A Merry Dialogue Declaringe the Properties of Shrowde Shrews and Honest Wives

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Title: A Merry Dialogue Declaringe the Properties of Shrowde Shrews and Honest Wives
Author: Erasmus, Desiderius, 1469-1536
Language: English
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A mery Dia-
logue, declaringe the propertyes
of shrowde shrewes, and ho-
nest wyues, not onelie verie
pleasaunte, but also not a
lytle profitable: made
by ye famous clerke
D. Erasmus.
Roteroda-
mus.

Translated into
Englyshe.

Anno. M.CCCCC.
LVII.

Eulalia. God spede, & a thousand mine old
acqueintance. xantippa. xan. As many agayn, my dere
hert. Eulalia. me semets ye ar waren much faire now
of late. Eula. Saye you so? gyue you me a mocke at the
first dash. xan. Nay veryly but I take you so. Eula.
Happely mi new gown maketh me to loke fayrer then I
sholde doe. xan. Sothe you saye, I haue not sene a
mynioner this many dayes, I reken it Englishe cloth.
Eu. It is english stuff and dyed in Venis. xan. It is
softer then sylke what an oriente purpel colore here is
who gaue you so rich a gift. Eu. How shoulde honeste
women come by their gere? but by their husbandes.
xan. Happy arte thou that hathe suche an husband, but
I wolde to god for his passyon, that I had maryed an
husband of clowts, when I had maried col my good man.
Eula. Why say ye so. I pray you, are you at oddes now.
xan. I shal neuer be at one with him ye se how
beggerly I go. I haue not an hole smock to put on my
backe, and he is wel contente with all: I praye god I
neuer come in heuen & I be not ashamed oftimes to shewe
my head, when I se other wiues how net and trim they go
that ar matched with farre porer men then he is.
Eula. The apparell of honest wiues is not in the aray
of the body, nor in the tirements of their head as
saynte Peter the apostle teacheth vs (and that I
learned a late at a sermon) but in good lyuynge and
honest conuersacion and in the ornamentes of the soule,
the common buenes ar painted up, to please manye
mennes eies we ar trime ynough yf we please our
husbands only. xan. But yet my good man so euyll
wylling to bestow ought vpon his wyfe, maketh good
chere, and lassheth out the dowrye that hee hadde with
mee no small pot of wine. Eulaly, where vpon? xantipha,
wheron hym lykethe beste, at the tauerne, at the stewes
and at the dyce. Eulalia Peace saye not so. xan. wel
yet thus it is, then when he commeth home to me at
midnight, longe watched for, he lyeth rowtyng lyke a
sloyne all the leue longe nyght, yea and now and then
he all bespeweth his bed, and worse then I will say at
this tyme. Eulali. Peace thou dyshonesteth thy self,
when thou doest dishonesteth thy husband. xantip. The
deuyl take me bodye and bones but I had leuer lye by a
sow with pigges, then with suche a bedfelowe. Eulali.
Doest thou not then take him vp, wel favoredly for
stumbling. Xantip. As he deserueth I spare no tonge.
Eulalia. what doth he then. xantip. At the first
breake he toke me vp vengeably, trusting that he
shoulde haue shaken me of and put me to scilence with
his crabid wordes. Eula Came neuer your hote wordes
vnto handstrokes. xantip. On a tyme we fel so farre
at wordes that we wer almost by ye eares togither.
Eula what say you woman? xan. He toke vp a staffe
wandryng at me, as the deuill had bene on hym ready to
laye me on the bones. Eula. were thou not redye to ron
in at the bench hole. xanti. Nay mary I warrant the.
I gat me a thre foted stole in hand, & he had but ones
layd his littell finger on me, he shulde not haue
founde me lame. I woulde haue holden his nose to the
grindstone Eulalia. A newe found shelde, ye wanted
but youre dystaffe to haue made you a speare. xantip.
And he shoulde not greatlye a laughed at his parte.
Eulali. Ah my frynde. xantyppa. that way is neither
good nor godly, xantippa what is neither good nor
godly. yf he wyll not vse me, as hys wyfe: I wil not
take him for my husbande. Eulalya. But Paule sayeth
that wyues shoulde bee boner and buxome vnto their
husbandes with all humylytye, and Peter also bryngethe
vs an example of Sara, that called her husbande
Abrahame, Lorde. xantippa. I know that as well as you
then ye same paule say that men shoulde loue theyr
wyues, as Christ loues his spouse the churche let him
do his duete I wil do myne. Eula. But for all that,
when the matter is so farre that the one muste forber
the other it is reason that the woman giue place vnto
the man, xan. Is he meete to be called my husbande
that maketh me his vnderlynge and his dryuel? Eula. But
tel me dame xantip. Would he neuer offre the stripes
after that xantip. Not a stripe, and therin he was
the wyser man for & he had he should haue repented
euery vayne in hys harte. Eulali. But thou offered him
foule wordes plentie, xantip. And will do. Eula. What
doth he ye meane season. xantip. What doth he
sometyme cowcheth an hogeshed, somtime he doth nothing
but stande and laughe at me, other whyle takethe hys
Lute wheron is scarslie three strynges layenge on that
as fast as he may dryue because he would not here me.
Eula. Doeth that greue thee? xantippa. To beyonde home,
manie a tyme I haue much a do to hold my handes. Eula.
Neighbour. xantip. wylt thou gyue me leaue to be playn
with the. xantippa Good leaue haue you. Eula. Be as
bolde on me agayne our olde acquayntaunce and amite,
euen from our chyldhode, would it should be so.
xantippa. Trueth you saie, there was neuer woman kinde
that I fauoured more Elaly Whatsoeuer thy husband be,
marke well this, chaunge thou canst not, In the olde
lawe, where the deuill hadde cast aboone betwene the
man and the wife, at the worste waye they myght be
deuorsed, but now that remedie is past, euen till
death depart you he must nedes be thy husbande, and
thou hys wyfe, xan. Il mote they thryue & thei that
taken away that liberty from vs Eulalia. Beware what
thou sayest, it was christes act. Xan. I can euil
beleue that Eula. It is none otherwyse, now it is beste
that eyther of you one beyng with an other, ye laboure
to liue at reste and peace. xantyppa. Why? can I
forgeue him a new, Eu. It lieth great parte in the
women, for the orderinge of theyr husbandes. xan.
Leadest thou a mery life with thine. Eula Now all is
well. xan. Ergo ther was somwhat to do at your fyrste
metying Eula. Neuer no greate busynes, but yet as it,
happeneth now and than betwene man & woman, there was
foule cloudes a loft, that might haue made a storme but
that they were ouer blowen with good humanitie and wyse
handlynge. Euery man hath hys maner and euery man
hath his seueral aptite or mynde, and thinkes hys owne
way best, & yf we list not to lie there liueth no man
without faulte, which yf anie were elles, ywis in
wedlocke they ought to know and not vtterly hated xan,
you say well, Eulalya. It happeneth many times that
loue dayes breketh betwene man and wife, before ye
one be perfitly knowen vnto the other beware of that
in any wife, for when malice is ones begon, loue is but
barely redressed agayne, namely, yf the mater grow
furthe unto bytter checkes, & shamfull raylinges such
things as are fastened with glew, yf a manne wyll all
to shake them strayght waye whyle the glew is warme,
they soone fal in peces, but after ye glew is ones
dried vp they cleue togither so fast as anie thing,
wherefore at the beginning a meanes must be made, that
loue mai encrease and be made sure betwene ye man &
the wife, & that is best brought aboute by gentilnesse
and fayre condycions, for the loue that beautie onelie
causeth, is in a maner but a cheri faire Xan. But I
praye you hartelye tell me, by what pollycy ye brought
your good man to folow your daunce. Eula. I wyll tell
you on this condicyon, that ye will folowe me. xan. I
can. Eula, It is as easy as water if ye can find in
your hart to do it, nor yet no good time past for he is
a yong man, and you ar but agirle of age, and I trowe
it is not a yere ful sins ye wer maried. Xan All thys
is true Eulalia. I wyll shew you then. But you must
kepe it secret xantip. with a ryght good wyl. Eula.
This was my chyefe care, to kepe me alwayes in my
housbandes fauoure, that there shulde nothyng angre him
I obserued his appetite and pleasure I marked the tymes
bothe whan he woulde be pleased and when he wold be all
byshrwed, as they tameth the Elephantes and Lyons or
suche beastes that can not be wonne by strength
xantyppa. Suche a beaste haue I at home. Eula. Thei
that goth vnto the Elephantes weare no white garmentes,
nor they that tame wylde bulles, weare no blasynge
reedes, for experience teacheth, that suche beastes bee
madde with those colours, like as the Tygers by the
sound of tumbrels be made so wode, that thei plucke
theymself in peces. Also thei that breake horses haue
their termes and theyr soundes theyr hadlynges, and
other knackes to breake their wyldnes, wyth all. Howe
much more then is it oure duetyes that ye wyues to
use suche craftes toward our husbandes with whom all
our lyfe tyme wil we, nyl we is one house, and one bed.
xantip. furthwith your tale. Eula, when I had ones
marked there thynges. I applied my selfe unto hym, well
ware not to displease him. xantip. How could thou do
that. Eulalya. Fyrste in the ouerseynge my householde,
which is the very charge and cure of wyues, I wayted
euer, not onely gyuynge hede that nothing shoulde be
forgotten or undoone, but that althynges should be as
he woulde haue it, wer it euer so small a trifle.
xan. wherin. Eulalia. As thus. Yf mi good man had a
fantasye to this thynge, or to that thyng, or if he
would haue his meate dressed on this fashion, or that
fashion. xan. But howe couldest thou fashyon thye selfe
after hys wyll and mynde, that eyther woulde not be at
home or elles be as freshe as a saulte heryng. Elali.
Abyde a while. I come not at that yet, yf my husband
wer very sad at anye tyme, no time to speake to him. I
laughed not nor tryfled him as many a woman doth but I
looked rufully and heauyly, for as a glasse (if it be a
true stone) representeth euer ye physnamy of hym that
loketh in it, so lykewyse it becommeth a wedded woman
alway to agre vnto the appetite of her husbande, that
she be not mery when he murneth, nor dysposed to play
when he is sad. And if that at any time he be waiward
shrewshaken, either I pacyfye hym with faire wordes, or
I let hym alone, vntyll the wynd be ouerblowen gyuing
him neuer a word at al, vntil the time come that I may
eyther excuse my faute, or tell hym of hys. In lyke
wyse when he commeth home wel whitled, I gyue hym
gentyll and fayre woordes, so with fayre entreatynge I
gette hym to bed. xantyppa, O careful state of wyues,
when they muste be gladde and fayne to followe their
husbandes mindes, be thei eluyshe, dronken, or doying
what myschiefe they liste. Eula. As whoe saieth this
gentill dealynge serueth not for bothe partyes, for
they spyte of theyr berdes muste suffre many thynges in
our demeanor, yet a time ther is, when in a weighty
matter it is laufull that the wyfe tell the good man
his faute, if that it be matter of substaunce, for at
lyght trifles, it is best to play byll under wynge.
xantyp. what tune is that Eula. when he is ydle,
neither angry, pensife, nor ouersen, then betwixt you
two secretly he must be told his faute gently, or
rather intreated, that in this thynge or that he play
the better husbande to loke better to his good name and
fame and to his helth and this tellyng must be myxt
with mery conceites and pleasaunt wordes many times I
make a meane to tel my tale after this fashyon, that he
shall promise me, he shal take no displeasure wyth my
thynge, that I a foolyshe woman shall breake vnto hym,
that pertayneth eyther to hys helthe worshyppe or
welth. When I haue sayde that I woulde, I chop cleane
from that communication and falle into some other
pastime, for this is all our fautes, neyghbour
Xantippa, that when we begyn ones to chat our tounges
neuer lie. Xantip. So men say Eulalia. Thus was I well
ware on, that I neuer tell my husband his fautes
before companie, nor I neuer caried any complaynte
furthe a dores: the mendes is soner made when none
knoweth it but two, and there were anie suche faute
that myght not be wel borne nor amended by ye wyues
tellige, it is more laudable that the wife make
complaynte vnto the Parentes and kynsfolke of her
husband, then vnto her own, and so to moderate her
complaynte that she seme not to hate hym but hys vice
nor let her play all the blabbe, that in some poynt
vnutered, he may know & loue his wiues curteysy.
Xantip. She had nede be aswellerned woman, that would
do all this. Eu. Mary through suche demeanoure, we
shall sterre our husbandes vnto lyke gentylnesse.
Xan: There be some that cannot be amended with all the
gentyll handlynge in the worlde. Eula: In faith I
thyncke nay, but case there be, marke this wel the good
man must be for borne, howe soeuer the game goeth, then
is it better to haue him alwayes at one point or ells
more kinde and louing throw oure gentill handlinge,
then to haue him worse and worse throwe our
cursednesse, what wyll you say and I tell you of
husbandes that hath won theyr wiues by suche
curtesie, howe muche more are we bounde to use the
same towarde our husbandes. Xantip. Than shall you tell
of one farre vnlyke vnto thyne husband. Eula. I am
aquented with a certayne gentelman well lerned and a
veri honest man, he maried a yonge wyfe, a mayden of.
xvii. yeare olde brede and brought vp of a chylde in
the countre vnder her fathers and mother wing (as
gentilmen delite to dwel in the countre) to hunt &
hawke This yong gentilman would haue one that were
unbroken, because he might the soner breake her after
hys owne mind, he began to entre her in learning
syngynge, and playinge, and by lytle and lytle to vse
here to repete suche thynges as she harde at sermons,
and to instruct her with other things that myght haue
doone her more good in time to come. This gere, because
it was straunge vnto this young woman which at home
was brought vp in all ydelnesse, and with the light
communication of her fathers seruantes, and other
pastimes, began to waxe greuouse & paynfull, vnto
her. She withdrew her good mynde and dylygence and
when her husband called vpon her she put ye finger
in the eye, and wepte and many times she would fal
downe on the grounde, beatynge her head agaynst the
floure, as one that woulde be out of thys worlde. When
there was no healpe for this gere, the good man as
though he hadde bene wel asked his wyfe yf she woulde
ryde into the countre with him a sporting vnto her
fathers house, so that she graunted anone. When they
were commen thyther, the gentilman left his wyfe
with her mother & her sisters he went furth an
huntynge with his father in lawe, there betwene theym
two, he shewed al together, how that he hadde hoped to
haue had a louynge companion to lead his lyfe withall,
now he hath one that is alwaies blubberynge and pyninge
her selfe awaye withoute anye remedie, he prayeth him
to lay to hys hande in amendinge his doughters fautes
her father answered that he had ones giuen hym his
doughter, and yf that she woulde not be rewled by
wordes (a goddes name take Stafforde lawe) she was his
owne. Then the gentylman sayd agayne, I know that I
may do but I had leuer haue her amended eyther by
youre good counsell or commaundement, then to come vnto
that extreme waies, her father promised that he would
fynde a remedye. After a dai or two, he espied time and
place when he might be alone with his doughter. Then
he loked soureli vpon his doughter, as though he had
bene horne woode with her, he began to reherse how
foule a beaste she was, how he feared many tymes that
she neuer haue bestowed her. And yet sayde he much a
doe, vnto my great coste and charg, I haue gotten the
one that moughte lye by any Ladyes syde, and she were a
quene and yet thou not perceiuying what I haue done for
the nor knowynge that thou hast suche a man whiche but
of his goodnes myghte thynke thee to euill to be stoye
in his kytchen, thou contrariest al his mind to make a
short tale he spake so sharpely to her, that she feared
that he wold haue beaten her. It is a man of asubtyll
and wylye wytte, whyche wythout a vysarde is ready to
playe anye maner of parte. Then this yonge wife what
for feare, and for trouthe of the matter, cleane
stryken oute of countenaunce, fell downe at her fathers
fete desyryng hym that he wolde forgette and forgiue
her all that was past and euer after she woulde doe her
duetye Her father forgaue her, and promised that she
shoulde finde him a kynd and a louynge father, yf so be
that she perfourmed her promyse. xantippa. How dyd she
afterwarde? Eulalya, when she was departed from her
father she came backe into a chaumber, and there by
chaunce found her husband alone she fel on her knees to
hym and said. Man in tymes paste, I neyther knewe you
nor my selfe, from this daye froward ye shall se me
cleane chaunged, onelye pardon that is past, with that
her husbande toke her in his armes & kyssed her sayinge
she should lacke nothyng yf she woulde holde her in
that mind. xantip. Why did she continue so. Eulalya.
Euen tyll her endynge daye, nor there was none so vyle
a thynge but that she woulde laye handes on it redely
with all her herte, if her husband wolde let her, so
great loue was begon and assured betwene them and
many a daye after, shee thanked god that euer she met
with such a man. For yf she had not she sayd she had
ben cleane caste awaye. xan. We haue as greate plentie
of suche housbandes, as of white crowes. Eulalya. Now,
but for werieng you? I coulde tell you a thynge that
chaunced a late in this same citye. xantyppa. I haue
litell to doe, and I lyke your communicacyon very well.
Eulalia. There was a certaine gentilman he as suche
sort of men do, vsed much huntyng in the cuntre, where
he happened on a younge damoysell, a very pore womans
child on whom he doted a man well stryken in age, and
for her sake he lay often out of his owne house his
excuse was hunting. This mans wife an exceding
honest woman, halfe deale suspecte the mater, tried
out her husbandes falshed, on a tyme when he had
taken his iourney fourth of the town vnto some other
waies, she wente vnto that poore cotage and boulted out
all the hoole matter, where he laye on nights, wheron
he dranke, what thyng thei had to welcom him
withall. There was neither one thyng nor other, but
bare walles. This good woman returned home, and sone
after came againe brynginge with her a good soft bed,
and al therto belongyng and certain plate besydes that
she gaue them moneye, chargynge them that if the
Gentilman came agayne, they shold entreate him better
not beyng knowen al this while that she was his wyfe,
but fayued her to be her sister. Not long after her
husband stale thether againe, he sawe the howse
otherwyse decked, and better fare then he was wounte to
haue. He asked, frome whence commeth al this goodly
gere? They sayde that an honeste matrone, a kynsewoman
of hys hadde broughte it thyther and commaunded thenm
that he should be well cherished when so euer he came,
by and by his hart gaue him that it was hys wiues dede,
whan he came home he demaunded of her yf she hadde
bene there or nay, she sayd yea. Then he asked her for
what purpose she sente all that housholde stuffe
thyther. Man (said she) ye haue ben tenderly brought
vp. I perceiued that ye were but corslie handled there,
me thought that it was my part, seing it was your wyll
and pleasure to be there ye shoulde be better loked to.
Xantippa. She was one of goddes fooles. I woulde rather
for a bed haue layd vnder him a bundel of nettels: or a
burden of thistels. Eula. But here the end her husbande
perceyuyng the honeste of her great pacience neuer
after laye from her, but made good cheare at home with
his owne. I am sure ye knowe Gilberte the holander.
Xan. Very well. Eu. He (as it is not vnknowen maried
an old wife in his florishing youth. Xan. Per
aduenture he maried the good and notthe woman.
Eulalia. There sayde ye well, setting lytell stoore by
hys olde wife, hunted a callette, with whom he kept
much companie abrode, he dined or supped litell at
home. What wouldest thou haue sayd to ye gere.
Xantip. What woulde I a said? I wolde haue flowen to
the hores toppe and I wolde haue crowned myne husbande
at hys oute goinge to her with a pysbowle, that he so
embawlmed might haue gon vnto his souerayne ladie.
Eula. But how much wiselier dyd this woman? She desyred
that yonge woman home vnto her, and made her good
chere, so by that meanes she brought home also her
husband without ani witchraft or sorserie, and yf that
at anye season he supped abrode with her she would
sende vnto them some good dayntie morsel, and byd him
make good chere Xantippa. I had leuer be slayne then I
woulde be bawde vnto myne owne husbande. Eulalia. Yea,
but consyder all thynges well, was not that muche
better, then she shoulde be her shrewyshnesse, haue
putte her husbandes minde cleane of from her, and so
haue ledde all her life in trouble and heuynesse.
Xantippa. I graunte you well, that it was better so but
I coulde not abyde it. Eulalya. I wyll tell you a prety
story more, and so make an ende One of oure
neyghboures, a well disposed and a goddes man, but that
he is some what testie, on a day pomeld his wife well
and thriftely aboute the pate and so good a woman as
euer was borne, she picked her into an inner parler,
and there weepynge and sobbynge, eased her heuye harte,
anone after, by chaunce her husbande came into the same
place, and founde hys wyfe wepyng. What sitest thou
heare sayth he seighing & sobbing like a child Then
she like a wise woman sayde. Is it not more honesty for
me to lamente my dolours here in a secret place, then
to make wondering and on oute crye in the strete, as
other women do. At so wyfely and womanly a saing his
hart melted, promysynge her faythfullye and truelie
that he woulde neuer laye stroke on her afterwarde, nor
neuer did. Xantippa. No more wil mine god thanke my
selfe. Eulalya. But then ye are alwaies one at a
nother, agreinge lyke dogges and cattes. Xan. What
wouldest thou that I should do? Eu. Fyrst & formest,
whatsoeuer thy husbande doeth sayde thou nothinge, for
his harte must be wonne by lytell and litel by fayre
meanes, gentilnesse and forbearing at the last thou
shalte eyther wynne him or at the least waie thou shalt
leade a better life then thou doest now. Xantippa. He
his beyonde goddes forbode, he wil neuer amende.
Eulalia. Eye saye not so, there is no beest so wild but
by fayre handling be tamed, neuer mistrust man then.
Assay a moneth or two, blame me and thou findest not
that my counsell dooeth ease. There be some fautes wyth
you thoughe thou se them, be wyse of this especyall
that thou neuer gyue hym foule wordes in the chambre,
or inbed but be sure that all thynges there bee full of
pastyme and pleasure. For yf that place which is
ordeined to make amendes for all fautes and so to
renew loue, be polluted, eyther with strife or
grugynges, then fayre wel al hope of loue daies, or
atonementes, yet there be some beastes so wayward and
mischeuous, that when theyr husbandes hath them in
their arms a bed, they scholde & chyde making that same
plesure their lewd condicions (that expelseth all
displeasures oute of their husbandes mynde unpleasaunt
and lytell set bi corrupting the medecine that shuld
haue cured al deadly greifes, & odible offences.
xantip. That is no newes to me. Eula. Though the woman
shulde be well ware and wyse that she shulde neuer be
disobedient vnto her husband yet she ought to be most
circumspect that at meting she shew her selfe redy
and pleasaunt unto him. xantyppa. Yea vnto a man, holde
well withall but I am combred with a beast. Eula. No
more of those wordes, most commonly our husbandes ar
euyll through our owne faute, but to returne againe
vnto our taile they that ar sene in the olde fables of
Poetes sai that Venus whome they make chiefe lady of
wedlocke (hath a girdle made by the handy worke of
Vulcan her Lorde, and in that is thrust al that
enforceth love and with that she girdeth her whan so
ever she lyeth wyth her housbande xantippa. A tale of a
tubbe. Eulalya. A tayle it is, but herken what the
taile meaneth. xantippa. Tell me. Eulalia That techeth
us that the wyfe ought to dyspose her selfe all the she
maye that lieng by her husband she shew him al the
plesure that she can; Wherby the honest love of
matrimony may reuiue and be renewed, & that there with
be clene dispatched al grudges & malice xant. But how
shall we come by the thys gyrdle? Eula. We nede neyther
wytchraft nor enchauntment, ther is non of them al, so
sure as honest condicions accompayned with good
feloshyp. xan. I can not fauoure suche an husbande as
myne is. Eula, It is moste thy profyt that he be no
longer suche. If thou couldest by thy Circes craft
chaunge thin husband into an hogge, or a bore wouldest
thou do it? xantip. God knoweth. Eu. Art thou in dout?
haddest thou leauer marye an hogge than a man.
Xantip. Mary I had leauer haue a manne. Eulalia. wel,
what and thou coudest by sorcery make him of a
dronkarde a soober man, of a vnthrifte a good
housbande of an ydell losell a towarde body, woldest
thou not doe it? xantip. yes, hardely, woulde I doe it.
But where shoulde I learne the cunnyng? Eula. For soth
that conning hast thou in the if thou wouldest vtter
it, thyn must he be, mauger thy head, the towarde ye
makest him, the better it is for the, thou lokest on
nothing but on his leude condicions, and thei make
the half mad, thou wouldest amende hym and thou puttest
hym farther oute of frame, loke rather on his good
condicions, and so shalt thou make him better. It is to
late calagayne yesterdaie before thou were maryed unto
hym. It was tyme to consyder what his fautes were for
a women shold not only take her husbande by the eyes
but by the eares. Now it is more tyme to redresse
fautes then to fynd fautes. xantt. What woman euer
toke her gusband by the eares. Eulali. She taketh her
husbande by the eyes that loketh on nothyng, but on the
beautye and pulcritude of the body. She taketh him by
the eares, that harkeneth diligently what the common
voice sayth by him xantip. Thy counsaile is good, but
it commeth a day after the faire. Eula. Yet it commeth
time ynough to bringe thyne husbande to a greate
furtheraunce to that shall bee yf God sende you anie
frute togither. xantippa. We are spede alredy of that.
Eulaly. How long ago. Xantip. A good whyle ago Eulalia.
How many monethes old is it. Xantip. It lacketh lytle
of. vii. Eula What a tale is this, ye reken the
monethes by nightes and dayes double. Xantippa. Not so.
Eula. It can not be none other wyse, yf ye reken from
the mariage day. xantippa. yea, but what then, I
spake with him before we were maried. Eulalia. Be
children gotten by speakinge. xantip. It befell so that
he mette me alone and begon to ticke at me, and tickled
me vnder the arme holes and sydes to make me laugh. I
might not awaie with ticklynge, but fell downe
backewarde vpon a bedde and he a lofte, neuer leuinge
kyssynge on me, what he did els I can not saye, but by
sayncte Marie within a while after my bely beganne to
swell. Eula. Go now and disprayse thine husbande
whiche yf he gette children by playe, what wyll he do
when he goeth to it in good ernest. xantippa, I fere
me I am payed agayin. Eula. Good locke God hath sent a
fruitfull grounde, a good tylman. Xantip. In that
thing he might haue lesse laboure and more thanke.
Eula. Few wyues finde at theyr husbandes in that behalf
but were ye then sure togither. xanti. yea that we
were Eula. The offence is the lesse. Is it a man
chylde. xantip. yea. Eula. He shal make you at one so
that ye wil bow & forbere. What saieth other men by
thin husband, they that be his companions, they
delite with him abrode xan, They say that he is
meruelous gentyl, redy to do euery man pleasure,
liberal and sure to his frende. Eula. And that putteth
me in good comfort that he wyll be ruled after our
counsayll. xantip. But I fynde him not so. Eula. =Order
thy selfe to him as I haue tolde thee, and cal me no
more true sayer but a lier, if he be not so good vnto
the as to anie creature liuinge Again considre this
he is yet but a childe, I thinke he passethe not.
xxiiij. the blacke oxe neuer trode on hys fote, nowe it
is but loste laboure to recken vpon anye deuorse.
xantippa. Yet manye a tyme and ofte I haue troubled my
braynes withal Eulalia. As for that fantasye whensoeuer
it commeth into your mynd first of all counte how naked
a thynge woman is, deuorsed from man. It is the hyghest
dignitie that longethe to the wyfe to obsequyous vnto
her spouse. So hath natyre ordeined so god hath
appoynted, that the woman shoulde be ruled al by the
man loke onely vppon this whiche is trouth, thine
husbande he is, other canste thou none haue. Againe
forgette not that swete babe be gotten of both your
bodies what thin beste thou to do with that, wilte thou
take it awaye with thee? Thou shalte bereue thyne
husband his ryght wylt thou leue it with hym? thou
shalt spoile thy self of thy chefeste Jewell thou
haste. Beside all this tell me trueth hast thou none
euyll wyllers, Besyde all thys tell me trueth, hast
thou none euyll wyllers. xan. I haue a stepdame I
warrant you, and myne husbandes mother euen such
another. Eula. Do they hate the so deadly. xantip. They
woulde se me hanged. Eula. Then forget not then
what greater plesure couldest thou shew them then to se
the deuorsed from thine husband and to led a wydowes
lyfe. Yea and worse then a wydow, for wydowes be at
their choise. xantippa. I holde well with youre
counsell, but I can not awaye with the paynes.
Eulalia. yet recken what paines ye toke or ye colde
teache your paret to speake. xantippa. Exceadynge much.
Eu. And thinke you much to labour a lytel in reforming
your husband with whom you may liue merely all the
dayes of your lyfe. What busines doe men put them
self to be wel & easly horsed & shal we think our
selues to good to take paines that we mai haue our
husbandes gentil & curteise vnto vs. xantip. What
shal I do. Eu. I haue told you al redy, se that al
thing be clene & trim at home, that no sluttysh or
vnclenlye syghtes dryue hym oute a dores. Be your selfe
alwayes redy at a becke, berynge continuali in minde
what reuerence the wife oweth vnto her husband. Be
neyther in your dumpes, nor alwayes on your mery
pinnes go nether to homely nor to nycely. Let your meat
be cleane dressed, you know yourhusbandes diet. What
he loueth best that dresse. Moreouer shewe your selfe
louinge and fayre spoken vnto them where he loueth,
call them now and then vnto your table. At meate, se
that al thinges be well sauored, and make good there,
And when that he is toppe heuy playing on his lute,
sytte thou by and singe to him so shalte thou make hym
keepe home, and lessen hys expences This shall he
thynke at length, in faythe I am a fonde felowe that
maketh suche chere with a strumpet abroode with greate
lossee bothe of substance and name, seyng that I haue a
wyfe at home bothe muche fayrer, and one that loueth me
ten times better, with whome I may be both clenlyer
receiued and dayntelier cherisshed xantip. Beleuest
thou that it will take and I put it into a profe.
Eulali. Looke on me. I warrante it or ought longe I
wyll in hande with thyne husbande, & I will tell hym
his part. xantippa. ye marie that is well sayde. But be
wyse that he espie not our casle, he would plaie his
fages, all the house should be to lytle for hym.
Eulalia. Take no thoughte. I shall so conuey my
matters, that he shall dysclose all together hym selfe,
what busynesse is betwene you, that done I wyll handell
him pretelie as I thinke beste, and I truste to make
him a new man for the and when I se my time I wyl make
a lie for thee, how louinge thou hast spoken of him.
xantippa. Chryst spede vs and bringe our pupose well
aboute. Eulalia. He will not fayle the so thou do thy
good wyll.
There was a man that maried a woman whiche hadde great
riches and beawtye. Howe bee it she hadde suche an
impedyment of nature that she was domme and coulde not
speake, whiche thynge made him ryghte pensyfe, and
sayd, wherfore vpon a daye as he walked alone ryght
heuye in hearte thynkynge vpon his wyfe. There came one
to hym and asked him what was the cause of his
heuynesse whiche answered that it was onely bycause his
wife was borne domme. To whome this other said I shal
shewe the soone a remedy and a medicyne (therfore that
is thus) go tak an aspen leafe and lay it vnder her
tonge this night shee beinge a sleape, and I warrant
the that shee shall speake on the morowe whiche man
beyng glad of thys medycyne prepared therfore and
gathered aspen leaues, wherfore he layd thre of them
vnder her tonge whan shee was a sleape. And on the
morow when he him selfe awaked he Desyrous to know how
hys medicine wrought being in bed with her, he
demaunded of her how she did, and sodenly she
answered and sayd, I beshrewe thy harte for waking me
so early, and so by the vertue of that medycyne she was
restored to her speche. But in conclusion her spech
encresed day by day and she was so curst of condycyon
that euery daie she brauled and chyd with her husbande,
so muche at the laste he was more weped, and had much
more trouble and disease wyth her shrewed wordes then
he hadde before when she was dumme, wherfore as he
walked another time alone he happened to mete agayne
with the same personne that taught hym the sayde
medycine and sayde to hym thys wyse. Syr ye taught me a
medicin but late to make my domme wyfe to speake,
byddynge me lay an aspen leafe vnder her toung when
she sleapte, and I layde three Aspen leaves there.
Wherfore nowe she speaketh. But yet she speaketh soo
much & so shrewdlye that I am more werier of her now,
then I was when she was domme: Wherfore I praie you
teache me a medycine to modyfye her that she speake not
so muche. This other answered and sayd thus. Sir I am a
deuyl of hel but I am one of them that haue least
power there. Al be yet I haue power to make a woman
to speake, but and yf a woman begin ones to speake, I
nor al the deuyls in hel that haue the mooste power be
not able to make a woman to be styll, nor to cause her
to leue speakyng.

The end of this pleasant dialogue declaryng the seueral
properties of ye two contrary disposers of the wyues
aforesayde.

Imprinted at London in Paules
church yearde, at the sygne of
the Sunne, by Antony
Kytson.

*** End of this LibraryBlog Digital Book "A Merry Dialogue Declaringe the Properties of Shrowde Shrews and Honest Wives" ***

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