Title: French without a master : A farce in one act
Author: Bernard, Tristan
Language: English
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                         THE WORLD’S BEST PLAYS

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                            BARRETT H. CLARK

                             GENERAL EDITOR



French Without a Master: a Farce in One Act: by Tristan Bernard:
Translated by Barrett H. Clark



                        Samuel French: Publisher
               28-30 West Thirty-eighth Street: New York



                            COPYRIGHT, 1915,
                            BY SAMUEL FRENCH



                            TRISTAN BERNARD.


Tristan Bernard stands in much the same relation to contemporary French
drama as George Cohan does to that of our own country: in his comedies
the most amusing types of the society of the day are set forth with
a good-humor and freshness which gives them an individual charm all
their own. Many of his numerous plays are broad farces, but there is a
philosophical strain running throughout which raises them out of the
realm of the purely theatrical. In “On nait esclave” (“Born Slaves”)
and “Le Petit Café” (“The Little Café”), for example, we find a serious
comment on life; this, however, never interferes with the joyous course
of the comedy, but rather forms a background.

One of Bernard’s earliest plays was “L’Anglais tel qu’on le parle,”
which is here (necessarily, on account of the fact that English is used
in the original text as a foreign language) adapted, for the first
time in English. The cleverness of the plot, the character of the
interpreter, the brightness of the dialogue, have caused the little
farce to be retained in the repertory of the Comédie Française, where
it is performed many times every year, with ever-increasing popularity.

                  *       *       *       *       *

Chanoine-Malherbe and Séraphine should speak good French, or at least
some approximation which shall sound fluent and easy to the audience.
Amateurs are urged not to over-act: this play is one which can easily
be over-accentuated. Percy, in particular, should behave throughout as
a very quiet and phlegmatic person.



                       FRENCH WITHOUT A MASTER


                         PERSONS REPRESENTED.


  PERCY                                            _The Interpreter_
  JEAN-JACQUES CHANOINE-MALHERBE                _Séraphine’s Father_
  GERALD FORSYTH                                _A young Englishman_
  A POLICE OFFICER
  A HOTEL PORTER
  MLLE. SÉRAPHINE CHANOINE-MALHERBE
  THE CASHIER    _An Englishwoman of about twenty-five years of age_

                    SCENE:--_A small London hotel._

                          TIME:--_The present._



                        FRENCH WITHOUT A MASTER


  SCENE:--_A small office in a hotel. There is a large door center,
     giving upon the hallway. Down-stage and up-stage to the right are
     doors; similar doors on the left. Half-way down-stage on the left
     is the_ CASHIER’S _desk, with inkstands and register. On the walls
     are posters and train schedules. Half-way down-stage and a little
     to left of center is a table covered with magazines, etc., and a
     telephone. As the curtain rises, the_ PORTER _is seen seated on a
     small stool just below the_ CASHIER’S _desk. A moment later, enter_
     GERALD _and_ SÉRAPHINE, _each with a valise._ SÉRAPHINE _is
     typically French and wears stylish clothes of the latest cut_;
     GERALD _is equally well dressed. He goes to the_ PORTER, _lays
     down his valise, takes that of_ SÉRAPHINE _and places it beside
     his own_.


GERALD. We’d like two rooms, please.

PORTER. One moment, sir; I’ll call the cashier.

GERALD. Is there a telegraph office around here?

PORTER. Yes, sir, it’s just around the corner. Shall I take your
message, sir?

GERALD. No, I’ll take it myself.

                      (_The_ PORTER _goes out_.)

SÉRAPHINE. Mon chéri, je voudrais une chambre exposée au soleil.

GERALD. Oui, oui, ma chère.

SÉRAPHINE. Je suis très lasse. Comment dit-on? Tired?

GERALD. Oui--yes. Dearest, you must learn to speak English all the
time; we don’t want people to stare at us.

SÉRAPHINE. Oh, but I do not know well how the English speaks itself.

GERALD. Nonsense, you’re getting along splendidly.

                 (_Enter_ CASHIER, _up-stage right_.)

CASHIER. How do you do? You’d like a room?

GERALD. Two, if you please.

CASHIER. We have two nice rooms on the second floor.

GERALD. That’s capital!

CASHIER. (_Turning the register toward_ GERALD _and handing him a pen_)
Just sign here, please. That’s right.

SÉRAPHINE. (_Looking over_ GERALD’S _shoulder_) Ah, tu es--!

CASHIER. Would you mind waiting a moment? I’ll have the rooms ready
presently. (_She goes out, up-stage, right._)

SÉRAPHINE. Ah, Mister Parkinson! Mrs. Parkinson! Que c’est drôle!

GERALD. Certainly; I couldn’t give our real names. It would
be nice to put down “Mr. Gerald Forsyth and Mlle. Séraphine
Chanoine-Malherbe”--especially as you told me yourself that your father
knew of this hotel, and might come here and find us--nous surprendre
ici.

SÉRAPHINE. It is a wicked thing, this that we have done. I know too,
my father, he remember this hotel, well. He know the name: Hotel
Gainsborough: he has been here before. Ecoute-moi bien--listen me--_to_
me, dear. I think I have seen his gray hat.

GERALD. But there are hundreds of gray hats in London.

SÉRAPHINE. But I am sure I have seen the--the--paternal hat.

GERALD. Nonsense, my dear!

SÉRAPHINE. Ah, mon chéri!

GERALD. Don’t say “Mon chéri!”--say “My dear.”

SÉRAPHINE. My dear! Oh, I wish I were safely married to you. Oh, how
wicked to run away like this!

GERALD. But we had to! It was the only way to make him consent.

SÉRAPHINE. But if your--patron? Employer? would give you an interest in
the business?

GERALD. Yes?

SÉRAPHINE. Then Papa would have let me be married with--_to_ you?

GERALD. Yes, dear, I know. My employer, however, doesn’t see it in that
light. Wait three months, he says, and then we’ll see. Well, if your
Papa refused, we had to do this. And here we are.

SÉRAPHINE. You are right, dear; you always are.

GERALD. And our elopement is at the expense of the company.

SÉRAPHINE. Bad, bad boy!

GERALD. And now I must leave you for a few minutes. I must send a
telegram to the chief.

SÉRAPHINE. And you will leave me all alone? What if I would wish for
anything?

GERALD. Well, you can speak English.

                        (_Enter the_ CASHIER.)

SÉRAPHINE. No, no--or only with those who also speak the French. I’m so
afraid!

GERALD. But, there must be an interpreter here--(_To the_ CASHIER)
Isn’t there?

CASHIER. Of course. He should be here in a moment. Meantime, the rooms
are ready.

GERALD. (_To_ SÉRAPHINE) I’ll take you up, and then run to the office.

                   (_They go out, up-stage right._)

CASHIER. (_To the_ PORTER, _who enters, center_) Why hasn’t our
interpreter come yet?

PORTER. Oh, Graham? He’s sick, but he’s sent another fellow in his
place. He’s out in the hall now.

CASHIER. Tell him to come in. (_The_ PORTER _goes out at the back,
and beckons to someone in the hall. A moment later enter_ PERCY, _a
respectable tramp. His clothes are well-worn, but not ragged, and they
fit him rather tightly,--his trousers also are too short. He has not
had a shave for some time. He tips his hat--an old “derby”--timidly,
then walks slowly to the center of the stage, looking about uneasily.
The_ CASHIER _addresses him somewhat sharply_) So you have come to take
Mr. Graham’s place? (PERCY _nods_) You have been told the conditions,
I believe; six shillings a day. Now understand, we want a good
interpreter, serious and attentive to business. All you have to do is
wait here until any foreigners come, and then help them. Understand?
(PERCY _again nods_) Good. (_The_ CASHIER _goes out, up-stage left_)

PERCY. (_To the_ PORTER, _after a short pause_) Many foreigners come
here?

PORTER. Oh, I don’t know! Few French now and then; depends on the
season.

PERCY. (_A little disturbed_) Oh--many foreigners just now?

PORTER. Not so many.

PERCY. (_A little more at ease_) Do you think any’ll come to-day?

PORTER. Can’t say--Here, take your cap. (_He hands_ PERCY _a cap with
the words “INTERPRÈTE” written on the front. The_ PORTER _then goes out
at the back_)

PERCY. (_Hat in hand, as he reads the inscription_) In-ter-preet.
(_Puts on the cap_) Good! Hope them blarsted frog-eaters keep away.
Don’t know a single word of French, er German, er I-talian, er
Spanish, er any of them dialects. Good thing for an interpreter! But
I’m no millionaire, and them six shillin’s! Hm! But I mightily fear
conversation may languish if I meet any o’ them foreigners.

                       (_Re-enter the_ CASHIER.)

CASHIER. I forgot to ask you something a moment ago: you know there
are a great many interpreters who know all the languages of Europe and
don’t know their mother tongue. You speak English well, don’t you?

PERCY. Perfectly, Madam.

CASHIER. Good. I wanted to be quite sure, you know. You didn’t speak
when I was talking to you.

PERCY. Ye can rest quiet on that point, Ma’am. I speaks English
admi-rably.

CASHIER. We haven’t many French people at this season. (_The telephone
bell rings. The_ CASHIER _runs to the table, center, and takes off the
receiver. A moment later she lays it on the table_) It’s from Paris.
(PERCY, _who is comfortably leaning against the_ CASHIER’S _desk, does
not move a hair. The_ CASHIER _goes to him_) Someone’s telephoning from
Paris. It’s in French! Are you deaf? Go to the telephone!

PERCY. (_Advancing slowly to the table, and picking up the receiver_)
Hello? (_Lays the receiver down, and faces the audience in despair_)
That’s it; they’re French. (_Again listening, and again laying
down the receiver_) Don’t understand a word! (_Speaking into the
transmitter_) Oui, oui, oui. (_He is at his wits’ end_)

CASHIER. What do they say?

PERCY. What do they say? Oh, nothing very important.

CASHIER. People don’t telephone from Paris to say nothing very
important!

PERCY. (_Again speaking into the telephone_) Oui, oui.--Yes, they’re
French, no doubt about it. They--they want some rooms, and so I said
“Oui, oui.”

CASHIER. Well, is that all they say? When? How much do they want to
pay? Ask them, ask them!

PERCY. (_Hesitating_) They want--four rooms.

CASHIER. When?

PERCY. For--er--next Thursday.

CASHIER. What kind of rooms?

PERCY. On the second floor.

CASHIER. Tell them we have only two on that floor at present, but
another will be vacant the day they arrive--on the fifteenth. Or else
we could let them have two first-rate rooms on the third floor, if they
like.

PERCY. Do you want me to tell them that?

CASHIER. Yes, and hurry. (PERCY _hesitates_) What are you waiting for?

PERCY. (_Dumbfounded_) Eh?--er--(_Listening at the telephone_)
Sonfrancaispollyvoogrllgon--Oh! (_He hangs up the receiver_) Whew,
that’s over with, thank Heaven!

CASHIER. They must be rich--You know it costs ten shillings every three
minutes to telephone from Paris.

PERCY. Ten bob for three minutes? What’s that come to by the hour?

CASHIER. Ten pounds.

PERCY. Ten--?!

                (_Enter_ CHANOINE-MALHERBE, _center_.)

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. C’est ici l’Hôtel Gainsborough?

PERCY. Oui, oui. (_He slowly turns round his hat, hiding the word
INTERPRÈTE_)

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Ya-t-il ici un jeune monsieur et une jeune
demoiselle?

PERCY. Oui, oui. (_He retreats toward the lower left door, and
disappears_)

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Qu’est-ce qu’il y a? Où est l’interprète?

CASHIER. What do you wish?

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Bonjour, Madame M. Forsyth, est-il ici?

CASHIER. Forsyth?

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui, Forsyth.

CASHIER. No, there’s no one registered here with that name. No!

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Voyons, un jeune homme et une jeune demoiselle?

CASHIER. I can’t understand a word you are saying. Interpreter! (_Enter
the_ PORTER) Have you seen the interpreter?

PORTER. He was here a moment ago.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_Taking a pocket-dictionary from his valise_)
Commissaire, police--here!

PORTER. Wot’s ’e saying?

CASHIER. I think he wants to see a police officer. (_Pointing_) Just
around the corner.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Non,--here!

CASHIER. He wants to see the officer here.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui, oui--here. (_Gives the_ PORTER _a coin_)

PORTER. Thank you, sir. (_Aside_) Ten bob!

CASHIER. (_To_ PORTER) Run around to the station and get an
officer--then the Frenchman can tell him what he wants.

PORTER. But ’e don’t know no English.

CASHIER. We have an interpreter, haven’t we? Run, now.

            (_The_ PORTER _starts to go, but stops when the
                       Frenchman says to him_:)

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Je voudrais une chambre.

CASHIER. Chambre? Chambre? Oh, I know what that means: you want a
_room_. Very well, we’ll give you a “chambre.” (_To the_ PORTER) Here,
take this gentleman to number seventeen. (_She gives the_ PORTER _a
key_)

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_To_ PORTER) Prenez donc ma valise.

PORTER. Yes, sir.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Saprelotte, ma valise!

PORTER. Certainly, sir.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_Pointing to the valise_) La voilà, sot!

PORTER. (_Taking the valise_) Oh, ’is bag!

   (_The_ PORTER _and_ CHANOINE-MALHERBE _go out, up-stage left_.)

CASHIER. Where is that interpreter? (_Goes out, up-stage left_)

         (_Enter_ GERALD _and_ SÉRAPHINE, _up-stage right_.)

SÉRAPHINE. Then you must go? You will not stay longer?

GERALD. Only to the telegraph office. I’ll be back at once.

SÉRAPHINE. Oh, I am so afraid. I thought I heard the voice of Papa.

GERALD. Imagination.--I’ll be back in no time.

SÉRAPHINE. Good-bye, chéri.

GERALD. Say “Dearest!”

SÉRAPHINE. Dearest! (SÉRAPHINE _goes out up-stage right_, GERALD
_center_.)

                   (_Re-enter_ PERCY, _on tip-toe_.)

PERCY. Nobody here! Half-past ten, and this has got to last till
midnight. (_He goes up-stage and examines the train-schedules_) No
train from Paris till seven. Nine hours of peace and quiet. (_He sits
down on the stool by the desk and takes a cigar from his pocket._)

                         (_Re-enter_ CASHIER.)

CASHIER. Interpreter, where have you been all this time?

PERCY. All what time?

CASHIER. I told you to stay here.

PERCY. Well, I--I--I just stepped out--because--I heard someone crying
for help--in Spanish!

CASHIER. You stepped out so quickly that you turned your hat all the
way around!

PERCY. Yes--yes.

CASHIER. Well, are you going to fix it? (PERCY _does so_) Sit down.
(PERCY _sits down_) Now stay right here. There’s a Frenchman here who
doesn’t understand a word of English. He has sent for a police officer.
I don’t know what he wants.

PERCY. Neither do I.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_Outside_) Apportez-moi du vin. Garçon, garçon!

PERCY. Listen to it! Whew!

           (_Enter_ CHANOINE-MALHERBE, _down-stage left, at
       the moment when the Officer appears in the door center_.)

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Ce commissaire--? Ah!

OFFICER. Well, what is it? Is this the gentleman who wanted me? Why
couldn’t you have called at the station yourself?

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui.

OFFICER. No “_Oui_” about it. That’s the way we do things in our
country.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui.

OFFICER. I can see you’re a foreigner, only next time you’ll know what
to do.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui.

CASHIER. He doesn’t understand a word of English.

OFFICER. And I don’t understand a word of French. We’ll get on fine
together!

CASHIER. (_To_ PERCY, _who has been trying to escape_) Interpreter!

PERCY. (_Coming down-stage_) Ye-es?

OFFICER. (_To_ PERCY) Find out what he wants?

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_To_ HARRY) Ah, M. l’Interprète!

PERCY. Oui, oui.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Dites-lui que je me nomme Jean-Jacques
Chanoine-Malherbe, que je viens de Paris pour trouver ma fille qui s’en
est allée de chez moi avec un jeune homme, et----

OFFICER. What’s he say?

PERCY. It’s a long story. Very complicated--hm--this gentleman before
you is a--Frenchman.

OFFICER. I know that!

PERCY. He came to London--just--just as Frenchmen do come to London.

OFFICER. But why does he need an officer?

PERCY. Wait, wait, I must have time to translate.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Dites-lui que----

PERCY. Exactly. (_To the_ OFFICER) Do you want to know why this
Frenchman wants an officer? Well--he’s been robbed. A pocket-book. Now
this gentleman got off--got off--the express----

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Dites-lui----

PERCY. Wait! (_To_ OFFICER) Got off the express at Victoria, when a
mysterious-looking individual came up--and took his pocket-book.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Très bien!

PERCY. Oui, oui. (_He tries to get away again, when_ CHANOINE-MALHERBE
_takes out his pocket-book_)

OFFICER. He’s got _two_ pocket-books!

PERCY. Didn’t you know that? All Frenchmen have two pocket-books.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Voici sa photographie.

OFFICER. The thief’s photograph?!

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui, oui.

OFFICER. These Frenchmen! How did he get the thief’s picture?

PERCY. I forgot to tell you, but the man who stole the pocket-book was
an old acquaintance.

OFFICER. What name? Ask him.

PERCY. The name? Hm--Why his name is--er--Gaston----

OFFICER. How do you spell it?

PERCY. Why do you want me to spell it?--G-e-s-t-n-n----

OFFICER. How do you pronounce it?

PERCY. Gás-ton. (_Emphasis on the first syllable_)

OFFICER. Very good. I’ll start an investigation.

PERCY. Yes, you’d better go at once. Besides, this gentleman is rather
tired.

OFFICER. Good-morning, sir. (_He goes out, center_)

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Qu’est-ce qu’il a dit?--Qu’est-ce qu’il a dit?

PERCY. Oui, oui.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui, oui, oui--la paix!

CASHIER. What’s he saying?

PERCY. Nothing at all.

CASHIER. He seems to be disturbed about something.

PERCY. We shouldn’t bother him. He says to let him alone.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Quel mauvais interprète!

CASHIER. Now what’s he saying?

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_Looking at his dictionary_) Ig-no-rant
In-ter-pre-ter!

CASHIER. He means “ignorant.” You are an ignorant interpreter! But I
thought----

PERCY. No, no, no--Ig-no-rant in French means--Oh, if you only knew
what that meant!

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_To_ CASHIER _as he goes out, center_) Oh, là, là!
Un pareil hôtel, et un pareil interprète!

CASHIER. He is disturbed, isn’t he?

PERCY. Not at all, he’s charmed. That’s the way with the French.

CASHIER. Wait a moment. Stay here while I’m gone. (_She goes out,
up-stage right_)

                (_Enter_ SÉRAPHINE _up-stage right_.)

SÉRAPHINE. M. l’Interprète!

PERCY. (_Pretending to have a sore throat_) Sore throat--can’t talk.

SÉRAPHINE. Ah, then you cannot speak?

PERCY. (_Forgetting about his throat_) Oh, you can speak English! Why
didn’t you say so at first?

SÉRAPHINE. Now you can speak. Eh bien, parlez----

PERCY. (_Coughs_) Not at all well. It’s a little better. Don’t mention
it.

SÉRAPHINE. Ya-t-il un bureau de télégraphes près d’ici?

PERCY. What’s the good of talking French when you can speak English so
well? That’s no way to learn a language.

SÉRAPHINE. I cannot speak well the English.

PERCY. All the more reason why you shouldn’t speak French. I warn you,
I refuse to answer when you speak French.

SÉRAPHINE. All right. I tell you--(_She catches sight of her father’s
hat on the table_) Oh!

PERCY. What’s the matter?

SÉRAPHINE. Who is that gray hat?

PERCY. A Frenchman left it here a moment ago.

SÉRAPHINE. (_Examining the hat_) Oh, c’est le chapeau de mon père!

PERCY. Certainly.

SÉRAPHINE. I’m going to my room.

PERCY. That’s a good idea.

   (SÉRAPHINE _goes out, up-stage right. Enter_ GERALD, _center_.)

GERALD. Interprète.

PERCY. This is getting a bit too warm for me! (_He turns to_ GERALD
_with an air of defiance_) You frog-eating beggar----

GERALD. Frog-eater yourself, you blasted bloke from Clerkenwall----

PERCY. (_Effusively, to_ GERALD _as he hastens to shake hands with
him_) Ah, you speak _English_! You know I’m a little shaky on my
French, though of course I know German, Russian, Chinese, Turkish,
Spanish----

GERALD. You know Spanish?--Que hora son?

PERCY. (_Laughs_) Well, I was saying----

GERALD. But I asked you a question. Que hora son? Well?

PERCY. Do you want an immediate answer?

GERALD. How long does it take you to let me know what time it is?

PERCY. Oh, it’s eleven o’clock--that’s easy. Listen to me: I have a
favor to ask you. There’s a Frenchman here and I don’t understand his
dialect.

GERALD. Where is he?

PERCY. We’ll find him. Very good of you to help me. He must be in the
smoking-room now. Here’s my cap. (_He places his cap on_ GERALD’S
_head_) Mister! (_He calls out through the door down-stage right_)
Mister!

GERALD. Say “Monsieur.”

PERCY. Mushir, mushir. (_To_ GERALD) I want to tell him that there’s a
good interpreter here.

GERALD. “Un bon interprète.”

PERCY. Bone interpreet. Mushir, bone interpreet.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_Outside_) Un bon interprète? Bien! (_Enter_
CHANOINE-MALHERBE, _down-stage right_. GERALD _recognizes_ SÉRAPHINE’S
_father and pulls his hat over his eyes_) Ah, celui-ci? Je voudrais
qu’on me serve mon déjeuner tout de suite. (GERALD _makes his escape_)
Hein? Quoi?

PERCY. He’s the one, not me! Good-bye.

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Seigneur! (_He goes out, down-stage right_)


  (_There come sounds of a scuffle out in the hallway. Enter_ OFFICER
  _followed by another officer who holds_ GERALD _tight by the collar_.)


OFFICER. Here’s your thief. Just as I was walking past I saw him, and
the minute I looked into his face I recognized him from the photograph.
Bring the Frenchman here. We’ll show these foreigners what Scotland
Yard can do! And come back yourself, we’ll need you later.

                 (PERCY _goes out, up-stage right_.)

GERALD. What do you mean by this? What’s the charge? You’ll hear from
this! Do you know I’m related to----

OFFICER. Just keep calm, young fellow. (_He refers to his note-book_)
Your name is Gas-tnnn--

                (_Enter_ SÉRAPHINE, _up-stage right_.)

SÉRAPHINE. Oh, dearest, dearest!

OFFICER. Arrest that woman, she’s an accomplice.

SÉRAPHINE. (_As the other officer takes her by the arm_) Qu’y-a-t-il?

GERALD. You were right this morning. There’s the gray hat!

OFFICER. Silence! No communication between the prisoners! They may be
part of a dangerous band.

           (_Enter_ CHANOINE-MALHERBE, _down-stage right_.)

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Ma fille, ma fille! (_To the_ OFFICER) Mon ami,
voici la demoiselle dont je vous ai parlé tout à l’heure, et----

OFFICER. All right, all right. But is this the man who stole your
pocket-book?

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui.

GERALD. Does he say I stole his pocket-book? (_To_ CHANOINE-MALHERBE)
Vous lui avez dit que j’ai volé votre portefeuille?

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Jamais de la vie!

GERALD. You see, he says he never said anything of the sort.

OFFICER. I don’t understand French. Come on to the station.

GERALD. (_To_ CHANOINE-MALHERBE) Votre fille va au commissariat!

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Jamais. (_Takes_ SÉRAPHINE _by the arm_)

                 (_Enter_ CASHIER, _up-stage right_.)

CASHIER. What is the trouble?

SÉRAPHINE. But I am his daughter!

OFFICER. What’s that to me?

     (_The telephone bell rings. The_ CASHIER _takes the receiver
                             and says_:)

CASHIER. It’s Paris. They want M. Gerald Forsyth. (_Into the
telephone_) There’s no one----

GERALD. Here I am!

CASHIER. But your name is Parkinson!

GERALD. It’s also Forsyth!

OFFICER. And also Gas-nnn----

                   (GERALD _goes to the telephone_.)

GERALD. Allô! (_Pause_) It’s my chief in Paris--oui, oui. (_Another
pause_) It seems he telephoned here a little while ago and thought he
was connected with a lunatic asylum.--Merci, merci bien!--He is going
to give me an interest in the business.

SÉRAPHINE. Ah, Papa, Papa! Gerald va entrer dans la Maison!

                           (_Enter_ PERCY.)

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. C’est vrai? Alors, je vous donne ma fille! (_He goes
down-stage. The_ OFFICER _starts to conduct the prisoners out_)

OFFICER. You’ll have to come along now.

PERCY. Stop, Officer! You don’t understand. The Frenchman says he
has found his pocketbook. He told me it was all a mistake. (_To_
CHANOINE-MALHERBE) Oui, oui?

CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_Good-naturedly_) Oui, oui, mon ami.

PERCY. See there?

OFFICER. Then there’s nothing more to be done? (_The prisoners are
released_) You’re free!


                                CURTAIN.



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                             ADDENDA

=CORRECTION=:--The price of “The House of Fourchambault” and “Brignol
and His Daughter” is 50 cents a copy.



Transcriber’s Note:

Words may have multiple spelling variations or inconsistent hyphenation
in the text. These have been left unchanged. Dialect, obsolete and
alternative spellings were left unchanged. Words and phrases in
italics are surrounded by underscores, _like this_. Those in bold are
surrounded by equal signs, =like this=.

Where a stage note in parentheses precedes an actor’s line, ending
punctuation is omitted in the stage note in the original. This anomaly
is replicated as printed. Otherwise, stops missing at end of sentences
were added. Missing accents in French were added. One hyphen was
replaced with an apostrophe in French.



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