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Title: The Ego Machine
Author: Kuttner, Henry, 1915-1958
Language: English
As this book started as an ASCII text book there are no pictures available.
Copyright Status: Not copyrighted in the United States. If you live elsewhere check the laws of your country before downloading this ebook. See comments about copyright issues at end of book.

*** Start of this Doctrine Publishing Corporation Digital Book "The Ego Machine" ***

This book is indexed by ISYS Web Indexing system to allow the reader find any word or number within the document.



[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Space Science Fiction
May 1952. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.
copyright on this publication was renewed.]

[Sidenote: When a slightly mad robot drunk on AC, wants you to join an
experiment in optimum ecology--don't do it! After all, who wants to
argue like Disraeli or live like Ivan the Terrible?]


Nicholas Martin looked up at the robot across the desk.

"I'm not going to ask what you want," he said, in a low, restrained
voice. "I already know. Just go away and tell St. Cyr I approve. Tell
him I think it's wonderful, putting a robot in the picture. We've had
everything else by now, except the Rockettes. But clearly a quiet little
play about Christmas among the Portuguese fishermen on the Florida coast
_must_ have a robot. Only, why not six robots? Tell him I suggest a
baker's dozen. Go away."

"Was your mother's name Helena Glinska?" the robot asked.

"It was not," Martin said.

"Ah, then she must have been the Great Hairy One," the robot murmured.

Martin took his feet off the desk and sat up slowly.

"It's quite all right," the robot said hastily. "You've been chosen for
an ecological experiment, that's all. But it won't hurt. Robots are
perfectly normal life forms where I come from, so you needn't--"

"Shut up," Martin said. "Robot indeed, you--you bit-player! This time
St. Cyr has gone too far." He began to shake slightly all over, with
some repressed but strong emotion. The intercom box on the desk caught
his eye, and he stabbed a finger at one of the switches. "Get me Miss
Ashby! Right away!"

"I'm so sorry," the robot said apologetically. "Have I made a mistake?
The threshold fluctuations in the neurons always upset my mnemonic norm
when I temporalize. Isn't this a crisis-point in your life?"

Martin breathed hard, which seemed to confirm the robot's assumption.

"Exactly," it said. "The ecological imbalance approaches a peak that may
destroy the life-form, unless ... mm-m. Now either you're about to be
stepped on by a mammoth, locked in an iron mask, assassinated by helots,
or--is this Sanskrit I'm speaking?" He shook his gleaming head. "Perhaps
I should have got off fifty years ago, but I thought--sorry. Good-bye,"
he added hastily as Martin raised an angry glare.

Then the robot lifted a finger to each corner of his naturally rigid
mouth, and moved his fingers horizontally in opposite directions, as
though sketching an apologetic smile.

"No, don't go away," Martin said. "I want you right here, where the
sight of you can refuel my rage in case it's needed. I wish to God I
could get mad and stay mad," he added plaintively, gazing at the

"Are you sure your mother's name wasn't Helena Glinska?" the robot
asked. It pinched thumb and forefinger together between its nominal
brows, somehow giving the impression of a worried frown.

"Naturally I'm sure," Martin snapped.

"You aren't married yet, then? To Anastasia Zakharina-Koshkina?"

"Not yet or ever," Martin replied succinctly. The telephone rang. He
snatched it up.

        *        *       *        *        *

"Hello, Nick," said Erika Ashby's calm voice. "Something wrong?"

Instantly the fires of rage went out of Martin's eyes, to be replaced by
a tender, rose-pink glow. For some years now he had given Erika, his
very competent agent, ten percent of his take. He had also longed
hopelessly to give her approximately a pound of flesh--the cardiac
muscle, to put it in cold, unromantic terms. Martin did not; he put it
in no terms at all, since whenever he tried to propose marriage to Erika
he was taken with such fits of modesty that he could only babble o'
green fields.

"Well," Erika repeated. "Something wrong?"

"Yes," Martin said, drawing a long breath. "Can St. Cyr make me marry
somebody named Anastasia Zakharina-Koshkina?"

"What a wonderful memory you have," the robot put in mournfully. "Mine
used to be, before I started temporalizing. But even radioactive neurons
won't stand--"

"Nominally you're still entitled to life, liberty, et cetera," Erika
said. "But I'm busy right now, Nick. Can't it wait till I see you?"


"Didn't you get my message?" Erika demanded.

"Of course not," Martin said, angrily. "I've suspected for some time
that all my incoming calls have to be cleared by St. Cyr. Somebody might
try to smuggle in a word of hope, or possibly a file." His voice
brightened. "Planning a jailbreak?"

"Oh, this is outrageous," Erika said. "Some day St. Cyr's going to go
too far--"

"Not while he's got DeeDee behind him," Martin said gloomily. Summit
Studios would sooner have made a film promoting atheism than offend
their top box-office star, DeeDee Fleming. Even Tolliver Watt, who owned
Summit lock, stock and barrel, spent wakeful nights because St. Cyr
refused to let the lovely DeeDee sign a long-term contract.

"Nevertheless, Watt's no fool," Erika said. "I still think we could get
him to give you a contract release if we could make him realize what a
rotten investment you are. There isn't much time, though."

"Why not?"

"I told you--oh. Of course you don't know. He's leaving for Paris
tomorrow morning."

Martin moaned. "Then I'm doomed," he said. "They'll pick up my option
automatically next week and I'll never draw a free breath again. Erika,
do something!"

"I'm going to," Erika said. "That's exactly what I want to see you
about. Ah," she added suddenly, "now I understand why St. Cyr stopped my
message. He was afraid. Nick, do you know what we've got to do?"

"See Watt?" Nick hazarded unhappily. "But Erika--"

"See Watt _alone_," Erika amplified.

"Not if St. Cyr can help it," Nick reminded her.

"Exactly. Naturally St. Cyr doesn't want us to talk to Watt privately.
We might make him see reason. But this time, Nick, we've simply got to
manage it somehow. One of us is going to talk to Watt while the other
keeps St. Cyr at bay. Which do you choose?"

"Neither," Martin said promptly.

"Oh, Nick! I can't do the whole thing alone. Anybody'd think you were
afraid of St. Cyr."

"I _am_ afraid of St. Cyr," Martin said.

"Nonsense. What could he actually do to you?"

"He could terrorize me. He does it all the time. Erika, he says I'm
indoctrinating beautifully. Doesn't it make your blood run cold? Look at
all the other writers he's indoctrinated."

"I know. I saw one of them on Main Street last week, delving into
garbage cans. Do you want to end up that way? Then stand up for your

"Ah," said the robot wisely, nodding. "Just as I thought. A

"Shut up," Martin said. "No, not you, Erika. I'm sorry."

"So am I," Erika said tartly. "For a moment I thought you'd acquired a

"If I were somebody like Hemingway--" Martin began in a miserable voice.

"Did you say Hemingway?" the robot inquired. "Is this the
Kinsey-Hemingway era? Then I must be right. You're Nicholas Martin, the
next subject. Martin, Martin? Let me see--oh yes, the Disraeli type,
that's it." He rubbed his forehead with a grating sound. "Oh, my poor
neuron thresholds! Now I remember."

        *        *       *        *        *

"Nick, can you hear me?" Erika's voice inquired. "I'm coming over there
right away. Brace yourself. We're going to beard St. Cyr in his den and
convince Watt you'll never make a good screen-writer. Now--"

"But St. Cyr won't _ever_ admit that," Martin cried. "He doesn't know
the meaning of the word failure. He says so. He's going to make me into
a screen-writer or kill me."

"Remember what happened to Ed Cassidy?" Erika reminded him grimly. "St.
Cyr didn't make him into a screen-writer."

"True. Poor old Ed," Martin said, with a shiver.

"All right, then. I'm on my way. Anything else?"

"Yes!" Martin cried, drawing a deep breath. "Yes, there is! I love you

But the words never got past his glottis. Opening and closing his mouth
noiselessly, the cowardly playwright finally clenched his teeth and
tried again. A faint, hopeless squeak vibrated the telephone's disk.
Martin let his shoulders slump hopelessly. It was clear he could never
propose to anybody, not even a harmless telephone.

"Did you say something?" Erika asked. "Well, good-bye then."

"Wait a minute," Martin said, his eyes suddenly falling once more upon
the robot. Speechless on one subject only, he went on rapidly, "I forgot
to tell you. Watt and the nest-fouling St. Cyr have just hired a mock-up
phony robot to play in _Angelina Noel_!"

But the line was dead.

"I'm not a phony," the robot said, hurt.

Martin fell back in his chair and stared at his guest with dull,
hopeless eyes. "Neither was King Kong," he remarked. "Don't start
feeding me some line St. Cyr's told you to pull. I know he's trying to
break my nerve. He'll probably do it, too. Look what he's done to my
play already. Why Fred Waring? I don't mind Fred Waring in his proper
place. There he's fine. But not in _Angelina Noel_. Not as the
Portuguese captain of a fishing boat manned by his entire band,
accompanied by Dan Dailey singing _Napoli_ to DeeDee Fleming in a
mermaid's tail--"

Self-stunned by this recapitulation, Martin put his arms on the desk,
his head in his hands, and to his horror found himself giggling. The
telephone rang. Martin groped for the instrument without rising from his
semi-recumbent position.

"Who?" he asked shakily. "_Who?_ St. Cyr--"

A hoarse bellow came over the wire. Martin sat bolt upright, seizing the
phone desperately with both hands.

"Listen!" he cried. "Will you let me finish what I'm going to say, just
for once? Putting a robot in _Angelina Noel_ is simply--"

"I do not hear what you say," roared a heavy voice. "Your idea stinks.
Whatever it is. Be at Theater One for yesterday's rushes! At once!"

"But wait--"

St. Cyr belched and hung up. Martin's strangling hands tightened briefly
on the telephone. But it was no use. The real strangle-hold was the one
St. Cyr had around Martin's throat, and it had been tightening now for
nearly thirteen weeks. Or had it been thirteen years? Looking backward,
Martin could scarcely believe that only a short time ago he had been a
free man, a successful Broadway playwright, the author of the hit play
_Angelina Noel_. Then had come St. Cyr....

A snob at heart, the director loved getting his clutches on hit plays
and name writers. Summit Studios, he had roared at Martin, would follow
the original play exactly and would give Martin the final okay on the
script, provided he signed a thirteen-week contract to help write the
screen treatment. This had seemed too good to be true--and was.

Martin's downfall lay partly in the fine print and partly in the fact
that Erika Ashby had been in the hospital with a bad attack of influenza
at the time. Buried in legal verbiage was a clause that bound Martin to
five years of servitude with Summit should they pick up his option. Next
week they would certainly do just that, unless justice prevailed.

        *        *       *        *        *

"I think I need a drink," Martin said unsteadily. "Or several." He
glanced toward the robot. "I wonder if you'd mind getting me that bottle
of Scotch from the bar over there."

"But I am here to conduct an experiment in optimum ecology," said the

Martin closed his eyes. "Pour me a drink," he pleaded. "Please. Then put
the glass in my hand, will you? It's not much to ask. After all, we're
both human beings, aren't we?"

"Well, no," the robot said, placing a brimming glass in Martin's groping
fingers. Martin drank. Then he opened his eyes and blinked at the tall
highball glass in his hand. The robot had filled it to the brim with
Scotch. Martin turned a wondering gaze on his metallic companion.

"You must do a lot of drinking yourself," he said thoughtfully. "I
suppose tolerance can be built up. Go ahead. Help yourself. Take the
rest of the bottle."

The robot placed the tip of a finger above each eye and slid the fingers
upward, as though raising his eyebrows inquiringly.

"Go on, have a jolt," Martin urged. "Or don't you want to break bread
with me, under the circumstances?"

"How can I?" the robot asked. "I'm a robot." His voice sounded somewhat
wistful. "What happens?" he inquired. "Is it a lubricatory or a fueling

Martin glanced at his brimming glass.

"Fueling," he said tersely. "High octane. You really believe in staying
in character, don't you? Why not--"

"Oh, the principle of irritation," the robot interrupted. "I see. Just
like fermented mammoth's milk."

Martin choked. "Have you ever drunk fermented mammoth's milk?" he

"How could I?" the robot asked. "But I've seen it done." He drew a
straight line vertically upward between his invisible eyebrows, managing
to look wistful. "Of course my world is perfectly functional and
functionally perfect, but I can't help finding temporalizing a
fascina--" He broke off. "I'm wasting space-time. Ah. Now. Mr. Martin,
would you be willing to--"

"Oh, have a drink," Martin said. "I feel hospitable. Go ahead, indulge
me, will you? My pleasures are few. And I've got to go and be terrorized
in a minute, anyhow. If you can't get that mask off I'll send for a
straw. You can step out of character long enough for one jolt, can't

"I'd like to try it," the robot said pensively. "Ever since I noticed
the effect fermented mammoth's milk had on the boys, it's been on my
mind, rather. Quite easy for a human, of course. Technically it's simple
enough, I see now. The irritation just increases the frequency of the
brain's kappa waves, as with boosted voltage, but since electrical
voltage never existed in pre-robot times--"

"It did," Martin said, taking another drink. "I mean, it does. What do
you call that, a mammoth?" He indicated the desk lamp.

The robot's jaw dropped.

"That?" he asked in blank amazement. "Why--why then all those telephone
poles and dynamos and lighting-equipment I noticed in this era are
powered by electricity!"

"What did you think they were powered by?" Martin asked coldly.

"Slaves," the robot said, examining the lamp. He switched it on,
blinked, and then unscrewed the bulb. "Voltage, you say?"

"Don't be a fool," Martin said. "You're overplaying your part. I've got
to get going in a minute. Do you want a jolt or don't you?"

"Well," the robot said, "I don't want to seem unsociable. This _ought_
to work." So saying, he stuck his finger in the lamp-socket. There was a
brief, crackling flash. The robot withdrew his finger.

"_F(t)_--" he said, and swayed slightly. Then his fingers came up and
sketched a smile that seemed, somehow, to express delighted surprise.

"_Fff(t)!_" he said, and went on rather thickly, "_F(t)_ integral
between plus and minus infinity ... _a-sub-n_ to _e_...."

Martin's eyes opened wide with shocked horror. Whether a doctor or a
psychiatrist should be called in was debatable, but it was perfectly
evident that this was a case for the medical profession, and the sooner
the better. Perhaps the police, too. The bit-player in the robot suit
was clearly as mad as a hatter. Martin poised indecisively, waiting for
his lunatic guest either to drop dead or spring at his throat.

The robot appeared to be smacking his lips, with faint clicking sounds.

"Why, that's wonderful," he said. "AC, too."

"Y-you're not dead?" Martin inquired shakily.

"I'm not even alive," the robot murmured. "The way you'd understand it,
that is. Ah--thanks for the jolt."

        *        *       *        *        *

Martin stared at the robot with the wildest dawning of surmise.

"Why--" he gasped. "Why--_you're a robot_!"

"Certainly I'm a robot," his guest said. "What slow minds you pre-robots
had. Mine's working like lightning now." He stole a drunkard's glance at
the desk-lamp. "_F(t)_--I mean, if you counted the kappa waves of my
radio-atomic brain now, you'd be amazed how the frequency's increased."
He paused thoughtfully. "_F(t)_," he added.

Moving quite slowly, like a man under water, Martin lifted his glass and
drank whiskey. Then, cautiously, he looked up at the robot again.

"_F(t)_--" he said, paused, shuddered, and drank again. That did it.
"I'm drunk," he said with an air of shaken relief. "That must be it. I
was almost beginning to believe--"

"Oh, nobody believes I'm a robot at first," the robot said. "You'll
notice I showed up in a movie lot, where I wouldn't arouse suspicion.
I'll appear to Ivan Vasilovich in an alchemist's lab, and he'll jump to
the conclusive I'm an automaton. Which, of course, I _am_. Then there's
a Uighur on my list--I'll appear to him in a shaman's hut and he'll
assume I'm a devil. A matter of ecologicologic."

"Then you're a devil?" Martin inquired, seizing on the only plausible

"No, no, no. I'm a robot. Don't you understand anything?"

"I don't even know who I am, now," Martin said. "For all I know, I'm a
faun and you're a human child. I don't think this Scotch is doing me as
much good as I'd--"

"Your name is Nicholas Martin," the robot said patiently. "And mine is


"ENIAC," the robot corrected, capitalizing. "ENIAC Gamma the

So saying, he unslung a sack from his metallic shoulder and began to
rummage out length upon length of what looked like red silk ribbon with
a curious metallic lustre. After approximately a quarter-mile of it had
appeared, a crystal football helmet emerged attached to its end. A
gleaming red-green stone was set on each side of the helmet.

"Just over the temporal lobes, you see," the robot explained, indicating
the jewels. "Now you just set it on your head, like this--"

"Oh no I don't," Martin said, withdrawing his head with the utmost
rapidity. "Neither do you, my friend. What's the idea? I don't like the
looks of that gimmick. I particularly don't like those two red garnets
on the sides. They look like eyes."

"Those are artificial eclogite," the robot assured him. "They simply
have a high dielectric constant. It's merely a matter of altering the
normal thresholds of the neuron memory-circuits. All thinking is based
on memory, you know. The strength of your associations--the emotional
indices of your memories--channel your actions and decisions, and the
ecologizer simply changes the voltage of your brain so the thresholds
are altered."

"Is that all it does?" Martin asked suspiciously.

"Well, now," the robot said with a slight air of evasion. "I didn't
intend to mention it, but since you ask--it also imposes the
master-matrix of your character type. But since that's the prototype of
your character in the first place, it will simply enable you to make the
most of your potential ability, hereditary and acquired. It will make
you react to your environment in the way that best assures your

"Not me, it won't," Martin said firmly. "Because you aren't going to put
that thing on my head."

The robot sketched a puzzled frown. "Oh," he said after a pause. "I
haven't explained yet, have I? It's very simple. Would you be willing to
take part in a valuable socio-cultural experiment for the benefit of all

"No," Martin said.

"But you don't know what it is yet," the robot said plaintively. "You'll
be the only one to refuse, after I've explained everything thoroughly.
By the way, can you understand me all right?"

Martin laughed hollowly. "Natch," he said.

"Good," the robot said, relieved. "That may be one trouble with my
memory. I had to record so many languages before I could temporalize.
Sanskrit's very simple, but medieval Russian's confusing, and as for
Uighur--however! The purpose of this experiment is to promote the most
successful pro-survival relationship between man and his environment.
Instant adaptation is what we're aiming at, and we hope to get it by
minimizing the differential between individual and environment. In other
words, the right reaction at the right time. Understand?"

"Of course not," Martin said. "What nonsense you talk."

"There are," the robot said rather wearily, "only a limited number of
character matrices possible, depending first on the arrangement of the
genes within the chromosomes, and later upon environmental additions.
Since environments tend to repeat--like societies, you know--an
organizational pattern isn't hard to lay out, along the Kaldekooz
time-scale. You follow me so far?"

"By the Kaldekooz time-scale, yes," Martin said.

"I was always lucid," the robot remarked a little vainly, nourishing a
swirl of red ribbon.

"Keep that thing away from me," Martin complained. "Drunk I may be, but
I have no intention of sticking my neck out that far."

"Of course you'll do it," the robot said firmly. "Nobody's ever refused
yet. And don't bicker with me or you'll get me confused and I'll have to
take another jolt of voltage. Then there's no telling how confused I'll
be. My memory gives me enough trouble when I temporalize. Time-travel
always raises the synaptic delay threshold, but the trouble is it's so
variable. That's why I got you mixed up with Ivan at first. But I don't
visit him till after I've seen you--I'm running the test
chronologically, and nineteen-fifty-two comes before fifteen-seventy, of

"It doesn't," Martin said, tilting the glass to his lips. "Not even in
Hollywood does nineteen-fifty-two come before fifteen-seventy."

"I'm using the Kaldekooz time-scale," the robot explained. "But really
only for convenience. Now do you want the ideal ecological differential
or don't you? Because--" Here he flourished the red ribbon again, peered
into the helmet, looked narrowly at Martin, and shook his head.

"I'm sorry," the robot said. "I'm afraid this won't work. Your head's
too small. Not enough brain-room, I suppose. This helmet's for an eight
and a half head, and yours is much too--"

"My head _is_ eight and a half," Martin protested with dignity.

"Can't be," the robot said cunningly. "If it were, the helmet would fit,
and it doesn't. Too big."

"It does fit," Martin said.

"That's the trouble with arguing with pre-robot species," ENIAC said, as
to himself. "Low, brutish, unreasoning. No wonder, when their heads are
so small. Now Mr. Martin--" He spoke as though to a small, stupid,
stubborn child. "Try to understand. This helmet's size eight and a half.
Your head is unfortunately so very small that the helmet wouldn't fit--"

"Blast it!" cried the infuriated Martin, caution quite lost between
Scotch and annoyance. "It does fit! Look here!" Recklessly he snatched
the helmet and clapped it firmly on his head. "It fits perfectly!"

"I erred," the robot acknowledged, with such a gleam in his eye that
Martin, suddenly conscious of his rashness, jerked the helmet from his
head and dropped it on the desk. ENIAC quietly picked it up and put it
back into his sack, stuffing the red ribbon in after it with rapid
motions. Martin watched, baffled, until ENIAC had finished, gathered
together the mouth of the sack, swung it on his shoulder again, and
turned toward the door.

"Good-bye," the robot said. "And thank you."

"For what?" Martin demanded.

"For your cooperation," the robot said.

"I won't cooperate," Martin told him flatly. "It's no use. Whatever fool
treatment it is you're selling, I'm not going to--"

"Oh, you've already had the ecology treatment," ENIAC replied blandly.
"I'll be back tonight to renew the charge. It lasts only twelve hours."


ENIAC moved his forefingers outward from the corners of his mouth,
sketching a polite smile. Then he stepped through the door and closed it
behind him.

Martin made a faint squealing sound, like a stuck but gagged pig.

_Something was happening inside his head._


Nicholas Martin felt like a man suddenly thrust under an ice-cold
shower. No, not cold--steaming hot. Perfumed, too. The wind that blew in
from the open window bore with it a frightful stench of gasoline,
sagebrush, paint, and--from the distant commissary--ham sandwiches.

"Drunk," he thought frantically. "I'm drunk--or crazy!" He sprang up and
spun around wildly; then catching sight of a crack in the hardwood floor
he tried to walk along it. "Because if I can walk a straight line," he
thought, "I'm not drunk. I'm only crazy...." It was not a very
comforting thought.

He could walk it, all right. He could walk a far straighter line than
the crack, which he saw now was microscopically jagged. He had, in fact,
never felt such a sense of location and equilibrium in his life. His
experiment carried him across the room to a wall-mirror, and as he
straightened to look into it, suddenly all confusion settled and ceased.
The violent sensory perceptions leveled off and returned to normal.

Everything was quiet. Everything was all right.

Martin met his own eyes in the mirror.

Everything was _not_ all right.

He was stone cold sober. The Scotch he had drunk might as well have been
spring-water. He leaned closer to the mirror, trying to stare through
his own eyes into the depths of his brain. For something extremely odd
was happening in there. All over his brain, tiny shutters were beginning
to move, some sliding up till only a narrow crack remained, through
which the beady little eyes of neurons could be seen peeping, some
sliding down with faint crashes, revealing the agile, spidery forms of
still other neurons scuttling for cover.

Altered thresholds, changing the yes-and-no reaction time of the
memory-circuits, with their key emotional indices and associations ...

The robot!

Martin's head swung toward the closed office door. But he made no
further move. The look of blank panic on his face very slowly, quite
unconsciously, began to change. The robot ... could wait.

Automatically Martin raised his hand, as though to adjust an invisible
monocle. Behind him, the telephone began to ring. Martin glanced at it.

His lips curved into an insolent smile.

Flicking dust from his lapel with a suave gesture, Martin picked up the
telephone. He said nothing. There was a long silence. Then a hoarse
voice shouted, "Hello, hello, hello! Are you there? You, Martin!"

Martin said absolutely nothing at all.

"You keep me waiting," the voice bellowed. "Me, St. Cyr! Now jump! The
rushes are ... Martin, do you hear me?"

Martin gently laid down the receiver on the desk. He turned again toward
the mirror, regarded himself critically, frowned.

"Dreary," he murmured. "Distinctly dreary. I wonder why I ever bought
this necktie?"

The softly bellowing telephone distracted him. He studied the instrument
briefly, then clapped his hands sharply together an inch from the
mouthpiece. There was a sharp, anguished cry from the other end of the

"Very good," Martin murmured, turning away. "That robot has done me a
considerable favor. I should have realized the possibilities sooner.
After all, a super-machine, such as ENIAC, would be far cleverer than a
man, who is merely an ordinary machine. Yes," he added, stepping into
the hall and coming face to face with Toni LaMotta, who was currently
working for Summit on loan. "'_Man is a machine, and woman--_'" Here he
gave Miss LaMotta a look of such arrogant significance that she was
quite startled.

"'_And woman--a toy_,'" Martin amplified, as he turned toward Theater
One, where St. Cyr and destiny awaited him.

        *        *       *        *        *

Summit Studios, outdoing even MGM, always shot ten times as much footage
as necessary on every scene. At the beginning of each shooting day, this
confusing mass of celluloid was shown in St. Cyr's private projection
theater, a small but luxurious domed room furnished with lie-back chairs
and every other convenience, though no screen was visible until you
looked up. Then you saw it on the ceiling.

When Martin entered, it was instantly evident that ecology took a sudden
shift toward the worse. Operating on the theory that the old Nicholas
Martin had come into it, the theater, which had breathed an expensive
air of luxurious confidence, chilled toward him. The nap of the Persian
rug shrank from his contaminating feet. The chair he stumbled against in
the half-light seemed to shrug contemptuously. And the three people in
the theater gave him such a look as might be turned upon one of the
larger apes who had, by sheer accident, got an invitation to Buckingham

DeeDee Fleming (her real name was impossible to remember, besides having
not a vowel in it) lay placidly in her chair, her feet comfortably up,
her lovely hands folded, her large, liquid gaze fixed upon the screen
where DeeDee Fleming, in the silvery meshes of a technicolor mermaid,
swam phlegmatically through seas of pearl-colored mist.

Martin groped in the gloom for a chair. The strangest things were going
on inside his brain, where tiny stiles still moved and readjusted until
he no longer felt in the least like Nicholas Martin. Who did he feel
like, then? What had happened?

He recalled the neurons whose beady little eyes he had fancied he saw
staring brightly into, as well as out of, his own. Or had he? The memory
was vivid, yet it couldn't be, of course. The answer was perfectly
simple and terribly logical. ENIAC Gamma the Ninety-Third had told him,
somewhat ambiguously, just what his ecological experiment involved.
Martin had merely been given the optimum reactive pattern of his
successful prototype, a man who had most thoroughly controlled his own
environment. And ENIAC had told him the man's name, along with several
confusing references to other prototypes like an Ivan (who?) and an
unnamed Uighur.

The name for Martin's prototype was, of course, Disraeli, Earl of
Beaconsfield. Martin had a vivid recollection of George Arliss playing
the role. Clever, insolent, eccentric in dress and manner, exuberant,
suave, self-controlled, with a strongly perceptive imagination....

"No, no, no!" DeeDee said with a sort of calm impatience. "Be careful,
Nick. Some other chair, please. I have my feet on this one."

"T-t-t-t-t," said Raoul St. Cyr, protruding his thick lips and snapping
the fingers of an enormous hand as he pointed to a lowly chair against
the wall. "Behind me, Martin. Sit down, sit down. Out of our way. Now!
Pay attention. Study what I have done to make something great out of
your foolish little play. Especially note how I have so cleverly ended
the solo by building to five cumulative pratt-falls. Timing is all," he
finished. "Now--SILENCE!"

For a man born in the obscure little Balkan country of Mixo-Lydia, Raoul
St. Cyr had done very well for himself in Hollywood. In 1939 St. Cyr,
growing alarmed at the imminence of war, departed for America, taking
with him the print of an unpronounceable Mixo-Lydian film he had made,
which might be translated roughly as _The Pores In the Face of the

With this he established his artistic reputation as a great director,
though if the truth were known, it was really poverty that caused _The
Pores_ to be so artistically lighted, and simple drunkenness which had
made most of the cast act out one of the strangest performances in film
history. But critics compared _The Pores_ to a ballet and praised
inordinately the beauty of its leading lady, now known to the world as
DeeDee Fleming.

DeeDee was so incredibly beautiful that the law of compensation would
force one to expect incredible stupidity as well. One was not
disappointed. DeeDee's neurons didn't know _anything_. She had heard of
emotions, and under St. Cyr's bullying could imitate a few of them, but
other directors had gone mad trying to get through the semantic block
that kept DeeDee's mind a calm, unruffled pool possibly three inches
deep. St. Cyr merely bellowed. This simple, primordial approach seemed
to be the only one that made sense to Summit's greatest investment and
top star.

With this whip-hand over the beautiful and brainless DeeDee, St. Cyr
quickly rose to the top in Hollywood. He had undoubted talent. He could
make one picture very well indeed. He had made it twenty times already,
each time starring DeeDee, and each time perfecting his own feudalistic
production unit. Whenever anyone disagreed with St. Cyr, he had only to
threaten to go over to MGM and take the obedient DeeDee with him, for he
had never allowed her to sign a long-term contract and she worked only
on a picture-to-picture basis. Even Tolliver Watt knuckled under when
St. Cyr voiced the threat of removing DeeDee.

        *        *       *        *        *

"Sit down, Martin," Tolliver Watt said. He was a tall, lean,
hatchet-faced man who looked like a horse being starved because he was
too proud to eat hay. With calm, detached omnipotence he inclined his
grey-shot head a millimeter, while a faintly pained expression passed
fleetingly across his face.

"Highball, please," he said.

A white-clad waiter appeared noiselessly from nowhere and glided forward
with a tray. It was at this point that Martin felt the last stiles
readjust in his brain, and entirely on impulse he reached out and took
the frosted highball glass from the tray. Without observing this the
waiter glided on and presented Watt with a gleaming salver full of
nothing. Watt and the waiter regarded the tray.

Then their eyes met. There was a brief silence.

"Here," Martin said, replacing the glass. "Much too weak. Get me
another, please. I'm reorienting toward a new phase, which means a
different optimum," he explained to the puzzled Watt as he readjusted a
chair beside the great man and dropped into it. Odd that he had never
before felt at ease during rushes. Right now he felt fine. Perfectly at
ease. Relaxed.

"Scotch and soda for Mr. Martin," Watt said calmly. "And another for

"So, so, so, now we begin," St. Cyr cried impatiently. He spoke into a
hand microphone. Instantly the screen on the ceiling flickered noisily
and began to unfold a series of rather ragged scenes in which a chorus
of mermaids danced on their tails down the street of a little Florida
fishing village.

To understand the full loathsomeness of the fate facing Nicholas Martin,
it is necessary to view a St. Cyr production. It seemed to Martin that
he was watching the most noisome movie ever put upon film. He was
conscious that St. Cyr and Watt were stealing rather mystified glances
at him. In the dark he put up two fingers and sketched a robot-like
grin. Then, feeling sublimely sure of himself, he lit a cigarette and
chuckled aloud.

"You laugh?" St. Cyr demanded with instant displeasure. "You do not
appreciate great art? What do you know about it, eh? Are you a genius?"

"This," Martin said urbanely, "is the most noisome movie ever put on

In the sudden, deathly quiet which followed, Martin flicked ashes
elegantly and added, "With my help, you may yet avoid becoming the
laughing stock of the whole continent. Every foot of this picture must
be junked. Tomorrow bright and early we will start all over, and--"

Watt said quietly, "We're quite competent to make a film out of
_Angelina Noel_, Martin."

"It is artistic!" St. Cyr shouted. "And it will make money, too!"

"Bah, money!" Martin said cunningly. He flicked more ash with a lavish
gesture. "Who cares about money? Let Summit worry."

Watt leaned forward to peer searchingly at Martin in the dimness.

"Raoul," he said, glancing at St. Cyr, "I understood you were getting
your--ah--your new writers whipped into shape. This doesn't sound to me
as if--"

"Yes, yes, yes, yes," St. Cyr cried excitedly. "Whipped into shape,
exactly! A brief delirium, eh? Martin, you feel well? You feel

Martin laughed with quiet confidence. "Never fear," he said. "The money
you spend on me is well worth what I'll bring you in prestige. I quite
understand. Our confidential talks were not to be secret from Watt, of

"What confidential talks?" bellowed St. Cyr thickly, growing red.

"We need keep nothing from Watt, need we?" Martin went on imperturably.
"You hired me for prestige, and prestige you'll get, if you can only
keep your big mouth shut long enough. I'll make the name of St. Cyr
glorious for you. Naturally you may lose something at the box-office,
but it's well worth--"

"_Pjrzqxgl!_" roared St. Cyr in his native tongue, and he lumbered up
from the chair, brandishing the microphone in an enormous, hairy hand.

Deftly Martin reached out and twitched it from his grasp.

"Stop the film," he ordered crisply.

It was very strange. A distant part of his mind knew that normally he
would never have dared behave this way, but he felt convinced that never
before in his life had he acted with complete normality. He glowed with
a giddy warmth of confidence that everything he did would be right, at
least while the twelve-hour treatment lasted....

        *        *       *        *        *

The screen flickered hesitantly, then went blank.

"Turn the lights on," Martin ordered the unseen presence beyond the
mike. Softly and suddenly the room glowed with illumination. And upon
the visages of Watt and St. Cyr he saw a mutual dawning uneasiness begin
to break.

He had just given them food for thought. But he had given them more than
that. He tried to imagine what moved in the minds of the two men, below
the suspicions he had just implanted. St. Cyr's was fairly obvious. The
Mixo-Lydian licked his lips--no mean task--and studied Martin with
uneasy little bloodshot eyes. Clearly Martin had acquired confidence
from somewhere. What did it mean? What secret sin of St. Cyr's had been
discovered to him, what flaw in his contract, that he dared behave so

Tolliver Watt was a horse of another color; apparently the man had no
guilty secrets; but he too looked uneasy. Martin studied the proud face
and probed for inner weaknesses. Watt would be a harder nut to crack.
But Martin could do it.

"That last underwater sequence," he now said, pursuing his theme. "Pure
trash, you know. It'll have to come out. The whole scene must be shot
from under water."

"Shut up!" St. Cyr shouted violently.

"But it must, you know," Martin went on. "Or it won't jibe with the new
stuff I've written in. In fact, I'm not at all certain that the whole
picture shouldn't be shot under water. You know, we could use the
documentary technique--"

"Raoul," Watt said suddenly, "what's this man trying to do?"

"He is trying to break his contract, of course," St. Cyr said, turning
ruddy olive. "It is the bad phase all my writers go through before I get
them whipped into shape. In Mixo-Lydia--"

"Are you sure he'll whip into shape?" Watt asked.

"To me this is now a personal matter," St. Cyr said, glaring at Martin.
"I have spent nearly thirteen weeks on this man and I do not intend to
waste my valuable time on another. I tell you he is simply trying to
break his contract--tricks, tricks, tricks."

"Are you?" Watt asked Martin coldly.

"Not now," Martin said. "I've changed my mind. My agent insists I'd be
better off away from Summit. In fact, she has the curious feeling that I
and Summit would suffer by a mesalliance. But for the first time I'm not
sure I agree. I begin to see possibilities, even in the tripe St. Cyr
has been stuffing down the public's throat for years. Of course I can't
work miracles all at once. Audiences have come to expect garbage from
Summit, and they've even been conditioned to like it. But we'll begin in
a small way to re-educate them with this picture. I suggest we try to
symbolize the Existentialist hopelessness of it all by ending the film
with a full four hundred feet of seascapes--nothing but vast, heaving
stretches of ocean," he ended, on a note of complacent satisfaction.

A vast, heaving stretch of Raoul St. Cyr rose from his chair and
advanced upon Martin.

"Outside, outside!" he shouted. "Back to your cell, you double-crossing
vermin! I, Raoul St. Cyr, command it. Outside, before I rip you limb
from limb--"

Martin spoke quickly. His voice was calm, but he knew he would have to
work fast.

"You see, Watt?" he said clearly, meeting Watt's rather startled gaze.
"Doesn't dare let you exchange three words with me, for fear I'll let
something slip. No wonder he's trying to put me out of here--he's
skating on thin ice these days."

Goaded, St. Cyr rolled forward in a ponderous lunge, but Watt
interposed. It was true, of course, that the writer was probably trying
to break his contract. But there were wheels within wheels here. Martin
was too confident, too debonaire. Something was going on which Watt did
not understand.

"All right, Raoul," he said decisively. "Relax for a minute. I said
relax! We don't want Nick here suing you for assault and battery, do we?
Your artistic temperament carries you away sometimes. Relax and let's
hear what Nick has to say."

"Watch out for him, Tolliver!" St. Cyr cried warningly. "They're
cunning, these creatures. Cunning as rats. You never know--"

Martin raised the microphone with a lordly gesture. Ignoring the
director, he said commandingly into the mike, "Put me through to the
commissary. The bar, please. Yes. I want to order a drink. Something
very special. A--ah--a Helena Glinska--"

        *        *       *        *        *

"Hello," Erika Ashby's voice said from the door. "Nick, are you there?
May I come in?"

The sound of her voice sent delicious chills rushing up and down
Martin's spine. He swung round, mike in hand, to welcome her. But St.
Cyr, pleased at this diversion, roared before he could speak.

"No, no, no, no! Go! Go at once. Whoever you are--_out_!"

Erika, looking very brisk, attractive and firm, marched into the room
and cast at Martin a look of resigned patience.

Very clearly she expected to fight both her own battles and his.

"I'm on business here," she told St. Cyr coldly. "You can't part author
and agent like this. Nick and I want to have a word with Mr. Watt."

"Ah, my pretty creature, sit down," Martin said in a loud, clear voice,
scrambling out of his chair. "Welcome! I'm just ordering myself a drink.
Will you have something?"

Erika looked at him with startled suspicion. "No, and neither will you,"
she said. "How many have you had already? Nick, if you're drunk at a
time like this--"

"And no shilly-shallying," Martin said blandly into the mike. "I want it
at once, do you hear? A Helena Glinska, yes. Perhaps you don't know it?
Then listen carefully. Take the largest Napoleon you've got. If you
haven't a big one, a small punch bowl will do. Fill it half full with
ice-cold ale. Got that? Add three jiggers of creme de menthe--"

"Nick, are you mad?" Erika demanded, revolted.

"--and six jiggers of honey," Martin went on placidly. "Stir, don't
shake. Never shake a Helena Glinska. Keep it well chilled, and--"

"Miss Ashby, we are very busy," St. Cyr broke in importantly, making
shooing motions toward the door. "Not now. Sorry. You interrupt. Go at

"--better add six more jiggers of honey," Martin was heard to add
contemplatively into the mike. "And then send it over immediately. Drop
everything else, and get it here within sixty seconds. There's a bonus
for you if you do. Okay? Good. See to it."

He tossed the microphone casually at St. Cyr.

Meanwhile, Erika had closed in on Tolliver Watt.

"I've just come from talking to Gloria Eden," she said, "and she's
willing to do a one-picture deal with Summit _if_ I okay it. But I'm not
going to okay it unless you release Nick Martin from his contract, and
that's flat."

Watt showed pleased surprise.

"Well, we might get together on that," he said instantly, for he was a
fan of Miss Eden's and for a long time had yearned to star her in a
remake of _Vanity Fair_. "Why didn't you bring her along? We could

"Nonsense!" St. Cyr shouted. "Do not discuss this matter yet, Tolliver."

"She's down at Laguna," Erika explained. "Be quiet, St. Cyr! I won't--"

A knock at the door interrupted her. Martin hurried to open it and as he
had expected encountered a waiter with a tray.

"Quick work," he said urbanely, accepting the huge, coldly sweating
Napoleon in a bank of ice. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

St. Cyr's booming shouts from behind him drowned out whatever remark the
waiter may have made as he received a bill from Martin and withdrew,
looking nauseated.

"No, no, no, no," St. Cyr was roaring. "Tolliver, we can get Gloria and
keep this writer too, not that he is any good, but I have spent already
thirteen weeks training him in the St. Cyr approach. Leave it to me. In
Mixo-Lydia we handle--"

Erika's attractive mouth was opening and shutting, her voice unheard in
the uproar. St. Cyr could keep it up indefinitely, as was well known in
Hollywood. Martin sighed, lifted the brimming Napoleon and sniffed
delicately as he stepped backward toward his chair. When his heel
touched it, he tripped with the utmost grace and savoir-faire, and very
deftly emptied the Helena Glinsak, ale, honey, creme de menthe, ice and
all, over St. Cyr's capacious front.

St. Cyr's bellow broke the microphone.

        *        *       *        *        *

Martin had composed his invention carefully. The nauseous brew combined
the maximum elements of wetness, coldness, stickiness and pungency.

The drenched St. Cyr, shuddering violently as the icy beverage deluged
his legs, snatched out his handkerchief and mopped in vain. The
handkerchief merely stuck to his trousers, glued there by twelve jiggers
of honey. He reeked of peppermint.

"I suggest we adjourn to the commissary," Martin said fastidiously. "In
some private booth we can go on with this discussion away from the--the
rather overpowering smell of peppermint."

"In Mixo-Lydia," St. Cyr gasped, sloshing in his shoes as he turned
toward Martin, "in Mixo-Lydia we throw to the dogs--we boil in

"And next time," Martin said, "please don't joggle my elbow when I'm
holding a Helena Glinska. It's most annoying."

St. Cyr drew a mighty breath, rose to his full height--and then
subsided. St. Cyr at the moment looked like a Keystone Kop after the
chase sequence, and knew it. Even if he killed Martin now, the element
of classic tragedy would be lacking. He would appear in the untenable
position of Hamlet murdering his uncle with custard pies.

"Do nothing until I return!" he commanded, and with a final glare at
Martin plunged moistly out of the theater.

The door crashed shut behind him. There was silence for a moment except
for the soft music from the overhead screen which DeeDee had caused to
be turned on again, so that she might watch her own lovely form flicker
in dimmed images through pastel waves, while she sang a duet with Dan
Dailey about sailors, mermaids and her home in far Atlantis.

"And now," said Martin, turning with quiet authority to Watt, who was
regarding him with a baffled expression, "I want a word with you."

"I can't discuss your contract till Raoul gets back," Watt said quickly.

"Nonsense," Martin said in a firm voice. "Why should St. Cyr dictate
your decisions? Without you, he couldn't turn out a box-office success
if he had to. No, be quiet, Erika. I'm handling this, my pretty

Watt rose to his feet. "Sorry, I can't discuss it," he said. "St. Cyr
pictures make money, and you're an inexperien--"

"That's why I see the true situation so clearly," Martin said. "The
trouble with you is you draw a line between artistic genius and
financial genius. To you, it's merely routine when you work with the
plastic medium of human minds, shaping them into an Ideal Audience. You
are an ecological genius, Tolliver Watt! The true artist controls his
environment, and gradually you, with a master's consummate skill, shape
that great mass of living, breathing humanity into a perfect

"Sorry," Watt said, but not, bruskly. "I really have no time--ah--"

"Your genius has gone long enough unrecognized," Martin said hastily,
letting admiration ring in his golden voice. "You assume that St. Cyr is
your equal. You give him your own credit titles. Yet in your own mind
you must have known that half the credit for his pictures is yours. Was
Phidias non-commercial? Was Michaelangelo? Commercialism is simply a
label for functionalism, and all great artists produce functional art.
The trivial details of Rubens' masterpieces were filled in by
assistants, were they not? But Rubens got the credit, not his hirelings.
The proof of the pudding's obvious. Why?" Cunningly gauging his
listener, Martin here broke off.

"Why?" Watt asked.

"Sit down," Martin urged. "I'll tell you why. St. Cyr's pictures make
money, but you're responsible for their molding into the ideal form,
impressing your character-matrix upon everything and everyone at Summit

        *        *       *        *        *

Slowly Watt sank into his chair. About his ears the hypnotic bursts of
Disraelian rhodomontade thundered compellingly. For Martin had the man
hooked. With unerring aim he had at the first try discovered Watt's
weakness--the uncomfortable feeling in a professionally arty town that
money-making is a basically contemptible business. Disraeli had handled
tougher problems in his day. He had swayed Parliaments.

Watt swayed, tottered--and fell. It took about ten minutes, all in all.
By the end of that time, dizzy with eloquent praise of his economic
ability, Watt had realized that while St. Cyr might be an artistic
genius, he had no business interfering in the plans of an economic
genius. Nobody told Watt what to do when economics were concerned.

"You have the broad vision that can balance all possibilities and show
the right path with perfect clarity," Martin said glibly. "Very well.
You wish Eden. You feel--do you not?--that I am unsuitable material.
Only geniuses can change their plans with instantaneous speed.... When
will my contract release be ready?"

"What?" said Watt, in a swimming, glorious daze. "Oh. Of course. Hm-m.
Your contract release. Well, now--"

"St. Cyr would stubbornly cling to past errors until Summit goes broke,"
Martin pointed out. "Only a genius like Tolliver Watt strikes when the
iron is hot, when he sees a chance to exchange failure for success, a
Martin for an Eden."

"Hm-m," Watt said. "Yes. Very well, then." His long face grew shrewd.
"Very, well, you get your release--_after_ I've signed Eden."

"There you put your finger on the heart of the matter," Martin approved,
after a very brief moment of somewhat dashed thought. "Miss Eden is
still undecided. If you left the transaction to somebody like St. Cyr,
say, it would be botched. Erika, you have your car here? How quickly
could you drive Tolliver Watt to Laguna? He's the only person with the
skill to handle this situation."

"What situa--oh, yes. Of course, Nick. We could start right away."

"But--" Watt said.

The Disraeli-matrix swept on into oratorical periods that made the walls
ring. The golden tongue played arpeggios with logic.

"I see," the dazed Watt murmured, allowing himself to be shepherded
toward the door. "Yes, yes, of course. Then--suppose you drop over to my
place tonight, Martin. After I get the Eden signature, I'll have your
release prepared. Hm-m. Functional genius...." His voice fell to a low,
crooning mutter, and he moved quietly out of the door.

Martin laid a hand on Erika's arm as she followed him.

"Wait a second," he said. "Keep him away from the studio until we get
the release. St. Cyr can still out-shout me any time. But he's hooked.

"Nick," Erika said, looking searchingly into his face. "What's

"Tell you tonight," Martin said hastily, hearing a distant bellow that
might be the voice of St. Cyr approaching. "When I have time I'm going
to sweep you off your feet. Did you know that I've worshipped you from
afar all my life? But right now, get Watt out of the way. Hurry!"

Erika cast a glance of amazed bewilderment at him as he thrust her out
of the door. Martin thought there was a certain element of pleasure in
the surprise.

        *        *       *        *        *

"Where is Tolliver?" The loud, annoyed roar of St. Cyr made Martin
wince. The director was displeased, it appeared, because only in
Costumes could a pair of trousers be found large enough to fit him. He
took it as a personal affront. "What have you done with Tolliver?" he

"Louder, please," Martin said insolently. "I can't hear you."

"DeeDee," St. Cyr shouted, whirling toward the lovely star, who hadn't
stirred from her rapturous admiration of DeeDee in technicolor overhead.
"Where is Tolliver?"

Martin started. He had quite forgotten DeeDee.

"You don't know, do you, DeeDee?" he prompted quickly.

"Shut up," St. Cyr snapped. "Answer me, you--" He added a brisk
polysyllable in Mixo-Lydian, with the desired effect. DeeDee wrinkled
her flawless brow.

"Tolliver went away, I think. I've got it mixed up with the picture. He
went home to meet Nick Martin, didn't he?"

"See?" Martin interrupted, relieved. "No use expecting DeeDee to--"

"But Martin is _here_!" St. Cyr shouted. "Think, think!"

"Was the contract release in the rushes?" DeeDee asked vaguely.

"A contract release?" St. Cyr roared. "What is this? Never will I permit
it, never, never, never! DeeDee, answer me--where has Watt gone?"

"He went somewhere with that agent," DeeDee said. "Or was that in the
rushes too?"

"But where, where, where?"

"They went to Atlantis," DeeDee announced with an air of faint triumph.

"No!" shouted St. Cyr. "That was the _picture_! The mermaid came from
Atlantis, not Watt!"

"Tolliver didn't say he was coming from Atlantis," DeeDee murmured,
unruffled. "He said he was going to Atlantis. Then he was going to meet
Nick Martin at his house tonight and give him his contract release."

"When?" St. Cyr demanded furiously. "Think, DeeDee? What time did--"

"DeeDee," Martin said, stepping forward with suave confidence, "you
can't remember a thing, can you?" But DeeDee was too subnormal to react
even to a Disraeli-matrix. She merely smiled placidly at him.

"Out of my way, you writer!" roared St. Cyr, advancing upon Martin. "You
will get no contract release! You do not waste St. Cyr's time and get
away with it! This I will not endure. I fix you as I fixed Ed Cassidy!"

Martin drew himself up and froze St. Cyr with an insolent smile. His
hand toyed with an imaginary monocle. Golden periods were hanging at the
end of his tongue. There only remained to hypnotize St. Cyr as he had
hypnotized Watt. He drew a deep breath to unlease the floods of his

And St. Cyr, also too subhuman to be impressed by urbanity, hit Martin a
clout on the jaw.

It could never have happened in the British Parliament.


When the robot walked into Martin's office that evening, he, or it, went
directly to the desk, unscrewed the bulb from the lamp, pressed the
switch, and stuck his finger into the socket. There was a crackling
flash. ENIAC withdrew his finger and shook his metallic head violently.

"I needed that," he sighed. "I've been on the go all day, by the
Kaldekooz time-scale. Paleolithic, Neolithic, Technological--I don't
even know what time it is. Well, how's your ecological adjustment
getting on?"

Martin rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Badly," he said. "Tell me, did Disraeli, as Prime Minister, ever have
any dealings with a country called Mixo-Lydia?"

"I have no idea," said the robot. "Why do you ask?"

"Because my environment hauled back and took a poke at my jaw," Martin
said shortly.

"Then you provoked it," ENIAC countered. "A crisis--a situation of
stress--always brings a man's dominant trait to the fore, and Disraeli
was dominantly courageous. Under stress, his courage became insolence.
But he was intelligent enough to arrange his environment so insolence
would be countered on the semantic level. Mixo-Lydia, eh? I place it
vaguely, some billions of years ago, when it was inhabited by giant
white apes. Or--oh, now I remember. It's an encysted medieval survival,
isn't it?"

Martin nodded.

"So is this movie studio," the robot said. "Your trouble is that you've
run up against somebody who's got a better optimum ecological adjustment
than you have. That's it. This studio environment is just emerging from
medievalism, so it can easily slip back into that plenum when an optimum
medievalist exerts pressure. Such types caused the Dark Ages. Well,
you'd better change your environment to a neo-technological one, where
the Disraeli matrix can be successfully pro-survival. In your era, only
a few archaic social-encystments like this studio are feudalistic, so go
somewhere else. It takes a feudalist to match a feudalist."

"But I can't go somewhere else," Martin complained. "Not without my
contract release. I was supposed to pick it up tonight, but St. Cyr
found out what was happening, and he'll throw a monkey-wrench in the
works if he has to knock me out again to do it. I'm due at Watt's place
now, but St. Cyr's already there--"

"Spare me the trivia," the robot said, raising his hand. "As for this
St. Cyr, if he's a medieval character-type, obviously he'll knuckle
under only to a stronger man of his own kind."

"How would Disraeli have handled this?" Martin demanded.

"Disraeli would never have got into such a situation in the first
place," the robot said unhelpfully. "The ecologizer can give you the
ideal ecological differential, but only for your own type, because
otherwise it wouldn't be your optimum. Disraeli would have been a
failure in Russia in Ivan's time."

"Would you mind clarifying that?" Martin asked thoughtfully.

"Certainly," the robot said with great rapidity. "It all depends on the
threshold-response-time of the memory-circuits in the brain, if you
assume the identity of the basic chromosome-pattern. The strength of
neuronic activation varies in inverse proportion to the quantative
memory factor. Only actual experience could give you Disraeli's
memories, but your reactivity-thresholds have been altered until
perception and emotional-indices approximate the Disraeli ratio."

"Oh," Martin said. "But how would _you_, say, assert yourself against a
medieval steam-shovel?"

"By plugging my demountable brain into a larger steam-shovel," ENIAC
told him.

        *        *       *        *        *

Martin seemed pensive. His hand rose, adjusting an invisible monocle,
while a look of perceptive imagination suddenly crossed his face.

"You mentioned Russia in Ivan's time," he said. "Which Ivan would that
be? Not, by any chance--?"

"Ivan the Fourth. Very well adjusted to his environment he was, too.
However, enough of this chit-chat. Obviously you'll be one of the
failures in our experiment, but our aim is to strike an average, so if
you'll put the ecologizer on your--"

"That was Ivan the Terrible, wasn't it?" Martin interrupted. "Look here,
could you impress the character-matrix of Ivan the Terrible on my

"That wouldn't help you a bit," the robot said. "Besides, it's not the
purpose of the experiment. Now--"

"One moment. Disraeli can't cope with a medievalist like St. Cyr on his
own level, but if I had Ivan the Terrible's reactive thresholds, I'll
bet I could throw a bluff that might do the trick. Even though St. Cyr's
bigger than I am, he's got a veneer of civilization ... now wait. He
trades on that. He's always dealt with people who are too civilized to
use his own methods. The trick would be to call his bluff. And Ivan's
the man who could do it."

"But you don't understand."

"Didn't everybody in Russia tremble with fear at Ivan's name?"

"Yes, in--"

"Very well, then," Martin said triumphantly. "You're going to impress
the character-matrix, of Ivan the Terrible on my mind, and then I'm
going to put the bite on St. Cyr, the way Ivan would have done it.
Disraeli's simply too civilized. Size is a factor, but character's more
important. I don't _look_ like Disraeli, but people have been reacting
to me as though I were George Arliss down to the spit-curl. A good big
man can always lick a good little man. But St. Cyr's never been up
against a really uncivilized little man--one who'd gladly rip out an
enemy's heart with his bare hands." Martin nodded briskly. "St. Cyr will
back down--I've found that out. But it would take somebody like Ivan to
make him stay all the way down."

"If you think I'm going to impress Ivan's matrix on you, you're wrong,"
the robot said.

"You couldn't be talked into it?"

"I," said ENIAC, "am a robot, semantically adjusted. Of course you
couldn't talk me into it."

Perhaps not, Martin reflected, but Disraeli--hm-m. "Man is a machine."
Why, Disraeli was the one person in the world ideally fitted for
robot-coercion. To him, men _were_ machines--and what was ENIAC?

"Let's talk this over--" Martin began, absently pushing the desk-lamp
toward the robot. And then the golden tongue that had swayed empires was

"You're not going to like this," the robot said dazedly, sometime later.
"Ivan won't do at ... oh, you've got me all confused. You'll have to
eyeprint a--" He began to pull out of his sack the helmet and the
quarter-mile of red ribbon.

"To tie up my bonny grey brain," Martin said, drunk with his own
rhetoric. "Put it on my head. That's right. Ivan the Terrible, remember.
I'll fix St. Cyr's Mixo-Lydian wagon."

"Differential depends on environment as much as on heredity," the robot
muttered, clapping the helmet on Martin's head. "Though naturally Ivan
wouldn't have had the Tsardom environment without his particular
heredity, involving Helena Glinska--there!" He removed the helmet.

"But nothing's happening," Martin said. "I don't feel any different."

"It'll take a few moments. This isn't your basic character-pattern,
remember, as Disraeli's was. Enjoy yourself while you can. You'll get
the Ivan-effect soon enough." He shouldered the sack and headed
uncertainly for the door.

"Wait," Martin said uneasily. "Are you sure--"

"Be quiet. I forgot something--some formality--now I'm all confused.
Well, I'll think of it later, or earlier, as the case may be. I'll see
you in twelve hours--I hope."

The robot departed. Martin shook his head tentatively from side to side.
Then he got up and followed ENIAC to the door. But there was no sign of
the robot, except for a diminishing whirlwind of dust in the middle of
the corridor.

_Something began to happen in Martin's brain...._

Behind him, the telephone rang.

Martin heard himself gasp with pure terror. With a sudden, impossible,
terrifying, absolute certainty he _knew_ who was telephoning.


        *        *       *        *        *

"Yes, Mr. Martin," said Tolliver Watt's butler to the telephone. "Miss
Ashby is here. She is with Mr. Watt and Mr. St. Cyr at the moment, but I
will give her your message. You are detained. And she is to call for

"The broom-closet on the second floor of the Writers' Building," Martin
said in a quavering voice. "It's the only one near a telephone with a
long enough cord so I could take the phone in here with me. But I'm not
at all certain that I'm safe. I don't like the looks of that broom on my


"Are you _sure_ you're Tolliver Watt's butler?" Martin demanded

"Quite sure, Mr.--eh--Mr. Martin."

"I _am_ Mr. Martin," cried Martin with terrified defiance. "By all the
laws of God and man, Mr. Martin I am and Mr. Martin I will remain, in
spite of all attempts by rebellious dogs to depose me from my rightful

"Yes, sir. The broom-closet, you say, sir?"

"The broom-closet. Immediately. But swear not to tell another soul, no
matter how much you're threatened. I'll protect you."

"Very well, sir. Is that all?"

"Yes. Tell Miss Ashby to hurry. Hang up now. The line may be tapped. I
have enemies."

There was a click. Martin replaced his own receiver and furtively
surveyed the broom-closet. He told himself that this was ridiculous.
There was nothing to be afraid of, was there? True, the broom-closet's
narrow walls were closing in upon him alarmingly, while the ceiling

Panic-stricken, Martin emerged from the closet, took a long breath, and
threw back his shoulders. "N-not a thing to be afraid of," he said.
"Who's afraid?" Whistling, he began to stroll down the hall toward the
staircase, but midway agoraphobia overcame him, and his nerve broke.

He ducked into his own office and sweated quietly in the dark until he
had mustered up enough courage to turn on a lamp.

The Encyclopedia Britannica, in its glass-fronted cabinet, caught his
eye. With noiseless haste, Martin secured _ITALY_ to _LORD_ and opened
the volume at his desk. Something, obviously, was very, very wrong. The
robot had said that Martin wasn't going to like being Ivan the Terrible,
come to think of it. But was Martin wearing Ivan's character-matrix?
Perhaps he'd got somebody else's matrix by mistake--that of some arrant
coward. Or maybe the Mad Tsar of Russia had really been called Ivan the
Terrified. Martin flipped the rustling pages nervously. Ivan, Ivan--here
it was.

Son of Helena Glinska ... married Anastasia Zakharina-Koshkina ...
private life unspeakably abominable ... memory astonishing, energy
indefatigable, ungovernable fury--great natural ability, political
foresight, anticipated the ideals of Peter the Great--Martin shook his

Then he caught his breath at the next line.

Ivan had lived in an atmosphere of apprehension, imagining that every
man's hand was against him.

"Just like me," Martin murmured. "But--but there was more to Ivan than
just cowardice. I don't understand."

"Differential," the robot had said, "depends on environment as much as
on heredity. Though naturally Ivan wouldn't have had the Tsardom
environment without his particular heredity."

Martin sucked in his breath sharply. Environment does make a difference.
No doubt Ivan IV had been a fearful coward, but heredity plus
environment had given Ivan the one great weapon that had enabled him to
keep his cowardice a recessive trait.

Ivan the Terrible had been Tsar of all the Russias.

Give a coward a gun, and, while he doesn't stop being a coward, it won't
show in the same way. He may act like a violent, aggressive tyrant
instead. That, of course, was why Ivan had been ecologically
successful--in his specialized environment. He'd never run up against
many stresses that brought his dominant trait to the fore. Like
Disraeli, he had been able to control his environment so that such
stresses were practically eliminated.

Martin turned green.

Then he remembered Erika. Could he get Erika to keep St. Cyr busy,
somehow, while he got his contract release from Watt? As long as he
could avoid crises, he could keep his nerve from crumbling, but--_there
were assassins everywhere_!

Erika was on her way to the lot by now. Martin swallowed.

He would meet her outside the studio. The broom-closet wasn't safe. He
could be trapped there like a rat--

"Nonsense," Martin told himself with shivering firmness. "This isn't me.
All I have to do is get a g-grip on m-myself. Come, now. Buck up.
_Toujours l'audace!_"

But he went out of his office and downstairs very softly and cautiously.
After all, one never knew. And when every man's hand was against one....

Quaking, the character-matrix of Ivan the Terrible stole toward a studio

        *        *       *        *        *

The taxi drove rapidly toward Bel-Air.

"But what were you doing up that tree?" Erika demanded.

Martin shook violently.

"A werewolf," he chattered. "And a vampire and a ghoul and--I _saw_
them, I tell you. There I was at the studio gate, and they all came at
me in a mob."

"But they were just coming back from dinner," Erika said. "You know
Summit's doing night shooting on _Abbott and Costello Meet Everybody_.
Karloff wouldn't hurt a fly."

"I kept telling myself that," Martin said dully, "but I was out of my
mind with guilt and fear. You see, I'm an abominable monster. But it's
not my fault. It's environmental. I grew up in brutal and degrading
conditions--oh, look!" He pointed toward a traffic cop ahead. "The
police! Traitors even in the palace guards!"

"Lady, is that guy nuts?" the cabbie demanded.

"Mad or sane, I am Nicholas Martin," Martin announced, with an abrupt
volte face. He tried to stand up commandingly, bumped his head, screamed
"_Assassins!_" and burrowed into a corner of the seat, panting horribly.

Erika gave him a thoughtful, worried look.

"Nick," she said, "How much have you had to drink? What's wrong?"

Martin shut his eyes and lay back against the cushions.

"Let me have a few minutes, Erika," he pleaded. "I'll be all right as
soon as I recover from stress. It's only when I'm under stress that

"You can accept your contract release from Watt, can't you? Surely
you'll be able to manage that."

"Of course," Martin said with feeble bravery. He thought it over and
reconsidered. "If I can hold your hand," he suggested, taking no

This disgusted Erika so much that for two miles there was no more
conversation within the cab.

Erika had been thinking her own thoughts.

"You've certainly changed since this morning," she observed.
"Threatening to make love to me, of all things. As if I'd stand for it.
I'd like to see you try." There was a pause. Erika slid her eyes
sidewise toward Martin. "I said I'd like to see you try," she repeated.

"Oh, you would, would you?" Martin said with hollow valor. He paused.
Oddly enough his tongue, hitherto frozen stiff on one particular subject
in Erika's presence, was now thoroughly loosened. Martin wasted no time
on theory. Seizing his chance before a new stress might unexpectedly
arise, he instantly poured out his heart to Erika, who visibly softened.

"But why didn't you ever say so before?" she asked.

"I can't imagine," Martin said. "Then you'll marry me?"

"But why were you acting so--"

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes," Erika said, and there was a pause. Martin moistened his lips,
discovering that somehow he and Erika had moved close together. He was
about to seal the bargain in the customary manner when a sudden thought
struck him and made him draw back with a little start.

Erika opened her eyes.

"Ah--" said Martin. "Um. I just happened to remember. There's a bad flu
epidemic in Chicago. Epidemics spread like wildfire, you know. Why, it
could be in Hollywood by now--especially with the prevailing westerly

"I'm damned if I'm going to be proposed to and not kissed," Erika said
in a somewhat irritated tone. "You kiss me!"

"But I might give you bubonic plague," Martin said nervously. "Kissing
spreads germs. It's a well-known fact."


"Well--I don't know--when did you last have a cold?"

Erika pulled away from him and went to sit in the other corner.

"Ah," Martin said, after a long silence. "Erika?"

"Don't talk to me, you miserable man," Erika said. "You monster, you."

"I can't help it," Martin cried wildly. "I'll be a coward for twelve
hours. It's not my fault. After eight tomorrow morning I'll--I'll walk
into a lion-cage if you want, but tonight I'm as yellow as Ivan the
Terrible! At least let me tell you what's been happening."

Erika said nothing. Martin instantly plunged into his long and
improbable tale.

"I don't believe a word of it," Erika said, when he had finished. She
shook her head sharply. "Just the same, I'm still your agent, and your
career's still my responsibility. The first and only thing we have to do
is get your contract release from Tolliver Watt. And that's _all_ we're
going to consider right now, do you hear?"

"But St. Cyr--"

"I'll do all the talking. You won't have to say a word. If St. Cyr tries
to bully you, I'll handle him. But you've got to be there with me, or
St. Cyr will make that an excuse to postpone things again. I know him."

"Now I'm under stress again," Martin said wildly. "I can't stand it.
_I'm_ not the Tsar of Russia."

"Lady," said the cab-driver, looking back, "if I was you, I'd sure as
hell break off that engagement."

"Heads will roll for this," Martin said ominously.

        *        *       *        *        *

"By mutual consent, agree to terminate ... yes," Watt said, affixing his
name to the legal paper that lay before him on the desk. "That does it.
But where in the world is that fellow Martin? He came in with you, I'm

"Did he?" Erika asked, rather wildly. She too, was wondering how Martin
had managed to vanish so miraculously from her side. Perhaps he had
crept with lightning rapidity under the carpet. She forced her mind from
the thought and reached for the contract release Watt was folding.

"Wait," St. Cyr said, his lower lip jutting. "What about a clause giving
us an option on Martin's next play?"

Watt paused, and the director instantly struck home.

"Whatever it may be, I can turn it into a vehicle for DeeDee, eh,
DeeDee?" He lifted a sausage finger at the lovely star, who nodded

"It's going to have an all-male cast," Erika said hastily. "And we're
discussing contract releases, not options."

"He would give me an option if I had him here," St. Cyr growled,
torturing his cigar horribly. "Why does everything conspire against an
artist?" He waved a vast, hairy fist in the air. "Now I must break in a
new writer, which is a great waste. Within a fortnight Martin would have
been a St. Cyr writer. In fact, it is still possible."

"I'm afraid not, Raoul," Watt said resignedly. "You really shouldn't
have hit Martin at the studio today."

"But--but he would not dare charge me with assault. In Mixo-Lydia--"

"Why, hello, Nick," DeeDee said, with a bright smile. "What are you
hiding behind those curtains for?"

Every eye was turned toward the window draperies, just in time to see
the white, terrified face of Nicholas Martin flip out of sight like a
scared chipmunk's. Erika, her heart dropping, said hastily, "Oh, that
isn't Nick. It doesn't look a bit like him. You made a mistake, DeeDee."

"Did I?" DeeDee asked, perfectly willing to agree.

"Certainly," Erika said, reaching for the contract release in Watt's
hand. "Now if you'll just let me have this, I'll--"

"Stop!" cried St. Cyr in a bull's bellow. Head sunk between his heavy
shoulders, he lumbered to the window and jerked the curtains aside.

"Ha!" the director said in a sinister voice. "Martin."

"It's a lie," Martin said feebly, making a desperate attempt to conceal
his stress-triggered panic. "I've abdicated."

St. Cyr, who had stepped back a pace, was studying Martin carefully.
Slowly the cigar in his mouth began to tilt upwards. An unpleasant grin
widened the director's mouth.

He shook a finger under Martin's quivering nostrils.

"You!" he said. "Tonight it is a different tune, eh? Today you were
drunk. Now I see it all. Valorous with pots, like they say."

"Nonsense," Martin said, rallying his courage by a glance at Erika. "Who
say? Nobody but you would say a thing like that. Now what's this all

"What were you doing behind that curtain?" Watt asked.

"_I_ wasn't behind the curtain," Martin said, with great bravado. "_You_
were. All of you. I was in front of the curtain. Can I help it if the
whole lot of you conceal yourselves behind curtains in a library,
like--like conspirators?" The word was unfortunately chosen. A panicky
light flashed into Martin's eyes. "Yes, conspirators," he went on
nervously. "You think I don't know, eh? Well, I do. You're all
assassins, plotting and planning. So this is your headquarters, is it?
All night your hired dogs have been at my heels, driving me like a
wounded caribou to--"

"We've got to be going," Erika said desperately. "There's just time to
catch the next carib--the next plane east." She reached for the contract
release, but Watt suddenly put it in his pocket. He turned his chair
toward Martin.

"Will you give us an option on your next play?" he demanded.

"Of course he will give us an option!" St. Cyr said, studying Martin's
air of bravado with an experienced eye. "Also, there is to be no
question of a charge of assault, for, if there is I will beat you. So it
is in Mixo-Lydia. In fact, you do not even want a release from your
contract, Martin. It is all a mistake. I will turn you into a St. Cyr
writer, and all will be well. So. Now you will ask Tolliver to tear up
that release, will you not--_ha_?"

"Of course you won't, Nick," Erika cried. "Say so!"

        *        *       *        *        *

There was a pregnant silence. Watt watched with sharp interest. So did
the unhappy Erika, torn between her responsibility as Martin's agent and
her disgust at the man's abject cowardice. DeeDee watched too, her eyes
very wide and a cheerful smile upon her handsome face. But the battle
was obviously between Martin and Raoul St. Cyr.

Martin drew himself up desperately. Now or never he must force himself
to be truly Terrible. Already he had a troubled expression, just like
Ivan. He strove to look sinister too. An enigmatic smile played around
his lips. For an instant he resembled the Mad Tsar of Russia, except, of
course, that he was clean-shaven. With contemptuous, regal power Martin
stared down the Mixo-Lydian.

"You will tear up that release and sign an agreement giving us option on
your next play too, ha?" St. Cyr said--but a trifle uncertainly.

"I'll do as I please," Martin told him. "How would you like to be eaten
alive by dogs?"

"I don't know, Raoul," Watt said. "Let's try to get this settled even

"Do you want me to go over to Metro and take DeeDee with me?" St. Cyr
cried, turning toward Watt. "He _will_ sign!" And, reaching into an
inner pocket for a pen, the burly director swung back toward Martin.

"_Assassin!_" cried Martin, misinterpreting the gesture.

A gloating smile appeared on St. Cyr's revolting features.

"Now we have him, Tolliver," he said, with heavy triumph, and these
ominous words added the final stress to Martin's overwhelming burden.
With a mad cry he rushed past St. Cyr, wrenched open a door, and fled.

From behind him came Erika's Valkyrie voice.

"Leave him alone! Haven't you done enough already? Now I'm going to get
that contract release from you before I leave this room, Tolliver Watt,
and I warn you, St. Cyr, if you--"

But by then Martin was five rooms away, and the voice faded. He darted
on, hopelessly trying to make himself slow down and return to the scene
of battle. The pressure was too strong. Terror hurled him down a
corridor, into another room, and against a metallic object from which he
rebounded, to find himself sitting on the floor looking up at ENIAC
Gamma the Ninety-Third.

"Ah, there you are," the robot said. "I've been searching all over
space-time for you. You forgot to give me a waiver of responsibility
when you talked me into varying the experiment. The Authorities would be
in my gears if I didn't bring back an eyeprinted waiver when a subject's
scratched by variance."

With a frightened glance behind him, Martin rose to his feet.

"What?" he asked confusedly. "Listen, you've got to change me back to
myself. Everyone's trying to kill me. You're just in time. I can't wait
twelve hours. Change me back to myself, quick!"

"Oh, I'm through with you," the robot said callously. "You're no longer
a suitably unconditioned subject, after that last treatment you insisted
on. I should have got the waiver from you then, but you got me all
confused with Disraeli's oratory. Now here. Just hold this up to your
left eye for twenty seconds." He extended a flat, glittering little
metal disk. "It's already sensitized and filled out. It only needs your
eyeprint. Affix it, and you'll never see me again."

Martin shrank away.

"But what's going to happen to me?" he quavered, swallowing.

"How should I know? After twelve hours, the treatment will wear off, and
you'll be yourself again. Hold this up to your eye, now."

"I will if you'll change me back to myself," Martin haggled.

"I can't. It's against the rules. One variance is bad enough, even with
a filed waiver, but two? Oh, no. Hold this up to your left eye--"

"No," Martin said with feeble firmness. "I won't."

ENIAC studied him.

"Yes, you will," the robot said finally, "or I'll go boo at you."

Martin paled slightly, but he shook his head in desperate determination.

"No," he said doggedly. "Unless I get rid of Ivan's matrix right now,
Erika will never marry me and I'll never get my contract release from
Watt. All you have to do is put that helmet on my head and change me
back to myself. Is that too much to ask?"

"Certainly, of a robot," ENIAC said stiffly. "No more shilly-shallying.
It's lucky you are wearing the Ivan-matrix, so I can impose my will on
you. Put your eyeprint on this. Instantly!"

Martin rushed behind the couch and hid. The robot advanced menacingly.
And at that moment, pushed to the last ditch, Martin suddenly remembered

He faced the robot.

        *        *       *        *        *

"Wait," he said. "You don't understand. I can't eyeprint that thing. It
won't work on me. Don't you realize that? It's supposed to take the

"--of the rod-and-cone pattern of the retina," the robot said. "So--"

"So how can it do that unless I can keep my eye open for twenty seconds?
My perceptive reaction-thresholds are Ivan's aren't they? I can't
control the reflex of blinking. I've got a coward's synapses. And they'd
force me to shut my eyes tight the second that gimmick got too close to

"Hold them open," the robot suggested. "With your fingers."

"My fingers have reflexes too," Martin argued, moving toward a
sideboard. "There's only one answer. I've got to get drunk. If I'm half
stupefied with liquor, my reflexes will be so slow I won't be able to
shut my eyes. And don't try to use force, either. If I dropped dead with
fear, how could you get my eyeprint then?"

"Very easily," the robot said. "I'd pry open your lids--"

Martin hastily reached for a bottle on the sideboard, and a glass. But
his hand swerved aside and gripped, instead, a siphon of soda water.

"--only," ENIAC went on, "the forgery might be detected."

Martin fizzled the glass full of soda and took a long drink.

"I won't be long getting drunk," he said, his voice thickening. "In
fact, it's beginning to work already. See? I'm coöperating."

The robot hesitated.

"Well, hurry up about it," he said, and sat down.

Martin, about to take another drink, suddenly paused, staring at ENIAC.
Then, with a sharply indrawn breath, he lowered the glass.

"What's the matter now?" the robot asked. "Drink your--what is it?"

"It's whiskey," Martin told the inexperienced automaton, "but now I see
it all. You've put poison in it. So that's your plan, is it? Well, I
won't touch another drop, and now you'll never get my eyeprint. I'm no

"Cog Almighty," the robot said, rising. "You poured that drink yourself.
How could I have poisoned it? Drink!"

"I won't," Martin said, with a coward's stubbornness, fighting back the
growing suspicion that the drink might really be toxic.

"You swallow that drink," ENIAC commanded, his voice beginning to quiver
slightly. "It's perfectly harmless."

"Then prove it!" Martin said cunningly. "Would you be willing to switch
glasses? Would you drink this poisoned brew yourself?"

"How do you expect me to drink?" the robot demanded. "I--" He paused.
"All right, hand me the glass," he said. "I'll take a sip. Then you've
got to drink the rest of it."

"Aha!" Martin said. "You betrayed yourself that time. You're a robot.
You can't drink, remember? Not the same way that I can, anyhow. Now I've
got you trapped, you assassin. _There's_ your brew." He pointed to a
floor-lamp. "Do you dare to drink with me now, in your electrical
fashion, or do you admit you are trying to poison me? Wait a minute,
what am I saying? That wouldn't prove a--"

"Of course it would," the robot said hastily. "You're perfectly right,
and it's very cunning of you. We'll drink together, and that will prove
your whiskey's harmless--so you'll keep on drinking till your reflexes
slow down, see?"

"Well," Martin began uncertainly, but the unscrupulous robot unscrewed a
bulb from the floor lamp, pulled the switch, and inserted his finger
into the empty socket, which caused a crackling flash. "There," the
robot said. "It isn't poisoned, see?"

"You're not swallowing it," Martin said suspiciously. "You're holding it
in your mouth--I mean your finger."

ENIAC again probed the socket.

"Well, all right, perhaps," Martin said, in a doubtful fashion. "But I'm
not going to risk your slipping a powder in my liquor, you traitor.
You're going to keep up with me, drink for drink, until I can eyeprint
that gimmick of yours--or else I stop drinking. But does sticking your
finger in that lamp really prove my liquor isn't poisoned? I can't

"Of course it does," the robot said quickly. "I'll prove it. I'll do it
again ... _f(t)_. Powerful DC, isn't it? Certainly it proves it. Keep
drinking, now."

        *        *       *        *        *

His gaze watchfully on the robot, Martin lifted his glass of club soda.

"_F ff ff f(t)!_" cried the robot, some time later, sketching a
singularly loose smile on its metallic face.

"Best fermented mammoth's milk I ever tasted," Martin agreed, lifting
his tenth glass of soda-water. He felt slightly queasy and wondered if
he might be drowning.

"Mammoth's milk?" asked ENIAC thickly. "What year is this?"

Martin drew a long breath. Ivan's capacious memory had served him very
well so far. Voltage, he recalled, increased the frequency of the
robot's thought-patterns and disorganized ENIAC's memory--which was
being proved before his eyes. But the crux of his plan was yet to

"The year of the great Hairy One, of course," Martin said briskly.
"Don't you remember?"

"Then you--" ENIAC strove to focus upon his drinking-companion. "You
must be Mammoth-Slayer."

"That's it!" Martin cried. "Have another jolt. What about giving me the
treatment now?"

"What treatment?"

Martin looked impatient. "You said you were going to impose the
character-matrix of Mammoth-Slayer on my mind. You said _that_ would
insure my optimum ecological adjustment in this temporal phase, and
nothing else would."

"Did I? But you're not Mammoth-Slayer," ENIAC said confusedly.
"Mammoth-Slayer was the son of the Great Hairy One. What's your mother's

"The Great Hairy One," Martin replied, at which the robot grated its
hand across its gleaming forehead.

"Have one more jolt," Martin suggested. "Now take out the ecologizer and
put it on my head."

"Like this?" ENIAC asked, obeying. "I keep feeling I've forgotten
something important. _F (t)._"

Martin adjusted the crystal helmet on his skull. "Now," he commanded.
"Give me the character-matrix of Mammoth-Slayer, son of the Great Hairy

"Well--all right," ENIAC said dizzily. The red ribbons swirled. There
was a flash from the helmet. "There," the robot said. "It's done. It may
take a few minutes to begin functioning, but then for twelve hours
you'll--wait! Where are you going?"

But Martin had already departed.

The robot stuffed the helmet and the quarter-mile of red ribbon back for
the last time. He lurched to the floor-lamp, muttering something about
one for the road. Afterward, the room lay empty. A fading murmur said,

        *        *       *        *        *

"Nick!" Erika gasped, staring at the figure in the doorway. "Don't stand
like that! You frighten me!"

Everyone in the room looked up abruptly at her cry, and so were just in
time to see a horrifying change take place in Martin's shape. It was an
illusion, of course, but an alarming one. His knees slowly bent until he
was half-crouching, his shoulders slumped as though bowed by the weight
of enormous back and shoulder muscles, and his arms swung forward until
their knuckles hung perilously near the floor.

Nicholas Martin had at last achieved a personality whose ecological norm
would put him on a level with Raoul St. Cyr.

"Nick!" Erika quavered.

Slowly Martin's jaw protruded till his lower teeth were hideously
visible. Gradually his eyelids dropped until he was peering up out of
tiny, wicked sockets. Then, slowly, a perfectly shocking grin broadened
Mr. Martin's mouth.

"Erika," he said throatily. "Mine!"

And with that, he shambled forward, seized the horrified girl in his
arms, and bit her on the ear.

"Oh, Nick," Erika murmured, closing her eyes. "Why didn't you ever--no,
no, _no_! Nick! Stop it! The contract release. We've got to--Nick, what
are you doing?" She snatched at Martin's departing form, but too late.

For all his ungainly and unpleasant gait, Martin covered ground fast.
Almost instantly he was clambering over Watt's desk as the most direct
route to that startled tycoon. DeeDee looked on, a little surprised. St.
Cyr lunged forward.

"In Mixo-Lydia--" he began. "Ha! So!" He picked up Martin and threw him
across the room.

"Oh, you beast," Erika cried, and flung herself upon the director,
beating at his brawny chest. On second thought, she used her shoes on
his shins with more effect. St. Cyr, no gentleman, turned her around,
pinioned her arms behind her, and glanced up at Watt's alarmed cry.

"Martin! What are you doing?"

There was reason for his inquiry. Apparently unhurt by St. Cyr's toss,
Martin had hit the floor, rolled over and over like a ball, knocked down
a floor-lamp with a crash, and uncurled, with an unpleasant expression
on his face. He rose crouching, bandy-legged, his arms swinging low, a
snarl curling his lips.

"You take my mate?" the pithecanthropic Mr. Martin inquired throatily,
rapidly losing all touch with the twentieth century. It was a rhetorical
question. He picked up the lamp-standard--he did not have to bend to do
it--tore off the silk shade as he would have peeled foliage from a
tree-limb, and balanced the weapon in his hand. Then he moved forward,
carrying the lamp-standard like a spear.

"I," said Martin, "kill."

He then endeavored, with the most admirable single-heartedness, to carry
out his expressed intention. The first thrust of the blunt, improvised
spear rammed into St. Cyr's solar plexus and drove him back against the
wall with a booming thud. This seemed to be what Martin wanted. Keeping
one end of his spear pressed into the director's belly, he crouched
lower, dug his toes into the rug, and did his very best to drill a hole
in St. Cyr.

"Stop it!" cried Watt, flinging himself into the conflict. Ancient
reflexes took over. Martin's arm shot out. Watt shot off in the opposite

The lamp broke.

Martin looked pensively at the pieces, tentatively began to bite one,
changed his mind, and looked at St. Cyr instead. The gasping director,
mouthing threats, curses and objections, drew himself up, and shook a
huge fist at Martin.

"I," he announced, "shall kill you with my bare hands. Then I go over to
MGM with DeeDee. In Mixo-Lydia--"

Martin lifted his own fists toward his face. He regarded them. He
unclenched them slowly, while a terrible grin spread across his face.
And then, with every tooth showing, and with the hungry gleam of a mad
tiger in his tiny little eyes, he lifted his gaze to St. Cyr's throat.

Mammoth-Slayer was not the son of the Great Hairy One for nothing.

        *        *       *        *        *

Martin sprang.

So did St. Cyr--in another direction, screaming with sudden terror. For,
after all, he was only a medievalist. The feudal man is far more
civilized than the so-called man of Mammoth-Slayer's primordially direct
era, and as a man recoils from a small but murderous wildcat, so St. Cyr
fled in sudden civilized horror from an attacker who was, literally,
afraid of nothing.

He sprang through the window and, shrieking, vanished into the night.

Martin was taken by surprise. When Mammoth-Slayer leaped at an enemy,
the enemy leaped at him too, and so Martin's head slammed against the
wall with disconcerting force. Dimly he heard diminishing, terrified
cries. Laboriously he crawled to his feet and set back against the wall,
snarling, quite ready....

"Nick!" Erika's voice called. "Nick, it's me! Stop it! _Stop it!_

"Ugh?" Martin said thickly, shaking his head. "Kill." He growled softly,
blinking through red-rimmed little eyes at the scene around him. It swam
back slowly into focus. Erika was struggling with DeeDee near the

"You let me go," DeeDee cried. "Where Raoul goes, I go."

"DeeDee!" pleaded a new voice. Martin glanced aside to see Tolliver Watt
crumpled in a corner, a crushed lamp-shade half obscuring his face.

With a violent effort Martin straightened up. Walking upright seemed
unnatural, somehow, but it helped submerge Mammoth-Slayer's worst
instincts. Besides, with St. Cyr gone, stresses were slowly subsiding,
so that Mammoth-Slayer's dominant trait was receding from the active

Martin tested his tongue cautiously, relieved to find he was still
capable of human speech.

"Uh," he said. "Arrgh ... ah. Watt."

Watt blinked at him anxiously through the lamp-shade.

"Urgh ... Ur--release," Martin said, with a violent effort. "Contract
release. Gimme."

Watt had courage. He crawled to his feet, removing the lamp-shade.

"Contract release!" he snapped. "You madman! Don't you realize what
you've done? DeeDee's walking out on me. DeeDee, don't go. We will bring
Raoul back--"

"Raoul told me to quit if he quit," DeeDee said stubbornly.

"You don't have to do what St. Cyr tells you," Erika said, hanging onto
the struggling star.

"Don't I?" DeeDee asked, astonished. "Yes, I do. I always have."

"DeeDee," Watt said frantically, "I'll give you the finest contract on
earth--a ten-year contract--look, here it is." He tore out a
well-creased document. "All you have to do is sign, and you can have
anything you want. Wouldn't you like that?"

"Oh, yes," DeeDee said. "But Raoul wouldn't like it." She broke free
from Erika.

"Martin!" Watt told the playwright frantically, "Get St. Cyr back.
Apologize to him. I don't care how, but get him back! If you don't,
I--I'll never give you your release."

Martin was observed to slump slightly--perhaps with hopelessness. Then,
again, perhaps not.

"I'm sorry," DeeDee said. "I liked working for you, Tolliver. But I have
to do what Raoul says, of course." And she moved toward the window.

Martin had slumped further down, till his knuckles quite brushed the
rug. His angry little eyes, glowing with baffled rage, were fixed on
DeeDee. Slowly his lips peeled back, exposing every tooth in his head.

"You," he said, in an ominous growl.

DeeDee paused, but only briefly.

        *        *       *        *        *

Then the enraged roar of a wild beast reverberated through the room.
"_You come back!_" bellowed the infuriated Mammoth-Slayer, and with one
agile bound sprang to the window, seized DeeDee and slung her under one
arm. Wheeling, he glared jealously at the shrinking Watt and reached for
Erika. In a trice he had the struggling forms of both girls captive, one
under each arm. His wicked little eyes glanced from one to another.
Then, playing no favorites, he bit each quickly on the ear.

"Nick!" Erika cried. "How dare you!"

"Mine," Mammoth-Slayer informed her hoarsely.

"You bet I am," Erika said, "but that works both ways. Put down that
hussy you've got under your other arm."

Mammoth-Slayer was observed to eye DeeDee doubtfully.

"Well," Erika said tartly, "make up your mind."

"Both," said the uncivilized playwright. "Yes."

"No!" Erika said.

"Yes," DeeDee breathed in an entirely new tone. Limp as a dishrag, the
lovely creature hung from Martin's arm and gazed up at her captor with
idolatrous admiration.

"Oh, you hussy," Erika said. "What about St. Cyr?"

"Him," DeeDee said scornfully. "He hasn't got a thing, the sissy. I'll
never look at him again." She turned her adoring gaze back to Martin.

"Pah," the latter grunted, tossing DeeDee into Watt's lap. "Yours. Keep
her." He grinned approvingly at Erika. "Strong she. Better."

Both Watt and DeeDee remained motionless, staring at Martin.

"You," he said, thrusting a finger at DeeDee. "You stay with him. Ha?"
He indicated Watt.

DeeDee nodded in slavish adoration.

"You sign contract?"


Martin looked significantly into Watt's eyes. He extended his hand.

"The contract release," Erika explained, upside-down. "Give it to him
before he pulls your head off."

Slowly Watt pulled the contract release from his pocket and held it out.
But Martin was already shambling toward the window. Erika reached back
hastily and snatched the document.

"That was a wonderful act," she told Nick, as they reached the street.
"Put me down now. We can find a cab some--"

"No act," Martin growled. "Real. Till tomorrow. After that--" He
shrugged. "But tonight, Mammoth-Slayer." He attempted to climb a palm
tree, changed his mind, and shambled on, carrying the now pensive Erika.
But it was not until a police car drove past that Erika screamed....

        *        *       *        *        *

"I'll bail you out tomorrow," Erika told Mammoth-Slayer, struggling
between two large patrolmen.

Her words were drowned in an infuriated bellow.

Thereafter events blurred, to solidify again for the irate
Mammoth-Slayer only when he was thrown in a cell, where he picked
himself up with a threatening roar. "I kill!" he announced, seizing the


"Two in one night," said a bored voice, moving away outside. "Both in
Bel-Air, too. Think they're hopped up? We couldn't get a coherent story
out of either one."

The bars shook. An annoyed voice from one of the bunks said to shut up,
and added that there had been already enough trouble from nincompoops
without--here it paused, hesitated, and uttered a shrill, sharp,
piercing cry.

Silence prevailed, momentarily, in the cell-block as Mammoth-Slayer, son
of the Great Hairy One, turned slowly to face Raoul St. Cyr.

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