Title: Youthful folly detected: Written for the benefit of youth, particularly the female sex
Author: Anonymous
Language: English
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                            YOUTHFUL FOLLY
                               DETECTED.

                      _WRITTEN FOR THE BENEFIT OF
                       YOUTH, PARTICULARLY THE_
                              FEMALE SEX.


                 The maid that walks in folly’s path,
                 Thoughtless and heedless as she goes;
                 Will land in misery at last,
                 Beset around with many foes:

                 But she who minds instruction young,
                 Attentive to her bus’ness stays;
                 In sweetest notes her name is sung,
                 On harps of gold, where virtue plays.


                            WALPOLE, N. H.
                   PRINTED AT THE OBSERVATORY PRESS,
                          _BY DAVID NEWHALL_.

                                 1804.



                           _ADVERTISEMENT._

The following hints were originally designed for the benefit of a few
individuals, for whom the author had a particular regard, and also felt
himself under obligations to give them all that instruction which might
be deemed necessary to guide them in the paths of virtue and morality,
and to shun those vices which often ruin the female sex, and are too
predominant in the world.

But as all young people are in one predicament, and instructions that
are suitable for one, may be equally applied to the whole; therefore,
for the benefit of the present, and future rising generations, these
few lines are made public.

And although the Author would not blush to own this piece of work, yet,
for certain reasons, his name is concealed.



                            [Illustration]

                                  TO
                          YOUNG FEMALES, &c.


The most critical time of youth, especially of the female sex, is
while they are in their juvenile years. At this age, when they are
entering as it were upon the borders of life, to act in some degree for
themselves, the greatest care and attention ought to be paid to them.
And from the age of puberty, until they arrive to maturity, and are
settled in the world, they ever ought to be considered as under the
care and protecting eye of their parents, guardians, or masters.

How can parents, guardians, or masters, feel as though they had
discharged their duty towards their children, and those under their
care, in this respect, when they see them, entering on the wheels of
time, exposed to all the temptations of an alluring world, and scarcely
or never give them one check or caution!

And as it is to be feared that some parents, &c. are guilty of too
much neglect on this hand, so others govern with too much restraint
on the other. If you mean that your children should learn to govern
themselves, you must learn it to them by experience; that is, by giving
them a little lenity, together with your good counsel and advice, and
according to their improvement, give them more and more, until they
learn the art of self-government. But if you endeavor to keep them
wholly under restraint, and never let them learn from experience the
different manners and customs of people abroad; if they should happen
to break out of your reach (as most likely they will, at certain times)
they will (according to the vulgar expression) behave more like _hogs
let out of the sty_; than like ladies; and not knowing the art of self
government, they will be likely to break over all rules of decency and
decorum.

But although parents, &c. may pay the strictest attention to their
children, &c. unless there is the greatest degree of caution and
circumspection attended to, on the part of the children, it will avail
but very little.

Young people are apt to be insensible to the danger they are in, until
their name is stained with a blot that is very hard to wipe away. The
wise man has justly observed, that “A good name is rather to be chosen
than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold.”

The reputation of youth, a young maiden more especially, may be
compared to china ware, or transparent glass, which is very easily
broken, but impossible to mend, so but what it will leave a blemish
behind.

How often does the thoughtless youth, in some unguarded hour, fall
into some trifling folly or other which stamps a blur upon their
characters, and fills their minds with shame and remorse. And it is
too frequently the case, that in order to prevent the evils of one
piece of bad conduct, they run into another, which only sinks them
deeper and deeper. They then begin to give up all hopes of recovery,
their minds become dissipated, and they give themselves over to all the
vain delusions and allurements of time and sense. And as they travel
on in the paths of folly, they become lost to all sense of virtue and
morality, consequently happiness is fled, and they generally become
slaves to misery and discontentment.

Such a life as this would be thought scarcely worth possessing! yet how
often do we behold those who appeared to be very promising when they
first started in life, and presented to us the most pleasing prospects,
land on these shores at last, and drag out a miserable life, with shame
and ignominy: while on the other hand, it often happens, that those
who make a small appearance, and are thought but a very little of,
when they first set out in life; yet by attending to good instruction,
and the strictest caution and prudence, they have arisen to honor and
dignity in the world, and are loved and esteemed by all virtuous people.

If these are facts, they show the importance of early attending to
instruction.

And that you, my young friend, blooming with virgin beauty, unsullied
with vice, and unimpaired with age; that you may shun those pernicious
practices that will lead you in shame and disgrace, and pursue those
paths that will lead you to honor and dignity in the world, and gain
you a name that is more valuable than silver or gold, I leave you the
following


                                RULES.

1. Keep a due regard over all your thoughts, and see that they are
intent upon the business in which you are employed, that you may pay a
proper attention to the same.

Nothing is more dangerous than an absent mind. It is rude to indulge
the thoughts to rove upon indifferent objects, even when you are in
company; but more especially when attending to your domestic concerns.
If your thoughts are not mostly engaged in the business before you,
time will steal away faster than you are aware of; night will come on
before you are ready for it, many things must go undone that you ought
to have attended to, and that which you have done will be apt to be
slighted, or done to the halves; and you will thereby get to yourself
rebukes and reproaches, which you might have easily prevented, and you
will now begin to repent when it is too late to mend a bad day’s work.

By indulging an absent mind, young people are apt to be deaf to
all that is said to them, or at least, it does not make an abiding
impression on their minds; by which means they are apt to do their work
wrong, have it to undo, and do over again, and sometimes spoil it in
the end; which will make them feel very much chagrined, and also it
will fret, perplex, and weary the patience of those who employ them.

All this might have been easily avoided by care and attention; and not
only so, but you would improve in your business, and thereby make it
become habitual and easy.

You cannot expect to become master of any kind of business, without
much care and attention; and this ought to make you more studious in
the same, for remember, that there is no business that you will be
likely to be called to attend to, now when young, but what (if you
should ever have a family of your own) you must attend to the same for
yourself, or at least, have it attended to; and therefore it is highly
necessary that you should now become master of it.

This is what ought to excite your mind now when young, that you may
be well qualified to be mistress of your own family; and even if you
should never have any family, this will do you no harm.

2. Never flatter yourself that you know how the business should be
done better than your teachers; therefore hear with patience their
instructions, and always be submissive to their directions.

Never contradict them in any sense whatever; but if you think that
any other way, different from what they direct, would do better,
you may inform them of it, but do it with the greatest modesty and
circumspection; and if they comply with what you say, it is well, but
if they do not, add no more, but obey as you were first directed.

Always make the business of the day the first object, and then if you
have any leisure hours, you may improve them to the best advantage and
for your own profit and satisfaction.

Never allow yourself to be peevish and fretful about your work, food,
dress, or any thing of the like nature, even if the business does not
go on to suit you; for this will only make the business more irksome
and fatiguing, without any kind of benefit to yourself.

3. Do not expect even from your best endeavors wholly to escape without
censure. For the mind of youth is so fickle, it would be very strange
if you did not sometimes go astray, and not do so well as you might;
and if you do, you must expect reproof, and rebuke, and you ought to
take it kindly, and endeavour to do better for the future.

But even if you should always do your best, you must expect that you
will sometimes do wrong, even for want of knowledge; and you cannot
expect that people will always exercise that patience, so but what they
will many times chide you, and find fault, even when you have done your
best. All this you ought to bear with patience without a murmuring
word: for if you are conscious to yourself that you have done as well
as you could, even a sharp rebuke need not trouble you; for you may
gain some knowledge by it, and therefore it may terminate for your own
advantage. Besides, if you bear it with patience, and try to convince
them by your future conduct that you used your best endeavors to have
every thing done as it should be, this will have a tendency to convince
them of their error, and cause them to exercise more patience for the
future.

Always pay a proper respect to your parents, guardians, or masters,
and ever be submissive to their commands. Never try to aggravate them,
even if they should find fault at trifles; that is, to treat the matter
with a kind of indifferency, though you did not care to displease them;
for this will only make them more fretful for the future.―― But if you
are sensible that you have done wrong, you ought to confess it, and
endeavour to reform; but if you think you are not to blame let the
whole matter pass in silence.

4. You must not only pay the greatest attention to your domestic
concerns, but a proper decorum in all your words and actions must be
attended to. Your leisure hours should be employed in reading useful
books, which will be most likely to furnish your mind with a store of
religious and moral improvements. Read the characters of those ladies
who have lived virtuous and pious lives, and endeavour to imitate their
examples.

And if you should ever happen to read the characters of any profligate
women (not to call them ladies) endeavour to make only this use of
their characters; that is, to shun their vices, avoid their pernicious
practices, and thereby escape the miseries that attend them.

5. Endeavour to treat all persons with civility. Pay a proper respect
to your superiors, complaisance to your equals and courteously treat
those whom you shall deem to be your inferiors.

Establish in your own mind a certain rule of decency and modesty, to
be attended to in all companies, and at all times, whether at home or
abroad.

In all companies, give each one an opportunity for their proper share
of conversation. Remember that a talkative, loquacious woman, a
young woman more especially, often exposes her weakness, and sickens
the ear with her babblings. “The torrent of her words overwhelmeth
conversation.” Therefore every species of rudeness ought to be
avoided as unbecoming your sex. Again, frequent and loud laughter doth
not become any person, especially a woman, and a young woman more
especially.―― Therefore it ought to be avoided on all occasions as not
belonging to the rules of decency, and as unbecoming the fair sex.

6. The strictest attention must be paid to the conversation which you
may occasionally have with the other sex. Be not forward in beginning a
conversation with them; but be always ready to return all compliments
that may be given to you with an easy address, and in a becoming
manner, without being daunted or even put to the blush.

In order to facilitate this business, endeavour to treasure up in your
memory, those addresses and compliments, that by constant observation,
you may hear drop from those whom you deem to be your superiors; and
endeavor to make them familiar to yourself, so that you may be able to
use them on any occasion, with propriety, & without the appearance of
affectation or dissimulation.

And as you would avoid a prudish disposition on the one hand, so you
must equally avoid a volatile, idle, and wanton disposition on the
other. To facilitate which, give yourself more to thinking and less to
talking, so that when you do speak, you may always speak with decency,
modesty, and propriety. Always mind to speak plain and distinctly,
and loud enough to be understood, with a modest smile on your face,
without a rude look in your countenance.

But let your speeches be short and comprehensive; and never try to
prolong a conversation, unless it be upon topics that are becoming your
sex. But if the conversation should be disagreeable and unbecoming,
endeavor to turn the attention to some other object, introduce some
other topic, or else find an occasion of absence.

7. Remember that the bloom of your youth, your healthy and ruddy
countenances, the rose on your cheeks, and the sparkling vigor of your
eyes, will gain you more admirers than real lovers. Here pause for a
few moments and consider! for it is the most delicate point for you to
steer through and your name and reputation to remain unsullied.

How often doth the blooming and most promising youth, by one fatal
misstep, stain their characters with ignominy, and blast their
reputation forever.

It is much easier to avoid temptation, than to resist the deceitful
arts of the tempter.

The deceitful heart of a fond admirer, out of a vain pretence of love
and affection, will work upon every passion that wit can invent or
lust suggest, in order to allure your affections, intrude upon your
chastity, and win you over to their fond embraces, and carnal appetites.

O heed not their flatteries, neither give way to their alluring
and licentious persuasions! for when they have ruined you, their
flatteries will be turned into contempt, and their pretended love into
downright hatred. And in the end, they will even forsake you, without
regard or pity. Therefore beware of sycophants! and be not deceived
by their enticing words! Even if they reproach you to your face for
your rigorous treatment, yet behind your back, they will applaud your
constancy.

Remember that the taste may be satiated with the sweetest fruit,
where there is a full enjoyment; but let a person participate only by
anticipation, and the nearer to enjoyment, the more valuable the prize
will be.

8. Learn to distinguish between true, genuine love, and mere fancy. He
who truly loves or respects you, will not wish to have you violate
your honor or chastity, neither will he violently intrude upon the
same, although he may endeavour to prove your constancy.

Therefore when you have reason to believe that any one sincerely
respects you, and if you also wish to continue to be worthy of his
esteem; remember that you cannot do any thing more against yourself
than to give over your chastity, or go beyond rules of decency.

But if you have reason to believe that any one’s pretended love is
nothing more than mere fancy, which will generally shew itself by a
vehement fondness; vows, promises, &c. learn to treat it with a silent
neglect; for his utmost wishes will never promote your real happiness.

9. Be not anxious to be admired by every one, but only be careful that
the virtuous have no occasion to speak evil against you; to avoid which
you have only to live a virtuous life.

Keep a due regard over all your words and actions; not only when you
are with those whom you esteem to be virtuous, but even if you should
happen to fall in company with those of the baser sort.

It hath been an old maxim, _that when we are with the Romans, we must
do as the Romans do_. And the maxim may be a good one, so far as we can
comply with it, and not break over the rules of decency and propriety;
but no farther. For it is no rule, neither will it be any excuse for
you, to be loose, vain, or lascivious, even if you should happen to
fall in company with persons of this description. But the wiser method
is, to avoid all such company; for the characters of persons are often
judged by the company they keep. Therefore, if you would wish to avoid
the reproaches of every one, you must not only abstain from vice
yourself, but you must forsake the company of the vicious.

10. Do not reveal your secrets to any one, unless it will be as much
for their interest to keep, as it will be for yours to have them kept;
and never reveal the secrets of others, when it will not injure you to
keep them.

Never make any promise that you do not mean to perform; and fulfil all
your promises when you have once made them; unless you find that you
were deceived when you made them, and therefore ought not to have
promised.

Never speak of the failings of another to a third person, but with the
greatest reluctance, especially those of your own sex. If you can say
no good of persons, you had better say nothing about them. For as you
would not wish to have your own failings published to the world, so you
must be exceeding careful not to publish the failings of others.

But should you discover a failing in your friend, you may, and ought to
remind him or her of it, between you and them alone, but do it with the
greatest modesty. And if your friends should tell you of a fault, take
it kindly of them and endeavor to reform.

Never appear to slight the company of any one, while in their presence,
even if it should be disagreeable; but rather endeavor to find some just
occasion of absence, and avoid their company for the future.

Treat every one with civility, but use no flattery nor dissimulation
to any one; but let the words of your mouth be the sentiments of your
heart.

11. Do not try to outvie all others in dress, &c. but let your dress
be modest, and suited to your circumstances. Remember that a real
character doth not consist in the outward adornings of the body, but in
the inward adornings of the mind and understanding.

Although a fop, or a coxcomb, might be charmed at the sight of fine
ribbons, and embroidered apparel; yet the man of understanding will
look for the more refined beauties; the adornments of the mind.

12. But however you may appear in company, and abroad, your real
character for lasting reputation and future happiness in the world,
must be formed and established at home; even in the kitchen, and in
attending to your domestic concerns.

Here is where you are to form your character, not only for happiness,
but also for usefulness in the world. By attending to industry,
cookery, and all the domestic employments, you will qualify yourself
to become the mistress of a family; and not only so, but here you will
prepare yourself to be a worthy companion for a good and honest farmer,
a laborious mechanic, a rich merchant, or even a minister of the
gospel, or any other character whatever.

I am willing to own, that was a flaunting beau or a coxcomb, going to
choose a partner for an afternoon or an evening, he would be likely to
make choice of one that was set out in what they are pleased to call
_complete bon ton_, that would please his fancy for just a moment to
pass away an idle hour.

But was a virtuous young man about to make choice of a partner through
life; one with whom he expected to participate, not only in the
pleasures, but also in the sorrows and afflictions of life; one to be
his bosom companion and mistress of his family, and to travel with him
thro’ all the chequered scenes of the thorny maze of this wilderness
world; he would be likely to choose one who was studious in business,
well acquainted with domestic concerns, of an unsullied character, with
a soft and easy temper of mind and one to whom the cares of her family
would be her chief delight.

Such a companion as this would ever make home agreeable. And whether
it should be their fortune to be rich or poor, every thing would go on
harmoniously, and the domestic affairs would be attended to in season,
and all things kept in proper order. And finally to conclude, we may
join with the poet, and say, that

    “This man while others roam,
    Among the sons of strife;
    Would be always happ’est when at home,
    In converse with his wife.”


                                FINIS.



 Transcriber’s Notes:

 ――Text in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_).

 ――Punctuation and spelling inaccuracies were silently corrected.

 ――Archaic and variable spelling has been preserved.

 ――Variations in hyphenation and compound words have been preserved.




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