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Title: The Castle of Andalusia - A Comic Opera, in Three Acts
Author: O'Keeffe, John
Language: English
As this book started as an ASCII text book there are no pictures available.
Copyright Status: Not copyrighted in the United States. If you live elsewhere check the laws of your country before downloading this ebook. See comments about copyright issues at end of book.

*** Start of this Doctrine Publishing Corporation Digital Book "The Castle of Andalusia - A Comic Opera, in Three Acts" ***

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  Printed by James Ballantyne & Co.


A reader must be acquainted with O'Keeffe on the stage to admire him in
the closet. Yet he is entitled to more praise, in being the original
author of a certain species of drama, made up of whim and frolic than
numberless retailers of wit and sentiment with whom that class of
readers are charmed, who are not in the habit of detecting plagiarism.

From Operas, since the Beggar's Opera, little has been required by the
town except music and broad humour. The first delights the elegant, the
second the inelegant part of an audience; by which means all parties
are gratified.

Had O'Keeffe written less, his reputation would have stood higher with
the public; and so would that of many an author beside himself: but
when a man makes writing his only profession--industry, and prudent
forecast for the morrow, will often stimulate him to produce, with
heavy heart, that composition which his own judgment condemns. Yet
is he compelled to bear the critic's censure, as one whom vanity has
incited to send forth crude thoughts with his entire good will, and
perfect security as to the high value they will have with the world.

Let it be known to the world, that more than half the authors who come
before them thus apparently bold and self-approved, are perhaps sinking
under the shame of their puerile works, and discerning in them more
faults, from closer attention and laudable timidity, than the most
severe of their censurers can point out.

These observations might be some apology for this Opera, if it required
any. But it has pleased so well in representation, that its deserts as
an exhibition are acknowledged; and if in reading there should appear
something of too much intricacy in the plot, or of improbability in the
events, the author must be supposed to have seen those faults himself;
though want of time, or, most likely, greater reliance upon the power
of music than upon his own labour, impelled him gladly to spare the
one, in reverence to the other.

The songs have great comic effect on the stage; particularly those by
some of the male characters: and the mistakes which arise from the
impositions of Spado are highly risible.

As the reader, to form a just judgment on "The Castle of Andalusia,"
should see it acted; so the auditor, to be equally just, must read it.


  DON FERNANDO                _Mr. Johnstone._
  SPADO                       _Mr. Munden._
  PEDRILLO                    _Mr. Fawcett._
  DON CÆSAR                   _Mr. Townsend._
  DON SCIPIO                  _Mr. Emery._
  PHILIPPO                    _Mr. King._
  RAPINO                      _Mr. Abbot._
  CALVETTE                    _Mr. Atkins._
  VASQUEZ                     _Mr. Klanert._
  DON JUAN                    _Mr. Davenport._
  DON ALPHONSO                _Mr. Braham._

  VICTORIA                    _Mrs. Atkins._
  CATILINA                    _Mrs. Mills._
  ISABELLA                    _Mrs. Powell._
  LORENZA                     _Signora Storace._




       *       *       *       *       *



    _A Cavern with winding Stairs, and recesses cut in the Rock; a
    large Lamp hanging in the Centre; a Table, Wine, Fruits, &c. in
    disorder.--At the Head DON CÆSAR; on each Side SPADO, SANGUINO,
    RAPINO, and others of the Banditti._


  Don Cæsar. _Here we sons of freedom dwell,_
  _In our friendly, rock-hewn cell;_
  _Pleasure's dictates we obey,_
  _Nature points us out the way,_
  _Ever social, great and free,_
  _Valour guards our liberty._


  Don Cæsar. _Of severe and partial laws,_
    _Venal judges, Alguazils;_
  _Dreary dungeons' iron jaws,_
    _Oar and gibbet--whips or wheels,_
  _Let's never think_
  _While thus me drink_
  _Sweet Muscadine_!
  _O life divine!_

  Chorus.--_Here we sons of freedom dwell_, &c.

_Don Cæsar._ Come, cavaliers, our carbines are loaded, our hearts are
light: charge your glasses, Bacchus gives the word, and a volley makes
us immortal as the rosy god.--Fire!

_Spado._ Ay, captain, this is noble firing--Oh, I love a volley of
grape-shot.--Are we to have any sky-light in our cave?

                                        [_Looking at SANGUINO's Glass._

_Don Cæsar._ Oh, no! a brimmer round.--Come, a good booty to us

                                                          [_All drink._

_Spado._ Booty! Oh, I love to rob a fat priest.--Stand, says I, and
then I knock him down.

_Sang._ My nose bleeds. [_Looks at his Handkerchief._] I wonder what
colour is a coward's blood?

_Spado._ Don't you see it's red?

_Sang._ Ha! call me coward, [_Rises in fury._] sirrah? Captain!
cavaliers!--But this scar on my forehead contradicts the miscreant.

_Spado._ Scar on your forehead!--Ay, you will look behind you, when you
run away.

_Sang._ I'll stab the villain--[_Draws Stilletto._]--I will, by Heaven.

_Don Cæsar._ Pho, Sanguino! you know when a jest offers, Spado regards
neither time, place, nor person.

_All._ [_Interposing._] Don't hurt little Spado.

_Spado._ [_Hiding behind._] No, don't hurt little Spado.

_Sang._ Run away! Armies have confessed my valour: the time has
been--but no matter.


_Don Cæsar._ Come, away with reflection on the past, or care for the
future; the present is the golden moment of possession.--Let us enjoy

_All._ Ay, ay, let us enjoy it.

_Don Cæsar._ You know, cavaliers, when I entered into this noble
fraternity, I boasted only of a little courage sharpened by necessity,
the result of my youthful follies, a father's severity, and the malice
of a good-natured dame.

_Spado._ Captain, here's a speedy walk-off to old women.

_All._ [_Drink_] Ha! ha! ha! ha!

_Don Cæsar._ When you did me the honour to elect me your captain, two
conditions I stipulated:----Though at war with the world abroad, unity
and social mirth should preside over our little commonwealth at home.

_Spado._ Yes, but Sanguino's for no head--he'll have ours a commonwealth
of fists and elbows.

_Don Cæsar._ The other, unless to preserve your own lives, never
commit a murder.

_Spado._ I murdered since that----a bishop's coach-horse.

_All._ Ha! ha! ha!

_Don Cæsar._ Hand me that red wine.


    _Flow, thou regal purple stream,_
    _Tinctur'd by the solar beam,_
    _In my goblet sparkling rise,_
    _Cheer my heart and glad my eyes._
  _My brain ascend on fancy's wing,_
  _'Noint me, wine, a jovial king._
    _While I live, I'll lave my clay,_
    _When I'm dead and gone away,_
    _Let my thirsty subjects say,_
    _A month he reign'd, but that was May._


_Don Cæsar._ Hark, how distinct we hear the thunder through this vast
body of earth and rock.--Rapino, is Calvette above, upon his post?

_Rap._ Yes.

_Don Cæsar._ Spado, 'tis your business to relieve the centinel.

_Spado._ Relieve! what's the matter with him?

_Don Cæsar._ Come, come, no jesting with duty--'tis your watch.

_Spado._ Let the wolves watch for me--my duty is to get supper
ready.--[_Thunder._]--Go up! Od's fire, do you think I'm a
Salamander?--D'ye hear?

_Sang._ No sport, I fear.

_Don Cæsar._ Then call Calvette, lock down the trap-door, and get us
some more wine from the cistern.

_Spado._ Wine! Ay, captain; and this being a night of peace, we'll have
a dish of olives.

_Sang._ No, peace! we'll up and scour the forest presently. But well
thought on; a rich old fellow, one Don Scipio, has lately come to
reside in the castle on the skirts of the forest--what say you to
plunder there?

_Don Cæsar._ Not to-night--I know my time--I have my reasons--I shall
give command on that business. But where's the stranger we brought in
at our last excursion?

_Rap._ He reposes in yonder recess.

_Spado._ Ay, egad, there he lies, with a face as innocent--[_Aside._]--If
my fellow-rooks would but fly off, I'd have the pigeon here within all
to myself.

_Cal._ [_Appears at the Top of the winding Stairs, with a Lanthorn._]
A booty.

_Sang._ Good news, cavaliers; here comes Calvette.

_Cal._ A booty!

_Sang._ What! where?

_Cal._ Soft--but one man!

_Sang._ But one man! Is he alone?

_Cal._ Quite.

_Spado._ One man, and alone--that's odd!

_Cal._ He seems in years, but his habit, as well as I could
distinguish, speaks him noble.


_Don Cæsar._ Then he'll fight.--My arms!

_Spado._ Oh, he'll fight--get my arms; no, my legs will do for me.


_Sang._ Come, my carbine--quick!

_Don Cæsar._ To the attack of one man--paltry! Only you, Calvette,
Sanguino, Rapino, and Spado go; the rest prepare for our general

_Spado._ Captain, don't send me; indeed I'm too rash!

_Don Cæsar._ Come, come, leave buffoonery, and to your duty.

                [_CALVETTE and RAPINO ascend; the rest go in at several
                         Recesses; SPADO, the last, ascends up slowly._


_Don Alph._ I find myself somewhat refreshed by my slumber; at such a
time to fall into the hands of these ruffians, how unlucky! I'm pent up
here; my rival, Fernando, once my friend, reaches Don Scipio's castle,
weds my charming Victoria, and I lose her for ever; but if I could
secure an interview, love should plead my cause.


  _The hardy sailor braves the ocean,_
    _Fearless of the roaring wind;_
  _Yet his heart, with soft emotion,_
    _Throbs to leave his love behind._

  _To dread of foreign foes a stranger,_
    _Tho' the youth can dauntless roam,_
  _Alarming fears paint every danger_
    _In a rival, left at home._

_SPADO returns down the Stairs._

_Spado._ [_Aside._] Now for some talk with our prisoner here--Stay, are
they all out of ear-shot? How the poor bird sings in its cage! I know
more of his affairs than he thinks of, by overhearing his conversation
at the inn at Lorca.

_Don Alph._ How shall I escape from these rascals? Oh, here is one of
the gentlemen. Pray, sir, may I take the liberty--

_Spado._ No liberty for you.--Yet upon certain conditions, indeed--give
me your hand.

_Don Alph._ [_Aside._] Impudent scoundrel!

_Spado._ Signor, I wish to serve you--and serve you I will; but I must
know the channel, before I make for the coast; therefore, to examine
you with the pious severity of an holy inquisitor, who the devil are

_Don Alph._ A pious adjuration truly!--[_Aside._]--Sir, my name is
Alphonso, and I am son of a banker at Madrid.

_Spado._ Banker! Oh! I thought he sung like a young goldfinch.

_Don Alph._ Perhaps, by trusting this fellow, I may make my escape.


_Spado._ I'll convince him I know his secrets, and then I hold his

_Don Alph._ You won't betray me?

_Spado._ Honour among thieves.

_Don Alph._ Then you must know, when your gang attacked me yesterday

_Spado._ You were posting full gallop to Don Scipio's castle, on the
confines of the forest here.

_Don Alph._ Hey! then perhaps you know my passion for--

_Spado._ Donna Victoria, his daughter.

_Don Alph._ Then you know that she's contracted--

_Spado._ To your friend Don Fernando de Zelva, who is now on his
journey to the castle, and, to the destruction of your hopes, weds the
lady on his arrival.

_Don Alph._ True, while I am pent up in this cursed cavern; but how you
got my story, I----

_Spado._ No matter! I could let you out of this cursed cavern.

_Don Alph._ And will you?

_Spado._ Ah, our trap-door above requires a golden key.

_Don Alph._ Your comrades have not left me a piastre.

_Spado._ Will you give me an order on your father's bank for fifty
pieces, and I'll let you out?

_Don Alph._ You shall have it.

_Spado._ A bargain. I'll secure your escape.

_Enter DON CÆSAR, behind._

_Don Cæsar._ How's this?

_Spado._ Zounds, the captain Ramirez! [_Aside._]--Ay, you dog, I'll
secure you for an escape! Do you think I'd set you at liberty without
the captain's orders? Betray my trust for a bribe! What the devil do
you take me for? [_In a seeming rage._] Oh, captain, I did not see you.

_Don Cæsar._ What's the matter?

_Spado._ Nothing, only our prisoner here was mistaken in his man--that's
all. Let you escape, indeed!

_Don Alph._ Here's a rascal!

_Spado._ Rascal! D'ye hear him? He has been abusing me this half hour,
because I would not convey him out without your knowledge. Oh, what
offers he did make me! but my integrity is proof against Gallions,
Escurials, Perus, and Mexicos.

_Don Cæsar._ Begone instantly to your comrades. [_SPADO ascends._]
Signor, no occasion to tamper with my companions; you shall owe your
liberty to none but me. I'll convey you to the cottage of the vines,
belonging to the peasant Philippo, not far from Don Scipio's castle;
there you may rest in safety to-night, and--

_Don Alph._ Ah, captain! no rest for me.

_Don Cæsar._ Look ye, signor, I am a ruffian, perhaps worse, but venture
to trust me.--A picklock may be used to get to a treasure--don't wish
to know more of me than I now chuse to tell you; but, if your mistress
loves you as well as you seem to love her, to-morrow night she's yours.

_Don Alph._ My good friend!

_Don Cæsar._ Now for Philippo--I don't suppose you wish to see any of
our work above--ha! ha! ha!--Well, well, I was once a lover, but now--


    _On by the spur of valour goaded,_
      _Pistols primed, and carbines loaded,_
        _Courage strikes on hearts of steel;_
          _While each spark,_
          _Through the dark_
  _Gloom of night,_
  _Lends a clear and cheering light,_
    _Who a fear or doubt can feel?_

  _Like serpents now, through thickets creeping,_
  _Then on our prey, like lions, leaping!_
    _Calvette to the onset leads us,_
    _Let the wand'ring trav'ler dread us!_
  _Struck with terror and amaze,_
  _While our swords with lightning blaze._


    _Thunder to our carbines roaring,_
    _Bursting clouds in torrents pouring,_
      _Each a free and roving blade,_
      _Ours a free and roving trade,_
        _To the onset let's away,_
        _Valour calls, and we obey._



    _A Forest._

    _A stormy Night._


_Don Fer._ Pedrillo! [_Calling._] What a dreadful night, and horrid
place to be benighted! Pedrillo!--I fear I've lost my servant; but by
the pace I rode since I left Ecceija, Don Scipio's castle can't be very
far distant: this was to have been my wedding night, if I arrived
there. Pedrillo! Pedrillo!


_Ped._ [_Within_] Sir!

_Don Fer._ Where are you, sirrah?

_Ped._ Quite astray, sir.

_Don Fer._ This way.

_Enter PEDRILLO, groping his way._

_Ped._ Any body's way, for I have lost my own.--Do you see me, sir?

_Don Fer._ No indeed, Pedrillo!


_Ped._ You saw me then, sir. [_Thunder._] Ah, this must frighten the
mules, they'll break their bridles; I tied the poor beasts to a tree.

_Don Fer._ Well, we may find them in the morning, if they escape the
banditti, which I am told infests this forest.

_Ped._ Banditti! [_A shot without._] Ah! we are dead men.

_Don Fer._ Somebody in trouble!

_Ped._ No, somebody's troubles are over.

_Don Fer._ Draw and follow me, Pedrillo.

_Ped._ Lord, sir! ha'n't we troubles enough of our own?

_Don Fer._ Follow! Who can deny assistance to his fellow creature in


_Ped._ What fine creatures these gentlemen are!--But for me, I am a
poor, mean, rascally servant--so I'll even take my chance with the


  _A master I have, and I am his man,_
      _Galloping, dreary, dun,_
  _And he'll get a wife as fast as he can,_
      _With a haily, gaily, gambo raily,_
          _Giggling, niggling,_
  _Galloping galloway, draggle tail, dreary dun._

  _I saddled his steed so fine and so gay,_
      _Galloping, dreary, dun,_
  _I mounted my mule, and we rode away,_
      _With our haily, &c._

  _We canter'd along until it grew dark,_
      _Galloping, dreary, dun,_
  _The nightingale sung instead of the lark,_
      _With her, &c._

  _We met with a friar, and ask'd him our way,_
      _Galloping, dreary, dun,_
  _By the Lord, says the friar, you're both gone astray,_
      _With your, &c._

  _Our journey, I fear, will do us no good,_
      _Galloping, dreary, dun,_
  _We wander alone, like the babes in the wood,_
      _With our, &c._

  _My master is fighting, and I'll take a peep,_
      _Galloping, dreary, dun,_
  _But now I think better, I'd better go sleep,_
      _With my, &c._



    _A thicker Part of the Forest.--Large Tree and Stone Cross._


_Sang._ Now, Rapino, lop off his sword-arm.

_Don Scipio._ Forbear! there's my purse, you rascals!

                                                     [_Throws it down._

_Sang._ Fire!

_Spado._ [_Peeping from the large Tree._] No, don't fire.

_Sang._ I am wounded--hew him to pieces.

                                [_As DON SCIPIO is nearly overpowered_,


_Don Fer._ Ha! what murderous ruffians!

      [_Engages the BANDITTI, who precipitately disperse several ways._

_Spado._ Holloa! the forest is surrounded with inquisitors, alguazils,
corrigidores, and holy fathers.

_Don Scipio._ Oh, I hav'n't fought so much these twenty years!

_Spado._ Eh, we have lost the field, cursed dark; though I think I
could perceive but one man come to the relief of our old Don here.

_Don Scipio._ But where are you, signor? Approach, my brave deliverer.

_Spado._ So, here's a victory, and nobody to claim it! I think I'll go
down and pick up the laurel. [_Descends from the Tree._] I'll take the
merit of this exploit, I may get something by it.

_Don Scipio._ I long to thank, embrace, worship this generous stranger,
as my guardian angel.

_Spado._ [_Aside._] I may pass for this angel in the dark--Villains!
scoundrels! robbers! to attack an honest old gentleman on the king's
highway!--but I made the dogs scamper!

                                                    [_Vapouring about._

_Don Scipio._ Oh dear! this is my preserver!

_Spado._ Who's there! Oh, you are the worthy old gentleman I rescued
from these rascal banditti.

_Don Scipio._ Noble, valiant stranger--I--

_Spado._ No thanks, signor; I have saved your life; and a good action
rewards itself.

_Don Scipio._ A gallant fellow, 'faith--Eh, as well as I could distinguish
in the dark, you looked much taller just now.

                                               [_Looking close at him._

_Spado._ When I was fighting? true, anger raises me--I always appear
six foot in a passion: besides, my hat and plume added to my height.

_Don Scipio._ [_By Accident treading on the Purse._] Hey, the rogues
have run off without my purse too.

_Spado._ O, ho! [_Aside._]--What, I have saved your purse, as well as
your precious life! Well, of a poor fellow, I am the luckiest dog in
all Spain.

_Don Scipio._ Poor! Good friend, accept this purse, as a small token of
my gratitude.

_Spado._ Nay, dear sir!

_Don Scipio._ You shall take it.

_Spado._ Lord, I am so awkward at taking a purse.

                                                           [_Takes it._

_Don Scipio._ Hey, if I could find my cane too;--I dropped it somewhere
hereabouts, when I drew to defend myself.

                                                      [_Looking about._

_Spado._ Zounds! I fancy here comes the real conqueror--no matter--I've
got the spoils of the field.

                               [_Aside--Chinks the Purse, and retires._

_Don Scipio._ Ah, my amber-headed cane!

                                                [_Still looking about._


_Don Fer._ The villains!

_Don Scipio._ Ay, you made them fly like pigeons, my little game-cock!

_Don Fer._ Oh, I fancy this is the gentleman that was attacked. Not
hurt, I hope, sir?

_Don Scipio._ No, I'm a tough old blade--Oh, gadso, well thought
on--feel if there's a ring in the purse, it's a relic of my deceased
lady, it's with some regret I ask you to return it.

_Don Fer._ Return what, sir?

_Don Scipio._ A ring you'll find in the purse.

_Don Fer._ Ring and purse! really, sir, I don't understand you.

_Don Scipio._ Well, well, no matter--A mercenary fellow!


_Don Fer._ The old gentleman has been robbed, and is willing that I
should reimburse his losses.


_Don Scipio._ It grows lighter: I think I can distinguish the path I
lost--follow me, my hero, and [_As going, suddenly turns, and looks
steadfastly at DON FERNANDO._] Zounds, signor, I hope you are not in
a passion, but I think you look six feet high again.

_Don Fer._ A strange, mad old fellow this!


_Don Scipio._ These rascals may rally, so come along to my castle, and
my daughter Victoria shall welcome the preserver of her father.

_Don Fer._ Your daughter Victoria! Then, perhaps, sir, you are Don
Scipio, my intended father-in-law?

_Don Scipio._ Eh! why, zounds! is it possible that you can be my
expected son, Fernando?

_Don Fer._ The same, sir; and was on my journey to your castle, when
benighted in the forest here.

_Don Scipio._ Oh, my dear boy! [_Embraces him._] Damned mean of him to
take my purse though--[_Aside._] Ah, Fernando, you were resolved to touch
some of your wife's fortune before-hand.

_Don Fer._ Sir--I--

_Don Scipio._ Hush! You have the money, and keep it--ay, and the
ring too; I'm glad it's not gone out of the family--Hey, it grows

_Don Fer._ My rascal Pedrillo is fallen asleep somewhere.

_Don Scipio._ No, we are not safe here--Come then, my dear--brave,
valiant--Cursed paltry to take my purse though.


_Spado._ [_Who had been listening, advances._] So, then, our old
gentleman is father to Victoria, my young banker Alphonso's mistress,
and the other is Fernando, his dreaded rival--this is the first time
they ever saw each other too--He has a servant too, and his name
Pedrillo--a thought strikes me; if I could, by cross paths, but get
to the castle before them, I'll raise a most delicious commotion--In
troubled waters I throw my fishing-hook--[_Whistle without._]--Excuse
me, gentlemen, I'm engaged.

                              [_Exit--A distant Whistle heard without._


    _An Apartment in SCIPIO's Castle._


_Catil._ Nay, dear madam, do not submit to go into the nunnery.

_Vic._ Yes, Catilina, my father desires I shall take the veil, and a
parent's voice is the call of Heaven!

_Catil._ Heaven! Well, though the fellows swear I'm an angel, this
world is good enough for me--Dear ma'am, I wish I could but once see
you in love.

_Vic._ Heigho! Catilina, I wonder what sort of gentleman this Don
Fernando is, who is contracted to me, and hourly expected at the castle.

_Catil._ A beautiful man, I warrant--But, ma'am, you're not to have
him. Hush! Dame Isabel, not content with making your father, by slights
and ill usage, force your brother, poor Don Cæsar, to run about the
world, in the Lord knows what wild courses, but she now has persuaded
the old gentleman to pass her daughter on Don Fernando, for you--There,
yonder she is, flaunting, so be-jewelled and be-plumed--Well, if I was
you, they might take my birthright--but my husband--take my man--the
deuce shall take them first! Ah, no! if ever I do go to heaven, I'll
have a smart lad in my company.--Send you to a nunnery!

_Vic._ Was my fond mother alive!--Catilina, my father will certainly
marry this Dame Isabel; I'm now an alien to his affections, bereft of
every joy and every hope, I shall quit the world without a sigh.


  _Ah, solitude, take my distress,_
    _My griefs I'll unbosom to thee,_
  _Each sigh thou canst gently repress,_
    _Thy silence is music to me._

  _Yet peace from my sonnet may spring,_
    _For peace let me fly the gay throng,_
  _To soften my sorrows I sing,_
    _Yet sorrow's the theme of my song._

                                                      [_Exit VICTORIA._

_Catil._ I quit this castle as soon as ever Donna Victoria enters a
nunnery--Shall I go with her? No, I was never made for a nun--Ay, I'll
back to the vineyard, and if my sweetheart, Philippo, is as fond as
ever, who knows--I was his queen of all the girls, though the charming
youth was the guitar, flute, fiddle, and hautboy of our village.


  _Like my dear swain, no youth you'd see_
  _So blithe, so gay, so full of glee,_
  _In all our village, who but he_
          _To foot it up so featly--_
      _His lute to hear,_
      _From far and near,_
      _Each female came,_
      _Both girl and dame,_
      _And all his boon_
      _For every tune,_
          _To kiss 'em round so sweetly._

  _While round him in the jocund ring,_
  _We nimbly danced, he'd play or sing,_
  _Of May the youth was chosen king,_
          _He caught our ears so neatly._
      _Such music rare_
      _In his guitar,_
      _But touch his flute_
      _The crowd was mute,_
      _His only boon,_
      _For every tune,_
          _To kiss us round so sweetly._


_Enter VASQUEZ, introducing SPADO._

_Vas._ I'll inform Dame Isabel, sir--please to wait a moment.

                                                       [_Exit VASQUEZ._

_Spado._ Sir!--This Dame Isabel is, it seems, a widow-gentlewoman, whom
Don Scipio has retained ever since the death of his lady, as supreme
directress over his family, has such an ascendancy, prevailed on him
even to drive his own son out of his house, and, ha! ha! ha! is now
drawing the old don into a matrimonial noose, ha! ha! ha! Egad, I am
told, rules the roast here in the castle--Yes, yes, she's my mark--Hem!
Now for my story, but my scheme is up, if I tell her a single
truth--Ah, no fear of that.--Oh, this way she moves--


_Isab._ Don Scipio not returned! a foolish old man, rambling about at
this time of night! Stay, Vasquez, where's this strange, ugly little
fellow you said wanted to speak with me?

_Vas._ [_Confused._] Madam, I did not say--

_Spado._ No matter, young man--Hem!

                                                       [_Exit VASQUEZ._

_Isab._ Well, sir, pray who are you?

_Spado._ [_Bowing obsequiously._] Madam, I have the honour to be
confidential servant and secretary to Don Juan, father to Don Fernando
de Zelva.

_Isab._ Don Fernando! Heavens! is he arrived? Here, Vasquez, Lopez, Diego!


_Spado._ Hold, madam! he's not arrived: Most sagacious lady, please to
lend your attention for a few moments to an affair of the highest
importance to Don Scipio's family. My young master is coming--

_Isab._ Well, sir!

_Spado._ Incog.

_Isab._ Incog!

_Spado._ Madam, you shall hear--[_Aside._]--Now for a lie worth twenty
pistoles--The morning before his departure, Don Fernando calls me into
his closet, and shutting the door, "Spado," says he, "you know this
obstinate father of mine has engaged me to marry a lady I have never
seen, and to-morrow, by his order, I set out for Don Scipio, her
father's castle, for that purpose; but," says he, striking his breast
with one hand, twisting his mustaches with the other, and turning up
his eyes--"if, when I see her, she don't hit my fancy, I'll not marry
her, by the----"--I sha'n't mention his oath before you, madam.

_Isab._ No, pray don't, sir.

_Spado._ "Therefore," says he, "I design to dress Pedrillo, my arch dog
of a valet, in a suit of my clothes, and he shall personate me at Don
Scipio's castle, while I, in a livery, pass for him--If I like the
lady, I resume my own character, and take her hand; if not, the deceit
continues, and Pedrillo weds Donna Victoria, just to warn parental
tyranny how it dares to clap up marriage, without consulting our

_Isab._ Here's a discovery! so then, it's my poor child that must have
fallen into this snare--[_Aside._] Well, good sir.

_Spado._ "And, (continued he) Spado, I appoint you my trusty spy in
this Don Scipio's family; to cover our designs, let it be a secret that
you belong to me, and I sha'n't seem even to know you--You'll easily
get a footing in the family (says he) by imposing some lie or other
upon a foolish woman, I'm told, is in the castle. Dame Isabel I think
they call her."

_Isab._ He shall find I am not so easily imposed upon.

_Spado._ I said so, madam; says I, a lady of Dame Isabel's wisdom must
soon find me out, was I to tell her a lie.

_Isab._ Ay, that I should, sir.

_Enter VASQUEZ._

_Vas._ Oh, madam! my master is returned, and Don Fernando de Zelva
with him.

                                                       [_Exit VASQUEZ._

_Isab._ Don Fernando! Oh, then, this is the rascally valet, but I'll
give him a welcome with a vengeance!

_Spado._ Hold, madam! Suppose, for a little sport, you seem to humour
the deceit, only to see how the fellow acts his part; he'll play the
gentleman very well, I'll warrant; the dog is an excellent mimic; for,
you must know, ma'am, this Pedrillo's mother was a gipsy, his father a
merry andrew to a mountebank, and he himself five years trumpeter to a
company of strolling players.

_Isab._ So, I was likely to have a hopeful son-in-law! Good sir, we are
eternally indebted to you for this timely notice of the imposition.

_Spado._ Madam, I've done the common duties of an honest man--I have
been long in the family, and can't see my master making such a fool of
himself, without endeavouring to prevent any mischance in consequence.

_Isab._ Dear sir, I beseech you be at home under this roof; pray be
free, and want for nothing the house affords.

_Spado._ [_Bows._] Good madam! I'll want for nothing I can lay my fingers
on. [_Aside._]

                                                         [_Exit SPADO._

_Isab._ Heavens! what an honest soul it is! what a lucky discovery! Oh,
here comes my darling girl!

_Enter LORENZA, magnificently dressed._

_Lor._ Oh, cara Madre! See, behold!--Can I fail of captivating Don
Fernando? Don't I look charming?

_Isab._ Why, Lorenza, I must say the toilet has done its duty; I'm glad
to see you in such spirits, my dear child!

_Lor._ Spirits! ever gay, ever sprightly, cheerful as a lark--but how
shall I forget my Florence lover, my dear Ramirez?

_Isab._ I request, my dear, you'll not think of this Ramirez--even
from your own account of him, he must be a person of most dissolute
principles--fortunately he knows you only by your name of Lorenza.
I hope he won't find you out here.

_Lor._ Then farewell, beloved Ramirez! In obedience to your commands,
madam, I shall accept of this Don Fernando; and as a husband, I will
love him if I can--


  _Love! gay illusion!_
  _Pleasing delusion,_
  _With sweet intrusion,_
      _Possesses the mind._

  _Love with love meeting,_
  _Passion is fleeting;_
  _Vows in repeating_
      _We trust to the wind._

  _Faith to faith plighted,_
  _Love may be blighted;_
  _Hearts often slighted_
      _Will cease to be kind._

_Enter VASQUEZ._

_Vas._ Madam--my master and Don Fernando.

_Isab._ Has Don Fernando a servant with him?

_Vas._ No, madam.

_Isab._ Oh, when he comes, take notice of him.


_Don Scipio._ Oh, my darling dame, and my delicate daughter, bless your
stars that you see poor old Scipio alive again--Behold my son-in-law
and the preserver of my life--Don Fernando, there's your spouse, and
this is Donna Isabella, a lady of vast merit, of which my heart is

_Don Fer._ Madam!


_Isab._ What an impudent fellow!


_Don Scipio._ Dear Fernando, you are as welcome to this castle as
flattery to a lady, but there she is--bill and coo--embrace--caress her.

                                           [_FERNANDO salutes LORENZA._

_Lor._ If I had never seen Ramirez, I should think the man tolerable


_Don Scipio._ Ha! ha! this shall be the happy night--Eh, Dame Isabel,
by our agreement, before the lark sings, I take possession of this
noble tenement.

_Don Fer._ Don Scipio, I hoped to have the honour of seeing your son.

_Don Scipio._ My son! Who, Cæsar? Oh, lord! He's--He was a--turned out
a profligate--Sent him to Italy--got into bad company--don't know
what's become of him--My dear friend, if you would not offend me, never
mention Don Cæsar in my hearing. Egad--Eh, my dainty dame, is not Don
Fernando a fine fellow?

_Isab._ Yes, he's well enough for a trumpeter.

_Don Scipio._ Trumpeter! [_With surprise._] what the devil do you mean by
that? Oh, because I sound his praise; but, madam, he's a cavalier of
noble birth, title, fortune, and valour--

_Isab._ Don Scipio, a word if you please.

                                                    [_Takes him aside._

_Lor._ [_To FERNANDO._] Si--Signor, our castle here is rather a gloomy
mansion, when compared to the beautiful cassinos on the banks of the Arno.

_Don Fer._ Arno! true, Don Scipio said in his letter, that his daughter
had been bred at Florence.

_Lor._ You have had an unpleasant journey, signor?

_Don Fer._ I have encountered some difficulties by the way, it is true,
madam; but am amply repaid by the honour and happiness I now enjoy.


_Lor._ Sir!--I swear he's a polite cavalier! [_Aside._] Won't you
please to sit, sir? I fancy you must be somewhat weary.


_Don Scipio._ What the devil! Eh, sure--what this fellow only Don
Fernando's footman! how! it can't be!

_Isab._ A fact; and presently you'll see Don Fernando himself in livery.

_Don Scipio._ Look at the impudent son of a gipsy--Sat himself
down--Zounds! I'll--

_Isab._ Hold! let him play off a few of his airs.

_Don Scipio._ A footman! Ay, this accounts for his behaviour in the
forest--Don Fernando would never have accepted my purse--[_Taps his
Shoulder._]--Hey, what, you've got there!

_Don Fer._ Will you please to sit, sir?


_Don Scipio._ Yes, he looks like a trumpeter. [_Aside._] You may sit
down, friend.

                                                      [_With contempt._

_Don Fer._ A strange old gentleman!

_Enter VASQUEZ._

_Vas._ Sir, your servant Pedrillo is arrived.

                                                       [_Exit VASQUEZ._

_Isab._ Servant Pedrillo! Ay, this is Fernando himself.

                                          [_Apart, joyfully to SCIPIO._

_Don Fer._ Oh, then the fellow has found his way at last. Don
Scipio--Ladies--excuse me a moment.

                                                      [_Exit FERNANDO._

_Lor._ What a charming fellow!

_Don Scipio._ What an impudent rascal!

_Ped._ [_Without._] Is my master this way?

_Don Scipio._ Master! ay, this is Fernando.

_Enter PEDRILLO, with a Portmanteau._

_Ped._ Oh dear! I've got among the gentlefolks--I ask pardon.

_Isab._ How well he does look and act the servant!

_Don Scipio._ Admirable; yet I perceive the grandee under the livery.

_Isab._ Please to sit, sir.

                                                 [_With great respect._

_Lor._ A livery servant sit down by me!

_Don Scipio._ Pray sit down, sir.


_Ped._ Sit down! [_Sits._] Oh, these must be the upper servants of the
family--her ladyship here is the housekeeper, I suppose--the young
tawdry tit, lady's maid--(Hey, her mistress throws off good clothes,)
and Old Whiskers, Don Scipio's butler.



_Don Fer._ Pedrillo! how! seated! what means this disrespect?

_Ped._ Sir, [_Rises to him._] Old Whiskers, the butler there, asked me
to sit down by Signora the waiting-maid here.

_Don Fer._ Sirrah!

_Ped._ Yes, sir.

_Don Scipio._ Sir and sirrah! how rarely they act their parts! I'll
give them an item, though, that I understand the plot of their comedy.



D. Scipio.    _Signor!_ [To PEDRILLO.]
              _Your wits must be keener,_
                _Our prudence to elude,_
                  _Your fine plot,_
                  _Tho' so pat,_
                _Will do you little good._

Ped.              _My fine plot!_
                  _I'm a sot,_
                    _If I know what_
                    _These gentlefolks are at._

Fer.        _Past the perils of the night,_
              _Tempests, darkness, rude alarms;_
            _Phoebus rises clear and bright,_
              _In the lustre of your charms._

Lor.        _O, charming, I declare,_
            _So polite a cavalier!_
            _He understands the duty_
            _And homage due to beauty._

D. Scipio.    _Bravo! O bravissimo!_

Lor.          _Caro! O carissimo!_
            _How sweet his honey words,_
              _How noble is his mien!_

D. Scipio. _Fine feathers make fine birds,_
             _The footman's to be seen._
           _But both deserve a basting!_

Ped.       _Since morning I've been fasting._

D. Scipio. _Yet I could laugh for anger._

Ped.       _Oh, I could cry for hunger._

D. Scipio.        _I could laugh._

Ped.              _I could cry._

D. Scipio.        _I could quaff._

Ped.              _So could I._

D. Scipio. _Ha! ha! ha! I'm in a fit._

Ped.       _Oh, I could pick a little bit._

D. Scipio.     _Ha! ha! ha!_

Ped.           _Oh! oh! oh!_

Lor.       _A very pleasant party!_

D. Fer.        _A whimsical reception!_

D. Scipio. _A whimsical deception!_
               _But master and man, accept a welcome hearty._

D. Fer.}   _Accept our thanks sincere, for such a welcome hearty._
Ped.   }



    _An antique Apartment in the Castle._

_Enter DON CÆSAR, with Precaution._

_Don Cæsar._ Thus far I've got into the castle unperceived--I'm
certain Sanguino means the old gentleman a mischief, which nature bids
me endeavour to prevent. I saw the rascal slip in at the postern below;
but where can he have got to! [_A sliding Panel opens in the Wainscot,
and SANGUINO comes out._] Yes, yonder he issues, like a rat or a
spider.--How now, Sanguino!

_Sang._ Captain Ramirez!

_Don Cæsar._ On enterprize without my knowledge! What's your business

_Sang._ Revenge! Look--[_Shows a Stilletto._] if I meet Don Scipio--

_Don Cæsar._ A stilletto! I command you to quit your purpose.

_Sang._ What, no satisfaction for my wound last night, and lose my
booty too!

_Don Cæsar._ Your wound was chance--Put up--We shall have noble booty
here, and that's our business--But you seem to know your ground here,

_Sang._ I was formerly master of the horse to Count D'Olivi, the last
resident here, so am well acquainted with the galleries, lobbies,
windings, turnings, and every secret lurking place in the castle.

_Don Cæsar._ I missed Spado at the muster this morning--did he quit
the cave with you?

_Spado._ [_Without._] As sure as I'm alive, it's fact, sir.--

_Don Cæsar._ Isn't that Spado's voice?

_Sang._ Impossible!

_Don Cæsar._ Hush!

                                                        [_They retire._


_Don Scipio._ Yes, I've heard of such places; but you say you have been
in the cave where these ruffian banditti live?

_Spado._ Most certainly, sir: for, after having robbed me of five
hundred doubloons, the wicked rogues barbarously stripped, and tied me
neck and heels, threw me across a mule, like a sack of corn, and led me
blindfold to their cursed cavern.

_Don Scipio._ Ah, poor fellow!

_Spado._ There, sir, in this sculking hole the villains live in all
manner of debauchery, and dart out upon the innocent traveller, like
beasts of prey.

_Don Scipio._ Oh, the tigers! just so they fastened upon me last night,
but your sham Fernando, and I, made them run like hares; I gave him my
purse for his trouble.

_Spado._ And he took it! what a mean fellow!--you ought not to have
ventured out unarmed--I always take a blunderbuss when I go upon the
road--the rascal banditti are most infernal cowards.

_Don Scipio._ What a glorious thing to deliver these reprobates into
the hands of justice!

_Spado._ Ah, sir, 'twould be a blessed affair--Oh, I'd hang them up
like mad dogs!

_Don Scipio._ Well, you say you know the cave?

_Spado._ Yes, yes, I slipped the handkerchief from my eyes and took a
peep, made particular observations of the spot; so get a strong guard,
and I'll lead you to the very trap-door of their den.

_Don Scipio._ 'Egad, then we'll surprise them, and you'll have the
prayers of the whole country, my honest friend.

_Spado._ Heaven knows, sir, I have no motives for this discovery but
the public good, so I expect the country will order me a hundred
pistoles, as a reward for my honesty.

_Don Cæsar._ Here's a pretty dog!


_Sang._ Ay, ay, he ha'n't long to live.


_Don Scipio._ An hundred pistoles!

_Spado._ Sir, have an eye upon their captain, as they call him, he's
the most abandoned, impudent profligate--[_Suddenly turning sees CÆSAR,
who shows a Pistol._] Captain did I say? [_Terrified._] Oh, no; the
captain's a very worthy good-natured fellow--I meant a scoundrel, who
thinks he ought to be captain, one Sanguino, the most daring, wicked,
and bloody villain that--[_Turning the other may, perceives SANGUINO
with a Pistol._] but indeed, I found Sanguino an honest, good-natured
fellow too--

                                              [_With increased terror._

_Don Scipio._ Hey, a bloody, wicked, honest, good-natured fellow! what
is all this?

_Spado._ Yes; then, sir, I _thought_ I saw these two gentlemen, and at
that instant, I _thought_ they looked so terrible, that with the fright
I _awoke_.

_Don Scipio._ Awoke! what the devil then, is all this but a dream you
have been telling me?

_Spado._ Ay, sir, and the most frightful dream I ever had in my life.
I'm at this instant frightened out of my wits.

_Don Scipio._ You do look frightened indeed--poor man! I thought this
cave was--

_Spado._ Don't mention cave, or I faint--heigho!

_Enter_ VASQUEZ.

_Vas._ Dame Isabel wants to speak with you, sir.

_Don Scipio._ I'll wait on her.

_Spado._ Yes, I'll wait on her.

                                                      [_Going hastily._

_Don Scipio._ You! she don't want you.

_Spado._ Dear sir, she can't do without me at this time. [_Exit_ SCIPIO.]
I come.


_Don Cæsar._ No, you stay.--

                                                     [_Pulls him back._

_Spado._ Ah, my dear captain. [_Affecting surprise and joy._] What, and
my little Sanguino too! Who could have thought of your finding me out

_Don Cæsar._ Yes, you are found out.


_Spado._ Such discoveries as I have made in the castle!--

_Don Cæsar._ You're to make discoveries in the forest too.

_Sang._ Our cave!

_Spado._ Oh, you overheard that! Didn't I hum the old fellow finely?
Ha! ha! ha!

_Sang._ And for your reward, traitor, take this to your heart.

                                                 [_Offers to stab him._

_Don Cæsar._ Hold, Sanguino.

_Spado._ Nay, my dear Sanguino, stay! What the devil--So here I can't
run a jest upon a silly old man, but I must be run through with a

_Don Cæsar._ Come, Spado, confess what really brought you here.

_Spado._ Business, my dear sir, business; all in our own way too, for I
designed to let every man of you into the castle this very night, when
all the family are in bed, and plunder's the word--Oh, such a delicious
booty! pyramids of plate, bags of gold, and little chests of diamonds!

_Sang._ Indeed!

_Spado._ Sanguino, look at the closet.

_Sang._ Well!

_Spado._ A glorious prize!

_Sang._ Indeed!

_Spado._ Six chests of massy plate! Look, only look into the closet;
wait here a moment, and I'll fetch a master key that shall open every
one of them.

_Don Cæsar._ Hey! Let's see those chests.

_Sang._ Massy plate! Quick, quick, the master key.

_Spado._ I'll fetch it.

_Sang._ Do but make haste, Spado.

_Spado._ I will, my dear boy.

                                       [_Exeunt SANGUINO and DON CÆSAR._

My good--honest--Oh, you two thieves!



_Don Scipio._ Now, Spado, I--hey, where is my little dreamer? but why
is this door open? this closet contains many valuables--Why will they
leave it open? Let's see--

                                               [_Goes into the Closet._

_Enter SPADO with a Portmanteau._

_Spado._ [_As entering._] I have no key--However, I have stolen Don
Fernando's portmanteau as a peace-offering for these two rascals! Are
you there? What a pity the coming of my fellow-rogues! I should have
had the whole castle to myself--Oh, what a charming seat of work for a
man of my industry--[_Speaking at Closet Door._] You find the chests
there--you may convey them out at night, and as for cutting Don Scipio's
throat--that I leave to--


_Don Scipio._ Cut my throat!--What, are you at your dreams again?

_Spado._ [_Aside._] Oh, zounds!--Yes, sir, as I was telling you.

_Don Scipio._ Of a little fellow you have the worst dreams I ever heard.

_Spado._ Shocking, sir--then I thought--

_Don Scipio._ Hold, hold, let me hear no more of your curst dreams.

_Spado._ I've got off, thanks to his credulity.


_Don Scipio._ What portmanteau's that?

_Spado._ 'Sdeath, I'm on again!


_Don Scipio._ Fernando's, I think.

_Spado._ [_Affecting surprise._] What, my master's?--'egad so it
is--But I wonder who could have brought it here.--Ay, ay, my fellow
servant Pedrillo is now too grand to mind his business;--and my master,
I find, though he has taken the habit, scorns the office of a
servant--So I must look after the things myself.

_Don Scipio._ Ay, ay, take care of them.

_Spado._ Yes, sir, I'll take care of them!

_Don Scipio._ Ha! ha! ha! what a strange whimsical fellow this master
of yours! with his plots and disguises.--Think to impose upon me
too.--But I think I'm far from a fool.

_Spado._ [_Looking archly at him._] That's more than I am.

_Don Scipio._ So he pretends not to know you, though he has sent you
here as a spy, to see what you can pick up?

_Spado._ Yes, sir, I came here to see what I can pick up.

                                           [_Takes up the Portmanteau._

_Don Scipio._ What an honest servant!--he has an eye to every thing!

                                                    [_Exit DON SCIPIO._

_Spado._ But before I turn honest, I must get somewhat to keep me so.


        _In the forest here hard by,_
        _A bold robber late was I,_
        _Sword and blunderbuss in hand,_
        _When I bid a trav'ler stand;_
          _Zounds, deliver up your cash,_
          _Or straight I'll pop and slash,_
  _All among the leaves so green-o!_
            _Damme, sir,_
            _If you stir,_
            _Sluice your veins,_
            _Blow your brains,_
              _Hey down,_
              _Ho down,_
            _Derry, derry down,_
  _All amongst the leaves so green-o._


        _Soon I'll quit the roving trade,_
        _When a gentleman I'm made;_
        _Then so spruce and debonnaire,_
      _'Gad, I'll court a lady fair;_
      _How I'll prattle, tattle, chat,_
      _How I'll kiss her, and all that,_
  _All amongst the leaves so green-o!_
        _How d'ye do?_
        _How are you?_
        _Why so coy?_
        _Let us toy,_
        _Hey down,_
        _Ho down,_
      _Derry, derry down,_
  _All amongst the leaves so green-o._


        _But ere old, and grey my pate,_
        _I'll scrape up a snug estate:_
        _With my nimbleness of thumbs,_
        _I'll soon butter all my crumbs._
          _When I'm justice of the peace,_
          _Then I'll master many a lease,_
  _All amongst the leaves so green-o._
            _Wig profound,_
            _Belly round,_
            _Sit at ease,_
            _Snatch the fees,_
            _Hey down,_
            _Ho down,_
          _Derry, derry down,_
  _All amongst the leaves so green-o._



    _An Apartment._


_Don Fer._ A wild scheme of my father's, to think of an alliance with
this mad family; yes, Don Scipio's brain is certainly touched beyond
cure, his daughter, my cara sposa of Italy, don't suit my idea of what
a wife should be--no, the lovely novice, this poor relation of Dame
Isabel, has caught my heart. I'm told to-morrow she's to be immured in
a convent; what if I ask Dame Isabel, if--but she, and indeed Don
Scipio, carry themselves very strangely towards me--I can't imagine
what's become of my rascal Pedrillo.

_Enter PEDRILLO, in an elegant Morning Gown, Cap and Slippers._

_Ped._ Strange, the respect I meet in this family. I hope we don't
take horse after my master's wedding. I should like to marry here
myself,--before I unrobe I'll attack one of the maids!--Faith, a very
modish dress to go courting in,--hide my livery, and I am quite gallant.

_Don Fer._ Oh here's a gentleman I ha'n't seen before!

_Ped._ Tol de rol!

_Don Fer._ Pray, sir, may I--Pedrillo, [_Surprised._] where have
you--hey! what, ha! ha! ha! what's the matter with you?

_Ped._ Matter!--Why, sir, I don't know how it was, but somehow or other
last night, I happened to sit down to a supper of only twelve covers,
cracked two bottles of choice wine, slept in an embroider'd bed, where
I sunk in down, and lay till this morning like a diamond in cotton.--So,
indeed, sir, I don't know what's the matter with me.

_Don Fer._ I can't imagine how, or what it all means.

_Ped._ Why, sir, Don Scipio, being a gentleman of discernment,
perceives my worth, and values it.

_Don Fer._ Then, sir, if you are a gentleman of such prodigious merit,
be so obliging, with submission to your cap and gown, as to--pull off
my boots.

_Enter VASQUEZ._

_Vas._ Sir, the ladies wait breakfast for you.

                                    [_To PEDRILLO, with great respect._

_Don Fer._ My respects, I attend them.

_Vas._ You! I mean his honour here.

_Ped._ Oh, you mean my honour here.

_Don Fer._ Well, but perhaps, my good friend, I may like a dish of
chocolate as well as his honour here.

_Vas._ Chocolate, ha! ha! ha!

                                                       [_With a sneer._

_Fed._ Chocolate, ha! ha! ha!

_Don Fer._ I'll teach you to laugh, sirrah!

                                                     [_Beats PEDRILLO._

_Ped._ Teach me to laugh! you may be a good master, but you've a very
bad method--But, hey for chocolate and the ladies.

                                        [_Exeunt PEDRILLO and VASQUEZ._

_Don Fer._ Don Scipio shall render me an account for this treatment;
bear his contempt, and become the butt for the jests of his insolent
servants! As I don't like his daughter, I have now a fair excuse, and
indeed a just cause, to break my contract, and quit his castle; but
then, I leave behind the mistress of my soul--Suppose I make her a
tender of my heart--but that might offend, as she must know my hand is
engaged to another--When I looked, she turned her lovely eyes
averted--Doom'd to a nunnery!


  _My fair one, like the blushing rose,_
  _Can sweets to every sense disclose:_
  _Those sweets I'd gather, but her scorn_
  _Then wounds me like the sharpest thorn._

  _With sighs each grace and charm I see_
  _Thus doom'd to wither on the tree,_
  _Till age shall chide the thoughtless maid,_
  _When all those blooming beauties fade._

Hey, who comes here? this is the smart little girl who seems so much
attached to the beautiful novice--No harm to speak with her--


So my pretty primrose!

_Catil._ How do you do, Mr--[_Pert and familiar._] I don't know your name.

_Don Fer._ Not know my name! You must know who I am though, and my
business here, child?

_Catil._ Lord, man, what signifies your going about to sift me, when
the whole family knows you're Don Fernando's footman.

_Don Fer._ Am I faith? Ha! ha! ha! I'll humour this--Well then, my
dear, you know that I am only Don Fernando's footman?

_Catil._ Yes, yes, we know that, notwithstanding your fine clothes.

_Don Fer._ But where's my master?

_Catil._ Don Fernando! he's parading the gallery yonder, in his sham
livery and morning gown.

_Don Fer._ Oh, this accounts for twelve covers at supper and the
embroider'd bed; but who could have set such a jest going? I'll carry
it on though--[_Aside._] So then after all I am known here?

_Catil._ Ay, and if all the impostors in the castle were as well known,
we shou'd have no wedding to-morrow night.

_Don Fer._ Something else will out--I'll seem to be in the secret, and
perhaps may come at it--[_Aside._] Ay, ay, that piece of deceit is much
worse than ours.

_Catil._ That! what, then you know that this Italian lady is not Don
Scipio's daughter, but Dame Isabel's, and her true name Lorenza?

_Don Fer._ Here's a discovery! [_Aside._] O yes, I know that.

_Catil._ You do! Perhaps you know too, that the young lady you saw me
speak with just now is the real Donna Victoria?

_Don Fer._ Is it possible! Here's a piece of villany! [_Aside._] Charming!
let me kiss you, my dear girl.

                                                         [_Kisses her._

_Catil._ Lord! he's a delightful man!

_Don Fer._ My little angel, a thousand thanks for this precious

_Catil._ Discovery!--Well, if you did not know it before, marry hang
your assurance, I say--but I must about my business, can't play the
lady as you played the gentleman, I've something else to do; so I
desire you won't keep kissing me here all day.


_Don Fer._ Why what a villain is this Don Scipio! ungrateful to--but I
scorn to think of the services I rendered him last night in the forest;
a false friend to my father, an unnatural parent to his amiable
daughter! here my charmer comes.



_Vict._ Yes, Catilina must be mistaken, it is impossible he can be the
servant,--no, no; that dignity of deportment, and native elegance of
manner, can never be assumed; yonder he walks, and my fluttering heart
tells me this is really the amiable Fernando, that I must resign to
Dame Isabel's daughter.

_Don Fer._ Stay, lovely Victoria!

_Vict._ Did you call me, sir?--Heavens, what have I said! [_Confused._]
I mean, signor, would you wish to speak with Donna Victoria? I'll
inform her, sir.


_Don Fer._ Oh, I could speak to her for ever, for ever gaze upon her
charms, thus transfixed with wonder and delight.

_Vict._ Pray, signor, suffer me to withdraw.

_Don Fer._ For worlds I would not offend! but think not, lady, 'tis the
knowledge of your quality that attracts my admiration.

_Vict._ Nay, signor.

_Don Fer._ I know you to be Don Scipio's daughter, the innocent victim
of injustice and oppression; therefore I acknowledge to you, and you
alone, that, whatever you may have heard to the contrary, I really am
Fernando de Zelva.

_Vict._ Signor, how you became acquainted with the secret of my birth I
know not; but, from an acquaintance so recent, your compliment I receive
as a mode of polite gallantry without a purpose.

_Don Fer._ What your modesty regards as cold compliments, are sentiments
warm with the dearest purpose; I came hither to ratify a contract with
Don Scipio's daughter; you are she, the beautiful Victoria, destined for
the happy Fernando.

_Vict._ Pray rise, signor:--My father perhaps, even to himself, cannot
justify his conduct to me: But to censure that, or to pervert his
intentions, would, in me, be a breach of filial duty.


  _By woes thus surrounded, how vain the gay smile_
  _Of the little blind archer, those woes to beguile!_
  _Though skilful, he misses, his aim it is cross'd,_
  _His quiver exhausted, his arrows are lost._
  _Your love, though sincere, on the object you lose,_
  [Aside] _How sweet is the passion! Ah, must I refuse?_
  _If filial affection that passion should sway,_
  _Then love's gentle dictates I cannot obey._

_Don Fer._ And do you, can you, wish me to espouse Donna Lorenza,
Isabella's daughter?--Say, you do not, do but satisfy me so far.

_Vict._ Signor, do not despise me if I own, that, before I saw in you
the husband of Don Scipio's daughter, I did not once regret that I had
lost that title.

_Don Fer._ A thousand thanks for this generous, this amiable
condescension.--Oh, my Victoria! if fortune but favours my design, you
shall yet triumph over the malice of your enemies.

_Vict._ Yonder is Dame Isabel, if she sees you speaking to me, she'll
be early to frustrate whatever you may purpose for my advantage. Signor,

_Don Fer._ My life, my love, adieu!


  Don Fer.  _So faithful to my fair I'll prove,_
  Vict.     _So kind and constant to my love,_
  Don Fer.      _I'd never range,_
  Vict.         _I'd never change,_
  Both.     _Nor time, nor chance, my faith shall move._

  Vict.     _No ruby clusters grace the vine,_
  Don Fer.  _Ye sparkling stars forget to shine,_
  Vict.         _Sweet flowers to spring,_
  Don Fer.      _Gay birds to sing,_
  Both.     _Those hearts then part that love shall join._



_Don Fer._ This is fortunate; the whole family, except Victoria, are
firmly possessed with the idea that I am but the servant.--Well, since
they will have me an impostor, they shall find me one: In Heaven's
name, let them continue in their mistake, and bestow their mock
Victoria upon my sham Fernando. I shall have a pleasant and just
revenge for their perfidy; and, perhaps, obtain Don Scipio's real,
lovely daughter, the sum of my wishes.--Here comes Don Scipio--Now to
begin my operations.


[_As wishing DON SCIPIO to overhear him._] I'm quite weary of playing
the gentleman, I long to get into my livery again.

_Don Scipio._ Get into his livery!


_Don Fer._ These clothes fall to my share, however; my master will never
wear them after me.

_Don Scipio._ His master! ay, ay.


_Don Fer._ I wish he'd own himself, for I'm certain Don Scipio suspects
who I am.

_Don Scipio._ Suspect? I know who you are, [_Advancing to him._] so get
into your livery again as fast as you can.

_Don Fer._ Ha, my dear friend, Don Scipio, I was--

_Don Scipio._ Friend! you impudent rascal! I'll break your head, if you
make so free with me. None of your swaggering, sirrah--How the fellow
acts! it wasn't for nothing he was among the strolling players; but,
hark ye, my lad, be quiet, for you're blown here, without the help of
your trumpet.

_Don Fer._ Lord, your honour, how came you to know that I am Pedrillo?

_Don Scipio._ Why, I was told of it by your fellow--hold, I must not
betray my little dreamer though--[Aside.]--No matter who told me;
I--but here comes your master.

_Don Fer._ Pedrillo! The fellow will spoil all; I wish I had given him
his lesson before I began with Don Scipio.


_Don Scipio._ I hope he'll now have done with his gambols.

_Don Fer._ Sir, my master is such an obstinate gentleman, as sure as
you stand here, he'll still deny himself to be Don Fernando.

_Don Scipio._ Will he? then I'll write his father an account of his


_Ped._ Master, shall I shave you this morning?

_Don Scipio._ Shave! Oh, my dear sir, time to give over your tricks and

_Ped._ [_Surprised._] My tricks and fancies!

_Don Fer._ Yes, sir, you are found out.

_Ped._ I am found out!

_Don Scipio._ So you may as well confess.

_Ped._ What the devil shall I confess?

_Don Scipio._ He still persists! Hark ye, young gentleman, I'll send
your father an account of your pranks, and he'll trim your jacket for

_Ped._ Nay, sir, for the matter of that, my father could trim your
jacket for you.

_Don Scipio._ Trim my jacket, young gentleman!

_Ped._ Why, he's the best tailor in Cordova.

_Don Scipio._ His father's a tailor in Cordova!

_Don Fer._ Ay, he'll ruin all--[_Aside._]--Let me speak to him. Tell
Don Scipio you are the master.

                                                  [_Apart to PEDRILLO._

_Ped._ I will, sir--Don Scipio, you are the master.

_Don Scipio._ What!

_Don Fer._ Stupid dog!--[_Apart to PEDRILLO._]--Say you are Fernando, and
I am Pedrillo.

_Ped._ I will--Sir, you are Fernando, and I am Pedrillo.

_Don Fer._ Dull rogue! [_Aside._] I told you, sir, he'd persist in it.

                                                [_Apart to DON SCIPIO._

_Don Scipio._ Yes, I see it; but I tell you what, Don Fernando.--[_LORENZA
sings without._] My daughter! Zounds! don't let your mistress see you
any more in this cursed livery.--Look at the gentleman, hold up your
head--egad, Pedrillo's acting was better than your natural manner.

_Don Fer._ Ah, sir, if you were to see my master dressed--the livery
makes such an alteration!

_Don Scipio._ True! curse the livery.

_Ped._ It's bad enough; but my master gives new liveries on his marriage.

_Don Fer._ An insensible scoundrel!


_Enter LORENZA._

_Lor._ Oh, caro, signor, every body says that you are [_To DON FERNANDO._]
not Don Fernando.

_Don Scipio._ Every body's right, for here he stands like a young tailor
of Cordova.

                                                        [_To PEDRILLO._

_Lor._ Oh, what? then this is Pedrillo?

                                                        [_To FERNANDO._

_Don Fer._ At your service, ma'am.


_Ped._ That Pedrillo! then, who the devil am I?

_Don Fer._ Here, rogue, this purse is yours--say you are Don Fernando.

                                                  [_Apart to PEDRILLO._

_Ped._ Oh, sir--now I understand you.--True, Don Scipio, I am all that
he says.

_Don Scipio._ Hey! Now that's right and sensible, and like yourself; but
I'll go bustle about our business, for we'll have all our love affairs
settled this evening.

                                     [_Exeunt DON SCIPIO and FERNANDO._

_Lor._ So, then, you're to be my husband, ha! ha! ha!

_Ped._ Eh!

_Lor._ Well, if not, I can be as cold as you are indifferent.


  _If I my heart surrender,_
  _Be ever fond and tender,_
  _And sweet connubial joys shall crown_
  _Each soft rosy hour:_
  _In pure delight each heart shall own_
  _Love's triumphant pow'r._
  _See brilliant belles admiring,_
  _See splendid beaux desiring,_
  _All for a smile expiring,_
  _Where'er Lorenza moves._
  _To balls and routs resorting,_
  _O bliss supreme, transporting!_
  _Yet ogling, flirting, courting,_
  _'Tis you alone that loves._

  _If I my heart surrender, &c._




    _A Grand Saloon._


_Don Scipio._ D'ye hear, Vasquez? run to Father Benedick, tell him to
wipe his chin, go up to the chapel, put on his spectacles, open his
breviary,--find out matrimony, and wait till we come to him.--[_Exit
VASQUEZ._] Then, hey, for a brace of weddings!


  _Then hey for a lass and a bottle to cheer,_
  _And a thumping bantling every year!_
  _With skin as white as snow,_
  _And hair as brown as a berry!_
  _With eyes as black as a sloe,_
  _And lips as red as a cherry;_
  _Sing rory tory,_
  _Dancing, prancing,_
  _Laugh and lie down is the play,_
  _We'll fondle together,_
  _In spite of the weather,_
  _And kiss the cold winter away._
  _Laugh while you live,_
  _For as life is a jest,_
  _Who laughs the most,_
  _Is sure to live best._
  _When I was not so old,_
  _I frolick'd among the misses;_
  _And when they thought me too bold,_
  _I stopped their mouths with kisses._
  _Sing rory, tory, &c._

I wonder, is Don Fernando drest--Oh, here comes the servant, in his
proper habiliments!

_Enter DON FERNANDO, in a Livery._

Ay, now, my lad, you look something like.

_Don Fer._ Yes, your honour, I was quite sick of my grandeur--My passing
so well in this disguise gives me a very humble opinion of myself.


_Don Scipio._ But, Pedrillo, is your master equipped? 'faith, I long to
see him in his proper garb.

_Don Fer._ Why, no, sir, we're a little behind hand with our finery, on
account of a portmanteau of clothes that's mislaid somewhere or other.

_Don Scipio._ Portmanteau! Oh, it's safe enough--Your fellow servant
has it.

_Don Fer._ Fellow servant?

_Don Scipio._ Ay, the little spy has taken it in charge--Oh, here comes
the very beagle.

_Enter SPADO._

Well, my little dreamer, look; Pedrillo has got into his own clothes

_Spado._ [_Surprised and aside._] Don Fernando in a livery! or is this
really a servant? Zounds! sure I ha'n't been telling truth all this
while!--We must face it though--Ah, my dear old friend!--Glad to see
you yourself again.

                                                       [_Shakes Hands._

_Don Fer._ My dear boy, I thank you--[_Aside._]--So, here's an old
friend I never saw before.

_Don Scipio._ Tell Pedrillo where you have left your master's portmanteau.
While I go lead him in triumph to his bride.


_Don Fer._ Pray, my good, new, old friend, where has your care
deposited this portmanteau?

_Spado._ Gone!

                                           [_Looking after DON SCIPIO._

_Don Fer._ The portmanteau gone!

_Spado._ Ay, his senses are quite gone.

_Don Fer._ Where's the portmanteau that Don Scipio says you took
charge of?

_Spado._ Portmanteau! Ah, the dear gentleman! Portmanteau did he say?
yes, yes, all's over with his poor brain; yesterday his head run upon
purses, and trumpeters, and the lord knows what; and to-day he talks of
dreamers, spies, and portmanteaus.--Yes, yes, his wits are going.

_Don Fer._ It must be so; he talked to me last night and to-day of I
know not what, in a strange incoherent style.

_Spado._ Grief--all grief.

_Don Fer._ If so, this whim of my being Pedrillo is, perhaps, the
creation of his own brain,--but then, how could it have run through
the whole family?--This is the first time I ever heard Don Scipio was
disordered in his mind.

_Spado._ Ay, we'd all wish to conceal it from your master, lest it
might induce him to break off the match, for I don't suppose he'd be
very ready to marry into a mad family.

_Don Fer._ And pray, what are you, sir, in this mad family?

_Spado._ Don Scipio's own gentleman, these ten years--Yet, you heard
him just now call me your fellow servant.--How you did stare when I
accosted you as an old acquaintance!--But we always humour him--I
should not have contradicted him, if he had said I was the pope's

_Don Fer._ [_Aside._] Oh, then I don't wonder at Dame Isabel taking
advantage of his weakness.

_Spado._ Another new whim of his,--he has taken a fancy, that every
body has got a ring from him, which, he imagines, belonged to his
deceased lady.

_Don Fer._ True, he asked me something about a ring.

_Don Scipio._ [_Without._] I'll wait on you presently.


_Don Scipio._ Ha, Pedrillo, now your disguises are over, return me
the ring.

_Spado._ [_Apart to FERNANDO._] You see he's at the ring again.

_Don Scipio._ Come, let me have it, lad; I'll give you a better thing,
but that ring belonged to my deceased lady.

_Spado._ [_To FERNANDO._] His deceased lady!--Ay, there's the touch.

_Don Fer._ Poor gentleman!


_Don Scipio._ Do let me have it--Zounds, here's five pistoles, and the
gold of the ring is not worth a dollar.

_Spado._ We always humour him; give him this ring, and take the money.

                                      [_Apart.--Gives FERNANDO a Ring._

_Don Fer._ [_Presents it to DON SCIPIO._] There, sir.

_Don Scipio_ [_Gives Money._] And there, sir--Oh, you mercenary rascal!
[_Aside._] I knew 'twas in the purse I gave you last night in the forest.

_Spado._ Give me the cash, I must account for his pocket money.

                       [_Apart to, and taking the Money from FERNANDO._

_Ped._ [_Without._] Pedrillo! Pedrillo! sirrah!

_Don Scipio._ Run, don't you hear your master, you brace of rascals?--Fly!

                                                         [_Exit SPADO._

_Don Scipio._ [_Looking out._] What an alteration!

_Enter PEDRILLO, richly dressed._

_Ped._ [_To FERNANDO._] How now, sirrah! loitering here, and leave me to
dress myself, hey!

                                               [_With great Authority._

_Don Fer._ Sir, I was----

                                                      [_With Humility._

_Ped._ Was!--and are--and will be, a lounging rascal, but you fancy you
are still in your finery, you idle vagabond!

_Don Scipio._ Bless me, Don Fernando is very passionate, just like his

_Don Fer._ [_Aside._] The fellow, I see, will play his part to the top.

_Ped._ Well, Don Scipio,--A hey! an't I the man for the ladies?
[_Strutting._] I am, for I have studied Ovid's Art of Love.

_Don Scipio._ Yes, and Ovid's Metamorphoses too, ha! ha! ha!

_Ped._ [_Aside._] He! he! he! what a sneaking figure my poor master
cuts!--Egad! I'll pay him back all his domineering over me.--Pedrillo!

_Don Fer._ Your honour?

_Ped._ Fill this box with Naquatoch.

                                                          [_Gives Box._

_Don Fer._ Yes, sir.


_Ped._ Pedrillo!

_Don Fer._ Sir?

_Ped._ Perfume my handkerchief.

_Don Fer._ Yes, sir.


_Ped._ Pedrillo!

_Don Fer._ Sir?

_Ped._ Get me a toothpick.

_Don Fer._ Yes, sir.


_Ped._ Pedrillo!

_Don Fer._ [_Aside._] What an impudent dog!--Sir?

_Ped._ Nothing--Abscond.

_Don Fer._ [_Aside._] If this be my picture, I blush for the original.

_Ped._ Master, to be like you, do let me give you one kick.

                                                  [_Aside to FERNANDO._

_Don Fer._ What!

_Ped._ Why, I won't hurt you much.

_Don Fer._ I'll break your bones, you villain.

_Ped._ Ahem! Tol de rol.

_Don Scipio._ Pedrillo!

_Ped._ Sir?

                                                 [_Forgetting himself._

_Don Fer._ [_Apart._] What are you at, you rascal?

_Ped._ Ay, what are you at, you rascal? avoid!

_Don Fer._ I'm gone, sir.


_Ped._ Cursed ill-natured of him, not to let me give him one kick.


_Don Scipio._ Don Fernando, I like you vastly.

_Ped._ So you ought--Tol de rol.--Who could now suspect me to be the
son of a tailor, and that, four hours ago, I was a footman! [_Aside._]
Tol de rol.

_Don Scipio._ Son-in-law, you're a flaming beau!--Egad, you have a
princely person.

_Ped._ All the young girls--whenever I got behind--Inside of a
coach,--All the ladies of distinction, whether they were making their
beds, or dressing the--dressing themselves at the toilet, would run to
the windows,--peep through their fingers, their fans I mean, simper
behind their handkerchiefs, and lisp out in the softest, sweetest
tones, "Oh, dear me, upon my honour and reputation, there is not such a
beautiful gentleman in the world, as this same Don Pedrill--Fernando."

_Don Scipio._ Ha! ha! ha! can't forget Pedrillo.--But come, ha' done
with your Pedrillos now--be yourself, son-in-law.

_Ped._ Yes, I will be yourself, son-in-law, you are sure of that
honour, Don Scipio; but pray, what fortune am I to have with your
daughter? You are a grey-headed old fellow, Don Scipio, and by the
course of nature, you know, you cannot live long.

_Don Scipio._ Pardon me, sir, I don't know any such thing.

_Ped._ So when we put a stone upon your head----

_Don Scipio._ Put a stone upon my head!

_Ped._ Yes, when you are settled--screwed down, I shall have your
daughter to maintain, you know.

_Don Scipio._ [_Aside._] A narrow-minded spark!

_Ped._ Not that I would think much of that, I am so generous.

_Don Scipio._ Yes, generous as a Dutch usurer!


_Ped._ The truth is Don Scipio, I was always a smart young gentleman.

                                                   [_Dances and sings._

_Don Scipio._ A hey! Since Don Fernando turns out to be such a coxcomb,
'faith, I'm not sorry that my own child, has escaped him:--A convent
itself is better than a marriage with a monkey.--The poor thing's
fortune though!--And then my son--I begin now to think I was too hard
upon Cæsar--to compare him with this puppy--but I must forget my
children, Dame Isabel will have me upon no other terms.


_Ped._ D'ye hear, Don Scipio, let us have a plentiful feast.

_Don Scipio._ Was ever such a conceited, empty, impudent----


_Ped._ Yes, I'm a capital fellow, ha! ha! So my fool of a master sets
his wits to work after a poor girl, that, I am told, they are packing
into a convent, and he dresses me up as himself, to carry the rich
Italian heiress. Donna Victoria--Well, I'm not a capital fellow; but I
was made for a gentleman--gentleman! I'm the neat pattern for a lord--I
have a little honour about me--a bit of love too; ay, and a scrap of
courage, perhaps--hem! I wish I'd a rival to try it though--odd, I
think I could fight at any weapon, from a needle to a hatchet.

_Enter PHILIPPO, with a Letter and Basket._

_Phil._ Signor, are you Don Fernando de Zelva?

_Ped._ Yes, boy.

_Phil._ Here's a letter for you, sir, from Don Alphonso.

_Ped._ I don't know any Don Alphonso, boy. What's the letter about?

_Phil._ I think, sir, 'tis to invite you to a feast.

_Ped._ A feast!--Oh, I recollect now--Don Alphonso, what! my old
acquaintance! give it me, boy.

_Phil._ But, are you sure, sir, you're Don Fernando?

_Ped._ Sure, you dog!--don't you think I know myself?--let's see, let's
see--[_Opens the Letter, and reads._] _Signor, though you seem ready to
fall on to a love-feast, I hope a small repast in the field won't spoil
your stomach_--Oh, this is only a snack before supper--_I shall be, at
six o'clock this evening_--You dog, it's past six now--_in the meadow,
near the cottage of the vines, where I expect you'll meet me_--Oh dear,
I shall be too late!--_As you aspire to Donna Victoria, your sword must
be long enough to reach my heart, Alphonso._ My sword long enough!
[_Frightened._] Oh, the devil!--Feast! Zounds, this is a downright

_Phil._ I beg your pardon, signor, but if I hadn't met my sweetheart,
Catilina, you would have had that letter two hours ago.

_Ped._ Oh, you have given it time enough, my brave boy.

_Phil._ Well, sir, you'll come?

_Ped._ Eh! Yes, I dare say he'll come.

_Phil._ He!

_Ped._ Yes, I'll give it him, my brave boy.

_Phil._ Him! Sir, didn't you say you were----

_Ped._ Never fear, child, Don Fernando shall have it.

_Phil._ Why, sir, an't you Don Fernando?

_Ped._ Me! not I, child--no, no, I'm not Fernando, but, my boy, I would
go to the feast, but you have delayed the letter so long, that I have
quite lost my stomach--Go, my fine boy.

_Phil._ Sir, I----

_Ped._ Go along, child, go! [_Puts PHILIPPO off._] however, Don Fernando
shall attend you--but here comes my sposa--

_Enter LORENZA, reading a Letter._

    _Dearest LORENZA,_

    _By accident I heard of your being in the castle--If you don't
    wish to be the instrument of your mother's imposition, an impending
    blow, which means you no harm, this night shall discover an
    important secret relative to him, who desires to resign even life
    itself, if not your_


My love! [_Kisses the Letter._] I wish to be nothing, if not your
Lorenza; this foolish Fernando! [_Looking at PEDRILLO._] but, ha! ha! ha!
I'll amuse myself with him--looks tolerably now he's dressed--not so
agreeable as my discarded lover Alphonso, though.


_Ped._ I'll accost her with elegance--How do you do, signora?

_Lor._ Very well, sir, at your service.--Dresses exactly like Prince

_Ped._ Now I'll pay her a fine compliment--Signora, you're a clever
little body--Will you sit down, signora?

                                                      [_Hands a Chair._

_Lor._ So polite too!

_Ped._ Oh, I admire politeness.


_Lor._ This would not be good manners in Florence, though.

_Ped._ Oh! [_Rises._] I beg pardon--Well, sit in that chair; I'll assure
you, Donna Victoria, I don't grudge a little trouble for the sake of
good manners.

                                               [_Places another Chair._

_Lor._ Voi cette motto gentile.


_Ped._ Yes, I sit on my seat genteelly--I find I understand a good deal of
Italian--Now to court her--hem! hem! what shall I say? Hang it, I wish my
master had gone through the whole business, to the very drawing of the
curtains.--I believe I ought to kneel though--[_Aside._--_Kneels._]--Oh,
you most beautiful goddess, you angelic angel!


  _For you, my fair, I'd be a rose,_
  _To bloom beneath that comely nose;_
  _Or, you the flower, and I the bee,_
  _My sweets I'd sip from none but thee._
  _Was I a pen, you paper white,_
  _Ye gods, what billet-doux I'd write!_
  _My lips the seal, what am'rous smacks_
  _I'd print on yours, if sealing-wax._
  _No more I'll say, you stop my breath,_
  _My only life, you'll be my death._


Well said, little Pedrillo!

                                                    [_Wipes his Knees._

_Lor._ There is something in Don Fernando's passion extremely tender,
though romantic and extravaganza.

_Ped._ Oh, for some sweet sounds! signora, if you'll sing me a song,
I'll stay and hear it, I'm so civil.

_Lor._ With pleasure, sir.


  _Heart beating,_
  _Vows in palpitation,_
  _Sweetly answers each fond hope;_
  _Pr'ythee leave me,_
  _You'll deceive me,_
  _After other beauties running,_
  _Smiles so roguish, eyes so cunning,_
  _Show where points the inclination._



    _A Gallery of the Castle._


_Don Fer._ Give me joy, Alphonso; Father Benedick, in this dear and
wished-for union, has this moment made me the happiest of mankind.

_Don Alph._ Then it is certain all you have told me of my Victoria?

_Vict._ True, indeed, Alphonso, that name really belongs to me.

_Don Alph._ No matter, as neither lineage, name, or fortune, caught my
heart, let her forfeit all, she is still dear to her Alphonso.

_Don Fer._ Courage, Alphonso--I'll answer you shall be no exception to
the general joy of this happy night.

_Don Alph._ Happy, indeed, if blest with my Lorenza.


  _Come, ye hours, with bliss replete,_
  _Bear me to my charmer's feet!_
  _Cheerless winter must I prove,_
  _Absent from, the maid I love;_
  _But the joys our meetings bring,_
  _Show the glad return of spring._



    _A View of the Outside of the Castle, with Moat and Drawbridge._

_Enter DON CÆSAR and SPADO._

_Don Cæsar._ You gave my letter to the lady?

_Spado._ Yes, I did, Captain Ramirez.

_Don Cæsar._ Lucky, she knows me only by that name.


_Spado._ A love-affair, hey,--Oh, sly!

_Don Cæsar._ Hush! Mind you let us all in by the little wicket in the
east rampart.

_Spado._ I'll let you in, captain, and a banditti is like a cat, where
the head can get in, the body will follow.

_Don Cæsar._ Soft! Letting down the drawbridge for me now may attract
observation. [_Looks out._] Yonder I can get across the moat.

_Spado._ But, captain! [_Calling._] My dear captain! If you fall into
the water, you may take cold, my dear sir,--I wish you were at the
bottom, with a stone about your neck!



  _At the peaceful midnight hour,_
  _Ev'ry sense, and ev'ry pow'r,_
  _Fetter'd lies in downy sleep;_
  _Then our careful watch we keep,_
  _While the wolf, in nightly prowl,_
  _Bays the moon, with hideous howl,_
  _Gates are barr'd, a vain resistance!_
  _Females shriek; but no assistance._
  _Silence, or you meet your fate;_
  _Your keys, your jewels, cash and plate;_
  _Locks, bolts, bars, soon fly asunder,_
  _Then to rifle, rob, and plunder._

                                                     [_Exit DON CÆSAR._

_Spado._ I see how this is--our captain's to carry off the lady, and my
brethren all the booty, what's left for me then? No, devil a bit they'll
give me--Oh, I must take care to help myself in time--Got nothing yet,
but that portmanteau, a few silver spoons, and tops of pepper-castors;
let's see, I've my tools here still--[_Takes out Pistols._] 'Egad, I'll
try and secure a little before these fellows come, and make a general
sweep--Eh, [_Looks out._] My made-up Fernando!



_Ped._ He! he! he! Yes, my master has certainly married the little
nunnery-girl--Ha! ha! ha! Alphonso to demand satisfaction of me! no,
no, Don Fernando is a master for the gentlemen, I am a man for the


  _A soldier I am for a lady,_
  _What beau was e'er arm'd completer?_
  _When face to face,_
  _Her chamber the place,_
  _I'm able and willing to meet her._
  _Gad's curse, my dear lasses, I'm ready_
  _To give you all satisfaction;_
  _I am the man,_
  _For the crack of your fan,_
  _Tho' I die at your feet in the action._
  _Your bobbins may beat up a row-de dow,_
  _Your lap-dog may out with his bow wow wow,_
  _The challenge in love,_
  _I take up the glove,_
  _Tho' I die at your feet in the action._

_Spado_ [_Advances._] That's a fine song, signor.

_Ped._ Hey! did you hear me sing?

_Spado._ I did, 'twas charming.

_Ped._ Then take a pinch of my macquabah.

                                            [_Offers, and SPADO takes._

_Spado._ Now, signor, you'll please to discharge my little bill.

_Ped._ Bill! I don't owe you any--

_Spado._ Yes, you do, sir; recollect, didn't you ever hire any thing
of me?

_Ped._ Me! no!

_Spado._ Oh, yes; I lent you the use of my two fine ears, to hear your
song, and the use of my most capital nose, to snuff up your macquabah.

_Ped._ Eh! what the deuce, do you hire out your senses and organs, and--

_Spado._ Yes, and if you don't instantly pay the hire, I'll strike up a
symphonia on this little barrel organ here.

                                                     [_Shows a Pistol._

_Ped._ Hold, my dear sir--there--[_Gives Money._]--I refuse to pay my
debts!--Sir, I'm the most punctual--[_Frightened._] But if you please,
rather than hire them again, I'd chuse to buy your fine nose, and your
capital ears, out and out.

_Spado._ Hark ye! [_In a low Tone._] You owe your Donship to a finesse
of mine, so mention this, and you are undone, sirrah!

_Ped._ Sir! [_Frightened._] Dear sir! [_SPADO presents Pistol._]--Oh,
lord, sir!


_Spado._ I suspect presently this house will be too hot for me, yet the
devil tempts me strongly to venture in once more. If I could but pick
up a few more little articles--Ecod, I'll venture, though I feel an ugly
sort of tickling under my left ear--Oh, poor Spado.



    _A Hall in the Castle._

_Enter SPADO._

_Spado._ So many eyes about--I can do nothing; if I could but raise a
commotion to employ their attention--Oh! here's Don Juan, father to
Fernando, just arrived--Yes, if I could but mix up a fine confusion
now--ay, that's the time to pick up the loose things--but hold, I am
told this Don Juan is very passionate--heh! to set him and Don Scipio
together by the ears--Ears!--I have it.

_Enter DON JUAN in a travelling Dress._

_Don Juan._ Egad, my coming will surprise my son Fernando, and Don
Scipio too--tell him I'm here--I hope I'm time enough for the wedding.

_Spado._ [_Slily._] A grim-looking old gentleman!

                                                  [_Bows obsequiously._

_Don Juan._ Who's dog are you?

_Spado._ How do you do, signor?

_Don Juan._ Why, are you a physician?

_Spado._ Me a physician! Alack-a-day, no, your honour, I am poor Spado.

_Don Juan._ Where's Don Scipio? What the devil, is this his hospitality?
he has heard that I am here?

_Spado._ He hear! Ah, poor gentleman--hear! his misfortune!

_Don Juan._ Misfortune! What, he's married again?

_Spado._ At the brink.

_Don Juan._ Marry, and near threescore! What, has he lost his senses?

_Spado._ He has nearly lost one, sir.

_Don Juan._ But where is he? I want to ask him about it.

_Spado._ Ask! then you must speak very loud, sir.

_Don Juan._ Why, what, is he deaf?

_Spado._ Almost, sir, the dear gentleman can scarce hear a word.

_Don Juan._ Ah, poor fellow! Hey! Isn't yonder my son?

                                                           [_Walks up._

_Spado._ Now if I could bring the old ones together, I should'nt doubt
of a quarrel.


_Don Scipio._ Ah, here's my friend, Don Juan! Spado, I hope he ha'n't
heard of his son's pranks.

_Spado._ Hear! Ah! poor Don Juan's hearing! I've been roaring to him
these five minutes.

_Don Scipio._ Roaring to him!

_Spado._ He's almost deaf.

_Don Scipio._ Bless me!

_Spado._ You must bellow to him like a speaking trumpet.

                                                         [_Exit SPADO._

_Don Scipio._ [_Very loud._] Don Juan, you are welcome.

_Don Juan._ [_Starting._] Hey! Strange that your deaf people always
speak loud--[_Very loud._] I'm glad to see you, Don Scipio.

_Don Scipio._ When people are deaf themselves, they think every body
else is too--How long have you been this way?


_Don Juan._ Just arrived.

                                                 [_Bawling in his Ear._

_Don Scipio._ I mean as to the hearing.

                                                          [_Very loud._

_Don Juan._ Ay, I find it's very bad with you. [_Bawling._] Zounds,
I shall roar myself as hoarse as a raven!

_Don Scipio._ Ah, my lungs can't hold out a conversation--I must speak
by signs.

                                                   [_Motions to drink._

_Don Juan._ What now, are you dumb too?

_Enter VASQUEZ. Whispers SCIPIO._

_Don Scipio._ Oh, you may speak out, nobody can hear but me.

_Don Juan._ [_To VASQUEZ._] Pray, is this crazy fool, your master here,
going to be married?

_Don Scipio._ What!


_Vas._ [_To SCIPIO._] Don Fernando would speak to you, sir.

                                                       [_Exit VASQUEZ._

_Don Scipio._ I wish he'd come here and speak to this old blockhead,
his father.--[_Takes his Hand._]--Don Juan, you are welcome to my
house--but I wish you had stayed at home.

_Don Juan._ I am much obliged to you.

_Don Scipio._ You will soon see your son--as great an ass as yourself.

_Don Juan._ An ass! you shall find me a tiger, you old whelp!

_Don Scipio._ Why, zounds! you're not deaf!

_Don Juan._ A mad--ridiculous!--


Fernando! hey, boy, what the devil dress is this?

_Don Fer._ My father--Sir--I--I--

_Don Scipio_. [_To VICTORIA._] What are you doing with that fellow?

_Vict._ Your pardon, dearest father, when I own that he is now my

_Don Scipio._ Eh! eh! By this ruin, this eternal disgrace upon my house,
am I punished for my unjust severity to my poor son, Don Cæsar--married
to that rascal!

_Don Juan._ Call my son a rascal!

_Don Scipio._ Zounds, man! who's thinking of your son? But this fellow
to marry the girl, and disgrace my family!

_Don Juan._ Disgrace! He has honoured your family, you crack-brained
old fool!

_Don Scipio._ A footman honour my family, you superannuated, deaf old


Oh, Dame, fine doings! Pedrillo here has married my daughter.

_Don Juan._ But why this disguise?--what is all this about? tell me,

_Isab._ What, is this really Don Fernando?

_Don Scipio._ Do you say so, Don Juan?

_Don Juan._ To be sure.

_Don Scipio._ Hey! then, Dame, your daughter is left to the valet--no
fault of mine, though.

_Isab._ What a vile contrivance!

_Don Fer._ No, madam, yours was the contrivance, which love and accident
have counteracted, in justice to this injured lady.

_Isab._ Oh, that villain Spado!

_Don Juan._ Spado? why that's the villain told me you were deaf.

_Don Scipio._ Why, he made me believe you could not hear a word.

_Isab._ And led me into this unlucky error.

                                                      [_Exit ISABELLA._

_Don Juan._ Oh, what a lying scoundrel!

_Enter SPADO, behind._

_Spado._ I wonder how my work goes on here!--[_Roars in DON JUAN's Ear._]
I give you joy, sir.

_Don Juan._ I'll give you sorrow, you rascal!

                                                          [_Beats him._

_Don Scipio._ I'll have you hang'd, you villain!

_Spado._ Hang'd! dear sir, 'twould be the death of me.

_Pedrillo._ [_Without._] Come along, my cara sposa--tol-de-rol--


How do you do, boys and girls?--Zounds! my old master!

_Don Juan._ Pedrillo! hey-dey! here's finery!

_Ped._ I must brazen it out.--Ah, Don Juan, my worthy dad!

_Don Juan._ Why, what in the name of--but I'll beat you to a mummy,

_Ped._ Don't do that--I'm going to be married to an heiress, so mustn't
be beat to a mummy.--Stand before me, spouse.

                                                [_Gets behind LORENZA._

_Don Juan._ Let me come at him.

_Spado._ Stay where you are, he don't want you.

_Don Fer._ Dear sir.

_Don Scipio._ Patience, Don Juan; your son has got my daughter--so our
contract's fulfilled.

_Don Juan._ Yes, sir; but who is to satisfy me for your intended
affront, hey?

_Don Scipio._ How shall I get out of this--I'll revenge all upon you,
you little rascal! to prison you go--Here, a brace of alguazils, and a
pair of handcuffs.

_Spado._ For me! the best friend you had in the world!

_Don Scipio._ Friend, you villain! that sha'n't save your neck.

_Spado._ Why, I've saved your throat.

_Don Scipio._ How, sirrah?

_Spado._ Only two of the banditti here in the castle, this morning.

_Don Scipio._ Oh, dear me!

_Spado._ But I got them out.

_Don Scipio._ How? how?

_Spado._ I told them they should come and murder you this evening.

_Don Scipio._ Much obliged to you.--Oh, lord!

   [_A Crash and tumultuous Noise without; BANDITTI rush in, armed; DON
      CÆSAR at their Head--FERNANDO draws, and stands before VICTORIA._

_Band._ This way!

_Don Scipio._ Oh, ruin! I'm a miserable old man! Where's now my son,
Don Cæsar?--If I hadn't banished him, I should now have a protector in
my child.

_Don Cæsar._ Then you shall.--Hold! [_To BANDITTI._] My father!

                                               [_Kneels to DON SCIPIO._

_Don Scipio._ How! My son, Don Cæsar!

_Don Cæsar._ Yes, sir; drove to desperation by--my follies were my
own--but my vices----

_Don Scipio._ Were the consequence of my rigour.--My child! let these
tears wash away the remembrance.

_Don Cæsar._ My father! I am unworthy of this goodness.--I confess
even now I entered this castle with an impious determination to extort
by force--

_Sang._ Captain, we didn't come here to talk. Give the word for plunder.

_Band._ Ay, plunder!

                                                    [_Very tumultuous._

_Don Cæsar._ Hold!

_Spado._ Ay, captain, let's have a choice rummaging.

                                                   [_Cocks his Pistol._

_Ped._ Oh, Lord! there's the barrel-organ!

_Don Cæsar._ Stop! hold! I command you.

_Don Scipio._ Oh, heavens! then is Ramirez the terrible captain of
the cut-throats--the grand tiger of the cave?--But all my fault! the
unnatural parent should be punished in a rebellious child. My life is

_Don Cæsar._ And I'll preserve it as my own.--Retire, and wait your

                                      [_Exeunt all BANDITTI but SPADO._

_Don Scipio_ What, then, you won't let me be murdered. My dear boy! my
darling! Forgive me!--I--I--I pardon all.

_Don Cæsar._ Then, sir, I shall first beg it for my companions; if
reclaimed, by the example of their leader, their future lives will show
them worthy of mercy; if not, with mine let them be forfeit to the hand
of justice.

_Don Scipio._ Some, I believe, may go up--Eh, little Spado, could you
dance upon nothing?

_Spado._ Yes, sir; but our captain, your son, must lead up the ball.

                                                           [_Bows low._

_Don Scipio._ Ha! ha! ha! Well, you know, though ill bestowed, I must
try my interest at Madrid.--Children, I ask your pardon; forgive me,
Victoria, and take my blessing in return.

_Vict._ And do you, sir, acknowledge me for your child?

_Don Scipio._ I do, I do; and my future kindness shall make amends for
my past cruelty.

_Ped._ Ha, here comes my sposa--Eh! got a beau already?


_Don Cæsar._ My beloved Lorenza!
                                                         }  [_Embrace._
_Lor._ My dearest.

_Don Alph._ My good captain! as I knew this lady only by the name of
Victoria, you little imagined, in your friendly promises to me, you were
giving away your Lorenza; but, had I then known we both loved the same
mistress, I should, ere now, have relinquished my pretensions.

_Lor._ My good-natured Alphonso! Accept my gratitude, my esteem; but my
love is, and ever was, in the possession of----

_Don Cæsar._ Dear father, this is the individual lady whose beauty,
grace, and angelic voice, captivated my soul at Florence; if she can
abase her spotless mind, to think upon a wretch stained with crimes,
accompany her pardon with your approbation.

_Don Scipio._ Isabel has been too good, and I too bad a parent!--Ha!
ha! ha! then fate has decreed you are to be my daughter, some way or

_Ped._ Yes; but has fate decreed that my sposa is to be another man's

_Spado._ And, sir, [_To SCIPIO._] if fate has decreed that your son is
not to be hanged, let the indulgence extend to the humblest of his

                                                           [_Bows low._

_Don Scipio._ Ha! ha! ha! Well, though I believe you a great, little
rogue, yet it seems you have been the instrument of bringing about
things just as they should be.

_Don Juan._ They are not as they should be, and I tell you again, Don
Scipio, I will have----

_Don Scipio._ Well, and shall have--a bottle of the best wine in
Andalusia, sparkling Muscadel, bright as Victoria's eye, and sweet
as Lorenza's lip: hey, now for our brace of weddings--where are the
violins, lutes, and cymbals? I say, let us be merry in future; and past
faults our good-humoured friends will forget and forgive.


  _Social powers, at pleasure's call,_
  _Welcome here to Hymen's hall;_
  _Bacchus, Ceres, bless the feast,_
  _Momus lend the sprightly jest,_
  _Songs of joy elate the soul,_
  _Hebe fill the rosy bowl,_
  _Every chaste and dear delight_
  _Crown with joy this happy night._



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