; labored with
some that were much disaffected toward Christianity. My mind was much
burdened with the weight and difficulty of my work. My whole dependence
and hope of success seemed to be on God; who alone I saw could make them
willing to receive instruction. My heart was much engaged in prayer,
sending up silent requests to God, even while I was speaking to them. O
that I could always go in the strength of the Lord!

_June 25._—“Was somewhat better in health than of late; and was able to
spend a considerable part of the day in prayer and close study. Had more
freedom and fervency in prayer than usual of late; especially longed for
the presence of God in my work, and that the poor Heathen might be
converted. And in evening prayer my faith and hope in God were much
raised. _To an eye of reason every thing that respects the conversion of
the Heathen is as dark as midnight_; and yet I cannot but hope in God
for the accomplishment of something glorious among them. My soul longed
much for the advancement of the Redeemer’s kingdom on earth. Was very
fearful lest I should admit some vain thought, and so lose the sense I
then had of divine things. O for an abiding heavenly temper!

_June 26._—“In the morning, my desires seemed to rise, and ascend up
freely to God. Was busy most of the day in _translating prayers_ into
the language of the Delaware Indians; met with great difficulty, because
my interpreter was altogether unacquainted with the business. But though
I was much discouraged with the extreme difficulty of that work, yet God
supported me; and especially in the evening, gave me sweet refreshment.
In prayer my soul was enlarged, and my faith drawn into sensible
exercise; was enabled to cry to God for my poor Indians; and though the
work of their conversion appeared _impossible with man_, yet _with God_
I saw _all things were possible_. My faith was much strengthened, by
observing the wonderful assistance God afforded his servants Nehemiah
and Ezra, in reforming his people and re-establishing his ancient
church. I was much assisted in prayer for my dear Christian friends, and
for others whom I apprehended to be Christless; but was more especially
concerned for the poor heathen, and those of my own charge; was enabled
to be instant in prayer for them; and hoped that God would bow the
heavens and come down for their salvation. It seemed to me that there
could be no impediment sufficient to obstruct that glorious work, seeing
the living God, as I strongly hoped, was engaged for it. I continued in
a solemn frame, lifting up my heart to God for assistance and grace,
that I might be more mortified to this present world, that my whole soul
might be taken up continually in concern for the advancement of Christ’s
kingdom. Earnestly desired that God would purge me more, that I might be
as a chosen vessel to bear his name among the Heathen.

_June 28._—“Spent the morning in reading several parts of the holy
scripture, and in fervent prayer for my Indians, that God would set up
his kingdom among them, and bring them into his church. About nine I
withdrew to my usual place of retirement in the woods, and there again
enjoyed some assistance in prayer. My great concern was for the
conversion of the heathen to God; and the Lord helped me to plead with
him for it. Toward noon rode up to the Indians in order to preach to
them; and while going my heart went up to God in prayer for them; could
freely tell God he knew that the cause in which I was engaged was not
mine; but that it was his own cause, and that it would be for his own
glory to convert the poor Indians: and blessed be God I felt no desire
of their conversion that I might receive honor from the world as being
the instrument of it. Had some freedom in speaking to the Indians.

_June 30._—“My soul was very solemn in reading God’s word, especially
the ninth chapter of Daniel. I saw how God had called out his servants
to prayer, and made them wrestle with him, when he designed to bestow
any great mercy on his church. And, alas! I was ashamed of myself to
think of my dullness and inactivity when there seemed to be so much to
do for the upbuilding of Zion. O how does Zion lie waste! I longed that
the church of God might be enlarged; was enabled to pray, I think, in
faith; my soul seemed sensibly to confide in God, and was enabled to
wrestle with him. Afterward walked abroad to a place of sweet
retirement; enjoyed some assistance in prayer, had a sense of my great
need of divine help, and felt my soul sensibly depend on God. Blessed be
God, this has been a comfortable week to me.

_Lord’s day, July 1._—“After I came to them my mind was confused, and I
felt nothing sensibly of that sweet reliance on God with which my soul
has been comforted in days past. Spent the forenoon in this posture of
mind, and preached to the Indians without any heart. In the afternoon I
felt still barren when I began to preach, and for about half an hour: I
seemed to myself to know nothing, and to have nothing to say to the
Indians; but soon after I found in myself a spirit of love, and warmth,
and power, to address the poor Indians, and God helped me to plead with
them, to ‘turn from all the vanities of the heathen to the living God;’
I am persuaded that the Lord touched their consciences; for I never saw
such attention raised in them. When I came away from them, I spent the
whole time I was riding to my lodgings, three miles distant, in prayer
and praise to God. After I had rode more than two miles it came into my
mind to dedicate myself to God again, which I did with great solemnity
and unspeakable satisfaction; especially gave up myself to him renewedly
in the work of the ministry. This I did by divine grace, I hope, without
any exception or reserve; not in the least shrinking back from any
difficulties that might attend this great and blessed work. I seemed to
be most free, cheerful, and full in this dedication of myself. My whole
soul cried, ‘Lord, to thee I dedicate myself! O accept of me, and let me
be thine for ever. Lord, I desire nothing else; I desire nothing more. O
come, come, Lord, accept a poor worm. My heart rejoiced in my particular
work as a _missionary_; rejoiced in my necessity of self-denial in many
respects, and I still continued to give up myself to God, and to implore
mercy of him, praying incessantly every moment with sweet fervency. My
nature being very weak of late, and much spent, was now considerably
overcome: my fingers grew very feeble, and somewhat numb, so that I
could scarcely stretch them out straight, and when I lighted from my
horse could hardly walk; my joints seemed all to be loosed. But I felt
abundant _strength in the inner man_. Preached to the white people; God
helped me much, especially in prayer. Sundry of my poor Indians were so
moved as to come to meeting also, and one appeared much concerned.

_July 3._—“Was still very weak. This morning was enabled to pray under a
feeling sense of my need of help from God, and I trust had some faith in
exercise; and, blessed be God, was enabled to plead with him a
considerable time. Truly God is good to me. But my soul mourned, and was
grieved at my sinfulness and barrenness, and longed to be more engaged
for God. Near nine, withdrew again for prayer, and through divine
goodness had the blessed spirit of prayer; my soul loved the duty, and
longed for God in it. O it is sweet to be _the Lord’s_, to be sensibly
devoted to him! What a blessed portion is God! How glorious, how lovely
in himself! O my soul longed to improve time wholly for God! Spent most
of the day in translating prayers into Indian. In the evening was
enabled again to wrestle with God in prayer with fervency. Was enabled
to maintain a self-diffident and watchful frame of spirit, and was
jealous, and afraid lest I should admit carelessness and
self-confidence.

_July 6._—“Awoke this morning in the fear of God, and spent my first
waking minutes in prayer for sanctification, that my soul may be washed
from its exceeding pollution and defilement. After I arose I spent some
time in reading God’s word, and in prayer. I cried to God under a sense
of my great indigence. I am of late most of all concerned for
ministerial qualifications, and the conversion of the heathen. Last year
I longed to be prepared for a world of glory, and speedily to depart out
of this world; but of late all my concern almost is for the conversion
of the heathen, and for that end I long to live. But blessed be God I
have less desire to live for any of the pleasures of the world than I
ever had. I long and love to be a pilgrim, and want grace to imitate the
life, labors and sufferings of St. Paul among the heathen. And when I
long for holiness now, it is not so much for myself as formerly, but
rather thereby I may become an ‘able minister of the New Testament,’
especially to the heathen.

_July 7._—“Was very much disordered this morning, and my vigor all spent
and exhausted; but was affected and refreshed in reading the sweet story
of Elijah’s translation, and enjoyed some affection and fervency in
prayer; longed much for ministerial gifts and graces, that I might do
something in the cause of God. Afterward was refreshed and invigorated
while reading ALLEINE’S first _Case of Conscience_, &c.—was enabled then
to pray with some ardor of soul—was afraid of carelessness and
self-confidence, and longed for holiness.

_Lord’s day, July 8._—“Was ill last night—not able to rest quietly. Had
some small degree of assistance in preaching to the Indians, and
afterward was enabled to preach to the white people with some power,
especially in the close of my discourse, from Jer. 3:23. ‘Truly in vain
is salvation hoped for from the hills,’ &c. The Lord also assisted me in
some measure in the first prayer; blessed be his name. Near night,
though very weary, was enabled to read God’s word with some sweet relish
of it, and to pray with affection, fervency, and I trust with faith; my
soul was more sensibly dependant on God than usual. Was watchful,
tender, and jealous of my own heart, lest I should admit carelessness
and vain thoughts, and grieve the blessed Spirit, so that he should
withdraw his sweet, kind, and tender influences. Longed to ‘depart, and
be with Christ,’ more than at any time of late. My soul was exceedingly
united to the saints of ancient times, as well as those now living;
especially my soul melted for the society of Elijah and Elisha. Was
enabled to cry to God with a child-like spirit, and to continue instant
in prayer for some time. Was much enlarged in the sweet duty of
intercession; was enabled to remember great numbers of dear friends, and
precious souls, as well as Christ’s ministers. Continued in this frame,
afraid of every idle thought, till I dropped asleep.

_July 21._—“This morning I was greatly oppressed with guilt and shame
from a sense of inward vileness and pollution. About nine withdrew to
the woods for prayer, but had not much comfort; I appeared to myself the
vilest, meanest creature upon earth, and could scarcely live with
myself; so mean and vile I appeared, that I thought I should never be
able to hold up my face in heaven, if God, of his infinite grace, should
bring me thither. Toward night my burden respecting my work among the
Indians began to increase much, and was aggravated by hearing sundry
things which looked very discouraging, in particular that they intended
to meet together the next day for an idolatrous feast and dance. Then I
began to be in anguish; I thought that I must in conscience go and
endeavor to break them up, yet knew not how to attempt such a thing.
However, I withdrew for prayer, hoping for strength from above. In
prayer I was exceedingly enlarged, and my soul was as much drawn out as
I ever remember it to have been in my life. I was in such anguish, and
pleaded with such earnestness and importunity, that when I rose from my
knees I felt extremely weak and overcome; I could scarcely walk
straight; my joints were loosed; the sweat ran down my face and body,
and nature seemed as if it would dissolve. So far as I could judge, I
was wholly free from selfish ends in my fervent supplications for the
poor Indians. I knew that they were met together to worship devils, and
not God; and this made me cry earnestly that God would now appear and
help me in my attempts to break up this idolatrous meeting. My soul
pleaded long, and I thought that God would hear, and would go with me to
vindicate his own cause: I seemed to confide in God for his presence and
assistance. And thus I spent the evening, praying incessantly for divine
assistance, and that I might not be self-dependent, but still have my
whole dependance upon God. What I passed through was remarkable, and
indeed inexpressible. All things here below vanished, and there appeared
to be nothing of any considerable importance to me, but holiness of
heart and life, and the conversion of the heathen to God. All my cares,
fears and desires, which might be said to be of a worldly nature,
disappeared, and were, in my esteem, of little more importance than a
puff of wind. I exceedingly longed that God would get to himself a name
among the heathen; and I appealed to him with the greatest freedom, that
he knew I ‘preferred him above my chief joy.’ Indeed, I had no notion of
joy from this world; I cared not where or how I lived, or what hardships
I went through, so that I could but gain souls to Christ. I continued in
this frame all the evening and night. While I was asleep I dreamed of
these things; and when I waked, (as I frequently did,) the first thing I
thought of was this great work of pleading for God against Satan.

_Lord’s day, July 22._—“When I waked my soul was burdened with what
seemed to be before me. I cried to God, before I could get out of my
bed; and as soon as I was dressed I withdrew into the woods, to pour out
my burdened soul to God, especially for assistance in my great work; for
I could scarcely think of any thing else. I enjoyed the same freedom and
fervency as the last evening; and did with unspeakable freedom give up
myself afresh to God, for life or death, for all hardships to which he
should call me, among the heathen; and felt as if nothing could
discourage me from this blessed work. I had a strong hope that God would
‘bow the heavens and come down,’ and do some marvellous work among the
heathen. While I was riding to the Indians, three miles, my heart was
continually going up to God for his presence and assistance; and hoping,
and almost expecting, that God would make this the day of his power and
grace amongst the poor Indians. When I came to them, I found them
engaged in their frolic; but through divine goodness I persuaded them to
desist and attend to my preaching: yet still there appeared nothing of
the special power of God among them. Preached again to them in the
afternoon, and observed the Indians were more sober than before; but
still saw nothing special among them. Hence satan took occasion to tempt
and buffet me with these cursed suggestions, There is no God, or if
there be, he is not able to convert the Indians, before they have more
knowledge, &c. I was very weak and weary, and my soul borne down with
perplexity; but was mortified to all the world, and was determined still
to wait upon God for the conversion of the heathen, though the devil
tempted me to the contrary.

_July 24._—“Rode about seventeen miles westward, over a hideous
mountain, to a number of Indians. Got together near thirty of them:
preached to them in the evening, and lodged among them. Was weak, and
felt in some degree disconsolate; yet could have no freedom in the
thought of any other circumstances or business in life. All my desire
was the conversion of the heathen; and all my hope was in God. God does
not suffer me to please or comfort myself with hopes of seeing friends,
returning to my dear acquaintance, and enjoying worldly comforts.

_Lord’s day, August 5._—“Though very weak, I visited and preached to the
poor Indians twice, and was strengthened vastly beyond my expectations.
Indeed the Lord gave me some freedom and fervency in addressing them;
though I had not strength enough to stand, but was obliged to sit down
the whole time. Toward night was extremely weak, faint, sick, and full
of pain. I seem to myself like a man that has all his estate embarked in
one small boat, unhappily going adrift down a swift torrent. The poor
owner stands on the shore, and looks, and laments his loss. But, alas!
though my all seems to be adrift, and I stand and see it, I dare not
lament; for this sinks my spirits more, and aggravates my bodily
disorders! I am forced, therefore, to divert myself with trifles;
although at the same time I am afraid, and often feel as if I was guilty
of the misimprovement of time. And oftentimes my conscience is so
exercised with this miserable way of spending time, that I have no
peace; though I have no strength of mind or body to improve it to better
purpose. O that God would pity my distressed state!”

The next three weeks his illness was less severe; and he was in some
degree capable of business, both public and private, though he had some
turns wherein his indisposition prevailed to a great degree. He had
generally also much more inward assistance and strength of mind. He
often expresses great longings for the enlargement of Christ’s kingdom,
especially by the conversion of the heathen to God; and speaks of this
hope as all his delight and joy. He continues still to express his usual
desires after holiness, living to God, and a sense of his own
unworthiness. He several times speaks of his appearing to himself the
_vilest creature on earth_; and once says, that he verily thought there
were none of God’s children who fell so far short of that holiness, and
perfection in their obedience, which God requires, as he. He speaks of
his feeling more dead than ever to the enjoyments of the world. He
sometimes mentions the special assistance which he had at this time, in
preaching to the Indians, and the appearances of religious concern among
them. He speaks also of assistance in prayer for absent friends, and
especially ministers and candidates for the ministry; and of much
comfort which he enjoyed in the company of some ministers who came to
visit him.

_Sept. 1._—“Was so far strengthened, after a season of great weakness,
that I was able to spend two or three hours in writing on a divine
subject. Enjoyed some comfort and sweetness in things divine and sacred;
and as my bodily strength was in some measure restored, so my soul
seemed to be somewhat vigorous, and engaged in the things of God.

_Lord’s day, Sept. 2._—“Was enabled to speak to my poor Indians with
much concern and fervency; and I am persuaded that God enabled me to
exercise faith in him, while I was speaking to them. I perceived that
some of them were afraid to hearken to and embrace _Christianity_, lest
they should be enchanted and poisoned by some of the _powaws_: but I was
enabled to plead with them not to fear these; and, confiding in God for
safety and deliverance, I bid a challenge to all these _powers of
darkness_, to do their worst on _me_ first. I told my people that I was
a Christian, and asked them why the powaws did not bewitch and poison
me. I scarcely ever felt more sensible of my own unworthiness, than in
this action. I saw that the honor of God was concerned; and desired to
be preserved—not from selfish views—but for a testimony of the divine
power and goodness, and of the truth of Christianity, and that God might
be glorified. Afterward, I found my soul rejoice in God for his
assisting grace.”

After this, he went a journey into New-England, and was absent from the
place of his abode, at the Forks of Delaware, about three weeks. He was
in a feeble state the greater part of the time. But in the latter of the
journey he found that he gained much in health and strength.

_Sept. 26._—“Rode home to the Forks of Delaware. What reason have I to
bless God, who has preserved me in riding more than four hundred and
twenty miles, and has ‘kept all my bones, that not one of them has been
broken!’ My health likewise is greatly recovered. O that I could
dedicate my all to God! This is all the return I can make to him.”

When he began to preach here, he had not more than from twenty to
twenty-five hearers; their numbers at length increased to forty, or
more; and often most belonging to those parts came together to hear him
preach. In a letter to Rev. Mr. Pemberton, he says “The _effects_ which
the truths of God’s word have had upon some of the Indians in this
place, are somewhat encouraging. A number of them are brought to
renounce _idolatry_, and to decline partaking of those feasts which they
used to offer in sacrifice to certain supposed unknown powers. And some
few among them have, for a considerable time, manifested a serious
concern for their soul’s eternal welfare, and still continue to ‘inquire
the way to Zion,’ with such diligence, affection, and becoming
solicitude, as gives me reason to hope that ‘God who, I trust, has begun
this work in them,’ will carry it on, until it shall issue in their
saving conversion to himself. These not only detest their old idolatrous
notions, but strive also to bring their friends off from them. And as
they are seeking salvation for their own souls, so they seem desirous,
and some of them take pains, that others might be excited to do the
same.

“There are also many _difficulties_, that attend the christianizing of
these poor pagans.

“In the first place, their minds are filled with _prejudices_ against
Christianity, on account of the _vicious_ lives and _unchristian_
behavior of some that are called Christians. These not only set before
them the worst examples, but some of them take pains, expressly in
words, to dissuade them from becoming Christians, foreseeing that if
these should be converted to God, ‘the hope of their unlawful gain’
would thereby be lost.

“Again: these poor heathens are extremely attached to the _customs,
traditions, and fabulous notions of their fathers_. And this one seems
to be the foundation of all their other notions, viz. that ‘it was not
the same God made them, who made the white people,’ but another, who
commanded them to live by hunting, &c., and not to conform to the
customs of the white people. Hence, when they are desired to become
Christians, they frequently reply, that ‘they will live as their fathers
lived, and go to their fathers when they die.’ And if the miracles of
Christ and his apostles be mentioned to prove the truth of Christianity,
they also mention sundry miracles which their fathers have told them
were anciently wrought among the Indians, and which satan makes them
believe were so. They are much attached to idolatry, frequently making
feasts, which they eat in honor to some _unknown_ beings, who, they
suppose, speak to them in _dreams_; promising them success in hunting,
and other affairs, in case they will sacrifice to them. They oftentimes
also offer their sacrifices to the spirits of the dead, who, they
suppose, stand in need of favors from the living, and yet are in such a
state as that they can well reward all the offices of kindness that are
shown them. And they impute all their calamities to the neglect of these
sacrifices.

“Furthermore, they are much awed by those among themselves who are
called _powaws_, who are supposed to have a power of enchanting, or
poisoning them to death, or at least in a very distressing manner. And
they apprehended it would be their sad fate to be thus enchanted in case
they should become Christians.

“The _manner of their living_ is likewise a great disadvantage to the
design of their being christianized. They are almost continually roving
from place to place, and it is but rare that an opportunity can be had
with some of them for their instruction.”

_Oct. 1._—“Was engaged in making preparations for my intended journey to
the Susquehanna. Withdrew several times to the woods for secret duties,
and endeavored to plead for the divine presence to go with me to the
poor Pagans, to whom I was going to preach the Gospel. Toward night rode
about four miles, and met brother Byram, who was come at my desire to be
my companion in travel to the Indians. I rejoiced to see him, and I
trust God made his conversation profitable to me. I saw him, as I
thought, more dead to the world, its anxious cares and alluring objects,
than I was; and this made me look within myself, and gave me a greater
sense of my guilt, ingratitude, and misery.

_Oct. 2._—“Set out on my journey in company with dear brother Byram and
my interpreter, and two chief Indians from the Forks of Delaware.
Traveled about twenty-five miles, and lodged in one of the last houses
on our road; after which there was nothing but a hideous and howling
_wilderness_.

_Oct. 3._—“We went on our way into the wilderness, and found the most
difficult and dangerous traveling by far, that ever any of us had seen.
We had scarce any thing else but lofty mountains, deep valleys, and
hideous rocks, to make our way through. However, I had some spiritual
enjoyment part of the day, and my mind intensely engaged in meditation
on a divine subject. Near night my horse hung one of her legs in the
rocks and fell down under me, but through divine goodness I was not
hurt. However, she broke her leg; and being in such a hideous place, and
near thirty miles from any house, I saw nothing that could be done to
preserve her life, and so was obliged to kill her, and to prosecute my
journey on foot. This accident made me admire the divine goodness to me
that my bones were not broken, and the multitude of them filled with
strong pain. Just at dark we kindled a fire, cut up a few bushes, and
made a shelter over our heads to save us from the frost, which was very
hard that night, and committing ourselves to God by prayer, we lay down
on the ground and slept quietly.”

The next day they went forward on their journey, and at night took up
their lodgings in the woods in like manner.

_Oct. 5._—“We reached the Susquehanna river at a place called
_Opeholhaupung_, and found there twelve Indian houses. After I had
saluted the king in a friendly manner I told him my business, and that
my desire was to teach them _Christianity_. After some consultation the
Indians gathered, and I preached to them. And when I had done I asked if
they would hear me again. They replied that they would consider of it,
and soon after sent me word that they would immediately attend if I
would preach, which I did with freedom, both times. When I asked them
again, whether they would hear me further, they replied, they would the
next day. I was exceeding sensible of the impossibility of doing any
thing for the poor Heathen without special assistance from above; and my
soul seemed to rest on God, and leave it to him to do as he pleased in
that which I saw was his own cause. Indeed, through divine goodness, I
had felt somewhat of this frame most of the time while I was traveling
thither; and in some measure before I set out.

_Oct. 6._—“Rose early and besought the Lord for help in my great work.
Near noon, preached again to the Indians; and in the afternoon visited
them from house to house, and invited them to come and hear me again the
next day, and put off their hunting design which they were just entering
upon, till Monday ‘This night’ I trust, ‘the Lord stood by me,’ to
encourage and strengthen my soul: I spent more than an hour in secret
retirement; was enabled to ‘pour out my heart before God,’ for the
increase of grace in my soul, for ministerial endowments, for success
among the poor Indians, for God’s ministers and people, for distant dear
friends, &c. Blessed be God!

_Oct. 8._—“Visited the Indians with a design to take my leave of them,
supposing they would this morning go out to hunting early; but beyond my
expectation and hope, they desired to hear me preach again. I gladly
complied with their request, and afterward endeavored to answer their
_objections_ against Christianity.

_Oct. 9._—“We rose about four in the morning, and commending ourselves
to God by prayer, and asking his special protection, set out on our
journey homeward about five, and traveled with great steadiness till
past six at night; and then made us a fire and a shelter of bark, and so
rested. I had some clear and comfortable thoughts on a divine subject,
by the way, toward night. In the night, the wolves howled around us; but
God preserved us.”

The next day they rose early, and at night came to an Irish settlement,
with which Brainerd was acquainted, and lodged there. On the following
day both he and Mr. Byram preached to the people.

_Oct. 12._—“Rode home to my lodgings; where I poured out my soul to God
in secret prayer, and endeavored to bless him for his abundant goodness
to me in my late journey. I scarcely ever enjoyed more health, at least
of later years; and God marvellously and almost miraculously, supported
me under the fatigues of the way, and traveling on foot. Blessed be the
Lord, who continually preserves me.

_Lord’s day, Oct. 14._—“I went to the place of public worship, lifting
up my heart to God for assistance and grace, in my great work; and God
was gracious to me; helping me to plead with him for holiness, and to
use the strongest arguments with him, drawn from the incarnation and
sufferings of Christ, for this very end, that men might be made holy.
Afterward, I was much assisted in preaching. I know not that ever God
helped me to preach in a more close and distinguishing manner for the
trial of men’s state. Through the infinite goodness of God, I felt what
I spoke; and he enabled me to treat on divine truth with uncommon
clearness.

_Oct. 24._—“Near noon, rode to my people; spent some time, and prayed
with them; felt the frame of a _pilgrim_ on earth; longed much to leave
this gloomy mansion; but yet found the exercise of patience and
resignation. And as I returned home from the Indians, spent the whole
time in lifting up my heart to God. In the evening enjoyed a blessed
season alone in prayer; was enabled to cry to God with a child-like
spirit, for the space of near an hour; enjoyed a sweet freedom in
supplicating for myself, for dear friends, ministers, and some who are
preparing for that work, and for the church of God; and longed to be as
lively myself in God’s service as the angels.

_Oct. 26._—“In the morning my soul was melted with a sense of divine
goodness and mercy to such a vile unworthy worm. I delighted to lean
upon God, and place my whole trust in him. My soul was exceedingly
grieved for sin, and prized and longed after holiness; it wounded my
heart deeply, yet sweetly, to think how I had abused a kind God. I
longed to be perfectly holy that I might not grieve a gracious God; who
will continue to love notwithstanding his love is abused! I longed for
holiness more for this end than I did for my own happiness’ sake; and
yet this was my greatest happiness, never more to dishonor, but always
to glorify the blessed God.

_Oct. 31._—“Was sensible of my barrenness and decays in the things of
God: my soul failed when I remembered the fervency which I had enjoyed
at the throne of grace. O, I thought, if I could but be spiritual, warm,
heavenly minded, and affectionately breathing after God, this would be
better than life to me! My soul longed exceedingly for death, to be
loosed from this dullness and barrenness, and made for ever active in
the service of God. I seemed to live for nothing, and to do no good: and
O the burden of such a life! O death, death, my kind friend, hasten and
deliver me from dull mortality, and make me spiritual and vigorous to
eternity!”

_Nov. 5._—He set out on a journey to New-York, and was from home more
than a fortnight. He was exposed to cold and storms, became greatly
fatigued, and when he returned from New-York to New-Jersey was taken
ill, and detained some time.

_Nov. 21._—“Rode from Newark to Rockciticus in the cold, and was almost
overcome with it. Enjoyed some sweetness in conversation with dear Mr.
Jones, while I dined with him. My soul loves the people of God, and
especially the ministers of Jesus Christ who feel the same trials that I
do.

_Nov. 22._—“Came on my way from Rockciticus to the Delaware. Was very
much disordered with a cold and pain in my head. About six at night I
lost my way in the wilderness, and wandered over rocks and mountains,
down hideous steeps, through swamps and most dreadful and dangerous
places; and the night being dark, so that few stars could be seen, I was
greatly exposed. I was much pinched with cold, and distressed with pain
in my head, attended with sickness at my stomach; so that every step I
took was distressing to me. I had little hope, for several hours
together, but that I must lie out in the woods all night in this
distressed case. But about nine o’clock I found a house, through the
abundant goodness of God, and was kindly entertained. Thus I have
frequently been exposed, and sometimes lain out the whole night: but God
has hitherto preserved me; and blessed be his name. Such fatigues and
hardships as these serve to wean me from the earth; and I trust will
make heaven the sweeter. Formerly, when I was thus exposed to cold,
rain, &c. I was ready to please myself with the thoughts of enjoying a
comfortable house, a warm fire, and other outward comforts; but now
these have less place in my heart, (through the grace of God,) and my
eye is more to God for comfort. In this world I expect tribulation; and
it does not now, as formerly, appear strange to me. I do not in such
seasons of difficulty flatter myself that it will be better hereafter;
but rather think _how much worse it might be_; how much greater trials
_others_ of God’s children have endured; and how much greater are yet
_perhaps reserved for me_. Blessed be God, that he makes the thoughts of
my journey’s end, and of my dissolution a great comfort to me under my
sharpest trials; and scarce ever lets these thoughts be attended with
terror or melancholy; but they are attended frequently with great joy.

_Nov. 23._—“Visited a sick man; discoursed and prayed with him. Then
visited another house, where was one dead and laid out; looked on the
corpse, and longed that my time might come to _depart_ and be _with
Christ_. Then went home to my lodgings about one o’clock. Felt poorly;
but was able to read most of the afternoon.”

Within the space of the next twelve days he spent much time in hard
labor, with others, to make for himself a little cottage or hut, to live
in by himself through the winter. Yet he frequently preached to the
Indians, and speaks of special assistance which he had from time to
time, in addressing himself to them; and of his sometimes having
considerable encouragement from the attention which they gave. But on
Tuesday, December 4, he was sunk into great discouragement, to see most
of them going in company to an idolatrous _feast_ and _dance_, after he
had taken abundant pains to dissuade them from these things.

_Dec. 6._—“Having now a happy opportunity of being retired in a house of
my own, which I have lately procured and moved into; considering that it
is now a long time since I have been able, either on account of bodily
weakness or for want of retirement, or some other difficulty, to spend
any time in secret fasting and prayer; considering also the greatness of
my work, the extreme difficulties that attend it, and that my poor
Indians are now _worshipping devils_, notwithstanding all the pains I
have taken with them, which almost overwhelms my spirit; moreover,
considering my extreme barrenness, spiritual deadness and dejection, of
late; as also the power of some particular corruptions; I set apart this
day for secret prayer and fasting, to implore the blessing of God on
myself, on my poor people, on my friends, and on the church of God. At
first I felt a great backwardness to the duties of the day on account of
the seeming impossibility of performing them: but the Lord helped me to
break through this difficulty. God was pleased, by the use of means, to
give me some clear conviction of my sinfulness, and a discovery of _the
plague of my own heart_, more affecting than what I have of late had.
And especially I saw my sinfulness in this, that when God had withdrawn
himself, then, instead of living and dying in pursuit of him, I have
been disposed to one of these two things: either to yield an unbecoming
respect to some _earthly_ objects, as if happiness were to be derived
from them; or to be secretly froward and impatient, and unsuitably
_desirous of death_, so that I have sometimes thought I could not bear
to think that my life must be lengthened out. That which often drove me
to this impatient desire of death, was a despair of doing any good in
life: and I chose death rather than a life spent for nothing. But now
God made me sensible of my sin in these things, and enabled me to cry to
him for forgiveness. Yet this was not all I wanted, for my soul appeared
exceedingly polluted, my heart seemed like a nest of vipers, or a cage
of unclean and hateful birds; and therefore I wanted to be purified ‘by
the blood of sprinkling, that cleanseth from all sin.’ This, I hope, I
was enabled to pray for in faith. I enjoyed much more intenseness,
fervency, and spirituality, than I expected; God was better to me than
my fears. Toward night, I felt my soul rejoice, that God is unchangeably
happy and glorious; and that he will be glorified, whatever becomes of
his creatures. I was enabled to persevere in prayer until sometime in
the evening; at which time I saw so much need of divine help, in every
respect, that I knew not how to leave off, and had forgot that I needed
food. Blessed be the Lord for any help in the past day.

_Dec. 7._—“Spent some time in prayer, in the morning; enjoyed some
freedom and affection in the duty, and had longing desires of being made
‘faithful to the death.’ Spent a little time in writing on a divine
subject; then visited the Indians, and preached to them; but I had no
heart to speak to them, and could not do it, but as I forced myself: I
knew they must hate to hear me, as having but just got home from their
idolatrous feast and devil-worship. In the evening, had some freedom in
prayer and meditation.

_Dec. 12._—“Was very weak; but somewhat assisted in secret prayer, and
enabled with pleasure and sweetness to cry, ‘Come, Lord Jesus! come,
Lord Jesus! come quickly.’ My soul ‘longed for God, for the living God.’
O how delightful it is to pray under such sweet influences! O how much
better is this than one’s necessary food! I had at this time no
disposition to eat, (though late in the morning,) for earthly food
appeared wholly tasteless. O how much ‘better is thy love than wine,’
than the sweetest wine!—I visited and preached to the Indians in the
afternoon; but under much dejection. Found my _Interpreter_ under some
concern for his soul; which was some comfort to me; and yet filled me
with new care. I longed greatly for his conversion; lifted up my heart
to God for it, while I was talking to him; came home, and poured out my
soul to God for him; enjoyed some freedom in prayer, and was enabled, I
think, to leave all with God.

_Dec. 18._—“Went to the Indians, and discoursed to them near an hour,
without any power to come close to their hearts. But at last I felt some
fervency, and God helped me to speak with warmth. My _Interpreter_ also
was amazingly assisted; and presently most of the grown persons were
much affected, and the tears ran down their cheeks. One old man, I
suppose an hundred years old, was so much affected that he wept, and
seemed convinced of the importance of what I taught them. I staid with
them a considerable time, exhorting and directing them; and came away,
lifting up my heart to God in prayer and praise, and encouraged and
exhorted my _Interpreter_ to ‘strive to enter in at the strait gate.’
Came home, and spent most of the evening in prayer and thanksgiving; and
found myself much enlarged and quickened. Was greatly concerned that the
Lord’s work, which seemed to be begun, might be carried on with power,
to the conversion of poor souls, and the glory of divine grace.

_Dec. 19._—“Spent a great part of the day in prayer to God for the
outpouring of his Spirit on my poor people; as also to bless his name
for awakening my _Interpreter_ and some others, and giving us some
tokens of his presence yesterday. And blessed be God, I had much
freedom, five or six times in the day, in prayer and praise, and felt a
weighty concern upon my spirit for the salvation of those precious
souls, and the enlargement of the Redeemer’s kingdom among them. My soul
hoped in God for some success in my ministry: blessed be his name for so
much hope.

_Dec. 21._—“Was enabled again to pray with freedom, cheerfulness, and
hope. God was pleased to make the duty comfortable and pleasant to me;
so that I delighted to persevere, and repeatedly to engage in it. Toward
noon visited my people, and spent the whole time in the way to them in
prayer, longing to see _the power of God_ among them, as there appeared
something of it the last Tuesday; and I found it sweet to rest and hope
in God. Preached to them twice, and at two distinct places: had
considerable freedom each time, and so had my _Interpreter_. Several of
them followed me from one place to the other; and I thought there was
some divine influence discernible among them. In the evening was
assisted in prayer again. Blessed be the Lord.

_Dec. 25._—“Enjoyed very little quiet sleep last night, by reason of
bodily weakness, and the closeness of my studies yesterday; yet my heart
was somewhat lively in prayer and praise. I was delighted with the
divine glory and happiness, and rejoiced that God was God, and that he
was unchangeably possessed of glory and blessedness. Though God _held my
eyes waking_, yet he helped me to improve my time profitably amidst my
pains and weakness, in continued meditations on Luke, 13:7. ‘Behold,
these three years I come seeking fruit.’ &c. My meditations were sweet;
and I wanted to set before sinners their sin and danger.”

He continued in a very low state, as to his bodily health, for some
days, which seems to have been a great hindrance to him in his religious
exercises and pursuits. But yet he expresses some degree of divine
assistance, from day to day, through the remainder of this week. He
preached several times this week to his Indians; and there appeared
still some concern among them for their souls.

_Jan. 9, 1745._—“In the morning God was pleased to remove that gloom
which has of late oppressed my mind, and gave me freedom and sweetness
in prayer; I was encouraged, strengthened, and enabled to plead for
grace myself, and mercy for my poor Indians; and was sweetly assisted in
my intercessions with God for others. Blessed be his holy name for ever
and ever. Amen, and Amen. Those things that of late have appeared most
difficult and almost impossible, now appeared not only possible, but
easy. My soul so much delighted to continue instant in prayer, at this
blessed season, that I had no desire for my necessary food: I even
dreaded leaving off praying at all, lest I should lose this
spirituality, and this blessed thankfulness to God which I then felt. I
felt now quite willing to live, and undergo all trials that might remain
for me in a world of sorrow; but still longed for heaven, that I might
glorify God in a perfect manner. ‘O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.’

_Lord’s day, Feb. 3._—“In the morning I was somewhat relieved of that
gloom and confusion with which my mind has of late been greatly
exercised; and was enabled to pray with some composure and comfort.
Still I went to my Indians trembling; but God was pleased to hear my
cries, and to afford me great assistance; so that I felt peace in my own
soul; and was satisfied, that if not one of the Indians should be
profited by my preaching, but they should all be damned, yet I should be
accepted and rewarded as faithful; for I am persuaded, God enabled me to
be so. Had some good degree of help afterward at another place; and much
longed for the conversion of the poor Indians.”

On the next Sabbath he preached at Greenwich, in New-Jersey. In the
evening he rode eight miles to visit a sick man at the point of death,
and found him speechless and senseless.

_Feb. 11._—“About the break of day the sick man died. I was affected at
the sight; spent the morning with the mourners; and after prayer and
some discourse with them, returned to Greenwich, and preached again from
Psalm 89:15. The Lord gave me some assistance; I felt a sweet love to
souls and to the kingdom of Christ; and longed that poor sinners might
‘know the joyful sound.’ Several persons were much affected. After
meeting, I was enabled to discourse, with freedom and concern, to some
persons who applied to me under spiritual trouble. Left the place,
sweetly composed, and rode home to my house about eight miles distant.
Discoursed to friends, and inculcated divine truths upon some. In the
evening was in the most solemn frame which I almost ever remember to
have experienced. I know not that ever death appeared more real to me,
or that ever I saw myself in the condition of a dead corpse, laid out,
and dressed for a lodging in the silent grave, so evidently as at this
time. And yet I felt exceedingly tranquil; my mind was composed and
calm, and _death_ appeared _without a sting_. I think I never felt such
an universal mortification to all created objects as now. O, how great
and solemn a thing it appeared to die! O, how it lays the greatest honor
in the dust! And O, how vain and trifling did the riches, honors, and
pleasures of the world appear! I could not, I dare not so much as think
of any of them; for _death_, _death_ appeared at the door. O, I could
see myself dead, and laid out, and inclosed in my coffin, and put down
into the cold grave, with the greatest solemnity, but without terror! I
spent most of the evening in conversing with a dear Christian friend.
Blessed be God for the comforts of the past day.

_Feb. 15._—“Was engaged in writing almost the whole day. In the evening
was much assisted in meditating on that precious text, John, 7:37.
‘Jesus stood and cried,’ &c. I had then a sweet sense of the free grace
of the gospel; my soul was encouraged, warmed, and quickened. My desires
were drawn out after God in prayer; and my soul was watchful, afraid of
losing such a guest as I then entertained. I continued long in prayer
and meditation, intermixing one with the other; and was unwilling to be
diverted by any thing at all from so sweet an exercise. I longed to
proclaim the grace I then meditated upon, to the world of sinners. O how
_quick_ and _powerful_ is the _word_ of the blessed God.

_Lord’s day, Feb. 17._—“Preached to the _white_ people [my _interpreter_
being absent,] in the wilderness, upon the sunny side of a hill; had a
considerable assembly, consisting of people who lived, at least many of
them, not less than thirty miles asunder; some of them came near twenty
miles. I discoursed to them all day, from John, 7:37. ‘Jesus stood and
cried, saying, that if any man thirst,’ &c. In the afternoon, it pleased
God to grant me great freedom and fervency in my discourse and I was
enabled to imitate the example of Christ in the text, who _stood and
cried_. I think I was scarce ever enabled to exhibit the free grace of
God to perishing sinners with more freedom and plainness in my life.
Afterward, I was enabled earnestly to invite the children of God to come
renewedly, and drink of this fountain of the water of life, from whence
they have heretofore derived unspeakable satisfaction. It was a very
comfortable time to me. There were many tears in the assembly; and I
doubt not but that the Spirit of God was there, convincing poor sinners
of their need of Christ. In the evening I felt composed and comfortable,
though much tired. I had some sweet sense of the excellency and glory of
God; my soul rejoiced that he was ‘God over all, blessed for ever;’ but
was too much crowded with company and conversation, and longed to be
more alone with God. O that I could for ever bless God for the mercy of
this day, who ‘answered me in the joy of my heart.’

_Lord’s day, Feb. 24._—“In the morning was much perplexed. My
_interpreter_ being absent, I knew not how to perform my work among the
Indians. However, I rode to them, got a Dutchman to interpret for me,
though he was but poorly qualified for the business. Afterward I came
and preached to a few white people, from John, 6:67. Here the Lord
seemed to unburden me in some measure, especially toward the close of my
discourse: I felt freedom to open the _love of Christ_ to his own dear
_disciples_. When the rest of the world forsake him, and are forsaken by
him, he then turns to his own, and says, _Will ye also go away?_ I had a
sense of the free grace of Christ to his own people, in such seasons of
general apostacy, and when they themselves in some measure backslide
with the world. O the free grace of Christ, that he seasonably reminds
his people of their danger of _backsliding_, and invites them to
persevere in their adherence to himself! I saw that backsliding souls,
who seemed to be about to go away with the world, might return, and be
welcome, to him immediately; without any thing to recommend them;
notwithstanding all their former backslidings. Thus my discourse was
suited to my own soul’s case; for of late, I have found a great want of
this sense and apprehension of divine grace; and have often been greatly
distressed in my own soul, because I did not suitably apprehend this
fountain opened to purge away sin; and have been too much laboring for
spiritual life, peace of conscience, and progressive holiness, in my own
strength. Now God showed me, in some measure, _the arm_ of all strength,
and _the fountain_ of all grace. In the evening, I felt solemn, resting
on free grace for assistance, acceptance, and peace of conscience.

_March 6._—“Spent most of the day in preparing for a journey to
New-England; and sometime in prayer with a special reference to it. Was
afraid I should forsake the Fountain of living waters, and attempt to
derive satisfaction from _broken cisterns_, my dear friends and
acquaintance, whom I might meet in my journey. I looked to God to keep
me from this _vanity_ as well as others. Toward night, and in the
evening, was visited by some friends, some of whom I trust were real
Christians; who discovered an affectionate regard to me, and seemed
grieved that I was about to leave them; especially as I did not expect
to make any considerable stay among them, if I should live to return.[F]
O how kind has God been to me! how he has raised up friends in every
place where his providence has called me! Friends are a great comfort;
and it is God who gives them; it is He who makes them friendly to me.
‘Bless the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits.’”

Footnote F:

  It seems by what afterward appears, that he had a design to remove and
  live among the Indians on the Susquehanna river.

The next day he set out on his journey; and it was about five weeks
before he returned. The special design of this journey, he himself
declares afterward, in his diary for March 21, where, speaking of his
conversing with a certain minister in New-England, he says, “Contrived
with him how to raise some money among Christian friends, in order to
support a colleague with me in the wilderness, (I having now spent two
years in a very solitary manner,) that we might be together: as Christ
sent out his disciples two and two; and as this was the principal
concern I had in view, in taking this journey, so I took pains in it,
and hope God will succeed it, if for his glory.” He first went into
various parts of New-Jersey, and visited several ministers there; then
went to New-York; and from thence into New-England, going to various
parts of Connecticut. He then returned to New-Jersey, and met a number
of ministers at Woodbridge, “who,” he says “met there to consult about
the affairs of Christ’s kingdom.” He seems, for the most part, to have
been free from melancholy in this journey; and many times to have had
extraordinary assistance in public ministrations, and his preaching was
sometimes attended with very hopeful appearances of a good effect on the
auditory. He also had many seasons of special comfort and spiritual
refreshment, in conversation with ministers and other Christian friends,
and also in meditation and prayer when alone.

_April 13._—“Rode home to my own house at the Forks of Delaware; was
enabled to remember the goodness of the Lord, who has now preserved me
while riding full six hundred miles in this journey; and kept me that
none of my bones have been broken. Blessed be the Lord, who has
preserved me in this tedious journey, and returned me in safety to my
own house. Verily it is God who has upheld me, and guarded my goings.

_Lord’s day, April 14._—“Was disordered in body with the fatigues of the
late journey; but was enabled however to preach to a considerable
assembly of white people, gathered from all parts round about, with some
freedom, from Ezek. 33:11. ‘As I live saith the Lord,’ &c. Had much more
assistance than I expected.”

This week he went a journey to Philadelphia, in order to engage the
Governor to use his interest with the chief of the Six Nations, with
whom he maintained a strict friendship, that he would give him leave to
live at Susquehanna, and instruct the Indians who are within their
territories.

_April 26._—“Conversed with a Christian friend with some warmth; and
felt a spirit of mortification to the world, in a very great degree.
Afterward, was enabled to pray fervently, and to rely on God sweetly,
for ‘all things pertaining to life and godliness.’ Just in the evening,
was visited by a dear Christian friend, with whom I spent an hour or two
in conversation, on the very soul of religion. There are many with whom
I can talk _about religion_; but alas! I find few with whom I can talk
_religion itself_; but, blessed be the Lord there are some that love to
feed on the kernel, rather than the shell.

_April 30._—“Was scarce able to walk about, and was obliged to betake
myself to bed much of the day; and passed away the time in a very
solitary manner; being neither able to read, meditate, nor pray, and had
none to converse with in this wilderness. O how heavily does time pass
away when I can do nothing to any good purpose; but seem obliged to
trifle away precious time! But of late I have seen it my duty to
_divert_ myself by all lawful means, that I may be fit, at least some
small part of my time, to labor for God. And here is the difference
between my present diversions, and those I once pursued, when in a
natural state. Then I made a God of my diversions, delighted in them
with a neglect of God, and drew my highest satisfaction from them. Now I
use them as means to help me in living to God; fixedly delighting in
_him_, and not in them, drawing my highest satisfaction from _him_. Then
they were my _all_; now they are only _means_ leading to my all. And
those things that are the greatest diversion, when pursued with this
view, do not tend to hinder, but promote my spirituality; and I see now,
more than ever, that they are absolutely necessary.

_May 2._—“In the evening, being a little better in health, I walked into
the woods, and enjoyed a sweet season of meditation and prayer. My
thoughts ran upon Psalm 17:15. ‘I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with
thy likeness.’ And it was indeed a precious text to me. I longed to
preach to the whole world; and it seemed to me they must needs all be
melted in hearing such precious divine truths as I then had a view of.
My thoughts were exceeding clear, and my soul was refreshed. Blessed be
the Lord, that in my late and present weakness, now for many days
together, my mind is not gloomy, as at some other times.

_May 7._—“Spent the day mainly in making preparation for a journey into
the wilderness. Was still weak, and concerned how I should perform so
difficult a journey; but wanted bodily strength to spend the day in
fasting and prayer.”

The next day he set out on his journey to the Susquehanna, with his
interpreter. He endured great hardships and fatigues in his way thither
through the wilderness; where, after having lodged one night in the open
woods, he was overtaken with a north-easterly storm, in which he was
ready to perish. Having no manner of shelter, and not being able to make
a fire in so great a rain, he could have no comfort if he stopped; he
therefore determined to go forward in hope of meeting with some shelter,
without which he thought it impossible to live the night through; but
their horses happening to eat poison, for the want of other food, at a
place where they lodged the night before, were so sick that they could
neither ride nor lead them, but were obliged to drive them and travel on
foot; until, through the mercy of God, just at dusk they came to a bark
hut, where they lodged that night. After he came to the Susquehanna he
traveled about a hundred miles on the river, and visited many towns and
settlements of the Indians; saw some of seven or eight tribes, and
preached to different nations, by different interpreters. He was
sometimes much discouraged, and sunk in his spirits, through the
opposition which appeared in the Indians to Christianity. At other times
he was encouraged by the disposition which some of these people
manifested to hear, and their willingness to be instructed. He here met
with some who had formerly been his hearers at Kaunaumeek, and had
removed hither; who saw and heard him again with great joy. He spent a
fortnight among the Indians on this river, and passed through many
labors and hardships, lodging on the ground for several weeks, and
sometimes in the open air. At length he became extremely ill, as he was
riding in the wilderness, being seized with an ague, followed with a
burning fever and extreme pains in his head and bowels, attended with a
great evacuation of blood; so that he thought he must have perished in
the wilderness. But at last coming to an Indian trader’s hut, he got
leave to stay there; and though without physic or food proper for him,
it pleased God, after about a week’s distress, to relieve him so far
that he was able to ride. He returned homeward from _Juncauta_, an
island far down the river, where were a considerable number of Indians,
who appeared more free from prejudices against Christianity than most of
the other Indians; and arrived at the Forks of Delaware on Thursday, May
30, after having rode in this journey about three hundred and forty
miles. He came home in a very week state, and under dejection of mind;
which was a great hindrance to him in religious exercises. However, on
the Sabbath, after having preached to the Indians, he preached to the
white people with some success, from Isaiah, 53:10. “Yet it pleased the
Lord to bruise him,” &c. some being awakened by his preaching. The next
day he was much exercised for want of spiritual life and fervency.

_June 5._—“Felt thirsting desires after God, in the morning. In the
evening, enjoyed a precious season of retirement: was favored with some
clear and sweet meditations upon a sacred text; divine things opened
with clearness and certainty, and had a divine stamp upon them. My soul
was also enlarged and refreshed in prayer; I delighted to continue in
the duty; and was sweetly assisted in praying for my fellow Christians,
and dear brethren in the ministry. Blessed be the dear Lord for such
enjoyments. O how sweet and precious it is to have a clear apprehension
and tender sense of the _mystery of godliness_, of true holiness, and of
likeness to the best of beings! O what a blessedness it is to be as much
like God as it is possible for a creature to be like his great Creator!
Lord give me more of _thy likeness_; ‘I shall be satisfied, when I
awake, with it.’”

_On Friday, June 7_, he went a journey of near fifty miles, to
Neshaminy, to assist at a sacramental occasion, to be attended at Mr.
Beatty’s meeting-house; being invited thither by him and his people.

_June 8._—“Was exceedingly weak and fatigued with riding in the heat
yesterday; but being desired, I preached in the afternoon, to a crowded
audience, from Isaiah, 40:1. ‘Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith
your God.’ God was pleased to give me great freedom, in opening the
sorrows of his people, and in setting before them comforting
considerations. And, blessed be the Lord, it was a sweet melting season
in the assembly.

_Lord’s day, June 9._—“Felt some longing desires of the presence of God
to be with his people on the solemn occasion of the day. In the forenoon
Mr. Beatty preached; and there appeared some warmth in the assembly.
Afterward, I assisted in the administration of the Lord’s supper: and
toward the close of it, I discoursed to the multitude extempore, with
some reference to that sacred passage, Isaiah, 53:10. ‘Yet it pleased
the Lord to bruise him.’ Here God gave me great assistance in addressing
sinners: and the word was attended with amazing power: many scores, if
not hundreds, in that great assembly, consisting of three or four
thousand, were much affected; so that there was a ‘very great mourning,
like the mourning of Hadadrimmon.’

_June 10._—“Preached with a good degree of clearness and some sweet
warmth from Psalm 17:15. ‘I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy
likeness.’ And blessed be God, there was a great solemnity, and
attention in the assembly, and sweet refreshment among God’s people; as
was evident then and afterward.

_June 11._—“Spent the day mainly in conversation with dear Christian
friends; and enjoyed some sweet sense of divine things. O how desirable
it is to keep company with God’s dear children! ‘These are the excellent
ones of the earth,’ in whom, I can truly say ‘is all my delight.’ O what
delight will it afford, to meet them all in a state of perfection! Lord
prepare me for that state.

_June 18._—“Set out from New-Brunswick with a design to visit some
Indians at a place called _Crossweeksung_, in New-Jersey, toward the
sea. In the afternoon, came to a place called _Cranberry_, and meeting
with a serious minister, Mr. Macknight, I lodged there with him. Had
some enlargement and freedom in prayer with a number of people.”

[Illustration: View of the Creek and Village of Crosswicks, New Jersey,
July, 1833.]



                              CHAPTER VII.

_Being part 1st of his public journal of “the Rise and Progress of a
    remarkable work of grace among the Indians in New-Jersey and
    Pennsylvania, kept by order of the Society in Scotland for
    propagating Christian knowledge.”—Commencement of his labors at
    Crossweeksung.—Renewal of labor at the Forks of Delaware.—Conversion
    of his Interpreter.—Return to Crossweeksung.—Outpouring of the
    spirit.—Visit to the Forks of Delaware and the Susquehanna.—A
    Powaw.—A Conjurer.—Renewal of labor at Crossweeksung.—Remarks on the
    works of Divine Grace._


                         June 19.—Nov. 5, 1745.

[We are now come to that part of Brainerd’s Life, when he had the
greatest success in his labors for the good of souls, and in his
particular business as a missionary to the Indians. After all his
agonizing in prayer, and travailing in birth for their conversion—his
raised hopes and expectations, disappointments and encouragements; after
panting in a way of persevering prayer, labor, and suffering, as it were
through a long night; at length the day dawns: “Weeping continues for a
night, but joy comes in the morning.” He went forth weeping, “bearing
precious seed,” but now he comes “with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves
with him.” The desired event is brought to pass at last; but at a time,
in a place, and upon subjects, that scarce ever entered his heart.]

            “_Crossweeksung, in New-Jersey, June 17, 1745._

_June 19._—“I had spent most of my time for more than a year past among
the Indians at the Forks of Delaware, in Pennsylvania. During that time
I made two journies to the Susquehanna, to treat with the Indians on
that river respecting Christianity; and not having had any considerable
appearance of special success in either of those places, my spirits were
depressed, and I was not a little discouraged. Hearing that there were a
number of Indians at a place called _Crossweeksung_, in New-Jersey,
nearly eighty miles south east from the Forks of Delaware, I determined
to make them a visit, and see what might be done toward christianizing
them; and accordingly arrived among them this day.

“I found very few persons at the place I visited, and perceived that the
Indians in these parts were very much scattered. There were not more
than two or three families in a place; and these small settlements were
six, ten, fifteen, twenty, or thirty miles, and some more from that
place. However, I preached to those few I found; who appeared well
disposed, serious and attentive, and not inclined to cavil and object,
as the Indians had done elsewhere. When I had concluded my discourse, I
informed them (there being none but a few women and children) that I
would willingly visit them again the next day. Whereupon they readily
set out and traveled ten or fifteen miles, in order to give notice to
some of their friends at that distance. These women, like the woman of
Samaria, seemed desirous that others should see the man who had told
them what they had done in their past lives, and the misery that
attended their idolatrous ways.

_June 20._—“Visited and preached to the Indians again as I proposed.
Numbers were gathered at the invitations of their friends, who had heard
me the day before. These also appeared as attentive, orderly and well
disposed, as the others: and none made any objections, as Indians in
other places have usually done.

_June 22._—“Preached to the Indians again. Their number, which at first
consisted of seven or eight persons, was now increased to nearly thirty.
There was not only a solemn attention among them, but some considerable
impression, it was apparent, was made upon their minds by divine truth.
Some began to feel their misery, and perishing state, and appeared
concerned for a deliverance from it.

_Lord’s day, June 23._—“Preached to the Indians, and spent the day with
them. Their number still increased; and all with one consent, seemed to
rejoice in my coming among them. Not a word of opposition was heard from
any of them against Christianity, although in times past they had been
as much opposed to any thing of that nature as any Indians whatsoever.
Some of them, not many months before, were enraged with my Interpreter
because he attempted to teach them something of Christianity.

_June 24._—“Preached to the Indians at their desire and upon their own
motion. To see poor Pagans desirous of hearing the gospel of Christ,
animated me to discourse to them; although I was now very weak, and my
spirits much exhausted. They attended with the greatest seriousness and
diligence; and some concern for their soul’s salvation was apparent
among them.

_June 27._—“Visited and preached to the Indians again. Their number now
amounted to about forty persons. Their solemnity and attention still
continued, and a considerable concern for their souls became very
apparent among numbers of them.

_June 28._—“The Indians being now gathered, a considerable number of
them, from their several and distant habitations, requested me to preach
twice a day to them; being desirous to hear as much as they possibly
could while I was with them. I cheerfully complied with their request,
and could not but admire the goodness of God, who I was persuaded had
inclined them thus to inquire after the way of salvation.

_June 29._—“Preached twice to the Indians. Saw, as I thought, the hand
of God very evidently, and in a manner somewhat remarkable, making
provision for their subsistence together, in order to their being
instructed in divine things; for this day, and the day before, with only
walking a little way from the place of our daily meeting, they killed
three deer, which were a seasonable supply for their wants, and without
which, they could not have subsisted together in order to attend the
means of grace.

_Lord’s day, June 30._—“Preached twice this day also. Observed yet more
concern and affection among the poor heathen than ever; so that they
even constrained me to tarry yet longer with them, although my
constitution was exceedingly worn out, and my health much impaired by my
late fatigues and labors; and especially by my late journey to the
Susquehanna in May last, in which I lodged on the ground for several
weeks together.

_July 1._—“Preached again twice to a very serious and attentive assembly
of Indians; they having now learned to attend on the worship of God with
Christian decency in all respects. There were now between forty and
fifty persons of them present, old and young. I spent a considerable
time in discoursing with them in a more private way; inquiring of them
what they remembered of the great truths which had been taught them from
day to day; and may justly say, it was amazing to see how they had
received and retained the instructions given them, and what a measure of
knowledge some of them had acquired in a few days.

_July 2._—“Was obliged to leave these Indians at Crossweeksung, thinking
it my duty, as soon as health would admit, again to visit those at the
Forks of Delaware. When I came to take leave of them, and to speak
particularly to each of them, they all earnestly inquired when I would
come again, and expressed a great desire of being further instructed. Of
their own accord they agreed, that, when I should come again, they would
all meet and live together during my continuance with them; and that
they would use their utmost endeavors to gather all the other Indians in
these parts who were yet more remote. When I parted from them, one told
me, with many tears, ‘She wished God would change her heart;’ another,
that ‘she wanted to find Christ;’ and an old man who had been one of
their chiefs, wept bitterly with concern for his soul. I then promised
them to return as speedily as my health and business elsewhere would
permit, and felt not a little concern at parting, lest the good
impressions, then apparent upon numbers of them, might decline and wear
off, when the means came to cease. Yet I could not but hope, that He,
who I trusted had begun a good work among them, and who I knew did not
stand in need of means to carry it on, would maintain and promote it. At
the same time, I must confess, that I had often seen encouraging
appearances among the Indians elsewhere, prove wholly abortive, and it
appeared that the favor would be too great, if God should now, after I
had passed through so considerable a series of almost fruitless labors
and fatigues, and after my rising hopes had been so often frustrated
among these poor pagans, give me any special success in my labors with
them, I could not believe, and scarcely dared to hope, that the event
would be so happy; and scarcely ever found myself more suspended between
hope and fear in any affair, or at any time, than in this.

“This encouraging disposition, and readiness to receive instruction, now
apparent among the Indians, seems to have been the happy effect of the
conviction which one or two of them met with, some time since, at the
Forks of the Delaware; who have since endeavored to show their friends
the evil of idolatry. Though the other Indians seemed but little to
regard, and rather to deride them; yet this, perhaps, has put them into
a thinking posture of mind, or at least given them some thoughts about
Christianity, and excited in some of them a curiosity to hear; and so
made way for the present encouraging attention. An apprehension that
this might be the case here, has given me encouragement that God may, in
such a manner, bless the means which I have used with the Indians in
other places; where, as yet there is no appearance of it. If so, may his
name have the glory of it; for I have learnt, by experience, that he
only can open the ear, engage the attention, and incline the hearts of
poor benighted, prejudiced pagans, to receive instruction.”

           _Forks of Delaware, in Pennsylvania, July, 1745._

_Lord’s day, July 14._—“Discoursed to the Indians twice. Several of them
appeared concerned, and were, I have reason to think, in some measure
convinced, by the Divine Spirit, of their sin and misery; so that they
wept much the whole time of divine service. Afterward discoursed to a
number of white people then present.

_July 18._—“Preached to my people, who attended diligently beyond what
had been common among these Indians; and some of them appeared concerned
for their souls.

_Lord’s day, July 21._—“Preached to the Indians first, then to a number
of white people present; and in the afternoon to the Indians again.
Divine truth seemed to make very considerable impressions upon several
of them, and caused the tears to flow freely.

“On this day _my interpreter and his wife_ publicly professed their
faith in Christ, being the first hopeful converts among the Indians.
They have both been awakened to a solemn concern for their souls; have,
to appearance, been brought to a sense of their misery and _undoneness_
in themselves; have both appeared to be comforted with divine
consolations; and it is apparent that both have passed a _great_, and I
cannot but hope, a saving change.

“It may perhaps be satisfactory and agreeable, that I should give some
BRIEF RELATION OF THIS MAN’S EXERCISES AND EXPERIENCE since he has been
with me; especially since he is employed as my _interpreter_ to others.
When I first employed him in this business, in the beginning of the
summer of 1744, he was well fitted for his work, in regard to his
acquaintance with the Indian and English languages, as well as with the
manners of both nations; and in respect to his desire that the Indians
should conform to the manners and customs of the English, and especially
to their manner of living. But he seemed to have little or no impression
of religion upon his mind, and in that respect was very _unfit_ for his
work; being incapable of understanding and communicating to others many
things of importance, so that I labored under great disadvantages in
addressing the Indians, for want of his having an experimental, as well
as more doctrinal acquaintance with divine truths; and, at times, my
spirits sunk, and I was much discouraged under this difficulty;
especially when I observed that divine truth made little or no
impression upon his mind for many weeks together. He indeed behaved
soberly after I employed him; although before he had been a hard
drinker, and seemed honestly engaged, as far as he was capable, in the
performance of his work. Especially he appeared very desirous that the
Indians should renounce their heathenish notions and practices, and
conform to the customs of the Christian world. But still he seemed to
have no concern about his own soul, until he had been with me a
considerable time.

“Near the latter end of July, 1744, I preached to an assembly of white
people, with more freedom and fervency than I could possibly address the
Indians with, without their having first obtained a greater measure of
doctrinal knowledge. At this time he was present, and was somewhat
awakened to a concern for his soul; so that the next day he discoursed
freely with me about his spiritual concerns, and gave me an opportunity
to use further endeavors to fasten the impressions of his perishing
state upon his mind. I could plainly perceive, for some time after this,
that he addressed the Indians with more concern and fervency than he had
formerly done.

“But these impressions seemed quickly to decline; and he remained in a
great measure careless and secure, until some time late in the autumn of
the year following; when he fell into a weak and languishing state of
body, and continued much disordered for several weeks together. At this
season divine truth took hold of him, and made deep impressions upon his
mind. He was brought under great concern for his soul; and his exercises
were not now transient and unsteady, but constant and abiding, so that
his mind was burdened from day to day; and it was now his great inquiry,
‘What he should do to be saved?’ This spiritual trouble prevailed, until
his sleep in a great measure departed from him, and he had little rest
day or night; but walked about under great pressure of mind, for he was
still able to walk, and appeared like another man to his neighbors, who
could not but observe his behavior with wonder. After he had been some
time under this exercise, while he was striving to obtain mercy, he says
there seemed to be _an impassable mountain_ before him. He was pressing
toward heaven, as he thought; but ‘his way was hedged up with thorns, so
that he could not stir an inch further.’ He looked this way, and that
way, but could find no way at all. He thought if he could but make his
way through these thorns and briers, and climb up the first steep pitch
of the mountain, that then there might be hope for him; but no way or
means could he find to accomplish this. Here he labored for a time, but
all in vain. He saw it was impossible, he says, for him ever to help
himself through this insupportable difficulty—‘It signified just nothing
at all for him to struggle and strive any more.’ Here, he says, he gave
over striving, and felt that it was a gone case with him as to his own
power, and that all his attempts were, and for ever would be, vain and
fruitless. Yet he was more calm and composed under this view of things,
than he had been while striving to help himself.

“While he was giving me this account of his exercises, I was not without
fears that what he related was but the working of his own _imagination_,
and not the effect of any divine _illumination_ of mind. But before I
had time to discover my fears, he added, that at this time he felt
himself in a miserable and perishing condition; that he saw plainly what
he had been doing all his days; and that he had ‘never done one good
thing,’ as he expressed it. He knew he was not guilty of some wicked
actions of which he knew some others guilty. He had not been accustomed
to steal, quarrel, and murder; the latter of which vices are common
among the Indians. He likewise knew that he had done many things that
were right; he had been kind to his neighbors, &c. But still his cry
was, that ‘_he had never done one good thing_;’ meaning that he had
never done any thing from a right principle, and with a right _view_.
‘And now I thought,’ said he, ‘that I must sink down to hell; that there
was no hope for me, because I never could do any thing that was good:
and if God let me alone ever so long, and I should try ever so much,
still I should do nothing but what is bad.’

“This further account of his exercises satisfied me that it was not the
mere working of his imagination, since he appeared so evidently to die
to himself, and to be divorced from a dependence upon his own
righteousness and good deeds, to which mankind in a fallen state are so
much attached, and upon which they are so ready to hope for salvation.

“There was one thing more in his view of things at this time, which was
very remarkable. He not only saw, he says, what a miserable state he
_himself_ was in; but he likewise saw that the _world around him_, in
general, were in the same perishing circumstances, notwithstanding the
profession which many of them made of Christianity, and the hope which
they entertained of obtaining everlasting happiness. This he saw
clearly, ‘as if he was now waked out of sleep, or had a cloud taken from
his eyes.’ He saw that the life which he had lived was the way to
eternal death, that he was now on the brink of endless misery; and when
he looked around he saw multitudes of others, who had lived the same
life with himself, persons who had no more goodness than he, and yet
dreamed that they were safe enough, as he had formerly done. He was
fully persuaded, by their conversation and behavior, that they had never
felt their sin and misery, as he now felt his.

“After he had been for some time in this condition, sensible of the
impossibility of helping himself by any thing he could do, or of being
delivered by any _created_ arm; so that he had ‘given up all for lost,’
as to his own attempts, and was become more calm and composed; then, he
says, it was borne in upon his mind, as if it had been audibly spoken to
him, ‘There is hope, there is hope.’ Whereupon his soul seemed to rest,
and be in some measure satisfied, though he had no considerable joy.

“He cannot here remember distinctly any views he had of Christ, or give
any clear account of his soul’s acceptance of him, which makes his
experience appear the more doubtful, and renders it less satisfactory to
himself and others than it might be if he could remember distinctly the
apprehensions and actings of his mind at this season. But these
exercises of soul were attended and followed with a very great change in
the man; so that it might justly be said he was become _another man_, if
not _a new man_. His conversation and deportment were much altered; and
even the careless world could not but wonder what had befallen him, to
make so great a change in his temper, discourse, and behavior.
Especially there was a surprising alteration in his public performances.
He now addressed the Indians with admirable fervency, and scarcely knew
when to leave off. Sometimes, when I had concluded my discourse and was
returning homeward, he would tarry behind to repeat and inculcate what
had been spoken.

“His change is _abiding_, and his life, so far as I know, unblemished to
this day; though it is now more than six months since he experienced
this change; in which space of time he has been as much exposed to
_strong drink_ as possible, in divers places where it has been moving as
free as water; and yet has never, that I know of, discovered any
hankering desire after it. He seems to have a very considerable
experience of _spiritual exercise_, and discourses feelingly of the
conflicts and consolations of a real Christian. His heart echoes to the
soul-humbling doctrines of grace, and he never appears better pleased
than when he hears of the absolute sovereignty of God, and the salvation
of sinners in a way of mere free grace. He has lately had also more
satisfaction respecting his own state and has been much enlightened and
assisted in his work; so that he has been a great comfort to me.

“After a strict observation of his serious and savory conversation, his
christian temper, and unblemished behavior for such a length of time, as
well as his experience, of which I have given an account; I think that I
have reason to hope that he is ‘created anew in Christ Jesus to good
works.’ His name is MOSES FINDA FAUTAURY. He is about _fifty_ years of
age, and is pretty well acquainted with the pagan notions and customs of
his countrymen; and so is the better able now to expose them. He has, I
am persuaded, already been, and I trust will yet be, a blessing to the
other Indians.

_July 23._—“Preached to the Indians, but had few hearers: Those who are
constantly at home, seem, of late, to be under some impressions of a
religious nature.

_July 30._—“Discoursed to a number of my people, and gave them some
particular advice and direction; being now about to leave them for the
present, in order to renew my visit to the Indians in New-Jersey. They
were very attentive to my discourse, and earnestly desirous to know when
I designed to return to them again.”

_Crossweeksung, (New-Jersey,) August, 1745._

_Aug. 3._—“I visited the Indians in these parts in June last, and
tarried with them a considerable time, preaching almost daily; at which
season God was pleased to pour upon them a spirit of awakening and
concern for them souls, and surprisingly to engage their attention to
divine truths. I now found them serious, and a number of them under deep
concern for an interest in Christ. Their convictions of their sinful and
perishing state were, in my absence from them, much promoted by the
labors and endeavors of Rev. WILLIAM TENNENT; to whom I had advised them
to apply for direction; and whose house they frequented much while I was
gone. I preached to them this day with some view to Rev. 22:17. ‘And
whosoever will, let him take of the water of life freely;’ though I
could not pretend to handle the subject methodically among them. The
Lord, I am persuaded, enabled me, in a manner somewhat uncommon, to set
before them the Lord Jesus Christ as a kind and compassionate Savior,
inviting distressed and perishing sinners to accept everlasting mercy. A
surprising concern soon became apparent among them. There were about
twenty adult persons together; many of the Indians at remote places not
having as yet had time to come since my return hither; and not above two
that I could see with dry eyes.

“Some were much concerned, and discovered vehement longings of soul
after Christ, to save them from the misery they felt and feared.

_Lord’s day, Aug. 4._—“Being invited by a neighboring minister to assist
in the administration of the Lord’s supper, I complied with his request,
and took the Indians along with me; not only those who were together the
day before, but many more who were coming to hear me; so that there were
nearly fifty in all, old and young. They attended the several discourses
of the day; and some of them, who could understand English, were much
affected; and all seemed to have their concern in some measure raised.

“Now a change in their manners began to appear very visible. In the
evening, when they came to sup together they would not taste a morsel
until they had sent to me to come and supplicate a blessing on their
food; at which time sundry of them wept; especially when I reminded them
how they had in times past eat their feasts in honor to _devils_, and
neglected to thank God for them.

_August 5._—“After a sermon had been preached by another minister, I
preached, and concluded the public work of the solemnity from John,
7:37; and in my discourse addressed the Indians in particular, who sat
in a part of the house by themselves; at which time one or two of them
were struck with deep concern, as they afterward told me, who had been
little affected before; and others had their concern increased to a
considerable degree. In the evening, the greater part of them being at
the house where I lodged, I discoursed to them, and found them
universally engaged about their soul’s concerns; inquiring ‘what they
should do to be saved.’ All their conversation among themselves turned
upon religious matters, in which they were assisted by my Interpreter,
who was with them day and night.

“This day there was one woman, who had been much concerned for her soul
ever since she first heard me preach in June last, who obtained comfort,
I trust, solid and well grounded. She seemed to be filled with love to
Christ. At the same time she behaved humbly and tenderly, and appeared
afraid of nothing so much as of offending and grieving him whom her soul
loved.

_Aug. 6._—“In the morning I discoursed to the Indians at the house where
we lodged. Many of them were much affected, and appeared surprisingly
tender; so that a few words about the concerns of their souls would
cause the tears to flow freely, and produce many sobs and groans. In the
afternoon they being returned to the place where I had usually preached
among them, I again discoursed to them there. There were about
_fifty-five_ persons in all; about _forty_ that were capable of
attending Divine service with understanding. I insisted on 1 John, 4:10.
‘Herein is love.’ &c. They seemed eager of hearing; but there appeared
nothing very remarkable, except their attention, till near the close of
my discourse; and then Divine truth was attended with a surprising
influence, and produced a great concern among them. There were scarcely
_three_ in _forty_ who could refrain from tears and bitter cries. They
all as one seemed in an agony of soul to obtain an interest in Christ;
and the more I discoursed of the love and compassion of God in sending
his Son to suffer for the sins of men; and the more I invited them to
come and partake of his love; the more their distress was aggravated,
because they felt themselves unable to come. It was surprising to see
how their hearts seemed to be pierced with the tender and melting
invitations of the Gospel, when there was not a word of terror spoken to
them.

“There were this day two persons who obtained relief and comfort; which,
when I came to discourse with them particularly, appeared solid,
rational, and scriptural. After I had inquired into the grounds of their
comfort, and said many things which I thought proper to them; I asked
them what they wanted that God should do farther for them? They replied,
‘they wanted Christ should wipe their hearts quite clean,’ &c. So
surprising were now the doings of the Lord, that I can say no less of
this day, and I need say no more of it, than that _the arm of the Lord_
was powerfully and marvellously _revealed_ in it.

_Aug. 7._—“Preached to the Indians from Isaiah, 53:3-10. There was a
remarkable influence attending the word, and great concern in the
assembly; but scarcely equal to what appeared the day before, that is,
not quite so universal. However, most were much affected, and many in
great distress for their souls; and some few could neither go nor stand,
but lay flat on the ground, as if pierced at heart, crying incessantly
for mercy. Several were newly awakened; and it was remarkable that as
fast as they came from remote places round about, the Spirit of God
seemed to seize them with concern for their souls. After public service
was concluded I found two persons more who had newly met with comfort,
of whom I had good hopes; and a third of whom I could not but entertain
some hopes, whose case did not appear so clear as the others; so that
there were now six in all, who had got some relief from their spiritual
distresses; and five whose experience appeared very clear and
satisfactory. It is worthy of remark, that those who obtained comfort
first were in general deeply affected with concern for their souls when
I preached to them in June last.

_Aug. 8._—“In the afternoon I preached to the Indians, their number was
now about _sixty-five_ persons; men, women, and children. I discoursed
upon Luke 14:16-23, and was favored with uncommon freedom. There was
much visible concern among them while I was discoursing publicly; but
afterward, when I spoke to one and another more particularly, whom I
perceived under much concern, the power of God seemed to descend upon
the assembly ‘_like a mighty rushing wind_,’ and with an astonishing
energy bore down all before it. I stood amazed at the influence which
seized the audience almost universally; and could compare it to nothing
more aptly than the irresistible force of a mighty torrent, or swelling
deluge, that with its insupportable weight and pressure bears down and
sweeps before it whatever is in its way. Almost all persons of all ages
were bowed down with concern together, and scarcely one was able to
withstand the shock of this surprising operation. Old men and women who
had been drunken wretches for many years, and some little children not
more than six or seven years of age, appeared in distress for their
souls, as well as persons of middle age. It was apparent that these
children, some of them at least, were not merely frightened with seeing
the general concern, but were made sensible of their danger, the badness
of their hearts, and their misery without Christ, as some of them
expressed it. The most stubborn hearts were now obliged to bow. A
principal man among the Indians, who before was most secure and
self-righteous, and thought his state good, because he knew more than
the generality of the Indians had formerly done; and who with a great
degree of confidence the day before told me ‘he had been a Christian
more than ten years;’ was now brought under solemn concern for his soul,
and wept bitterly. Another man advanced in years, who had been a
murderer, a _powaw_ or conjurer, and a notorious drunkard, was likewise
brought now to cry for mercy with many tears, and to complain much that
he could be no more concerned, when he saw his danger so very great.

“They were almost universally praying and crying for mercy in every part
of the house, and many out of doors; and numbers could neither go nor
stand. Their concern was so great, each one for himself, that none
seemed to take any notice of those about them, but each prayed freely
for himself. I am led to think they were, to their own apprehensions, as
much retired as if they had been individually by themselves, in the
thickest desert; or I believe rather that they thought about nothing but
themselves, and their own state, and so were every one praying apart,
although all together. It seemed to me that there was now an exact
fulfilment of that prophecy, Zech. 12:10, 11, 12; for there was now ‘a
great mourning, like the mourning of Hadadrimmon;’—and each seemed to
‘mourn apart.’ Methought this had a near resemblance to the day of God’s
power, mentioned in Josh. 10:14; for I must say I never saw _any day
like it_, in all respects: it was a day wherein I am persuaded the Lord
did much to destroy the kingdom of darkness among this people.

“This concern, in general, was most rational and just. Those who had
been awakened any considerable time, complained more especially of the
badness of their _hearts_; and those who were newly awakened, of the
badness of their _lives_ and _actions_; and all were afraid of the anger
of God, and of everlasting misery as the desert of their sins. Some of
the white people who came out of curiosity to hear what ‘this babbler
would say’ to the poor ignorant Indians, were much awakened; and some
appeared to be wounded with a view of their perishing state. Those who
had lately obtained relief, were filled with comfort at this season.
They appeared calm and composed, and seemed to rejoice in Christ Jesus.
Some of them took their distressed friends by the hand, telling them of
the goodness of Christ, and the comfort that is to be enjoyed in him;
and thence invited them to come and give up their hearts to him. I could
observe some of them, in the most honest and unaffected manner, without
any design of being taken notice of, lifting up their eyes to heaven, as
if crying for mercy, while they saw the distress of the poor souls
around them. There was one remarkable instance of awakening this day
which I cannot fail to notice here. A young Indian woman, who, I
believe, never knew before that she had a soul, nor ever thought of any
such thing, hearing that there was something strange among the Indians,
came, it seems, to see what was the matter. In her way to the Indians
she called at my lodgings; and when I told her that I designed presently
to preach to the Indians, laughed, and seemed to mock; but went however
to them. I had not proceeded far in my public discourse before she felt
effectually that she had a soul; and before I had concluded my discourse
was so convinced of her sin and misery, and so distressed with concern
for her soul’s salvation, that she seemed like one pierced through with
a dart, and cried out incessantly. She could neither go nor stand, nor
sit on her seat without being held up. After public service was over she
lay flat on the ground, praying earnestly, and would take no notice of,
nor give any answer to any who spoke to her. I hearkened to what she
said, and perceived the burden of her prayer to be, ‘_Guttummauhalummeh
wechaumeh kmeleh Nolah_,’ i. e. ‘_Have mercy on me, and help me to give
you my heart_.’ Thus she continued praying incessantly for many hours
together. This was indeed a surprising day of God’s power, and seemed
enough to convince an Atheist of the truth, importance, and power of
God’s word.

_Aug. 9._—“Spent almost the whole day with the Indians; the former part
of it in discoursing to many of them privately, and especially to some
who had lately received comfort, and endeavoring to inquire into the
grounds of it, as well as to give them some proper instructions,
cautions and directions.

“In the afternoon discoursed to them publicly. There were now present
about _seventy_ persons, old and young. I opened and applied the parable
of the sower, Matt. 13. Was enabled to discourse with much plainness,
and found afterward that this discourse was very instructive to them.
There were many tears among them while I was discoursing publicly, but
no considerable cry; yet some were much affected with a few words spoken
from Matt. 11:28, ‘Come unto me all ye that labor,’ &c. with which I
concluded my discourse. But, while I was discoursing near night to two
or three of the awakened persons, a Divine influence seemed to attend
what was spoken to them in a powerful manner, which caused the persons
to cry out in anguish of soul, although I spoke not a word of terror,
but on the contrary, set before them the fullness and all-sufficiency of
Christ’s merits, and his willingness to save all that come to him, and
thereupon pressed them to come without delay. The cry of these was soon
heard by others, who, though scattered before, immediately gathered
round. I then proceeded in the same strain of gospel invitation, till
they were all melted into tears and cries except two or three; and
seemed in the greatest distress to find and secure an interest in the
great Redeemer. Some who had little more than a ruffle made in their
passions the day before, seemed now to be deeply affected and wounded at
heart; and the concern in general appeared nearly as prevalent as the
day before. There was indeed a very _great mourning_ among them, and yet
every one seemed to _mourn apart_. For so great was their concern, that
almost every one was praying and crying for himself, as if none had been
near. ‘_Guttummauhalummeh; Guttummauhalummeh_,’ i. e. ‘_Have mercy upon
‘me;_ _mercy upon me_,’ was the common cry. It was very affecting to see
the poor Indians, who the other day were hallooing and yelling in their
_idolatrous_ feasts and _drunken_ frolics, now crying to God with such
importunity for an interest in his dear Son! Found two or three persons
who, I had reason to hope, had taken comfort upon good grounds since the
evening before; and these, with others who had obtained comfort, were
together, and seemed to rejoice much that God was carrying on his work
with such power upon others.

_August 10._—“Rode to the Indians, and began to discourse more privately
to those who had obtained comfort and satisfaction; endeavoring to
instruct, direct, caution, and comfort them. But others, being eager of
hearing every word which related to spiritual concerns, soon came
together one after another; and, when I had discoursed to the young
converts more than half an hour, they seemed much melted with divine
things, and earnestly desirous to be with Christ. I told them of the
godly soul’s perfect purity and full enjoyment of Christ, immediately
upon its separation from the body; and that it would be for ever
inconceivably more happy than _they_ had ever been for any short space
of time, when Christ seemed near to them in prayer or other duties. That
I might make way for speaking of the resurrection of the body, and
thence of the complete blessedness of the man; I said, ‘But perhaps some
of you will say, I love my body as well as my soul, and I cannot bear to
think that my body shall lie dead, if my soul is happy.’ To which they
all cheerfully replied, ‘_Muttoh, Muttoh_;’ before I had opportunity to
prosecute what I designed respecting the resurrection; i. e. ‘_No, No_,’
They did not regard their _bodies_, if their _souls_ might be with
Christ. Then they appeared willing to be absent from the body, that they
might be present with the Lord.

“When I had spent some time with them I turned to the other Indians, and
spoke to them from Luke, 19:10. ‘For the Son of man is come to seek and
to save that which was lost. I had not discoursed long before their
concern rose to a great degree, and the house was filled with cries and
groans. When I insisted on the compassion and care of the Lord Jesus
Christ for those that were lost, who thought themselves undone, and
could find no way of escape; this melted them down the more, and
aggravated their distress, that they could not find and come to so kind
a Savior.

“Sundry persons, who before had been slightly awakened, were now deeply
wounded with a sense of their sin and misery. One man in particular, who
was never before awakened, was now made to feel that ‘the word of the
Lord was quick and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword.’ He
seemed to be pierced at heart with distress, and his concern appeared
rational and scriptural, for he said that ‘all the wickedness of his
past life was brought fresh to his remembrance, and that he saw all the
vile actions he had done formerly, as if done but yesterday.’

“Found one who had newly received comfort, after pressing distress from
day to day. Could not but rejoice and admire the divine goodness in what
appeared this day. There seems to be some good done by every discourse;
some newly awakened every day, and some comforted. It was refreshing to
observe the conduct of those who obtained comfort: while others were
distressed with fear and concern, they were lifting up their hearts to
God for them.

_Lord’s day, Aug. 11._—“Discoursed in the forenoon from the parable of
the _Prodigal Son_. Luke, 15. Observed no such remarkable effect of the
word upon the assembly as in days past. There were numbers of careless
spectators from the white people, of various characters. In the
afternoon I discoursed upon a part of Peter’s sermon. Acts, 2. And at
the close of my discourse to the Indians, made an address to the white
people; and divine truth seemed then to be attended with power, both to
English and Indians. Several of the white heathen were awakened, and
could not longer be idle spectators; but found they had souls to save or
lose as well as the Indians; and a great concern spread through the
whole assembly; so that this also appeared to be a day of God’s power,
especially toward the conclusion of it, although the influence attending
the word seemed scarcely so powerful now as in some days past.

“The number of Indians, old and young, was now upward of _seventy_; and
one or two were newly awakened this day who never had appeared to be
moved with concern for their souls before. Those who had obtained relief
and comfort, and had given hopeful evidences of having passed a saving
change, appeared humble and devout, and behaved in an agreeable and
Christian-like manner. I was refreshed to see the tenderness of
conscience manifest in some of them; one instance of which I cannot but
notice. Perceiving one of them very sorrowful in the morning, I inquired
into the cause of her sorrow, and found the difficulty was, that she had
been angry with her child the evening before, and was now exercised with
fears lest her anger had been inordinate and sinful; which so grieved
her that she awoke and began to sob before day light, and continued
weeping for several hours together.

_August 14._—“Spent the day with the Indians. There was one of them who
had some time since put away his wife, as is common among them, and
taken another woman; and being now brought under some serious
impressions, was much concerned about that affair in particular, and
seemed fully convinced of the wickedness of the practice, and earnestly
desirous to know what God would have him to do in his present
circumstances. When the law of God respecting _marriage_ had been opened
to them, and the cause of his leaving his wife inquired into, and when
it appeared that she had given him no just occasion, by unchastity, to
desert her, and that she was willing to forgive his past misconduct and
to live peaceably with him for the future, and that she, moreover,
insisted on it as her right to live with him; he was then told that it
was his indispensable duty to renounce the woman whom he had last taken,
and receive the other, who was his proper wife, and live peaceably with
her during life. With this he readily and cheerfully complied; and
thereupon _publicly_ renounced the woman he had last taken, and promised
to live with and be kind to his wife during life; she also promising the
same to him. Here appeared a clear demonstration of the power of God’s
word upon their hearts. I suppose a few weeks before the whole world
could not have persuaded this man to a compliance with Christian rules
in this affair.

“I was not without fears that this proceeding might be like putting ‘new
wine into old bottles;’ and that some might be prejudiced against
Christianity, when they saw the demands made by it. But the man being
much concerned about the matter, the determination of it could be
deferred no longer; and it seemed to have a good, rather than an ill
effect among the Indians, who generally owned that the laws of Christ
were good and right respecting the affairs of marriage. In the afternoon
I preached to them from the apostle’s discourse to Cornelius. Acts,
10:34. There appeared some affectionate concern among them, though not
equal to what appeared in several of the former days. They still
attended and heard as for their lives, and the Lord’s work seemed still
to be promoted and propagated among them.

_August 15._—“Preached from Luke, 4:16-21. The word was attended with
power upon the hearts of the hearers. There was much concern, many
tears, and affecting cries among them; and some were deeply wounded and
distressed for their souls. There were some newly awakened who came but
this week, and convictions seemed to be promoted in others. Those who
had received comfort, were likewise refreshed and strengthened; and the
work of grace appeared to advance in all respects. The _passions_ of the
congregation in general were not so much moved as in some days past; but
their _hearts_ seemed as solemnly and deeply affected with divine truth
as ever, at least in many instances, although the concern did not seem
so universal, and to reach every individual in such a manner as it
appeared to do some days before.

_August 16._—“Spent considerable time in conversing with the Indians.
Found one who had got relief and comfort after pressing concern; and
could not but hope, when I came to discourse particularly with her, that
her comfort was of the right kind. In the afternoon I preached to them
from John, 6:26-34. Toward the close of my discourse divine truth was
attended with considerable power upon the audience, and more especially
after public service was over, when I particularly addressed several
distressed persons.

“There was a great concern for their souls spread pretty generally among
them; but especially there were two persons newly awakened to a sense of
their sin and misery; one of whom was lately come, and the other had all
along been very attentive and desirous of being awakened, but could
never before have any lively view of her perishing state. Now her
concern and spiritual distress was such, that I thought I had never seen
_any_ more pressing. A number of _old_ men were also in distress for
their souls; so that they could not refrain from weeping and crying
aloud; and their bitter groans were the most convincing as well as
affecting evidences of the reality and depth of their inward anguish.
God is powerfully at work among them. True and genuine convictions of
sin are daily promoted in many instances; and some are newly awakened
from time to time; although some few, who felt a commotion in their
passions in days past, seem now to discover that their _hearts_ were
never duly affected. I never saw the work of God appear so independent
of means as at this time. I discoursed to the people, and spake what I
suppose had a proper tendency to promote convictions; but God’s manner
of working upon them seemed so entirely supernatural, and above means,
that I could scarcely believe he used me as an instrument, or what I
spake as means of carrying on his work. For it appeared, as I thought,
to have no connection with or dependence on means in any respect. Though
I could not but continue to use the means, which I thought proper for
the promotion of the work, yet God seemed, as I apprehended, to work
entirely without them. I seemed to do nothing, and indeed to have
nothing to do, but to ‘stand still, and see the salvation of God;’ and
found myself obliged and delighted to say, ‘Not unto us,’ not unto
instruments and means, ‘but to thy name be glory.’ God appeared to work
entirely alone, and I saw no room to attribute any part of this work to
any created arm.

_Aug. 17._—“Spent much time in private conferences with the Indians.
Found one who had newly obtained relief and comfort, after a long season
of spiritual trouble and distress; he having been one of my hearers at
the Forks of Delaware for more than a year, and now having followed me
here under deep concern for his soul; and had abundant reason to hope
that his comfort was well grounded, and truly divine.

_Lord’s day, Aug. 18._—“Preached in the forenoon to a mixed assembly of
white people, of divers denominations. Afterward preached to the
Indians, from John 6:35-40. There was considerable concern visible among
them, though not equal to what has frequently appeared of late.

_Aug. 19._—“Preached from Isaiah, 55:1. ‘Ho every one that thirsteth.’
Divine truth was attended with power upon those who had received
comfort, and others also. The former sweetly melted and refreshed with
divine invitations; the latter much concerned for their souls, that they
might obtain an interest in these glorious gospel provisions which were
set before them. There were numbers of poor impotent souls that waited
at the pool for healing; and the angel seemed, as at other times of
late, to trouble the waters, so that there was yet a most desirable and
comfortable prospect of the spiritual recovery of diseased perishing
sinners.

_Aug 23._—“Spent some time with the Indians in private discourse; and
afterward preached to them from John, 6:44-50. There was, as has been
usual, a great attention, and some affection among them. Several
appeared deeply concerned for their souls, and could not but express
their inward anguish by tears and cries. But the amazing divine
influence, which has been so powerfully among them in general, seems at
present in some degree abated: at least in regard to its universality;
though many who have obtained no special comfort still retain deep
impressions of divine things.

_Aug. 24._—“Spent the forenoon in discoursing to some of the Indians in
reference to their publicly professing Christ. Numbers of them seemed to
be filled with love to God, delighted with the thoughts of giving
themselves up to him, and melted and refreshed with the hopes of
enjoying the blessed Redeemer. Afterward I discoursed publicly from 1
Thess. 4:13-17. There was a solemn attention, and some visible concern
and affection in the time of public service; which was afterward
increased by some further exhortations given to them to come to Christ,
and give up their hearts to him, that they might be fitted to ‘ascend up
and meet him in the air,’ when he shall ‘descend with a shout, and the
voice of the archangel.’

“There were several Indians newly come, who thought their state good,
and themselves happy, because they had sometimes lived with the white
people under gospel light, had learned to read, were civil, &c.,
although they appeared utter strangers to their own hearts, and
altogether unacquainted with the power of religion, as well as with the
doctrines of grace. With these I discoursed particularly, after public
worship; and was surprised to see their self-righteous disposition,
their strong attachment to the covenant of works for salvation, and the
high value they put upon their supposed attainments. Yet after much
discourse, one appeared in a measure convinced that ‘by the deeds of the
law no flesh living can be justified;’ and wept bitterly, inquiring
‘what he must do to be saved.’

“This was very comfortable to others, who had gained some experimental
knowledge of their own hearts; for before they were grieved with the
conversation and conduct of these new comers, who boasted of their
knowledge, and thought well of themselves, but evidently discovered to
those who had any experience of divine truth, that they knew nothing of
their own hearts.

_Lord’s day, Aug. 25._—“Preached in the forenoon from Luke, 15:3-7. A
number of white people being present, I made an address to them at the
close of my discourse to the Indians; but could not so much as keep them
orderly; for scores of them kept walking and gazing about, and behaved
more indecently than any Indians I have ever addressed. A view of their
abusive conduct so sunk my spirits, that I could scarcely go on with my
work.

“In the afternoon I discoursed from Rev. 3:20; at which time _fifteen_
Indians made a public profession of their faith. After the crowd of
spectators was gone I called them together, and discoursed to them in
particular; at the same time inviting others to attend. I reminded them
of the solemn obligations they were now under to live to God; warned
them of the evil and dreadful consequences of careless living,
especially after their public profession of Christianity; gave them
directions for future conduct; and encouraged them to watchfulness and
devotion, by setting before them the comfort and happy conclusion of a
religious life.

“This was a desirable and sweet season indeed! Their hearts were engaged
and cheerful in duty; and they rejoiced that they had, in a public and
solemn manner, dedicated themselves to God. Love seemed to reign among
them! They took each other by the hand with tenderness and affection, as
if their hearts were knit together, while I was discoursing to them; and
all their deportment toward each other was such, that a serious
spectator might justly be excited to cry out with admiration, ‘Behold
how they love one another.’ Numbers of the other Indians, on seeing and
hearing these things, were much affected, and wept bitterly; longing to
be partakers of the same joy and comfort which these discovered by their
very countenances as well as conduct.

_Aug. 26._—“Preached to my people from John, 6:51-55. After I had
discoursed some time, I addressed them in particular who entertained
hopes that they were passed from death unto life. Opened to them the
persevering nature of those consolations which Christ gives his people,
and which I trusted he had bestowed upon some in that assembly; showed
them that such have already the beginnings of eternal life, and that
their heaven shall speedily be completed.

“I no sooner began to discourse in this strain than the dear Christians
in the congregation began to be melted with affection to, and desire of
the enjoyment of Christ, and of a state of perfect purity. They wept
affectionately, yet joyfully; and their tears and sobs discovered
brokenness of heart, and yet were attended with real comfort and
sweetness. It was a tender, affectionate, humble and delightful meeting,
and appeared to be the genuine effect of a spirit of adoption, and very
far from that spirit of bondage under which they not long since labored.
The influence seemed to spread from these through the whole assembly;
and there quickly appeared a wonderful concern among them. Many, who had
not yet found Christ as an all-sufficient Savior, were surprisingly
engaged in seeking after him. It was indeed a lovely and very
interesting assembly. Their number was now about _ninety-five_ persons,
old and young, and almost all affected with joy in Christ Jesus, or with
the utmost concern to obtain an interest in him.

“Being now convinced that it was my duty to take a journey far back to
the Indians on the Susquehanna, it being now a proper season of the year
to find them generally at home; after having spent some hours in public
and private discourse with my people, I told them that I must now leave
them for the present, and go to their brethren far remote, and preach to
them; that I wanted the Spirit of God should go with me, without whom
nothing could be done to any good purpose among the Indians—as they
themselves had opportunity to see and observe by the barrenness of our
meetings at some times, when there was much pains taken to affect and
awaken sinners, and yet to little or no purpose; and asked them if they
could not be willing to spend the remainder of the day in prayer for me,
that God would go with me, and succeed my endeavors for the conversion
of these poor souls. They cheerfully complied with the motion, and soon
after I left them, the sun being about an hour and a half high, they
began and continued praying till break of day, or very near; never
mistrusting, as they tell me, till they went out and viewed the stars,
and saw the morning star a considerable height, that it was later than
bed time. Thus eager and unwearied were they in their devotions! A
remarkable night it was; attended, as my Interpreter tells me, with a
powerful influence upon those who were yet under concern, as well as
those who had received comfort. There were, I trust, this day, two
distressed souls brought to the enjoyment of solid comfort in Him in
whom the weary find rest. It was likewise remarkable, that this day an
old Indian, who had all his days been an idolater, was brought to give
up his rattles, which they use for music in their idolatrous feasts and
dances, to the other Indians, who quickly destroyed them. This was done
without any interference of mine, I having not spoken to him about it,
so that it seemed to be nothing but the power of God’s word, without any
particular application to this sin, that produced this effect. Thus God
has begun; thus he has hitherto surprisingly carried on a work of grace
among these Indians. May the glory be ascribed to Him who is the sole
author of it.”

                   _Forks of Delaware, in Pennsylvania, Sept. 1745._

_Lord’s day, Sept. 1._—“Preached to the Indians from Luke, 11:16-23. The
word appeared to be attended with some power, and caused some tears in
the assembly. Afterward preached to a number of white people present,
and observed many of them in tears; and some who had formerly been as
careless and unconcerned about religion, perhaps, as the Indians. Toward
night discoursed to the Indians again, and perceived a greater
attention, and more visible concern among them than has been usual in
these parts.

_Sept. 3._—“Preached to the Indians from Isaiah, 52:3-6. The Divine
presence seemed to be in the midst of the assembly, and a considerable
concern spread among them. Sundry persons seemed to be awakened; among
whom were two stupid creatures, whom I could scarce ever before keep
awake while I was discoursing to them. I could not but rejoice at this
appearance of things; although at the same time I could not but fear,
lest the concern which they at present manifested might prove like a
morning cloud, as something of that nature had formerly done in these
parts.

_Sept. 5._—“Discoursed to the Indians from the parable of the sower.
Afterward I conversed particularly with a number of persons; which
occasioned them to weep, and even to cry out in an affecting manner, and
seized others with surprise and concern. I doubt not but that a divine
power accompanied what was then spoken. Several of these persons had
been with me to Crossweeksung, and there had seen, and some of them, I
trust _felt_, the power of God’s word in an affecting and saving manner.
I asked one of them, who had obtained comfort, and given hopeful
evidence of being truly religious, ‘Why he now cried?’ He replied, ‘When
he thought how Christ was slain like a lamb, and spilt his blood for
sinners, he could not help crying when he was alone;’ and thereupon
burst into tears and cried again. I then asked his wife, who had
likewise been abundantly comforted, why she cried? She answered, ‘that
she was grieved that the Indians _here_ would not come to Christ, as
well as those at Crossweeksung.’ I asked her if she found a heart to
pray for them, and whether Christ had seemed _to be near her of late in
prayer_, as in times past, which is my usual method of expressing a
sense of the divine presence. She replied, ‘Yes, he had been near to
her, and at times when she had been praying alone, her heart loved to
pray so that she could not bear to leave the place, but wanted to stay
and pray longer.’

_Lord’s day, Sept. 8._—“Discoursed to the Indians in the afternoon from
Acts, 2:36-39. The word of God at this time seemed to fall with weight
and influence upon them. There were but few present; but most that were,
were in tears, and several cried out in distressing concern for their
souls. There was one man considerably awakened, who never before
discovered any concern for his soul. There appeared a remarkable work of
the Divine Spirit among them generally, not unlike what has been of late
at Crossweeksung. It seemed as if the divine influence had spread thence
to this place, although something of it appeared here before in the
awakening of my interpreter, his wife, and some few others. Several of
the careless white people now present were awakened, or at least
startled, seeing the power of God so prevalent among the Indians. I then
made a particular address to them, which seemed to make some impression
upon them, and excite some affection in them.

“There are some Indians in these parts who have always refused to hear
me preach, and have been enraged against those who have attended on my
preaching. But of late they are more bitter than ever; scoffing at
christianity, and sometimes asking my hearers ‘How often they have
cried,’ and ‘whether they have not now cried enough to do their turn,’
&c. So that they have already trial of cruel mockings.

_Sept. 9._—“Left the Indians at the Forks of Delaware, and set out on a
journey toward Susquehanna river, directing my course toward the Indian
town more than an hundred and twenty miles westward from the Forks.
Traveled about fifteen miles, and there lodged.

                                           _Shaumoking, Sept. 1745._

_Sept. 13._—“After having lodged out three nights, arrived at the Indian
town I aimed at, on the Susquehanna, called _Shaumoking_; one of the
places, and the largest of them, which I visited in May last. I was
kindly received, and entertained by the Indians; but had little
satisfaction by reason of the heathenish dance and revel they then held
in the house where I was obliged to lodge; which I could not suppress,
though I often entreated them to desist, for the sake of one of their
own friends, who was then sick in the house, and whose disorder was much
aggravated by the noise. Alas! how destitute of natural affection are
these poor uncultivated pagans! although they seem somewhat kind in
their own way. Of a truth the dark corners of the earth are full of the
habitations of cruelty. This town, as I observed in my Diary of May
last, lies partly on the east side of the river, partly on the west, and
partly on a large island in it, and contains upward of fifty houses, and
nearly three hundred persons, though I never saw much more than half
that number in it. They are of three different tribes of Indians,
speaking three languages wholly unintelligible to each other. About one
half of its inhabitants are _Delawares_, the others called _Senekas_ and
_Tutelas_. The Indians of this place are accounted the most drunken,
mischievous, and ruffianlike fellows of any in these parts; and Satan
seems to have his seat in this town in an eminent manner.

_Sept. 14._—“Visited the Delaware King, who was supposed to be at the
point of death when I was here in May last, but was now recovered;
discoursed with him and others respecting christianity; spent the
afternoon with them, and had more encouragement than I expected. The
king appeared kindly disposed, and willing to be instructed. This gave
me some encouragement that God would open an effectual door for my
preaching the Gospel here, and set up his kingdom in this place. This
was a support and refreshment to me in the wilderness, and rendered my
solitary circumstances comfortable and pleasant.

_Lord’s day, Sept. 15._—“Visited the chief of the Delawares again; was
kindly received by him, and discoursed to the Indians in the afternoon.
Still entertained hopes that God would open their hearts to receive the
Gospel, though many of them in the place were so drunk from day to day
that I could get no opportunity to speak to them. Toward night
discoursed with one who understood the languages of the _Six Nations_,
as they are usually called, who discovered an inclination to hearken to
christianity, which gave me some hope that the Gospel might hereafter be
sent to those nations far remote.

_Sept. 16._—“Spent the forenoon with the Indians, endeavoring to
instruct them from house to house, and to engage them, as far as I
could, to be friendly to christianity. Toward night went to one part of
the town where they were sober, got together near fifty of them, and
discoursed to them, having first obtained the king’s cheerful consent.
There was a surprising attention among them, and they manifested a
considerable desire of being further instructed. There were also one or
two that seemed to be touched with some concern for their souls, who
appeared well pleased with some conversation in private after I had
concluded my public discourse to them.

“My spirits were much refreshed with this appearance of things, and I
could not but return with my interpreter, having no other companion in
this journey to my poor hard lodgings, rejoicing in hopes that God
designed to set up his kingdom here, where satan now reigns in the most
eminent manner; and found uncommon freedom in addressing the throne of
grace for the accomplishment of so great and glorious a work.

_Sept. 17._—“Spent the forenoon in visiting and discoursing to the
Indians. About noon left Shaumoking (most of the Indians going out this
day on their hunting design) and traveled down the river south-westward.

                                             _Juncauta, Sept. 1745._

_Sept. 19._—“Visited an Indian town, called _Juncauta_, situate on an
island in the Susquehanna. Was much discouraged with the temper and
behavior of the Indians here; although they appeared friendly when I was
with them the last spring, and then gave me encouragement to come and
see them again. But they now seemed resolved to retain their pagan
notions, and persist in their idolatrous practices.

_September 20._—“Visited the Indians again at Juncauta island, and found
them almost universally very busy in making preparations for a great
sacrifice and dance. Had no opportunity to get them together, in order
to discourse with them about Christianity, by reason of their being so
much engaged about their sacrifice. My spirits were much sunk with a
prospect so very discouraging; and especially seeing I had this day no
interpreter but a pagan, who was as much attached to idolatry as any of
them, and who could neither speak nor understand the language of these
Indians; so that I was under the greatest disadvantages imaginable.
However, I attempted to discourse privately with some of them, but
without any appearance of success: notwithstanding I still tarried with
them.

“In the evening they met together, nearly a hundred of them, and danced
around a large fire, having prepared ten fat deer for the sacrifice. The
fat of the inwards they burnt in the fire while they were dancing, which
sometimes raised the flame to a prodigious height; at the same time
yelling and shouting in such a manner that they might easily have been
heard two miles or more. They continued their sacred dance nearly all
night, after which they ate the flesh of the sacrifice, and so retired
each one to his own lodging.

“I enjoyed little satisfaction; being entirely alone on the island, as
to any Christian company, and in the midst of this idolatrous revel; and
having walked to and fro till body and mind were pained and much
oppressed, I at length crept into a little crib made for corn, and there
slept on the poles.

_Lord’s day, Sept. 21._—“Spent the day with the Indians on the island.
As soon as they were well up in the morning I attempted to instruct
them, and labored for that purpose to get them together; but soon found
they had something else to do, for near noon they gathered together all
their powaws, or conjurers, and set about half a dozen of them playing
their juggling tricks, and acting their frantic distracted postures, in
order to find out why they were then so sickly upon the island, numbers
of them being at that time disordered with a fever and bloody flux. In
this exercise they were engaged for several hours, making all the wild,
ridiculous and distracted motions imaginable; sometimes singing,
sometimes howling, sometimes extending their hands to the utmost
stretch, and spreading all their fingers; they seemed to push with them
as if they designed to push something away, or at least keep it off at
arm’s-end; sometimes stroking their faces with their hands, then
spurting water as fine as mist; sometimes sitting flat on the earth,
then bowing down their faces to the ground; then wringing their sides as
if in pain and anguish, twisting their faces, turning up their eyes,
grunting, puffing, &c.

“Their monstrous actions tended to excite ideas of horror, and seemed to
have something in them, as I thought, peculiarly suited to raise the
devil, if he could be raised by any thing odd, ridiculous, and
frightful. Some of them, I could observe, were much more fervent and
devout in the business than others, and seemed to chant, peep, and
mutter with a great degree of warmth and vigor, as if determined to
awaken and engage the powers below. I sat at a small distance, not more
than thirty feet from them, though undiscovered, with my Bible in my
hand, resolving, if possible, to spoil their sport, and prevent their
receiving any answers from the infernal world, and there viewed the
whole scene. They continued their hideous charms and incantations for
more than three hours, until they had all wearied themselves out;
although they had in that space of time taken several intervals of rest;
and at length broke up, I apprehended, without receiving any answer at
all.

“After they had done powawing, I attempted to discourse with them about
Christianity; but they soon scattered, and gave me no opportunity for
any thing of that nature. A view of these things, while I was entirely
alone in the wilderness, destitute of the society of any one who so much
as ‘named the name of Christ,’ greatly sunk my spirits, and gave me the
most gloomy turn of mind imaginable, almost stripped me of all
resolution and hope respecting further attempts for propagating the
Gospel and converting the pagans, and rendered this the most burdensome
and disagreeable Sabbath which I ever saw. But nothing, I can truly say,
sunk and distressed me like the loss of my hope respecting their
conversion. This concern appeared so great, and seemed to be so much my
own, that I seemed to have nothing to do on earth if this failed. A
prospect of the greatest success in the saving conversion of souls under
Gospel light, would have done little or nothing toward compensating for
the loss of my hope in this respect; and my spirits now were so damped
and depressed, that I had no heart nor power to make any further
attempts among them for that purpose, and could not possibly recover my
hope, resolution, and courage, by the utmost of my endeavors.

“The Indians of this island can, many of them, understand the English
language considerably well; having formerly lived in some part of
Maryland, among or near the white people; but are very drunken, vicious,
and profane, although not so savage as those who have less acquaintance
with the English. Their customs, in various respects, differ from those
of the other Indians upon this river. They do not bury their dead in a
common form, but let their flesh consume above the ground, in close
cribs made for that purpose. At the end of a year, or sometimes a longer
space of time, they take the bones, when the flesh is all consumed, and
wash and scrape them and afterward bury them with some ceremony. Their
method of charming or conjuring over the sick, seems somewhat different
from that of the other Indians, though in substance the same. The whole
of it among these and others, perhaps, is an imitation of what seems, by
Naaman’s expression, 2 Kings, 5:11, to have been the custom of the
ancient heathen. It seems chiefly to consist in their ‘striking their
hands over the diseased,’ repeatedly stroking them, ‘and calling upon
their god;’ except the spurting of water like a mist, and some other
frantic ceremonies common to the other conjurations which I have already
mentioned.

“When I was in this region in May last I had an opportunity of learning
many of the notions and customs of the Indians, as well as observing
many of their practices. I then traveled more than an hundred and thirty
miles upon the river, above the English settlements; and in that journey
met with individuals of seven or eight distinct tribes, speaking as many
different languages. But of all the sights I ever saw among them, or
indeed any where else, none appeared so frightful, or so near a kin to
what is usually imagined of _infernal powers_, none ever excited such
images of terror in my mind, as the appearance of one who was a devout
and zealous reformer, or rather restorer of what he supposed was the
ancient religion of the Indians. He made his appearance in his
_pontifical garb_, which was a coat of _bear skins_, dressed with the
hair on, and hanging down to his toes; a pair of bear skin stockings;
and a great _wooden_ face painted, the one half black, the other half
tawny, about the color of an Indian’s skin, with an extravagant mouth,
cut very much awry; the face fastened to a bear skin cap, which was
drawn over his head. He advanced toward me with the instrument in his
hand which he used for music in his idolatrous worship; which was a dry
tortoise shell with some corn in it, and the neck of it drawn on to a
piece of wood, which made a very convenient handle. As he came forward
he beat his tune with the rattle, and danced with all his might, but did
not suffer any part of his body, not so much as his fingers, to be seen.
No one would have imagined, from his appearance or actions, that he
could have been a human creature, if they had not had some intimation of
it otherwise. When he came near me I could not but shrink away from him,
although it was then noon day, and I knew who it was; his appearance and
gestures were so prodigiously frightful. He had a house consecrated to
religious uses, with divers images cut upon the several parts of it. I
went in, and found the ground beat almost as hard as a rock, with their
frequent dancing upon it. I discoursed with him about Christianity. Some
of my discourse he seemed to like, but some of it he disliked extremely.
He told me that God had taught him his religion, and that he never would
turn from it; but wanted to find some who would join heartily with him
in it; for the Indians, he said, were grown very degenerate and corrupt.
He had thoughts, he said, of leaving all his friends, and traveling
abroad, in order to find some who would join with him; for he believed
that God had some good people some where, who felt as he did. He had not
always, he said, felt as he now did; but had formerly been like the rest
of the Indians, until about four or five years before that time. Then,
he said, his heart was very much distressed, so that he could not live
among the Indians, but got away into the woods, and lived alone for some
months. At length, he said, God comforted his heart, and showed him what
he should do; and since that time he had known God, and tried to serve
him; and loved all men, be they who they would, so as he never did
before. He treated me with uncommon courtesy, and seemed to be hearty in
it. I was told by the Indians, that he opposed their drinking strong
liquor with all his power; and that, if at any time he could not
dissuade them from it by all he could say, he would leave them, and go
crying into the woods. It was manifest that he had a set of religious
notions which he had examined for himself, and not taken for granted
upon bare tradition; and he relished or disrelished whatever was spoken
of a religious nature, as it either agreed or disagreed with _his
standard_. While I was discoursing, he would sometimes say, ‘Now that I
like; so God has taught me;’ &c. and some of his sentiments seemed very
just. Yet he utterly denied the existence of a devil, and declared there
was no such creature known among the Indians of old times, whose
religion he supposed he was attempting to revive. He likewise told me,
that departed souls went _southward_, and that the difference between
the good and the bad was this: that the former were admitted into a
beautiful town with spiritual walls; and that the latter would for ever
hover around these walls, in vain attempts to get in. He seemed to be
sincere, honest, and conscientious in his own way, and according to his
own religious notions; which was more than I ever saw in any other
Pagan. I perceived that he was looked upon and derided among most of the
Indians, as a _precise zealot_, who made a needless noise about
religious matters; but I must say that there was something in his temper
and disposition which looked more like true religion than any thing I
ever observed among other heathens.

“But alas! how deplorable is the state of the Indians upon this river!
The brief representation which I have here given of their notions and
manners, is sufficient to show that they are ‘led captive by Satan at
his will,’ in the most eminent manner; and methinks might likewise be
sufficient to excite the compassion, and engage the prayers, of God’s
children for these their fellow-men, who sit ‘in the regions of the
shadow of death.’

_Sept. 22._—“Made some further attempts to instruct and Christianize the
Indians on this Island, but all to no purpose. They live so near the
white people that they are always in the way of strong liquor, as well
as of the ill examples of nominal Christians; which renders it so
unspeakably difficult to treat with them about Christianity.”

                                     _Forks of Delaware, Oct. 1745._

_Oct. 1._—“Discoursed to the Indians here, and spent some time in
private conference with them about their souls’ concerns, and afterward
invited them to accompany, or if not, to follow me to Crossweeksung as
soon as they could conveniently; which invitation numbers of them
cheerfully accepted.”

                                         _Crossweeksung, Oct. 1745._

_Oct. 5._—“Preached to my people from John, 14:1-6. The divine presence
seemed to be in the assembly. Numbers were affected with divine truth,
and it was a comfort to some in particular. O what a difference is there
between these, and the Indians with whom I had lately treated upon the
Susquehanna! To be with those seemed to be like being banished from God
and all his people; to be with these, like being admitted into his
family, and to the enjoyment of his divine presence! How great is the
change lately made upon numbers of those Indians; who, not many months
ago, were as thoughtless and averse to Christianity as those upon the
Susquehanna; and how astonishing is that grace which has made this
change!

_Lord’s day, Oct. 6._—“Preached in the forenoon from John, 10:7-11.
There was a considerable melting among my people; the dear young
Christians were refreshed, comforted and strengthened; and one or two
persons newly awakened. In the afternoon I discoursed on the story of
the Jailor, Acts, 16; and in the evening expounded Acts, 20:1-12. There
was at this time a very agreeable melting spread throughout the whole
assembly. I think I scarce ever saw a more desirable affection among any
people. There was scarcely a dry eye to be seen among them; and yet
nothing boisterous or unseemly, nothing that tended to disturb the
public worship; but rather to encourage and excite a Christian ardor and
spirit of devotion. Those who I have reason to hope were savingly
renewed were first affected, and seemed to rejoice much, but with
brokenness of spirit and godly fear. Their exercises were much the same
with those mentioned in my journal of August 26, evidently appearing to
be the genuine effects of a spirit of adoption.

“After public service was over I withdrew, being much tired with the
labors of the day; and the Indians continued praying among themselves
for near two hours together; which continued exercises appeared to be
attended with a blessed quickening influence from on high. I could not
but earnestly wish that numbers of God’s people had been present at this
season to see and hear these things which I am sure must refresh the
heart of every true lover of Zion. To see those who were very lately
savage Pagans and idolaters, having no hope, and without God in the
world, now filled with a sense of divine love and grace, and worshipping
the Father in spirit and in truth, as numbers here appeared to do, was
not a little affecting; and especially to see them appear so tender and
humble, as well as lively, fervent, and devout in the divine service.

_Oct. 24._—“Discoursed from John, 4:13, 14. There was a great attention,
a desirable affection, and an unaffected melting in the assembly. It is
surprising to see how eager they are to hear the word of God. I often
times thought that they would cheerfully and diligently attend divine
worship twenty-four hours together, if they had an opportunity so to do.

_Oct. 25._—“Discoursed to my people respecting the Resurrection, from
Luke, 20:27-36. When I came to mention the blessedness the godly shall
enjoy at that season; their final freedom from death, sin and sorrow;
their equality to the _angels_ in their nearness to and enjoyment of
Christ, some imperfect degree of which they are favored with in the
present life, from whence springs their sweetest comfort; and their
being the children of God, openly acknowledged by him as such; many of
them were much affected and melted with a view of this blessed state.

_Oct. 26._—“Being called to assist in the administration of the Lord’s
supper in a neighboring congregation, I invited my people to go with me.
They in general embraced the opportunity cheerfully; and attended the
several discourses of this solemnity with diligence and affection, most
of them now understanding something of the English language.

_Lord’s day, Oct. 27._—“While I was preaching to a vast assembly of
people abroad, who appeared generally easy and secure, there was one
Indian woman, a stranger, who never had heard me preach before, nor ever
regarded any thing about religion, who, having been now persuaded by
some of her friends to come to meeting, though much against her will,
was seized with distressing concern for her soul; and soon after
expressed a great desire of going home, more than forty miles distant,
to call her husband, that he also might be awakened to a concern for his
soul. Some others of the Indians appeared to be affected with divine
truth this day. The pious people of the English, numbers of whom I had
opportunity to converse with, seemed refreshed with seeing the Indians
worship God in that devout and solemn manner with the assembly of his
people; and with those mentioned in Acts, 11:18, they could not but
glorify God, saying, ‘Then hath God also to the Gentiles granted
repentance unto life.’

“Preached again in the afternoon, to a great assembly; at which time
some of my people appeared affected; and when public worship was over,
were inquisitive whether there would not be another sermon in the
evening, or before the solemnity of the Lord’s supper was concluded;
being still desirous to hear God’s word.

_Oct. 28._—“Discoursed from Matt. 22:1-13. I was enabled to open the
scriptures, and adapt my discourse and expression to the capacities of
my people, _I know not how_, in a plain, easy, and familiar manner,
beyond all that I could have done by the utmost study; and this without
any special difficulty; yea, with as much freedom as if I had been
addressing a common audience, who had been instructed in the doctrines
of christianity all their days. The word of God at this time seemed to
fall upon the assembly with a divine power and influence, especially
toward the close of my discourse; there was both a sweet melting and
bitter mourning in the audience. The dear christians were refreshed and
comforted, convictions revived in others, and several persons newly
awakened who had never been with us before. So much of the divine
presence appeared in the assembly, that it seemed ‘this was no other
than the house of God and the gate of heaven.’ All, who had any savor
and relish of divine things, were even constrained by the sweetness of
that season to say, ‘Lord, it is good for us to be here.’ If ever there
was among my people an appearance of the New Jerusalem ‘as a bride
adorned for her husband,’ there was much of it at this time; and so
agreeable was the entertainment, where such tokens of the divine
presence were, that I could scarcely be willing in the evening to leave
the place and repair to my lodgings. I was refreshed with a view of the
continuance of this blessed work of grace among them, and with its
influence upon strangers among the Indians, who had of late from time to
time providentially come into this part of the country.

_Lord’s day, Nov. 3._—“Preached to my people from Luke 16:17. ‘And it is
easier for heaven and earth,’ &c. more especially for the sake of
several lately brought under deep concern for their souls. There was
some apparent concern and affection in the assembly; though far less
than has been usual of late.

“On this day _six_ of the Indians made a profession of their faith. One
of these was a woman near _four-score_ years of age. Two of the others
were men _fifty_ years old, who had been singular and remarkable among
the Indians for their wickedness; one of them had been a murderer, and
both notorious drunkards as well as excessively quarrelsome; but now I
cannot but hope that both of them have become subjects of God’s special
grace. I kept them back for many weeks after they had given evidence of
having passed a great change, that I might have more opportunities to
observe the fruits of the impressions which they had been under, and
apprehended the way was now clear to admit them to the ordinances.

_Nov. 4._“—Discoursed from John 11, briefly explaining most of the
chapter. Divine truth made deep impressions upon many in the assembly.
Numbers were affected with a view of the power of Christ manifested in
his raising the dead; and especially when this instance of his power was
improved to show his ability to raise dead souls, such as many of them
felt themselves to be, to a spiritual life; as also to raise the dead at
the last day, and dispense to them rewards and punishments.

“There were numbers of those who had come here lately from remote
places, who were now brought under deep and pressing concern for their
souls. One in particular, who not long since came half drunk, and railed
on us, and attempted by all means to disturb us while engaged in divine
worship, was now so concerned and distressed for her soul, that she
seemed unable to get any ease without an interest in Christ. There were
many tears and affectionate sobs and groans in the assembly in general;
some weeping for themselves; others for their friends. Although persons
are doubtless much more easily affected now than they were in the
beginning of this religious concern, when tears and cries for their
souls were things unheard of among them; yet I must say that their
affection in general appeared genuine and unfeigned; and especially this
appeared very conspicuous in those newly awakened. So that true and
genuine convictions of sin seem still to be begun and promoted in many
instances.

_Twenty three_ of the Indians in all have now professed their faith in
Christ. Most of them belonged to this region, a few to the Forks of
Delaware.—Through rich grace, none of them as yet have been left to
disgrace their profession by any scandalous or unbecoming behavior.

“I might now properly make many REMARKS on a work of grace so very
remarkable as this has been in various respects; but shall confine
myself to a few general hints only.

1. “It is remarkable that God began this work among the Indians at a
time when I had _the least hope_, and, to my apprehension, the least
rational prospect of seeing a work of grace propagated among them: my
bodily strength being then much wasted by a late tedious journey to the
Susquehanna, where I was necessarily exposed to hardships and fatigues
among the Indians; my mind being also exceedingly depressed with a view
of the unsuccessfulness of my labors. I had little reason so much as to
hope that God had made me instrumental in the saving conversion of any
of the Indians, except my Interpreter and his wife. Hence I was ready to
look upon myself as a burden to the Society which employed and supported
me in this business, and began to entertain serious thoughts of giving
up my _mission_; and almost resolved I would do so at the conclusion of
the present year, if I had then no better prospect of success in my work
than I had hitherto had. I cannot say that I entertained these thoughts
because I was weary of the labors and fatigues which necessarily
attended my present business, or because I had light and freedom in my
own mind to turn any other way; but purely through dejection of spirit,
pressing discouragement, and an apprehension of its being unjust to
spend money consecrated to religious uses, only to _civilize_ the
Indians, and bring them to an _external_ profession of Christianity.
This was all which I could then see any prospect of effecting, while God
seemed, as I thought, evidently to frown upon the design of their saving
conversion, by withholding the convincing and renewing influences of his
blessed Spirit from attending the means which I had hitherto used with
them for that end.

“In this frame of mind I first visited these Indians at Crossweeksung;
apprehending that it was my indispensable duty, seeing I had heard there
was a number in these parts, to make some attempts for their conversion
to God, though I cannot say I had any hope of success, my spirits being
now so extremely sunk. I do not know that my hopes respecting the
conversion of the Indians were ever reduced to so low an ebb, since I
had any special concern for them, as at this time. Yet _this_ was the
very season in which God saw fit to begin this glorious work! Thus he
‘ordained strength out of weakness,’ by making bare his almighty arm at
a time when all hopes and human probabilities most evidently appeared to
fail.—Whence I learn, that _it is good to follow the path of duty,
though in the midst of darkness and discouragement_.

2. “It is remarkable how God providentially, and in a manner almost
_unaccountable_, called these Indians together to be instructed in the
great things that concerned their souls: and how he seized their minds
with the most solemn and weighty concern for their eternal salvation, as
fast as they came to the place where his word was preached. When I first
came into these parts in June, I found not one man at the place I
visited, but only four women and a few children; but before I had been
here many days, they gathered from all quarters, some from more than
twenty miles; and when I made them a second visit in the beginning of
August, some came more than forty miles to hear me. Many came without
any intelligence of what was going on here, and consequently without any
design of theirs, so much as to gratify their curiosity. Thus it seemed
as if God had summoned them together from all quarters for nothing else
but to deliver his message to them; and that he did this, with regard to
some of them, without making use of any human means, although there was
pains taken by some of them to give notice to others at remote places.

“Nor is it less surprising that they were one after another affected
with a solemn concern for their souls, almost as soon as they came upon
the spot where divine truths were taught them. I could not but think
often, that their coming to the place of our public worship, was like
Saul and his messengers coming among the prophets; they no sooner came
but they prophesied; and these were almost as soon affected with a sense
of their sin and misery, and with an earnest concern for deliverance, as
they made their appearance in our assembly. After this work of grace
began with power among them, it was common for _strangers_ of the
Indians, before they had been with us one day, to be much awakened,
deeply convinced of their sin and misery, and to inquire with great
solicitude, ‘What they should do to be saved?’

3. “It is likewise remarkable how God preserved these poor ignorant
Indians _from being prejudiced against me_, and the truths I taught
them, by those means that were used with them for that purpose by
ungodly people. There were many attempts made by some ill-minded persons
of the white people to prejudice them against, or frighten them from
Christianity. They sometimes told them, that the Indians were well
enough already;—that there was no need of all this noise about
Christianity;—that if they were Christians they would be in no better,
no safer, or happier state, than they were already in. Sometimes they
told them, that I was a knave, a deceiver, and the like; that I daily
taught them lies, and had no other design but to impose upon them. When
none of these, and such like suggestions, would avail to their purpose,
they then tried another expedient, and told the Indians, ‘My design was
to gather together as large a body of them as I possibly could, and sell
them to England for slaves;’ than which nothing could be more likely to
terrify the Indians, they being naturally of a jealous disposition, and
the most averse to a state of servitude perhaps of any people living.

“But all these wicked insinuations, through divine goodness over-ruling,
constantly turned against the authors of them, and only served to engage
the affections of the Indians more firmly to me; for they, being
awakened to a solemn concern for their souls, could not but observe,
that the persons who endeavored to embitter their minds against me, were
altogether unconcerned about their own souls, and not only so, but
vicious and profane; and thence could not but argue, that if they had no
concern for their _own_, it was not likely they should have for the
souls of _others_.

“It seems yet the more wonderful that the Indians were preserved from
once harkening to these suggestions, inasmuch as I was an utter stranger
among them, and could give them no assurance of my sincere affection to,
and concern for them, by any thing that was past,—while the persons who
insinuated these things were their old acquaintance, who had frequent
opportunities of gratifying their _thirsty appetites_ with strong drink,
and consequently, doubtless had the greatest interest in their
affections. But from this instance of their preservation from fatal
prejudices, I have had occasion, with admiration, to say, ‘If God will
work, who can hinder?’

4. “Nor is it less wonderful how God was pleased to provide a _remedy_
for my want of skill and freedom in the Indian language, by remarkably
fitting my Interpreter for, and assisting him in the performance of his
work. It might reasonably be supposed I must needs labor under a vast
disadvantage in addressing the Indians by an Interpreter; and that
divine truths would undoubtedly lose much of the _energy_ and _pathos_
with which they might at first be delivered, by reason of their coming
to the audience from a second hand. But although this has often, to my
sorrow and discouragement, been the case in times past, when my
Interpreter had little or no sense of divine things; yet now it was
quite otherwise. I cannot think my addresses to the Indians ordinarily,
since the beginning of this season of grace have lost any thing of the
power or pungency with which they were made, unless it were sometimes
for want of pertinent and pathetic terms and expressions in the Indian
language; which difficulty could not have been much redressed by my
personal acquaintance with their language. My Interpreter had before
gained some good degree of doctrinal knowledge, whereby he was rendered
capable of understanding, and communicating, without mistakes, the
intent and meaning of my discourses, and that without being confined
strictly, and obliged to interpret verbatim. He had likewise, to
appearance, an experimental acquaintance with divine things; and it
pleased God at this season to inspire his mind with longing desires for
the conversion of the Indians, and to give him admirable zeal and
fervency in addressing them in order thereto. It is remarkable, that,
when I was favored with any special assistance in any work, and enabled
to speak with more than common freedom, fervency, and power, under a
lively and affecting sense of divine things, he was usually affected in
the same manner almost instantly, and seemed at once quickened and
enabled to speak in the same pathetic language, and under the same
influence that I did. A _surprising energy_ often accompanied the word
at such seasons; so that the face of the whole assembly would be
apparently changed almost in an instant, and tears and sobs become
common among them.

“He also appeared to have such a clear doctrinal view of God’s usual
methods of dealing with souls under a preparatory work of conviction and
humiliation as he never had before; so that I could, with his help,
discourse freely with the distressed persons about their internal
exercises, their fears, discouragements, temptations, &c. He likewise
took pains, day and night, to repeat and inculcate upon the minds of the
Indians the truths which I taught them daily; and this he appeared to
do, not from spiritual pride, and an affectation of setting himself up
as a public teacher, but from a spirit of faithfulness, and an honest
concern for their souls.

“His conversation among the Indians has likewise, so far as I know, been
savory, as becomes a Christian, and a person employed in his work; and I
may justly say, he has been a great comfort to me, and a great
instrument of promoting this good work among the Indians; so that
whatever be the state of his own soul, it is apparent God has remarkably
fitted him for this work. Thus God has manifested that, without
bestowing on me the _gift of tongues_, he could find a way wherein I
might be as effectually enabled to convey the truths of his glorious
Gospel to the minds of these poor benighted pagans.

5. “It is further remarkable, that God has carried on his work here by
_such means_, and in _such a manner_, as tended to obviate, and leave no
room for those prejudices and objections which have often been raised
against such a work. When persons have been awakened to a solemn concern
for their souls, by hearing the more awful truths of God’s word, and the
terrors of the divine law insisted upon, it has usually in such cases
been objected by some, that such persons were only frighted with a
fearful noise of hell and damnation; and that there was no evidence that
their concern was the effect of a divine influence. But God has left no
room for this objection in the present case; _this work of grace having
been begun and carried on by almost one continued strain of Gospel
invitation to perishing sinners_. This may reasonably be guessed, from a
view of the passages of Scripture I chiefly insisted upon in my
discourses from time to time; which I have for that purpose inserted in
my diary.

“Nor have I ever seen so general an awakening in any assembly in my life
as appeared here while I was opening and insisting upon the parable of
the great supper. Luke, 14. In which discourse I was enabled to set
before my hearers the unsearchable riches of Gospel grace. Not that I
would be understood here that I never instructed the Indians respecting
their fallen state, and the sinfulness and misery of it; for this was
what I at first chiefly insisted upon with them, and endeavored to
repeat and inculcate in almost every discourse, knowing that without
this foundation I should but build upon the sand, and that it would be
in vain to invite them to Christ unless I could convince them of their
need of him. Mark, 2:17.

“But still this great awakening, this surprising concern, was never
excited by any harangues of terror, but always appeared most remarkable
when I insisted upon the compassion of a dying Savior, the plentiful
provisions of the Gospel, and the free offers of divine grace to needy,
distressed sinners. Nor would I be understood to insinuate, that such a
religious concern might justly be suspected as not being genuine and
from a divine influence, if produced from the preaching of terror; for
this is perhaps God’s more usual way of awakening sinners, and appears
entirely agreeable to Scripture and sound reason. But what I meant here
to observe is, that God saw fit to employ and bless milder means for the
effectual awakening of these Indians, and thereby obviated the
forementioned objection, which the world might otherwise have had a more
plausible color of making.

“As there has been no room for any plausible objection against this
work, with regard to the _means_, so neither with regard to the _manner_
in which it has been carried on. It is true, persons’ concern for their
souls have been exceeding great; the convictions of their sin and misery
have arisen to a high degree, and produced many tears, cries, and
groans; but then they have not been attended with those disorders,
either bodily or mental, which have sometimes prevailed among persons
under religious impressions. There has here been no appearance of those
convulsions, bodily agonies, frightful screamings, swoonings, and the
like, which have been so much complained of in some places; although
there have been some, who, with the jailer, have been made to _tremble_
under a sense of their sin and misery, and have been made to cry out
from a distressing view of their perishing state.

“Nor has there been any appearance of mental disorders here, such as
_visions, trances, imaginations_ of being under prophetic inspiration,
and the like; or scarce any unbecoming disposition to appear remarkably
affected either with concern or joy; though I must confess I observed
one or two persons, whose concern I thought was in a considerable
measure affected; and one whose joy appeared to be of the same kind. But
these workings of spiritual pride I endeavored to crush in their first
appearances, and have not since observed any affection, either of joy or
sorrow, but what appeared genuine and unaffected. But,

_Lastly._ The _effects_ of this work have likewise been very remarkable.
I doubt not but that many of these people have gained more _doctrinal_
knowledge of divine truths since I first visited them in June last, than
could have been instilled into their minds by the most diligent use of
proper and instructive means for whole _years_ together, without such a
divine influence. Their pagan notions and idolatrous practices seem to
be entirely abandoned in these parts. They are regulated; and appear
regularly disposed in the affairs of marriage; an instance whereof I
have given in my journal of August 14. They seem generally divorced from
_drunkenness_, their darling vice, the ‘sin that easily besets them;’ so
that I do not know of more than two or three, who have been my _steady
hearers_, that have drank to excess since I first visited them; although
before it was common for some or other of them to be drunk almost every
day: and some of them seem now to fear this sin in particular, more than
death itself. A principle of honesty and justice appears in many of
them; and they seem concerned to discharge their old debts, which they
have neglected, and perhaps scarcely thought of for years past. Their
manner of living is much more decent and comfortable than formerly,
having now the benefit of that money which they used to consume upon
strong drink. Love seems to reign among them, especially those who have
given evidences of having passed a saving change: and I never saw any
appearance of bitterness or censoriousness in these, nor any disposition
to ‘esteem themselves better than others,’ who had not received the like
mercy.

“As their sorrows under convictions have been great and pressing, so
many of them have since appeared to ‘rejoice with joy unspeakable, and
full of glory;’ and yet I never saw any thing ecstatic or flighty in
their joy. Their consolations do not incline them to lightness; but, on
the contrary, are attended with solemnity, and often times with tears,
and an apparent brokenness of heart, as may be seen in several passages
of my diary. In this respect some of them have been surprised at
themselves, and have with concern observed to me, that ‘when their
hearts have been glad,’ which is a phrase they commonly make use of to
express spiritual joy, ‘they could not help crying for all.’

“And now, upon the whole, I think I may justly say, that here are all
the symptoms and evidences of a remarkable work of grace among these
Indians, which can reasonably be desired or expected. May the _great
Author_ of this work maintain and promote the same _here_, and propagate
it _every where_, till ‘the whole earth be filled with his glory!’ Amen.

“I have now rode more than three thousand miles, of which I have kept an
exact account, since the beginning of March last, and almost the whole
of it has been in my own proper business as a _missionary_, upon the
design, either immediately or more remotely, of propagating _Christian
knowledge_ among the Indians. I have taken pains to look out for a
colleague or companion, to travel with me; and have likewise used
endeavors to procure something for his support, among religious persons
in New-England, which cost me a journey of several hundred miles; but
have not, as yet, found any person qualified and disposed for this good
work, although I had some encouragement from ministers and others, that
it was hoped a maintenance might be procured for one, when _the man_
should be found.

“I have likewise of late represented to the gentlemen concerned with
this mission, the necessity of having an English _school_ speedily set
up among these Indians, who are now willing to be at the pains of
gathering together in a body, for this purpose. In order thereto, I have
humbly proposed to them the collecting of money for the maintenance of a
schoolmaster, and the defraying of other necessary charges, in the
promotion of this good work; which they are now attempting in the
several congregations of Christians to which they respectively belong.

“The several companies of Indians to whom I have preached in the summer
past, live at _great distances_ from each other. It is more than
_seventy miles_ from Crossweeksung, in New-Jersey, to the Forks of
Delaware in Pennsylvania; and thence to sundry of the Indian settlements
which I visited on the Susquehanna, is more than an _hundred and twenty_
miles. So much of my time is necessarily consumed in journeying, that I
can have but little for _any_ of my necessary studies, and consequently
for the study of the Indian languages in particular; and especially
seeing I am obliged to discourse so frequently to the Indians at each of
these places while I am with them, in order to redeem time to visit the
rest. I am, at times, almost discouraged from attempting to gain any
acquaintance with the Indian languages, they are so very numerous; some
account of which I gave in my diary of May last; and especially, seeing
my other labors and fatigues engross almost the whole of my time, and
bear exceedingly hard upon my _constitution_, so that my health is much
impaired. However, I have taken considerable pains to learn the Delaware
language, and propose still to do so, as far as my other business and
bodily health will admit. I have already made some proficiency in it,
though I have labored under many and great disadvantages in my attempts
of that nature. It is but just to observe here, that all the pains I
took to acquaint myself with the language of the Indians with whom I
spent my first year, were of little or no service to me here among the
Delawares; so that my work, when I came among these Indians, was all to
be begun anew.

“As these poor ignorant pagans stood in need of having ‘line upon line,
and precept upon precept,’ in order to their being instructed and
grounded in the principles of Christianity; so I preached ‘publicly, and
taught from house to house,’ almost every day for whole weeks together,
when I was with them. My _public_ discourses did not then make up the
one half of my work, while there were so many constantly coming to me
with that important inquiry, ‘What must we do to be saved?’ and opening
to me the various exercises of their minds. Yet I can say, to the praise
of divine grace, that the apparent success, with which my labors were
crowned, unspeakably more than compensated for the labor itself, and was
likewise a great means of supporting and carrying me through the
business and fatigues under which, it seems, my nature would have sunk
without such an encouraging prospect. But although this success has
afforded matter of support, comfort, and thankfulness; yet in this
season I have found great need of assistance in my work, and have been
much oppressed for want of one to bear a part of my labors and
hardships. ‘May the Lord of the harvest send forth _other laborers_ into
this part of his harvest, that those who sit in darkness may see great
light; and that the whole earth may be filled with the knowledge of
himself! Amen.’”


                             CHAPTER VIII.

_Being part 2d of his public journal of “the Continuance and Progress of
    a remarkable work of grace among the Indians in New-Jersey and
    Pennsylvania kept by order of the Society in Scotland for
    propagating Christian knowledge.”—Renewal of labor at
    Crossweeksung—outpouring of the spirit—remarkable case—signal
    displays of divine power—a convert—a number of Christian Indians
    accompany him to the Forks of Delaware—striking conversion at
    Crossweeksung—day of fasting—Lord’s supper—conversion of a
    Conjurer—general remarks on the preceding narrative._


                      Nov. 5, 1745.—June 19, 1746.

                                  _Crossweeksung, New-Jersey, 1745._


_Lord’s day, Nov. 24._—“Preached both parts of the day from the story of
Zaccheus. Luke, 19:1-9. In the latter exercise, when I opened and
insisted upon the salvation that comes to a sinner upon his becoming a
son of Abraham, or a true believer, the word seemed to be attended with
divine power to the hearts of the hearers. Numbers were much affected
with divine truth; former convictions were revived; one or two persons
newly awakened; and a most affectionate engagement in divine service
appeared among them universally. The impressions they were under
appeared to be the genuine effect of God’s word brought home to their
hearts by the power and influence of the Divine Spirit.

_Nov. 26._—“After having spent some time in private conferences with my
people, I discoursed publicly among them from John, 5:1-9. I was favored
with some special freedom and fervency in my discourse, and a powerful
energy accompanied divine truth. Many wept and sobbed affectionately,
and scarcely any appeared unconcerned in the whole assembly. The
influence which seized the audience appeared gentle, and yet pungent and
efficacious. It produced no boisterous commotion of the passions; but
seemed deeply to affect the heart, and excite in the persons under
convictions of their lost state, heavy groans and tears; and in others,
who had obtained comfort, a sweet and humble melting. It seemed like the
gentle but steady showers which effectually water the earth, without
violently beating upon the surface. The persons lately awakened were
some of them deeply distressed for their souls, and appeared earnestly
solicitous to obtain an interest in Christ; and some of them, after
public worship was over, in anguish of spirit, said ‘they knew not what
to do, nor how to get their wicked hearts changed,’ &c.

_Nov. 28._—“Discoursed to the Indians publicly, after having used some
private endeavors to instruct and excite some in the duties of
Christianity. Opened and made remarks upon the sacred story of our
Lord’s transfiguration. Luke, 9:28-36. Had a principal view in insisting
upon this passage of Scripture to the edification and consolation of
God’s people. Observed some, that I have reason to think are truly such,
exceedingly affected with an account of the glory of Christ in his
transfiguration, and filled with longing desires of being with him, that
they might with open face behold his glory.

“After public service was over, I asked one of them, who wept and sobbed
most affectionately, what she now wanted? She replied, ‘O, to be with
Christ. She did not know how to stay,’ &c. This was a blessed refreshing
season to the religious people in general. The Lord Jesus Christ seemed
to manifest his divine glory to them, as when transfigured before his
disciples; and they were ready, with the disciples, universally to say,
‘Lord it is good for us to be here.’

“The influence of God’s word was not confined to those who had given
evidence of being truly gracious: though at this time I calculated my
discourse for and directed it chiefly to such. But it appeared to be a
season of divine power in the whole assembly; so that most were in some
measure affected. One aged man, in particular, lately awakened, was now
brought under a deep and pressing concern for his soul, was now
earnestly inquisitive ‘how he might find Jesus Christ.’ God seems still
to vouchsafe his divine presence, and the influence of his blessed
Spirit to accompany his word, at least in some measure, in all our
meetings for divine worship.

_Nov. 30._—“Preached near night, after having spent some hours in
private conference with some of my people about their souls’ concerns.
Explained the story of the rich man and Lazarus. Luke, 16:19-26. The
word made powerful impressions upon many in the assembly, especially
while I discoursed of the blessedness of Lazarus in Abraham’s bosom.
This I could perceive affected them much more than what I spoke of the
rich man’s misery and torments; and thus it has been usually with them.
They have almost always appeared much more affected with the comfortable
than the dreadful truths of God’s word. That which has distressed many
of them under conviction is, that they found they wanted and could not
obtain the happiness of the godly; at least they have often appeared to
be more affected with this than with the terrors of hell. But whatever
be the means of their awakening, it is plain, numbers are made deeply
sensible of their sin and misery, the wickedness and stubbornness of
their own hearts, their utter inability to help themselves, or to come
to Christ for help without divine assistance, and so are brought to see
their perishing need of Christ to do all for them, and to lie at the
foot of sovereign mercy.

_Lord’s day, Dec. 1._—“Discoursed to my people in the forenoon from
Luke, 16:27-31. There appeared an unfeigned affection in many, and some
seemed deeply impressed with divine truth. In the afternoon preached to
a number of white people; at which time the Indians attended with
diligence, and many of them were able to understand a considerable part
of the discourse. At night discoursed to my people again, and gave them
particular cautions and directions relating to their conduct in divers
respects, and pressed them to watchfulness in their deportment, seeing
they were encompassed with those who waited for their halting, and who
stood ready to draw them into temptations of every kind, and then to
expose religion by their missteps.

_Lord’s day, Dec. 8._—“Discoursed on the story of the blind man. John,
9. There appeared no remarkable effect of the word upon the assembly at
this time. The persons who have lately been much concerned for their
souls seemed now not so affected or solicitous to obtain an interest in
Christ as has been usual, although they attended divine service with
seriousness and diligence. Such have been the doings of the Lord here in
awakening sinners, and affecting the hearts of those who are brought to
solid comfort, with a fresh sense of divine things from time to time,
that it is now strange to see the assembly sit with dry eyes, and
without sobs and groans.

_Dec. 12._—“Preached from the parable of the _Ten Virgins_. Matt. 25.
The divine power seemed in some measure to attend this discourse; in
which I was favored with uncommon freedom and plainness of address, and
enabled to open divine truths, and explain them to the capacities of my
people in a manner beyond myself. There appeared in many persons an
affectionate concern for their souls, although the concern in general
seemed not so deep and pressing as it had formerly done. Yet it was
refreshing to see many melted into tears and unaffected sobs; some with
a sense of divine love, and some for the want of it.

_Dec. 15._—“Preached to the Indians from Luke, 13:24-28. Divine truth
fell with weight and power upon the audience, and seemed to reach the
hearts of many. Near night discoursed to them again from Matt. 25:31-46.
At this season also the word appeared to be accompanied with a divine
influence, and made powerful impressions upon the assembly in general,
as well as upon numbers in a very special and particular manner. This
was an amazing season of grace. The word of the Lord this day ‘was quick
and powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword,’ and pierced the hearts of
many. The assembly was greatly affected and deeply wrought upon; yet
without so much apparent commotion of the passions as appeared in the
beginning of this work of grace. The impressions made by the word of God
upon the audience appeared solid, rational, and deep; worthy of the
solemn truths by means of which they were produced, and far from being
the effects of any sudden fright, or groundless perturbation of mind. O
how did the hearts of the hearers seem to bow under the weight of divine
truth, and how evident did it now appear that they received and felt
them, ‘not as the word of man, but as the word of God.’ None can form a
just idea of the appearance of our assembly at this time, but those who
have seen a congregation solemnly awed, and deeply impressed by the
special power and influence of divine truths delivered to them in the
name of God.

_Dec. 16._—“Discoursed to my people in the evening from Luke, 11:1-13.
After having insisted some time upon the ninth verse, wherein there is a
command and encouragement to ask for the divine favor, I called upon
them to ask for a new heart with the utmost importunity, as the man
mentioned in the parable, on which I was discoursing, pleaded for loaves
of bread at midnight. There was much affection and concern in the
assembly, and especially one woman appeared in great distress for her
soul. She was brought to such an agony in seeking after Christ, that the
sweat ran off her face for a considerable time, though the evening was
very cold; and her bitter cries were the most affecting indications of
her heart.

_Dec. 21._—“My people having now attained to a considerable degree of
knowledge in the principles of christianity; I thought it proper to set
up a catechetical lecture among them, and this evening attempted
something in that form, proposing questions to them agreeably to the
Assembly’s Shorter Catechism, receiving their answers, and then
explaining and insisting, as appeared necessary and proper upon each
question. After this I endeavored to make some practical improvement of
the whole. This was the method I entered upon. They were able readily
and rationally to answer many important questions which I proposed to
them; so that upon trial I found their doctrinal knowledge to exceed my
own expectations. In the improvement of my discourse, when I came to
infer and open the blessedness of those who have so great and glorious a
God as had before been spoken of, ‘for their everlasting friend and
portion,’ several were much affected; and especially when I exhorted,
and endeavored to persuade them to be reconciled to God through his dear
Son, and thus to secure an interest in his everlasting favor. So that
they appeared not only enlightened and instructed, but affected, and
engaged in their soul’s concerns by this method of discoursing.

_Lord’s day, Dec. 22._—“Discoursed upon the story of the young man in
the Gospel. Matt. 9:16-22. God made it a seasonable word, I am
persuaded, to some souls, and in particular to one, the same mentioned
in my journal of the 16th instant, who never before obtained any settled
comfort, though I have abundant reason to think she had passed a saving
change some days before. She now appeared in a heavenly frame of mind,
composed and delighted with the divine will. When I came to discourse
particularly with her, and to inquire of her how she obtained relief and
deliverance from the spiritual distresses which she had lately suffered,
she answered, in broken English, ‘_Me try, me try save myself; last, my
strength be all gone_; (meaning her ability to save herself;) _could not
me stir bit further. Den last me forced let Jesus Christ alone send me
hell, if he please._’ I said, ‘But you was not willing to go to hell,
was you?’ She replied, ‘_Could not me help it. My heart, he would wicked
for all. Could not me make him good_,’ (meaning, she saw it was right
she should go to hell, because her heart was wicked, and would be so
after all she could do to mend it.) I asked her how she got out of this
case. She answered still in the same broken language, ‘_By by, my heart
be glad desperately_.’ I asked her why her heart was glad? She replied,
‘_Glad my heart, Jesus Christ do what he please with me. Did not me care
where he put me; love him for all_,’ &c. She could not readily be
convinced but that she was willing to go to hell if Christ was pleased
to send her there; although the truth evidently was, that her will was
so swallowed up in the divine will that she could not frame any hell in
her imagination which would be dreadful or undesirable, provided it was
the will of God to send her to it. Toward night discoursed to them again
in the catechetical method which I entered upon the evening before. When
I came to improve the truth which I had explained to them, and to answer
that question, ‘But how shall I know whether God has chosen me to
everlasting life?’ by pressing them to come and give up their hearts to
Christ, and thereby ‘to make their election sure,’ they then appeared
much affected, and the persons under concern were afresh engaged in
seeking after an interest in him; while some others, who had obtained
comfort before, were refreshed to find that love to God in themselves
which was an evidence of his electing love to them.

_Dec. 25._—“The Indians having been used on Christmas days to drink and
revel among some of the white people in these parts, I thought it proper
this day to call them together and discourse to them upon divine things;
which I accordingly did from the parable of the barren fig-tree. Luke,
13:6-9. A divine influence, I am persuaded, accompanied the word at this
season. The power of God appeared in the assembly, not by producing any
remarkable cries, but by rousing several stupid creatures who were
scarcely ever moved with any concern before. The power attending divine
truth seemed to have the influence of the earthquake rather than of the
whirlwind upon them. Their passions were not so much alarmed as has been
common here in times past, but their judgments appeared to be powerfully
convinced by the masterly and conquering influence of divine truth. The
impressions made upon the assembly in general, seemed not superficial,
but deep, and heart affecting. O how ready did they now appear
universally to embrace and comply with every thing which they heard, and
were convinced was their duty. God was in the midst of us, of a truth,
bowing and melting stubborn hearts! How many tears and sobs were then to
be seen and heard among us! What liveliness and strict attention! What
eagerness and intenseness of mind appeared in the whole assembly, in the
time of divine service. They seemed to watch and wait for the droppings
of God’s word, as the thirsty earth, for the ‘former and latter rain.’

“Afterward I discoursed to them on the duty of husbands and wives, from
Eph. 5:22-33, and have reason to think this was a word in season. Spent
some time further in the evening in inculcating the truths on which I
had insisted in my former discourse, respecting the barren fig-tree; and
observed a powerful influence still accompany what was spoken.

_Dec. 26._—“This evening was visited by a person under great spiritual
distress; the most remarkable instance of this kind I ever saw. She was,
I believe, more than _fourscore_ years old; and appeared to be much
broken and very childish, through age; so that it seemed impossible for
man to instil into her any notions of divine things; not so much as to
give her any doctrinal instruction, because she seemed incapable of
being taught. She was led by the hand into my house, and appeared in
extreme anguish. I asked her what ailed her? She answered, ‘_her heart
was distressed, and she feared she should never find Christ_.’ I asked
her when she began to be concerned, with divers other questions relating
to her distress. To all which she answered, for substance, to this
effect: ‘_That she had heard me preach many times, but never knew any
thing about it, never felt it in her heart, till the last Sabbath, and
then it came_,’ she said, ‘_as if a needle had been thrust into her
heart; since which time she had no rest day nor night_.’ She added,
‘_that on the evening before Christmas, a number of Indians being
together, at the house where she was, and discoursing about Christ,
their talk pricked her heart so that she could not set up, but fell down
in her bed; at which Lime she went away_,’ as she expressed it, ‘_and
felt as if she dreamed, and_ _yet is confident she did not dream. When
she was thus gone, she saw two paths; one appeared very broad and
crooked; and that turned to the left hand. The other appeared straight
and very narrow; and that went up the hill to the right hand. She
traveled_,’ she said, ‘_for some time up the narrow right hand path,
till at length something seemed to obstruct her journey. She sometimes
called it darkness; and then described it otherwise, and seemed to
compare it to a block or bar. She then remembered what she had heard me
say about striving to enter in at the strait gate, although she took
little notice of it at the time when she heard me discourse upon that
subject; and thought she would climb over this bar. But just as she was
thinking of this, she came back again_,’ as she termed it, meaning that
she came to herself; ‘_whereupon her soul was extremely distressed,
apprehending that she had now turned back, and forsaken Christ, and that
there was therefore no hope of mercy for her_.’

“As I was sensible that trances, and imaginary views of things are of
dangerous tendency in religion, where sought after and depended upon; so
I could not but be much concerned about this exercise, especially at
first; apprehending this might be a design of satan to bring a blemish
upon the work of God here, by introducing visionary scenes, imaginary
terrors, and all manner of mental disorders and delusions, in the room
of genuine convictions of sin, and the enlightening influences of the
blessed Spirit; and I was almost resolved to declare, that I looked upon
this to be one of satan’s devices, and to caution my people against this
and similar exercises of that nature. However, I determined first to
inquire into her knowledge, to see whether she had any just views of
things, that might be the occasion of her present distressing concern,
or whether it was a mere fright, arising only from imaginary terrors. I
asked her numerous questions respecting man’s primitive, and more
especially, his present state, and respecting her own heart; which she
answered rationally, and to my surprise. I thought it next to
impossible, if not altogether so, that a Pagan, who was become a child
through age, should in that state gain so much knowledge by any mere
human instruction, without being remarkably enlightened by a divine
influence. I then proposed to her the provision made in the gospel for
the salvation of sinners, and the ability and willingness of Christ ‘to
save to the uttermost all, old as well as young, that come to him.’ To
this she seemed to give a hearty assent; but instantly replied, ‘_Ay,
but I cannot come; my wicked heart will not come to Christ; I do not
know how to come_,’ &c. This she spoke in anguish of spirit, striking on
her breast, with tears in her eyes, and with such earnestness in her
looks as was indeed piteous and affecting. She seems to be really
convinced of her sin and misery, and her need of a change of heart. Her
concern is abiding and constant, so that nothing appears why this
exercise may not have a saving issue. Indeed there seems reason to hope
such an issue, seeing she is so solicitous to obtain an interest in
Christ, that her heart, as she expresses it, _prays day and night_.

“How far God may make use of the imagination in awakening some persons
under these, and similar circumstances, I cannot pretend to determine.
Or, whether this exercise be from a divine influence, I shall leave
others to judge. But this I must say, that its effects hitherto bespeak
it to be such; nor can it, as I see, be accounted for in any rational
way, but from the influence of some spirit either good or evil. The
woman I am sure never heard divine things in the manner in which she now
viewed them; and it would seem strange that she should get such a
rational notion of them from the mere working of her own fancy, without
some superior, or at least foreign aid. Yet I must say, I have looked
upon it as one of the glories of this work of grace among the Indians,
and a special evidence of its being from a divine influence, that there
has, till now, been no appearance of such things, no visionary notions,
trances, and imaginations, intermixed with those rational convictions of
sin, and solid consolations, of which numbers have been made the
subjects. And might I have had my desire, there had been no appearance
of any thing of this nature at all.

_Dec. 28._ “Discoursed to my people in the catechetical method on which
I lately entered. In the improvement of my discourse, wherein I was
comparing man’s present with his primitive state, and showing from what
he had fallen, and the miseries in which he is now involved, and to
which he is exposed in his natural estate; and pressing sinners to take
a view of their deplorable circumstances without Christ, as also to
strive that they might obtain an interest in him; the Lord, I trust,
granted a remarkable influence of his blessed Spirit to accompany what
was spoken; and a great concern appeared in the assembly. Many were
melted into tears and sobs; and the impressions made upon them seemed
deep and heart-affecting. In particular, there were two or three persons
who appeared to be brought to the last exercises of a preparatory work,
and reduced almost to extremity; being in a great measure convinced of
the impossibility of their helping themselves, or of mending their own
hearts; and seemed to be upon the point of giving up all hope in
themselves, and of venturing upon Christ, as poor, helpless, and undone.
Yet they were in distress and anguish because they saw no safety in so
doing, unless they could do something toward saving themselves. One of
these persons was the very aged woman above-mentioned, who now appeared
‘weary and heavy laden’ with a sense of her sin and misery, and her
perishing need of an interest in Christ.

_Lord’s day, Dec. 29._—“Preached from John, 3:1-5. A number of white
people were present, as is usual upon the Sabbath. The discourse was
accompanied with power, and seemed to have a silent, but deep and
piercing influence upon the audience. Many wept and sobbed
affectionately. There were some tears among the white people as well as
the Indians. Some could not refrain from crying out; though there were
not many so exercised. But the impressions made upon their hearts
appeared chiefly by the extraordinary earnestness of their attention,
and their heavy sighs and tears.

“After public worship was over I went to my house, proposing to preach
again after a short season of intermission. But they soon came in, one
after another, with tears in their eyes, to know ‘_what they should do
to be saved_.’ The divine Spirit in such a manner set home upon their
hearts what I spake to them that the house was soon filled with cries
and groans. They all flocked together upon this occasion; and those,
whom I had reason to think in a Christless state, were almost
universally seized with concern for their souls. It was an amazing
season of power among them; and seemed as if God had bowed the heavens
and come down. So astonishingly prevalent was the operation upon old as
well as young, that it seemed as if none would be left in a secure and
natural state, but that God was now about to convert all the world. I
was ready to think, then, that I should never again despair of the
conversion of any man or woman living, be they who or what they would.

“It is impossible to give a just and lively description of the
appearance of things at this season; at least such as to convey a bright
and adequate idea of the effects of this influence. A number might now
be seen rejoicing that God had not taken away the powerful influence of
his blessed Spirit from this place; refreshed to see so many striving to
enter in at the strait gate; and animated with such concern for them,
that they wanted to push them forward, as some of them expressed it. At
the same time numbers both of men and women, old and young, might be
seen in tears; and some in anguish of spirit, appearing in their very
countenances like condemned malefactors bound toward the place of
execution, with a heavy solicitude sitting in their faces; so that there
seemed here, as I thought, a lively emblem of the solemn day of account:
a mixture of heaven and hell; of joy and anguish inexpressible.

“The concern and religious affection was such, that I could not pretend
to have any formal religious exercise among them; but spent the time in
discoursing to one and another, as I thought most proper and seasonable
for each; and sometimes addressed them altogether; and finally concluded
with prayer. Such were their circumstances at this season, that I could
scarcely have half an hour’s rest from speaking, from about half an hour
before twelve o’clock, at which time I began public worship, till after
seven at night. There appeared to be four or five persons newly awakened
this day and the evening before; some of whom but very lately came among
us.

_Dec. 30._ “Was visited by four or five young persons under concern for
their souls; most of whom were very lately awakened. They wept much
while I discoursed with them and endeavored to press upon them the
necessity of flying to Christ without delay for salvation.

_Dec. 31._—“Spent some hours this day in visiting my people from house
to house, and conversing with them about their spiritual concerns;
endeavoring to press upon Christless souls the necessity of a renovation
of heart; and scarce left a house without leaving some or other of its
inhabitants in tears, appearing solicitously engaged to obtain an
interest in Christ.

“The Indians are now gathered together from all quarters to this place,
and have built them little cottages, so that more than _twenty families_
live within a quarter of a mile from me. A very convenient situation
with regard both to public and private instruction.

_Jan. 1, 1746._—“Spent considerable time in visiting my people again.
Found scarcely one but what was under some serious impressions
respecting their spiritual concerns.

_Jan. 2._—“Visited some persons newly come among us, who had scarce ever
heard any thing of Christianity before, except the empty name.
Endeavored to instruct them, particularly in the first principles of
religion, in the most easy and familiar manner I could. There are
strangers from remote parts, almost continually dropping in among us, so
that I have occasion repeatedly to open and inculcate the first
principles of Christianity.

_Jan. 4._—“Prosecuted my catechetical method of instructing. Found my
people able to answer questions with propriety, beyond what could have
been expected from persons so lately brought out of heathenish darkness.
In the improvement of my discourse there appeared some concern and
affection in the assembly; and especially in those of whom I entertained
hopes as being truly gracious, at least several of them were much
affected and refreshed.

_Lord’s day, Jan. 5._—“Discoursed from Matt. 12:10-13. There appeared
not so much liveliness and affection in divine service as usual. The
same truths which have often produced many tears and sobs in the
assembly seemed now to have no special influence upon any in it. Near
night I proposed to have proceeded in my usual method of catechising;
but while we were engaged in the first prayer, the power of God seemed
to descend upon the assembly in such a remarkable manner, and so many
appeared under pressing concern for their souls, that I thought it much
more expedient to insist upon the plentiful provision made by divine
grace for the redemption of perishing sinners, and to press them to a
speedy acceptance of the great salvation, than to ask them questions
about doctrinal points. What was most practical seemed most seasonable
to be insisted upon, while numbers appeared so extraordinarily
solicitous to obtain an interest in the great Redeemer.

“This day the woman mentioned in my journal of December 22, made a
public profession of her faith. She has discovered a very sweet and
heavenly frame of mind from time to time, since her first reception of
comfort. One morning in particular, she came to see me, discovering an
unusual joy and satisfaction in her countenance; and when I inquired
into the reason of it, she replied, ‘that God had made her feel that it
was right for him to do what he pleased with all things; and that it
would be right if he should cast her husband and son both into hell; and
she saw it was so right for God to do what he pleased with them, that
she could not but rejoice in God even if he should send them into hell;’
though it was apparent she loved them dearly. She moreover inquired
whether I was not sent to preach to the Indians by some good people a
great way off. I replied, ‘Yes, by the good people in Scotland.’ She
answered, ‘that her heart loved those good people so the evening before,
that she could scarce help praying for them all night, her heart would
go to God for them.’ Thus, the blessing of those ready to perish, is
like to come upon those pious persons who have communicated of their
substance to the propagation of the Gospel.

_Lord’s day, Jan. 12._—“Preached from Isaiah, 55:6. The word of God
seemed to fall upon the audience with a divine weight and influence, and
evidently appeared to be ‘not the word of man.’ The blessed Spirit, I am
persuaded, accompanied what was spoken to the hearts of many; so that
there was a powerful revival of conviction in numbers who were under
spiritual exercises before.

“Toward night catechised in my usual method. Near the close of my
discourse there appeared a great concern, and much affection in the
audience; which increased while I continued to invite them to come to an
all-sufficient Redeemer for eternal salvation. The Spirit of God seems,
from time to time, to be striving with souls here. They are so
frequently and repeatedly roused, that they seem unable at present to
lull themselves asleep.

_Jan. 13._—“Was visited by several persons under deep concern for their
souls; one of whom was newly awakened. It is a most agreeable work to
treat with souls who are solicitously inquiring ‘what they shall do to
be saved.’ As we are never to be ‘weary in well doing,’ so the
obligation seems to be peculiarly strong when the work is so very
desirable. Yet I must say, my health is so much impaired, and my spirits
so wasted with my labors and solitary manner of living; there being no
human creature in the house with me; that their repeated and almost
incessant applications to me for help and direction, are sometimes
exceedingly burdensome, and so exhaust my spirits that I become fit for
nothing at all, entirely unable to prosecute my business, sometimes for
days together. What contributes much toward this difficulty is, that I
am obliged to spend much time in communicating a little matter to them;
there being oftentimes many things to be premised before I can speak
directly to what I principally aim at; which things would readily be
taken for granted where there was a competency of doctrinal knowledge.

_Jan. 14._—“Spent some time in private conference with my people, and
found some disposed to take comfort, as I thought, upon slight grounds.
They are now generally awakened, and it is become so disgraceful, as
well as terrifying to the conscience, to be destitute of religion, that
they are in imminent danger of taking up with an appearance of grace,
rather than to live under the fear and disgrace of an unregenerated
state.

_Jan. 18._—“Prosecuted my catechetical method of discoursing. There
appeared a great solemnity, and some considerable affection in the
assembly. This method of instruction I find very profitable. When I
first entered upon it I was exercised with fears, lest my discourses
would unavoidably be so doctrinal that they would tend only to enlighten
the head, but not to affect the heart. But the event proved quite
otherwise; for these exercises have hitherto been remarkably blessed in
the latter, as well as the former respects.

_Lord’s day, Jan. 19._—“Discoursed to my people from Isaiah, 55:7.
Toward night catechised in my ordinary method; and this appeared to be a
powerful season of grace among us. Numbers were much affected.
Convictions were powerfully revived, and Christians refreshed and
strengthened; and one weary, heavy laden soul, I have abundant reason to
hope, brought to true rest and solid comfort in Christ; who afterward
gave me such an account of God’s dealing with his soul as was abundantly
satisfying, as well as refreshing to me.

“He told me he had often heard me say that persons must see and feel
themselves utterly helpless and undone—that they must be emptied of a
dependence upon themselves, and of all hope of saving themselves, in
order to their coming to Christ for salvation. He had long been striving
after this view of things; supposing that this would be an excellent
frame of mind, to be thus emptied of a dependence upon his own goodness;
that God would have respect to this frame, would then be well pleased
with him, and bestow eternal life upon him. But when he came to feel
himself in this helpless, undone condition, he found it quite contrary
to all his thoughts and expectations; so that it was not the same frame,
nor indeed any thing like the frame after which he had been seeking.
Instead of its being a good frame of mind, he now found nothing but
badness in himself, and saw it was for ever impossible for him to make
himself any better. He wondered, he said, that he had ever hoped to mend
his own heart. He was amazed that he had never before seen that it was
utterly impossible for him, by all his contrivances and endeavors, to do
any thing in that way, since the matter now appeared to him in so clear
a light. Instead of imagining now that God would be pleased with him for
the sake of this frame of mind, and this view of his undone estate, he
saw clearly, and felt that it would be just with God to send him to
eternal misery; and that there was no goodness in what he then felt; for
he could not help seeing that he was naked, sinful, and miserable, and
that there was nothing in such a sight to deserve God’s love or pity.

“He saw these things in a manner so clear and convincing, that it seemed
to him, he said, he could convince every body of their utter inability
to help themselves, and their unworthiness of any help from God. In this
frame of mind he came to public worship this evening; and while I was
inviting sinners to come to Christ naked and empty, without any goodness
of their own to recommend them to his acceptance, then he thought with
himself that he had often tried to come and give up his heart to Christ,
and he used to hope that some time or other he should be able to do so;
but now he was convinced that he could not, and it seemed utterly vain
for him ever to try any more; and he could not, he said, find a heart to
make any further attempt, because he saw it would signify nothing at
all; nor did he now hope for a better opportunity or more ability
hereafter, as he had formerly done, because he saw and was fully
convinced that his own strength would for ever fail.

While he was musing in this manner he saw, he said, with his heart,
(which is a common phrase among them,) something that was unspeakably
good and lovely, and what he had never seen before; and ‘this stole away
his heart whether he would or no.’ He did not, he said, know what it was
he saw. He did not say ‘this is Jesus Christ;’ but it was such glory and
beauty as he never saw before. He did not now give away his heart, as he
had formerly intended and attempted to do; but _it went away of itself_
after that glory he then discovered. He used to make a bargain with
Christ to give up his heart to him that he might have eternal life for
it. But now he thought nothing about himself or what would become of him
hereafter; but was pleased, and his mind wholly taken up with the
unspeakable excellency of what he then beheld. After some time he was
wonderfully pleased with the way of salvation by Christ; so that it
seemed unspeakably desirable to be saved altogether by the mere free
grace of God in him. The consequence of this exercise is, that he
appears to retain a sense and relish of divine things, and to maintain a
life of seriousness and true religion.

_Jan. 28._—“The Indians in these parts have, in times past, run
themselves in debt by their excessive drinking; and some have taken the
advantage of them, and put them to trouble and charge, by arresting some
of them; whereby it was supposed their hunting lands in great part were
much endangered, and might speedily be taken from them. Being sensible
that they could not subsist together in these parts, in order to their
being a Christian congregation, if these lands should be taken, which
was thought very likely; I thought it my duty to use my utmost endeavors
to prevent so unhappy an event. Having acquainted the gentlemen
concerned in this mission with the affair, according to the best
information I could get of it, they thought it proper to expend the
money which they had been and still were collecting for the religious
interest of the Indians, at least a part of it, for discharging their
debts, and securing these lands, that there might be no entanglement
lying upon them to hinder the settlement and hopeful enlargement of a
Christian congregation of Indians in these parts. Having received orders
from them, I answered in behalf of the Indians, _eighty-two pounds, five
shillings_, New-Jersey currency, at _eight shillings per ounce_; and so
prevented the danger or difficulty in this respect.

“As God has wrought a wonderful work of grace among these Indians, and
now inclines others from remote places to fall in among them almost
continually; and as he has opened a door for the prevention of the
difficulty now mentioned, which seemed greatly to threaten their
religious interests as well as worldly comforts; it is to be hoped that
he designs to establish a church for himself among them, and hand down
true religion to their posterity.

_Jan. 30._—“Preached to the Indians from John, 3:16, 17. There was a
solemn attention and some affection visible in the audience; especially
several persons who had long been concerned for their souls, seemed
afresh excited and engaged in seeking after an interest in Christ. One,
with much concern, afterward told me ‘his heart was so pricked with my
preaching he knew not where to turn or what to do.’

_Jan. 31._—“This day the person whom I had made choice of and engaged
for a school master among the Indians arrived among us, and was heartily
welcomed by my people universally. Whereupon I distributed several dozen
of primers among the children and young people.

_1_—“My schoolmaster entered upon his business among the Indians. He has
generally about thirty children and young persons in his school in the
day time, and about fifteen married people in the evening school. The
number of married persons being less than it would be if they could be
more constantly at home, and could spare time from their necessary
employments for an attendance upon these instructions.

“In the evening catechised in my usual method. Toward the close of my
discourse a surprising power seemed to attend the word, especially to
some persons. One man considerably in years, who had been a remarkable
drunkard, a conjurer and murderer, and was awakened some months before,
was now brought to great extremity under his spiritual distress; so that
he trembled for hours together, and apprehended himself just dropping
into hell, without any power to rescue or relieve himself. Divers others
appeared under great concern, as well as he, and solicitous to obtain a
saving change.

_Lord’s day, Feb. 2._—“Preached from John, 5:24, 25. There appeared, as
usual, some concern and affection in the assembly. Toward night
proceeded in my usual method of catechising. Observed my people more
ready in answering the questions proposed to them than ever before. It
is apparent they advance daily in doctrinal knowledge. But what is still
more desirable, the Spirit of God is yet operating among them; whereby
experimental as well as speculative knowledge is propagated in their
minds.

_Feb. 5._—“Discoursed to a considerable number of Indians in the
evening; at which time numbers of them appeared much affected and melted
with divine things.

_Feb. 8._—“Spent a considerable part of the day in visiting my people
from house to house, and conversing with them about their souls
concerns. Many persons wept, while I discoursed to them, and appeared
concerned for nothing so much as for an interest in the great Redeemer.
In the evening catechised as usual. Divine truth made some impressions
upon the audience; and were attended with an affectionate _engagement_
of soul in some.

_Lord’s day, Feb. 9._—“Discoursed to my people from the story of the
blind man. Matt. 10:46-52. The word of God seemed weighty, and powerful
upon the assembly at this time, and made considerable impressions upon
many; several in particular, who have generally been remarkably stupid
and careless under the means of grace, were now awakened, and wept
affectionately. The most earnest attention, as well as tenderness and
affection, appeared in the audience universally. Two persons publicly
professed Christ.

“Toward night catechised. God made this a powerful season to some. There
were many affected. Former convictions appeared to be powerfully
revived. There was likewise one, who had been a vile drunkard,
remarkably awakened. He appeared to be in great anguish of soul, wept,
and trembled, and continued to do so till near midnight. There was also
a poor heavy laden soul, who had been long under heavy distress, as
constant and pressing as I ever saw, who was now brought to a
comfortable calm, and seemed to be bowed and reconciled to the divine
sovereignty, and told me she now felt and saw that it was right for God
to do with her as he pleased; and that her heart felt pleased and
satisfied it should be so; although of late she had often found her
heart rise and quarrel with God because he would, _if he pleased_, send
her to hell after all she had done. She added that the heavy burden she
had lain under was now removed; that she had tried to recover her
concern and distress again, fearing that the Spirit of God was departing
from her, and would leave her wholly careless, but that she could not
recover it; that she felt she never could do any thing to save herself,
but must perish for ever if Christ did not do all for her; that she did
not deserve he should help her; and that it would be right if he should
leave her to perish. But Christ could save her though she could do
nothing to save herself, &c. and here she seemed to rest.”

                                _Forks of Delaware, February, 1746._

_Lord’s day, Feb. 16._—“Knowing that numbers of the Indians in these
parts were obstinately set against Christianity; and that some of them
had refused to hear me preach in times past; I thought it might be
proper and beneficial to the Christian interest here to have a number of
my religious people from Crossweeksung with me, to converse with them
about religious matters; hoping it might be a means to convince them of
the truth and importance of Christianity, to see and hear some of their
own nation discoursing of divine things, and manifesting earnest desires
that others might be brought out of heathenish darkness, as themselves
were. For this purpose I selected half a dozen of the most serious and
intelligent of those Indians, and having brought them to the Forks of
Delaware, I this day met with them and the Indians of this place.
Numbers of the latter probably could not have been prevailed upon to
attend this meeting, had it not been for these religious Indians who
accompanied me hither, and preached to them. Some of those who had in
times past been extremely averse to Christianity, now behaved soberly;
and some others laughed and mocked. However, the word of God fell with
such weight and power, that numbers seemed to be stunned, and expressed
a willingness to hear me again of these matters.

“Afterward prayed with, and made an address to the white people present;
and could not but observe some visible effects of the word, such as
tears and sobs among them. After public worship, spent some time, and
took pains to convince those that mocked of the truth and importance of
what I had been insisting upon; and so endeavored to awaken their
attention to divine truth. Had reason to think, from what I observed
then and afterward, that my endeavors took considerable effect upon one
of the worst of them.

“Those few Indians then present, who used to be my hearers in these
parts, some having removed hence to Crossweeksung, seemed somewhat
kindly disposed toward me, and glad to see me again. They had been so
much attacked, however, by some of the opposing Pagans, that they were
almost ashamed or afraid to manifest their friendship.

_Feb. 17._—“After having spent much time in discoursing to the Indians
in their respective houses, I got them together and repeated and
inculcated what I had before taught them. Afterward discoursed to them
from Acts, 8:5-8. A divine influence seemed to attend the word. Several
of the Indians here appeared to be somewhat awakened, and manifested
earnest tears and sobs. My people of Crossweeksung continued with them
day and night repeating and inculcating the truths I had taught them;
and sometimes prayed and sung psalms among them; discoursing with each
other in their hearing, of the great things God had done for them and
for the Indians from whence they came. This seemed, as my people told
me, to have more effect upon them than when they directed their
discourse immediately to them.

_Feb. 18._—“Preached to an assembly of Irish people, nearly fifteen
miles distant from the Indians.

_Feb. 19._—“Preached to the Indians again, after having spent
considerable time in conversing with them more privately. There appeared
a great solemnity, and some concern and affection among the Indians
belonging to these parts, as well as a sweet melting among those who
came with me. Numbers of the Indians here seemed to have their
prejudices and aversion to Christianity removed; and appeared well
disposed, and inclined to hear the word of God.

_Feb. 20._—“Preached to a small assembly of High Dutch people, who had
seldom heard the Gospel preached, and were some of them, at least, very
ignorant; but numbers of them have lately been put upon an inquiry after
the way of Salvation with thoughtfulness. They gave wonderful attention;
and some of them were much affected under the word, and afterward said,
as I was informed, that they never had been so much enlightened about
the way of Salvation in their whole lives before. They requested me to
tarry with them, or come again and preach to them. It grieved me that I
could not comply with their request. I could not but be affected with
their circumstances; for they were as ‘sheep not having a shepherd,’ and
some of them appeared under some degree of distress for sin; standing in
peculiar need of the assistance of an experienced spiritual guide.

_Feb. 21._—“Preached to a number of people, many of them Low Dutch.
Several of the fore-mentioned High Dutch people attended the sermon,
though eight or ten miles distant from their houses. Numbers of the
Indians also belonging to these parts came of their own accord with my
people from Crossweeksung, to the meeting. There were two in particular
who, though the last Sabbath they opposed and ridiculed Christianity,
now behaved soberly. May the present encouraging appearances continue!

_Feb. 22._—“Preached to the Indians. They appeared more free from
prejudice and more cordial to Christianity than before; and some of them
appeared affected with divine truth.

_Lord’s day, Feb. 23._—“Preached to the Indians from John, 6:35-37.
After public service discoursed particularly with several of them, and
invited them to go down to Crossweeksung and tarry there at least for
some time; knowing that they would then be free from the scoffs and
temptations of the opposing Pagans, as well as in the way of hearing
divine truths discoursed of, both in public and private. Obtained a
promise of some of them that they would speedily pay us a visit, and
attend some farther instructions. They seemed to be considerably
enlightened, and much freed from their prejudices against Christianity.
But it is much to be feared that their prejudices will revive again,
unless they can enjoy the means of instruction here, or be removed where
they may be under such advantages, and out of the way of their Pagan
acquaintances.

                                       _Crossweeksung, March, 1746._

_March 1._—“Catechised in my ordinary method. Was pleased and refreshed
to see them answer the questions proposed to them with such remarkable
readiness, discretion, and knowledge. Toward the close of my discourse
divine truth made considerable impression upon the audience, and
produced tears and sobs in some under concern; and more especially a
sweet and humble melting in several, who, I have reason to hope, were
truly gracious.

_Lord’s day, March 2._—“Preached from John, 15:16. The assembly appeared
not so lively in their attention as usual, nor so much affected with
divine truth in general as has been common. Some of my people who went
up to the Forks of the Delaware with me, being now returned, were
accompanied by two of the Indians belonging to the Forks who had
promised me a speedy visit. May the Lord meet with them here. They can
scarcely go into a house now but they will meet with Christian
conversation, whereby it is to be hoped they may be both instructed and
awakened.

“Discoursed to the Indians again in the afternoon, and observed among
them some animation and engagedness in divine service, though not equal
to what has often appeared here. I know of no assembly of Christians
where there seems to be so much of the presence of God, where brotherly
love so much prevails, and where I should take so much delight in the
public worship of God in general, as in _my own congregation_; although
not more than nine months ago, they were worshipping _devils_ and _dumb
idols_ under the power of Pagan darkness and superstition. Amazing
change this! effected by nothing less than divine power and grace. This
is the doing of the Lord, and it is justly marvellous in our eyes.

_March 5._—“Spent some time just at evening in prayer, singing and
discoursing to my people upon divine things; and observed some agreeable
tenderness and affection among them. Their present situation is so
compact and commodious, that they are easily and quickly called together
with only the sound of a conch-shell, (a shell like that of a
periwinkle,) so that they have frequent opportunities of attending
religious exercises publicly. This seems to be a great means, under God,
of keeping alive the impression of divine things in their minds.

_March 8._—“Catechised in the evening. My people answered the questions
proposed to them well. I can perceive their knowledge in religion
increases daily. And, what is still more desirable, the divine
influence, which has been so remarkable among them, appears still to
continue, in some good measure. The divine presence seemed to be in the
assembly this evening.

“Some, who I have good reason to think are Christians indeed, were
melted with a sense of divine goodness and their own barrenness and
ingratitude, and seemed to _hate themselves_, as one of them afterward
expressed it. Convictions also appeared to be revived in several
instances; and divine truth was attended with such influence upon the
assembly in general, that it might justly be called an evening of divine
power.

_Lords’ day, March 9._—“Preached from Luke, 10:38-42. The word of God
was attended with power and energy upon the audience. Numbers were
affected, and concerned to obtain the one thing needful. Several, who
have given good evidence of being truly gracious, were much affected
with a sense of their want of spirituality, and saw the need they stood
in of growing in grace. The greater part of those who had been under any
impressions of divine things in times past, seemed now to have those
impressions revived.

“In the afternoon proposed to have catechised in my usual method: but,
while we were engaged in the first prayer in the Indian language, as
usual, a great part of the assembly was so much moved and affected with
divine things that I thought it seasonable and proper to omit the
proposing of questions for that time, and to insist upon the most
practical truths. I accordingly did so; making a further improvement of
the passage of Scripture on which I had discoursed in the former part of
the day. There appeared to be a powerful divine influence in the
congregation. Several who, as I have reason to think, are truly pious,
were so deeply affected with a sense of their own barrenness, and their
unworthy treatment of the blessed Redeemer, that they _looked on him as
pierced_ by themselves, and _mourned_, yea, some of them were _in
bitterness, as for a first-born_.

“Some poor awakened sinners, also, appeared to be in anguish of soul to
obtain an interest in Christ; so that there was a _great mourning_ in
the assembly: many heavy groans, sobs, and tears! and one or two, newly
come among us, were considerably awakened.

“Methinks it would have refreshed the heart of any, who truly love
Zion’s interests, to have been in the midst of this divine influence,
and seen the effects of it upon saints and sinners. The place of divine
worship appeared both solemn and sweet; and was so endeared by a display
of the divine presence and grace that those who had any relish for
divine things could not but cry, ‘How amiable are thy tabernacles, O
Lord of Hosts!’ After public worship was over, numbers came to my house,
where we sang and discoursed of divine things; and the presence of God
seemed here also to be in the midst of us.

“While we were singing there was one individual, the woman mentioned in
my journal of February 9 who, I may venture to say, if I may be allowed
to say so much of any person I ever saw, was ‘filled with joy
unspeakable and full of glory;’ and could not but burst forth in prayer
and praises to God before us all, with many tears; crying, sometimes in
English and sometimes in Indian, ‘_O blessed Lord! do come, do come! O
do take me away; do let me die, and go to Jesus Christ! I am afraid if I
live I shall sin again. O do let me die now! O dear Jesus, do come! I
cannot stay, I cannot stay! O how can I live in this world; do take my
soul away from this sinful place! O let me never sin any more! O what
shall I do, what shall I do, dear Jesus. O dear Jesus!_’ In this ecstacy
she continued some time, uttering these and similar expressions
incessantly. The grand argument she used with God to take her away
immediately was, that ‘if she lived, she should sin against him.’ When
she had a little recovered herself, I asked her if Christ was now sweet
to her soul? Whereupon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, and with
all the tokens of deep humility I ever saw in any person, she said, ‘I
have many times heard you speak of the goodness and the sweetness of
Christ, that he was better than all the world. But O I knew nothing what
you meant. I never believed you, I never believed you! But now I know it
is true;’ or words to that effect. I answered, ‘And do you see enough in
Christ for the greatest of sinners?’ She replied, ‘O enough, enough for
all the sinners in the world, if they would but come.’ When I asked her,
‘If she could not tell them of the goodness of Christ.’ Turning herself
about to some Christless souls, who stood by, and were much affected,
she said, ‘O there is enough in Christ for you if you would but come. O
strive, strive to give up your hearts to him,’ &c. On hearing something
of the glory of heaven mentioned, that there was no sin in that world;
she again fell into the same ecstacy of joy and desire of Christ’s
coming; repeating her former expressions, ‘O dear Lord, do let me go! O
what shall I do; what shall I do. I want to go to Christ. I cannot live.
O do let me die,’ &c.

“She continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours before she
was able to get home. I am very sensible that there may be great joys,
arising even to an ecstasy, where there is still no substantial evidence
of their being well grounded. But in the present case there seemed to be
no evidence wanting in order to prove this joy to be divine; either in
regard to its preparatives, attendants, or consequents.

“Of all the persons whom I have seen under spiritual exercise I scarcely
ever saw one appear more bowed and broken under convictions of sin and
misery, or what is usually called a preparatory work, than this woman;
nor scarcely any who seemed to have a greater acquaintance with their
own heart than she had. She would frequently complain to me of the
hardness and rebellion of her heart. Would tell me that her heart rose
and quarrelled with God, when she thought he would do with her as he
pleased, and send her to hell, notwithstanding her prayers, good frames,
&c., and that her heart was not willing to come to Christ for Salvation,
but tried every where else for help. As she seemed to be remarkably
sensible of her stubbornness and contrariety to God, under conviction,
so she appeared to be no less remarkably bowed and reconciled to his
sovereignty, before she obtained any relief or comfort; something of
which I have noticed in my journal of Feb. 9. Since that time she has
seemed constantly to breathe the temper and spirit of the new creature;
crying after Christ, not through fear of hell as before, but with strong
desires after him as her only satisfying portion; and has many times
wept and sobbed bitterly because, as she apprehended, she did not and
could not love him. When I have sometimes asked her why she appeared so
sorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of hell; she would
answer ‘No, I be not distressed about _that_; but my heart is so wicked
I cannot love Christ;’ and thereupon burst into tears. But although this
has been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks together, so
that the exercise of grace appeared evident to others; yet she seemed
wholly insensible to it herself, and never had any remarkable comfort
and sensible satisfaction until this evening.

“This sweet and surprising ecstasy appeared to spring from a true
spiritual discovery of the glory, ravishing beauty, and excellency of
Christ; and not from any gross imaginary notions of his human nature,
such as that of seeing him in such a place, or posture, as hanging on
the cross, as bleeding and dying, as gently smiling, and the like; which
delusions some have been carried away with. Nor did it rise from sordid
selfish apprehensions of her having any benefit whatsoever conferred on
her; but from a view of his personal excellency and transcendant
loveliness; which drew forth those vehement desires of enjoying him
which she now manifested, and made her long ‘to be absent from the body,
that she might be present with the Lord.’

“The _attendants_ of this ravishing comfort were such as abundantly
discovered its spring to be divine; and that it was truly ‘a joy in the
Holy Ghost.’ Now she viewed divine truths as living realities, and could
say, ‘I know these things are so; I feel that they are true!’ Now her
soul was resigned to the divine will in the most tender point; so that
when I said to her, ‘What if God should take away your husband from you,
who was then very sick, how do you think you could bear that?’ She
replied, ‘He belongs to God, and not to me; he may do with him just as
he pleases.’ Now she had the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and
discovered the utmost aversion to it, longing to die, that she might be
delivered from it. Now she could freely trust her all with God for time
and eternity. When I questioned her, ‘How she would be willing to die
and leave her little infant; and what she thought would become of it in
that case?’ she answered, ‘God will take care of it. It belongs to him.
He will take care of it.’ Now she appeared to have the most humbling
sense of her own meanness and unworthiness, her weakness and inability
to preserve herself from sin, and to persevere in the way of holiness,
crying, ‘If I live I shall sin.’ I then thought that I had never seen
such an appearance of ecstacy and humility meeting in any one person in
all my life before.

“The _consequents_ of this joy are no less desirable and satisfactory
than its attendants. She since appears to be a most tender,
broken-hearted, affectionate, devout, and humble Christian; as exemplary
in life and conversation as any person in my congregation. May she still
‘grow in grace and in the knowledge of Christ.’

_March 10._ “Toward night the Indians met together, of their own accord,
and sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things among themselves; at
which time there was much affection among them. Some, who are hopefully
pious, appeared to be melted with divine things; and some others seemed
much concerned for their souls. Perceiving their engagement and
affection in religious exercises, I went among them, and prayed, and
gave a word of exhortation; and observed two or three somewhat affected
and concerned, who scarce ever appeared to be under any religious
impressions before. It seemed to be a day and evening of divine power.
Numbers retained the warm impressions of divine things which had been
made upon their minds the day before.

_March 14._—“Was visited by a considerable number of my people, and
spent some time in religious exercises with them.

_March 15._ “In the evening catechised. My people answered the questions
put to them with surprising readiness and judgment. There appeared some
warmth, and a feeling sense of divine things among those who I have
reason to hope are real Christians, while I was discoursing upon peace
of conscience and joy in the Holy Ghost. These seemed quickened and
enlivened in divine service, though there was not so much appearance of
concern among those whom I have reason to think in a Christless state.

_Lord’s day, March 16._—“Preached to my congregation from Hebrews,
2:1-3. Divine truth seemed to have some considerable influence upon some
of the hearers, and produced many tears, as well as heavy sighs and
sobs, among those who have given evidence of being real Christians, and
others also. The impressions made upon the audience appeared in general
deep and heart-affecting; not superficial, noisy and affected.

“Toward night discoursed again on the Great Salvation. The word was
again attended with some power upon the audience. Numbers wept
affectionately, and to appearance unfeignedly; so that the Spirit of God
seemed to be moving upon the face of the assembly. The woman mentioned
in my journal of last Lord’s day made a profession of her faith, and
appeared to be in a devout, humble, and excellent frame of mind.

“My house being thronged with my people in the evening; I spent the time
in religious exercises with them until my nature was almost spent. They
are so unwearied in religious exercises, and insatiable in their
thirsting after Christian knowledge, that I can sometimes scarcely avoid
laboring so as greatly to exhaust my strength and spirits.

_March 19._—“Several of the persons who went with me to the Forks of
Delaware in February last, having been detained there by the dangerous
illness of one of their company, returned home but this day. Whereupon
my people generally met together of their own accord, in order to spend
some time in religious exercises; and especially to give thanks to God
for his preserving goodness to those who had been absent from them for
several weeks, and recovering mercy to him who had been sick; and that
he had now returned them all in safety. As I was then absent; they
desired my school-master to assist them in carrying on their religious
solemnity; who tells me that they appeared engaged and affectionate in
repeated prayer, singing, &c.

_March 22._—“Catechised in my usual method in the evening. My people
answered questions to my great satisfaction. There appeared nothing very
remarkable in the assembly, considering what has been common among us.
Although I may justly say the strict attention, the tenderness and
affection, the many tears and heart-affecting sobs, appearing in numbers
in the assembly, would have been very remarkable, were it not that God
has made these things common among us, and even with strangers soon
after their coming among us, from time to time. I am far from thinking
that every appearance and particular instance of affection that has been
among us, has been truly genuine, and purely from a divine influence. I
am sensible of the contrary; and doubt not but there has been some
corrupt mixture, some _chaff_ as well as _wheat_; especially since
religious concern has become so common and prevalent here.

_Lord’s day, March 23._—“There being about _fifteen strangers_, adult
persons, come among us in the week past, several of whom had never been
in any religious meeting till now; I thought it proper to discourse this
day in a manner peculiarly suited to their circumstances and capacities;
and accordingly attempted it from Hosea, 13:9. ‘O Israel, thou hast
destroyed thyself.’ In the forenoon I opened, in the plainest manner I
could, man’s apostacy and ruined state, after having spoken some things
respecting the being and perfections of God, and his creation of man in
a state of uprightness and happiness. In the afternoon endeavored to
open the glorious provision God has made for the redemption of apostate
creatures, by giving his own dear Son to suffer for them and satisfy
divine justice on their behalf. There was not that affection and concern
in the assembly which has been common among us; although there was a
desirable attention appearing in general, and even in most of the
strangers.

“Near sun-set I felt an uncommon concern upon my mind, especially for
the poor _strangers_; that God had so much withheld his presence and the
powerful influence of his Spirit from the assembly in the exercises of
the day; and thereby withheld from them that degree of conviction which
I hoped they might have had. In this frame I visited several houses, and
discoursed with some concern and affection to several persons
particularly; but without much appearance of success till I came to a
house where several of the strangers were. There the solemn truths on
which I discoursed appeared to take effect; first upon some children;
then upon several adult persons who had been somewhat awakened before;
and afterward upon several of the Pagan strangers.

“I continued my discourse, with some fervency, until almost every one in
the house was melted into tears, and many wept aloud, and appeared
earnestly concerned to obtain an interest in Christ. Upon this, numbers
soon gathered from all the houses round about; and so thronged the place
that we were obliged to remove to the house where we usually met for
public worship. The congregation gathered immediately, and many
appearing remarkably affected, I discoursed some time from Luke, 19:10;
endeavoring to open the mercy, compassion, and concern of Christ for
lost, helpless, and undone sinners. There was much visible concern and
affection in the assembly; and I doubt not but that a divine influence
accompanied what was spoken to the hearts of many. There were five or
six of the strangers, men and women, who appeared to be considerably
awakened; and, in particular, one very rugged young man, who seemed as
if nothing would move him, was now brought to tremble like the jailor,
and weep for a long time.

“The Pagans who were awakened, seemed at once to put off their savage
roughness and Pagan manners, and became sociable, orderly and humane in
their carriage. When they first came, I exhorted my religious people to
take pains with them as they had done with other strangers from time to
time, to instruct them in Christianity. But when some of them attempted
something of that nature, the strangers would soon rise up and walk to
other houses in order to avoid the hearing of such discourses. Whereupon
some of the serious persons agreed to disperse themselves into the
several parts of the settlement; so that wherever the strangers went,
they met with some instructive discourse, and warm addresses respecting
their salvation. But now there was no need of using policy, in order to
get an opportunity of conversing with some of them about their spiritual
concerns; for they were so far touched with a sense of their perishing
state, as made them voluntarily yield to the closest addresses which
were made them, respecting their sin and misery, their need of an
acquaintance with, and interest in the great Redeemer.

_March 24._—“Numbered the Indians to see how many souls God had gathered
together here since my coming into these parts; and found there were now
about _an hundred and thirty_ persons together, old and young. Several
of those, who are my stated hearers, perhaps to the number of _fifteen_
or _twenty_, were absent at this season. If all had been together the
number would now have been very considerable; especially considering how
few were together at my first coming into this part of the country: the
whole number not amounting to _ten_ persons at that time.

“My people went out this day with the design of clearing some of their
land, above fifteen miles distant from this settlement, in order to
their settling there in a compact form, where they might be under the
advantages of attending the public worship of God, of having their
children taught in a school, and at the same time have a conveniency for
planting: their land, in the place of our _present_ residence, being of
little or no value for that purpose. The design of their settling thus
in a body, and cultivating their lands, of which they have done very
little in their Pagan state, being of such necessity and importance to
their religious interest as well as worldly comfort; I thought it proper
to call them together, and show them the duty of laboring with
faithfulness and industry, and that they must not now ‘be slothful in
business,’ as they had ever been in their Pagan state. I endeavored to
press the importance of their being laborious, diligent, and vigorous in
the prosecution of their business; especially at the present juncture,
the season of planting being now near, in order to their being in a
capacity of living together, and enjoying the means of grace and
instruction. Having given them directions for their work, which they
very much wanted, as well as for their behavior in divers respects; I
explained, sang, and endeavored to inculcate upon them Dr. Watts’ Psalm,

                   If God to build the house deny &c.

and having recommended them, and the design of their going forth, to
God, by prayer with them, I dismissed them to their business.

“In the evening read and expounded to those of my people who were yet at
home, and to the _strangers_ newly come, the substance of the 3d chapter
of the Acts. Numbers seemed to melt under the word; especially while I
was discoursing upon verse 19. ‘Repent ye, therefore, and be converted,’
&c. Several of the strangers also were affected. When I asked them
afterward, whether they did not now feel that their hearts were wicked,
as I had taught them; one of them replied, ‘Yes, she felt it now.’
Although before she came here, upon hearing that I taught the Indians
that their hearts were all bad by nature, and needed to be changed and
made good by the power of God; she had said, ‘Her heart was not wicked,
and she had never done any thing that was bad in her life.’ This,
indeed, seems to be the case with them, I think universally, in their
pagan state. They seem to have no consciousness of sin and guilt, unless
they can charge themselves with some gross acts of sin contrary to the
commands of the _second table._

_March 27._—“Discoursed to a number of my people in one of their houses
in a more private manner. Inquired particularly into their spiritual
states, in order to see what impressions they were under. Laid before
them the marks of a regenerate, as well as of an unregenerate state; and
endeavored to suit and direct my discourse to them severally, according
as I apprehended their states to be. There were a considerable number
gathered together before I finished my discourse; and several seemed
much affected while I was urging the necessity and infinite importance
of getting into a renewed state. I find particular and close dealing
with souls in private is often very successful.

_March 29._—“In the evening catechised, as usual upon Saturday. Treated
upon the benefits which believers receive from Christ at death. The
questions were answered with great readiness and propriety; and those
who I have reason to think are the dear people of God were in general
sweetly melted. There appeared such a liveliness and vigor in their
attendance upon the word of God, and such eagerness to be made partakers
of the benefits mentioned, that they seemed not only to be ‘looking
for,’ but ‘hasting to, the coming of the day of God.’ Divine truths
seemed to distil upon the audience with a gentle but melting efficacy,
as the refreshing ‘showers upon the new mown grass.’ The assembly in
general, as well as those who appear truly religious, were affected with
some brief accounts of the blessedness of the godly at death; and most
of them then discovered an affectionate inclination to cry ‘Let me die
the death of the righteous, and let my last end be like his;’ although
many were not duly engaged to obtain the change of heart that is
necessary to that blessed end.

_Lord’s day, March 30._—“Discoursed from Matt. 25:31-40. There was a
very considerable moving, and affectionate melting, in the assembly. I
hope that there were some real, deep, and abiding impressions of divine
things made upon the minds of many. There was one aged man, newly come
among us, who appeared to be considerably awakened that never was
touched with any concern for his soul before. In the evening catechised.
There was not that tenderness and melting engagement among God’s people
which appeared the evening before, and many other times. They answered
the _questions_ distinctly, and well, and were devout and attentive in
divine service.

_March 31._—“Called my people together, as I had done the Monday evening
before, and discoursed to them again on the necessity and importance of
laboring industriously in order to their living together, and enjoying
the means of grace, &c. Having engaged in a solemn prayer to God among
them for a blessing upon their attempts, I dismissed them to their work.
Numbers of them, both men and women, seemed to offer themselves
willingly to this service; and some appeared affectionately concerned
that God might go with them, and begin their little town for them; that
by his blessing it might be a place comfortable for them and theirs,
with regard both to procuring the necessaries of life and to attending
on the worship of God.

_April 5._—“Catechised in the evening. There appeared to be some
affection and fervent engagement in divine service through the assembly
in general; especially toward the conclusion of my discourse. After
public worship a number of those who I have reason to think are truly
religious came to my house, and seemed eager for some farther
entertainment upon divine things. While I was conversing with them about
their scriptural exercises; observing to them, that God’s work in the
hearts of all his children was, for substance the same; and that their
trials and temptations were also alike; and showing the obligations such
were under to love one another in a peculiar manner, they seemed to be
melted into tenderness and affection toward each other. I thought that
this particular token of their being the disciples of Christ, viz. of
their having love one toward another, had scarcely ever appeared more
evident than at this time.

_Lord’s day, April 6._—“Preached from Matt. 7:21-23. There were
considerable effects of the word visible in the audience, and such as
were very desirable; an earnest attention, a great solemnity, many tears
and heavy sighs, which were modestly suppressed in a considerable
measure, and appeared unaffected and without any indecent commotion of
the passions. Numbers of the religious people were put upon serious and
close examination of their spiritual state by hearing that ‘not every
one that saith to Christ, Lord, Lord, shall enter into his kingdom.’
Some expressed fears lest they had deceived themselves, and taken up a
false hope, because they found they had done so little of the will of
his Father who is in heaven.

“There was one man brought under a very great and pressing concern for
his soul; which appeared more especially after his retirement from
public worship. That which he says gave him his great uneasiness was,
not so much any particular sin, as that he had never done the will of
God at all, but had sinned continually, and so had no claim to the
kingdom of heaven. In the afternoon I opened to them the discipline of
Christ in his Church, and the method in which offenders are to be dealt
with; at which time the religious people were much affected; especially
when they heard that the offender, continuing obstinate, must finally be
esteemed and treated ‘as an heathen man,’ as a pagan, who has no part
nor lot among God’s visible people. Of this they seemed to have the most
awful apprehensions; a state of heathenism, out of which they were so
lately brought, appearing very dreadful to them.

“After public worship I visited several houses to see how they spent the
remainder of the Sabbath, and to treat with them solemnly on the great
concerns of their souls. The Lord seemed to smile upon my private
endeavors, and to make these particular and personal addresses more
effectual upon some than my public discourses.

_April 7._—“Discoursed to my people in the evening, from 1 Cor.
11:23-26. Endeavored to open to them the institution, nature, and ends
of the Lord’s Supper, as well as of the qualifications and preparations
necessary to the right participation of that ordinance. Numbers appeared
much affected with the love of Christ, manifested in his making this
provision for the comfort of his people, at a season when himself was
just entering upon his sharpest sufferings.

_Lord’s day, April 20._—“Discoursed, both forenoon and afternoon, from
Luke, 24; explaining most of the chapter, and making remarks upon it.
There was a desirable attention in the audience; though there was not so
much appearance of affection and tenderness among them as had been
usual. Our meeting was very full; there being sundry strangers present
who had never been with us before.

“In the evening catechised. My people answered the questions proposed to
them readily and distinctly; and I could perceive that they advanced in
their knowledge of the principles of Christianity. There appeared an
affectionate melting in the assembly at this time. Several, who I trust
are truly religious, were refreshed and quickened, and seemed by their
discourse and behavior after public worship to have their ‘hearts knit
together in love.’ This was a sweet and blessed season, like many others
with which my poor people have been favored in months past. God has
caused _this little fleece_ to be repeatedly wet with the blessed dew of
his divine grace, while all the earth around has been comparatively dry.

_April 25._—“Set apart this day, as preparatory to the administration of
the Lord’s Supper, for solemn fasting and prayer. The design was to
implore the blessing of God upon our renewing covenant with him, and
with one another, to walk together in the fear of God, in love and
Christian fellowship, and to entreat that his presence might be with us
in our designed approach to his table; as well as to humble ourselves
before God on account of the apparent withdrawment, at least in a
measure, of that blessed influence which has been so prevalent upon
persons of all ages among us; as also on account of the rising
appearance of carelessness, vanity, and vice, among some who once
appeared to be touched and affected with divine truth, and brought to
some sensibility of their miserable and perishing state by nature. It
was also designed that we might importunately pray for the peaceable
settlement of the Indians together in a body; that they might be a
commodious congregation for the worship of God; and that God would
defeat all the attempts that were, or might be, made against that pious
design.[G]

Footnote G:

  There was at this time a terrible clamor raised against the Indians in
  various places in the country, and insinuations as though I was
  training them up to cut people’s throats. Numbers wished to have them
  banished from these parts, and some gave out great words in order to
  fright and deter them from settling upon the best and most convenient
  tract of their own lands; threatening to trouble them in the law;
  pretending a claim to these lands themselves, although never purchased
  of the Indians.

“The solemnity was observed and seriously attended, not only by those
who proposed to commune at the Lord’s table, but by the whole
congregation. In the former part of the day I endeavored to open to my
people the nature and design of a fast, as I had attempted more briefly
to do before, and to instruct them in the duties of such a solemnity. In
the afternoon I insisted on the special reasons there were for our
engaging in these solemn exercises at this time; both in regard to the
need we stood in of divine assistance, in order to a due preparation for
that sacred ordinance, upon which some of us were proposing, with leave
of divine Providence, speedily to attend; and also in respect of the
manifest decline of God’s work here, as to the effectual conviction and
conversion of sinners; there having been few of late deeply awakened out
of a state of security. The worship of God was attended with great
solemnity and reverence, with much tenderness and many tears, by those
who appeared to be truly religious; and there was some appearance of
divine power upon those who had been awakened some time before, and who
were still under concern.

“After repeated prayer, and attendance upon the word of God, I proposed
to the religious people, with as much brevity and plainness as I could,
the substance of the doctrine of the christian faith, as I had formerly
done; and had their renewed cheerful assent to it. I then led them to a
solemn renewal of their covenant, wherein they had explicitly and
publicly given up themselves to God the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
avouching him to be their God; and at the same time renouncing their
heathenish vanities, their idolatrous and superstitious practices;
solemnly engaging to take the Word of God, so far as it was or might be
made known to them, for the rule of their lives; promising to walk
together in love, to watch over themselves and one another, to lead
lives of seriousness and devotion, and to discharge the relative duties
incumbent on them respectively, &c. This solemn transaction was attended
with much gravity and seriousness; and at the same time with the utmost
readiness, freedom and cheerfulness; and a religious union and harmony
of soul seemed to crown the whole solemnity. I could not but think in
the evening, that there had been manifest tokens of the divine presence
with us in all the several services of the day; though it was also
manifest that there was not that concern among Christless souls which
has often appeared here.

_April 26._—“Toward noon prayed with a dying child, and gave a word of
exhortation to the bystanders to prepare for death; which seemed to take
effect upon some. In the afternoon discoursed to my people from Matthew,
26:26-30; of the author, the nature, and designs of the Lord’s supper;
and endeavored to point out the worthy receivers of that ordinance. The
religious people were affected, and even melted with divine truth,—with
a view of the dying love of Christ. Several others, who had been for
some months under convictions of their perishing state, appeared now to
be much moved with concern, and afresh engaged in seeking after an
interest in Christ; although I cannot say that the word of God appeared
so quick and powerful, so sharp and piercing to the assembly, as it had
sometimes formerly done.

“In the evening I catechised those who were designed to partake of the
Lord’s supper the next day, upon the institution, nature and end of that
ordinance; and had abundant satisfaction respecting their doctrinal
knowledge and fitness in that respect for an attendance upon it. They
likewise appeared in general to have an affecting sense of the solemnity
of this sacred ordinance, and to be humbled under a sense of their own
unworthiness to approach to God in it; and to be earnestly concerned
that they might be duly prepared for an attendance upon it. Their hearts
were full of love one toward another, and that was the frame of mind
they seemed concerned to maintain and bring to the Lord’s table with
them. In the singing and prayer after catechising, there appeared an
agreeable tenderness and melting among them; and such tokens of
brotherly love and affection as would even constrain one to say, ‘Lord,
it is good to be here;’ it is good to dwell where such an heavenly
influence distills.

_Lord’s day, April 27._—“Preached from Tit. 2:14; ‘Who gave himself for
us,’ &c. The word of God, at this time, was attended with some
appearance of divine power upon the assembly; so that the attention and
gravity of the audience were remarkable; and especially toward the
conclusion of the exercise, many persons were much affected.
Administered the Lord’s supper to _twenty three_ persons of the Indians,
the number of the men and women being nearly equal; several others, to
the number of _five_ or _six_, being now absent at the Forks of
Delaware, who would otherwise have communed with us. The ordinance was
attended with great solemnity, and with a most desirable tenderness and
affection. It was remarkable that during the administration of the
ordinance, especially in the distribution of the bread, they seemed to
be affected in a most lively manner, as if Christ had been really
crucified before them. The words of the institution, when repeated and
enlarged upon in the season of the administration, seemed to meet with
the same reception, to be entertained with the same free and full belief
and affectionate engagement of soul, as if the Lord Jesus Christ himself
had been present, and had personally spoken to them. The affections of
the communicants, although considerably raised, were, notwithstanding,
agreeably regulated and kept within proper bounds. So that there was a
sweet, gentle, and affectionate melting, without any indecent or
boisterous commotion of the passions.

“Having rested sometime after the administration of the Supper, being
extremely tired with the necessary prolixity of the work, I walked from
house to house, and conversed particularly with most of the
communicants, and found they had been almost universally refreshed at
the Lord’s table, ‘as with new wine.’ Never did I see such an appearance
of Christian love among any people in all my life. It was so remarkable,
that one might well have cried with an agreeable surprise, ‘Behold how
they love one another.’ I think there could be no greater tokens of
mutual affection among the people of God, in the early days of
Christianity, than what now appeared here. The sight was so desirable,
and so well becoming the gospel, that nothing less could be said of it
than it was ‘the doing of the Lord,’ the genuine operation of Him, ‘who
is Love.’

“Toward night discoursed again on the forementioned text, Tit. 2:14; and
insisted on the immediate end and design of Christ’s death: viz. That he
might redeem his people from all iniquity, &c. This appeared to be a
season of divine power among us. The religious people were much
refreshed, and seemed remarkably tender and affectionate, full of love,
joy, and peace, and desirous of being completely ‘redeemed from all
iniquity;’ so that some of them afterward told me that ‘they had never
felt the like before.’ Convictions also appeared to be revived in many
instances; and several persons were awakened whom I had never observed
under any religious impressions before.

“Such was the influence which attended our assembly, and so unspeakably
desirable the frame of mind which many enjoyed in divine service, that
it seemed almost grievous to conclude the public worship. The
congregation, when dismissed, although it was then almost dark, appeared
loth to leave the place and employments which had been rendered so dear
to them by the benefits enjoyed, while a blessed quickening influence
distilled upon them. Upon the whole, I must say, I had great
satisfaction relative to the administration of this ordinance in various
respects. I have abundant reason to think, that those who came to the
Lord’s table had a good degree of doctrinal knowledge of the nature and
design of the ordinance, and that they acted with understanding in what
they did.

“In the preparatory services I found, I may justly say, uncommon freedom
in opening to their understandings and capacities, the covenant of
grace, and in showing them the _nature_ of this ordinance. They were
likewise thoroughly sensible that it was no more than a _sign_, and not
the _real_ body and blood of Christ; that it was designed for the
refreshment and edification of the _soul_, and not for the feasting of
the _body_. They were also acquainted with the end of the ordinance,
that they were therein called to commemorate the dying love of Christ.

“This competency of doctrinal knowledge, together with their grave and
decent attendance upon the ordinance, their affectionate melting under
it, and the sweet and Christian frame of mind which they discovered
after it, gave me great satisfaction respecting my administration of it
to them. O, what a sweet and blessed season was this! God himself, I am
persuaded, was in the midst of his people. I doubt not but many, in the
conclusion of the day, could say with their whole hearts, 'Verily, a day
thus spent in God’s house is better than a thousand elsewhere.' There
seemed to be but _one heart_ among the pious people. The sweet union,
harmony and endearing love and tenderness subsisting among them was, I
thought, the most lively emblem of the heavenly world which I had ever
seen.

_April 28._—“Concluded the solemnity of the Lord’s supper with a
discourse upon John, 14:15. ‘If ye love me, keep my commandments.’ At
this time there appeared a very agreeable tenderness in the audience in
general, but especially in the communicants. O, how free, how engaged
and affectionate did these appear in the service of God! they seemed
willing to have their ears bored to the door posts of God’s house, and
to be his servants for ever.

“Observing numbers in this excellent frame, and the assembly in general
affected, and that by a divine influence, I thought it proper to improve
this advantageous season as Hezekiah did the desirable season of his
great passover, 2 Chron. 31, in order to promote the blessed reformation
begun among them; and to engage those that appeared serious and
religious to persevere therein. Accordingly I proposed to them, that
they should renewedly enter into covenant before God, that they would
watch over themselves and one another, lest they should dishonor the
name of Christ by falling into sinful and unbecoming practices; and
especially that they would watch against the sin of drunkenness, ‘the
sin that easily besets them,’ and the temptations leading thereto, as
well as the appearance of evil in that respect. They cheerfully complied
with the proposal, and explicitly joined in that covenant; whereupon I
proceeded in the most solemn manner of which I was capable, to call God
to witness respecting their sacred engagements, and reminded them of the
greatness of the guilt they would contract to themselves in the
violation of it, as well as observed to them that God would be a
terrible witness against those, who should presume to do so in the great
and notable day of the Lord. It was a season of amazing solemnity; and a
divine awe appeared upon the face of the whole assembly in this
transaction. Affectionate sobs, sighs and tears were now frequent in the
audience; and I doubt not but that many silent cries were then sent up
to the Fountain of grace for supplies of grace sufficient for the
fulfilment of these solemn engagements.

_Lord’s day, May 4._—“My people being now removed to their lands,
mentioned in my diary of March 24, where they were then and have since
been making provision for a compact settlement, in order to their more
convenient enjoyment of the Gospel and other means of instruction, as
well as of the comforts of life; I this day visited them; being now
obliged to board with an English family at some distance from them; and
preached to them in the forenoon from Mark, 4:5. Endeavored to show them
the reason there was to fear, lest many promising appearances and
hopeful beginnings in religion might prove abortive, like the seed
dropped upon stony places.

“In the afternoon discoursed upon Rom. 8:9. ‘Now, if any man have not
the spirit of Christ, he is none of his.’ I have reason to think this
discourse was peculiarly seasonable, and that it had a good effect upon
some of the hearers. Spent some hours afterward in private conference
with my people, and labored to regulate some things which I apprehended
amiss among some of them.

_May 5._—“Visited my people again, and took care of their worldly
concerns; giving them directions relating to their business. I daily
discover more and more of what importance it is likely to be to their
religious interests, that they become laborious and industrious,
acquainted with the affairs of husbandry, and able in a good measure to
raise the necessaries and comforts of life within themselves; for their
present method of living greatly exposes them to temptations of various
kinds.

_May 9._—“Preached from John, 5:40, in the open wilderness; the Indians
having as yet no house for public worship in this place, nor scarcely
any shelters for themselves. Divine truths made considerable impressions
upon the audience, and it was a season of great solemnity, tenderness,
and affection.

“This day received into communion the conjurer, murderer, &c. mentioned
in my diary of August 8, 1745, and February 1, 1746, who appears to be
such a remarkable instance of divine grace that I cannot omit to give
some brief account of him here. He lived near, and sometimes attended my
meeting at the Forks of Delaware, for more than a year; but was, like
many others of them, extremely attached to strong drink, and seemed to
be in no degree reformed by the means which I used with them for their
instruction and conversion. At this time he likewise murdered a likely
young Indian, which threw him into some kind of horror and desperation,
so that he kept at a distance from me, and refused to hear me preach for
several months together, until I had an opportunity of conversing freely
with him, and giving him encouragement, that his sin might be forgiven,
for Christ’s sake. After this he again attended my meeting sometimes.

“But that which was the worst of all his conduct, was his _conjuration_.
He was one of those who are sometimes called powaws among the Indians;
and, notwithstanding his frequent attendance upon my preaching, he still
followed his old charms and juggling tricks, ‘giving out that himself
was some great one, and to him they gave heed,’ supposing him to be
possessed of great power. When I have instructed them respecting the
miracles wrought by Christ in healing the sick, &c. and mentioned them
as evidence of his divine mission, and the truths of his doctrine; they
have quickly observed the wonders of that kind which this man had
performed by his magic charms. Hence they had a high opinion of him and
his superstitious notions; which seemed to be a fatal obstruction to
some of them in regard to their receiving the Gospel. I had often
thought that it would be a great favor to the design of evangelizing
these Indians, if God would take that wretch out of the world; for I had
scarcely any hope of his ever becoming good. But God, whose thoughts are
not as man’s thoughts, has been pleased to take a much more desirable
method with him; a method agreeable to his own merciful nature, and I
trust advantageous to his own interest among the Indians, as well as
effectual to the salvation of his poor soul. To God be the glory of it.

“The first genuine concern for his soul was excited by seeing my
interpreter and his wife publicly profess Christ, at the Forks of
Delaware, July 21, 1745; which so prevailed upon him, that with the
invitation of an Indian who was a friend to Christianity, he followed me
down to Crossweeksung, in the beginning of August, in order to hear me
preach; and there continued for several weeks in the season of the most
remarkable and powerful awakening among the Indians; at which time he
was more effectually awakened, and brought under great concern for his
soul. And then, he says, upon his ‘feeling the word of God in his
heart,’ as he expresses it, his spirit of _conjuration_ left him
entirely, so that he has had no more power of that nature since, than
any other man living. He also declares, that he does not now so much as
know how he used to charm and conjure, and that he could not now do any
thing of that nature if he were ever so desirous of it.

“He continued under convictions of his sinful and perishing state, and a
considerable degree of concern for his soul, all the fall and the former
part of the winter past; but was not so deeply exercised until some time
in January. Then the word of God took such hold upon him that he was
brought into deep distress, and knew not what to do, nor where to turn
himself. He then told me, that when he used to hear me preach from time
to time in the fall of the year, my preaching pricked his heart, and
made him very _uneasy_, but did not bring him to so great distress,
because he still hoped he could do something for his own relief; but
now, he said, I drove him up in such a sharp corner, that he had no way
to turn, and could not avoid being in distress. He continued constantly
under the heavy burden and pressure of a wounded spirit, until at length
he was brought into the acute anguish and utmost agony of soul,
mentioned in my Journal of February 1, which continued that night and
part of the next day. After this he was brought to the utmost calmness
and composure of mind; his trembling and heavy burden were removed; and
he appeared perfectly sedate, although he had to his apprehensions
scarcely any hope of salvation.

“I observed him to appear remarkably composed; and therefore asked him
how he did? He replied, ‘It is done, it is done, it is all done now.’ I
asked him what he meant? He answered, ‘I can never do any more to save
myself; it is all done for ever. I can do no more.’ I queried with him,
whether he could not do a little more, rather than go to hell? He
replied, ‘my heart is dead. I can never help myself.’ I asked him what
he thought would become of him then? He answered, ‘I must go to hell.’ I
asked him if he thought it was right that God should send him to hell?
He replied, ‘O it is right. The devil has been in me ever since I was
born.’ I asked him if he felt this when he was in such great distress
the evening before? He answered, ‘No; I did not then think it was right.
I thought God would send me to hell, and that I was then dropping into
it; but my heart quarrelled with God, and would not say it was right he
should send me there. But now I know it is right; for I have always
served the devil; and my heart has no goodness in it now, but it is as
bad as ever it was,’ &c. I thought I had scarcely ever seen any person
more effectually brought off from a dependance upon his own contrivances
and endeavors for salvation, or more apparently to lie at the foot of
sovereign mercy, than this man did under these views of things.

“In this frame of mind he continued for several days, passing sentence
of condemnation upon himself, and constantly owning that it would be
right he should be damned, and that he expected this would be his
portion for the greatness of his sins. Yet it was plain that he had a
secret hope of mercy, though imperceptible to himself, which kept him
not only from despair but from any pressing distress: so that, instead
of being sad and dejected, his very countenance appeared pleasant and
agreeable.

“While he was in this frame he several times asked me ‘When I would
preach again?’ and seemed desirous to hear the word of God every day. I
asked, ‘Why he wanted to hear me preach, seeing his heart was dead, and
all was done; that he could never help himself, and expected that he
must go to hell?’ He replied, ‘I love to hear you speak about Christ for
all.’ I added, 'But what good will that do you, if you must go to hell
at last?'—using now his own language with him, having before from time
to time labored in the best manner I could to represent to him the
excellency of Christ, his all-sufficiency and willingness to save lost
sinners, and persons just in his case; although to no purpose, as to
yielding him any special comfort. He answered, ‘I would have others come
to Christ, if I must go to hell myself.’ It was remarkable, that he
seemed to have a great love for the people of God; and nothing affected
him so much as the thought of being separated from them. This seemed to
be a very dreadful part of the hell to which he saw himself doomed. It
was likewise remarkable, that in this season he was most diligent in the
use of all the means for the soul’s salvation; although he had the
clearest view of the inefficiency of means to afford him help. He would
frequently say, that all he did signified nothing at all; and yet was
never more constant in doing; attending secret and family prayer daily,
and surprisingly diligent and attentive in hearing the word of God; so
that he neither despaired of mercy, nor yet presumed to hope upon his
own doings, but used means because appointed of God in order to
salvation; and because he would wait upon God in his own way.

“After he had continued in this frame of mind more than a week, while I
was discoursing publicly, he seemed to have a lively soul-refreshing
view of the excellency of Christ and the way of salvation by him, which
melted him into tears, and filled him with admiration, comfort,
satisfaction and praise to God. Since then he has appeared to be a
humble, devout and affectionate Christian; serious and exemplary in his
conversation and behavior, frequently complaining of his barrenness, his
want of spiritual warmth, life and activity, and yet frequently favored
with quickening and refreshing influences. In all respects, so far as I
am capable of judging, he bears the marks of one ‘created anew in Christ
Jesus to good works.’

“His zeal for the cause of God was pleasing to me when he was with me at
the Forks of Delaware in February last. There being an old Indian at the
place where I preached who threatened to bewitch me, and my religious
people who accompanied me there; this man presently challenged him to do
his worst, telling him that himself had been as great a conjurer as he;
and that notwithstanding, as soon as he felt that word in his heart
which these people loved, meaning the word of God, his power of
conjuring immediately left him. ‘And so it would you,’ said he, ‘if you
did but once feel it in your heart; and you have no power to hurt them,
nor so much as to touch one of them,’ &c. So that I may conclude my
account of him by observing, in allusion to what was said of St. Paul,
that he now zealously ‘defends and practically preaches the faith which
he once destroyed,’ or at least was instrumental in obstructing. May God
have the glory of the amazing change which he has wrought in him.

_Lord’s day, May 18._—“Discoursed both parts of the day from Rev. 3:20,
‘Behold I stand at the door and knock.’ There appeared some affectionate
melting toward the conclusion of the forenoon exercise, and one or two
instances of fresh awakening. In the intermission of public worship I
took occasion to discourse to numbers in a more private way, on the
kindness and patience of the blessed Redeemer in standing and knocking,
in continuing his gracious calls to sinners, who had long neglected and
abused his grace; which seemed to take some effect upon several.

“In the afternoon divine truth was attended with solemnity, and with
some tears; although there was not that powerful awakening and
quickening influence which in times past has been common in our
assemblies. The appearance of the audience was comparatively
discouraging, and I was ready to fear that God was about to withdraw the
blessed influence of his Spirit from us.

_May 19._—“Visited and preached to my people from Acts, 20:18, 19, and
endeavored to rectify their notions about religious affections; showing
them on the one hand the desirableness of religious affection,
tenderness and fervent engagement in the worship and service of God,
when such affection flows from a true spiritual discovery of divine
glories, from a just sense of the transcendant excellence and
perfections of the blessed God, and a view of the glory and loveliness
of the great Redeemer; and that such views of divine things will
naturally excite us to ‘serve the Lord with many tears, with much
affection and fervency, and yet with all humility of mind.’ On the other
hand, I observed the sinfulness of seeking after high affections
immediately and for their own sakes; that is, of making them the object
which our eye and heart is first and principally set upon, when the
glory of God ought to be that object. Showed them, that, if the heart be
directly and chiefly fixed on God, and the soul engaged to glorify him,
some degree of religious affection will be the effect and attendant of
it. But to seek after affection directly and chiefly; to have the heart
principally set upon that; is to place it in the room of God and his
glory. If it be sought, that others may take notice of it, and admire us
for our spirituality and forwardness in religion, it is then abominable
pride; if for the sake of feeling the pleasure of being affected, it is
then idolatry and self-gratification. Labored also to expose the
disagreeableness of those affections which are sometimes wrought up in
persons by the power of fancy, and their own attempts for that purpose,
while I still endeavored to recommend to them that religious affection,
fervency and devotion which ought to attend all our religious exercises,
and without which religion will be but an empty name and lifeless
carcase. This appeared to be a seasonable discourse, and proved very
satisfactory to some of the religious people who before were exercised
with some difficulties relating to this point. Afterward took care of,
and gave my people directions about their worldly affairs.

_May 24._—“Visited the Indians, and took care of their secular business;
which they are not able to manage themselves without the constant care
and advice of others. Afterward discoursed to some of them particularly
about their spiritual concerns.—Enjoyed this day somewhat of the same
frame of mind which I felt the day before.

_Lord’s day, May 25._—“Discoursed both parts of the day from John,
12:44-48. There was some degree of divine power attending the word of
God. Several wept, and appeared considerably affected, and one, who had
long been under spiritual trouble, now obtained clearness and comfort,
and appeared to rejoice in God her Savior. It was a day of grace and
divine goodness; a day wherein something I trust was done for the cause
of God among my people; a season of comfort and sweetness to numbers of
the religious people; although there was not that influence upon the
congregation which was common some months ago.

_Lord’s day, June 1._—“Preached both forenoon and afternoon from Matt.
11:27, 28. The presence of God seemed to be in the assembly; and numbers
were considerably melted and affected under divine truth. There was a
desirable appearance in the congregation in general, an earnest
attention and an agreeable tenderness; and it seemed as if God designed
to visit us with further showers of divine grace. I then received into
communion _five_ persons; and was not a little refreshed with this
addition made to the church of such as I hope will be saved. I have
reason to hope that God has lately, at and since our celebration of the
Lord’s supper, brought home to himself several persons who had long been
under spiritual trouble and concern; although there have been few
instances of persons lately awakened out of a state of security. Those
comforted of late seem to be brought in, in a more _silent_ way; neither
their concern, nor consolation being so powerful and remarkable as
appeared among those more suddenly wrought upon in the beginning of this
work of grace.

_June 7._—“Being desired by the Rev. WILLIAM TENNENT to be his assistant
in the administration of the Lord’s Supper, I this morning rode to
Freehold to render that assistance. My people also being invited to
attend at that solemnity, they cheerfully embraced the opportunity, and
this day attended the preparatory services with me.

_Lord’s day, June 8._—“Most of my people, who had been _communicants_ at
the Lord’s table, before being present on this occasion, communed with
others in the holy ordinance, at the desire, and I trust to the
satisfaction and comfort of numbers of God’s people, who had longed to
see _this day_, and whose hearts had rejoiced in _this_ work of grace
among the Indians, which prepared the way for what appeared so agreeable
at this time. Those of my people who communed, seemed in general
agreeably affected at the Lord’s table, and some of them considerably
melted with the love of Christ, although they were not so remarkably
refreshed and feasted at this time, as when I administered this
ordinance to them in our own congregation only. Some of the
_by-standers_ were affected with seeing those who had been ‘aliens from
the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenant of promise,’
who of all men had lived ‘without hope and without God in the world,’
now brought near to God, as his professing people, by a solemn and
devout attendance upon this sacred ordinance. As numbers of God’s people
were refreshed at this sight, and thereby excited to bless God for the
enlargement of his kingdom in the world; so some others, I was told,
were awakened by it, apprehending the danger they were in of being
themselves finally _cast out_; while they saw others from the east and
west preparing, and hopefully prepared in some good measure, to sit down
in the kingdom of God. At this season others of my people also, who were
not communicants, were considerably affected; convictions were revived
in several instances; and one, the man particularly mentioned in my
journal of the 6th instant, obtained comfort and satisfaction; and has
since given me such an account of his spiritual exercises, and the
manner in which he obtained relief, as appears very hopeful. It seems as
if He, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, had now ‘shined
into his heart, and given him the light of,’ and experimental ‘knowledge
of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.’

_June 9._—“A considerable number of my people met together early in a
retired place in the _woods_, and prayed, sang, and conversed of divine
things; and were seen by some religious persons of the white people to
be affected and engaged, and some of them in tears in these religious
exercises.

“After they had attended the concluding exercises of the Lord’s Supper
they returned home; many of them rejoicing for all the goodness of God
which they had seen and felt: so that this appeared to be a profitable
as well as comfortable season to numbers of my congregation. Their being
present at this occasion, and a number of them communing at the Lord’s
table with other Christians, was, I trust, for the honor of God and the
interest of religion in these parts; as numbers, I have reason to think,
were quickened by means of it.

_June 13._—“Preached to my people upon the _new creature_, from 2 Cor.
5:17. The presence of God appeared to be in the assembly. It was a sweet
and agreeable meeting, wherein the people of God were refreshed and
strengthened; beholding their faces in the glass of God’s word, and
finding in themselves the marks and lineaments of the new creature. Some
sinners under concern were also renewedly affected; and afresh engaged
for the securing of their eternal interests.

“_Three_ Indians were at this time received into communion. One of them
was the very _aged woman_ of whose exercises I gave an account in my
diary of Dec. 26. She now gave me a very punctual, rational, and
satisfactory account of the remarkable change which she experienced some
months after the beginning of her concern, which I must say, appeared to
be the genuine operations of the Divine Spirit, so Air as I am capable
of judging. Although she was become so childish, through age, that I
could do nothing in a way of questioning her, nor scarcely make her
understand any thing that I asked her; yet when I let her alone to go on
with her own story, she could give a very distinct and particular
relation of the many and various exercises of soul she had experienced;
so deep were the impressions left upon her mind by that influence and
those exercises which she had experienced. I have great reason to think
that she is born anew in her old age: she being, I presume, upward of
_eighty_.

_June 19._—“Visited my people with two of the Reverend correspondents.
Spent some time in conversation with some of them upon spiritual things;
and took some care of their worldly concerns.

“This day makes up a complete year from the first time of my preaching
to these Indians in New-Jersey. What amazing things has God wrought, in
this space of time, for this poor people! What a surprising change
appears in their tempers and behavior! How are morose and savage Pagans,
in this short period, transformed into agreeable, affectionate, and
humble Christians! and their drunken and Pagan howlings turned into
devout and fervent praises to God! They ‘who were sometimes in darkness
are now become light in the Lord.’ May they ‘walk as children of the
light and of the day!’ And now to Him that is of power to establish them
according to the gospel, and the preaching of Christ—to God only wise,
be glory through Jesus Christ, for ever and ever, Amen.”

                            GENERAL REMARKS
                      ON THE PRECEDING NARRATIVE.


“AT the close of this Narrative I would make a few GENERAL REMARKS upon
what, to me, appears worthy of notice, relating to the continued work of
grace among my people.

I. “I cannot but take notice, that I have in general, ever since my
first coming among the Indians in New-Jersey, been favored with that
assistance which to me is uncommon, in preaching _Christ crucified_, and
making him the _centre_ and _mark_ to which all my discourses among them
were directed.

“It was the principal scope and drift of all my discourses to this
people, for several months together, (after having taught them something
of the being and perfections of God, his creation of man in a state of
rectitude and happiness, and the obligations mankind were thence under
to love and honor him,) to lead them into an acquaintance with their
deplorable state by nature, as fallen creatures; their inability to
extricate and deliver themselves from it; the utter insufficiency of any
external reformations and amendments of life, or of any religious
performances, of which they were capable, while in this state, to bring
them into the favor of God, and interest them in his eternal mercy;
thence to show them their absolute need of Christ to redeem and save
them from the misery of their fallen state;—to open his all-sufficiency
and willingness to save the chief of sinners;—the freeness and riches of
divine grace, proposed ‘without money, and without price,’ to all that
will accept the offer; thereupon to press them without delay to betake
themselves to him, under a sense of their misery and undone state, for
relief and everlasting salvation;—and to show them the abundant
encouragement the gospel proposes to needy, perishing, and helpless
sinners, in order to engage them so to do. These things, I repeatedly
and largely insisted upon from time to time.

“I have oftentimes remarked with admiration, that whatever subject I
have been treating upon, after having spent time sufficient to explain
and illustrate the truths contained therein, I have been naturally and
easily led to Christ as the substance of every subject. If I treated on
the being and glorious perfections of God; I was thence naturally led to
discourse of Christ, as the only 'way to the Father.'—If I attempted to
open the deplorable misery of our fallen state; it was natural from
thence to show the necessity of Christ to undertake for us, to atone for
our sins, and to redeem us from the power of them.—If I taught the
commands of God, and showed our violation of them; this brought me, in
the most easy and natural way, to speak of, and recommend the Lord Jesus
Christ as one who had ‘magnified the law’ which we had broken, and who
was ‘become the end of it, for righteousness, to every one that
believes.’ Never did I find so much freedom and assistance in making all
the various lines of my discourses meet together, and centre in Christ,
as I have frequently done among these Indians.

“Sometimes when I have had thoughts of offering but a few words upon
some particular subject, and saw no occasion, nor indeed much room, for
any considerable enlargement, there has appeared such a fountain of
gospel-grace shining forth in, or naturally resulting from a just
explication of it; and Christ has seemed in such a manner to be pointed
out as the substance of what I was considering and explaining; that I
have been drawn in a way not only easy and natural, proper and
pertinent, but almost unavoidable, to discourse of him, either in regard
to his undertaking, incarnation, satisfaction, admirable fitness for the
work of man’s redemption, or the infinite need that sinners stand in of
an interest in him; which has opened the way for a continued strain of
gospel invitation to perishing souls, to come empty and naked, weary and
heavy laden, and cast themselves upon him.

“As I have been remarkably influenced and assisted to dwell upon the
Lord Jesus Christ, and the way of salvation by him, in the general
current of my discourses here, and have been, at times, surprisingly
furnished with pertinent matter relating to him, and the design of his
incarnation; so I have been no less assisted oftentimes in an
advantageous manner of opening the mysteries of divine grace, and
representing the infinite excellencies, and ‘unsearchable riches of
Christ,’ as well as of recommending him to the acceptance of perishing
sinners. I have frequently been enabled to represent the divine glory,
the infinite preciousness and transcendant loveliness of the great
Redeemer, the suitableness of his person and purchase to supply the
wants, and answer the utmost desires of immortal souls;—to open the
infinite riches of his grace, and the wonderful encouragement proposed
in the gospel to unworthy, helpless sinners;—to call, invite, and
beseech them to come and give up themselves to him, and be reconciled to
God through him;—to expostulate with them respecting their neglect of
one so infinitely lovely, and freely offered;—and this in such a manner,
with such freedom, pertinency, pathos, and application to the
conscience, as, I am sure, I never could have made myself master of, by
the most assiduous application of mind. Frequently, at such seasons, I
have been surprisingly helped in adapting my discourses to the
capacities of my people, and bringing them down into such easy, and
familiar methods of expression, as has rendered them intelligible even
to Pagans.

“I do not mention these things as a recommendation of my own
performances; for I am sure I found, from time to time, that I had no
skill or wisdom for my great work; and knew not how ‘to choose out
acceptable words’ proper to address to poor benighted Pagans. But thus
God was pleased to help me, ‘not to know any thing among them, save
Jesus Christ and him crucified.’ Thus I was enabled to show them their
misery without him, and to represent his complete fitness to redeem and
save them.

“This was the preaching God made use of for awakening sinners, and the
propagation of this ‘work of grace among the Indians.’ It was
remarkable, from time to time, that when I was favored with any special
freedom, in discoursing of the ‘ability and willingness of Christ to
save sinners,’ and ‘the need in which they stood of such a Savior;’
there was then the greatest appearance of divine power in awakening
numbers of secure souls, promoting convictions begun, and comforting the
distressed.

“I have sometimes formerly, in reading the Apostle’s discourse to
Cornelius, (Acts, 10,) wondered to see him so quickly introduce the Lord
Jesus Christ into his sermon, and so entirely dwell upon him through the
whole of it, observing him in this point very widely to differ from many
of our modern preachers; but latterly this has not seemed strange, since
Christ has appeared to be the substance of the gospel and the centre in
which the several lines of divine revelation meet. Still I am sensible
that there are many things necessary to be spoken to persons under Pagan
darkness, in order to make way for a proper introduction of the name of
Christ, and his undertaking in behalf of fallen man.

II. “It is worthy of remark, that numbers of these people are brought to
a strict compliance with the rules of morality and sobriety, and to a
conscientious performance of the external duties of Christianity, by the
_internal power and influence of divine truth_—the peculiar doctrines of
grace upon their minds; without their having these moral duties
frequently repeated and inculcated upon them, and the contrary vices
particularly exposed and spoken against. What has been the general
strain and drift of my preaching among these Indians, what were the
truths I principally insisted upon, and how I was influenced and enabled
to dwell from time to time, upon the peculiar doctrines of grace, I have
already stated. Those doctrines, which had the most direct tendency to
humble the fallen creature; to show him the misery of his natural state;
to bring him down to the foot of sovereign mercy, and to exalt the great
Redeemer—discover his transcendant excellency and infinite preciousness,
and so recommend him to the sinner’s acceptance—were the subject-matter
of what was delivered in public and private to them, and from time to
time repeated and inculcated.

“God was pleased to give these divine truths such a powerful influence
upon the minds of these people, and so to bless them for the effectual
awakening of numbers of them, that their lives were quickly reformed,
without my insisting upon the precepts of morality, and spending time in
repeated harangues upon external duties. There was indeed no room for
any kind of discourses but those which respected the essentials of
religion, and the experimental knowledge of divine things, while there
were so many inquiring daily—not how they should regulate their external
conduct, for that, persons who are honestly disposed to comply with
duty, when known, may in ordinary cases be easily satisfied about,
but—how they should escape from the wrath they feared, and felt that
they deserved,—obtain an effectual change of heart,—get an interest in
Christ,—and come to the enjoyment of eternal blessedness? So that my
great work still was to lead them into a further view of their utter
undoneness in themselves, the total depravity and corruption of their
hearts; that there was no manner of goodness in them; no good
dispositions nor desires; no love to God, nor delight in his commands;
but, on the contrary, hatred, enmity, and all manner of wickedness
reigning in them:—and at the same time to open to them the glorious and
complete remedy provided in Christ for perishing sinners, and offered
freely to those who have no goodness of their own, no works of
righteousness which they have done, to recommend them to God.

“This was the continued strain of my preaching; this my great concern
and constant endeavor, so to enlighten the mind, as thereby duly to
affect the heart, and, as far as possible, give persons a _sense_ and
_feeling_ of these precious and important doctrines of grace, at least
so far as means might conduce to it. These were the doctrines, and this
the method of preaching, which were blessed of God for the awakening,
and I trust, the saving conversion of numbers of souls; and which were
made the means of producing a remarkable reformation among the hearers
in general.

“When these truths were felt at heart, there was now no vice
unreformed—no external duty neglected. Drunkenness, the darling vice,
was broken off, and scarce an instance of it known among my hearers for
months together. The abusive practice of _husbands and wives_ in putting
away each other, and taking others in their stead, was quickly reformed;
so that there are three or four couples who have voluntarily dismissed
those whom they had wrongfully taken, and now live together again in
love and peace. The same might be said of all other vicious practices.
The reformation was general; and all springing from the _internal_
influence of divine truth upon their hearts, and not from any _external_
restraints, or because they had heard these vices particularly exposed,
and repeatedly spoken against. Some of them I never so much as
mentioned; particularly that of the parting of men and their wives, till
some, having their conscience awakened by God’s word, came, and _of
their own accord_ confessed themselves guilty in that respect. When I at
any time mentioned their wicked practices, and the sins they were guilty
of contrary to the _light of nature_, it was not with a design, nor
indeed with any hope, of working an effectual reformation in their
external manners by this means, for I knew, that while the tree remained
corrupt, the fruit would naturally be so. My design was to lead them, by
observing the wickedness of their lives, to a view of the corruption of
their hearts, and so to convince them of the necessity of a renovation
of nature, and to excite them, with the utmost diligence to seek after
that great change, which, if once obtained, I was sensible, would of
course produce a reformation of external manners in every respect.

“And as all vice was reformed upon their feeling the power of these
truths upon their hearts, so the external duties of Christianity were
complied with, and conscientiously performed from the same internal
influence; family prayer set up, and constantly maintained, unless among
a few who had more lately come, and had felt little of this divine
influence. This duty was constantly performed, even in some families
where there were none but females, and scarce a prayerless person was to
be found among near an hundred of them. The Sabbath was seriously and
religiously observed, and care taken by parents to keep their children
orderly upon that sacred day; and this, not because I had driven them to
the performance of these duties by frequently inculcating them, but
because they had felt the power of God’s word upon their hearts,—were
made sensible of their sin and misery, and thence could not but pray,
and comply with every thing which they knew to be their duty, from what
they felt within themselves. When their hearts were touched with a sense
of their eternal concerns, they could pray with great freedom, as well
as fervency, without being at the trouble first to learn set forms for
that purpose. Some of them, who were suddenly awakened at their first
coming among us, were brought to pray and cry for mercy with the utmost
importunity, without ever being instructed in the duty of prayer, or so
much as once directed to a performance of it.

“The happy effects of these peculiar doctrines of grace upon this
people, show, even to demonstration, that, instead of their opening a
door to licentiousness, as many vainly imagine, and slanderously
insinuate, they have a directly contrary tendency; so that a close
application, a _sense_ and _feeling_ of them, will have the most
powerful influence toward the renovation, and _effectual_ reformation
both of heart and life.

“Happy experience, as well as the word of God and the example of Christ
and his apostles, has taught me, that the very method of preaching which
is best suited to awaken in mankind a sense and lively apprehension of
their depravity and misery in a fallen state,—to excite them so
earnestly to seek after a change of heart, as to fly for refuge to free
and sovereign grace in Christ as the only hope set before them,—is
likely to be most successful in the reformation of their external
conduct. I have found that close addresses, and solemn applications of
divine truth to the conscience, strike at the root of all vice; while
smooth and plausible harangues upon moral virtues and external duties,
at best are like to do no more than lop off the branches of corruption,
while the root of all vice remains still untouched.

“A view of the blessed effect of honest endeavors to bring home divine
truths to the conscience, and duly to affect the heart with them, has
often reminded me of those words of our Lord, which I have thought might
be a proper exhortation for ministers in respect to their treatment of
others, as well as for persons in general with regard to themselves.
‘Cleanse first the inside of the cup and platter, that the outside may
be clean also.’ Cleanse, says he, the inside that the outside may be
clean. As if he had said, the only effectual way to have the outside
clean, is to begin with what is within; and if the fountain be purified,
the streams will naturally be pure. Most certain it is, if we can a
weaken in sinners a lively sense of their inward pollution and
depravity—their need of a change of heart—and so engage them to seek
after inward cleansing, their external defilement will naturally be
cleansed, their vicious ways of course be reformed and their
conversation and behavior become regular.

“Now, although I cannot pretend that the reformation among my people
does, in every instance, spring from a saving change of heart; yet I may
truly say, it flows from some _heart-affecting_ view and sense of divine
truths which all have had in a greater or less degree. I do not intend,
by what I have observed here, to represent the preaching of morality and
pressing persons to the external performance of duty, to be altogether
unnecessary and useless, especially at times when there is less of
divine power attending the means of grace, when, for want of internal
influences, there is need of external restraints. It is doubtless among
the things that ought to be done, while others are not to be left
undone. But what I principally designed by this remark, was to discover
a plain matter of fact, viz. That the reformation, the sobriety, and the
external compliance with the rules and duties of Christianity, appearing
among my people, are not the effect of any mere doctrinal instruction,
or merely rational view of the beauty of morality, but from the internal
power and influence which the soul-humbling doctrines of grace have had
upon their hearts.

III. “It is remarkable, that God has so _continued and renewed_ the
showers of his grace here; so _quickly_ set up his visible kingdom among
these people; and so smiled upon them in relation to their acquirement
of knowledge, both divine and human. It is now nearly a year since the
beginning of this gracious outpouring of the divine Spirit among them;
and although it has often seemed to decline and abate for some short
space of time—as may be observed by several passages of my Journal,
where I have endeavored to note things just as from time to time they
appeared to me—yet the shower has seemed to be renewed, and the work of
grace revived again. A divine influence seems still apparently to attend
the means of grace, in a greater or less degree, in most of our meetings
for religious exercises; whereby religious persons are refreshed,
strengthened, and established,—convictions revived and promoted in many
instances, and some few persons newly awakened from time to time. It
must be acknowledged, that for some time past there has, in general,
appeared a more manifest decline of this work; and the divine Spirit has
seemed, in a considerable measure, withdrawn, especially with regard to
his awakening influence; so that the _strangers_ who come latterly, are
not seized with concern as formerly; and some few who have been much
affected with divine truths in time past, now appear less concerned.
Yet, blessed be God, there is still an appearance of divine power and
grace, a desirable degree of tenderness, religious affection and
devotion in our assemblies.

“As God has continued and renewed the showers of his grace among this
people for some time, so he has with uncommon _quickness_ set up his
visible kingdom, and gathered himself a church in the midst of them.
_Fifteen_ individuals, since the conclusion of my last Journal, have
made a public profession of their faith, making _thirty-eight_ within
the space of _eleven_ months, all of whom appear to have had a work of
special grace wrought in their hearts; I mean, to have had the
experience not only of the awakening, but, in a judgment of charity, of
the renewing influences of the divine Spirit. There are many others
under solemn concern for their souls, and deep convictions of their sin
and misery, but who do not yet give that decisive evidence which could
be desired, of a saving change.

“From the time when, as I am informed, some of them were attending an
_idolatrous feast_ and _sacrifice_ in honor to _devils_, to the time
when they sat down at the Lord’s table, I trust to the honor of God, was
not more than a _full year_. Surely Christ’s little flock here, so
suddenly gathered from among Pagans, may justly say, in the language of
the church of old, ‘The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we
are glad.’

“Much of the goodness of God has also appeared in relation to their
acquisition of knowledge, both in religion and in the affairs of common
life. There has been a wonderful thirst after _Christian knowledge_
prevailing among them in general, and an eager desire of being
instructed in Christian doctrines and manners. This has prompted them to
ask many pertinent as well as important questions; the answers to which
have tended much to enlighten their minds and promote their knowledge in
divine things. Many of the doctrines which I have delivered, they have
queried with me about, in order to gain further light and insight into
them; and have from time to time manifested a good understanding of
them, by their answers to the questions proposed to them in my
catechetical lectures.

“They have likewise queried with me respecting a proper _method_, as
well as proper _matter of prayer_, and expressions suitable to be used
in that religious exercise; and have taken pains in order to the
performance of this duty with understanding.—They have likewise taken
pains, and appeared remarkably apt in learning to sing _psalm-tunes_,
and are now able to sing with a good degree of decency in the worship of
God.—They have also acquired a considerable degree of useful knowledge
in the affairs of common life; so that they now appear like rational
creatures, fit for human society, free of that savage roughness and
brutish stupidity which rendered them very disagreeable in their Pagan
state.

“They seem ambitious of a thorough acquaintance with the English
language, and for that end frequently speak it among themselves. Many of
them have made good proficiency in acquiring it, since my coming among
them; so that most of them can understand a considerable part, and some
the substance of my discourses, without an _Interpreter_, being used to
my simple and familiar methods of expression, though they could not well
understand other ministers.

“As they are desirous of instruction, and surprisingly apt in the
reception of it, so divine Providence has smiled upon them with regard
to the _proper means_ in order to it. The attempts made for establishing
a _school_ among them have succeeded, and a kind Providence has sent
them a _schoolmaster_, of whom I may justly say, I know of ‘no man like
minded, who will naturally care for their state.’ He has generally
_thirty_ or _thirty-five_ children in his school; and when he kept an
evening school, as he did while the length of the 'evenings would admit
of it, _fifteen_ or _twenty_ grown people, married and single, attended.

“The children learn with surprising readiness; so that their master
tells me, he never had an English school which learned, in general, so
fast. There were not above two in thirty, although some of them were
very small, but learned all the letters in the alphabet within three
days after his entrance upon his business; and several in that space of
time learned to spell considerably. Some of them, in less than five
months, have learned to read with ease in the Psalter or Testament.

“They are instructed twice a week in the _Catechism_, on Wednesday and
Saturday. _Some_ of them, since the latter end of February, when they
began, have committed more than half of it to memory; and _most_ of them
have made some proficiency in it.

“They are likewise instructed in the duty of _secret prayer_, and most
of them constantly attend it night and morning, and are very careful to
inform their master, if they apprehend that any of their little
school-mates neglect that religious exercise.

IV. “It is worthy to be noted, to the praise of sovereign grace, that
amidst so great a work of conviction—so much concern and religious
affection—there has been _no prevalence, nor indeed any considerable
appearance of false religion_—heats of imagination, intemperate zeal, or
spiritual pride; and that there have been very few instances of
irregular and scandalous behavior among those who have appeared serious.

“This work of grace has, in the main, been carried on with a surprising
degree of purity, and freedom from corrupt mixture. Their religious
concern has generally been rational and just; arising from a sense of
their sins, and exposure to the divine displeasure on account of them;
as well as their utter inability to deliver themselves from the misery
they felt and feared. If there has been, in any instance, an appearance
of concern and perturbation of mind, when the subjects of it knew not
why; yet there has been no prevalence of any such thing; and indeed I
scarcely know of any instance of that nature at all.—It is very
remarkable, that, although the concern of many persons under convictions
of their perishing state has been very great and pressing, yet I have
never seen any thing like desperation attending it in any one instance.
They have had the most lively sense of their undoneness in themselves;
have been brought to give up all hopes of deliverance from themselves;
have experienced great distress and anguish of soul; and yet, in the
seasons of the greatest extremity, there has been no appearance of
despair in any of them,—nothing that has discouraged, or in any wise
hindered them from the most diligent use of all proper means for their
conversion and salvation. Hence it is apparent, that there is not that
danger of persons being driven into despair under spiritual trouble,
unless in cases of deep and habitual melancholy, which the world in
general is ready to imagine.

“The comfort which persons have obtained after their distresses, has
likewise in general appeared solid, well grounded, and scriptural;
arising from a spiritual and supernatural illumination of mind,—a view
of divine things, in a measure, as they are,—a complacency of soul in
the divine perfections,—and a peculiar satisfaction in the way of
salvation by free sovereign grace in the great Redeemer.

“Their joys have seemed to rise from a variety of views and
considerations of divine things, although for substance the same. Some,
who, under conviction, seemed to have the hardest struggles and
heart-risings against the divine sovereignty, have seemed, at the first
dawn of their comfort, to rejoice in a peculiar manner in that divine
perfection:—and have been delighted to think that themselves, and all
things else, were in the hand of God, and that he would dispose of them
‘just as he pleased.’

“Others, who, just before their reception of comfort, have been
remarkably oppressed with a sense of their undoneness and poverty, who
have seen themselves, as it were, falling down into remediless
perdition, have been at first more peculiarly delighted with a view of
the freeness and riches of divine grace, and the offer of salvation made
to perishing sinners ‘without money and without price.’

“Some have at first appeared to rejoice especially in the _wisdom_ of
God, discovered in the way of salvation by Christ; it then appearing to
them ‘a new and living way,’ a way of which they had never thought, nor
had any just conceptions, until opened to them by the special influence
of the divine Spirit. Some of them, upon a lively spiritual view of this
way of salvation, have wondered at their past folly in seeking salvation
in other ways, and that they never saw this way of salvation before,
which now appeared so plain and easy, as well as excellent to them.

“Others, again, have had a more general view of the beauty and
excellency of Christ, and have had their souls delighted with an
apprehension of his divine glory, as unspeakably exceeding all they had
ever conceived before; yet, without singling out any one of the divine
perfections in particular; so that, although their comforts have seemed
to arise from a variety of views and considerations of divine glories,
still they were _spiritual_ and _supernatural_ views of them, and not
groundless fancies, which were the spring of their joys and comforts.

“Yet it must be acknowledged that, when this work became so universal
and prevalent, and gained such general credit and esteem among the
Indians that Satan seemed to have little advantage of working against it
in his own proper garb, he then transformed himself ‘into an angel of
light,’ and made some vigorous attempts to introduce turbulent
commotions of the passions in the room of genuine convictions of sin,
imaginary and fanciful notions of Christ, as appearing to the mental eye
in a human shape, and in some particular postures, &c. in the room of
spiritual and supernatural discoveries of his divine glory and
excellency, as well as many other delusions. I have reason to think,
that, if these things had met with countenance and encouragement, there
would have been a very considerable harvest of this kind of converts
here.

“_Spiritual pride_ also discovered itself in various instances. Some
persons, whose feelings had been greatly excited, seemed very desirous
from thence of being thought truly gracious; who, when I could not but
express to them my fears respecting their spiritual state, discovered
their resentments to a considerable degree. There also appeared in one
or two of them, an unbecoming ambition of being teachers of others. So
that Satan has been a busy adversary here as well as elsewhere. But,
blessed be God, though something of this nature has appeared, yet
nothing of it has prevailed, nor indeed made any considerable progress
at all. My people are now apprised of these things, are made acquainted,
that Satan in such a manner ‘transformed himself into an angel of
light,’ in the first season of the great outpouring of the divine Spirit
in the days of the apostles; and that something of this nature, in a
greater or less degree, has attended almost every revival and remarkable
propagation of true religion ever since. They have learned so to
distinguish between the gold and dross, that the credit of the latter
‘is trodden down like the mire of the streets;’ and, as it is natural
for this kind of stuff to die with its credit, there is now scarce any
appearance of it among them.

“As there has been no prevalence of irregular heats, imaginary notions,
spiritual pride, and satanical delusions among my people; so there have
been very few instances of scandalous and irregular behavior among those
who have made a profession, or even an appearance of seriousness. I do
not know of more than three or four such persons who have been guilty of
any open misconduct, since their first acquaintance with Christianity;
and I know of no one who persists in any thing of that nature. Perhaps
the remarkable purity of this work in the _latter_ respect, its freedom
from frequent instances of scandal, is very much owing to its purity in
the _former_ respect, its freedom from corrupt mixtures of spiritual
pride, wild-fire, and delusion, which naturally lay a foundation for
scandalous practices.

“May this blessed work, in the power and purity of it, prevail among the
poor Indians here, as well as spread elsewhere, till their remotest
tribes shall see the salvation of God! Amen.”



                              CHAPTER IX.

_From the close of his Public Journal, June 19, 1746, to his
    death—continuance of labor at Crossweeksung and Cranberry—journey
    with six Christian Indians to the Susquehanna, and labors
    there—return to Crossweeksung—compelled by prostration of health to
    have the Indians—confinement by sickness at Elizabethtown—farewell
    visit to the Indians—his brother John succeeds him as a
    Missionary—arrival among his friends in Connecticut—visit to
    President Edwards in Northampton—journey to Boston, where he is
    brought near to death—usefulness in Boston—returns to
    Northampton—triumphs of grace in his last sickness—death._


                    [June 19, 1746—October 9, 1747.]

_Lord’s day, June 29, 1746._—“Preached both parts of the day, from John,
14:19. God was pleased to assist me, to afford me both freedom and
power, especially toward the close of my discourses forenoon and
afternoon. God’s power appeared in the assembly, in both exercises.
Numbers of God’s people were refreshed and melted with divine things;
one or two comforted, who had been long under distress; convictions, in
divers instances, were powerfully revived; and one man in years was much
awakened, who had not long frequented our meeting, and appeared before
as stupid as a stock. God amazingly renewed and lengthened out my
strength. I was so spent at noon that I could scarcely walk, and all my
joints trembled so that I could not sit, nor so much as hold my hand
still; and yet God strengthened me to preach with power in the
afternoon, although I had given out word to my people, that I did not
expect to be able to do it. Spent some time afterward in conversing,
particularly, with several persons, about their spiritual state; and had
some satisfaction concerning one or two. Prayed afterward with a sick
child, and gave a word of exhortation. Was assisted in all my work.
Blessed be God! Returned home with more health than I had in the
morning, although my linen was wringing wet upon me, from a little after
ten, till past five in the afternoon. My spirits also were considerably
refreshed; and my soul rejoiced in hope, that I had through grace done
something for God. In the evening walked out, and enjoyed a sweet season
in secret prayer and praise. But O I found the truth of the Psalmist’s
words, ‘My goodness extendeth not to thee!’ I could not make any returns
to God; I longed to live only to him, and to be in tune for his praise
and service for ever. Oh for spirituality and holy fervency, that I
might spend and be spent for God to my latest moment.

_July 10._—“Spent most of the day in writing. Toward night rode to Mr.
Tennent’s; enjoyed some agreeable conversation; went home in the
evening, in a solemn, sweet frame of mind; was refreshed in secret
duties, longed to live wholly and only for God, and saw plainly there
was nothing in the world worthy of my affection—my heart was dead to all
below; yet not through dejection, as at some times, but from views of a
better inheritance.

_July 12._—“This day was spent in fasting and prayer by my congregation,
as preparatory to the Lord’s supper. I discoursed, both parts of the
day, from Rom. 4:25, ‘Who was delivered for our offences,’ &c. God gave
me some assistance, and something of divine power attended the word; so
that this was an agreeable season. Afterward led them to a solemn
renewal of their covenant, and fresh dedication of themselves to God.
This was a season both of solemnity and sweetness, and God seemed to be
‘in the midst of us.’ Returned to my lodgings in the evening, in a
comfortable frame of mind.

_Lord’s day, July 13._—“In the forenoon, discoursed on the ‘bread of
life,’ from John, 6:35. God gave me some assistance, in a part of my
discourse especially; and there appeared some tender affection in the
assembly under divine truth; my soul also was somewhat refreshed.
Administered the Lord’s supper to thirty-one of the Indians. God seemed
to be present in this ordinance; the communicants were sweetly melted
and refreshed. O how they melted, even when the elements were first
uncovered! There was scarcely a dry eye among them, when I took off the
linen, and showed them the symbols of Christ’s _broken body_. Having
rested a little, after the administration of the ordinance, I visited
the communicants, and found them generally in a sweet loving frame; not
unlike what appeared among them on the former sacramental occasion,
April 27. In the afternoon, discoursed upon _coming to Christ_, and the
_satisfaction_ of those who do so, from the same verse I insisted on in
the forenoon. This was likewise an agreeable season, one of much
tenderness, affection, and enlargement in divine service; and God, I am
persuaded, crowned our assembly with his presence. I returned home much
spent, yet rejoicing in the goodness of God.

_July 14._—“Went to my people, and discoursed to them from Psalm
119:106, ‘I have sworn, and I will perform it,’ &c. Observed, (1.) that
all God’s judgments or commandments are righteous. (2.) That God’s
people have sworn to keep them; and this they do especially at the
Lord’s table. There appeared to be a powerful divine influence on the
assembly, and considerable melting under the word. Afterward I led them
to a renewal of their covenant before God, that they would watch over
themselves and one another, lest they should fall into sin, and dishonor
the name of Christ. This transaction was attended with great solemnity;
and God seemed to own it by exciting in them a fear and jealousy of
themselves, lest they should sin against God; so that the presence of
God seemed to be among us in this conclusion of the sacramental
solemnity.

_July 21._—“Preached to the Indians, chiefly for the sake of some
_strangers_; proposed my design of taking a journey speedily to the
Susquehanna; exhorted my people to pray for me, that God would be with
me in that journey; and then chose divers persons of the congregation to
travel with me. Afterward spent some time in discoursing to the
strangers, and was somewhat encouraged with them. Took care of my
people’s secular business, and was not a little exercised with it. Had
some degree of composure and comfort in secret retirement.

_July 22._—“Was in a dejected frame most of the day; wanted to wear out
life, and have it at an end; but had some desires of _living to God_,
and wearing out life _for him_. Oh that I could indeed do so!”

_July 29._—“My mind was cheerful, and free from the melancholy with
which I am often exercised; had freedom in looking up to God at various
times in the day. In the evening I enjoyed a comfortable season in
secret prayer; was helped to plead with God for my own dear people, that
he would carry on his own blessed work among them; and assisted in
praying for the divine presence to attend me in my intended journey to
the Susquehanna. I scarce knew how to leave the throne of grace, and it
grieved me that I was obliged to go to bed; I longed to do something for
God, but knew not how. Blessed be God for this freedom from dejection!

_July 30._—“Was uncommonly comfortable, both in body and mind; in the
forenoon especially, my mind was solemn; I was assisted in my work, and
God seemed to be near to me; so that the day was as comfortable as most
I have enjoyed for some time. In the evening was favored with assistance
in secret prayer, and felt much as I did the evening before. Blessed be
God for that freedom I then enjoyed at the throne of grace, for myself,
my people, and my dear friends!

_August 1._—“In the evening enjoyed a sweet season in secret prayer;
clouds of darkness and perplexing care were sweetly scattered, and
nothing anxious remained. O how serene was my mind at this season! how
free from that distracting concern I have often felt! ‘Thy will be
done,’ was a petition sweet to my soul; and if God had bid me choose for
myself in any affair, I should have chosen rather to have referred the
choice to him; for I saw he was infinitely wise, and could not do any
thing amiss, as I was in danger of doing. Was assisted in prayer for my
dear flock, that God would promote his own work among them, and go with
me in my intended journey to the Susquehanna; was helped to remember my
dear friends in New-England, and my dear brethren in the ministry. I
found enough in the sweet duty of prayer to have engaged me to continue
in it the whole night, would my bodily state have admitted of it. O how
sweet it is, to be enabled heartily to say, ‘Lord, not my will, but
thine be done.’

_August 2._—“Near night, preached from Matt. 11:29. ‘Take my yoke upon
you,’ &c. Was considerably helped, and the presence of God seemed to be
somewhat remarkably in the assembly; divine truth made powerful
impressions, both upon saints and sinners. Blessed be God for such a
revival among us! In the evening was very weary, but found my spirits
supported and refreshed.

_August 7._—“Rode to my house where I spent the last winter, in order to
bring some things I needed for my Susquehanna journey; was refreshed to
see that place, which God so marvellously visited with the showers of
his grace. O how amazing did the _power of God_ often appear there!
‘Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.’

_August 9._—“In the afternoon visited my people; set their affairs in
order as much as possible, and contrived for them the management of
their worldly business; discoursed to them in a solemn manner, and
concluded with prayer. Was composed and comfortable in the evening, and
somewhat fervent in secret prayer; had some sense and view of the
eternal world; and found a serenity of mind. O that I could magnify the
Lord for any freedom which he affords me in prayer!

_Lord’s day, Aug. 10._—“Discoursed to my people both parts of the day,
from Acts, 3:19, ‘Repent ye, therefore,’ &c. In discoursing of
repentance, in the forenoon, God helped me, so that my discourse was
searching; some were in tears, both of the Indians and white people, and
the word of God was attended with some power. In the intermission I was
engaged in conversing on their spiritual state, one of whom had very
recently found comfort, after spiritual trouble and distress. In the
afternoon was somewhat assisted again, though weak and weary. Three
persons this day made a public profession of their faith. Was in a
comfortable frame in the evening, and enjoyed some satisfaction in
secret prayer. I have rarely felt myself so full of tenderness as this
day.

_August 11._—“Being about to set out on a journey to the Susquehanna the
next day, with leave of Providence, I spent some time this day in prayer
with my people, that God would bless and succeed my intended journey,
that he would send forth his blessed Spirit with his word, and set up
his kingdom among the poor Indians in the wilderness. While I was
opening and applying part of the 110th and 111th Psalms, the _power of
God_ seemed to descend on the assembly in some measure; and while I was
making the first prayer, numbers were melted, and I found some
affectionate enlargement of soul myself. Preached from Acts, 4:31, ‘And
when they had prayed, the place was shaken,’ &c. God helped me, and my
interpreter also; there was a shaking and melting among us; and several,
I doubt not, were in some measure ‘filled with the Holy Ghost.’
Afterward, Mr. Macnight prayed; and I then opened the two last stanzas
of the 72d Psalm; at which time God was present with us; especially
while I insisted upon the promise of _all nations blessing_ the great
_Redeemer_. My soul was refreshed, to think that this day, this blessed,
glorious season, should surely come; and I trust numbers of my dear
people were also refreshed. Afterward prayed; had some freedom, but was
almost spent; then walked out, and left my people to carry on religious
exercises among themselves. They prayed repeatedly, and sung, while I
rested and refreshed myself. Afterward went to the meeting, prayed with,
and dismissed the assembly. Blessed be God, this has been a day of
grace. There were many tears and affectionate sobs among us this day. In
the evening my soul was refreshed in prayer; enjoyed liberty at the
throne of grace, in praying for my people and friends, and the church of
God in general. 'Bless the Lord, O my soul.'”

The next day he set out on his journey toward the Susquehanna, and six
of his Christian Indians with him, whom he had chosen out of his
congregation, as those he judged most fit to assist him in the business
upon which he was going. He took his way through Philadelphia; intending
to go to the Susquehanna, far down, where it is settled by the white
people, below the country inhabited by the Indians; and so to travel up
the river to the Indian habitations. For although this was much farther,
yet hereby he avoided the mountains and hideous wilderness that must be
crossed in the nearer way; which in time past he found to be extremely
difficult and fatiguing.

_Aug. 19._—“Lodged by the side of the Susquehanna. Was weak and
disordered both this and the preceding day, and found my spirits
considerably damped, meeting with none that I thought godly people.

_Aug. 20._—“Having lain in a cold sweat all night, I coughed up much
bloody matter this morning, and was under great disorder of body, and
not a little melancholy; but what gave me some encouragement, was, I had
a secret hope that I might speedily get a dismission from earth, and all
its toils and sorrows. Rode this day to one Chambers', upon the
Susquehanna, and there lodged. Was much afflicted in the evening with an
ungodly crew, drinking, swearing, &c. O what a _hell_ would it be, to be
numbered with the _ungodly_! Enjoyed some agreeable conversation with a
traveller, who seemed to have some relish of true religion.

_Aug. 21._—“Rode up the river about fifteen miles, and there lodged, in
a family which appeared quite destitute of God. Labored to discourse
with the man about the life of religion, but found him very artful in
evading such conversation. O what a death it is to some, to hear of the
things of God! Was out of my element; but was not so dejected as at some
times.

_Aug. 22._—“Continued my course up the river; my people now being with
me, who before were parted from me; travelled above all the English
settlements; at night lodged in the open woods, and slept with more
comfort than while among an ungodly company of white people. Enjoyed
some liberty in secret prayer this evening; and was helped to remember
dear friends, as well as my dear flock, and the church of God in
general.

_Aug. 23._—“Arrived at the Indian town, called _Shaumoking_, near night;
was not so dejected as formerly, but yet somewhat exercised. Felt
composed in the evening, and enjoyed some freedom in leaving my _all_
with God.

_Lord’s day, Aug. 24._—“Toward noon, visited some of the Delawares, and
conversed with them about Christianity. In the afternoon discoursed to
the _King_, and others, upon divine things; who seemed disposed to hear.
Spent most of the day in these exercises. In the evening enjoyed some
comfort and satisfaction; and especially had some sweetness in secret
prayer. This duty was made so agreeable to me, that I loved to walk
abroad, and repeatedly engage in it. O how comfortable is a little
glimpse of God!

_Aug. 25._—“Spent most of the day in writing. Sent out my people that
were with me, to talk with the Indians, and contract a friendship and
familiarity with them, that I might have a better opportunity of
treating with them about Christianity. Some good seemed to be done by
their visit this day, many appeared willing to hearken to Christianity.
My spirits were a little refreshed this evening, and I found some
liberty and satisfaction in prayer.

_Aug. 26._—“About noon, discoursed to a considerable number of Indians.
God helped me, I am persuaded; for I was enabled to speak with much
plainness, and some warmth and power; and the discourse had impression
upon some, and made them appear very serious. I thought things now
appeared as encouraging as they did at Crossweeks. At the time of my
first visit to those Indians, I was a little encouraged; I pressed
things with all my might, and called out my people, who were then
present, to give in _their testimony_ for God; which they did. Toward
night, was refreshed; had a heart to pray for the setting up of God’s
kingdom here, as well as for my dear congregation below, and my dear
friends elsewhere.

_Aug. 28._—“In the forenoon, I was under great concern of mind about my
work. Was visited by some who desired to hear me preach; discoursed to
them in the afternoon with some fervency, and labored to persuade them
to turn to God. Was full of concern for the kingdom of Christ, and found
some enlargement of soul in prayer, both in secret and in my family.
Scarce ever saw more clearly, than this day, that it is God’s work to
convert souls, and especially poor Heathens. I knew I could not touch
them; I saw I could only speak to dry bones, but could give them no
sense of what I said. My eyes were up to God for help: I could say the
work was his; and if done, the glory would be his.

_Lord’s day, Aug. 31._—“Spent much time, in the morning, in secret
duties; found a weight upon my spirits, and could not but cry to God
with concern and engagement of soul. Spent some time also in reading and
expounding God’s word to my dear family which was with me, as well as in
singing and prayer with them. Afterwards spake the word of God to some
few of the Susquehanna Indians. In the afternoon, felt very weak and
feeble. Near night was somewhat refreshed in mind, with some views of
things relating to my great work. O how heavy is my work, when _faith_
cannot take hold of an _almighty arm_ for the performance of it! Many
times have I been ready to sink in this case. Blessed be God, that I may
repair to a full fountain!

_Sept. 1._—“Set out on a journey toward a place called _The great
Island_, about fifty miles distant from Shaumoking, on the north-western
branch of the Susquehanna. Travelled some part of the way, and at night
lodged in the woods. Was exceedingly feeble this day, and sweat much the
night following.

_Sept. 2._—“Rode forward, but no faster than my people went on foot. Was
very weak, on this as well as the preceding days. I was so feeble and
faint, that I feared it would kill me to lie out in the open air; and
some of our company being parted from us, so that we had now no axe with
us, I had no way but to climb into a young pine tree, and with my knife
to lop the branches, and so make a shelter from the dew. But the evening
being cloudy, with a prospect of rain, I was still under fears of being
extremely exposed: sweat much, so that my linen was almost wringing wet
all night. I scarcely ever was more weak and weary than this evening,
when I was able to sit up at all. This was a melancholy situation; but I
endeavored to quiet myself with considerations of the possibility of my
being in much worse circumstances amongst enemies, &c.

_Sept. 3._—“Rode to the Delaware-town; found many drinking and drunken.
Discoursed with some of the Indians about Christianity; observed my
interpreter much engaged, and assisted in his work; a few persons seemed
to hear with great earnestness and engagement of soul. About noon, rode
to a small town of Shauwaunoes, about eight miles distant; spent an hour
or two there, and returned to the Delaware-town, and lodged there. Was
scarce ever more confounded with a sense of my own unfruitfulness and
unfitness for my work than now. O what a dead, heartless, barren,
unprofitable wretch did I now see myself to be! My spirits were so low,
and my bodily strength so wasted, that I could do nothing at all. At
length, being much overdone, lay down on a buffalo-skin; but sweat much
the whole night.

_Sept. 4._—“Discoursed with the Indians, in the morning, about
Christianity; my Interpreter, afterward, carrying on the discourse to a
considerable length. Some few appeared well disposed, and somewhat
affected. Left this place, and returned toward Shaumoking; and at night
lodged in the place where I lodged the Monday night before: was in very
uncomfortable circumstances in the evening, my people being late, and
not coming to me till past ten at night; so that I had no fire to dress
any victuals, or to keep me warm, or keep off wild beasts; and I was
scarce ever more weak and exhausted. However, I lay down and slept
before my people came up, expecting nothing else but to spend the whole
night alone, and without fire.

_Sept. 5._—“Was exceeding weak, so that I could scarcely ride; it seemed
sometimes as if I must fall from my horse, and lie in the open woods:
however, got to Shaumoking toward night: felt somewhat of a spirit of
thankfulness, that God had so far returned me: was refreshed to see one
of my Christians, whom I left here in my late excursion.

_Sept. 6._—“Spent the day in a very weak state; coughing and spitting
blood, and having little appetite for any food I had with me; was able
to do very little, except discourse a while of divine things to my own
people, and to some few I met with. Had, by this time, very little life
or heart to speak for God, through feebleness of body. Was scarcely ever
more ashamed and confounded in myself than now. I was sensible that
there were numbers of God’s people who knew I was then out upon a
design, or at least the pretence, of doing something for God, and in his
cause, among the poor Indians; and they were ready to suppose that I was
_fervent in spirit_; but O the heartless frame of my mind filled me with
confusion! O, methought, if God’s people knew me as God knows, they
would not think so highly of my zeal and resolution for God as perhaps
now they do! I could not but desire they should see how heartless and
irresolute I was, that they might be undeceived, and ‘not think of me
above what they ought to think.’ And yet I thought, if they saw the
utmost of my unfaithfulness, the smallness of my courage and resolution
for God, they would be ready to shut me out of their doors, as unworthy
of the company or friendship of Christians.

_Lord’s day, Sept. 7._—“Was much in the same weak state of body, and
afflicted frame of mind, as in the preceding day: my soul was grieved,
and mourned that I could do nothing for God. Read and expounded some
part of God’s word to my own dear family, and spent some time in prayer
with them; discoursed also a little to the Pagans; but spent the Sabbath
with a little comfort.

_Sept. 8._—“Spent the forenoon among the Indians; in the afternoon, left
Shaumoking, and returned down the river a few miles. Had proposed to
tarry a considerable time longer among the Indians upon the Susquehanna,
but was hindered from pursuing my purpose by the sickness that prevailed
there, the feeble state of my own people that were with me, and
especially my own extraordinary weakness, having been exercised with
great nocturnal sweats, and a coughing up of blood, almost the whole of
the journey. I was a great part of the time so feeble and faint, that it
seemed as though I never should be able to reach home; and at the same
time very destitute of the comforts, and even the necessaries of life;
at least, what was necessary for one in so weak a state. In this journey
I sometimes was enabled to speak the word of God with some power, and
divine truth made some impression on those who heard me; so that
several, both men and women, old and young, seemed to cleave to us, and
be well disposed toward Christianity; but _others mocked_ and shouted,
which damped those who before seemed friendly, at least some of them.
Yet God, at times, was evidently present, assisting me, my Interpreter,
and other dear friends who were with me. God gave sometimes a good
degree of freedom in prayer for the ingathering of souls there; and I
could not but entertain a strong hope, that the journey would not be
wholly fruitless. Whether the issue of it would be the setting up of
Christ’s kingdom there, or only the drawing of some few persons down to
my congregation in New-Jersey; or whether they were now only preparing
for some farther attempts that might be made among them, I did not
determine; but I was persuaded the journey would not be lost. Blessed be
God, that I had any encouragement and hope.

_Sept. 9._—“Rode down the river near thirty miles. Was extremely weak,
much fatigued, and wet with a thunder storm. Discoursed with some warmth
and closeness to some poor ignorant souls, on the _life_ and _power_ of
_religion_: what were, and what were not the _evidences_ of it. They
seemed much astonished when they saw my Indians ask a blessing and give
thanks at dinner, concluding _that_ a very high evidence of grace in
them; but were equally astonished when I insisted that neither that, nor
yet secret prayer, was any sure evidence of grace. O the ignorance of
the world! How are some empty outward forms, that may all be entirely
selfish, mistaken for true religion, infallible evidences of it! The
Lord pity a deluded world!

_Sept. 11._—“Rode homeward; but was very weak, and sometimes scarce able
to ride. Had a very importunate invitation to preach at a meeting-house
I came by, the people being then gathered, but could not by reason of
weakness. Was resigned and composed under my weakness; but was much
exercised with concern for my companions in travel, whom I had left with
much regret, some lame, and some sick.

_Sept. 20._—“Arrived among my own people, (near Cranberry,) just at
night: found them praying together; went in, and gave them some account
of God’s dealings with me and my companions in the journey; which seemed
affecting to them. I then prayed with them, and thought the divine
presence was among us; several were melted into tears, and seemed to
have a sense of divine things. Being very weak, I was obliged soon to
repair to my lodgings, and felt much worn out in the evening. Thus God
has carried me through the fatigues and perils of another journey to the
Susquehanna, and returned me again in safety, though under a great
degree of bodily indisposition. O that my soul were truly thankful for
renewed instances of mercy! Many hardships and distresses I endured in
this journey; but the Lord supported me under them all.”

Hitherto BRAINERD had kept a constant _diary_, giving an account of what
passed from day to day, with very little interruption; but henceforward
his diary is very much interrupted by his illness; under which he was
often brought so low, as either not to be capable of writing, or not
well able to bear the burden of a care so constant as was requisite to
recollect every evening what had passed in the day, and digest it, and
put on paper an orderly account of it. However, his diary was not wholly
neglected; but he took care, from time to time, to take some notice in
it of the most material things concerning himself and the state of his
mind, even till within a few days of his death.

_Lord’s day, Sept. 21, 1746._—“I was so weak that I could not preach,
nor pretend to ride over to my people in the forenoon. In the afternoon
rode out; sat in my chair, and discoursed to them from Rom. 14:7, 8. I
was strengthened and helped in my discourse, and there appeared
something agreeable in the assembly. I returned to my lodgings extremely
tired, but thankful that I had been enabled to speak a word to my poor
people, from whom I had been so long absent. Was enabled to sleep very
little this night, through weariness and pain. O how blessed should I
be, if the little I do were all done with right views! O that, 'whether
I live, I might live to the Lord; or whether I die, I might die unto the
Lord; that, whether living or dying, I might be the Lord’s!'

_Sept. 27._—“Spent this day, as well as the whole week past, under a
great degree of bodily weakness, exercised with a violent cough and a
considerable fever. I had no appetite for any kind of food, could not
retain it on my stomach, and frequently had little rest in my bed, owing
to pains in my breast and back. I was able, however, to ride over to my
people, about two miles, every day, and take some care of those who were
then at work upon a small house for me to reside in among the
Indians.[H] I was sometimes scarce able to walk, and never able to sit
up the whole day, through the week. Was calm and composed, and but
little exercised with melancholy, as in former seasons of weakness.
Whether I should ever recover or no, seemed very doubtful; but this was
many times a comfort to me, that _life_ and _death_ did not depend upon
_my_ choice. I was pleased to think, that He who is infinitely wise, had
the determination of this matter; and that I had no trouble to consider
and weigh things upon all sides, in order to make the choice whether I
should live or die. Thus my time was consumed; I had little strength to
pray, none to write or read, and scarce any to meditate; but, through
divine goodness, I could with great composure look death in the face,
and frequently with sensible joy. O how blessed it is to be _habitually
prepared_ for death!

Footnote H:

  This was the _fourth_ house he built for his residence among the
  Indians. Beside that at _Kaunaumeek_, and that at the _Forks of
  Delaware_, and another at _Crossweeksung_, he built one now at
  _Cranberry_.

_Lord’s day, Sept. 28._—“Rode to my people, and, though under much
weakness, attempted to preach from 2 Cor. 13:5. Discoursed about half an
hour, at which season divine power seemed to attend the word; but being
extremely weak, I was obliged to desist; and after a turn of faintness,
with much difficulty rode to my lodgings, where, betaking myself to my
bed, I lay in a burning fever, and almost delirious for several hours,
till, toward morning, my fever went off with a violent sweat. I have
often been feverish and unable to rest quietly after preaching; but this
was the most severe, distressing turn, that ever preaching brought upon
me. Yet I felt perfectly at rest in my own mind, because I had made my
utmost attempts to speak for God, and knew I could do no more.

_Oct. 4._—“Spent the former part of this week under a great degree of
infirmity and disorder, as I had done several weeks before; was able,
however, to ride a little every day, although unable to sit up half the
day, till Thursday. Took some care daily of some persons at work upon my
house. On Friday afternoon found myself wonderfully revived and
strengthened. Having some time before given notice to my people, and
those of them at the Forks of Delaware in particular, that I designed,
with the leave of Providence, to administer the Lord’s supper upon the
first Sabbath in October, on Friday afternoon I preached preparatory to
the ordinance, from 2 Cor. 13:5; finishing what I had proposed to offer
upon the subject the Sabbath before. The sermon was blessed of God to
the stirring up religious affection and a spirit of devotion in his
people, and greatly affected one who had _backslidden_ from God, which
caused him to judge and condemn himself. I was surprisingly strengthened
in my work while I was speaking; but was obliged immediately after to
repair to bed, being now removed into my own house among the Indians.
Spent some time in conversing with my people about divine things as I
lay upon my bed, and found my soul refreshed, though my body was
weak.—This being Saturday, I discoursed particularly with divers of the
communicants; and this afternoon preached from Zech. 12:10. There seemed
to be a tender melting and hearty mourning for sin, in numbers in the
congregation. My soul was in a comfortable frame, and I enjoyed freedom
and assistance in public service; was myself, as well as most of the
congregation, much affected with the humble confession and apparent
broken-heartedness of the forementioned backslider, and could not but
rejoice that God had given him such a sense of his sin and unworthiness.
Was extremely tired in the evening, but lay on my bed, and discoursed to
my people.

_Lord’s day, Oct. 5._—“Was still very weak; and in the morning
considerably afraid I should not be able to go through the work of the
day; having much to do, both in private and public. Discoursed before
the administration of the Lord’s supper, from John, 1:29, ‘Behold the
Lamb of God, that taketh away the sins of the world.’ Where I considered
(1.) in what respects Christ is called the ‘Lamb of God;’ and observed
that he is so called, from the purity and innocency of his nature—from
his meekness and patience under sufferings—from his being that atonement
which was pointed out in the sacrifice of lambs, and in particular by
the paschal lamb. (2.) Considered how and in what sense he ‘takes away
the sin of the world;’ and observed, that the means and manner in and by
which he takes away the sins of men, was his ‘giving himself for them,’
doing and suffering in their room and stead, &c. And he is said to take
away the sin of the world, not because all the world shall actually be
redeemed from sin by him, but because he has done and suffered
sufficient to answer for the sins of the world, and so to redeem all
mankind;—he actually does take away the sins of the elect world. And
(3.) considered how we are to behold him, in order to have our sins
taken away. Not with our bodily eyes; nor by imagining him on the cross,
&c.; but by a spiritual view of his glory and goodness, engaging the
soul to rely on him, &c.—The divine presence attended this discourse;
and the assembly was considerably melted with divine truth. After
sermon, two made a public profession, and I administered the Lord’s
supper to near forty communicants of the Indians, besides divers dear
Christians of the white people. It seemed to be a season of divine power
and grace; and numbers seemed to rejoice in God. O the sweet union and
harmony then appearing among the religious people! My soul was
refreshed, and my religious friends of the white people with me. After
the ordinance, could scarcely get home, though it was not more than
twenty rods; but was supported and led by my friends, and laid on my
bed; where I lay in pain till some time in the evening; and then was
able to sit up and discourse with friends. O how was this day spent in
prayers and praises among my dear people! One might hear them, all the
morning before public worship, and in the evening, till near midnight,
praying and singing praises to God, in one or other of their houses. My
soul was refreshed, though my body was weak.

_Oct. 11._—“Toward night was seized with an ague, which was followed
with a hard fever and considerable pain; was treated with great
kindness; and was ashamed to see so much concern about so unworthy a
creature as I knew myself to be. Was in a comfortable frame of mind,
wholly submissive, with regard to _life or death_. It was indeed a
peculiar satisfaction to me, to think that it was not _my_ concern or
business to determine whether I should live or die. I likewise felt
peculiarly satisfied, while under this uncommon degree of disorder;
being now fully convinced of my being really weak, and unable to perform
my work. Whereas, at other times, my mind was perplexed with fears that
I was a misimprover of time, by conceiving I was sick, when I was not in
reality so. O how precious is time! And how guilty it makes me feel,
when I think that I have trifled away and misimproved it or neglected to
fill up each part of it with duty, to the utmost of my ability and
capacity!

_Lord’s day, Oct. 19._—“Was scarcely able to do any thing at all in the
week past, except that on Thursday I rode out about four miles; at which
time I took cold. As I was able to do little or nothing, so I enjoyed
not much spirituality, or lively religious affection; though at some
times I longed much to be more fruitful and full of heavenly affection;
and was grieved to see the hours slide away, while I could do nothing
for God.—Was able this week to attend public worship. Was composed and
comfortable, willing either to die or live; but found it hard to be
reconciled to the thoughts of living _useless_. Oh that I might never
live to be a burden to God’s creation; but that I might be allowed to
repair _home_, when my _sojourning_ work is done!”

This week, he went back to his Indians at Cranberry, to take some care
of their spiritual and temporal concerns; and was much spent with
riding, though he rode but a little way in a day.

_Oct. 23._—“Went to my own house, and set things in order. Was very
weak, and somewhat melancholy; labored to do something, but had no
strength; and was forced to lie down on my bed, very solitary.

_Oct. 24._—“Spent the day in overseeing and directing my people, about
mending their fence and securing their wheat. Found that all their
concerns of a secular nature depended upon me. Was somewhat refreshed in
the evening, having been able to do something valuable in the day-time.
O how it pains me to see time pass away, when I can do nothing to any
purpose!

_Lord’s day, Oct. 26.-_-“In the morning was exceedingly weak. Spent the
day, till near night, in pain, to see my poor people wandering ‘as sheep
not having a shepherd,’ waiting and hoping to see me able to preach to
them before night. It could not but distress me to see them in this
case, and to find myself unable to attempt any thing for their spiritual
benefit. But toward night, finding myself a little better, I called them
together to my house, and sat down, and read and expounded Matthew,
5:1-16. This discourse, though delivered in much weakness, was attended
with power to many of the hearers; especially what was spoken upon the
last of these verses; where I insisted on the infinite wrong done to
religion, by having our light become darkness, instead of shining before
men. Many in the congregation were now deeply affected with a sense of
their deficiency with respect to a spiritual conversation which might
recommend religion to others, and a spirit of concern and watchfulness
seemed to be excited in them. One, in particular, who had fallen in the
sin of drunkenness some time before, was now deeply convinced of his
sin, and the great dishonor done to religion by his misconduct, and
discovered a great degree of grief and concern on that account. My soul
was refreshed to see this; and though I had no strength to speak so much
as I would have done, but was obliged to lie down on the bed, yet I
rejoiced to see such an humble melting in the congregation, and that
divine truths, though faintly delivered, were attended with so much
efficacy upon the auditory.

_Oct. 27._—“Spent the day in overseeing and directing the Indians about
mending the fence round their wheat: was able to walk with them, and
contrive their business, all the forenoon. In the afternoon, was visited
by two dear friends, and spent some time in conversation with them.
Toward night I was able to walk out, and take care of the Indians again.
In the evening, enjoyed a very peaceful frame.

_Oct. 28._—“Rode to Princeton in a very weak state, had such a violent
fever by the way, that I was forced to alight at a friend’s house, and
lie down for some time. Near night, was visited by Mr. Treat, Mr. Beaty
and his wife, and another friend. My spirits were refreshed to see them;
but I was surprised, and even ashamed, that they had taken so much pains
as to ride thirty or forty miles to see me. Was able to sit up most of
the evening; and spent the time in a very comfortable manner with my
friends.

_Oct. 29._—“Rode about ten miles with my friends who came yesterday to
see me; and then parted with them all but one, who stayed on purpose to
keep me company, and cheer my spirits.

_Lords day, Nov. 2._—“Was unable to preach, and scarcely able to sit up
the whole day. Was grieved, and almost sunk, to see my poor people
destitute of the means of grace; especially as they could not read, and
so were under great disadvantages for spending the Sabbath comfortably.
O, methought, I could be contented to be sick, if my poor flock had a
faithful pastor to feed them with spiritual knowledge! A view of their
want of this was more afflictive to me than all my bodily illness.

_Nov. 3._—“Being now in so weak and low a state that I was utterly
incapable of performing my work, and having little hope of recovery,
unless by much riding, I thought it my duty to take a journey into
New-England, and to divert myself among my friends, whom I had not now
seen for a long time. Accordingly I took leave of my congregation this
day. Before I left my people, I visited them all in their respective
houses, and discoursed to each one, as I thought most proper and
suitable for their circumstances, and found great freedom in so doing. I
scarcely left one house but some were in tears; and many were not only
affected with my being about to leave them, but with the solemn
addresses I made them upon divine things; for I was helped to be fervent
in spirit while I discoursed to them. When I had thus gone through my
congregation, which took me most of the day, and had taken leave of
them, and of the school, I left home, and rode about two miles, to the
house where I lived in the summer past, and there lodged. Was refreshed
this evening, because I had left my congregation so well disposed and
affected, and had been so much assisted in making my farewell addresses
to them.

_Nov. 5._—“Rode to Elizabethtown; intending, as soon as possible, to
prosecute my journey into New-England; but was, in an hour or two after
my arrival, taken much worse. For near a week I was confined to my
chamber, and most of the time to my bed; and then so far revived as to
be able to walk about the house; but was still confined within doors.

“In the beginning of this extraordinary turn of disorder after my coming
to Elizabethtown, I was enabled, through mercy, to maintain a calm,
composed, and patient spirit, as I had been before from the beginning of
my weakness. After I had been in Elizabethtown about a fortnight, and
had so far recovered that I was able to walk about the house, upon a day
of thanksgiving kept in this place, I was enabled to recal the mercies
of God in such a manner as greatly affected me, and filled me with
thankfulness and praise. Especially my soul praised God for his work of
grace among the Indians, and the enlargement of his dear kingdom. My
soul blessed God for what he is in himself, and adored him, that he ever
would display himself to creatures. I rejoiced that he was God, and
longed that all should know it, and feel it, and rejoice in it. ‘Lord,
glorify thyself,’ was the desire and cry of my soul. O that all people
might love and praise the blessed God; that he might have all possible
honor and glory from the intelligent world!

“After this comfortable thanksgiving season, I frequently enjoyed
freedom, enlargement, and engagedness of soul in prayer; and was enabled
to intercede with God for my dear congregation, very often for every
family, and every person in particular. It was often a great comfort to
me, that I could pray heartily to God for those to whom I could not
speak, and whom I was not allowed to see. But, at other times, my
spirits were so low, and my bodily vigor so much wasted, that I had
scarce any affections at all.

“In December, I had revived so far as to be able to walk abroad and
visit my friends, and seemed to be gaining health, in the main, until
Lord’s day, December 21, when I attended public worship, and labored
much, at the Lord’s table, to bring forth a certain corruption, and have
it slain, as being an enemy to God and my own soul; and could not but
hope that I had gained some strength against this, as well as other
corruptions; and felt some brokenness of heart for my sin.

“After this, having perhaps taken some cold, I began to decline as to
bodily health; and continued to do so till the latter end of January,
1747. Having a violent cough, a considerable fever, an asthmatic
disorder, and no appetite for any manner of food, nor any power of
digestion, I was reduced to so low a state, that my friends, I believe,
generally despaired of my life; and some of them, for a considerable
time, thought I could scarce live a day. I could then think of nothing
with any application of mind, and seemed to be in a great measure void
of all affection, and was exercised with great temptations; but yet was
not, ordinarily, afraid of death.

_Lord’s day, Feb. 1._—“Though in a very weak and low state, I enjoyed a
considerable degree of comfort and sweetness in divine things; and was
enabled to plead and use arguments with God in prayer, I think, with a
child-like spirit. That passage of scripture occurred to my mind, and
gave me great assistance, ‘If ye, being evil, know how to give good
gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the
Holy Spirit to them that ask him?’ This text I was helped to plead, and
insist upon; and saw the divine faithfulness engaged for dealing with me
better than any earthly parent can do with his child. This season so
refreshed my soul, that my body seemed also to be a gainer by it. From
this time I began gradually to amend. As I recovered some strength,
vigor, and spirit, I found at times some freedom and life in the
exercises of devotion, and some longings after spirituality and a life
of usefulness to the interests of the great Redeemer. At other times, I
was awfully barren and lifeless, and out of frame for the things of God;
so that I was ready often to cry out, ‘O that it were with me as in
months past!’ O that God had taken me away in the midst of my
usefulness, with a sudden stroke, that I might not have been under a
necessity of trifling away time in diversions! O that I had never lived
to spend so much precious time in so poor a manner, and to so little
purpose! Thus I often reflected, was grieved, ashamed, and even
confounded, sunk, and discouraged.

_Feb. 24._—“I was able to ride as far as Newark, (having been confined
in Elizabethtown almost four months,) and the next day returned to
Elizabethtown. My spirits were somewhat refreshed with the ride, though
my body was weary.

_Feb. 28._—“Was visited by an Indian of my own congregation, who brought
me letters, and good news of the sober and good behavior of my people in
general. This refreshed my soul. I could not but retire and bless God
for his goodness; and found, I trust, a truly thankful frame of spirit,
that God seemed to be building up that congregation for himself.

_March 4._—“I met with reproof from a friend, which, although I thought
I did not deserve it from him, yet was, I trust, blessed of God to make
me more tenderly afraid of sin, more jealous over myself, and more
concerned to keep both heart and life pure and unblameable. It likewise
caused me to reflect on my past deadness and want of spirituality, and
to abhor myself, and look on myself as most unworthy. This frame of mind
continued the next day; and for several days after, I grieved to think
that in my necessary diversions I had not maintained more seriousness,
solemnity, and heavenly affection and conversation. Thus my spirits were
often depressed and sunk; and yet, I trust, that reproof was made to be
beneficial to me.

“_March 11_, being kept in Elizabethtown as a day of fasting and prayer,
I was able to attend public worship; which was the first time I had been
able so to do since December 21. O how much weakness and distress did
God carry me through in this space of time! But ‘having obtained help
from him,’ I yet live. O that I could live more to his glory!

_Lord’s day, March 15._—“Was able again to attend public worship, and
felt some earnest desires of being restored to the ministerial work:
felt, I think, some spirit and life to speak for God.

_March 18._—“Rode out with a design to visit my people, and the next day
arrived among them; but was under great dejection in my journey.

“On _Friday_ morning I rose early, walked about among my people,
enquired into their state and concerns, and found an additional weight
and burden on my spirits, upon hearing some things disagreeable. I
endeavored to go to God with my distresses, and made some kind of
lamentable complaint, and in a broken manner spread my difficulties
before God; but notwithstanding, my mind continued very gloomy. About
ten o’clock I called my people together, and after having explained and
sung a psalm, I prayed with them. There was considerable affection among
them; I doubt not, in some instances, that which was more than merely
natural.”

This was the last interview which he ever had with his people. About
eleven o’clock the same day he left them, and the next day came to
Elizabethtown.

_March 28._—“Was taken this morning with violent griping pains. These
pains were extreme and constant for several hours; so that it seemed
impossible for me, without a miracle, to live twenty-four hours in such
distress. I lay confined to my bed the whole day, and in distressing
pain all the former part of it; but it pleased God to bless means for
the abatement of my distress. Was exceedingly weakened by this pain, and
continued so for several days following; being exercised with a fever,
cough, and nocturnal sweats. In this distressed case, so long as my head
was free of vapory confusions, _death_ appeared agreeable to me. I
looked on it as the end of toils, and an entrance into a place ‘where
the weary are at rest;’ and think I had some relish for the
entertainments of the heavenly state; so that by these I was allured and
drawn, as well as driven by the fatigues of life. O how happy it is to
be drawn by desires of a state of perfect holiness!

_April 4._—“Was sunk and dejected, very restless and uneasy, by reason
of the misimprovement of time; and yet knew not what to do. I longed to
spend time in fasting and prayer, that I might be delivered from
indolence and coldness in the things of God; but, alas, I had not bodily
strength for these exercises! O how blessed a thing it is to enjoy peace
of conscience! but how dreadful is a want of inward peace and composure
of soul! It is impossible, I find, to enjoy this happiness without
_redeeming time_, and maintaining a spiritual frame of mind.

_Lord’s day, April 5._—“It grieved me to find myself so inconceivably
barren. My soul thirsted for grace; but, alas, how far was I from
obtaining what appeared to me so exceeding excellent! I was ready to
despair of ever being a holy creature, and yet my soul was desirous of
‘following hard after God;’ but never did I see myself so far from
‘having apprehended, or being already perfect,’ as at this time. The
Lord’s supper being this day administered, I attended the ordinance; and
though I saw in myself a dreadful emptiness and want of grace, and saw
myself as it were at an infinite distance from that purity which becomes
the gospel, yet at the communion, especially during the distribution of
the bread, I enjoyed some warmth of affection, and felt a tender love to
the brethren; and, I think, to the glorious Redeemer, the _first-born_
among them. I endeavored then to bring forth mine and his ‘enemies,’ and
‘slay them before him;’ and found great freedom in begging deliverance
from this spiritual death, as well as in asking divine favors for my
friends and congregation, and the church of Christ in general.

_April 10._—“This day my brother John arrived at Elizabethtown. Spent
some time in conversation with him; but was extremely weak.”

This brother had been sent for by the _Correspondents_, to take care of
and instruct Brainerd’s congregation of Indians; he being obliged by his
illness to be absent from them. He continued to take care of them till
Brainerd’s death, and was soon after ordained his _successor_ in his
mission, and to the charge of his congregation.

_April 17._—“In the evening, could not but think that God helped me to
‘draw near to the throne of grace,’ though most unworthy, and gave me a
sense of his favor; which afforded me inexpressible support and
encouragement. Though I scarcely dared to hope that the mercy was real,
it appeared so great; yet could not but rejoice that ever God should
discover his reconciled face to such a vile sinner. Shame and confusion,
at times, covered me; and then hope, and joy, and admiration of divine
goodness gained the ascendancy. Sometimes I could not but admire the
divine goodness, that the Lord had not let me fall into all the grossest
and vilest acts of sin.

_April 20._—“Was in a very disordered state, and kept my bed most of the
day. I enjoyed a little more comfort than in several of the preceding
days. _This day I arrived at the age of twenty-nine years._

_April 21._—“I set out on my journey for New England, in order (if it
might be the will of God) to recover my health by riding.”

This proved his final departure from New-Jersey. He travelled slowly,
and arrived among his friends at East-Haddam, about the beginning of
May. There is very little account in his diary, of the time that passed
from his setting out on his journey to May 10. He speaks of his
sometimes finding his heart rejoicing in the glorious perfections of
God, and longing to live to him; but complains of the unfixedness of his
thoughts, and their being easily diverted from divine subjects, and
cries out of his leanness, as testifying against him, in the loudest
manner. Concerning those _diversions_ which he was obliged to use for
his health, he says, that he sometimes found he could use diversions
with “singleness of heart,” aiming at the glory of God; but that he also
found there was a necessity of great care and watchfulness, lest he
should lose that spiritual temper of mind in his diversions, and lest
they should degenerate into what was merely selfish, without any supreme
aim at the glory of God in them.

_Lord’s day, May 10._—“I could not but feel some measure of gratitude to
God at this time, that he had always disposed me, in my ministry, to
insist on the great doctrines of _regeneration_, the _new creature_,
_faith in Christ_, _progressive sanctification_, _supreme love to God_,
_living entirely to the glory of God_, _being not our own_, and the
like. God thus helped me to see, in the surest manner, from time to
time, that these, and the like doctrines necessarily connected with
them, are the _only foundation_ of safety and salvation for perishing
sinners and that those divine dispositions which are consonant hereto,
are that _holiness_, ‘without which no man shall see the Lord.’ The
exercise of these Godlike tempers—wherein the soul acts in a kind of
concert with God, and would be and do every thing that is pleasing to
him—I saw, would stand by the soul in a dying hour; for God must, I
think, _deny himself_, if he cast away _his own image_, even the soul
that is one in desires with himself.

_Lord’s day, May 17._—“Spent the forenoon at home, being unable to
attend public worship. At this time, God gave me such an affecting sense
of my own vileness, and the exceeding sinfulness of my heart, that there
seemed to be nothing but sin and corruption within me. ‘Innumerable
evils compassed me about;’ my want of spirituality and holy living, my
neglect of God, and living to myself. All the abominations of my heart
and life seemed to be open to my view; and I had nothing to say, but,
‘God be merciful to me a sinner.’ Toward noon, I saw that the grace of
God in Christ is infinitely free toward sinners, such sinners as I was.
I also saw that God is the supreme good; that in his presence is life;
and I began to long to die, that I might be with him, in a state of
freedom from all sin. O how a small glimpse of his excellency refreshed
my soul! O how worthy is the blessed God to be loved, adored, and
delighted in, for himself, for his own divine excellencies!

“Though I felt much dulness, and want of a spirit of prayer this week,
yet I had some glimpses of the excellency of divine things; and
especially one morning, in secret meditation and prayer, the excellency
and beauty of holiness, as a likeness to the glorious God, was so
discovered to me, that I began to long earnestly to be in that world
where holiness dwells in perfection. I seemed to long for this perfect
holiness, not so much for the sake of my own happiness, although I saw
clearly that this was the greatest, yea, the only happiness of the soul,
as that I might please God, live entirely to him, and glorify him to the
utmost stretch of my rational powers and capacities.

_Lord’s day, May 24._—“(At Long-Meadow, in Massachusetts.) Could not but
think, as I have often remarked to others, that much more of _true
religion_ consists in _deep humility, brokenness of heart, and an
abasing sense of barrenness and want of grace and holiness_, than most
who are called Christians imagine; especially those who have been
esteemed the converts of the late day. Many seem to know of no other
religion but elevated joys and affections, arising only from some
flights of imagination, or some suggestion made to their mind, of Christ
being their’s, God loving them, and the like.”

On Thursday, May 28, he came from Long-Meadow to Northampton, appearing
vastly better than, by his account, he had been in the winter—indeed so
well, that he was able to ride twenty-five miles in a day, and to walk
half a mile; and appeared cheerful, and free from melancholy; but yet he
was undoubtedly, at that time, in a confirmed, incurable consumption.

I had had much opportunity, before this, of particular information
concerning him, from many who were well acquainted with him; and had
enjoyed a personal interview with him, at New-Haven, near four years
before, as has been already mentioned; but now I had opportunity for a
more full acquaintance. I found him remarkably sociable, pleasant, and
entertaining in his conversation; yet solid, savory, spiritual, and very
profitable. He appeared meek, modest, and humble; far from any
stiffness, moroseness, or affected singularity in speech or behavior,
and seeming to dislike all such things. We enjoyed not only the benefit
of his conversation, but had the comfort and advantage of joining with
him in family prayer, from time to time. His manner of praying was very
agreeable, most becoming a worm of the dust and a disciple of Christ,
addressing an infinitely great and holy God, the Father of mercies; not
with florid expressions, or a studied eloquence; not with any
intemperate vehemence, or indecent boldness. It was at the greatest
distance from any appearance of ostentation, and from every thing that
might look as though he meant to recommend himself to those that were
about him, or set himself off to their acceptance. It was free also from
vain repetitions; without impertinent excursions, or needless
multiplying of words. He expressed himself with the strictest propriety,
with weight and pungency; and yet, what his lips uttered seemed to flow
from the _fulness of his heart_, as deeply impressed with a great and
solemn sense of our necessities, unworthiness, and dependence, and of
God’s infinite greatness, excellency and sufficiency, rather than merely
from a warm and fruitful brain, pouring out good expressions. I know not
that I ever heard him so much as ask a blessing or return thanks at
table, but there was something remarkable to be observed both in the
matter and manner of the performance. In his prayers, he insisted much
on the prosperity of Zion, the advancement of Christ’s kingdom in the
world, and the flourishing and propagation of religion among the
Indians. And he generally made it one petition in his prayer, “that we
might not outlive our usefulness.”

_Lord’s day, May 31._—“(At Northampton.) I had little inward sweetness
in religion most of the week past; not realizing and beholding
spiritually the glory of God and the blessed Redeemer; from whence
always arise my comforts and joys in religion, if I have any at all; and
if I cannot so behold the excellencies and perfections of God, as to
cause me to rejoice in him for what he is in himself, I have no solid
foundation for joy. To rejoice, only because I apprehend I have an
interest in Christ, and shall be finally saved, is a poor mean business
indeed.”

This week he consulted Dr. Mather, at my house, concerning his illness;
who plainly told him, that there were great evidences of his being in a
confirmed _consumption_, and that he could give him no encouragement
that he would ever recover. But it seemed not to occasion the least
discomposure in him, nor to make any manner of alteration as to the
cheerfulness and serenity of his mind, or the freedom or pleasantness of
his conversation.

_Lord’s day, June 7._—“My attention was greatly engaged, and my soul so
drawn forth this day, by what I heard of the 'exceeding preciousness of
the saving grace of God’s Spirit,' that it almost overcame my body, in
my weak state. I saw that true grace is exceedingly precious indeed;
that it is very rare; and that there is but a very small degree of it,
even where the reality of it is to be found; at least I saw this to be
_my_ case.

“In the preceding week, I enjoyed some comfortable seasons of
meditation. One morning, the cause of God appeared exceedingly precious
to me. The Redeemer’s kingdom is all that is valuable in the earth, and
I could not but long for the promotion of it in the world. I saw also,
that this cause is God’s; that he has an infinitely greater regard and
concern for it than I could possibly have; that if I have any true love
to this blessed interest, it is only a drop derived from that ocean.
Hence I was ready to ‘lift up my head with joy,’ and conclude, 'Well, if
God’s cause be so dear and precious to him, he will promote it.' Thus I
did, as it were, rest on God that he would surely promote that which was
so agreeable to his own will; though the time when, must still be left
to his sovereign pleasure.”

He was advised by physicians still to continue riding, as what would
tend, above any other means, to prolong his life. He was at a loss, for
some time, which way to bend his course; but finally determined to ride
from hence to Boston; we having concluded that one of our family should
go with him, and be helpful to him in his weak and low state.

_June 9._—“I set out on a journey from Northampton to Boston. Travelled
slowly, and got some acquaintance with a number of ministers on the
road.

“Having now continued to ride for a considerable time, I felt much
better than I had formerly done, and found, that in proportion to the
prospect I had of being restored to a state of usefulness, I desired the
continuance of life; but now _death_ appeared inconceivably more
desirable to me than a useless life; yet, blessed be God, I found my
heart, at times, fully resigned and reconciled to this greatest of
afflictions, if God saw fit thus to deal with me.

_June 12._—“I arrived in Boston this day, somewhat fatigued with my
journey. Observed that there is no _rest_ but in God; fatigues of body,
and anxieties of mind, attend us both in town and country: no place is
exempt.

_Lord’s day, June 14._—“I enjoyed some enlargement and sweetness in
family prayer, as well as in secret exercises; God appeared excellent,
his ways full of pleasure and peace, and all I wanted was a spirit of
holy fervency to live to him.

_June 17._—“This and the two preceding days I spent mainly in visiting
the ministers of the town, and was treated with great respect by them.

_June 18._—“I was taken exceedingly ill, and brought to the gates of
death, by the breaking of small ulcers in my lungs, as my physician
supposed. In this extremely weak state I continued for several weeks;
and was frequently reduced so low as to be utterly speechless, and not
so much as to whisper a word. Even after I had so far revived as to walk
about the house, and to step out of doors, I was exercised every day
with a faint turn, which continued usually four or five hours; at which
times, though I was not so utterly speechless but that I could say yes
or no, yet I could not converse at all, nor speak one sentence, without
making stops for breath; and a number of times my friends gathered round
my bed, to see me breathe my last, which they expected every moment, as
I myself also did.

“How I was, the first day or two of my illness, with regard to the
exercise of reason, I scarcely know. I believe I was somewhat shattered
with the violence of the fever at times; but the third day of my
illness, and constantly afterward, for four or five weeks together, I
enjoyed as much serenity of mind, and clearness of thought, as perhaps
ever in my life. I think that my mind never penetrated with so much ease
and freedom into divine things, as at this time; and I never felt so
capable of demonstrating the truth of many important doctrines of the
Gospel as now. As I saw clearly the truth of those great doctrines,
which are justly styled the _doctrines of grace_; so I saw with no less
clearness, that the _essence of religion_ consisted in the soul’s
_conformity to God_, and acting above all selfish views for his _glory_,
longing to be _for him_, to live _to him_, and please and honor _him_ in
all things: and this from a clear view of his infinite excellency and
worthiness in himself, to be loved, adored, worshipped, and served by
all intelligent creatures. Thus I saw, that when a soul _loves_ God with
a supreme love, he therein acts like the blessed God himself, who most
justly loves himself in that manner. So when God’s interest and his are
become one, and he longs that God should be _glorified_, and rejoices to
think that he is unchangeably possessed of the highest glory and
blessedness, herein also he acts in conformity to God. In like manner,
when the soul is fully resigned to, and rests satisfied and content with
the divine will, here it is also _conformed_ to God.

“I saw farther, that as this divine temper, by which the soul exalts
God, and treads self in the dust, is wrought in the soul by God’s
discovering his own glorious perfections _in the face of Jesus Christ_
to it by the special influences of the Holy Spirit, so he cannot but
have _regard to it_ as his own work; and as it is his image in his soul,
he cannot but take _delight_ in it. Then I saw again, that if God should
slight and reject his own _moral image_, he must needs _deny himself_;
which he cannot do. And thus I saw the _stability_ and _infallibility_
of this religion; and that those who are truly possessed of it, have the
most complete and satisfying evidence of their being interested in all
the benefits of Christ’s redemption, having their hearts conformed to
him; and that these, and these only, are qualified for the employments
and entertainments of God’s kingdom of glory; as none but these have any
relish for the business of heaven, which is to ascribe glory to God, and
not to themselves; and that God (though I would speak it with great
reverence of his name and perfection) cannot, without denying himself,
finally cast such away.

“The next thing I had then to do, was to inquire whether _this_ was _my_
religion; and here God was pleased to help me to the most easy
remembrance and critical review of what had passed in course, of a
religious nature, through several of the latter years of my life.
Although I could discover much corruption attending my best duties, many
selfish views and carnal ends, much spiritual pride and self-exaltation,
and innumerable other evils which compassed me about, yet God was
pleased, as I was reviewing, quickly to put this question out of doubt,
by showing me that I had, from time to time, acted above the utmost
influence of mere self-love; that I had longed to please and glorify
him, as my highest happiness, &c. This review was, through grace,
attended with a present feeling of the same divine temper of mind. I
felt now pleased to think of the glory of God, and longed for heaven, as
a state wherein I might glorify him perfectly, rather than a place of
happiness for myself. This feeling of the love of God in my heart, which
I trust the Spirit of God excited in me afresh, was sufficient to give
me a full satisfaction, and make me long, as I had many times before
done, to be with Christ.

“As God was pleased to afford me clearness of thought, and composure of
mind, almost continually for several weeks, under my great weakness; so
he enabled me, in some measure, to improve my time, as I hope, to
valuable purposes. I was enabled to write a number of important letters
to friends in remote places; and sometimes I wrote when I was
speechless, _i. e._ unable to maintain conversation with any body;
though perhaps I was able to speak a word or two so as to be heard.

“At this season also, while I was confined at Boston, I read with care
and attention some papers of old Mr. Shepard, lately come to light, and
designed for the press; and, as I was desired and greatly urged, made
some corrections where the sense was left dark for want of a word or
two. Beside this, I had many visitants, with whom, when I was able to
speak, I always conversed of the things of religion, and was peculiarly
assisted in distinguishing between the _true_ and _false_ religion of
the times. There is scarcely any subject which has been matter of
controversy of late, but I was at one time or other compelled to discuss
and show my opinion respecting it, and that frequently before numbers of
people. Especially, I discoursed repeatedly on the nature and necessity
of that _humiliation_, _self-emptiness_, or full conviction of a
person’s being utterly undone in himself, which is necessary in order to
a saving faith; and the extreme difficulty of being brought to this, and
the great danger there is of persons taking up with some self-righteous
appearances of it. The _danger_ of this I especially dwelt upon, being
persuaded that multitudes perish in this hidden way; and because so
little is said from most pulpits to discover any danger here; so that
persons being never effectually brought to _die in themselves_, are
never truly _united to Christ_, and so perish. I also discoursed much on
what I take to be the essence of true religion; endeavoring plainly to
describe that god-like temper and disposition of soul, and that holy
conversation and behavior, which may justly claim the honor of having
God for its original and patron. I have reason to hope God blessed my
way of discoursing and distinguishing to some, both ministers and
people; so that my time was not wholly lost.”

He was visited while in Boston by many, who showed him uncommon respect,
and appeared highly pleased and entertained with his conversation.
Beside being honored with the company and respect of ministers of the
town, he was visited by several ministers from various parts of the
country. He took all opportunities to discourse on the peculiar nature
and distinguishing characteristics of true, spiritual, and vital
religion; and to bear his testimony against the various false
appearances of it, consisting in, or arising from impressions on the
_imagination_, sudden and supposed immediate _suggestions_ of truth not
contained in the Scripture, and that faith which consists _primarily_ in
a person’s believing that Christ died for him in particular, &c. What he
said was, for the most part, heard with uncommon attention and regard;
and his discourses and reasonings appeared manifestly to have great
weight and influence with many with whom he conversed, both ministers
and others.

The Commissioners in Boston, of the Society in London for propagating
the Gospel in New-England and parts adjacent, having received a legacy
of the late Rev. Dr. Daniel Williams, of London, for the support of two
missionaries to the heathen, were pleased, while he was in Boston, to
consult him about a mission to those Indians called the Six Nations,
particularly respecting the qualifications requisite in a missionary to
those Indians. They were so satisfied with his sentiments on this head,
and had such confidence in his faithfulness, his judgment and discretion
in things of this nature, that they desired him to undertake to find and
recommend two persons fit to be employed in this business; and very much
left the matter with him.

BRAINERD’S restoration from his extremely low state in Boston, so as to
go abroad again, and to travel, was very unexpected to him and his
friends. My daughter, who was with him, writes thus concerning him, in a
letter dated June 23:

“On Thursday, he was very ill with a violent fever, and extreme pain in
his head and breast, and at turns delirious. So he remained till
Saturday evening, when he seemed to be in the agonies of death; the
family was up with him till one or two o’clock, expecting that every
hour would be his last. On Sabbath day he was a little revived, his head
was better, but he was very full of pain, exceeding sore at his breast,
and had great difficulty in breathing. Yesterday he was better. Last
night he slept but little. This morning he was much worse. Dr. Pynchon
says, he has no hope of his life; nor does he think it likely that he
will ever come out of the chamber; though he says he _may_ be able to
come to Northampton.”

In another letter, dated June 29, she says:—“Mr. BRAINERD has not so
much pain, nor fever, since I last wrote, as before; yet he is extremely
weak and low, and very faint, expecting every day will be his last. He
says it is impossible for him to live, for he has hardly vigor enough to
draw his breath. I went this morning into town, and when I came home,
Mr. Bromfield said he never expected I should see him alive, for he lay
two hours, as they thought, dying; one could scarcely tell whether he
was alive or not; he was not able to speak for some time; but now is
much as he was before. The doctor thinks he will drop away in such a
turn. Mr. BRAINERD says, he never felt any thing so much like
_dissolution_ as that he felt to-day; and says, he never had any
conception of its being possible for any creature to be alive, and yet
so weak as he is from day to day. Dr. Pynchon says, he should not be
surprised if he should so recover as to live half a year; nor would it
surprise him if he should die in half a day. Since I began to write, he
is not so well, having had a faint turn again: yet he is patient and
resigned, having no distressing fears, but the contrary.”

He expressed himself to one of my neighbors, who at that time saw him in
Boston, that he was as certainly a dead man, as if he was shot through
the heart. But so it was ordered in divine Providence, that the strength
of nature held out, and he revived, to the astonishment of all who knew
his case.

After he began to revive, he was visited by his youngest brother,
ISRAEL, a student at Yale College; who having heard of his extreme
illness, went from thence to Boston, in order to see him; if he might
find him alive, which he but little expected. BRAINERD greatly rejoiced
to see his brother, especially because he had desired an opportunity of
some religious conversation with him before he died. But this meeting
was attended with sorrow, as his brother brought to him the tidings of
his sister Spencer’s death, at Haddam; a sister, between whom and him
had long subsisted a peculiarly dear affection, and much intimacy in
spiritual things, and whose house he used to make his own when he went
to Haddam, his native place. But he had a confidence of her being gone
to heaven, and an expectation of soon meeting her there. His brother
continued with him till he left the town, and came with him from thence
to Northampton. Concerning the last Sabbath Brainerd spent in Boston, he
writes in his diary as follows:

_Lord’s day, July 19._—“I was just able to attend public worship, being
carried to the house of God in a chaise. Heard Dr. Sewall preach in the
forenoon: partook of the Lord’s supper at this time. In this ordinance I
saw astonishing divine _wisdom_ displayed, such wisdom as clearly
required the tongues of angels and glorified saints to celebrate. It
seemed to me that I never should do any thing at adoring the infinite
wisdom of God, discovered in the contrivance of man’s redemption, until
I arrived at a world of perfection; yet I could not help striving ‘to
call upon my soul, and all within me, to bless the name of God.’ In the
afternoon, heard Mr. Prince preach. I saw more of God in the _wisdom_
discovered in the plan of man’s redemption, than I saw of any other of
his perfections, through the whole day.”

The next day, having bid an affectionate farewell to his friends, he set
out in the cool of the afternoon, on his journey to Northampton,
attended by his brother and my daughter, who went with him to Boston;
and would have been accompanied out of the town by a number of
gentlemen, besides the respected person who gave him his company for
some miles on that occasion, as a testimony of their esteem and respect,
had not his aversion to any thing of pomp and show prevented it.

_July 25._—“I arrived here, at Northampton; having set out from Boston
on Monday, about 4 o’clock P. M. In this journey I usually rode about
sixteen miles a day. Was sometimes extremely tired and faint on the
road, so that it seemed impossible for me to proceed any further; at
other times I was considerably better, and felt some freedom both of
body and mind.

_Lord’s day, July 26._—“This day I saw clearly that I should never be
happy; yea, that God himself could not make me happy, unless I could be
in a capacity to ‘please and glorify him for ever.’ Take away this, and
admit me in all the fine heavens that can be conceived of by men or
angels, and I should still be miserable for ever.”

Though he had so revived as to be able to travel thus far, yet he
manifested no expectation of recovery. He supposed, as his physician
did, that his being brought so near to death at Boston, was owing to the
breaking of ulcers in his lungs. He told me that he had several such ill
turns before, only not to so high a degree, but, as he supposed, owing
to the same cause, viz. the breaking of ulcers; that he was brought
lower and lower every time; that it appeared to him, that in his last
sickness he was brought as low as he could be, and yet live; and that he
had not the least expectation of surviving the next return of this
breaking of ulcers; he still appeared perfectly calm in the prospect of
death.

On _Wednesday_ morning, the week after he came to Northampton, his
brother Israel left us for New-Haven, and he took leave of him, never
expecting to see him again in this world.

When BRAINERD came hither, he had so much strength as to be able, from
day to day, to ride out two or three miles, and sometimes to pray in the
family; but from this time he gradually decayed, becoming weaker and
weaker. As long as he lived, he spoke much of that _future prosperity of
Zion_ which is so often foretold and promised in the Scriptures; it was
a theme upon which he delighted to dwell; and his mind seemed to be
carried forth with earnest concern about it, and intense desires that
religion might speedily and abundantly revive and flourish; yea, the
nearer death advanced, and the more the symptoms of its approach
increased, still the more did his mind seem to be taken up with this
subject. He told me, when near his end, that “he never, in all his life,
had his mind so led forth in desires and earnest prayers for the
flourishing of Christ’s kingdom on earth, as since he was brought so
exceeding low at Boston.” He seemed much to wonder that there appeared
no more of a disposition in ministers and people to _pray_ for the
flourishing of religion through the world; that so little a part of
their prayers was generally taken up about it, in their families and
elsewhere. Particularly, he several times expressed his wonder that
there appeared no more forwardness to comply with the proposal lately
made, in a Memorial from a number of ministers in Scotland, and sent
over into America, for united extraordinary prayer, amongst Christ’s
ministers and people, for the coming of Christ’s kingdom: and sent it as
his dying advice to his own congregation, that they should practise
agreeably to that proposal.

Though he was constantly exceeding weak, yet there appeared in him a
continual care well to improve _time_, and fill it up with something
that might be profitable, and in some respect for the glory of God or
the good of men; either profitable conversation, or writing letters to
absent friends; or noting something in his diary; or looking over his
former writings, correcting them, and preparing them to be left in the
hands of others at his death; or giving some directions concerning the
future management of his people; or in secret devotions. He seemed never
to be easy, however ill, if he was not doing something for God, or in
his service. After he came hither, he wrote a _preface_ to a _diary_ of
Mr. SHEPARD, contained in the papers above mentioned, which has since
been published.

In his diary for _Lord’s day_, August 9, he speaks of longing desires
after death, through a sense of the excellency of a state of
_perfection_. In his diary for _Lord’s day_, August 16, he speaks of his
having so much refreshment of _soul_ in the house of God that it seemed
also to refresh his _body_. And this is not only noted in his diary, but
was very observable to others; it was apparent, not only that his mind
was exhilarated with inward consolation, but also that his animal
spirits and bodily strength seemed to be remarkably restored, as though
he had forgot his illness. But this was the last time that ever he
attended public worship on the Sabbath.

On _Tuesday_ morning that week, as I was absent on a journey, he prayed
with my family, but not without much difficulty, for want of bodily
strength; and this was the last family prayer that he ever made. He had
been wont, till now, frequently to ride out, two or three miles: but
this week, on Thursday, was the last time he ever did so.

_Lord’s day, Aug. 23._—“This morning I was considerably refreshed with
the thought, yea, the hope and expectation of the _enlargement of
Christ’s kingdom_; and I could not but hope that the time was at hand,
when Babylon the great would fall, and ‘rise no more.’ This led me to
some spiritual meditations, which were very refreshing to me. I was
unable to attend public worship either part of the day; but God was
pleased to afford me fixedness and satisfaction in divine thoughts.
Nothing so refreshes my soul, as when I can go to God, yea, 'to God my
exceeding joy When he is such to my soul, O how unspeakably delightful
is this!

“In the week past I had divers turns of inward refreshing, though my
body was inexpressibly weak, followed continually with agues and fevers.
Sometimes my soul centered in God, as my only portion; and I felt that I
should be for ever unhappy, if He did not reign. I saw the sweetness and
happiness of being his subject, at his disposal. This made all my
difficulties quickly vanish.”

Till this week he had been wont to lodge in a room above stairs, but he
now grew so weak, that he was no longer able to go up stairs and down.
_Friday, August 28_, was the last time he ever went above stairs;
henceforward he betook himself to a lower room.

On _Wednesday, Sept. 2_, being the day of our public lecture, he seemed
to be refreshed with seeing the neighboring ministers who came hither to
the lecture, and expressed a great desire once more to go to the house
of God on that day; and accordingly rode to the meeting, and attended
divine service, while the Rev. Mr. Woodbridge, of Hatfield, preached. He
signified that he supposed it to be the last time he should ever attend
public worship; as it proved. Indeed it was the last time that he ever
went out of our gate.

On the Saturday evening next following, he was unexpectedly visited by
his brother, Mr. JOHN BRAINERD, who came to see him from New-Jersey. He
was much refreshed by this unexpected visit, this brother being
peculiarly dear to him; and he seemed to rejoice in a devout and solemn
manner, to see him, and to hear the comfortable tidings which he brought
concerning the state of his dear congregation of Christian Indians. A
circumstance of this visit of which he was exceedingly glad, was, that
his brother brought him some of his _private writings_ from New-Jersey,
and particularly his _diary_, which he had kept for many years past.

_Lord’s day, Sept. 6._—“I began to read some of my private writings
which my brother brought me, and was considerably refreshed with what I
found in them.

_Sept. 7._—“I proceeded further in reading my old private writings, and
found that they had the same effect upon me as before. I could not but
rejoice and bless God for what passed long ago, which, without writing,
had been entirely lost.

“This evening, when I was in great distress of body, my soul longed that
_God should be glorified_. O that I could for ever live to God! The day,
I trust, is at hand, the perfect day. O the day of deliverance from all
sin!

_Lord’s day, Sept. 13._—“I was much refreshed and engaged in meditation
and writing, and found a heart to act for God. My spirits were
refreshed, and my soul delighted to do something for God.”

On the evening of that Lord’s day, his feet began to swell; and
thenceforward swelled more and more: a symptom of his dissolution coming
on. The next day, his brother John left him, being obliged to return to
New-Jersey on some business of great importance and necessity; intending
to return again with all possible speed, hoping to see his brother yet
once more in the land of the living.

BRAINERD having now, with much deliberation, considered the subject
referred to him by the commissioners of the Society for propagating the
Gospel in New-England and parts adjacent, wrote them about this time,
recommending two young gentlemen of his acquaintance, Mr. Elihu Spencer,
of East Haddam, and Mr. Job Strong, of Northampton, as suitable
missionaries to the Six Nations. The commissioners, on the receipt of
this letter, cheerfully and unanimously agreed to accept of and employ
the persons whom he had recommended.

On _Wednesday, Sept. 16_, he wrote to some charitable gentlemen in
Boston in behalf of the Indian school, showing the need of another
schoolmaster, or some person to assist the schoolmaster in instructing
the Indian children. These gentlemen, on the receipt of his letter, had
a meeting, and agreed with great cheerfulness to give £200 (in bills of
the old tenor) for the support of another schoolmaster; and desired the
Rev. Mr. Pemberton, of New-York, (who was then at Boston, and was also
at their desire, present at the meeting,) as soon as possible to procure
a suitable person for that service; and also agreed, in accordance with
an intimation from BRAINERD, to allow £74 to defray some special charges
which were requisite to encourage the mission to the Six Nations.

BRAINERD spent himself much in writing those letters, being exceedingly
weak; but it seemed to be much to his satisfaction that he had been
enabled to do it, hoping that it was something done for God, and which
might be for the advancement of Christ’s kingdom and glory. In writing
the last of these letters, he was obliged to use the hand of another.

On Thursday of this week, (Sept. 17,) when he went out of his
lodging-room for the last time, he was again visited by his brother
ISRAEL, who continued with him till his death. On that evening he was
taken with something of a diarrhea, which he looked upon as another sign
of his approaching death; whereupon he expressed himself thus: “Oh, the
glorious time is now coming! I have longed to serve God perfectly: now
God will gratify those desires!” And from time to time, at the several
steps and new symptoms of the sensible approach of his dissolution, he
was so far from being sunk or depressed in spirits, that he seemed to be
_animated_ and made more cheerful, as being glad at the appearance of
death’s approach. He often used the epithet _glorious_, when speaking of
the day of his death, calling it that _glorious day_. And as he saw his
dissolution gradually approaching, he talked much about it; and with
perfect calmness spoke of a future state. He also settled all his
affairs, giving directions very particularly and minutely concerning
what he would have done in one respect and another after his decease.
And the nearer death approached, the more desirous he seemed to be to
depart. He several times spoke of the different kinds of willingness to
die; and represented it as an ignoble, mean kind, to be willing to leave
the body only to get rid of pain; or to go to heaven only to get honor
and advancement there.

_Sept. 19._—“Near night, while I attempted to walk a little, my thoughts
turned thus: ‘How infinitely sweet to love God, and be all for him!’
Upon which it was suggested to me, ‘You are not an angel, not lively and
active.’ To which my whole soul immediately replied, ‘I as sincerely
desire to love and glorify God as any angel in heaven.’ Upon which it
was suggested again, ‘But you are filthy, not fit for heaven.’ Hereupon
instantly appeared the blessed robes of Christ’s _righteousness_, in
which I could not but exult and triumph; and I viewed the infinite
excellency of God, and my soul even broke with longings that God should
be glorified. I thought of dignity in heaven, but instantly the thought
returned, ‘I do not go to heaven to get honor, but to give all possible
glory and praise.’ O how I longed that God should be glorified on
_earth_ also! O I was _made_ for eternity, if God might be glorified!
Bodily pains I cared not for; though I was then in extremity, I never
felt easier. I felt willing to glorify God in that state of bodily
distress as long as he pleased I should continue in it. The grave
appeared really sweet, and I longed to lodge my weary bones in it; but O
that God might be glorified! this was the burden of all my cry. O I knew
that I should be active as an angel in heaven, and that I should be
stripped of my filthy garments! so that there was no objection. But, O
to love and praise God more, to please him for ever! this my soul panted
after, and even now pants for, while I write. Oh that God might be
glorified in the whole earth! ‘Lord let thy kingdom come.’ I longed for
a spirit of preaching to descend and rest on ministers, that they might
address the consciences of men with closeness and power. I saw that God
had the residue of the Spirit, and my soul longed that it should be
‘poured from on high.’ I could not but plead with God for my dear
congregation, that he would preserve it, and not suffer his great name
to lose its glory in that work; my soul still longing that God might be
glorified.”

The extraordinary frame he was in that evening could not be hid. “His
mouth spake out of the abundance of his heart,” expressing in a very
affecting manner much the same things as are written in his diary. Among
very many other extraordinary expressions which he then uttered, were
such as these: “My heaven is to please God, and glorify him, and to give
all to him, and to be wholly devoted to his glory; that is the heaven I
long for; that is my religion, and that is my happiness, and always was,
ever since I suppose I had any true religion; and all those that are of
that religion shall meet me in heaven. I do not go to heaven to be
advanced, but to give honor to God. It is no matter where I shall be
stationed in heaven, whether I have a high or low seat there; but to
love, and please, and glorify God is all. Had I a thousand souls, if
they were worth any thing, I would give them all to God; but I have
nothing to give when all is done. It is impossible for any rational
creature to be happy without acting all _for God_; God himself could not
make him happy any other way. I long to be in heaven, praising and
glorifying God with the holy angels; all my desire is to glorify God. My
heart goes out to the burying place; it seems to me a desirable place:
but O to glorify God! that is it; that is above all. It is a great
comfort to me to think that I have done a little for God in the world;
Oh! it is but a very small matter, yet I have done a little, and I
lament that I have not done more for him. There is nothing in the world
worth living for, but doing good, and finishing God’s work, doing the
work that Christ did. I see nothing else in the world that can yield any
satisfaction besides living to God, pleasing him, and doing his whole
will. My greatest joy and comfort has been to do something for promoting
the interest of religion and the souls of particular persons; and now,
in my illness, while I am full of pain and distress from day to day, all
the comfort I have is in being able to do some little service for God,
either by something I say, or by writing, or in some other way.”

He intermingled with these, and other like expressions, many pathetical
counsels to those who were about him, particularly to my children and
servants. He applied himself to some of my younger children at this
time; calling them to him, and speaking to them one by one; setting
before them, in a very plain manner, the nature and essence of true
piety, and its great importance and necessity; earnestly warning them
not to rest in any thing short of a true and thorough change of heart,
and a life devoted to God. He counselled them not to be slack in the
great business of religion, nor in the least to delay it; enforcing his
counsels with this, that his words were the words of a _dying man_. Said
he, “I shall die here, and here I shall be buried, and here you will see
my grave, and I wish you to remember what I have said to you. I am going
into eternity; and it is sweet for me to think of eternity; the
endlessness of it makes it sweet: but O what shall I say of the eternity
of the wicked! I cannot mention it, nor think of it; the thought is too
dreadful. When you see my grave, then remember what I said to you while
I was alive; then think how the man who lies in that grave counselled
and warned you to prepare for death.”

His _body_ seemed to be marvellously strengthened, through the inward
vigor and refreshment of his mind; so that, although before he was so
weak that he could hardly utter a sentence, yet now he continued his
most affecting and profitable discourse to us for more than an hour,
with scarce any intermission; and said of it when he had done, “it was
the last sermon that ever he should preach.” This extraordinary frame of
mind continued the next day, of which he speaks in his diary as follows:

_Lord’s day, Sept. 20._—“Was still in a sweet and comfortable frame, and
was again melted with desires that God might be glorified, and with
longings to love and live to him. Longed for the influences of the
divine Spirit to descend on _ministers_ in an especial manner. And O I
longed to be with God, to behold his glory, and to bow in his presence.”

It appears by what is noted in his diary, both of this day and the
evening preceding, that his mind at this time was much impressed with a
sense of the importance of the work of the _ministry_, and the need of
the grace of God, and his special spiritual assistance in this work; it
also appeared in what he expressed in conversation, particularly in his
discourse to his brother Israel, who was then a member of Yale College
at New-Haven, prosecuting his studies for the work of the ministry.[I]
He now, and from time to time, in this his dying state, recommended to
his brother a life of self-denial, of weanedness from the world and
devotedness to God, and an earnest endeavor to obtain much of the grace
of God’s Spirit, and God’s gracious influences on his heart;
representing the great need in which ministers stand of them, and the
unspeakable benefit of them, from his own experience. Among many other
expressions, he said thus: “When ministers feel these special gracious
influences on their hearts, it wonderfully assists them to come at the
consciences of men, and as it were to handle them with hands; whereas,
without them, whatever reason and oratory we make use of, we do but make
use of stumps, instead of hands.”

Footnote I:

  This brother was ingenious, serious, studious, and hopefully pious;
  there appeared in him many qualities giving hope of his being a great
  blessing in his day. But it pleased God, soon after the death of his
  brother, to take him away also. He died that winter at New-Haven,
  January 6, 1748, of a nervous fever, after about a fortnight’s
  illness.

_Sept. 21._—“I began to correct a little volume of my private writings.
God, I believe, remarkably helped me in it; my strength was surprisingly
lengthened out, my thoughts were quick and lively, and my soul
refreshed, hoping it might be a work for God. O how good, how sweet it
is to labor for God!

_Sept. 22._—“Was again employed in reading and correcting, and had the
same success as the day before. I was exceeding weak, but it seemed to
refresh my soul thus to spend time.

_Sept. 23._—“I finished my corrections of the little piece before
mentioned, and felt uncommonly peaceful; it seemed as if I had now done
all my work in this world, and stood ready for my call to a better. As
long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is worth having; but O
how vain and unworthy it is to live for any lower end! This day I
indited a letter, I think, of great importance, to the Rev. Mr. Byram,
in New-Jersey. Oh that God would bless and succeed that letter, which
was written for the benefit of _his_ church![J] Oh that God would
‘purify the sons of Levi,’ that his glory may be advanced! This night I
endured a dreadful turn, wherein my life was expected scarce an hour or
minute. But, blessed be God, I have enjoyed considerable sweetness in
divine things this week, both by night and day.

Footnote J:

  It was concerning the qualifications of ministers, and the examination
  and licensing of candidates for the work of the ministry.

_Sept. 24._—“My strength began to fail exceedingly; which looked,
further, as if I had done all my work: however, I had strength to fold
and superscribe my letter. About two I went to bed, being weak and much
disordered, and lay in a burning fever till night, without any proper
rest. In the evening I got up, having lain down in some of my clothes;
but was in the greatest distress, having an uncommon kind of hiccough;
which either strangled me, or threw me into a straining to vomit,
accompanied with other griping pains. O the distress of this evening! I
had little expectation of living the night through, nor indeed had any
about me; and I longed for the finishing moment! I was obliged to repair
to bed by six o’clock; and through mercy enjoyed some rest; but was
grievously distressed at turns with the hiccough. My soul breathed after
God, ‘When shall I come to God, even to God, my exceeding joy?’ Oh for
his blessed likeness!

_Sept. 25._—“I was unspeakably weak, and little better than speechless
all the day; however, I was able to write a little, and some part of the
day was comfortable. O it refreshed my soul to think of former things,
of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to him! O, blessed
God, I am speedily coming to thee, I hope. Hasten the day, O Lord, if it
be thy blessed will. O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.[K]

Footnote K:

  This was the last time that ever he wrote in his diary with his own
  hand; though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner;
  written by his brother Israel, but indited by his mouth, in this his
  weak and dying state.

_Sept. 26._—“I felt the sweetness of divine things this forenoon, and
had the consolation of a consciousness that I was doing something for
God.

_Lord’s day, Sept. 27._—“This was a very comfortable day to my soul; I
think, I awoke with God. I was enabled to lift up my soul to God, early
this morning; and while I had little bodily strength, I found freedom to
lift up my heart to God for myself and others. Afterward, was pleased
with the thoughts of speedily entering into the unseen world.”

He felt this morning an unusual appetite for food, with which his mind
seemed to be exhilarated, looking on it as a sign of the very near
approach of death. At this time he also said, “I was _born_ on a
_Sabbath-day_, and I have reason to think I was _new-born_ on a
_Sabbath-day_; and I hope I shall _die_ on this _Sabbath-day_. I shall
look upon it as a favor, if it may be the will of God that it should be
so: I long for the time. O, why is his chariot so long in coming? why
tarry the wheels of his chariot? I am very willing to part with all: I
am willing to part with my dear brother John, and never to see him
again, to go to be for ever with the Lord.[L] O, when I go there, how
will God’s dear church on earth be upon my mind!”

Footnote L:

  He had, before this, expressed a desire, if it might be the will of
  God, to live till his brother returned from New-Jersey: who, when he
  went away, intended, if possible, to perform his journey, and return
  in a fortnight; hoping once more to meet his brother in the land of
  the living. The fortnight was now nearly expired.

Afterward, the same morning, being asked how he did, he answered, “I am
almost in eternity; I long to be there. My work is done; I have done
with all my friends: all the world is nothing to me. I long to be in
heaven, praising and glorifying God with the holy angels. _All my desire
is to glorify God._”

[Illustration: President Edwards' House, Northampton, Massachusetts.]

During the whole of these last two weeks of his life, he seemed to
continue in this frame of heart, as having finished his work, and done
with all things here below. He had now nothing to do but to die, and to
abide in an earnest desire and expectation of the happy moment, when his
soul should take its flight to a state of perfect holiness, in which he
should be found perfectly glorifying and enjoying God. He said, “the
consideration of the day of death, and the day of judgment, had a long
time been peculiarly sweet to him.” From time to time he spake of his
being willing to leave the body and the world immediately—that day, that
night, that moment—if it was the will of God. He also was much engaged
in expressing his longings that the Church of Christ on earth might
flourish, and Christ’s kingdom here be advanced, notwithstanding he was
about to leave the earth, and should not with his eyes behold the
desirable event, nor be instrumental in promoting it. He said to me, one
morning, as I came into his room, “My thoughts have been employed on the
old dear theme, the prosperity of God’s church on earth. As I waked out
of sleep, I was led to cry for the pouring out of God’s Spirit, and the
advancement of Christ’s kingdom, for which the Redeemer did and suffered
so much. It is that especially which makes me long for it.” He expressed
much hope that a glorious advancement of Christ’s kingdom was near at
hand.

He once told me, that “he had formerly longed for the outpouring of the
Spirit of God, and the glorious times of the church, and hoped they were
coming; and that he should have been willing to live to promote religion
at that time if that had been the will of God: but,” says he, “I am
willing it should be as it is; I would not have the choice to make for
myself, for ten thousand worlds.” He expressed on his death-bed a full
persuasion that he should in heaven see the prosperity of the church on
earth, and should rejoice with Christ therein; and the consideration of
it seemed to be highly pleasing and satisfying to his mind.

He also still dwelt much on the great importance of the work of gospel
ministers, and expressed his longings that they might be _filled with
the Spirit of God_. He manifested much desire to see some of the
neighboring ministers with whom he had some acquaintance, and of whose
sincere friendship he was confident, that he might converse freely with
them on that subject before he died. And it so happened, that he had
opportunity with some of them according to his desire.

Another thing that lay much on his heart from time to time, in these
near approaches of death, was the spiritual prosperity of his own
congregation of Christian Indians in New-Jersey; when he spake of them,
it was with peculiar tenderness, so that his speech would be presently
interrupted and drowned with tears.

He also expressed much satisfaction in the disposal of Providence with
regard to the circumstances of his _death_; particularly that God had
before his death given him an opportunity in Boston, with so many
considerable persons, ministers and others, to give in his testimony for
God against false religion, and many mistakes that lead to it and
promote it. He was much pleased that he had had an opportunity there to
lay before pious and charitable gentlemen the state of the Indians, and
their necessities, to so good effect; and that God had since enabled him
to write to them further concerning these affairs; and to write other
letters of importance, which he hoped might be of good influence with
regard to the state of religion among the Indians, and elsewhere, after
his death. He expressed great thankfulness to God for his mercy in these
things. He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful
circumstance of his death, that he should die _here_. Speaking of these
things, he said, “God had granted him all his desire;” and signified
that now he could joyfully leave the world.

_Sept. 28._—“I was able to read and make some few corrections in my
private writings, but found I could not write as I had done; I found
myself sensibly declined in all respects. It has been only from a little
while before noon till about one or two o’clock, that I have been able
to do any thing for some time past; yet it refreshed my heart that I
could do any thing, either public or private, that I hoped was for God.”

This evening he was supposed to be dying, both by himself and by those
about him. He seemed glad at the appearance of the near approach of
death. He was almost speechless, but his lips appeared to move, and one
that sat very near him heard him utter such expressions as these: “Come,
Lord Jesus, come quickly. O why is his chariot so long in coming?” After
he revived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to be gone. And
in expressing what was the frame of his mind at that time, he said he
then found an inexpressibly sweet love to those whom he looked upon as
belonging to Christ, beyond almost all that ever he felt before; so that
it seemed, to use his own words, “like a little piece of heaven to have
one of them near him.” And being asked whether he heard the prayer that
was, at his desire, made with him, he said, “Yes, he heard every word,
and had an uncommon sense of the things that were uttered in that
prayer, and that every word reached his heart.”

On the evening of _Tuesday Sept. 29_, as he lay on his bed, he seemed to
be in an extraordinary frame; his mind greatly engaged in sweet
meditations concerning the prosperity of Zion. There being present here,
at that time, two young gentlemen of his acquaintance, who were
candidates for the ministry, he desired us all to unite in singing a
psalm on that subject, even Zion’s prosperity. And on his desire we sung
a part of the 102d psalm. This seemed much to refresh and revive him,
and gave him new strength; so that though before, he could scarcely
speak at all, now he proceeded, with some freedom of speech, to give his
dying counsels to these young gentlemen relative to their preparation
for the great work of the ministry; and in particular, earnestly
recommended to them frequent secret fasting and prayer; and enforced his
counsel with regard to this, from his own experience of the great
comfort and benefit of it; “which,” said he, “I should not mention, were
it not that I am a dying person.” After he had finished his counsel, he
made a prayer in the audience of us all; wherein, besides praying for
this family, for his brethren, and those candidates for the ministry,
and for his own congregation, he earnestly prayed for the reviving and
flourishing of religion in the world.—Till now, he had every day sat up
part of the day; but after this he never rose from his bed.

_Sept. 30._—“I was obliged to keep my bed the whole day, through
weakness. However, redeemed a little time, and, with the help of my
brother, read and corrected about a dozen pages in my manuscript, giving
an account of my conversion.

_Oct. 1._—“I endeavored again to do something by way of writing, but
soon found my powers of body and mind utterly fail. Felt not so sweetly
as when I was able to do something which I hoped would do some good. In
the evening, was discomposed and wholly delirious; but it was not long
before God was pleased to give me some sleep, and fully compose my
mind.[M] O blessed be God for his great goodness to me, since I was so
low at Mr. Bloomfield’s on _Thursday, June 18_. He has, except those few
minutes, given me the clear exercise of my reason, and enabled me to
labor much for him in things both of a public and private nature, and
perhaps to do more good than I should have done if I had been well;
besides the comfortable influences of his blessed Spirit, with which he
has been pleased to refresh my soul. May his name have all the glory for
ever and ever. Amen.

Footnote M:

  From this time forward he had the free use of his reason till the day
  before his death; except that at some times he appeared a little lost
  for a moment when first waking out of sleep.

_Oct. 2._—“My soul was this day, at turns, sweetly set on God: I longed
to be _with him_, that I might _behold his glory_. I felt sweetly
disposed to commit all to him, even my dearest friends, my dearest
flock, my absent brother, and all my concerns for time and eternity. O
that _his kingdom_ might come in the world; that they might all love and
glorify him for what he is in himself; and that the blessed Redeemer
might ‘see of the travail of his soul, and be satisfied!’ O come, Lord
Jesus, come quickly! Amen.”

Here ends his diary. These are the _last words_ which are written in it,
either by his own hand, or by any other from his mouth.

The next evening we very much expected his brother John from New-Jersey;
it being about a week after the time that he proposed for his return,
when he went away. Though our expectations were still disappointed, yet
BRAINERD seemed to continued unmoved, in the same calm and peaceful
frame which he had before manifested; as having resigned all to God, and
having done with his friends, and with all things here below.

On the morning of the next day, being _Lord’s day_, Oct. 4, as my
daughter Jerusha, who chiefly attended him, came into the room, he
looked on her very pleasantly, and said, “Dear Jerusha, are you willing
to part with me?”—“I am quite willing to part with you: I am willing to
part with all my friends: I am willing to part with my dear brother
John, although I love him the best of any creature living: I have
committed him and all my friends to God, and can leave them with God.
Though, if I thought I should not see you, and be happy with you in
another world, I could not bear to part with you. But we shall spend an
happy eternity together!”[N] In the evening, as one came into the room
with a Bible in her hand, he expressed himself thus: “O that dear
book—that lovely book! I shall soon see it opened! The mysteries that
are in it, and the mysteries of God’s providence, will be all unfolded!”

Footnote N:

  In about four months, it pleased a holy and sovereign God to take away
  this my dear child by death, on the 14th of February, after a short
  illness of five days, in the eighteenth year of her age. She was a
  person of much the same spirit with BRAINERD. She had constantly taken
  care of, and attended him in his sickness, for nineteen weeks before
  his death; devoting herself to him with great delight, because she
  looked on him as an eminent servant of Jesus Christ. In this time he
  had much conversation with her on the things of religion; and in his
  dying state, often expressed to us, her parents, his great
  satisfaction concerning her true piety, and his confidence that he
  should meet her in heaven. She had manifested a heart uncommonly
  devoted to God; and said on her death-bed, that “she had seen no time
  for several years, when she desired to live one minute longer, for the
  sake of any other good in life, but doing good, living to God, and
  doing what might be for his glory.”

On _Tuesday_, Oct. 6, he lay for a considerable time as if he were
dying; at which time he was heard to utter, in broken whispers, such
expressions as these: “He will come, he will not tarry. I shall soon be
in glory. I shall soon glorify God with the angels.”—But after some time
he revived.

The next day, _Wednesday_, Oct. 7, his brother John arrived from
New-Jersey; where he had been detained much longer than he intended, by
a mortal sickness prevailing among the christian Indians, and by some
other circumstances that made his stay with them necessary. BRAINERD was
affected and refreshed with seeing him, and appeared fully satisfied
with the reasons of his delay; seeing the interest of religion and the
souls of his people required it.

The next day, _Thursday_, Oct. 8, he was in great distress and agonies
of body; and for the greater part of the day was much disordered as to
the exercise of his reason. In the evening he was composed, and had the
use of his reason; but the pain of his body continued and increased. He
told me that it was impossible for any one to conceive of the distress
he felt in his breast. He manifested much concern lest he should
dishonor God by impatience under his extreme agony; which was such, that
he said the thought of enduring it one moment longer was almost
insupportable. He desired that others would be much in lifting up their
hearts continually to God for him, that God would support him, and give
him patience. He signified that he expected to die that night; but
seemed to fear a longer delay; and the disposition of his mind with
regard to death, appeared still the same that it had been all along. And
notwithstanding his bodily agonies, yet the interest of Zion lay still
with great weight on his mind. On that evening he had considerable
discourse with the Rev. Mr. Billing, one of the neighboring ministers,
concerning the great importance of the work of the ministry. Afterward,
late in the night, he had much very proper and profitable discourse with
his brother John, concerning his congregation in New-Jersey, and the
interest of religion among the Indians. In the latter part of the night
his bodily distress seemed to rise to a greater height than ever. Toward
day his eyes became fixed; and he continued lying immovable till about
six o’clock on Friday, Oct. 9, 1747, when his soul, as we may well
conclude, was received by his dear Lord and Master into that state of
perfection of holiness, and fruition of God, for which he had so often
and so ardently longed; and was welcomed by the glorious assembly in the
upper world, as one peculiarly fitted to join them in their blessed
employ and enjoyment.

Much respect was shown to his memory at his _funeral_; which was on the
Monday following, after a sermon preached on that solemn occasion. His
funeral was attended by eight of the neighboring ministers, and a great
concourse of people.


                               CHAPTER X.

                _Reflections on the preceding Memoirs._

                             REFLECTION I.

In the life of BRAINERD we may see, as I apprehend, _the nature of true
religion, and the manner of its operation_, when exemplified in a _high
degree_ and in _powerful exercise_. Particularly it may be worthy to be
observed:

1. How greatly BRAINERD’S religion _differed_ from that of some
pretenders to the experience of a _clear work_ of saving _conversion_
wrought on their hearts; who, depending and living on that, settle in a
_cold_, _careless_, and _carnal_ frame of mind, and in a neglect of a
thorough, earnest religion, in the stated practice of it. Although his
convictions and conversion were in all respects exceedingly clear, and
very remarkable; yet how far was he from acting as though he thought he
had _got through his work_, when once he had obtained comfort, and
satisfaction of his interest in Christ and a title to heaven! On the
contrary, that work on his heart, by which he was brought to this, was
with him evidently but the _beginning of his work_; his first entering
on the great business of religion, and the service of God; his first
setting out in his race. His work was not finished, nor his race ended,
till life was ended.

As his conversion was not the end of _his work_, or of the course of his
diligence and strivings in religion, so neither was it the end of the
_work of the Spirit_ of God on his heart. On the contrary, it was the
first dawning of the light, which thenceforth increased more and more;
the beginning of his holy affections, his sorrow for sin, his love to
God, his rejoicing in Jesus Christ, his longing after holiness. There
are many, who, after the effect of novelty is over, soon find their
situation and feelings very much the same as before their supposed
conversion, with respect to any present thirstings for God, or ardent
out-goings of their souls after divine objects. Now and then, indeed,
they have a comfortable reflection on the past, and are somewhat
affected with the remembrance, and so rest easy, thinking that it is
_safe_; and they doubt not but they shall go to heaven when they die.
Far otherwise was it with BRAINERD. His experiences, instead of dying
away, were evidently of an increasing nature. His first love, and other
holy affections, even at the beginning, were very great; but, after the
lapse of months and years, became much greater and more remarkable.

2. His religion apparently and greatly _differed_ from that of many high
pretenders to religion, who are frequently actuated by _vehement
emotions_ of mind, and are carried on in a course of _sudden and strong
impressions_, and supposed _high illuminations and immediate
discoveries_; and at the same time are persons of a virulent “zeal, not
according to knowledge.” If we look through the whole series of his
experience, from his conversion to his death, we shall find none of this
kind—no imaginary sight of Christ hanging on the cross with his blood
streaming from his wounds; or with a countenance smiling on him; or arms
open to embrace him: no sight of the book of life opened, with his name
written in it; no hearing God or Christ speaking to him; nor any sudden
suggestions of words or sentences, either of Scripture or any other, as
then immediately spoken or sent to him; no new revelations; no sudden
strong suggestions of secret facts. Nor do I find any one instance in
all the records which he has left of his own life, from beginning to
end, of joy excited from a supposed _immediate_ witness of the Spirit;
or inward immediate suggestion, that his state was surely good. But the
way in which he was satisfied of his own good estate, even to the entire
abolishing of fear, was by feeling within himself the lively actings of
a holy temper and heavenly disposition, the vigorous exercises of that
divine “love which casteth out fear.”

3. BRAINERD’S religion was not _selfish_ and _mercenary_; his love to
God was primarily and principally for the supreme excellency of his _own
nature_, and not built on a preconceived notion that God loved _him_,
had received him into favor, and had done great things for him, or
promised great things to him. His joy was joy in _God_, and not in
_himself_. We see by his diary how, from time to time, through the
course of his life, his soul was filled with ineffable sweetness and
comfort. The affecting considerations and lively ideas of _God’s
infinite glory_, his unchangeable blessedness, his sovereignty and
universal dominion; together with the sweet exercises of love to God,
giving himself up to him, abasing himself before him, denying himself
for him, depending upon him, acting for his glory, diligently serving
him; and the pleasing prospects or hopes he had of the future
advancement of the kingdom of Christ, were the grounds of his strong and
abiding consolation.

It appears plainly and abundantly all along, from his conversion to his
death, that the sort of good which was the great object of the new
relish and appetite given him in conversion, and thenceforward
maintained and increased in his heart, was HOLINESS, conformity to God,
living to God, and glorifying him. This was what drew his heart; this
was the centre of his soul; this was the ocean to which all the streams
of his religious affections tended; this was the object which engaged
his eager thirsting desires and earnest pursuits. He knew no true
excellency or happiness but this; this was what he longed for most
vehemently and constantly on _earth_; and this was with him the beauty
and blessedness of _heaven_. This made him so much and so often long for
that world of glory. It was to be perfectly holy, and perfectly
exercised in the holy employments of heaven; and thus “to glorify God
and enjoy him for ever.”

His religious illuminations, affections, and comfort, seemed, to a great
degree, to be attended with _evangelical humiliation_; consisting in a
sense of his own utter insufficiency, despicableness, and odiousness;
with an answerable disposition and frame of heart. How deeply affected
was he almost continually with his great defects in religion; with his
vast distance from that spirituality and holy frame of mind that became
him; with his ignorance, pride, deadness, unsteadiness, barrenness! He
was not only affected with the remembrance of his _former_ sinfulness
before his conversion, but with the sense of his _present_ vileness and
pollution. He was not only disposed to think meanly of himself as
_before God_, and in comparison of him; but _among men_, and as compared
with them. He was apt to think other saints better than himself; yea, to
look on himself as the meanest and least of saints; yea, very often, as
the vilest and worst of mankind. And notwithstanding his great
attainments in _spiritual knowledge_, yet we find there is scarcely any
thing, with a sense of which he is more frequently affected and abased,
than his _ignorance_.

How eminently did he appear to be of a _meek_ and _quiet_ spirit,
resembling the lamb-like, dove-like spirit of Jesus Christ! How full of
love, meekness, quietness, forgiveness, and mercy! His love was not
merely a fondness and zeal for a party, but an universal benevolence;
very often exercised in the most sensible and ardent love to his
greatest opposers and enemies.

Of how _soft_ and _tender_ a spirit was he! How far were his
experiences, hopes, and joys, from a tendency finally to stupify and
harden him, to lessen convictions and tenderness of conscience, to cause
him to be less affected with present and past sins, and less
conscientious with respect to future sins! How far were they from making
him more easy in neglect of duties which are troublesome and
inconvenient, more slow and partial in complying with difficult
commands, less apt to be alarmed at the appearance of his own defects
and transgressions, more easily induced to a compliance with carnal
appetites! On the contrary, how tender was his conscience! how apt was
his heart to smite him! how easily and greatly was he alarmed at the
appearance of moral evil! how great and constant was his jealousy over
his own heart! how strict his care and watchfulness against sin! how
deep and sensible were the wounds that sin made in his conscience! Those
evils which are generally accounted small, were almost an insupportable
burden to him; such as his inward deficiencies, his having no more love
to God, finding within himself any slackness or dullness in religion,
any unsteadiness or wandering frame of mind. How did the consideration
of such things as these oppress and abase him, and fill him with inward
shame and confusion! His love and hope, though they were such as cast
out a servile fear of hell, yet were attended with, and abundantly
cherished and promoted a reverential filial fear of God, a dread of sin
and of God’s holy displeasure. His joy seemed truly to be a rejoicing
with trembling. His assurance and comfort differed greatly from a false
enthusiastic confidence and joy, in that it promoted and maintained
mourning for sin. He did not, after he received comfort and full
satisfaction of the safety of his state, forget his past sins, whether
committed before or after his conversion; but the remembrance of them,
from time to time, revived in his heart with renewed grief. That passage
was evidently fulfilled in him, “That thou mayest remember, and be
confounded, and never open thy mouth any more, because of thy shame;
when I am pacified toward thee for all that thou hast done.” Ezek.
16:63.

His religious affections and joys were not like those of some, who have
rapture and mighty emotions from time to time in _company_; but have
very little affection in _retirement_ and secret places. Though he was
of a very sociable temper, and loved the company of saints, and
delighted very much in religious conversation, and in social worship;
yet his warmest affections, and their greatest effects on his animal
nature, and his sweetest joys, were in his closet devotions, and
solitary transactions between God and his own soul: as is very
observable through his whole course, from his conversion to his death.
He delighted greatly in sacred retirements; and loved to get quite away
from all the world, to converse with God alone, in secret duties.

BRAINERD’S experiences and comforts were very far from being like those
of some persons, which are attended with _a spiritual satiety_, and
which put an end to their religious desires and longings, at least to
the edge and ardency of them; resting satisfied in their own attainments
and comforts, as having obtained their chief end, which is to extinguish
their fears of hell, and give them confidence of the favor of God. On
the contrary, they were always attended with longings and thirstings
after greater degrees of conformity to God! The greater and sweeter his
comforts were, the more vehement were his desires after holiness. His
longings were not so much after joyful discoveries of God’s love, and
clear views of his own title to future advancement and eternal honors in
heaven; as after more of present holiness, greater spirituality, an
heart more engaged for God, to love, and exalt, and depend on him. He
earnestly wished to serve God better, to do more for his glory, to do
all that he did with more of a regard to Christ as his righteousness and
strength, and to behold the enlargement and advancement of his kingdom
on earth. His desires were not idle wishes, but such as were powerful
and effectual, to animate him to the earnest, eager pursuit of these
things, with the utmost diligence and unfainting labor and self-denial.
His _comforts_ never put an end to his seeking after God, and striving
to obtain his grace; but, on the contrary, greatly engaged him therein.

4. His religion did not consist in _experience_ without _practice_. All
his inward illuminations, affections, and comforts, seemed to have a
direct tendency to practice, and to issue in it: and this, not merely a
practice _negatively_ good, free from gross acts of irreligion and
immorality; but a practice _positively_ holy and Christian, in a
serious, devout, humble, meek, merciful, charitable, and beneficent
conversation; making the service of God and our Lord Jesus Christ the
great business of life, to which he was devoted, and which he pursued
with the greatest earnestness and diligence to the end of his days,
through all trials. In him was to be seen the right way of being lively
in religion. His liveliness in religion did not consist merely, or
mainly, in his being lively with the _tongue_, but in _deed_; not in
being forward in profession and outward show, and abundant in declaring
his own experiences; but chiefly in being active and abundant in the
labors and duties of religion; “not slothful in business, but fervent in
spirit, serving the Lord, and serving his generation, according to the
will of God.”

                             REFLECTION II.

The foregoing account of BRAINERD’S life may convince us, that there is
indeed such a thing as true _experimental religion_, arising from an
immediate divine influence, supernaturally enlightening and convincing
the mind, and powerfully impressing, quickening, sanctifying, and
governing the heart.

If any insist that BRAINERD’S religion was mere _enthusiasm_, the result
of a heated imagination, I would ask, What were the FRUITS of his
enthusiasm? In him we behold a great degree of honesty and simplicity;
sincere and earnest desires and endeavors to know and do whatever is
right, and to avoid every thing that is wrong; a high degree of love to
God; delight in the perfections of his nature, placing the happiness of
life in him, not only in contemplating him, but in being active in
pleasing and serving him; a firm and undoubting belief in the Messiah,
as the Savior of the world, the great Prophet of God, and King of the
church, together with great love to him, delight and complacence in the
way of salvation by him, and longing for the enlargement of his kingdom;
earnest desires that God may be glorified and the Messiah’s kingdom
advanced, whatever instruments are employed; uncommon resignation to the
will of God, and that under vast trials; and great and universal
benevolence to mankind, reaching all sorts of persons without
distinction, manifested in sweetness of speech and behavior, kind
treatment, mercy, liberality, and earnestly seeking the good of the
souls and bodies of men. All this we behold attended with extraordinary
humility, meekness, forgiveness of injuries, and love to enemies. In him
we see a modest, discreet, and decent deportment, among superiors,
inferiors, and equals; a most diligent improvement of time; earnest care
to lose no part of it; and great watchfulness against all sorts of sin,
of heart, speech, and action. This example and these endeavors we see
attended with most happy fruits, and blessed effects on _others_, in
humanizing, civilizing, and wonderfully reforming and transforming some
of the most brutish savages; idle, immoral drunkards, murderers, gross
idolaters, and wizards; bringing them to permanent sobriety, diligence,
devotion, honesty, conscientiousness, and charity. The foregoing virtues
and successful labors all end at last in a marvellous peace, immovable
stability, calmness, and resignation, in the sensible approaches of
death; with longing for the heavenly state; not only for the honors and
circumstantial advantages of it, but above all, for the _moral
perfection_ and holy and blessed employments of it. These things are
seen in a person indisputably of good understanding and judgment. I
therefore say, if all these things are the fruits of _enthusiasm_, why
should not _enthusiasm_ be thought a desirable and excellent thing? For
what can true religion, what can the best philosophy, do more?

                            REFLECTION III.

The preceding history serves to confirm _the doctrines of grace_. For if
it be allowed that there is truth, substance, or value in the main of
BRAINERD’S religion, it will undoubtedly follow, that those doctrines
are divine; since it is evident that the whole of it, from beginning to
end, accords with them. He was brought, by doctrines of this kind, to
his awakening and deep concern about things of a spiritual and eternal
nature; by these doctrines his convictions were maintained and carried
on; and his conversion was evidently altogether agreeable to them. His
conversion was no confirming and perfecting of moral principles and
habits, by use, and practice, and industrious discipline, together with
the concurring suggestions and conspiring aids of God’s Spirit; but
entirely a supernatural work, at once turning him from darkness to
marvellous light, and from the power of sin to the dominion of divine
and holy principles. It was an effect, in no respect produced by _his_
strength or labor, or obtained by _his_ virtue; and not accomplished
till he was first brought to a full conviction, that all his own virtue,
strength, labors and endeavors, could never avail any thing toward
producing or procuring this effect.

If ever BRAINERD was truly turned from sin to God at all, or ever became
truly religious, none can reasonably doubt but that his conversion was
at the time when he supposed it to be. The change which he then met
with, was evidently the greatest moral change that he ever experienced;
and he was then apparently first brought to that kind of religion, that
remarkable new habit and temper of mind, which he held all his life
after. The narration shows it to be different, in _nature_ and _kind_,
from all of which he was ever the subject before. It was evidently
wrought at once without fitting and preparing his mind, by gradually
convincing it more and more of the same truths, and bringing it nearer
and nearer to such a temper: it was soon after his mind had been
remarkably full of blasphemy, and a vehement exercise of sensible enmity
against God, and great opposition to those truths which he was now
brought with his whole soul to embrace, and rest in as divine and
glorious; truths, in the contemplation and improvement of which he
placed his happiness. He himself, who was surely best able to judge,
declares, that the dispositions and affections which were then given
him, and thenceforward maintained in him, were, most sensibly and
certainly, altogether different in their _nature_ from all of which he
was ever the subject before, or of which he ever had any conception.

Hence it is very evident that BRAINERD’S religion was the effect of the
doctrines of grace applied to his heart: and certainly it cannot be
denied that the effect was good, unless we turn atheists or deists. I
would ask whether there be any such thing, in reality, as _Christian
devotion_? If there be, what is it? what is its nature? and what its
just measure? Should it not be in a great _degree_? We read abundantly
in Scripture of “_loving_ God with all the heart, with all the soul,
with all the mind, and with all the strength; of _delighting_ in God, of
_rejoicing_ in the Lord, rejoicing with joy unspeakable and full of
glory; the soul magnifying the Lord, thirsting for God, hungering and
thirsting after righteousness; the soul breaking for the longing it hath
to God’s judgments, praying to God with groanings that cannot be
uttered, mourning for sin with a broken heart and contrite spirit,” &c.
How full are the Psalms, and other parts of Scripture, of such things as
these! Now wherein do these things, as expressed by and appearing in
BRAINERD, either the things themselves, or their effects and fruits,
differ from the Scripture representations? To these things he was
brought by that strange and wonderful transformation of the man, which
he called _his conversion_. Does not this well agree with what is so
often said in the Old Testament and the New, concerning “giving a new
heart creating a right spirit, being renewed in the spirit of the mind,
being sanctified throughout, becoming a new creature?”

                             REFLECTION IV.

Is there not much in the preceding memoirs of BRAINERD to teach, and
excite to duty, us who are called to the work of the _ministry_, and all
who are _candidates_ for that great work? What a deep sense did he seem
to have of the greatness and importance of that work, and with what
weight did it lie on his mind! How sensible was he of his own
insufficiency for this work; and how great was his dependence on God’s
sufficiency! How solicitous that he might be fitted for it! and to this
end, how much time did he spend in prayer and fasting, as well as
reading and meditation; _giving himself to these things_! How did he
dedicate his whole life, all his powers and talents to God; and forsake
and renounce the world, with all its pleasing and ensnaring enjoyments,
that he might be wholly at liberty to serve Christ in this work, and to
“please him who had chosen him to be a soldier under the Captain of our
salvation!” With what solicitude, solemnity and diligence did he devote
himself to God our Savior, and seek his presence and blessing in secret,
at the time of his _ordination_! and how did his whole heart appear to
be constantly engaged, his whole time employed, and his whole strength
spent in the business he then solemnly undertook, and to which he was
publicly set apart! His history shows us the right way to _success_ in
the work of the ministry. He sought it, as a resolute soldier seeks
victory in a siege or battle; or as a man who runs a race, seeks a great
prize. Animated with love to Christ and the souls of men, how did he
“labor always fervently,” not only in word and doctrine, in public and
private, but in _prayers_ day and night, “wrestling with God” in secret,
and “travailing in birth,” with unutterable groans and agonies, “until
Christ were formed” in the hearts of the people to whom he was sent! How
did he thirst for a blessing on his ministry, and “watch for souls, as
one that must give account!” How did he “go forth in the strength of the
Lord God,” seeking and depending on a special influence of the _Spirit_
to assist and succeed him! What was the happy fruit at last, though
after long waiting, and many dark and discouraging appearances? Like a
true son of Jacob, he persevered in wrestling, through all the darkness
of the night, until the breaking of the day.

To _Missionaries_ in particular, may his example of laboring, praying,
denying himself, and enduring hardness with unfainting resolution and
patience, and his faithful, vigilant, and prudent conduct in many other
respects, afford instruction.

                             REFLECTION V.

The foregoing account of BRAINERD’S life may afford instruction to
_Christians in general_; as it shows, in many respects, the right way of
_practising_ religion, in order to obtain the _ends_, and receive the
_benefits_ of it; or how Christians should “run the race set before
them,” if they would not “run in vain, or run as uncertainly,” but would
honor God in the world, adorn their profession, be serviceable to
mankind, have the comforts of religion while they live, be free from
disquieting doubts and dark apprehensions about the state of their
souls, enjoy peace in the approaches of death, and “finish their course
with joy.” In general, he much recommended, for this purpose, the
_redemption of time_, great _diligence_ in the business of the Christian
life, _watchfulness_, &c. and he very remarkably exemplified these
things.

Particularly, his example and success with regard to one duty, in an
especial manner, may be of great use to both ministers and private
Christians; I mean the duty of _secret fasting_. The reader has seen how
much BRAINERD recommends this duty, and how frequently he exercised
himself in it; nor can it well have escaped observation, how much he was
owned and blessed in it, and of what great benefit it evidently was to
his soul. Among all the many days he spent in secret fasting and prayer,
of which he gives an account in his _diary_, there is scarcely an
instance of one which was not either attended or soon followed with
apparent success, and a remarkable blessing, in special influences and
consolations of God’s Spirit; and very often before the day was ended.
But it must be observed, that when he set about this duty, he did it in
good earnest; “stirring up himself to take hold of God,” and “continuing
instant in prayer,” with much of the spirit of Jacob, who said to the
angel, “I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.”

                             REFLECTION VI.

There is much in the preceding account to excite and encourage God’s
people to earnest prayers and endeavors for the _advancement and
enlargement of the kingdom of Christ in the world_. BRAINERD set us an
excellent example in this respect. He sought the prosperity of Zion with
all his might; and preferred Jerusalem above his chief joy. How did his
soul long for it, and pant after it! how earnestly and often did he
wrestle with God for it! and how far did he in these desires and prayers
seem to be carried beyond all private and selfish views! being animated
by a pure love to Christ, an earnest desire of his glory, and a
disinterested affection to the souls of mankind.

The consideration of this, not only ought to be an _incitement_ to the
people of God, but may also be a just _encouragement_ to them, to be
much in seeking and praying for a general outpouring of the Spirit of
God, and an extensive revival of religion. I confess, that God’s giving
so much of a spirit of prayer for this mercy to so eminent a servant of
his, and exciting him in so extraordinary a manner, and with such
vehement thirstings of soul, to agonize in prayer for it, from time to
time, through the course of his life, is one thing, among others, which
gives me great hope that God has a design of accomplishing something
very glorious for the interest of his church before long. One such
instance as this, I conceive, gives more encouragement than the common,
cold, formal prayers of thousands. As BRAINERD’S desires and prayers for
the coming of Christ’s kingdom were very _special_ and _extraordinary_;
so I think we may reasonably hope, that the God who excited those
desires and prayers, will answer them with something _special_ and
_extraordinary_. And in a particular manner do I think it worthy of
notice for our encouragement, that he had his heart unusually drawn out
in longings and prayers for the flourishing of Christ’s kingdom on earth
when he was in the approaches of _death_; and that with his dying breath
he breathed out his departing soul into the bosom of his Redeemer, in
prayers and pantings after the glorious event; expiring in very great
hope that it would soon begin to be fulfilled.

I would not conclude these reflections without a grateful acknowledgment
of the mercy of God in the circumstances of BRAINERD’S death, and
especially the gracious dispensation of Providence to me and my family,
in so ordering that he, though the ordinary place of his abode was more
than two hundred miles distant, should be brought to my house in his
last sickness, and should die here. Thus we had opportunity for much
acquaintance and conversation with him, to show him kindness in such
circumstances, to see his dying _behavior_, to hear his dying
_speeches_, to receive his dying _counsels_, and to have the benefit of
his dying _prayers_. May God in infinite mercy grant, that we may ever
retain a proper remembrance of these things, and make a due improvement
of the advantages we have had in these respects! The Lord grant also,
that the foregoing account of BRAINERD’S life and death may be for the
great spiritual benefit of all who shall read it, and prove a happy
means of promoting the revival of true religion! _Amen._


------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Perpetuated by the Donations of Messrs. George Douglass, Charles Starr
                  and William A. Hallock, of New-York.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------

                           Transcriber’s Note

The frequent dated quotations from Brainerd’s diaries usually employ
opening double-quotation marks, which are only sometimes closed before
continuing to the next dated entry. The missing opening marks are
supplied unless the narrative is clearly not directly from the diaries.

Punctuation (commas and full-stops) is restored where the text obviously
has an appropriate space.

Other errors deemed most likely to be the printer’s have been corrected,
and are noted here. The references are to the page and line in the
original. The following issues should be noted, along with the
resolutions.

  6.2      in bearing testimony against it[. /, l]iving   Replaced.
           and dying

  16.1     or means I had in view[.]                      Added.

  19.5     by any of my performances[,] Eph. 2:1, 8.      Restored.

  20.21    All this time the Spir[i]t> of God             Inserted.

  24.8     I was brought to see mysel[f]                  Added.

  32.13    under date of Septem[p/b]er 14                 Replaced.

  38.19    as I have had this evening[.]                  Added.

  38.29    “Your charms may gratify a SENSUAL mind[;]     Restored.

  43.1     spent most of the day in that duty[,]          Restored.

  44.8     and find him a “present help.[’/”]             Replaced.

  47.5     My thoughts were much in eternity[,]           Restored.

  47.7     Rode home to[ /-]night with Mr. Bellamy        Restored.

  48.22    In the afternoon preached at Bethlehem[,]      Restored.

  48.25    rejoice on this account[,] to all eternity     Restored.

  60.5     _March[.] 19._                                 Removed.

  88.7     with the Rev. Mr. S[a/e]rgeant.                Replaced.

  88.29    the hearts and consciences of the Indians[.]   Restored.

  108.34   who commanded them to live by hunting[,]       Restored.

  118.1    _Dec. 7._[—]“Spent some time in prayer,        Added.

  125.34   sent out his disciples two and two[·/;]        Presumably.

  134.20   _Lord’s day, June 23._—[“]Preached             Inserted.

  137.3    would ma[i]ntain and promote it                Inserted.

  150.26   were filled with comfort at this season[.]     Restored.

  151.23   _Guttummau[k/h]alummeh_                        Replaced.

  152.34   '_Have mercy upon me[\b\b/; ]have_             Restored.

  157.26   _August[.] 16._                                Removed.

  160.10   deep impressions of divine things[.]           Restored.

  162.33   with real comfort and sweetness[.]             Restored.

  164.22   _Lord’s day, Sept. 1[.]_—                      Inserted.

  167.2    _Sept. 13._[“]After                            Inserted.

  181.5    _Nov. 4._—[“]Discoursed                        Inserted.

  186.34   and obliged to interpret verbatim[.]           Restored.

  209.22   _Jan. 1, 1746._—“Spent                         Inserted.

  217.1    _Feb. 1[.]_—“My schoolmaster                   Inserted.

  221.34   _Feb. 21._—[“]Preached                         Inserted.

  222.31   _March[,] 1'._                                 Removed.

  223.7    _Lord’s day, March 2._—[“]Preached             Inserted.

  227.7    O do let me die,[”/’] &c.                      Replaced.

  227.34   O strive[,] strive                             Inserted.

  236.13   to the commands of the _second table_[’]       Removed.

  240.28   _April 25[.]_—“Set apart                       Inserted.

  279.34   to my latest moment[.]                         Restored.

  285.9    this day[,] this blessed, glorious season      Inserted.

  305.7    _Feb. 28._—[“]Was visited                      Inserted.

  306.33   But [‘]having obtained help from him,’ I yet   Inserted.
           live.

  344.28   as I apprehend[,]                              Added.



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