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Title: What a Young Husband Ought to Know
Author: Stall, Sylvanus, 1847-1915
Language: English
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[Illustration: SYLVANUS STALL, D.D.]
PRICE $1.00 NET
4S. NET
PURITY AND TRUTH
WHAT A YOUNG
HUSBAND
OUGHT TO KNOW
BY
SYLVANUS STALL, D.D.
Author of "What a Young Boy Ought to
Know," "What a Young Man Ought
to Know," "What a Man of 45 Ought to
Know," "Methods of Church Work,"
"Five-Minute Object Sermons to Children,"
"Talks to the King's Children,"
"Faces Toward the Light," etc.
_"The Glory of Young Men is Their Strength."_
PHILADELPHIA, PA.: 2237 LAND TITLE BUILDING.
THE VIR PUBLISHING COMPANY
LONDON: TORONTO:
7, IMPERIAL ARCADE, WM. BRIGGS,
LUDGATE CIRCUS, E.C. 33 RICHMOND ST, WEST.
COPYRIGHT, 1897, BY SYLVANUS STALL
Entered at Stationers' Hall, London, England
Protected by International copyright in Great Britain and all her
colonies, and, under the provisions of the Berne Convention, in Belgium,
France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Switzerland, Tunis, Hayti, Luxembourg,
Monaco, Montenegro, and Norway
_All rights reserved_
[PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES]
Dedicated
TO
THE SANCTITY OF HOME, THE PURITY AND BLESSING
OF THE HUSBAND AND WIFE, AND THE WELL-BEING
OF THEIR OFFSPRING.
CONTENTS.
PART I.
CONCERNING HIMSELF.
CHAPTER I.
THE RELATION OF MARRIAGE.
PAGE
The new relation full of new meaning.--Lifted into a higher realm.--Love
transforms the nature.--Marriage the estate of man's highest
happiness.--The awakening of reproductive life in field and
forest.--These powers may be held in abeyance.--They also have their
proper exercise.--Reason to rule over passion.--The need of a strong
emotional nature in men and in women.--Sexual nature should not be
immolated.--Vice and lust cannot bring happiness.--The sensual usurper
must be deposed and love enthroned.--This our effort and our
justification, 25
CHAPTER II.
DIFFERENCES OF SEX.
Each sex superior in its sphere.--Two parts of a complete
unit.--Differences between men and
women.--Physically.--Intellectually.--These differences
complemental.--The more nervous sensibilities of woman.--The earliest
manifestation of sex characteristics.--All life from an egg.--The human
egg, size, etc.--The ovum always passive.--The spermatozoön, or sperm,
always active.--Their remarkable vitality.--The quicker pulse of male
children at birth.--Greater activity of boys.--While more male children
are born, a larger per cent. die in infancy.--Women endure more and live
longer.--Woman's more passive nature recognized by the civil law, 31
CHAPTER III.
DIFFERENCES OF SEX.
(Continued.)
Women keep life stable.--Men keep it from stagnation.--Influence of each
a corrective upon the other.--The law of mental and physical resemblance
of elderly married persons.--Why woman possesses the stronger moral
nature.--How husband and children are benefited.--The savage tribes
manifest the dominant male characteristics.--Civilized nations take upon
them the best characteristics of the feminine type.--The best
characteristics of each sex finds modified expression in the other.--The
beneficial effects which God secures by the union of an active with a
passive sexual nature in marriage.--The well-being of both
bettered.--Mutual intelligence begets harmony, while ignorance produces
discord and misery.--The reproductive organs differentiated in man and
in woman.--The same organs modified, differently placed, and assigned a
different office, 41
CHAPTER IV.
ESSENTIALS IN HUSBAND AND HOME.
Requisites in a good husband.--Woman's love of home and its
adornments.--Keeping up the courtship.--The home, the club, and the
loafing-place.--An instance in point.--The right of the wife to share
the husband's recreations, diversions and pleasures.--The wife's greater
need of relaxation and diversion.--Dr. Farrar's picture of a considerate
husband.--Woman's love of being wooed.--Not marriage, but the parties
to it, often a failure.--Degraded views concerning women often
held.--Domineering wives and husbands.--The Zuni Indians.--The
Scriptural teaching.--Industry essential to happiness in the home.--The
claims of religion to be recognized.--The conditions of the wicked and
godly contrasted.--The promise of the life that now is, as well as that
which is to come, 53
CHAPTER V.
THE PHYSICAL COST OF PROCREATION.
Boxing the compass, or proving the principles.--Prevalent ignorance on
subjects relating to sex.--Lessons taught by the reproduction of
vegetable life.--The green scum of the pond.--Reproduction costs
life.--Death as the result of reproduction among fishes.--Reproduction
among insects.--The drone and the queen bee.--With the birds, death as
the result of reproduction disappears.--With animals, the ovum and sperm
are reduced to microscopic proportions.--The inclination to beget, a
premonition of decay and death.--Procreation costs vital
force.--Reproductive inclination periodic among the lower animals.--More
continuous in man.--Benefits of restraint.--Strict continence often an
imperative duty.--Instances named, 74
CHAPTER VI.
MARITAL MODERATION.
Twofold nature of love.--Rooted in the physical, flowers in the
spiritual.--Lust often miscalled love.--Three theories concerning the
marital relation.--Unrestrained indulgence for men.--For procreation
only.--As an expression of affection and for mutual endearment.--The
perpetuity of the race and the highest good of the individual
consistent.--What is marital moderation?--Difficulty in defining.--The
reproductive sense, like hunger, to be brought under the dominion of
intelligence and refinement.--The worm and the wild animals contrasted
with man in the satisfying of hunger.--Jeremy Taylor's rule.--Strong
words from Mrs. E. B. Duffey.--Marital moderation vs. conjugal
debauchery.--Limits set by some physicians.--No one rule equally
applicable in all cases.--Physical conditions of both husband and wife
to be considered.--Degrading effects of sexual excess.--The wishes of
the wife always to be respected.--Stimulating food, books, pictures,
etc.--Importance of single beds and separate apartments.--Opinions of
others quoted.--Physical culture as a corrective.--Manly mastery worth
all it costs.--The struggle not endless, 85
CHAPTER VII.
DEFECTS AND DEFICIENCIES.
Apprehensions awakened.--Foolish and injurious expedients resorted
to.--Actual impotence not frequent.--Consult only intelligent and
conscientious physicians.--How to remove the apprehension.--Defects and
deficiencies even less prevalent among females than among
males.--Importance of proper treatment of the bride.--Rareness of
deformity and abnormal conditions.--Weakness and diseased condition of
the womb frequent among women.--No woman with serious womb trouble
should marry.--How actual conditions can be accurately and properly
determined, 103
CHAPTER VIII.
PURITY AND FIDELITY.
Happiness dependent upon plain everyday principles.--The defilement of
the breath.--Effects on wife of the use of tobacco by the
husband.--Effects upon physical and intellectual inheritance of
offspring.--Effects of the use of liquor upon progeny.--The duty of
fidelity.--One standard for both husband and wife.--The physical risks
of impurity.--The sufferings of innocent and unsuspecting wives.--An
impressive illustration.--Terrible effects suffered by wives as result
of gonorrhœa in husbands.--Unmistakable testimony of eminent
physicians.--Not only physical effects upon wife, but moral effects upon
self and children, 110
PART II.
CONCERNING HIS WIFE.
CHAPTER IX.
THE BRIDE.
Importance of knowledge contained in preceding volume.--Woman possessed
of less sexual inclinations than man.--Threefold classification.--Those
largely devoid of sexual feeling.--This condition accounted for.--The
large class to whom the pleasure is normal.--The third class consists of
those in whom sexuality is a ruling passion.--Misfortune of such a
condition in a wife.--Among animals the female determines the time of
mating.--No rapes among animals.--The subjugation of the wife.--Her
right over her own body.--The changes which come to the reproductive
natures of men and women at middle life.--Noticeable effect of the new
relation upon young married people.--The cause and cure of excessive
sensual tendencies, 123
CHAPTER X.
THE CARE OF THE BRIDE.
Few young husbands intelligent guardians of their brides.--Many brides
totally ignorant of everything relating to sex.--Depleted physical
condition of most brides.--Ignorant brides and inconsiderate
husbands.--Estrangement often begins with marriage.--The Grecian custom
a good one.--An instance where passion and impatience resulted in a
permanent separation.--Plain words by Dr. Guernsey.--Mrs. Duffey's
warnings to rapacious young husbands.--Serious physical effects.--Dr.
Napheys on the precipitancy of young husbands.--Physical inconvenience
and discomfort of young brides.--What may be regarded as sufficient
evidence of virginity.--Medical authorities quoted.--Idiots and
imbeciles begotten as result of liquor used on wedding
occasions.--Wedding joy "too good to last."--The wave cannot remain at
its crest.--Have a home.--Dangers of hotel and boarding-house
life.--Danger from debt.--Industry, happiness and health.--How to have
joy abide to the end, 132
CHAPTER XI.
THE YOUNG WIFE AND MOTHERHOOD.
Manifold duties of the wife.--The great army of martyred wives and
mothers.--Need of consideration on the part of husbands.--Parenthood the
great purpose of marriage.--The great wrong of purposed and persistent
evasion of parenthood.--It places lust upon the throne of love.--Such
evasions always punished by nature.--Queen Victoria as a model
mother.--Motherhood may not properly be forced upon an unwilling
wife.--How to effect the necessary change of mind.--Why many wives are
unwilling to become mothers.--How children mold the characters of
husband and wife.--Children golden links to bind husband and wife more
closely.--They are buffers to break the jars of family life.--They
become their parents' benefactors.--Desire for children natural and
commendable.--Barrenness.--Causes of, 146
CHAPTER XII.
QUESTIONS CONCERNING OFFSPRING.
Natural for parents to desire offspring.--The prevalent unnatural desire
to evade parenthood.--The crime of destroying unborn human life.--The
law pronounces the crime murder.--The question of
quickening.--Authorities quoted.--How the health and lives of mothers
are sacrificed by abortion.--Character of "unwanted" children.--The
desire to murder transmitted from mother to child.--The transmission of
a predisposition to commit murder.--How the minds of young girls are
prepared for child-murder.--Defective instruction and consequent
ignorance.--How husbands drive wives to commit this great crime.--Awful
testimony of wives.--The largest reproduction possible not
intended.--Quantity as well as quality.--Culpable and criminal
limitation of offspring.--Times when it is wrong to beget
children.--Difficulties may be removed and fitness acquired.--How may
the birth rate be rightly regulated?--What physicians say.--Unsafe,
unsatisfactory and ruinous methods resorted to.--The Scriptural
provision.--Benefits and dangers of "Prepared Parenthood."--Mental state
at time of conjunction.--Mental and physical state of mother during
gestation.--Signs of fruitful conjunction, 162
CHAPTER XIII.
THE EXPECTANT MOTHER.
During maternity the wife should have special consideration.--Lack of
intelligence often inspires fear and dread.--Discouraging and depressing
remarks of some women to expectant young mothers.--How to overcome her
gloomy forebodings.--The changed demeanor of some women after
conception.--The husband's duty in such cases.--The wife should become
intelligent before conception takes place.--The husband should secure
intelligence by reading the best books.--Valuable suggestions on diet,
rest and exercise from "Trained Motherhood."--Mistakes often made after
confinement.--The marital relation during pregnancy.--The example of
birds and animals.--The custom in heathen countries.--Medical
authorities quoted.--Importance of an undisturbed maternity, 197
CHAPTER XIV.
THE CHANGES WHICH PRECEDE, ATTEND AND FOLLOW CHILDBIRTH.
Wonderful adaptation of body of the mother to reproduction.--How
wonderful a watch which could oil, repair and produce other watches, and
keep accurate time.--Wonders of reproduction seen in the flower.--Death
defeated and extinction prevented by reproduction.--The agony of
splendor which attends the period of fertilization of the
flowers.--After fertilization the flower fades.--Similar changes in
human life.--Illustrated in the birds.--The changes in appearance and
demeanor more marked in the female.--The greater changes within the
mother's body.--How conception takes place.--Why two parents instead of
one.--The womb seems almost instinct with intelligence.--No spermatozoön
or ovum retained unless the two have united.--The changes which take
place in the ovum.--Its reception and royal cradle in the womb.--The
cradle enlarged with the growth of its occupant.--In the minute egg are
ingrained the characteristics of the man or woman that is to be.--How
the germ is at first nourished.--The formation of the placenta and its
office, 216
CHAPTER XV.
THE CHANGES WHICH PRECEDE, ATTEND AND FOLLOW CHILDBIRTH.
(Continued.)
The formation of the sacs about the germ of life.--Spontaneous
segmentation.--Formation of Blastodermic membrane.--The embryonic
spot.--The different membranes which enclose the embryo.--The gathering
of "the waters," or the amniotic fluid.--The office of the amniotic
fluid.--The growth of the embryo described by Dr. Guernsey.--The
rudimentary embryo at five weeks, at seven weeks, two months, and ten
weeks.--At end of the fifth month the embryo known as the
fetus.--Changes indicated at time of birth.--Man fearfully and
wonderfully made.--Bodily changes of the mother as parturition
approaches.--The descent of the womb.--Enlargement of vagina and
external parts.--The coming away of "the plug," or "the
show."--Premonitory pains.--Undue apprehensions of danger.--Wonderful
changes that take place in the body of the mother at birth of
child.--Changes in the body of the child after its birth, 233
CHAPTER XVI.
WHEN THE BABY IS BORN.
Birth at tenth menstrual period.--Labor-pains and
after-pains.--Intelligent preparation removes anxiety and danger.--What
the husband needs to know if no physician is present.--Severing of
placentic cord.--The physician's instructions to be obeyed.--Should the
husband remain with his wife?--The afterbirth.--The first need of the
child.--The care of the mother.--Protection from visitors.--The
selection of a nurse.--From six weeks to three months to secure normal
condition of reproductive organs.--Marital relation after confinement
and miscarriage.--Instances of cruel exactions.--Nature of first
nourishment of child.--Dangers of wet-nurses and vicious
nurse-girls.--The pleasures of fatherhood.--The father's duty to his
children, 251
PART III.
CONCERNING HIS CHILDREN.
CHAPTER XVII.
HEREDITY.
Only early knowledge can be of any benefit to offspring.--Our previous
treatment of heredity.--The three periods of greatest molding
power.--Relation of correct model to finished statue.--Education of
child begins "twenty years before it is born."--Heredity in
horses.--Effect of mental state of mother upon the forming unborn
offspring.--Emotions effect chemical changes in the breath.--Physical
and mental state effect exhalations of body.--Odors of insane asylums,
penitentiaries, etc.--Achievements in development of domestic animals,
birds, fruit trees, flowers, etc.--These laws in human
heredity.--Modifying interferences.--"Degenerate sons of noble
sires."--Causes not difficult to find.--Essentials of good soil, good
seed and good care, 265
CHAPTER XVIII.
PRENATAL INFLUENCES.
Prenatal influences illustrated.--Robert Burns, Napoleon.--A
kleptomaniac.--How some murderers were made.--Guiteau.--The mother of an
artist.--The twins that liked books.--Various instances
named.--Child-marking.--A child with two thumbs.--Born with but one
hand.--Corrective theory of C. J. Bayer.--Corrective
longings.--"Longings."--Their treatment.--Their effects.--Instances
given.--The mother's molding power in producing characteristics desired
in her children.--Potency of this influence.--Forming versus
reforming.--A word of comfort to parents of children that are marked at
birth.--Diverse theories concerning the determining of sex, 276
CHAPTER XIX.
CHILDHOOD.
The opportunities for forming and reforming during infancy.--Books and
periodicals on nurture and training of children.--Importance of first
two years.--Evils of promiscuous kissing.--Potency of nursery
influences.--Protecting the child from vices of servants.--Danger from
secret vice.--Honest answers to honest inquiries.--Forestall degrading
information from vicious companions.--The parents' duty at puberty of
child.--Education of children.--Their physical culture.--Moral
training.--The parting word, 290
PREFACE.
In approaching the work which we have undertaken in these pages, we have
not been blind to the difficulties which confront us in entering upon so
delicate a subject. If we had thought only of these, we would never have
taken up our pen in this work. We have been moved to it by the cries of
disappointment and anguish which may be heard everywhere throughout our
land, and by the pleadings that come up out of the dense ignorance which
envelops palace and hovel alike. Knowing the importance of these
"matters which are so central in our physical life, so essential in
their relation to the condition, character, career and destiny of every
individual, and so fundamental and vital to every institution and
interest of society;" knowing also the importance of proper intelligence
concerning the laws which govern our bodies, and knowing how the honest
and the pure who seek information concerning these most sacred relations
of human life are exposed, amid the dearth of pure and reliable books,
to contamination by books whose secret character designedly fosters the
very lusts and evils which they are professedly written to denounce, we
have felt that we would be recreant to duty, to humanity and to God if
we allowed difficulties to bar us from this important work. Turn where
you will, the manifest consequences of the prevalent ignorance upon
these vital and important subjects stare one in the face, and the
appealing need of the hosts of honest men and women who desire such
information as will enable them to attain the noblest and the best which
God has placed within their reach is a sufficient condemnation of that
spurious "modesty" which desires that a ban shall continue upon
intelligence, so that men and women may remain in a hopeless bondage to
vice and its awful consequences.
Knowing the universal need for the information which we have sought to
communicate in a plain and pure way in these pages, and while laboring
with an ever-present sense of the difficulties and delicacies of the
undertaking, we have turned to our task with greater assurance when we
have remembered the appreciative messages of eminent men and women which
have come from all quarters of the globe, the unreserved and hearty
commendations which the earlier books of the series have received from
the entire religious, secular, educational and medical press of the
United States, England and Canada; we have been inspired by the fact
that these books are already being translated into other languages; that
without suggestion they have been publicly commended at the different
international conventions of Christian workers in this country, and are
also being used by Christian missionaries in many lands in their
efforts to redeem and save the heathen.
To many, marriage is not that source of blessing and happiness which God
intended. Its purposes and possibilities are never realized. Thousands
are constantly entering upon marriage only to be miserable and wretched
because they do not understand the nature and intent of their own
endowments, or the purpose of God in ordaining the institution. Whatever
information they ever obtain is secured by blind blunderings, and at the
most ruinous cost. Even where no permanent physical consequences are
entailed, mental and moral effects, which are even more ruinous in their
results, remain to mar the blessings of later years. Had they been
intelligent, they might have possessed from the very first the benefits
and blessings which ignorance has placed and kept beyond their reach.
Sad as such results are, they are still more grievous because of the
consequences which must be suffered by their families, and which are
handed down to innocent children who are to reap the results of parental
ignorance long years after the parents themselves may have passed away.
It is to save young men and young women from such disastrous and
far-reaching results, and to afford them the blessing and happiness
which God intended, that we have set ourselves to the task undertaken in
these pages.
To secure the largest assistance from these pages, it is necessary to
know that this book is supplemental and stands related to the two which
have preceded in the nature of an educational series. To comprehend the
entire subject of the reproductive organs, their purpose, function and
preservation, it would be well also to know the contents of the books
which follow this present volume in the same series.
Gratefully acknowledging the valuable aid and assistance from many
sources, trustfully seeking the continued co-operation of the good and
pure everywhere, and relying upon the favor and blessing of Him whose
guidance we have constantly sought, this volume is now sent forth on its
important mission.
SYLVANUS STALL.
PHILADELPHIA, PA.,
July 20, 1899.
PART I
CONCERNING HIMSELF
WHAT A YOUNG HUSBAND OUGHT TO KNOW.
CHAPTER I.
THE RELATION OF MARRIAGE.
The young man who marries finds himself in an entirely new relation in
life. Grand as life may have been in the past, the present and the
future are full of new meaning, of grander possibilities and of larger
blessing. God has meant that love should come to man to glorify life and
to lift the lower nature of husband and wife into higher realms of
thought and being; to transform, deepen, broaden and soften. In them
love becomes the potent source of mightiest inspirations. The husband's
duty seemed formerly to be to care, to arrange and to provide only for
himself. Now he has assumed additional responsibilities. He is no longer
to live for himself, but for his wife, his children, and in a larger
sense for his descendants--for the good of the race. He is to continue
by transmitting himself, that life may remain when he is gone. What he
does involves the interests of his wife, and of those who are to come
after him. Love is to conquer selfishness. He is to rise above himself,
and the present good and future happiness of others are to constitute
his well-being.
His present and future happiness will be dependent upon a clear
apprehension of the fact that what he is will determine what his
descendants are to be after him. He should comprehend the fullest
meaning of what is taught in the statement that "we are part of all the
people whom we have met," the result of past influences and previous
life. What we have been and are, that we transmit. The responsibilities,
are grave, but the state of two congenial souls made one in happy
marriage is the grandest and most blessed earthly condition conferred
upon man by God himself. It meets the requirements of our being, and,
when properly understood and faithfully conformed to, brings the largest
happiness that mortals are capable of upon earth. Husband and wife,
parents and child, home and country, form the centre of all that makes
life dear.
The purest, noblest and most unselfish aspirations and purposes derive
their strength and being from the sweet influences which have their
beginning and their continuance in this power which draws men and women
together in happy and holy wedlock. By these sweet influences the most
perfect natures are moulded and ennobled. By them are formed the
strongest ties that hold humanity to the accomplishment of every high
and holy endeavor. Where the mind has continued pure, and the character
untarnished, and the life unsullied by the touch of social evil, the
sexual impulse does not die in that cradle of our being where God has
given it birth but marches like a mighty conqueror, arousing and
marshalling the mightiest human forces in every department of man's
nature. It formulates his purpose, quickens his imagination, and calls
into exercise his united powers in the attainment of the world's
greatest and grandest achievements in art, in letters, in inventions, in
philosophy, in philanthropy, and in every effort that is to secure the
universal blessing of mankind.
It is under the awakening of the reproductive life that the fields put
on their verdure, the flowers unfold their beauty and fragrance, the
birds put on their brightest plumage and sing their sweetest song, while
the chirp of the cricket, the note of the katydid, is but the call to
its mate--for the many-tongued voices which break the stillness of field
and forest are but the myriad notes of love. To this universal,
God-given passion, man owes his love of color, his love of beauty and
sweetness in art and music, his love of rhythm in poetry, of grace in
form, in painting, in sculpture; and from it not only springs the love
of the beautiful, but even the perception and recognition of all that
which is pleasing and lovely.
This is the emotion that strengthens every faculty, quickens every
power, animates, modifies, ennobles, purifies and sweetens the entire
being, and makes our life upon earth, when directed by godly purposes,
the unfolding and enriching of those nobler powers of the soul which are
to find their fullest fruition and perfection in heaven itself.
While these powers may all be kept in abeyance until financial, social,
religious and other requirements can be adequately met, yet there is a
proper time for their full expression and purposed exercise. While God
has meant that reason should rule over passion, and that every sexual
impulse should yield to other requirements and activities, yet He has
wisely purposed that these leadings of our nature should be pronounced
and strong. If these sentiments and emotions were not strong--very
strong indeed--no man, knowing the risks and dangers which are liable to
arise because of incompatibility of temper, mistaken estimates of
physical, intellectual and moral qualifications, would take upon himself
the responsibilities, incur the risks, augment his expenses, and assume
the far-reaching obligations which are involved when two are united,
"for better or for worse," in indissoluble bonds for life.
Were not the sentiment and emotions strong in woman, as well as in man,
what woman would assume the responsibilities of wife and mother?
Whatever man is required to give up, to endure, to suffer, to risk, even
more seems to fall to the lot of woman. Were it not for strong sentiment
and moving emotion, what woman would commit her entire future to the
keeping of any man? Where is one who would assume the pains and perils
of maternity, with the subsequent possibility of being left by the death
of her husband with a family of dependent children?
If the young husband desires in marriage the joys and blessings with
which God has crowned this relation, he need not seek the immolation of
his sexual nature, but he does need to subordinate his sexual passion to
the reign of reason and the government of the moral sense. He cannot
afford to ignore the rights, the comfort and the wishes of his wife. If
he looks upon marriage as an easy means of securing self-indulgence, as
affording a safe and lawful means for unbridled gratification, he is
doomed to disappointment and to misery. If passion is to be enthroned
where God ordained that none but love should reign, then anarchy with
all its attendant horrors must, and surely will, desolate the heart, the
home and the life; for lust can filch but cannot enjoy the pleasures and
blessings of this heaven-ordained relation, which are reserved only for
the pure, who live under the domain and rule of love and reason.
To comprehend love in its intended relation to sexual impulse, and at
the same time to understand something of it in its diviner aspects; to
know love in its beauty, greatness and power; to free it from ideas of
grossness and evil, and yet to retain in healthful balance and poise
that portion of our nature which God has assigned so prominent and so
important a place in man's estate of present happiness and the future
prosperity and blessing of the race, is the instant duty of all
intelligent men and women, both young and old. Conscientiously to relate
these emotions of our nature to the highest well-being of the individual
and the race, and to redeem the purest and most sacred relation of life
from the realm of degradation and shame, to disarm and depose that
sensual usurper which has been enthroned and worshiped in the name of
love, and "set love herself upon the throne, fair, luminous and pure,"
to gladden, to bless, and to save, shall be both our effort and our
justification.
CHAPTER II.
DIFFERENCES OF SEX.
It is both difficult and unnecessary to determine which is the superior
of the two sexes. When the subject is regarded in its true light there
is no superiority upon the part of either, and at the same time each is
superior to the other in the sphere in which God designed them to move.
The truth was perhaps aptly represented by President Lincoln when
presented at the same time with two hats by rival hatters. Both hats
were about as perfect as it was possible for human skill to make them.
He desired to recognize this perfection in both, and yet to avoid
discrimination in favor of either, and in that matchless sufficiency
which qualified him for the demands of almost any situation, Mr.
Lincoln, in accepting the hats, said: "Gentlemen, your hats mutually
excel each other." The same is true of men and women; they mutually
excel each other. In man's place, he is superior; and in woman's place,
she is superior. The wisdom with which God has adapted each for the
important place which they are to occupy in life is well worth our
thought and study, and a clear apprehension of the subject will help to
remove many of the misunderstandings, estrangements and conflicts which
so frequently arise in married life.
That neither is superior to the other, but that they are two parts of
one complete whole, segments of the same circle, and that their union is
absolutely essential to unity and entirety, will be best understood as
we study what these differences are. In some respects man is inferior to
woman, while in other respects woman is inferior to man. In a happy
marriage these differences become complemental, rendering possible that
superior unity in which the two are made one. Let us note what some of
these differences are.
In stature, woman is shorter than man. In the United States the average
height of men is about five feet eight inches, and the weight about one
hundred and forty-five pounds. The average woman is about five feet
three inches in height, and about one hundred and twenty-five pounds in
weight. The normally-developed man has broad shoulders and narrow hips,
while woman has narrow shoulders and broad hips. Her shoulders set
further back, giving her breast greater depth. In effecting this change
her collar-bone is shorter, and this is one reason why she cannot throw
a stone or ball with as much accuracy as man. In man the muscles are
well defined, and indicate great strength, while in woman, even when the
muscles are well developed, the outlines are more hidden by fatty and
cellular tissues, which fill all the hollows and round off all angles,
giving her peculiar grace and beauty. He has greater muscular force, but
she has more power of endurance. The bony structure of woman is smaller,
and more delicately formed. The angles of the bones are less projecting,
and the joints better concealed. The skull is smaller, and the bones of
the cranium thinner. The sternum, or breastbone, is shorter and flatter,
and the clavicles, or collar-bones, more crooked and shorter. His voice
is deeper and more guttural; hers softer and more musical. Her neck is
longer, her skin softer, her hair less generally diffused but more
luxuriant in growth than in man.
The most noticeable feature in the study of the differences of the bony
structure of the two sexes is observable in the pelvis--a word derived
from the Greek, signifying dish or bowl. In man this structure is simply
to subserve the purposes of strength and motion. In woman this bony
basin, which forms the lower part of the body, has an additional purpose
of special importance. At her side the hip-bones form the highest
points, and from these the pelvis slopes down until in front it forms a
comparatively narrow rim called the pubic arch. This change of form in
woman is designed to adapt her body to become the first cradle of her
children, and in the fullness of time to permit the easy transit of a
new being into the outer world. In preparing woman for maternity, God
has thus equipped her with such physical adaptation as is suited to the
carrying of her temporary burden, while at the same time affording
protection for the hidden life within, thus fitting the physical frame
of woman to the mother-nature with which He has endowed her.
While woman is thus furnished with physical requisites suited to the
easiest accomplishment of the divine purpose--while the form of her
body, the articulation of her bones and the size of her muscles all
indicate her sense of dependence upon man--God has, with like wisdom,
adapted man in all of his physical endowments to become the shield and
defender of woman. He is to be her protection and her defense. His
fiercer visage, his broader shoulders, his more muscular frame, all
speak clearly of the divine purpose.
Intellectually, as well as physically, men and women are best suited for
their respective duties and responsibilities in life. In arriving at a
conclusion, man is much more deliberate and logical, proceeding step by
step after an orderly method; while woman reaches the conclusion in much
less time by means of her intuition. While woman is by no means
incapable of logical deductions, yet generally she does not stop to
reason it out, but takes refuge in the statement that she "knows that it
is so;" that she is "sure that she is right." It is easy to see that
intellectually, as well as physically, men and women are complemental,
and when the conclusions arrived at are identical they become
confirmatory of each other. While men would be likely to prefer the
conclusions which are reached by their own method, yet women in the
exercise of the same freedom are likely to prefer the intuitions of
their own sex. For either to decide in favor of the intellectual
superiority of their own sex would be somewhat like the case of two men
engaged in a lawsuit, where one takes it upon himself to become umpire
and decide in favor of himself and against his opponent.
The nervous system of woman is more refined and more delicate than that
in man. This greater nervous sensibility renders her more susceptible to
impressions, enables her to dwell constantly in the realm of more
refined susceptibilities, rendering distasteful to her all things that
are coarse and low, and at the same time endowing her with a greater
capacity both for pleasure and for pain. Man's sources of pleasure are
not always hers, but in love of her home and its adornment, in love of
her children and their well-being, of literature, art, music and
religion, she usually surpasses man, save in exceptional cases.
To enable woman, with her finer nervous sensibilities, to meet the
larger burden of pain and suffering which is laid upon her, God has
adequately fitted her by bestowing a compensating power of endurance. If
we desire to deny woman this greater sensitiveness and greater endurance
we would need to ignore the patience and bravery with which they face
and bear the pains and perils of maternity--pains and sufferings of
which they assert that man cannot form the remotest idea.
But there are also other differences less manifest to the superficial
observer, but none the less real and important to those who would
comprehend the wonderful wisdom of the Creator and intelligently prepare
themselves to receive the good which is designed for and is possible to
intelligent men and women.
There are inherent differences of character and modifications of
temperament which can be best understood by studying the very earliest
manifestations of human life when we examine the sperm of the male and
the ovum of the female as seen under the microscope. These
characteristics are not imaginary, but inherent, and are manifestly
designed and intended by the all-wise Creator. And it is only when we
study these characteristics in their entirety, with a desire to
understand the divine purpose, that we can measurably comprehend how
these individual differences in each contribute to the blessing and the
well-being of both.
The part contributed by the mother in the reproductive act toward the
life of the future child is called an ovum, which means an egg; for all
forms of life, both vegetable and animal, begin with a seed or egg,
which are two names for the same thing. In the lower forms of life these
eggs are usually produced on the exterior of the plant, while in the
higher forms of life, as, for instance, in the bird, the seed or egg is
produced in the inside of the body, and after being perfected is
expelled, to be hatched in a nest, where the young, when they attain
their proper size, break the shell and emerge into the outer world. In
the highest forms of life the ovum reaches its maturity in a department
of the mother's body which is called the ovary. In woman, at the end of
a period of twenty-eight days, as a succeeding ovum ripens it passes
into a tube which awaits its reception, and is moved onward into the
womb, where it remains for a period, awaiting the reception of the male
element called the spermatozoa. This is the plural, while a single one
is called a spermatozoön. The ovum or egg of the mother is so small that
two hundred and forty of them would need to be laid side by side in
order to make a row one inch long. The spermatozoön, the principle of
life contributed by the male, is so small that it is not visible to the
eye except by the aid of a microscope, and, when seen, somewhat
resembles a pollywog. These minute centres of life are alive, and move
in a fluid which is secreted by the male organs of reproduction, and
which is generally called semen. Now, if we study the characteristics of
the ovum and of the spermatozoön we may be surprised when we discover
some of the same differences which characterize men and women from
infancy to old age.
In passing through the tube which is to carry it into the womb from that
portion of the body of the mother where it has attained its growth and
perfection, the ovum is passive--does not move by its own inherent life,
but is carried forward to its designed place by the movement in the tube
itself, the same as the food which is masticated in the mouth is passed
on to the stomach, not by any action in the food itself, but by the
movement of the esophagus, which passes it onward to its destined place
in the stomach. In other words, the ovum is passive.
When we come to the spermatozoa, or sperm, of the male, we find an
entirely different manifestation. Just the same as you see the pollywog
moving in the water, or tiny fish swimming about in the pool, so the
spermatozoa move with activity and vigor in the semen, and when this has
been transferred to the interior of the body of the mother in the manner
in which God designed, it retains its activity, moving vigorously about
in the upper portion of the vaginal cavity until it finds the entrance
into the womb. Passing through and above the cervix, it continues to
move about with great activity until it finds an ovum, which it seeks
with avidity. When it reaches the womb, if there is no ovum present, it
may remain there for a period of days awaiting its arrival, or may find
its way into one of the Fallopian tubes which lead out to the ovary, and
even go in quest of the object of its search as far as the ovary itself.
These little creatures, one-fortieth of an inch in length, and requiring
that hundreds of them should be laid side by side in order to extend one
single inch, are so numerous that hundreds of them exist in a single
drop of semen, and yet a single one is all that is necessary in order to
fertilize the ovum and render complete the beginning of a new life.
While the ovum is passive, the sperm of the male is characterized by
great activity and remarkable vitality. Dr. Napheys says: "The secretive
fluid has been frozen and kept at a temperature of zero during four
days, yet when it was thawed, these animalcules, as they are supposed to
be, were as active as ever." In her interesting book, entitled "Life and
Love," Margaret Warner Morley says: "Under the microscope these active
forms have been seen eagerly moving around and around the egg until one,
more fortunate than the rest, finds admission and dissolves into the
substance of the egg--not to be finally lost, however, for, as we know,
this inexplicable union results in the growth of a new creature like
neither parent, and yet like both, each cell having given to the new
life certain characteristics of the creature from which it was derived."
This greater activity of the sperm is seen also at the birth of the
child; for physicians tell us that the pulse of a male child at birth
beats two or three times a minute faster than that of a female child.
The tissues of the male are also characterized by the same superior
activity; and not only among men, but among all creatures. The tissues
of the male have a greater tendency to change than those of the female.
In the very fibre of her structure she is quiet, while he is more
active.
Characterized by this more marked vitality, more sturdy form and more
muscular frame, we would naturally expect that the vitality of male
children would be greater than that of female children. But this is not
the case. It is claimed by some good authorities that about five per
cent. more male than female children are born into the world, but at
five years of age more girls are alive than boys.
And what may seem increasingly strange, when we consider the greater
perils to which the life of women is exposed in childbearing, the
"expectation of life," as life-insurance companies designate it, is
greater in woman than in man, and when the census of old persons is
taken, the larger number of them are women.
The civil law recognizes this more passive nature of females and the
more intense activity of males by regarding the man as the criminal in
all actions for fornication or bastardy. While public sentiment
ostracizes and is more severe and unrelenting with the woman, the law
always inflicts its penalty upon the man.
CHAPTER III.
DIFFERENCES OF SEX.
_Continued._
These differences in temperament indicate the infinite wisdom of the
Creator, and to any thoughtful observer the many benefits must be
manifest. Longfellow, in his "Hiawatha," says:
"As unto the bow the cord is,
So unto the man is woman.
Though she bends him, she obeys him;
Though she draws him, yet she follows:
Useless each without the other."
Woman might be said to be, both in the family and in society, the
centripetal force, insuring permanency, attracting and drawing to
herself and within herself, thus preventing, in the family and in
society, the tendency to fly from the centre and to produce chaos. Man
is life's centrifugal force. The impetuosity and velocity of his nature
tend to throw everything from the centre. His influence is to prevent
gravitation from drawing everything to a given point, where all would
become a state of rest. While woman keeps life stable, man keeps it from
stagnation; but it requires the reciprocal influence of each to secure
that harmony which God intended. Woman's stability unmodified by man's
influence would tend to result in complete rest, which would mean
stagnation and death. Man's greater impetuosity would lead to
instability, unrest, and possible chaos. As, in nature, the centrifugal
and centripetal forces equalize and balance themselves, swaying the
spheres in fixed orbits, so the influences of men and women upon each
other, both in the family and in society, help to secure and maintain an
even balance. While opposite in tendency, they are yet of equal
necessity and of equal value. Each is essential to the perfection and
completeness of the other, and perfect unity is only secured by the
union of the two.
The reciprocal influences of men and women are oftentimes noticed in old
couples who have passed thirty or forty years together in peace and
harmony, each living year after year under the moulding power of the
other, and each being moulded by the surroundings and influences which
have wrought upon the other. Year after year they become more alike in
form, feature and expression. Their views and opinions become
increasingly harmonized, until there comes also to be a mental
resemblance. That they have lived in the midst of the same surroundings
and breathed the same air, have eaten the same kind of food, have shared
each other's joys and pleasures, have laughed and wept together, have
been under the formative influences of the same conditions, tend in a
measure to this increasing likeness; but under the reciprocal influences
each has lost a portion of this more pronounced personality and taken
upon himself or herself the physical, intellectual and moral features of
the other. Their union has constantly tended to unity.
In religious matters there is also a noticeable difference between men
and women. Generally, woman responds more readily to religious teachings
and influences, and by nature she manifestly follows the Master's
leadings more closely than her male companion; and there are good
reasons evident why this should be so. With the uninterrupted duties of
the household, which are oftentimes even multiplied on Sundays, it is
necessary that a moral sense correspondingly more acute should prompt
her to overcome the difficulties which beset her in her approach to the
sanctuary, and God has given her that added moral force which is
designed to enable her to overcome the increased resistance which she
meets in the performance of her religious duties. There are times also
when, in the discharge of her special duties as wife and mother, for
weeks, and even for months, she is called upon to minister to others in
sickness, or give herself to the care of infant children; and were it
not for the larger endowment of her devotional nature, these repeated
and prolonged but enforced absences from God's house would result in the
formation of a fixed habit which would eventually wholly keep the
majority of women from attendance upon all religious assemblies.
But in view of the important fact that God has more largely entrusted
the moral and religious training of the children to the mother, we need
to think but for a moment to understand what would be the result if her
own nature was not endowed with sufficient strength to enable her to
overcome every barrier, and to rise to the higher plane of duty and
responsibility in this matter. The exceptional instances of mothers who
are themselves deficient in their moral nature and neglectful of
religious duties, and who, on that account, fail utterly in the moral
and religious training of their children, are quite sufficient to
illustrate what would be the condition in the home, in the Church, the
community, and the State, if God had not endowed woman with a stronger
moral nature and a keener sense of religious obligation than is found in
man. It is by this more active moral sense in woman that the religious
poise and balance of the family is maintained; and its benign results
are often seen, not only in the children, but in the husband as well.
The complemental differences in the intellectual and moral natures of
men and women are as essential to the highest and best development of
the entire nature of each as the complemental physical and sexual
differences of each are indispensable to that union in which the two are
made one in the child which is begotten of the father and born of the
mother.
This reflexive and reciprocal influence of each sex upon the other to
the mutual modification and advantage of both is clearly seen in the
nation, as well as in the life of the family. This thought is
beautifully presented by Margaret Warner Morley in her book entitled
"Life and Love": "In the lower life, and in savages, the community in
its characteristics approaches the masculine type; it is selfish,
egoistic, unstable, variable. The herd of buffalo, for illustration,
roams about in search of food and water, charging relentlessly and
destroying whatever enemy comes in its way. The savage tribe often has
no fixed abode, but roams about from place to place; where it has a home
it is, as a rule, given to frequent war with its neighbors, and is
liable to be uprooted by a stronger foe and absorbed, and thus lost, or
it may be destroyed or compelled to move on. While this is true in the
savage community _as a whole_, that is, considered as a nation, a unit;
in its internal organization, on the other hand, it is essentially
_feminine_ in its characteristics; its habits are simple, stable, not
liable to change. It makes no inventions, elaborates no complex
machinery."
In civilized life, the opposite characteristics predominate. The
community as a whole constantly takes upon itself the best
characteristics of the feminine type. It becomes stable, less given to
change. It does not seek war, but prefers peace, becomes more and more
quiescent and altruistic.
While these external changes are discernible, corresponding changes take
place in the _internal_ national life. The civilized nation tends to
move away from the feminine toward the masculine type. Inventions and
innovations constantly change the order of things. National existence is
established, but the existence of the individual calls for a more
vigorous struggle. Competitions become fierce, and the struggle between
labor and capital becomes more intense, and the exertion of personal
energy merges into an effort to secure prestige and place, wealth and
power; consequently the higher faculties generally obtain their larger
development.
In this approach toward the feminine type the community as a whole parts
with some of its less desirable masculine expressions; it becomes
modified, less angular. The desire for war departs, courage remains, and
energy finds expression in new and nobler directions. But while these
changes are taking place, the community does not discard all its
masculine characteristics. It simply parts with the lower or least
desirable of each, while the best elements of both are united in the new
manifestation.
To quote further from Miss Morley's interesting paragraphs: "Certain
changes which mark the advanced community as a whole, necessarily, and
in no less degree, mark the individuals composing it. The sexes are not
sharply distinguished from each other in the intellectual and emotional
realms. On the whole, men as a class probably show a preponderance of
what may be termed masculine characteristics, as greater egoism,
variability, activity; but these masculine characteristics have been
modified, lessened, _effeminized_, so to speak. In the higher type of
man the best and highest feminine characteristics have been fused with
the best and highest masculine characteristics. The fighting instinct,
for instance, has become moral courage; the tendency to vary expresses
itself in great intellectual development; instability and restlessness
have become intellectual rather than physical qualities, leading to
notable inventions and discoveries.
"Brave and gentle, strong and tender, inventive and patient, the finest
type of man owes his superiority to the transforming and illuminating
power of his inheritance of womanly qualities.
"In the higher type of woman the best and highest masculine
characteristics have been fused with the best and highest development of
the feminine characteristics. Altruism, for instance, has been
rationalized and guarded by the exercise of greater reasoning power;
stability, or inertia, has been lessened and prevented from forming an
insurmountable barrier to progress. The tendency to vary has been
strengthened; the more negative nature has progressed to a more positive
condition. Courage, inventiveness and greater strength of intellectual
perception have been fostered in civilized woman. Her submission to man
gradually lessens before the upward progress of her mind. She places
herself as his equal--as the other half, without which his half-life
cannot be complete.
"Nor does this borrowing of the characteristics of each by the other
mean the merging of the two sexes into one,--the obliteration of sex
difference, and hence of sex attraction. It means the elevation of man
by developing his masculine qualities in the direction of their highest
possibilities, and by adding to manhood a new charm, a subtle grace, an
irresistible beauty. It means the elevation of woman by the development
of her womanly qualities in the direction of their highest
possibilities, and by adding to womanhood a new power, a deeper, more
far-reaching sympathy, an ineffable glow and a nobler beauty.
"The mind is a mighty solvent; through it the two sexes have been united
in an intellectual union, from which has been born a new man with the
dominant masculine characteristics developed in the noblest direction,
and enriched by union with feminine characteristics, and a new woman
with the feminine characteristics grandly developed and enhanced by what
was once in the province of masculine knowledge and activity."
In harmony with what we have been considering in this chapter, it is
eminently proper to discuss briefly the reciprocal sexual tempers and
tendencies of married men and women. While the discussion of the various
modifications of these differences does not belong to this chapter, yet
the recognition of the fact itself and a noting of the beneficial,
reactionary and reciprocal effects are pre-eminently in place just at
this point.
The active nature of the sperm of the male and the passivity which
distinguishes the ovum of the female characterize the two sexes from
the beginning to the end of their existence. The greater activity of the
sperm, the quickened pulse of the male child at birth, the more restless
nature of the boy-baby, his running, climbing, active life throughout
childhood and adolescence--these traits characterize not only his
boyhood, his days of developing manhood, but his marital relations as
well.
With rare exceptions, both of person and of instances, in married life
all the sexual aggressiveness is with the male. Wives seldom seek the
closer embraces of their husbands. They are generally indifferent; often
absolutely averse. With the husband, while in perfect health, the
conditions are quite the opposite; and the wisdom of the Creator is
manifest in the fact that were the wife equally quickened by the same
amative tendencies, the male nature would be called into such frequent
and continuous exercise that the power of reproduction would be either
totally destroyed or so impaired that the race would degenerate into
moral, intellectual and physical pigmies. God has made the passivity of
the wife the protection of her husband and a source of manifold blessing
to their children.
Upon the other hand, her uninterrupted and entire neglect of the sexual
relation is wisely overcome, to the advantage of the wife, by her
husband's greater sexual activity, while at the same time her
restraining passiveness is made his safeguard and security. Each brings
into the married relation inclinations and propensities which are to
modify the other, to the mutual benefit of both.
If husbands and wives only knew and adequately realized these facts, and
harmonized their thought and conduct toward each other accordingly, much
of the discord, estrangement and consequent unhappiness in married life
would be eliminated and disappear. When both alike recognize these
differences and the Wisdom which has made them to differ, and when each
is willing to accept the modifying influence of the other in the manner
in which God has intended, the discord and misery which blight thousands
of lives and destroy such multitudes of homes will give place to a
benediction and blessing which will restore to earth a larger measure of
the happiness of Eden.
But before closing this chapter upon the complemental differences
between the two sexes, it will be interesting to observe some remarkable
similarities in the reproductive organs themselves, and to note how, in
that infinite wisdom which is marvelous in our eyes, God has so modified
their form and office that the external organs of reproduction in man
become the internal and seemingly different organs of reproduction in
woman.
To understand the full significance of what we have briefly to say upon
this subject it will be well to recall the fact that in man and animals
even those physical characteristics which may be regarded as strictly
feminine are present in a rudimentary form in the male, and _vice
versa_. Let a single instance suffice. The paps and breasts of the male
are but the diminutive and dormant breasts and nipples of the female;
and this is true not only with man, but with the lower animals.
The male not only simulates but really possesses in rudimentary form all
the parts and powers which characterize the fuller development in the
opposite sex.
That this is true is demonstrated by the cases of abnormal sexual
development which at long intervals are born in different lands, and by
the occasional instances in heathen countries where old men, after
prolonged stimulation of the breasts, are made effectively to serve as
nurses for infants.
As the pelvic bone in man and woman is modified by the various changes
of form which adapt it to the different necessities of each sex, so in a
large measure are the reproductive organs, primarily, the same in men
and women.
If you enlarge the curve of the pelvic frontal, then press the scrotum
or sack of the male upward into the body, it will correspond to the
vagina and the womb of the female. Move the testicles to the right and
the left and you have their counterparts, the ovaries, while the
spermatic cords form the Fallopian tubes for the passage of the
completely formed ovum from the ovaries to the womb. Without materially
disturbing its position, diminish the sexual member of the male and you
have the clitoris of the female.
It is readily seen that with these changes of position, together with
slight modifications of form and function, those parts which to the
unobservant and the unthoughtful seem wholly different in the two sexes
are, after all, discovered to be only diversified forms of the same
thing.
But this very fact, however, invests the study of this subject with
increased interest, and displays in an unexpected manner the wonderful
wisdom which characterizes everything that God has created; for as these
organs take upon themselves the modifications of either sex, every other
organ and faculty that together constitute the individual must be so
modified as to adjust the physical, intellectual, social and moral
natures into harmonious unity of personality.
CHAPTER IV.
ESSENTIALS IN HUSBAND AND HOME.
Before writing of what a young husband ought to know with regard to his
wife and his children, subjects which are to engage our thought in Part
Second and Part Third, it is important that we should carefully consider
some matters which he ought to know concerning himself; for his future
happiness, and usefulness as well, will be quite as much dependent upon
the mental, physical and moral equipment which he personally brings to
the union as the endowments and qualifications which are possessed by
his partner and companion.
If your wife is to have a fair chance for a pleasant home and a happy
and useful life, she will need a husband who can sacrifice his personal
luxuries and self-indulgences in order that he may share with her and
the family the comforts and blessings of their home--a man who will
scorn the saloon, avoid the club, remain away from the lodge, give up
his cigar, and spend his time and his money for the comfort and
happiness of his family.
There are hundreds of homes which are rendered unhappy, and in many
senses miserable, because of the neglect and want which are due wholly
to the selfishness and lack of consideration upon the part of the
husband. If you wish to preserve and perpetuate that which is noblest
and best in your wife and your children, you can only do so by making
your home the centre of your thought, and by making your loved ones the
sharers of your purse and your pleasures. If you wish them to live for
your comfort and happiness, they have an equal right to expect you to
live and sacrifice for their comfort and happiness. Almost any promising
bride may soon be made an ill-tempered wife, a discontented homekeeper
and an indifferent mother by an improvident, extravagant, selfish and
neglectful husband. In most instances, ruined homes come principally
from drink, idleness, bad temper, shiftlessness and thriftless habits,
brutal husbands, slatternly wives and Christless living. Do your duty
faithfully to your wife and your children, and then, if home and
happiness are wrecked, the responsibility will not rest upon you.
In woman, the love of home is usually more dominant than in man. By
cultivating this in yourself you will produce a harmony of thought and
purpose which will contribute greatly to the comfort and well-being of
both. Adorn your home with your own hands. Beautify the lawn, the
shrubbery, and all external surroundings. It matters not how great your
wealth, or how small your purse, every consideration, effort and
sacrifice you make in these directions will add to your own health and
happiness and endear you to your wife. In the development of this common
interest, you may secure in your own experience and the experience of
your wife that happiness which is so manifest in springtime in the
united industry of the two robins as they mold and fashion the nest
together, moved by a common impulse and the premonition of the birdlings
that are soon to be.
Be devoted. Keep up your courtship. Remember and repeat the little
attentions which gave you pleasure months and years ago simply because
you knew that they were a source of pleasure to the one whom you coveted
as your bride and companion for life. How can your wife love and respect
you if you neglect and forsake her? During your courtship, the club, the
lodge and the society of others had to accept second place. You
preferred her company to that of all others. If you are to her and she
to you what each should be, this preference of the one for the society
and companionship of the other will continue throughout life. Your home
will be your clubhouse, and no society, or gilded hall, or corner
grocery with its lounging company, will be able to attract you from her
and from your home.
Most men who frequent these places are attracted there; but some go
there because repelled from their homes. There are women whose
inconsiderate treatment of their husbands repels them from their
families and their homes, and the husbands simply resort to the club or
other place of assemblage in their natural search for a place of refuge
and fellowship. But such instances are the exception. In the majority
of cases the fault is largely, if not wholly, with the husband.
Oftentimes his conduct is due to his thoughtlessness, but more
frequently to pure selfishness.
Recently the writer called at the home of a mechanic to secure his
services in a job of work. It was between eight and nine o'clock in the
evening, and quite dark. For some time no one answered our knock.
Finally a young wife, looking pale, weary and lonely, bearing a large
lamp in one hand and a small child on the other arm, opened the door of
the desolate home. We had a right to expect to find the husband and
father at home, but no; to our inquiry we were told that we would likely
find him at the toll-gate, the harness-maker's, or the grocery. Unless
indications were deceptive, here was a case of cold indifference and
selfish neglect. Would that this were a rare instance; but there are
thousands of such in all circles of society in our cities and towns, and
in the country as well.
We clip the following suggestive incident, and submit it as pertinent at
this place:
"'My home shall be my clubhouse' said a young, unmarried, traveling-man,
when returning from a visit to a former friend who had married and lived
in a pleasant home. Almost the first words the latter spoke, as his
visitor seated himself in the parlor, was: 'I want you to go over with
me and see our nice, new clubrooms.'"
"But I did not come to see them," was the reply; "I came to see you and
your family."
"That you can do anyhow," was the response, "so please get ready and we
will go over and spend the evening there with a nice lot of friends."
"Further protest seemed ungracious, so the visitor yielded. Hour after
hour passed by, and it was midnight before the visitor could induce his
host, who was beginning to feel the effects of a night's drinking and
revelry, to accompany him to his home.
"In the morning the host, who evidently felt that nothing had transpired
at the clubrooms that could be objected to, asked his friend, 'Well,
what is your opinion of our clubroom accommodations?'"
"The rooms are very nicely furnished," was the rather evasive reply.
"But what I want to know is, how did you enjoy yourself in them?"
"As further evasion was useless, the guest said: 'You are asking me a
plain question, and I will answer it frankly. I am a single man, and
expect soon to get married. If I continue to prosper, I intend to settle
down in a comfortable home, and spend my evenings with my wife and my
children. As for your clubrooms, if I wanted to neglect my family and my
business, and perhaps go to ruin, I think I could soon bring about that
result by spending my evenings in your clubrooms; and I am more resolved
than ever that when I am once married my home shall be my clubhouse.'"
Now, we would not seem to indicate that the only proper place for the
husband is in the house--that he should not go out in the evening for
diversion, social fellowship, or recreation. Not at all. These things
are often necessary for his health, his happiness and his well-being.
But are they not as essential to the health, the happiness and
well-being of the wife as of the husband? If he seeks diversion in the
evenings, let it be where his wife may accompany him, and share whatever
benefits he enjoys. If family duties or the care of children render it
impossible for both to leave home at the same time, then manifestly it
is the duty of the husband to divide the advantages and disadvantages
with the wife; and if the husband has the true father-spirit, the
privilege of frequently remaining at home to spend the evening with his
children will afford more pleasure and more profit than could be secured
elsewhere.
The husband should plan and arrange to give his wife a proper amount of
relaxation and diversion. The limitations of her restricted life make
recreation and relaxation essential to the maintenance of good health
and a cheerful disposition. But, in all your planning and arrangements,
remember that relaxation and diversion may be secured within the home as
well as without, and can be there enjoyed by the children also, and by
others who may chance to share the home with you. If you and your wife
have true father-love and mother-love, you will prefer home and the
companionship of your children to any other place, and to the company
of any other person or persons. Faithful husbands and wives and
well-poised parents will need no specific directions in these matters.
They will know how to care for their children, and at the same time not
sacrifice health and cheeriness.
These are important subjects for the thoughtful consideration of young
husbands, and older ones also; and while upon this matter, it may be
well for those of us who are too apt to delegate to the wife the whole
duty of making the home cheery and happy, to read and think upon the
following from the pen of Dr. Isaac Farrar:
"How do you go home to your wife after business hours? Do you not
frequently find a tired woman, who has been so hard at work all day with
the care of three or four babies, and an incompetent hired girl, that
she has found no time to make an afternoon toilet, to meet you as you
would like to have her on your return? Try and be a sympathizing husband
now; embrace your faithful wife and say to her: 'Never mind, my dear,
I'm home early to-night. Come now, go and rest yourself, while I put
little Clarence and Addie to bed, and if Frank comes in for his supper I
will tell Bridget what to get for him.'
"Are you mindful of draughts and slamming doors while she takes her rest
for an hour or so, and can you not induce her to take that rest every
day? Remember her days are long, just as busy, and more full of petty
cares than yours. A woman is required to be everything, from a
reception committee to receive calls in the parlor, to a nurse in the
nursery and a chief executive in the kitchen; while a business man
devotes himself to a single trade or profession.
"When you undertake to entertain your wife the evenings you are at home,
do not have too much to say about the 'scarcity of money;' for perhaps,
in her particular case, she knows as much about that as you do; and if
the wood and coal bills are larger every year, remember that your family
is larger as well; and do not tell her the general dislike you have for
children unless they are angels, for they cannot quite be angels during
their stay here on earth.
"When the children are in bed and the house quiet, do not seat yourself
in the easy chair and read the newspaper to yourself, from editorials to
market reports, as if it contained nothing that would interest an
intelligent woman. Newspapers read in selfish solitude by thoughtless
husbands have made the 'rift within the lute' in more than one happy
home.
"How many anecdotes and stories do you tell your wife to provoke a smile
or a laugh? How many roses or pinks do you pin on your coat, and how
many do you bring home to her? Are you careful of your own appearance in
the long evenings when there is no other woman but her to be captivated
by your manly charms? I am inclined to believe there is more excuse for
her, if her dress has not been changed, her hair made tidy, than there
is for you, most noble husband! Perhaps you never gave it a thought;
but do not excuse your indifference and neglect of fond attentions, for
they are just as dear to that careworn wife of yours at forty-five, or
even fifty, years as at twenty-two, when you promised her that you would
be true and faithful to her through life's journey. Have you honorably
kept your word?
"Your answer may be: 'My wife knows I love her, and that's enough.' She
may know it, but it is a pleasant thing to be assured of now and then,
and if there were more everyday assurances there would be fewer
careless, heart-starved wives."
It is the nature of all women to love to be wooed and won, and after
marriage the same nature craves attention, tenderness, and the
expression of appreciation, affection and love. No man, even if he were
so sordid and selfish as to be moved by no less base or no more worthy
motive than the satisfaction of his own sensual nature and consideration
for his own personal comfort, could afford to withhold the expression of
at least some measure of thoughtful consideration and attention. But any
home in which such feelings have to be feigned, because they cannot
truly be felt, is one in which commiseration and pity need to have a
large place.
Should you ever note upon the part of your own wife the slightest
manifestation of indifference and estrangement, put away from your lips,
and even from your heart, all words of reproof and reproach, and try
again the methods that enabled you to win the affections of your wife
months and years ago. We grant you that there are some women who are
regular Xantippes, whom no philosopher can manage, of whom we have given
illustrious examples in the lives of some eminent men in the preceding
volume, but let us hope that they are not numerous.
There are men, and not a few of them, we fear, who are doomed to
disappointment in marriage. It does not take them long to discover the
discrepancy between what they thought marriage to be and what it really
is. They soon regard this union a mistake, and in a few years, and some
even in a few months, denounce marriage as a failure. The truth is that
the sole and only failure is found in the mistaken and unworthy views
held, concerning marriage, by one or both parties to the contract.
Marriage is no failure, but these men are themselves the failures. They
belong to a class who hold most degraded views concerning woman and her
relation to her husband in marriage. They regard woman as having been
created solely to gratify the unbridled lust of man. They married with
the idea that in such a union the grossest lust would have the sanction
of law, and that in the marriage ceremony the wife relinquished all
right to her own body, and for the satisfaction of wearing the white
veil and carrying a bouquet of flowers consented to surrender to him not
only her rights, but her sense of decency as well. These men who stare
decency out of countenance upon the street, who lay traps for the ruin
of innocent and unsuspecting girls, who invade the sanctity of home, and
whose course through life is like the slimy trail of a venomous serpent,
are unfit for marriage--they are unfit to be regarded even as men. No
man, it matters not how full his bank account or how fine his clothes,
if he holds these low views of woman and of the wife's place in the
marriage relation, is worthy of a wife, for he dishonors his own mother
and sisters, dishonors every right-thinking man, and his Maker as well.
Any man who has in him the seeds of such unworthy sentiments may be sure
that even though they may be hidden during the earlier years, they will
soon grow, and hasten to a harvest of terrible fruitage.
The happiness of many homes is wrecked in the early struggle to
determine whether the will of the wife or the will of the husband shall
have pre-eminence. We have even heard brides boasting that in trivial
matters they contended with their husbands in order to teach them from
the very beginning that they did not propose to recognize any superior
right in the husband to direct, or, as they said, "to boss it over
them." Brides often object to the word "obey" in the marriage service,
and instead of using the words "Love, honor and obey," the substitution
is often made of "Love, honor and cherish," or "reverence." If the word
"obey" is understood by the husband to mean imperious domination, then
it had better be universally expunged. Yet, nevertheless, there is a
great deal of truth in the declaration of Napoleon that he would rather
have his army in command of one poor general than of two good ones. The
careful execution of an ordinary plan is much better than that which
comes as the result of divergent views and conflicting opinions.
In an address delivered before the First National Congress of Mothers
held in Washington, Hamilton Cushing, the chief of the Ethnological
Department of the Government, gave a very interesting account of the
custom among the Zuni Indians, who recognize the pre-eminence of the
female in everything. The men are not even allowed to hold or to have
any right in property, other than through their wives, mothers or
sisters. In many marriage unions the wife is easily the intellectual
superior of her husband, but the universal custom among civilized
nations is to recognize the husband as the head of the house. This is
the Christian idea, and the plain teaching of Scripture; not, however,
in that mistaken sense which is so often intended when the words are
quoted: "The husband is the head of the wife." The Scriptures nowhere
justify a husband in assuming imperious domination over his wife. He is
"the head of the wife," but in that loving, considerate sense "even as
Christ is the head of the Church." The Scriptural teaching is so
important and so beautiful that we insert here, in their entirety, two
of the principal selections upon this subject. That which relates to the
wife we have printed in italics, and that which relates to the husband
we have printed in small capitals. But to understand the relation of
these two co-ordinate truths, it is necessary that the reader should
note carefully the entire context. Paul, in the fifth chapter of his
letter to the Ephesians, from the twenty-second to the thirty-third
verse, writes as follows:
"_Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For
the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church: and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is
subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in
everything._ HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, EVEN AS CHRIST ALSO LOVED THE
CHURCH, AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT; that he might sanctify and cleanse it
with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to
himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such
thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. SO OUGHT MEN TO
LOVE THEIR WIVES AS THEIR OWN BODIES. He that loveth his own wife loveth
himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and
cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his
body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave
his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two
shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning
Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular
SO LOVE HIS WIFE EVEN AS HIMSELF; and the wife see that she reverence
her husband."
Here is clearly and beautifully set forth the correct relative
pre-eminence in the home. It is the wife recognizing the headship of her
husband, as the Church recognizes the headship, leadership and authority
of Christ. Upon the part of the husband, his headship is to be exercised
in the spirit of that abounding love which led the Son of God to the
sacrifice of Himself, both during His life and in His atoning death, for
the salvation and blessing of that body of believers who constitute the
Christian Church.
The teachings of Peter in his first general letter, or epistle, in the
third chapter, from the first to the seventh verse, is as follows:
"Likewise, ye _wives, be in subjection to your own husbands_; that, if
any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the
conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation
coupled with fear. Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning
of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of
apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not
corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in
the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time
the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in
subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sarah obeyed Abraham,
calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are
not afraid with any amazement.
"LIKEWISE, YE HUSBANDS, DWELL WITH THEM ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE, GIVING
HONOR UNTO THE WIFE, as unto the weaker vessel, and AS BEING HEIRS
TOGETHER OF THE GRACE OF LIFE; that your prayers be not hindered."
Here the teaching is also very beautiful and impressive. The wife is to
be in subjection to a considerate and loving Christian husband because
it is her privilege and honor; but even though her husband be no
Christian, one who "obeys not the Word," still she is to recognize and
conform to this teaching, to the end that by her consistent Christian
deportment, and that adorning of "the hidden man of the heart" which is
to be exhibited in "a meek and quiet spirit" she may win him to a life
with Christ.
The husband is to dwell with his wife "according to knowledge," not in
ignorance of the peculiar organs and functions of her reproductive
nature; for Peter here manifestly refers specially to this, for with
wonderful beauty he lifts the marital relation into a holy and sacred
light by calling attention to the fact that the husband and the wife are
"_heirs together of the grace of life_." In other words, God has taken
his power as the Creator of life--think of it! as Creator--and made the
husband and the wife joint heirs together of this grace or gift of
creative power, which power they call into exercise in the act of
reproduction. Surely, intelligence and reverence are essential, both in
the husband and in the wife, in order that they may dwell together
"according to knowledge."
It would scarcely seem necessary to enjoin industry as an essential to
happiness in married life; and yet the happiness of many homes is
wrecked on the rocks of ease and idleness. An idle person is like the
ship that simply floats upon the seas without a cargo, and without a
destination. There are ten thousand directions to shipwreck, but only
one course that will bring the mariner to any desired port in safety.
In making labor essential, God conferred a great blessing upon man. The
idle man is an unhappy man, and the idle woman is an unhappy woman.
Industry is essential to the maintenance of good health, to the proper
poise and manly mastery of the sexual nature, to a contented mind, a
cheerful disposition, to happiness in the home and spirituality in the
life.
Whatever of incentive the past may have lacked, no young husband, unless
he is without true manhood, can look into the face of his devoted wife
and dependent children without being inspired by the obligation which
rests upon him to make adequate provision for every present need and
future emergency. His energy, his effort, his wisdom are largely to
determine not only the present and future, but also the temporal and
eternal destiny of those who gather in dependence about him. Let these
be your inspiration. Not all men can amass wealth; nor is this
essential. Remember there are many things secured by industry and effort
which are more precious than gold. While a competence is desirable,
large wealth is seldom a great blessing. There is a world of sound
philosophy in the declaration of a very rich man who said: "I worked
like a slave until I was forty to make my fortune, and I have been
watching it like a detective ever since--for which I have received only
my lodging, food and clothes." A noble purpose, seconded by manly
endeavor, will secure for your heart and your home what wealth cannot
purchase.
We would be alike untrue to your best interests and unfaithful to Him
who has called us to the delicate and difficult task we have undertaken
in the preparation of these pages did we not say something concerning
that which is highest and best in you, and which the Creator designed
should dominate over every other department of your nature--namely, the
religious or moral nature.
If you want your wife to be happy, do not ask her to struggle onward and
upward alone in the Christian life. She will be lonely if the dearest of
earthly friends is unwilling to travel heavenward with her. You will
double her difficulties if in your life and example you deny the
correctness of her precepts and her life. Even if you propose to
yourself a life of moral rectitude, yet, to your children, you will
become only a stationary guide-board, pointing to their feet the way in
which God intended that you should be a living guide. You have not done
your duty when you have simply permitted the Saviour to come into your
home as the guest of your wife and the Saviour of your children. He
comes to be a guest in your heart, as well as in your home. He comes not
only to save your wife and your children, but to save you--to save the
father, with the wife and the children.
It is not enough, my dear brother, that you give something now and then
toward the support of the church, that you send your children to
Sunday-school, that you attend divine service now and then. Your wife
and children cannot go to heaven for you. Their lonely struggle is
saddened by your absence, and the thought that after having dwelt
together with you upon the earth you may be forever separated from them
in eternity.
Let me appeal to you as an honest man. What is your duty in this matter?
Your duty to your wife, to your children, to yourself, and to your God?
If we were to look upon this subject simply in the light of temporal
good, all the arguments would be in favor of living a Christian life.
Even if you were to consider this subject on its very lowest plane, you
should desire for your wife and your family those larger material
blessings which are secured by a religious life. Christians have not
only the promise of the life that is to come, but they have the promise
also of the life that _now_ is. Paul says: "Godliness is profitable unto
all things, having the promise of the life that now is, and of that
which is to come." We grant you that not every Christian is encumbered
with large wealth; neither is every irreligious man plunged into
poverty. While there are here and there instances where ungodly men are
possessors of large wealth, these instances are exceptional, and the
Scriptural reason not difficult to find. Their riches may be due to the
fulfillment of the promise that God will visit blessings upon the
children of the righteous from generation to generation. These people
may have had praying and God-fearing parents, and on that account the
children, in harmony with Scriptural promise, are now being crowned with
the consequent blessings. Or, it may be, as the Scripture declares, that
the wealth of the wicked is being laid up for the just, and the present
wicked possessor may simply be holding this wealth in trust for the
righteous descendants who are to come after him. Or, it may be, that God
is seeking the salvation of this ungodly individual, for He tells us
that "the goodness of the Lord is designed to lead us to repentance."
The actual conditions are not to be determined by taking an exceptional
example among the irreligious, but by dividing society as a whole into
two classes, and then the result is seen at a glance. In the one class
you have the profane, the vicious, the intemperate, the dishonest, the
law-breakers, and the defiers of God and man. To this class belongs
every man who staggers, reels and falls into the gutter, every tramp who
walks the road, and nine-tenths of all the persons who fill our
almshouses. It includes, with scarcely an exception, every man and woman
who fill our prisons and reformatory institutions; those who crowd the
great tenements and live in filth and squalor in the slums of our
cities; those whose bodies reek with physical and moral
rottenness--these, and many others, constitute the class of the ungodly,
and no attentive person can fail to observe that this is the character
of that portion which the ungodly have in this world.
Now, turn to the other class. Walk up and down the streets where you
find the most comfortable homes, the largest dwellings, the abodes of
the most affluent and respectable in any city, and then answer the
question, whether or no the wealth of the nation is not to-day largely
in the hands of Christian men and Christian women? These are the people
who have the best credit, who can draw checks for the largest amounts.
Among this class you will find the most influential in business, the
owners of our largest mercantile establishments. Men who direct and
control the commerce of the world. Men who are at the head of our
largest banking institutions, railroad and other corporations. But not
only so. These are the people who dwell in the best homes, who eat the
best food, who have the largest amount of material comforts. They are
the people who enjoy the best health, who have the brightest minds, who
produce the best books, the most helpful literature. They have the
brightest eyes and the strongest bodies, and when cholera and plague
come and sweep away men and women by thousands, it scarcely ever crosses
the line which separates these from the intemperate and the vicious, who
go down before these scourges like grass before the sickle. Truly, my
dear friend, if you are to look at it only from this lowest plane of
present good and material comfort, godly living will bring to you the
promise of the life that _now_ is, and in addition you will also have
the promise of the life which is _to come_, a part in the first
resurrection, a place at Christ's right hand, and the promise of sitting
upon a throne judging the nations--you shall be among those who in
triumph enter the eternal city, and receive crowns and robes and palms
of victory and eternal rest at God's right hand.
You cannot afford to neglect the spiritual, which is the highest and
best of your threefold nature. You should call your entire being into
fullest exercise. A Christian is the highest type of manhood, and you
owe it to your wife and to your children, as well as to yourself and to
your Master, to be satisfied with nothing short of this. If troubled
with doubt you will find the difficulty in your own heart. If infidels
have filled your mind with misgiving, or suggested unbelief, read
"Christianity's Challenge,"[A] "A Square Talk to Young Men,"[B] and
various other volumes of the Anti-Infidel Library.[C]
[A] "Christianity's Challenge," by Rev. Dr. Herrick Johnson, American
Tract Society, 269 pages, price $1.00.
[B] "A Square Talk to Young Men," 94 pages, price 50 cents, by H. L.
Hastings, Scriptural Tract Repository, Boston, Mass., 49 Cornhill
street.
[C] The Anti-Infidel Library in tract form, 5 cents each, by H. L.
Hastings, Scriptural Tract Repository, 49 Cornhill street, Boston,
Mass.
CHAPTER V.
THE PHYSICAL COST OF PROCREATION.
Before a ship sails from port with its valuable cargo of goods and its
priceless freightage of life, they do what is called "boxing the
compass." Naturally the compass would point to the true north, but
because of the character of the cargo the needle may be diverted from
the true north. To discover whether such local influences exist, they
test and correct the compass. The deviation from the true north might be
very slight, and in a very short voyage the error might not result in
serious consequences, but the interests involved are too momentous to
permit of any risk. Before entering upon the new voyage of married life
it is essential, for the purity and safety of the two who enter upon it,
and also for the well-being of the other lives which may subsequently be
added to the family, that the principles by which husband and wife are
to be guided should be carefully examined, that errors may be discovered
and corrected, for the wrecking of a ship is of less moment than the
wrecking of human lives, for these involve not only temporal, but
eternal destinies.
The false impressions which young people oftentimes get is due to the
general absence of truthfulness upon the part of older and more
experienced persons in their conversations upon the subject of the
sexual relation. Notwithstanding the fact that the questions which
gather about the subjects of sex are of vast moment, yet these subjects
have been so little written or spoken about in a pure and reverent way
that, for the most part, pure-minded and honest people have banished the
subject from the round of ordinary conversation. This abandonment of a
sacred subject by the pure and truthful has resulted in the general
ignorance and prevailing errors. Among the vile and impure the subject
is much talked of, and because of the lack of correct knowledge,
statements of the most exaggerated, unreasonable and oftentimes
impossible are generally accepted as veritable truth. In dealing both
with themselves and others, men are more deceitful and untruthful upon
this subject than perhaps upon any other. It is because of these facts
that the young and inexperienced so often form the most exaggerated and
unreliable opinions upon subjects relating to the relation of the sexes.
That we may the better understand the whole question of the sexual
relation it may be well to study the reproductive life of plants and the
lower forms of animal life. The knowledge of the lessons they have to
teach may prove a profitable subject for thoughtful consideration and
lead to valuable conclusions for guidance in the relation between
husband and wife.
If with our desire to start with one of the lowest forms of life we go
to the pond and run our finger under the green scum which floats upon
its surface, we will find one of the simplest forms of vegetable growth,
known as spirogyra. The innumerable threads of green are quite like
hairs that lie side by side, in close proximity but not in contact.
Under the microscope each of these green threads is composed of long
tube-like cells, placed end to end and forming a continuous growth.
Under the microscope they very much resemble what in country districts
is called bullrushes, or the different sections of a bamboo
walking-stick or fishing-rod.
In the spring days, when this growth of green approaches its maturity,
it arrives at that mysterious time when the future urgently appeals to
it, when each cell feels a strange and irresistible attraction to its
neighbor cell. Each reaches out toward the other until a contact is
formed, a perfect union is effected, a new germ is created, and the old
cells are left lifeless and perish. The union which results in the
production of the fertilized seed, in which abides the spirogyra of
another springtime, while its beginning costs the life of the parent
plant, the verdure that lived in the green scum has passed away, the new
germs fall to the bottom of the pond, where, through the drought of
summer or the ice and cold of winter, they abide in the sure
resurrection of that new life which is to come with the returning
springtime.
In the higher forms of life similar illustrations of the great parental
sacrifice involved in the act of reproduction are frequently found.
This is specially seen among the fishes. During the reproductive weeks
life speeds along with great intensity. Under the flow of that larger
vitality which greatly quickens and augments certain parts of the
organism, the fish increase in size, every part seems to attain its
perfection and beauty, and the parent fishes yield themselves, to a
reproductive impulse that proves fatal to millions of them. After a cod
has expelled its million or more of eggs there is not much left of its
own body. There is diminished vitality in every part. The male loses his
appetite. Great physical changes result. The skin which covers his
shrunken body changes in color, his nature becomes irritable and
resentful, and he indulges in fierce combats with his fellows.
The fatigue attendant upon the long journeys undertaken by the salmon
during the spawning season and the exhausting effects of the fertilizing
effort are so great that few survive the trying ordeal. The same results
are practically true with regard to the shad. Somewhat analogous changes
and results occur with the female, but they are less marked and less
destructive. The male is characterized by a more intense activity, while
her more quiet nature is her greater safeguard.
The exhaustive and often fatal effects of the reproductive act are very
manifest in insect life. Among the insects the reproductive act of the
male seems to round out the purpose and complete the period of his life.
The exhaustive act is oftentimes speedily followed by death. This same
fatal termination is also experienced by the female after she has
completed the work of developing and depositing the germ in some place
suited for its protection and adapted to its eventual development and
growth. In many instances the fertilizing principle is transferred from
the body of the male to that of the female during flight, and, strange
as it may seem, the intromittent organ of the male and the ovipositor of
the female develop and continue only for that brief period which is
necessary for the transference of the quickening principle and for the
depositing of the egg in a place of safety.
The hive with its hundreds of bees affords an interesting illustration
of the subject in hand. The male bee is a drone. His only purpose in
life seems to be to await the period when the queen bee in her
instinctive desire to perpetuate the life of the swarm is ready to
receive the sperm-cells from the male. The drone is stingless and
helpless. The germ of the queen bee was developed in a special cell, was
fed on royal food and tenderly reared. Her office is not only to preside
over the destinies of the swarm, but to her alone is assigned the entire
work of reproduction. She never leaves the hive but once, and then upon
her nuptial flight, accompanied by a male bee. When the wedding journey
is over, and the queen bee has received the sperm from the male, his
work is done and his destiny is sealed. Death then ensues either by
natural laws, or he is stung to death by the workers, who now regard
him as an unnecessary burden upon the gathered stores of the hive.
The queen bee receives the sperm but once, and then, in a mysterious
receptacle which Providence has provided, the sperm is stored, and for
months, and even for years, for the supply has been known to last for
five years, and during this time the millions of eggs which the queen
bee lays are each fertilized at will, and, strange to say, her wonderful
prolificness does not result in her exhaustion and death, and to prevent
this sad result, her hive-mates make it their care that she shall be
bountifully nourished with the most sumptuous food.
With the birds, death, as the result of the reproductive act,
disappears. The loss which they sustain in reproductive material is
comparatively small, yet something of what this costs is manifest by the
noticeable changes which take place immediately after they enter upon
the mating season. The plumage loses its lustre, the song becomes less
frequent and less ecstatic, and the incoming tides of life, which
reached their fullness at the period of mating, ebb and recede.
Among the higher forms of animal existence the duration of life is
greatly prolonged. The number of the offspring is greatly reduced. The
ovum of the female and the sperm of the male become microscopic. The
germ of life remains within the body of the mother until it has reached
that stage of development which fits it for its independent life in the
outer world. The period from conception to birth is greatly prolonged,
and the periods of deliverance from the necessity of the reproductive
act are alike extended. The higher in the scale the more dependent the
offspring, until in the instance of man the offspring is the most
helpless and dependent of all. The prolonged dependence of the child
upon the care of its parents is calculated to abate the fervor and force
of reproductive inclination.
While in man the reproductive act is not the precursor of death, yet it
is the premonition of that event and the instinctive effort which nature
makes to prevent the extermination of the race.
The inclination to beget descendants is a premonition of the physical
dissolution which awaits the individual, and the act itself is always
more or less exhaustive to the male, and its results, if too oft
repeated, or at periods of brief duration, are disastrous to the female.
Notwithstanding these tendencies and results, yet reproduction is the
expression of the fullness of physical life and vital force. Its
inclination and desire is both normal and necessary, yet it should
always be remembered that the increased activity of the reproductive
system is secured at the cost of diminished force throughout the
remainder of the entire body. No man during the period of the exercise
of his reproductive nature is as strong intellectually, physically, or
in any other department of his entire being, as during the periods when
he is sexually self-contained, or is resting in the calm of sexual
repose.
In the lower forms of life the reproductive flame bursts out into one
all-consuming conflagration, exhausting to the male and eventually
terminating with fatal results to the female. In man this fire burns
with a more steady glow, bursting forth occasionally into more intense
activity, and then subsiding, but always vitalizing and giving energy to
all his powers, and no man can fan this flame into a continuous
conflagration without suffering the most ruinous results and disastrous
consequences.
Among the lower forms of life the reproductive inclination of the male
recurs at those periods when his mate is in the condition necessary to
the procreation of the species. After the act of procreation, the sexual
passion in both subsides, and the reproductive function is not again
called into exercise until after the intervening weeks or months of
repose have passed and nature again responds to the necessity of
procreation for the purpose of perpetuating the species. Where the
periods of ovulation and fecundity recur at brief intervals in the
female, the reproductive nature of the male is in a more continuous
state of activity, so that a fruitful union may be secured when the
reproductive nature of the female is in readiness; but this by no means
indicates any physical necessity or reasonable justification for the
constant or even frequent exercise of the reproductive function.
Strict continence is not injurious, either to the unmarried or to the
married. Thousands of married men and women are suffering from the
effects of excessive sexual indulgence. They drain their physical
powers, weaken the intellect, and fail to attain the happiness and grand
results which would otherwise be possible to them. All who are familiar
with the care of plants know that the best way to preserve their bloom
and beauty is to restrain the consummation of the reproductive act.
Prevent them from going to seed and the flowers continue to bloom.
Remove the anther from the lily and the flower will not fade so soon by
several hours. The same is true with the insects. Where they can be
prevented from losing their vitalizing sperm they live on beyond the
limits of others of their kind who are left free to exercise the
privilege of reproduction. An instance is given of a butterfly which
continued to live for over two years in a hot-house, while the ordinary
period of life to those which exercise the reproductive power complete
and end their career in a few short days.
There are times when married people should observe the strictest
continence. A state of partial or total intoxication is a just cause for
either a husband or wife to deny to the other all marital privileges.
Conception at such a time is more than likely to result in the
production of idiots or epileptics. The cases on record are too numerous
and too well authenticated to admit of doubt in regard to the terrible
consequences of conception under such circumstances.
During sickness or convalescence procreation is not only highly
injurious to the individual, but at any period before the physical
powers have fully regained their most perfect state of health the
transmission of life is more than likely to result in the begetting of
children who are to be afflicted with mental debility and physical
infirmities which shall be so inwrought into the very fibre of their
being as to continue through their entire life, utterly beyond the reach
of all remedial agents.
We can conceive of no greater wrong that a parent could ignorantly or
wilfully inflict upon his unborn offspring than to call them into being
at a period when they cannot escape the inheritance of lifelong physical
or mental infirmity.
Abstinence from the marital relation in some instances becomes almost
absolutely imperative. In the intimate relations of married life the
exercise of such self-restraint is not always easy, but it is
nevertheless possible. There are well-authenticated instances in the
lives of missionaries who have married and immediately gone to climates
where conception during the period of acclimation would have resulted
fatally who have maintained absolute continence for a period of months
and years. We know of an instance where, because of a diseased condition
known as vaginismus, the marital relation was attended with such
discomfort and pain that for a few years it was only indulged at long
intervals, and then totally abandoned, and strict continence maintained
for a period of twenty years and more.
Nor is strict continence in married life without illustrations of those
who have voluntarily chosen it. There are some married people in this
country, more numerous than some suppose, who have adopted the idea of
uniform continence, and who call the reproductive nature into exercise
for the purpose of procreation only, and who assert that the maintenance
of continence secures not only greater strength and better health, but
greater happiness also.
CHAPTER VI.
MARITAL MODERATION.
The foundation of marriage and of home can only be built permanently
upon the abiding nature of love. Like our own being, love has a twofold
nature. Its spiritual part is immortal and unchangeable; its physical
part is temporary in purpose and continuance, and is liable to
perversion and debasement. The physical may even be permitted to
overshadow, debase and quite obliterate the spiritual. In its natural
unfolding and manifestation love is very much like the plant that is
rooted in the earth while it flowers in the sunlight. The earth and the
roots in their relation to each other are essential and even
indispensable to the production of the flower, and the flower is alike
indispensable to the perpetuity of the plant.
So love has its physical and its spiritual nature. Love is rooted in
that unconscious law of our nature which God has enacted for the
preservation and perpetuity of human life. "Nothing but a spurious
delicacy or an ignorance of facts can prevent our full recognition that
love looks to marriage, and marriage to offspring, as a natural
sequence." While this is its objective purpose, it yet serves other high
ends.
In its twofold nature love ennobles its possessor. It makes him
responsive to the love of God upon the one hand and to the love of
mankind upon the other. It gives purpose and zest to life, brightens the
intellect, quickens the imagination, inspires purpose and imparts
physical power. It beautifies and glorifies the individual, and makes
him worthy of redemption. "When it is pure and true it unites two souls
in bonds of happiness which never chafe, and which become stronger as
time passes and the passions become chaste and subdued."
But there is a monstrosity that is known by the same name. The proper
name of this monster is lust. It imparts neither beauty nor life. It is
like the parasite plant which is not naturally rooted in the earth, but
entwines itself about the growing beauty of other plant-life, only to
suck out the life-currents from the stem which has lifted it out of the
dirt into the sunlight, in return for which its only charity is that it
spreads its stolen verdure over the death which it has itself created.
The question of the proper relation of husband and wife in marriage is a
difficult one. It is worthy of a volume. The various phases of the
subject which crowd upon our mind exceed the limits of a brief chapter.
We only regret that we are restricted by limitations beyond which we
cannot pass at this present time. Suffice it to say that there are three
principal theories with regard to the marital relation. Briefly stated
they are as follows:
The first theory assumes that unlimited sexual gratification is
essential to the comfort and well-being of the male, and that, whether
married or unmarried, he is to seek its gratification, whether lawfully
or unlawfully, wherever and whenever he can find an opportunity. It is
scarcely necessary to say that this theory is not worthy of the
consideration of fair-minded and decent people. It is contrary to the
laws of nature, to the laws of God, and to the laws of all civilized
nations. The theory is conceived and born of lust. It has been fathered
and fostered by the delusions of ignorant people. It is the child of
lust and the parent of sensuality. It is disproven by experience and is
condemned by the best medical authority in this country and throughout
the world. For a discussion of this subject and medical testimony we
must refer the reader to "What a Young Man Ought to Know," from page 56
to 67.
The second theory is that in married life the reproductive function is
not to be exercised except for the purpose of procreation. While this
theory is the opposite extreme of the first, yet it differs from the
first in that it has some very strong arguments in its favor. While the
results of our investigations do not enable us to assert that it is the
true theory, we are yet prepared to say that it is worthy of thoughtful
consideration. If it is possible for married people to maintain absolute
continence for a period of six months or a year, it must be conceded
that it would be possible to extend that time to a longer period. The
maintenance of this theory would require such a degree of self-denial
and self-control as is far beyond the possession of the great mass of
humanity. We fear, also, that there are but few, even if they entered
upon a life union with such thought and intention, who would be able to
maintain their principles for any considerable period.
The third theory, and that which many men and women who are eminent for
their learning and religious life hold to be the correct theory, is,
that while no one has a right to enter upon the marriage relation with
the fixed purpose of evading the duty of parenthood, yet that
procreation is not the only high and holy purpose which God has had in
view in establishing the marriage relation, but that the act of sexual
congress may be indulged in between husband and wife for the purpose of
expressing their mutual affection, augmenting their personal
endearments, and for quickening those affections and tender feelings
which are calculated to render home the place of blessing and good which
God intended.
It is held by those who advocate this theory that while it would be
possible to restrict the exercise of the reproductive functions to the
single purpose of procreation, yet in the great majority of instances
the effort to live by that theory would generally result in marital
unhappiness.
It cannot be successfully denied that the perpetuity of the race is the
great purpose which God has had in view in instituting marriage.
Procreation and the raising up of a family of children cannot under
ordinary circumstances be ignored or evaded without serious physical,
intellectual, moral and social results. But neither are mutual love,
affection, comfort, consolation and support to be ignored without
disastrous results. Due regard is not only to be paid to the perpetuity
of the race, but to the well-being and perpetuity of the individual. In
his book on the Ethics of Marriage Dr. H. F. Pomeroy says:
"Physiologically considered, there can be but one end in marriage--the
breeding and rearing of a family; but there are various means which
conduce to this end by preserving the mental and physical tone and
balance of husband and wife, and cultivating in them a union of regard
and affection, without which any mere outward union can be but a
travesty of marriage. How far it may be proper to exercise the secondary
object of marriage it is impossible to state in any general rule,
because individual cases vary so greatly; but it is safe to say that the
phase of marriage which is so closely allied to its primary object has
an important bearing on the health, happiness and harmony of husband and
wife, and so may properly be exercised by those who have a proper regard
for the primary end of marriage, even when its relation to this end be
but indirect, provided such exercise of it be kept within bounds of
mental and physical health."
Personally we are strongly inclined to the acceptance of this third
theory. But it must be granted that the acceptance of this theory is
attended with many considerations which have their serious perplexities.
Perhaps the most constant and most serious difficulty is the question
involved in the danger of too frequent conception. To regulate this
matter many persons resort to criminal methods, which are nothing short
of murder: many resort to expedients which are often unsatisfactory in
their result and also ruinous to the health or well-being of either the
husband or wife, or both, while others adopt less disastrous but equally
unsatisfactory and unreliable measures. Some of these methods are
criminal, others are injurious, still others uncertain, and all alike
unsatisfactory.
Desirable as it might be to enter upon a full discussion of the various
questions involved in the consideration of this phase of the subject,
yet because of the general prevalence of vicious living and impure
thinking we deem it best not to enter upon a discussion which might
effect more evil in some pure-minded persons, by suggestion, than it
could accomplish in the reforming of the evil practices of the vicious,
and we therefore pass this phase of the subject in silence.
The greatest happiness in married life can never be obtained except by
the observance of marital moderation. Just what is moderation in the
exercise of the reproductive function in married life it would be very
difficult to determine and define. What might be moderation for one man,
or for one woman, might be the most extravagant excess for another. The
husband may feel inclined to grant himself such indulgence as would
entitle him to be regarded as considerate and as within the bounds of
moderation when considered in relation to himself personally, and yet
the privileges which he grants himself might be most immoderate and most
ruinous for his wife; or in some instances the reverse might be the
case--indulgence which might be moderate for his wife might be most
excessive for him. No husband or wife can determine what is moderation
in their own personal instance until they have duly considered the
obligation which they are under to the other, and the effect of the
relation, not simply upon himself or herself, but upon the other as
well. The principle which must govern every husband or wife who desires
to be moderate in the marital relation, is, not to seek to grant
themselves the utmost indulgence which will enable them to abide within
the limits of individual safety only, but so persistently to exercise
the spirit of self-control and self-mastery, that they may attain to
those best results which are only possible to those who do not call the
reproductive function into exercise at too frequent intervals. No man or
woman who exercises the reproductive function upon the return of every
slight inclination can realize that greatest pleasure and satisfaction
which are always possible, but so seldom experienced. The wise husband
and the wise wife will not seek that utmost indulgence which brings them
to the limit of endurance, but will constantly desire to be governed by
such restraint and moderation as will secure for them the most blessed
results. To say nothing of morality, intelligence and culture have their
province in the exercise of the privileges which are possible to married
people. The reproductive sense, like the sense of hunger, or any other
sense, is to be brought under the dominion of intelligence and
refinement. In the government of our other senses there are laws which
no intelligent man will be willing to violate. He will not eat the first
food upon which he chances to come, simply because he is hungry. He
requires that it shall be of the proper kind, and properly prepared. The
worm will seize upon its food regardless of its character, and without
any reference to other considerations than that of satisfying its own
inclination. Wild beasts will contend over a bone, but man is lifted by
intelligence to a higher realm. His food must be of a proper kind, it
must be properly prepared, and is to be eaten at appointed intervals. He
will not eat that which belongs to another. He desires his food served
with proper regard to cleanliness and esthetic taste. He beautifies his
table, makes his eating the occasion of social fellowship, takes into
consideration the wants and needs of others. If we thus regulate the
appetite, why should we not, as intelligent beings, regulate the
exercise of the reproductive sense? Why should we yield, like animals,
to the first inclination? Why should we despoil ourselves or our
companion of the God-given sense of modesty? Why should we be willing
to indulge ourselves to such an extent as to injure the one individual
whom we love and prize above all others upon earth? Let reason,
refinement and the moral sense have their proper sway in the exercise of
the reproductive function and the sexual instinct, the same as in the
exercise of our other senses.
In a chapter entitled "Rules for Married Persons; or, Matrimonial
Chastity," Jeremy Taylor gives the following advice: "In their
permissions and license the husband and wife must be sure to observe the
order of nature and the ends of God. He is an ill husband that uses his
wife as a man treats a harlot, having no other end but pleasure.
Concerning which our best rule is that although in this, as in eating
and drinking, there is an appetite to be satisfied, which cannot be done
without pleasing that desire; yet, since that desire and satisfaction
were intended by nature for other ends, they should never be separated
from those ends, but always be joined with all or one of these ends:
with the desire for children; to avoid fornication; or to lighten and
ease the cares and sadness of household affairs; or to endear each
other; but never with a purpose, either in act or desire, to separate
the sensuality from these ends which hallow it."
It is well also to know what the women have to say upon this subject.
Mrs. E. B. Duffey, in her excellent little book, entitled "What Women
Should Know," says: "One is often led to wonder if a large class of men
are not simply brutes, in all that concerns the physical relations of
marriage. Women do not readily make confidential complaints to other
women against their husbands. So that when a word--an incomplete
sentence smothered before it is fully uttered--is spoken, it must be
wrung from the lips by extreme marital brutality. That many women so
suffer at the hands of husbands, brutal in this respect, though kind in
all others, does not admit of doubt. Disinclination, weariness, ill
health, none of these things will excuse a woman from participation in
the marital act when her husband's inclinations lead him to require it
of her. Strange that, while the law recognizes rape as a crime
punishable by severe penalties, there is no recognition whatever of a
married woman's right to a control over her own person. I do not know
that the most brutal conduct in this respect, if there was no other
reason for complaint, would be considered by the courts as a sufficient
cause for divorce. Yet any one can readily imagine that it is possible
for a man of strong sensual nature, who places no curb upon his
appetite, to render the life of the delicate, pure-minded woman,
intolerable to the last degree. As mutual affection is the heavenly bond
of marriage, so mutual pleasure should also sanction its earthly bond.
Love should be prepared to give as well as to receive--to be
self-denying when self-denial is required of it. I cannot believe that a
wife who sees her husband thus considerate will be unreasonable in her
refusal."
But the anxious and honest inquirer still asks, How often may I indulge
myself? No general answer can be given to this question. Due reference
must always be had to the individual who asks it, and wise counsel would
not be possible unless every consideration of the physical condition and
health of the wife were allowed their proper place in the solution of
the question. What might be moderation for one might be the most
destructive excess for another. Some men are strong, have great powers
of endurance, and do not know that they have a nerve in their body.
Others are very delicate, nervous and dyspeptic. Some physicians are
inclined to limit the relation to once a month; upon the other hand, all
who have given attention to this subject have learned of instances of
excess which do not fall at all short of conjugal debauchery. It might
be said that no man of average health, physical power and intellectual
acumen can exceed the bounds of once a week without at least being in
danger of having entered upon a life of excess both for himself and for
his wife.
Each young husband must determine for himself and his wife when they
have reached the limit of moderation, and their greatest happiness,
physically, intellectually and maritally, will be secured when they have
erred upon the side of moderation rather than upon the side of excess.
Do not wait until you have the pronounced effects of backache,
lassitude, giddiness, dimness of sight, noises in the ears, numbness of
fingers and paralysis. Note your own condition the next day very
carefully. If you observe a lack of normal, physical power, a loss of
intellectual quickness or mental grip, if you are sensitive and
irritable, if you are less kind and considerate of your wife, if you are
morose and less companionable, or in any way fall below your best
standard of excellence, it would be well for you to think seriously and
proceed cautiously.
Nor should your observation and study only have reference to yourself.
Note carefully the physical, mental and social condition of your wife
the day following. You are not only to be the conservator of your own
strength, but her protector as well. When you pass the limit of the
greatest safety, either for yourself or your wife, you are likely to
sacrifice both safety and happiness. Another says: "Even taking the low
and sordid ground of selfishly getting the most out of this life, it is
wise to abide by temperance and duty in the marital relation, for thus,
and only thus, may we derive the most possible satisfaction from it. We
may drink the nectar as we will; nature lets us hold the cup, but she
mixes it herself; if we drink too deeply she adds water, then gall, and
finally, it may be, deadly poison."
Sexual excess is one of the most destructive forms of intemperance,
degrading alike the body, mind and morals. We have heard of men who have
called the reproductive organs into very frequent exercise, but they
have always been men who were noted for nothing except their passion.
Everything they eat and drink seems devoted to the maintenance of their
sexual nature. They may have enjoyed intellectual advantages, and some
of them may even be enrolled as professional men, but every other
faculty is dwarfed and weakened that they may foster and fatten their
passions. They are eminent in nothing, save as samples of beastliness.
Why allow a single passion, the controlling organ of which lies at the
very bottom and lowest part of the brain, to usurp and control the
entire man, dominate over every other faculty, and render the physical,
intellectual and moral faculties and religious sentiments only
attendants and slaves!
No thoughtful or considerate husband can afford to disrespect the wishes
of his wife. He should reverently consider her inclination as well as
his own desire. Throughout the entire range of animal life the condition
and inclination of the female fixes and determines the approaches of her
mate. Woman is the only female whose condition is disregarded, whose
wishes are ignored, whose rights are trampled under foot, and sometimes
even denied any right over her own body. Where a woman is in health, and
is the loving, devoted wife which she should be, there is not much
danger that she will be too strict with the idol of her heart. And, save
in exceptional cases, there is but little danger that the wife will be
too lenient with her husband. If the wrongs which wives suffer because
of the unbridled passions of inconsiderate husbands were publicly known,
every virtuous and pure-minded man and woman would be inclined to take
up arms for the mitigation of woman's wrongs, and the liberation of this
great army of slaves who suffer in silence the servitude from which they
have no hope of deliverance except by death.
If you wish to attain your greatest usefulness in life, avoid the undue
use of foods which are calculated to stimulate the reproductive nature.
Use eggs and oysters, pepper and condiments with reasonable moderation.
Do not simulate impure thinking by theatre-going, the reading of
salacious books, participation in the round dance, the presence of nude
statuary and suggestive pictures; avoid such bodily exposure and
postures as mar the modesty of both man and woman; keep reasonable and
regular hours, and remember that all these things tend only to enervate
and exhaust your wife and to rob and wrong you of the best there is in
store for you.
Marital moderation is most easily secured and maintained where married
persons occupy separate beds; and, indeed, in many instances such
conditions exist as render separate rooms not only desirable, but
essential. Mrs. E. B. Duffey, a good and reliable authority on this and
related subjects, says: "If the husband cannot properly control his
amorous propensities they had better by all means occupy separate beds
and different apartments, with a lock on the communicating door, the
key in the wife's possession."
Dr. Dio Lewis, in his book entitled "Chastity," when writing of the
excesses which lead to estrangement in married life, says: "A very large
part of this wretchedness and perilous excess is the natural result of
our system of sleeping in the same bed. It is the most ingenious of all
possible devices to stimulate and inflame the carnal passion. No bed is
large enough for two persons. If brides only knew the great risk they
run of losing the most precious of all earthly possessions--the love of
their husbands--they would struggle as resolutely to secure extreme
temperance after marriage as they do to maintain complete abstinence
before the ceremony. The best means to this end is the separate bed."
Many persons recognize the injurious effects which result from two
persons sleeping in the same bed, but generally they fear that if they
were to occupy adjoining apartments, or even separate beds in the same
room, it might lead to local gossip or the suspicion of a lack of
harmony or affection. But without informing the patient of the purpose,
physicians oftentimes advise a period of absence, either for the husband
or for the wife, in order to secure the beneficial result which could be
had in their own homes if they would only consent to sleep apart.
Where either the husband or the wife suffers from excessive amative
propensities upon the part of the other, great benefit would be derived
from avoiding the sexual excitement which comes daily by the
twice-repeated exposure of undressing and dressing in each other's
presence, and being in close bodily contact for a period of one-third of
the hours of each day, for four months in a year, and for twenty years
to those who have lived together for a period of sixty years.
There are also the questions of adequate ventilation, the absorption of
the exhalations of each other's bodies, the weaker being injured by the
fact that the stronger is likely to absorb vital and nervous force, and
also the equalization of magnetic elements, which, when diverse in
quantity and quality, augment physical attraction and personal
affection. Where there is a disparity of physical condition, or a
considerable difference of age, or either person is suffering from the
effects of any disease which contaminates the atmosphere, separate beds,
and oftentimes separate apartments, are essential.
Physical culture is an important matter for consideration in connection
with the subject of moderation within the marriage relation. All forms
of outdoor recreation which are calculated to produce the best physical
condition--dumb-bells, Indian-clubs, exercises of various kinds,
frequent bathing, followed by vigorous rubbing of the external surface
of the body--are matters of great importance in this connection. If the
thought is permitted to centre upon the sexual relation the blood will
be diverted from the brain and the muscles, and the entire man will
suffer because of the depletion and drain which comes as an inevitable
result. Let the thought be turned to other considerations, and by
exercise send the blood into all parts of the body, and let the vigorous
rubbing after the bath produce a healthy glow, and contribute to good
health and to the attainment and maintenance of a well-rounded manhood.
Not only is physical culture essential for the husband, but it is
equally important for the wife, who is even more likely to underestimate
its value and neglect it altogether, unless she is encouraged to
physical effort and bodily exercise by the husband.
Remember that you and your wife owe it not only to yourselves in
securing present happiness, but owe it also to your children and to your
own future good that you shall possess the best physical results which
are possible to you; for what you are, that your children will become
after you. If they inherit either physical or mental weakness, the
parents who are to care for them will be compelled to pay for their own
sad mistakes in vigils and self-denials from which they could have
delivered themselves by timely forethought and sufficient care.
The proper mastery of your sexual nature will be worth all it costs. A
strong sexual nature is not a curse, but a blessing. God made no mistake
in making man what he is; but he never intended that the lower nature
should rule over the higher and better nature of man. The struggle is
worth all it costs, and the man who gains the mastery grows more manly,
more noble, while the man who is overcome becomes less manly, and if
lust be given the sway he becomes increasingly beastly.
If you gain and keep the mastery, the struggle will not be endless. With
that modified manhood which comes with the hush of the reproductive
nature at about middle life, there will come a growing peacefulness and
manly poise which will be marked by an increasing strength of
intellectual and moral power which will make possible to you in the
closing years of your life acquisitions and achievements which were
quite impossible in the earlier years.
CHAPTER VII.
DEFECTS AND DEFICIENCIES.
The approach to new relations and untried conditions often awakens in
the minds of the unmarried apprehensions which are entitled at least to
a brief consideration at this place.
Many young men who are looking forward to marriage spend months of
anxious forethought lest there should exist in them some physical
incapacity which might unfit them for the new relation into which they
are about to enter. Such fears, in the vast majority of cases, are
wholly groundless, and in the exceptional instances the insufficiency is
generally more seeming than real. Where the previous life has been
correct and virtuous there is not more than one case in a thousand where
any serious embarrassment may reasonably be expected to arise.
Because of a lack of nourishing food, the neglect of exercise and
physical culture, excessive overwork, dissipation and late hours, many
young men suffer from sexual weakness and become apprehensive of
impotence, and when they contemplate marriage resort to stimulants, or
the most foolish expedients, for regaining or testing their sexual
power. No more foolish or destructive course could be pursued. The
right thing to do is to inquire into the influences which have produced
the debility, remove the cause, resort to such indoor and out-of-door
exercises as will tend to the best development of the physical man,
restore health, increase the ordinary powers of endurance, and then the
apprehensions will all disappear.
Physical weakness and general debility, when emphasized by the nervous
strain of the ordinary marriage occasion and followed by the excitement
inseparable from the earliest marital relation, often result in
premature sexual loss and temporary departure of erectile power, and
beget apprehension, and even awaken fear.
But even where such instances do occur, they are usually only temporary.
Actual impotence during a period of manhood is very rare. Where there is
ground for just apprehension the young man should always consult an
intelligent and conscientious physician. If he suggests either
stimulants or association with dissolute women in order to test your
powers, in order to strengthen the reproductive system, accept this as a
sufficient evidence of his incompetency, and immorality as well, and
betake yourself to another physician. The world has passed on to that
period when a practitioner who is so ignorant as to give such dangerous
and destructive advice is unworthy of the confidence of the people upon
whose credulity and purses he preys, and also of the respect of decent
people, or a place among intelligent physicians.
Any young man who has several months remaining before marriage can
easily remove all groundless apprehensions by such a full observance of
the laws of health, due exercise in the open air, the use of dumb-bells,
Indian-clubs and home Exercisers as will develop his physical powers and
enable him to come to a just apprehension of his real condition.
Nor need a young man who has selected a bride in good health and in
appropriate physical proportions to himself feel any anxieties
concerning the deficiencies or deformities in her. Medical authorities
affirm that the obstacles to the consummation of marriage are far less
frequent in females than in males. The greatest barriers to a proper
entrance upon marriage upon the part of men are found in excessive
solitary and social vice, and especially in the results which attend and
follow venereal diseases, all of which exert a debilitating effect upon
the masculine function.
Where a young husband will carefully observe the suggestions made in a
later chapter concerning the treatment of his bride, especially from the
first day they are married, he will successfully pass any dangers, none
of which are likely to appear in the subsequent weeks or years. But
where these suggestions are ignored he may be guilty of doing such
violence to the sense of propriety of the bride, or so injure her
physically, as to make himself the heir of greatest unhappiness for the
remainder of his married life. His thought should not only be
concerning himself, but especially concerning the deliverance of his
bride from a life of invalidism and wretchedness. It seems to us that no
wrong which one might do in his ignorance could bring greater remorse
and regret than the knowledge of the fact that, without knowing it, he
had destroyed both the health and the happiness of one who otherwise
would have been a joy and blessing throughout his entire life.
In medical books designed for the profession much space is properly
given to the consideration of defects, deformities and monstrosities;
but in a book like this, designed to meet the needs of the ordinary
individual, such rare and exceptional instances need not be included.
Marked abnormal conditions are not often seen in the practice of an
ordinary physician, and it is therefore wrong to yield to the tendency
to arouse unnecessary apprehensions which can serve no useful purpose,
but which often do result in injury to the reader.
Where there exists sufficient evidence of any serious difficulty, or
physical incapacity, the young man should not fail to consult an
experienced physician of known honor and Christian integrity. Such a man
will not betray your confidence, and will be able to afford any
necessary relief, and to give judicious counsel and timely assistance.
Never, under any circumstances, apply to the quack, the shark or the
charlatan, whose only purpose will be to frighten and alarm in order
that they may the more successfully extort money from the uninformed,
in return for which they can expect nothing better than impoverishment
and humiliation, instead of wise counsel and skillful treatment.
But we must at this point speak of the kindred subject of the
apprehensions which expectant young husbands often feel with reference
to the qualification of the intended bride. As we have already said,
deformities and actual incapacity are less frequent among women than
among men. Women who know themselves to be suffering from falling of the
womb, or other serious womb trouble, should not contemplate marriage. By
becoming a wife a woman with serious womb trouble only aggravates her
condition, renders herself and her husband miserable--does the very
thing which will retard her recovery, and is even in danger of rendering
herself wholly incurable. Women who know themselves to be suffering from
such ills and ailments should always seek competent medical assistance,
cut their corset-strings, devote themselves faithfully to physical
culture, and defer their marriage until they have restored these parts
to a state of health.
Where either married or unmarried women suffer from female weakness they
are generally loath to seek competent medical relief. We have known of
married women who have suffered for many years the results of injuries
received during confinement who could easily have been not only
relieved, but permanently cured, had they applied to a competent
physician, disclosed their real condition, and submitted to intelligent
treatment.
The same is true of young, married people. Where any slight incapacity
or obstacle is found in their new relation they should promptly seek
some competent medical advisers, and not permit weeks to elapse, until,
on account of their neglect, that which could easily have been remedied
in the beginning has become the source of embarrassment, estrangement,
or, possibly, some permanent nervous affection. Where it is the wife who
needs medical attention, her modest nature may cause her to shrink from
examination or counsel, but when she remembers that medical specialists
are constantly consulted upon kindred subjects there should be no
hesitation in seeking their counsel and assistance. The utmost frankness
on the part of the patient should always enable the physician
intelligently to understand her condition, while that native female
modesty which is the attestation of her virtue will be both her
adornment and her defense.
With the increasing number of well-equipped doctors, intending brides in
increasing numbers are wisely seeking such counsel as will assure them
that there exists no impediment to the formation of a happy marriage.
Were this course universally followed it would remove much mental
anxiety, possible perplexity, and even marital infelicity. It would
disclose to those who have serious womb trouble their unfitness to
become wives and mothers, and thus enable the unfortunate ones to
escape the unhappiness and misery which marriage is sure to bring both
to them and to their husbands. It is always infinitely better to know
the facts before it is too late to escape the wretchedness which the
marital relation is sure to entail; and then, where no infirmities or
barriers exist, the knowledge of that fact will bring an assurance which
will be worth many times the embarrassment and expense involved. This is
the legitimate, reliable and proper way for every intending bride to
secure such information, and the only way to which a virtuous and
pure-minded woman could yield her consent.
CHAPTER VIII.
PURITY AND FIDELITY.
The happiness of the individual and of the family often depends upon the
influence and effects of very plain and everyday considerations, and in
closing Part First there are a few things which we desire to impress
upon the mind of the young husband which to some may seem unimportant,
but which, in fact, are very important, and your failure duly to observe
any one of which may result in your home, as it has in thousands of
others, in the blighting of happiness, in personal injury, in injustice
and wrong to wife and children, and even in the wrecking of the home
itself.
See to it that you have a pure breath. You have no right to defile your
body, or render your breath impure or offensive in any way, and
especially by the use of tobacco and liquor. You have no more right to
defile the air which your wife is to breathe than you have to defile the
water which she is to drink, or to sprinkle some disagreeable or
loathsome substance upon the food which she is to eat; and the magnitude
of this wrong would be increased in proportion to the extent to which it
adds to her discomfort or injures her health. To say the least, the use
of tobacco is a selfish habit, and if you desire to be just and equal,
you should be willing to apportion to your wife for some personal
gratification of her own an amount equal to the money which you daily or
annually expend upon yourself for the use of tobacco. The tobacco habit
is an expensive one. It not only costs an expenditure of a large amount
of money annually, but results almost universally in nervousness and
irritability. If you use tobacco in any form and will observe yourself
closely, noting the difference between the periods when you omit its use
and when, upon the other hand, you do not use it, you will be convinced
that it tends very perceptibly to render you sensitive, irritable and
uncompanionable. But this is not all. It so permeates your entire being
as seriously to affect the children which you beget and bring into the
world.
No man, we care not how indifferent he may be to the effect upon himself
or to the comfort of his wife, can be so insensible to the effect of his
own life in determining the character, happiness and destiny of his
children, as to be indifferent to the consideration of the results of
the use of tobacco upon his descendants. You may often have noticed that
men and women of good physique, and apparently enjoying the best of
health, become the parents of weak, nervous and sickly children. It
would be both unjust and untrue to assert that in every such instance
the result could be accurately traced to the use of tobacco, but the
evidence that tobacco is the real cause can be established in at least
_some_ instances. Many a child of inferior physical and intellectual
capacity has been defrauded of its larger endowment because the father
who begot it was addicted to the use of tobacco. If the teachings of the
most reliable medical authority upon this subject are to be accepted, it
would be possible to select from any community the finest physical and
intellectual specimens of men and women and let them both become
addicted to the use of tobacco, and then marry among themselves, and in
a single generation or two their descendants would fall far below the
physical and intellectual average of the children of other parents who
do not use the weed in any form.
The subject of intemperance we have fully treated in the preceding
volumes of this series, and we must refer the reader to them in that
place, especially the book addressed to young men. Liquor is not only a
curse to the individual who uses it, but it wrecks the health and
happiness of the wife and curses their yet unborn children. It not only
affects their morals, health and intelligence, but where the children
are not born imbeciles or idiots they often inherit the appetite for
drink and become depraved and drunken to the third and fourth
generation. The great minds which have shone in the intellectual
firmament of the past, or brighten and bless the present generation,
were not begotten of parents who were given to excess and dissipation.
Many a man whose descendants might have been lustrous and happy, owe
their enfeebled minds and blighted happiness to the indiscretion and
excess of the parents who brought them into the world. When God designed
to raise up a Samson he said to the mother: "Thou shalt conceive and
bear a son. Now, therefore, beware, I pray thee, and drink not wine, nor
strong drink, and eat not any unclean thing, for the child shall be a
Nazarite unto God from the womb, and he shall begin to deliver Israel
out of the hands of the Philistines." The same laws of heredity exist
to-day, and they cannot be ignored without imperiling the health and the
happiness of those who are to come after us.
If you love your wife or value your own happiness, let us urge upon you
the duty of fidelity. This is a duty that you owe to your wife in the
same proportion that she owes fidelity to you. God has made but one
standard of integrity and virtue, and this is enjoined alike upon men
and women. God says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." He does not say
women shall not, or that men shall not. There is no discrimination
between men and women.
The word "thou" means the person who reads or hears--the person
addressed, whether male or female, young or old, king or peasant, high
or low, learned or unlearned, rich or poor, white or black, bond or
free. It is alike binding upon all, without abatement or modification,
regardless of sex, race, class or condition, and without reference to
time, place or circumstance.
What is true of this commandment is also true of them all. God has not
made one set of laws for men and another for women. Neither does He
excuse or condone in men what He condemns in women. He holds both alike
answerable to the same unerring standards of social and moral purity.
Whatever may be the attitude of those who entertain lax moral views,
society has no right to condone in man what it condemns in woman. What
is wrong for her is wrong for him, and infidelity or unfaithfulness is a
crime in either.
In addition to the moral wrong there is also the great physical risk.
The unmarried man who leads a life of vice, to some extent, at least,
only imperils himself; but the married man imperils his wife and his
children in addition. The most reputable physicians can bear ample
testimony to the frequency that women apply to them for relief from
aches and ills suffered by themselves and their children, the nature and
source of which these wives do not suspect, and the terrible and
ineradicable nature of which they are totally ignorant. Such is the
terrible punishment inflicted by guilty husbands and fathers upon their
innocent and unsuspecting wives and children. Hundreds of cases might be
named; but let us give a single illustration, narrated to us by one of
the most eminent physicians of this country, whose name and residence
are not essential, as somewhat similar instances come frequently to the
attention of physicians.
A young man of a wealthy family, who had been a couple of times treated
for gonorrhœa, married a beautiful bride in a prominent and wealthy
family. A couple of weeks after his marriage he came to the physician
with one of those small sores called a chancre, which is the
unmistakable evidence of the presence of syphilis. Careful investigation
disclosed the fact that at the time of his marriage he had a concealed
chancre, and which, although unknown to himself, had nevertheless been
communicated to his bride. The treatment was prompt and of the most
skillful character, but serious results were speedily manifest. The
primary sore was followed by its secondary results. Sores appeared upon
the different parts of her body, the mucous membrane was affected, and
every hair upon the entire person of the wife fell out. She did not have
left so much as eyebrows, eyelashes, or even hairs in her nose, and, as
in some instances after a serious attack of typhoid fever, months were
necessary before the hair started again to grow. When it did grow it
returned coarse and wiry, and when about an inch or inch-and-a-half long
it very much resembled goat's hair. It could not be combed--nothing
could be done with it. She looked like a fright--was an astonishment to
her friends and an embarrassment to herself.
With no knowledge of the terrible nature of her disease, it was
difficult to induce her to persist through months for a period of at
least two years in taking her medicines. At intervals during the years
that followed she gave premature birth to children, which, whether born
dead, or living for a day or two, were masses of disease and
corruption. After four or five of such miscarriages she finally gave
birth to a child that at the time of its coming into the world seemed
healthy. Not long after the birth of this child the family removed from
the community, and the physician was unable to note the effects of the
inheritance which no child under such circumstances could possibly
escape.
While this case was impressive, it was by no means exceptional. We have
learned of instances where persons of unbounded wealth have communicated
the syphilis to their wives, and all the skill which wealth could
command has not been able to eradicate the disease or deliver the
unhappy sufferers from the consequences of the criminal unfaithfulness
of the guilty husband.
But there are consequences less manifest to the eye, but no less deadly
and destructive in effect, which come to the innocent and unoffending
wife as the result of the vice and unfaithfulness of her husband. One of
the most eminent physicians of Philadelphia, in conversation with the
author, assured us that the effects of gonorrhœa, or clap, which are
suffered by the wives is something alarming. Even where the husband has
not communicated the disease while it was active in himself, but where
the intending husband may have supposed that he was entirely cured of
gonorrhœa for a period of two years or more, he may yet communicate the
lurking remnants of that disease to the vagina, the effects soon
extending up into the womb, out through the Fallopian tubes,
oftentimes reaching the ovaries and necessitating their removal, making
it necessary to unsex the woman in order to save her from the
wretchedness and misery which are inseparable from the death which they
so often preface.
An eminent practitioner in New York, when addressing the last annual
convention of the State Medical Society, called special attention to the
prevalent effects which wives suffer as the result of gonorrhœa
contracted by their husbands, and said that a few years ago it was his
custom, when women with certain symptoms came to him for consultation,
to request a private interview with the husbands in order that he might
discover whether past unfaithfulness since marriage or a life of vice
prior to marriage was not the cause of the trouble. He said that
latterly, however, the best medical authorities were agreed that it was
not necessary to subject the husband to this trying inquisition, for the
symptoms and conditions which established the correctness of the
diagnosis were a sufficient proof of the source of all the wife's
troubles. Thousands of husbands who bemoan the fact that their wives are
complete physical wrecks are themselves the authors of the ruin which
has been wrought.
Nor is this all; fathers have often carried the disease home, and by the
use of towels have communicated the virus of the disease to the eyes of
their children or some member of the family, from which total blindness
has come as the inevitable result. We learned of one instance in which
the father communicated the disease to his entire family, including
several small children, who took their bath in the same tub, but in
different water, after the father had bathed.
For a fuller unfolding of the awful consequences of the diseases which
accompany vice we must refer the reader to the book "What a Young Man
Ought to Know," from page 93 to 153. All that has there been said in
favor of a chaste and pure life can be enjoined with even greater
emphasis on those who are married.
But what if a guilty husband and father could escape the dangers of
disease, the detection by his wife, and could even escape the lashings
of his own guilty conscience, which will smite with sevenfold force as
the years advance, yet how terrible for him to remember that
transmission is the law of heredity, and that a licentious father is the
legitimate predecessor of a vicious child. Is it comforting for a father
to anticipate with certainty that all the vices which have corrupted his
life, blighted his home and debased his moral nature are to be
transmitted to his offspring? How shall he, in the after years, when his
own children go wrong, be comforted with the thought that what they are
he was, and that what he desires them to be is what he himself should
have been. Julia, the daughter of Augustus, was as bad as her father,
and gave birth to a child of equally strong propensities. These are the
influences which have not only destroyed the happiness of homes, but
have wrecked the destinies of nations. By the love you bear your wife,
by the love which you have for your children which are and which are to
be, by the respect which you have for yourself and the fear that you
should have for your God, by all that is sacred in marriage and in home,
by all that is desired in this world and in the world to come, we plead
with you, for your present, future and eternal good, that you maintain
your marriage vow inviolate.
PART II
CONCERNING HIS WIFE
CHAPTER IX.
THE BRIDE.
We now come, in Part Second, to consider what a young husband ought to
know concerning his wife. In this chapter we desire to speak of what he
ought to know of his wife while she is yet a bride. As soon as the
minister has pronounced them husband and wife she is as truly the wife
as she is later on, and we only use the word "bride" in that commonly
accepted sense which refers to the earlier days and weeks of her married
life.
We cannot enter upon the thought of this chapter without being conscious
of the fact that doubtless thousands of young men will turn to these
pages for information concerning the marriage relation who have
themselves not yet entered the marriage bond. There is nothing in this
book which a young man of mature years may not properly know. Indeed,
every young man of mature years ought to possess the information which
this volume contains. But we are also conscious of the fact that many
young men who are engaged to marry, or are already married, will turn to
these pages expecting to find here some means of deliverance from the
results of mistakes which, in his lack of knowledge, he has already
made. As we enter upon the duty of telling the young husband what he
ought to know concerning his bride, we feel the importance of saying
that the information which he gathers from these pages will be but
partial, unless he has the information concerning woman contained in the
preceding volume of this series.
In telling a young husband what he ought to know concerning his bride,
it is especially important that he should first understand the nature
and purpose of the reproductive organs, the right relation of man to
woman, and the correct teachings concerning marriage; and for the
unfolding of these subjects we must refer the reader to Chapters VII.,
VIII. and IX. in "What a Young Man Ought to Know."
In addition to what we have said in Chapter III. of this volume, in
reference to the physical, intellectual, moral and sexual differences
between men and women, it is necessary now to call the attention of
young husbands to the fact that in woman there exists less sexual desire
and satisfaction than in man.
Perhaps of the great majority of women it would be true to say that they
are largely devoid of sexual pleasure. In regard to the intensity of the
sexual instinct, women might with some accuracy be divided into three
classes. The first class, which includes the larger number, is generally
supposed to be quite devoid of sexual inclination and feeling. The
condition of this class may be accounted for in three different ways. In
some it is the result of ill health, produced by lack of sufficient
exercise and outdoor recreation; because of excessive social demands,
late hours, indigestible food, the enervating and exhaustive effects of
novel-reading, and especially also of tight lacing, with all of its sad
effects in debilitating and displacing the sexual and vital organs which
are located in the pelvic and abdominal cavities. If women could but
realize what pleasures might be theirs, if they would only live in a
rational way, there would be but few men and women left to ask the
question whether marriage is a failure.
Another cause of sexual indifference in a large class is found in the
fact that some regard the existence of passion in women as derogatory to
their sex. There are wives who pride themselves upon their indifference
to the conjugal relation. They speak of their coldness and indifference
as though it were a virtue, instead of a defect. The fact is, they are
simply proud of their deficiency. With this, as with the proper exercise
of every other bodily function, God has associated satisfaction and
pleasure. The reception of food, which is to sustain and nourish life,
is attended with pleasure. Seeing and hearing are attended with
pleasure. The exercise of all of our bodily senses is designed to bring
us pleasure and a sense of satisfaction. The exercise of the
reproductive function is attended with great cost physically,
financially, and in every way, and God has meant that to this great
sacrifice man shall be prompted by a pleasure which shall be
correspondingly great. God has designed that the act of reproduction
should be recognized both as a duty and a pleasure, and the feeling
which prompts to the perpetuation of the species is as proper as that
which inclines the individual to the preservation of his own life or
health. There can be no doubt but that in conception God has assigned an
important office to inclination and sensation, for while authorities are
agreed that conception may take place without attendant emotion upon the
part of the female, yet the result is more assured, and the product of
such a union is of a higher standard when both persons participate in
the pleasures which invite to its consummation. This sexual indifference
upon the part of the wife may sometimes be largely due to the fact that
she and her husband are illy mated, physically, morally or socially; or
because differences of education and divergence of views have produced
that lack of harmony which has, at least measurably, blighted the
affections.
There can be but little doubt that much marital indifference upon the
part of wives is due to chronic constipation, which is so prevalent
among women.
Another cause of this indifference upon the part of some wives, and this
is a very small class, is due to malformation, local obstruction,
because of an imperfect rupturing of the hymen, or, in rare instances,
to a disease known as vaginismus, rendering the act not only devoid of
pleasure, but possessed of actual discomfort and suffering. Where these
conditions exist, prompt and competent medical assistance is needed for
local treatment and judicious advice.
The second class is composed of women who find in the marital relation a
moderate and normal pleasure when they are in health, and if indulged in
at times which are agreeable to them, and at suitable intervals. This
class represents, doubtless, those women who are more normal in this
respect than those who belong to either of the other extremes. They
constitute the middle class, and probably the largest number.
The third class represents the few in whom sexuality presides as a
ruling passion. This class is by no means as numerous as some might
imagine, and such women should never be married except to men of good
health, strong physique, large powers of endurance, and with a
pronounced sexual inclination. When a man with only moderate sexual
inclination is united to a woman of this class it is a question which is
more to be pitied, the husband whose wife is totally devoid of sexual
instinct, or the man whose wife is sexually insatiable. While there are
a few women of this class, yet the rule remains that in man the sexual
instinct is more pronounced than in woman, and that man constitutes the
active and aggressive division of the human family; for while a certain
female may possess a more pronounced sexual nature than a certain male,
yet in her sexual nature she is not as pronounced as the most active
male.
While among all species the male is the more active and aggressive, yet
any one who has given attention to the reproductive act among animals
will have noticed that in no instance can the male force this relation
upon the female without her acquiescence, and in most instances the time
of copulation is wholly determined by the condition of the female. It is
only when she is in condition to conceive that she will receive the
male, and at those periods her condition inspires him to the act. We
cannot but believe that this is also intended to be the rule among human
beings, although, strange to say, the wishes of the wife are oftentimes
wholly ignored, and she submits reluctantly, or is wholly overborne by
the exactions of an inconsiderate or brutal husband.
If this subjugation of the wish and the will of the wife to the will of
the husband is the result of the curse pronounced upon Eve, "Thy desire
shall be to thy husband," the chastisement of woman has been truly
severe, for no sorer punishment could well be inflicted than to be
deprived of the right of ruling over one's own body, and being placed in
subjection to the capricious will and exacting demands of an
unreasonable husband. If the wrongs which wives suffer in this respect
are the result of the fall of our first parents, we should nevertheless
rejoice that now the spiritual and material blessings which have been
restored by the Second Adam are also to be shared by woman, and in all
the world no other person should be so anxious to crown her with the
fullness of her natural rights as the man who will by such an effort
vindicate the nobility of his own manhood and secure for himself the
largest blessing and happiness, because he is her husband.
Not only is the reproductive nature of woman less pronounced than in
man, but its continuance in her is of a much shorter duration. At about
forty-five years of age, and in some very much earlier, the reproductive
nature of woman undergoes those changes which render conception and
childbearing impossible. At that period her sexual nature takes upon
itself modifications which are more pronounced than those experienced by
the male when a somewhat similar sexual hush comes to him. The character
of these changes, and what they involve both to the husband and to the
wife, are treated at length in the fourth volume of this series
addressed to men at forty-five, and it is well that young husbands
should know what the future has in store for them, and so regulate their
married life that the later years may bring them the largest possible
good and blessing.
The effect of the sexual relation upon newly-married men and women is
oftentimes very noticeable. Sometimes those who previously seemed hearty
and strong lose their bloom and vigor and become emaciated and
miserable. Sometimes the reverse is the case. Especially among women,
there are noticeable instances where the family heredity is good, no
organic trouble exists, and yet the individual is wholly miserable,
and after marriage speedily develops into a strong and hearty woman.
There are some who improve somewhat in health, but who avoid parenthood,
and thus defraud themselves of the acquisition of perfect health. These
cases, however, are rather the exception, and so much is involved in
marriage that no man or woman can afford to take such serious risks,
because exceptional instances do rarely occur. Yet the fact remains that
there are some who are weak and worried and restless before marriage who
become hopeful, restful and strong after marriage; while others, who
were well situated and contented in their sphere, accept, in marriage,
conditions which result in producing a nervous, despondent and restless
disposition.
If the marital relation of these people could be accurately known the
cause of these noticeable changes might oftentimes be found in the
moderation maintained by the one class and the excessive sexual
indulgence the cause in the other. Sexual excess is quite common among
married persons. In the husband it results in the destruction of
physical power and in the weakening of the intellect as well. Force used
in this way is not available for use intellectually, and the consequent
effects unfit for study, mental activity, and oftentimes for all kinds
of business. It renders the husband nervous, morose, and
uncompanionable. The man who is guilty of excess not only destroys his
own capacity for pleasure, but is alike unjust to his wife. He renders
her incapable of marital pleasure, and also renders her incapable of
bringing to him the satisfaction which he seeks. Such a husband destroys
the amiability of his wife, renders her weak and nervous, converts her
into an invalid, and imposes upon himself large financial outlays for
medical advice and attendance. Such a husband deliberately, but not
always knowingly, consumes and destroys the physical qualities which
made the wife attractive to him, and destroys the very foundation upon
which all happiness in the home must rest. Excessive sexual tendencies
among men are generally the result of early self-pollution, later
illicit relations, reveling in vile stories, nude pictures, the reading
of suggestive novels, the polluting of the imagination, and incorrect
ideas of the proper relation in marriage. Thought is allowed to dwell
too much upon these subjects, the flow of blood to the sexual parts
becomes excessive, and the only remedy is by purifying the mind,
correcting the ideas, resolutely determining to be moderate and
considerate, removing all causes of undue sexual excitement, resorting
to the bath, being judicious in the diet, giving due consideration to
physical culture, and taking such an amount of exercise daily as is
calculated to secure the best physical results and most effectual sexual
mastery. The man who needs to be helped in the direction of moderation
would do well to confide in his wife that her influence over him may be
helpful and corrective, for in this, as in other things, a discreet and
considerate wife is her husband's best balance-wheel.
CHAPTER X.
THE CARE OF THE BRIDE.
Few young husbands are intelligent guardians of their brides. Indeed,
when first entering upon the marriage relation, young husbands are in
danger of making some very serious mistakes. Many a husband has had
cause to regret that in his lack of consideration he has allowed his
passion to awaken in his wife such a feeling of disgust as to obliterate
her affection for him, to blast the prospects of all future happiness,
and render both himself and wife miserable throughout all their
subsequent years.
In the first place a young husband should know that many women, even at
the time of their marriage, are totally ignorant of all questions
relating to sex. There are some women who do not so much as know that
there are any physical differences between men and women. There are
others who may know there is some difference, but into whose minds the
thought of coition has never once entered. While this may not be true in
a majority of cases, yet it is true in a large number of instances. We
have even known of young wives who have approached the period of their
first confinement who did not know the cause of their increasing bodily
size; and we recently learned of an instance where the physician was
already in the room to attend the expectant mother, who thought that she
was to be delivered of her child by a surgical operation. She thought
that the doctor was to make an incision in the abdomen, and remove her
child in that way.
To say that all this is culpable ignorance does not, however, remove the
fact. Young husbands do well to recognize the fact that such ignorance
exists, and that, in addition to such possible ignorance upon the part
of his own bride, there is that general condition of exhaustion and
debility which follows as the result of the weeks of preparation and
nervous excitement which have preceded and culminated at the time of the
wedding festivities. We have already dwelt upon this phase of the
subject, and we need not enlarge upon it here. With the poor it is
weeks, and sometimes months, of sewing and preparation. With the rich it
is the meeting of social exactions and requirements, formal visitations,
and then senseless seclusion. In each instance the results are equally
enervating, bringing most brides, whether rich or poor, to the one great
event in their lives in an exhausted and nervous condition. To say the
least, this uniform physical depletion entitles the bride to the most
thoughtful consideration and most gentle treatment that the young
husband can exercise.
With ignorance upon the one side, inconsideration and ungovernable
passion upon the other, the combination is unfortunate and the results
are oftentimes serious. The first act in the drama which is to culminate
in separation and an effort to secure a divorce, is often enacted upon
the night of the very day which witnessed the marriage ceremony and was
attended with the congratulation of friends. The ignorance and
inconsiderateness of both are alike to blame for this sad result--the
wife for her lack of knowledge and consideration, and the husband for
his lack of intelligent and thoughtful appreciation of the delicacies
and dangers of his new relation.
In Greece the custom prevails of allowing three days to intervene
between the marriage ceremony and the consummation of marriage. It would
be well if such a custom prevailed everywhere. It would allow the
exhausted, nervous, timid bride to bring to the consummation of the
marriage relation renewed vigor and mental composure. It would prepare
the mind of the young husband for such self-possession and restraint as
would be becoming in this new relation, and would secure for him a
happiness greatly heightened in intensity, and that would be prolonged
through all the years that lie beyond.
It is enough to make a thoughtful and considerate man blush to think of
the scores of wives who annually confess to their physicians that the
only rape that was ever committed upon them was by their own husbands
the first day of their married life. We recently heard of an instance
where the expressed impatience and manifest impetuosity of the young
husband, the moment he came into the bridal chamber with his young wife,
awakened in her mind such a feeling of disgust that after a brief
parleying the young wife left the room and refused ever to return to her
husband, and thus terminated abruptly what, with thoughtful and
considerate approaches and manifest affection, might have resulted in a
union of lifelong happiness.
In his book, entitled "Plain Talks on Avoided Subjects," Dr. Henry L.
Guernsey says: "Tenderly and with great consideration should these
privileges be accepted, for, contrary to the opinion of many men, there
is no sensual passion on the part of the bride that induces her to grant
such liberties. Then how exquisitely gentle and how forbearing should be
the bridegroom's deportment on such occasions. Sometimes such a shock is
administered to her sensibilities that she does not recover from it for
years; and in consequence of this shock, rudely or ruthlessly
administered, she forms a deeply rooted antipathy against the very act
which is the bond and seal of a truly happy married life."
Mrs. E. B. Duffey, in her book entitled "The Relations of the Sexes,"
says: "Do not be in too great haste to brush the bloom from the fruit
you covet. It will lose half its attractions at once. Practice in lawful
wedlock the arts of the seducer rather than the violence of the man who
commits rape, and you will find the reward of your patience very sweet
and lasting. This bud of passion cannot be forced rudely open. Its
development must be the work of time. If the young wife is met with
violence, if she finds that her husband regards the gratification of his
own desires more than her feelings--and if she be worn and wearied with
excesses in the early days of her married life, the bud will be
blighted. The husband will have only himself to blame if he is bound all
his life to an apathetic, irresponsive wife. It is easy to imagine the
unsatisfactory conjugal relations which are brought about in punishment
of the husband's early impetuosity and ignorance. He finds an
unreciprocal wife, doubts her affection for him, because, with his
masculine nature, he cannot conceive of a love unblended with passion.
She, in her defrauded womanhood, feels aggrieved and debased by any
conjugal approach--especially by an enforced one--and finds it equally
hard to understand how affection and passion can be united; the one she
knows to be so self-forgetful and denying, and the other she has such
abundant cause for believing utterly selfish and rapacious."
The excesses which are likely to follow after the earliest experiences
of married life are also to be cautiously guarded against. The author
whom we have just quoted says: "I will venture to say that there is not
one man in fifty who in the first years of his married life is not
guilty of sexual abuse towards his wife, which effect is alone
sufficient to account for the great prevalence of female diseases. Not
that every woman is injured by it to the extent of inflammation and
ulceration, yet many are. I am not running a tilt against married men. I
blame them for no intentional wrong--only for ignorance. And women are
also equally to blame in this matter. They are just as ignorant as their
husbands, and often allow themselves to yield to demands or
importunities when, if they were to consider it a conscientious duty to
refuse, they would do so.
"The tender, delicate organs of generation in women are often abused to
such an extent by too frequent use that they become inflamed and
ulcerate, and render the woman an invalid. Even the husband does not see
the cause or measure the extent of his folly, but persists in his
selfish course in spite of the sufferings he causes his wife, constantly
aggravating her disorders, and rendering them more and more hopeless of
cure. Thus the husband, kind and attentive in all other matters--who
would not allow the winds of heaven to visit the cheek of his wife too
roughly--becomes, in this one respect, a very--I was about to say brute;
but the animal creation presents no parallel case, so I find no
appropriate word in comparison."
In his book entitled "The Transmission of Life," Dr. George H. Napheys,
in writing upon this subject, says: "The consequence is that in repeated
instances the thoughtlessness and precipitancy of the young husband lay
the foundation for numerous diseases of the womb and nervous system; for
the gratification of a night he forfeits the comfort of years. Let him,
at the time when the slow-paced hours have at last brought to him the
treasures he has so long been coveting, administer with a frugal hand
and with a wise forethought. Let him be considerate, temperate, and
self-controlled. He will never regret it if he defer for days the
exercise of those privileges which the law now gives him, but which are
more than disappointing if seized upon in an arbitrary, coarse, or
brutal manner.
"The husband should be aware that while, as a rule, the first conjugal
approaches are painful to the new wife, and, therefore, that she only
submits and cannot enjoy them. This pain should not be excessively
severe, nor should it last for any great length of time--not more than
one or two weeks. Should the case be otherwise, then something is wrong,
and if rest does not restore the parts a physician should be consulted.
It is especially necessary that great moderation be observed at first,
an admonition which we the more urgently give because we know it is
needed, because those specialists who devote their time to diseases of
women are constantly meeting patients who date their months and years of
misery from the epoch of marriage."
The pain and inconvenience to which the doctor refers in the preceding
paragraph is oftentimes due to the presence in young wives of what is
known as the hymen. This is a thin membrane which nature places near the
lower extremity of the vaginal passage to protect the delicate linings
of the reproductive organs of the female against the admission of any
foreign substance, exposure to cold, or any other influence which might
tend to the injury of the reproductive nature. With the growth of the
body this membrane sometimes acquires such consistency or strength that
the rupturing of it is attended with inconvenience, and oftentimes with
much pain. This fact alone should render a young husband very
considerate, dispassionate, and thoughtful.
The pain attendant upon the rupturing of the hymen is not so much due to
the sensitiveness of the membrane itself as the fact that it adheres to
the walls of the vagina, and any lateral pressure brought to bear upon
the hymen imposes such a tension where the hymen is attached to the
walls of the vagina as to produce, in some instances at least, intense
pain. The rupturing of the hymen is often attended with a small quantity
of blood, sometimes scarcely perceptible, and at other times more
considerable.
It was at one time thought that the presence of the hymen was an
unmistakable evidence of virginity, and its absence was regarded as a
cause for suspicion, if not a proof, of previous sexual relation. While
it is true that in most virgins the hymen does exist, yet we do not have
the slightest hesitation in saying that it does not exist in all. It may
be ruptured and destroyed by a slight accident during childhood, is
sometimes even destroyed at birth; in abnormal cases it may need to be
destroyed mechanically by the family physician in order to remove it as
an impediment in the more easy flow of the monthly period.
Mrs. E. B. Duffey, in "What Women Should Know," when writing of the test
of virginity, says: "It is popularly believed that the husband receives
proof, upon the consummation of his marriage, of the previous chastity
of his wife. If he obtains this evidence it is safe to accept it as
conclusive, though rare exceptional cases are to be met with in which
the evidence counts for nothing. If, on the other hand, the proof is
wanting, it is most unjust and cruel, on the strength of this alone, to
charge a wife with want of chastity previous to marriage. It is not
uncommon for accidents, which may occur at any time, and which may even
date back to birth itself, to destroy this evidence, or it may never
have existed."
Dr. Napheys says: "The presence or absence of the hymen is no test.
There is, in fact, no sign whatever which allows even an expert
positively to say that a woman has or has not suffered the approaches of
one of the opposite sex. The true and only test which any man should
look for is modesty in demeanor before marriage, absence both of assumed
ignorance and a disagreeable familiarity, and a pure and religious frame
of mind. Where these are present he need not doubt that he has a
faithful and chaste wife."
It is important for young husbands to know that when a serious
inconvenience is experienced in the consummation of marriage, if not
easily removed by care and consideration, but remains an impediment or a
pain for a period of days, or of a couple of weeks, medical advice and
assistance should by all means be sought. In the case of women who have
advanced in years before marriage such difficulties often occur, and
medical assistance is the safest, most sensible and speediest source of
delivery.
We cannot pass this point without seeking to impress upon the young
husband the danger liable to result from the use of wine and other
stimulants upon the occasion of his marriage. One of the most terrible
afflictions which can come to any home is the birth of an idiot, and if
the statements of medical authority are to be relied upon, the birth of
these unfortunate burdens to their parents is due to their conception at
a time when either the husband or the wife, or both, were under the
effects of stimulants, and the temporary idiocy of an inebriated man or
woman has been transmitted and permanently embodied in the begetting and
birth of a child that has been robbed of its rights by the wrongs of its
parents, who have pulled down upon their own heads one of the most awful
and prolonged curses which could be suffered as a result of a human
mistake.
Note also carefully the fact that the exhausted physical condition of
the bride is sure to result in an enfeebled offspring, should conception
occur before she has regained her physical powers. It is possible that
the exhausted physical condition of young brides, and that the
excessive indulgence which is likely to follow the earlier months of
marriage, either one or both, are largely the chief cause, or causes, of
the frightful mortality among first-born children.
The joys of the newly-married are not only noticeable, but very
beautiful. The outgoings of human affection are as beautiful and
impressive as the relation of the birds that don their brightest
plumage, sing their sweetest songs and build their nests in the
springtime, when the mating instincts and emotional nature of the birds
reach their highest and most animate expression. A young bride, in
conversation with one of her intimate friends, in alluding to her
happiness, said: "It is too good to last." The fact is, that this
intensity of reproductive activity must give place to corresponding
rest-periods of considerable length, or depletion and death would ensue
as the inevitable result. The wave not only cannot, but it should not
always remain at its crest, but it must subside and sink, in order that
it may regain itself and rise on the crest of a new wave of emotional
activity.
The pleasures of married life can only be heightened and perpetuated in
a home of your own. The newly-married should always live apart by
themselves, wherever such a course is at all possible. Living with the
parents of either party is generally disadvantageous, and life in a
hotel or boarding-house is not only undesirable, but dangerous.
Birds never live in a boarding-house, neither should married people. To
the newly-married it is a place of special disadvantage and danger. They
need to be alone, rather than under the constant gaze of the curious. In
such a place both are exposed to the constant assaults of gossips, the
wife is compelled to live in idleness, is a prisoner in her own room, is
exposed to perils innumerable, and jealousies and alienations are likely
to be engendered. A boarding-house is no place for the newly-married,
who have a right to expect that lawful and honorable marriage may result
in parentage. Any medical practitioner can testify to the number of
young wives who have besought them to murder their unborn children
because they were "boarding," and it was "not convenient to have a
family."
A modest little home of your own is always best. If that is not
possible, then rent a house, but do not start in a pretentious and
extravagant way. Live within your means from the beginning. Do not bank
upon the future. If you do not save money at first, the probabilities
are that you never will. Debt is a terrible incubus. It will take the
color out of the cheek of your wife, it will despoil the husband of
pluck and energy and hope. It will cast over the prospect of coming
years the dark shadow of despondency and despair. Cheerfully submit to
such self-denials as will enable you to save something from your income.
Join a good and safe building association, and if you cannot buy an
humble home at once, plan to do so as early as possible. Plan for your
needs and comforts, rather than for display and wretchedness. Home
happiness is found in contraction, and not in expansion. A large house
with many rooms requires the presence of many servants. These irritate,
bring constant annoyance to the wife, who should be carefully delivered
from undue anxiety; and they also impose large outlays of money, for
which neither the husband nor the wife receive many returns, unless it
may be the empty satisfaction of "what our friends will think." If you
really wish your friends to think well of you, be governed by sense and
not by sentiment.
For the sake of health, of present and future happiness, and the
well-being of your children that are to be, both the husband and the
wife should be industrious. His daily occupation and her daily duties
will prove ministers of mercy to each. Idleness for either is a
misfortune. Discontent, dissatisfaction and divorce, one or all, are
always born of idleness.
Perhaps one of the happiest moments in your life will be when you step
into a house which you can call your own home, and for the first time
sit down at your own table. If you wish to perpetuate that joy, see to
it that you are attentive, devoted, given to a verbal expression of your
affection and an appreciation for every effort made by your wife to
render your home attractive, your food palatable and your life
enjoyable. Let her know that you appreciate every effort that she puts
forth, and as the months and the years go by do not think a repetition
of praise would become an offending monotony to her. A wife never ceases
to love the expressions of admiration, appreciation and affection upon
the part of her husband.
If you start out with a struggle to determine whether the will of the
wife or the will of the husband shall have preference and pre-eminence,
you may reasonably expect contention and strife for all the rest of your
life. Let each seek to surpass the other in consideration, deference,
and even self-denial, and the light and the joy which break upon your
home in the beginning will abide to the end.
CHAPTER XI.
THE YOUNG WIFE AND MOTHERHOOD.
In a previous place we have spoken of the importance of industry and
activity as important elements in a young wife, and as essential in
securing success for the family, happiness in the home, and bodily
health and vigor for the wife. An idle woman is always an unhappy woman,
and she eventually succeeds in making every one unhappy about her. Her
household duties are no misfortune, but a blessing.
But there is also another side to the question. Unthoughtful husbands do
not always appreciate the magnitude of the duties which fall to the
successful homemaker and homekeeper. Her duties are legion. We do not
now speak of the wives who live in affluence, who never need to regard
expense, who have only to indicate their wish in order to have it
executed; but of the great multitude of wives and mothers who preside in
the homes of the great middle class and of those who struggle with the
economies and duties in homes of small means. The young husband should
appreciate the fact that if the beautiful poetry which adorns the
tombstones in our cemeteries could be translated into truthful prose
they would tell of the thousands of martyrs to mending, sewing, baking,
scrubbing--they would tell that the weapons by which hundreds of these
housekeepers were slain were the broom, the sewing-machine, the cradle
and the ladle. The Thirty Years' War was not so severe or so prolonged
as the warfare which is waged from early morning till late at night by
the great army of industrious wives, busy mothers and anxious
homekeepers. If the boy has lost his book or the girl her bonnet, mother
must help to find it. If the baby coughs or cries at night the father
sleeps on oblivious of the fact, but the infant cannot stir without
being heard by its anxious and attentive mother. If sickness compels,
she bends in anxious vigils over the little life that lies in the
cradle. If the breadwinner is brought home sick, it matters not how
manifold the duties of the mother, no trained nurse can take the place
of the wife at the bedside. In health and in sickness, in prosperity and
adversity, during the day and at night, the wife and the mother finds
herself the centre of duties, and very often of exactions.
In the demands which a young husband makes upon the young wife he should
remember what are her duties and requirements during the day, in the
home, in the church, in society, in the community; he should remember
that physically she is the weaker vessel, that even when in her best
physical condition sexual inclination is largely dormant, and when she
is weary and worn she deserves to be treated with more than usual
thoughtfulness and consideration.
Whatever demands the young husband makes upon his wife, whether as his
helper or the participant of his joys, he should remember that even from
the low standpoint of selfish interest and personal pleasure he wrongs
himself, in addition to being unjust and oftentimes cruel to his wife,
when he fails to take into consideration her physical condition and
manifold duties.
If the young husband and wife desire to be permanently happy they dare
not ignore the special purpose for which God instituted marriage. While
marriage has other purposes, yet the great final purpose is the raising
up of a family and the perpetuation of the human race. The injunction
which God gave to Noah, when he said, "Be ye fruitful and multiply,
bringing forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein," is
to-day, and ever will be, in force. Among the Israelites barrenness was
regarded as one of the greatest of misfortunes. In many instances it was
regarded as a cause of personal shame, and even of dishonor. When Hannah
went up to the Temple and prayed for a son she was only giving
expression to the longings and desires which filled the heart of every
barren Israelitish woman who had entered into the sacred bonds of
marriage, and when God promised Abraham and Sarah that their seed should
be in multitude as the stars in the heavens they regarded themselves as
the recipients of one of the greatest blessings which God could bestow.
The same is true in India, where the people are polygamists in theory,
but seldom in practice, except when the first wife is childless. The
family must not be left without a priest, or the parents without
descendants; therefore the husband is permitted by law to take two, or
even more, wives, in order that he may raise up children unto himself.
If marriage was instituted for the good of the man and the woman who
enter into this sacred relation, their highest good cannot be attained
in this relation until their union is blessed with children. It has been
aptly said that the man needs the woman and the woman needs the man, and
both need the children. The obligation to have children is not only
enjoined in the Scriptures, but written in the physical, social and
moral constitution of man and woman. This law is "rooted in the
unconscious law of life which bids us perpetuate our kind; which guards
over the conservation of life." "Love looks to marriage and marriage to
offspring as a natural sequence." Any entering into the bond of marriage
with the resolved purpose of avoiding the begetting and the bearing of
children constitutes a union which accepts lust in the place of love,
and converts the honorable estate of marriage into a form of legalized
prostitution.
An earnest writer aptly says: "I must counsel husbands and wives to
cherish the hope of becoming parents, and to let their hearts stand in a
holy attitude in this respect. You should allow neither moderate income,
financial pressure, sensual pleasure, nor evil forebodings, to cause
you to entertain unholy thoughts or induce you to engage in criminal
proceedings in this matter. No child should be considered an unwelcome
intruder in the home. The heart of the home is the cradle; it is the
cementing tie between husband and wife. God intends that husbands and
wives should become parents; and no pure woman nor honorable man will
enter upon matrimony with intentions to the contrary. If they do, God
will visit upon them degraded morals, ruined health, financial loss, or
other terrible inflictions. The world has millions of faithful wives and
mothers, but there are thousands of childless wives who are so because
they entered into that black crime of conspiring with the devil to
prevent them from being mothers. They regard children as an unmitigated
nuisance, and consequently darken, blast and damn their own lives with
an act of murder. On the other hand, God blesses the mothers, in that he
prolongs their days and brings up their children to reflect glory and
honor upon them."
Dr. Guernsey says: "The object of marriage is the ultimation of that
love which brings the two together and binds them together in the
procreation and rearing of children for heaven. This is the only true
aim and sole object about which every earthly desire, interest and plan
of the married pair should cluster. No greater crime in the sight of
heaven exists to-day than that of preventing the natural use of
marriage. This is done in a great variety of ways, every one of which
is criminal, in whatever form practiced; and none will escape the
penalty--no, not one. Nature's laws are inexorable; every transgression,
therefore, is surely punished, even at the _climacteric period_, if not
before. The questions of failing health, or physical inability, or too
frequent conceptions are matters for the investigation, advice and
decision of an experienced, judicious and upright physician. They should
never be taken in hand and judged upon by the parties themselves. And to
the objection 'Can't afford to have children--they cost too much,' I
have faith enough to reply, 'Our heavenly Father never sends more mouths
than he can feed.' Let each one do his and her duty in life, and this
cavil falls to the ground--which, when spilled, cannot be gathered up.
"Good people everywhere rejoice when they behold a married couple living
together in an orderly manner and rearing a large family of children.
How often is Queen Victoria held up as a pattern of excellence in this
respect. She accepted and acknowledged Prince Albert as her husband and
gave herself to him as his wife; and so indeed she was in every sense of
the term. Although a queen, sitting on the pinnacle of power, she did
not seek to avoid the pangs, the dangers or inconveniences of bearing
children. By her own personal strength her twelve children were brought
forth, and her own sensitive fibres and tissues felt the suffering. She
nursed, caressed and loved them like a good mother, and she was a
_royal mother_! Other kings and queens have done likewise; other
husbands and wives, high in power, wealth and fashion, have done and are
still doing the same. And how much the less should we, in the humbler
walks of life, obey the divine command, 'Be fruitful and multiply'? If a
husband truly loves his wife, and if she truly loves him, they will live
for each other and in each other, and they will be one; and they will
seek to do right in every particular of their marital relation."
We believe that every thoughtful man and considerate husband will
concede that motherhood may not justly or properly be forced upon a
resisting wife. That many wives do refuse to bear children, no
well-informed person can deny. Sometimes the reasons assigned are
unworthy of womanhood, base and ignoble. At other times the reasons
assigned by the wife are worthy of the most thoughtful consideration.
But whether the reasons which the wife entertains are honorable or
dishonorable, correct or criminal, it must nevertheless be acknowledged
that she is a free moral agent, and if she assumes the responsibility of
declining one of the main purposes for which marriage was instituted she
must herself bear the responsibility. To designedly inflict conception
upon an unwilling and resisting wife the husband makes himself guilty of
great injustice, invades the personal rights of his wife as an
individual, and is guilty of a great wrong.
Where a wife is unwilling to become a mother, the best way for a husband
to move her mind properly in this matter is to bring her under the
influence of such books and teachings as will help her to understand her
duty and obligation in this matter; help her to see that this is one of
the great purposes for which marriage is instituted, and that where
childbearing is intentionally and persistently evaded it becomes a crime
against man and against God.
Many wives are not willing to consent to become mothers because they are
unwilling to give up society; they prefer to live for the rounds of
fashionable life. With others there is a dread of childbearing. This is
not so common in brides or newly-married women; but with many, after
they have given birth to one child they are unwilling ever to consent to
a similar struggle. Had these young wives been made intelligent by their
mothers, and been properly instructed upon these subjects before
marriage, and lived according to the laws of hygiene and health during
the period preceding the birth of their child, their experience might
have been very different, and they would never have had the dread which
comes to so many. There are good books upon this subject, and those who
live hygienically and properly will find the terrors of childbearing
greatly mitigated; indeed, they may be almost wholly alleviated. There
are those who contend that childbearing may be rendered practically
painless, and those who desire information upon this subject would do
well to read the book entitled "Maternity Without Suffering," which is
worth many times its cost.[A]
[A] "Maternity Without Suffering," by Dr. Emma F. A. Drake. Cloth
binding. Price fifty cents. Published by the Vir Publishing Company.
There are other women who dread the care and rearing of children, and
there are still others whose aversion to childbearing is wholly due to
their false ideas of life. To us, one of the saddest sights is a woman
with a pronounced God-given mother-instinct who is unwilling to bear
children, or, if she is the mother of children, is not willing to care
for them, but thrusts them from her, committing them wholly to nurses
and attendants, and then allows the mother-instinct to find its
expression in petting a cat or mothering a dog.
No married woman should refuse to become a mother because of its perils.
Statistics go to show that more unmarried women between the ages of
twenty and forty-five die than of married women. God designed woman for
motherhood, fitted her for its physical requirements, and her largest
happiness, best health, greatest usefulness and longest life is attained
by conformity to this divine purpose. Among the greatest sufferers in
this world are the large numbers of those who have sought to defeat the
purposes of God and have brought upon themselves untold misery.
Obedience brings blessing. It is not only the end, but "the _way_ of the
transgressor" that is hard.
Parenthood is also essential to the rounding out of the moral nature.
That which is noblest and best in woman's nature is awakened and
quickened when for the first time is folded to her breast a new life
which is a part of herself. The child will teach her to be unselfish, to
live for the happiness and well-being of another. Its government and
discipline will awaken in her mind the principles which she desires to
instil into the mind of her child, and as she gathers her little ones
about her, tells them of God and heaven, and teaches them to lisp their
infant prayer, her religious nature will attain unto a perfection and
beauty which would not be possible under any other earthly influence.
The thoughtful and judicious wife also recognizes the fact that the
presence of children in the home will exert an influence over the father
which will refine, benefit and bless as no other influence on earth can.
The little ones that reach out their hands in dependence toward him will
inspire him to energy and effort in a higher, holier and nobler way than
could ever be done by any commercial consideration. The noblest and most
considerate manifestations of the father nature can in no other way be
called into so full and beautiful an exercise as by the presence of
children in the home. If the love for his children and the desire for
their well-being and blessing do not teach him larger lessons of
self-denial than he has ever known before, he will demonstrate that he
is incapable of feeling the influence of the most potent incentive which
God has permitted to come into human lives.
But the children will have an effect not only upon the parents
individually, but they will bless both by drawing the husband and wife
into a closer bond of sympathy and affection than would be possible
under any other conditions. It has aptly been said that children are
golden links that bind the husband and wife in a bond of closest
endearment. They also serve as a buffer to break the jars of family
life. These little ones awaken the best qualities in the natures of both
parents. They enlarge and round out those qualities which would
otherwise remain dwarfed and prematurely die. They afford a purpose in
life for the father and mother, such as can be found in no other object
upon earth.
In the study of their own children parents have an opportunity to learn
human nature as they can learn it nowhere else. When their children are
old enough they will criticise, suggest, and often help the parents to
correct faults which would otherwise go unnoted and which could be
properly criticised by no one else. It is the absence of this help which
children bring into the home which oftentimes renders childless married
people more faulty than others who have the advantage of such help. In
times of trouble and trial the children will be prepared to comfort and
sustain their parents. In times of sickness they will come with their
sympathy and assistance, and when advancing years and the infirmities of
age come they will be prepared to comfort and sustain their parents,
and in their declining years afford them a refuge and a home, and when
death comes they will shed the tear of sympathy and over their graves
will plant the flowers that shall bloom in beauty and fragrance.
That the mother-instinct exists in the hearts of infants is early seen
in the desire upon the part of little girls to mother their dolls,
whether they have been purchased at great cost or are made of a few old
clothes rolled up into the shape of a rag-baby. Where a stranger is
uncertain about the sex of a child it can usually be pretty certainly
determined by asking whether they prefer a doll or a horse.
It would be wrong, however, to suppose, because the little boy manifests
the preference for a horse, that therefore he will never be interested
in children. The pleasures and satisfactions of parenthood are as great
to the father as to the mother, and while there is a difference between
the mother-nature and the father-nature, yet, because of the terribly
perverting influences of modern society, the desire for children is
often stronger in the husband than in the wife. Where the natures of
both are as God intended, sterility and barrenness would be alike a
great disappointment for either. The desire for children is natural both
to men and women, and in the home, as in universal nature,
unfruitfulness and barrenness are a great misfortune.
About one marriage in eight or ten is usually barren of children. In the
animal kingdom, and among insects especially, an abundance of food is
indispensable to a rapid increase of numbers by reproduction. In the
human family the question of food as it stands related to the question
of reproduction is an important one. If the food is insufficient, either
in quantity or quality, to maintain good physical conditions, or if it
is too abundant or too rich, a tendency to sterility and barrenness is
alike the result. Illustrations are not wanting of persons who,
possessing large wealth and allowing themselves great indulgence in
eating, became fat and corpulent and remained childless, but when
financial reverses came their corpulence departed with their wealth, and
they became the parents of children.
While the question of food is very important, it is not the only cause
of barrenness. Sterility may be due to excessive sexuality in the
marriage relation, or it may be due to such ante-nuptial indulgence of
the husband as has resulted in a depleted condition of the reproductive
organs. Sometimes it is due to apathy on the part of the wife, and at
other times, although less frequent, it may be the result upon her part
of too intense pleasure during coition.
It may also be due to abnormal conditions produced by tampering with the
reproductive function. In some instances there is a lack of such
physiological compatibility as is necessary to result in conception.
Instances are not wanting where barrenness has existed and the
subsequent remarriage of both parties have demonstrated that neither
were personally sterile, but that unitedly they were physiologically
incompatible.
Barrenness is oftentimes the result of displacement of the womb or other
unfavorable conditions in the female. It would be wrong, however, to
suppose that the difficulty may not rest wholly with the husband. Even
where a man seems in good bodily vigor and enjoys excellent health, the
sperm may be devoid of those characteristics which are essential to the
production of life. This condition can only be determined by a competent
physician with the aid of the microscope and other means. It is also
asserted by reliable medical authority that miscarriage may take place
so early after conception that the wife may never suspect the real
condition, but imagine herself sterile.
The cause of the barrenness of not a few women is clearly traceable to
the fact that because of the impure life of the husband, either before
or after marriage, he contracted gonorrhœa, and although at the time he
may have thought it a small matter, and soon regarded himself as
entirely cured, this terrible disease left its trace behind it, and
perhaps two or three years afterward, when he entered the marriage
relation, he imparted the hidden remnants of this disease to his
innocent and unsuspecting wife, and in whom, perchance, the real disease
has never been recognized at all, but the inflammation which it caused
extended from the vagina to the womb, and then out through the tubes to
the ovaries, and the delicate organs of reproduction were so injured as
to result in permanent barrenness.
The cure for barrenness is found in remedying the cause. To discover
what that cause is often requires the consultation and advice of a
thoroughly competent physician, and to arrive at the most reliable
conclusion a physical examination of the wife or the husband, or of
both, may be necessary.
Where no means have been used to prevent conception, and the young wife
has remained childless for a period of three years, there is adequate
ground for a reasonable fear that causes exist, either in the husband or
in the wife, which are likely to result in permanent sterility, and then
no time should be lost to discover and remove the cause or causes.
The earlier years of married life are usually more fruitful than the
years later on. Even where marriage is contracted after twenty-five
years of age, the tendency towards sterility is easily perceptible.
Marriage, either at too early or too late a period, tends to barrenness.
Upon the part of the female the years from eighteen to twenty-four are
likely to be the best years for marriage and maternity. Sometimes there
is barrenness for a period of years, and this is followed by a period of
quite frequent childbearing.
Barrenness may frequently be remedied by the exercise of great care upon
the part of both the husband and the wife in the matter of diet and
proper physical exercise. Sometimes a period of separation, varying
from a few weeks to several months, is necessary to effect such physical
changes as are requisite to the desired result. Single beds and separate
apartments are sometimes essential, not only in order to secure
conception, but to protect the beginnings of life from such disturbing
influences as tend to produce the abnormal ejection of the embryo from
its place of retention and growth in the womb.
CHAPTER XII.
QUESTIONS CONCERNING OFFSPRING.
It is natural that parents should long for children, and it is only
proper that those who are barren should seek by all judicious and proper
means to secure fruitfulness. But we are sorry to say that there is a
widely prevalent and unnatural desire upon the part of many wives, and
sometimes of their husbands also, to evade conception. This desire
oftentimes leads these unnatural parents to seek the destruction of
unborn human life. If the testimony of medical authority upon this
subject is to be believed, this mania for child-murder is verily the
"terror that walketh in darkness and the destruction that wasteth at
noonday."
It is the duty of parents to protect the lives of their children, and
the mother who desires or even consents to the murder of the infant in
the cradle where God has placed it preparatory to its birth is as truly
a murderer as when she strangles or stabs or poisons her infant in the
cradle in which she has placed it after it is born. That the law
recognizes the gravity of this crime is manifest by the fact that in
nearly all the States of the Union this crime is regarded as murder, and
punished accordingly. In some States, if the mother is proven guilty,
the penalty is death, and in nearly all the States all who participate,
have knowledge of, or assist, directly or indirectly, in producing such
a result, are punished with imprisonment ranging from five to twenty
years.
It has been supposed by some that where the beginnings of life are
destroyed before the period of quickening, no crime is committed. This
is a great mistake. From the moment that the spermatozoön penetrates the
ovum and unites with it, life is present, and the destruction of that
life is murder. The proposition is a very simple one. The only condition
upon which the ovum may remain in the womb is by possessing life. As
soon as it becomes dead it is rejected and cast out. If impregnated,
while life continues in it, during its period of development, if nature
is not interfered with, it is retained and nourished because it has
life. The facts are simple enough: the germ is either dead or alive. If
dead, nature casts it out; if alive, nature retains it. If nature
retains it, and it is destroyed or removed by artificial means, the
person or persons who produce such a result are guilty of murder.
There is no middle ground in this matter. Dr. H. S. Pomeroy, in his
excellent book entitled "Ethics of Marriage," aptly says: "She who
obtains a miscarriage at the earlier months of pregnancy feels
comparatively virtuous because she draws the line at 'quickening.' This
is moral jugglery and ethical hair-splitting; what evidence is there of
soul at five months which may not be found at four? True, the unborn
child of the latter age does not appear to move its legs and arms, while
the other usually does. Is the spirit situated in the extremities, or is
the movement of a muscle evidence of a soul? Considered from the low
plane of physical life only, what reason is there for the distinction?
There has been _life_ from the first; there is no _independent life_
until birth. It is reasonable to suppose that the Creator, who has been
steadily at work for four months and fifteen days on one of the most
delicate and complicated pieces in his whole laboratory, and has made no
mistake thus far--the work being absolutely perfect as far as
carried--considers it of little or no consequence to-day, but of the
utmost importance and value when it shall have been in his hands a few
hours longer!"
Dr. Napheys, in "Physical Life of Woman," says: "_From the moment of
conception_ a new life commences; a new individual exists; another child
is added to the family. The mother who deliberately sets about to
destroy this life, either by want of care, or by taking drugs, or using
instruments, commits as great a crime, is just as guilty, as if she
strangled her newborn infant, or as if she snatched from her own breast
her six months darling and dashed out its brains against the wall. The
blood is upon her head, and as surely as there is a God and a judgment
that blood will be required of her. The crime she commits is _murder_,
_child-murder_--the slaughter of a speechless, helpless being, whom it
is her duty, beyond all things else, to cherish and preserve."
There is no division of opinion upon this subject. The world may hold up
its hands in holy horror at the crime of Herod, but his crime is being
perpetrated to-day in thousands of homes by "the slaughter of the
innocents" at the hands of their own mothers. Dr. Pomeroy says: "We meet
in our practice women who would hesitate to harm a fly, but who admit to
having destroyed a half dozen or more of their unborn children, speaking
of it as they would of the drowning of superfluous kittens." How are
these thoughtless mother-murderesses to confront the souls of their
unborn children on the day of Judgment? What of the declaration of
Scripture, "Ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him"?
While this passage of Scripture does not say that even a murderer may
not be saved, yet it does say that one who commits murder is unsaved,
and that salvation is not possible to him or her until they have
sincerely repented.
The results of abortion are not only future and spiritual, but they are
present, and affect serious temporal and physical results. Dr. Napheys
says: "If they have no feeling for the fruit of their womb, if maternal
sentiment is so calloused in their breasts, let them know that such
produced abortions are the constant cause of violent and dangerous womb
diseases, and frequently of early death; that they bring on mental
weakness and often insanity; that they are the most certain means to
destroy domestic happiness which can be adopted. Better, far better,
bear a child every year for twenty years than to resort to such a wicked
and injurious step; better to die, if need be, in the pangs of
childbirth than to live with such a weight of sin on the conscience."
There can be no question but that many women are rendered incurable
invalids by the violence which they do to nature by interrupting its
work, destroying the growing life, and causing its expulsion in an
unnatural way. Dr. Pomeroy aptly says: "Go into the orchard where there
are ripe apples and others but half grown; try to pluck one of the
latter; you pull, but it does not come; you twist this way and that way,
and finally you secure a bruised apple with a torn and mutilated stem,
and you leave behind a branch which bears unmistakable evidence of a
violent and unnatural act. Turn now to the apples that are fully ripe;
you put out your hand to take one, and as you touch it it falls gently
and willingly into your open palm. If you now examine the stem and the
branch from which it came you find no marks of violence; on the
contrary, both will clearly show that nature had prepared for the
separation.
"The two great dangers of childbearing are hemorrhage and fever; the
first is caused directly and the second often indirectly by one and the
same thing--the failure of the torn blood-vessel to close properly at
the time of separation between mother and child. By the time the fruit
is fully ripe Nature has so well arranged for this matter that the
danger is small, but at an earlier period it is very considerable."
This attempt upon the part of parents to interfere with the order of
nature has not only its terrible physical results for those who seek its
perpetration, but it heaps upon the helpless unborn child terrible
consequences from which it is powerless to escape. The attempt to
destroy life is oftentimes a double failure. In spite of their murderous
efforts, children are oftentimes born to such parents under
circumstances which entail the most terrible and lifelong penalties.
Children that might have been lovable in temper, companionable in
disposition, healthy and happy, are born nervous, fretful and
ill-tempered; and, because they were unwanted before they were born, the
mother inflicts upon them a disposition which causes her ever after to
wish they never had been born.
Something of what this result is will appear from a paragraph taken from
an account by Helen H. Thomas, in "The Mothers' Journal," entitled
"Unwanted," in which she thus narrates a visit to a friend:
"I found my friend half sick, and extremely nervous from lack of sleep,
caused by her crying baby.
"But the child looked well, and the young mother assured me that it was
constitutionally restless and out of sorts. She also said that she had
lost more sleep since his advent--five months previous--than with all
her other children--there are three of them--combined.
"After I had queried and wondered as to the why of it, for a time, the
mother, with tears in her eyes, looked down at the little upturned face
of the one cradled in her arms, and said:
"'It is all mother's fault, darling! She felt that her hands and heart
were so full she had no room for you.' And then, looking me full in the
face, she added, remorsefully: He is my only unwanted child! And so the
dear little innocent suffers continually for my rebellious spirit prior
to his birth. He seems restless and unhappy all the time; not at all
like my other babies, who found a welcome awaiting them; and I realize
now the mistake I made, in rebelling as I did, during those wearisome
months, which I had planned so full of things which had to be put aside;
and I am being punished for it, too. But I did not dream that by so
doing I should bring suffering on my unborn child, as well as on
myself."
Terrible as this picture may be, there is another thought which is still
more terrible. When we remember that the mental condition of the mother
during the period of gestation stamps itself upon the character of the
child, what must be the character of a child who is born of a
murderess--one who has either desired, planned for, or possibly
undertaken and failed in the effort to murder her unborn child? How many
of the murderers of to-day have inherited from their own mothers the
predisposition to destroy human life? There is but little doubt that if
the veil could be thrown off and the influence disclosed which molded
the character and shaped the destiny of many of the children who are
arraigned in the courts for the awful crime of murder, who seem
possessed of an otherwise unaccountable predisposition to destroy human
life, the terrible revelation would be made that during the period while
their body was being formed and bent was being given to their character,
prior to their birth, their mother was contemplating murder, and
imparted this disposition to her own offspring.
Such thoughts not only mold the character of the unborn child, but they
also affect the character of the parents themselves. The crime of
child-murder must haunt them, and even if they do not suffer from the
lashings of conscience, the moral character suffers irreparable damage.
But few persons are aware of the grave dangers which threaten health,
and even life, when an abortion is performed. They are apt to think that
it occasions only temporary inconvenience, from which they may recover
in a few days, but all this is a very grave mistake.
Where accidental or unintentional miscarriage occurs, it is important
both for the wife and for the husband to know that quite as much care
needs to be exercised, and oftentimes for even as long a period, as for
convalescence after confinement. A period of strict separation between
husband and wife should be observed for a period of from six weeks to
three months, according to circumstances. A failure to observe these
necessities often results in serious and sometimes permanent disability
upon the part of the wife.
The influences which prepare and pave the way in the minds of young
women for the awful crime of child-murder are not difficult to find. One
writer says: "The real beginning is in early life, when young people are
taught, directly or by implication, that reproduction is a matter
concerning which speech is indelicate, of which it is proper, even, to
feel ashamed; as they grow older, and the period of marriage draws near,
they learn to look upon parenthood as a responsibility and a burden
which they may properly avoid if possible."
Parents are to blame for the total absence, during the education of
their daughters, of proper instruction upon this subject. In the schools
for the education of young women the course of study which has been
especially arranged for the intellectual training and equipment of young
men has been followed without being adapted to the special necessities
of intelligent young women. They are taught many things which may serve
a good purpose in securing mental discipline, but which are in every
other respect impracticable, and, so far as the great purposes of their
life are concerned, wholly useless. All the subjects which are best
calculated to fit them for their intended position of wife and mother
are studiously avoided; they are kept in profound ignorance on all
subjects of special physiology, and the question of maternity dare not
so much as be mentioned by the professors in the class-room. What adds
to this condition is the sad fact that parents do not supplement by
personal instruction this lack of teaching in the school. Hundreds of
young women are married who are so stupid as never to have asked where
children come from, have no idea of the marital relation and the
legitimate purpose for which God instituted the relation. When
conception takes place, they do not know how to take care of themselves
or prepare for the event which could be robbed of its terrors by
intelligence. The birth of their first child is attended with such
anguish and agony that forever after the marital relation becomes to
them one of great dread, and to escape the condition which is so full of
terror to them they resort to the destruction of unborn human life.
To correct this great wrong, the first and most essential step is the
widespread dissemination of intelligence upon this subject. Marriage
needs to be lifted into the light of a sacred and divine institution.
The tenderest and most sacred relations of human life need to be
preserved in their purity, so that pure-minded parents may speak of
these relations without shame and blushing. Young women of mature years
should be made familiar with the physiological conditions which attend
conception and maternity, and they need to know that from the moment of
conception life exists in the embryo, and that from the moment the
spermatozoön enters and assimilates with the ovum a separate individual
life is really begun, and that she is, at that very moment, the mother
of this life within her as truly as when, in the later months, she feels
the quickening within her, or after its birth experiences the joy of a
mother who clasps her newborn infant in her arms.
But the crime of abortion does not rest wholly with the mothers. A large
part of the guilt also belongs to the fathers. We may warn the wives
against the terrible sin and awful physical consequences of abortion,
but so long as husbands are unwilling to govern their passions, or to
regulate their marital relations in harmony with the teachings of
Scripture, but insist upon unlimited self-indulgence, the evils cannot
be wholly corrected. Husbands need to be taught to look at the question
from the wife's standpoint. The wrong is not all upon one side.
In a meeting of women only, after an address by a physician upon these
subjects, a woman rose and said substantially as follows: "After I was
married two years I became the mother of a puny, sickly baby. It
required incessant care and watching to keep it alive. When it was only
seven months old, to my surprise, astonishment and horror, I felt
quickening, and for the first time I knew I was pregnant again. I was
abased, humiliated! The sense of degradation that filled my soul cannot
be described. What had been done? The babe that was born and the babe
that was unborn were both to be robbed of their just inheritance. In
tears and shame I told my mother, but she said: 'My child, why should
you grieve and go on as you do? Don't you know that your children are
legitimate?' My whole being rose in rebellion. I stamped my foot and
almost screamed: 'Although my husband is the father of my children, they
are not legitimate. No man-made laws, no priestly rites, can make an act
legitimate that deprives innocent children of their right to life and
health.' And then, with sobs and moans, reaction came, and I fainted in
my mother's arms. What was the sequel? Two years later both of these
children, after a brief existence, were lying side by side in the city
of the dead, and until my husband and I learned the great laws which God
has written deep in our being, we were not able to have children that
could live."
The following somewhat lengthy but impressive quotation is from
"Chastity," by Doctor Dio Lewis:
"Before we married I informed my husband of my dread of having children.
I told him I was not prepared to meet the sufferings and
responsibilities of maternity. He entered into an arrangement to prevent
it for a specified time. This agreement was disregarded. After the legal
form was over, and he felt he could now indulge his passion without loss
of reputation and under legal and religious sanctions, he insisted on
the surrender of my person to his will. He violated the promise at the
beginning of our united life. That fatal bridal night! It has left a
cloud on my soul and on my home that can never pass away on earth. I can
never forget it. It sealed the doom of our union as it has done of
thousands.
"He was in feeble health; so was I; and both of us mentally depressed.
But the sickly germ was implanted, and conception took place. We were
poor and destitute, having made no preparations for a home, ourselves
and child. I was a stricken woman. In September following we came
to----, and settled in a new country. In the March following, my child,
developed under a heart throbbing with dread and anguish at the thought
of its existence, was born. After three months' struggle I became
reconciled to my first unwelcome child. But the impress of my impatience
and hostility to its existence previous to its birth was on my child,
never to be effaced, and to this hour that child is the victim or an
undesired maternity.
"In one year I found I was to be again a mother. I was in a state of
frightful despair. My first-born was sickly and very troublesome (how
could it be otherwise?) needing constant care and nursing. My husband
chopped wood for our support. Of the injustice of bringing children into
the world to struggle with poverty and misery I was then as sensible as
now. I was in despair. I felt that death would be preferable to
maternity under such circumstances. A desire and a determination to get
rid of my child entered into my heart. I consulted a lady friend, and
by her persuasion and assistance killed it. Within less than a year
maternity was again imposed upon me, with no better prospect of doing
justice to my child. It was a most painful conviction to me; I felt that
I could not have another child at that time. All seemed dark as death. I
had begged and prayed to be spared this trial again until I was prepared
to accept it joyfully; but my husband insisted upon his gratification,
without regard to my wishes and condition.
"I consulted a physician, and told him of my unhappy state of mind and
my aversion to having another child for the present. He was ready with
his logic, his medicines and instruments, and told me how to destroy it.
After experimenting on myself three months, I was successful. I killed
my child about five months after conception.
"A few months after this, maternity was again forced upon me, to my
grief and anguish. I determined again on my child's destruction; but my
courage failed as I came to the practical deed. My health and life were
in jeopardy. For my living child's sake I wished to live. I made up my
mind to do the best I could for my unborn babe, whose existence seemed
so unnatural and repulsive. I knew its young life would be deeply and
lastingly affected by my mental and physical condition. I became, in a
measure, reconciled to my dark fate, and was as resigned and happy as I
could be under the circumstances. I had just such a child as I had
every reason to expect. I could do no justice to it. How could I?
"Soon after the birth of my child my husband insisted on his accustomed
injustice. Without any wish of my own, maternity was again forced upon
me. I dared not attempt to get rid of the child--abortion seemed so
cruel, so inhuman, unnatural and repulsive. I resolved again, for my
child's sake, to do the best I could for it. Though I could not joyfully
welcome, I resolved quietly to endure its existence.
"After the birth of this child I felt that I could have no more to share
our poverty and to suffer the wrongs and trials of an unwelcome
existence. I felt that I would rather die at once, and thus end my life
and my power to be a mother together. My husband cast the entire care of
the family on me. I had scarcely one hour to devote to my children. My
husband still insisted on his gratification. I was the veriest slave
alive. Life had lost its charms. The grave seemed my only refuge and
death my only friend.
"In this state, known as it was to my husband, he thrust maternity upon
me twice. I employed a doctor to kill my child, and in the destruction
of it, in what should have been the vigor of my life, ended my power to
be a mother. I was shorn of the brightest jewel of my womanhood. I
suffered as woman alone can suffer, not only in body, but in bitter
remorse and anguish of soul.
"All this I passed through under the terrible, withering consciousness
that it was all done and suffered solely that the passion of my husband
might have a momentary indulgence. Yet such had been my false religious
and social education that, in submitting my person to his passion, I did
it in the honest conviction that in marriage my body became the property
of my husband. He said so. All women to whom I applied for counsel said
it was my duty to submit, that husbands expected it, had a right to it,
and must have this indulgence whenever they were excited, or suffer, and
that in this way alone could wives retain the love of their husbands. I
had no alternative but silent, suffering submission to his passion, and
then procure abortion or leave him, and thus resign my children to the
tender mercies of one with whom it seemed I could not live myself.
Abortion was most repulsive to every feeling of my nature, and at times
rendered me an object of loathing to myself.
"When my first-born was three months old I had a desperate struggle for
personal liberty. My husband insisted on his right to subject my person
to his passion before my babe was two months old. I saw his conduct then
in all its degrading and loathing injustice. I pleaded with tears and
anguish, for my own and my child's sake, to be spared; and had it not
been for my helpless child, I should have ended the struggle by bolting
my legal bonds. For its sake I submitted to that outrage and my own
conscious degradation. For its sake I concluded to take my chance in the
world with other wives and mothers who, as they assured me, and as I
then knew, were all around me, subjected to like outrages, and driven to
the degrading practice of abortion. But even then I saw and argued the
justice of my personal rights in regard to maternity and the relation
that leads to it, as strongly as you do now. I saw it all as clearly as
you do. I was then, amid all the degrading influences that crushed me,
true and just to my womanly intuitions. I insisted on my right to say
when and under what circumstances I would accept of him the office of
maternity and become the mother of his child. I insisted that it was for
me to say when and how often I should subject myself to the liability of
becoming a mother. But he became angry with me, claimed ownership over
me, insisted that I, as a wife, was to submit to my husband '_in all
things_,' threatened to leave me and my children, and declared I was not
fit to be a wife. Fearing some fatal consequences to my child or to
myself--being alone, destitute and far from helpful friends, in the far
West, and fearing that my little one would be left to want--I stifled
all expression of my honest convictions, and ever after kept my aversion
and painful struggles in my own bosom. In every respect, as far as
passional relations between myself and my husband are concerned, I have
ever felt myself to be a miserable and abject woman. I now see and feel
it most deeply and painfully. If I was with a child in my arms, I was
in constant dread of all personal contact with my husband lest I should
have a new maternity thrust upon me, and be obliged to wean one child
before its time to give place to another. In my misery I have often
cried out, 'O, God! is there no way out of this loathsome bondage?'
"It was not want of kindly feelings toward my husband that induced this
state of mind, for I could and did endure every privation and want
without an unkindly feeling or word, and even cheerfully for his sake.
But every feeling of my soul did then, does now and ever must protest
against the cruel and loathsome injustice of husbands toward their
wives, manifested in imposing on them a maternity uncalled for by their
own nature and most repulsive to it, and whose sufferings and
responsibilities they are unprepared and unwilling to meet."
While we would not for a moment sanction the crime which this mother
perpetrated, yet we are not prepared to say that she was the sole author
of the crime. Every thoughtful man must admit that her husband was
unreasonable, unwilling to govern his passion, cruel and unjust to his
wife, and in his beastliness measurably drove her to the commission of
the awful crime of which she was guilty.
The proper relation of husband and wife to the question of parenthood
can never be properly and satisfactorily adjusted so long as either of
these parties occupy extreme positions upon this question. It is
absolutely wrong for the wife to take the position that she is to be
wholly delivered from maternity and the care of children, and it is
equally wrong for the husband to assume that the wife is created for no
other purpose than to bear children in as rapid succession as nature
renders conception possible. Upon the one hand it is the duty of the
wife to arrange her thought and life with reference to maternity and the
bearing of such a number of children as can be brought into the world in
the highest state of physical, intellectual and moral equipment. Upon
the other hand, the husband is to regard himself under obligation to
practice such personal self-control and to bear such disadvantages as
are incident to the greatest fidelity of the wife in her duties while
the body and character of her child are being formed within her, and
while it is being nursed, nurtured and cared for after its birth.
It is the grossest of insults not only to woman, but to her Maker, to
assert that woman was created solely for reproduction. It is proper for
a man in the discharge of certain duties and in the attainment of
certain laudable ends to decline to marry and resolve to maintain a pure
and celibate life throughout his entire existence; and it is equally
right, and even commendable, for a woman with similar purposes and aims
to decline marriage in order that she may devote herself with greater
efficiency and success to some effort to elevate and bless mankind, if
those ends could not be successfully accomplished in connection with the
proper discharge of her duties as wife and mother. But when men and
women do marry, they greatly mistake the object of this divine
institution if they suppose that it was instituted solely for the
purpose of producing the largest possible number of children--if they
make _quantity_ rather than _quality_ the great purpose. Marriage was
instituted for the highest good of the parents; it was instituted for
the attainment of their best health and the largest intellectual and
moral equipment. Their lives are to be shaped for the acquisition of the
largest and best attainments. Unless they attain the best physical,
intellectual and moral developments they cannot transmit these valuable
qualities to their children. The children cannot inherit from the
parents what the parents do not possess. Parents should seek to raise
up, not the largest possible number, without regard to whether they are
good, bad or indifferent; but there is no objection to their raising up
the largest number consistent with the best possible equipment. One man
is worth an innumerable number of monkeys, and we should seek to raise
up not an innumerable horde of inferior beings, but only so large a
number as is consistent with a sincere purpose not to evade the
responsibilities and duties of parenthood, and with an earnest effort to
raise up a race of superior men and women. There should be no consenting
to deterioration, but a sincere desire and effort for the raising up of
a new generation that shall be an advance upon all the generations that
have preceded.
By what we have said it will be manifest that there is a culpable and
criminal limitation of offspring; and there is also a reasonable and
right regulation of the marital relation and a limiting of offspring--a
designed and deliberate purpose to be self-contained with a view to
intelligent, purposed parenthood.
There are times when it is positively wrong to beget and bring forth
children. This is the case when there is such physical debility upon
either the part of the husband or the wife as would render them
incapable of transmitting or bearing healthy children; when,
overburdened or broken down by excessive childbearing, nothing but puny,
sickly, short-lived offspring could reasonably be expected; when the
children are coming so rapidly that they interfere with each others'
nutrition and imperil the mother's health, or when the mother is
naturally so constituted that childbearing imperils her life. These, and
other equally weighty reasons, are a sufficient justification for a
careful study of duty and obligation in the matter of self-government,
and the limitation, or even restriction, of childbearing by right and
proper methods.
It is important, however, to say that married persons should never
decide against childbearing, or even in favor of a very restricted
parenthood, without the gravest considerations; nor is their own thought
in the matter always sufficient to arrive at a wise and righteous
conclusion. Their own judgment should always be supplemented by the
counsel and advice of a well-qualified and thoroughly conscientious
Christian physician. Where difficulties do exist, a conscientious
consideration of them may often enable the parties to remove every
barrier and secure the most blessed and gratifying results.
What we have intimated is aptly illustrated in the following instance
given by Dr. Pomeroy in "The Ethics of Marriage": "A 'love match'
resulted in the union of two persons who were of nervous temperament and
poor physique, many 'incompatibilities,' and small means. Beside this,
the wife was suffering from a difficulty which made maternity
undesirable and well-nigh impossible. Under the circumstances, they
questioned whether indefinite postponement of parenthood were not
proper, and, in fact, clearly indicated. They considered the matter
carefully, took the benefit of medical advice, and finally decided that
their only honorable and safe course would be that they should have a
family of healthy children as its objective point. The wife was placed
under medical treatment, and in the course of a few months was in
physical condition safely to undertake maternity.
"Recognizing their limitations and disadvantages from the outset, the
pair determined to make every possible effort to give their children as
good a birth as might be, under the circumstances. Each tried to
cultivate health and strength of mind and body; the laws of heredity
were studied; conscientious care was taken that the mother might have
bright and cheery objects about her and loving thoughts in her mind
during the period when each child gained all its influence from the
outside world through her. Each child was also, during this period, a
subject of prayer, that the Holy Spirit might enter into its developing
life and cause it to be so generated that the afterwork of regeneration
might, if possible, follow as the day follows the dawn.
"It would be too much to say that this course would in every case be
followed by results as marked as were those of this instance; but in
this family the children have proved to be, if not all that could be
desired, at least much better than would have been expected in the
ordinary course of events.
"They were symmetrical, sound in body, equable in temperament, and
affectionate towards the parents and each other. They have never been
more than half the trouble and care that children ordinarily are,
although possessed of high spirit and a keen sense of justice. What may
develop as they arrive at maturity no one can tell, but it is certain
that they now bear the impress of prenatal love and care, and a good
birth. This cost the parents some effort and self-denial, but they have
been repaid fourfold in the ease with which the nursery has been
managed; moreover, little differences of taste and opinion were laid on
the altar of sacrifice to the interests of the children who should be
born to them, and each, as it joined in the family circle, brought new
degrees of harmony and joy.
"I have repeatedly heard the father of that family declare that he had
no reason to believe himself a dollar poorer than he would have been if
no children had come to claim his care. Just what might have been in
that case it is impossible to tell, but it is certain that many a
childless marriage which began under apparently happier auspices than
this one ended in misery and divorce."
But the question arises, where it is found necessary to limit the number
of offspring, How shall it be properly done? There are those who seem to
think that medical science has some way by which to grant unrestricted
sexual indulgence and yet avoid the results which nature intended. Dr.
Pomeroy says: "It is surprising to what an extent the laity believe that
medical science knows how to control the birthrate. Just here let me say
that I know of but one prescription which is both safe and sure, namely,
_that the sexes shall remain apart_. So thoroughly do I believe this to
be a secret which nature has kept to herself, that I should be inclined
to question the ability or the honesty of any one professing to
understand it so as to be able safely and surely to regulate the matter
of reproduction for those living in wedlock."
Because of the moral issues, physical consequences and terrible results
which cluster about this question--one of the most delicate with which
we have to deal--we have made a most careful examination of this entire
subject. We have read a great deal more than has been pleasant to our
contemplation, but we have been compelled to return, after each new
investigation, to the conclusion which is held by all reputable
physicians that the only safe and sure way is for husband and wife to
remain strictly apart. There are methods which are sometimes suggested,
by even well-meaning physicians, to those who desire to escape the
results of the marital relation, but when pressed for the expression of
a candid and honest conviction these same physicians are always
compelled to admit that for absolute safety there is but one provision.
These various methods are not only unsatisfactory and unavailing, but
are ruinous in their effects upon the individuals who practice them. In
some instances nature does not visit her penalties immediately, but
eventually the old declaration proves true that although justice travels
with a sore foot it is sure to overtake the transgressor.
Where married people are willing to live according to the laws which are
written deep in our nature, they find what Dr. Kellogg has said is true:
"There would be less sexual enjoyment, but more elevated joy. There
would be less animal love, but more spiritual communion; less gross,
more pure; less development of the animal and more fruitful soil for the
cultivation of virtue, holiness and all the Christian graces."
An entire renunciation of all conjugal privileges is, however, only
perfectly just and proper when it meets with the mutual consent of both
husband and wife.
Concerning such a rigid course, Dr. Napheys, in "Transmission of Life,"
says: "The objection nowadays urged against it is that it is too severe
a prescription, and consequently valueless. This ought not to be. A man
who loves his wife should, in order to save that life overwork and
misery, and danger of death and wretchedly constituted children, be able
and willing to undergo as much self-denial as everyone of his contingent
bachelor acquaintances does, not out of high devotion, but for motives
of economy, or indifference, or love of liberty. The man who cannot do
this, or does not care to do it, does not certainly deserve a very high
position.
"But while all this is granted, the question is still constantly put: Is
this all? Is there no means by which we can limit our families without
either injuring the health or undergoing a self-martyrdom which not one
man in a thousand will submit to?"
In meeting the perplexities of this situation, Dr. Pomeroy, in "Ethics
of Marriage," says: "There are circumstances under which means for the
_temporary_ avoidance of conception may be desirable and proper, as, for
instance, to prevent too rapid childbearing on the part of women who
cannot nurse their infants, or who have their usual periods while
nursing--conditions which, I believe, our artificial life are
responsible for--and so are liable to too frequent conception.
"For such and other legitimate causes nature has herself provided a
means which, with the practice of a little self-denial, will give a
reasonable degree of safety; beyond this it is neither safe nor proper
to act without the advice of some physician who has sound judgment, both
in medicine and in morals."
There is a Scriptural provision which is doubtless designed to meet this
very condition, and which may be properly mentioned here because
authorized by the Inspired Word. The law concerning this matter will be
found in the fifteenth chapter of Leviticus, beginning with the
nineteenth verse. In this passage a period of strict separation is
prescribed for the woman during the period of her monthly issue, and the
injunction is, that when "she is cleansed from her issue then she shall
number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean." On the
eighth day she was to appear before the priest with her offerings, when
she was to be declared clean.
In this Old Testament provision God manifestly intended to make the
children of Israel intelligent, not for the purpose of enabling them to
avoid any reasonable and right increase in their families, but
measurably to limit the number of offspring, so that the very best type
of human life might be the fruitage of their homes. When literally
followed, it would doubtless in a large majority of cases afford all
necessary relief, and properly limit the number of offspring.
This passage also clearly indicates the importance of separation during
the periodic sickness; and the basis for this Old Testament teaching of
separation during such times is based not only upon the sense of
delicacy and propriety upon the part of the wife, but also upon the
physiological and sanitary principles of medical science.
It is neither necessary nor proper for us to go into a further
discussion of this subject at this place. Those who find themselves
laboring under the burdens, infirmities and unfitness we have indicated,
should be free to seek such medical counsel and advice as will afford
them what relief may be available in their particular case. We would
warn all, however, that "those who take active measures to prevent
conception are apt to carry the matter further than they intended; at
the best they are tampering with Nature, and that is a dangerous thing
in itself." In seeking medical counsel, let us carefully advise all to
exercise the utmost caution in selecting a competent, conscientious,
Christian physician. If, however, you expect that your interview will
bring you such information as will enable you to indulge your passion
unrestrained and avoid all consequences, allow us to say, before such an
interview takes place, that you are expecting information which medical
science does not possess. Dr. Pomeroy, in writing upon this subject,
says: "As before noticed, it is surprising to what extent the laity
believe that the course of Nature can be safely interfered with, even by
those who understand her laws the least. Those who fear to turn back the
hands of a watch lest they injure the complicated and delicate
machinery do not hesitate to use violent means to interfere with the
natural workings of the human mechanism, which is a thousandfold more
complicated and delicate. Nature is tenacious of her rights; she resists
grandly, but if forced to yield, she visits the offender with punishment
which is no less sure because it is sometimes long-delayed. Few seem to
know this; many act as though they considered Nature a sort of clever
idiot, too stupid to recognize an injury or too amiable to resent it if
discovered; while others seem to look upon Nature as rather intelligent
and able, but a servant amenable to guidance and assistance in
co-ordinating the forces of her laboratory. This is absurd, and even
impious, for Nature is but another term for the Creator of all things,
and He is infinitely wise. Nature cares more about correcting _us_ than
our mistakes and follies. Were she to go on indefinitely and patiently
undoing our work we should go on indefinitely and persistently doing it,
and our wrongdoing would be righted, but we should remain in the mental
or moral or physical sin which had prompted it. Indeed, if the obvious
results of our sin were promptly removed we should scarcely be aware
that we were not in harmony with Nature's plans, and the race would
deteriorate, and finally become extinct."
Where you do not obtain from a reputable, intelligent Christian
physician the information you desire, or the relief you seek, do not
make the fatal mistake of resorting to some quack or impostor who
advertises only to beguile, deceive and rob you, and subsequently to
leave you humiliated, with purse depleted and health ruined. Reputable
physicians do not advertise, and the very fact that a man advertises may
be accepted as sufficient evidence that he is not an accredited and
reliable physician, and that you will most assuredly be subjected to
deception and imposture.
Persons who recognize the propriety of limiting the number of offspring
are seriously exposed to the danger of deferring and procrastinating to
such an extent as to err greatly in the direction of too few rather than
too many children. With most women the time for childbearing is quite
like the time and location of a boil--any other time than the present,
and any other place than where it is. A purposed parenthood is in
_danger_ of becoming a purpose to evade parenthood.
There is, however, a proper and all-important preparation for
parenthood. After a careful examination of the subject no person can
help but be deeply impressed with the fact that if the parents of this
generation would realize their wonderful power to mold and fashion the
succeeding generation, the children of the next decade would rise to the
level of an entirely new plane. Some people seem to think that the
matter of begetting a child, like the matter of selecting a wife or a
husband, should be left wholly to blind chance. Neither of these two
important events can be too much safeguarded by wise and thoughtful
consideration. If conception is permitted to take place when either one
or both of the parents are in ill health; if the wife is an unwilling
mother, and the embryo is developed by her while her entire nature
rebels against the admission into the family of a child who is not
wanted, the children begotten and born under such circumstances can
never be other than sickly, nervous and fretful during their entire
childhood, and cross and uncompanionable throughout their entire lives.
In connection with childbearing there are three very important things:
First, the preparation for parenthood; second, the mental state at the
period of conjunction, and third, the mental state and physical
condition of the mother during the months while the body and character
of the child are being fashioned within her body.
The period and the character of the preparation for parenthood must
always vary according to the physical condition of the intending
parents. In some instances this preparation needs to extend over weeks,
and in other instances even over years. No man or woman should consent
to become a parent except at such times when physically and
intellectually they are at their very best--indeed, the very best that
is possible for them to attain by a course of careful preparation. Much
of what might be said here will be learned under a subsequent chapter
upon prenatal influences.
Medical authorities universally attach great importance to the mental
condition at the moment of conjunction and conception. It is quite
universally believed that this is a moment of unparalleled importance to
the welfare of the future being. Dr. Hufeland, an eminent German writer,
says: "In my opinion, it is of the utmost importance that this moment
should be confined to a period when the sensation of collected powers,
ardent passion, and a mind cheerful and free from care, invite to it on
both sides." It is an awful crime to beget life carelessly, and when in
improper and unworthy physical and mental states.
The ancients understood the importance of this moment, and frequently
surrounded the nuptial couch with statues which should charm the mother
by their beautiful outlines and physical proportions. It was claimed by
them that a man who was himself deformed might in this manner become the
father of children that were possessed of fine physical proportions.
While this statement might carry with it too much presumption, yet it
was not without a considerable element of truth.
Nearly eighteen centuries before Christ, the patriarch Jacob recognized
this principle when he arranged with Laban to accept from among the
flocks and herds "the speckled and the spotted" as the reward of his
labor in attending the flocks of the herds of his father-in-law. There
was nothing unnatural or miraculous in the result which Jacob secured.
He sought to produce such mental impressions upon the minds of the
flock at the time of conception as would secure the production of young
marked after the manner most in accord with his personal interests. We
are told that "Jacob took him rods of green poplar, and of the hazel and
chestnut-tree, and pilled white streaks in them and made the white
appear which was in the rods. And he set the rods which he had pilled
before the flocks in the gutters in the watering-troughs, when the
flocks came to drink, that they should conceive when they came to drink.
And the flocks conceived before the rods, and brought forth cattle
ring-streaked, speckled and spotted. And Jacob did separate the lambs,
and set the faces of the flocks toward the ring-streaked, and all the
brown in the flock of Laban: and he put his own flocks by themselves,
and put them not unto Laban's cattle. And it came to pass, whensoever
the stronger cattle did conceive, that Jacob laid the rods before the
eyes of the cattle in the gutters, that they might conceive among the
rods. But when the cattle were feeble he put them not in: so the feebler
were Laban's, and the stronger Jacob's. And the man increased
exceedingly, and had much cattle, and maid-servants and men-servants,
and camels and asses."
Much of the differences which exist between children of the same parents
may be easily attributed to the different bodily and mental conditions
of the parents at the period of conjunction, the changed physical,
intellectual and emotional states of the parents at the different
periods of conception producing the corresponding differences in their
offspring.
The results of purposed and prepared parenthood are so great and so
desirable that a husband and wife should consider these matters
carefully, make due preparations, and approach the period when they
would beget offspring and bring immortal beings into the world with the
greatest thoughtfulness, consideration, and also with prayer.
The writer well remembers the deep impression made upon his mind in an
interview with a physician who was the first to present this phase of
the subject to our consideration. The statement was so unusual that it
made a lasting impression upon us. But why may it not be so? After a
period of preparation why should not the intending parents unite at the
throne of grace for God's blessing upon them in the act in which they
are about to engage, and in the fulfillment of their desire for an heir
who shall be possessed of the very best physical, intellectual and moral
endowments?
There are certain signs of fruitful conjunction which are often
recognized by women who are already mothers, but which may serve as no
guide to a young wife who has never had any experience. With some women
the act of conception is attended with great emotion, a sense of unusual
pleasure, and even of a tremor, in which all parts of the body may
participate. Sometimes it is followed by a sense of weakness. In
ancient times the swelling of the neck was regarded as a sign of
conception, and some modern authorities incline to the same theory.
There are instances also in which the morning sickness begins
immediately after conception.
It would be unsafe, however, to rely upon either the presence or absence
of these indications. In most instances the cessation of the menses and
the appearance of the morning sickness are the first reliable
indications that conception has taken place.
CHAPTER XIII.
THE EXPECTANT MOTHER.
A husband, whether young or old, should treat his wife with great
consideration at all times, but if at any time she deserves more
thoughtful consideration and more tender ministry than at any other, it
is during the period of her pregnancy. The young husband should remember
that oftentimes the mother-nature of the young wife is not yet aroused,
but is measurably dormant. God has intended that wifehood should precede
motherhood. Where the longing for children is present, the young wife
intelligent, and where she has been physically fitted for the office of
motherhood upon which she has now entered, her equipment is exceptional,
her mind complacent, and she may reasonably be expected to go forward in
a spirit which will secure for her in the coming months the largest
blessing and reward.
But with most young wives it is not so. The knowledge which would have
been most important for them has been withheld by silent mothers. They
may have received a liberal education, but in the study of physiology,
the special parts, concerning which she needed most to know, have been
excluded from the text-books, and she knows no more concerning her own
special physiology than she does about the physiology of the male. Books
which would have rendered her intelligent have been studiously kept out
of her sight, and perhaps during her girlhood she has been encouraged in
compressing her waist, displacing the vital organs which God has placed
in the abdomen, and through a period of years gone on, ignorantly or
wilfully, unfitting herself for the main duties of maternity. Perhaps
she has entered upon marriage, as so many do, with an undefined dread of
some impending evil attending conception and childbearing, which she has
desired and hoped to escape in some inscrutable manner. The discovery of
the fact that she is to become a mother fills her mind with dread and
alarm. In her ignorance she gropes her way in darkness, not knowing
whither to turn and with no one to guide her to the light. She naturally
turns to married women and to mothers, and instead of receiving
encouragement and the proper kind of sympathy, they most likely exclaim:
"I am sorry for you! Now your trouble begins. If I were in your place I
should feel like jumping into the river." In nine cases out of ten, with
the darkness intensified and her mind more alarmed than ever,
apprehension turns to fear, and fear into alarm and dread. The young
husband should remember that this is about the usual experience of most
young wives, and intelligently arrange to correct the evil.
If you are acquainted with some intelligent, sympathetic and judicious
woman, who will know how to take your young wife into her arms, allay
her fears, comfort and instruct her, you will be most fortunate. She
should be able to point out to the troubled wife the fact that
intelligence and care will greatly mitigate, and indeed enable her
largely to avoid all physical suffering; to explain to her how, as the
months go by, the mother-love will spring up in her heart as the time
approaches for the happiest hour in her life, when for the first time
her own infant child shall lie in her arms or by her side; to picture
the joy of her husband and the gladness which will come into the hearts
of all who know her and who will come to rejoice over her newborn child;
to picture what her home will be as contrasted with those who, dejected
and lonely, sit in desolate homes where no little prattler breaks the
stillness of the hours and no footfalls are heard in the hallway. This
judicious friend will need to know how to impress upon her that her
mental condition during the period which precedes the advent of the
little stranger will mold and fashion its character, and how, if she
desires a loving child, she must herself love the child before it is
born; if she desires in her child a quiet and happy disposition she must
herself determine that result by her own even temper, and be warned that
her worry and repining will render her child nervous and fretful; if she
desires her child to be cheery and bright and happy she should enact in
her own thought and life what she desires her child to be; that now for
a brief period she is molding not simply its physical frame, but its
character and disposition, and giving bent and expression to the entire
future of the human life that is being formed within her.
It will not do, when the husband finds his wife despondent, that he
should be annoyed by expressions which are quite natural to one in her
condition. No young husband can enter sufficiently into the sufferings
and feelings of his wife in these earliest days and weeks of
apprehension and dread. She needs to be comforted with words of greatest
tenderness. Your heart should go out toward her in sincere sympathy. Put
away from your heart such feelings as, "Foolish girl! What did she get
married for? Did she not know that she was expected to bear children,
like other women? She is not suffering more than other women have
suffered. All this is only in the course of nature. What use is there of
making a fuss? She should submit to it in the proper spirit." If you
harbor such thoughts, whether properly or improperly, they will
nevertheless unfit you for that degree of sympathy which you should feel
and not feign.
The months of pregnancy with most women are months of discomfort. Some
women are in better health, more cheery and hopeful during the period of
gestation than at any other period in their lives. But this is not
generally the case; rather the reverse. During gestation some women are
a terror to their husbands, and render themselves miserable, and all
about them uncomfortable and unhappy. During this period the wife
ceases to be physically attractive, and for her own protection and the
protection of the embryo, nature makes the wife sexually repellant. Soon
the morning sickness is likely to begin, and when she rises in the
morning she will likely feel sick and nauseated, and vomiting will
frequently ensue. Relief cannot always be afforded, and this condition
may continue for weeks, or even for months. The young wife soon becomes
the target for all kinds of injudicious advice. She is told to eat
heartily of strong food, to "keep up her strength," and "to furnish
nourishment for two." Her natural modes of life are oftentimes
unnecessarily restricted, and after a period, with a sense of false
modesty, she often shuts herself out from fresh air and exercise, and
becomes a prisoner in her own home, or possibly in her own room.
While the pains and perils of maternity can be greatly mitigated, yet
the young husband should be moved to tenderest consideration because of
the discomforts which the wife suffers; the apprehensions with which she
looks forward to the hour of her delivery, the responsibilities of
caring for and rearing a child for usefulness in this world and
happiness in the next; the apprehensions which she may have, not only in
regard to her own life, but in bringing into the world a creature who
shall be dependent for many years upon her and her husband; and in the
days of her nervous anxiety she is likely to think of the possibility
of the death of her husband, or, of what might be even more terrible to
her thought, her sickness or disability through a period of years, when
the breadwinner himself might become dependent upon his wife and
children for his own support.
Newly-married persons should look forward to this period, and, before
conception takes place, make themselves the possessors of such
information as would render them intelligent and qualify them to meet
the conditions with the best physical and intellectual equipment. When
the wife has once become pregnant, it is then too late for her properly
to take up the study of this subject. Instead of permitting her mind to
dwell upon these matters, her attention should be turned to other
considerations. If she or her husband have not read upon these subjects
until the event takes place, then the husband should devote himself to
the reading, and be to his wife a wise counsellor in the experiences
through which she is passing. He should carefully study the book
entitled "What a Young Wife Ought to Know," and possibly other
well-chosen books. Where the husband has the time and the technical
knowledge, he might find it very helpful to consult the physician whose
services they expect to have at the time of confinement, and borrow from
him a medical work upon the subject. Such books are always expensive,
and, although written in technical terms, may yet prove interesting and
suggestive. The greatest danger, however, in this course is, that
medical books deal not so much with the _normal_ conditions which
characterize the vast majority of confinements, but with the abnormal
and exceptional, which are only occasionally met, and these exceptions,
abnormal conditions and hideous monstrosities, are likely to fill the
mind with unnecessary apprehension. Under no circumstances should a
pregnant wife be permitted to fill her mind with apprehension and alarm
by reading of this character.
If the wife is to follow the most beneficial rules of exercise, diet and
mental condition, she will need to be encouraged and assisted by the
judicious counsel and tenderest sympathies of her husband. If she is
allowed to seclude herself and become inactive, she will not only suffer
the severest experiences at the time of delivery, but her child will be
likely to be indifferent to physical and intellectual activity; while,
upon the other hand, if her life is filled with a round of perpetual
duties, perplexities and worries which consume her time, leave her
depleted, and allow her no time for rest, she is likely to be the mother
of a restless, nervous and irritable child. The young husband should
remember that what his home is to be in the days to come will depend
upon the intelligence and wisdom of himself and wife while they stand at
the sources of destiny in the early period of their married life. Their
health, their wisdom, their judicious direction is to determine not only
their own present happiness but the character of their children, the
condition of their home, and measurably even the destinies of
generations yet unborn.
It is not within our province, when writing to young husbands, to lay
down rules and to give full directions which are fitted for a book of
instruction to young wives and expectant mothers. But as something might
be properly expected upon this phase of the subject, we append from
"Trained Motherhood" a suggestive article on "Diet and Hygiene for
Expectant Mothers," by a writer who signs herself "K. L.":
"From the very moment of consciousness of the conception of a new life
every effort should be made for the welfare of both mother and child.
"With the majority of women pregnancy is a condition to be dreaded,
since it brings with it so much care, pain and all sorts of trials,
ending with intense suffering.
"The greater part of these troubles are caused by the violation of the
laws of nature; and by following a few simple rules much, if not all, of
the suffering and worry women undergo may be avoided.
"Having received many requests for advice, the writer gives, for the
benefit of sister women, as the result of personal experience and
experiments, the directions and hints that follow:
"One of the chief causes of trouble is improper diet. Another is
improper dress. A third, lack of exercise.
"But to deal with one at a time, we will place diet first. It is
necessary that a pregnant woman should have food that is nourishing but
not heating for the blood. It should be eaten at regular hours and in
moderate quantities. Very few people can successfully eat and drink at
one time, so it will be much better to drink some time before or after
meals. It is desired to avoid development of bone and muscle, as it is
this growth that renders the labor so hard. By choosing food that lacks
these qualities much trouble may be avoided. All the vegetables and all
the fruits are beneficial, but all animal food is injurious, in my
opinion.
"All rich food, such as pastry, cakes, confectioneries, gravies and fat
meats should be avoided. Tea and coffee are nerve and brain stimulants,
therefore injurious to both mother and child. Wines or liquors of any
sort are very much to be condemned. All cereals may be used freely,
though the oat products are not to be so well recommended as the wheaten
grains, since oats are more heating. Eat very freely of all fruits,
particularly the acid sort. Oranges and lemons stand first, then apples,
peaches and plums. Bananas are very good, especially when eaten in the
morning before taking other food. Be sure and not eat too much of
anything. It is better to feel a little hungry than to eat an ounce too
much. Those who desire a warm drink may find some cereal coffee
palatable and beneficial. Whole wheat or brown breads are more desirable
than white breads, as they contain less starch properties.
"The 'morning sickness' may be done away with by eating several plain
crackers--soda or graham--before rising. Eat them while lying down, and
lie still for five minutes. Then get up slowly and gently. The juice of
a lemon or a banana will often do the same towards removing this
weakening annoyance. Generally if fruit is eaten just before going to
bed, no nausea is felt in the morning.
"As to dress: No garment should be worn that throws any weight or
pressure anywhere. Hang all from the shoulders. A corded waist with
shoulder-straps, and buttons for the skirts, will be comfortable. By all
means have everything as light in weight as possible. Dress warmly, but
let nothing be tight or heavy. Wear low-heeled, broad-soled shoes, so as
to keep the legs and feet from swelling under the strain of the extra
weight they must carry.
"Plenty of judicious exercise is necessary. Housework and light
gardening are unequaled, though the heavier work, such as washing,
scrubbing or lifting, reaching up, pulling, or any kind of strain, is
dangerous. Climbing stairs and hills is one of the best exercises.
Breathe deeply and fully, filling the lungs all the way down. The
majority of women only breathe with the upper part of their lungs, and
have no chest expansion. A healthy woman ought to be able to increase
her chest measure at least two inches by a full inhalation. Deep
breathing not only gives the mother more strength, but it gives the
unborn child a gentle exercise by means of the motion of the mother's
body at each breath, and renders its whole system purer and stronger.
Keep the mouth closed, and this forces deep breathing. Climb hills and
stairs with mouth shut, head well up, shoulders back, and breathe as
fully as possible while climbing.
"Exercise freely, but do not overdo it. Any fatigue drains from the
fetus its vitality and development, which is its birthright, and which
is the duty of every woman to give her child.
"A tepid sitz bath, taken for fifteen minutes just before going to bed,
will induce sound, refreshing sleep, and at the same time keep the parts
pliable and soften the muscles. Dry thoroughly and cover warmly, to
avoid risk of chill. Frequent bathing in cold water will keep the
circulation good, and should always be followed by gentle rubbing with a
rough towel. Massage with olive oil will remove any tendency to a
tension of the skin as it is distended.
"A strong solution of alum applied to the nipples each night, and
allowed to dry on, will harden the skin and prevent soreness from
nursing.
"Maintain as erect a position at all work as possible, as stooping
brings pressure where it will do the most harm.
"It is best to wait until the third day at least after the child is born
before changing the diet, and then the mother should eat freely of all
that she has avoided during pregnancy, in order to give her milk the
qualities the child now needs.
"As it is the duty of all parents to give to their children the very
best of themselves, the only way to do this is to give them the care
before their birth that they intend giving them after birth.
"In evidence of the benefits of this diet, compare these two experiences
of the same mother:
"_Mixed diet_, rich foods of all kinds, poor hygiene, incorrect
exercise. Result, ten-pound child; fifteen hours labor, very severe;
mother sat up for the first time on tenth day.
"_Fruit diet_, all the preceding rules followed. Result, seven and
one-half-pound child; labor one hour, not at all severe; mother sat up
eight hours after; up and dressed on the sixth day. Perfect health
after, for both mother and child."
We can heartily endorse the directions of the writer in every
particular, but think it important to suggest that some of the greatest
mistakes made after confinement are by impatience to have the mother
enjoy the privilege of sitting up, going to the table for her meals, and
returning to the ordinary duties of daily life. We have elsewhere
indicated the changes which take place at this period, and which call
for an entire revolution in the physical condition of the mother. This
cannot be accomplished in a few days, or even in a couple of weeks. In
most instances it is safe for the young mother to expect to remain at
least six weeks in her room before thinking of being a guest at the
family table. A mistake at this time may eventuate in permanent results
which will render the mother an invalid for all the rest of her life.
But there is another side to this question which cannot be passed over
at this point without great injustice to the sacredness and importance
of the subject. The self-denials and trials during the period of
gestation do not all fall to the lot of the wife. With her the sexual
sense has been satisfied and has become quiescent, while in the husband
it continues active, and sometimes even seems imperious. If he is to
treat his wife with proper consideration he should allow nothing to
stimulate or excite his sexual passion, but should be able to hold
himself in the best physical poise and under the wisest sexual
self-control.
Any one who has observed the life of birds and animals, and indeed of
all animate life, cannot have been blind to the fact that after
impregnation the female never receives the male, and the male, neither
of beast or bird or reptile, never forces himself upon the female; while
the young life is being developed in the body of the female the sexes
remain absolutely apart. If we are to learn anything from universal
nature in this particular, we would seem to be taught that the same
should be true with husband and wife.
It is a notable fact that among the heathen in polygamous countries the
husband always remains apart from a wife in whom life has already been
begun. Strange to say, in civilized and Christian countries medical
writers and intelligent people are not always in accord. That the
reader may understand something of the positions which are taken, we
quote from a few well-known writers:
In his book entitled "The Physical Life of Woman," Dr. George H. Napheys
says: "During those days when the wife, if she were not pregnant, would
have been 'unwell,' marital intercourse should be abstained from. It is
then injurious to the mother and dangerous to the life of the child, as
it is liable to excite miscarriage. But if this habitual epoch of the
monthly sickness be avoided, there is no reason why passion should not
be gratified in moderation and with caution during the whole period of
pregnancy. There is one exception to be made to this general course of
conduct. In those cases in which a miscarriage has occurred in the first
pregnancy, every precaution should be employed to prevent its happening
again after a second conception. Under such exceptional circumstances,
therefore, the husband and wife should sleep apart during the first five
months of pregnancy. After that period their ordinary relations may be
resumed. When a miscarriage has taken place, intercourse should not be
permitted within a month of the accident. The observance of this
direction is of the utmost importance. Its neglect is the frequent cause
of severe and intractable diseases of the womb."
Another, when speaking of the effects of coition during this period,
says: "The organ of amativeness is frequently too largely developed in
the embryonic offspring by the excessive indulgence of parents in sexual
pleasures during the period of gestation. After the birth of the child,
he is usually fed on meat, tea and coffee, and other stimulating food
and drink, fit only for persons of adult age, by which sexual precocity
is produced."
Dr. John Cowan, in "The Science of a New Life," says, with emphasis: "I
will again repeat that during this full period of gestative influence,
as well as during the period of nursing, _sexual congress should not be
had between husband and wife_. This is the law of Nature, the law of
God, and outside of Christendom it is never violated. Animals will not
permit it--savages will not permit it, and over three-quarters of the
world it is looked upon as infamous by our own species. A man acting out
the licentiousness of his nature with his wife during gestation is worse
than a brute--in fact, there is no species of the animal to which he can
be compared, unless it be to the tobacco, whiskey-soaked hanger-on to a
rum-shop--whose life is an epitome of tobacco, whiskey and
licentiousness. Do not, I pray you, oh, parents, do this unclean thing.
Do not taint your clean bodies, do not foul your pure souls with the
lustful of your natures, while a new body is being developed, a new soul
being organized; but by sweet words, loving caresses, endearing action
and warm kisses cultivate within you the love element that, in its pure
exercise, joins together two souls, and brings in its path such a
measure of peace and happiness as must be realized ere it can be
appreciated."
Writing of the physical needs of the mother during the period of
gestation, Dr. Napheys says: "During this period the whole force of the
economy at these times is taken up with providing sustenance for the new
being, and there is no nervous power left to be wasted in barren
pleasures. In those exceptionable cases where this does not hold, every
excitement is visited upon the child, and it has to suffer in health and
growth for the unnatural appetite of the mother."
Dr. J. R. Black says: "Coition during pregnancy is one of the ways in
which the predisposition is made for that terrible disease in children,
epilepsy. The natural excitement of the nervous system in the mother by
such a cause cannot operate otherwise than inflicting injury upon the
tender germ in the womb."
Dr. J. H. Kellogg says: "Indulgence during pregnancy is followed by the
worst results of any form of marital excess. The mother suffers doubly,
because laden with the burden of supporting two lives instead of one.
But the results upon the child are especially disastrous. During the
time when it is receiving its stock of vitality, while its plastic form
is being molded, and its various organs are acquiring that integrity of
structure which makes up what is called constitutional vigor--during
this most critical of all periods in the life of the new being, its
forces are exhausted and its structure is depraved, and thus
constitutional tendencies to disease are produced by the unnatural
demands made upon the mother."
The same author adds: "Still another terrible consequence results from
this practice so contrary to nature. The delicate brain, which is being
molded with the other organs of the body, receives its cast largely from
those mental and nervous sensations and actions of the mother which are
the most intense. One of the most certain effects of sexual indulgence
at this time is to develop abnormally the sexual instinct in the child.
Here is the key to the origin of much of the sexual precocity and
depravity which curse humanity. Sexuality is born in the soul of a large
share of the rising generation."
In her book, entitled "Tokology," Dr. Alice B. Stockham says: "If the
law of continence is not the law to govern one's entire life, it is
natural and reasonable that the mother should be exempt from the sexual
relation during gestation."
In an excellent little book, entitled "Approaching Maternity," a
physician of experience says: "A man once told me that the easiest
delivery his wife had ever had took place two days sooner than expected,
and one day after he had had connection with her! Thank heaven, there
are not many such brutes as this! What really took place was a
miscarriage, in my opinion, superinduced by coition. That it was not
troublesome was a piece of good luck, and must have been the result of
the woman's excellent condition. It is better that during the entire
pregnancy sexual intercourse should be abstained from. During coition
the uterus is subjected to great disturbance; congestion of many of the
parts follows, and the effect upon the nerves is of a harmful nature.
The entire vital energy of the woman is needed and should be saved for
the coming event, and the husband should practice self-control and
forego selfish indulgence at this time. Strive rather to elevate and
develop the intellectual side of the woman, and if her mind is kept
occupied upon helpful, entertaining subjects, a good result will show
later on."
When we remember that in procreation God has endowed us with the power
to continue his work of creation and realize the sacred responsibilities
in calling a new life into being, we cannot but feel that from the very
hour of conception the mother is overshadowed by the Most High. In the
fulfillment of her sacred office she should surely be delivered from all
polluting intrusions, and be permitted to live a life of spotless
purity. To say the very least, there surely is something very suggestive
in the statement of the first chapter of Matthew concerning the parents
of the child Jesus. When he had been begotten of the Holy Ghost, Mary
was not to be deprived of the companionship, love and sympathy of
Joseph, and therefore when he thought to put her away privily, he was
told "fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife, for that which is
conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph being raised from
sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his
wife, _and knew her not till she had brought forth her first-born son_."
While it was essential that the fatherhood of the Messiah should be
above all question, yet may it not be true that the development and
bringing forth of a child which shall be most like unto this Prince of
Peace always demands an undisturbed maternity?
We would not like to take an extreme position upon this subject, but we
are persuaded that what we have presented here is worthy of the
thoughtful consideration of all husbands and wives who seek their own
highest good and the greatest blessing and well-being of the children
which are to be.
It is well for young husbands and wives to know that by incautiousness
in their relations during this period miscarriage is often easily and
actually produced, and unsuspecting parents have oftentimes been the
authors, not only of the death of their own child, but the consequences
have entailed permanent injuries upon the young wife, and oftentimes
resulted in death itself.
CHAPTER XIV.
THE CHANGES WHICH PRECEDE, ATTEND AND FOLLOW CONCEPTION AND CHILDBIRTH.
From the moment of conception, during the months of gestation, at the
time of childbirth and after, changes of great interest take place in
the germ of human life and in the body of the mother. Her body is
marvelously fitted for the reception and development of the ovum, the
embryo and the fetus through the various stages of fertilization,
germination, development, maturity, to the time of the eventual exit of
the child into the outer world to begin its own independent life.
Something of the adaptation of the body of the mother to its marvelous
purpose may the better appear if we think of some of the greatest
mechanical achievements of man.
A watch is one of the best products of human ingenuity. It has taken
nearly six thousand years to produce it. It is a wonderful piece of
mechanism, yet it is, after all, not a complex product like the human
body. If a watch could be constructed that could oil and renew its own
parts, so as not to stop or break, or need repairing or oiling or
cleaning, such a product would be more complex. But if, in addition to
running on uninterruptedly for a long series of years, or almost an
entire century, suppose it could be so constructed and constituted
that, without interrupting the orderly movement of its works or its
accuracy and correctness, it should, at intervals, produce other watches
like itself. Truly such a watch would be a marvelous complexity. Yet
just such a complexity is found in all the forms of vegetable and animal
life about us. Interesting as is the study of life at any stage, it is
specially interesting and impressive during the periods which preface,
accomplish and follow the wonderful period of gestation; and it is
specially important that the individual who stands so closely related to
this profound and awe-inspiring mystery as does a young husband should
have such knowledge of what this condition has to teach as comes within
the realm of human understanding--both because of its importance to his
own happiness, the happiness, safety and well-being of the mother and
her offspring, and because such knowledge will tend to purify the mind
of those gross and debasing thoughts which too frequently cluster about
the most important and most sacred relations of married life and the
endearments of home.
Something of what these changes are which precede, attend and follow
reproduction in the human family may be beautifully seen in a
conservatory or garden, or even learned from the frail flower that
blooms by the roadside.
When, in the springtime or summer days, the plant has reached its
maturity, as instinctively as if it foresaw in the coming days of autumn
and in the ice and snow of winter the possibility not only of death but
of total extinction, its entire nature centres in one grand struggle to
escape pending extermination and live, if not in its own body, yet in
the life and beauty that shall be reproduced in the plants that are
already begotten in the longing for the perpetuity of its own life. The
dual parent-nature is quickened. Forgetting the present, and longing for
a place and a part when the warm and quickening breath of spring shall
again usher in a new day of life and beauty upon the earth the plant
henceforth lives, not for the present, but for the future; not for
itself, but for those that are to be. The buds begin to form. The plant
has learned the purpose of being and throbs with the mystery of life. In
the thought of death it has learned to live. In fear of extinction it
has learned to perpetuate and multiply itself a hundredfold. The flower
unfolds. The dual parent-nature of the plant lives with intensity in
their common effort. The flower is in a passion of beauty, in an agony
of splendor, perfuming the nuptial hour with a sweetness that distills
upon the air, arresting the hurrying steps of all who pass by. Who shall
dare to interrupt that ceremonial, whose ruthless hand shall dare defeat
that high and holy purpose? The fragrance invites the bees and insects
to the nuptial feast. For them there is pollen and nectar in abundance.
They bear gifts of quickening pollen from other plants, or swing the
anther censers that waited the coming of expected guests. The corolla of
beauty screens the enchanted participants. The ceremonial is over, the
hour is ended. The ovules have felt the thrill of life, the beauty
fades, the fragrance is gone, the wedding-garments are laid aside, and
henceforth the father-nature and the mother-nature of the plant live not
for themselves, but for the life they have begotten, and the plants that
shall be. Their joy abides, and they live in the glad hope of
participation, in the succeeding resurrection of the life and beauty and
fragrance that is to await the coming of another springtime.
What we have written in allegory takes place in fact. Every intelligent
observer has noted the depth of color, passionate beauty, and sweet
fragrance of the flower as the hour approaches when the stigma awaits
the pollen which is to fertilize the ovules that lie hidden away in the
ovary or pod. When that union has been effected the flower fades, its
petals fall off; the calyx, which as a vase held the corolla erect in
its splendor, but which remains to shield and protect the ovules or
little seeds which are being formed and perfected, now droops, turning
toward the earth. Is this a sign of sadness, or that there is no longer
any joy in life? No, no, not at all. It is the evidence of its fidelity
to the sacred trust that has been committed to it. It has found a new
joy, a more abiding happiness. Then it held up the corolla that the sun
and the angels might look in upon the happy and holy beginnings of life,
while now, in the protection of its sacred trust, it turns down, that
it may shed the rain and everything that might intrude or hurt the
tender plant that is so mysteriously encased in that pod that enlarges
with the growing life that is within it.
What is true in the reproductive life of plants is also true in the
reproductive life of man. The changes that take place at the moment of
conception and during the period of gestation are full of marvelous
beauty and profound mystery. The bright eyes, the ruby lips, the ruddy
glow on the cheeks, the comely attire, the attractive manner, the
persuasive sweetness, the subtle but indescribable attractiveness, are
manifestations in human life of what may be seen and studied with such
impressiveness in the reproductive life of the flower. The changes which
follow may not be as immediate; and while, to the unknowing and
unobservant, they may not at first be totally unobserved, yet to the
devout student they are quite as manifest and pronounced as in the
flowers; and the study of these changes which attend the beginning, the
growth and the completion of reproduction is one of great interest to
every intelligent person, although its clear presentation to those who
have no knowledge whatever of the subject is attended with some
difficulty.
As the birds at the mating season put on their most gorgeous plumage,
sing their sweetest songs, and in the building of their nests work in
sweetest accord, so it is also in human life. When the nest is
completed, the eggs laid, and the incubation or hatching begins, the
plumage soon loses some of its lustre, the songs become less frequent,
and the parent birds prepare for the feeding and care of the bird-life
that is soon to fill the nest.
But all this quickening of life and growth that takes place in the egg
within the nest under the warm body of the mother-bird, in the human
mother takes place within the nest or cradle which God has prepared
within her body. Her young is of a higher order. The protection and
preservation of the unfolding human life is more important, and hence
the greater care displayed in guarding and nourishing it.
The future mother, whose nature only recently craved her husband's
caresses and embraces, now, perhaps all unconsciously to herself,
changes, to fit her for the better completion of the sacred and holy
work which God has assigned her. The eye loses somewhat of its lustre,
the cheek its ruddy glow, and her entire being something of that
pervasive sweetness which but recently made her peculiarly attractive.
But to the intelligent husband and true father she is none the less, but
rather the more, an object of love and adoration; and if she is
intelligent, and understands the high and holy nature of that which is
being wrought within her own body, and the exalted honor which God has
bestowed upon her in making her a co-creator with himself, she will not
manifest the belligerent and uncompanionable spirit which too often
characterizes the bearing of some women during this period of unfolding
life.
While it is true that the changes which accompany this period are more
marked in woman than in man, yet when we remember that a close study of
the reproductive nature of man in married life discloses a
responsiveness to her condition and desires, it will readily be
understood that during the period of his wife's gestation his nature is
measurably moderated by her condition, for in health the reproductive
nature of man is responsive to the promptings of his wife. The poet
wisely says:
"As unto the bow the cord is,
So unto the man is woman.
Though she bends him, she obeys him;
Though she draws him, yet she follows--
Useless each without the other."
Where existing facts in any particular case are discordant with this
poetic figure the causes can usually be found in an abnormal passion in
the man, or a measurable absence of sexual inclination in the woman,
frequently caused by ruinous modes of life and dress. While human beings
are generally very different in this respect from the lower animals, yet
something of what these changes are may be suggested by noting the
changes which take place in bird life. As the wave of life rises to its
crest in the male nature, every department of his being is aroused to
greatest activity and perfection. His plumage becomes lustrous, he sings
with sweetest note. In some of the animals the intensity of his
vitality bursts out in a growth of great antlers; but when the mating
season is passed the plumage fades; the antlers drop off as the receding
tide of life sets in. These marked changes among the animals are by no
means paralleled in man; yet there are semblances or faint shadows of
them in the modifying of the male nature.
While such external and manifest changes as we have indicated are taking
place, marvelous things are being wrought within the mother's body. The
ovum or egg (for that is what it truly is), after it has left the place
where it matured in the ovary, is impregnated by the spermatozoön,
which, in its restless search for the ovum, presses forward from the
place where it was liberated in the vagina, up through the womb, and out
through the Fallopian tube toward the ovary; or the ovum may pass
through the Fallopian tube and into the womb, to await for a brief
period or a few days the coming of the sperm or spermatozoön, without
which it must remain incomplete and perish.
God might just as easily have ordained that the ovum should be complete
in itself, and that, without any intervention or co-operation, at
appointed intervals the mother should bring forth her offspring. But
there were reasons why this should not be. The begetting and bringing
forth of human life involves issues too vast to be committed to a single
individual. Without a defender or protector during this period when the
mother is rendered measurably helpless by her condition, would imperil
the safety and even the life of both parent and child. Two must share
the risks and the responsibilities. The father, during this period and
that which follows, is to bear the burdens of life largely alone. He is
to provide food and shelter. He is to be the guardian and the defender
of his more dependent companion. Should exposure or peril result in the
death of the mother, the child must not be left without a natural
guardian and caretaker. This young life is too precious to be exposed to
possible peril. Its care, its nurture, its education is too important
even to be risked with a single parent. The mother might "forget her
sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her
womb," and it was important that the child should then have another, who
is bound by natural and moral obligations, and by bonds of personal
interest and tenderest affection, to care for it. This double parentage
gives the child four grandparents instead of two, and eight
great-grandparents instead of four. In this wise way the child is knit
to many in an obligation to nurture and care for it, should necessity
arise. If physical, mental and moral infirmity should exist in the
mother, the force of such infirmity must be reasonably broken by a new
stream of influences which tend to liberate the child from any
inheritance of incapacity. If the father is wicked or worthless, the
child is to find its defender and caretaker in its mother; or, should
the mother possess these bad qualities, the child may find in its father
its defense and help. The life and well-being of the child is so
important that it must have two chances to be well-born and well-reared.
But this relation of interdependence is not only for the well-being of
the offspring, but for the highest physical, intellectual and moral
development and well-being of both parents. Parenthood comes not only to
the mother, molding, fashioning and perfecting her in every department
of her being, but when intelligently and reverently assumed, when
discharged with fidelity and self-denial, it has its priceless
endowments for the father as well. In view of the Creator's full and
sacred purpose, who shall dare invade, or even lightly assume, the
far-reaching responsibilities which God has united to parenthood? "What
God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
What intelligent man or woman shall dare trample under their feet all
the sacred relations of life, and call into being an immortal spirit
whose temporal and eternal destinies are to be affected by its advent
into a world that is waiting to brand it because begotten of an illicit
union? What husband or wife can regard with dishonor, or dare debase,
the God-given powers of reproduction?
But to return to the subject of the changes which take place within the
body of the mother during this period of wondrous interest. When the
spermatozoa have been liberated in the upper portion of the vagina at
the cervix, or small opening which forms what is called the neck of the
womb, although such minute microscopic objects that when laid end to end
it would require five hundred of them to make an inch in length, yet,
with that wonderful activity of which we have written in a previous
chapter, they immediately seek the doorway into the womb, that
mysterious chamber where the ovum may naturally be expected to await
their coming. We correctly think of persons, and not of things, as
possessed of intelligence and acting in accordance with reason, but this
mysterious natal chamber within the mother's body appears instinct with
intelligence. It seems almost as though across its portals were written,
in a language which every object and every spermatozoön might read, the
prohibition: "None save those who bear the gift of life may enter or
tarry within these portals." The ovum may remain for a period, and the
spermatozoa that seek the ovum may enter, but neither may tarry unless
each yields itself to the other in that mysterious union which results
in life. Apart or alone, after a brief period, they must alike be cast
out; no idler may tarry there; but that semblance to innate intelligence
which rejects or casts out any incomplete part as a foreign substance
accords a hearty welcome to the ovum that has been quickened into a new
life by the entrance of a spermatozoön. No mother ever embraced her
newborn child more lovingly, or regarded it with greater tenderness,
than the womb receives the quickened ovum. When the ovum is quickened,
every fibre of being thrills with a new purpose. A royal place is
speedily prepared for the safety, nurture and development of the ovum.
The entire nature of the mother now centres upon the accomplishment of a
special work--that of developing and bringing forth the new life
begotten within. Great changes are to be wrought not only in the ovum,
but the enlarging life and new necessities are to be met by
corresponding changes in the womb itself. Not only is the minute speck
of life which is laid within this human cradle to develop into a
fully-organized human being, but the cradle is to enlarge with the
growth of its occupant, and respond to the varying needs of the
unfolding and developing body within.
It will require the aid of a microscope to discover and observe the
object of our search and study. The egg of the bird bears some
proportion to the size of its producer, for in them is stored up the
nourishment which is to maintain the unfolding life that can be fed in
no other way until it has reached an advanced stage of maturity, and has
broken its shell and emerged into the outer world. The human egg is so
small that it would require two hundred and forty of them laid side by
side to make one inch in length. They contain the nourishment which is
to foster this minute beginning of human life for a brief period, after
which it is to derive all its nourishment from the mother. Her food is
to furnish the material for its upbuilding. Its blood is to flow from
her heart. The egg of the bird is encased in a porous covering through
which pure air, with its transforming power, is to find its way to the
developing life within; but this human egg and the life which it is
designed to unfold must owe all to its mother. Her lungs must impart the
oxygen it needs, and her body must minister to every function of the
body of the child, until after a period of months, when it shall have
reached that stage of development when it is prepared to enter upon its
own independent life in the outer world.
This minute germ of human life, this egg so small that a thousand could
be laid upon a ten-cent piece, this atom, which under the microscope
shows a speck of oil and albumin, which in the course of a few brief
months is to constitute a complex human organism, with all the perfected
parts and wonderful adjustment of a human body, already contains the
elements of a new human soul. Embodied in this undeveloped human germ is
the future man or woman. Here are all the elements which are to make the
successful mechanic, the farmer, the orator, or the statesman. Ingrained
in these forming tissues may be scrofula, consumption or insanity. Here,
already, are the inheritances which are to determine whether this being
shall be temperate or intemperate, chaste or licentious. The moral
nature has already received that bent which will incline it to reach out
after God and heaven and holy things, or which will incline it downward
to all that is base, destructive, and that tends to death. The history
of this immortal being is already measurably outlined in the past life
of the father and the mother. What they have been in their thought, in
their character, in their being, that their child is largely to become.
This outline is now subjected to modifications by the thought and life
of the mother during the few months while the body of her child is being
unfolded, fashioned and developed beneath and so close to her own heart.
During these months, her life is to tell both upon the body and the soul
of her child.
During the brief period while the germ within the fertilized egg is
being nourished by the vitellus or yolk of the egg, great changes are
taking place in the soft and delicate linings which surround it within
the womb. While, of course, the greatest changes which take place during
the period of gestation are chiefly within the ovum or egg, yet those
which take place in the body of the mother herself are more manifest,
and scarcely less marvelous. The mucous membrane within the walls of
this enclosure begins to thicken; the small vessels which compose the
structure of the inner surface begin to multiply, enlarge, and lengthen,
until they are manifest to the unaided eye. This soft, velvety lining
becomes thick and rich, but loses none of its softness and delicacy.
Every preparation is speedily made, and the fertilized egg finds
lodgment in the thin, delicate folds of the membrane in the upper
central portion or dome of the womb. The folds begin to grow about the
egg, partially enclosing it, and shutting it off from the general cavity
of the womb. At last the borders of this growing envelope meet, and form
a complete and distinct enclosure. This thin, transparent tissue, which
constitutes a living envelope or sac, shuts off the egg or growing
embryo from the rest of the cavity of the womb, which its increasing
proportions are soon completely to fill.
The original membranous lining which covers the entire interior of the
womb, and which has now become thickened or tumefied, as medical men
say, is technically called the decidua vera, while that portion of the
membrane which forms the sac that surrounds and encloses the egg is
called the decidua reflex. These are known as "decidua," which means
"not permanent"--a word applied to those things in nature which after a
period drop away, as leaves, teeth and horns, which are shed or fall
off. So the decidua reflex is to pass away with the birth, and the
decidua vera is to change back again into its normal condition.
The egg, which during this period has considerably enlarged, begins to
throw out upon all sides threadlike tissues, by which this germ of life
becomes attached to and grows into the mother-life upon which it is
engrafted.
It is through these filaments that the fluids which are to nourish and
develop this unfolding life are imparted from the mother and received
by the embryo.
As the attachment between the sac which encloses the egg more firmly and
securely adheres to the walls of the womb the filaments which had formed
upon all sides of the enclosing sac begin to disappear, except upon the
side in contact with the womb. Upon that side they become more
pronounced, and in the third month the permanent attachment known as the
placenta, through which the embryo is to receive its increasing supply
of nourishment from the body of the mother, begins to be formed. The
placenta is circular in shape, from one to two inches in thickness in
its thickest part, and about six or eight inches in diameter. It forms
the temporary medium of communication between the life of the mother and
that of the child, and, properly speaking, is not a part of either. It
is formed for a temporary use, which terminates with the birth of the
child; and at that time the placenta, the umbilical or navel cord, and
the membrane we have named, constitute what is called the afterbirth.
The placenta is a flat, soft disk which is attached to the walls of the
womb connecting the embryo by the navel cord, through which it respires
or breathes, and receives nourishment, and discharges the worn-out
particles of matter. It is through this attachment or cord that an
intimate connection is established between the growing life of the ovum
and the currents of life which flow in the mother's body. Through this
placentic cord the embryo receives oxygen and all the elements necessary
for its growth, upon the one hand, while, upon the other, it also
transfers to the body of the mother the carbonic acid gas and other
impurities which in the process of life are necessary to be thrown off.
CHAPTER XV.
THE CHANGES WHICH PRECEDE, ATTEND AND FOLLOW CONCEPTION AND CHILDBIRTH.
_Continued._
But while these changes have been taking place within the womb itself,
and the decidua or thickened membrane has been forming about this
developing germ of life, let us consider some of the changes which have
taken place within the ovum itself. If observant when opening a hen's
egg, the observer will notice that the yolk is covered by a very thin
membrane which encloses and separates it from the other portion of the
egg, and holds it in its rounded form. The membrane is exceedingly
delicate, but sufficiently thick and strong to serve its intended
purpose. Now, the human ovum or egg consists of a vitellus or yolk,
which is covered by a similar membrane, known as the vitelline. When
this ovum or egg has been fertilized or impregnated, remarkable changes
take place. This vitellus or yolk undergoes a series of segmentation or
dividings which are known as spontaneous segmentation. The single minute
yolk divides itself into two smaller balls or segments. These again
subdivide into four; these four subdivide into eight, the eight into
sixteen, and so on, resulting in the rearrangement of the yolk into a
finely divided granular mass. While this division is in process, the
divided parts arrange themselves orderly about the inner surface of the
vitelline or yolk membrane, with the minute microscopic spaces between
filled with a transparent fluid. While these cells have been multiplying
and become so abundant as to be flattened against the internal surface
of the yolk membrane, they have developed into true animal cells. The
edges of these cells, where they come in contact with each other, form a
continuous organized membrane, which lies just within the yolk membrane.
This membrane is called the blastodermic membrane.
This new membrane, formed within the sac which originally enclosed the
yolk of the ovum, now divides or separates itself into two distinct
layers, known as the outer and inner blastodermic membranes, also called
epiblast and hypoblast. The egg at this stage of development presents
the appearance of a small round sac, the walls of which consist of three
layers, each succeeding layer lying immediately within and in contact
with the other which encloses it. The outer one of the three is the
primitive yolk sac, the second is the outer layer of the blastodermic
membrane, and the third the inner layer, while the interior cavity of
the egg is filled by the transparent fluid previously mentioned.
In order to understand the beginnings of life it is important to have a
clear conception of these different sacs, for these two membranes lying
within the yolk sac, and together known as the blastodermic membrane,
and separately as the outer and inner layers of the blastodermic
membrane, contain the anatomical elements from which the organized being
with its fully-formed body is to grow. Indeed, it may be said that these
two blastodermic membranes are the body of the embryo which is to
develop into the fully-formed physical man.
The noting of this division into two separate layers is important, for
the outer one develops into the skin, spinal cord, muscles and bone,
while from the inner layer is formed the intestinal canal and the organs
of vegetative life.
Between these two blastodermic membranes other minute tissues are
formed, the office and end of which are not so fully understood, and the
consideration of which would lead us into intricacies beyond our present
purpose.
The first visible sign of the organic structure of the human form is
discovered as it takes shape upon the exterior wall of the blastodermic
membrane, known as the embryonic spot, and known also as the primitive
trace or furrow. It is supposed that from this is formed the spinal
canal, with the dorsal plate upon either side, from which springs the
framework of the bony structure, and at one end of which is the large
rounded cavity which forms the receptacle for the brain and the medulla
oblongata, or the upper cranial portion of the spinal cord, which is to
control respiration, and at the other extremity of which, in a later
stage, will sprout or grow the legs and feet.
Without complicating the subject too much for the clear understanding of
the ordinary reader by undertaking to explain minute changes which are
very interesting to specialists, but likely to detract from its interest
and value to the ordinary reader, let it suffice to say that in the
course of a brief period the embryo which has grown mainly from the two
blastodermic membranes which we have described, and is attached to the
walls of the womb by the placenta and cord which carries the blood and
life-currents from the body of the mother to the growing body of the
child within, is at this period of its development surrounded and
enclosed by a number of membranes. The outer one of these is the inner
lining of the womb itself, known as the decidua vera. Within this is the
decidua reflex, the membrane of the womb, which extended itself and grew
around the ovum, completely enclosing it. The third is the chorion,
forming the outer membrane which encloses the fetus, and within which is
the amnion, or innermost membrane which surrounds the fetus, and between
which is another membrane, called the allantois.
The amnion, which is the innermost of the membranes surrounding the
fetus, seemingly has a special office, which is to secrete the fluid
technically called the amniotic. This fluid is popularly known as "the
waters." This secretion performs several important offices. It protects
the fetus from any local pressure or blow, and so distributes any
pressure as to enable all the parts to grow without danger of distortion
and deformity. It also affords the fetus greater freedom of motion, and
protects the womb and other parts from injuries which might otherwise be
inflicted by the fetus after quickening. Within this fluid the fetus
floats during its formative period, and when the time of birth comes the
breaking of the sac which contains this fluid enables it to flow out,
lubricating the parts, or channel, through which the newly formed being
is to pass in its exit into the outer world. The importance of this
fluid in this latter office is of great moment. When the sac breaks and
the waters flow away too much in advance of the birth of the child,
there generally occur the inconveniences that attend what is called a
"dry birth."
As already mentioned in a previous paragraph, during the first weeks of
growth the embryo is nourished the same as the young chick within the
egg, by the yolk, in which its earliest nourishment has been stored.
Soon the delicate union is formed between the chorion by the gathering
and multiplication of the villi or minute hair-like membranes, which
gather into a compact mass and adhere to the adjacent portion of the
womb. This formation is known as the placenta, previously described,
which is constituted of two portions--the maternal side, which is
toward the walls of the womb, and the fetal side, which is toward the
growing fetus. Upon the inner side, the placenta is united with the
fetus by two arteries which are wrapped around the one vein, which
together unite with the body of the placenta. Through these the
life-currents flow; and, while the circulation between the bodies of
mother and child are not direct or uninterrupted, for the fetus has its
own measurably independent circulation, yet from the time the connection
is formed until the cord is severed at birth the fetus derives all its
nourishment from the mother.
Let us turn now to note the rapid changes which take place within the
germ or egg from the time of its impregnation to the hour of the birth
of the child. The changes, although seemingly very minute at first, are
nevertheless very rapid from the beginning to the period of maturity and
birth. The following account, taken from "Plain Talks on Avoided
Subjects," by Henry N. Guernsey, M.D., constitutes a goodly portion of
the introductory chapter of that excellent little book, and presents the
matter in the intelligible and impressive manner we desire for this
place, and is quoted in full by permission:
"The first indication of formation that is possible to discover, even by
the help of the microscope, consists of an oblong figure, obtuse at one
extremity, swollen in the middle, blunt-pointed at the other extremity.
The rudimentary embryo is slightly curved forward, is of a
grayish-white color, of a gelatinous consistence, from two to four lines
long, and weighs one or two grains. A slight depression, representing
the neck, enables us to distinguish the head; the body is marked by a
swollen centre, but there are as yet no traces of the extremities. So
much can be observed about the end of the third week after conception.
"At about the _fifth week_ the embryo presents more distinctions. The
head is very large in proportion to the rest of the body, the eyes are
represented by two black spots, and the upper extremities by small
protuberances on the sides of the trunk. The embryo at this stage is
nearly two-thirds of an inch in length and weighs about fifteen grains.
The lower extremities now begin to appear in the shape of two minute
rounded tubercles. Till about this time a straight artery has been
observed to beat with the regularity of the pulse; but now it appears
doubled somewhat into the shape of an adult heart, although as yet it
has but one auricle and one ventricle. As time advances we find the
perfect heart, with its two ventricles and two auricles, all developed
from the original straight artery. At this period the lungs appear to
exist in five or six different lobes, and we can barely distinguish the
bronchial tubes; about the same time the ears and face are distinctly
outlined, and after awhile the nose is also faintly and imperfectly
perceived.
"At about the _seventh week_, little bony deposit is found in the
lower jaw. The kidneys now begin to be formed, and a little later the
genital organs. The embryo averages one inch in length.
"At _two months_ the rudiments of the extremities become more prominent.
The forearm and hand can be distinguished, but not the arm above the
elbow; the hand is larger than the forearm, but is not supplied with
fingers. The sex cannot yet be determined. The length of the embryo is
from one inch and a half to two inches, and it weighs from three to five
drachms. The eyes are discernible, but still uncovered by the
rudimentary lids. The nose forms an obtuse eminence, the nostrils are
rounded and separated, the mouth is gaping, and the epidermis can be
distinguished from the true skin.
"At _ten weeks_ the embryo is from one and a half to two and a half
inches long, and its weight is from one ounce to an ounce and a half;
the eyelids are more developed, and descend in front of the eyes; the
mouth begins to be closed by the development of the lips. The walls of
the chest are more completely formed, so that it is no longer possible
to see the movements of the heart. The fingers become distinct, and the
toes appear as small projections webbed together like a frog's foot. At
about this period the sexual organs show their development, as follows:
On each side of the urinary locality an oblong fold becomes
distinguishable; in course of progress, if these folds remain separate,
a little tubercle forms in the anterior commissure which becomes the
clitoris; the nymphæ develop, the urethra forms between them, and the
female sex is determined. If, on the other hand, these folds unite into
a rounded projection, the scrotum is formed, the little tubercle above
becomes the penis, and hence the male sex. The testicles forming within
the body descend later into the scrotum, and organs similar to them,
their counterparts, form in the females and are called ovaries. These
ovaries are found attached to an organ called the womb, and this, again,
is united with the vagina, which leads downwards and outwards between
the labia majora (or larger lips).
"At the end of the _third month_ the weight of the embryo is from three
to four ounces and its length from four to five inches; the eyeballs are
seen through the lids, the pupils of the eyes are discernible, the
forehead, nose and lips can be clearly distinguished. The finger-nails
resemble thin membranous plates, the skin shows more firmness, but is
still rosy-hued, thin and transparent. The sex can now be fully
determined.
"At the end of the _fourth month_ the product of conception is no longer
called an embryo, but a fetus. The body is from six to eight inches in
length, and weighs six or seven ounces. A few little white hairs are
seen scattered over the scalp. The development of the face is still
imperfect. The eyes are now closed by their lids, the nostrils are
well-formed, the mouth is shut in by the lips, and the sex is still
more sharply defined. The tongue may be observed far back in the mouth,
and the lower part of the face is rounded off by what a little later
will be a well-formed chin. The movements of the fetus are by this time
plainly felt by the mother, and if born at this time it may live several
months.
"At the end of the _fifth month_ the body of the fetus is from seven to
nine inches long, and weighs from eight to eleven ounces. The skin has a
fairer appearance and more consistence; the eyes can no longer be
distinguished through the lids, owing to the increased thickness of the
latter. The head, heart and kidneys are large and well-developed.
"At the end of the _sixth month_ the fetus is from eleven to twelve and
a half inches in length, and weighs about sixteen ounces, more or less.
The hair upon the scalp is thicker and longer, the eyes remain closed,
and very delicate hairs may be seen upon the margins of the eyelids and
upon the eyebrows. The nails are solid, the scrotum small and empty, the
surface of the skin appears wrinkled, but the dermis may be
distinguished from the epidermis. The liver is large and red, and the
gall-bladder contains fluid.
"At the end of the _seventh month_ the length of the fetus is from
twelve and a half to fourteen inches; its weight is about fifty-five
ounces, and it is both well-defined and well-proportioned in all its
parts. The bones of the cranium, hitherto quite flat, now appear a
little arched, and, as the process of ossification goes on, the arching
increases until the vault is quite complete. The brain presents greater
firmness, and the eyelids are opened. The skin is much firmer, and red.
The gall-bladder contains bile.
"At the end of the _eighth month_ the fetus seems to thicken up rather
than to increase in length, since it is only from sixteen to eighteen
inches long, while its weight increases from four to five pounds. The
skin is red, and characterized at this period by a fine downy covering,
over which is spread a quantity of thick viscous matter, called the
sebaceous coat, which has been forming since the latter part of the
fifth month. The lower jaw has now become as long as the upper one, and
in the male the left testicle may be found in the scrotum. Convolutions
appear in the brain structure.
"At _nine months_ the anxious time of parturition (or birth) has
arrived. The fetus is from nineteen to twenty-three inches in length,
and weighs on an average from six to eight pounds. Children at birth
sometimes weigh as much as fourteen pounds; but such extremes are very
rare. At this period the white and gray matter of the brain are
distinct, and the convolutions are well marked; the nails assume a horny
consistence, hair upon the head is more or less abundant, the testes are
in the scrotum, and the entire external genital organs of both male and
female are well formed.
"How wonderfully and how instructively are all organs in the animal body
disposed and arranged! In the highest place we find the brain to govern
and rule over all below. It is the first organ formed, and in an orderly
life should control all the others. Next in order and importance are the
heart and lungs, which put into motion all other parts and enable the
animal frame to continue in motion. So each and every organ is developed
in its proper order, all to obey the commands of the first and most
important--the brain, the seat of the reason and the will. Happy are
they of either sex who will govern themselves by a pure, enlightened
reason and a pure, affectionate will."
While we may note the various stages of change and progress, yet to the
thoughtful student there lies back of all these outer manifestations a
hidden life, a divine unfolding of the human body which is mysterious
and awe-inspiring. While we know something of what takes place, yet the
declaration of the Book of Ecclesiastes is impressively true: "Thou
knowest not what is the way of the Spirit, nor how the bones do grow in
the womb of her that is with child." All who study it thoughtfully and
reverently can exclaim with David: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
marvelous are Thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My
substance was not hid from Thee, when I was made in secret, and
curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see
my substance, yet being imperfect; and in Thy book all my members were
written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was
none of them."
Let us turn now to the mother who has nourished and who is about to
bring into the world the body of an immortal being. Some of the changes
most easily noted in the body of the mother occur as she reaches the
period when approaching maturity has prepared the body of the child for
an early entrance into the outer world. Marvelous as are the less
noticeable changes which have earlier taken place, the time has now come
when others which are more marked are soon to manifest themselves.
Several days prior to the event there is a dropping or subsidence of the
womb. This is preparatory to the distention and enlargement of the
vagina through which the exit is to be made. The stomach and lungs are
relieved of pressure, the mother feels more easy, is more inclined to
move about, breathes more freely, and the sense of oppression which
formerly caused her to desire inaction passes away, and Providence thus
fits her to make such necessary preparations as are important in view of
the event which is soon to take place. As the days approach, the
external parts give indication of the distention and enlargement which
has taken place in the vagina and the preparations which nature is
making for the more easy exit of the life which has developed within.
The entire physical nature of the mother is in a state of preparation
for the great event. A large quantity of blood is being sent to the
breasts, the lacteals are developing, and the preparation is being
completed for the secretion of milk, so that there may be no lack when
the little stranger arrives.
One of the earliest indications that the event is about to take place is
the discharge of the small plug of mucus which has served to
hermetically seal the neck of the womb against the entrance of any
foreign substance; but its office or work is now completed. The cervix,
or neck of the womb, enlarges, and this little plug, popularly known as
"the show," passes away with some streaks of blood. While the neck of
the womb, the vaginal passage and the external parts have greatly
enlarged, the womb itself is beginning to contract preparatory to the
expulsion of that which it has fostered and nourished for a period of
about nine months.
The earliest premonition that these contractions are taking place is
found in the grinding pains, which come at irregular intervals,
sometimes a couple of hours apart, or only separated by a half hour, or
even a shorter period. These contractions of the abdominal muscles are
soon followed by the true labor-pains, which come at more regular
intervals. These grinding pains are felt in the back and loins. The
contractions rise to a certain pitch of intensity, and then as gradually
abate. Usually, as the regular labor-pains begin, the fluid contained in
the amniotic sac, and within which the child has floated during its
period of growth, is now liberated by the breaking of the sac, flows
through the vaginal passage, lubricating the parts and preparing all
for an easy exit of the body of the infant into the outer world. When
the presentation is normal the head comes first, and usually in a period
varying from a few minutes to a few hours the child is born. In
exceptional cases the labor may be extended over a day or more, but such
cases are relatively rare.
The apprehensions of dangers which associate themselves in the minds of
many with childbirth are not often realized. If the parts are not
diseased, and the mother is in good health, and the laws of the
unfolding life have been carefully observed, there is little peril,
although, generally, considerable pain. There are many physicians who
have attended hundreds of women in confinement who have never lost but
an exceptional case or two. The extreme pain endured by many women is
largely due to the lack of that knowledge which would have enabled the
mother to approach this period with but little apprehension, and to have
passed through the period of parturition or childbirth with but slight
inconvenience and pain.
While the perils may be greatly reduced and the pains greatly
diminished, it is nevertheless a period of wonderful revolution
throughout the entire physical nature of the mother. The blood which
flowed from her heart to nourish and foster the growing body of her
child is now turned in other directions, and the fountains at which
the child is to receive its food and its strength begin to flow with
their richness of life-giving currents.
After the placenta and the sacs which enclosed the fetus, which together
constitute what is known as "the afterbirth," have passed away, the
recuperating and renewing powers with which God has so wonderfully
endowed the body of the mother beyond that of the father become active.
The muscular tissues of the womb, vagina and the external parts at once
begin to contract, and the entire nature of the mother begins to adjust
itself to the new relations of her child to her own body and the
necessities of nourishing and guarding it upon the external portion of
her body, rather than within that mysterious chamber which God prepared
for its beginning and the earliest unfoldings of its infant life.
When the child is born into the world its body also undergoes a
wonderful revolution. Then, for the first time, its heart takes up its
own independent action; air for the first time enters the cells of the
lungs, and with the early shock, if it might so be called, of taking its
first breath, the child usually utters its first cries. During the
period of its fetal life the lungs have received only so much blood as
was necessary for their own growth and development, but with the first
breath they expand and receive the inflowing of the blood from the right
side of the heart. This involves the opening of some passages and the
closing of others. These are but the first of a series of
transformations which are early to take place. The various veins,
arteries and ducts which have hitherto received the supplies of blood
from the placenta and returned the worn and wasted material to that same
centre, or distribute the supplies for special service throughout
different portions of the body, by the cutting of the umbilical or navel
cord, and the separation of the child from the placenta and body of the
mother, now assume a new relation to the independent body of the newborn
child. Some of these ducts and arteries soon entirely close, and in some
instances degenerate into impervious cords with new and important
offices; some are transformed into true ligaments, while others remain
pervious. Now that the primitive purposes of some of these parts have
been fulfilled, the parts themselves disappear, while still other parts
take upon themselves new offices and duties which are imposed by the
changes incident to birth--the separation from the body of the mother
and the entrance upon its own independent life in the outer world.
Truly, "we are fearfully and wonderfully made." The infinite Author of
all things has left the stamp of His wisdom upon everything that He has
created. Whether we take the microscope and study the earliest
beginnings and mysterious unfoldings of this spark of human life;
whether we study the blade of grass beneath our feet, or the stars that
shine over our heads; everywhere we find the wonderful wisdom of our
Creator. "Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night showeth
knowledge." It matters not whether we listen to the lessons of a flower,
the history of an atom, or the song of the spheres, "there is no speech
nor language where their voice is not heard; their line is gone out
through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world."
CHAPTER XVI.
WHEN THE BABY IS BORN.
At the end of about 280 days after the conception, or what under
ordinary conditions would have been the tenth menstrual period, the days
are completed and the expectant mother is usually delivered of her
child. The day when the indications are that the child is to be born is
always one of great anxiety, but need not be one of apprehension or
fear. Where the laws of health have been observed there is no cause for
apprehension. With the birth of the first child the labor is oftentimes
somewhat more prolonged and attended with more pain, but the after-pains
are usually not considerable. Generally the pains which precede the
birth diminish with each succeeding confinement, but the after-pains
increase in a similar manner.
Where the mother has made intelligent preparation for this great event,
the child may be, and generally is, born without the actual assistance
of the doctor. An intelligent nurse would be in position to render every
needed assistance, but the presence of a well-equipped physician always
brings such added ease to the mind of the mother, by removing all
unnecessary risks, that it is always desirable that the physician should
have been apprised in advance, notified promptly, and be on hand as
soon as possible after the labor-pains commence. This is especially
important when it is the first child.
If the labor should be short and the birth take place before the arrival
of the physician, the nurse or attendant should be careful to see that
the cord is not wound about the neck of the child, but placed free, and
the child with its head in position so that it can breathe naturally,
and with its body warmly covered.
When the pulsing in the cord has ceased and the child has cried
vigorously, any nurse who has been present at previous confinements, who
is intelligent and capable, would be able to sever the cord after having
made the necessary bindings upon it. Indeed, some authorities contend
that when the pulsing has _ceased_ the cord may be severed without any
tying of the ends at all.
Dr. Alice B. Stockham, in "Tokology," makes the following sensible
suggestions: "Usually, as the child is ushered into the world, it sets
up a lusty cry, indicating that respiration is established. Crying is
not essential, as some authors claim, and the prompt covering usually
causes it to desist. If it does not breathe at once, a little brisk
patting on the breast and thigh may establish respiration. If this is
not effectual, dash cold water in the face and on the chest. Still
failing, artificial respiration must be established. To do this, close
the nostrils with two fingers, blow into the mouth, and then expel the
air from the lungs by a gentle pressure upon the chest. Continue this as
long as any hope of life remains.
"_Sever the cord when pulsation has entirely ceased._ Use a dull pair of
scissors, cutting about two inches from the child's navel. Following
these directions, no tying is essential."
Tying is done in order to prevent excessive bleeding; but whether to tie
the ends of the severed placentic cord, or not, is a matter which should
be left wholly to the attendant doctor. It is well for the young husband
to be intelligent and well-read along these and kindred lines, but if he
employs a physician he should accept the physician's judgment and have
his instructions followed. If he is not satisfied with the doctor whom
he has employed, but sees fit to change for one whose opinions harmonize
more closely with his own, that is a matter for the husband's own
judgment, but the physician who is employed should always be supreme and
left without interference or dictation. The doctor in charge must have
absolute control in a lying-in room. He should direct, and not be
dictated to.
If the husband is intelligent, enters into the sympathies of his wife,
and has her confidence, if the physician consents, as he doubtless will,
it seems quite natural that he should desire to be present with his wife
in this trying experience of her life. If he understands the nature of
the experience through which she is called upon to pass, his sympathy
will be helpful to his wife, and if nature has endowed him with any of
the qualifications of a good nurse, he can be of assistance to the
doctor. Where the husband is without intelligence, is nervous, and
exerts a depressing influence upon his wife, his absence may be more
helpful than his presence. If the husband is intelligent and
sympathetic, it seems to us that he could not but desire to be with his
wife; but where he is wholly disqualified, his physician should not
hesitate to express his judgment and preference in this matter.
The presence of a physician is always to be preferred, in order to
determine the presentation, sever the cord, and look carefully after the
afterbirth. The normal presentation is of the head foremost.
Where the inexperienced young husband is in an extremity, and finds
himself alone at the hour of delivery, he should expect, as is most
likely, that everything will move along normally, and he needs to be
especially guarded only upon three points. When the head is born, see
that the navel cord is not twisted around the child's neck. If this
should be the case, it can easily be slightly loosened and then slipped
over the child's head; otherwise the pressure of this tightened ligature
would prevent its breathing and would result in strangulation. In an
_extreme_ case the cord could easily be tied in two places, a couple of
inches apart, and cut between them. This should be done by an
experienced person only, and as a last resort. After the child is born,
the next and last important thing is the coming away of the placenta,
or afterbirth. This often occurs at the end of twenty minutes or a half
hour, or may be longer delayed. In the meantime the mother should be
warmly covered, and any drink given her should not be either extremely
hot or extremely cold. The afterbirth should be kept in a vessel
prepared for it until the doctor has inspected it, so that he may know
whether all the parts have come away or not. If any part remains, it
might cause serious trouble.
These things successfully accomplished, the bathing of the child and
care of the mother are next in order. How soon these should be
undertaken would have to be determined by conditions. With the mother, a
period of rest is sometimes very desirable. When bathing her body, or
changing her bed, the greatest care should be exercised to protect her
from the danger of contracting cold. During these hours her physical
nature undergoes a great revolution, and exposure at this time might
entail permanent results of a serious character. Fevers, bealed breasts,
the aches, pains and perils which so often accompany and follow
confinement, are almost wholly due to lack of proper care at this
period.
If the young husband is intelligent and desires the comfort and
well-being of his wife he will see that for a sufficient period she is
protected against callers, and even the visits of friends. She is weak
and needs absolute rest. She needs at least several days or more
before she should be visited. If callers are allowed in her room, they
are liable to remain too long. If you lack the nerve to decline callers
the privilege they may expect, then ask your physician to order that no
one see her at present.
The comfort, safety and well-being of the wife renders the selection of
a good nurse a matter of as great importance as the choice of a good
physician. In this matter the doctor is oftentimes the best counselor.
He is constantly coming in contact with those who are in charge, where
he is in attendance, and his suggestions ought to be most valuable. It
is of the utmost importance that she should be a woman of pure blood;
and for this a good moral character is the best guarantee. It is not
wise to suppose that, since she is to remain but for a few weeks, the
question of character is of no moment, for, without any outward
evidences to arouse suspicion, she might bring with her, and by kissing
and in other ways communicate to the child the results of venereal and
other diseases which might entail, from this unsuspected source,
consequences from which years could not bring subsequent relief.
Medical authorities assert that at least six weeks are required after
childbirth before the womb assumes its natural size and position. An
eminent physician, writing in the New York _Medical Journal_, says: "I
have watched this very carefully in a number of women, and have seen in
the perfectly clean womb of a non-nursing mother involution delayed as
late as the third month."
It is perfectly safe to say that parents will make no mistake by
observing the requirement of the Levitical teaching upon this subject.
After confinement or miscarriage, marital relations should be wholly
omitted for a period. Upon this point the sanitary regulations of the
Mosaic economy were very explicit. In the twelfth chapter of Leviticus
instruction is given that after the birth of a male child at least forty
days should elapse, and after the birth of a female, or maid child, at
least eighty days should be permitted to elapse. Just why there should
be this difference in time, six weeks after the birth of a male child
and three months after the birth of a female child, seems not to be
clearly understood either by theologians or medical authorities. When we
know that this is intended and enjoined, we can rest assured that there
are good and sufficient reasons, whether they be physical, social,
sanitary or political.
No thoughtful or considerate husband would desire to impose upon his
wife such exactions as would result in her certain discomfort, and
possibly in such permanent physical injuries as are quite sure to
follow.
One of the medical journals recently contained an incident narrated by a
physician who had attended a woman in five different confinements. In
each instance the physician noticed that about the seventh or eighth day
the temperature of the patient indicated some unusual physical
disturbance or irregularity. In the last confinement, when the physician
called to mind similar conditions during previous periods of
convalescence, he decided to discover the cause, and, by questioning the
patient very critically, learned that the guilty husband was the
occasion of his wife's trouble. While such occurrences are shameful in
the highest degree, yet it is possible that such gross conduct is the
occasion of many relapses upon the part of convalescing mothers, and to
this it is probable that many deaths may easily be attributable.
That some husbands are brutal in this respect, we need but simply to
name that an eminent physician of Philadelphia has stated that a legal
friend had told him that he had procured a divorce within two years from
her marriage for a wife whose charges of cruelty were sustained by the
evidence that three days after her confinement her husband had driven
the nurse out of his wife's room in order that he might make this cruel
exaction of her.
After the little stranger is safely landed, bathed, dressed, and has had
a sufficient period of rest, the matter of nourishment is likely to come
up for consideration. The food which nature has provided is best suited
to the physical requirements of the child, and is found in the mother's
breasts. The earliest secretions of her breast constitute what is called
colostrum, and is purgative in character, designed to cleanse the
child's bowels of the meconium, or tar-like substance, with which they
are filled previous to birth. Other food should never be substituted
until failure has resulted in an honest, serious effort to conform to
nature's purpose. If for any reason the child cannot obtain the
nourishment which should be provided by the mother, it needs very little
food until the third day.
If the serious results attendant upon artificial food and the provision
of wet-nurses were fully understood, the terrible consequences which
come to both the children and their parents, as the result of such
courses, would be studiously avoided. The desire to escape the nursing
and care of children, so as early to return to the rounds of social
duties and marital excesses, is a great mistake. The well-being of the
mother, as well as of the child, is dependent upon the fulfillment of
the natural obligations which are inseparable from the relation of
motherhood.
In large cities there are women who lead dissolute lives, put away their
own children, and then rent themselves out as wet-nurses. When
interviewed they tell plausible stories, and ingratiate themselves
sometimes into good families, to render the double service of nurse and
artificial mother. Many of these women are not only devoid of moral
character, but bring to the child the degenerating influences which are
inseparable from the vice and impurity which is a part of their own
being. Not infrequently these women bring with them the after-effects of
gonorrhea and syphilis, and the innocent child, which is entitled to
the nourishment from the body of its own mother, is subjected by
unthinking parents to the necessity of feeding at fountains which flow
with corruption, disease and death.
It is on this very account that the children of the middle and even
lower classes are generally stronger physically, intellectually and
morally, than the children of those whose wealth and inclination incline
them to dissipation and excess, to late hours and rich food, and who
from simple preference subject their children to artificial food, or to
the dangers and diseases which are so often brought into the home by a
wet-nurse and vicious nurse-girls.
Fatherhood, no less than motherhood, has its duties and its pleasures.
It is not only the father's duty, but it ought also to be his pleasure,
to look after his own children. Some husbands speak of "the baby" as
though it belonged wholly to the wife, and not to them. The thought of
caring for or tending the child seems to be as foreign to their minds as
though it were a child adopted by their wives from a foundling asylum.
It is not only the privilege, but the honor of the father to be found
enjoying the pleasure and satisfaction of holding and caring for his
children at proper times and intervals of leisure.
One of the prettiest pictures of home life is a painting in one of the
galleries of Europe of the king of Belgium, upon his hands and knees
upon the floor of the nursery, playing horse with his own royal
children.
Some men seem to act as though it were a disgrace for them to carry
their own children through the streets, or push the baby carriage when
accompanied by their own wives. Every person has seen some strong,
stalwart father, with weak character, walking by the side of a delicate,
nervous wife, who is weak and faint because of the burden of carrying a
child which belongs as much to the father as to the mother. Before they
were married this same man would not allow the delicate darling by his
side to carry her parasol; but now that they are married she is
permitted to carry a child that weighs ten or twenty pounds, or even
more, for great distances, because of the false pride of her
unthoughtful husband.
We once knew a pastor of a prominent city church who lived adjacent to a
small park where he was accustomed, at times, to sit in the shade and
read. After a baby came into their home, being a sensible man, he found
pleasure in giving some time and attention to his child; used sometimes
to wheel it through the park in a baby carriage, or have the carriage
stand near him while he sat and read. His home was not without a
sufficient number of helpers, and one of his parishioners ventured one
day to suggest that it was not becoming to take the baby with him when
he went into the park to read; but the sensible father resented not only
the insult which was offered to him personally, but to universal
fatherhood, by replying that it was his baby, and he would do with it as
he pleased.
The presence of a baby is a blessing in any home. It is a blessing to
the father as well as to the mother. Some men are not good fathers, the
same as some women are not the best of mothers; but any thoughtful
husband will concede the fact that a proper apprehension of the relation
which he sustains to the baby that is born in his home calls for a
recognition of the privileges and obligations of a father to himself, to
his child, and to his wife as well. What his home is, what his children
are to become, will depend as much, and possibly more, upon what he is
and does, than upon the little woman whose time, talent and strength are
already taxed to their utmost by the various and constant demands which
she must hourly meet.
PART III
CONCERNING HIS CHILDREN
CHAPTER XVII.
HEREDITY.
We now come in the third and last part of this book to write of what a
young husband ought to know with regard to his children. If his children
are to be greatly benefited by the wisdom of the father, he should be in
possession of the knowledge imparted in the following chapters many
years before he is in possession of the children. After they have
received their inheritance from the parents, their bodies have been
molded and fashioned, and bent and direction already given to their
character, it is then too late to put such knowledge into practical use.
Much of what might be said in the closing chapters of this book has
already found expression in the pages preceding. The doctrine of
transmission and inheritance pervades not only this entire book, but
also the two which precede it in the series. While it is true that too
much importance cannot be placed upon the subject of heredity, the
inheritance which we receive not only from our parents and grandparents
but even from our great-grandparents, and while it is true that all that
can be acquired in character and culture, both intellectual and
physical, is transmitted from the parents to their children; yet
possibly that which is by far the largest factor in determining the
physical, intellectual, social and moral endowment of the child are
found in the influences which mold and fashion the child during the
months which lie between the period of conception and the time of birth.
The potent influences of these different periods stand related to each
other somewhat like what may be seen in the studio of an artist who
molds and fashions in clay the models which are afterward to be
actualized in brass or bronze. While the success of the work might be
said to be greatly dependent upon the character, quality and condition
of the clay brought to hand for this service, and while no perfect
result could be secured with indifferent material, yet it is easy to see
how, with the very best material at hand, an indifferent artist or a
good artist when in indifferent mood would produce a very inferior
model. If, with the thought of modifying the bronze figure after it has
been cast, the artist is indifferent to the merits of the model which he
is making, the final result can only prove a failure. No step in the
work is unimportant, but the most important of all is the perfection of
the model. In his hands the clay readily yields itself to his thought
and impression; constant momentary care will prevent defects and
deformities which could not be wholly remedied or refashioned, even by
months and years of subsequent toil.
A wise man, when asked at what period a child's education should begin,
replied: "Twenty years before it is born." This is not an extreme
statement, and if it errs in anything it errs in making the period too
short rather than too long. Henry Ward Beecher once said that since so
much depends upon one's ancestors, a man ought to be very careful in
choosing his grandparents; and there is a vast deal of truth suggested
by this statement. A young woman cannot be too careful in choosing the
man who is to become the father of her children, and a young man cannot
exercise too much care in selecting the woman who is to become the
mother of his children.
In writing of heredity and prenatal influences, the subject divides
itself naturally into the three periods which we have previously
suggested--the preparation which precedes conception, the mental and
physical condition at the time of conjunction, the environment and the
mental and physical states of the mother during the period of gestation.
So much depends upon heredity that men who are interested in the
breeding of horses for the race-course recognize the fact that unless a
horse comes of racing stock he cannot be possessed of these essential
qualities, without which he cannot possibly win. It is said by those who
have made a study of it, that in England no horse has been known to win
in any considerable race that was not bred of racing stock. Occasionally
a horse with an ordinary pedigree may exhibit wonderful speed for a
_short_ distance, but none possesses the wind and endurance necessary
for a long race with animals of a pure blood and a good pedigree. To
this good inheritance the horseman adds constant training and the best
of care. If these are at any time neglected, the horse begins to
degenerate and reverts to the level of the ordinary animal.
It is generally agreed by physicians and those who have devoted time to
the study of this subject that the mind and temper of the parents at the
moment of conjunction have a great influence upon the temper and
disposition of the child. Children should never be begotten except at
those times when the husband and the wife can both bring their
contribution of good health, affection and mental composure. Something
of the effects produced by the mental states will appear by what we have
to say in subsequent paragraphs.
In most instances it is perhaps true, as we have already suggested, that
the greatest influences exerted upon the health, disposition and
character are those which are effected by the physical and mental
condition of the mother and the character of her environment during the
period of gestation. While much of what we would like to know concerning
prenatal influences is shrouded in mystery behind a veil that shuts us
out from this holy of holies in which God dwells in mysterious creative
power, yet we do know that peace of mind, equanimity of temper, purity
of life, loving affections and exalted aspirations beget influences
which are favorable to the production of the best physical,
intellectual and moral endowments. If strong mental excitement, anger,
emotion or fatigue affect injuriously the milk of the mother, so that
the nursing child at once feels disturbed and injured, then we can
reasonably understand how the child during the months prior to its
birth, while it is even more dependent and far more intimately connected
with the life-currents of the mother's body, and under the impress of
her mental state, must be affected in a manner correspondingly greater.
While scientists at the present stage of inquiry and investigation have
not been able to weigh and measure the force and effect of these
influences, yet some results have been secured which help us to
understand the existence of powers which were previously too subtle to
be brought into the realm of human knowledge.
Something of the manner in which the mental condition of the mother may
affect the child is suggested by the interesting experiments conducted
by Prof. Elmer Gates in his laboratory at Chevy Chase, Washington, D. C.
Prof. Gates has demonstrated the fact that even the breath is so
affected by the mental state that by analyzing the residuum which
remains upon a looking-glass which has been breathed upon, he is able to
determine the character of the mental condition of the individual at the
time the breath was exhaled upon the glass. Anger, revenge, jealousy,
joy, pain, pleasure, and possibly all the emotions, stamp their
distinctive messages upon the breath with as much accuracy as the
little machine in the telegraph office registers its message in
characters which we need only to know in order to be read. What some of
these many characters are, Prof. Gates has been able to decipher, and
his investigations and discoveries establish the fact that the mentality
of the individual is stamped upon the breath.
The mind not only affects the breath, but it affects the entire
individual; and this statement is proven by the fact that the character
of the exhalations of the body are affected by the mentality of the
individual. It is a well-known fact that not only does each different
disease produce its own peculiar bodily odor, but mental states produce
similar effects. It is affirmed that the odor in an insane asylum
differs from the odor in all other institutions. It is stated that no
amount of care and cleanliness, or even fumigation, can rid the wards
and rooms of this subtle and distinctive odor, peculiar to the bodily
exhalations of those who are affected with mental infirmities.
Insane asylums do not afford the only illustration. Institutions in
which convicts are confined also have an odor which is distinctive. It
differs from that of any other institution, and from the day that the
buildings are completed and the convicts enter, the penitentiary odor is
present, because inseparable from those who inhabit its wards. What is
true of insane asylums and penitentiaries is doubtless true in a less
pronounced manner of all institutions where persons are classified
according to mental differences.
If the mental states of the mother affect her own bodily health, and if
each of the diseases of the body and of the mind begets exhalations with
distinguishing characteristics, it is easy to understand that the subtle
effects of different mental states pervade the entire body. If these
influences effect results beyond and without our own bodies, much more
may they be expected to influence the unfolding mind and the developing
body which are forming within the maternal body, and whose intimate
dependence upon her seems to make them a part of her own person and
individuality.
Something of these subtle laws of heredity was known even to the
ancients, but the greatest acquisitions of knowledge along these lines
have come to mankind during the past two centuries. Thomas Andrew
Knight, who was born at Wormley Grange, England, in 1758, and died in
1836, accomplished such large results with vegetables, fruits and
domestic animals, that he has quite properly been considered the founder
of the science of horticulture. It was he who put into practice the
principles which have resulted in giving us the improved apples, pears
and many other fruits which have been developed from the unpalatable
wild varieties. The effects later accomplished by Bakewell in the
marvelous improvements in the new Leicester sheep afford one of many
striking illustrations. It is said that in the results effected by
scientific breeders "it would seem as if they had at first drawn a
perfect form and then given it life." Having first determined what form
of sheep they preferred, they continued to select from the flocks those
which most nearly approached the model, until they attained results
which in their standard of perfection were greatly removed from the
original type.
If you compare the wild boar of the forests with the improved breeds of
swine, the results which have been secured become very manifest. An
excellent judge of pigs says: "Pigs' legs should be no longer than just
to prevent the animal's belly from trailing on the ground. The leg is
the least profitable portion of the hog, and we therefore require no
more of it than is absolutely necessary for the support of the rest. Let
any one compare the wild boar with any improved breed and he will see
how effectually the legs have been shortened."
Breeders of birds and pigeons and poultry have accomplished in their
departments similar results. It is to the results of such study and
development that we owe the many varieties of poultry, pigeons and
birds. The poultry raiser may now determine whether he desires birds
with large bodies for the table, or the smaller egg-producers, or
whether he prefers other qualities, and he may select from the different
varieties such as are possessed of the desired requisites.
When we remember what has been accomplished by those who have taken the
single-leaf wild rose and produced the many elaborate and beautiful
varieties of roses which are now cultivated in hot-houses, and when we
see what has been accomplished by taking the many wild flowers of the
field and developing them into the beauty and splendor of what is to be
found in the botanical gardens, one gets a very fair idea of what has
really been accomplished in these directions. In writing of this subject
Dr. M. L. Holbrook says: "If there was no law of heredity, if animals
and plants did not transmit their characters to their offspring, then it
would be a waste of time to try to improve either." But the
horticulturists take advantage of these known laws for the improvement
of the original plant, and it is to the application of these same
principles that we owe the changes which have transformed the size and
flavor of the wild cherry and the wild grape into our present luscious
specimens of cultivated fruit.
In the raising, mating and development of birds, sheep and cattle,
wonderful results may be secured when the various steps are guarded and
directed by intelligence. While it is true that in the mating of human
beings all is largely left to sentiment, chance and blind blundering,
and while wonderful results could be attained could intelligence and
forethought give direction in human love affairs, yet with human beings
who intelligently set themselves to correct mistakes and to develop
talents, to supply deficiencies and prepare to transmit the very best
results that are possible to them, the effort is approved by results in
the offspring which are most gratifying and satisfactory.
No one can doubt the law of hereditary transmission. Our inherited and
acquired characteristics are sure to be transmitted to our descendants.
Indeed, so thoroughly does character permeate one's entire being that it
might be said of each drop of blood that in its characteristics it is a
miniature of the person in whose body it was secreted. Eminent
characters do not emanate from degenerate parents; and neither is the
reverse true, except as the result of adequate reversionary influences.
It is possible for almost any stock to revert to its original type, but
even such results are not produced without adequate causes. True, we
have the sentence "Degenerate sons of noble sires," but when one does
see such a result he may often find adequate causes. Eminent men often
have their powers overtaxed by excessive demands. Great lawyers,
physicians, preachers and statesmen often have such incessant demands
upon their time and energy that, although some are possessed of great
powers of endurance, yet many of them are almost always in a state of
physical and mental depletion. Personally they have wrought into their
daily effort all that they have to transmit, and their children receive
only the remnants and dregs of greatness--a depleted body and a depleted
mind.
Sometimes the degeneracy to the lower type is due to indulgence in
social or other vices. If the father is guilty of sexual excesses, given
to the liberal use of tobacco, or uses intoxicating liquors, it will not
be necessary to look further for the causes. Sometimes the child has had
a great father, but a very ordinary mother; or both parents may have
been great, while the mother may have been placed under the most
disadvantageous surroundings, and subjected to the most unfavorable
conditions during the period of gestation; or, after the birth of the
child, it may have been turned over to the degenerating influences of
diseased and corrupting servants; or it might be that the child had
inherited the real character of a father whose reputation was great, but
whose character was ordinary. The farmer who would raise a good crop
finds three things essential. The first is, good seed; the second is,
good soil; and the third is, good care.
CHAPTER XVIII.
PRENATAL INFLUENCES.
Space does not permit us to go into a full discussion of the theories
and of the principles which lie at the basis of prenatal influences. A
few illustrations, however, will be suggestive, induce thoughtful
consideration, and possibly lead many to a fuller investigation of the
subject.
It is said that the mother of Robert Burns, the Scottish poet, was of a
very happy disposition, and evinced a remarkable memory for old songs
and ballads, and these she would sing as she went about her daily
household duties.
Another instance often named is that of Napoleon Bonaparte. During the
months preceding his birth his mother is said to have accompanied her
husband on horseback upon one of his military campaigns. For several
months she lived in the midst of military surroundings, and became
personally interested in the arts of war. These influences stamped their
impress upon her unborn child, whose earliest manifestation of childish
interest after his birth was an exhibition of the warlike spirit. His
thoughts and boyhood conversation were of war and conquest.
Mr. C. J. Bayer, in his interesting and suggestive book, entitled
"Maternal Impressions," tells of a woman who, during the period of
gestation, was stinted in her allowance of money, and stole from the
cash-drawer in her husband's store. The son that was born to them was a
kleptomaniac, whose stealing was limited to those of his own family and
relatives. He stole his sister's watch, his mother's gold chain, a new
suit and a diamond pin from his father; but he was never known to take
anything from any one except his near relatives. If mothers would have
honest children they should be careful to entertain no dishonest
inclinations.
The result of an unsuccessful effort to murder one's own unborn
offspring is seen in Guiteau, the assassin who shot President Garfield
in 1881. His father was a man of some intellectual ability and integrity
of character. The Guiteau children were born in rapid succession, and,
because of lack of means, the mother, who was in poor health, was
obliged to work harder than would have otherwise been the case. Before
the birth of this child she resorted to every means in her power, by the
use of drugs, to produce an abortion. In this she was unsuccessful. For
several weeks during the latter part of her pregnancy she had brain
fever, which probably also had the effect of arresting the development
of some parts of the brain of her child. When the child was born it was
weak and puny, and for months its life was one continual wail. It was
months before the nervous system became at all quiet. He was deficient
in common sense, without self-control, and entirely destitute of every
vestige of remorse or shame. He was born a degenerate and a murderer.
From the great mass of matter which is available upon the subject of
prenatal influences, Dr. Napheys tells of the artist Flaxman, the
outlines of whose drawings used to be regarded as the most perfect and
graceful in existence: "From earliest childhood he manifested a delight
in drawing. His mother, a woman of refinement and artistic taste, used
to relate that for months previous to his birth she spent hours daily
studying engravings, and fixing in her memory the most beautiful
productions of the human figure as portrayed by masters. She was
convinced that the genius of her son was the fruit of her own
self-culture."
Only a few days ago a young mother who had been alone much of the time
during the period of gestation, and who had found special delight in
books and reading, called our attention to the fact that her twin girls,
now nearly two years of age, will accept a book in preference to toys,
and be contented by the hour simply to hold and handle a book.
Mr. C. J. Bayer tells of a young wife at whom some girl friends pointed
their finger, and, referring to her condition, said: "Aren't you ashamed
of yourself?" After they were gone, the young mother went to her room
and cried bitterly over the remark which the girls had made. Her child,
when seen by Mr. Bayer at the age of six, if any one, a stranger or
friend, pointed a finger at her, would burst into a fit of crying, and
it seemed impossible to cure her of this habit.
He also tells of a young mother who had an exceptionally bright child:
"When the child was three months old its brightness was commented upon
by some of her friends, and the mother said, 'I impressed that upon
her.' 'How did you come to do that?' She replied, 'I have seen so many
dull children, in my school work, who could not understand what was told
them, that I wanted my child to be quick to perceive and to comprehend,
and so let my mind dwell upon it, hoping to get favorable results. I had
been told that it could be done, and I am convinced that it is
possible.'"
Many instances of horrible child-marking are given in medical books, but
it is not best to allow the mind to dwell upon these things. We name but
a couple of instances, to illustrate the principle. Dr. Napheys tells of
a woman, the wife of a baker, who, during the early months of her
pregnancy, sold bread over the counter. Nearly every day a child with a
double thumb came in for a penny roll, presenting the money between the
thumb and the finger. After the third month the mother left the bakery,
but the malformation was so impressed upon her mind that she was not
surprised to see it reproduced in her own infant. The mother in due time
sought to correct the deformity by having the supernumerary thumb
removed by a surgical operation.
We recently heard of a mother who gave birth to a child that had but one
hand. The other arm was handless, as if amputated between the elbow and
wrist. The only way she could account for the deficiency in her child
was the fact that her husband's brother, who had had his hand amputated,
lived in the family during the earlier months of her pregnancy. While
she received no special shock, being familiar with his condition, yet
the mental impression, continued through a considerable period of the
earlier months, had its disastrous result.
Mr. C. J. Bayer names some interesting instances in support of his
theory that the disastrous effects of being frightened in the earlier
months of gestation may be corrected by the wish of the mother that her
child may not be affected, deformed or marked by the object or
influences which have caused her to be startled. He says that if a
mother earnestly desires to counteract a bad influence she should hope
and long that it may not do any harm. The result of such mental effort
will be beneficial to the forming brain. That very longing and desire
upon the part of the mother will have a corresponding effect upon her
child. This idea is drawn from, and the phenomena is explained by, the
fact that the mother, through her longings, creates the brain-substance
which is to control the desires which her child will possess.
Much might also be said upon the subject of longings. In a general way
it may be said that it is always best, when the longing is a proper one,
to see that it is promptly gratified. Even a desire for a particular
article of food is likely to produce in the child a pronounced desire
for the same thing. It is well, also, for the mother carefully to note
any longings which occur during the period of gestation, as it may
afford her an easy clue to the cause of the persistent crying of her
child after its birth. An instance may prove suggestive.
An Israelitish mother, "before the birth of her first child, smelled
fried pork, and longed for a taste of it, but her religion forbade. When
the child was born he positively refused the breast or bottle. The nurse
asked: 'What does this child want?' The mother replied: 'I do not know
of anything, except pork.' The father at once got a strip of pork, let
the child suck it a few moments, after which he was ready to nurse." The
father also related that notwithstanding the fact that the eating of
pork was contrary to their religious teaching, yet they had never been
able to restrain their son, who was then twenty-one years of age, from
eating it.
Numerous instances are related in different books where young infants
have moaned and cried continually, and upon being given a taste of that
for which the mother had longed prior to the birth of the child the
infant at once became quiet, and afterward seemed passive and contented.
We have read of a young mother who was a strict temperance woman, but
who had a longing for liquor. Her husband was also a temperance man, but
they decided that some be given the mother, the same as any other
medicine, under the circumstances, in order to relieve the longing and
save the child. After taking a dose of liquor the longing passed away,
and the child was normally born. Where the use of liquor is persisted in
during the period of pregnancy, many instances might be quoted where all
the children in the family died drunkards. There are some exceptional
instances in which the children of intemperate fathers never seem
possessed of a desire to use beverages. It is possible that
investigation might show, in such instances, that the mother had such an
abhorrence of the effects of intemperance upon her husband that her
constant longing that her children might live sober, upright lives had
resulted in securing for her a strictly temperance progeny.
Dr. Dio Lewis, in his book entitled "Chastity," when writing of prenatal
influences, says: "It is not carrying this subject too far to say that
if any trade or profession seems particularly desirable, the genius for
success in that line may be given to the child by proper effort before
its birth. The mother whose mind persistently dwells upon any chosen
subject during this nine months of gestation will surely see in her
offspring the mark of her thought. Beauty of person, strength of mind,
sweetness of disposition and holy aspiration may be assured to
posterity by parents wise and loving enough to fulfill the laws which
lead to the desired results."
Dr. Napheys, in writing upon the same subject, says: "What a charming
idea is this! What an incentive, to those about to become mothers, to
cultivate refinement, high thoughts, pure emotion, elevated sentiments!"
The character and disposition of the children oftentimes indicate the
influences which surrounded the mother during the months prior to their
birth. The first-born is likely to resemble the father more closely than
the children born later, because the bride is apt to have her thoughts
dwell much upon her young husband. Those born during a period of
financial prosperity are likely to be liberal, sometimes wasteful, and,
possibly, spendthrifts. Those born during the years when means are
scarce and economy is necessary are likely to be economical, and some
even miserly.
Prenatal influences are both subtle and potent, and no amount of wealth
or learning or influence can secure exemption from them. No golden lock
or jeweled hand can successfully hold the door against the admission of
these influences. Medical science has done much to mend defects,
alleviate suffering, patch up broken constitutions, and effect great
improvements, but the greatest remains to be accomplished by remedying,
as far as possible, the causes of these great evils by disseminating
intelligence and inspiring parents and young people with such
knowledge and purposes as will prepare the way for the raising up of a
superior generation. In this work the philanthropic physician occupies
the place of greatest usefulness.
Parents need to realize that the work of right-forming is greater than
the work of reforming. The philanthropist who labors for the reformation
of adults does well; those who give their energy and effort to the
education and proper bringing up of children do better; but those who
intelligently devote themselves to the proper formation of the body,
character and disposition of those yet unborn do best of all. We are
thoroughly orthodox upon the subject of human depravity, but we believe
that persons may be so generated as to be the more easy subjects of
regeneration. Or they may be so "conceived and born in sin" as
manifestly to illustrate the declaration of the Psalmist: "The wicked
are estranged from the womb; they go astray as soon as they are born."
Before leaving this subject we desire to say a word which may be of
comfort to any parents whose children may be born to them with some
blemish or deformity. God has so equipped the mother-heart and the
father-heart that they should love and care for those who are
unattractive, or even unsightly. We recently heard of a mother whose
child was born with a harelip, and, fearing lest the sight of the child
might have a depressing effect upon the mother in her enfeebled
condition, various excuses were made to keep the child out of her
sight for a period of several days. When evasions would avail no longer,
and the mother was shown her child, after a momentary sense of
disappointment she said: "Well, it is my child, and I can love it just
the same."
It is also an encouragement to know that what are ordinarily called
birthmarks generally diminish, and oftentimes disappear after a brief
period. Dr. Russegger tells of a woman who in the seventh month of her
pregnancy was bitten in the calf of her leg by a dog. At the moment of
the accident she was somewhat alarmed, but neither then nor afterward
had any fear that her child would be affected by the occurrence. Ten
weeks later, when her child was born, there were marks upon the calf of
its right leg resembling the impressions made by the dog's teeth upon
the leg of the mother. The impressions of two of the teeth disappeared
in five weeks, and the others gradually faded away. Similar results may
be expected in most instances.
There is one branch of the prenatal subject which has reference to
determining the sex before birth, in which some persons, because of a
predominance of either male or female children in their families, may
naturally and properly have special interest. The desire of some parents
for male children in preference to female children is both wrong and
unworthy of that proper Christian regard in which woman should
rightfully be held. In heathen countries, because of the hardships to
which women are subjected, the parents are often sad when a girl is
born into the family; but in Christian lands, where the influences of
the gospel have given woman her proper place and rightful recognition,
the feeling which disparages the girl child, or would lead to a
preference for male children to the exclusion of female children, is
altogether wrong and unworthy of our Christian civilization.
It will readily be seen, from the effect of prenatal influences, that it
would not be desirable, because of its effects upon the formation of the
growing life within the mother's body, that she should allow her mind to
dwell largely upon these subjects, or anxiously desire one sex in
preference to another. Where such influences are exerted upon the
embryo, a male child with an effeminate, girlish nature, or a female
child with a boyish, masculine disposition, might be the result. While
it is perfectly proper that parents should know what views are held by
medical and scientific men upon these subjects, it is not best that the
mother's mind should be influenced by the consideration of them during
the period of gestation.
The influences which control and determine sex are so subtle, and have
hitherto so thoroughly evaded human investigation and study, that little
or no reliance can be placed upon any of the theories. Of the vast
number of theories, many are ludicrous, some are exact contraries of
others, a few seem plausible, while none have been found infallible, or
even reliable.
Some have held that the phases of the moon at the period of conception
controlled and determined the sex of the offspring. Others have held
that the season of the year when the ovum is produced and fertilized
determines the result. This theory makes it largely a question of
temperature and climate. The theory which has had many advocates is one
that contends that the question of sex is largely determined by the
question of food prior to conception and during the period of gestation.
By persons who hold this theory it is maintained that during periods of
prosperity and plenty the number of girl children preponderate, and that
during periods of adversity, and when food is less abundant, the
majority of those who are born are boys. Another theory which has been
often repeated, and as often disproved, is that the sex of the offspring
is determined by the side of the reproductive system engaged in the
production of the ovum, and of the sperm; that if the generative glands
upon the right side of the body of the mother and of the father are
engaged, a male child is the result; but if the left sides are engaged,
the result is a girl. This theory maintains that the ovum which proceeds
from the right ovary results in the formation of the body of a male
child, while those that proceed from the left ovary result in the
production of a female child. That this theory is not reliable has often
been demonstrated in instances where the right or the left ovary of the
woman has been removed by surgical operation, and she has subsequently
become the mother both of male and of female offspring. The same is true
with regard to fathers who have, by accident or disease, lost one of the
testes, and have subsequently become the fathers of both boys and girls.
Another theory which has received considerable attention is that the
ova, liberated from month to month, alternate in gender. That one month
the ovum is of that character which would result in the production of a
male child, and the succeeding month of such a nature as would result in
the production of a female child. Some hold that the respective ages of
the parents have something to do with determining the question of the
sex of their offspring; that where the father is older than the mother,
female children are likely to predominate. Some hold that the superior
vitality of the father, or of the mother, will result in the production
of sex of their own kind. Some persons who have given attention and
study to this subject teach exactly the reverse of these two theories.
The theory which has been largely accepted by intelligent medical
authorities is that children conceived in from two to six days after the
cessation of the menses are generally girls, and that those conceived in
from nine to twelve days after the cessation of the menses are boys--or,
in other words, that those begotten in the earlier period after the
cessation of the monthly period of the mother are likely to be girls,
and those begotten in the later period are likely to be boys.
There are many theories, some of which seem altogether fanciful, if not
silly--such as that the sex of the child is determined by the side of
the bed upon which the father sleeps, whether the bed is situated so
that the persons lie with their heads toward the north or some other
point of the compass. Knowing the natural curiosity of not a few persons
upon such subjects, and the abnormal desire of some parents for children
of one or the other sex, there are not a few impostors who offer to
furnish information upon these subjects at a costly price. The methods
proposed are sometimes innocent, and may be without injury, while in
many other instances the suggestions are debasing, likely to produce
injurious results, and never reliable. While the desired sex may be
determined in harmony with natural laws, the parents may give all the
credit to the impostor, if Nature has brought them a child of the sex
they have desired. It would scarcely seem necessary to advise
intelligent people against the impositions of such ignorant pretenders.
The entire subject has been wrapped in a mystery hitherto impenetrable.
No investigation has yet been able to secure from Nature her secret
concerning this matter. It is very possible that the Creator of mankind
has purposely placed this knowledge beyond human reach, and left the
regulation of this important matter wholly to His own infinite decrees.
CHAPTER XIX.
CHILDHOOD.
While it is possibly true that the most potent molding influences may be
exerted prior to the birth of the child, yet where parents have lacked
the intelligence to avail themselves of the largest and best results in
this respect, or discover defects after their children are born, there
still remains an opportunity for them. They can in some measure retrieve
lost opportunities, correct defects, supply deficiencies, and even
accomplish wonderful results in the training and development of their
children. "As the twig is bent the tree is inclined." If the twig is
crooked, if taken very early it may be straightened; but it is far
better that the twig should be straight at first, and without the
necessity of being straightened. It is better that children should be
born without defects, rather than that there should be the necessity of
correcting these mistakes; but as a straight twig may be bent to its
permanent and incurable injury, so a child, properly nurtured and
well-born, may be injured or totally ruined, mentally, morally or
physically, by deficient or defective training during its childhood.
There are many excellent books upon the nurture and training of
children, and young parents would do well to avail themselves of the
advantages and excellent suggestions afforded by such publications.
There are also many excellent periodicals for young parents, such as
"The New Crusade," "Trained Motherhood," "The Mothers' Journal," and
others, which are very valuable and almost indispensable. From such
books and periodicals young parents can obtain the best of suggestions
with regard to the early care, proper nurture and careful training of
their little ones. We cannot now dwell upon any of the many important
phases of child-training. Space only affords opportunity to emphasize
some things which seem to us of special importance and likely to be
overlooked.
Many young parents think that the training of their children will be a
matter for consideration when they are three or four years old. No more
serious mistake can possibly be made. The first three months will
determine the babyhood, and the first two years the childhood, and the
childhood will determine the manhood or womanhood. The first two years
may almost be said to determine both the character and the destiny of
the child for all time to come. The child that is not properly taught
during the first two years is likely to remain untaught, undisciplined,
uncontrolled, and oftentimes uncontrollable, for the remainder of its
childhood and throughout its entire life.
The questions of the hours of feeding, the hours for sleep; whether the
child is to be rocked, or carried when it whimpers--all these are
questions of the utmost importance from the very beginning. Many a
mother has been enslaved for life because of the mistakes which she made
during the first few weeks after her child was born.
Parents should protect their children against the silly and dangerous
habit of being promiscuously kissed. The prevalent custom of kissing
babies and children is not only silly upon the part of those who do it,
but a nuisance to the child, and in many instances detrimental to the
health of the child. Where promiscuous kissing is allowed, persons with
offensive breath, consumptive tendencies, contagious and even loathsome
diseases, may unintentionally inflict irreparable wrong upon both the
child and its parents. Only the other day we read in a medical journal
where a young child of poor parents who kept a boarding-house was kissed
by one of the boarders, who communicated to the child one of the most
loathsome of diseases. Such dangers exist not only among the poor, but
are perhaps even more prevalent among the affluent, in the circle of
whose acquaintances there is likely to be some well-dressed but vicious
and corrupt individual.
Let no care or proper expense be spared in making the influences which
are exerted in the nursery both attractive and potent. Young parents
should be their children's best playfellows. There should be a proper
amount of games, carefully-selected amusements, books, papers, pictures
chosen with scrupulous care, and mother and mother's influence in the
midst of them all. What the child needs pre-eminently above playthings,
books, clothes, and every other earthly thing, is _the presence and
influence of mother_. No other woman in the world can take her place.
Many mothers farm their children out to nurses, and then give themselves
to household duties, social pleasures, or possibly to duties which may
be important in themselves, but which, after all, can only be secondary
to the discharge of the all-important duties of motherhood.
Many otherwise excellent women find the nursery a prison, and the care
of their own children irksome, simply because they have a perverted
mother-sense. The mother should have proper relief from the care of her
children, but if she has the true mother-heart the companionship of her
children will be the society which she will prefer above that of all
others.
Where servants are necessary, and such cases do exist, parents should
exercise the utmost caution in guarding the purity of their children.
Hundreds, and we can properly say thousands, of children are annually
wronged and ruined by the vices practiced upon them by servants. This is
an especial danger where nurses and servants are permitted to undress
the child and put it to bed at night. Many a nurse who is anxious to
quiet her little charge, that it may fall asleep promptly, is guilty of
exciting sensations which quiet the child and prevent its crying, but
which inflict upon the nervous system of an infant results of the most
far-reaching character. Mothers are very apt to be unsuspecting in these
matters, and therefore it is highly important that the attention of
fathers should be called to this grave danger.
The child should also be protected against being frightened, being made
afraid in the dark, told of spooks, bugaboos, "the old beggar-man" and
the police coming for them. Remember, also, that in this most
impressible period of character-formation servants and others can do the
child great injury by teaching it to be deceitful and untruthful. It is
at this age, also, that they learn incorrect and ungrammatical forms of
expression; and if the nurse-girl is ignorant and silly, and is
permitted to assemble upon the streets or in the park, with others of
her age, while tending the child, a bright child of two or three years
will pick up more coarseness and more undesirable information concerning
human depravity than can be expunged from its mind by subsequent months
and years of careful training.
It is important to enjoin upon parents the duty of guarding their
children against secret vice. Parents are very apt to think that while
other children might be guilty of such sins, their own children are "too
innocent and too pure" to fall into such vices. We have known mothers to
hold up their hands in holy horror at such a suggestion, but when the
more cautious fathers have watched their children, they have discovered
that even at the age of five and six their little boys have learned
from older playmates, impure companions, degraded servants, or by
sliding down the balustrade, or in some other incidental way, the
terrible habit of self-pollution. Young children cannot be too carefully
guarded in this important matter. Where infants exhibit a tendency to
handle their private parts, great care should be given to the
cleanliness of those parts, and, if continued, the family physician
should be consulted, to see whether circumcision is not necessary to
remove local irritation and inflammation. This is found to be necessary
in many instances. Circumcision was an important sanitary regulation
among the Israelites, is a simple surgical operation which is most
beneficial in its results, and very important in many instances.
When your children are old enough to ask honest questions, see that, in
reply, they receive an honest answer. If a child is intelligent and
thoughtful, one of the earliest inquiries will be concerning the origin
of life. When a little one is born into your own or another household,
it is only natural and proper that intelligent children should inquire
where it came from. There should be no fables about babies being brought
by doctors, or being found under cabbage-leaves, or taken from hollow
stumps in the woods, for an intelligent and altogether satisfactory
answer can be given to an intelligent child of six or seven years, and
even younger. Another has aptly and truthfully said: "Ignorance is a
deadly sin. The truth properly told has never yet harmed a child;
silence, false modesty and mystery have corrupted the souls and bodies
of untold millions." Where parents are intelligent upon this subject,
and know how to present these matters properly to the thought of their
children, we have never heard of a child who asked an embarrassing
question, nor have we known of anything but the most satisfactory and
blessed results. Parents will find beautiful and helpful suggestions in
"Teaching Truth" and "Child Confidence Rewarded," two booklets by Mary
Wood-Allen, M.D.; and it was also to aid parents in these matters that
"What a Young Boy Ought to Know" and "What a Young Girl Ought to Know"
were written. Parents should read these books and learn how to
communicate the information, either in conversation or by reading to the
child such portions as are suited to its needs. Remember that the
disposition which prompts your child to keep an unclean thing a secret
from you will also incline the child to refrain from conversation upon a
pure matter which is to be a secret between parent and child. If you
allow others to teach your child sacred truths in an unhallowed way, if
you decline to give your children an honest answer to their honest and
reasonable inquiries, they will secure in its degrading form, from
vicious companions or ignorant servants, the information they seek. It
is infinitely easier to keep the mind of the child pure than to purify
it after it has been polluted. When corrupting thoughts and degrading
pictures have been painted upon the canvas of the mind, they can never
be totally obliterated.
When your child approaches the age of puberty, the little boy becomes
awkward, his voice breaks, the down starts upon his upper lip, he
becomes bashful and shrinking. At that trying period, when so many take
special pleasure in taunting and tantalizing--at that period of special
stress when the boy and the girl pre-eminently need tenderness--see to
it that your children are protected against the wrongs to which others
are subjected. This is the period in the life of the boy and the girl
when they are not able to understand themselves or to interpret life to
their own satisfaction, and then it is that they should be made
intelligent upon the conditions which attend the transition from
childhood, and indicate the approach of manhood and womanhood. It is
then that the books in the series for boys and girls will be found
especially indispensable, and in due time, according to the judgment of
the parents, should be followed by the book addressed to young men or to
young women.
Look carefully after the education of your children. Remember that the
picture-book, the nursery-song, the evening prayer, the family music,
the walk, the ride, the hasty word, the thoughtful counsel, are all
helping to educate your child. Know what books they read. Be sure that
in the public schools they sit under the instruction of no one who
insinuates doubt or destroys the careful and sacred instruction of the
home. When evening comes and evil lurks for the destruction of the
young, gather your children about you in your home. Make home attractive
to them. Let it be the centre and source of that which is to inspire
them to noble manhood and exalted womanhood. Regard nothing as expensive
which will contribute to make your children pure and good and great.
That your children may be guarded against the errors which come from
sleeping with other children, neither at home nor elsewhere should they
share their beds with others.
Look well to the physical culture of your children. If physical culture
has no place in your school, see that the attention of directors and
teachers is called to this important matter. Encourage your children to
use the gymnasium of the Young Men's Christian Association, or some
other organization that similarly maintains the strictest purity and the
highest moral standards. Teach or have your children taught those forms
of gymnastics that require no appurtenances; supply them with a pair of
dumb-bells weighing a pound or two each. Furnish the nursery with some
Exerciser of approved pattern, with preference for one which can be
adjusted to the needs of either adults or children. Encourage them in
out-of-door sports; see that their sleeping-rooms are well ventilated;
encourage them to desire to be strong and well. Teach them to govern
their appetites; regulate their lives so as to secure the best health
and the best physical and intellectual powers.
In the culture of the intellectual and the physical do not forget the
moral training of your children. Among the books and the papers, see
that there is a good supply of those of a religious character. Teach
your children to want right things, and to have pleasure in doing good.
Make a faithful use of the Sunday-school and of the Church. Let their
place in the family pew from early childhood be regularly filled;
provide them with a hymnbook, see that they have something for the
collection, teach them to be reverent. If, in early life, your children
are religiously inclined, do not make the fatal mistake of standing
between them and their union with the Church. Do not say: "Oh! they are
too young fully to understand what it all means." Who is old enough to
understand all the mysteries of Divine grace? It is enough for us to
know that Jesus welcomes and saves the children, as well as older
people. Polycarp was converted at nine years of age; Matthew Henry at
eleven; President Edwards at seven; Dr. Watts at nine; Bishop Hall at
seven, and Robert Hall at twelve.
And now we have come to the place where author and reader must part.
Taking your hand in a final grasp, we can only look into your face and
assure you that if, as a young husband, you rightly estimate the
sacredness of marriage; if you bring to it that purity, honor and
sanctity which you rightly expect upon the part of your wife; if you
rightly use its privileges, and are ready to exercise such personal
restraints as shall secure to both parties the largest present pleasure
and permanent happiness, you will then obtain the benediction and
blessings which marriage and home and parentage have to bestow.
THE END.
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[Illustration: Commendations from Eminent Men and Women]
What a Young Husband Ought to Know
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: CHARLES M. SHELDON, D.D.
Author of "In His Steps," "Crucifixion of Philip Strong," "My Brother's
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"I take pleasure in adding my word of commendation for the spirit and
purpose of your book, 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' which I have
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WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN ENGLAND SAY.
[Illustration: REV. F. B. MEYER, B.A.
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etc.]
"The questions which are dealt with in the 'Self and Sex Series' of
books are always being asked, and if the answer is not forthcoming from
pure and wise lips it will be obtained through vicious and empirical
channels. I therefore greatly commend this series of manuals, which are
written lucidly and purely, and will afford the necessary information
without pandering to unholy and sensual passion. There has been, in my
judgment, too much reticence on the whole of this subject, and nameless
sins have originated in ignorance or in the directions given to young
life by vicious men. I should like to see a wide and judicious
distribution of this literature among Christian circles."
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: HON. S. M. JONES.
Mayor of Toledo, Ohio.]
"I have taken the time out of a very hurried week to look over your
book, 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' and it seems to me that it
is a work that has been prepared with great care and discrimination. I
have often thought that this work is one that some heart inspired by
love of humanity should undertake. I am glad to say that my study of it
indicates that you have been led by a pure love for your kind to write
one of the most helpful and valuable books that it has been my privilege
to see in many days."
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: EDWARD BOK.
Editor of the "Ladies' Home Journal."]
"You have accomplished in doing, in your little book, 'What a Young
Husband Ought to Know,' exactly what you have set out to do, it seems to
me, and I know of no book of its kind which exhales to the same degree,
and so unerringly, the candid, pure and exalted purpose of the writer.
It is an honest little book, and every young married man who reads it
cannot fail to be helped by it, and helped materially. There are books,
three times the size, which do not begin to have one-third of the common
sense in them that your little book has."
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: MRS. HELEN CAMPBELL.
Dean of the Department of Household Economics, Kansas State
Agricultural College; author of "Prisoners of Poverty,"
"Some Passages in the Life of Dr. Martha Scarborough," etc.,
etc.]
"It meets the strongest need for the mass of young men, who have failed
most of them, to receive the training outlined in the books for
boys--who are ignorant utterly as to just their own degree of
responsibility, and who will find in your careful statement of the
problem as a whole, not only invaluable direction, but a guarantee of
healthier and happier life for both husband and wife."
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: MRS. MAY WRIGHT SEWALL.
President of the Girls' Classical School; President of the
International Council of Women.]
"I feel sure that the book which you have had the privilege to write
must do every young man good who reads it. To inculcate in society this
sound view that knowledge upon these subjects is not only compatible
with delicacy, but requisite to it, is one of the most important
contemporary duties of teachers, whether in the pulpit, on the rostrum,
in the sanctum, or in the class-room."
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: HERRICK JOHNSON, D.D., LL.D.
Professor in McCormick Theological Seminary, Chicago. Author of "Plain
Talks about the Theatre," "Revivals, Their Place and Power,"
"Christianity's Challenge," etc.]
"I have just laid down your book, 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,'
after a very interested perusal of it. The rare discrimination and
delicate sense displayed in the handling of your theme are especially
commendable. To say a bold courageous thing on a confessedly delicate
subject, without any offence to true modesty, is a fine achievement. All
manhood and womanhood ought to thank you."
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: BISHOP JOHN H. VINCENT, D.D., LL.D.
Chancellor of the Chautauqua Literary and Scientific Circle; Author of
"Sunday School Institutes and Normal Classes," "The Church School and
Its Officers," etc.]
"In a straightforward, clean, kind, clear and convincing way you discuss
the 'Young Husband' question. A copy ought to go with every marriage
certificate. The book is timely and full of wisdom."
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: FRANCIS E. CLARKE, D.D.
Founder of the Young People's Society of Christian Endeavor, and
President of the United Society.]
"I regard Dr. Stall's latest book as equal to the others in its delicate
but plain-spoken chapters concerning the facts the men to whom it is
addressed ought to know. I hope it will have a wide circulation."
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: JOSIAH STRONG, D.D.
President of the League for Social Service; Author of "Our Country,"
"New Era," "The Twentieth Century City," etc.]
"'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' like the earlier books of the
series, is judicious in its selection of topics and wise in its
treatment of them. Your admirable work will enable many young husbands
to learn what they ought to know without paying the high tuition fee
exacted in the school of experience."
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: MRS. FRANCES SHELDON BOLTON.
Editor of "Mothers' Journal;" Author of "Baby" and Other Books.]
"What a vast amount of suffering and wretchedness would be prevented,
and how many happy homes could be saved, if all young men before they
are married would read and profit by Dr. Sylvanus Stall's book, entitled
'What a Young Husband Ought to Know.'"
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.
[Illustration: EMILY S. BOUTON.
Author of "Health and Beauty," "Social Etiquette," "House and Domestic
Decorations," "Life's Gateways and How to Win Real Success," etc.]
"It is much to find a writer who may touch upon these subjects with a
strong, firm, true, and yet delicate pen; and you are doing good service
to humanity by such work. I am indeed glad to know that your former
works have been so highly commended, and where such commendation will do
great good."
REV. NEWELL DWIGHT HILLIS.
Pastor of Plymouth Church, Brooklyn, N. Y., and author of "The
Investment of Influence," "A Man's Value to Society," etc.
"I have read your book with care and interest. It is a wholesome and
helpful contribution to a most difficult subject, and its reading will
help to make the American home happier and more safely guarded."
* * * * *
HOWARD A. KELLY, M.D.
Professor of Gynecology and Obstetrics Johns Hopkins University,
Baltimore, Md.
"The book 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know' can be heartily
recommended. It handles in a plain but delicate and reverential manner
subjects that should be thoroughly understood by every adult man, but
which often are first learned by him through bitter experience. If the
knowledge contained in it were more generally diffused, many sad duties
left for the physician would become unnecessary."
* * * * *
LEMUEL BOLTON BANGS, M.D.
Professor Genito-Urinary Surgery in the N. Y. Post-Graduate Medical
School; Consulting Surgeon to St. Luke's Hospital and to the Methodist
Episcopal Hospital, Brooklyn; Surgeon to the City Hospital, N. Y.
"I have recommended it to a good many _old_ as well as 'young' husbands,
and am satisfied of its usefulness to them. I shall continue to commend
it, and also the other books of the series."
* * * * *
EUGENE H. PORTER, M.A., M.D.
Professor Materia Medica, New York Homœopathic Medical College;
Professor Diseases of Stomach and Liver, Metropolitan Post-Graduate
School; Author of numerous standard medical works; Editor of North
American Journal of Homœopathy.
"Your new book, 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' should be in the
hands of every young man who contemplates marriage. The work, while
thoroughly refined in style and treatment, is vigorous and direct in its
teaching and application of essential truths. Purity, happiness and
health will be with those who heed its teachings. It is a sound and
practical volume, and deserves a wide circulation."
* * * * *
H J. BOLDT, M.D.
Professor of Gynæcology, New York Post-Graduate Medical School and
Hospital; Gynæcologist to St. Mark's Hospital; Gynæcologist to the
German Poliklinik.
"There is nothing in the book which every man entering upon such new
duty in life should not know. I personally feel that its possession, and
_following_ it in practice by young husbands, would be conducive to a
purer life and more happiness. I shall most cheerfully commend it
whenever an opportunity presents itself."
* * * * *
OLIVER EDWARD JANNEY, M.D.
The Southern Homœopathic Medical College, Baltimore, Md.
"If it could be placed in the hands of prospective husbands a vast
amount of unhappiness and disease would be avoided, and the well-being
of the race advanced. It is not wickedness, but ignorance that wrecks
lives on the threshold of marriage, and this book _teaches_."
* * * * *
PAUL F. MUNDE, M.D., LL.D.
Professor of Gynæcology at the New York Polyclinic and at Dartmouth
College; Gynæcologist to Mount Sinai Hospital.
"I have looked through your book, entitled, 'What a Young Husband Ought
to Know,' and am impelled by its contents and the careful and delicate
manner in which you endeavor to communicate to a man about to enter the
married state, 'what EVERY young husband ought to know,' if he would
ensure his marital happiness and save his wife as much as possible from
the many afflictions unfortunately not always separable from that state.
I am impelled, I repeat, to depart from my custom of refusing to endorse
semi-medical publications intended for the lay-reader. Your previous
work on 'What a Young Man Ought to Know,' has once before induced me to
commit the same departure, and I feel that I am but adding my humble
share toward the good work which I think you are conscientiously
endeavoring to perform, in repeating substantially the commendation of
the former book as applied to the present."
=Pure Books on Avoided Subjects=
=_Books for Men_=
_By Sylvanus Stall, D. D._
="What a Young Boy Ought to Know."=
="What a Young Man Ought to Know."=
="What a Young Husband Ought to Know."=
="What a Man of 45 Ought to Know."=
=_Books for Women_=
_By Mrs. Mary Wood-Allen, M.D.,_
_And Mrs. Emma F. A. Drake, M.D._
="What a Young Girl Ought to Know."=
="What a Young Woman Ought to Know."=
="What a Young Wife Ought to Know."=
="What a Woman of 45 Ought to Know."=
PRICE AND BINDING
The books are issued in uniform size and but one style of binding, and
sell in America at $1, in Great Britain at 4s., net, per copy, post
free, whether sold singly or in sets.
PUBLISHED BY
IN THE UNITED STATES
THE VIR PUBLISHING COMPANY
2237 Land Title Building Philadelphia
IN ENGLAND
THE VIR PUBLISHING COMPANY
7 Imperial Arcade, Ludgate Circus, London, E.C.
IN CANADA
WILLIAM BRIGGS
29-33 Richmond Street West Toronto, Ontario
"What a Young Boy Ought to Know."
BY SYLVANUS STALL, D. D.
Condensed Table of Contents
PART I
God's purpose in endowing plants, animals and man with reproductive
power--The question of the origin of life a natural and proper
one--Difference between creating and making--How God now creates or
reproduces the flowers, insects, fishes and animals--The mamma and papa
plants and the baby plants--The mamma and papa nature in the stalk of
corn--The two natures united in the same flower--Separated in other
plants--The office of the wind and insects in fertilizing the
flowers--The mamma and papa natures united in the same oyster--The life
of the baby oyster--The two natures separated in the fishes--The eggs
and the baby fishes--How seeds are made to grow and how eggs are
hatched--The beautiful lives of parent birds--The bird's nest, the eggs
and the baby birds--Why the eggs of animals may not be exposed in a
nest--The nest which God has prepared for them--The hatching of the egg
or the birth of the animal--The creation of Adam and Eve--God created
man with power similar to his creative power--The purity of parentage.
PART II
The manner in which the reproductive organs are injured in boys by
abuse--Comparative anatomy, or points of resemblance between bodies of
birds, animals and man--Man the only animal with a perfect hand--With
the hand he constructs, builds and blesses--With the hand he smites,
slays and injures others, and degrades himself.
PART III
The consequences in boys of the abuse of the reproductive organs--Need
of proper information--The moral effects first to manifest
themselves--How secret sin affects the character of boys--Effects upon
the body and the nerves--Effects upon the brain and mind--The physical
effects that follow.
PARTS IV and V
How boys may preserve their bodies in purity and strength--Our duty to
aid others to avoid pernicious habits, and to retain or regain their
purity and strength.
PARTS VI and VII
How purity and strength may be measurably regained--The age of
adolescence or puberty and its attendant changes--Its significance and
its dangers.
Price, {$1.00} net, post free
{ 4s. }
"What a Young Boy Ought to Know"
For Boys under Sixteen Years of Age
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE SAY
Theodore L. Cuyler, D.D.
"'What a Young Boy Ought to Know' ought to be in every home where there
is a boy."
Lady Henry Somerset
"Calculated to do an immense amount of good. I sincerely hope it may
find its way to many homes."
Joseph Cook, D.D., LL.D.
"It is everywhere suggestive, inspiring and strategic in a degree, as I
think, not hitherto matched in literature of its class."
Charles L. Thompson, D.D.
"Why was not this book written centuries ago?"
Anthony Comstock
"It lifts the mind and thoughts upon a high and lofty plane upon
delicate subjects."
Edward W. Bok
"It has appealed to me in a way which no other book of its kind has."
Bishop John H. Vincent, D.D., LL.D.
"You have handled with great delicacy and wisdom an exceedingly
difficult subject."
John Willis Baer
"I feel confident that it can do great good, and I mean that my boys
shall have the contents placed before them."
Mrs. Mary A. Livermore, LL.D.
"Full of physiological truths, which all children ought to know, at a
proper age; will be read by boys without awakening a prurient thought."
Josiah Strong, D.D.
"A foolish and culpable silence on the part of most parents leaves their
children to learn, too often from vicious companions, sacred truth in an
unhallowed way."
"What a Young Man Ought to Know."
BY SYLVANUS STALL, D. D.
Condensed Table of Contents
STRENGTH
The value of physical strength--the weak man handicapped--Threefold
nature of man--Relation of the physical, intellectual and moral--Impair
one, you injure all--The physical foundation--Man's strong sexual
nature--Sexuality strongly marked in all great men--Importance of manly
mastery of sexual nature--Personal purity--Only one moral standard for
men and women.
WEAKNESS
Inherited weakness--How overcome--Acquired weakness--How produced--The
effects of secret vice--What should be done--Losses in sleep--When to
consult a physician--Danger from quacks and charlatans--What are normal
and abnormal losses--Medical authorities quoted--Subject
illustrated--Important directions.
SOCIAL VICE
Alarming ignorance concerning the diseases which accompany vice--Why
physicians do not acquaint their patients with the nature of these
diseases--The prevalence--All forms of venereal diseases leave terrible
results--Character and consequences of gonorrhœa--Later
complications--Chordee, stricture, blindness, etc.--How healthy brides
become early and permanent invalids--Chancroid and chancre--The primary,
secondary and tertiary forms of syphilis--The beginning, progress and
end--Can it ever be cured--May the man ever marry--Effects upon wife and
children.
THE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS
Their purpose and prostitution--Marriage a great blessing--Difference
between creation and procreation--All life from the seed or the egg--The
reproduction of plants, fishes, birds and animals contrasted--An
interesting study.
MAN'S RELATION TO WOMAN
Importance of a right relation to women--The nature of marriage--The
friends and foes of marriage--Who should not marry--The selection of a
wife--Some general rules--Importance of great caution--Causes of
unhappiness in married life--Early and late marriages.
HINDRANCES AND HELPS
The choice of companions, books, pictures, amusements,
recreations--Liquors and tobacco--Self-mastery--Right aim in
life--Industry, early rising--The influence of an ennobling
affection--Education--The Sabbath, the Church and the Bible.
Price {$1.00} net, per copy, post free
{ 4s. }
"What a Young Man Ought to Know."
What Eminent People Say:
Francis E. Clark, D. D.
"Of exceeding value to every youth just entering upon manhood. It is
written reverently but very plainly, and I believe will save a multitude
of young men from evils unspeakable."
John Clifford, D. D.
"One of the best books for dawning manhood that has fallen into my
hands. It goes to the roots of human living. It is thoroughly manly. Dr.
Stall has laid the rising generation under an immense obligation."
J. Wilbur Chapman, D. D.
"I bear willing testimony that I believe this book ought to be in the
hands of every young man in this country."
Paul F. Munde, M. D., LL. D.
Professor of Gynæcology in the New York Polyclinic and at Dartmouth
College, says:
"I most heartily commend not only the principle but the execution of
what it aims to teach."
Eugene H. Porter, M. D., LL. D.
President of the Homeopathic Medical Society of the State of New York;
Professor Materia Medica, New York Homeopathic Medical College, etc.,
says:
"We should especially commend the volume for its reliability in
statement, and, as a medical man, I highly indorse the medical teachings
of the book. It is trustworthy and sound. It is a work which should be
in the hands of every young man."
"What a Man of Forty-five Ought to Know."
BY SYLVANUS STALL, D. D.
Condensed Table of Contents
PART I
WHAT HE OUGHT TO KNOW CONCERNING HIMSELF
Prevalent ignorance concerning physical changes in men of
middle-life--Sad results of such ignorance--Reasons for
change--Evidences of these changes--Husband and wife constitute a
reproductive unit--The two natures responsive in activity and
repose--Somewhat similar changes in both--The age at which climacteric
or "change of life" occurs in men--Climacteric and adolescence
contrasted--The testimony of medical men to the fact--Only young men
need the testimonials of authorities--Old men know it--Compensations
which follow the sexual hush--Physical and mental effects--Changes more
gradual than in women--Many men intellectually at their best after
sexual hush--To them time and experience open their richest
treasures--Moderation in all things enjoined--Sexual moderation
emphasized--Virility, how destroyed, how preserved--Effects of exercise,
food, stimulants, sleep, employment, etc.--Functional disorders--Benefit
of intelligence--Enlargement of the prostate gland--Manifestations,
cause and precautionary measures--The marriage of men of middle
life--Physical unfitness and effects--Rights of the unborn--The years
beyond--The man at forty determines what the man at eighty shall
be--Value of purpose to keep strong and bright--Examples.
PART II
WHAT HE OUGHT TO KNOW CONCERNING HIS WIFE
Reproduction the primal purpose of marriage--Attractive and repellent
periods in life of woman--Climacteric or change of life the most
repellent period--Disappearance of menstruation only an outward
manifestation--The phenomenon explained--Reasons for change made
plain--Not a period of stress for all women--How to meet the
menopause--Occupation, diet, fresh air, exercise, sleep, companionship,
sexual repose, etc., etc.--Mortality and insanity greater among men--The
aches and ills which attend the menopause--Aversion to husband, children
and friends--Physical changes which attend and follow change of life in
women--Modified sexual nature--Growths--Mental changes and
conditions--Need of intelligence upon the part of husband and others.
Price {$1.00} net, post free
{ 4s. }
"What a Man of Forty-five Ought to Know"
PRAISED BY THE PRESS
"We do not hesitate to recommend."--_Experience._
"A reliable and instructive guide in sexual matters and yet pure and
chaste in style."--_Journal of Dermatology._
"Information of vital importance."--_Pittsburgh Christian Advocate._
"Written in an honest, frank, and fearless way."--_Christian Standard._
"It is a clean book which one should sit down to alone."--_The
Evangelist._
"These books deserve to be circulated by the million."--_Leslie's
Weekly._
"To many men the guidance of this book will be a timely
benediction."--_Chicago Appeal._
"The utterance of one who has an accurate knowledge of men."--_Brooklyn
Citizen._
"It is a helpful book and in all important particulars sound in its
medical statements."--_Baltimore Sun._
"This book is recommendable not only to the intelligent layman to read
himself and hand to others, but also to the physician, who ought to
welcome it as a means to refresh an important part of his physiologic
knowledge."--_Alkaloidal Clinic._
"A man who is a fool at forty-five (and there are many of them) is
pretty hard to manage. There are certain things which he ought to know
without being told, but it is difficult to teach him these things. He
needs reasoning with and plain talking to. This book does it in a
healthy, elevating manner. These cases are often very troublesome to the
physician. It would be well to have this book handy to lend to such
patients. This course will help the physician to manage his patient and
help the patient. This book will do much good. There has been a need for
just such a work."--_Medical World._
"What a Young Girl Ought to Know."
BY MRS. MARY WOOD-ALLEN, M. D.
Condensed Table of Contents
PART I
The origin of life--One plan in all forms of life--How plants grow from
the seed--They feed on the soil, grow and mature--How the plant
reproduces itself--The flower, the pollen, the pod, the seed--The office
of bees and insects in fertilization.
PART II
Fishes and their young--The parent fishes and the baby fishes--The seeds
of plants and eggs of fishes, birds and animals--How fishes never know
their baby offspring--Warm blooded animals--Lessons from birds--Their
nests, eggs and little ones.
PART III
Animals and their young--The place which God has prepared for their
young--Beginning their independent life--Human babies the most helpless
and dependent of all creatures--The relations of parent and child--The
child a part of each parent--Heredity and its lessons.
PART IV
The value of good health--The care of the body--The body a temple to be
kept holy--Girls should receive their instruction from their
mothers--The body the garment which the soul wears--Effects of thoughts
upon life and character--Value of good companions, good books and good
influences--What it is to become a woman.
Price {$1.00} net, per copy
{ 4s. }
"What a Young Girl Ought to Know"
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE SAY
Francis E. Willard, LL.D.
"I do earnestly hope that this book, founded on a strictly scientific
but not forgetting a strong ethical basis, may be well known and widely
read by the dear girls in their teens and the young women in their
homes."
Mrs. Elizabeth B. Grannis
"These facts ought to be judiciously brought to the intelligence of
every child whenever it asks questions concerning its own origin."
Mrs. Harriet Lincoln Coolidge
"It is a book that mothers and daughters ought to own."
Mrs. Katharine L. Stevenson
"The book is strong, direct, pure, as healthy as a breeze from the
mountain-top."
Mrs. Isabelle MacDonald Alden, "Pansy"
"It is just the book needed to teach what most people do not know how to
teach, being scientific, simple and plain-spoken, yet delicate."
Miss Grace H. Dodge
"I know of no one who writes or speaks on these great subjects with more
womanly touch than Mrs. Wood-Allen, nor with deeper reverence. When I
listen to her I feel that she has been inspired by a Higher Power."
Ira D. Sankey
"Every mother in the land that has a daughter should secure for her a
copy of 'What a Young Girl Ought to Know.' It will save the world untold
sorrow."
"What a Young Woman Ought to Know."
BY MRS. MARY WOOD-ALLEN, M. D.
Condensed Table of Contents
PART I
CHILDHOOD AND GROWTH
Woman's worth--Importance of care of the body--How to obtain
health--Waste and repair--Questions of food--Importance of rest in
sleep--The office and importance of correct breathing--Injuries from
tight clothing--Physical culture--Exercise and recreation--The value of
the bath.
PART II
WOMANHOOD
The endowment of new powers--The conferring of life--Brain building and
character formation--Soul and self--Special physiology--Woman's special
bodily endowments--The crisis in the girl's life--Ovulation and
menstruation--Their significance--Causes and cures of disturbed physical
conditions--Painful periods and displacements--Special care of health at
special times--Many healthful suggestions suited to the physical needs
of young women--Secret vice and its consequences--The relation of pure
young women to young men--Friendships.
PART III
What is love--Should include mental conjugality, spiritual sympathy and
physical attraction--Responsibility in marriage--Antecedents, talents
and habits of young man--The law of heredity--Beneficial--Effects of
stimulants upon offspring--Inherited effects of immorality--Good
characteristics also transmitted--Requisites in a
husband--Engagements--Benefits of, evils of--Holding to the highest
ideals--Weddings--Gifts, tours and realities of life.
Price {$1.00} net, per copy, post free
{ 4s. }
"What a Young Woman Ought to Know"
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE SAY
Lady Henry Somerset
"An extremely valuable book, and I wish that it may be widely
circulated."
Mrs. Laura Ormiston Chant
"The book ought to be in the hands of every girl on her fifteenth
birthday, as a safe guide and teacher along the difficult path of
womanhood."
Margaret Warner Morley
"There is an awful need for the book, and it does what it has undertaken
to do better than anything of the kind I ever read."
Mrs. May Wright Sewall
"I am profoundly grateful that a subject of such information to young
woman should be treated in a manner at once so noble and so delicate."
Elizabeth Cady Stanton
"It is a grave mistake for parents to try to keep their children
ignorant of the very questions on which they should have scientific
information."
Lillian M. N. Stevens
"There is a great need of carefully, delicately written books upon the
subjects treated in this series. I am gratefully glad that the author
has succeeded so well, and I trust great and enduring good will be the
result."
Mrs. Matilda B. Carse
"It is pure and instructive on the delicate subjects that mean so much
to our daughters, to their future as homekeepers, wives and mothers, and
to the future generations."
"What a Young Wife Ought to Know."
BY MRS. EMMA F. A. DRAKE, M. D.
Condensed Table of Contents
HUSBAND AND HOME
The choice of a husband--One worthy of both love and respect--Real
characteristics necessary--Purity vs. "wild oats"--What shall a young
wife expect to be to her husband?--His equal, but not his
counterpart--His helpmeet Wifehood and motherhood--Should keep pace with
his mental growth--Trousseau and wedding presents--The foolish and
ruinous display at weddings--Wedding presents and unhappiness--Wise
choice of furniture--The best adornments for the home.
THE MARITAL RELATIONS
The marital state should be the most holy of sanctuaries--Its influence
upon character--Modesty--Reproduction the primal purpose--Love's highest
plane--The right and wrong of marriage--The wrongdoings of good men.
PARENTHOOD
Preparation for motherhood--Motherhood the glory of womanhood--Maternity
productive of health--Clothing--Exercise--Baths, etc., etc.--The child
the expression of the mother's thoughts--The five stages of prenatal
culture.
PREPARATION FOR FATHERHOOD
Questions which test the fitness of young men for marriage--Many young
men of startling worth--Effects of bad morals and wayward
habits--Tobacco and Alcoholics--Attaining the best--The father
reproduced in his children.
ANTENATAL INFANTICIDE
The moral responsibility of parents in heredity--The mother's investment
of moulding power--Parents workers together with God--Ailments during
expectant motherhood--Maternity a normal state--Development of the
fœtus--Minuteness of the germ of human life--Changes which take
place--Life present the moment conception takes place--The sin of
tampering with the work of the Infinite.
THE LITTLE ONE
Baby's wardrobe--The question that comes with fluttering signs of
life--Importance of wise choice of material and style of dress--Choice
of physician and nurse of real consequence--The birth
chamber--Surroundings and after-care of the mother--The care of the
baby--The responsibilities and joys of motherhood--The mother the baby's
teacher--Common ailments of children and how to treat them--Guarding
against vice--The training of children--Body building--Helps for
mothers.
Price, {$1.00} net, post free.
{ 4s. }
"What a Young Wife Ought to Know"
WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE SAY
Mrs. Margaret E. Sangster
"Joyfully I send you my unqualified endorsement of the excellent book,
'What a Young Wife Ought to Know.' I wish every young and perplexed wife
might read its pages."
Charles H. Parkhurst, D.D.
"It handles delicate matters in a manner as firm as it is delicate, and
dignifies even what is common by the purity of the sentiment and
nobility of intent with which it is treated."
Marietta Holly (Josiah Allen's Wife)
"It is an excellent book; if every young wife of to-day would read it
and lay its lessons to heart it would make the to-morrow much easier and
happier for all of Eve's daughters."
W. G. Sperry, M.D.
"Young wives, for whom this book is intended, will receive great
benefits from heeding its wise words. It is good for incitement,
guidance, restraint."
Mrs. Joseph Cook
"It illuminates the Holy of Holies in the most sacred of earthly
relationships with the white light of truth and purity."
Julia Holmes Smith, M.D.
"Be sure Dr. Drake's book is part of your daughter's outfit. I have
never read anything which so thoroughly met the use it was designed for
as this volume."
J. P. Sutherland, M.D.
"A subject difficult to treat has been handled by Dr. Drake with
delicacy, earnestness and straightforwardness. It is a practical book
destined to do good."
"What a Woman of Forty-five Ought to Know."
BY MRS. EMMA F. A. DRAKE, M. D.
Condensed Table of Contents
KNOWLEDGE OF CLIMACTERIC NECESSARY
Why women are not prepared to meet the climacteric--The fear that
unnerves many--Error of views concerning "Change of Life"--Correct
teaching stated--Influence of medical literature--Three periods in a
woman's life--Relation of early habits to later aches and ills--The
menopause--Conditions which influence the period of the climacteric--The
age at which it usually appears--Effects of heredity--Childless
women--Mothers of large families--Effects of different
occupations--Excesses.
HERALDS OF CHANGE--DISEASES AND REMEDIES
Mental states during menopause--Change in blood currents--Flushes,
chilliness, dizziness, etc.--Nervous symptoms--Disturbed mental and
nervous equilibriums--Nature as woman's helper--Troublesome
ailments--Mental troubles considered--Suggested help--Cancer--Benefits
named--Apprehensions dispelled--How to banish worry--Simplifying daily
duty--An eminent physician's prescription--A word to single
women--Reluctance of unmarried women to meet the menopause--How to
prolong one's youth--Dress during this period--The mother "At
Sea"--Guarding against becoming gloomy--Effects of patent medicine
advertising--Drug fiends--Lustful indulgence.
WHAT BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD REMEMBER
Slights and inattentions keenly felt by her--Need of patience--A word of
private counsel--Value of little attentions--Wife's duty to her
husband--Holding husband's affections--Making home
attractive--Unselfishness.
AUTO-SUGGESTION AND OTHER SUGGESTIONS
Influence of mind over body--The mind as a curative agent--How to rise
out of depression--Mental philosophy and physical betterment--Relation
of health to sight--Care of the teeth--The hair--Constipation--Self
cure--Choice of foods--Exercise--Physical development--Exercise of mind
and soul.
Price, {$1.00} net, post free.
{ 4s. }
"What a Woman of Forty-five Ought to Know"
PRAISED BY THE PRESS
"Will dispel apprehensions aroused by groundless
forebodings."--_Reformed Church Messenger._
"If the hygienic advice in this book is followed it will lengthen the
lives of women and make their closing years the happiest and most useful
of all."--_Herald and Presbyter._
"In no line of literature, perhaps, is such a book so much
needed."--_New Haven Leader._
"Those who peruse the book only from prurient curiosity will be
disappointed."--_Cleveland World._
"Should be read by every woman nearing and passing middle
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"Written in that wholesome sympathetic manner characteristic of all the
books in the Self and Sex Series."--_Cleveland Daily World._
"Full of most admirable practical advice, and it is written in a
sympathetic manner which is the outcome of oneness of sex between the
author and those whom she addresses."--_Syracuse Herald._
"There are some things that a woman of forty-five does not know--things
which she regards with more or less terror in the expectation--which
terror it is the object of Mrs. Drake to dispel."--_Rochester Herald._
"There is nothing in the book that could not be proclaimed from the
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thoughtful women should read and keep for their daughters to read when
the proper time comes."--_Newark Daily Advertiser._
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It treats in a most informing and chaste manner the topics of vital
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This book, whilst having the dignity of a medical work, is couched in
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_Table of contents sent free upon application._
The Vir Publishing Company,
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SOME CHAPTERS IN THE BOOK
Glory After Gloom. The Dangerous Hour. The Concealed Future. Gleaning
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Talks to the King's Children
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Transcriber's Corrections
Following is a list of significant typographical errors that have been
corrected.
- Page xix, "ndividual" changed to "individual" (of every
individual).
- Page 40, "child-bearing" changed to "childbearing" to remain
consistent with other instances (exposed in childbearing).
- Page 77, "prove" changed to "proves" (impulse that proves fatal).
- Page 80, "sexally" changed to "sexually" (when he is sexually).
- Page 113, "rue" changed to "true" (is also true of them all).
- Page 119, "is to desired" changed to "is desired" (all that is
desired in this world).
- Page 145, "pre eminence" changed to "pre-eminence" (husband
shall have preference and pre-eminence).
- Page 158, "abormal" changed to "abnormal" (due to abnormal
conditions).
- Page 172, "new-born" changed to "newborn" to remain consistent
with other instances (clasps her newborn infant).
- Page 192, "pre-natal" changed to "prenatal" to remain consistent
with other instances (chapter upon prenatal influences).
- Page 282, "huband" changed to "husband" (upon her husband).
- Page "Offices of Publication," "PHILADELHHIA" changed to
"PHILADELPHIA".
- "Pure Books on Avoided Subjects" ad, "Britian" changed to
"Britain" (in Great Britain).
- "What a Young Man Ought to Know" ad, "Three-fold" changed to
"Threefold" to remain consistent with other instances (Threefold
nature of man).
- "What a Young Man Ought to Know" ad, "prevavalence" changed to
"prevalence" (The prevalence).
- "OTHER BOOKS" ad, "SYVANUS" changed to "SYLVANUS" (by SYLVANUS
STALL, D. D.)
- "OTHER BOOKS" ad, "covers" changed to "cover" (Its departments
cover everything).
*** End of this LibraryBlog Digital Book "What a Young Husband Ought to Know" ***
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