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Title: How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits - Embracing An Exposition Of The Principles Of Good Manners; - Useful Hints On The Care Of The Person, Eating, Drinking, - Exercise, Habits, Dress, Self-Culture, And Behavior At - Home; The Etiquette Of Salutations, Introductions, - Receptions, Visits, Dinners, Evening Parties, Conversation, - Letters, Presents, Weddings, Funerals, The Street, The - Church, Places Of Amusement, Traveling, Etc., With - Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, - and Rules of Order for Debating Societies
Author: Wells, Samuel R. (Samuel Roberts), 1820-1875
Language: English
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*** Start of this LibraryBlog Digital Book "How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits - Embracing An Exposition Of The Principles Of Good Manners; - Useful Hints On The Care Of The Person, Eating, Drinking, - Exercise, Habits, Dress, Self-Culture, And Behavior At - Home; The Etiquette Of Salutations, Introductions, - Receptions, Visits, Dinners, Evening Parties, Conversation, - Letters, Presents, Weddings, Funerals, The Street, The - Church, Places Of Amusement, Traveling, Etc., With - Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, - and Rules of Order for Debating Societies" ***
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_HAND-BOOKS FOR HOME IMPROVEMENT--No. III_
HOW TO BEHAVE
A POCKET MANUAL
OF
Republican Etiquette,
AND
GUIDE TO CORRECT PERSONAL HABITS,
EMBRACING
AN EXPOSITION OF THE PRINCIPLES OF GOOD MANNERS; USEFUL HINTS ON THE
CARE OF THE PERSON, EATING, DRINKING, EXERCISE, HABITS, DRESS,
SELF-CULTURE, AND BEHAVIOR AT HOME; THE ETIQUETTE OF SALUTATIONS,
INTRODUCTIONS, RECEPTIONS, VISITS, DINNERS, EVENING PARTIES,
CONVERSATION, LETTERS, PRESENTS, WEDDINGS, FUNERALS, THE STREET, THE
CHURCH, PLACES OF AMUSEMENT, TRAVELING, ETC.,
WITH
Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, and Rules of
Order for Debating Societies.
[Signature: Samuel R. (Roberts) Wells]
The air and manner which we neglect, as little things, are
frequently what the world judges us by, and makes them decide
for or against us.--_La Bruyère._ Order my steps in thy
word.--_Bible._
NEW YORK:
FOWLER & WELLS CO., PUBLISHERS,
753 BROADWAY.
1887.
ENTERED, ACCORDING TO ACT OF CONGRESS IN THE YEAR 1857 BY
FOWLER AND WELLS
IN THE CLERK'S OFFICE OF THE DISTRICT COURT OF THE UNITED
STATES FOR THE SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
Politeness Defined--The Foundation of Good Manners--The Civil
Code and the Code of Civility--The Instinct of Courtesy--
Chesterfield's Method--The Golden Rule--American Politeness--
Utility of Good Manners Illustrated. Page ix
I.--PERSONAL HABITS.
Where to Commence--Care of the Person a Social Duty--Cleanliness--
The Daily Bath--Soap and Water--The Feet--Change of Linen--The
Nails--The Head--The Teeth--The Breath--Eating and Drinking--What
to Eat--When to Eat--How much to Eat--What to Drink--Breathing--
Exercise--The Complexion--Tobacco--Spitting--Gin and Gentility--
Onions, etc.--Little Things 15
II.--DRESS.
The Meaning of Dress--The Uses of Dress--Fitness the First
Essential--The Art of Dress--The Short Dress for Ladies--
Working-Dress for Gentlemen--Ornaments--Materials for Dress--Mrs.
Manners on Dress--The Hair and Beard--Art _vs._ Fashion--Signs of
the Good Time Coming 31
III.--SELF-CULTURE.
Moral and Social Training--Cultivation of Language--Position and
Movement--The Ease and Grace of Childhood--Standing--Sitting--
Walking--Hints to the Ladies--Self-Command--Observation--Practical
Lesson 42
IV.--FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES.
Manners and Morals--Human Rights--Duties--The Rights of the
Senses--The Faculties and their Claims--Expression of
Opinions--The Sacredness of Privacy--Conformity--Singing out of
Tune--Doing as the Romans Do--Courtesy _vs._ Etiquette--An
Anecdote--Harmony--Equality--A Remark to be Remembered--General
Principles more Important than Particular Observances 48
V.--DOMESTIC MANNERS.
A Test of Good Manners--Good Behavior at Home--American
Children--Teaching Children to be Polite--Behavior to
Parents--Brothers and Sisters--Husband and Wife--Married
Lovers--Entertaining Guests--Letting your Guests Alone--Making
one "at Home"--Making Apologies--Duties of Guests--Treatment of
Servants--Rights of Servants--"Thank You" 56
VI.--THE OBSERVANCES OF EVERY-DAY LIFE.
Introductions--Letters of Introduction--Speaking without an
Introduction--Salutations--Receptions--Visits and Calls--Table
Manners--Conversations--Chesterfield on Conversation--Music--
Letters and Notes--Up and Down Stairs--Which Goes First?--An
American Habit--Gloved or Ungloved?--Equality--False Shame--
Pulling out one's Watch--Husband and Wife--Bowing _vs._
Curtseying--Presents--Snobbery--Children 64
VII.--ETIQUETTE OF OCCASIONS.
Dinner Parties--Invitations--Dress--Punctuality--Going to the
Table--Arrangement of Guests--Duties of the Host--Duties of the
Guests--The "Grace"--Eating Soup--Fish--The Third Course--What
to do with your Knife and Fork--Declining Wine--Finger Glasses--
Carving--Evening Parties and their Observances--French Leave--
Sports and Games--Promiscuous Kissing--Dancing--Christmas--The
New Year--Thanksgiving--Birthdays--Excursions and Picnics--
Weddings--Funerals 83
VIII.--THE ETIQUETTE OF PLACES.
How to Behave on the Street--Stopping Business Men on the Street--
Walking with Ladies--Shopping--At Church--At Places of Amusement--
In a Picture Gallery--The Presence--Traveling--The Rush for
Places--The Rights of Fellow-Travelers--Giving up Seats to the
Ladies--A Hint to the Ladies on Politeness--Paying Fares 100
IX.--LOVE AND COURTSHIP.
Boyish Loves--The Proper Age to Marry--Waiting for a Fortune--
Importance of Understanding Physiological Laws--Earnestness and
Sincerity in Love--Particular Attentions--Presents--Confidants--
Declarations--Asking "Pa"--Refusals--Engagement--Breaking Off--
Marriage 110
X.--PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE.
Courtesy in Debate--Origin of the Parliamentary Code--Rules of
Order--Motions--Speaking--Submitting a Question--Voting--A
Quorum The Democratic Principle--Privileged Questions--Order of
Business--Order of Debate 116
XI.--MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS.
Republican Distinctions--Natural Inequalities--American Toad
Eaters--General Lack of Reverence for Real Nobility--City and
Country--Imported Manners--Fictitious Titles--A Mirror for
Certain Men--Washington's Code of Manners--Our Social Uniform--A
Hint to the Ladies--An Obliging Disposition--Securing a
Home--Taste _vs._ Fashion--Special Claims--Propriety of
Deportment--False Pride--Awkwardness of being Dressed 124
XII.--MAXIMS FROM CHESTERFIELD.
Cheerfulness and Good Humor--The Art of Pleasing--Adaptation of
Manners--Bad Habits--Do what you are About--People who Never
Learn--Local Manners--How to Confer Favors--How to Refuse--
Spirit--Civility to Women 135
XIII.--ILLUSTRATIVE ANECDOTES.
Elder Blunt and Sister Scrub Taking off the Hat, or John and his
Employer--A Learned Man at Table--English Women in High Life--
"Say so, if you Please" 139
PREFACE.
This is an honest and earnest little book, if it has no other merit;
and has been prepared expressly for the use of the young people of our
great Republic, whom it is designed to aid in becoming, what we are
convinced they all desire to be, true American ladies and gentlemen.
Desiring to make our readers something better than mere imitators of
foreign manners, often based on social conditions radically different
from our own--something better than imitators of _any_ manners, in
fact, we have dwelt at greater length and with far more emphasis upon
general principles, than upon special observances, though the latter
have their place in our work. It has been our first object to impress
upon their minds the fact, that good manners and good morals rest upon
the same basis, and that justice and benevolence can no more be
satisfied without the one than without the other.
As in the other numbers of this series of Hand-Books, so in this, we
have aimed at usefulness rather than originality; but our plan being
radically different from that of most other manuals of etiquette, we
have been able to avail ourself to only a very limited extent of the
labors of others, except in the matter of mere conventional forms.
Sensible of the imperfections of our work, but hoping that it will do
some acceptable service in the cause of good manners, and aid, in a
humble way, in the building up of a truly American and republican
school of politeness, we now submit it, with great deference, to a
discerning public.
INTRODUCTION.
Some one has defined politeness as "only an elegant form of justice;"
but it is something more. It is the result of the combined action of
all the moral and social feelings, guided by judgment and refined by
taste. It requires the exercise of benevolence, veneration (in its
human aspect), adhesiveness, and ideality, as well as of
conscientiousness. It is the spontaneous recognition of human
solidarity--the flowering of philanthropy--the fine art of the social
passions. It is to the heart what music is to the ear, and painting
and sculpture to the eye.
One can not commit a greater mistake than to make politeness a mere
matter of arbitrary forms. It has as real and permanent a foundation
in the nature and relations of men and women, as have government and
the common law. The civil code is not more binding upon us than is the
code of civility. Portions of the former become, from time to time,
inoperative--mere dead letters on the statute-book, on account of the
conditions on which they were founded ceasing to exist; and many of
the enactments of the latter lose their significance and binding force
from the same cause. Many of the forms now in vogue, in what is called
fashionable society, are of this character. Under the circumstances
which called them into existence they were appropriate and beautiful;
under changed circumstances they are simply absurd. There are other
forms of observances over which time and place have no influence--which
are always and everywhere binding.
Politeness itself is always the same. The rules of etiquette, which
are merely the forms in which it finds expression, vary with time and
place. A sincere regard for the rights of others, in the smallest
matters as well as the largest, genuine kindness of heart; good taste,
and self-command, which are the foundations of good manners, are never
out of fashion; and a person who possesses them can hardly be rude or
discourteous, however far he may transgress conventional usages:
lacking these qualities, the most perfect knowledge of the rules of
etiquette and the strictest observance of them will not suffice to
make one truly polite.
"Politeness," says La Bruyère, "seems to be a certain care, by the
manner of our words and actions, to make others pleased with us and
themselves." This definition refers the matter directly to those
qualities of mind and heart already enumerated as the foundations of
good manners. To the same effect is the remark of Madame Celnart, that
"the grand secret of never-failing propriety of deportment is _to have
an intention of always doing right_."
Some persons have the "instinct of courtesy" so largely developed that
they seem hardly to need culture at all. They are equal to any
occasion, however novel. They never commit blunders, or if they do
commit them, they seem not to be blunders in them. So there are those
who sing, speak, or draw intuitively--by inspiration. The great
majority of us, however, must be content to acquire these arts by
study and practice. In the same way we must acquire the art of
behavior, so far as behavior is an art. We must possess, in the first
place, a sense of equity, good-will toward our fellow-men, kind
feelings, magnanimity and self-control. Cultivation will do the rest.
But we most never forget that manners as well as morals are founded on
certain eternal principles, and that while "the _letter_ killeth,"
"the _spirit_ giveth _life_."
The account which Lord Chesterfield gives of the method by which he
acquired the reputation of being the most polished man in England, is
a strong example of the efficacy of practice, in view of which no one
need despair. He was naturally singularly deficient in that grace
which afterward so distinguished him. "I had a strong desire," he
says, "to please, and was sensible that I had nothing but the desire.
I therefore resolved, if possible, to acquire the means too. I studied
attentively and minutely the dress, the air, the manner, the address,
and the turn of conversation of all those whom I found to be the
people in fashion, and most generally allowed to please. I imitated
them as well as I could: if I heard that one man was reckoned
remarkably genteel, I carefully watched his dress, motions, and
attitudes, and formed my own upon them. When I heard of another whose
conversation was agreeable and engaging I listened and attended to the
turn of it. I addressed myself, though _de très mauvaise grâce_ [with
a very bad grace], to all the most fashionable fine ladies; confessed
and laughed with them at my own awkwardness and rawness, recommending
myself as an object for them to try their skill in forming."
Lord Bacon says: "To attain good manners it almost sufficeth not to
despise them, and that if a man labor too much to express them, he
shall lose their grace, which is to be natural and unaffected."
To these testimonies we may add the observation of La Rochefoucauld,
that "in manners there are no good copies, for besides that the copy
is almost always clumsy or exaggerated, the air which is suited to one
person sits ill upon another."
The greater must have been the genius of Chesterfield which enabled
him to make the graces of others his own, appropriating them only so
far as they _fitted him_, instead of blindly and servilely imitating
his models.
C. P. Bronson truly says: "In politeness, as in every thing else
connected with the formation of character, we are too apt to begin on
the outside, instead of the inside; instead of beginning with the
heart, and trusting to that to form the manners, many begin with the
manners, and leave the heart to chance and influences. The golden rule
contains the very life and soul of politeness: 'Do unto others as you
would they should do unto you.' Unless children and youth are taught,
by precept and example, to abhor what is selfish, and prefer another's
pleasure and comfort to their own, their politeness will be entirely
artificial, and used only when interest and policy dictate. True
politeness is perfect freedom and ease, treating others just as you
love to be treated. Nature is always graceful: affectation, with all
her art, can never produce any thing half so pleasing. The very
perfection of elegance is to imitate nature; how much better to have
the reality than the imitation! Anxiety about the opinions of others
fetters the freedom of nature and tends to awkwardness; all would
appear well if they never tried to assume what they do not possess."
A writer in _Life Illustrated_, to whose excellent observations on
etiquette we shall have further occasion to refer, contends that the
instinct of courtesy is peculiarly strong in the American people. "It
is shown," he says, "in the civility which marks our intercourse with
one another. It is shown in the deference which is universally paid to
the presence of the gentler sex. It is shown in the excessive fear
which prevails among us of offending public opinion. It is shown in
the very extravagances of our costume and decoration, in our lavish
expenditures upon house and equipage. It is shown in the avidity with
which every new work is bought and read which pretends to lay down
the laws that govern the behavior of circles supposed to be, _par
excellence_, polite. It is shown in the fact, that, next to calling a
man a liar, the most offensive and stinging of all possible
expressions is, 'You are no gentleman!'"
He claims that this is a national trait, and expresses the belief that
every uncorrupt American man desires to be, and to be thought, a
gentleman; that every uncorrupt American woman desires to be, and to
be thought, a lady.
"But," he adds, "the instinct of courtesy is not enough, nor is
opportunity equivalent to possession. The truth is palpable, that our
men are not all gentlemen, nor our women all ladies, nor our children
all docile and obliging. In that small and insignificant circle which
is called 'Society,' which, small and insignificant as it is, gives
the tone to the manners of the nation, the chief efforts seem to be,
to cleanse the outside of the platter, to conceal defects by gloss and
glitter. Its theory of politeness and its maxims of behavior are drawn
from a state of things so different from that which here prevails,
that they produce in us little besides an exaggerated ungracefulness,
a painful constraint, a complete artificiality of conduct and
character. We are trying to shine in borrowed plumes. We would glisten
with foreign varnish. To produce an _effect_ is our endeavor. We
prefer to _act_, rather than _live_. The politeness which is based on
sincerity, good-will, self-conquest, and a minute, habitual regard for
the rights of others, is not, we fear, the politeness which finds
favor in the saloons upon which the upholsterer has exhausted the
resources of his craft. Yet without possessing, in a certain degree,
the qualities we have named, no man ever did, and no man ever will,
become a gentleman. Where they do not bear sway, society may be
brilliant in garniture, high in pretension, but it is intrinsically
and incurably _vulgar_!"
The utility of good manners is universally acknowledged perhaps, but
the extent to which genuine courtesy may be made to contribute to our
success as well as our happiness is hardly realized. We can not more
satisfactorily illustrate this point than by quoting the following
lesson of experience from the Autobiography of the late Dr. Caldwell,
the celebrated physician and phrenologist:
"In the year 1825 I made, in London, in a spirit of wager, a decisive
and satisfactory experiment as to the effect of civil and courteous
manners on people of various ranks and descriptions.
"There were in a place a number of young Americans, who often
complained to me of the neglect and rudeness experienced by them from
citizens to whom they spoke in the streets. They asserted, in
particular, that as often as they requested directions to any point in
the city toward which they were proceeding, they either received an
uncivil and evasive answer, or none at all. I told them that my
experience on the same subject had been exceedingly different: that I
had never failed to receive a civil reply to my questions--often
communicating the information requested: and that I could not help
suspecting that their failure to receive similar answers arose, in
part at least, if not entirely, to the plainness, not to say the
bluntness, of their manner in making their inquiries. The correctness
of this charge, however, they sturdily denied, asserting that their
manner of asking for information was good enough for those to whom
they addressed themselves. Unable to convince them by words of the
truth of my suspicions, I proposed to them the following simple and
conclusive experiment:
"'Let us take together a walk of two or three hours in some of the
public streets of the city. You shall yourselves designate the persons
to whom I shall propose questions, and the subjects also to which the
question shall relate; and the only restriction imposed is, that no
question shall be proposed to any one who shall appear to be greatly
hurried, agitated, distressed, or any other way deeply preoccupied, in
mind or body, and no one shall speak to the person questioned but
myself.'
"My proposition being accepted, out we sallied, and to work we went;
and I continued my experiment until my young friends surrendered at
discretion, frankly acknowledging that my opinion was right, and
theirs, of course was wrong; and that, in our passage through life,
courtesy of address and deportment may be made both a pleasant and
powerful means to attain our ends and gratify our wishes.
"I put questions to more than twenty persons of every rank, from the
high-bred gentleman to the servant in livery, and received in every
instance a satisfactory reply. If the information asked for was not
imparted, the individual addressed gave an assurance of his at being
unable to communicate it.
"What seemed to surprise my friends was, that the individuals accosted
by me almost uniformly imitated my own manner. If I uncovered my head,
as I did in speaking to a gentleman, or even to a man of ordinary
appearance and breeding, he did the same in his reply; and when I
touched my hat to a liveried coachman or waiting man, his hat was
immediately under his arm. So much may be done, and such advantages
gained, by simply avoiding coarseness and vulgarity, and being well
bred and agreeable. Nor can the case be otherwise. For the foundation
of good breeding is good nature and good sense--two of the most useful
and indispensable attributes of a well-constituted mind. Let it not be
forgotten, however, that good breeding is not to be regarded as
identical with politeness--a mistake which is too frequently, if not
generally, committed. A person may be exceedingly polite without the
much higher and more valuable accomplishment of good breeding."
Believing that the natural qualities essential to the character of the
gentleman or the lady exist in a high degree among our countrymen and
countrywomen, and that they universally desire to develop these
qualities, and to add to them the necessary knowledge of all the truly
significant and living forms and usages of good society, we have
written the work now before you. We have not the vanity to believe
that the mere reading of it will, of itself, convert an essentially
vulgar person into a lady or a gentleman; but we do hope that we have
furnished those who most need it with available and efficient aid; and
in this hope we dedicate this little "Manual of Republican Etiquette"
to all who are, or would be, in the highest sense of these terms,
TRUE REPUBLICAN LADIES OR GENTLEMEN
HOW TO BEHAVE.
I.
PERSONAL HABITS.
Attention to the person is the first necessity of good
manners.--_Anon._
I.--WHERE TO COMMENCE.
If you wish to commence aright the study of manners, you must make
your own person the first lesson. If you neglect this you will apply
yourself to those which follow with very little profit. Omit,
therefore, any other chapter in the book rather than this.
The proper care and adornment of the person is a social as well as an
individual duty. You have a right to go about with unwashed hands and
face, and to wear soiled and untidy garments, perhaps, but you have no
right to offend the senses of others by displaying such hands, face,
and garments in society. Other people have rights as well as yourself,
and no right of yours can extend so far as to infringe theirs.
But we may safely assume that no reader of these pages wishes to
render himself disgusting or even disagreeable or to cut himself off
from the society of his fellow-men. We address those who seek social
intercourse and desire to please. _They_ will not think our words
amiss, even though they may seem rather "personal;" since we have
their highest good in view, and speak in the most friendly spirit.
Those who do not need our hints and suggestions under this head, and
to whom none of our remarks may apply, will certainly have the
courtesy to excuse them for the sake of those to whom they will be
useful.
II.--CLEANLINESS.
"Cleanliness is akin to godliness," it is said. It is not less closely
related to gentility. First of all, then, keep yourself scrupulously
clean--not your hands and face merely, but your whole person, from the
crown of your head to the sole of your foot. Silk stockings may hide
dirty feet and ankles from the eye, but they often reveal themselves
to another sense, when the possessor little dreams of such an
exposure. It is far better to dress coarsely and out of fashion and be
strictly clean, than to cover a dirty skin with the finest and richest
clothing. A coarse shirt or a calico dress is not necessarily vulgar,
but dirt is essentially so. We do not here refer, of course, to one's
condition while engaged in his or her industrial occupation. Soiled
hands and even a begrimed face are badges of honor in the field, the
workshop, or the kitchen, but in a country in which soap and water
abound, there is no excuse for carrying them into the parlor or the
dining-room.
A clean skin is as essential to health, beauty, and personal comfort
as it is to decency; and without health and that perfect freedom from
physical disquiet which comes only from the normal action of all the
functions of the bodily organs, your behavior can never be
satisfactory to yourself or agreeable to others. Let us urge you,
then, to give this matter your first attention.
1. _The Daily Bath._
To keep clean you must bathe frequently. In the first place you should
wash the whole body with pure soft water every morning on rising from
your bed, rubbing it till dry with a coarse towel, and afterward using
friction with the hands. If you have not been at all accustomed to
cold bathing, commence with tepid water, lowering the temperature by
degrees till that which is perfectly cold becomes agreeable. In warm
weather, comfort and cleanliness alike require still more frequent
bathing. Mohammed made frequent ablutions a religious duty; and in
that he was right. The rank and fetid odors which exhale from a foul
skin can hardly be neutralized by the sweetest incense of devotion.
2. _Soap and Water._
But the daily bath of which we have spoken is not sufficient. In
addition to the pores from which exudes the watery fluid called
perspiration, the skin is furnished with innumerable minute openings,
known as the sebaceous follicles, which pour over its surface a thin
limpid oil anointing it and rendering it soft and supple; but also
causing the dust as well as the effete matter thrown out by the pores
to adhere, and, if allowed to accumulate, finally obstructing its
functions and causing disease. It also, especially in warm weather,
emits an exceedingly disagreeable odor. Pure cold water will not
wholly remove these oily accumulations. The occasional use of soap and
warm or tepid water is therefore necessary; but all washings with
soapy or warm water should be followed by a thorough rinsing with pure
cold water. Use good, fine soap. The common coarser kinds are
generally too strongly alkaline and have an unpleasant effect upon the
skin.
3. _The Feet._
The feet are particularly liable to become offensively odoriferous,
especially when the perspiration is profuse. Frequent washings with
cold water, with the occasional use of warm water and soap, are
absolutely necessary to cleanliness.
4. _Change of Linen._
A frequent change of linen is another essential of cleanliness. It
avails little to wash the body if we inclose it the next minute in
soiled garments. It is not in the power of every one to wear fine and
elegant clothes, but we can all, under ordinary circumstances, afford
clean shirts, drawers, and stockings. Never sleep in any garment worn
during the day; and your night-dress should be well aired every
morning.
5. _The Nails._
You will not, of course, go into company, or sit down to the table,
with soiled hands, but unless you habituate yourself to a special care
of them, more or less dirt will be found lodged under the nails. Clean
them carefully every time you wash your hands, and keep them smoothly
and evenly cut. If you allow them to get too long they are liable to
be broken off, and become uneven and ragged, and if you pare them too
closely they fail to protect the ends of the fingers.
6. _The Head._
The head is more neglected, perhaps, than any other part of the body.
The results are not less disastrous here than elsewhere. Dandruff
forms, dust accumulates, the scalp becomes diseased, the hair grows
dry, and falls off and if the evil be not remedied, premature baldness
ensues. The head should be thoroughly washed as often as cleanliness
demands. This will not injure the hair, as many suppose, but, on the
contrary, will promote its growth and add to its beauty. If soap is
used, however, it should be carefully rinsed off. If the hair is
carefully and _thoroughly_ brushed every morning, it will not require
very frequent washings. If the scalp be kept in a healthy condition
the hair will be moist, glossy, and luxuriant, and no oil or hair wash
will be required; and these preparations generally do more harm than
good. Night-caps are most unwholesome and uncleanly contrivances, and
should be discarded altogether. They keep the head unnaturally warm,
shut out the fresh air, and shut in those natural exhalations which
should be allowed to pass off, and thus weaken the hair and render it
more liable to fall off. Ladies may keep their hair properly together
during repose by wearing a _net_ over it.
7. _The Teeth._
Do not forget the teeth. Cleanliness, health, a pure breath, and the
integrity and durability of those organs require that they be
thoroughly and effectually scoured with the tooth-brush dipped in soft
water, with the addition of a little soap, if necessary, every
morning. Brush them outside and inside, and in every possible
direction. You can not be too careful in this matter. After brushing
rinse your mouth with cold water. A slighter brushing should be given
them after each meal. Use an ivory tooth-pick or a quill to remove any
particles of food that may be lodged between the teeth.
There are, no doubt, original differences in teeth, as in other parts
of the human system, some being more liable to decay than others; but
the simple means we have pointed out, if adopted in season and
perseveringly applied, will preserve almost any teeth, in all their
usefulness and reality, till old age. If yours have been neglected,
and some of them are already decayed, hasten to preserve the
remainder. While you have _any_ teeth left, it is never too late to
begin to take care of them; and if you have children, do not, we
entreat you, neglect _their_ teeth. If the first or temporary teeth
are cared for and preserved, they will be mainly absorbed by the
second or permanent ones, and will drop out of themselves. The others,
in that case, will come out regular and even.
Beware of the teeth-powders, teeth-washes, and the like, advertised in
the papers. They are often even more destructive to the teeth than the
substances they are intended to remove. If any teeth-powder is
required, pure powdered charcoal is the best thing you can procure;
but if the teeth are kept clean, in the way we have directed, there
will be little occasion for any other dentrifices than pure water and
a little soap. Your tooth-brushes should be rather soft; those which
are too hard injuring both the teeth and the gums.
8. _The Breath._
A bad breath arises more frequently than otherwise from neglected and
decayed teeth. If it is occasioned by a foul stomach, a pure diet,
bathing, water injections, and a general attention to the laws of
health are required for its removal.
III.--EATING AND DRINKING.
Whatever has a bearing upon health has at least an indirect connection
with manners; the reader will therefore excuse us for introducing here
a few remarks which may seem, at the first glance, rather irrelevant.
Sound lungs, a healthy liver, and a good digestion are as essential to
the right performance of our social duties as they are to our own
personal comfort; therefore a few words on eating and drinking, as
affecting these, will not be out of place.
1. _What to Eat._
An unperverted appetite is the highest authority in matters of diet.
In fact, its decisions should be considered final, and without the
privilege of appeal. Nature makes no mistakes.
The plant selects from the soil which its roots permeate, the chemical
elements necessary to its growth and perfect development, rejecting
with unerring certainty every particle which would prove harmful or
useless. The wild animal chooses with equal certainty the various
kinds of food adapted to the wants of its nature, never poisoning
itself by eating or drinking any thing inimical to its life and
health. The sense of taste and the wants of the system act in perfect
harmony. So it should be with man. That which most perfectly gratifies
the appetite should be the best adapted to promote health, strength,
and beauty.
But appetite, like all the other instincts or feelings of our nature,
is liable to become perverted, and to lead us astray. We acquire a
relish for substances which are highly hurtful, such as tobacco,
ardent spirits, malt liquors, and the like. We have "sought out many
inventions," to pander to false and fatal tastes, and too often eat,
not to sustain life and promote the harmonious development of the
system, but to poison the very fountains of our being and implant in
our blood the seeds of disease.
Attend to the demands of appetite, but use all your judgment in
determining whether it is a natural, undepraved craving of the system
which speaks, or an acquired and vicious taste, and give or withhold
accordingly; and, above all, never eat when you have _no appetite_.
Want of appetite is equivalent to the most authoritative command to
_eat nothing_, and we disregard it at our peril. Food, no matter how
wholesome, taken into our stomachs under such circumstances, instead
of being digested and appropriated, becomes rank poison. _Eating
without appetite is one of the most fatal of common errors._
We have no room, even if we had the ability and the desire, to discuss
the comparative merits of the two opposing systems of diet--the
vegetarian and the mixed. We shall consider the question of
flesh-eating an open one.
Your food should be adapted to the climate, season, and your
occupation. In the winter and in northern climates a larger proportion
of the fatty or carboniferous elements are required than in summer and
in southern latitudes. The Esquimaux, in his snow-built hut, swallows
immense quantities of train-oil, without getting the dyspepsia; still,
we do not recommend train-oil as an article of diet; neither can we
indorse the eating of pork in any form; but these things are far less
hurtful in winter than in summer, and to those who labor in the open
air than to the sedentary.
Live well. A generous diet promotes vitality and capability for
action. "Good cheer is friendly to health." But do not confound a
generous diet with what is usually called "rich" food. Let all your
dishes be nutritious, but plain, simple, and wholesome. Avoid highly
seasoned viands and very greasy food at all times, but particularly in
warm weather, also too much nutriment in the highly condensed forms of
sugar, syrup, honey, and the like.
If you eat flesh, partake sparingly of it especially in summer. We
Americans are the greatest flesh-eaters in the world, and it is not
unreasonable to believe that there may be some connection between this
fact and the equally notorious one that we are the most unhealthy
people in the world. An untold amount of disease results from the too
free use of flesh during the hot months. Heat promotes putrefaction;
and as this change in meat is very rapid in warm weather, we can not
be too careful not to eat that which is in the slightest degree
tainted. Even when it goes into the stomach in a normal condition,
there is danger; for if too much is eaten, or the digestive organs are
not sufficiently strong and active, the process of putrefaction may
commence in the stomach and diffuse a subtle poison through the whole
system.
_Hot_ biscuits; _hot_ griddle cakes, saturated with butter and
Stuart's syrup; and _hot_ coffee, scarcely modified at all by the
small quantity of milk usually added, are among the most deleterious
articles ever put upon a table. While these continue to be the staples
of our breakfasts, healthy stomachs and clear complexions will be rare
among us. Never eat or drink _any thing_ HOT.
Good bread is an unexceptionable article of diet. The best is made of
unbolted wheat flour. A mixture of wheat and rye flour, or of corn
meal with either, makes excellent bread. The meal and flour should be
freshly ground; they deteriorate by being kept long. If raised or
fermented bread is required, hop yeast is the best ferment that can be
used. [For complete directions for bread-making, see Dr. Trall's
"Hydropathic Cook-Book."]
The exclusive use of fine or bolted flour for bread, biscuits, and
cakes of all kinds, is exceedingly injurious to health. The _lignin_
or woody fiber which forms the bran of grains is just as essential to
a perfect and healthful nutrition as are starch, sugar, gum, and
fibrin, and the rejection of this element is one of the most
mischievous errors of modern cookery.
Johnny-cake, or corn bread, is an excellent article, which is not yet
fully appreciated. It is palatable and wholesome. Hominy, samp,
cracked wheat, oatmeal mush, and boiled rice should have a high place
on your list of edibles. Beans and peas should be more generally eaten
than they are. They are exceedingly nutritious, and very palatable. In
New England, "pork and beans" hold the place of honor, but elsewhere
in this country they are almost unknown. Leaving out the pork (which,
personally, we hold in more than Jewish abhorrence), nothing can be
better, provided they are eaten in moderation and with a proper
proportion of less nutritious food. They should be well baked in pure,
soft water. A sufficient quantity of salt to season them, with the
addition of a little sweet milk, cream, or butter while baking, leaves
nothing to be desired. If meat is wanted, however, a slice of
beefsteak, laid upon the surface, will serve a better purpose than
pork. Potatoes, beets, turnips, carrots, parsneps, and cabbages are
good in their place.
But Nature indicates very plainly that fruits and berries, in their
season, should have a prominent place in our dietary. They are
produced in abundance, and every healthy stomach instinctively craves
them. Strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, whortleberries,
cherries, plums, grapes, figs, apples, pears, peaches, and melons are
"food fit for gods." We pity those whose perverted taste or digestion
leads to their rejection. But some are _afraid_ to eat fruits and
berries, particularly in midsummer, just the time when nature and
common sense say they should be eaten most freely. They have the fear
of cholera, dysentery, and similar diseases before their eyes, and
have adopted the popular but absurd idea that fruit eating predisposes
to disorders of the stomach and bowels. Exactly the reverse is the
fact. There are no better preventives of such diseases than _ripe_
fruits and berries, eaten in proper quantities and at proper times
Unripe fruits should be scrupulously avoided, and that which is in any
measure decayed as scarcely less objectionable. Fruit and berries
should make a part of every meal in summer. In winter they are less
necessary, but may be eaten with advantage, if within our reach; and
they are easily preserved in various ways.
We might write a volume on the subject of food, but these general
hints must suffice. If you would pursue the inquiry, read O. S.
Fowler's "Physiology, Animal and Mental," and the "Hydropathic
Cook-Book," already referred to.
2. _When to Eat._
Eat when the stomach, through the instinct of appetite, demands a new
supply of food. If all your habits are regular, this will be at about
the same hours each day; and regularity in the time of taking our
meals is very important. Want of attention to this point is a frequent
cause of derangement of the digestive organs. We can not stop to
discuss the question how many meals per day we should eat; but whether
you eat one, two, or three, never, under ordinary circumstances, take
lunches. The habit of eating between meals is a most pernicious one.
Not even your children must be indulged in it, as you value their
health, comfort, and good behavior.
3. _How Much to Eat._
We can not tell you, by weight or measure, how much to eat, the right
quantity depending much upon age, sex, occupation, season, and
climate, but the quantity is quite as important as the quality.
Appetite would be a sure guide in both respects were it not so often
perverted and diseased. As a general rule, we eat too much. It is
better to err in the other direction. An uncomfortable feeling of
fullness, or of dullness and stupor after a meal is a sure sign of
over-eating, so whatever and whenever you eat, _eat slowly, masticate
your food well_, and DO NOT EAT TOO MUCH.
4. _Drink._
If we eat proper food, and in proper quantity, we are seldom thirsty.
Inordinate thirst indicates a feverish state of either the stomach or
the general system. It is pretty sure to follow a too hearty meal.
Water is the proper drink for everybody and for every thing that lives
or grows. It should be pure and soft. Many diseases arise wholly from
the use of unwholesome water. If you drink tea (which we do not
recommend), let it be the best of black tea, and _not_ strong. Coffee,
if drunk at all, should be diluted with twice its quantity of boiled
milk, and well sweetened with white sugar.
IV.--BREATHING.
Breathing is as necessary as eating. If we cease to breathe, our
bodies cease to live. If we only _half_ breathe, as is often the case,
we only half live. The human system requires a constant supply of
oxygen to keep up the vital processes which closely resemble
combustion, of which oxygen is the prime supporter. If the supply is
insufficient, the fire of life wanes. The healthy condition of the
lungs also requires that they be completely expanded by the air
inhaled. The imperfect breathing of many persons fails to accomplish
the required inflation, and the lungs become diseased for want of
their natural action. Full, deep breathing and pure air are as
essential to health, happiness, and the right performance of our
duties, whether individual, political, or social, as pure food and
temperate habits of eating and drinking are. Attend, then, to the
lungs as well as the stomach. Breathe good air. Have all your rooms,
and especially your sleeping apartment well ventilated. The air which
has been vitiated by breathing or by the action of fire, which
abstracts the oxygen and supplies its place with carbonic acid gas, is
a _subtle poison_.
V.--EXERCISE.
The amount of physical exercise required varies with age, sex, and
temperament; but no person can enjoy vigorous health without a
considerable degree of active bodily exertion. Four or five hours per
day spent in the open air, in some labor or amusement which calls for
the exercise of the muscles of the body, is probably no more than a
proper average. We can live with less--that is, for a short time; but
Nature's laws are inexorable, and we can not escape the penalty
affixed to their violation. Those whose occupations are sedentary
should seek amusements which require the exertion of the physical
powers, and should spend as much as possible of their leisure time in
the open air. We must, however, use good judgment in this matter as
well as in eating. Too much exercise at once, or that which is fitful
and violent, is often exceedingly injurious to those whose occupations
have accustomed them to little physical exertion of any kind.
The women of our country are suffering incalculably for want of proper
exercise. No other single cause perhaps is doing so much to destroy
health and beauty, and deteriorate the race, as this. "Your women are
very handsome," Frederika Bremer said, one day, "but they are too
white; they look as if they grew in the shade." A sad truth. Ladies,
if you would be healthy, beautiful, and attractive--if you would fit
yourselves to be good wives, and the mothers of strong and noble men,
you _must_ take an adequate amount of exercise in the open air. _This
should be an every-day duty._
VI.--THE COMPLEXION.
Every person, and especially every lady, desires a clear complexion.
To secure this, follow the foregoing directions in reference to
cleanliness, eating, drinking, breathing, and exercise. The same
recipe serves for ruby lips and rosy cheeks. These come and go with
health, and health depends upon obedience to the laws of our
constitution.
VII.--GENERAL HINTS.
Few of us are free from disagreeable habits of which we are hardly
conscious, so seemingly natural have they become to us. It is the
office of friendship, though not always a pleasant one, to point them
out. It is our business to assume that office here, finding our excuse
in the necessity of the case. Our bad habits not only injure
ourselves, but they give offense to others, and indirectly injure them
also.
1. _Tobacco._
Ladies, in this country, do not use tobacco, so they may skip this
section. A large and increasing number of gentlemen may do the same;
but if you use tobacco, in any forth, allow us to whisper a useful
hint or two in your ear.
Smoking, snuff-taking, and especially chewing, are bad habits at best,
and in their coarser forms highly disgusting to pure and refined
people, and especially to ladies. You have the same right to smoke,
take snuff, and chew that you have to indulge in the luxuries of a
filthy skin and soiled garments, but you have no right, in either
case, to do violence to the senses and sensibilities of other people
by their exhibition in society. Smoke if you will, chew, take snuff
(against our earnest advice, however), make yourself generally and
particularly disagreeable, but you must suffer the consequences--the
social outlawry which must result. Shall we convert our parlors into
tobacco shops, risk the ruin of our carpets and furniture from the
random shots of your disgusting saliva, and fill the whole atmosphere
of our house with a pungent stench, to the discomfort and disgust of
everybody else, merely for the pleasure of your company? We have
rights as well as you, one of which is to exclude from our circle all
persons whose manners or habits are distasteful to us. You talk of
rights. You can not blame others for exercising theirs.
There are degrees here as everywhere else. One may chew a _little_,
smoke an _occasional_ cigar, and take a pinch of snuff _now_ and
_then_, and if he never indulges in these habits in the presence of
others, and is very careful to purify his person before going into
company, he may confine the bad effects, which he can not escape,
_mostly_ to his own person. But he must not smoke in any parlor, or
sitting-room, or dining-room, or sleeping chamber, or in the street,
and particularly not in the presence of ladies, _anywhere_.
2. _Spitting._
"The use of tobacco has made us a nation of spitters," as some one has
truly remarked. Spitting is a private act, and tobacco users are not
alone in violating good taste and good manners by hawking and spitting
in company. You should never be seen to spit. Use your handkerchief
carefully and so as not to be noticed, or, in case of necessity, leave
the room.
3. _Gin and Gentility._
The spirit and tenor of our remarks on tobacco will apply to the use
of ardent spirits. The fumes of gin, whisky, and rum are, if possible,
worse than the scent of tobacco. They must on no account be brought
into company. If a man (this is another section which women may skip)
will make a beast of himself, and fill his blood with liquid poison,
he must, if he desires admission into good company, do it either
privately or with companions whose senses and appetites are as
depraved as his own.
4. _Onions, etc._
All foods or drinks which taint the breath or cause disagreeable
eructations should be avoided by persons going into company. Onions
emit so very disagreeable an odor that no truly polite person will eat
them when liable to inflict their fumes upon others. Particular care
should be taken to guard against a bad breath from _any_ cause.
5. _Several Items._
Never pare or scrape your nails, pick your teeth, comb your hair, or
perform any of the necessary operations of the toilet in company. All
these things should be carefully attended to in the privacy of your
own room. To pick the nose, dig the ears, or scratch the head or any
part of the person in company is still worse. Watch yourself
carefully, and if you have any such habits, break them up at once.
These may seem little things, but they have their weight, and go far
in determining the character of the impression we make upon those
around us.
II.
DRESS.
From little matters let us pass to less,
And lightly touch the mysteries of dress;
The outward forms the inner man reveal;
We guess the pulp before we eat the peel.--_O. W. Holmes._
I.--THE LANGUAGE OF DRESS.
Dress has its language, which is, or may be, read and understood by
all. It is one of the forms in which we naturally give expression to
our tastes, our constructive faculties, our reason, our feelings, our
habits--in a word, to our character, as a whole. This expression is
often greatly modified by the arbitrary laws of Fashion, and by
circumstances of time, place, and condition, which we can not wholly
control; but can hardly be entirely falsified. Even that arch tyrant,
the reigning _Mode_, whatever it may be, leaves us little room for
choice in materials, forms, and colors, and the choice we make
indicates our prominent traits of character.
II.--THE USES OF DRESS.
"Dress," that admirable Art Journal the _Crayon_ says, "has two
functions--to clothe and to ornament; and while we can not lose sight
of either point, we must not attribute to the one a power which
belongs to the other. The essential requirement of dress is to cover
and make comfortable the body, and of two forms of dress which fulfill
this function equally well, that is the better which is most accordant
with the laws of beauty. But fitness must in nowise be interfered
with; and the garb which infringes on this law gives us pain rather
than pleasure. We believe that it will be found that fitness and
beauty, so far from requiring any sacrifice for combination, are found
each in the highest degree where both are most fully obtained--that
the fittest, most comfortable dress is that which is most graceful or
becoming. Fitness is the primary demand; and _the dress that appears
uncomfortable is untasteful_.
"But in the secondary function of dress, ornamentation, there are
several diverse objects to be attained--dignity, grace, vivacity,
brilliancy, are qualities distinguishing different individuals, and
indicating the impression they wish to make on society, and are
expressed by different combinations of the elements of beauty, line,
or form, and color. When the appareling of the outer being is in most
complete harmony with the mental constitution, the taste is fullest."
III.--THE ART OF DRESS.
True art adapts dress to its uses, as indicated in the foregoing
extract. It is based on universal principles fundamental to all art.
The art-writer already quoted says, very truly, that "Dress is always
to be considered as secondary to the person." This is a fundamental
maxim in the art of costume, but is often lost sight of, and dress
made _obtrusive_ at the expense of the individuality of the wearer. A
man's vest or cravat must not seem a too important part of him. Dress
may heighten beauty, but it can not create it. If you are not better
and more beautiful than your clothes you are, indeed, a man or a woman
of straw.
The next principle to be regarded is the _fitness_ of your costume, in
its forms materials, and colors, to your person and circumstances, and
to the conditions of the time, place and occasion on which it is to be
worn. Fashion often compels us to violate this principle, and dress
in the most absurd, incongruous, unbecoming, and uncomfortable style.
A little more self-respect and independence, however, would enable us
to resist many of her most preposterous enactments. But Fashion is not
responsible for all the incongruities in dress with which we meet.
They are often the result of bad taste and affectation.
The first demand of this law of fitness is, that your costume shall
accord with your person. The young and the old, we all instinctively
know, should not dress alike. Neither should the tall and the short,
the dark and the light, the pale and the rosy, the grave and the gay,
the tranquil and the vivacious. Each variety of form, color, and
character has its appropriate style; but our space here is too limited
to allow us to do more than drop a hint toward what each requires, to
produce the most harmonious and effective combination. In another
work,[A] now in the course of preparation, this important subject will
be treated in detail.
"In form, simplicity and long, unbroken lines give dignity, while
complicated and short lines express vivacity. Curves, particularly if
long and sweeping, give grace while straight lines and angles indicate
power and strength. In color, unity of tint gives repose--if somber,
gravity but if light and clear, then a joyous serenity--variety of
tint giving vivacity, and if contrasted, brilliancy."
Longitudinal stripes in a lady's dress make her appear taller than she
really is, and are therefore appropriate for persons of short stature.
Tall women, for this reason, should never wear them. Flounces are
becoming to tall persons, but not to short ones. The colors worn
should be determined by the complexion, and should harmonize with it.
"Ladies with delicate rosy complexions bear white and blue better than
dark colors, while sallow hues of complexion will not bear these
colors near them, and require dark, quiet, or grave colors to improve
their appearance. Yellow is the most trying and dangerous of all, and
can only be worn by the rich-toned, healthy-looking brunette."
In the second place, there should be harmony between your dress and
your circumstances. It should accord with your means, your house, your
furniture, the place in which you reside, and the society in which you
move.
Thirdly, your costume should be suited to the time, place, and
occasion on which it is to be worn. That summer clothes should not be
worn in winter, or winter clothes in summer, every one sees clearly
enough. The law of fitness as imperatively demands that you should
have one dress for the kitchen, the field, or the workshop, and
another, and quite a different one, for the parlor; one for the street
and another for the carriage, one for a ride on horseback and another
for a ramble in the country. Long, flowing, and even trailing skirts
are beautiful and appropriate in the parlor, but in the muddy streets,
draggling in the filth, and embarrassing every movement of the wearer,
or in the country among the bushes and briers, they lose all their
beauty and grace, because no longer fitting. The prettiest costume we
have ever seen for a shopping excursion or a walk in the city, and
especially for a ramble in the country, is a short dress or frock
reaching to the knee, and trowsers of the common pantaloon form, but
somewhat wider. Full Turkish trowsers might be worn with this dress,
but are less convenient. The waist or body of the dress is made with a
yoke and belt, and pretty full. The sleeves should be gathered into a
band and buttoned at the wrist. A _saque_ or a _basque_ of a different
color from the waist has a fine effect as a part of this costume. Add
to it a gipsy hat and good substantial shoes or boots, and you may
walk with ease, grace, and pleasure. This was the working and walking
costume of the women of the North American Phalanx, and is still worn
on the domain which once belonged to that Association, though the
institution which gave it its origin has ceased to exist. If you
reside in a place where you can adopt this as your industrial and
walking costume, without too much notoriety and odium, try it. You
must judge of this for yourself. We are telling you what is fitting,
comfortable, and healthful, and therefore, in its place, beautiful,
and not what it is expedient for you to wear. The time is coming when
such a costume may be worn anywhere. Rational independence, good
taste, and the study of art are preparing the way for the complete
overthrow of arbitrary fashion. Help us to hasten the time when both
women and men shall be permitted to dress as the eternal principles,
harmony, and beauty dictate, and be no longer the slaves of the tailor
and the dressmaker.
But without adopting any innovations liable to shock staid
conservatism or puritanic prudery, you may still, in a good measure,
avoid the incongruities which we are now compelled to witness, and
make your costume accord with place and occupation.
In the field, garden, and workshop, gentlemen can wear nothing more
comfortable and graceful than the blouse. It may be worn loose or
confined by a belt. If your occupation is a very dusty one, wear
overalls. In the counting-room and office, gentlemen wear frock-coats
or sack coats. They need not be of very fine material, and should not
be of any garish pattern. In your study or library, and about the
house generally, on ordinary occasions, a handsome dressing-gown is
comfortable and elegant.
A lady, while performing the morning duties of her household may wear
a plain loose dress, made high in the neck, and with long sleeves
fastened at the wrist. It must not look slatternly, and may be
exceedingly beautiful and becoming.
In reference to ornament, "the law of dress," to quote our
artist-friend again, "is, that where you want the eye of a spectator
to rest (for we all dress for show), you should concentrate your
decoration, leaving the parts of the apparel to which you do not want
attention called, as plain and negative as possible--not ugly, as some
people, in an affectation of plainness, do (for you have no right to
offend the eye of your fellow-man with any thing which is ugly), but
simply negative."
IV.--MATERIALS, ETC.
The materials of which your clothes are made should be the best that
your means will allow. One generally exercises a very bad economy and
worse taste in wearing low-priced and coarse materials. For your
working costume, the materials should of course correspond with the
usage to which they are to be subjected. They should be strong and
durable, but need not therefore be either very coarse or at all ugly.
As a general rule, it costs no more to dress well than ill.
A gentleman's shirts should always be fine, clean, and well-fitted. It
is better to wear a coarse or threadbare coat than a disreputable
shirt. The better taste and finer instincts of the ladies will require
no hint in reference to their "most intimate appareling." True taste,
delicacy, and refinement regards the under clothing as scrupulously as
that which is exposed to view.
The coverings of the head and the feet are important and should by no
means be inferior to the rest of your apparel. Shoes are better than
boots, except in cases where the latter are required for the
protection of the feet and ankles against water, snow, or injury from
briers, brambles, and the like. Ladies' shoes for walking should be
substantial enough to keep the feet dry and warm. If neatly made, and
well-fitting, they need not be clumsy. Thin shoes, worn on the damp
ground or pavement, have carried many a beautiful woman to her grave.
If you wish to have corns and unshapely feet, wear tight shoes; they
never fail to produce those results.
The fashionable fur hat, in its innumerable but always ugly forms, is,
in the eye of taste, an absurd and unsightly covering for the head;
and it is hardly less uncomfortable and unhealthful than ugly. The
fine, soft, and more picturesque felt hats now, we are glad to say,
coming more and more into vogue, are far more comfortable and
healthful. A light, fine straw hat is the best for summer.
The bonnets of the ladies, in their fashionable forms, are only a
little less ugly and unbecoming than the fur hats of the gentlemen. A
broad-brimmed or gipsy hat is far more becoming to most women than the
common bonnet. We hope to live to see both "stove-pipe hats" and
"sugar-scoop bonnets" abolished; but, in the mean time let those wear
them who _must_.
V.--MRS. MANNERS ON DRESS.
Mrs. Manners, the highest authority we can possibly quote in such
matters, has the following hints to girls, which we can not deny
ourselves the pleasure of copying, though they may seem, in part, a
repetition of remarks already made:
"Good taste is indispensable in dress, but that, united to neatness,
is _all_ that is _necessary_--that is the fabled cestus of Venus which
gave beauty to its wearer. Good taste involves _suitable fabrics--a
neat and becoming 'fitting' to her figure--colors suited to her
complexion, and a simple and unaffected manner of wearing one's
clothes_. A worsted dress in a warm day, or a white one in a cold day,
or a light, thin one in a windy day, are all in _bad_ taste. Very fine
or very delicate dresses worn in the street, or very highly ornamented
clothes worn to church or to shop in, are in _bad_ taste. Very long
dresses worn in muddy or dusty weather, even if long dresses are the
_fashion_, are still in _bad_ taste.
"Deep and bright-colored gloves are always in bad taste; very few
persons are careful enough in selecting gloves. Light shoes and dark
dresses, white stockings and dark dresses, dark stockings and light
dresses, are not indicative of good taste. A girl with neatly and
properly dressed feet, with neat, well-fitting gloves, smoothly
arranged hair, and a clean, well-made dress, who walks well, and
speaks well, and, above all, acts politely and kindly, _is a lady_,
and no _wealth_ is required here. Fine clothes and fine airs are
abashed before such propriety and good taste. Thus the poorest may be
so attired as to appear as lady-like as the wealthiest; nothing is
more _vulgar_ than the idea that money makes a lady, or that fine
clothes can do it."
VI.--WEARING THE HAIR AND BEARD.
The hair and beard, in one of their aspects, belong to the dress. In
reference to the style of wearing them, consult the general principles
of taste. A man to whom nature has given a handsome beard, deforms
himself sadly by shaving--at least, that is our opinion; and on this
point fashion and good taste agree. The full beard is now more common
than the shaven face in all our large cities.
In the dressing of the hair there is room for the display of a great
deal of taste and judgment. The style should vary with the different
forms of face. Lardner's "Young Ladies' Manual" has the following
hints to the gentler sex. Gentlemen can modify them to suit their
case:
"After a few experiments, a lady may very easily decide what mode of
dressing her hair, and what head-dress renders her face most
attractive.
"Ringlets hanging about the forehead suit almost every one. On the
other hand, the fashion of putting the hair smoothly, and drawing it
back on either side, is becoming to few; it has a look of vanity
instead of simplicity: the face must do every thing for it, which is
asking too much, especially as hair, in its pure state, is the
ornament intended for it by nature. Hair is to the human aspect what
foliage is to the landscape.
"Light hair is generally most becoming when curled. For a round face,
the curls should be made in short, half ringlets, reaching a little
below the ears. For an oval face, long and thick ringlets are
suitable; but if the face be thin and sharp, the ringlets should be
light, and not too long, nor too many in number.
"When dark hair is curled, the ringlets should never fall in heavy
masses upon the shoulders. Open braids are very beautiful when made of
dark hair; they are also becoming to light-haired persons. A simple
and graceful mode of arranging the hair is to fold the front locks
behind the ears, permitting the ends to fall in a couple of ringlets
on either side behind.
"Another beautiful mode of dressing the hair, and one very appropriate
in damp weather, when it will keep in curl, is to loop up the ringlets
with small hair-pins on either side of the face and behind the ears,
and pass a light band of braided hair over them.
"Persons with very long, narrow heads may wear the hair knotted very
low at the back of the neck. If the head be long, but not very narrow,
the back hair may be drawn to one side, braided in a thick braid, and
wound around the head. When the head is round, the hair should be
formed in a braid in the middle of the back of the head. If the braid
be made to resemble a basket, and a few curls permitted to fall from
within it, the shape of the head is much improved."
VII.--ART _VS._ FASHION.
Observe that we have been laying down some of the maxims deduced from
the principles of art and taste, in their application to dress, and
not promulgating the edicts of Fashion. If there is a lack of harmony
on some points, between the two, it is not our fault. We have
endeavored to give you some useful hints in reference to the beautiful
and the fitting in costume, based on a higher law than the enactments
of the fashion-makers. You must judge for yourself how far you can
make the latter bend to the former. We have been talking of dress as
an individual matter. In future chapters we shall have occasion to
refer to it in its relation to the usages of society.
VIII.--SIGNS OF "THE GOOD TIME COMING."
N. P. Willis, in the _Home Journal_, writing on the dress-reform
agitation, thus closes his disquisition:
"We repeat, that we see signs which look to us as if the present
excitement as to _one_ fashion were turning into a universal inquiry
as to the sense or propriety of _any fashion at all_. When the subject
shall have been fully discussed, and public attention fully awakened,
common sense will probably take the direction of the matter, and
opinion will settle in some shape which, at least, may reject former
excesses and absurdities. Some moderate similarity of dress is
doubtless necessary, and there are proper times and places for long
dresses and short dresses. These and other points the ladies are
likely to come to new decisions about. While they consult health,
cleanliness, and convenience, however, we venture to express a hope
that they will _get rid of the present slavish uniformity_--that what
is becoming to each may be worn without fear of unfashionableness, and
that in this way we may see every woman dressed somewhat differently
and to her own best advantage, and the _proportion of beauty largely
increased_, as it would, thereby, most assuredly be."
FOOTNOTE:
[A] "Hints toward Physical Perfection; or, How to Acquire and Retain
Beauty, Grace, and Strength, and Secure Long Life and Perpetual
Youth."
III.
SELF-CULTURE
There is no man who can so easily and so naturally become in
all points a Gentleman Knight, without fear and without
reproach, as a true American Republican.--_James Parton._
I.-MORAL AND SOCIAL TRAINING.
Having given due attention to your personal habits and dress, consider
what special errors still remain to be corrected, or what deficiencies
to be supplied, and carefully and perseveringly apply yourself to the
required self-training.
If you are sensible of an inadequate development of any of those
faculties or feelings on which good manners are based, set yourself at
once about the work of cultivation, remembering that the legitimate
exercise of any organ or function necessarily tends to its
development. Look first to conscientiousness. It is hardly possible
for you to acquire genuine good manners without an acute sense of
equity. Accustom yourself to a sacred regard for the rights of others,
even in the minutest matters, and in the most familiar intercourse of
the family or social circle. In a similar manner cultivate
Benevolence, Veneration, Adhesiveness, Agreeableness, Ideality, and
the moral, social, and esthetic faculties in general. Go out of your
way, if necessary, to perform acts of kindness and friendship; never
omit the "thank you" which is due for the slightest possible favor,
whether rendered by the highest or the lowest; be always bland and
genial; respect times, places, observances, and especially persons;
and put yourself in the way of all possible elevating and refining
influences. Manners have their origin in the mind and the heart.
Manners do not make the man, as is sometimes asserted; but the man
makes the manners. It is true, however, that the manners react upon
mind and heart, continually developing and improving the qualities out
of which they spring.
You are placed in a particular community, or you are invited or wish
to gain admittance into a certain circle. Different communities and
circles require, to some extent, different qualifications. Ascertain
what you lack and acquire it as speedily as possible; but remember
that good sense and good nature are out of place in no company.
II.--LANGUAGE.
Conversation plays an important part in the intercourse of society. It
is a great and valuable accomplishment to be able to talk well.
Cultivate language and the voice. Learn to express yourself with
correctness, ease, and elegance. This subject is worthy of all the
time and study you can give to it. "How to Talk: a Pocket Manual of
Conversation and Debate," which forms one of this series of
"Hand-Books for Home Improvement," will give you all necessary aid in
this department.
III.--POSITION AND MOVEMENT.
Study also the graces of manner, motion, and position. Grace is
natural, no doubt, but most of us have nearly lost sight of nature. It
is often with the greatest difficulty that we find our way back to her
paths. It seems a simple and easy thing to walk, and a still easier
and simpler thing to stand or sit, but not one in twenty perform
either of these acts with ease and grace. There are a hundred little
things connected with attitude, movement, the carriage of the arms,
the position of the feet and the like, which, though seemingly
unimportant are really essential to elegance and ease. Never despise
these little things, or be ashamed to acquire the smallest grace by
study and practice.
You desire to be a person of "good standing" in society. How _do_ you
stand? We refer now to the artistic or esthetic point of view. If you
are awkward, you are more likely to manifest your awkwardness in
standing than in walking. Do you know where to put your feet and what
to do with your hands? In the absence of any better rule or example,
try to forget your limbs, and let them take care of themselves. But
observe the attitudes which sculptors give to their statues; and study
also those of children, which are almost always graceful, because
natural. Avoid, on the one hand, the stiffness of the soldier, and, on
the other, the ape-like suppleness of the dancing-master; and let
there be no straining, no fidgeting, no uneasy shifting of position.
You should stand on _both_ feet, bearing a little more heavily on one
than the other. The same general principles apply to the sitting
posture. This may be either graceful, dignified, and elegant, or
awkward, abject, and uncouth. The latter class of qualities may be got
rid of and the former acquired, and depend upon it, it is a matter of
some consequence which of them characterizes your position and
movements. Walking is not so difficult an accomplishment as standing
and sitting, but should receive due attention. It has a very close
connection with character, and either of them may be improved or
deteriorated through the other. A close observer and a sensible and
trustworthy monitor of their own sex thus enumerates some of the
common faults of women in their "carriage," or manner of walking:
"Slovenliness in walking characterizes some. They go shuffling along,
precisely as if their shoes were down at the heel--"slipshod"--and
they could not lift up their feet in consequence. If it is dusty or
sandy, they kick up the dust before them and fill their skirts with
it. This is exceedingly ungraceful. If I were a gentleman, I really do
not think I could marry a lady who walked like this; she would appear
so very undignified, and I could not be proud of her.
"Some have another awkwardness. They lift up their feet so high that
their knees are sent out before them showing the movement through the
dress. They always seem to be leaving their skirts behind them,
instead of carrying them gracefully about them. Some saunter along so
loosely they seem to be hung on wires; others are as stiff as if they
supposed only straight lines were agreeable to the eye; and others,
again, run the chin forward considerably in advance of the breast,
looking very silly and deficient in self-respect.
"Sometimes a lady walks so as to turn up her dress behind every time
she puts her foot back, and I have seen a well-dressed woman made to
look very awkward by elevating her shoulders slightly and pushing her
elbows too far behind her. Some hold their hands up to the waist, and
press their arms against themselves as tightly as if they were glued
there; others swing them backward and forward, as a business man walks
along the street. _Too short_ steps detract from dignity very much,
forming a mincing pace; too long steps are masculine.
"Some walk upon the ball of the foot very flatly and clumsily; others
come down upon the heel as though a young elephant was moving; and
others, again, ruin their shoes and their appearance by walking upon
the side of the foot. Many practice a stoop called the Grecian bend,
and when they are thirty, will pass well, unless the face be seen, for
fifty years' old."
Gymnastics, dancing, and the military drill are excellent auxiliaries
in the work of physical training, though all of them may be, and
constantly are, abused. We can not illustrate their application here.
They will receive the attention they deserve in "Hints toward Physical
Perfection," already referred to as in preparation.
IV.--SELF-COMMAND.
Without perfect self-control you are constantly liable to do something
amiss, and your other social qualifications will avail little. You
must not only be fully conscious who you are, what you are, where you
are, and what you are about, but you must also have an easy and
complete control of all your words and actions, and feel _at home_
wherever you are. You are liable to lose this self-command either
through bashfulness or excitement. The former is one of the greatest
obstacles with which a majority of young people have to contend. It
can be overcome by _resolute effort_ and the cultivation of
self-respect and self-reliance. Do not allow it to keep you out of
society. You will not conquer it by such a course. You might as
reasonably expect to learn to swim without going into the water.
V.--OBSERVATION.
One of the best means of improvement in manners is observation. In
company, where you are in doubt in reference to any rule or form, be
quiet and observe what others do, and govern your conduct by theirs;
but except in mere external forms, beware of a servile imitation. Seek
to understand the principles which underlie the observances you
witness, and to become imbued with the spirit of the society (if good)
in which you move, rather than to copy particulars in the manners of
any one.
VI.--PRACTICAL LESSONS.
But the most important instrumentality for the promotion of the
externals of good manners is constant practice in the actual every-day
intercourse of society; and without this our instructions and your
study will both be thrown away. Begin now, to-day, with the next
person you meet or address.
IV.
FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES.
Courtesy is the beautiful part of morality, justice carried to
the utmost, rectitude refined, magnanimity in trifles.--_Life
Illustrated._
I.--MANNERS AND MORALS.
Good manners and good morals are founded on the same eternal
principles of right, and are only different expressions of the same
great truths. Both grow out of the necessities of our existence and
relations. We have individual rights based on the fact of our
individual being; and we have social duties resulting from our
connection, in the bonds of society, with other individuals who have
similar rights. Morals and manners alike, while they justify us in
asserting and maintaining our own rights, require us scrupulously to
respect, in word and act, the rights of others. It is true that the
former, in the common comprehension of the term, is satisfied with
simple justice in all our relations, while the latter often requires
something more than the strictest conscientiousness can demand--a
yielding of more than half the road--an exercise of the sentiment of
benevolence, as well as of equity; but the highest morality really
makes the same requisition, for it includes politeness, and recognizes
deeds of kindness as a duty.
II.--RIGHTS.
In this country we need no incitements to the assertion and
maintenance of our rights, whether individual or national. We are
ready at all times to do battle for them either with the tongue, the
pen, or the sword, as the case may require. Even women have discovered
that _they_ have rights, and he must be a bold man indeed who dares
call them in question. Yes, we all, men, women, and children, have
rights, and are forward enough in claiming then. Are we equally ready
to respect the rights of others?
III.--DUTIES.
Out of rights grow duties; the first of which is to live an honest,
truthful, self-loyal life, acting and speaking always and everywhere
in accordance with the laws of our being, as revealed in our own
physical and mental organization. It is by the light of this fact that
we must look upon all social requirements, whether in dress, manners,
or morals. All that is fundamental and genuine in these will be found
to harmonize with universal principles, and consequently with our
primary duty in reference to ourselves.
1. _The Senses._
Whenever and wherever we come in contact with our fellow-men, there
arises a question of rights, and consequently of duties. We have
alluded incidentally to some of them, in speaking of habits and dress.
The senses of each individual have their rights, and it is your duty
to respect them. The eye has a claim upon you for so much of beauty in
form, color, arrangement, position, and movement as you are able to
present to it. A French author has written a book, the aim of which is
to show that it is the duty of a pretty woman to look pretty. It is
the duty of _all_ women, and all men too, to look and behave just as
well as they can, and whoever fails in this, fails in good manners and
in duty. The ear demands agreeable tones and harmonious combinations
of tones--pleasant words and sweet songs. If you indulge in loud
talking, in boisterous and untimely laughter, or in profane or vulgar
language, or sing out of tune, you violate its rights and offend good
manners. The sense of smell requires pleasant odors for its enjoyment.
Fragrance is its proper element. To bring the fetid odor of unwashed
feet or filthy garments, or the stench of bad tobacco or worse whisky,
or the offensive scent of onions or garlics within its sphere, is an
act of impoliteness. The sense of taste asks for agreeable flavors,
and has a right to the best we can give in the way of palatable foods
and drinks. The sense of feeling, though less cultivated and not so
sensitive as the others, has its rights too, and is offended by too
great coarseness, roughness, and hardness. It has a claim on us for a
higher culture.
2. _The Faculties._
And if the senses have their rights, we must admit that the higher
faculties and feelings of our nature are at least equally dowered in
this respect. You can not trespass upon one of them without a
violation of good manners. We can not go into a complete exposition of
the "bill of rights" of each. You can analyze them for yourself, and
learn the nature of their claims upon you. In the mean time, we will
touch upon a point or two here and there.
3. _Opinions._
Each person has a right to his or her opinions, and to the expression
of them _on proper occasions_, and there is no duty more binding upon
us all than the most complete and respectful toleration. The author of
"The Illustrated Manners Book" truly says:
"_Every denial of, or interference with, the personal freedom or
absolute rights of another, is a violation of good manners._ He who
presumes to censure me for my religious belief, or want of belief; who
makes it a matter of criticism or reproach that I am a Theist or
Atheist, Trinitarian or Unitarian, Catholic or Protestant, Pagan or
Christian, Jew, Mohammedan, or Mormon, is guilty of rudeness and
insult. If any of these modes of belief make me intolerant or
intrusive, he may resent such intolerance or repel such intrusion; but
the basis of all true politeness and social enjoyment is the mutual
tolerance of personal rights."
4. _The Sacredness of Privacy._
Here is another passage from the author just quoted which is so much
to the point that we can not forbear to copy it:
"One of the rights most commonly trespassed upon constituting a
violent breach of good manners, is the right of privacy, or of the
control of one's own person and affairs. There are places in this
country where there exists scarcely the slightest recognition of this
right. A man or woman bolts into your house without knocking. No room
is sacred unless you lock the door, and an exclusion would be an
insult. Parents intrude upon children, and children upon parents. The
husband thinks he has a right to enter his wife's room, and the wife
would feel injured if excluded, by night or day, from her husband's.
It is said that they even open each other's letters, and claim, as a
right, that neither should have any secrets from the other.
"It in difficult to conceive of such a state of intense barbarism in a
civilized country, such a denial of the simplest and most primitive
rights, such an utter absence of delicacy and good manners; and had we
not been assured on good authority that such things existed, we
should consider any suggestions respecting them needless and
impertinent.
"Each person in a dwelling should, if possible, have a room as sacred
from intrusion as the house is to the family. No child, grown to years
of discretion, should be outraged by intrusion. No relation, however
intimate, can justify it. So the trunks, boxes, packets, papers, and
letters of every individual, locked or unlocked, sealed or unsealed,
are sacred. It is ill manners even to open a book-case, or to read a
written paper lying open, without permission expressed or implied.
Books in an open case or on a center-table, cards in a card-case, and
newspapers, are presumed to be open for examination. Be careful where
you go, what you read, and what you handle, particularly in private
apartments."
This right to privacy extends to one's business, his personal
relations, his thoughts, and his feelings. _Don't intrude_; and always
"mind your own business," which means, by implication, that you must
let other people's business alone.
5. _Conformity._
You must conform, to such an extent as not to annoy and give offense,
to the customs, whether in dress or other matters, of the circle in
which you move. This conformity is an implied condition in the social
compact. It is a practical recognition of the right of others, and
shows merely a proper regard for their opinions and feelings. If you
can not sing in tune with the rest, or on the same key, remain silent.
You may be right and the others wrong but that does not alter the
case. Convince them, if you can, and bring them to your pitch, but
never mar even a low accord. So if you can not adapt your dress and
manners to the company in which you find yourself, the sooner you take
your leave the better. You may and should endeavor, in a proper way,
to change such customs and fashions as you may deem wrong, or
injurious in their tendency, but, in the mean time, you have no right
to violate them. You may choose your company, but, having chosen it,
you must conform to its rules til you can change them. You are not
compelled to reside in Rome; but if you choose to live there, you must
"do as the Romans do."
The rules which should govern your conduct, as an isolated individual,
were such a thing as isolation possible in the midst of society, are
modified by your relations to those around you. This life of ours is a
complex affair, and our greatest errors arise from our one-side views
of it. We are sovereign individuals, and are born with certain
"inalienable rights;" but we are also members of that larger
individual society, and our rights can not conflict with the duties
which grow out of that relation. If by means of our non-conformity we
cause ourselves to be cut off, like an offending hand, or plucked out,
like an offending eye, our usefulness is at once destroyed.
It is related of a certain king that on a particular occasion he
turned his tea into his saucer, contrary to his custom and to the
etiquette of society, because two country ladies, whose hospitalities
he was enjoying, did so. That king was a _gentleman_; and this
anecdote serves to illustrate an important principle; namely, that
_true politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit, but
absolutely demand, a violation of some of the arbitrary rules of
etiquette_.
The _highest law_ demands complete HARMONY in all spheres and in all
relations.
IV.--EQUALITY.
In the qualified sense which no doubt Mr. Jefferson affixed to the
term in his own mind, "all men _are_ created free and _equal_." The
"noble Oracle" himself had long before as explicitly asserted the
natural equality of man. In 1739, thirty-seven years before the
Declaration of Independence was penned, Lord Chesterfield wrote: "We
are of the same species, and no distinction whatever is between us,
except that which arises from fortune. For example, your footman and
Lizette would be your equals were they as rich as you. Being poor,
they are obliged to serve you. Therefore you must not add to their
misfortune by insulting or ill-treating them. A good heart never
reminds people of their misfortune, but endeavors to alleviate, or, if
possible, to make them forget it."
The writer in _Life Illustrated_, quoted in a previous chapter, states
the case very clearly as follows:
"It is in the sacredness of their rights that men are equal. The
smallest injustice done to the smallest man on earth is an offense
against all men; an offense which all men have a personal and equal
interest in avenging. If John Smith picks my pocket, the cause in
court is correctly entitled, 'The PEOPLE _versus_ John Smith.' The
whole State of New York has taken up my quarrel with John, and arrays
itself against John in awful majesty; because the pockets, the
interests, the rights of a man are _infinitely_, and therefore
_equally_, sacred.
"The conviction of this truth is the beginning and basis of the
science of republican etiquette, which acknowledges no _artificial_
distinctions. Its leading principle is, that courtesy is due to all
men from all men; from the servant to the served; from the served to
the servant; and from both for precisely the same reason, namely,
because both are human beings and _fellow_-citizens!"
V.--A REMARK OR TWO TO BE REMEMBERED.
We purpose, in succeeding chapters, to set forth briefly but clearly,
what the actual requirements of good society are in reference to
behavior. You must look at these in the light of the general
principles we have already laid down. It is not for us to say how far
you ought or can conform to any particular custom, usage, or rule of
etiquette. We believe that even the most arbitrary and capricious of
them either have or have had a reason and a meaning. In many cases,
however, the reason may no longer exist, and the form be meaningless;
or while it embodies what is a living truth to others, you may have
outgrown it or advanced beyond it. _You have an undoubted right,
politely but firmly, to decline to do what seems to you, looking upon
the matter from your highest stand-point, to be clearly wrong, and it
is no breach of good manners to do so_; but at the same time you
should avoid, as far as possible, putting yourself in positions which
call for the exercise of this right. If you can not conscientiously
wear a dress coat, or a stove-pipe hat, or cut your hair, or eat
flesh-meat, or drink wine, you will naturally avoid, under ordinary
circumstances, the circles in which non-conformity in these matters
would be deemed a breach of good manners. When it is necessary that
you should mingle with people whose customs you can not follow in all
points without a violation of principle, you will courteously, and
with proper respect for what they probably think entirely right, fall
back upon the "higher law;" but if it is a mere matter of gloved or
ungloved hands, cup or saucer, fork or knife, you will certainly have
the courtesy and good sense to conform to usage.
V.
DOMESTIC MANNERS.
Home is a little world of itself, and furnishes a sphere for
the exercise of every virtue and for the experience of every
pleasure or pain. If one profit not by its opportunities, he
will be likely to pay dearly for less agreeable lessons in
another school.--_Harrison._
I.--A TEST OF GOOD MANNERS.
Good manners are not to be put on and off with one's best clothes.
Politeness is an article for every-day wear. If you don it only on
special and rare occasions, it will be sure to sit awkwardly upon you.
If you are not well behaved in your own family circle, you will hardly
be truly so anywhere, however strictly you may conform to the
observances of good breeding, when in society. The true gentleman or
lady is a gentleman or lady at all times and in all places-at home as
well as abroad--in the field, or workshop, or in the kitchen, as well
as in the parlor. A snob is--a _snob_ always and everywhere.
If you see a man behave in a rude and uncivil manner to his father or
mother, his brothers or sisters, his wife or children; or fail to
exercise the common courtesies of life at his own table and around his
own fireside, you may at once set him down as a boor, whatever
_pretensions_ he may make to gentility.
Dc not fall into the absurd error of supposing that you may do as you
please at home--that is, unless you please to behave in a perfectly
gentlemanly or ladylike manner. The same rights exist there as
elsewhere, and the same duties grow out of them, while the natural
respect and affection which should be felt by each member of the
family for all the other members, add infinitely to their sacredness.
Let your good manners, then, begin at home.
II.--PARENTS AND CHILDREN.
American children (we are sorry to be obliged to say it) are not, as a
general rule, well behaved. They are rude and disrespectful, if not
disobedient. They inspire terror rather than love in the breasts of
strangers and all persons who seek quiet and like order. In our
drawing-rooms, on board our steamers, in our railway cars and stage
coaches, they usually contrive to make themselves generally and
particularly disagreeable by their familiarity, forwardness, and
pertness. "Young America" can not brook restraint, has no conception
of superiority, and reverences nothing. His ideas of equality admit
neither limitation nor qualification. He is born with a full
comprehension of his own individual rights, but is slow in learning
his social duties. Through whose fault comes this state of things?
American boys and girls have naturally as much good sense and
good-nature as those of any other nation, and, when well trained, no
children are more courteous and agreeable. The fault lies in their
education. In the days of our grandfathers, children were taught
manners at school--a rather rude, backwoods sort of manners, it is
true, but better than the no manners at all of the present day. We
must blame parents in this matter rather than their children. If you
would have your children grow up beloved and respected by their elders
as well as their contemporaries, teach them good manners in their
childhood. The young sovereign should first learn to obey, that he may
be the better fitted to command in his turn.
Those who are old enough to study this book, are old enough to take
the matter in to their own hands, and remedy the defects and supply
the deficiencies of their early education. We beg them to commence at
once, and _at home_.
Allow no false ideas of "liberty and equality" to cause you to forget
for a moment the deference due to your father and your mother. The
fifth commandment has not been and can not be abrogated. We commend to
you the example of the Father of his Country. Look into the life of
Washington, and mark what tender and respectful attentions
characterized his intercourse with his only surviving parent. _He_
never, we venture to say, spoke of his mother as "the old woman," or
addressed her with incivility. "Never," an old friend of yours adjures
you, "let youthful levity or the example of others betray you into
forgetfulness of the claims of your parents or elders to a certain
deference." Nature, a counselor still more sage, we doubt not, has
written the same injunction upon your heart. _Let your manners do
justice to your feelings!_
"Toward your father," that polished and courtly "gentleman of the old
school," the author of the "American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness
and Fashion," says, "preserve always a deferential manner, mingled
with a certain frankness indicating that thorough confidence--that
entire understanding of each other, which is the best guarantee of
good sense in both, and of inestimable value to every young man
blessed with a right-minded parent. Accept the advice dictated by
experience with respect, receive even reproof without impatience of
manner, and hasten to prove afterward that you cherish no resentful
remembrance of what may have seemed to you too great severity or a too
manifest assumption of authority.... In the inner temple of _home_, as
well as where the world looks on, render him reverence due.
"There should be mingled with the habitual deference and attention
that marks your manner to your mother the indescribable tenderness
and rendering back of care and watchfulness that betokens remembrance
of early days. No other woman should ever induce you to forget this
truest, most disinterested friend, nor should your manner ever
indicate even momentary indifference to her wishes or her affection."
III.--BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
The intercourse of brothers and sisters should be marked by the
frankness and familiarity befitting their intimate relation; but this
certainly does not preclude the exercise of all the little courtesies
of life. Young man, be polite to your sister. She is a woman, and all
women have claims on you for courteous attentions; and the affection
which exists between you adds tenfold to the sacredness of the claims
she has upon you, not only for protection, but for the exercise toward
her of all the sweet amenities of life. Except your mother and your
wife or affianced mistress (if you have one), no one can possibly have
an equal right to your attentions. If you are young and have neither
wife nor lady-love, let your mother and your sisters be to you the
embodiment of all that is tenderest, most beautiful, and best in the
human world. You can have no better school than your daily intercourse
with them, to fit you for female society in general. The young man who
loves his sisters and always treats them with the politeness,
deference, and kindness which is their due, is almost certain to be a
favorite with their sex generally; so, _as you value your reputation
for good manners and your success with other ladies, fail in no act of
courtesy to your sisters_.
The gentle and loving sister will need no injunction to treat an
affectionate, polite, and attentive brother with the tender and
respectful consideration which such a brother deserves. The charming
little courtesies which you practice so gracefully in your
intercourse with other gentlemen will not, you may be sure, be lost
upon him. True politeness is never lost, and never out of place; and
nowhere does it appear more attractive than at home.
Stiff formality and cold ceremoniousness are repulsive anywhere, and
are particularly so in the family circle; but the easy, frank, and
genial intercourse of the fireside, instead of being marred, is
refined and made still more delightful by courtesy.
IV.--THE HUSBAND AND WIFE.
Reader, are you married? But excuse us, if the question is not a
proper one. If you are not, you doubtless hope to be, sooner or later,
and therefore we will address you just as if you were.
The husband should never cease to be a _lover_, or fail in any of
those delicate attentions and tender expressions of affectionate
solicitude which marked his intercourse before marriage with his
heart's queen. All the respectful deference, every courteous
observance, all the self-sacrificing devotion that can be claimed by a
mistress is certainly due to a wife, and he is no true husband and no
true _gentleman_ who withholds them. It is not enough that you honor,
respect, and love your wife. You must put this honor, respect, and
love into the forms of speech and action. Let no unkind word, no
seeming indifference, no lack of the little attentions due her, remind
her sadly of the sweet days of courtship and the honey-moon. Surely
the love you thought would have been cheaply purchased at the price of
a world is worth all you care to preserve. Is not the wife more, and
better, and dearer than the sweetheart? We venture to hint that it is
probably your own fault if she is not.
The chosen companion of your life, the mother of your children, the
sharer of all your joys and sorrows, as she possesses the highest
place in your affections, should have the best place everywhere, the
choicest morsels, the politest attentions, the softest, kindest words,
the tenderest care. Love, duty, and good manners alike require it.
And has the wife no duties? Have the courteous observances, the tender
watchfulness, the pleasant words, the never-tiring devotion, which won
your smiles, your spoken thanks, your kisses, your very self, in days
gone by, now lost their value? Does not the husband rightly claim as
much, at least, as the lover? If you find him less observant of the
little courtesies due you, may this not be because you sometimes fail
to reward him with the same sweet thanks and sweeter smiles? Ask your
own heart.
Have the comfort and happiness of your husband always in view, and let
him _see_ and _feel_ that you still look up to him with trust and
affection--that the love of other days has not grown cold. Dress for
his eyes more scrupulously than for all the rest of the world; make
yourself and your home beautiful for his sake; play and sing (if you
can) to please him; try to beguile him from his cares; retain his
affections in the same way you won them, and--be polite even to your
husband.
V.--ENTERTAINERS AND THEIR GUESTS.
Hospitality takes a high rank among the social virtues; but we fear it
is not held in so high esteem as formerly. Its duties are often
fatiguing and irksome, no doubt, and sometimes quite unnecessarily so.
One of the most important maxims of hospitality is, "Let your guests
alone!" If it were generally observed it would save both hosts and
visitors a world of trouble. Your first object should be to make your
guests feel at home. This they never can do while your needless bustle
and obtrusive attentions constantly remind them that they are not at
home, and perhaps make them wish they were.
You will not, of course, understand us to mean that you should devote
no attention to your guests. On the contrary, you should assiduously
labor to promote their comfort and enjoyment, opening to them every
source of entertainment within your reach; but it should be done in
that easy, delicate, considerate way which will make it seem a matter
of course, and no trouble whatever to you. You should not seem to be
conferring but receiving a favor.
Begging your visitors to "make themselves at home," does not give them
the home _feeling_. Genuine, unaffected friendliness, and an
unobtrusive and almost unperceived attention to their wants alone will
impart this. Allow their presence to interfere as little as possible
with your domestic arrangements; thus letting them see that their
visit does not disturb you, but that they fall, as it were, naturally
into a vacant place in your household.
Observe your own feelings when you happen to be the guest of a person
who, though he may be very much your friend, and really glad to see
you, seems not to know what to do either with you or himself; and
again, when in the house of another, you feel as much at ease as in
your own. Mark the difference, more easily felt than described,
between the manners of the two, and deduce therefrom a lesson for your
own improvement.
Furnish your rooms and table for your guests in as good style as your
means and the circumstances of the case will permit, and make no fuss
about it. To be unnecessarily sparing shows meanness, and to be
extravagantly profuse is absurd as well an ruinous. Probably your
visitors know whether your income is large or small and if they do not
they will soon learn, on that point, all that it is necessary for
them to know. But if any circumstance out of the ordinary course of
things should render an apology necessary, make it at once and say no
more about it.
Avoid by all means the very common but very foolish habit of
depreciating your own rooms, furniture, or viands, and expressing
uncalled-for regrets that you have nothing better to offer, merely to
give your guests an opportunity politely to contradict you. But you
need not go to the other extreme and extol the meats you set before
them. Say nothing about these matters.
When visitors show any intention of leaving, you will of course
express the desire you feel to have them stay longer, but good manners
do not require you to endeavor to retain them against their wishes or
sense of duty. It is to be supposed that they know their own affairs
best.
Guests sometimes forget (if they ever learned) that _they_ have any
duties. We beg leave to jog their memory with the following hints from
the graceful pen of "Mrs. Manners:"
"To accommodate yourself to the habits and rules of the family, in
regard to hours of rising or retiring, and particularly the hours for
meals, is the first duty of a guest. Inform yourself as soon as
possible when the meals occur--whether there will be a dressing-bell--at
what time they meet for prayers, and thus become acquainted with all the
family regulations. _It is always the better way for a family to adhere
strictly to all their usual habits_; it is a much simpler matter for
one to learn to conform to those than for half a dozen to be thrown out
of a routine, which may be almost indispensable to the fulfillment of
their importunate duties. It certainly must promote the happiness of
any reasonable person to know that his presence is no restraint and
no inconvenience.
"Your own good sense and delicacy will teach you the desirability of
keeping your room tidy, and your articles of dress and toilet as much
in order as possible. If there is a deficiency of servants, a lady
will certainly not hesitate to make her own bed, and to do for herself
as much as possible, and for the family all that is in her power. I
never saw an elegant lady of my acquaintance appear to better
advantage than when once performing a service which, under other
circumstances, might have been considered menial; yet, in her own
house, she was surrounded by servants, and certainly she never used a
broom or made a bed a her life."
VI.--SERVANTS.
We are all dependent, in one way or another, upon others. At one time
we serve, at another we are served, and we are equally worthy of honor
and respect in the one case as in the other. The man or the woman who
serves us may or may not be our inferior in natural capacity,
learning, manners, or wealth. Be this as it may, the relation in which
we stand to him or her gives us no right beyond the exaction of the
service stipulated or implied in that relation. The right to tyrannize
over our inferiors in social position, to unnecessarily humiliate
them, or to be rude and unkind can not exist, because it would be an
infringement of other rights. Servants have rights as well as those
whom they serve, and the latter have duties as well as the former. We
owe those who labor for us something more than their wages. They have
claims on us for a full recognition of their manhood or womanhood, and
all the rights which grow out of that state.
The true gentleman is never arrogant, or overbearing, or rude to
domestics or _employées_. His commands are requests, and all
services, no matter how humble the servant, are received with thanks,
as if they were favors. We might say the same with still greater
emphasis of the true lady. There is no surer sign of vulgarity than a
needless assumption of the tone of authority and a haughty and
supercilious bearing toward servants and inferiors in station
generally. It is a small thing to say, "I thank you," but those little
words are often better than gold. No one is too poor to bestow, or too
rich to receive them.
VI.
THE OBSERVANCES OF EVERY-DAY LIFE.
Good manners are the settled medium of social, as specie is of
commercial life: returns are equally expected in both; and
people will no more advance their civility to a bear, than
their money to a bankrupt.--_Chesterfield._
I.--A PRELIMINARY REMARK.
In going out into the great world which lies outside of home we have
no new principles to lay down for your guidance. Those we have set
forth and illustrated in previous chapters are of universal
application and meet all contingencies. We shall now essay a brief
exposition of the established laws of etiquette, leaving each reader
to judge for himself how far he can and ought to conform to them, and
what modifications they require to adapt them to a change of time,
place, and circumstances.
II.--INTRODUCTIONS.
It is neither necessary nor desirable to introduce everybody to
everybody; and the promiscuous presentations sometimes inflicted upon
us are anything but agreeable. You confer no favor on us, and only a
nominal one on the person presented, by making us acquainted with one
whom we do not desire to know; and you _may_ inflict a positive injury
upon both. Yon also put yourself in an unpleasant position; for "an
introduction is a social indorsement," and yell become to a certain
extent responsible for the person you introduce. If he disgraces
himself in any way you share, in a greater or less degree, in his
disgrace. Be as cautious in this matter as you would in writing your
name on the back of another man's note.
As a general rule, no gentleman should be presented to a lady without
her permission being previously obtained. Between gentlemen this
formality is not always necessary, but you should have good reason to
believe that the acquaintance will be agreeable to both, before
introducing any persons to each other. If a gentleman requests you to
present him to another gentleman who is his superior in social
position, or to a lady, you should either obtain permission of the
latter, or decline to accede to his request, on the ground that you
are not sufficiently intimate yourself to take the liberty.
If you are walking with a friend, and are met or joined by another, it
is not necessary to introduce them to each other; but you may do so if
you think they would be glad to become acquainted. The same rule will
apply to other accidental meetings.
When two men call upon a stranger on a matter of business, each should
present the other.
The inferior should be introduced to the superior--the gentleman to
the lady, as, "Miss Brown, permit me to introduce Mr. Smith." A lady
may, however, be introduced to a gentleman much her superior in age or
station. Gentlemen and ladies who are presumed to be equals in age and
position are mutually introduced; as, "Mr. Wilson, allow me to make
you acquainted with Mr. Parker; Mr. Parker, Mr. Wilson."
In presenting persons be very careful to speak their names plainly;
and on being introduced to another, if you do not catch the name, say,
without hesitation or embarrassment, "I beg your pardon, I did not
hear the name."
It is the common custom in this country to shake hands on being
introduced. It is better that this should be optional with the person
to whom you are presented or with you, if you stood in the position
of the superior. If a lady or a superior in age or social position
offers the hand, you of course accept it cordially. You will have too
much self-respect to be the first to extend the hand in such a case.
In merely formal introductions a bow is enough. Feeling should govern
in this matter.
In introducing members of your own family you should always mention
the name. Say, "My father Mr. Jones," "My daughter Miss Jones," or
"Miss Mary Jones." Your wife is simply "Mrs. Jones;" and if there
happen to be another Mrs. Jones in the family, she may be "Mrs. Jones,
my sister-in-law," etc. To speak of your wife as "my lady," or enter
yourselves on a hotel register as Mr. Jones and lady, is particularly
_snobbish_.
Introductions by letter are subject to the same general rules as
verbal ones: we should, however, be still more cautious in giving
them; but for directions on this point, as well as forms for letters
of introduction, see "How to Write," Chapter IX.
But may we not speak to a person without an introduction? In many
cases we most certainly may and should. There is no reason in the
world why two persons who may occupy the same seat in a railway car or
a stage coach should remain silent during the whole journey because
they have not been introduced, when conversation might be agreeable to
both. The same remark will apply to many other occasions. You are not
obliged, however to know these _extempore_ acquaintances afterward.
If you are a gentleman, do not, we beg you, permit the lack of an
introduction to prevent you from promptly offering your services to
any unattended lady who may need them. Take off your hat and politely
beg the honor of protecting, escorting, or assisting her, and when the
service has been accomplished, bow and retire.
III.--SALUTATIONS.
"Salutation," a French writer says, "is the touchstone of good
breeding." Your good sense will teach you that it should vary in style
with persons, times, places, and circumstances. You will meet an
intimate friend with a hearty shake of the hand and an inquiry
indicative of real interest, in reference to his health and that of
his family. To another person you how respectfully without speaking. A
slight note of recognition suffices in another case. But you should
never come into the presence of any person, unless you feel at liberty
to ignore their existence altogether, without some form of salutation.
If you meet in company a person with whom you have a quarrel, it is
better in general to bow coldly and ceremoniously than to seem not to
see him.
It is a great rudeness not to return a salutation, no matter how
humble the person who salutes you. "A bow," La Fontaine says, "is a
note drawn at sight. If you acknowledge it, you must pay the full
amount." The two best bred men in England, Charles the Second and
George the Fourth, never failed to take off their hats to the meanest
of their subjects. A greater man than either, and a true "gentleman of
the old school," George Washington, was wont to lift his hat even to
the poor negro slave, who took off his as that great man passed.
IV.--RECEPTIONS.
The duty of receiving visitors usually devolves upon the mistress of
the house, and should be performed in an easy, quiet, and self
possessed manner, and without any unnecessary ceremony. In this way
you will put your guests at their ease, and make their call or visit
pleasant both to them and to yourself. From a little book before us
entitled "Etiquette for Ladies," we condense a few useful hints on
this subject:
"When any one enters, whether announced or not, rise immediately,
advance toward him, and request him to sit down. If it is a young man,
_offer_ him an arm-chair, or a stuffed one; if an elderly man,
_insist_ upon his _accepting_ the arm-chair; if a lady, beg her to be
seated upon the sofa. If the master of the house receives the
visitors, he will take a chair and place himself at a little distance
from them; if, on the contrary, it is the mistress of the house, and
if she is intimate with the lady who visits her, she will place
herself near her. If several ladies come at once, we give the most
honorable place to the one who, from age or other considerations, is
most entitled to respect. In winter, the most honorable places are
those at the corners of the fireplace.
"If the visitor is a stranger, the master or mistress of the house
rises, and any persons who may be already in the room should do the
same. If some of them then withdraw, the master or mistress of the
house should conduct them as far as the door. But whoever the person
may be who departs, if we have other company, we may dispense with
conducting farther than the door of the room."
Quiet self-possession and unaffected courtesy will enable you to make
even a ceremonious morning call tolerable, if not absolutely pleasant
to both the caller and yourself.
V.--VISITS AND CALLS.
Visits are of various kinds, each of which has its own terms and
observances. There are visits of ceremony, visits of congratulation,
visits of condolence, visits of friendship.
Visits of ceremony, though they take up a large share of the time of
the fashionable lady, are very stupid affairs as a general thing, and
have little to recommend them except--Fashion. The best thing about
them is that they may and should be short.
You pay visits of congratulation to your friends on the occurrence of
any particularly auspicious event in his family, or on his appointment
to any office or dignity.
Visits of condolence should be made within the week after the event
which calls for them.
Let visits of friendship be governed by friendship's own laws, and the
universal principles of good manners. We shall give no particular
rules for the regulation of their time or their length.
"Morning calls," the "Illustrated Manners Book" says "are the small
change of social commerce; parties and assemblies are the heavy
drafts. A call is not less than ten nor more than twenty minutes in
the city; in the country a little longer. The time for a morning call
is between eleven and two o'clock, unless your friends are so
fashionable as to dine at five or six, in which case you can call from
twelve to three. Morning, in fashionable parlance, means any time
before dinner."
In a morning call or visit of ceremony, the gentleman takes his hat
and cane, if he carries one, into the room. The lady does not take off
her bonnet and shawl. In attending ladies who are making morning
calls, a gentleman assists them up the steps, rings the bell,
_follows_ them into the room, and waits till they have finished their
salutations, unless he has a part to perform in presenting them.
Ladies should always be the first to rise in terminating a visa, and
when they have made their _adieux_ their cavaliers repeat the
ceremony, and follow them out.
Soiled overshoes or wet garments should not be worn into any room
devoted to the use of ladies. Gentlemen must never remain seated in
the company of ladies with whom he is ceremoniously associated, while
they are standing. Always relieve ladies of their parcels, parasols,
shawls, etc. whenever this will conduce to their convenience.[B]
If you call on a person who is "engaged," or "not at home," leave your
card. If there are several persons you desire to see, leave a card for
each, or desire a servant to present your compliments to them
severally. All visits should be returned, personally or by card, just
as one should speak when spoken to, or answer a respectful letter.
In visiting at a hotel, do not enter your friend's room till your card
has announced you. If not at home, send your card to his room with
your address written upon it as well as the name of the person for
whom it is intended, to avoid mistakes.[C]
When you are going abroad, intending to be absent for some time, you
inclose your card in an envelope, having first, written T. T. L. [to
take leave], or P. P. C. [_pour prendre congé_] upon it--for a man the
former is better--and direct it outside to the person for whom it is
intended. In taking leave of a _family_, you send as many cards as you
would if you were paying an ordinary visit. When you return from your
voyage, all the persons to whom, before going, you have sent cards,
will pay you the first visit. If, previously to a voyage or his
marriage, any one should not send his card to another, it is to be
understood that he wishes the acquaintance to cease. The person,
therefore, who is thus _dis_carded, should never again visit the
other.[D]
Visiting cards should be engraved or handsomely written. Those
printed on type are considered vulgar, simply, no doubt, because they
are cheap. A gentleman's card should be of medium size, unglazed,
ungilt, and perfectly plain. A lady's card may be larger and finer,
and should be carried in a card-case.
If you should happen to be paying an evening visit at a house, where,
unknown to you, there is a small party assembled, you should enter and
present yourself precisely as you would have done had you been
invited. To retire precipitately with an apology for the intrusion
would create a _scene_, and be extremely awkward. Go in, therefore,
converse with ease for a few moments, and then retire.
In making morning calls, usage allows a gentleman to wear a frock
coat, or a sack coat, if the latter happen to be in fashion. The frock
coat is now, in this country, _tolerated_ at dinner-parties, and even
at a ball, but is not considered in good _ton_ or style.
"Ladies," according to the authority of a writer of their own sex,
"should make morning calls in an elegant and simple _négligé_, all the
details of which we can not give, on account of their multiplicity and
the numerous modifications of fashion. It is necessary for them, when
visiting at this time, to arrange their toilet with great care."
VI.--APPOINTMENTS.
Be exact in keeping all appointments. It is better never to avail
yourself of even the quarter of an hour's grace sometimes allowed.
If you make an appointment with another at your own house, you should
be invisible to the rest of the world, and consecrate your time solely
to him.
If you accept an appointment at the house of a public officer or a
man of business, be very punctual, transact the affair with dispatch,
and retire the moment it is finished.
At a dinner or supper to which you have accepted an invitation, be
absolutely punctual. It is very annoying to arrive an hour before the
rest, and still worse to be too late. If you find yourself in the
latter predicament on an occasion where ceremony is required, send in
your card, with an apology, and retire.
VII.--TABLE MANNERS.
We shall speak in another place of the ceremonious observances
requisite at formal dinner parties. Our observations here will be of a
more general character, and of universal application.
Take your seat quietly at the table. Sit firmly in your chair, without
lolling, leaning back, drumming, or any other uncouth action. Unfold
your napkin and lay it in your lap, eat soup delicately with a spoon,
holding a piece of bread in your left hand. Be careful to make no
noise in chewing or swallowing your food.
Cut your food with your knife; but the fork is to be used to convey it
to your mouth. A spoon is employed for food that can not be eaten with
a fork. Take your fork or spoon in the right hand. Never use both
hands to convey anything to your month. Break your bread, not cut or
bite it. Your cup was made to drink from, and your saucer to hold the
cup. It is not well to drink anything hot; but you can wait till your
tea or coffee cools. Eggs should be eaten from the shell (chipping off
a little of the _larger_ end), with or without an egg-cup. The egg-cup
is to hold the shell, and not its contents.
Be attentive to the wants of any lady who may be seated next to you,
especially where there are no servants, and pass anything that may be
needful to others.
When you send up your plate for anything, your knife and fork should
go with it. When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork
on your plate, parallel to each other, with the handles toward your
right hand. Of course, you should never put your knife into the butter
or the salt, or your spoon into the sugar-bowl. _Eat moderately and
slowly_, for your health's sake; but rapid, gross, and immoderate
eating is as vulgar as it is unwholesome. Never say or do anything at
table that is liable to produce disgust. Wipe your nose, if needful,
but never blow it. If it is necessary to do this, or to spit, leave
the table.
It is almost unnecessary to mention that the table-cloth is not the
place to put your salt. Bread is the only comestible which the custom
of well-bred people permits to be laid off your plate.
It is well not to seem too much in haste to commence, as if you are
famishing, but neither is it necessary to wait till everybody is
served before you commence.
It is perfectly proper to "take the last piece," if you want it,
always presuming that there is more of the same in reserve.
VIII.--CONVERSATION.
As conversation is the principal business in company, we can not well
pay too much attention to it; but having devoted another work to the
subject, we shall make this section briefer than would otherwise be
allowable, and refer our readers for complete instructions in this
important art to "How to Talk."[E] The maxims which follow are mostly
compiled from other works now before us.
The wit of conversation consists more in finding it in others than in
showing a great deal yourself. He who goes from your conversation
pleased with himself and his own wit, is perfectly well pleased with
you. The most delicate pleasure is to please another.[F]
Men of all sorts of occupations meet in society. As they go there to
unbend their minds and escape from the fetters of business, you should
never, in an evening, speak to a man about his profession. Do not talk
of politics to a journalist, of fevers to a physician, of stocks to a
broker. Talk to a mother about her children. Women are never tired of
hearing of themselves and their children.[G]
In promiscuous companies you should vary your address agreeably to the
different ages of the persons to whom you speak. It would be rude and
absurd to talk of your courtships or your pleasures to men of certain
dignity and gravity, to clergymen, or men in years. To women you
should always address yourself with great respect and attention; their
sex is entitled to it, and it is among the duties of good manners; at
the same time, that respect is very properly and very agreeably mixed
with a degree of gayety, if you have it.
In relating anything, avoid repetitions, or very hackneyed
expressions, such as, _says he_, or _says she_. Some people will use
these so often as to take off the hearer's attention from the story;
as, in an organ out of tune, one pipe shall perhaps sound the whole
time we are playing, and confuse the piece so as not to be understood.
Carefully avoid talking either of your own or other people's domestic
concerns. By doing the one, you will be thought vain; by entering into
the other, you will be considered officious. Talking of yourself is
an impertinence to the company; your affairs are nothing to them;
besides, they can not be kept too secret. As to the affairs of others,
what are they to you?
You should never help out or forestall the slow speaker, as if you
alone were rich in expressions, and he were poor. You may take it for
granted that every one is vain enough to think he can talk well,
though he may modestly deny it. [There is an exception to this rule.
In speaking with foreigners, who understand our language imperfectly,
and may be unable to find the right word, it is sometimes polite to
assist them by suggesting the word they require.]
Giving advice unasked is another piece of rudeness. It is, in effect,
declaring ourselves wiser than those to whom we give it; reproaching
them with ignorance and inexperience. It is a freedom that ought not
to be taken with any common acquaintance.
Those who contradict others upon all occasions, and make every
assertion a matter of dispute, betray, by this behavior, a want of
acquaintance with good breeding.
Vulgarism in language is the next and distinguishing characteristic of
bad company and a bad education. A man of fashion avoids nothing with
more care than that. Proverbial expressions and trite sayings are the
flowers of the rhetoric of a vulgar man.[H]
Never descend to flattery; but deserved compliments should never be
withheld. Be attentive to any person who may be speaking to you, and
be equally ready to speak or to listen, as the case may require. Never
dispute. As a general rule, do not ride your own _hobbies_ in a mixed
company, nor allow yourself to be "trotted out" for their amusement.
IX.--MUSIC.
When music commences, conversation should cease. It is very rude to
talk while another person is singing or playing.
A lady should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play; but if she
intends to do so, she should not affect to refuse when asked, but
obligingly accede at once. If you can not sing, or do not choose to,
say so with seriousness and gravity, and put an end to the expectation
promptly. After singing once or twice, cease and give place to others.
The complaint is as old as the days of Horace, that a singer can with
the greatest difficulty be set agoing, and when agoing, can not be
stopped.
In playing an accompaniment for another, do not forget that it is
intended to aid, and not to interrupt, and that the instrument is
subordinate to the singer.
When a lady is playing, it is desirable that some one should turn the
leaves for her. Some gentleman will be generally at hand to do this,
but unless he be able to read music, his services may as well be
dispensed with.
X.--LETTERS AND NOTES.
Few accomplishments are more important than letter writing--in fact,
it is absolutely indispensable to every man or woman who desires to
fill a respectable position it society. But good letter-writers are
rare. Too little attention is paid to the subject in our systems of
education; and the lack of the ability to write a decent letter, or
even a note of invitation, acceptance, or regret, is often the cause
of great mortification, to say nothing of the delays, misunderstandings,
and losses resulting in business affairs from bungling and incorrectly
written letters.
The impossibility of doing justice to the subject in the very limited
space that we could devote to it in this work, compels us to refer the
reader to our little manual of Composition and Letter-Writing,
entitled "How to Write," in which the whole subject is thoroughly
explained and illustrated.
XI.--MISCELLANEOUS HINTS.
1. _Which goes First?_
In ascending or descending stairs with a lady, it is proper to offer
your arm, provided the stair-case is sufficiently wide to permit two
to go up or down abreast.
But if it is not, which should go first? Authorities disagree. Usage
is not settled. It is a general rule of etiquette to give ladies the
precedence everywhere. Is there a sufficient reason for making this an
exception? One says that if you follow a lady in going down stairs,
you are liable to tread on her dress, and that if she precedes you in
going up, she might display a large foot or a thick ankle which were
better concealed. He thinks the gentleman should go first. Another
calls this a maxim of prudery and the legacy of a maiden aunt. Colonel
Lunettes, our oft-quoted friend of the old _régime_, speaks very
positively on this point. "Nothing is more absurd," he says, "than the
habit of preceding ladies in ascending stairs, adopted by some men--as
if by following just behind them, as one should if the arm be
disengaged, there can be any impropriety. Soiled frills and unmended
hose must have originated this vulgarity." Let the ladies decide.
2. _An American Habit._
There is a habit peculiar to the United States, and from which even
some females, who class themselves as ladies, are not entirely
free--that of lolling back, balanced upon the two hind legs of a
chair. Such a breach of good breeding is rarely committed in Europe.
Lolling is carried even so for in America, that it is not uncommon to
see the attorneys lay their feet upon the council table; and the
clerks and judges theirs also upon their desks in open court.
3. _Gloved or Ungloved?_
In shaking hands it is more respectful to offer an ungloved hand; but
if two gentlemen are both gloved, it is very foolish to keep each
other waiting to take them off. You should not, however, offer a
gloved hand to a lady or a superior who is ungloved. Foreigners are
sometimes very sensitive in this matter, and might deem the glove an
insult. It is well for a gentleman to carry his right-hand glove in
his hand where he is likely to have occasion to shake hands. At a ball
or a party the gloves should not be taken off.
4. _Equality._
In company, though none are _free_, yet all are _equal_. All,
therefore, whom you meet should be treated with equal respect,
although interest may dictate toward each different degrees of
attention. It is disrespectful to the inviter to shun any of her
guests.
5. _False Shame._
In a letter to his son, Lord Chesterfield makes the following
confession: "I have often wished an obscure acquaintance absent, for
meeting and taking notice of me when I was in what I thought and
called fine company. I have returned his notice shyly, awkwardly, and
consequently offensively, for fear of a momentary joker not
considering, as I ought to have done, that the very people who would
have joked upon me at first, would have esteemed me the more for it
afterward."
A good hint for us all.
6. _Pulling out one's Watch._
Pulling out your watch in company, unasked, either at home or abroad,
is a mark of ill-breeding. If at home, it appears as if you were tired
of your company, and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if the
hours dragged heavily, and you wished to be gone yourself. If you want
to know the time, withdraw; besides, as the taking what is called
French leave was introduced, that, on one person's leaving the
company, the rest might not be disturbed, looking at your watch does
what that piece of politeness was designed to prevent.
7. _Husband and Wife._
A gentleman speaks of his wife in a mixed company as Mrs. ----, and a
lady of her husband as Mr. ----. So one does not say in speaking to
another, "your wife," or "your husband," but Mrs. or Mr. ----. Among
intimates, however, to say "my wife," or "my husband," is better,
because less formal. Let there be a _fitness_ in everything, whatever
conventional rules you may violate.
8. _Bowing vs. Curtseying._
Curtseying is obsolete. Ladies now universally bow instead. The latter
is certainly a more convenient, if not a more graceful form of
salutation, particularly on the street.
9. _Presents._
Among friends, presents ought to be made of things of small value; or,
if valuable, their worth should be derived from the style of the
workmanship, or from some accidental circumstance, rather than from
the inherent and solid richness. Especially never offer to a lady a
gift of great cost; it is in the highest degree indelicate, and looks
as if you were desirous of placing her under an obligation to you, and
of buying her good-will.
The gifts made by ladies to gentlemen are of the most refined nature
possible; they should be little articles not purchased, but deriving a
priceless value as being the offspring of their gentle skill; a little
picture from their pencil or a trifle from their needle.
A present should be made with as little parade and ceremony as
possible. If it is a small matter, a gold pencil-case, a thimble to a
lady, or an affair of that sort, it should not be offered formally,
but in an indirect way.
Emerson says: "Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for
gifts. The only gift is a portion of thyself. Thou must bleed for me.
Therefore the poet brings his poem; the shepherd, his lamb; the
farmer, his corn; the miner, a gem; the sailor, coral and shells; the
painter, his picture; the girl, a handkerchief of her own sewing."
10. _Snobbery._
When you hear a man insisting upon points of etiquette and fashion;
wondering, for instance, how people can eat with steel forks and
survive it, or what charms existence has for persons who dine at three
without soup and fish, be sure that that individual is a snob.
11. _Children._
Show, but do not show off, your children to strangers. Recollect, in
the matter of children, how many are born every hour, each are almost
as remarkable as yours in the eyes of its papa and mamma.
FOOTNOTES:
[B] "Colonel Lunettes."
[C] "Manners Book."
[D] "Etiquette for Gentlemen."
[E] "How to Talk: A Pocket Manual of Conversation, Public Speaking,
and Debating." New York. Fowler and Wells. Price 80 cents.
[F] La Bruyère
[G] "Etiquette for Gentlemen."
[H] Chesterfield.
VII.
THE ETIQUETTE OF OCCASIONS.
Great plenty, much formality, small cheer,
And everybody out of his own sphere.--_Byron._
I.--DINNER PARTIES.
A young man or a young woman, unaccustomed to the settled observances
of such occasions, can hardly pass through a severer ordeal than a
formal dinner. Its terrors, however, are often greatly magnified. Such
a knowledge of the principal points of table etiquette as you may
acquire from this book, complete self-possession, habits of
observation, and a fair share of practical good sense, will carry one
safely if not pleasantly through it.
You may entertain the opinion that such dinners, and formal parties in
general, are tiresome affairs, and that there might be quite as much
real courtesy and a great deal more enjoyment with less ceremony, and
we may entirely agree with you; but what _is_, and not what _might
be_, is the point to be elucidated. We are to take society as we find
it. You may, as a general rule, decline invitations to dinner parties
without any breach of good manners, and without giving offense, if you
think that neither your enjoyment nor your interests will be promoted
by accepting; or you may not go into what is technically called
"society" at all, and yet you are liable, at a hotel, on board a
steamer, or on some extraordinary occasion, to be placed in a position
in which ignorance of dinner etiquette will be very mortifying and
the information contained in this section be worth a hundred times the
cost of the book.
We now proceed to note the common routine of a fashionable dinner, as
laid down in books and practiced in polite society. On some points
usage is not uniform, but varies in different countries, and even in
different cities in the same country, as well as in different circles
in the same place. For this reason you must not rely wholly upon this
or any other manners book, but, keeping your eyes open and your wits
about you, _wait and see what others do_, and follow the prevailing
mode.
1. _Invitations._
Invitations to a dinner are usually issued several days before the
appointed time--the length of time being proportioned to the grandeur
of the occasion. On receiving one, you should answer at once,
addressing the lady of the house. You should either accept or decline
unconditionally, as they will wish to know whom to expect, and make
their preparations accordingly.
2. _Dress._
You must go to a dinner party in "full dress." Just what this is, is a
question of time and place. Strictly interpreted, it allows gentlemen
but little choice. A black dress coat and trowsers, a black or white
vest and cravat, white gloves, and pumps and silk stockings were
formerly rigorously insisted upon. But the freedom-loving "spirit of
the age" has already made its influence felt even in the realms of
fashion, and a little more latitude is now allowed in most circles.
The "American Gentleman's Guide" enumerates the essentials of a
gentleman's dress for occasions of ceremony in general, as follows:
"A stylish, well-fitting cloth coat, of some dark color and of
unexceptionable quality, nether garments to correspond, or in warm
weather, or under other suitable circumstances, white pants of a
fashionable material and make, the finest and purest linen,
embroidered in white, if at all; a cravat and vest of some dark or
neutral tint, according to the physiognomical peculiarities of the
wearer and the _prevailing mode_; an entirely fresh-looking,
fashionable black hat, and carefully-fitted modish boots, white
gloves, and a soft, thin, white handkerchief."
A lady's "full dress" is not easily defined, and fashion allows her
greater scope for the exercise of her taste in the selection of
materials, the choice of colors, and the style of making. Still, she
must "be in the fashion."
3. _Punctuality._
Never allow yourself to be a minute behind the time. The dinner can
not be served till all the guests have arrived. If it is spoiled
through your tardiness, you are responsible not only to your inviter,
but to his outraged guests. Better be too late for the steamer or the
railway train than for a dinner!
4. _Going to the Table._
When dinner is announced, the host rises and requests all to walk to
the dining-room, to which he leads the way, having given his arm to
the lady who, from age or any other consideration, is entitled to
precedence. Each gentleman offers his arm to a lady, and all follow in
order. If you are not the principal guest, you must be careful not to
offer your arm to the handsomest or most distinguished lady.
5. _Arrangement of Guests._
Where rank or social position are regarded (and where are they not to
some extent?), the two most distinguished gentlemen are placed next
the mistress of the house, and the two most distinguished ladies next
the master of the house. The right hand is especially the place of
honor. If it is offered to you, you should not refuse it.
It is one of the first and most difficult things properly to arrange
the guests, and to place them in such a manner that the conversation
may always be general during the entertainment. If the number of
gentlemen is nearly equal to that of the ladies, we should take care
to intermingle them. We should separate husbands from their wives, and
remove near relations as far from one another as possible, because
being always together they ought not to converse among themselves in a
general party.
6. _Duties of the Host._
To perform faultlessly the honors of the table is one of the most
difficult things in society; it might indeed be asserted, without much
fear of contradiction, that no man has as yet ever reached exact
propriety in his office as host. When he receives others, he must be
content to forget himself; he must relinquish all desire to shine, and
even all attempts to please his guests by conversation, and rather do
all in his power to let them please one another.
Help ladies with a due appreciation of their delicacy, moderation, and
fastidiousness of their appetites; and do not overload the plate of
any person you serve. Never pour gravy on a plate without permission.
It spoils the meat for some persons.
Do not insist upon your guests partaking of particular dishes; never
ask persons more than once, and never put anything by force upon their
plates. It is extremely ill-bred, though extremely common, to press
one to eat of anything.
The host should never recommend or eulogize any particular dish; his
guests will take it for granted that anything found at his table is
excellent.
The most important maxim in hospitality is to leave every one to his
own choice and enjoyment, and to free him _from an ever-present sense
of being entertained_. You should never send away your own plate until
all your guests have finished.
7. _Duties of the Guests._
Gentlemen must be assiduous but not officious in their attentions to
the ladies. See that they lack nothing, but do not seem to watch them.
If a "grace" is to be asked, treat the observance with respect. Good
manners require this, even if veneration fails to suggest it.
Soup will come first. _You must not decline it_; because nothing else
can be served till the first course is finished, and to sit with
nothing before you would be awkward. But you may eat as little of it
as you choose. The host serves his left-hand neighbor first, then his
right hand, and so on till all are served. Take whatever is given you,
and do _not_ offer it to your neighbor; and begin at once to eat. You
must not suck soup into your month, blow it, or send for a second
plate. The second course is fish, which is to be eaten with a fork,
and without vegetables. The last part of this injunction does not, of
course, apply to informal dinners, where fish is the principal dish.
Fish, like soup, is served but once. When you have eaten what you
wish, you lay your fork on your plate, and the waiter removes it. The
third course brings the principal dishes--roast and boiled meats,
fowl, etc., which are followed by game. There are also side dishes of
various kinds. At dessert, help the ladies near you to whatever they
may require. Serve strawberries with a spoon, but pass cherries,
grapes, or peaches for each to help himself with his fingers. You need
not volunteer to pare an apple or a peach for a lady, but should do
so, of course, at her request, using her fork or some other than your
own to hold it.
We have said in our remarks on table manners in general, in a previous
chapter, that in sending your plate for anything, you should leave
your knife and fork upon it. For this injunction we have the authority
of most of the books on etiquette, as well as of general usage. There
seems also to be a reason for the custom in the fact, that to hold
them in your hand would be awkward, and to lay them on the table-cloth
might soil it; but the author of the "American Gentleman's Guide,"
whose acquaintance with the best usage is not to be questioned, says
that they should be retained, and either kept together in the hand, or
rested upon your bread, to avoid soiling the cloth.
Eat deliberately and decorously (there can be no harm in repeating
this precept), masticate your food thoroughly, and _beware of drinking
too much ice-water_.
If your host is not a "temperance man," that is, one pledged to total
abstinence, wine will probably be drunk. You can of course decline,
but you must do so courteously, and without any reflection upon those
who drink. You are not invited to deliver a temperance lecture.
Where finger-glasses are used, dip the tips of your fingers in the
water and wipe them on your napkin; and wet a corner of the napkin and
wipe your mouth. Snobs sometimes wear gloves at table. It is not
necessary that you should imitate them.
The French fashion of having the principal dishes carved on a
side-table, and served by attendants, is now very generally adopted at
ceremonious dinners in this country, but few gentlemen who go into
company at all can safely count upon never being called upon to carve,
and the _art_ is well worth acquiring. Ignorance of it sometimes
places one in an awkward position. You will find directions on this
subject in almost any cook-book; you will learn more, however, by
watching an accomplished carver than in any other way.
Do not allow yourself to be too much engrossed in attending to the
wants of the stomach, to join in the cheerful interchange of
civilities and thoughts with those near you.
We must leave a hundred little things connected with a dinner party
unmentioned; but what we have said here, together with the general
canons of eating laid down in Chapter VI. (Section 7, "Table
Manners"), and a little observation, will soon make you a proficient
in the etiquette of these occasions, in which, if you will take our
advice, you will not participate very frequently. An _informal_
dinner, at which you meet two or three friends, and find more cheer
and less ceremony, is much to be preferred.
II.--EVENING PARTIES.
Evening parties are of various kinds, and more or less ceremonious, as
they are more or less fashionable. Their object is or should be social
enjoyment, and the manners of the company ought to be such as will
best promote it. A few hints, therefore, in addition to the general
maxims of good behavior already laid down, will suffice.
1. _Invitations._
Having accepted an invitation to a party, never fail to keep your
promise, and especially do not allow bad weather, of any ordinary
character, to prevent your attendance. A married man should never
accept an invitation from a lady in which his wife is not included.
2. _Salutations._
When you enter a drawing-room where there is a party, you salute the
lady of the house before speaking to any one else. Even your most
intimate friends are enveloped in an opake atmosphere until you have
made your bow to your entertainer.[I] You then mix with the company,
salute your acquaintances, and join in the conversation. You may
converse freely with any person you meet on such an occasion, without
the formality of an introduction.
3. _Conversation._
When conversation is not general, nor the subject sufficiently
interesting to occupy the whole company, they break up into different
groups. Each one converses with one or more of his neighbors on his
right and left. We should, if we wish to speak to any one, avoid
leaning upon the person who happens to be between. A gentleman ought
not to lean upon the arm of a lady's chair, but he may, if standing,
support himself by the back of it, in order to converse with the lady
partly turned toward him.[J]
The members of an invited family should never be seen conversing one
with another at a party.
4. _French Leave._
If you desire to withdraw before the party breaks up, take "French
leave"--that is, go quietly out without disturbing any one, and
without saluting even the mistress of the house, unless you can do so
without attracting attention. The contrary course would interrupt the
rest of the company, and call for otherwise unnecessary explanations
and ceremony.
5. _Sports and Games._
Among young people, and particularly in the country, a variety of
sports or plays, as they are called, are in vogue. Some of them are
fitting only for children; but others are more intellectual, and may
be made sources of improvement as well as of amusement.
Entering into the spirit of these sports, we throw off some of the
restraints of a more formal intercourse; but they furnish no excuse
for rudeness. You must not forget your politeness in your hilarity, or
allow yourself to "take liberties," or lose your sense of delicacy and
propriety.
The selection of the games or sports belongs to the ladies, though any
person may modestly propose any amusement, and ask the opinion of
others in reference to it. The person who gives the party will
exercise her prerogative to vary the play, that the interest may be
kept up.
If this were the proper place, we should enter an earnest protest
against the promiscuous kissing which sometimes forms part of the
performances in some of these games, but it is not our office to
proscribe or introduce observances, but to regulate them. No true
gentleman will _abuse_ the freedom which the laws of the game allows;
but if required, will delicately kiss the hand, the forehead, or, at
most, the cheek of the lady. A lady will offer her lips to be kissed
only to a lover or a husband, and not to him in company. The French
code is a good one: "Give your hand to a gentleman to kiss, your cheek
to a friend, but keep your lips for your lover."
Never prescribe any forfeiture which can wound the feelings of any of
the company, and "pay" those which may be adjudged to you with
cheerful promptness.
6. _Dancing._
An evening party is often only another name for a ball. We may have as
many and as weighty objections to dancing, as conducted at these
fashionable parties, as to the formal dinners and rich and late
suppers which are in vogue in the same circles, but this is not the
place to discuss the merits of the quadrille or the waltz, but to lay
down the etiquette of the occasions on which they are practiced. We
condense from the various authorities before us the following code:
1. According to the hours now in fashion in our large cities, ten
o'clock is quite early enough to present yourself at a dance. You will
even then find many coming after you. In the country, you should go
earlier.
2. Draw on your gloves (white or yellow) in the dressing-room, and do
not be for one moment with them off in the dancing-rooms. At supper
take them off; nothing is more preposterous than to eat in gloves.
3. When you are sure of a place in the dance, you go up to a lady and
ask her if she will _do you the honor_ to dance with you. If she
answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the earliest
dance for which she is not engaged, and when she will do you the honor
of dancing with you.
4. If a gentleman offers to dance with a lady, she should not refuse,
unless for some _particular_ and _valid_ reason, in which case she
can accept the next offer. But if she has no further objection than a
temporary dislike or a piece of coquetry, it is a direct insult to him
to refuse him and accept the next offer; besides, it shows too marked
a preference for the latter.
5. When a woman is standing in a quadrille, though not engaged in
dancing, a man not acquainted with her partner should not converse
with her.
6. When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him of
his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him
a lesson.
7. Unless a man has a very graceful figure, and can use it with great
elegance, it is better for him to _walk_ through the quadrilles, or
invent some gliding movement for the occasion.
8. At the end of the dance, the gentleman re-conducts the lady to her
place, bows, and thanks her for the honor which she has conferred. She
also bows in silence.
9. The master of the house should see that all the ladies dance. He
should take notice particularly of those who seem to serve as
_drapery_ to the walls of the ball-room (or _wall flowers_, as the
familiar expression is), and should see that they are invited to
dance.
10. Ladies who dance much should be very careful not to boast before
those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of
dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also,
without being perceived, recommend these less fortunate ladies to
gentlemen of their acquaintance.
11. For any of the members, either sons or daughters, of the family at
whose house the ball is given, to dance frequently or constantly,
denotes decided ill-breeding; the ladies should not occupy those
places in a quadrille which others may wish to fill, and they should,
moreover, be at leisure to attend to the rest of the company; and the
gentlemen should be entertaining the married women and those who do
not dance.
12. Never hazard taking part in a quadrille, unless you know how to
dance tolerably; for if you are a novice, or but little skilled, you
would bring disorder into the midst of pleasure.
13. If you accompany your wife to a dance, be careful not to dance
with her, except perhaps the first set.
14. When that long and anxiously desiderated hour, the hour of supper,
has arrived, you hand the lady you attend up or down to the
supper-table. You remain with her while she is at the table, seeing
that she has all that she desires, and then conduct her back to the
dancing-rooms.
15. A gentleman attending a lady should invariably dance the first set
with her, and may afterward introduce her to a friend for the purpose
of dancing.
16. Ball-room introductions cease with the object--viz.: dancing; nor
subsequently anywhere else can a gentleman approach the lady by
salutation or in any other mode without a re-introduction of a formal
character.
This code must be understood as applying in full only to fashionable
dancing parties in the city, though most of the rules should be
adhered to in any place. The good sense of the reader will enable him
to modify them to suit any particular occasion.
III.--ANNUAL FESTIVALS.
1. _Christmas._
At Christmas people give parties and make presents. In Europe, and in
some portions of our own country, it is the most important festive
occasion in the year. Beyond the religious observances of the
Catholics, Episcopalians, and some other sects, and the universal
custom of making presents to all our relatives and intimate friends,
and especially to the children, there is no matter of etiquette
peculiar to Christmas which it is necessary for us to note. We have
already spoken of presents; and religious ceremonies will find a place
in another chapter.
2. _The New Year._
In New York, and some other cities and towns which have adopted its
customs, every gentleman is expected to call on all his lady
acquaintances on New Year's day; and each lady on her part must be
prepared properly to do the honors of her house. Refreshments are
usually provided in great profusion. The etiquette of these occasions
does not differ materially from that of ceremonious morning calls,
except that the entire day is devoted to them, and they may be
extended beyond the limits of one's ordinary visiting list. The ladies
may make their calls on the next day, or any time within the week.
3. _Thanksgiving._
This is the great family festival of New England--the season of home
gatherings. Sons and daughters, scattered far and wide, then turn
instinctively toward the old homestead, and the fireside of their
childhood is again made glad by their presence and that of their
little ones. Etiquette requires fat turkeys, well roasted, a plenty of
_pumpkin pies_, unbounded hospitality, genuine friendliness, and
cheerful and thankful hearts.
4. _Birthdays._
Birthdays are sometimes made family festivals at which parties are
given, and presents made to the one whose anniversary is celebrated.
In France, these occasions are observed with great merry making and
many felicitations and gifts.
IV.--EXCURSIONS AND PICNICS.
Picnic excursions into the country are not occasions of ceremony, but
call for the exercise of all one's real good nature and good breeding.
On leaving the carriage, cars, or steamboat, gentlemen should of
course relieve the ladies they attend of the shawls, baskets, etc.,
with which they may have provided themselves, and give them all
necessary assistance in reaching the spot selected for the
festivities. It is also their duty and their happiness to accompany
them in their rambles, when it is the pleasure of the fair ones to
require their attendance, but _not_ to be _obtrusive_. They may
sometimes wish to be alone.
If a lady chooses to seat herself upon the ground, you are not at
liberty to follow her example unless she invites you to be seated. She
must not have occasion to think of the possibility of any impropriety
on your part. You are her servant, protector, and guard of honor. You
will of course give her your hand to assist her in rising. When the
sylvan repast is served, you will see that the ladies whose cavalier
you have the honor to be, lack nothing. The ladies, social queens
though they be, should not forget that every favor or act of courtesy
and deference, by whoever shown, demands some acknowledgment on their
part--a word, a bow, a smile, or at least a kind look.
V.--WEDDINGS.
We copy from one of the numerous manners books before us the following
condensed account of the usual ceremonies of a formal wedding. A
simpler, less ceremonious, and more private mode of giving legal
sanction to an already existing union of hearts would be more to _our_
taste; but, as the French proverb has it, _Chacun à son goût_.[K]
For a stylish wedding, the lady requires a bridegroom, two
bridesmaids, two groomsmen, and a parson or magistrate, her relatives
and whatever friends of both parties they may choose to invite. For a
formal wedding in the evening, a week's notice is requisite. The lady
fixes the day. Her mother or nearest female relation invites the
guests. The evening hour is 8 o'clock; but if the ceremony is private,
and the happy couple to start immediately and alone, the ceremony
usually takes place in the morning at eleven or twelve o'clock.
If there is an evening party, the refreshments must be as usual on
such occasions, with the addition of wedding cake, commonly a pound
cake with rich frosting, and a fruit cake.
The dress of the bride is of the purest white; her head is commonly
dressed with orange flowers, natural or artificial, and white roses.
She wears few ornaments, and none but such as are given her for the
occasion. A white lace vail is often worn on the head. White long
gloves and white satin slippers complete the costume.
The dress of the bridegroom is simply the full dress of a gentleman,
of unusual richness and elegance.
The bridesmaids are dressed also in white, but more simply than the
bride.
At the hour appointed for the ceremony, the second bridesmaid and
groomsman, when there are two, enter the room; then, first bridesmaid
and groomsman; and lastly the bride and bridegroom. They enter, the
ladies taking the arms of the gentlemen, and take seats appointed, so
that the bride is at the right of the bridegroom, and each supported
by their respective attendants.
A chair is then placed for the clergyman or magistrate in front of the
happy pair. When he comes forward to perform the ceremony, the bridal
party rises. The first bridesmaid, at the proper time, removes the
glove from the left hand of the bride; or, what seems to us more
proper, both bride and bridegroom have their gloves removed at the
beginning of the ceremony. In joining hands they take each other's
right hand, the bride and groom partially turning toward each other.
The wedding ring, of plain fine gold, provided beforehand by the
groom, is sometimes given to the clergyman, who presents it. It is
placed upon the third finger of the left hand.
When the ceremony is ended, and the twain are pronounced one flesh,
the company present their congratulations--the clergyman first, then
the mother, the father of the bride, and the relations; then the
company, the groomsmen acting as masters of ceremonies, bringing
forward and introducing the ladies, who wish the happy couple joy,
happiness, prosperity; but not exactly "many happy returns."
The bridegroom takes an early occasion to thank the clergyman, and to
put in his hand, at the same time, nicely enveloped, a piece of gold,
according to his ability and generosity. The gentleman who dropped two
half dollars into the minister's hands, as they were held out, in the
prayer, was a little confused by the occasion.
When a dance follows the ceremony and congratulations, the bride
dances, first, with the first groomsman, taking the head of the room
and the quadrille, and the bridegroom with the first bridesmaid;
afterwards as they please. The party breaks up early--certainly by
twelve o'clock.[L]
The cards of the newly married couple are sent to those only whose
acquaintance they wish to continue. No offense should be taken by
those whom they may choose to exclude. Send your card, therefore, with
the lady's, to all whom you desire to include in the circle of your
future acquaintances. The lady's card will have engraved upon it,
below her name, "At home, ---- evening, at--o'clock." They should be
sent a week previous to the evening indicated.
VI.--FUNERALS.
When any member of a family is dead, it is customary to send
intelligence of the misfortune to all who have been connected with the
deceased in relations of business or friendship. The letters which are
sent contain a special invitation to assist at the funeral. Such a
letter requires no answer.
At an interment or funeral service, the members of the family are
entitled to the first places. They are nearest to the coffin, whether
in the procession or in the church. The nearest relations go in a full
mourning dress.
We are excused from accompanying the body to the burying-ground,
unless the deceased be a relation or an intimate friend. If we go as
far as the burying-ground, we should give the first carriage to the
relations or most intimate friends of the deceased. We should walk
with the head uncovered, silently, and with such a mien as the
occasion naturally suggests.
FOOTNOTES:
[I] "Etiquette for Gentlemen."
[J] Madame Celnart
[K] Each one to his taste.
[L] "Manners Book."
VIII.
THE ETIQUETTE OF PLACES.
To ladies always yield your seat,
And lift your hat upon the street.--_Uncle Dan._
I.--ON THE STREET.
Nowhere has a man or a woman occasion more frequently to exercise the
virtue of courtesy than on the street; and in no place is the
distinction between the polite and the vulgar more marked. The
following are some of the rules of street etiquette:
Except in a case of necessity, you should not stop a business man on
the street during business hours. He may have appointments, and, in
any event, his time is precious. If you must speak with him, walk on
in his direction, or if you detain him, state your errand briefly, and
politely apologize for the detention.
Do not allow yourself to be so absent-minded or absorbed in your
business as not to recognize and salute your acquaintances on the
street. You must not make the pressure of your affairs an excuse for
rudeness. If you do not intend to stop, on meeting a friend, touch
your hat, say "Good-morning," or "I hope you are well," and pass on.
If you stop, you may offer a gloved hand, if necessary, without
apology. Waiting to draw off a tight glove is awkward. In stopping to
talk on the street, you should step aside from the human current. If
you are compelled to detain a friend, when he is walking with a
stranger, apologize to the stranger and release your friend as soon as
possible. The stranger will withdraw, in order not to hear your
conversation. Never leave a friend suddenly on the street, either to
join another or for any other reason, without a brief apology.
In walking with gentlemen who are your superiors in age or station,
give them the place of honor, by taking yourself the outer side of the
pavement.
When you meet a lady with whom you are acquainted, you should lift
your hat, as you bow to her; but unless you are intimate friends, it
is the lady's duty to give some sign of recognition first, as she
might _possibly_ choose to "cut" you, and thus place you in a very
awkward position; but unless you have forfeited all claims to respect,
she certainly _should_ not do such a thing.
In meeting a gentleman whom you know, walking with a lady with whom
you are not acquainted, you are to bow with grave respect to her
also.[M] If you are acquainted with both, you bow first to the lady,
and then, less profoundly, to the gentleman.
If your glove be dark colored, or your hand ungloved, do not offer to
shake hands with a lady in full dress. If you wish to speak with a
lady whom you meet on the street, turn and walk with her; but you
should not accompany her far, except at her request, and should always
lift your hat and bow upon withdrawing.
Be careful to avoid intrusion everywhere; and for this reason be very
sure that such an addition to their party would be perfectly agreeable
before you join a lady and gentleman who may be walking together;
otherwise you might find yourself in the position of an "awkward
third."
In walking with ladies on the street, gentlemen will of course treat
them with the most scrupulous _politeness_. This requires that you
place yourself in that relative position in which you can best shield
them from danger or inconvenience. You generally give them the wall
side, but circumstances may require you to reverse this position.
You must offer your arm to a lady with whom you are walking whenever
her safety, comfort, or convenience may seem to require such attention
on your part. At night, in taking a long walk in the country, or in
ascending the steps of a public building, your arm should always be
tendered.
In walking with ladies or elderly people, a gentleman must not forget
to accommodate his speed to theirs. In walking with _any_ person you
should _keep step_ with military precision.
If a lady with whom you are walking receives the salute of a person
who is a stranger to you, you should return it, not for yourself, but
for her.
When a lady whom you accompany wishes to enter a shop, or _store_ (if
we must use an Americanism to explain a good English word), you should
hold the door open and allow her to enter first, if practicable; for
you must never pass before a lady anywhere, if you can avoid it, or
without an apology.
If a lady addresses an inquiry to a gentleman on the street, he will
lift his hat, or at least touch it respectfully, as he replies. If he
can not give the information required, he will express his regrets.
"When tripping over the pavement," Madame Celnart says, "a lady should
gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle. With her right
hand she should hold together the folds of her gown and draw them
toward the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both
hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can be tolerated only for a
moment, when the mud is very deep." This was written in Paris, and not
in New York.
American ladies dress too richly and elaborately for the street. You
should dress well--neatly and in good taste, and in material adapted
to the season; but the full costume, suitable to the carriage or the
drawing-room, is entirely out of place in a shopping excursion, and
does not indicate a refined taste; in other words, it looks
_snobbish_.
The out-door costume of ladies is not complete without a shawl or a
mantle. Shawls are difficult to wear gracefully, and few American
ladies wear them well. You should not drag a shawl tight to your
shoulders, and stick out your elbows, but fold it loosely and
gracefully, so that it may fully envelop the figure.
II.--SHOPPING.
Madame Celnart has the following hints to the ladies on this important
subject. Having enjoined the most patient and forbearing courtesy on
the part of the shopkeeper,[N] she proceeds:
"Every civility ought to be reciprocal, or nearly so. If the officious
politeness of the shopkeeper does not require an equal return, he has
at least a claim to civil treatment; and, finally, if this politeness
proceed from interest, is this a reason why purchasers should add to
the unpleasantness of his profession, and disregard violating the
laws of politeness? Many very respectable people allow themselves so
many infractions in this particular, that I think it my duty to dwell
upon it.
"You should never say, _I want such a thing_, but _Show me, if you
please, that article_, or use some other polite form of address. If
they do not show you at first the articles you desire, and you are
obliged to examine a great number, apologize to the shopkeeper for the
trouble you give him. If after all you can not suit yourself, renew
your apologies when you go away.
"If you make small purchases, say, _I am sorry for having troubled you
for so trifling a thing_. If you spend a considerable time in the
selection of articles, apologize to the shopkeeper who waits for you
to decide.
"If the price seems to you too high, and the shop has not fixed
prices, ask an abatement in brief and civil terms, and without ever
appearing to suspect the good faith of the shopkeeper. If he does not
yield, do not enter into a contest with him, but go away, after
telling him politely that you think you can obtain the article cheaper
elsewhere, but if not, that you will give him the preference."
III.--AT CHURCH.
If you go to church, be in season, that you may not interrupt the
congregation by entering after the services have commenced. The
celebrated Mrs. Chapone said that it was a part of her religion not to
disturb the religion of others. We may all adopt with profit that
article of her creed. Always remove your hat on entering a church. If
you attend ladies, you open the door of the slip for them, allowing
them to enter first. Your demeanor should of course be such as becomes
the place and occasion. If you are so unfortunate as to have no
religious feelings yourself, you must respect those of others.
It is the custom in some places for gentlemen who may be already in a
slip or pew to deploy into the aisle, on the arrival of a lady who may
desire admittance, allow her to enter, and then resume their seats.
This is a very awkward and annoying maneuver.
You should pay due respect to the observances of the church you
attend. If you have conscientious scruples against kneeling in an
Episcopal or Catholic church, you should be a little more
conscientious, and stay away.
Good manners do not require young gentlemen to stand about the door of
a church to see the ladies come out; and the ladies will excuse the
omission of this mark of admiration.
IV.--AT PLACES OF AMUSEMENT.
Gentlemen who attend ladies to the opera, to concerts, to lectures,
etc., should endeavor to go early in order to secure good seats,
unless, indeed, they have been previously secured, and to avoid the
disagreeable crowd which they are liable to encounter if they go a
little later.
Gentlemen _should_ take off their hats on entering _any_ public room
(or dwelling either). They will, of course, do so if attending ladies,
on showing them their seats. Having taken your seats, remain quietly
in them, and avoid, unless absolute necessity require it, incommoding
others by crowding out and in before them. If obliged to do this,
politely apologize for the trouble you cause them.
To talk during the performance is an act of rudeness and injustice.
You thus proclaim your own ill-breeding and invade the rights of
others, who have paid for the privilege of hearing the performers, and
not for listening to you.
If you are in attendance upon a lady at any opera, concert, or
lecture, you should retain your seat at her side; but if you have no
lady with you, and have taken a desirable seat, you should, if need
be, cheerfully relinquish it in favor of a lady, for one less
eligible.
Be careful to secure your _libretto_ or opera book, concert bill or
programme, before taking your seat.
To the opera, ladies should wear opera hoods, which are to be taken
off on entering. In this country, custom _permits_ the wearing of
bonnets; but as they are (in our opinion) neither comfortable nor
beautiful, we advise the ladies to dispense with their use whenever
they can.
Gloves should be worn by ladies in church, and in places of public
amusement. Do not take them off to shake hands. Great care should be
taken that they are well made and fit neatly.
V.--IN A PICTURE GALLERY.
A gallery of paintings or sculpture is a temple of Art, and he is
little better than a barbarian who can enter it without a feeling of
reverence for the presiding divinity of the place. Loud talking,
laughing, pushing before others who are examining a picture or statue,
moving seats noisily, or any rude or discourteous conduct, seems like
profanation in such a place. Avoid them by all means, we entreat you;
and though you wear your hat everywhere else, reverently remove it
here.
VI.--THE PRESENCE.
"The mode in which respect to the presence of a human being should be
shown maybe left to custom. In the East, men take off their shoes
before entering an apartment. We take off the hat, and add a verbal
salutation. The mode is unimportant; it may vary with the humor of the
moment; it may change with the changing fashion; but no one who
respects himself, and has a proper regard for others, will omit to
give _some_ sign that he recognizes an essential difference between a
horse and a man, between a stable and a house."[O]
VII.--TRAVELING.
Under no circumstances is courtesy more urgently demanded, or rudeness
more frequently displayed, than in traveling. The infelicities and
vexations which so often attend a journey seem to call out all the
latent selfishness of one's nature; and the commonest observances of
politeness are, we are sorry to say, sometimes neglected. In the
scramble for tickets, for seats, for state-rooms, or for places at a
public table, good manners are too frequently elbowed aside and
trampled under foot. Even our national deference for women is
occasionally lost sight of in our headlong rush for the railway cars
or the steamer.
To avoid the scramble we have alluded to, purchase tickets and secure
state-rooms in advance, if practicable, especially if you are
accompanied by ladies, and, in any event, _be in good time_.
In the cars or stage-coach never allow considerations of personal
comfort or convenience to cause you to disregard for a moment the
rights of your fellow-travelers, or forget the respectful courtesy
due to woman. The pleasantest or most comfortable seats belong to the
ladies, and no gentleman will refuse to resign such seats to them with
a cheerful politeness. In a stage-coach you give them the back seat,
unless they prefer another and take an outside seat yourself, if their
convenience requires it. But a word to--_Americans_ will be enough on
this point.
And what do good manners require of the ladies? That which is but a
little thing to the bestower, but of priceless value to the
receiver--_thanks_--a smile--a grateful look at least. Is this too
much?
Mr. Arbiter, whom we find quoted in a newspaper, has some rather
severe strictures on the conduct of American ladies. He says:
"We boast of our politeness as a nation, and point out to foreigners,
with pride, the alacrity with which Americans make way for women in
all public places. Some love to call this chivalry. It is certainly an
amiable trait of character, though frequently carried to an absurd
extent. But what the men possess in this form of politeness the women
appear to have lost. They never think of acknowledging, in any way,
the kindness of the gentleman who gives up his seat, but settle
themselves triumphantly in their new places, as if they were entitled
to them by divine right."
We are compelled to admit that there is at least an appearance of
truth in this charge. We have had constant opportunities to observe
the behavior of ladies in omnibuses and on board the crowded
ferry-boats which ply between some of our large cities and their
suburbs. We have, of course (as what gentleman has not?), relinquished
our seats hundreds of times to ladies. _For the occasional bow or
smile of acknowledgment, or_ _pleasant "Thank you," which we have
received in return, we have almost invariably been indebted to some
fair foreigner._
We believe that American ladies are as polite _at heart_ as those of
any other nation, but _they do not say it_.
The fair readers of our little book will, we are sure, excuse us for
these hints, since they are dictated by the truest and most reverent
love for their sex, and a sincere desire to serve them.
If in traveling you are thrown into the company of an invalid, or an
aged person, or a woman with children and without a male protector,
feelings of humanity, as well as sentiments of politeness, will
dictate such kind attentions as, without being obtrusive, you can find
occasion to bestow.
You have no right to keep a window open for your accommodation, if the
current of air thus produced annoy or endanger the health of another.
There are a sufficient number of discomforts in traveling, at best,
and it should be the aim of each passenger to lessen them as much as
possible, and to cheerfully bear his own part. Life is a journey, and
we are all fellow-travelers.
If in riding in an omnibus, or crossing a ferry with a friend, he
wishes to pay for you, never insist on paying for yourself or for
both. If he is before you, let the matter pass without remark, and
return the compliment on another occasion.
FOOTNOTES:
[M] "Colonel Lunettes"
[N] For hints on the importance of politeness as an element of success
in business, see "How to Do Business."
[O] James Parton.
IX.
LOVE AND COURTSHIP.
Learn to win a lady's faith
Nobly, as the thing is high;
Bravely, as for life and death,
With a loyal gravity.
Lead her from the festive boards;
Point her to the starry skies;
Guard her by your truthful words
Pure from courtship's flatteries.--_Mrs. Browning._
I.--A HINT OR TWO.
To treat the subject of love and courtship in all its bearings would
require a volume. It is with the etiquette of the tender passion that
we have to do here. A few preliminary hints, however, will not be
deemed out of place.
Boys often fall in love (and girls too, we believe) at a very tender
age. Some charming cousin, or a classmate of his sister, in the
village school, weaves silken meshes around the throbbing heart of the
young man in his teens. This is well. He is made better and happier by
his boyish loves--for he generally has a succession of them, but they
are seldom permanent. They are only beautiful foreshadowings of the
deeper and more earnest love of manhood, which is to bind him to his
_other self_ with ties which only death can sever. Read Ik Marvel's
"Dream Life."
Before a young man has reached the proper age to marry--say
twenty-five, as an average--he ought to have acquired such a knowledge
of himself, physically and mentally considered, and of the principles
which ought to decide the choice of matrimonial partners and govern
the relations of the sexes, as will enable him to set up a proper
standard of female excellence, and to determine what qualities,
physical and mental, should characterize the woman who is to be the
angel of his home and the mother of his children. With this knowledge
he is prepared to go into society and choose his mate, following
trustingly the attractions of his soul. Love is an affair of the
heart, but the head should be its privy counselor.
Do not make up your mind to wait till you have acquired a fortune
before you marry. You should not, however, assume the responsibilities
of a family without a reasonable prospect of being able to maintain
one. If you are established in business, or have an adequate income
for the immediate requirements of the new relation, you may safely
trust your own energy and self-reliance for the rest.
Women reach maturity earlier than men, and may marry earlier--say (as
an average age), at twenty. The injunction, "Know thyself," applies
with as much emphasis to a woman as to a man. Her perceptions are
keener than ours, and her sensibilities finer, and she may trust more
to _instinct_, but she should add to these natural qualifications a
thorough knowledge of her own physical and mental constitution, and of
whatever relates to the requirements of her destiny as wife and
mother. The importance of sound _health_ and _a perfect development_,
can not be overrated. _Without these you are_ NEVER _fit to marry_.[P]
Having satisfied yourself that you really love a woman--be careful, as
you value your future happiness and hers, not to make a _mistake_ in
this matter--you will find occasion to manifest, in a thousand ways,
your preference, by means of those tender but delicate and
deferential attentions which love always prompts. "Let the heart
speak." The heart you address will understand its language. Be
earnest, sincere, self-loyal, and manly in this matter above all
others. Let there be no nauseous flattery and no sickly sentimentality
Leave the former to fops and the latter to beardless school-boys.
Though women do not "propose"--that is, as a general rule--they "make
love" to the men none the less; and it is right. The divine attraction
is mutual, and should have its proper expression on both sides. If you
are attracted toward a man who seems to you an embodiment of all that
is noble and manly, you do injustice both to him and yourself if you
do not, in some way entirely consistent with maiden modesty, allow him
to _see_ and _feel_ that he pleases you. But _you_ do not need our
instructions, and we will only hint, in conclusion, that forwardness,
flirting, and a too _obtrusive_ manifestation of preference are _not_
agreeable to men of sense. As a man should be _manly_, so should a
woman be _womanly_ in her love.
II.--OBSERVANCES.
1. _Particular Attentions._
Avoid even the slightest appearance of _trifling_ with the feelings of
a woman. A female coquette is bad enough. A male coquette ought to be
banished from society. Let there be a clearly perceived, if not an
easily defined, distinction between the attentions of common courtesy
or of friendship and those of love. All misunderstanding on this point
can and must be avoided.
The particular attentions you pay to the object of your devotion
should not make you rude or uncivil to other women. Every woman is
_her_ sister, and should be treated with becoming respect and
attention. Your special attentions to her in society should not be
such as to make her or you the subject of ridicule. Make no public
exhibition of your endearments.
2. _Presents._
If you make presents, let them be selected with good taste, and of
such cost as is fully warranted by your means. Your mistress will not
love you better for any extravagance in this matter. The value of a
gift is not to be estimated in dollars and cents. A lady of good sense
and delicacy will discourage in her lover all needless expenditure in
ministering to her gratification, or in proof of his devotion.
3. _Confidants._
Lovers usually feel a certain need of confidants in their affairs of
the heart. In general, they should be of the opposite sex. A young man
may with profit open his heart to his mother, an elder sister, or a
female friend considerably older than himself. The young lady may with
equal advantage make a brother, an uncle, or some good middle-aged
married man the repository of her love secrets, her hopes, and her
fears.
4. _Declarations._
We shall make no attempt to prescribe a form for "popping the
question." Each must do it in his own way; but let it be clearly
understood and admit no evasion. A single word--yes, less than that,
on the lady's part, will suffice to answer it. If the carefully
studied phrases which you have repeated so many times and so fluently
to yourself, will persist in sticking in your throat and choking you,
put them correctly and neatly on a sheet of the finest white note
paper, inclosed in a fine but plain white envelope (see "How to
Write"), seal it handsomely with _wax_, address and direct it
carefully, and find some way to convey it to her hand. The lady's
answer should be frank and unequivocal, revealing briefly and modestly
her real feelings and consequent decision.
5. _Asking "Pa."_
Asking the consent of parents or guardians is, in this country, where
women claim a right to choose for themselves, a mere form, and may
often be dispensed with. The lady's wishes, however, should be
complied with in this as in all other matters. And if consent is
refused? This will rarely happen. If it does, there is a remedy, and
we should have a poor opinion of the love or the spirit of the woman
who would hesitate to apply it. If she is of age, she has a legal as
well as a moral right to bestow her love and her hand upon whom she
pleases. If she does not love you well enough to do this, _at any
sacrifice_, you should consider the refusal of her friends a very
fortunate occurrence. If she is not of age, the legal aspect of the
affair may be different, but, at worst, she can wait until her
majority puts her in possession of all her rights.
6. _Refusals._
If a lady finds it necessary to say "no" to a proposal, she should do
it in the kindest and most considerate manner, so as not to inflict
unnecessary pain; but her answer should be definite and decisive, and
the gentleman should at once withdraw his suit. If ladies will my "no"
when they mean "yes," to a sincere and earnest suitor, they must
suffer the consequences.
7. _Engagement._
The "engaged" need not take particular pains to proclaim the nature of
the relation in which they stand to each other, neither should they
attempt or desire to conceal it. Their intercourse with each other
should be frank and confiding, but prudent, and their conduct in
reference to other persons of the opposite sex, such as will not give
occasion for a single pang of jealousy.
Of the "getting ready," which follows the engagement, on the part of
the lady, our fair readers know a great deal more than we could tell
them.
8. _Breaking Off._
Engagements made in accordance with the simple and brief directions
contained in the first section of this chapter, will seldom be broken
off. If such a painful _necessity_ occurs, let it be met with
firmness, but with delicacy. If you have made a _mistake_, it is
infinitely better to correct it at the last moment than not at all. A
_marriage_ is not so easily "broken off."
On breaking off an engagement, all letters, presents, etc., should be
returned, and both parties should consider themselves pledged to the
most honorable and delicate conduct in reference to the whole matter,
and to the private affairs of each other, a knowledge of which their
former relation may have put into their possession.
9. _Marriage._
It devolves upon the lady to fix the day. She will hardly disregard
the stereotyped request of the impatient lover to make it an "early"
one; but she knows best how soon the never-to-be-neglected
"preparations" can be made. For the wedding ceremonies see Chapter
VII. A few hints to husbands and wives may be found in Chapter V.
FOOTNOTE:
[P] See "Physical Perfection; or How to Acquire and Retain Beauty,
Grace, and Strength," now (1857) in the course of preparation.
X.
PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE.
The object of a meeting for deliberation is, of course, to
obtain a free expression of opinion and a fair decision of the
questions discussed. Without rules of order this object would,
in most cases, be utterly defeated; for there would be no
uniformity in the modes of proceeding, no restraint upon
indecorous or disorderly conduct, no protection to the rights
and privileges of members, no guarantee against the caprices
and usurpations of the presiding officer, no safeguard against
tyrannical majorities, nor any suitable regard to the rights of
the minority.--_McElligott._
I.--COURTESY IN DEBATE.
The fundamental principles of courtesy, so strenuously insisted upon
throughout this work, must be rigorously observed in the debating
society, lyceum, legislative assembly, and wherever questions are
publicly debated. In fact, we have not yet discovered _any_ occasion
on which a gentleman is justified in being anything less than--a
gentleman.
In a paragraph appended to the constitution and by-laws of a New York
debating club, members are enjoined to treat each other with delicacy
and respect, conduct all discussions with candor, moderation, and open
generosity, avoid all personal allusions and sarcastic language
calculated to wound the feelings of a brother, and cherish concord and
good fellowship. The spirit of this injunction should pervade the
heart of every man who attempts to take part in the proceedings of any
deliberative assembly.
II.--ORIGIN OF THE PARLIAMENTARY CODE.
The rules of order of our State Legislatures, and of other less
important deliberative bodies, are, in almost all fundamental points,
the same as those of the National Congress, which, again, are
derived, in the main, from those of the British Parliament, the
differences which exist growing out of differences in government and
institutions. It is in allusion to its origin that the code of rules
and regulations thus generally adopted is often called "The Common
Code of Parliamentary Law."
III.--RULES OF ORDER.
1. _Motions._
A deliberative body being duly organized, motions are in order. The
party moving a resolution, or making a motion in its simplest form,
introduces it either with or without remarks, by saying: "Mr.
President, I beg leave to offer the following resolution," or "I move
that," etc. A motion is not debatable till seconded. The member
seconding simply says: "I second that motion." The resolution or
motion is then stated by the chairman, and is open for debate.
2. _Speaking._
A member wishing to speak on a question, resolution, or motion, must
rise in his place and respectfully address his remarks to the chairman
or president, _confining himself to the question, and avoiding
personality_. Should more than one member rise at the same time, the
chairman must decide which is entitled to the floor. No member must
speak more than once till every member wishing to speak shall have
spoken. In debating societies (and it is for their benefit that we
make this abstract) it is necessary to define not only how many times,
but how long at each time a member may speak on a question.
3. _Submitting a Question._
When the debate or deliberation upon a subject appears to be at a
close, the presiding officer simply asks, "Is the society [assembly,
or whatever the body may be] ready for the question?" or, "Are you
ready for the question?" If no one signifies a desire further to
discuss or consider the subject, he then submits the question in due
form.
4. _Voting._
The voting is generally by "ayes and noes," and the answers on both
sides being duly given, the presiding officer announces the result,
saying, "The ayes have it," or, "The noes have it," according as he
finds one side or the other in the majority. If there is a doubt in
his mind which side has the larger number, he says, "The ayes _appear_
to have it," or, "The noes _appear_ to have it," as the case may be.
If there is no dissent, he adds, "The ayes _have_ it," or, "The noes
_have_ it." But should the president be unable to decide, or if his
decision be questioned, and a division of the house be called for, it
is his duty immediately to divide or arrange the assembly as to allow
the votes on each side to be accurately counted; and if the members
are equally divided, the president must give the casting vote. It is
the duty of every member to vote; but in some deliberative bodies a
member may be excused at his own request. Sometimes it is deemed
advisable to record the names of members in connection with the votes
they give, in which case the roll is called by the secretary, and each
answers "yes" or "no," which is noted or marked opposite his name.
5. _A Quorum._
A quorum is such a number of members as may be required, by rule or
statute, to be present at a meeting in order to render its
transactions valid or legal.
6. _The Democratic Principle._
All questions, unless their decision be otherwise fixed by law, are
determined by a majority of votes.
7. _Privileged Questions._
There are certain motions which are allowed to supersede a question
already under debate. These are called privileged questions. The
following are the usually recognized privileged questions:
1. _Adjournment._--A motion to adjourn is always in order, and takes
precedence of all others; but it must not be entertained while a
member is speaking, unless he give way for that purpose, nor while a
vote is in progress. It is not debatable, and can not be amended.
2. _To Lie on the Table._--A motion to lay a subject on the
table--that is, to set it aside till it is the pleasure of the body to
resume its consideration--generally takes precedence of all others,
except the motion to adjourn. It can neither be debated nor amended.
3. _The Previous Question._--The intention of the previous question is
to arrest discussion and test at once the sense of the meeting. Its
form is, "Shall the main question now be put?" It is not debatable,
and can not be amended. An affirmative decision precludes all further
debate on the main question. The effect of a negative decision,
_unless otherwise determined by a special rule_, is to leave the main
question and all amendments just as it found them.
4. _Postponement._--A motion to postpone the consideration of a
question indefinitely, which is equivalent to setting it aside
altogether, may be amended by inserting a certain day. It is not
debatable.
5. _Commitment._--A motion to commit is made when a question,
otherwise admissible, is presented in an objectionable or
inconvenient form. If there be no standing committee to which it can
be properly submitted, a select committee may be raised for the
purpose. It may be amended.
6. _Amendment._--The legitimate use of a motion to amend is to correct
or improve the original motion or resolution; but a motion properly
before an assembly may be altered in _any_ way; even so as to turn it
entirely from its original purpose, unless some rule or law shall
exist to prevent this subversion. An amendment may be amended, but
here the process must cease. An amendment must of course be put to
vote before the original question. A motion to amend holds the same
rank as the previous question and indefinite postponement, and that
which is moved first must be put first. It may be superseded, however,
by a motion to postpone to a certain day, or a motion to commit.
7. _Orders of the Day._--Subjects appointed for a specified time are
called orders of the day, and a motion for them takes precedence of
all other business, except a motion to adjourn, or a question of
privilege.
8. _Questions of Privilege._--These are questions which involve the
rights and privileges of individual members, or of the society or
assembly collectively. They take precedence over all other
propositions, except a motion to adjourn.
9. _Questions of Order._--In case of any breach of the rules of the
society or body, any member may rise to the point of order, and insist
upon its due enforcement; but in case of a difference of opinion
whether a rule has been violated or not, the question must be
determined before the application of the rule can be insisted upon.
Such a question is usually decided upon by the presiding officer,
without debate; but any member may appeal from his decision, and
demand a vote of the house on the matter. A question of order is
debatable, and the presiding officer, contrary to rule in other cases,
may participate in the discussion.
10. _Reading of Papers._--When papers or documents of any kind are
laid before a deliberative assembly, every member has a right to have
them read before he can be required to vote upon them. They are
generally read by the secretary, on the reading being called for,
without the formality of a vote.
11. _Withdrawal of a Motion._--Unless there be a rule to that effect,
a motion once before the assembly can not be withdrawn without a vote
of the house, on a motion to allow its withdrawal.
12. _The Suspension of Rules._--When anything is proposed which is
forbidden by a special rule, it must be preceded by a motion for the
suspension of the rule, which, if there be no standing rule to the
contrary, may be carried by a majority of votes; but most deliberative
bodies have an established rule on this subject, requiring a fixed
proportion of the votes--usually two thirds.
13. _The Motion to Reconsider._--The intention of this is to enable an
assembly to revise a decision found to be erroneous. The time within
which a motion to reconsider may be entertained is generally fixed by
a special rule; and the general rule is, that it must emanate from
some member who voted with the majority. In Congress, a motion to
reconsider takes precedence of all other motions, except the motion to
adjourn.
8. _Order of Business._
In all permanently organized bodies there should be an order of
business, established by a special rule or by-law; but where no such
rule or law exists, the president, unless otherwise directed by a
vote of the assembly, arranges the business in such order as he may
think most desirable. The following is the order of business of the
New York Debating Club, referred to in a previous section. It may be
easily so modified as to be suitable for any similar society:
1. Call to order.
2. Calling the roll.
3. Reading the minutes of previous meeting.
4. Propositions for membership.
5. Reports of special committee.
6. Balloting for candidates.
7. Reports of standing committee.
8. Secretary's report.
9. Treasurer's report.
10. Reading for the evening.
11. Recitations for the evening.
12. Candidates initiated.
13. Unfinished business.
14. Debate.
15. New business.
16. Adjournment.
9. _Order of Debate._
1. A member having got the floor, is entitled to be heard to the end,
or till the time fixed by rule has expired; and all interruptions,
except a call to order, are not only out of order, but rude in the
extreme.
2. A member who temporarily yields the floor to another, is generally
permitted to resume as soon as the interruption ceases, but he can not
claim to do so as a right.
3. It is neither in order nor in good taste to designate members by
name in debate, and they must in no case be directly addressed. Such
forms as, "The gentleman who has just taken his seat," or, "The member
on the other side of the house," etc., may be made use of to designate
persons.
4. Every speaker is bound to confine himself to the question. This
rule is, however, very liberally interpreted in most deliberative
assemblies.
5. Every speaker is bound to avoid personalities, and to exercise in
all respects a courteous and gentlemanly deportment. Principles and
measures are to be discussed, and not the motives or character of
those who advocate them.[Q]
FOOTNOTE:
[Q] The foregoing rules of order have been mainly condensed from that
excellent work, "The American Debater," by James N. McElligott, LL.D.,
to which the reader is referred for a complete exposition of the whole
subject of debating. Published by Ivison and Phinney, New York, and
for sale by Fowler and Wells.
XI.
MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS.
These, some will say, are little things. It is true, they are
little but it is equally clear that they are necessary
things.--_Chesterfield._
I.--REPUBLICAN DISTINCTIONS.
We have defined equality in another place. We fully accept the
doctrine as there set forth. We have no respect for mere conventional
and arbitrary distinctions. Hereditary titles command no deference
from us. Lords and dukes are entitled to no respect simply because
they are lords and dukes. If they are really _noble men_, we honor
them accordingly. Their titles are mere social fictions.
True republicanism requires that every man shall have an equal
chance--that every man shall be free to become as unequal as he can.
No man should be valued the less or the more on account of his
grandfather, his position, his possessions, or his occupation. The MAN
should be superior to the accidents of his birth, and should take that
rank which is due to his merit.[R]
The error committed by our professedly republican communities
consists, not in the recognition of classes and grades of rank, but in
placing them, as they too often do, on artificial and not on natural
grounds. We have had frequent occasion, in the preceding pages, to
speak of superiors and inferiors. We fully recognize the relation
which these words indicate. It is useless to quarrel with Nature, who
has nowhere in the universe given us an example of the absolute,
unqualified, dead-level equality which some pseudo-reformers have
vainly endeavored to institute among men. Such leveling is neither
possible nor desirable. Harmony is born of difference, and not of
sameness.
We have in our country a class of toad-eaters who delight in paying
the most obsequious homage to fictitious rank of every kind. A vulgar
millionaire of the Fifth Avenue, and a foreign adventurer with a
meaningless title, are equally objects of their misplaced deference.
Losing sight of their own manhood and self-respect, they descend to
the most degrading sycophancy. We have little hope of benefiting them.
They are "joined to their idols; let them alone."
But a much larger class of our people are inclined to go to the
opposite extreme, and ignore veneration, in its human aspect,
altogether. They have no reverence for anybody or anything. This class
of people will read our book, and, we trust, profit by its well-meant
hints. We respect them, though we can not always commend their
manners. They have independence and manliness, but fail to accord due
respect to the manhood of others. It is for their special benefit that
we leave touched with considerable emphasis on the deference due to
age and _genuine_ rank, from whatever source derived.
Your townsman, Mr. Dollarmark, has no claim on you for any special
token of respect, simply because he inherited half a million, which
has grown in his hands to a million and a half, while you can not
count half a thousand, or because he lives in his own palatial
mansion, and you in a hired cottage; but your neighbor, Mr. Anvil,
who, setting out in life, like yourself, without a penny, has amassed
a little fortune by his own unaided exertions, and secured a high
social position by his manliness, integrity, and good breeding, is
entitled to a certain deference on your part--a recognition of his
merits and his superiority. Mr. Savant, who has gained distinction for
himself and conferred honor on his country by his scientific
discoveries, and your aged friend Mr. Goodman, who, though a stranger
to both wealth and fame, is drawing toward the close of a long and
useful life, during which he has helped to build up and give character
to the place in which he lives, have, each in his own way, _earned_
the right to some token of deference from those who have not yet
reached an equally elevated position.
It is not for birth, or wealth, or occupation, or any other accidental
circumstance, that we ask reverence, but for _inherent nobility
wrought out in life_. This is what should give men rank and titles in
a republic.
Your hired man, Patrick, may be your inferior, but it is not because
he is your hired man. Another man, who is your _superior_ in every
way, may stand in the same business relation to you. He may sell you
certain stipulated services for a stipulated amount of money; but you
bargain for no deference that your real social position and character
do not call for from him. He, and not you, may be entitled to the
"wall side," and to precedence everywhere.
II.--CITY AND COUNTRY.
The words _civil_ and _civilized_ are derived from the Latin _civitas_
(Ital., _città_), a city, and _polite_, from the Greek [Greek: polis]
(_polis_), a city; because cities are the first to become civilized,
or _civil_, and polite, or _polished_ (Latin, _polire_). They are
still, as a general rule, the home of the most highly cultivated
people, as well as of the rudest and most degraded, and unquestioned
arbiters of fashion and social observances. For this reason the rules
of etiquette laid down in this and all other works on the subject of
manners, are calculated, as the astronomers say, for the meridian of
the city. The observances of the country are borrowed from the city,
and modified to suit the social condition and wants of the different
localities. This must always be borne in mind, and your behavior
regulated accordingly. The white or pale yellow gloves, which you must
wear during the whole evening at a fashionable evening party in the
city, under pain of being set down as unbearably vulgar, would be very
absurd appendages at a social gathering at a farm-house in the
country. None but a _snob_ would wear them at such a place. So with
other things.
III.--IMPORTED MANNERS.
N. P. Willis says, "We should be glad to see a distinctly American
school of good manners, in which all useless etiquette were thrown
aside, but every politeness adopted or invented which could promote
sensible and easy exchanges of good-will and sociability. Good sense
and consideration for others should be the basis of every usage of
polite life that is worth regarding. Indeed, we have long thought that
our country was old enough to adopt measures and etiquettes of its
own, based, like all other politeness, upon benevolence and common
sense. To get rid of imported etiquette is the first thing to do for
American politeness."
This is an important truth well stated. We have had enough of mere
imported conventionalism in manners. Our usages should not be English
or French usages, further than English and French usages are founded
on universal principles. Politeness is the same everywhere and always,
but the forms of etiquette must change with times and places; for an
observance which may be proper and useful in London or Paris, may be
abundantly absurd in New York.
IV.--FICTITIOUS TITLES.
In answer to a correspondent who inquires whether an American citizen
should address a European nobleman by his title, _Life Illustrated_
says:
"We answer, unhesitatingly, No. Most of the European titles are purely
fictitious, as well as ridiculous. The Duke of Northumberland, for
example, has nothing in particular to do with Northumberland, nor does
he exercise dukeship (or leadership) over anything except his private
estate. The title is a perfect absurdity; it means nothing whatever;
it is a mere nickname; and Mr. Percy is a fool for permitting himself
to be addressed as 'My Lord Duke,' and 'Your Grace.' Indeed, even in
England, gentlemen use those titles very sparingly, and servants alone
habitually employ then. American citizens who are thrown, in their
travels, or in their intercourse with society, into communication with
persons bearing titles, may treat them with all due respect without
Gracing or My-Lording them. In our opinion, they should do so. And we
have faith enough in the good sense of the English people to believe
that the next generation, or the next but one, will see a general
abandonment of fictitious titles by the voluntary action of the very
people who hold them. At the same time, we are inclined to think that
the bestowment of real titles--titles which mean something, titles
given in recognition of distinguished worth and eminent services,
titles not hereditary--will be one of the most cherished prerogatives
of the enlightened states of the good time coming. The first step,
however, must be the total abolition of all titles which are
fictitious and hereditary."
V.--A MIRROR FOR CERTAIN MEN.
The following rather broad hints to certain bipeds who _ought_ to be
gentlemen, were clipped from some newspaper. We are sorry we do not
know to whom to credit the article:
"Who can tell why women are expected, on pain of censure and
avoidance, to conform to a high standard of behavior, while men are
indulged in another a great deal lower? We never could fully
understand why men should be tolerated in the chewing of tobacco, in
smoking and in spitting everywhere almost, and at all times, whereas a
woman can not do any of these things without exciting aversion and
disgust. Why ought a man to be allowedly so self-indulgent, putting
his limbs and person in all manner of attitudes, however uncouth and
distasteful, merely because such vulgarities yield him temporary
eases, while a woman is always required to preserve an attitude, if
not of positive grace, at least of decency and propriety, from which
if she departs, though but for an instant, she forfeits respect, and
is instantly branded as a low creature!
"Can any one say why a man when he has the tooth-ache, or is called to
suffer in any other way, should be permitted, as a matter of course,
to groan and bellow, and vent his feelings very much in the style of
an animal not endowed with reason, while a woman similarly suffering
must bear it in silence and decorum? Why, should men, as a class,
habitually, and as a matter of right, boldly wear the coarsest
qualities of human nature on the outside, and swear and fight, and
beastify themselves, so that they are obliged to be put into separate
pens in the cars on railroads, and at the dépôts, while woman must
appear with an agreeable countenance, if not in smiles, even when the
head, or perhaps the heart, aches, and are expected to permit nothing
ill-tempered, disagreeable, or even unhappy to appear outwardly, but
to keep all these concealed in their own bosoms to suffer as they may,
lest they might otherwise lessen the cheerfulness of others?
"These are a few suggestions only among many we would hint to the
stronger and more exciting sex to be reflected on for the improvement
of their tastes and manners. In the mirror thus held up before them,
they can not avoid observing the very different standards by which the
behavior of the two sexes is constantly regulated. If any reason can
be assigned why one should always be a lady, and the other hardly ever
a gentleman, we hope it will be done."
VI.--WASHINGTON'S CODE OF MANNERS.
Every action ought to be with some sign of respect to those present.
Be no flatterer; neither play with any one who delights not to be
played with. Read no paper or book in company. Come not near the
papers or books of another when he is writing. Let your countenance be
cheerful; but in serious matters be grave. Let your discourse with
others, on matters of business, be short. It is good manners to let
others speak first. When a man does all he can, do not blame him,
though he succeeds not well. Take admonitions thankfully. Be not too
hasty to receive lying reports to the injury of another. Let your
dress be modest, and consult your condition. _Play not the peacock by
looking vainly at yourself._ It is better to be alone than in bad
company. Let your conversation be without malice or envy. Urge not
your friend to discover a secret. Break not a jest where none take
pleasure in mirth. Gaze not on the blemishes of others. When another
speaks, be attentive.
VII.--MARKED PASSAGES.
On turning over the leaves of the various works on etiquette which we
have had occasion to consult in the preparation of this little manual,
we have marked with our pencil a large number of passages which seemed
to us to embody important facts or thoughts, with the hope of being
able to weave them into our work, each in its appropriate place. Some
of them we have made use of according to our original intention; a few
others not elsewhere used, we purpose to throw together here without
any attempt at classification.
1. _Our Social Uniform._
The universal partiality of our countrymen for _black_, as the color
of dress clothes, at least, is frequently remarked upon by foreigners.
Among the best dressed men on the Continent, as well as in England,
black, through not confined to the clergy, is in much less general use
than here. They adopt the darker shades of blue, brown, and green, and
for undress almost as great diversity of colors as of fabrics.
2. _A Hint to the Ladies._
Don't make your rooms gloomy. Furnish them for light and let them have
it. Daylight is very cheap, and candle or gas light you need not use
often. If your rooms are dark, all the effect of furniture, pictures,
walls, and carpets is lost. Finally, if you have beautiful things,
make them useful. The fashion of having a nice parlor, and then
shutting it up all but three or four days in the year, when you have
company; spending your own life in a mean room, shabbily furnished, or
an unhealthy basement, to save your things, is the meanest possible
economy. Go a little further--shut up your house, and live in a
pig-pen! The use of nice and beautiful things is to act upon your
spirit--to educate you and make you beautiful.
3. _Another._
Don't put your cards around the looking-glass, unless in your private
boudoir. If you wish to display them, keep them in a suitable basket
or vase on the mantle or center-table.
4. _An Obliging Disposition._
Polite persons are necessarily obliging. A smile is always on their
lips, an earnestness in their countenance, when we ask a favor of
them. They know that to render a service with a bad grace, is in
reality not to render it at all. If they are obliged to refuse a
favor, they do it with mildness and delicacy; they express such
feeling regret that they still inspire us with gratitude; in short,
their conduct appears so perfectly natural that it really seems that
the opportunity which is offered them of obliging us, is obliging
themselves; and they refuse all our thanks, without affectation or
effort.
5. _Securing a Home._
Let me, as a somewhat scrutinizing observer of the varying phases of
social life, in our own country especially, enter my earnest protest
against the practice so commonly adopted by newly-married persons, of
_boarding_, in place of at once establishing for themselves the
distinctive and ennobling prerogatives of HOME. Language and time
would alike fail me in an endeavor to set forth the manifold evils
inevitably growing out of this fashionable system. Take the advice of
an old man, who has tested theories by prolonged experience, and at
once establish your PENATES within four walls, and under a roof that
will, at times, exclude all who are not properly denizens of your
household, upon assuming the rights and obligations of married life.
Do not be deterred from this step by the conviction that you can not
shrine your home deities upon pedestals of marble. _Cover their bases
with flowers_--God's free gift to all--and the plainest support will
suffice for them if it be but _firm_.
6. _Taste vs. Fashion._
A lady should never, on account of economy, wear either what she deems
an ugly or an ungraceful garment; such garments never put her at her
ease, and are neglected and cast aside long before they have done her
their true service. We are careful only of those things which suit us,
and which we believe adorn us, and the mere fact of believing that we
look well, goes a great way toward making us do so. Fashion should be
sacrificed to taste, or, at best, followed at a distance; it does not
do to be _entirely out_, nor _completely in_, what is called
"fashion," many things being embraced under that term which are
frivolous, unmeaning, and sometimes meretricious.
7. _Special Claims._
There are persons to whom a lady or gentleman should be especially
polite. All elderly persons, the unattractive, the poor, and those
whose dependent positions may cause them to fear neglect. The
gentleman who offers his arm or gives his time to an old lady, or asks
a very plain one to dance, or attends one who is poorly dressed, never
looses in others' estimation or his own.
8. _Propriety of Deportment._
Propriety of deportment is the valuable result of a knowledge of one's
self, and of respect for the rights of others; it is a feeling of the
sacrifices which are imposed on self-esteem by our social relations;
it is, in short, a sacred requirement of harmony and affection.
9. _False Pride._
False pride and false dignity are very mean qualities. A true
gentleman will do anything proper for him to do. He can soil his hands
or use his muscles when there is occasion. The truest gentleman is
more likely to carry home a market-basket, or a parcel, or to wheel a
barrow through Broadway, than many a conceited little snob of a
shop-boy.
10. _The Awkwardness of being "Dressed."_
When dressed for company, strive to appear as easy and natural as if
you were in undress. Nothing is more distressing to a sensitive
person, or more ridiculous to one gifted with an _esprit moquer_ [a
disposition to "make fun"], than to see a lady laboring under the
consciousness of a fine gown; or a gentleman who is stiff, awkward,
and ungainly in a brand-new coat.
FOOTNOTE:
[R] _Life Illustrated._
XII.
MAXIMS FROM CHESTERFIELD.
The pages of the "Noble Oracle" are replete with sound advice,
which all may receive with profit. Genuine politeness is the
same always and everywhere.--_Madame Bienceance._
1. _Cheerfulness and Good Humor._
It is a wonderful thing that so many persons, putting in claims to
good breeding, should think of carrying their spleen into company, and
entertaining those with whom they converse with a history of their
pains, head-aches, and ill-treatment. This is, of all others, the
meanest help to social happiness; and a man must have a very mean
opinion of himself, who, on having detailed his grievances, is
accosted by asking the news. Mutual good-humor is a dress in which we
ought to appear, whenever we meet; and we ought to make no mention of
ourselves, unless it be in matters wherein our friends ought to
rejoice. There is no real life but cheerful life; therefore
valetudinarians should be sworn before they enter into company not to
say a word of themselves until the meeting breaks up.
2. _The Art of Pleasing._
The art of pleasing is a very necessary one to possess, but a very
difficult one to acquire. It can hardly be reduced to rules; and your
own good sense and observation will teach you more of it than I can.
Do as you would be done by, is the surest method that I know of
pleasing. Observe carefully what pleases you in others, and probably
the same things in you will please others. If you are pleased with
the complaisance and attention of others to you, depend upon it the
same complaisance and attention, on your part, will equally please
them. Take the tone of the company you are in, and do not pretend to
give it; be serious or gay, as you find the present humor of the
company. This is an attention due from every individual to the
majority.
3. _Adaptation of Manners._
Ceremony resembles that base coin which circulates through a country
by the royal mandate. It serves every purpose of real money at home,
but is entirely useless if carried abroad. A person who should attempt
to circulate his native trash in another country would be thought
either ridiculous or culpable. He is truly well-bred who knows when to
value and when to despise those national peculiarities which are
regarded by some with so much observance. A traveler of taste at once
perceives that the wise are polite all the world over, but that fools
are polite only at home.
4. _Bad Habits._
Keep yourself free from strange tricks or habits, such as thrusting on
your tongue, continually snapping your fingers, rubbing your hands,
sighing aloud, gaping with a noise like a country fellow that has been
sleeping in a hay-loft, or indeed with any noise; and many others that
I have noticed before. These are imitations of the manners of the mob,
and are degrading to a gentleman. It is rude and vulgar to lean your
head back and destroy the appearance of fine papered walls.
5. _Do what You are About._
_Hoc age_ was a maxim among the Romans, which means, "Do what you are
about, and do that only." A little mind is hurried by twenty things
at once; but a man of sense does but one thing at a time, and resolves
to excel in it; for whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing
well. Therefore, remember to give yourself up entirely to the thing
you are doing, be it what it may, whether your book or your play; for
if you have a right ambition, you will desire to excel all boys of
your age, at cricket, at trap-ball, as well as in learning.
6. _People who never Learn._
There have been people who have frequented the first companies all
their lifetime, and yet have never divested themselves of their
natural stiffness and awkwardness; but have continued as vulgar as if
they were never out of a servants' hall. This has been owing to
carelessness, and a want of attention to the manners and behavior of
others.
7. _Conformity to Local Manners._
Civility, which is a disposition to accommodate and oblige others, is
essentially the same in every country; but good-breeding, as it is
called, which is the manner of exerting that disposition, is different
in almost every country, and merely local; and every man of sense
imitates and conforms to that local good-breeding or the place which
he is at.
8. _How to Confer Favors._
The greatest favors may be done so awkwardly and bunglingly as to
offend; and disagreeable things may be done so agreeably as almost to
oblige. Endeavor to acquire this great secret. It exists, it is to be
found, and is worth a great deal more than the grand secret of the
alchymists would be, if it were, as it is not, to be found.
9. _Fitness._
One of the most important points of life is decency, which means doing
what is proper, and where it is proper; for many things are proper at
one time, and in one place, that are extremely improper in another.
Read men, therefore, yourself, not in books, but in nature. Adopt no
systems, but study them yourself.
10. _How to Refuse._
A polite manner of refusing to comply with the solicitations of a
company is also very necessary to be learned; for a young man who
seems to have no will of his own, but does everything that is asked of
him, may be a very good-natured, but he is a very silly, fellow.
11. _Civility to Women._
Civility is particularly due to all women; and remember that no
provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to every
woman; and the greatest man in the world would be justly reckoned a
brute, if he were not civil to the meanest woman.
12. _Spirit._
Spirit is now a very fashionable word. To act with spirit, to speak
with spirit, means only to act rashly, and to talk indiscreetly. An
able man shows his spirit by gentle words and resolute actions; he is
neither hot nor timid.
XIII.
ILLUSTRATIVE ANECDOTES.
It is well to combine amusement with instruction, whether you
write for young or old.--_Anonymous._
I.--ELDER BLUNT AND SISTER SCRUB.
The house of the excellent Squire Scrub was the itinerant's home; and
a right sweet, pleasant home it would have been but for a certain
unfortunate weakness of the every other way _excellent_ Sister Scrub.
The weakness I allude to was, or at least it was suspected to be, _the
love of praise_. Now the good sister was really worthy of high praise,
and she often received it; but she had a way of disparaging herself
and her performances which some people thought was intended to invite
praise. No housewife kept her floors looking so clean and her walls so
well whitewashed as she. Every board was scrubbed and scoured till
further scrubbing and scouring would have been labor wasted. No one
could look on her white ash floor and not admire the polish her
industry gave it. The "Squire" was a good provider, and Sister Scrub
was an excellent cook; and so their table groaned under a burden of
good things on all occasions when good cheer was demanded. And yet you
could never enter the house and sit half an hour without being
reminded that "Husband held Court yesterday, and she couldn't keep the
house decent." If you sat down to eat with them, she was sorry she
"hadn't anything fit to eat." She had been scrubbing, or washing, or
ironing, or she had been half sick, and she hadn't got such and such
things that she ought to have. Nor did it matter how bountiful or how
well prepared the repast really was, there was always _something_
deficient, the want of which furnished a text for a disparaging
discourse on the occasion. I remember once that we sat down to a table
that a king might have been happy to enjoy. There was the light
snow-white bread; there were the potatoes reeking in butter; there
were chickens swimming in gravy; there were the onions and the
turnips, and I was sure Sister Scrub had gratified her ambition for
once. We sat down, and a blessing was asked; instantly the good sister
began; she was afraid her coffee was too much burned, or that the
water had been smoked, or that she hadn't roasted the chicken enough.
There ought to have been some salad, and it was too bad that there was
nothing nice to offer us.
We, of course, endured those unjustifiable apologies as well as the
could, simply remarking that everything was really nice, and proving
by our acts that the repast was tempting to our appetites.
I will now introduce another actor to the reader--Elder Blunt, the
circuit preacher. Elder Blunt was a good man. His religion was of the
most genuine, experimental kind. He was a _very_ plain man. He, like
Mr. Wesley, would no more dare to preach a _fine_ sermon than wear a
fine coat. He was celebrated for his common-sense way of exhibiting
the principles of religion. He _would_ speak just what he thought, and
as he felt. He somehow got the name of being an eccentric preacher, as
every man, I believe, does who _never_ prevaricates, and always acts
and speaks as he thinks. Somehow or other, Elder Blunt had heard of
Sister Scrub, and that infirmity of hers, and he resolved to cure
her. On his first round he stopped at "Squire Scrub's," as all other
itinerants had done before him. John, the young man, took the elder's
horse and put him in the stable, and the preacher entered the house.
He was shown into the best room, and soon felt very much at home. He
expected to hear something in due time disparaging the domestic
arrangements, but he heard it sooner than he expected. This time, if
Sister Scrub could be credited, her house was all upside down; it
wasn't fit to stay in, and she was sadly mortified to be caught in
such a plight. The elder looked all around the room, as if to observe
the terrible disorder, but he said not a word. By-and-by the dinner
was ready, and the elder sat down with the family to a well spread
table. Here, again, Sister Scrub found everything faulty; the coffee
wasn't fit to drink, and she hadn't anything fit to eat. The elder
lifted his dark eye to her face; for a moment he seemed to penetrate
her very soul with his austere gaze; then slowly rising from the
table, he said, "Brother Scrub, I want my horse immediately; I must
leave!"
"Why, Brother Blunt, what is the matter?"
"Matter? Why, sir, your house isn't fit to stay in, and you haven't
anything fit to eat or drink, and I won't stay."
Both the "Squire" and his lady were confounded. This was a piece of
eccentricity entirely unlooked for. They were stupefied. But the elder
was gone. He wouldn't stay in a house not fit to stay in, and where
there wasn't anything fit to eat and drink.
Poor Sister Scrub! She wept like a child at her folly. She "knew it
would be all over town," she said, "and everybody would be laughing at
her." And then, how should she meet the blunt, honest elder again?
"She hadn't meant anything by what she had said." Ah! she never
thought how wicked it was to say _so much_ that didn't mean anything.
The upshot of the whole matter was, that Sister Scrub "saw herself as
others saw her." She ceased making apologies, and became a wiser and
better Christian. Elder Blunt always puts up there, always finds
everything as it should be, and, with all his eccentricities, is
thought by the family the most agreeable, as he is acknowledged by
everybody to be the most consistent, of men.--_Rev. J. V. Watson._
II.--THE PRESENCE.
Mr. Johnson, an English traveler, relates, in his notes on North
America, the following story:
"At Boston," he says, "I was told of a gentleman in the neighborhood
who, having a farm servant, found him very satisfactory in every
respect, except that he invariably came into his employer's room with
his hat on.
"'John,' said he to the man one day, 'you always keep your hat on when
you come into the room.'
"'Well, sir,' said John, 'and haven't I a right to?'
"'Yes,' was his employer's reply, 'I suppose you have.'
"'Well,' said John, 'if I have a right to, why shouldn't I?'
"This was a poser from one man to another, where all have equal
rights. So, after a moment's reflection the gentleman asked:
"'Now, John, what will you take, how much more wages will you ask, to
take off your hat whenever you come in?'
"'Well, that requires consideration, I guess,' said the man.
"'Take the thing into consideration, then,' rejoined the employer,
'and let me know to-morrow morning.'
"The morrow comes, and John appears.
"'Well, John, have you considered what additional wages you are to
have for taking your hat off?'
"'Well, sir, I guess it's worth a dollar a month.'
"'It's settled, then, John; you shall have another dollar a month.'
"So the gentleman retained a good man, while John's hat was always in
his hand when he entered the house."
This story, to one who knows New England, is not altogether
incredible. Toward the democratization of this country, yet most
incomplete, it will perhaps be one day conceded that the South has
contributed ideas, and New England sentiment; while the Great West
will have made a partial application of both to the conduct of life.
The Yankees are the kindest and the acutest of our people, and the
most ungraceful. Nowhere in the world is there so much good feeling,
combined with so much rudeness of manner, as in New England. The
South, colonized by Cavaliers, retains much of the Cavalier
improvidence and careless elegance of manner; and Southerners, like
the soil they till, are generous. But the Yankees, descended from
austere and Puritanic farmers, and accustomed to wring their
subsistence from an unwilling soil, possess the sterling virtues of
human nature along with a stiff-jointed awkwardness of manner, and a
sharp angularity of thought, which renders them unpleasing even to
those who respect them most. A Yankee seldom ceases to be provincial.
But John is waiting, hat in hand, to hear what we have to say
respecting his case.
We say that John was wrong in not taking off his hat voluntarily, but
that the feeling which prevented his doing so was right. He was right
in feeling that the accidental circumstance of his being a hired man
gave his employer no claim to any special mark of respect from him;
and, as he considered that the removal of his hat would have been a
special mark of respect, and thus an acknowledgment of social
inferiority, he declined to make that acknowledgment. But John was
mistaken. The act referred to would not have borne such an
interpretation. John ought to have felt that on coming into the
presence of a man, a fellow-citizen and co-sovereign, and particularly
on entering his abode, one of the innumerable royal residences of the
country, some visible sign of respect, some kind of deferential
salutation, is _due_ from the person entering. John should have risen
superior to the mere accident of his position, and remembered only
that he and his employer were men and equals. The positions of the two
men might be reversed in a day; their equality as men and citizens,
nothing but crime could affect.--_James Parton._
III.--A LEARNED MAN AT TABLE.
Some of the many errors which are liable to be committed through
ignorance of usage, are pleasantly pointed out in the following story,
which is related by a French writer:
The Abbé Cosson, professor in the _Collége Mazarin_, thoroughly
accomplished in the art of teaching, saturated with Greek, Latin, and
literature, considered himself a perfect well of science: he had no
conception that a man who knew all Persius and Horace by heart could
possibly commit an error--above all, an error at table. But it was not
long before he discovered his mistake. One day, after dining with the
Abbé de Radonvilliers at Versailles, in company with several courtiers
and marshals of France; he was boasting of the rare acquaintance with
etiquette and custom which he had exhibited at dinner. The Abbé
Delille, who heard this eulogy upon his own conduct, interrupted his
harangue by offering to wager that he had committed at least a hundred
improprieties at the table. "How is it possible?" exclaimed Cosson. "I
did exactly like the rest of the company."
"What absurdity!" said the other. "You did a thousand things which no
one else did. First, when you sat down at the table, what did you do
with your napkin?" "My napkin! why, just what everybody else did with
theirs. I unfolded it entirely, and fastened it to my button-hole."
"Well, my dear friend," said Delille, "you were the only one that did
_that_, at all events. No one hangs up his napkin in that style; they
are contented with placing it on their knees. And what did you do when
you took soup?" "Like the others, I believe. I took any spoon in one
hand and my fork in the other--" "Your fork! Who ever ate soup with a
fork? But to proceed: after your soup, what did you eat?" "A fresh
egg." "And what did you do with the shell?" "Handed it to the servant
who stood behind my chair." "Without breaking it, of course?" "Well,
my dear Abbé, nobody ever eats an egg without breaking the shell."
"And after your egg--?" "I asked the Abbé Radonvilliers to send me a
piece of the hen near him." "Bless my soul! a piece of the _hen_! You
never speak of hens excepting in the barn-yard. You should have asked
for fowl, or chicken. But you say nothing of your mode of drinking."
"Like all the rest, I asked for _claret_ and _champagne_." "Let me
inform you, then, that persons always ask for _claret wine_ and
_champagne wine_. But tell me, how did you eat your bread?" "Surely I
did that properly. I cut it with my knife in the most regular manner
possible." "Bread should always be broken, not cut. But the coffee,
how did you manage it?" "It was rather too hot, and I poured a little
of it into my saucer." "Well, you committed here the greatest fault of
all. You should never pour your coffee into the saucer, but always
drink it from the cup." The poor Abbé was confounded. He felt that
though one might be master of the seven sciences, yet that there was
another species of knowledge which, if less dignified, was equally
important.
This occurred many years ago, but there is not one of the observances
neglected by the Abbé Cosson which is not enforced with equal
rigidness in the present day.
IV.--ENGLISH WOMEN IN HIGH LIFE.
Lord Hardwicke's family consists of his countess, his eldest son
(about eighteen or twenty, Lord Royston by courtesy), three of the
finest-looking daughters you ever saw, and several younger sons. The
daughters--Lady Elizabeth, Lady Mary, and Lady Agnita--are
surpassingly beautiful; such development--such rosy cheeks, laughing
eyes, and unaffected manners--you rarely see combined. They take a
great deal of out-door exercise, and came aboard the Merrimac, in a
heavy rain, with Irish shoes thicker soled than you or I ever wore,
and cloaks and dresses almost impervious to wet. They steer their
father's yacht, walk the Lord knows how many miles, and don't care a
cent about rain, besides doing a host of other things that would shock
our ladies to death; and yet in the parlor are the most elegant
looking women, in their satin shoes and diamonds, I ever saw.... After
dinner the ladies play and sing for us, and the other night they got
up a game of blind-man's-buff; in which the ladies said we had the
advantage, inasmuch as their "petticoats rustled so that they were
easily caught." They call things by their names here. In the course of
the game, Lord Hardwicke himself was blindfolded, and, trying to catch
some one, fell over his daughter's lap on the floor, when two or three
of the girls caught him by the legs and dragged his lordship--roaring
with laughter, as we all were--on his back into the middle of the
floor. Yet they are perfectly respectful, but appear on a perfect
equality with each other.--_Letter from an Officer of the "Merrimac."_
V.--"VIL YOU SAY SO, IF YOU PLEASE?"
"Speaking of _not speaking_," said I, when the general amusement had
abated, "reminds me of an amusing little scene that I once witnessed
in the public parlor of a New England tavern, where I was compelled to
wait several hours for a stage-coach. Presently there entered a
bustling, sprightly-looking little personage, who, after frisking
about the room, apparently upon a tom of inspection, finally settled
herself very comfortably in the large cushioned rocking-chair--the
only one in the room--and was soon, as I had no reason to doubt, sound
asleep. It was not long, however, before a noise of some one entering
aroused her, and a tall, gaunt, old Yankee woman, hung around with
countless bags, bonnet-boxes, and nondescript appendages of various
sizes and kinds, presented herself to our vision. After slowly
relieving herself of the numberless incumbrances that impeded her
progress in life, she turned to a young man who accompanied her, and
said, in a tone so peculiarly shrill that it might have been mistaken,
at this day, for a railroad whistle--
"'Now, Jonathan, don't let no grass grow under your feet while you go
for them toothache drops; I am a'most crazy with pain!' laying a hand
upon the affected spot as she spoke; 'and here,' she called out, as
the door was closing upon her messenger, 'just get my box filled at
the same time,' diving with her disengaged hand into the unknown
depths of, seemingly, the most capacious of pockets, and bringing to
light a shining black box of sufficient size to hold all the jewels of
a modern belle. 'I thought I brought along my snuff-bladder, but I
don't know where I put it, my head is so stirred up.'
"By this time the little woman in the rocking-chair was fairly
aroused, and rising, she courteously offered her seat to the stranger,
her accent at once betraying her claim to be ranked with the politest
of nations (a bow, on my part, to the fair foreigner in the group).
With a prolonged stare, the old woman coolly ensconced herself in the
vacated seat, making not the slightest acknowledgment of the civility
she had received. Presently she began to groan, rocking herself
furiously at the same time. The former occupant of the stuffed chair,
who had retired to a window and perched herself in one of a long row
of wooden seats, hurried to the sufferer. 'I fear, madame,' said she,
'that you suffare ver' much--vat can I do for you?' The representative
of Yankeedom might have been a wooden clock-case for all the response
she made to this amiable inquiry, unless her rocking more furiously
than ever might be construed into a reply.
"The little Frenchwoman, apparently wholly unable to class so
anomalous a specimen of humanity, cautiously retreated.
"Before I was summoned away, the toothache drops and the snuff
together (both administered in large doses) seemed to have gradually
produced the effect of oil poured upon troubled waters.
"The sprightly Frenchwoman again ventured upon the theater of action.
"'You find yourself now much improved, madame?' she asked, with
considerable vivacity. A very slight nod was the only answer.
"'And you feel dis _fauteuil_ really very _com-for-ta-ble_?' pursued
the little woman, with augmented energy of voice. Another nod was just
discernible.
"No intonation of mine can do justice to the very ecstasy of
impatience with which the pertinacious questioner actually _screamed_
out:
"'_Bien_, madame, _vil you say so_, if you please?'
"_Henry Lunettes._"
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Decalcomanie; Transparent Painting; Pearl Inlaying; Making a
Rustic Picture; Painting Flower Stand; Polish for Mahogany;
Varnishing Furniture; Waxing Furniture; Cleaning Paint; Paint
for Farming Tools; Paint for Machinery; Paint for Household
Goods; Paint for Iron; To Imitate Ground Glass; Pumicing
Ornaments; Painting to Imitate Damask; To Paint a Farm Wagon; To
Re-Varnish a Carriage; To Duplicate Plaster Casts; "Putty Work;"
Permanent Wood Filling for House Work.
It is neatly Printed, with illustrations showing everything that can
be illustrated in connection with the subject. Published in uniform
style with the Carriage Painter's Manual, at the same price. $1.00, by
mail, past-paid, to any address by B. R. WELLS & CO., Publishers, 737
Broadway, N. Y.
THE EMPHATIC DIAGLOTT,
Containing the Original Greek Text of THE NEW TESTAMENT with an
interlineary word-for-word English Translation; a new Emphatic
Version based on the Interlineary Translation, on the Readings
of Eminent Critics, and on the various Readings of the Vatican
Manuscript (No 1,209 in the Vatican Library); together with
illustrative and Explanatory Foot Notes, and a copious Selection
of References; to the whole of which is added a valuable
Alphabetical Index.
By BENJAMIN WILSON.
One Vol., 12mo, 884 pp. Price, extra cloth, $4; Lib. binding, $5.
We have here a Greek Text acknowledged to be one of the best, which
Greek scholars will find of importance, while the unlearned have an
almost equal chance with those who are acquainted with the original,
by having an interlinear, literal, word-for-word English translation.
On the right hand of each page there is a column containing a special
rendering of the translation, including the labors of many talented
critics and translators, and in this column the emphatic signs are
noted by which the Greek words of emphasis are designated, which the
common and are new version of the New Testament fail to give. The
adopting of the ensigns of emphasis give a certainty and intensity to
the passages where they occur which can not be had without them. In
addition to this there are numerous footnotes and references, making
it on the whole one of the most valuable aids to Bible study yet
published.
OPINIONS OF THE CLERGY.
The following extracts from a letters received by the publishers will
go far to show in what the light the "Emphatic Diaglott" is regarded
by the clergy:
From J. R. GRAVES, LL.D., _Editor of Tenn. Baptist_.--"There are
many of our ministers who have mastered the usual amount of
Greek required to complete their course at school but have found
little time since entering upon their ministerial labors to
"keep it up," and rust has so gathered upon their Greek that it
has become a labor to work it out without Grammar and Lexicon.
To all such and even to those who have accomplished but little
in the language, this INTERLINEARY translation will prove an
invaluable help. The CRITICAL FOOT-NOTES and Dictionary of Terms
at the close are fully worth the price of the work itself. I can
cordially commend it to every minister and Bible student as a
rigidly faithful translation of the New Testament, and for
several reasons the most valuable one that has yet been made."
From THOMAS ARMITAGE, D.D., _Pastor of the Fifth Ave. Baptist
Church_.--"GENTLEMEN: I have examined with much care and great
interest the specimen sheets sent me of 'the Emphatic Diaglott.'
... I believe that the book furnishes evidences of the purposed
faithfulness, more than usual scholarship, and remarkable
literary industry. It can not fail to be an important help to
those who wish to become better acquainted with the revealed
will of God. For these reasons I wish the enterprise of
publishing the work a great success."
From the Rev. JAMES L. HODGE, _Pastor of the First Mariners'
Baptist Church, N. Y._--"I have examined these sheets which you
design to be a specimen of the work, and have to confess myself
much pleased with the arrangement and ability of Mr. Wilson....
I can most cordially thank Mr. Wilson for his noble work, and
you, gentlemen, for your Christian enterprise in bringing the
work before the public. I believe the work will do good, and aid
the better understanding of the New Testament."
From Prof. H. MATTISON, _Pastor of Trinity Meth. Church, Jersey
City, N. J._--... "The plan of the work is admirable, and the
presence of the Greek text and interlinear version gives every
scholar a fair chance to test the version for himself, verse by
verse and word for word. I can not but believe that the work
will be valuable acquisition to the Biblical literature of the
country."
From A. A. LIVERMORE, D.D., _President of the Theological Sem.,
Meadville, Pa._--... "I welcome all efforts intelligently made
to popularize the results of criticism, and wish that this
little volume might be possessed by every clergyman and student
of the Scriptures in the country."
From Rev. C. LAREW, _Pastor of the Halsey St. Meth. Church,
Newark, N. J._--"'The Diaglott' has given me great pleasure. The
arrangement is a most excellent one, and the new version can not
fail to be of gratification and profit, especially to those
unacquainted with the original Greek. The translator has
certainly shown great genius in seizing upon the thought of the
original and a happy tact on presenting it."
From Rev. G. F. WARREN, _Pastor of the Worthen St. Church,
Lowell, Mass._--... "Am highly gratified with the thorough
manner in which he (the author) has done his work. If I mistake
not this translation will receive a cordial welcome from the
Christian public. It is just what every Christian needs. I
congratulate myself and others that such a valuable auxiliary to
the study of the Word of God is placed in our hands."
We give sample pages of the work that every one may form a correct
idea of the plan of publication. Sent by mail, post-paid, on receipt
of price.
Address all orders to FOWLER & WELLS CO. Publishers, 753 BROADWAY, NEW
YORK.
GOOD HEALTH BOOKS.
HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD,
Or, Hygienic Cookery. By Susanna W. Dodds, M.D. One large 12mo
volume, 600 pages, extra cloth or oil-cloth binding, price
$2.00.
Undoubtedly the very best work on the preparation of food in a
healthful manner ever published, and one that should be in the
hands of all who would furnish their tables with food that is
wholesome and at the same time palatable, and will contribute
much toward Health in the Household.
THE NATURAL CURE
Of Consumption, Constipation, Bright's Disease, Neuralgia,
Rheumatism, "Colds" (Fevers), Etc. How Sickness Originates and
How to Prevent it. A Health Manual for the People. By C. E.
Page. 1 vol. 12mo. 278 pp., ex. cloth, $1.00.
A new work with new ideas, both radical and reasonable,
appealing to the common-sense of the reader. This is not a new
work with old thoughts simply restated, but the most original
Health Manual published in many years. It is written in the
author's clear, attractive manner, and should be in the hands of
all who would either retain or regain their health, and keep
from the hands of the doctors.
HOW TO FEED THE BABY,
To Make Her Healthy and Happy. With Health Hints. By C. E. Page,
M.D. Fourth Edition, Revised and Enlarged. 12mo, paper, 50
cents; extra cloth, 75 cts.
Dr. Page has devoted much attention to the subject, both in this
country and in Europe, noting the condition of children, and
then making careful inquiries as to the feeding, care, etc., and
this work is a special record of experience with his own child.
In addition to answering the question _what_ to feed the baby,
this volume tells _how_ to feed the baby, which is of equal
importance. There are many who are now following the author's
teaching with good results.
HOW TO BE WELL;
Or, Common-Sense Medical Hygiene. A book for the people, giving
directions for the treatment and cure of acute diseases without
the use of drug medicines, also general hints on health. By M.
Augusta Fairchild, M.D. 12mo, cloth, $1.00.
We have here a new work on Hygiene containing the results of the
author's experience for many years in the treatment of acute and
chronic diseases with Hygienic agencies, and it will save an
incalculable amount of pain and suffering, as well as doctors'
bills, in every family where its simple directions are followed.
DIGESTION and DYSPEPSIA.
A Complete Explanation of the Digestive Processes, with the
Symptoms and Treatment of Dyspepsia and other Disorders of the
Digestive Organs. Illustrated. By R. T. Trall, M.D. $1.00.
The latest and best work on the subject. With fifty
illustrations; showing with all possible fullness every process
of digestion, and giving all the causes, and directions for
treatment of Dyspepsia. The author gives the summary of the data
which he collected during an extensive practice of more than
twenty-five years, largely with patients who were suffering from
diseases caused by Dyspepsia and an impaired Digestion.
THE MOTHER'S HYGIENIC HANDBOOK,
for the Normal Development and Training of Women and Children,
and the Treatment of their diseases with Hygienic agencies. By
the same author. $1.00.
The great experience and ability of the author enabled him to
give just that advice which mothers need so often all through
their lives. It covers the whole ground, and, if it be carefully
read, will go far towards giving us an "ENLIGHTENED MOTHERHOOD."
The work should be read by every wife and every woman who
contemplates marriage. Mothers may place it in the hands of
their daughters with words of commendation, and feel assured
they will be the better prepared for the responsibilities and
duties of married life and motherhood.
Sent by mail, post-paid, to any address on receipt of price. Agents
wanted. Address FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers. 753 Broadway, New
York.
THE WORKS OF NELSON SIZER.
A Great Book for Young People
"CHOICE OF PURSUITS; or, What to Do and Why," describing Seventy-five
Trades and Professions, and the Temperaments and Talents required for
each; with Portraits and Biographies of many successful Thinkers and
Workers By NELSON SIZER, Associate Editor of the "PHRENOLOGICAL
JOURNAL," Vice President of, and Teacher in, the "American Institute
of Phrenology," etc. 12mo, extra cloth. 508 pp. Price, $1.75.
This work fills a place attempted by no other. Whoever has to
earn a living by labor of head or hand, can not afford to do
without it.
NOTICES OF THE PRESS.
"'CHOICE OF PURSUITS; or, What to do and Why' is a remarkable
book. The author has attained a deserved eminence as a
delineator of character. We have given it a careful reading and
feel warranted in saying that it is a book calculated to do a
vast deal of good."--_Boston Commonwealth._
"The title in startling, but it is indicative of the contents of
the book itself; the work is a desideratum."--_Inter-Ocean
(Chicago.)_
"It presents many judicious counsels. The main purpose of the
writer is to prevent mistakes in the choice of a profession. His
remarks on the different trades are often highly original. The
tendency of this volume is to increase the reader's respect for
human nature."--_New York Tribune._
"The design of this book is to indicate to every man his proper
work and to educate him for it"--_Albany Evening Journal._
A New Book for Parents and Teachers.
"HOW TO TEACH ACCORDING TO TEMPERAMENT AND MENTAL DEVELOPMENT," or,
Phrenology in the School-room and the Family.
With many Illustrations. 12mo, extra cloth, 351 pages. Price,
$1.50.
One of the greatest difficulties in the training of children
arises from not understanding their temperament and disposition.
This work points out clearly the constitutious differences, and
how to make the most of each.
NOTICES OF THE PRESS.
"The purpose of this work is to aid parents and teachers to
understand the talents, dispositions, and temperaments of those
under their guidance. This opens a new field to the
consideration of the teacher. The text is attractive and a
valuable contribution to educational literature. It should be in
the library of every parent and teacher."--_New England Journal
of Education._
"This is an entirely new feature in a book intended for the use
of teachers, and must prove of great advantage to them. The text
is written in a manner which must attract every reader."--_The
Methodist._
"No teacher should neglect to read this well-written
contribution to the cause of education."--_Christian
Instructor._
"It abounds in valuable suggestions and counsels derived from
many years experience, which can not fail to be of service to
all who are engaged in the business of education. The subject is
treated in a plain, familiar manner, and adapted to reading in
the family as well as in the study of the teacher."--_New York
Tribune._
"There is a great deal of good sense in the work and all
teachers will be glad to welcome it."--_The Commonwealth_,
Boston.
A NEW BOOK FOR EVERYBODY!
FORTY YEARS IN PHRENOLOGY: Embracing Recollections of History,
Anecdote, and Experience. 12mo, extra cloth, 413 pages. Price, $1.50.
In this work we have a most interesting record of the author's
recollections and experiences during more than forty years as a
Practical Phrenologist. The volume is filled with history,
anecdotes, and incidents, pathetic, witty, droll, and startling.
Every page sparkles with reality, and is packed with facts too
good to be lost. This book will be warmly welcomed by every
reader, from the boy of twelve to the sage of eighty years.
THOUGHTS ON DOMESTIC LIFE; or, Marriage Vindicated and FREE LOVE
EXPOSED. 12mo. Paper, 25 cents.
This work contains a sharp analysis of the social nature, in
some respects quite original. Sent by mail, post-paid, to any
address. Agents wanted. Address
FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York.
THE HUMAN VOICE.
ITS ANATOMY, PHYSIOLOGY, PATHOLOGY, THERAPEUTICS, AND TRAINING, WITH RULES
OF ORDER FOR LYCEUMS.
BY R. T. TRALL, M.D.
Paper, 50 Cents; Cloth, 75 Cents.
The work comprises, in a clear, concise form, directions for
strengthening and improving the voice, overcoming constitutional
difficulties, and repairing the abnormal conditions in the
organs of articulation as far as they can be remedied. The work
contains many illustrations, with full directions for vocal
culture and how gestures may become graceful. It contains, for
practice, some of the most popular selections, including the
best from Dickens, Henry Clay, Pope, and Bancroft, with Poe's
"Raven" and the "Bells;" also, "Sheridan's Ride." The chapter
devoted to rules of order for public meetings constitutes a
CHAIRMAN'S GUIDE, and with a list of debatable subjects, would
be considered worth the price of the book by many young men and
members of debating societies. Let every young man--and woman,
too--prepare themselves for speaking in public when occasion may
demand it.
NOTICES.
All who desire to read and speak well, will find this book an
excellent guide.--_New England Journal of Education._
Any one who desires to improve his voice, should get a copy of
this new work. It is a safe guide for the use of all who aim to
become good readers and speakers.--_New York Weekly._
The work aims at a scientific and thorough treatment of the
subject.--_Daily Graphic._
This book supplies the greatest want of young persons entering
on their oratorical career.--_Rural New Yorker._
An excellent guide for those desiring to become good readers or
public speakers, for strengthening and improving the
voice.--_Publishers' Weekly._
A very useful treatise, practical in treatment, and popular in
form.--_Christian Intelligencer._
It will be an aid to teachers.--_National Teachers' Monthly._
It will be found a plain and intelligible guide in theory and
practice, to any who desire to improve or excel, and must rely
mainly on self-education.--_Christian Instructor, and West.
United Pres._
Agents wanted to sell this in High Schools, Colleges, etc. Sent
by mail, post-paid, on receipt of price. Address
FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers,
753 Broadway, New York.
A Choice of Premiums.
The Phrenological Chart.
A handsome symbolical Head, made from new and special drawings
designed for the purpose. The pictorial illustrations show the
location of each of the phrenological organs and their natural
language. The Head is about twelve ins. wide, handsomely
lithographed in colors and on heavy plate paper 19 × 24 ins.,
properly mounted, with rings for hanging or may be framed, and
will be very attractive wherever it is seen. Price: $1.00. Is
given to the new subscribers, or the Bust Premium.
[Illustration]
The Phrenological Bust.
This Bust is made of Plaster of Paris, and so lettered as to
show the exact location of each of the Phrenological Organs. The
head is nearly life-size, and very ornamental, deserving a place
on the centre-table or mantel, in parlor, office or study. This,
with the illustrated key which accompanies each Bust, should be
in the hands of all who would know "HOW TO READ CHARACTER."
Price, $1.00, or given as a Premium to each new subscriber to
the JOURNAL or we will send the Chart Premium.
THE PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL
Is widely known in America and Europe, having been before the reading
world fifty years, and occupying a place in literature exclusively its
own, viz., the study of HUMAN NATURE in all its phases, including
Phrenology, Physiognomy, Ethnology, Physiology, etc., together with
the "SCIENCE OF HEALTH," and no expense will be spared to make it the
best publication for general circulation, tending always to make men
better physically, mentally, and morally. Parents and teachers should
read the JOURNAL, that they may better know how to govern and train
their children. Young people should read the JOURNAL, that they may
make the most of themselves. It has long met with the hearty approval
of the press and the people.
_N. Y. Times_ says: "THE PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL proves that the
increasing years of a periodical is no reason for its lessening
its enterprise or for diminishing its abundance of interesting
matter. If all magazines increased in merit as steadily as THE
PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL, they would deserve in time to show equal
evidences of popularity."
_Christian Union_ says: "It is well known as a popular
storehouse for useful thought. It teaches men to know themselves
and constantly presents matters of the highest interest to
intelligent readers, and has the advantage of having always been
not only up with the times, but a _little in advance_. Its
popularity shows the result of enterprise and brains."
TERMS.--The JOURNAL is published monthly at $2.40 a year, or 20 cents
a Number. To each new subscriber is given either the BUST or CHART
Premium described above. When the Premiums are sent, 13 cents extra
must be received with each subscription to pay postage on the JOURNAL
and the expense of boxing and packing the Bust, which will be sent by
express, or No. 2, a smaller size, or the Chart Premium, will be sent
by mail, post-paid.
Send amount to P. O. Orders, P. N., Drafts on New York, or in
Registered Letters. Postage-stamps will be received. AGENTS WANTED.
Send 10 cents for specimen Numbers, Premium List, Posters, etc.
Address
FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York.
[Illustration]
HEADS AND FACES: HOW TO STUDY THEM
A Complete Manual of Phrenology and Physiognomy for the People.
By PROF. NELSON SIZER, and H. S. DRAYTON, M.D.
Fully illustrated. Octavo, extra cloth, $1.00; paper edition, 40
cents.
All claim to know something of _How to READ Character_, but very few
understand all the _Signs of Character_ as shown in the _Head and
Face_. The subject is one of great importance, and in this work the
authors, Prof. Nelson Sizer, the phrenological examiner at the rooms
of Fowler & Wells Co., and Dr. H. S. Drayton, the editor of the
_Phrenological Journal_, have considered it from a practical
standpoint, and the subject is so simplified as to be of great
interest and easily understood.
The demand for standard publications of low price has increased
greatly with the tendency of many bookmakers to meet it. Popular
editions of the poets, historians, scientists have fallen in line with
the hundreds and thousands of cheap editions of the better classes of
novels; and now, in response to the often-expressed want of the
studious and curious, we have this voluminous yet very low-priced
treatise on "Heads and Faces" from the point of view of Phrenology,
Physiognomy, and Physiology. Although so low-priced, as we have noted
above, it is no flimsy, patched-up volume, but a careful, honest work,
replete with instruction, fresh in thought, suggestive and inspiring.
There are nearly two hundred illustrations, exhibiting a great variety
of faces, human and animal, and many other interesting features of the
much-sided subject that is considered. Taken at length it is one of
the most complete books on face-study that has been issued by its
publishers, and is a book that must create a demand wherever it is
seen. The style in which it has been produced, the excellent paper,
good presswork, numerous illustrations, and elegant, engaging cover,
make it a phenomenon even in this cheap book day. Sent by mail,
post-paid, on receipt of price, 40 cts. AGENTS WANTED.
Address, FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York.
A NEW BOOK.
HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD; OR, HYGIENIC COOKERY.
By SUSANNA W. DODDS, M.D.
One large 12mo vol., 600 pp., extra cloth or oil-cloth. Price.
$2.00.
The author of this work is specially qualified for her task, as she is
both a physician and a practical housekeeper. It is unquestionably the
best work written on the healthful preparation of food, and should be
in the hands of every housekeeper who wishes to prepare food
healthfully and palatably. The best way and the reason why are given.
It is complete in every department. To show something of what is
thought of this work we copy a few brief extracts from the many.
NOTICES OF THE PRESS.
"This work contains a great deal of excellent advice about
wholesome food and gives directions for preparing many dishes in
a way that will make luxuries for the palate out of many simple
productions of Nature which are now lost by a vicious
cookery."--_Home Journal._
"Another book on cookery, and one that appears to be fully the
equal in all respects and superior to many of its predecessors.
Simplicity is sought to be blended with science, economy with
all the enjoyments of the table, and health and happiness with
an ample household liberally. Every purse and every taste will
find in Mrs. Dodds' book, material within its means of grasp for
efficient kitchen administration."--_N. Y. Star._
"The book can not fail to be of great value in every household
to those who will intelligently appreciate the author's
stand-point. And there are but few who will not concede that it
would be a public benefit if our people generally would become
better informed as to the better mode of living than the author
intends."--_Scientific American._
"She evidently knows what she is writing about, and her book is
eminently practical upon every page. It is more than a book of
recipes for making soups, and pies, and cake; it is a educator
of how to make the home the abode of healthful people."--_The
Daily Inter-Ocean_, Chicago, Ill.
"The book is a good one, and should be given a place in every
well-regulated _cuisine_."--_Indianapolis Journal._
"As a comprehensive work on the subject of healthful cookery,
there is no other in print which is superior, and which brings
the subject so clearly and squarely to the understanding of an
average housekeeper."--_Methodist Recorder._
"In this book Dr. Dodds deals with the whole subject
scientifically, and yet has made her instructions entirely
practical. This book will certainly prove useful, and if its
precepts could be universally followed, without doubt human life
would be considerably lengthened."--_Springfield Union._
"Here is a cook-book prepared by an educated lady physician. It
seems to be a very sensible addition to the voluminous
literature on this subject, which ordinarily has little
reference to the hygienic character of the preparations which
are described."--_Zion's Herald._
"This one seems to us to be most sensible and practical, while
yet based upon scientific principles--in short, the best. If it
were in every household, there would be far less misery in the
world."--_South and West._
"There is much good sense in the book, and there is plenty of
occasion for attacking the ordinary methods of cooking, as well
as the common style of diet."--_Morning Star._
"She sets forth the why and wherefore of cookery, and devotes
the larger portion of the work to those articles essential to
good blood, strong bodies, and vigorous minds."--_New Haven
Register._
The work will be sent to any address, by mail, post-paid, on receipt
of price, $2.00. AGENTS WANTED, to whom special terms will be given.
Send for terms. Address
FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York.
[Illustration]
Names of the Faculties.
1. AMATIVENESS.--Connubial love, affection.
A. CONJUGAL LOVE.--Union for life, pairing instinct.
2. PARENTAL LOVE.--Care of offspring, and all young.
3. FRIENDSHIP.--Sociability, union of friends.
4. INHABITIVENESS.--Love of home and country.
5. CONTINUITY.--Application, consecutiveness.
A. VITATIVENESS.--Clinging to life, tenacity.
6. COMBATIVENESS. Defense, courage.
7. DESTRUCTIVENESS.--Executiveness.
8. ALIMENTIVENESS.--Appetite for food, etc.
9. ACQUISITIVENESS.--Frugality, economy.
10. SECRETIVENESS.--Self-control, policy.
11. CAUTIOUSNESS.--Guardedness, safety.
12. APPROBATIVENESS.--Love of applause.
13. SELF-ESTEEM.--Self-respect, dignity.
14. FIRMNESS.--Stability, perseverance.
15. CONSCIENTIOUSNESS.--Sense of right.
16. HOPE.--Expectation, anticipation.
17. SPIRITUALITY.--Intuition, prescience.
18. VENERATION.--Worship, adoration.
19. BENEVOLENCE.--Sympathy, kindness.
20. CONSTRUCTIVENESS.--Ingenuity, tools.
21. IDEALITY.--_Taste_, love of beauty, poetry.
B. SUBLIMITY.--Love of the grand, vast.
22. IMITATION.--Copying, aptitude.
23. MIRTH.--Fun, wit, ridicule, facetiousness.
24. INDIVIDUALITY.--Observation, to see.
25. FORM.--Memory, _shape_, looks, persons.
26. SIZE.--Measurement of quantity.
27. WEIGHT.--Control of motion, balancing.
28. COLOR.--Discernment, and love of color.
29. ORDER.--_Method_, system, going by _rule_.
30. CALCULATION.--Mental arithmetic.
31. LOCALITY.--Memory of place, position.
32. EVENTUALITY.--Memory of facts, events.
33. TIME.--Telling _when_, time of day, dates.
34. TUNE.--Love of music, singing.
35. LANGUAGE.--_Expression_ by words, acts.
36. CAUSALITY.--_Planning_, thinking.
37. COMPARISON.--Analysis, inferring.
C. HUMAN NATURE.--Sagacity.
D. SUAVITY.--_Pleasantness_, blandness.
For complete definitions of all the organs of the BRAIN, and the
features of the FACE, see New Physiognomy by S. R. WELLS, with 1,000
Illustrations. Price, post-paid, $5, $8, and $10, according to styles
of binding.
"EDUCATION COMPLETE."
Education and Self-Improvement Complete.--Comprising
Physiology--Animal and Mental: Self-Culture and Perfection of
Character: including the Management of Youth: Memory and Intellectual
Improvement. Complete in one large, well-bound 12mo volume, with 855
pp., and upward Seventy Engravings. Price, pre-paid, by mail. $3
This work is, in all respects, one of the best educational hand-books
in the English language. Any system of education that neglects the
training and developing all that goes to make up a MAN, must
necessarily be incomplete. The mind and body are so intimately related
and connected that it is impossible to cultivate the former without it
is properly supplemented by the latter. The work is subdivided into
three departments--the first devoted to the preservation and
restoration of health and the improvement of mentality; the second to
the regulation of the feelings and perfection of the moral character;
and the third, to the intellectual cultivation. "EDUCATION COMPLETE"
is a library in itself, and covers the ENTIRE NATURE OF MAN. We append
below a synopsis of the table of contents:
HEALTH OF BODY AND POWER OF MIND.
PHYSIOLOGY--ANIMAL AND MENTAL HEALTH--ITS LAWS AND PRESERVATION.
Happiness constitutional; Pain not necessary; Object of all
Education; Reciprocation existing between Body and Mind; Health
defined; Sickness--not providential.
FOOD--ITS NECESSITY AND SELECTION.--Unperverted Appetite an
Infallible Directory; Different Diets Feed Different Powers; How
to Eat--or Mastication. Quantity, Time, etc.; How Appetite can
be Restrained; The Digestive Process; Exercise after Meals.
CIRCULATION, RESPIRATION, PERSPIRATION, SLEEP.--The Heart, its
Structure and Office; The Circulatory System; The Lungs, their
Structure and Functions; Respiration, and its importance;
Perspiration; Prevention and Cure of Colds, and their
consequences; Regulation of Temperature by Fire and Clothing;
Sleep.
THE BRAIN AND NERVOUS SYSTEM.--Position, Function, and Structure
of the Brain; Consciousness or the seat of the soul; Function of
the Nerves; How to seep the Nervous system in Health; The Remedy
of Diseases; Observance of the Laws of Health Effectual; The
Drink of Dyspeptics--its kind, times and quantity; Promotion of
Circulation; Consumption--its Prevention and Cure; Preventives
of Insanity, etc.
SELF-CULTURE AND PERFECTION OF CHARACTER.
CONSTITUENT ELEMENTS OR CONDITIONS OF PERFECTION OF
CHARACTER--Progression a Law of Things--its application to human
improvement; Human perfectibility,--the harmonious action of all
the faculties; Governing the propensities by the intellectual
and moral faculties. Proof that the organs can be enlarged and
diminished; The proper management of Youth, etc.
ANALYSIS AND MEANS OF STRENGTHENING OF THE
FACULTIES.--Amativeness; Philoprogenitiveness; Adhesiveness;
Union for Life; Inhabitiveness; Continuity; Vitativeness;
Combativeness; Destructiveness, or Executiveness;
Alimentiveness; Aquativeness, or Bibativeness; Acquisitiveness;
Secretiveness; Cautiousness; Approbativeness; Self-Esteem;
Firmness. Conscientiousness; Hope; Spirituality--Marvelousness;
Veneration; Benevolence; Constructiveness; Ideality; Sublimity;
Initiation; Mirthfulness; Agreeableness--with engraved
illustrations.
MEMORY AND INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT APPLIED TO SELF-EDUCATION.
CLASSIFICATION AND FUNCTION OF THE FACULTIES.--Man's
superiority; Intellect his crowning endowment; How to strengthen
and improve the Memory; Definition, location, analysis, and
means of the strengthening the intellectual faculties.
INDIVIDUALITY. FORM. SIZE. WEIGHT. COLOR. ORDER. CALCULATION.
LOCALITY. EVENTUALITY. TIME. TUNE: Influence of Music. LANGUAGE:
Power of Eloquence & Good Language. PHONOGRAPHY: its advantages.
CAUSALITY: Teaching others to think; Astronomy; Anatomy and
Physiology; Study of Nature. COMPARISON: Inductive reasoning.
HUMAN NATURE: Adaptation.
DEVELOPMENTS REQUIRING FOR PARTICULAR AVOCATIONS.--Good
Teachers; Clergymen; Physician; Lawyers; Statesmen; Editors;
Authors; Public Speakers; Poets; Lecturers; Merchants;
Mechanics; Artists; Painters; Farmers; Engineers; Landlords;
Printers; Milliners; Seamstresses; Fancy Workers, and the like.
Full and explicit directions are given for the cultivation and
direction of all the powers of the mind, instruction for finding
the exact location of each organ, and its relative size compared
with others.
WORKS PUBLISHED BY FOWLER & WELLS CO., New York.
PHRENOLOGY AND PHYSIOGNOMY.
PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL AND SCIENCE OF HEALTH--Devoted to Ethnology,
Physiology, Phrenology, Physiognomy, Psychology, Sociology, Biography,
Education, Literature, etc., with Measures to Reform, Elevate and
Improve Mankind Physically, Mentally and Spiritually. Monthly, $2.00 a
year; 20c. a number. Bound vols. $3.00
EXPRESSION: ITS ANATOMY AND PHILOSOPHY. Illustrated by Sir Charles
Bell. Additional Notes and Illustrations by SAMUEL R. WELLS. $1.
EDUCATION OF THE FEELINGS AND AFFECTIONS. Charles Bray. Edited by
NELSON SIZER. Cloth, $1.50.
This work gives full and definite directions for the
cultivation or restraining of all the faculties relating to the
feelings or affections.
COMBE'S SYSTEM OF PHRENOLOGY; With 100 Engravings. $1.25.
COMBE'S CONSTITUTION OF MAN; Considered in Relation to external
objects. With twenty engravings, and portrait of author. $1.25.
The "Constitution of Man" is a work with which every teacher
and every pupil should be acquainted.
COMBE'S LECTURES ON PHRENOLOGY; with Notes, an Essay on the
Phrenological Mode of Investigation, and an Historical Sketch, by
A. BOARDMAN, M.D. $1.25.
COMBE'S MORAL PHILOSOPHY; or, the Duties of Man considered in his
Individual, Domestic, and Social Capacities. $1.25.
HOW TO STUDY CHARACTER; OR, THE TRUE BASIS FOR THE SCIENCE OF MIND.
Including a Review of Bain's Criticism of Phrenology. By Thos. A.
Hyde. 50c.; clo. $1.00.
NEW DESCRIPTIVE CHART, for the Use of examiners in the Delineation of
Character. By S. R. Wells. 25c.
NEW PHYSIOGNOMY; OR SIGNS OF CHARACTER, as manifested through
Temperament and External Forms, and especially in the "Human Face
Divine." With more than One Thousand Illustrations. By Samuel R.
Wells. In one 12mo volume, 768 pages, muslin, $5.00; in heavy calf,
marbled edges, $8.00; Turkey morocco, full gilt, $10.00.
"The treatise of Mr. Wells, which is admirably printed and
profusely illustrated, is probably the most complete hand-book
upon the subject in the language."--_N. Y. Tribune._
HOW TO READ CHARACTER.--A new illustrated Hand-book of Phrenology and
Physiognomy, for Students and Examiners, with a chart for recording
the sizes of the different Organs of the brain in the Delineation of
Character; with upward of 170 Engravings. By S. R. Wells. $1.25.
WEDLOCK; OR, THE RIGHT RELATIONS OF THE SEXES. Disclosing the Laws of
Conjugal Selection, and showing Who May Marry. By S. R. Wells. $1.50;
gilt, $2.00.
BRAIN AND MIND; or Mental Science Considered in Accordance with the
Principles of Phrenology and in Relation to Modern Physiology. H. S.
DRAYTON M.D., AND J. MCNEILL. $1.50.
This is the latest and best work published. It constitutes a
complete text-book of Phrenology, is profusely illustrated, and
will adapted to the use of students.
INDICATIONS OF CHARACTER, as manifested in the general shape of the
head and form of the face. H. S. DRAYTON, M.D. Illus. 25c.
HOW TO STUDY PHRENOLOGY.--With Suggestions to Students, Lists of Best
Works, Constitutions for Societies, etc. 12mo, paper, 10c.
CHOICE OF PURSUITS: OR, WHAT TO DO AND WHY. Describing Seventy-five
Trades and Professions, and the Temperaments and Talents required for
each. With Portraits and Biographies of many successful Thinkers and
Workers. By Nelson Sizer. $1.75.
HOW TO TEACH ACCORDING TO TEMPERAMENT AND MENTAL DEVELOPMENT; or,
Phrenology in the Schoolroom and the Family. By Nelson Sizer.
Illustrated. $1.50.
FORTY YEARS IN PHRENOLOGY.--Embracing Recollections of History,
Anecdotes and Experience. $1.50.
THOUGHTS ON DOMESTIC LIFE; or, Marriage Vindicated and Free Love
Exposed. 25c.
CATHECHISM OF PHRENOLOGY.--Illustrating the Principles of the Science
by means of Questions and Answers. Revised and enlarged by Nelson
Sizer. 50c.
HEADS AND FACES: HOW TO STUDY THEM. A Complete Manual of Phrenology
and Physiognomy for the People. By Prof. Nelson Sizer and H. S.
Drayton, M.D. Nearly 200 octavo pages and 200 illustrations, price in
paper, 40c.; ex. clo. $1.00.
All claim to know something of How to Read Character but very
few understand all the Signs of Character as shown in the Head
and Face. This is a study of which one never tires; it is
always fresh, for you have always new text books. The book is
really a great Album of Portraits, and will be found of
interest for the illustrations alone.
MEMORY AND INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT, applied to Self-Education and
Juvenile Instruction. By O. S. FOWLER. $1.00.
The best work on the subject.
HEREDITARY DESCENT.--Its Laws and Facts applied to Human Improvement.
By O. S Fowler. Illustrated. $1.00.
THE SCIENCE OF THE MIND APPLIED TO TEACHING: Including the Human
Temperaments and their influence upon the Mind; The Analysis of the
Mental Faculties and how to develop and train them; The Theory of
Education and of the School, and Normal Methods of teaching the common
English branches. By Prof. U. J. HOFFMAN. Profusely illustrated.
$1.50.
REMINISCENCES OF DR. SPURZHEIM AND GEORGE COMBE and a Review of the
Science of Phrenology from the period of its discovery by Dr. GALI to
the time of the visit of GEORGE COMBE to the United States, with a
portrait of Dr. SPURZHEIM, by NAHEM CAPEN, LL.D. Ex. clo. $1.25.
EDUCATION AND SELF-IMPROVEMENT COMPLETE: Comprising "Physiology,
Animal and Mental," "Self-culture and Perfection of Character,"
"Memory and Intellectual Improvement." By O. S. FOWLER. One large vol.
Illus. $3.00.
SELF-CULTURE AND PERFECTION OF CHARACTER; Including the Management of
Children and Youth. $1.00.
One of the best of the author's works.
PHYSIOLOGY, ANIMAL AND MENTAL: Applied to the Preservation and
Restoration of Health of Body and Power of Mind. $1.00.
PHRENOLOGY PROVED, ILLUSTRATED AND APPLIED. Embracing an Analysis of
the Primary Mental Powers in their Various Degrees of Development, and
location of the Phrenological Organs. The Mental Phenomena produced by
their combined action, and the location of the faculties amply
illustrated. By the Fowler Brothers. $1.25.
SELF-INSTRUCTOR IN PHRENOLOGY AND PHYSIOLOGY. With over One Hundred
Engravings and a Chart for Phrenologists, for the Recording of
Phrenological Development. By the Fowler Brothers. 75c.
PHRENOLOGICAL MISCELLANY OF ILLUSTRATED ANNUALS OF PHRENOLOGY AND
PHYSIOGNOMY, from 1865 to 1873 combined in one volume containing over
400 illustrations, many portraits and biographies of distinguished
personages. $1.50
REDFIELD'S COMPARATIVE PHYSIOGNOMY; or resemblances Between Men and
Animals, Illustrated. $2.50
PHRENOLOGY AND THE SCRIPTURES.--Showing the Harmony between Phrenology
and the Bible. 15 cents.
PHRENOLOGICAL CHART. A symbolical Head 12 inches across, Lithographed
in colors, on paper 19 × 24 inches, mounted for hanging on the wall,
or suitable for framing. $1.00
EDUCATION: ITS ELEMENTARY PRINCIPLES FOUNDED ON THE NATURE OF MAN. By
J. G. Spurzheim, $1.25
NATURAL LAWS OF MAN.--A Philosophical Catechism. Sixth Edition.
Enlarged and improved by J. G. Spurzheim, M.D. 50 cents.
LECTURES ON MENTAL SCIENCE.--According to the philosophy of
Phrenology. Delivered before the Anthropological Society. By Rev. G.
S. Weaver. Illustrated. $1.00
PHRENOLOGICAL BUST.--Showing the latest classification and exact
location of the Organs of the Brain. It is divided so as to show each
individual Organ on one side; with all the groups Social, Executive,
Intellectual and Moral, classified on the other. Large size (not
mailable) $1. Small 50 cents.
WORKS ON MAGNETISM.
There is an increasing interest in the facts relating to
Magnetism, etc., and we present below a list of Works on this
subject.
LIBRARY OF MESMERISM AND PSYCHOLOGY.--Comprising the Philosophy of
Mesmerism, Clairvoyance, Mental Electricity.--FASCINATION, or the
Power of Charming. Illustrating the Principles of Life in connection
with Spirit and Matter.--THE MACROCOSM or the Universe Without, being
an unfolding of the plan of Creation and the Correspondence of
Truths.--THE PHILOSOPHY OF ELECTRICAL PSYCHOLOGY; the Doctrine of
impressions, including the connection between Mind and Matter, also,
the Treatment of Diseases.--PSYCHOLOGY or the Science of the Soul,
considered Physiologically and Philosophically; with an Appendix
containing Notes of Mesmeric and Psychical experience and
Illustrations of the Brain and Nervous System. $3.50.
PHILOSOPHY OF MESMERISM.--By Dr. John Bovee Dods. 50 cents.
PHILOSOPHY OF ELECTRICAL PSYCHOLOGY. A course of Twelve Lectures.
$1.00
PRACTICAL INSTRUCTIONS IN ANIMAL MAGNETISM. By J. P. F. Deleuze.
Translated by Thomas C. Hartshorn. New and Revised edition, with an
appendix of notes by the Translator and Letters from Eminent
Physicians and others. $2.00
HISTORY OF SALEM WITCHCRAFT.--A review of Charles W. Upham's great
Work from the _Edinburgh Review_, with Notes by Samuel R. Wells
containing also, The Planchette Mystery, Spiritualism, by Mrs. Harriet
Beecher Stowe, and Dr. Doddridge's Dream. $1.00
FASCINATION: OR, THE PHILOSOPHY OF CHARMING. Illustrating the
Principles of Life in connection with Spirit and Matter. By J. B.
Newman, M.D. $1.00
HOW TO MAGNETIZE, OR MAGNETISM AND CLAIRVOYANCE.--A Practical Treatise
on the Choice, Management and Capabilities of Subjects, with
Instructions on the Method of Procedure. By J. V. Wilson. 25c.
HEALTH BOOKS.
_This List Comprises the Best Works on Hygiene, Health, Etc._
HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD OR HYGIENIC COOKERY; by Susanna W. Dodds, M.D.
12mo. ex. clo. $2.00.
A novice in housekeeping will not be puzzled by this admirable
book, it is so simple, systematic, practical and withal
productive of much household pleasure, not only by means of the
delicious food prepared from its recipes, but through the
saving of labor and care to the housewife.
HOUSEHOLD REMEDIES.--For the prevalent Disorders of the Human
Organism, by Felix Oswald, M.D. 12mo. pp. 229 $1.00.
The author of this work is one of the keenest and most critical
writers on medical subjects now before the public. He writes
soundly and practically. He is an enthusiastic apostle of the
gospel of hygiene. We predict that his book will win many
converts to the faith and prove a valuable aid to those who are
already of the faith but are asking for "more light."
Among the special ailments herein considered are Consumption,
Asthma, Dyspepsia, Climatic Fevers, Enteric Disorders, Nervous
Maladies, Catarrh, Pleurisy, etc.
THE TEMPERAMENTS, OR VARIETIES OF PHYSICAL CONSTITUTION IN MAN,
considered in their relation to Mental Character and Practical Affairs
of Life. With an Introduction by H. S. Drayton, A. M. Editor of the
PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL. 150 Portraits and other illustrations, by D. H.
Jacques, M.D. $1.50.
HOW TO GROW HANDSOME, OR HINTS TOWARD PHYSICAL PERFECTION and the
Philosophy of Human Beauty, showing How to Acquire and Retain Bodily
Symmetry, Health and Vigor, secure long life and avoid the infirmities
and deformities of age. New Edition, $1.00.
MEDICAL ELECTRICITY.--A Manual for Students, showing the most
Scientific and Rational Application to all forms of Diseases, of the
different combinations of Electricity, Galvanism, Electro-Magnetism.
Magneto-Electricity, and Human Magnetism, by W. White, M.D. $1.50.
THE MAN WONDERFUL IN THE HOUSE BEAUTIFUL.--An allegory teaching the
Principles of Physiology and Hygiene, and the effects of Stimulants
and Narcotics, by Drs. C. B. and Mary A. Allen. $1.50.
To all who enjoy studies pertaining to the human body this book
will prove a boon. The accomplished physician, the gentle
mother, the modest girl, and the wide-awake school-boy will
find pleasure in its perusal. It is wholly unlike any book
previously published on the subject, and is such a thorough
teacher that progressive parents cannot afford to do without
it.
THE FAMILY PHYSICIAN.--A Ready Prescriber and Hygienic Advisor With
Reference to the Nature, Causes, Prevention and Treatment of Diseases,
Accidents and Casualties of every kind with a Glossary and copious
index. Illustrated with nearly three hundred engravings, by Joel Shaw,
M.D. $3.
HOW TO FEED THE BABY TO MAKE HER HEALTHY AND HAPPY, by C. E. Page, M.D.
12mo. third edition, revised and enlarged. Paper, 50c. extra cloth.
75c.
This is the most important work ever published on the subject
of infant dietetics.
THE NATURAL CURE OF CONSUMPTION, Constipation, Bright's Disease,
Neuralgia, Rheumatism, Colds, Fevers, etc. How these Disorders
Originate and How to Prevent Them. By C. E. Page, M.D. cloth, $1.00
HORSES, THEIR FEED AND THEIR FEET. A Manual of Horse Hygiene.
Invaluable to the veteran or the novice, pointing out the true sources
of disease, and how to prevent and counteract them. By C. E. Page,
M.D. Paper 50c.; cloth 75c.
This is the best book on the care of horses ever published,
worth many times its cost to every horse owner.
THE MOVEMENT CURE.--The History and Philosophy, of this System of
Medical Treatment, with examples of Single Movements, The Principles
of Massage, and directions for their Use in various Forms of Chronic
Diseases. New edition by G. H. Taylor, M.D. $1.50.
MASSAGE.--Giving the Principles and directions for its application in
all Forms of Chronic Diseases, by G. H. Taylor, M.D. $1.00
THE SCIENCE OF A NEW LIFE.--By John Cowan, M.D. Ex. clo. $3.00.
TOBACCO: ITS PHYSICAL, INTELLECTUAL AND MORAL EFFECTS ON THE HUMAN
SYSTEM, by Dr. Alcott. New and revised edition with notes and
additions by N. Sizer. 25c.
SOBER AND TEMPERATE LIFE.--The Discourses and Letters of Louis Corbaro
on a Sober and Temperate Life. 50c.
SMOKING AND DRINKING. By James Parton. 50c.; cloth. 75c.
FOOD AND DIET. With observations on the Dietetical Regimen, suited for
Disordered States of the Digestive Organs, by J. Pereira, M.D., F.R.S.
$1.50.
PRINCIPLES APPLIED TO THE PRESERVATION OF HEALTH and the improvement
of Physical and Mental Education, by Andrew Combe, M.D. Illustrated,
cloth, $1.50.
WATER CURE IN CHRONIC DISEASES. An Exposition of the Causes, Progress,
and Termination of various Chronic Diseases of the Digestive Organs,
Lungs, Nerves. Limbs and Skin, and of their Treatment by Water and
other hygienic Means. By J. M. Gully, M.D. $1.25.
SCIENCE OF HUMAN LIFE. With a copious Index and Biographical Sketch of
the author, Sylvester Graham. Illustrated, $3.00.
MANAGEMENT OF INFANCY, PHYSIOLOGICAL AND MORAL TREATMENT. With Notes
and a Supplementary Chapter. $1.25.
DIET QUESTION.--Giving the Reason Why, from "Health in the Household."
by S. W. Dodds, M.D. 25c.
HEALTH MISCELLANY.--An important collection of Health Papers. Nearly
100 octavo pages. 25c.
HOW TO BE WELL, OR COMMON SENSE MEDICAL HYGIENE. A book for the
People, giving directions for the Treatment and Cure of Acute Diseases
without the use of Drug Medicines; also General Hints on Health. $1.00
FOREORDAINED.--A Story of Heredity and of Special Paternal Influences,
by an Observer. 12mo. pp. 90. Paper, 50c.; extra cloth, 75c.
CONSUMPTION, its Prevention and Cure by the Movement Cure. 25c.
NOTES ON BEAUTY, VIGOR AND DEVELOPMENT; or, How to Acquire Plumpness
of Form, Strength of Limb and Beauty of Complexion. Illustrated. 10c.
TEA AND COFFEE.--Their Physical, Intellectual and Moral Effects on the
Human System, by Dr. Alcott. NEW and revised edition with notes and
additions by Nelson Sizer. 25c.
ACCIDENTS AND EMERGENCIES, a guide containing Directions for the
Treatment in Bleeding, Cuts. Sprains, Ruptures, Dislocations. Burns
and Scalds. Bites of Mad Dogs. Choking, Poisons, Fits, Sunstrokes,
Drowning, etc., by Alfred Smee, with Notes and additions by R. T.
Trall, M.D. New and revised edition. 25c.
SPECIAL LIST.--We have in addition to the above, Private Medical Works
and Treatises. This Special List will be sent on receipt of stamp.
WORKS ON HYGIENE BY R. T. TRALL, M.D.
_These works may be considered standard from the reformatory hygienic
standpoint. Thousands of people owe their lives and good health to
their teaching._
HYDROPATHIC ENCYCLOPEDIA.--A System of Hydropathy and Hygiene.
Physiology of the Human Body; Dietetics and Hydropathic Cookery;
Theory and Practice of Water Treatment; Special Pathology and
Hydro-Therapeutics, including the Nature, Causes, Symptoms and
Treatment of all known diseases; Application of Hydropathy to
Midwifery and the Nursery with nearly One Thousand Pages including a
Glossary. 2 vols. in one $4.
HYGIENIC HAND-BOOK.--Intended as a Practical Guide for the Sick-room.
Arranged alphabetically. $1.25.
ILLUSTRATED FAMILY GYMNASIUM.--Containing the most improved methods of
applying Gymnastic, Callisthenic, Kinesipathic and Vocal Exercises to
the Development of the Bodily Organs, the invigoration of their
functions, the preservation of Health and the Cure of Diseases and
Deformities. $1.25.
THE HYDROPATHIC COOK-BOOK, with Recipes for Cooking on Hygienic
Principles. Containing also a Philosophical Exposition of the
Relations of Food to Health, the Chemical Elements and Proximate
Constitution of Alimentary Principles; the Nutritive Properties of all
kinds of Aliments; the Relative value of Vegetable and Animal
Substances; the Selection and Preservation of Dietetic Material, etc.
$1.00.
FRUITS AND FARINACEA: THE PROPER FOOD OF MAN.--Being an attempt to
prove by History, Anatomy, Physiology and Chemistry that the Original,
Natural and Best Diet of Man is derived from the Vegetable Kingdom. By
John Smith. With Notes by Trall. $1.25.
DIGESTION AND DYSPEPSIA.--A Complete Explanation of the Physiology of
the Digestive Processes, with the Symptoms and Treatment of Dyspepsia
and other Disorders. Illustrated. $1.00.
THE MOTHER'S HYGIENE HAND-BOOK for the Normal Development and Training
of Women and Children, and the Treatment of their Diseases. $1.00.
POPULAR PHYSIOLOGY.--A Familiar Exposition of the Structures,
Functions and Relations of the Human System and the Preservation of
Health. $1.25.
THE TRUE TEMPERANCE PLATFORM.--An Exposition of the Fallacy of
Alcoholic Medication. 50 cents.
THE ALCOHOLIC CONTROVERSY.--A Review of the _Westminster Review_ on
the Physiological Errors of Teetotalism. 50 cents.
THE HUMAN VOICE.--Its Anatomy, Physiology, Pathology, Therapeutics and
Training, with Rules of Order for Lyceums. 50 cents.
THE TRUE HEALING ART: OR HYGIENIC _VS._ DRUG MEDICATION. An Address
delivered before the Smithsonian Institute, Washington. D. C. 25 cts.;
clo., 50 cents.
WATER-CURE FOR THE MILLION.--The processes of Water Cure Explained.
Rules for Bathing, Dieting, Exercising, Recipes for Cooking, etc.,
etc. Directions for Home Treatment. Paper. 15 cts.
HYGEIAN HOME COOK-BOOK: OR HEALTHFUL AND PALATABLE FOOD WITHOUT
CONDIMENTS. 25 cts. clo., 50 cents.
DISEASES OF THROAT AND LUNGS.--Including Diphtheria and its Proper
Treatment. 25 cents.
THE BATH.--Its History and Uses in Health and Disease. 35c.; clo.,
50c.
A HEALTH CATECHISM.--Questions and Answers. With Illus. 10 c.
MISCELLANEOUS WORKS.
HAND-BOOKS FOR HOME IMPROVEMENT (EDUCATIONAL); comprising, "How to
Write," "How to Talk," "How to Behave," and "How to do Business." One
12mo vol. $2.00.
HOW TO WRITE.--A manual of Composition and Letter-Writing. 60c.
HOW TO TALK.--A Pocket Manual of Conversation and Debate, more than
Five Hundred Common Mistakes in Speaking Corrected. 60c.
HOW TO BEHAVE.--A Pocket Manual of Republican Etiquette and Guide to
Correct Personal Habits with Rules for Debating Societies and
Deliberative Assemblies. 60c.
HOW TO DO BUSINESS.--A Manual of Practical Affairs and a Guide to
Success in Life, with a Collection of Legal and Commercial Forms. 60c.
HOW TO READ.--What and Why; or Hints in Choosing the Best Books, with
a Classified List of Best Works in Biography, Criticism, Fine Arts,
History, Novels, Poetry, Science, Religion, Foreign Languages, etc. By
A. V. Petit. Cloth, 60c.
HOW TO SING; or, the Voice and How to Use it. By William H. Daniell.
50c.; clo. 75c.
HOW TO CONDUCT A PUBLIC MEETING; or the Chairman's Guide for
Conducting Meetings. 15c.
HOPES AND HELPS FOR THE YOUNG OF BOTH SEXES.--Relating to the
Formation of Character, Choice of Avocation, Health, Amusement, Music,
Conversation, Social Affections, Courtship and Marriage, by Rev G. S.
Weaver. $1.00
AIMS AND AIDS FOR GIRLS AND YOUNG WOMEN, on the Various Duties of
Life. Including Physical, Intellectual and Moral Development, Dress,
Beauty, Fashion, Employment, Education, the Home Relations, their
Duties to Young Men, Marriage, Womanhood and Happiness, by the same
$1.00.
WAYS OF LIFE, showing the Right Way and the Wrong Way Contrasting the
High Way and the Low Way; the True Way and the False Way; the Upward
Way and the Downward Way; the Way of Honor and of Dishonor, by Rev. G.
S. Weaver. 75c.
THE CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD.--Embracing the Husband, Wife, Father, Mother,
Child, Brother and Sister, by Rev. G. S. Weaver. 75c.
WEAVER'S WORKS FOR THE YOUNG, Comprising "Hopes and Helps for the
Young of Both Sexes," "Aims and Aids for Girls and Young Women," "Ways
of Life; or, the Right Way and the Wrong Way." One Vol. 12mo. $2.50
A NATURAL SYSTEM OF ELOCUTION AND ORATORY.--Founded on an analysis of
the Human Constitution, considered in its threefold Nature, Mental,
Physiological and Expressional. By THOS. A. HYDE and WM. HYDE.
Illustrated. $2.50.
THE EMPHATIC DIAGLOTT, CONTAINING THE ORIGINAL GREEK TEXT OF THE NEW
TESTAMENT, with an interlineary Word-for-Word English Translation: a
New Emphatic Version based on the Interlineary Translation, on the
Readings of the Vatican Manuscript, by Benjamin Wilson. 884 pp. $4.00.
ex., $5.00.
A BACHELOR'S TALKS ABOUT MARRIED LIFE AND THINGS ADJACENT, by Rev.
William Aikman, D.D. $1.50
LIFE AT HOME; or The Family and its members. Including Husbands and
Wives, Parents, Children, Brothers, Sisters, Employers and Employed.
The Altar in the House. By Dr. Aikman. $1.50. gilt. $2.00.
A LUCKY WAIF.--A story for Mothers, of Home and School Life, by Ellen
E. Kenyon. 12mo. $1.00.
ORATORY--SACRED AND SECULAR; or, the Extemporaneous Speaker, including
a Chairman's Guide for conducting Public Meetings according to the
best Parliamentary forms, by Wm. Pittenger. $1.00.
THE CHILDREN OF THE BIBLE. By Fanny L. Armstrong, with an Introduction
by Frances E. Willard, Pres. N. W. C. T. U. clo. $1.
THE TEMPERANCE REFORMATION.--Its History from the first Temperance
Society in the U. S. to the Adoption of the Maine Liquor Law. $1.00.
ÆSOP'S FABLES.--With Seventy Splendid Illustrations. One vol. 12mo.
fancy cloth, gilt edges, $1.00
POPE'S ESSAY ON MAN, with illustrations and Notes by S. R. Wells,
tinted paper, clo. full gilt. $1.00.
GEMS OF GOLDSMITH; "The Traveler," "The Deserted Village," "The
Hermit." With notes and Original Illustrations, and Biographical
Sketch of the great author. One vol., fancy cloth, full gilt. $1.00.
THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER. In Seven Parts. By Samuel T.
Coleridge. With new illus. by Chapman, fancy clo., full gilt, $1.00
IMMORTALITY INHERENT IN NATURE. By Sumner Barlow, author of "The
Voices" and other poems, ex. cloth, full gilt. 60c.
HOW TO PAINT.--A Complete Compendium of the Art. Designed for the use
of Tradesmen, Mechanics, Merchants and Farmers, and a Guide to the
Professional Painter. Containing a plain Common sense statement of the
Methods employed by Painters to produce satisfactory results in Plain
and Fancy Painting of every Description including Gilding, Bronzing,
Staining, Graining, Marbling. Varnishing, Polishing, Kalsomining,
Paper Hanging, Striping, Lettering, Copying and Ornamenting, with
Formulas for Mixing Paint in Oil or Water. Description of Various
Pigments used; tools required etc. $1.00.
CARRIAGE PAINTER'S ILLUSTRATED MANUAL, containing a Treatise on the
Art, Science and Mystery of Coach, Carriage, and Car Painting.
Including the Improvements in Fine Gilding, Bronzing, Staining,
Varnishing, Polishing, Copying, Lettering, Scrolling, and Ornamenting.
By F. B. Gardner. $1.00.
HOW TO KEEP A STORE; embodying the Experience of Thirty Years, in
Merchandizing. By S. H. Terry. $1.50.
HOW TO RAISE FRUIT.--A Hand-book. Being a Guide to the Cultivation and
Management of Fruit Trees, and of Grapes and Small Fruits. With
Descriptions of the Best and Most Popular Varieties. Illustrated. By
Thomas Gregg. $1.00.
HOW TO BE WEATHER-WISE.--A new View of our Weather System, by I. P.
Noyes. 25c.
HOW TO LIVE.--Saving and Wasting; or, Domestic Economy Illustrated by
the Life of two Families of Opposite Character, Habits, and Practices,
Useful Lessons in Housekeeping and Hints How to Live, How to Have, and
How to be Happy including the Story of "A Dime a Day," by Solon
Robinson. $1.00.
HOMES FOR ALL; OR THE GRAVEL WALL. A New Cheap and Superior Mode of
Building, adapted to Rich and Poor. Showing the Superiority of the
Gravel Concrete over Brick, Stone and Frame Houses; Manner of Making
and Depositing it. By O. S. Fowler. $1.00.
THE MODEL POTATO.--Proper cultivation and mode of cooking. 30c.
THREE VISITS TO AMERICA, by Emily Faithful. 400 pages. $1.50.
A NEW THEORY OF THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES. By Benj. G. Farris. $1.50.
MAN IN GENESIS AND IN GEOLOGY, or, the Biblical Account of Man's
Creation tested by Scientific Theories of his Origin and Antiquity, by
J. P. Thompson, D.D., LL.D. $1.00
*** End of this LibraryBlog Digital Book "How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits - Embracing An Exposition Of The Principles Of Good Manners; - Useful Hints On The Care Of The Person, Eating, Drinking, - Exercise, Habits, Dress, Self-Culture, And Behavior At - Home; The Etiquette Of Salutations, Introductions, - Receptions, Visits, Dinners, Evening Parties, Conversation, - Letters, Presents, Weddings, Funerals, The Street, The - Church, Places Of Amusement, Traveling, Etc., With - Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, - and Rules of Order for Debating Societies" ***
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