Title: The Money Box - Odd Craft, Part 1.
Author: Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark), 1863-1943
Language: English
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*** Start of this LibraryBlog Digital Book "The Money Box - Odd Craft, Part 1." ***


ODD CRAFT

BY

W. W.  JACOBS

1909



THE MONEY-BOX

Sailormen are not good 'ands at saving money as a rule, said the
night-watchman, as he wistfully toyed with a bad shilling on his
watch-chain, though to 'ear 'em talk of saving when they're at sea
and there isn't a pub within a thousand miles of 'em, you might think
different.

[Illustration: "Sailormen are not good 'ands at saving money as a rule."]

It ain't for the want of trying either with some of 'em, and I've known
men do all sorts o' things as soon as they was paid off, with a view to
saving.  I knew one man as used to keep all but a shilling or two in a
belt next to 'is skin so that he couldn't get at it easy, but it was all
no good.  He was always running short in the most inconvenient places.
I've seen 'im wriggle for five minutes right off, with a tramcar
conductor standing over 'im and the other people in the tram reading
their papers with one eye and watching him with the other.

Ginger Dick and Peter Russet--two men I've spoke of to you afore--tried
to save their money once.  They'd got so sick and tired of spending it
all in p'r'aps a week or ten days arter coming ashore, and 'aving to go
to sea agin sooner than they 'ad intended, that they determined some way
or other to 'ave things different.

They was homeward bound on a steamer from Melbourne when they made their
minds up; and Isaac Lunn, the oldest fireman aboard--a very steady old
teetotaler--gave them a lot of good advice about it.  They all wanted to
rejoin the ship when she sailed agin, and 'e offered to take a room
ashore with them and mind their money, giving 'em what 'e called a
moderate amount each day.

They would ha' laughed at any other man, but they knew that old Isaac was
as honest as could be and that their money would be safe with 'im, and at
last, after a lot of palaver, they wrote out a paper saying as they were
willing for 'im to 'ave their money and give it to 'em bit by bit, till
they went to sea agin.

Anybody but Ginger Dick and Peter Russet or a fool would ha' known better
than to do such a thing, but old Isaac 'ad got such a oily tongue and
seemed so fair-minded about wot 'e called moderate drinking that they
never thought wot they was letting themselves in for, and when they took
their pay--close on sixteen pounds each--they put the odd change in their
pockets and 'anded the rest over to him.

The first day they was as pleased as Punch.  Old Isaac got a nice,
respectable bedroom for them all, and arter they'd 'ad a few drinks they
humoured 'im by 'aving a nice 'ot cup o' tea, and then goin' off with 'im
to see a magic-lantern performance.

It was called "The Drunkard's Downfall," and it begun with a young man
going into a nice-looking pub and being served by a nice-looking barmaid
with a glass of ale.  Then it got on to 'arf pints and pints in the next
picture, and arter Ginger 'ad seen the lost young man put away six pints
in about 'arf a minute, 'e got such a raging thirst on 'im that 'e
couldn't sit still, and 'e whispered to Peter Russet to go out with 'im.

"You'll lose the best of it if you go now," ses old Isaac, in a whisper;
"in the next picture there's little frogs and devils sitting on the edge
of the pot as 'e goes to drink."

"Ginger Dick got up and nodded to Peter."

"Arter that 'e kills 'is mother with a razor," ses old Isaac, pleading
with 'im and 'olding on to 'is coat.

Ginger Dick sat down agin, and when the murder was over 'e said it made
'im feel faint, and 'im and Peter Russet went out for a breath of fresh
air.  They 'ad three at the first place, and then they moved on to
another and forgot all about Isaac and the dissolving views until ten
o'clock, when Ginger, who 'ad been very liberal to some friends 'e'd made
in a pub, found 'e'd spent 'is last penny.

"This comes o' listening to a parcel o' teetotalers," 'e ses, very cross,
when 'e found that Peter 'ad spent all 'is money too.  "Here we are just
beginning the evening and not a farthing in our pockets."

They went off 'ome in a very bad temper.  Old Isaac was asleep in 'is
bed, and when they woke 'im up and said that they was going to take
charge of their money themselves 'e kept dropping off to sleep agin and
snoring that 'ard they could scarcely hear themselves speak.  Then Peter
tipped Ginger a wink and pointed to Isaac's trousers, which were 'anging
over the foot of the bed.

Ginger Dick smiled and took 'em up softly, and Peter Russet smiled too;
but 'e wasn't best pleased to see old Isaac a-smiling in 'is sleep, as
though 'e was 'aving amusing dreams.  All Ginger found was a ha'-penny, a
bunch o' keys, and a cough lozenge.  In the coat and waistcoat 'e found a
few tracks folded up, a broken pen-knife, a ball of string, and some
other rubbish.  Then 'e set down on the foot o' their bed and made eyes
over at Peter.

"Wake 'im up agin," ses Peter, in a temper.

Ginger Dick got up and, leaning over the bed, took old Isaac by the
shoulders and shook 'im as if 'e'd been a bottle o' medicine.

"Time to get up, lads?"  ses old Isaac, putting one leg out o' bed.

"No, it ain't," ses Ginger, very rough; "we ain't been to bed yet.  We
want our money back."

Isaac drew 'is leg back into bed agin.  "Goo' night," he ses, and fell
fast asleep.

"He's shamming, that's wot 'e is," ses Peter Russet.  "Let's look for it.
It must be in the room somewhere."

They turned the room upside down pretty near, and then Ginger Dick struck
a match and looked up the chimney, but all 'e found was that it 'adn't
been swept for about twenty years, and wot with temper and soot 'e looked
so frightful that Peter was arf afraid of 'im.

"I've 'ad enough of this," ses Ginger, running up to the bed and 'olding
his sooty fist under old Isaac's nose.  "Now, then, where's that money?
If you don't give us our money, our 'ard-earned money, inside o' two
minutes, I'll break every bone in your body."

"This is wot comes o' trying to do you a favour, Ginger," ses the old
man, reproachfully.

"Don't talk to me," ses Ginger, "cos I won't have it.  Come on; where is
it?"

Old Isaac looked at 'im, and then he gave a sigh and got up and put on
'is boots and 'is trousers.

"I thought I should 'ave a little trouble with you," he ses, slowly, "but
I was prepared for that."

"You'll 'ave more if you don't hurry up," ses Ginger, glaring at 'im.

"We don't want to 'urt you, Isaac," ses Peter Russet, "we on'y want our
money."

"I know that," ses Isaac; "you keep still, Peter, and see fair-play, and
I'll knock you silly arterwards."

He pushed some o' the things into a corner and then 'e spat on 'is 'ands,
and began to prance up and down, and duck 'is 'ead about and hit the air
in a way that surprised 'em.

"I ain't hit a man for five years," 'e ses, still dancing up and down--
"fighting's sinful except in a good cause--but afore I got a new 'art,
Ginger, I'd lick three men like you afore breakfast, just to git up a
appetite."

[Illustration: "I ain't hit a man for five years," 'e ses, still dancing
up and down."]

"Look, 'ere," ses Ginger; "you're an old man and I don't want to 'urt
you; tell us where our money is, our 'ard-earned money, and I won't lay a
finger on you."

"I'm taking care of it for you," ses the old man.

Ginger Dick gave a howl and rushed at him, and the next moment Isaac's
fist shot out and give 'im a drive that sent 'im spinning across the room
until 'e fell in a heap in the fireplace.  It was like a kick from a
'orse, and Peter looked very serious as 'e picked 'im up and dusted 'im
down.

"You should keep your eye on 'is fist," he ses, sharply.

It was a silly thing to say, seeing that that was just wot 'ad 'appened,
and Ginger told 'im wot 'e'd do for 'im when 'e'd finished with Isaac.
He went at the old man agin, but 'e never 'ad a chance, and in about
three minutes 'e was very glad to let Peter 'elp 'im into bed.

"It's your turn to fight him now, Peter," he ses.  "Just move this piller
so as I can see."

"Come on, lad," ses the old man.

Peter shook 'is 'ead.  "I have no wish to 'urt you, Isaac," he ses,
kindly; "excitement like fighting is dangerous for an old man.  Give us
our money and we'll say no more about it."

"No, my lads," ses Isaac.  "I've undertook to take charge o' this money
and I'm going to do it; and I 'ope that when we all sign on aboard the
Planet there'll be a matter o' twelve pounds each left.  Now, I don't
want to be 'arsh with you, but I'm going back to bed, and if I 'ave to
get up and dress agin you'll wish yourselves dead."

He went back to bed agin, and Peter, taking no notice of Ginger Dick, who
kept calling 'im a coward, got into bed alongside of Ginger and fell fast
asleep.

They all 'ad breakfast in a coffee-shop next morning, and arter it was
over Ginger, who 'adn't spoke a word till then, said that 'e and Peter
Russet wanted a little money to go on with.  He said they preferred to
get their meals alone, as Isaac's face took their appetite away.

"Very good," ses the old man.  "I don't want to force my company on
nobody," and after thinking 'ard for a minute or two he put 'is 'and in
'is trouser-pocket and gave them eighteen-pence each.

[Illustration: "'Wot's this for?' ses Ginger."]

"Wot's this for?"  ses Ginger, staring at the money.  "Matches?"

"That's your day's allowance," ses Isaac, "and it's plenty.  There's
ninepence for your dinner, fourpence for your tea, and twopence for a
crust o' bread and cheese for supper.  And if you must go and drown
yourselves in beer, that leaves threepence each to go and do it with."

Ginger tried to speak to 'im, but 'is feelings was too much for 'im, and
'e couldn't.  Then Peter Russet swallered something 'e was going to say
and asked old Isaac very perlite to make it a quid for 'im because he was
going down to Colchester to see 'is mother, and 'e didn't want to go
empty-'anded.

"You're a good son, Peter," ses old Isaac, "and I wish there was more
like you.  I'll come down with you, if you like; I've got nothing to do."

Peter said it was very kind of 'im, but 'e'd sooner go alone, owing to
his mother being very shy afore strangers.

"Well, I'll come down to the station and take a ticket for you," ses
Isaac.

Then Peter lost 'is temper altogether, and banged 'is fist on the table
and smashed 'arf the crockery.  He asked Isaac whether 'e thought 'im and
Ginger Dick was a couple o' children, and 'e said if 'e didn't give 'em
all their money right away 'e'd give 'im in charge to the first policeman
they met.

"I'm afraid you didn't intend for to go and see your mother, Peter," ses
the old man.

"Look 'ere," ses Peter, "are you going to give us that money?"

"Not if you went down on your bended knees," ses the old man.

"Very good," says Peter, getting up and walking outside; "then come along
o' me to find a police-man."

"I'm agreeable," ses Isaac, "but I've got the paper you signed."

Peter said 'e didn't care twopence if 'e'd got fifty papers, and they
walked along looking for a police-man, which was a very unusual thing for
them to do.

"I 'ope for your sakes it won't be the same police-man that you and
Ginger Dick set on in Gun Alley the night afore you shipped on the
Planet," ses Isaac, pursing up 'is lips.

"'Tain't likely to be," ses Peter, beginning to wish 'e 'adn't been so
free with 'is tongue.

"Still, if I tell 'im, I dessay he'll soon find 'im," ses Isaac; "there's
one coming along now, Peter; shall I stop 'im?"

Peter Russet looked at 'im and then he looked at Ginger, and they walked
by grinding their teeth.  They stuck to Isaac all day, trying to get
their money out of 'im, and the names they called 'im was a surprise even
to themselves.  And at night they turned the room topsy-turvy agin
looking for their money and 'ad more unpleasantness when they wanted
Isaac to get up and let 'em search the bed.

They 'ad breakfast together agin next morning and Ginger tried another
tack.  He spoke quite nice to Isaac, and 'ad three large cups o' tea to
show 'im 'ow 'e was beginning to like it, and when the old man gave 'em
their eighteen-pences 'e smiled and said 'e'd like a few shillings extra
that day.

"It'll be all right, Isaac," he ses.  "I wouldn't 'ave a drink if you
asked me to.  Don't seem to care for it now.  I was saying so to you on'y
last night, wasn't I, Peter?"

"You was," ses Peter; "so was I."

"Then I've done you good, Ginger," ses Isaac, clapping 'im on the back.

"You 'ave," ses Ginger, speaking between his teeth, "and I thank you for
it.  I don't want drink; but I thought o' going to a music-'all this
evening."

"Going to wot?" ses old Isaac, drawing 'imself up and looking very
shocked.

"A music-'all," ses Ginger, trying to keep 'is temper.

"A music-'all," ses Isaac; "why, it's worse than a pub, Ginger.  I should
be a very poor friend o' yours if I let you go there--I couldn't think of
it."

"Wot's it got to do with you, you gray-whiskered serpent?"  screams
Ginger, arf mad with rage.  "Why don't you leave us alone?  Why don't you
mind your own business?  It's our money."

Isaac tried to talk to 'im, but 'e wouldn't listen, and he made such a
fuss that at last the coffee-shop keeper told 'im to go outside.  Peter
follered 'im out, and being very upset they went and spent their day's
allowance in the first hour, and then they walked about the streets
quarrelling as to the death they'd like old Isaac to 'ave when 'is time
came.

They went back to their lodgings at dinner-time; but there was no sign of
the old man, and, being 'ungry and thirsty, they took all their spare
clothes to a pawnbroker and got enough money to go on with.  Just to show
their independence they went to two music-'ails, and with a sort of idea
that they was doing Isaac a bad turn they spent every farthing afore they
got 'ome, and sat up in bed telling 'im about the spree they'd 'ad.

At five o'clock in the morning Peter woke up and saw, to 'is surprise,
that Ginger Dick was dressed and carefully folding up old Isaac's
clothes.  At first 'e thought that Ginger 'ad gone mad, taking care of
the old man's things like that, but afore 'e could speak Ginger noticed
that 'e was awake, and stepped over to 'im and whispered to 'im to dress
without making a noise.  Peter did as 'e was told, and, more puzzled than
ever, saw Ginger make up all the old man's clothes in a bundle and creep
out of the room on tiptoe.

"Going to 'ide 'is clothes?" 'e ses.

"Yes," ses Ginger, leading the way downstairs; "in a pawnshop.  We'll
make the old man pay for to-day's amusements."

Then Peter see the joke and 'e begun to laugh so 'ard that Ginger 'ad to
threaten to knock 'is head off to quiet 'im.  Ginger laughed 'imself when
they got outside, and at last, arter walking about till the shops opened,
they got into a pawnbroker's and put old Isaac's clothes up for fifteen
shillings.

[Illustration: "They put old Isaac's clothes up for fifteen shillings."]

First thing they did was to 'ave a good breakfast, and after that they
came out smiling all over and began to spend a 'appy day.  Ginger was in
tip-top spirits and so was Peter, and the idea that old Isaac was in bed
while they was drinking 'is clothes pleased them more than anything.
Twice that evening policemen spoke to Ginger for dancing on the pavement,
and by the time the money was spent it took Peter all 'is time to get 'im
'ome.

Old Isaac was in bed when they got there, and the temper 'e was in was
shocking; but Ginger sat on 'is bed and smiled at 'im as if 'e was saying
compliments to 'im.

"Where's my clothes?"  ses the old man, shaking 'is fist at the two of
'em.

Ginger smiled at 'im; then 'e shut 'is eyes and dropped off to sleep.

"Where's my clothes?" ses Isaac, turning to Peter.  "Closhe?" ses Peter,
staring at 'im.

"Where are they?"  ses Isaac.

It was a long time afore Peter could understand wot 'e meant, but as soon
as 'e did 'e started to look for 'em.  Drink takes people in different
ways, and the way it always took Peter was to make 'im one o' the most
obliging men that ever lived.  He spent arf the night crawling about on
all fours looking for the clothes, and four or five times old Isaac woke
up from dreams of earthquakes to find Peter 'ad got jammed under 'is bed,
and was wondering what 'ad 'appened to 'im.

None of 'em was in the best o' tempers when they woke up next morning,
and Ginger 'ad 'ardly got 'is eyes open before Isaac was asking 'im about
'is clothes agin.

"Don't bother me about your clothes," ses Ginger; "talk about something
else for a change."

"Where are they?"  ses Isaac, sitting on the edge of 'is bed.

Ginger yawned and felt in 'is waistcoat pocket--for neither of 'em 'ad
undressed--and then 'e took the pawn-ticket out and threw it on the
floor.  Isaac picked it up, and then 'e began to dance about the room as
if 'e'd gone mad.

"Do you mean to tell me you've pawned my clothes?" he shouts.

"Me and Peter did," ses Ginger, sitting up in bed and getting ready for a
row.

Isaac dropped on the bed agin all of a 'cap.  "And wot am I to do?" he
ses.

"If you be'ave yourself," ses Ginger, "and give us our money, me and
Peter'll go and get 'em out agin.  When we've 'ad breakfast, that is.
There's no hurry."

"But I 'aven't got the money," ses Isaac; "it was all sewn up in the
lining of the coat.  I've on'y got about five shillings.  You've made a
nice mess of it, Ginger, you 'ave."

"You're a silly fool, Ginger, that's wot you are," ses Peter.

"Sewn up in the lining of the coat?"  ses Ginger, staring.

"The bank-notes was," ses Isaac, "and three pounds in gold 'idden in the
cap.  Did you pawn that too?"

Ginger got up in 'is excitement and walked up and down the room.  "We
must go and get 'em out at once," he ses.

"And where's the money to do it with?"  ses Peter.

Ginger 'adn't thought of that, and it struck 'im all of a heap.  None of
'em seemed to be able to think of a way of getting the other ten
shillings wot was wanted, and Ginger was so upset that 'e took no notice
of the things Peter kept saying to 'im.

"Let's go and ask to see 'em, and say we left a railway-ticket in the
pocket," ses Peter.

Isaac shook 'is 'ead.  "There's on'y one way to do it," he ses.  "We
shall 'ave to pawn your clothes, Ginger, to get mine out with."

"That's the on'y way, Ginger," ses Peter, brightening up.  "Now, wot's
the good o' carrying on like that?  It's no worse for you to be without
your clothes for a little while than it was for pore old Isaac."

It took 'em quite arf an hour afore they could get Ginger to see it.
First of all 'e wanted Peter's clothes to be took instead of 'is, and
when Peter pointed out that they was too shabby to fetch ten shillings
'e 'ad a lot o' nasty things to say about wearing such old rags, and at
last, in a terrible temper, 'e took 'is clothes off and pitched 'em in a
'eap on the floor.

"If you ain't back in arf an hour, Peter," 'e ses, scowling at 'im,
"you'll 'ear from me, I can tell you."

"Don't you worry about that," ses Isaac, with a smile.  "I'm going to
take 'em."

"You?" ses Ginger; "but you can't.  You ain't got no clothes."

"I'm going to wear Peter's," ses Isaac, with a smile.

Peter asked 'im to listen to reason, but it was all no good.  He'd got
the pawn-ticket, and at last Peter, forgetting all he'd said to Ginger
Dick about using bad langwidge, took 'is clothes off, one by one, and
dashed 'em on the floor, and told Isaac some of the things 'e thought of
'im.

The old man didn't take any notice of 'im.  He dressed 'imself up very
slow and careful in Peter's clothes, and then 'e drove 'em nearly crazy
by wasting time making 'is bed.

"Be as quick as you can, Isaac," ses Ginger, at last; "think of us two
a-sitting 'ere waiting for you."

"I sha'n't forget it," ses Isaac, and 'e came back to the door after 'e'd
gone arf-way down the stairs to ask 'em not to go out on the drink while
'e was away.

It was nine o'clock when he went, and at ha'-past nine Ginger began to
get impatient and wondered wot 'ad 'appened to 'im, and when ten o'clock
came and no Isaac they was both leaning out of the winder with blankets
over their shoulders looking up the road.  By eleven o'clock Peter was in
very low spirits and Ginger was so mad 'e was afraid to speak to 'im.

They spent the rest o' that day 'anging out of the winder, but it was not
till ha'-past four in the after-noon that Isaac, still wearing Peter's
clothes and carrying a couple of large green plants under 'is arm, turned
into the road, and from the way 'e was smiling they thought it must be
all right.

"Wot 'ave you been such a long time for?"  ses Ginger, in a low, fierce
voice, as Isaac stopped underneath the winder and nodded up to 'em.

"I met a old friend," ses Isaac.

"Met a old friend?"  ses Ginger, in a passion.  "Wot d'ye mean, wasting
time like that while we was sitting up 'ere waiting and starving?"

"I 'adn't seen 'im for years," ses Isaac, "and time slipped away afore I
noticed it."

"I dessay," ses Ginger, in a bitter voice.  "Well, is the money all
right?"

"I don't know," ses Isaac; "I ain't got the clothes."

"Wot?"  ses Ginger, nearly falling out of the winder.  "Well, wot 'ave
you done with mine, then?  Where are they?  Come upstairs."

"I won't come upstairs, Ginger," ses Isaac, "because I'm not quite sure
whether I've done right.  But I'm not used to going into pawnshops, and I
walked about trying to make up my mind to go in and couldn't."

"Well, wot did you do then?"  ses Ginger, 'ardly able to contain hisself.

"While I was trying to make up my mind," ses old Isaac, "I see a man with
a barrer of lovely plants.  'E wasn't asking money for 'em, only old
clothes."

"Old clothes?" ses Ginger, in a voice as if 'e was being suffocated.

"I thought they'd be a bit o' green for you to look at," ses the old man,
'olding the plants up; "there's no knowing 'ow long you'll be up there.
The big one is yours, Ginger, and the other is for Peter."

"'Ave you gone mad, Isaac?"  ses Peter, in a trembling voice, arter
Ginger 'ad tried to speak and couldn't.

Isaac shook 'is 'ead and smiled up at 'em, and then, arter telling Peter
to put Ginger's blanket a little more round 'is shoulders, for fear 'e
should catch cold, 'e said 'e'd ask the landlady to send 'em up some
bread and butter and a cup o' tea.

They 'eard 'im talking to the landlady at the door, and then 'e went off
in a hurry without looking behind 'im, and the landlady walked up and
down on the other side of the road with 'er apron stuffed in 'er mouth,
pretending to be looking at 'er chimney-pots.

Isaac didn't turn up at all that night, and by next morning those two
unfortunate men see 'ow they'd been done.  It was quite plain to them
that Isaac 'ad been deceiving them, and Peter was pretty certain that 'e
took the money out of the bed while 'e was fussing about making it.  Old
Isaac kept 'em there for three days, sending 'em in their clothes bit by
bit and two shillings a day to live on; but they didn't set eyes on 'im
agin until they all signed on aboard the Planet, and they didn't set eyes
on their money until they was two miles below Gravesend.

[Illustration: "Old Isaac kept 'em there for three days."]





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