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Title: All (Frightfully Unofficial) about an Old Friend of mine. - What he most probably was. What he most certainly will be - and who has done this? Why The Cat.
Author: Gash, T. C.
Language: English
As this book started as an ASCII text book there are no pictures available.
Copyright Status: Not copyrighted in the United States. If you live elsewhere check the laws of your country before downloading this ebook. See comments about copyright issues at end of book.

*** Start of this Doctrine Publishing Corporation Digital Book "All (Frightfully Unofficial) about an Old Friend of mine. - What he most probably was. What he most certainly will be - and who has done this? Why The Cat." ***

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ALL
(Frightfully Unofficial)
about an OLD FRIEND of mine

What he most probably was
What he most certainly will be
AND WHO HAS DONE THIS?

WHY
THE CAT.



Dedicated to the Notice
OF ALL
The Firms of this Great City
whether
BANKERS BROKERS OR OTHERS
WHO
In their Rise to Wealth and Affluence
have NOT yet
Recognised the "Generous Policy" That their
Success is always partly Due to the Honesty and
Energy of their
SERVANTS,
AND WHO
After taking to Themselves all the
_HONEY_ in the _HIVE_
Leave to the
WORKERS
NOTHING
but the Lees.

"A good Master maketh a good Servant"

                       MARTIN TUPPER.



[Illustration:

ALL
(Frightfully Unofficial)
about an OLD FRIEND of mine

What he most probably was
What he most certainly will be
AND WHO HAS DONE THIS?

WHY
THE CAT.]



[Illustration: What he most probably was,

before he became]


[Illustration: A General-Private-Joint-Continental-Universal-Everlasting
Respectable-Responsible
BANKERS CLERK.

During his 1st year of Service

(Fancies he's got a "good thing")]


[Illustration: At 10 years Service, he has his doubts.]


[Illustration: This is the BC of 20 years Service--he--_hasn't any
doubts now_. Bless you! He knows _all about it, and_ he's going home! To
his--_Dinner_!!!]


[Illustration: HERE IT IS!

AND ought'nt he to be _thankful_]


[Illustration: AT 40, 50, or 150 years Service, _he wonders_ (_ha! ha!_)
Why his old heart may not be eased

_BY A PENSION_

that _he and his_ can live upon, together with a _handsome present_ of
_the remnant of his life_]


[Illustration: But he is informed that if he will send in his
_resignation_ _first_, It will be seen what can be done for him

_Afterwards_

"_Is he quite worn out.?_ not another _6 months_? dear me!

_quite sure?_ Ah!"]


[Illustration: This generous proposal does'nt satisfy our greedy old
friend, so he comes up to the scratch as usual

And he works all day, and he dreams all night]


[Illustration: Once he dreamt (silly Old boy) he dreamt]


[Illustration: He had an _IDEA_!!!

(of course it was only a dream.)]


[Illustration: (His Dream)

Why not appeal to his Masters the DIRECTORS they can but say No. they
are Gentlemen, and _they won't eat him_]


[Illustration: (His Dream)

And of cours.--HOORAY!!!!

The DIRECTORS declare that their _trusted servant_ SHOULD NOT be an
_exception_ to the _Universal Rule_, but that he had risen in value like
everything else AND they further declare, they will not permit, _the man
whose labour increases with their success_, to be _left behind_ by the
butcher, the Baker, or the Candlestick Maker.--_NO_ not to put dividends
into their own pockets,

_OR ANY OTHER MANS_]


[Illustration: (still his dream.)

And Georgiana-Amelia looks more like the girl he took away from the old
Rectory 20 years ago than he ever hoped to see again

Why she's getting FAT!, Sir FAT!]


[Illustration: (but dreams)

And so is Tommy' Sir.]


[Illustration: (very happy dreams)

And Georgiana Amelia, Junior.]


[Illustration: (Are very very seldom)

And so Goodbye, Sir Goodbye. No, we _do not_ live at Poplar now--Why,
yes, quite a change. Just so Good bye to you, Sir

_Hem_--_WE ARE GOING TO CHURCH._]


[Illustration: (REALIZED)

OH! _Are you_.--_You're going to the City_, Old Boy. WHAT!!! _Give you
more pay_--Pooh. Think of the Honorable _Confidence_ your Masters
_cannot help giving you_--Think of that--Very Valuable, Eh.

_Ah! I should think so_, and you had better wake up those Shakey old
legs of yours, or you'll be _Under the Line_]


[Illustration: And one Morning

_he is_ _Under the Line_]


[Illustration: And _THIS is the result of his lifes labour_]


[Illustration:

EXTRAORDINARY COINCIDENCE

SOME BODY
ELSE

HAS BEEN DREAMING

OR

OUR MUTUAL FRIEND

BEING

The FINAL SCRATCHES of

THE CAT

WHO

After this will vanish

And like the baseless
fabrick of a dream
Leave not a wrack behind]


[Illustration: Having attended a Committee of the most exciting and
exhaustive nature "Somebody" indulges in the traditional "40 Winks".]


[Illustration: But the Committee hasn't done with him yet--the "Winks"
are disturbed, and the Phantom of a defunct argument, that _He_ settled
long ago, sits itself rudely on the table, in a Makeshifty sort of way
and insists upon having another "go in".]


[Illustration: And so he thinks, _He_ thinks! his income is too small;
Why _it's Princely_, said the "Shadowy party" whose own "pull" was about
£20,000 a year, He ought to make it do somehow, and if he don't like it
you can manage without him.

Now look here, let me show you an Article.]


[Illustration: _There!!!_

Now I call this cheap.--_There he is_, Salary £40. _and_ white choker
_not_ objected to. (for the matter of that he'll wear plush
or--anything)----Come he's goodlooking. He'll work for you, respect you,
as much as he does himself, be a credit to you, _and_ finally, he's been
in the Pawnbroking line, _says_ _he lives on Oatmeal Porridge--and comes
from the North_

(ED NOTE "Puss" who comes fra' the North hersel, is disgusted with the
"Cad", _and does'nt believe him_.]


[Illustration: His harmless Pursuits----]


[Illustration: And his simple Tastes,----]


[Illustration: Will render him at once the _ornament_ and "Prop" of your
Establisment.--]


[Illustration: _And_ if in the ingenuous enthusiasm of his _Generous_
Nature, _he should_ by chance "run short"; He's _not the man_ to pester
you with Petitions. _He_ has a soul above _asking for Money_.]


[Illustration: Just so--,]


[Illustration: Ha! Ha! laughed "Somebody", to "the" great danger of the
"Winks"; _Of course_, and we shouldn't dream of taking such a scamp.
_We_, Hem, have _always_ drawn _Our_ staff from a _very_ different
class, and _why_ shouldn't we always do so, _We_ are quite satisfied
with them, and our Business, and our Profits are Increasing
yearly.----Upon my word said "Somebody" _everything_ connected with "Our
House" gives me unlimited satisfaction.]


[Illustration: And you are going to make the satisfaction just a _leetle
Mutual_; Sir, indeed we ought to thank you very much; Said a new and
most impertinent Essence, who appeared, somewhat prematurely, to have
made up his mind, and so settled the question out of hand.]


[Illustration: What do you mean, Sir. We don't require _your_
interference said "Somebody" (who couldn't encourage that sort of
thing). I see they forgot the Doctor, and no doubt your _Wife will go_
to church. Yes, that sort of thing does cost _something_, and you
couldn't very well stop her, no, no. And I see you _never_ spend _any
money_ for Conveyance, and you never have _any_ recreation, or change of
air; nothing to help through the dismal monotony of your 12 days holiday
in _November_ or _February_ and you can't even afford "8 hours at the
Sea Side" for the Wife and little ones. In fact you've no money. _no
comfort! no Pipe! no Glass! no music! no Paper! no nothing._

Well!!! said "Somebody" you're an _Extraordinary Man_--_but I don't
believe you_--Now I can _understand this_. _You cannot afford_ _any_ of
these things, _that_ is clear. But Human Nature is frail, and Alas!
B.C.s _are but_ Human. Come, Sir confess at least _to some of these
iniquities_, and then--_What is the consequence?_]


[Illustration: Why 50 per cent of you get into debt, and you know it
Said "Somebody" do you think you can decieve me? Why its clear that if
you will _really_ make out a list of The Butcher, The Baker, The Water
rate, The _Poor Rate_!! and the Income Tax (every penny--poor devil) and
_all the other luxuries in which you indulge_. Why both ends _can't_
meet]


[Illustration: Somebody Somebody, Esquire

Of course they wont. I've said so before. Give you my Vote and Interest?
Do we wish to conduct our Business on the "Old Clo" principle, like a
Firm of Jew Slopmakers? said "Somebody", getting Indignant, and
dangerously red about the Face--NO! very well. Give you my Vote and
Interest? _I always have._ Give them again?----(you know young man, this
is all very unofficial--well then) Yes.--_I Will_]


[Illustration: And "Somebody" said "I will" so loudly that he woke
himself up.]


[Illustration: And "Somebody" _who was "Somebody"_ (may his shadow never
be less) _did_ give his Vote and Interest.

_And the result_, some of it is in my Pocket (_long may it stop there_)
the Result is, that _Our House_ is up to _any Amount of Work_ and will
undertake _to beat the Cheap Jacks into Fits_

Let us hope the example of "our little Shop" will be catching

Now then ALLTOGETHER
    AND SO SAY ALL OF US
    AND SO SAY ALL OF US
FOR HE IS A JOLLY GOOD

SOMEBODY COMING

See him do it!

Puss in taking leave of his Friends _Congratulates_ them on the _Fact_
that _they know who is_ OUR "MUTUAL FRIEND" (and it isn't everyone can
say that). In conclusion it is to be hoped that "Nobody" will be the
only person so _unfeline_ as to dream of

"PUTTING A STOPPER ON THE CAT'S MEAT"]

       *       *       *       *       *

Transcriber's Notes

Retained the spelling and punctuation anomalies of the original.





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