Title: Dr. Courtney's guide to happy marriage, Multum in parvo library, vol. 1, no. 6, June, 1894
Author: Courtney, Dr.
Language: English
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MARRIAGE, MULTUM IN PARVO LIBRARY, VOL. 1, NO. 6, JUNE, 1894 ***


Transcriber’s Note:

Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_), and text
enclosed by equal signs is in bold (=bold=).

An additional Transcriber’s Note is at the end.

       *       *       *       *       *

Multum in Parvo Library.

_Entered at Post Office as Second-Class matter._

Vol. I. JUNE, 1894. _Published Monthly._ No. 6.



Dr. Courtney’s Guide TO Happy Marriage.


  _Smallest Magazine in the World. Subscription
  price, 50 cts. per year. Single copies, 5 cents each._

  PUBLISHED BY
  A. B. COURTNEY,
  671 Tremont Street, Boston.

       *       *       *       *       *

MARRIAGE GUIDE.



The Newly Wed.


We will suppose you have read and profited by the excellent suggestions
contained in an article published in a previous issue of this library,
under the head of “How to Woo, Win and Wed.” You have succeeded in
winning the object of your affections, and have set sail upon the sea
of matrimony. It is often called a troublous sea. Such indeed it proves
in truth to be for those who embark upon it not fully prepared for the
voyage. Do you really, married or unmarried, know the full meaning of
the word marriage. It is something far more serious than a mere civil
contract or religious ceremony. These are only the marks of outward
show. There is a good deal behind these--a good deal that you ought
to know, and of which, perchance, you are ignorant. The aim of this
article is to give some practical advice to those who have already
entered into the bonds of matrimony, and it will not, it is hoped, come
amiss to those about to marry, but who have not yet taken the step that
leads to misery or bliss. “Marriage,” says Selden, “is a desperate
thing; the frogs in Æsop were extremely wise; they had a great mind to
some water, but they would not leap into the well, because they could
not get out again.” Would that most of us possessed the wisdom of the
fabled frogs.



Purpose of Marriage.


Marriage ought to be consummated as the result of mutual love and
esteem, and not for the purpose of simply gratifying the desires of our
lower nature. This last consideration is, it must be acknowledged, a
controlling one with a great many people, and marriages contracted in
this manner are not generally, and cannot hope to be, happy ones. The
sacredness of the marriage relation ought never to be violated. We must
not forget that we are rational beings with a will to withstand the
weaknesses of our animal natures.



Happy and Unhappy Marriages.


A happy marriage is without doubt the ideal state of living, the end
for which mankind has always striven, while an unhappy marriage is a
veritable hell on earth. Examples of both of these states need not
be given. We see them every day. To one who reads the daily papers
regularly with particular note of the records of divorces, assaults
of drunken or jealous husbands, the faithlessness of women and the
elopements, the thought must present itself that there are more unhappy
marriages than happy ones. This, fortunately, is not true. Where we
read of one unhappy marriage and its terrible consequences there are
ten happy ones of which the world never hears.

“Marriage,” writes Addison, “enlarges the scene of our happiness and
miseries.”

“It is a mistake,” says another writer, “to consider marriage merely
as a scheme to happiness; it is also a bond of service, it is the most
ancient of that social ministration which God has ordained for all
human beings, and which is symbolized by all the relations of nature.”

Still another writer says: “Married life appears to me a sort of
philosophical discipline, training persons to honorable duties, worthy
of the good and wise. Few unmarried people are affected as they ought
to be toward the public good, and perceive what are really the most
important objects in life.”



How to be Happy.


Those who wish to lead happy married lives cannot do better than to
follow a few rules which we present herewith.

Husband and wife ought to maintain entire confidence in each other,
have no secrets each from the other; don’t quarrel; have forbearance
for each other’s failings; you have neither of you married an angel.
Remember, husband, that of every dollar you own, fifty cents belongs
to your wife; she is an equal partner with you in the business of
life; don’t compel her to become a mere household drudge, working for
her board and clothes; she did not marry you for that. Try to see the
good points of your husband or wife; don’t magnify the faults; we are
all only human; don’t have the first quarrel and the second will never
come.



Golden Precepts.


Let the rebuke be preceded by a kiss.

Don’t require a request to be repeated.

Never should both be angry at the same time.

Be lovers all your life. Let the courtship be continued after marriage.

Never neglect the other for all the world beside.

Let each strive always to accommodate the other.

Let the angry word be answered with a kiss.

Bestow your warmest sympathies in each other’s trials.

Criticize as little as possible, but if you find it necessary to
criticize, make your criticism in the most loving manner possible.

Make no display of the sacrifices you make for each other.

Never make remarks calculated to bring ridicule upon the other.

Never deceive; confidence once lost can never be wholly regained.

Always use the most loving and gentle words when addressing each other.

Let each study what pleasure he can bestow upon the other during the
day.

Always leave home with a tender good-bye and loving words. They may be
the last.

Consult and advise together in all things.

When you feel like quarrelling, discuss the whole thing together and
you will come to an amicable settlement.

Never reproach the other, especially in the presence of others, for an
error which was committed with a good motive and with the best judgment
at the time.

Don’t tell your friends the faults of your husband or wife.



The Duty of the Wife.


The wife’s place is in the home. That is her proper sphere of action,
and the one in which she ought to be most happy.

Don’t devote time to society matters while your house duties need to be
done. Don’t spend your time in making clothes for some naked boys in
Dooloboo who do not need them, while your own children go about with
patched or torn clothing.

Greet your husband with a smile on his return from work.

Don’t scold your husband.

Don’t think your husband ought to be perfect. Are you yourself perfect?

Be careful and economical in the expenditure of money for household
purposes. (By the way, your husband ought to make you the treasurer of
the firm.)

Always dress neatly for your husband’s sake. You used to do it before
marriage. Imagine your husband is still your lover.

Treat your husband’s friends politely. This is an important part of
your wifely duty.

Don’t spend money extravagantly for dress or other personal adornment.



The Husband’s Duty.


Don’t think the woman you have married is yours, body and soul.

Don’t be niggardly in money matters.

Don’t withhold from your wife your tender love and sympathy. Regard her
as your dear sweetheart all through life. Always treat her with tender
consideration.

Don’t try to argue with her. A woman cannot reason; she is guided
rather by her womanly intuition, which is rarely at fault.

Follow the counsel of your wife. Many a man has done so and succeeded.
Wisdom and foresight are possessed by women, as well as men.

Let your wife understand fully your business. Don’t let her think you
are earning fifty dollars a week when you are earning only thirty
dollars, or vice versa.

Give your wife all the pleasure you can. She needs it.

Do not go about enjoying yourself with boon companions while your wife
toils at home.

Don’t spend money for rum while your wife has to make over her old
dresses.

If your wife is worthy of it (most wives are), praise her. Women like
praise.

Women are not as strongly built as men, and are thus likely to be often
in delicate health. If so, your wife may be petulant and cross. Make
allowances for this and don’t scold her.

Don’t interfere with your wife in the performance of the duties that
belong peculiarly to her.

Give her money enough to dress well, even if you have to make
sacrifices to do so.

Treat her mother with becoming respect.



Marrying for a Home.


A good many women are foolish enough and dishonorable enough to marry
merely for a home--foolish because they cannot expect such a marriage
to result happily, and dishonorable because they have deceived the man
they married. Love ought to be the basis of all marriages.



Joy and Pleasure.


A married life is not one of unalloyed bliss. We ought not to expect
this. It has its pains as well as its pleasures. As Margaret Fuller
says: “Deceive not thyself by over-expecting happiness in the marriage
state; look not therein for contentment greater than God will give,
or a creature in this world can receive, namely, to be free from all
inconveniences. Marriage is not, like the hill of Olympus, wholly clear
without clouds.” When misfortune comes to us, and all the rest of the
world deserts us, we have those at home to whom to look in certain
expectancy of sympathy and encouragement--wife and children. As John
Taylor says: “A married man falling into misfortune is more apt to
retrieve his situation in the world than a single one, chiefly because
his spirits are soothed and retrieved by domestic endearments, and
his self-respect kept alive by finding that, although all abroad be
darkness and humiliation, yet there is a little world of love at home
over which he is monarch.”

A married man is more apt to labor for the good of all mankind, while
a single man is apt to be more selfish in his aims and endeavors.
The interests of a single man centre round himself, while those of a
married man embrace his whole family, and in a larger degree the whole
community.



Don’t Board.


If you are a newly-married couple, don’t board. Go to keeping house
as soon as possible. Don’t get married if you can’t do this. A young
woman ought to learn the duties and pleasures of housekeeping as soon
after marriage as possible. If she boards out, she has little to occupy
her time, and is apt to pass her days in reading silly novels, or to
fall into that terrible habit of gossiping. She ought to find pleasure
in working for her husband, and she can work for him best only in her
own home, preparing his meals and by the performance of other wifely
duties. As a mere boarder in somebody else’s home, she cannot do
this. There are many drawbacks and perplexities about housekeeping,
to be sure, but these ought to be met and contended with with a brave
spirit. In the end, having conquered, it will be found that the
pleasures far outweigh them. A woman ought to take pleasure in looking
after the home nest, and ought not to leave to some unsympathetic
boarding-housekeeper the task of preparing the daily meals for her
husband.



The Mother-in-Law.


A mother-in-law is often a blessing, but few will admit the truth of
this statement. Many men, however, have found her to be a ministering
angel in disguise. It is better, nevertheless, for the newly-married
couple to live by themselves, if possible, and not be under the sway of
a mother-in-law, or other relative, however kind and unselfish she or
they may be. They ought to strike out for themselves. A mother-in-law,
however good her intention may be (and no doubt her intentions are
always good), is pretty sure to prove meddlesome and dictatorial to a
greater or less degree, and end by being an element of discord in what
ought to be a happy home. You will find it better to paddle your own
canoe, even if you do not make very rapid or easy progress at first.



Marriage a Lottery.


Marriage has been called a lottery. Fortunately it is a lottery in
which there are a great many prizes. Let us give you this bit of advice
in regard to marriage as a lottery: Try to think that you have drawn
a prize. Thinking so will go a good way toward making the supposition
a pleasant reality. Never lose sight of this fact. If your husband or
wife does not come up to the high standard which you have hoped for,
try to stifle the disappointment. It might be worse. Start out well
on the sea of matrimony. “Many a marriage,” writes Frederika Bremer,
“has commenced like the morning, red, and perished like a mushroom.
Wherefore? Because the married pair neglected to be as agreeable to
each other after their union as they were before it. Seek always to
please each other; lavish not your love to-day; remember that marriage
has a morrow, and again a morrow.” Another writer on the same subject
wisely says: “The happiness of married life depends on a power of
making small sacrifices with readiness and cheerfulness. Few persons
are ever called upon to make great sacrifices or to confer great
favors; but affection is kept alive, and happiness secured, by keeping
up a constant warfare against little selfishness.”



Jealousy.


It is said that jealousy is an unmistakable sign of true love. We are
supposed to be jealous of those whom we most dearly love. There may
be some truth in this assertion, but we incline rather to think that
it is open to dispute. Only the weakest are the most jealous. But the
“green-eyed” monster has caused too much misery to treat the matter
lightly. Where mutual love and respect and perfect confidence exist,
and where the married parties are sensible, intellectual people,
jealousy rarely exists. Jealousy, such as that which is said to be
an infallible sign of true love, is exhibited chiefly by silly young
women, married and single, who have no serious grounds for suspicion
against the object toward which their jealousy is directed. If you
are of an incurably jealous disposition, never marry any one of the
opposite sex who is good looking. This will only add fuel to the fires
of your jealousy. Marry a homely person--the homelier the better--one
who is not likely to receive undesirable attentions from the opposite
sex after marriage. But the best advice of all is don’t be jealous. Be
sensible. Nine times out of ten you have no real cause for jealousy
after all. To be jealous of your husband or wife implies that you
have married a partner who cannot be trusted. Have you married such a
person? Probably not. Then why be jealous?



Mental and Physical Exercise.


People in ill health cannot be expected to be happy whether they are
married or single. In order to preserve the health of mind and body,
the laws of health, as regards pure air, exercise, food, drink, etc.,
must be rigidly followed.

Exercise is one of the best means of preserving health. Care must be
taken, however, that the exercise be of a kind and amount suitable to
the needs of each person. Recreation, or a change of occupation (but
never idleness), is sufficient exercise for some people. But there
is little recreation in a game of chess, for instance, in the case
of a man employed in a counting-room all day. His exercise should be
taken out of doors, and be such as to free the mind from the exactions
of business. The wealthy idler will find health in industry of some
kind. Horseback riding is beneficial for those engaged in sedentary
occupations, such as bookkeeping, office-work, etc. Walking is the
best kind of exercise of all, and the most easily obtainable. Bicycle
riding, too, is very good; so are all open-air games when not indulged
in to excess. Dancing is an agreeable and healthy recreation for those
engaged in sedentary pursuits. Indeed, it is considered second to none.
One of the worse cases of consumption has been known to have been
cured by dancing, practised daily for many months. Horseback riding is
also very good for consumptives. Swimming is one of the best kinds of
exercise.

All but babies have too little sleep. Everybody ought to get at
least eight hours’ sleep in a day. Insanity often results from want
of sleep. Always sleep on the right side, never on the back. Always
breathe through the nose when asleep or awake. Never have a fire in
your sleeping-room, unless you are an invalid. The need of cleanliness,
pure air, pure water, sunshine and a cheerful disposition, etc., are
too well known to need insisting upon here. These are necessary for
the preservation of health, and without health there can be no real
happiness.

       *       *       *       *       *

The Art of Ventriloquism.

[Illustration]

This great book was written by the celebrated Frederic Maccabe, one of
the most famous of the world’s ventriloquists. Mr. Maccabe here clearly
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appears to be a man of a dozen voices. In his natural tone of voice
he asks a question, and the answer appears to come from the depths of
the chimney in the weak accents of a little child. Again, we hear the
voice of an old man appearing to proceed from the roof of the building,
the distant barking of a dog, etc., etc. These wonderful imitations
are performed without the slightest movement of the lips, greatly
to the astonishment of the audience. Would you not like to acquire
this amusing and mystifying accomplishment? You can do so easily and
readily by studying the directions contained in this book, which is
the best and most complete instructor in the art of ventriloquism ever
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upon receipt of only =Ten Cents=.

  KEYSTONE BOOK CO.,
  Philadelphia, Pa.



How to Spoil the Boy.


Eight Every-Day Rules.

If you want your gray hairs dishonored by a spoiled and ruined son,
adopt the following directions:

1. Let him have plenty of spending money.

2. Permit him to choose his own companions without restraint or
direction.

3. Give him a latch key, and allow him to return home late in the
evenings.

4. Make no inquiries as to where and with whom he spends


HIS LEISURE MOMENTS.

5. Give him to understand that manners make a good substitute for
morality.

6. Teach him to expect pay for every act of helpfulness to others.

7. Allow him to occupy a seat in church with the boys rather than the
pew with his parents.

8. Permit him to regard the Sunday school unsuitable for a boy on the
verge of young manhood.

       *       *       *       *       *

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       *       *       *       *       *

Transcriber’s Note:

Punctuation has been made consistent.



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