Home
  By Author [ A  B  C  D  E  F  G  H  I  J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z |  Other Symbols ]
  By Title [ A  B  C  D  E  F  G  H  I  J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z |  Other Symbols ]
  By Language
all Classics books content using ISYS

Download this book: [ ASCII | HTML | PDF ]

Look for this book on Amazon


We have new books nearly every day.
If you would like a news letter once a week or once a month
fill out this form and we will give you a summary of the books for that week or month by email.

´╗┐Title: Belly Laugh
Author: Garrett, Randall, 1927-1987
Language: English
As this book started as an ASCII text book there are no pictures available.
Copyright Status: Not copyrighted in the United States. If you live elsewhere check the laws of your country before downloading this ebook. See comments about copyright issues at end of book.

*** Start of this Doctrine Publishing Corporation Digital Book "Belly Laugh" ***

This book is indexed by ISYS Web Indexing system to allow the reader find any word or number within the document.



[Illustration: Illustrator: Charles Berger]


BELLY LAUGH

By IVAR JORGENSEN


    _You hear a lot of talk these days about secret weapons. If it's not
    a new wrinkle in nuclear fission, it's a gun to shoot around corners
    and down winding staircases. Or maybe a nice new strain of bacteria
    guaranteed to give you radio-active dandruff. Our own suggestion is
    to pipe a few of our television commercials into Russia and bore the
    enemy to death._

    _Well, it seems that Ivar Jorgensen has hit on the ultimate engine
    of destruction: a weapon designed to exploit man's greatest
    weakness. The blueprint can be found in the next few pages; and as
    the soldier in the story says, our only hope is to keep a sense of
    humor!_


Me? I'm looking for my outfit. Got cut off in that Holland Tunnel
attack. Mind if I sit down with you guys a while? Thanks. Coffee? Damn!
This is heaven. Ain't seen a cup of coffee in a year.

What? You said it! This sure is a hell of a war. Tough on a guy's feet.
Yeah, that's right. Holland Tunnel skirmish. Where the Ruskies used that
new gun. Uhuh. God! It was awful. Guys popping off all around a guy and
him not knowing why. No sense to it. No noise. No wound. Just popping
off.

That's the trouble with this war. It won't settle down to a routine.
Always something new. What the hell chance has a guy got to figure
things out? And I tell you them Ruskies are coming up with new weapons
just as fast as we are. Enough to make your hair stand on end.

Sugar? Christ, yes! Ain't seen sugar for a year. You see, it's like
this: we were bottled up in the pits around the Tunnel for seven damn
days. It was like nothing you ever saw before. Oops--sorry. Didn't mean
to splash you. I was laughing about something that happened there--to a
guy. Maybe you guys would get a kick out of it. After all, we got to
keep our sense of humor.

You see, there was me and a Kentucky kid named Stillwell in this pit--a
pretty big pit with lots of room--and we were all alone. This Stillwell
was a nice kid--green and lonesome and it's pretty sad, really, but
there's a yak in it, and--as I say--we got to keep a sense of humor.

Well, this Stillwell--a really green kid--is unhappy and just plain
drooling for his gal back home. He talks about his mother, of course,
and his old man, but it's the girl that's really on his mind as you guys
can plainly understand.

He's seeing her every place--like spots in front of his eyes--nice spots
doing things to him, when this Ruskie babe shows up.

My gun came up without any orders from me just as she poked her puss
over the edge of the pit, and--huh? Oh, thank you kindly. It sure tastes
good but I don't want to short you guys. Thank you kindly.

Well, as I was saying, this Ruskie babe pokes her nose over the edge of
the pit and Stillwell dives and knocks down my gun. He says, "You
son-of-a-bitch!" Just like that. Wild and desperate, like you'd say to a
guy if the guy was just kicking over the last jug of water on a desert
island.

It would have been long enough for her to kill us if I hadn't had good
reflexes. Even then, all I had time to do was knock the pistol out of
her hand and drag her into the pit.

With her play bollixed, she was confused and bewildered. She ain't a
fighter, and she sits back against the wall staring at us dead pan with
big expressionless eyes. She's a plenty pretty babe and I could see
exactly what had happened as far as Stillwell was concerned. His spots
had come to life in very adequate form so to speak.

       *       *       *       *       *

Stillwell goes over and sits down beside her and I'm very much on the
alert, because I know where his courage comes from. But I decide it's
all right, because I see the babe is not belligerent, just confused kind
of. And friendly.

And willing. Kind of a whipped-little-dog willing, and man oh man! She
was sure what Stillwell needed.

They kind of went together like a hand and a glove--natural-like. And
it followed--pretty natural--that when Stillwell got up and led her
around a wing of the pit, out of sight, she went willing--like that same
little dog.

Uhuh. No, you guys. Two's enough. I wouldn't rob you. Well, okay, and
thanks kindly.

Well, there I was, all alone, but happy for Stillwell, cause I know it's
what the kid needs, and in spots like that what difference does it make?
Yank--Ruskie--Mongolian--as long as she's willing.

Then, you guys, Stillwell comes back out--wall-eyed--real
wall-eyed--like being hit but not knocked out and still walking. I know
what it is--some kind of shock. I get up and walk over and take a look
at the babe where he'd left her--and I bust out laughing. I told you
guys there was a yak in this. I laughed like a fool--it was that funny.
As much as I had time to, before Stillwell cracked. It was enough to
crack him--the little thing that pushes a guy over the edge.

He lets out a yell and screams, "For crisake! For crisake! Nothing but a
bucket of bolts! Nothing but a couple of plastic lumps--"

That was when I hit him. I had to. He was for the birds, Stillwell was.
An hour later we got relieved and a couple of medicos carried him away
strapped to a stretcher--gone like a kite.

They took the robot too, and its clothes, but they forgot the brassiere,
so I took it and I been carrying it ever since, but I'll leave it with
you guys if you want--for the coffee. Might make you think about home.
After all, like the man says, we got to keep our sense of humor.

Well, so long, you guys--and thanks.



Transcriber's Note:

    This etext was produced from _Amazing Stories_ April-May 1953.
    Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.
    copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and
    typographical errors have been corrected without note.





*** End of this Doctrine Publishing Corporation Digital Book "Belly Laugh" ***

Doctrine Publishing Corporation provides digitized public domain materials.
Public domain books belong to the public and we are merely their custodians.
This effort is time consuming and expensive, so in order to keep providing
this resource, we have taken steps to prevent abuse by commercial parties,
including placing technical restrictions on automated querying.

We also ask that you:

+ Make non-commercial use of the files We designed Doctrine Publishing
Corporation's ISYS search for use by individuals, and we request that you
use these files for personal, non-commercial purposes.

+ Refrain from automated querying Do not send automated queries of any sort
to Doctrine Publishing's system: If you are conducting research on machine
translation, optical character recognition or other areas where access to a
large amount of text is helpful, please contact us. We encourage the use of
public domain materials for these purposes and may be able to help.

+ Keep it legal -  Whatever your use, remember that you are responsible for
ensuring that what you are doing is legal. Do not assume that just because
we believe a book is in the public domain for users in the United States,
that the work is also in the public domain for users in other countries.
Whether a book is still in copyright varies from country to country, and we
can't offer guidance on whether any specific use of any specific book is
allowed. Please do not assume that a book's appearance in Doctrine Publishing
ISYS search  means it can be used in any manner anywhere in the world.
Copyright infringement liability can be quite severe.

About ISYS® Search Software
Established in 1988, ISYS Search Software is a global supplier of enterprise
search solutions for business and government.  The company's award-winning
software suite offers a broad range of search, navigation and discovery
solutions for desktop search, intranet search, SharePoint search and embedded
search applications.  ISYS has been deployed by thousands of organizations
operating in a variety of industries, including government, legal, law
enforcement, financial services, healthcare and recruitment.



Home