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Title: Book of Etiquette, Volume 2
Author: Watson, Lillian Eichler, 1902-
Language: English
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*** Start of this LibraryBlog Digital Book "Book of Etiquette, Volume 2" ***
BOOK OF ETIQUETTE
[Illustration]
[Illustration: Photo by George H. Davis, Jr. Courtesy of the _Woman's
Home Companion_.
READY FOR TEA
The tea table should never be cluttered with a lot of things which the
hostess does not need]
BOOK OF
ETIQUETTE
BY
LILLIAN EICHLER
VOLUME II
ILLUSTRATED
NELSON DOUBLEDAY, INC.
OYSTER BAY, N. Y.
1922
COPYRIGHT, 1921, BY
NELSON DOUBLEDAY, INC.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, INCLUDING THAT OF TRANSLATION
INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, INCLUDING THE SCANDINAVIAN
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES
AT
THE COUNTRY LIFE PRESS, GARDEN CITY, N. Y.
CONTENTS
PART III
CHAPTER PAGE
I. SERVANTS 1
The Servant in the Household--A Word to
the Mistress--A Word to the Servant--How
to Address Servants--The Child and the
Servant--The Invisible Barrier--When the
Servant Speaks--The Servants of a Big
House--The Butler--Correct Dress for the
Butler--The Second Man--The Chauffeur--Duties
of the Chauffeur--The Valet--The
Page--The Maid-Servants--Lady's Maid--The
Nurse-Maid--Duties of House-Maid--In
Conclusion.
II. DINNERS 23
About the American Hostess--Planning the
Formal Dinner--Arranging the Table--Starting
at the Center--Some Important
Details--Table Etiquette--Table Service--Use
of the Napkin--The Spoon at the Dinner
Table--The Fork and Knife--Finger
Foods--Table Accidents--The Hostess--When
the Guests Arrive--The Successful
Hostess--The Guest--Comments on Food--Second
Helpings--The Menu--Special Entertainment--When
to Leave--Taking Leave--Inviting
a Stop-Gap--Simple Dinners--Inviting
Congenial Guests--When There are
no Servants--Hotel Dinners--Dress for
Dinner.
III. LUNCHEONS 48
Purpose of the Luncheon--Informal Luncheons--About
the Table--The Formal Luncheon--The
Table for the Formal Luncheon--Hostess
and Guest--Formal and Informal
Breakfasts--Dress for Luncheons and Breakfasts.
IV. TEAS AND OTHER ENTERTAINMENTS 56
Evolution of the Afternoon Tea--The
Simpler Tea--The Formal Tea--The Tea-Table--Dress
at Tea Time--The Garden
Party--Receiving the Guests--On the Lawn--Dress
for Garden Parties and Lawn
Festivals--Woman's Garden Costume--The
Man at the Garden Party--House Parties--Sending
the Invitation--When the Guests
Arrive--Entertaining at the House Party--Hostess
and Guests at the House Party--"Tipping"
the Servants.
V. WHEN THE BACHELOR ENTERTAINS 76
When the Bachelor is Host--Welcoming the
Guests--The Bachelor's Dinner--Tea at a
Bachelor Apartment--The Bachelor Dance--Theater
Parties--Yachting Parties.
VI. MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS 83
Preparations for the Musicale--The Afternoon
Musicale--The Evening Musicale--Card
Parties at the Musicale--Duties of
Guests at Musicales--Dress at the Musicale--Arranging
Private Theatricals--The Players--The
Guests--Host and Hostess.
VII. DANCING 91
Dancing as a Healthful Art--Dance-Giving
No Longer a Luxury--The Début Dance--Costume
Balls--Subscription Dances--The
Ballroom--Music at the Dance--Dance Programs--Dinner
Dances--Dressing Rooms--The
Dance--When the Lady is Asked to
Dance--"Cutting In"--Dancing Positions--When
the Guest Does Not Dance--Public
Dances--A Plea for Dancing--The Charm
of Dress in Dancing--At the Afternoon
Dance--Gentlemen at the Dance--Dress for
the Ball--Dress of the Débutante--Wraps
at the Ball--Ball Dress for Men--For the
Simple Country Dance.
VIII. GAMES AND SPORTS 114
Why the World Plays--Fair Play--Indoor
Games--Chess--Bridge--Billiards and
Croquet--Outdoor Games--Lawn Tennis--Golf--Some
Important Rules about Golf--Football--Automobile
Etiquette--Automobile
Parties--Riding--Bathing--Sports--Clothes
in General.
PART IV
I. SPEECH 135
Conversation--The Charm of Correct
Speech--Courtesy in Conversation--The
Voice--Ease in Speech--Local Phrases and
Mannerisms--Importance of Vocabulary--Interrupting
the Speech of Others--Tact in
Conversation--Some Important Information--What
to Talk About.
II. DRESS 147
The First Impression--Men's Dress--Women's
Dress--The Story of Dress--The
Dawn of Fashion--The Fashions of To-day--Harmony
in Dress--Importance of Color--The
Charm of Personality--Gaudiness
versus Good Taste--"Extravagance the
Greatest Vulgarity"--Inappropriateness in
Clothes--The Eccentric Dresser--Comfort in
Clothes--If One is Not Average--Tall and
Short People--The Well-Dressed Woman--Not
a Slave to Fashion--The Well-Dressed
Man--The Charm of Old Age--The Elderly
Woman--Imitation and Over-Dressing--The
Older Gentleman--A Trip to the South--For
the Gentleman.
III. THE BUSINESS WOMAN 177
Woman in the Business World--Self-Confidence--The
Slattern--Following the Fashions--Gaudy
Attraction--The Business Suit--The
Business Dress and Coat--An Appeal
to Business Women.
IV. ON THE STREET 185
The True Etiquette--Poise in Public--The
Charm of Courtesy--Ladies and Gentlemen--When
to Bow in Public--Walking in Public--Stopping
for a Chat--When Accidents
Happen--Accepting Courtesies from Strangers--Raising
the Hat--How to Raise the
Hat--In the Street Car--Entering the Car--In
the Taxicab--Some Social Errors.
V. AT THE THEATER AND THE OPERA 201
Dress at the Theater and Opera--Entering
the Theater--Arriving Late--About Wraps--Order
of Precedence--Before the Play--When
the Curtain is Drawn--During the
Performance--The Offending Hat--Applause--During
Intermission--Leaving the
Theater.
VI. HOTEL ETIQUETTE 210
At the Hotel--The Woman Guest--Receiving
Masculine Guests--Making Friends at
the Hotel--How to Register--In the Public
Dining-Room--Hotel Stationery--Regarding
the Servants--Leaving the Hotel.
VII. TRAVEL ETIQUETTE 219
The Restless Urge of Travel--The Customs
of Countries--The Traveler's Wardrobe--In
the Train--In the Sleeping Car--Train
Courtesy--The Woman Traveler--The
Woman who Travels with an Escort--In the
Dining-Car--Children on the Train--In the
Taxicab--Bon Voyage Gifts--On Board the
Ship--Courtesy of the Ship--The Woman
Crossing the Ocean--A Concert at Sea--At
the Journey's End--At Hotel and Restaurant--At
Tea-Room and Roof-Garden--To
Those Who Love to Travel.
VIII. TIPPING 237
An Un-American Custom--Lavish Tipping--In
Dining-Room or Dining-Car--At the
Hotel--The Taxi-Driver--On the Train--Crossing
the Ocean--Tips in Foreign Countries.
IX. ETIQUETTE ABROAD 244
The American in Foreign Countries--On
English Soil--Addressing Royalty--Other
English Titles--And Still Other Titles--Addressing
Clergy Abroad--Lawyers, Statesmen
and Officials--How to Address Them--At
the Court of England--What to Wear to
Court--The King's Levees--In France--Addressing
Titled People in France--Certain
French Conventions--Dinner Etiquette--French
Wedding Etiquette--Balls--About
Calls and Cards--Correspondence--The
American in Germany--The Perfect American
Tourist.
APPENDIX 265
Foreign Words in Frequent Social Usage.
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
READY FOR TEA _Frontispiece_
PAGE
TABLE SET FOR DINNER 32
THE PUNCH TABLE 112
THE BUFFET LUNCH 208
PART III
_Repose and cheerfulness are the badge of the gentleman,--repose in
energy. The Greek battle pieces are calm; the heroes, in whatever
violent actions engaged, retain a serene aspect; as we say of Niagara,
that it falls without speed. A cheerful, intelligent face is the end of
culture, and success enough. For it indicates the purpose of nature and
wisdom attained._
_--Emerson._
BOOK OF ETIQUETTE
CHAPTER I
SERVANTS
THE SERVANT IN THE HOUSEHOLD
"A mouse can look at a king, but a king won't often look at a mouse"
says the old proverb. Which is, sadly enough, the state of affairs
between servants and mistresses in many households.
A great many people feel somehow that those who labor in the capacity of
servants are inferior. But in most cases, it is those who place servants
on a lower plane who are themselves inferior. We owe those who take a
part in the household affairs of our homes, more than the wages we pay
them. We owe them gratitude, courtesy, kindness. Many elaborate dinners
would be failures if it were not for the silent members of our
households. Many formal entertainments would be impossible without their
help. They hold a certain place of importance in the home--and it should
be recognized in the social world as a place worthy of every courtesy
and respect.
For those who are fortunate enough to have servants to help with
domestic tasks, it is extremely important that the correct etiquette of
servants be thoroughly known and understood. And those who serve as
butlers and maids and valets must also know the little rules of good
conduct that govern their duties and responsibilities. The information
contained in the following paragraphs is meant for both the servant and
the mistress, and we hope that both will find it valuable.
A WORD TO THE MISTRESS
In the home where guests are frequently entertained and where the
hostess holds many formal social functions, servants are essential.
Every family that can afford to do so, should have one, or two, or more
servants according to social requirements and the appointments of the
house. They should be well instructed in their duties and they should be
expected to carry them out faultlessly. Untidy, noisy, ill-trained
servants reflect upon the manners and conduct of the mistress herself.
The most common method of engaging a servant is through an agency. Here
different types of men and women can be found, and the mistress of the
household may be fortunate enough to find one suited to her
requirements. Sometimes she secures a maid or butler by the
recommendation of some other housekeeper. This method is usually more
satisfactory than any other because it puts things on a rather friendly
basis from the start.
But whether the maid or butler be engaged by recommendation or through
an agency, it is important that it be clearly understood from the
beginning just what his or her duties will be. And the mistress should
not engage a servant unless she feels sure that he will be able to fill
the position satisfactorily, for it is both an expensive and provoking
process to change servants frequently.
The first few days in a new home are always difficult for the servant.
The mistress should be patient and considerate and do all she can to
make the newcomer feel at ease in her new surroundings. Her directions
should be requests, not commands, and she should overlook blunders for
they may be the result of the servant's unfamiliarity with the household
and its customs.
After the servant has been in the household three weeks or a month, the
mistress has every right to expect him to carry out his duties
correctly. But we are all human, and we all make mistakes. When a
servant blunders through carelessness a reprimand may be necessary, but
to scold in loud, angry tones is most ill-mannered. The well-bred woman
will never forget that there is as much demand for courtesy and
kindliness in her relations with her servants as in any other relation
in which she is placed. There is absolutely no reason why "please" and
"thank you" should be omitted when we speak to the people who live in
our homes and labor for our comfort and happiness.
A WORD TO THE SERVANT
Among real Americans, with their democratic views, there can be no
objection to the word "servant." It is a noun, a name, to denote people
in a certain occupation; just as "brokers" and "salesmen" and
"housewives" denote certain people in other occupations. Therefore the
servants who read these sentences, and the women who have servants in
their households, should interpret the word in the spirit it is
written--that of true American courtesy and respect.
Domestic service requires a certain character lacking in most other
professions. As a servant, you care for the things of others and it
should be done with as much attention and regard as if they were your
own. You attend to your duties day after day, persisting in work which
may sometimes become monotonous and which would be easy enough to shirk,
but which you do for the comfort and pleasure of your mistress. You find
yourself in the position of keeping other people's property attractive,
putting other people's visitors at ease and being economical with other
people's money. And we repeat again that it requires a certain high
stamp of character that is not found in most professions.
Tidiness is very important in both men and women servants. The maid who
serves at the dinner table must wear a fresh new blouse and a crisp
apron. Soiled finger-nails or unclean hands are inexcusable. The
well-trained servant presents always an immaculate, well-groomed
appearance.
It hardly seems necessary to mention that the servant must be
scrupulously honest. Perhaps, in their capacity in the home, they are
exposed to unusual temptations--but that is just the reason why they
should refrain from dishonesty of any kind, even the slightest lie.
Gossip about the family life of the people they are serving should also
be avoided by servants.
The servant should remember that whether she be maid or mistress, she
can be _cultured_. The well-bred, well-trained maid is never sullen or
perverse. Nor is her manner servile or haughty. She is respectful to her
employers, but she does not cringe. She does her duties carefully,
conscientiously and thoroughly, and she carries out the commands of her
mistress without question. If, however, a maid thinks that a certain
task could be done much more quickly and satisfactorily in another way,
she may suggest it to her mistress and request her permission to do it
in that way. If she is reprimanded for a mistake, she should not become
rude or angry, but remain calm and answer quietly. It will not be long
before her mistress, if she is the right sort of mistress, recognizes
her superior qualities, her good manners and conscientious work, and
will respond by treating her in like manner.
Undue familiarity from the maid is not to be countenanced. But many
times a certain understanding friendliness develops between a faithful
maid and a kind and courteous mistress--a friendship in which rigid
class distinctions are not sufficient to form a barrier.
Let those of us who are servants remember that it is only in helping
others that true happiness is found, and that the world is quick to
recognize and reward true, loyal, sincere service.
HOW TO ADDRESS SERVANTS
Household servants are usually addressed by their first names. It is
indeed bad form to address a servant by some abbreviated nickname, such
as Lizzy for Elizabeth or Maggie for Margaret. The full first name
should be used. A pleasant "Good morning, Margaret," starts the day
right, both for the mistress and the maid. In England the surname is
preferred but they do not have to contend with all the foreign
importations in the way of names that we have here in America. It is
certainly better to call John Soennichsen John, than to use his surname.
A butler or chauffeur is usually addressed by his surname unless he is a
man who has served the family for many years.
The golden rule of "Thank you" is just as golden when it applies to our
servants. It is only the extremely discourteous man or woman who will
address servants in a peremptory, rude tone. And it is especially
ill-bred and unkind to be overbearing to servants in the presence of
guests, or to scold one servant in the presence of another.
THE CHILD AND THE SERVANT
Insolence to servants on the part of children is as much a reflection on
the manners of the parents, as it is upon the breeding of the children.
The child that hears the servants addressed in rude, haughty manner will
quite naturally adopt the same manner towards them. And no one, child or
adult, can be considered well-bred unless he or she is courteous and
kind to everyone, especially to those whose social position is inferior.
In the park, recently, a little tot of six years or thereabouts had a
bag of peanuts which she offered to two little playmates and also to
their mother who was sitting near by. Seeing that she did not offer her
governess some peanuts, the woman inquired, "Why don't you offer Miss
Taylor some?" To which the youngster immediately replied, "Oh, she's
only my governess."
This is the result of wrong principle in the home. No child is born a
snob. No child is born haughty and arrogant. It is the home environment
and the precedent of the parents that makes such vain, unkind little
children as the one mentioned above. It is actually unfair to the young
children in the home to set the wrong example by being discourteous to
the servants. They will only have to fight, later, to conquer the petty
snobbishness that stands between them and their entrance into good
society.
THE INVISIBLE BARRIER
In the sixteenth century French women servants were arrested and placed
in prison for wearing clothes similar to those worn by their
"superiors." It developed that they had made the garments themselves,
copying them from the original models, sometimes sitting up all night to
finish the garment. But the court ruled that it made no difference
whether they had made them themselves or not; they had worn clothes like
their mistresses', and they must be punished! We very much wiser people
of the twentieth century smile when we read of these ridiculous edicts
of a long-ago court--but we placidly continue to condemn the shop-girl
and the working-girl if she dares to imitate Parisienne importations.
It is very often the same in the household. We ridicule the "class
systems" of other countries, yet we deliberately build up a barrier
between ourselves and those who work for us. Perhaps there must be some
such barrier to keep the social equilibrium; but is there any reason why
it should be unkind and discourteous?
The mistress should not, of course, confide in her servants, gossip with
them, discuss her affairs with them, enter their quarrels and take sides
with them. But she can be cheerful, polite, considerate; and invariably
she will find that this kind of treatment will bring an immediate
response--even from the most sullen servant.
WHEN THE SERVANT SPEAKS
In answering the mistress or master of the household, it is customary
for the servant to say, "Yes, madam," or, "Yes, sir." Old servants, who
have been for many years in the employ of the same people, may omit the
"madam" and use the name, in this manner,--"Yes, Mrs. Brown." Such
slovenly expressions as "No'm" or "Yessir" show lack of good training
on the part of the servant, and poor judgment on the part of the
mistress.
Brevity and civility are the two most important virtues of the speech of
the man or maid servant who answers inquiries at the door, admits guests
and takes messages. In the latter case, when a servant takes a message
for one of the members of the household, a polite "Thank you, madam" is
essential. If there is a doubt as to whether or not the hostess is at
home, the well-trained servant admits the visitor, asks her to have a
seat, and says, "I will inquire." He returns to say either that Madam is
not at home, or that she will be down directly.
When announcing guests, the butler should ask, "What name, please?" not
in the indifferent, sing-song manner so characteristic of butlers, but
in a cordial, polite tone of voice, and with a genial smile. Having been
given the names of the visitors, he announces them in clear, distinct
tones. These announcements are made while the guests are entering the
drawing-room. A mother and two daughters are announced as: "Mrs. Smith,
the Misses Smith." If the given names of the young ladies are called,
the form of announcement is: "Mrs. Smith, Miss Smith, Miss Alice Smith,"
the eldest daughter of a family being given the privilege to use the
title "Miss Smith." In announcing a gentleman and his son, the butler
says: "Mr. Blank, Mr. Francis Blank."
THE SERVANTS OF A BIG HOUSE
The small household must choose servants according to convenience and
requirements. Where there are three or four grown-up daughters and the
home is a small one, one maid and one butler are sufficient. But in a
very large house with numerous rooms, where many social functions are
held and many house parties are given by the hostess a full corps of
servants is required. Each one should have certain, definite tasks to
perform every day.
In the luxurious American home, seven servants are usually employed.
They are a butler, a chauffeur, a parlor maid, a cook, a laundress, a
nurse-maid and a chamber-maid. A lady's maid and a valet are sometimes
added. A footman, laundry-maid and scullery-maid are also added,
sometimes, to the corps of servants. But this list may be increased or
diminished according to the requirements of the individual family. For
instance, a second-man may be placed under the direction of the butler;
a gardener and his assistants may be charged with the care of the
environs; while grooms may be employed to care for the horses in the
stables. But usually these additional servants are the luxuries of the
extremely wealthy and should not be indulged in by those who cannot
afford them.
In the home where there are several men servants and several women
servants, it is the best plan for the wife to supervise the duties and
responsibilities of the women, leaving the men to be directed by her
husband. It is important, though, for the mistress of the house not to
give counter commands to servants who are under her husband's
supervision, for this may cause a friction that is not conducive to the
best service on the part of the help.
THE BUTLER
The duties of the butler confine him to the drawing-room and
dining-room. The dining-room, however, is his particular domain; he
sees that everything is in order, that the table is laid correctly, the
lighting effect satisfactory, the flowers arranged, and in short that
the room and appointments are in perfect readiness for a punctual meal.
In this work a parlor maid assists him by sweeping and dusting, and a
pantry-maid helps him by keeping everything immaculate and in readiness
in the pantry.
The butler serves at breakfast, luncheon and dinner. Where there is a
second-man, he may assist the butler with the serving at dinner; and at
large entertainments the maid who assists in the pantry may also be
requested to serve. The butler also is in charge of the afternoon-tea
duties, in homes where this custom prevails. He brings in the tray,
arranges it for the hostess and sees that everyone is served.
Where there are only a few servants, the butler may be expected to help
with the dishes, polish the silver and assist in the pantry. But if
there are maid servants, and a second-man to do the heavier work, then
he is expected to serve in a small measure as the valet for the master
of the house. He lays out his evening clothes, brushes and presses the
garments worn in the morning, and draws his bath. Sometimes, when his
domestic duties are very light, the butler is requested to serve as
footman to the mistress when she goes riding in the afternoon.
An important duty of the butler is to answer the door bell whenever it
rings. He must see that the front door and the hall is in order and
well-swept, and that the drawing-room door is locked every night after
the family has retired. A great deal of the comfort and pleasure of the
family depends upon the manner in which the butler attends to his
duties.
CORRECT DRESS FOR THE BUTLER
Neatness of attire is extremely important. The butler should be
clean-shaven, and he should not fail to be fresh-shaven every day. His
hair should not be closely cropped, but cut loosely, and it should be
well-brushed at all times. Well-kept nails are, of course, very
important not only for the butler but for anyone who serves at the table
or has anything to do with the food.
As nearly as possible, the butler's costume should parallel the
following description, but each passing season finds some minor detail
slightly changed, and each new season finds a slight variation from the
costume of the season before. So the best thing to do is to find out
definitely from a reliable clothier or from the men's furnishing
department of a large department store, just what the butler's costume
of the present time consists of.
Ordinarily, the butler wears white linen in the morning, with black or
dark gray trousers, a black waistcoast that buttons high, and a
swallow-tail coat. It is also permissible for him to wear a short
roundtail coat in the morning hours; it is similar to the gentleman's
tailless evening coat, but it is not faced with silk. A black or dark
tie and black shoes complete the outfit, which is worn until after the
midday meal.
If guests are to be entertained at luncheon, the butler wears his
afternoon and evening livery. Otherwise he dons it only after luncheon
or about three o'clock in the afternoon. It consists of complete black
evening dress similar in cut and style to that worn by gentlemen. There
are no braidings or facings, though the material of the suit may be
every whit as excellent in quality as that worn by the master of the
house. The butler does not wear a white waistcoat, a watch chain, or
jeweled studs with his afternoon or evening livery. Nor may he wear a
_boutonnière_ or an assertive tie or patent leather shoes. And it is
extremely bad taste for him to use perfume of any kind. He wears white
linen with plain white studs in the shirt front, a standing collar,
white lawn tie and plain black shoes. His watch is slipped into his
waistcoast pocket without chain or fob.
White gloves are no longer the custom for men servants in the private
home.
When acting as footman to his mistress in the afternoon, the butler
wears the livery described for the second man. In cold weather he is
supplied with a long footman's coat; and he is also supplied with a top
hat and gloves, all matching in color and style those worn by the
chauffeur.
THE SECOND MAN
The second man may be employed exclusively for the house, or he may be
employed solely to serve as footman, sitting next to the chauffeur when
the mistress is motoring. In the latter case he wears the regular livery
matching that worn by the chauffeur. But usually a second man is
expected to help in the house besides serving as footman.
He assists the butler by answering the door bell whenever the other is
busy or occupied elsewhere. He washes dishes and windows and polishes
the silver. He tends to the open fireplace in winter, and to the
arranging of the flowers in the summer. The veranda, front steps and
courtyard are also in his care. And when there are guests for dinner,
or at a large entertainment, he helps serve at the table.
The livery of the second man is the same indoors all day; he does not
change for the evening. It consists of coat and trousers of one solid
color determined by the heads of the house. It is usually a very dark
green, brown, gray or blue, and the outside edge of the trouser leg is
piped in some contrasting color. The coat is usually swallow-tail in
cut, and is ornamented with brass or silver buttons on the tails, on the
cuffs and down the front. Lately this vogue of the brass and silver
button is disappearing.
The color worn by the second man should be the predominating color worn
by all the other liveried servants in the household. It is certainly not
good form to have the chauffeur wear one color of livery, and the
footman next to him wear livery of an entirely different color and cut.
With his livery described above, the second man wears a waistcoat of
Valencia, striped in the two colors that appear on the coat and
trousers. It is usually cut V shape, disclosing white linen in which are
fastened two plain white studs, a standing collar, and a white lawn tie.
When he serves as footman, the second man may either be requested to don
complete car livery, or he may wear a long footman's overcoat, top hat
and gloves over his house livery.
A clean shaven face and well-brushed, close-clipped hair are pleasing
characteristics of the second man. Untidiness, ill-kept hands and nails,
and the use of jewelry or perfume should not be tolerated in the second
man, whether he serves only as footman, or in the house. When he helps
the butler at the dinner table, he should be especially immaculate in
appearance.
THE CHAUFFEUR
The gallant coachman of a decade ago has given way to the chauffeur of
to-day. But we find that his livery is no less important--it is governed
by a very definite convention.
In winter, for instance, the chauffeur wears long trousers of melton or
kersey or similar material and a double-breasted greatcoat of the same
material. The collar and cuffs may be of a contrasting color or of the
same color as the rest of the material. He wears a flat cap with a stiff
visor and a band of the same contrasting color that appears on the
collar and cuffs of the coat. Dark gloves and shoes are worn. Sometimes,
instead of long trousers, the chauffeur wears knee-trousers with leather
leggings. If desired, a double row of brass, silver or polished horn
buttons may decorate the front of the greatcoat, but this must be
determined by the prevailing custom. If the weather is extremely cold,
the chauffeur should be provided with a long coat of goat or wolf-skin,
or some other suitable protection against the cold and wind.
During the summer months, the chauffeur usually wears gray or brown
cords, developed in the conventional style. His cap and gloves match.
DUTIES OF THE CHAUFFEUR
The complete care of the car or cars devolves upon the chauffeur. He
must see that it is always spotless and shining, that it is in good
condition and will not break down during a trip, and that it is in
readiness whenever the owners want to use it.
When the mistress goes motoring, the chauffeur stands at the door of
the car until she enters, arranges the robes and sees that she is
comfortable before taking his own place. Upon receiving her orders, he
touches the rim of his cap. It is not necessary, however, upon reaching
the destination for the chauffeur to descend and open the door for his
mistress. His place is at the wheel and that is where he remains. But if
there is a second man to assist the chauffeur, who accompanies him on
every trip as a motor footman, he should descend and stand at attention
while the mistress emerges from the car.
The footman dresses like the chauffeur. He leaves cards when the
mistress makes her social calls, and he rings house bells for her. He is
also expected to be useful in performing personal service for the
masculine members of the household.
Very often it happens that a tourist, instead of hiring a car and
chauffeur when he reaches a strange country, desires to take his own car
and chauffeur with him. He must be sure to arrange beforehand to have
the man admitted to the foreign country, for negligence may cause him
much delay and trouble when he reaches the border-line. He must also
arrange for the sleeping and eating facilities of his chauffeur when
they stop for a day or two in a town or village. It is not right to
expect him to eat with the servants, nor will he wish to eat at the same
table with his employer. It is wisest to give him an allowance and
permit him to eat and sleep where he pleases.
THE VALET
The business of the valet is to attend to all the comforts and desires
of the master of the house. He takes no part in the general housework,
except in an emergency.
The valet does not wear livery. Indoors, in the evening and during the
day, he wears dark gray or black trousers, white linen, a high-buttoned
black waistcoat and a plain black swallow-tailed coat or one cut with
short rounded tails. He wears a dark tie and dull leather shoes. He may
also wear an inconspicuous pin in his tie and simple cuff-links; but a
display of jewelry is not permissible.
It may happen that a butler is ill or called away, or that there is a
shortage of servants during a large entertainment. In this case the
valet may be called upon to serve as a butler, and he then wears
complete butler's dress, with the long-tailed coat. When traveling with
his employer, the valet wears an inconspicuous morning suit of dark
gray, brown or blue tweed in the conventional style. He completes this
outfit with a black or brown derby hat and black leather shoes.
The duties of the valet are as follows: he brushes, presses, cleans,
packs or lays out the clothes of his employer, draws the water for his
bath, and assists him to dress. He keeps his wardrobe in order and packs
and unpacks his trunks whenever he is traveling. He does all his
errands, buys his railway and steamship tickets, pays his bills, and
carries his hand-luggage when they are traveling together. Sometimes he
shaves him, orders his clothes, and writes his business letters. But
these duties are expected only of accomplished valets. He does not,
however, make the bed or sweep or dust his employer's room.
THE PAGE
The page is a very convenient servant to have when there is no
second-man or when there are no men-servants at all. His duties are many
and varied. He runs errands for everyone in the house, assists the
parlor-maid, looks after the open fire places and opens the door to
callers. Sometimes he even serves as a sort of miniature footman,
sitting next to the chauffeur in complete footman livery.
The livery for the page boy is the same during the day and evening. It
is a simple, neat coat and trousers of dark cloth piped with the
contrasting livery color of the family in which he serves. The coat fits
the body snugly, and ends at the waistline except for a slight point at
back and front. Metal buttons set as closely together as possible fasten
the coat from top to bottom. The trousers are piped or braided in the
contrasting color down the outside of the leg. White linen should show
at the wrists and above the high collar of the coat, but there should be
no tie. Black calf skin shoes complete the outfit, and when the page is
out of doors, he wears a round cap to match his suit.
The bullet-shaped metal buttons down the front of the coat, and three of
the same buttons sewed on the outside seam of the cuffs, have earned for
the page the rather appropriate name of "Buttons."
THE MAID-SERVANTS
Whether there is only one maid-servant in the house, or many, their
duties should be clearly defined and understood. It is the only way to
avoid quarreling and misunderstanding among the servants themselves. Let
each one understand from the very first day he begins work just what his
duties are. In this case as in many another an ounce of prevention is
worth a pound of cure. If there are quarrels among the servants the
mistress should not interfere nor take sides. If possible she should
remove the cause of the friction, and for a serious fault she should
discharge the one that is causing the disturbance.
The services of the waitress are confined to the drawing-room floor. She
serves breakfast, luncheon and dinner, and afternoon tea where it is the
custom. This is assuming, however, that there is no butler in the home.
In this case she attends to all the other duties that would ordinarily
fall upon him. She answers the door-bell, polishes the silver, helps
with the washing of the dishes and sees that the table is correctly laid
for each meal.
The parlor maid is a luxury enjoyed only by families of great wealth.
She is expected to devote her time and attention wholly to the
drawing-room and dining-room, assisting the waitress in the pantry and
keeping the library and drawing-room in order. But in the average
comfortable home of America there are usually only two maids, a
housemaid and a waitress (with perhaps the additional services of a
cook) and these two maids have the care of the dining, living and
bedrooms divided between them.
The dress of the house-maids is very much alike. The waitress, or parlor
maid, wears a plain, light-colored dress in the morning with a rather
large apron, and a small white cap. The chambermaid's costume is very
much the same. In the afternoon the parlor maid or waitress changes to a
black serge dress in winter, or a black poplin in summer, with white
linen cuffs and collars and a small white apron.[A] (See footnote.)
[A] The costumes for maid-servants change frequently, only in
slight details, but enough to warrant specific research at the time
the servant is outfitted. A large department store, or a store
devoted exclusively to the liveries of servants, will be able to
tell you exactly the correct costumes for maid-servants at the
present time. Or you may find the desired information in a current
housekeeping magazine.
The maid-servants never wear jewelry or other finery while they are on
duty. One very simple brooch, or perhaps a pair of cuff links, is
permissible; but bracelets, rings and neck ornaments are in bad taste.
Elaborate dressing of the hair should also be avoided, and careless,
untidy dressing should never be countenanced.
LADY'S MAID
The lady's maid does not take part in the general housework. Her duties
are solely to care for the wardrobe of her mistress, to assist her at
her toilette, to draw her bath, to lay out her clothes and keep her room
tidy. But she does not sweep or dust the room or make the bed--these are
the duties of the chamber-maid. If she is an accomplished maid she will
probably do a great deal of sewing, and perhaps she will massage her
mistress' hair and manicure her nails. But these duties are not to be
expected; the mistress who finds her maid is willing to do these things
for her, is indeed fortunate.
A black dress in winter, and a black skirt and waist in summer, worn
with a small, dainty white apron comprises the costume of the lady's
maid. Stiff white cuffs and collar add a touch of prim neatness which is
most desirable. At the present time, the tiny white cap formerly worn by
lady's maids has been almost entirely dispensed with.
When traveling with her mistress, the lady's maid should wear only very
simple and inconspicuous clothes. A tweed suit worn with a neat blouse,
or a tweed coat worn over a simple dress, is the best form. Anything
gaudy or elaborate worn by a lady's maid is frowned upon by polite
society.
THE NURSE-MAID
The nurse-maid should be very particular about her dress. She should
always be faultlessly attired, her hair neat and well-brushed, her
entire appearance displaying a tidy cleanliness.
In the house the nurse-maid wears a simple dress of wool or heavy
material with a white apron and white collar and cuffs. In warmer
weather she wears linen or poplin with the apron and collar and cuffs.
Outdoors, she wears a long full cloak over her house dress.
DUTIES OF HOUSE-MAID
The cook, who is always dressed spotlessly in white, does nothing
outside the kitchen unless special arrangements have been made to the
contrary. She keeps the kitchen tidy and clean, cooks the meals, helps
with the dishes and perhaps attends to the furnace.
The waitress opens and airs the living-rooms, dusts the rooms and gets
everything in readiness for breakfast. It is customary to excuse her as
soon as the principal part of the breakfast has been served, so that she
may attend to her chamber-work and be ready to come down to her
breakfast by the time the family has finished. However, before she goes
to her own breakfast, she is expected to clear the dining-room table and
take the dishes into the kitchen.
If the waitress does not help with the chamber-work, this duty falls
entirely upon the chamber-maid. She must make the beds, sweep and dust
the bedrooms, and keep them immaculate. The mistress should inspect the
chamber-work occasionally for servants must not be permitted to feel
that carelessness in details will be overlooked. And the mistress should
also take care of her own linen-closet, unless she has a very
trustworthy and competent servant; for linens should be worn alike, and
not some worn constantly and others allowed to lie forgotten in a corner
of the closet.
IN CONCLUSION
A good servant--and by "good" we mean a man or woman who goes about
duties cheerfully, is respectful and willing, who is neat, well-mannered
and well-trained--must be treated in the right manner if he or she is to
remain such. There are so many blunders the mistress can make, so many
mistakes that bring the wrong response from those who are temporarily a
part of her household.
For instance, a haughty, arrogant manner towards a servant who is
sensitive will by no means encourage that servant to do his or her best
work. And on the other hand, a servile manner towards a good servant one
is afraid of losing, encourages that servant to take liberties and
become unduly familiar.
It is as difficult to be a good mistress as it is to be a good servant.
Both duties require a keen understanding and appreciation of human
nature, a kindliness of spirit and a desire to be helpful. Both the
servant and the mistress have their trials and troubles, but they should
remember that it is only through mutual helpfulness and consideration,
an exacting attention to duties and responsibilities, a wise supervision
and a faithful service, that harmony and happiness can be reached in the
home. And both should bear in mind that this harmony and happiness is
something worth-while striving for, something worth-while being patient
and persistent for.
There is an old proverb which literally translated means, "By the
servant the master is known." It is a good proverb for both the servant
and the mistress to remember.
CHAPTER II
DINNERS
ABOUT THE AMERICAN HOSTESS
The greatest pride of the American hostess is her formal dinner. And it
is to her credit that we mention that she can hold her own against the
most aristocratic families of Europe.
There is a story told of a well-known New York society matron who gave a
formal dinner party on every occasion that warranted it, no matter how
trivial, for the reason that it gave her keen pleasure and enjoyment to
do so. At one of her dinners recently a famous world-touring lecturer
was the guest of honor--and the hostess was as happy and proud as it is
possible for a hostess to be. Especially was she proud of the delectable
menu she had ordered prepared for the occasion.
But much to her chagrin, she noticed that her distinguished guest was
not eating the tempting hot dishes--only the vegetables, and relishes
and fruits. She did not wish to appear rude, but she could not wait
until dinner was over before asking him why he was not eating. "I am a
vegetarian," he answered, "and I never indulge in meats."
The hostess-of-many-dinners had an inspiration. Here was an opportunity
to give a unique dinner--and nothing could be more delightful for her. A
week later, she sent out invitations to all her friends requesting
their presence at another formal dinner to be held in honor of the
visiting lecturer. This time it was a vegetarian dinner. Suffice to say
that it was a huge success.
Such is the hospitality of our American hostesses that they will concede
to every whim and desire of their guests. They must be pleased at all
costs. The dinner is not a success unless each guest leaves a little
happier than when he came--and incidentally a little better pleased with
the person who happens to be giving the dinner.
PLANNING THE FORMAL DINNER
First in importance, of course, is when shall the formal dinner be held?
Any evening of the week may be selected--although Sunday is rarely
chosen. The hour is usually between seven and eight o'clock. Invitations
should be mailed a week or ten days before the date set for the dinner.
The hostess may use her own judgment in deciding whether the invitations
should be engraved on cards, or hand-written on note paper. The former
is preferred for an elaborate dinner, the latter for a small one.
It must be remembered in inviting guests to dinner, that it is a breach
of etiquette to invite a wife without her husband, or the opposite. A
married couple must always be invited together. If there are other
members of the family who are desired as guests at the dinner, separate
invitations must be sent to them. A dinner card is always addressed to a
husband and wife, and individually to single persons.
For the convenience of the host, it is a point of courtesy for every
recipient of an invitation to dinner, to answer promptly. A good rule
is to decide immediately upon receiving it whether or not you will be
able to attend, and follow it with a cordial answer within the next
twenty-four hours. If you find that you must refuse, there must be a
very good reason for doing so.
In planning the dinner party, the hostess must go over her list of
friends and carefully select six or eight who would naturally be most
congenial together. The number may even be as low as four, and while
there can be no absolute limit to the number one may invite, there must
never be more than the hostess can handle easily. If the guests are
chosen carefully, with a regard for their likes and dislikes, the dinner
is bound to be a happy one.
ARRANGING THE TABLE
To set the formal dinner table correctly is an art in itself.
The appointments of the modern dinner table are a delight. Services are
of silver and china is of the finest. Both the square or round table are
appropriate, the latter being the most popular since it is easier to
make attractive. A mat of asbestos or a thickness of canton flannel is
first spread on the table. Over this comes the snowy, linen table-cover,
falling gracefully over the sides with the four points almost touching
the floor. A place is laid for each guest. The most fashionable method
is to have a large lace or embroidered doily in the center of the table,
and smaller ones indicating the position of the guests. A centerpiece of
glass, china, silver, is usually used, over the doily or without it, and
on top of this flowers. Delicate ferns are sometimes used instead of
flowers, although roses (hot-house roses when no others are obtainable)
are always the favorite at an elaborate dinner.
STARTING AT THE CENTER
When the center ornament has been adjusted, it may be used as a
mathematical base for all the rest of the table appointments.
Candlesticks, either of silver or bronze, are artistic when placed at
equal distance around the flowers. They diffuse a soft light upon the
table, and by being an incentive to the recalling of old memories, they
invoke conversation when there is danger of its lagging.
It is one of the charms of candlelight--this power to bring up pleasant
reminiscences. Between these stately guardians of the floral centerpiece
may be placed small dishes containing preserved ginger, macaroons or
bon-bons.
Salt-cellars and pepper-boxes are next located on the table, and the
places are laid for the guests. The proper number of forks is placed to
the left. The knives and spoons are placed at the right. They are placed
in the order in which they are to be used. Not more than three forks
should ever appear on the table at one time. If others are needed they
should be placed with their respective courses. A small square of bread,
or a roll, is in the center, covered with the folded napkin, and a
little to the left are the several glasses.
Care must be taken in arranging the dinner table to have both sides
balanced. There is an old maxim that says, "There must be a use for
everything" and this holds especially true of the table of good taste.
It must not be littered with useless articles, no matter how artistic or
odd, for they hamper the movements of the guests and make things
unnecessarily crowded. Butter rarely appears on the table at the formal
dinner; and condiments are brought in by the servant only as they are
needed.
SOME IMPORTANT DETAILS
Menu-cards are no longer used at the formal dinner, unless it is in
celebration of some auspicious occasion and honored guests are present.
In this case, the hostess has the menus printed or engraved in a
delicate script and has one placed beside the plate of each guest. A
favorite fashion is to have them printed in French. Sometime one of
these cards serves for two guests, although the hostess who takes a
pride in her dinners will provide each guest with one, as it serves as
an appropriate souvenir of the occasion.
The lighting effect of the dining-room is important. Instead of the
candles on the table there may be an electric cluster high above the
table, or small candle-power electric lights on the walls. These latter
produce a soft effect which is most pleasing. Glaring lights of any kind
should be avoided. Candles and electric lights should never be used in
conjunction.
There is nothing more conducive to thorough enjoyment of an evening, to
the thorough enjoyment of a menu, than when table and appointments are
perfect and artistically simple. The hostess should give as much time
and thought to the preparation and arrangement of the table, as she does
to the planning of the menu. She will find that her guests will
appreciate novel lighting effects, surprising color tones, unusual
serving innovations. And she will find that a correctly laid table will
add surprisingly to the entire success of her dinner party.
TABLE ETIQUETTE
The importance of correct table etiquette cannot be over-emphasized.
Nothing is more vulgar, than clumsy, awkward movements at the table, and
it is certainly a sign of ill-breeding deliberately to fail to act in
accordance with the rules of table etiquette. The rules of dinner
etiquette should be studied carefully and just as carefully followed, if
one wishes to be--and everyone does--a lady or a gentleman.
Perhaps the most important thing is one's bearing at table. Very often
you see a seemingly cultured gentleman in a hotel dining-room or
restaurant playing with the table silver or absent-mindedly clinking
glasses together. This may be overlooked in the restaurant, but at a
formal dinner it is essentially bad form. When the hands are not being
used, they should rest quietly in the lap--never should the elbows be
rested on the table. The chair should be neither too near nor too far
from the table; both are ungraceful and awkward.
TABLE SERVICE
The dinner napkin is from twenty to twenty-four inches across. It is
folded square unless the table is somewhat crowded, when it may be
folded diagonally (after having been folded square) so as to give more
space around the board. If the napkins are monogrammed the monogram
should be placed so as to be in plain view.
At a formal dinner the first course is on the table when the guests
enter the dining-room. It consists of oysters, a canape, a fruit
cocktail, grapefruit or something else of the same kind. Oysters on the
half-shell are served bedded in crushed ice in a soup plate. This is
placed on the service plate. A cocktail is served in a cocktail glass
which is placed on a doily-covered plate which in turn is placed on the
service plate. The silver for the first course may be on the table
beside the soup spoon or it may be served with the course.
The waiter removes the first course entirely before the soup is placed.
He stands at the left of each guest and removes the plates with his left
hand. The soup in soup plates (not in a tureen) is placed on the service
plates and when this course is over service plates as well as soup
plates are removed and the entrée is served. If the plates for it are
empty they are placed with the right hand but if the entrée is already
on them they are placed with the left. If empty plates are supplied the
waiter passes the entrée on a platter held on a folded napkin on his
left hand, using his right hand to help balance it. Each guest serves
himself.
At the conclusion of this course the plates are removed and empty warm
plates placed for the meat course. The meat should be carved before it
is brought to the table and after the waiter has served each person he
serves the vegetables. If there is only one waiter it is more convenient
to have the vegetables placed on the table in large vegetable dishes
from which each guest serves himself. After the vegetables have gone
around once they are removed but they may be passed once or twice again
before the conclusion of the meal.
The salad follows. It may be served on each plate (and this is surely
the more artistic way) or it may be served from a platter. After the
salad the table is cleared of all plates that have been in use, of salt
and pepper shakers or cellars and is crumbed before the dessert is
brought in.
Usually the dessert which is nearly always ice-cream or something else
frozen is served in individual dishes. Small cakes are passed with it.
Other desserts besides ice-cream are served in much the same way.
When the dessert has been removed, finger-bowls half filled with water
and placed on a small doily-covered plate are set before each person.
Coffee may be served at the table but it is more often served in the
drawing-room.
USE OF THE NAPKIN
What can be more unsightly than a napkin tucked carefully in the top of
one's waistcoat? And still, how often one sees it done among men who
believe that they are impressively well-bred! The proper way to use a
napkin, whether it is at a formal dinner, or in a restaurant, is to
unfold it only half, leaving the center fold as it is, and lay it across
the knees. It may be used constantly during the meal, whenever the guest
finds need for it, but it must never be completely unfolded.
When rising from the table, the napkin is placed _as it is_ on the
table. It is never folded again into its original form, as that would be
an assumption on the part of the guest that the hostess would use it
again before laundering. A reprehensible habit is to drop the napkin
carelessly into the finger-bowl, or over the coffee cup. It should be
laid _on_ the table, at the right of the finger-bowl.
THE SPOON AT THE DINNER TABLE
Spoons are used when eating grapefruit and other fruits served with
cream. Jellies, puddings, custards, porridges, preserves and boiled
eggs are always eaten with spoons. Also, of course, soup, bouillon,
coffee and tea. In the case of the three latter beverages, however, the
spoon is used only to stir them once or twice and to taste them to see
that they are of the desired temperature. It is never allowed to stand
in the cup while the beverage is being drunk. Nor is it permissible to
draw up a spoonful of soup or coffee and blow upon it; one must wait
until it is sufficiently cooled of itself. In taking soup, the correct
way to use the spoon is to dip it with an outward motion instead of
drawing it towards one. The soup is then imbibed from the side, not the
end.
THE FORK AND KNIFE
In using the fork and knife, one can display a pleasing grace, or just
the opposite--awkward clumsiness. It depends entirely upon how well one
knows and follows the correct rules. The first rule to be remembered is
that a knife is never used for any other purpose than cutting food. It
is unforgiveable to use a knife to convey food to the mouth--unforgiveable
and vulgar. The knife is held in the right hand and the fork in the
left. When the desired morsel of food is cut, the knife is laid aside
temporarily and the fork is shifted to the right hand.
The knife and fork should never be held in the same hand together, and
when not being used, one or both of the utensils should rest on the
plate. They should never be allowed to rest against the edge of the
plate with the handles on the table; when one is through with both the
knife and fork, they should be placed entirely on the plate, their tips
touching at the center, their handles resting against the edge. They
are never placed back again on the table.
The foods eaten with the fork are meats, vegetables, fish, salads,
oysters and clams, lobster, ices, frozen puddings and melons. Hearts of
lettuce and lettuce leaves are folded up with the fork and conveyed
uncut to the mouth. If the leaves are too large to be folded
conveniently, they may be cut with the blunt edge of the fork--never
with a knife.
FINGER FOODS
Various foods are eaten with the fingers instead of fork or spoon.
Bread, for instance, is never cut but always broken into small pieces
and lifted to the mouth with the fingers. Butter is seldom provided at
the formal dinner, but if it is, each little piece of bread is buttered
individually just before it is eaten. Crackers and cake are eaten in the
same way; although some cakes and pastries are eaten with the fork.
Those that can be eaten daintily with the fingers such as macaroons,
lady-fingers, cookies, etc., should be eaten so while layer cake and
elaborate pastries should be eaten with the fork.
Corn on the cob is without a doubt one of the most difficult foods to
eat gracefully. And yet it is too delicious to forego the pleasure of
eating it at all. It is entirely permissible to use the fingers in
eating corn, holding it lightly at each end; sometimes a napkin is used
in holding it. Many a foresighted hostess, when serving corn on the cob,
provides each guest with a short, keen, steel-bladed knife with which
the kernels may be cut from the cob easily. This is by far the most
satisfactory method.
[Illustration: Photo by Bradley and Merrill. Courtesy of the _Pictorial
Review_.
TABLE SET FOR DINNER
The decoration in the center of the table should never be so high as to
form an obstruction]
French artichokes are also difficult to eat. The proper way is to break
them apart, leaf by leaf, dip the tips in the sauce and lift them to the
mouth with the fingers. The heart is cut and eaten with a fork.
Lobster claws may be pulled apart with the fingers. Shrimps also, when
served whole in their shells, may be separated, peeled and eaten with
the fingers. Fruits such as oranges, apples, grapes, peaches and plums
are all eaten with the fingers. Celery, radishes and olives are
similarly eaten. Sometimes there are other relishes on the dinner table,
and the guest must use his common sense to determine whether they are
eaten with the fork or fingers. Bonbons, of course, are always eaten
with the fingers.
Whenever fruits are served the finger-bowl should follow. It is always
used at the completion of the dinner. The bowl is half filled with tepid
water and set upon a plate. A fragrant leaf may be added to the water.
The fingers are dipped lightly into the bowl, one hand at a time, and
then dried on the napkin. It is a mark of ill-breeding to splash the
water about, to put both hands into the bowl at once, or to wet the
entire palm of the hand. Only the finger tips should touch the water.
TABLE ACCIDENTS
"Accidents will happen"--at the dinner table as well as anywhere else.
The duty of the guest and the hostess both is to see that no confusion
and embarrassment follows.
If a spoon or fork or napkin is dropped, the proper thing to do is to
allow the servant to pick it up; the well-trained servant will not
return it, but place it aside and give the guest another one. If a glass
or cup is dropped and broken, embarrassed apologies will not put it
together again, but a word of sincere regret to the hostess will relieve
the awkwardness of the moment, and will be as gratifying to her as
profuse apologies. If the article broken is a valuable one, the guest
may replace it by sending, a day or two later, another one as nearly
like it as possible. A cordial note of regret may accompany it.
Sometimes a cup of coffee or a glass of water is overturned at the
table. This is, of course, a very serious and unpleasant accident, but
there is no necessity in making matters worse by fussing about it and
offering several exaggerated apologies. A simple word or two to the
hostess will suffice; but it is really quite important that one should
be careful not to let an accident of this kind happen too often,
otherwise one will soon acquire the reputation of being a clumsy boor.
There is certainly no reason to feel embarrassed when an accident occurs
at the dinner table--that is, of course, if it was not due to
carelessness. It is not the accident itself that will cause the guests
and the hostess to consider one ill-bred, but continued mention of it
and many flustered apologies. "I am sorry" or "How careless of me!" are
sufficient offers of regret--the matter should then be forgotten.
THE HOSTESS
Important indeed are the duties of the hostess, for it is upon her that
the ultimate success of the dinner depends. It is not enough to send out
the invitations, plan a delectable menu and supervise the laying of the
table. She must afford pleasant diversion and entertainment for her
guests from the minute they enter her home until they are ready to
leave. The ideal hostess is the one who can make her guests, one and
all, feel better satisfied with themselves and the world in general when
they leave her home than they did when they arrived.
WHEN THE GUESTS ARRIVE
The duty of receiving and welcoming the guests rests with the host and
hostess. They receive in the drawing-room until fifteen or twenty
minutes after the time mentioned in the invitations. Then, even if there
is still a guest or two missing, it is customary for dinner to be
served. Only on one occasion does this rule vary; if the dinner is being
held in honor of some celebrated guest, it may not be served until he
has arrived.
The hostess, in inviting her guests, should be sure that there is an
equal number of men and women. Husbands and wives should never be sent
into the dining-room together. The usual order of precedence is as
follows: The host leads with the lady who is to sit at his right; if the
dinner is in honor of a married couple, the host goes in to dinner with
the wife of the honored guest; the hostess ending the "procession" with
that lady's husband. When there are no guests of honor the host takes
the eldest lady present. Usually a lady visiting the house for the first
time is the first to enter the dining-room. If there is one more woman
than men in the party, the customary thing is for the hostess to enter
the dining-room alone after all her guests have entered it. She must
never take the other arm of the last gentleman.
The seating should be arranged by placing cards bearing the names of
each guest next to each plate if the party is a large one. This method
may be pursued if the party is small, though, in this case it is quite
possible for the hostess to indicate gracefully the place where she
wishes each guest to sit. The guests who enter the dining-room together
sit side by side; the hostess always waits until everyone is seated,
before she takes her place and motions that the dinner is to proceed.
When a guest arrives late, the hostess must endeavor to make him feel at
ease and unembarrassed. If the guest is a woman, she rises, greets her
cordially and conducts her to her place without mentioning her lateness.
If it is a man, she merely bows and smiles without rising and
immediately starts a lively discussion or interesting conversation to
draw attention away from the late arrival. In this manner he is put at
ease, and the incident is promptly forgotten.
THE SUCCESSFUL HOSTESS
The hostess must see that all her guests are comfortable and well taken
care of. She must stimulate conversation and help things along by
herself relating amusing little anecdotes or experiences. She must not
introduce any topic, however, that would in the least detail suggest
scandal or gossip.
Nothing is more delightful, at the dinner table, whether formal or
informal, than the interesting little chats between old friends and new
acquaintances. Special musical programs always please dinner guests, and
when held after dinner are usually appreciated. In selecting musical
numbers the hostess should bear in mind the personal likes and dislikes
of her guests. Music during the meal if it is soft enough not to
interfere with conversation is pleasing, though it is not essential. The
musicians should be hidden behind palms.
Happy is she, who, at the conclusion of the formal dinner, can say to
herself that everything was as it should be; that each of the guests had
an enjoyable time; that the entire dinner had been a success. And she
may claim the success of the evening as her own, for it is upon the
hostess that each phase of successful dinner-giving devolves, even when
most of the actual entertaining is done by one or more of the guests.
THE GUEST
When Gung-Yee-Far-Choy (the Chinese two-week New Year) comes, our yellow
cousins make their formal visits. It is a time of extreme convention,
and despite the seeming revelry and celebration, the strictest rules are
observed. The calls are made according to the callers' rank. One pays
visits to those superior, receiving in turn those inferior. It is
perplexing to know just how they decide which is superior and which
inferior in each case. Perhaps it is their Oriental instinct.
But the American guest does not have to determine whether he is superior
to his host and hostess--or the opposite. It is already decided for him,
by the laws of etiquette. For the guest at the formal dinner must accord
every respect and honor to his host and hostess--not in the servile
manner of the coolie towards the mandarin, of course--but in the
captivating and charming manner that bespeaks the fine lady and
gentleman.
COMMENTS ON FOOD
Men and women of cultivation rarely make comments on food except to
praise. It is better to accept a little of each course on one's place
and eat a bit of it although one does not particularly care for it, than
to refuse it entirely. A highly amusing story is related of a guest who
was invited to a formal dinner given by a prominent New York woman who
had gained a reputation for the savory qualities of the soups she
served. On this occasion she was especially proud of her Grun Yung Waa
(Bird's-Nest Soup)--and really, from all reports, it must have been
remarkably delicious. But the guest we are writing about, sniffed at the
soup disdainfully and asked, "Is this some of that new canned soup they
are advertising?" The hostess blushed--as any conscientious hostess
would--and the next time she issued invitations for dinner, she somehow
forgot to include the guest who read the advertisements so diligently.
SECOND HELPINGS
A guest at a formal dinner should never ask for a second helping of any
dish. This holds equally true for an elaborate luncheon. However, the
host or hostess may offer to provide a second helping to any one of the
guests who has disposed of his first helping. In this case, the guest
may acknowledge it with a smile, or if his appetite is entirely
satisfied, he may refuse it with a polite word of thanks.
To insist, on the part of the host, after the guest has refused a second
helping, is overdoing the bounds of hospitality, and perilously borders
on the verge of incivility.
THE MENU
The hostess must be careful not to apologize profusely for things which
are not as she would like to have them; it is better form completely to
ignore the fact that the salad is not crisp enough or that the entrée is
too highly seasoned. The entire time spent at table should be no more
than an hour and a half. An hour is usually sufficient if the courses
are served with expedition. But there must be no semblance of haste.
Good cook books are full of suggestions for delectable menus and for the
order of service. The butler or maid takes complete charge and it is
better to have a less elaborate dinner than to have so many courses that
he or she cannot manage without haste, noise, or confusion. The order of
service depends upon the number of courses. The cook book will help
here, also. Generally speaking, oysters on the half shell buried in ice,
a cocktail, or a fruit cup constitutes the first course. This is
followed by soup, game or fish, a salad, the roast and vegetables,
dessert and coffee.
In presenting the first course the lady at the right of the host is
served first. After that the order is varied so that the same person
will not be served last every time. The butler serves dishes from the
left and removes them from the right. No plates for any course are
removed until everyone has finished. It is not necessary to wait until
everyone is served to begin eating but it is most vulgar to show undue
haste.
It is the duty of the butler to keep the glasses filled with water and
to see that nuts, bonbons, etc., are passed frequently.
When fruit is served, the butler places a glass dessert-plate on which
is an embroidered doily and finger-bowl, before each guest, and next to
it a small fruit knife. Then the fruits are offered to each guest; and
when the hostess is quite sure that everyone has finished, she makes the
sign for retiring. The usual manner of doing this, is to catch the eye
of the lady who is the partner of her husband for the evening, nod and
smile to her, and they both rise together, followed immediately by the
other women guests. They adjourn to the drawing-room, where coffee is
served and light conversation ensues until the men join them. The
latter, in the meanwhile, remain in the dining-room to smoke their
cigars and drink their coffee. Usually they will leave their original
seats and move up to the end of the table, gathering around the host,
whose duty it now is to entertain them and to keep pleasant conversation
going. Fifteen minutes is an ample time for the gentlemen to smoke and
chat by themselves. Then they are expected to join the ladies in the
drawing-room.
SPECIAL ENTERTAINMENT
Some hostesses like to provide special entertainment for their
guests--professional dancers, elocutionists, or singers. But here
"circumstances must alter cases." As a matter of fact, not very much
entertainment is really required, for if the guests are congenial, they
will no doubt enjoy conversation among themselves. It is, of course, not
necessary to limit one's conversation to the lady or gentleman with whom
one's lot has been cast for the evening. However, special attention
should be paid to that person.
WHEN TO LEAVE
It is only an extremely rude and discourteous guest who will leave
immediately upon the conclusion of the dinner. The correct thing to do,
when invited to a dinner that begins at eight o'clock is to order one's
car to appear at the door at ten-thirty. In most cases, however, when
the guests are brilliant and pleasant, and when conversation holds one
in spite of the desire to leave, it is customary to remain until eleven
o'clock when the party will, no doubt, break up entirely.
In these days of gay festivities and continual hospitalities, it is not
unusual for a popular guest to be invited to two receptions in one
evening. Even this urgent responsibility, however, does not warrant the
guest's hurrying away while the dinner is still serving--though it may
be the last stages. The courteous way is to wait until all the guests
have adjourned to the drawing-room, remain fifteen or twenty minutes
conversing with one's partner or other guests, and then with a fitting
apology and brief explanation, order one's car. If this is followed, the
hostess cannot feel any dissatisfaction or resentment; but the guest who
insists on rushing away, shows ill-breeding and inconsideration.
TAKING LEAVE
The lady, whether she be wife, sister or fiancée, is the first to
express a desire to depart. When she does, she and the gentleman will
seek out the host and hostess, thank them cordially for their
hospitality, and take their leave. Here are some accepted forms that
may be used with variations according to the guest's own personality:
"Good-night, Mrs. Carr. I must thank you for a perfectly delightful
evening."
To which the hostess will no doubt answer something to this effect:
"We were glad to have you, I'm sure, Mrs. Roberts."
Here is another manner in which to extend one's thanks, and how to
accept them:
"Sorry we must start so soon, Mrs. Carr. Thank you so much for your
kindness."
"Good-night, Mrs. Roberts. I hope to see you soon again."
It is also very important to bid one's partner for the evening a cordial
good-night. In fact, it is a flagrant breach to leave without having
thanked one's partner--and a gentleman will never do it. A word or two
is all that is necessary.
The hostess, in taking leave of her guests, will gratefully acknowledge
their thanks and say a word or two expressing her pleasure at their
presence. It is not civil or courteous on the part of either host or
hostess to attempt to prolong the presence of any guest after he has
made it known that he wishes to depart.
INVITING A STOP-GAP
If the hostess finds, almost at the last moment, that one of her guests
is unavoidably detained and will not be able to attend the dinner, she
may call upon a friend to take the vacant place. The friend thus invited
should not feel that he or she is playing "second-fiddle" and the fact
that she was not invited at first should not tempt her to refuse the
invitation which would be a serious discourtesy, indeed. Quite on the
contrary, she should accept cordially, and then do her utmost to make
her (or his, as the case may be) presence at the dinner amiable and
pleasant.
The invitation is usually in the form of a hand-written note, explaining
the reason for its last-minute arrival, and frankly requesting the
presence of the lady or gentleman in the place of the one who cannot
appear. The answer should be brief but sincere; there must be no hint in
it that the recipient is not altogether pleased with the invitation and
with the idea of dining in someone's else place. To refuse an invitation
to serve as a stop-gap, without an acceptable reason for doing so is an
inexcusable violation of the rules of good breeding.
Of course, it is not always agreeable to the hostess to call on one of
her friends to attend her dinner in the place of someone else; but it is
certainly a better plan than to leave the guest out entirely, and have
one more lady than gentleman, or _vice versa_. If the note is cordial
and frankly sincere, a good friend will not feel any unreasonable
resentment, but will, in fact, be pleased to serve.
SIMPLE DINNERS
The simple dinner, perfectly achieved, is as admirable a feat as the
elaborate dinner, perfectly achieved. The hostess who has attained the
art of giving perfect dinners, though they are small, may well be proud
of her attainment.
If the cook knows how to cook; if the maid is well-trained, and
correctly attired in white cap and apron and black dress; if the table
is laid according to the rules of dinner etiquette; if the welcome is
cordial and the company congenial--the simple dinner may rank with the
most extravagant and elaborate formal dinner. The cover may contain
fewer pieces and the menu may contain fewer courses, the setting may be
less fashionable, though not less harmonious, and still the dinner may
be extremely tempting and enjoyable.
INVITING CONGENIAL GUESTS
Perhaps it is more important to select the guests wisely at a small
informal dinner than it is at a formal one. As there are usually only
four or six guests, they will undoubtedly become well acquainted by the
time the dinner is over, and in order to have agreeable conversation it
is necessary that they be congenial.
In a week or two, one generally forgets just what food was eaten at a
certain dinner--but if the guests were all amiable and pleasing, the
memory of conversation with them will linger and be constantly
associated with the hostess and her home. Many a hostess would be
happier (and her guests, too) if less time were paid to the planning of
a menu, and more time spent in choosing guests who will be happy
together.
WHEN THERE ARE NO SERVANTS
There is no reason why lack of servants should prevent one from
entertaining friends and extending one's hospitality. The ideal hostess
is not the one who tries to outdo her neighbor--who attempts, even
though it is beyond her means, to give elaborate dinners that vie
favorably with those given by her neighbors. The simplest dinner has
possibilities of being a huge success, if it is given in the spirit of
true cordiality.
For instance, a dinner which the writer attended recently was given by a
young woman who did not have any servants. There were six guests who all
had mutual interests and with very little help from the hostess they
were not long in finding them.
The table was laid for eight. A silver bowl containing delicate ferns
graced the center. The lights were shaded to a soft radiance. The entire
dining-room had an atmosphere of quiet and restfulness about it. Each
guest found, upon taking his place for dinner, a tall fruit glass at his
cover, containing crushed grapefruit and cherries. When this first
course was finished, the hostess placed the glasses on a serving table
and wheeled it into the kitchen. The kitchen adjoined the dining-room,
which of course facilitated matters considerably. And yet it was
sufficiently separated to exclude all unpleasant signs of cooking.
There was no confusion, no haste, no awkward pauses. Somehow, the guests
seemed to forget that maids or butlers were necessary at all. The quiet,
calm poise of the hostess dominated the entire party and everyone felt
contented and at ease.
There was a complete absence of restraint of any kind; conversation
flowed smoothly and naturally, and in the enjoyment of one another's
company, the guests were as happy and satisfied as they would probably
have been at an elaborate formal dinner.
A table service wagon is most useful for the woman who is her own maid.
It stands at the right of the hostess and may be wheeled in and out as
she finds it necessary, though for the informal dinner it should not be
essential to move it once it is in place. In the drawer should be found
one or two extra napkins and extra silver for each course in case of
accident or emergency. The coffee service may be placed on top of the
table with the dishes for the several courses arranged on the shelves of
the table from top to bottom in the order in which they are to be used.
The table should not be too heavily loaded. It is much more useful when
things are "easy to get at."
If your home is small and inconvenient, if you become easily flustered,
if you don't find intense pleasure in making others happy, then don't
invite friends to dinner--and discomfort. But if you are the jolly,
calm, happy sort of a hostess, who can attend to duties quickly and yet
without confusion, if you have a cozy little home and taste enough to
make it attractive--then give dinners by all means,--and your guests
will not object to their simplicity.
HOTEL DINNERS
With the servant problem growing more complex every year, more and more
hostesses are turning to hotels to provide their special dinners. These
cannot rival a successful dinner at home but often they are much easier
to arrange and even the most conservative of hostesses may entertain
dinner guests at a hotel. Private dining-rooms are a luxury but much
more charming than the public room. The latter is, of course, the one
used by the large majority of people.
Most hotels provide comfortable lobbies or lounges in which guests may
wait for each other. But if the hotel is a big one and crowded it is
pleasanter to meet elsewhere and arrive together.
The etiquette of the hotel dining-room is that of the home dining-room.
Nothing should ever be done to draw attention to the group of people who
are dining there. Quiet behavior is more than ever valuable.
DRESS FOR DINNER
For an informal dinner a woman may wear a semi-evening dress of the sort
suitable for afternoon while her partner wears the regular dinner
jacket. For a formal affair formal _décolleté_ dress with the hair
arranged somewhat more elaborately than usual is required. Jewels may be
worn. Gloves are always removed, never at a dinner should they be tucked
in at the wrists. Men, of course, wear full evening dress to a formal
dinner.
In hotels and other public dining-rooms there is more freedom of choice
as to what one shall wear but it is in bad taste to attire oneself
conspicuously. A woman dining alone should always wear her hat into the
dining-room even if she is a guest of the hotel.
It is amazing how much the little niceties of life have to do with
making a dinner pleasant, and in every home the family should "dress for
dinner" even though this may not mean donning regulation evening dress.
Formal or informal, in the intimacy of the family circle or in a large
group of friends the meal should be unhurried and calm.
CHAPTER III
LUNCHEONS
PURPOSE OF THE LUNCHEON
In England, and especially in London, the luncheon is held in quite as
high esteem as our most formal dinners. For it is at the luncheon, in
England, that distinguished men and women meet to discuss the important
topics of the moment and exchange opinions. It is indeed easy to
understand why this would be a delightful meal, for there is none of the
restraint and formality of the late dinner.
But in America, perhaps because most all of our gentlemen are at
business "down-town" during the day, perhaps because we disdain to ape
England's customs, the luncheon has not yet reached the point where it
rivals the formal dinner. And yet it holds rather an important place all
its own.
The "place" is distinctly feminine. The ladies of America have taken the
luncheon in hand and developed it into a splendid midday entertainment
and means of hospitality. The gentlemen are of course welcome; but they
are rarely present. It is usually among themselves that the ladies
celebrate the ceremony of the luncheon--both formal and informal--and
that it has survived, and is tending to become permanently popular, is
sufficient proof of its success. It is often preceded or followed by
cards or other simple entertainment.
INFORMAL LUNCHEONS
Invitations may be sent only a few days before the day set for the
luncheon, and are usually written in the first person instead of the
third which is the convention for more elaborate functions. The hour of
luncheon is stated, but need not be as rigidly followed as the dinner
hour. If guests are reasonably late they may be excused, but the late
dinner guest is correctly considered discourteous. Lord Houghton, famous
in England's social history, used to word his invitations simply "Come
and lunch with me to-morrow" or "Will you lunch with me Tuesday?" He
rarely mentioned the hour. Incidentally, Lord Houghton's unceremonious
luncheons earned for him widespread comment, and they had much to do
with the ultimate popularity of the informal luncheon in England.
The informal luncheon lost none of its easy congeniality in traveling
across the ocean. There is a certain friendliness that distinguishes
this meal from all others. Sometimes, in fact, the hostess dispenses
with the ceremony of service altogether, and her guests help themselves
from the buffet or side-table. If such is the case, the luncheon
consists of cold meats, ham, tongue, roast beef, etc.; salads, wine
jellies, fruits, cakes, bonbons and coffee. The most usual way, however,
is to serve a more substantial luncheon, retaining just that degree of
dinner formality that is so gratifying to the social sense.
ABOUT THE TABLE
Often the informal luncheon is served on the bare table, making use of
numerous lace or linen doilies instead of the usual table-cloth. (This
does not hold true of the formal luncheon and may not be true even of
the informal one.)
The menu must be appropriate to the season. Tea or coffee are never
served in the drawing-room after the informal luncheon. If at all, they
are served right at the table at the conclusion of the meal.
The informal luncheon guest never remains long after the luncheon unless
the hostess has provided special amusement. If the luncheon lasts an
hour the guests may sit around and chat with the hostess for about a
half hour; but they must remember that she may have afternoon
engagements, and it would be exceedingly inconsiderate and rude on their
part to delay her.
THE FORMAL LUNCHEON
The formal luncheon is very much like the formal dinner, except that it
is not so substantial as to menu. The table is laid the same, except
that linen doilies are used in preference to table-cloths. The latter
are in good form, however, and it is merely a matter of taste in the
final selection. Then too, there is never any artificial light at a
luncheon, whether it be simple or elaborate.
The formal luncheon usually opens with a first course of
fruit--grapefruit, ordinarily, but sometimes chilled pineapple or fruit
cocktails. When the fruit glasses are removed, bouillon in two-handled
cups is served. Sometimes a course of fish follows, but it is really not
essential to the luncheon and most hostesses prefer to omit it. An
entrée is next served--chicken, mushrooms, sweetbreads or beef according
to the taste and judgment of the hostess; and usually a vegetable
accompanies it.
A light salad, prepared with a regard for harmony with the rest of the
menu, is always acceptable at the luncheon. Desserts may be the same as
those served for dinner,--jellies, frozen puddings, ice-cream, tarts,
nuts, etc. It is not customary to retire to the drawing-room for coffee;
it is good form to have it served at the table. If the weather is
tempting, and if the hostess is so inclined, coffee may be served on the
porch. However, these lesser details must be decided by personal taste
and convenience.
It may be taken for granted that the hostess would not give a formal
luncheon if she had afternoon engagements. For that reason, the guests
may stay later than they would at an informal luncheon. Sometimes music
is provided, and often there are recitations and dramatic readings.
Usually the hour set for a ceremonious luncheon is one-thirty o'clock;
it is safe to say, then, that three o'clock or half-past three is ample
time to take one's departure.
THE TABLE FOR THE FORMAL LUNCHEON
The appointments of the formal luncheon table are, as was pointed out
above, almost identical with those of the dinner table.
In the first place, butter may be served with the formal luncheon and
rarely with dinner. Thus we find tiny butter dishes added at the left of
each luncheon cover. These plates are usually decorative, and sometimes
are made large enough to contain both the bread and butter, instead of
just the butter alone. Another difference, though slight:--cut-glass
platters for nuts and bonbons take the place of the silver platters of
dinner. Candles are not used; nor is any other artificial light whenever
it can be avoided.
The formal luncheon offers an ideal time for the hostess to display her
finest china, her best silver. It is an occasion when dignity and beauty
combine with easy friendliness to make the event memorable, and the wise
hostess spares no effort in adding those little touches that go so far
towards making any entertainment a success. Menu cards and favors, of
course, are "touches" that belong to the dinner table alone; but
flowers, service and general setting of the dining-room are details that
deserve considerable attention and thought.
HOSTESS AND GUEST
The primary requisite of a successful luncheon is harmonious and
agreeable relationship between hostess and guests. This holds true both
of the formal and informal luncheons, though particularly of the former.
One cannot possibly enjoy a luncheon--no matter how carefully the menu
has been prepared, no matter how delightful the environment--if there
are awkward lapses in the conversation; if there are moments of painful,
embarrassing silence; or if the conversation is stilted, affected or
forced.
Spontaneity of conversation and ease of manner, together with a hostess
who knows how to plan delightful little surprises, and simple though
delicious menus,--these are the secrets of successful luncheon-giving.
And if they cannot be observed, the hostess had better direct her
energies toward strictly formal entertainments; the luncheon is not one
of her accomplishments.
The hostess receives in her drawing-room. She rises as each guest enters
the room, greets her, or him, as the case may be, with outstretched
hand, and proceeds with any necessary introductions. As soon as all the
guests have arrived, she orders luncheon served, and she herself leads
the way to the dining-room. The guests may seat themselves in the manner
that is most congenial; but in arranging the formal luncheon, the
hostess usually identifies the correct seat with a small place card. If
there is a guest of honor, or a lady whom the hostess wishes to show
deference to, she is given the place to the right of the hostess.
If there are gentlemen at the formal luncheon, including the hostess'
husband, they do not remain at the table to smoke and chat as they do
after dinner, but leave the dining-room with the ladies. Neither do they
offer the ladies their arms when entering or leaving the dining-room. If
the host is considerate, and is fortunate enough to have a porch, she
will suggest that the gentlemen have their cigars on the porch.
A well-bred guest will never take advantage of the leniency toward
late-comers to the luncheon. It is _always_ rude to keep people waiting;
but it is doubly so to be lax in one's punctuality because one rule is
not as exacting as another. The guest must also bear in mind that a
great part of the enjoyment of the luncheon devolves upon his or her own
cordiality and friendliness. Every guest must feel it a duty to supply
some of the conversation, and if he is not naturally conversant, it
might be wise to decide upon and remember several interesting little
anecdotes that the company will enjoy hearing. No one can be excused
from silence or lack of interest at the luncheon.
To the hostess, then, goes the responsibility of providing the means of
enjoyment; to the guests goes the responsibility of utilizing this
means, and cooperating with the hostess in making the entire thing a
success. There are huge social possibilities in the luncheon, and it is
rapidly becoming one of America's favorite functions. With both hostess
and guest observing their duties, it must inevitably be a triumph that
will vie with the important dignity of the formal dinner itself.
FORMAL AND INFORMAL BREAKFASTS
Breakfast to some people may mean a hastily swallowed cup of tea or
coffee, and a bit of roll or cake. The early breakfast, of course. But
to many there is a later breakfast that is as elaborate as it is
tempting.
The formal breakfast may be held any time between ten and twelve-thirty.
A fruit course opens the menu, with a mild _hors d'œuvre_ following.
Soup is never served. After the fruit, fish, broiled or _sauté_ is
served, and sometimes deviled lobster if it is preferred. In England,
steamed finnan haddie is the favorite breakfast fish.
The personal tastes of the guests must be taken into consideration in
deciding upon the main course. Lamb or veal chops are acceptable, and
egg dishes are always welcomed. They may be accompanied by mushrooms,
small French peas or potatoes. For the next course, chicken meets with
favor especially if it is broiled or fried with rice. Dessert of frozen
punch, pastry or jellies follows immediately after the chicken; and
coffee, in breakfast cups, concludes the meal. And of course, the hot
muffins and crisp biscuits of breakfast fame are not forgotten--nor the
waffles and syrup, either, if one is partial to them.
For an informal breakfast, the menu is correspondingly less elaborate.
Once again it begins with fruit, and it may be followed by the good
old-fashioned course of ham or bacon and eggs with johnny-cake and
potatoes; or the simple breakfast may be started with cereal, served
with cream, and followed with broiled finnan haddie and baked potatoes.
Eggs, quail or chops, and a crisp salad is another menu often adapted to
the late informal breakfast. Desserts should be simple; sweets are
seldom indulged in at breakfast. Buns with marmalade or honey are always
acceptable, and frozen puddings seem to be a just-right finish to a
delicious breakfast.
The informal breakfast is given at ten or eleven o'clock in the morning.
It is never very elaborate; it is, in fact, one of the simplest, yet
most dignified of informal meals.
DRESS FOR LUNCHEONS AND BREAKFASTS
Whether she is hostess or guest the woman at a breakfast or luncheon
should wear an afternoon gown of silk, _crêpe-de-chine_, velvet, cloth
or novelty material. In the summer preference may be given organdies,
georgettes, etc. The simpler the affair the simpler the costume should
be.
Men may wear the cutaway coat if the luncheon is a formal one while for
simpler affairs the sack coat or summer flannels, when the season is
appropriate, may be worn.
CHAPTER IV
TEAS AND OTHER ENTERTAINMENTS
EVOLUTION OF THE AFTERNOON TEA
Of course one cannot mention the words "afternoon tea" without
immediately associating it with merry England. For it was there that,
over two hundred years ago, a dreamy-eyed Dutchman (dreamy-eyed because
he had lived many years in China) brought with him from the Orient a
peculiar little leaf which, with a little hot water and sugar, made a
delicious drink. At first lordly Englishmen would have none of him--but
he didn't care. He exhibited the powers of the little leaves, made his
tea, and drank it with evident relish. Others were curious; they, too,
drank, and once they started it was difficult to do without it.
Someone spread the rumor that this new drink from China contained drugs
and stimulants--and no sooner was this rumor spread than everyone began
drinking it! Even the ladies and gentlemen of better society finally
condescended to taste "the stuff"--and lo! before they realized it, it
had been unconsciously adopted as their very own beverage! Through two
generations the idea of the afternoon tea has been perfected, until
to-day we have cosy, delightful, ceremonious five-o'clock teas that are
the pride of the English and the joy of everyone who follows the
custom.
And so we find the afternoon tea enjoying a vogue of unrivaled
popularity here in America. When a _débutante_ daughter is to be
introduced to society, the mother plans an elaborate afternoon tea (and
they can certainly be elaborate!). When guests from out-of-town are
visiting, the hostess can think of nothing more appropriate than a
chummy tea to introduce them to her friends. So charming a way of
entertaining is the afternoon tea that it has usurped the evening
reception almost entirely, except when the occasion requires special
formality.
THE SIMPLER TEA
Then, too, there is the simpler tea so dear to the hearts of our
hospitable ladies of good society. It was George Eliot who earnestly
inquired, "Reader, have you ever drunk a cup of tea?" There is something
undeniably heart-warming and conversation-making in a cup of steaming
hot tea served with delicious cream; it is an ideal prescription for
banishing loneliness. Perhaps it is not so much the tea itself, as the
circle of happy friends eager for a pleasant chat.
As the simple tea does not require very much preparation or planning, we
will discuss it briefly here and take up only the formal tea in detail.
The simple tea may be served for any guest who chances in between four
or six o'clock in the afternoon. Sometimes a hostess devotes a stated
time each day or on certain days in the week which are known to her
friends, to tea, and she lets her friends know just what the hour is and
that they are welcome to join for a bite and a little chat whenever they
feel so inclined. There may be one or several little tea tables which
are brought into the drawing-room when the guests are ready for tea.
Covering each one is a dainty lace or linen doily, or an embroidered
tea-cloth. If tea tables are not available, one large table may serve
the purpose, but it also must be covered with small doilies at each
cover instead of one large table-cloth.
The hostess and one or two of her friends may serve. The tea is made at
the table and served with very small, dainty sandwiches and all kinds of
quaintly-shaped cakes. Bonbons, salted nuts and sometimes ices are also
served.
If the hostess does not own dainty tea equipage, the beverage may be
made in the kitchen and brought in ready to serve, fragrant and
steaming. The custom of the afternoon tea is confined almost wholly to
women, though it is not bad form by any means to have gentlemen present
for tea.
A tea wagon offers the most attractive service for an afternoon tea. It
should not be in the room where the hostess receives but should be
wheeled in from an adjoining room (the dining-room usually). The maid,
if there is one, performs this service, the hostess herself if there is
no maid. The table should not be overcrowded and if there is not ample
room for sandwich trays these should be brought in separately.
The china should be thin and of the same general kind though not
necessarily of the same pattern. There should be sugar--preferably block
sugar with tongs, a pitcher of cream, slices of lemon, mint leaves and
cloves. If the hostess makes the tea herself she adds sugar, cream,
lemon or whatever else the guest may desire before she passes the cup.
The hostess who cares about her reputation for hospitality will perfect
herself in the gentle art of making delicious tea before the day comes
for her to prove herself before her guests.
THE FORMAL TEA
When the afternoon tea becomes formal and ceremonious it takes the place
of the customary "at home." Invitations must be sent a week or ten days
in advance, and if one is unable to attend, a polite note of explanation
must be sent. However, no answer is necessary if one intends to be
present.
With this more pretentious affair, the refreshments are served in the
dining-room instead of in the drawing-room or outdoors as is sometimes
done at simpler teas. The hissing urn always holds the place of honor
(except on very warm days when iced tea or iced coffee may be served).
Trays of thinly sliced bread are on the table, and dainty sandwiches in
large variety. Fruit salads are never amiss, and strawberries with cream
are particularly delightful when in season. Then, of course, there are
cakes and bonbons and ices, although the latter are usually confined to
warm days.
At a ceremonious tea, the hostess stands near the drawing-room door to
greet each guest as she arrives. If her daughters receive with her, they
stand to her right, and help in making any necessary introductions. As
many guests as can be conveniently entertained may be invited to the
formal tea; but the refreshments must never be so substantial that they
will interfere with dinner. In fact, the tea must be kept true to its
name, for if other eatables besides those fashionable to the tea are
served, it is a reception in substance if not in name.
When one wishes to invite eighteen or twenty friends, and does not wish
to undertake the trouble or expense of a dinner, the "high tea" is in
order. It is usually held on a Sunday evening. At these "high teas"
small tables are invariably used, four guests being placed at each
table. It is customary to allow the guests to form their own quartettes,
for in this manner they will usually find table companions who will be
congenial--and a most unfortunate occurrence at a "high tea," or in fact
any reception, is a seating arrangement untasteful to the guests
themselves. The little tables are covered with snowy tea cloths and
decorated with a sprig of flowers in a colored vase occupying the
position of honor.
THE TEA-TABLE
Perhaps more important than the tea itself, is the appearance of the
tea-table. The well-equipped table is adorned with fine china and
gleaming silver, and there are always a few flowers to add to the beauty
of the setting. Ferns may be used instead of flowers, but there must be
no elaborate ribbons or decorations such as appear on the dinner-table.
As a matter of fact, the tea-table should always present an appearance
of unpremeditated simplicity. It must never seem as though it had been
especially prepared and planned for the occasion. Candles, dimmed with
pale shades, may be on the table when the day is gloomy and dark. In
winter, for instance, when the days are shorter, softly-glowing candles
aid considerably in the cheerfulness of the afternoon tea. Tea napkins
are used instead of those of regular dinner size.
A pretty manner of serving sandwiches or cakes is to have them in
silver-rimmed wicker baskets which can be passed easily from one guest
to another. If the tea is informal, wicker chairs and tables may also be
used. This is especially pleasing and appropriate when the tea is
served on the porch or in the garden.
DRESS AT TEA TIME
Tea time is always the fashionable time of the day and there is
sufficient variety in appropriate materials and style for a woman to
find a gown that is more than ordinarily individual and becoming. For an
informal tea the hostess may wear a clinging gown of silk but she should
not dress very sumptuously for her guests will come simply attired and
it is hardly hospitable to be a great deal more elaborately dressed than
they. Afternoon frocks of silk, velvet, cloth, etc., or of summer
materials are suitable for the guest. When the weather demands it she
wears an attractive wrap.
In selecting dresses for teas, and, indeed for all occasions, it is well
to remember that the more ornamentation there is the less elegance there
will be. The materials should be rich but not showy--the best-dressed
person is the one who calls least attention to his or her clothes.
One may wear jewels but not heavy necklaces or glittering brooches or
other flashing stones. If the affair is a formal one the hair may be as
elaborately marcelled as for the evening. In this case the gown should
be a rich creation of the kind suitable only for such events.
If the tea is given for a _débutante_ it may be a very festive occasion
and _décolleté_ gowns may be worn. Dark colors are rarely worn and the
_débutante_ herself should be a fairy dream in a lovely creation of
silk, georgette, _crêpe-de-chine_, or something else equally girlish and
appropriate.
Elderly women wear black lace or satin though certain shades of brown
and blue and nearly all shades of gray are irreproachably good taste
if--and this "if" is an important one--they are becoming.
THE GARDEN PARTY
Charming indeed is the simple entertainment of the garden party. It is
an undebatable fact that informal entertainments are always more
enjoyable than those that are strictly formal, and the easy harmony of
the garden party is certainly informal to an acceptable degree.
Someone once said of the lawn fête (which is merely another name for a
garden party) that "a green lawn, a few trees, a fine day and something
to eat" constitute a perfect garden party. To this we add, that the
guests must be carefully selected and the grounds must be attractive.
The garden party must be held in the open air; refreshments are served
outside and the guests remain outside until they are ready to depart. At
Newport, where garden parties are quite the vogue, the invitations are
sent weeks in advance, and, if the weather is bad, the party is held
indoors. But ordinarily it must be held entirely on the grounds. A large
porch is a great advantage, for if there is a sudden downpour of rain,
the guests may repair to its shelter.
There are many opportunities for the hostess to show consideration and
hospitality at the garden party. Easy chairs arranged in groups or
couples under spreading trees always make for comfort. Some hostesses
have a tent provided on the lawn for the purpose of serving the
refreshments--a custom which earns the approbation of fastidious guests
who search the food for imaginary specks of dust when it is served in
the open.
RECEIVING THE GUESTS
Invitations to garden parties may be sent ten days to two weeks in
advance, and a prompt reply of acceptance or regret is expected. The
hostess receives on the lawn--never in the house. The guests, however,
drive up to the door of the house, are directed upstairs to deposit
their wraps (if they wish they may keep them with them), and then are
shown to the part of the grounds where the hostess is receiving. A
servant should be in attendance to see that each guest is properly
directed, unless the grounds where the hostess is receiving are visible
from the house.
After being greeted by the hostess, guests may wander about the grounds,
stopping to chat with different groups, and seeking the refreshment
table when they are weary. The hostess must be sure that her lawns are
faultlessly mowed, and that the tennis courts are in order. Lawn-tennis
has had a large share in the making of the garden party's popularity,
and the wise hostess will always be sure that her courts are in
readiness for those who enjoy the game.
Cold refreshments are usually served at the garden party. Salads, ham
and tongue sandwiches, fruits, jellies, ices, cakes, candies and punch
are in order. Particular care must be taken in serving the refreshments
to avoid any accidents or mussiness. There is nothing more disturbing to
both hostess and guest than to have a glass of punch or a dish of
strawberries overturned on a lawn, and pains should be taken to avoid
accidents of this kind.
ON THE LAWN
Music is a pleasing feature at the garden party. A pretty custom, now
enjoying vogue among the most fashionable, is to have the orchestra
hidden by a clump of trees or shrubbery, but near enough to be heard
distinctly. In the outdoors music is never too loud to interfere with
conversation, and it is always a source of keen enjoyment to the guests.
Also, it adds a solemn charm to the natural beauties of the occasion.
In planning a garden party, it is best to hire all the glass, silver and
china from the caterer, as there is always considerable breakage no
matter how careful the servants may be. If the hostess does use her own
china and glassware, she must never use her best unless she is willing
to take the risk of having it broken. Undoubtedly, the garden party is
troublesome, but it offers possibilities of tremendous enjoyment and
amusement, and when properly arranged is always a success.
The correct time for a garden party is between three and six in the
afternoon. Sometimes it lasts until seven if the day is long and the
guests are congenial. It rarely lasts into the evening, however, unless
it is in celebration of some special event. Sometimes evening lawn
receptions are held, and they are remarkably pretty. An appropriate time
to hold an evening garden party is in celebration of a summer wedding
anniversary. The grounds are brilliantly lighted with many-hued Japanese
lanterns or tiny colored electric lights twining in and out among the
trees. Benches and chairs are set in groups or pairs underneath the
trees. Music is usually on the porch instead of on the grounds. The
house is open, and the younger guests may dance if they wish. Supper is
served either outdoors or indoors as convenient. Altogether the garden
party, whether held in the afternoon or evening, is a picturesque,
charming and delightful affair and deserves the wide popularity it is
enjoying both in America and England.
DRESS FOR GARDEN PARTIES AND LAWN FESTIVALS
Summer frocks, in their airy flimsiness and gay colors are ideally
fitted for the colorful background of a garden or lawn party. And the
lady's escort, in his white trousers and dark sack coat adds still
further a note of festivity.
For the garden party, the woman wears her prettiest light-colored frock
and flower-trimmed hat. Gay parasols may be carried if they match, or
harmonize with, the rest of the costume. Light shoes are more attractive
than dark ones with light frocks.
A garden party might be compared with a drama, the costumes of the
guests deciding whether or not it would be termed pure romance or light
comedy. Here, amidst summer flowers, woman's natural beauty is
heightened, and the wrong color schemes in dress, the wrong costumes for
the setting, jar as badly as a streak of black paint across the hazy
canvas of a landscape painting by an impressionist.
WOMAN'S GARDEN COSTUME
Organdie seems to be the material best suited for the garden-party
frock. For the younger person there could be no prettier frock for
garden or lawn party, or indeed for any outdoor afternoon occasion.
For the older woman, a dress of dotted Swiss, pierette crêpe, or French
lawn is becoming. The color should be light and attractive, but the
style may be as simple as one pleases. Lilac is a pretty color for the
older woman, and sunset yellow is becoming both to age and youth alike,
when it is appropriately combined with some more somber shade.
There are several color combinations that are very beautiful in lawn and
garden settings. We will mention them here, as they might be valuable in
selecting frocks for such occasions as mentioned. Violet and orange,
both pale and not vivid, offer a delicate harmony of color that is
nothing short of exquisite. Old rose and Nile green are equally
effective. Orchid, for the person whose complexion can bear it, may be
combined with such vivid colors as red, green and blue, presenting a
contrast so strong and clear and beautiful that it reminds one of a
glorious sunset. Black satin, for the elderly person, is quite festive
enough for the garden party when it is combined with a pretty shade of
henna or old blue or some other bit of color.
Styles may be simple, but colors must always be gay and rich as the
colors from Nature's own palette. And the hat that is broad-brimmed and
massed with bright flowers, is a fitting complement for such a costume.
THE MAN AT THE GARDEN PARTY
Of course the decorative art of dress has for a long time been entrusted
wholly into the hands of woman, but man may be just as attractive on
festive occasions, if he follows the rules of correct dress. For him
there is less color to be considered, but just as much effect.
The younger man is well-dressed for the garden party when he wears a
suit of white flannel or serge with colored or white linen, a bright
tie, straw or panama hat, and oxfords of white or black, or a
combination of white and black. Loose jackets of black and white striped
flannel may also be worn with white duck trousers, if one is young. Then
there are the attractive light suits of gray twillett that are so
effective when worn with a white waistcoat and bright tie.
For the older man, a jacket of black and white homespun is extremely
appropriate. It is smart when worn with a waistcoat of white flannel,
white shirt and collar and gayly figured tie of silk foulard. Trousers
of white flannel would complete this excellent costume for the elderly
man, and with a panama hat that boasts a black band, and black-and-white
oxfords he is ready for the most exclusive garden or lawn party.
HOUSE PARTIES
No one should attempt a house party whose home is not comfortably large
enough and who is not able to provide every convenience for the guests.
One need not necessarily be a millionaire to hold a successful house
party, but it is certainly necessary to have a spacious home and
sufficient means to make things pleasant for the guests every minute of
the time that they are in the house.
While the success of a house party rests directly on the host and
hostess, it also depends largely upon the guests themselves. They are
expected to contribute to the entertainment. They may be good
conversationalists, or witty humorists, or clever in arranging
surprises. A man or woman who is jolly, eager to please is always
invited to house parties and welcomed by both hostess and guests with
equal pleasure and cordiality.
SENDING THE INVITATION
The invitations to house parties are important. While it is
complimentary for a guest to be invited to "spend a few days with me
next week" he or she will undoubtedly be ill at ease during the visit
and fearful of encroaching upon the hospitality of the hostess. It is
always more considerate and better form to state the definite duration
of the visit, for instance, mentioning that a train leaves the guest's
town at eleven-thirty on a certain day, and that another train leaves
_for_ that same guest's town, at a certain hour on the day he is to
leave. This gives the guest clearly, and without discourtesy, the
precise time he is expected to remain at the home of the hostess, and he
may remain the full time without any vague premonitions of undesired
presence. If the hostess did not state the time of arrival and departure
the guest should in her acceptance give suggestive dates leaving them
subject to change at the discretion of the hostess. Any other plan is
embarrassing to both hostess and guest since neither can make plans for
the future until she finds out what the other intends to do.
The usual duration of house party visits are three days--often they last
for a week end--although some continue a week or even longer. The lady
of the house usually writes a note in the name of her husband and
herself both, inviting Mr. and Mrs. Blank to her house for three days or
three months as she (the hostess) pleases. A clear explanation as to how
to reach the house is given, and also the necessary information
regarding trains and schedules.
These invitations must be answered promptly and if for any reason the
invited one cannot attend, the reason should be given. If there is any
doubt as to how to get to the house of the hostess; questions may be
asked in the answer to the invitation, and the hostess must answer them
at once.
WHEN THE GUESTS ARRIVE
If the hostess cannot be present to receive her guests, the duty
devolves upon the daughter of the house or an intimate friend. As soon
as a guest arrives he is shown to his room for after the long railroad
trip one is usually dusty, tired and not in the mood for conversation or
pleasantries. A bath, a nap, and a cup of coffee or tea, or, if the
weather is warm, an iced drink are most welcome.
The taxi fare from the station may be paid by either hostess or guest.
The former may consider that the other is her guest from the moment she
arrives and the latter may include this item in her traveling expenses.
Generally speaking, the hostess bears all of the expenses of the guest
while she is in her home but special services such as laundry work,
pressing, etc., may be paid for by the guest herself.
It is bad form to invite numerous friends and then to crowd them two in
a room to make a place for all. Of course a mother and daughter may be
asked to share the same room if individual beds are provided; but two
women, meeting at the house party for the first time, cannot be expected
graciously to accept and enjoy sharing the same bed and room together.
The furnishing of the guest chamber may be modest, but it must always be
neat and comfortable. To make the visit a pleasant one, the room that
the guest will occupy during his stay must be one that invites
memory--one that by its very cheerfulness and comfort remains fondly in
one's memory. The personal tastes of the guests themselves should be
ascertained in assigning rooms to them; some may like a sunny room,
others may not be able to endure it; and the considerate hostess will so
arrange that each one of her guests is pleased.
There are numerous little services that the hostess must make sure are
provided for her visiting guests. Scissors, thread and needles should be
in one of the dressing-table drawers; stationery, pens, ink, and a
calendar should be in the writing-desk. Books, chosen especially for the
occupant, should be scattered about. The thoughtful hostess will make a
round of the rooms before the arrival of the guests and make sure that
every detail is attended to. Fresh flowers should be placed in the
vases.
It is the duty of the guest to see that her room is kept in order. If
there is no maid she should attend to it herself and in any case she
should keep her own things in place and watch carefully to see that the
room is at all times exquisitely neat.
ENTERTAINING AT THE HOUSE PARTY
At eight o'clock, or a little later if it is more convenient, all the
guests meet in evening dress at dinner. It is then that the necessary
introductions are made and the guest of honor, if there is one, is
presented. Plans may be made for the next day or two, the hostess
offering suggestions and deferring to the wishes of her guests when they
have attractive plans to submit. The hostess also informs the guests at
what time breakfast and luncheon is served. It is not obligatory for
every guest to be present at luncheon, but it is strictly so at dinner.
The considerate hostess, while endeavoring to fill every moment of her
guests' stay with her, with pleasure and happiness, does not overdo it
to the extent that they will have no time for writing their
correspondence, reading a bit, or taking their customary nap.
Unfortunately many of our hostesses who entertain lavishly at house
parties and spare no expense or effort in making the party a brilliant
success, spoil it all by trying to crowd too much entertainment into the
day, forgetting that their guests need a little time to themselves.
In planning entertainments for the morning, the hostess must remember
that breakfast will be preferred late, and that the women guests,
especially, may prefer to forego breakfast entirely and keep to their
rooms until just before luncheon. Thus it is always best to start any
entertainment in the afternoon. Long drives through the country, tennis,
hockey, golf, card parties--all these are appropriate for the afternoon.
The evening is usually devoted to some special entertainment prepared
sufficiently in advance to render it an important occurrence. A dance
after dinner, a fancy dress ball, or private theatricals are suitable;
and often long moonlight drives, ending with a jolly little picnic, are
planned with great success.
HOSTESS AND GUESTS AT THE HOUSE PARTY
The first duty of the hostess is personally to meet or have her husband
meet the guests as they arrive at the railroad station. It is better
form to have him meet them while she remains at home to receive them.
There are several important rules that the guest must observe. In the
first place, he must not fail to arrive and depart at the exact time
signified in the invitation. If a train is missed, the correct thing to
do is wire immediately so that the host and hostess will not be awaiting
the arrival in vain. Another important rule for the guest is rigidly to
follow and adhere to the laws and the customs of the house: thus if
smoking is not allowed in the bedrooms, the gentlemen must be sure to
refrain from so doing and each guest should adapt his hours to those of
the host and hostess.
One of the most difficult of guests to entertain is one who is peculiar
about his eating. It is an awkward situation and the guest if he can
should eat what is set before him. If this is impossible he may speak
quietly with his hostess, explain the situation and make special
arrangements for food that he can eat. This is excusable if he is on a
diet prescribed by a physician but not if he is simply expressing a
fastidious preference. So many people are vegetarians nowadays that the
hostess will make provision for them and she should in planning her
menus consult the individual tastes of the guests who are under her
roof.
Perhaps a guest is unwisely invited to a house-party where someone he or
she particularly dislikes is also a guest. In this case it is a mark of
extreme discourtesy to complain to the host or hostess, or in any way to
show disrespect or dislike towards the other guest. To purposely ignore
him or her, obviously to show one's prejudice, is very rude. It is most
disconcerting to the host for either of them to show discontent or to
leave the house party because of the unwelcome presence of the other.
It is best for them to be formally courteous to each other and not in
any way to interfere with the enjoyment of the other members of the
house party or of the host and hostess who are responsible for it.
To return to the hostess, she has two very important duties--not to
neglect her guests, but to provide them with ample amusement and
entertainment, and again, not to weary them by too much attention. She
may go out during the day if she pleases, either to visit friends or to
do shopping, but she must always be at home for dinner. And she must not
go out so often that the guests will begin to feel slighted.
The good-natured and hospitable host and hostess will put at the
disposal of their guests their entire house and grounds, including their
books, horses, cars, tennis courts and golf links. The duty of the guest
is to avail himself of these privileges with delicacy, neither abusing
them nor hesitating to use them at all. There are some guests who have a
tact of perception, an ease and poise of manner, a _savoir faire_ and
calm, kind disposition that makes them welcome everywhere. They are
never petty, never disagreeable, never quarrelsome, never grouchy. It is
a pleasure to include them in the house party--and they _are_ invariably
included.
"TIPPING" THE SERVANTS
The question of feeing or "tipping" the servants has always been a
puzzling one. It may be of advantage here to give an approximate idea of
what the fees should be and to whom they should be given. Attending
circumstances, of course, always govern the exact conditions. Very
often guests, both men and women, unable to estimate correctly what
amount is befitting the servants' services, tip lavishly and without any
regard for services. This borders on the ostentatious, and hence, may be
considered vulgar.
Here are the recognized tips expected of a single woman: for the maid
who keeps her room in order, one dollar or a dollar and a half. (These
figures are based on a period of a week's stay). If this maid has also
helped the guest in her dressing, and preparing the bath for her, two or
two and a half dollars are the customary fee. A tip of from one to two
dollars must be given to the maid who waits on the guest at the table,
and if a chauffeur takes her from and to the station, a dollar is his
usual fee.
A bachelor is expected to be somewhat more generous with his tips. The
boy who cleans and polishes his boots and shoes receives a fee of fifty
or seventy-five cents.
When a married couple is visiting, they usually divide the tips between
them. The wife gives the maid a dollar or a dollar and a half, and the
husband tips the men servants. The butler should receive two dollars at
least, and if he has rendered many special services both to the man and
his wife, he should undoubtedly receive two or three dollars more. On
some occasions the cook is remembered, and the gentleman sends her a
dollar or two in recognition of her culinary art. It must be remembered,
however, that there are no established rules of tipping, and no
precedent to go by. One must be guided by the extent of his income and
by the services rendered.
One more word in closing this chapter. Not everyone can afford to give
elaborate house parties. But this need not interfere with one's
hospitality. The host or hostess who is discouraged from offering
friends simple entertainment because of someone else's magnificent
parties, should cease being discouraged and take pride and pleasure in
the knowledge that they are entertaining their friends as hospitably as
they can. To do a thing simply and sincerely is infinitely finer than to
do a thing extravagantly merely for the sake of ostentation and display.
In homes where there are no servants the guests should take part in the
work around the house unless the hostess shows distinctly that she
prefers for them not to do it. After the visit the guest may send some
little gift in appreciation of the hospitality enjoyed. A bit of
household linen, a book, flowers, or candy are most appropriate. This is
one case where an unsuitable gift is inexcusable for ample opportunity
has been given the donor to study the needs and desires of the hostess.
Within ten days after her departure the guest should write a
bread-and-butter letter to her hostess. This is simply a grateful
expression of appreciation for the hospitality which she enjoyed during
her visit. Great care should be taken to avoid stilted forms.
CHAPTER V
WHEN THE BACHELOR ENTERTAINS
WHEN THE BACHELOR IS HOST
Until very recently, the bachelor was rarely a host, was rarely expected
to entertain. In fact, some people considered it unconventional to
attend a bachelor entertainment. But with the tremendous increase of
bachelor apartments and bachelor hotels and even bachelor clubs, it is
now quite the usual custom for him to entertain friends at dinner
parties, theater parties, teas and in almost any other way which strikes
his fancy.
However, no bachelor should invite guests to his home unless he has a
full retinue of servants to care for their wants. There should be no
confusion, no awkwardness. If he is a professional man--an artist,
author or musician--he may entertain guests at his studio without
servants, except perhaps one to attend to the buffet supper which is
most usual at such functions. But that is the only exception; a large
entertainment in a bachelor's establishment requires as careful
preparation as a fashionable social function in a well-regulated
household.
When an unmarried man gives house parties, dinners or entertainments of
any kind whatever, he always asks a married woman of his acquaintance
to act as chaperon. She should be the first person invited, and the
usual method of invitation is a personal call at her home.
WELCOMING THE GUESTS
The host receives his guests at the door, welcoming each one with
outstretched hand, and introducing immediately to the chaperon or
chaperons those guests whom they do not already know. When the reception
is a particularly large one, a man servant usually awaits the guests at
the door and the host receives in the drawing-room.
The question has arisen on various occasions, whether or not the
bachelor is expected to provide dressing-rooms for his guests. If as
many as thirty or forty are expected the bedrooms may be made to serve
the purpose of dressing-rooms for the evening. The matter is one
entirely dependent upon circumstances and convenience when the
entertainment is held in the home of the bachelor himself; but when a
large entertainment is given in a hall, dressing-rooms are of course
essential.
Very often, when the reception is held in the bachelor's own apartments,
where there is only one servant, the chaperon is asked to pour the tea
while the host himself serves it. This is a very pretty custom; it
certainly lends dignity and impressiveness to the bachelor entertainment
to see a charming matron at the head of the table. And by having the
bachelor himself serve the refreshments, a certain companionship and
friendliness is created among the guests.
THE BACHELOR'S DINNER
Although he is not expected to retaliate in the matter of invitations to
dinners and luncheons, the bachelor often gives dinner parties. For the
host is no less eager to entertain than the hostess, and many unmarried
men find keen pleasure in gathering their friends about them for a
pleasant evening.
In detail, the bachelor's dinner, formal or informal, is very much like
the ordinary dinner. The same holds true of the luncheon or supper
party. The menu may be identical, if he pleases; but often an elaborate
Chinese, French or Italian menu is decided upon as a novelty.
If the guests are all gentlemen, one butler may attend to all their
wants, including the serving of the courses. But if there are ladies in
the party, the chaperon must be present, and perhaps one or two
white-capped maids to serve the dinner.
If the dinner is given in honor of a lady, her seat is always at the
right of the host at the table. If there is no guest of honor, this
place is filled by the matron who is serving as chaperon.
It is she who makes the first move to leave the dining-room.
The host must extend cordial thanks to the chaperon when she is ready to
depart. It is usually upon her good judgment and influence that the
success of the dinner depends, and surely the host owes her a debt of
gratitude if everything has run smoothly and pleasantly. He also bids
his guests a cordial adieu and graciously accepts their thanks for a
pleasant evening.
Music is often provided for the entertainment of the guests after a
dinner-party. It is not unusual for the host to obtain the services of
well-known professional singers and players for the evening.
TEA AT A BACHELOR APARTMENT
The bachelor who feels that he must be hospitable to his friends and
entertain them at his home, may safely choose the afternoon tea without
apprehension as it is the simplest of entertainments. Of course a
chaperon is necessary, as she is at all his entertainments; but there is
less restraint and less formality at a tea than at almost any other
social function.
Invitations should be issued a week or ten days before the day set for
the tea. Guests may include both sexes; but if there are only gentlemen,
they may be invited verbally. The tea is served in the dining-room, or
if he wishes, the host may have small tea tables laid out in the
drawing-room. A silver tea service is always attractive and pleasing,
and the host may pour the beverage if the guests are all gentlemen. If
ladies are present, either the chaperon may pour, or a servant.
Refreshments should consist of delicate sandwiches, assorted cakes and
wafers, salted almonds, confections and tea. If there are some among the
guests who do not drink tea, chocolate may be served.
As they depart the bachelor host accompanies each one of his guests to
the door bidding him or her a cordial good-by. The chaperon must be
especially thanked for her service and shown particular deference.
Indeed, her host should accompany her after the reception, to her own
door if she is without car or escort.
THE BACHELOR DANCE
Wealthy bachelors find pleasure and diversion in giving huge balls and
dances. Dinner or a midnight supper may be a delightful adjunct to the
dance. A fashionable ball of this kind is sometimes given for the
important purpose of introducing a young sister or another relative to
society.
The ball is rarely, if ever, held in the bachelor's own apartments. He
hires a hall for the occasion, and arranges with several of his married
friends to act as chaperons. They also receive with him and help him
introduce the guests. As these arrive, they divest themselves of their
wraps, in the dressing-rooms provided for the purpose, and then are
received in the ballroom by the host and the chaperons. Introductions
are made, and the music and dancing begins.
There are not very many bachelors who can entertain in this lavish
fashion; but the simpler entertainments, if they have the correct spirit
of cordial hospitality, go a long way in establishing the desired
relationship between the host and his friends. After all, it is the
little things that count; and little courtesies may fittingly repay
elaborate ceremonials and fashionable functions, if they are offered in
sincere friendliness and warmth.
THEATER PARTIES
Always a favorite with the bachelor, the theater party has recently
become his main forte. First in importance, of course, is the selection
of a play, a matter which is largely determined by the kinds of visitors
the host intends to invite. There is nothing more disturbing than to
invite one's friends to a play, and then to feel that they have not
enjoyed it. In selecting something light and amusing, or else the
performance of some celebrated star, the host is comparatively sure of
pleasing most of his guests.
Another important point is to bring together only congenial people for
the theater party. One person out of harmony with the rest will spoil
the whole evening as certainly as a sudden summer shower spoils the most
elaborately planned garden party. It is important to select only those
people whose tastes and temperaments blend.
Invitations are informal. A brief, cordial note hand-written on personal
stationery is preferred, although some men like to use their club
stationery. The name of the play may be mentioned in the invitation. An
immediate response is expected, as the host must be given sufficient
time to choose another guest, if for some reason, the one invited cannot
attend. Men and women may be invited to the theater party, and if there
are married couples in the party, a chaperon is not particularly
necessary.
YACHTING PARTIES
When a bachelor invites several men and women friends to dine on his
yacht, or to take a short cruise, it is absolutely bad form to omit the
chaperon. She must be a married woman, and she may join the party with
or without her husband. Another important point regarding yachting
parties; the host must supply a gig or rowboat to carry his guests to
and from the shore, and he must stand on the gangway to greet each one
as he arrives, and assist him to the deck of the yacht.
In giving entertainments, the bachelor must remember that no special
social obligations are expected of him. He need not be lavish in his
dinners and parties, unless he wishes to and can afford it. Simple
entertainments, given in the spirit of good fellowship and hospitality,
are always appreciated and tend to substantially strengthen
friendships.
CHAPTER VI
MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS
PREPARATIONS FOR THE MUSICALE
The only time that music is not subordinated to other purposes of the
evening's gathering, is at the musicale. Here it is the sole
entertainment of the evening, and it reigns supreme.
In preparing for a musicale, invitations should be engraved and issued
at least ten days in advance of the time chosen for the occasion. In
inviting her guests, the hostess must be sure that she includes only
those among her friends and acquaintances who understand and appreciate
good music, and who enjoy it for itself alone. It is not wise to include
people who are not fond of music (if there really are any such people!)
for they are likely to be bored, and instead of listening quietly to the
selections, talk and fidget and so disturb the other guests who are
anxious to give their undivided attention to the musicians.
The invitations to a musicale require prompt answers. The third person
should be used in both invitations and answers, as the occasion is
strictly a formal one.
The drawing-room, in which the musicale is ordinarily held, should be
bare of all unnecessary furniture save the piano, chairs for the
performers, and seats for the guests. Programs may be printed
sufficiently in advance to distribute at the musicale; they always serve
as appropriate mementos.
THE AFTERNOON MUSICALE
The usual time for the afternoon musicale is from four to six. It is
considerably less formal than a similar affair in the evening, although
still requiring strictly formal third-person etiquette in invitations
and replies.
It is usual, in issuing invitations for musicales, whether held in
afternoon or evening, to have the word "Music" engraved in the lower
left-hand corner. If a famous musician is to play his name may appear on
the invitation.
The musical selections include various numbers to suit the tastes of the
hostess, and those of her guests if she happens to know what they are.
Sometimes there are vocal selections in addition to the instrumental
selections. All professional singers and players are paid for their
services, unless they themselves offer them free. It is very bad form
indeed, to invite a singer or player as a guest, and then expect him to
give his services. And yet it is done so often, by hostesses who think
that they are following the dictates of etiquette to the highest letter
of its law! If the performers are friends of the hostess she should
present each one with a gift of some sort as an expression of her
gratitude for their services.
The lighter music should always be played first, retaining the important
numbers for the end. Many hostesses, when they have a famous
professional for the afternoon's entertainment, start the musicale with
singing or playing by unimportant persons, and end it with the
performance of the celebrated professional. It is always pleasing to the
guests--and also the professional himself.
The hostess, in receiving her guests, stands in the drawing-room and
greets each one as he or she arrives. When the music begins, she seats
herself near the door, and whenever a tardy guest arrives, sees that he
is comfortably seated. Incidentally, it is bad form to come late to a
musicale; it is disturbing to the performers and guests alike.
Guests do not remain long after the afternoon musicale. The chairs are
removed from the drawing-room and ices, punch, little cakes and bonbons
are served. As the guests leave, it is customary for them to thank the
hostess for her entertainment.
THE EVENING MUSICALE
Similar in general aspect is the evening musicale and yet there are
several details that are strikingly different.
It may be held any time in the evening. Again the hostess receives in
the drawing-room, and again the selections may be either vocal or
instrumental. But the general appearance of the entire affair is more
ceremonious, more formal. And after the musicale, instead of simple
refreshments, an elaborate supper is usually given.
This supper may consist of jellied bouillon, roast meats, salads, ices,
confections, punches and coffee. If an important singer or player
contributes to the share of the evening's entertainment he is invited to
join the guests. After supper the guests converse for a half hour or so,
and depart.
CARD PARTIES AT THE MUSICALE
Very often, instead of giving a dinner, a hostess will arrange several
small tables at which four guests can be comfortably seated. She will
serve light refreshments, such as dainty sandwiches, salads, muffins,
bouillon and perhaps ices or coffee. After the light repast, the tables
will be cleared and cards brought out.
If the hostess decides to have cards, after the musicale, she must
mention it in the invitation. The guests may attend only the musicale,
if they wish, and leave when the other guests begin the card game. But
if the musicale is held in the evening, and supper is served, the guest
who remains must also remain for the card games as a matter of courtesy
and politeness. If he does not wish to play he may watch the others and
join in the conversation during the intervals between games.
DUTIES OF GUESTS AT MUSICALES
The one important rule of conduct at the musicale is to maintain
absolute silence during the selections. It is an unforgivable breach of
etiquette to speak, fidget or otherwise disturb the guests while the
numbers are being performed. Encores are permissible, but loud applause
is undeniably vulgar. Silence, interest and attention characterize the
ideal guest at the private concert.
Another duty of the guest is to be prompt. It is very disagreeable to
the performers, and to the hostess, to have guests arrive late and
disturb everyone. However, if one is unavoidably late, to offer profuse
apologies, while the musicians are performing, is to make matters worse
by prolonging the disturbance. Instead the guest should nod, take his or
her seat, and after the musicale, seek out the hostess and offer
apologies for not having been on time.
In taking leave of the hostess, cordial thanks for her entertainment are
in order. Remarks about the playing of the guests are not very good
form, especially if they are in adverse criticism. A word of sincere
praise, however, is never amiss.
DRESS AT THE MUSICALE
Dress at the musicale is essentially what it would be if the occasion
were an elaborate reception, and if it is given in the evening formal
evening dress is worn. In the summer this convention may be set aside in
favor of comfort.
ARRANGING PRIVATE THEATRICALS
Everyone enjoys private theatricals, amateur and otherwise--the hostess,
the guests, and the actors and actresses themselves. It is an ideal
means of entertainment.
In arranging a private theatrical, which is almost invariably an amateur
venture, the first important thing to do is to find a play which is
adapted to that talent which is available. It is wise to appoint a
committee to read numerous plays and select for final consideration
those that seem best fitted to the type of actors and actresses
available. If one of the young men is naturally witty and bubbling over
with hilarity and good fun, he must not be given a part that
necessitates grave and solemn behavior. If he, and the other actors, are
given parts not suited to them, the play is doomed to failure before it
is even staged.
Unless the performers have had some experience in theatricals it is best
to choose a comedy--for even a Greek tragedy in all its poignant
simplicity may become a farce in the hands of unskilful actors.
Rehearsals are of vital importance. The members of the cast must
rehearse and rehearse and rehearse again until they know their parts
perfectly. They must be punctual and regular in their attendance of the
rehearsals; continually to miss them is to spoil the play and a lack of
preparation on the part of one actor is unfair to the others, for
ultimate success depends on each one of the players.
The performance is usually given in the drawing-room of the host who
issues the invitations, which, by the way, must be sent out two or three
weeks in advance. The host must arrange for stage, lighting effects,
seating facilities and all the other incidental details.
THE PLAYERS
In assigning parts care must be taken, as was pointed out above, in
selecting that character which is most in accord with the player's own
character. This is so important that it cannot be over-emphasized. And
when finally the correct part is chosen for him, he must learn his lines
so thoroughly that he will be able, figuratively, to "say them in his
sleep."
Costumes for the play may be obtained from any theatrical supply house.
They must be of the style prevalent at the date of the play; Colonial
clothes in a Mid-Victorian setting foredoom the play to failure. A
curtain may also be hired from a theatrical supply house, but it is very
simple to adjust one made at home by means of brass rings such as are
used in hanging portières. There should be a separation in the center so
that the curtain may be drawn back from both sides.
Footlights may consist of a row of small electric lights, or a row of
reflector lamps will impart the desired effect to the improvised stage.
For wings, large Japanese screens will do or they, too, may be hired
from the people who supply the costumes.
To give the effect of lightning, a magnesia torch is most effective.
Thunder is simulated by beating slowly on a bass drum. Hoof beats seem
quite real when produced by beating two cocoanut shells on marble.
The danger of stage fright can be lessened and almost obliterated after
a sufficient number of rehearsals, and with that poise and
self-confidence that comes with true culture, one should be able to
stand before the largest audience without embarrassment or nervousness.
It is one of the rewards of correct training.
THE GUESTS
As in the musicale, silence is essential. There is nothing more
disconcerting to actors than to notice whispering, giggling or lack of
interest in the audience. Whether the play is worthy of interest or not,
courtesy towards guests and performers demands the appearance of
interest.
Guests must answer invitations promptly. In fact, in almost every
detail, attending a theatrical given in the home of a friend requires
the same etiquette as is observed at a fashionable evening musicale. In
departing, the hostess must be cordially thanked for the pleasant
evening, and if the actors are friends of the assemblage and join the
guests after the play, they, too, must be thanked for their share of the
entertainment.
HOST AND HOSTESS
The host and hostess usually receive together at private theatricals.
They stand together at the door of the drawing-room, welcome each guest
and make the necessary introductions. When the curtain is drawn, they
take seats near the back and rise to greet any delinquent guest.
After the play a supper may be served. If the actors are friends they
join in the supper. But sometimes these private theatricals are not
amateurish, but given by professionals, in which case the etiquette is
somewhat different, and the performers may or may not be invited, as the
hostess chooses.
Engraved cards are issued, and in the lower left-hand corner appears the
name of the play and the leading actor (if he happens to be a
celebrity). The guests are expected to arrive at a definite hour, and
lateness in this case is inexcusable. If the professional players do not
offer their services free, they must receive remuneration for them.
CHAPTER VII
DANCING
DANCING AS A HEALTHFUL ART
Dancing is an art. More than that, it is a healthful art. In its
graceful movements, cadenced rhythms, and expressive charms are evident
the same beautiful emotions that are so eloquently expressed in music,
sculpture, painting. And it is through these expressions of emotion,
through this silent poetry of the body that dancing becomes a healthful
art, for it imparts to the body--and mind--a poise and strength without
which no one can be quite happy.
It is because the vital importance of dancing on the mind and body has
been universally recognized, that it has been added to the curriculum of
public schools in almost every country. We find the youngsters revelling
in folk-dances, and entering dancing games with a spirit that gives
vigor to their bodies, balance and grace to their movements.
Consider, for a moment, the irresistible witchery of music, of rhythmic
cadences. We hear the martial note of the drum, and unconsciously our
feet beat time. We hear the first deep chords of the orchestra, and
involuntarily our fingers mark the time of the measure. With the soft,
mellow harmony of triplet melodies we are transported to the solemn
vastness of a mountain beside a gayly rippling stream. With the deep,
sonorous bursts of triumphant melody, we are transported to the ocean's
edge, where the rumbling of the waves holds us in awed ecstasy. Thoughts
of sorrow, of gladness, of joy, of hope surge through us and cry for
expression. Dancing is nature's way of expressing these emotions.
Then let us dance, for in dancing we find poise and strength and
balance. Let us dance for in dancing we find joy, pleasure, hope. It is
the language of the feelings, and nature meant it for the expression of
those feelings.
It is only when dancing is confined to hot, crowded rooms where the
atmosphere is unwholesome, that it loses its healthful influence on mind
and body. But where there is plenty of room and fresh air, plenty of
good, soul-inspiring music--we say dance, young and old alike, dance for
the keen pleasure and joy of the dance itself, and for the health that
follows in its wake!
DANCE-GIVING NO LONGER A LUXURY
The day of the strictly formal dance, entailing elaborate suppers,
pretentious decorations and large orchestras has passed. In its place is
the simple, enjoyable, inexpensive dance which is at once the delight of
the guests and the pride of the hostess.
Simplicity is the keynote of the modern ball. A piano and two stringed
instruments usually comprise the entire orchestra. The charm of the home
is no longer spoiled by overdecoration; a vase or two containing the
flowers of the season offer the sole touch of festivity. There are, of
course, numerous personal innovations that may be instituted; but as the
guests are assembled for dancing, space and a good floor and plenty of
fresh air are the primary and paramount requisites.
Light refreshments have taken the place of the large suppers of not so
long ago. Hostesses no longer feel over-burdened with a sense of
obligation. The dance has become simple and inexpensive; and because it
is also so thoroughly enjoyable and healthful, it has become a favorite
sport, especially during the cooler months.
THE DÉBUT DANCE
Perhaps the most important dance of all is that given in honor of the
_débutante_. No matter how large or formal a dance may be, it is never
called a "ball" in the invitation. The latter is used only in case of a
large public dance or function. The usual "at home" form of invitation
is used, and in the lower left-hand corner the word _dancing_ is
printed. The name of the young _débutante_ may be included if it is so
desired, although it is not essential. But if it is an evening occasion,
the name of both host and hostess must appear on the invitation.
Whether the dance is held in her own home or in a hall hired for the
occasion, the hostess receives and welcomes each guest. She may be
assisted by several of her friends who are well-known in society. Her
daughter stands beside her and is introduced to those of her mother's
guests whom she has not already met.
The _débutante_ has her first partner selected for her by her mother.
She may not dance with one man more than once on the occasion of her
introduction to society. But she is expected to dance every dance,
returning to receive guests during the intervals. Sometimes the young
_débutante_ has several of her chums receiving with her for the first
half hour. She offers her hand to every guest who arrives, and
introduces in turn the friends who are assisting her.
The father of the _débutante_ may receive with his wife, but his duty is
more to see that all the women have partners, and that the chaperons are
taken into supper. He also sees that the gentlemen do their duty as
dancers instead of remaining in the dressing room to smoke and chat. The
hostess does not dance at all, or if she does, it is usually late in the
evening. She remains at her post at the door, welcoming guests and
seeing that all shy men get partners and all the young girls have a good
time. One paramount duty of the hostess is so to arrange her invitations
that there will be very many more men than women; this eliminates the
chance of there being any unhappy wallflowers. Another consideration is
to arrange the chairs in informal little groups instead of close to the
walls in a solemn and dreary line.
COSTUME BALLS
The costume ball is conducted very much on the same order as the formal
ball. The invitations are issued two or three weeks before the date set
for the dance, and as for the _début_ dance, the word _ball_ does not
appear on it. Instead the words "Costumes of the Twelfth Century" or
"Shakespearean Costumes" or whatever may be decided upon are printed in
the lower left-hand corner of usual "at home" cards.
In selecting a fancy costume, one must be careful to choose only what is
_individually_ becoming. It must be in perfect harmony with one's
personality. To assume a character that is in every way opposed to one's
own character is unwise and ungratifying. A sedate, quiet young miss
should not choose a Folly Costume. Nor should a jolly, vivacious young
lady elect to emulate Martha Washington. And furthermore, a character
must not be merely dressed--it must be _lived_. The successful costume
ball must be realistic.
SUBSCRIPTION DANCES
What is the purpose of the subscription dance? The question is a common
one. And the answer is simple.
A subscription dance is given for the same reason that any other dance
is given--to be surrounded by one's friends, to enjoy music and dancing,
and generally to have a "good time." It is conducted very much on the
order of the formal dance, except that it is semi-public and is usually
held in a public hall. There is no host or hostess, of course; their
place is held by an appointed committee or by the patronesses of the
dance. They stand at the door of the ballroom to welcome guests, and
they may either offer their hands or bow in greeting. It is the duty of
the patronesses to introduce those of the guests who are not already
acquainted.
Each subscriber to the dance has the privilege of inviting a certain
number of friends to the function. Or, if the membership decide to give
several periodic dances, he is entitled to invite a certain number of
friends to each one of them. The invitations are issued two weeks ahead
and require a prompt acceptance or regrets.
Sometimes elaborate suppers are served at the subscription dance, the
money for the expenses having been appropriated from the subscription
fees for the entertainment. Or simple refreshments, such as dainty
sandwiches, salads, ices, cakes and punch, may be served at small, round
tables.
In departing, it is not considered necessary to take leave of the
patronesses. However, if they are on duty at the door, a cordial word or
two of consideration for their efforts may be extended.
THE BALLROOM
Everything in the ballroom should suggest gayety, light and beauty. The
floor, of course, is the most important detail. A polished hardwood
floor offers the most pleasing surface for dancing. If the wood seems
sticky, paraffine wax adds a smoothness that actually tempts one to
dance.
Flowers are always pleasing. Huge ferns may grace unexpected corners and
greens may add a festive note, if the hostess so desires. But there must
not be an obvious attempt at decoration. Rather nothing at all, than so
very much that it borders on the ostentatious.
In fact, the dance is tending more and more to become a simple and
unpretentious function. The elaborate decorations and fashionable
conventions that attended the minuet and quadrille of several decades
ago have given way to a jolly informality which makes the dance so
delightful and popular a way of entertaining.
MUSIC AT THE DANCE
The music, of course, is important. A piano and one or two stringed
instruments are sufficient. The musicians should be hidden behind a
cluster of palms, or placed in a balcony.
Ordinarily the selections are arranged previously by the hostess. She
must also arrange for encores, and should make provision for special
selections which the guests may desire.
DANCE PROGRAMS
The dance program is rarely used now except at college dances, or army
and navy dances. It has lost prestige with the passing of the
old-fashioned ball. But sometimes there are special occasions when the
hostess wishes to have programs, in which case they serve not only as
pretty and convenient adjuncts to the occasion, but as appropriate
mementos.
Gilt-edged cards attached with a silk cord and provided with a tiny
pencil are pretty when an attractive little sketch or a bit of verse
enlivens the front cover. Each dance is entered on the program--and many
a delightful memory is kept alive by glancing at these names days after
the dance was held. These programs may be filled beforehand or they may
be filled at the dance.
DINNER DANCES
At the dinner dance, the hostess issues two sets of invitations, one for
those whom she wishes to invite for dinner and dance both, and one for
those whom she wishes to invite to the dance only. For the former the
ordinary dinner invitation may be issued, with the words "Dancing at
Nine" added in the left-hand corner. For the latter, the ordinary "at
home" invitation with the same words "Dancing at Nine" added also in the
left-hand corner is correct form.
Often the hostess has a buffet supper instead of a dinner. All the
guests partake of this refreshment. On a long table, decorated with
flowers, are salads, sandwiches, ices, jellies and fruits which may be
partaken of throughout the entire evening. Sometimes hot bouillon is
also served, and very often a midnight supper is given at which hot
courses are in order.
If a dance is scheduled to be held in the ballroom of a hotel, the
guests who are invited to dinner may be served in the dining-room of
that hotel. The small tables are usually decorated with lamps and
flowers for the occasion, and the dinner may be ordered by the hostess
several days in advance.
DRESSING ROOMS
Whether the dance be large or small, dressing rooms, or coat rooms, as
they are sometimes called, are essential for the convenience of the
guests. There must be one for the gentlemen and one for the ladies, each
properly furnished.
It is usual to have a maid servant in attendance in the dressing room
set apart for the ladies. She helps them relieve themselves of their
wraps when they arrive, and to don them again when they are ready to
depart. A dressing-table, completely furnished with hand-mirror, powder,
perfume and a small lamp, should be provided. A full-size mirror is
always appreciated. Sometimes, when a great number of guests are
expected, a checking system is devised to simplify matters and aid the
maid in identifying the wraps.
The men's dressing room may be provided with a smoking table supplied
with all the necessary requisites for smoking, matches, ash-trays,
cigar-cutters, etc. Here also a servant is usually on hand to offer the
gentleman his service wherever it is needed.
THE DANCE
There is a lesser formality, a greater gayety in the ballroom of to-day.
The dance-card and program are no longer enjoying unrivaled vogue as
they did when our grandmothers' danced the waltz and cotillon. The
pauses between dances are shorter. Something of the old dignity is gone,
but in its place is a new romance that is perhaps more gratifying. It is
not a romance of the Mid-Victorian period, or a romance that carries
with it the breath of mystery. It is a strangely companionable and
level-headed romance which pervades the ballroom and makes everyone,
young and old, man and woman, want to get out on the floor and dance to
the tune of the pretty melodies.
But the ballroom of good society, must retain its dignity even while it
indulges in the new "romance of the dance." It must observe certain
little rules of good conduct without which it loses all the grace and
charm which are the pride and inspiration of the dancing couples. There
is, for instance, the etiquette of asking a lady to dance, and accepting
the invitation in a manner graciously befitting the well-bred young lady
of the twentieth century.
WHEN THE LADY IS ASKED TO DANCE
Before asking anyone else to dance, the gentleman must request the first
dance of the lady he escorted to the ball. Then he takes care that she
has a partner for each dance, and that she is never left a wallflower
while he dances with some other lady.
At the conclusion of the dance, the gentleman thanks the lady for the
dance and goes off to find his next partner. The lady does not seek her
partner for the next dance, if she has promised it to anyone, but waits
until he comes to claim her. A man should never leave a woman standing
alone on the floor.
"CUTTING IN"
A modern system of "cutting in" seems to be enjoying a vogue among our
young people. While a dance is in progress, a young man may "cut in" and
ask the lady to finish the dance with him. If the dance has not been
very long in progress, and the young lady wishes to continue it, she may
nod and say, "The next time we pass here." The dance continues around
the room, and when the couple reach the same place again, the lady
leaves her partner and finishes the dance with the young man who has
"cut in."
Perhaps this custom of "cutting in" carries with it the merest
suggestion of discourtesy, but when we consider the informal gayety of
the ballroom, the keen and whole-hearted love of dancing, we can
understand why the privilege is extended. Like many another privilege,
it becomes distasteful when it is abused.
It is not good form for a couple to dance together so many times as to
make themselves conspicuous.
Men should not neglect their duty as dancers because they prefer to
smoke or simply to act as spectators.
DANCING POSITIONS
Dancing has been revolutionized since the day when the German waltz was
first introduced to polite society. And it is safe to say that some of
our austere granddames would feel righteously indignant if they were
suddenly brought back to the ballroom and forced to witness some of the
modern dance innovations!
There seems to be an attempt, on the part of the younger generation
(although the older generation is not so very far behind!) to achieve
absolute freedom of movement, to go through the dance with a certain
unrestrained impulsiveness unknown to the minuet or graceful quadrille.
These newer dances and dancing interpretations are charming and
entertaining; and yet there is the possibility of their becoming vulgar
if proper dancing positions are not taken. The position is especially
important in the latest dances.
In guiding a lady across the polished floor to the tune of a simple
waltz or a gay fox-trot, the gentleman encircles her waist half way with
his right arm, laying the palm of his hand lightly just above the waist
line. With his left hand, he holds her right at arm's length in the
position most comfortable for both of them, taking special care not to
hold it in an awkward or ungainly position. His face is always turned
slightly to the left, while hers usually faces front or slightly to the
right. The girl should place her left arm on her partner's right arm.
She must follow him and not try to lead the dance herself.
When the dance requires certain swaying movements, as almost all modern
dances do, the lady inclines her body in harmony with that of her
partner, and if the proper care is taken to retain one's poise and
dignity, not even a most exacting chaperon can find fault with the new
steps.
WHEN THE GUEST DOES NOT DANCE
Always at a dance, formal or informal, there are guests who do not
dance. Usually they are men, for there is rarely a woman who does not
know the steps of the latest dances--that is, if she ever does accept
invitations at all. But "the guest who does not dance" is one of the
unfortunate things the hostess has to put up with at every one of her
dances.
And there is rarely ever an excuse for it. Every man who mingles in
society at all, who enjoys the company of brilliant women and attractive
young ladies, who accepts the invitations of hostesses, is failing in
his duty when he offers as an excuse the fact that he doesn't know how
to dance--for there are sufficient schools of dancing in every city and
town where the latest steps can be learned quickly.
If for any reason, a gentleman does not know how to dance, and does not
want to learn, he may make up for it by entertaining the chaperons while
their charges are dancing,--conversing with them, walking about with
them and escorting them to the refreshment table, and altogether show by
his kind attentiveness that he realizes his deficiency and wishes to
make up for it. To lounge in the dressing-room, smoking and chatting
with other gentlemen is both unfair to the hostess and essentially rude
in the matter of ballroom etiquette. The true gentleman would rather
decline an invitation than be unfair to his hostess and her guests in
this respect.
PUBLIC DANCES
Very often public dances are given in honor of some special occasion or
a celebrated guest. They are very much like private dances, except that
a specially appointed committee fulfills the position and duties of the
hostess. At most public balls, the committee is composed of men and
women who wear badges to indicate their position, and who stand at the
door to receive and welcome each guest. These men and women do not dance
the first dance, but wait until later in the evening when they are quite
sure that all the guests have arrived; and then they are always back at
their duty during the intervals between dances.
Guests arriving at a public dance greet the patronesses with a smile of
welcome and a word or two, but rarely offer their hands to be shaken
unless the ladies serving as patronesses take the initiative. They may
stay for one or two dances, or throughout the whole evening, as they
prefer; and when departing, it is not necessary to seek out the
patronesses and bid them good-by.
Engraved invitations are usually issued three weeks before the date set
for the ball. On these cards the names of the patronesses are also
engraved. If the entrance to the ball is by purchased ticket, such as is
always the case when the ball is given for some charity, the invitations
must be preserved and shown at the entrance.
Sometimes a supper is included in the arrangement of the public ball,
and in such case a caterer is engaged to attend to all details,
including servants. A buffet supper is always the most pleasing and
satisfactory as the guests may partake of the foods when they desire
and there is no confusion or interruption to the dance. Hot bouillon,
various meats, salads, cakes, ices, fruits and confections are an ideal
menu. Coffee or punch is sometimes added.
When a public ball is given in honor of some special person, that person
must be met on his arrival and immediately introduced to the women on
the reception committee and escorted to the seat reserved for him. He
must be attended throughout the evening, introduced to everyone he does
not know, and all his wants carefully taken care of. When he departs, he
must be escorted to his carriage, and if he is a celebrated personage
thanked for his presence--although truly cultured gentlemen prefer not
to have this honor paid them.
A public ball is either a tremendous success or a miserable failure.
There is no in-between. And the success or failure rests solely on the
good judgment and influence of the ladies and gentlemen of the
committees, including, of course, those who receive. To mingle freely
among the guests, to join in the conversation, to introduce guests to
each other and find partners for the "wallflowers"--all these little
services tend to arouse a spirit of friendliness and harmony that cannot
but result in an evening that will be long remembered in the minds of
every guest.
A PLEA FOR DANCING
Lately there has been a great deal of unfavorable criticism directed
against the modern dances. There have been newspaper articles condemning
the "latest dance fads" as immoral and degrading. There have been
speeches and lectures against "shaking and twisting of the body into
weird, outlandish contortions." There have been vigorous crusades
against dance halls. And all because a few ill-bred, fun-loving,
carefree young people wrongly interpreted the new dances in their own
way and gave to the steps the vulgar abandon appropriate only to the
cheap vaudeville stage or the low dance hall.
Dancing, even the shoulder-shaking, oscillating dancing of to-day, is
really not intended to be vulgar or immoral at all, despite the crusades
of the anti-immorality dancing committees! What is dancing, after all,
if not the expression of one's ideals and emotions? It is only the man
or woman with a vulgar mind, with base ideals, who will give a vulgar
interpretation to a dance of any kind. But the essentially fine girl,
the really well-bred man, the people who, by their poise and dignity
have earned for America the envied title of "Republic of the
Aristocrats"--they dance these latest creations for the sheer joy of the
dance itself, reveling in its newness, enjoying the novelty of its
"different" steps, seeing nothing in its slow undulations or brisk
little steps, but art--a "jazzy" art, to be sure, but still the
beautiful art of dancing.
And so we plead--let the younger generation enjoy its giddy waltzes and
brisk-paced fox-trots and fancy new dances just as grandmother, when she
was young, was allowed to enjoy the minuet and the slow waltz. They are
different, yes, and rather hard to accept after the dignified dances of
not so long ago. But they are picturesque, to say the least, and
artistic. The gracefully-swaying bodies, keeping step in perfect harmony
to the tunes of the newer symphony orchestras, are delightful to watch;
and in good society, young men and women can always be trusted to deport
themselves with utter grace and poise.
The minuet was decidedly graceful. The old German waltz with its
dreamy, haunting melody was beautiful as it was enjoyable. But they have
been relegated into the days of hoop skirts and powdered wigs. To-day
the "jazzy" dances are in vogue, and society in its lowest and highest
circles is finding intense pleasure in the whirling, swirling dances
decreed by fashion as her favorites. Why complain? Perhaps in another
year or two, these giddy-paced dances will be "out of style" and in
their stead will be solemn, slow dances more graceful and stately than
even the minuet of yore.
THE CHARM OF DRESS IN DANCING
Immediately after the Reign of Terror, France was plunged into a
reckless round of unrestrained gayety that can come only from love of
life and youth and laughter long pent-up. It was as though an avalanche
of joy had been released; it was in reality the reaction from the
terrors and nightmares of those two years of horror. The people were
free, free to do as they pleased without the fear of the guillotine ever
present; and all France went mad with rejoicing.
It was then that dancing came into its own. Almost overnight huge dance
halls sprang up. The homes of wealthy aristocrats who had been
sacrificed to the monster guillotine, were converted into places for
dancing. Every available inch of space was utilized for the dance. And
the more these freed people danced, the more their spirits soared with
the joy of life and living, until they found in the dance itself the
interpretation of freedom and all that it means.
A biographer who was an eye-witness of this madcap Paris, wrote in
detail about the dance and the dress of these people. He told how they
dressed in the brightest clothes they could obtain, for maddened with
happiness as they were, they instinctively felt that bright clothes
would enliven their spirits. And they did!
"The room was a mass of swirling, twirling figures," the biographer
writes, "men, women and children in weird, vivid clothes. It seemed
natural that they should be dancing so wildly in their wild costumes; in
their sabots and aprons of two months ago they would not have been able
to take one step."
It is, then, the spirit of clothes that imparts to one the spirit of the
dance. We have mentioned these facts about the Reign of Terror to show
what effect clothes do have on the spirit, and incidentally to show what
the ballroom owes to dress. For it is undoubtedly the gayly-colored
dance frock of the miss of the twentieth century, and the strikingly
immaculate dance suit of her partner that gives to the ballroom to-day
much of its splendid brilliance.
AT THE AFTERNOON DANCE
There can be no comparison between the mad dance of freed France and the
simple, graceful dance of to-day. Yet we can see the effect of clothes
in relation to both.
It is not often that dances are held in the afternoon, but when the
occasion does arise, dress is just as gay and colorful as one can wear
without being gaudy. The decorous effect of these bright-colored
costumes is what brings the "giddy kaleidoscopic whirl of colors and
costumes, modes and manners" that the historian speaks of when he
mentions the ballroom.
For the afternoon dance, we would suggest that the very young person
choose the fluffiest and most becoming style which fashion permits. Trim
it gaily, but above all, make it youthful--for youth and dancing are
peculiarly allied.
The older woman will want a gown that is more suited to her years. It
may be of taffeta, Canton crêpe or _crêpe-de-chine_; but satin is one of
the materials that is preferred for more formal occasions than the
afternoon dance. The colors may be somber, to match one's tastes, but
the trimming should have a note of gayety.
_Décolleté_ is never worn at the afternoon dance. Short sleeves may be
worn if Fashion favors them at the time, and the neck of the gown is
also cut on the lines that agree with the prevalent mode. But it is
extremely bad taste, even for a very celebrated guest of honor, to
attend the afternoon dance in a sleeveless, _décolleté_ gown.
A late custom seems to favor the wearing of satin slippers to match the
gown. It is not by any means bad taste, but patent leather or kid pumps
are preferred for the afternoon, reserving the more elaborate satin
pumps for evening wear. Long white silk or kid gloves and a
light-colored afternoon wrap complete the correct dress for the
afternoon dance. The hat, of course, depends on Fashion's whim at the
moment.
GENTLEMEN AT THE DANCE
In summer, the gentleman may wear a complete suit of gray with a white
duck waistcoat and light linen to the afternoon dance, completing his
costume with black patent leather shoes or oxford ties, light gray
gloves, and straw hat with black and white band. But whether it be for
summer or winter, the dark suit is always better taste.
It may be of serge, twillet or homespun, preference being given always
to the conventional navy blue serge. Double-breasted models are
appropriate for the young man; single-breasted for the older. Light
linen and bright ties are in full accordance with the gay colors worn by
the women at the dance. The coat may be the ordinary unlined, straight
hanging overcoat of thin material in a light color, or it may be an
attractive full-belted raglan coat of tan or brown fleece. In either
case it is worn with the conventional afternoon hat of the season.
DRESS FOR THE BALL
When the dance is held in the evening, it often assumes an air of
formality.
It is at the ball that such important events as introducing one's
daughter to society or celebrating the graduation of one's son from
college, takes place.
Of course, one wears one's most important jewels to the ball, and
indulges in a headdress that is a trifle more elaborate than usual. The
event is a brilliant one, and if gaudiness and ostentation are
conscientiously avoided, one may dress as elaborately as one pleases.
This does not mean, however, that the woman whose purse permits only one
evening gown, need feel ill at ease or self-conscious at the ball, for
simplicity has a delightful attractiveness all its own, and if the gown
is well-made of excellent materials, and in a style and color that is
becoming, one will be just as effectively dressed as the much-bejeweled
dowager.
DRESS OF THE DÉBUTANTE
A gown is chosen with much premeditated consideration for so momentous
an occasion as being ushered into society. The young lady does well to
seek the advice of her friends who are already in society, and of her
modiste who knows by long experience just what is correct and becoming.
But perhaps we can give some advice here that will be helpful.
A delicately tinted gown, in pastel shades, or one that is pure white is
preferred for the happy _débutante_. Tulle, chiffon, net and silk
georgette are the most popular materials. The style should be youthful
and simple, preferably bordering on the bouffant lines rather than on
those that are more severely slender. The neck may be cut square, round
or heart-shaped, and elbow-length sleeves or full-length lace sleeves
are preferred. The sleeveless gown is rarely worn by the young
_débutante_.
The _débutante_ who wears many jewels displays poor taste. Just a string
of softly glowing pearls, or one small diamond brooch, is sufficient.
Her hair should be arranged simply in a French coil or youthful
coiffure, and should be wholly without ornamentation. Simplicity, in
fact, is one of the charms of youth, and the wise young person does not
sacrifice it to over-elaboration, even on the day of her _début_.
WRAPS AT THE BALL
The woman wears her most elaborate evening wrap to the ball. Soft
materials in light shades are suggested, with trimmings of fur for the
winter months. A wrap of old blue or old rose velvet with a collar of
white fox is becoming and attractive when it is within one's means. But
the simple wrap of cloth, untrimmed, is certainly better taste for the
woman whose means are limited. However, discrimination should be shown
in the selection of lines and colors. A simple wrap, well-cut, and of
fine material in a becoming shade, is as appropriate and effective as a
wrap completely of fur. For the woman who must dress economically a dark
loose coat of black satin is serviceable for many occasions.
Hats are never worn to the ball. A shawl or scarf of fine lace may be
thrown over the hair and shoulders. Or a smaller shawl may be tied
merely around the head. Satin pumps are worn, usually with buckle
trimmings; and long gloves of white silk or kid, or in a color to match
the gown, complete the outfit.
BALL DRESS FOR MEN
Nothing less strictly formal than the complete full dress suit is worn
by the gentleman at the evening ball. His costume strikes a somber, yet
smart, note.
Whether it be summer or winter, the gentleman wears the black full dress
coat, lapels satin-faced if he so desires, and trousers to match. Full
rolled waistcoat, small bow-tie and stiff linen are all immaculately
white. Patent leather pumps and black silk socks complete the outfit.
In summer, the gentleman wears over his full dress suit a light unlined
coat, preferably black in color. If the lapels of the suit are
satin-faced, the coat lapels may correspond. White kid gloves are worn,
and a conventional silk hat. In winter, the coat may be a heavy,
dark-colored raglan, although the Chesterfield overcoat more suits his
dignified dress. With it he wears white kid gloves and a high silk hat
or felt Alpine as he prefers.
FOR THE SIMPLE COUNTRY DANCE
There can be nothing more picturesque and delightful than some of the
pretty little social dances held in the smaller towns. Sometimes they
are held in the afternoon; more often in the evening, but always they
are a source of keen enjoyment both to the participants and to those who
"look on."
We are going to tell you about a dance held recently in the home of a
social leader in a typical small town. Everyone of any consequence
whatever attended, and the occasion proved one worthy of remembrance in
the social annals of the town. There were perhaps one hundred and fifty
women and one hundred men. Three rooms in the hostess' home were thrown
open into one huge ballroom. The dancing began at eight o'clock in the
evening--rather early for the city, but unusually late for this country
town.
To a visitor from so gay a metropolis as New York, the simplicity of the
women's dress was a pleasing change. They were in evening dress,
yes,--but a strangely more conservative evening dress than that
described previously for the formal ball. There were no sleeveless
gowns, no elaborate _décolletés_. Taffetas, chiffons and silk brocades
were developed simply into gowns of dignified charm. One did not notice
individual gowns, for no one woman was dressed more elaborately than
another. This is what everyone should strive for--simplicity with charm
and a complete absence of all conspicuousness.
[Illustration:
Photo by George H. Davis, Jr. Courtesy of the _Woman's Home Companion_
THE PUNCH TABLE
This is a very pleasing form of refreshment during the summer months]
Fashion has been condemned. Women have been ridiculed for their "extreme
tastes." As a matter of fact, civilization owes dress a great debt, and
women have an inherent good taste. And both these facts are forcibly
proved at the country dance, where simplicity and harmony of color
combine to give an effect that is wholly delightful and charming.
The lesson we might take from this is that simplicity in dress has more
beauty and effect than elaborate "creations."
CHAPTER VIII
GAMES AND SPORT
WHY THE WORLD PLAYS
All the world loves to play. In childhood, it is the very language of
life. In youth, it vies with the sterner business of young manhood or
womanhood. When we are older and the days of childhood are but a fading
memory, we still have some "hobby" that offers recreation from our
business and social duties. It may be golf or tennis or billiards; but
it is _play_--and it is a relaxation.
It is a fundamental law of nature that we shall play in proportion to
the amount of work we do. The inevitable "tired business man" finds
incentive in the thought of a brisk game of golf after closing hours.
The busy hostess looks forward to the afternoon that she will be able to
devote exclusively to tennis. The man or woman who does not "play" is
missing one of the keenest pleasures of life.
But there is an etiquette of sport and games, just as there is an
etiquette of the ballroom and dinner table. One must know how to conduct
oneself on the golf links and at the chess table, just as one must know
how to conduct oneself at dinner or at the opera. And in one's play, one
must remember that touching little fable of the frogs who were stoned by
boys, in which the poor little creatures cried, "What is play to you is
death to us." Be kind, unselfish and fair. Do not sacrifice, in the
exciting joyousness of the game, the little courtesies of social life.
Remember Burns' pretty bit of verse--we cannot resist the temptation of
printing it here:
"Pleasures are like poppies spread,
You seize the flower, its bloom is shed;
Or, like the snowfall on the river,
A moment white, then melts forever."
FAIR PLAY
Nothing so quickly betrays a person as unfairness in games. It hardly
seems necessary to mention it, to caution anyone against it. Yet so many
people are prone to believe that the courtesies we observe in social
life, may be entirely forgotten in the world of sport and pleasure--and
that with them, we may forget our scruples. "Cheating" is a harsh word
and we do not want to use it. But what other word can be used to
describe unfairness, to describe selfish discourtesies?
"Fair play is a jewel." This proverb has been handed down to us among
other old sayings of the Danish, and Denmark loves its games and sports
as few other countries do. It was here that the game of Bridge first had
its inception. It was here that the game of "Boston" first won
prominence. Many of the games and sports practiced in America to-day had
their origin in Denmark. And it was that country that gave to us the
golden proverb, "Fair play is a jewel."
We could fill a complete volume on the ethics of sport, but it is not
necessary to elaborate on the subject in a book of etiquette. When you
are on the tennis courts or at the billiard tables remember only to
observe the same good manners and courtesies that characterize your
social life--and you will play fair.
INDOOR GAMES
Bridge and chess have long been the boon of puzzled hostesses. These
indoor games offer a wealth of interest and enjoyment to visiting
guests, and in social circles they are frequently resorted to, to make
an afternoon or evening pass pleasantly.
Every woman who ever invites people to her home should know the
etiquette of indoor games. It is also necessary that she herself know
how to play the games, as it will be expected that she join her guests.
At a recent silver wedding the host and hostess evolved the novel idea
of spending the evening playing bridge with the guests and offering
silver prizes to the winners. Everyone enjoyed the evening, and it saved
the hostess the trouble of worrying about providing satisfactory
entertainment.
Some women who enjoy indoor games form clubs for the purpose of devoting
one or more afternoons or evenings a week to the favored game. There are
numerous chess and bridge clubs that meet in private homes or in
club-rooms rented for the purpose. The usual method is to meet at the
home of one of the members, rotating each week so that each member has
her turn at being hostess.
CHESS
There is something romantic, something strangely fanciful in the old
game of chess. Its origin is forgotten in a dim past--a past around
which is woven historical tales of kings and queens, interesting
anecdotes of ancient sports and pleasures. There is perhaps no indoor
game as old and as beloved. (See footnote.)[B]
[B] To inspire interest in certain games, and to give renewed zest
to those who have already made one of these games a hobby, it was
considered worth-while to give in these chapters the interesting
facts regarding the origin of some of our popular modern games. We
are indebted to Paul Monckton, whose splendid book, "Pastimes in
Times Past" has helped us to make this possible.
Chess is also one of the most universal of games. In slightly altered
form, it is played in almost every country. Games resembling chess are
found even in uncivilized countries. To know the rudiments of the game,
is to be able to enter into at least one sport when traveling in other
countries.
We trace the origin of chess to the ancient Sanscrit Indians. At that
time it was known as "chatauranga." From this word, the word "shatrang"
was evolved, developing slowly into our modern word "chess." It was in
the sixteenth century that the surface of the chess-board was chequered
black and white. Just as the capture of a king by enemies meant the
terminating of his rule of the kingdom in those days, the capture of the
"king" on the chess-board to-day terminates the game.
It is interesting to note that the different "pieces" used in the game
of chess all have their origin in ancient history. The game is one of
the most interesting in existence, and the man or woman who does not
already know how to play it, should learn how as soon as possible. There
are numerous authorities who are only too glad to teach it.
The hostess who plans a chess-party for her guests should arrange a
sufficient number of small tables in the drawing-or reception-room.
Usually coffee and wafers are served as refreshment in the afternoon;
but if the party is held in the evening, it usually terminates in a
cold midnight supper.
BRIDGE
Bridge is one of our most popular card-games--particularly so among
women. It is also one of the most interesting indoor games ever
invented, and therefore usually adopted by the hostess who wishes to
entertain her guests for the afternoon or evening.
England greeted the origin of bridge, about fifty years ago, with great
delight. The game speedily became one of the most popular ones in social
circles. Perhaps if we exclude whist, bridge has taken a greater hold
upon the popular imagination than any other card-game ever invented.
The origin of the word "bridge" itself is buried in the mists of
uncertainty. Some say that it comes from the Tartar word "birintch"
which means "town-crier." Others contend that it comes from the Russian
word "biritch" meaning Russian whist. But whatever its origin, the word
means a game of such utter interest and delight, that it should be well
understood and frequently indulged in by hostesses and their guests.
There are two kinds of bridge; one, known as Auction Bridge is for three
players. Ordinary bridge is for four players. In the former game, one
depends largely upon luck. But skill is a very necessary requisite to
the one who wishes to play and win in ordinary bridge. Writers on games
declare that Auction Bridge is more of a "gambling" game than ordinary
bridge. But hostesses who do not favor "gambling" in any form, had
better choose chess as their popular game, for it is the only game from
which the element of chance is entirely absent. But bridge, perhaps by
virtue of its very element of chance, is to-day one of the most popular
indoor games.
The hostess who invites friends to a bridge-party should provide
sufficient card tables for the purpose. If the party consists entirely
of ladies, it is usually held in the afternoon and light refreshments
are served. If men join the party it is usually held in the evening and
terminates in a midnight supper.
BILLIARDS AND CROQUET
There seems to be some very intimate connection between croquet and
billiards. But while croquet is a very old game and now rapidly lapsing
into disuse, billiards is a comparatively new one enjoying very wide
popularity. The fact that small billiard tables are being made to fit
conveniently into the drawing-room at home, proves that the modern host
and hostess recognize the popularity of the game.
Croquet, we find from studying the history of games, was played in the
thirteenth century. Billiards, which we speak of as being "comparatively
new," was known in the seventeenth century, for does not Shakespeare
have Cleopatra say in Antony's temporary absence:
"Let us to billiards:
Come, Charmian."
Billiards is a game that lends itself to betting. While this may be
permissible in a public billiard place, it is not good form in a private
home where the hostess invites a few friends to enjoy the game with her.
She should not invite many people unless she has several tables to
place at their disposal.
Croquet is played on the lawn. Hidden in the forgotten origin of
billiards, there must be some connection between the green lawn of
croquet and the green baize cloth of the billiard table. Croquet is
played with mallets and balls, very much on the same order as the game
of billiards.
The game of croquet is derived from the same source as hockey. The old
French word "hoquet," meaning a "crooked stick" has very much the same
meaning as the word "croquet." Both are excellent outdoor sports that
guests at a house party will find enjoyable and interesting.
One hostess we know, who is a billiard enthusiast, has six tables in her
"billiard room," as she calls it, where she entertains several guests
almost every afternoon. On the wall is a large picture showing two
stately old gentlemen playing a game of billiards, and beneath it in
bold hand-lettering, the following bit of verse from Cotton's book, "The
Compleat Gamester":
Billiards from Spain at first derived its name,
Both an ingenious and a cleanly game.
One gamester leads (the table green as grass)
And each like warriors, strive to gain the Pass.
OUTDOOR GAMES
At garden parties, house parties, and lawn parties, there is always the
need for interesting, amusing games that will afford entertainment for
the guests. The hostess who knows the various games that are popular
among the younger and older sets, will be able to spend many jolly,
pleasant mornings and afternoons with her guests.
Not only for the hostess and her guest, but for every man or woman who
loves games and sports, who enjoys being outdoors, there are sports that
are as enjoyable as they are health-building. There can be nothing more
delightful, on a Saturday afternoon, than to go out on the links and
enjoy a good game of golf. And there can be nothing more invigorating to
the tired hostess than a brisk game of lawn tennis on a sunny afternoon.
To the splendid outdoor games of America, our young women owe their
lithe, graceful bodies and their glowing good health; and our young men
owe their well-knit forms and muscular strength. No appeal can be too
strong in encouraging people to indulge more freely in outdoor
sports--and especially people who spend a great deal of their time in
businesses that confine them to offices.
LAWN TENNIS
Tennis is always popular and always interesting.
Those who love the game will enjoy a bit of the history of its origin
and of its development in recent years. It is not a new game. The exact
date of its origin is not known, and perhaps never will be, but we do
know that it was imported into England from France at a very early date.
Originally it was called "palmplay" because the palm was used to cast
the ball to the other side. And instead of the net, a mud-wall was used
to separate the two sides.
The game of tennis flourished in the time of Joan of Arc, for we find
her namesake, a certain Jean Margot, born in 1421, called the "amazon of
medieval tennis" by Paul Monckton in his book, "Pastimes in Times
Past." He tells us also that she could play ball better than any man in
France.
In the fifteenth century, tennis fell into disrepute because of the
large amount of betting. But gradually, with the passing of the years
and the development of the tennis courts, it once more came into its
own, and soon we find that it had become so popular and fashionable that
it threatened to eclipse even cricket, England's most popular outdoor
game. Then once again it lapses into neglect, not to return to the lawns
and courts again until 1874. Since that year, Lawn Tennis has steadily
risen to the ranks of the most favored social game in America and
England. In the past few years changes and improvements have been made
and as the game now stands it is truly the "king of games"--as Major
Wingfield described it more than two decades ago.
The hostess who invites friends to a tennis game should be sure that her
courts are in good condition. It is her duty to supply the net, balls
and racquets, although some enthusiasts prefer using their own racquets.
Whether or not the hostess joins in the games herself, depends entirely
upon her personal preference, and upon convenience. Usually, however,
she is expected to play at least one set.
GOLF
The fact that Pepys, in his well-known diary, tells us that he saw the
Duke of York playing golf (known then as Paille-Maille) is sufficient
evidence of the antiquity of the game. It is of Scotch origin, being
played in the Lowlands as early as 1300. The very words "caddie,"
"links" and "tee" are Scotch. "Caddie" is another word for cad, but the
meaning of that word has changed considerably with the passing of the
centuries. "Link" means "a bend by the river bank," but literally means
a "ridge of land." "Tee" means a "mark on the ground."
It seems that golfing has some strange charm from which there is no
escaping once one has experienced it. To play golf and to learn its
fascination, is to love it always and be unable to forsake it. James I
and Prince Henry his son, were ardent golfers. Charles I was also a
lover of golf, and it is related that the news of the Irish Rebellion in
1642 was brought to him while he was playing at the Links at Leith. Sir
John Foulis, Earl John of Montrose, Duncan Forbes and the Duke of
Hamilton are other notables of history, known to have been addicted to
the game.
In 1754 a Golf Club was founded in England, pledging themselves to
compete each year for a silver cup. In 1863 another Royal Golf Club was
founded of which the Prince of Wales was elected Captain. The minutes
and records of this club reveal many interesting, and ofttimes amusing,
customs that presaged the very customs practiced by golf-lovers to-day.
One reason why golf is so popular is that it is a sport in which old and
young can join on an equal footing. In this manner it is unlike hockey
or other similar games, where strength and training are essential. But
one must not have the impression that golf can be played once or twice,
and then known and understood thoroughly. It is the kind of game that
must be played enthusiastically and constantly; and gradually one
becomes conscious of a fascination that can hardly be found in any other
game or sport.
There is a distinct etiquette of the links that should be known by the
hostess who plans a golfing party, and also by everyone who plays the
game. Courtesy is one of the unwritten laws of the links. It is
considered an unpardonable sin to speak or move when watching another
player make a drive. It is also unpardonable to attempt to play through
the game of persons who are ahead on the links.
SOME IMPORTANT RULES ABOUT GOLF
In teeing-off, one should be quite sure that one's immediate
predecessors from the tee are at least two shots in advance. Otherwise
there is danger of injuring other players; and there is also the
confusion of driving balls among those of near-by players. If, however,
a ball is driven into the space of greensward where another player is
concentrating upon his ball an apology should be made.
Sometimes skillful and rapid players find their progress over the links
retarded by players who are slow and inaccurate. These slow players may
be new at the game, or they may prefer to play slowly. At any rate, it
is good form for the rapid players to request that they be permitted to
play through ahead of the others; or it is still better for the slow
players themselves, when they see that they are retarding others, to
volunteer stepping aside while the others play through. A courtesy of
this kind requires cordial thanks.
Putting is a delicate and difficult operation upon which the entire
success of the game rests. Spectators must keep this in mind when they
are on the links, and they must not stand so close to the player that
they will interfere with his concentration. It is extremely bad form to
talk, whisper or shuffle about while a player is putting, and those who
do so are revealing their lack of courtesy and of the knowledge of the
correct etiquette of sport.
FOOTBALL
We feel that a word about football is necessary, not only because it is
one of the most popular American sports, but because men and women alike
enjoy watching the game. At the Yale Bowl, where some of the most
spectacular football games are played--and won--thousands of men and
women from all over the United States gather every year.
Like all other ball games, football is based on many other games that
had their origin in medieval times. It was only after the game of
kicking the ball had been introduced in England, that it became a
distinct sport known as _football_. Since then it has flourished and
developed, until to-day it is as popular as tennis, hockey, baseball and
golf.
Football is a strenuous game. In England it was confined largely to boys
and young men. Even in America elderly men never play the game, but that
is no reason why they cannot watch and enjoy it.
There can be no etiquette prescribed for the players in a football game
beyond that incorporated in the rules of the game and in the general
laws of good sportsmanship. But the people who are watching the game
must observe a certain good conduct, if they wish to be considered
entirely cultured. For instance, even though the game becomes very
exciting, it is bad form to stand up on the seats and shout words of
encouragement to the players. Yet how many, who claim to be entirely
well-bred, do this very thing!
Of course it is permissible to cheer; but it must be remembered that
there are correct and incorrect ways of cheering. Noise is noise even in
the grandstand, and your loud cheering is very likely to annoy the
people around you. A brief hand-clapping is sufficient applause for a
good play or even for a victory. It is not necessary to be boisterous.
And this holds true of the game of baseball also, when loud cheering
serves only to create confusion and disorder.
The well-mannered person is known by his or her calm conduct and gentle
manners whether it be in the ballroom or at the football game.
AUTOMOBILE ETIQUETTE
With automobiling enjoying its present universal popularity, it is
necessary to add a few paragraphs here regarding the correct automobile
etiquette. For there is an etiquette of driving, and a very definite
etiquette that must be followed by all who wish to be well-bred.
First there are the rules by which the driver of the car must be
governed. In busy city streets, where there are no traffic regulations
to govern the reckless driver, one should drive slowly and cautiously.
It is time enough to drive speedily when the open roads of the country
are reached. But it is inconsiderate and selfish to speed one's car
along streets where children are likely to dash unexpectedly in front of
the car or where pedestrians are in danger of being thrown down.
A very uncourteous and unkind habit is to sound one's horn wildly, for
no other reason than to frighten less fortunate people who have to walk.
The horn on the car should be used only to warn people out of the road,
or when turning a dangerous corner. It should never be used to signal
to a person that the car is waiting outside for her.
Care should be exercised in the seating arrangement. The courteous host
and hostess take the seats in the center, leaving those on the outside
for their guests. If the host is driving, the front seat at his side is
a place of honor and should be given to a favored guest.
The people inside the car also have some rules of good conduct to
observe. It is bad form to stand up in the car, to sing or shout, or to
be in any way boisterous. Automobile parties often speed along country
roads shouting at the top of their voices for no other reason than to
attract attention--to be noticed. The very first rule of good conduct
tells us that this is utterly ill-bred.
It hardly seems necessary to warn the people who are out motoring, not
to throw refuse from the car on to the road. Yet we often see paper bags
and cigarette boxes hurtling through the air in the wake of some
speeding car. This is as bad form as dropping a match-stick on the
polished drawing-room floor of one's hostess or home.
AUTOMOBILE PARTIES
Some hostesses plan motor trips for their guests. If it is to be a long
trip, requiring an over-night stop at a hotel, the invitations must
state clearly, but tactfully, whether they are to be guests throughout
the trip, or only while in the motor. Ordinarily, the host and hostess
pay all expenses incurred while on the trip.
Gentlemen do not enter the car until the ladies have been comfortably
seated. Neither do they smoke in the car without asking permission to
do so. A driver, whether he be the host himself or a hired chauffeur,
should be sure that all the guests are comfortably seated before
starting. And he should drive slowly to prevent the uncomfortable
jolting that usually results when a car is driven at a great speed.
Hostesses often provide linen dusters and goggles for those of their
guests who desire them. It is wise, also, to include a few motor
blankets, in case the weather changes and the guests become chilly. A
considerate host, or hostess, will see that the wind-shield, top and
side-curtains are adjusted to the entire comfort of all the occupants of
the car.
The dress for an automobile party is a sports suit of some serviceable
material that will not show dust readily. The hat should be a small one
that will not interfere with the wearer's comfort. In place of a suit
one may wear a one-piece dress and a coat but one must never wear light
or flimsy materials. If there is to be an overnight stop and one wishes
to wear a dinner gown she must have it made of a stuff that will not
wrinkle easily or she must be able to make arrangements to have it
pressed.
When the car stops and the guests descend, the gentlemen should leave
first and help the ladies to descend. If the party stops for
refreshments, the chauffeur must not be forgotten. It is a slight that
is as unforgivable and discourteous as omitting to serve a guest in
one's dining-room. The chauffeur is as much entitled to courtesy as the
other members of the party. Of course he does not expect to join the
party at their table, nor does he care to eat with the servants of the
hotel. The wisest plan is for him to be served in the regular
dining-room of the hotel, but at another table except when the hotel
has special arrangements to meet this condition.
It is always necessary to take the guests on an automobile party back to
the place where they started from unless it is distinctly understood
from the beginning that some other plan is to be pursued. When planning
a motor party consisting of two or more cars, the hostess should be sure
to arrange her guests so that only congenial people will be in each car.
It is never good form to crowd a car with more people than it can hold
comfortably, except in an emergency.
"Careful driving" should be the watchword of everyone who owns a motor.
Remember that the streets were not created merely for the owner of the
automobile, but for the pedestrian as well.
RIDING
Horse-back riding is one of the favorite outdoor sports of men and
women. Which is as it should be, for not only is it excellent for poise
and grace, but it is splendid for the health.
A gentleman, when riding with a woman, assists her to mount and
dismount. This is true even though a groom accompanies them. In
assisting a lady to mount her horse, the gentleman first takes the
reins, places them in her hand and then offers his right hand as a step
on which to place her foot, unless she prefers to slip her foot in the
stirrup and spring up to the saddle unassisted. In this case, it is
necessary for him only to hold the horse's head, and to give her the
reins when she is comfortably seated in the saddle. He does not mount
his own horse until she is mounted and on her way.
It is the privilege of the woman rider to set the pace. The gentleman
follows at her side or slightly behind. He goes ahead, however, to open
gates or lower fences that are too dangerous for her to jump. In
dismounting, he again offers his aid, holding her horse and offering his
hand if it is necessary to assist her. The lady dismounts on the left
side.
At a hunt, a gentleman must sacrifice a great deal of the sport of the
chase if there is a woman in the party under his care. He must ride very
close to her, taking the easiest way and watching out for her comfort.
It is poor form, however, for any woman to follow the hounds in a chase
unless she is an accomplished rider. Otherwise she is merely a hindrance
to the rest of the party, and especially to the man who is accompanying
her.
Be kind to your horse. Do not exhaust it. Do not force it to climb steep
hills. Be careful of how you use your spurs. And try to remember that
good old proverb, "The best feed of a horse is his master's eye."
Even in the most conservative communities to-day women wear breeches
instead of the heavy skirts of a short time back. The cut depends upon
the prevailing fashion but the habit should never be of flashing
material.
BATHING
The etiquette of the beach has not yet been settled and the chief point
of dispute is the way a woman should dress. It is absurd for her to wear
a suit that will hamper her movements in the water but it is even worse
for her to wear a skimpy garment that makes her the observed of all
observers as she parades up and down the beach. There is no set rule as
to what kind of suit one should wear for one person can wear a thing
that makes another ridiculous if not actually vulgar. A well-bred woman
is her own best guide and she will no more offend against modesty at the
beach than she will in the drawing-room.
SPORTS CLOTHES IN GENERAL
Comfort and style should be attractively combined in sports clothes with
the emphasis on comfort. Practicability should never be sacrificed to
fashion, and however beautiful they may be to look at, an automobile
coat that cannot stand dust, a bathing suit that cannot stand water and
a hiking outfit that cannot stand wear are merely ridiculous. There are
three questions that the man or woman should first ask themselves before
buying a sports outfit. First, Is it comfortable? Next, Is it practical?
And last, Is it pleasing?
PART IV
_I would rather have a young fellow too much than too little dressed;
the excess on that side will wear off, with a little age and reflection;
but if he is negligent at twenty, he will be a sloven at forty and
intolerable at sixty. Dress yourself fine where others are fine, and
plain where others are plain; but take care always that your clothes are
well made and fit you, for otherwise they will give you a very awkward
air._
--_Chesterfield._
CHAPTER I
SPEECH
One is judged first by his dress but this judgment is not final. A
better index is his speech. It is said that one can tell during a
conversation that lasts not longer than a summer shower whether or not a
man is cultivated. Often it does not take even so long, for a raucous
tone of voice and grossly ungrammatical or vulgar expressions brand a
man at once as beyond the pale of polite society.
No point of social etiquette is quite so valuable as this one of speech.
As one goes forth he is weighed in the balance and if he is found
wanting here he is quietly dropped by refined and cultured people, and
nearly always he is left wondering why with his diamonds and his motors
and his money he yet cannot find _entrée_ into the inner circles where
he would most like to be. Money does not buy everything. If it were
possible for it to do so there would be no proverb to the effect that it
takes three generations to make a gentleman. And the proverb itself is
not more than half true. If the attitude of mind is that of one who
honestly wants to develop himself to the highest possible point,
mentally, morally, and spiritually, it can be done in much less than a
single generation. Of course, much depends upon one's definition of what
constitutes a gentleman but for the purpose of this book we mean a man
of education, high principles, honor, courtesy, and kindness.
CONVERSATION
There is an old Italian proverb that says, "He who has a tongue in his
head can go all the world over." But it is not enough merely to have a
tongue in one's head. That tongue must have a certain distinct appeal
before it becomes the weapon before which all the barriers of social
success vanish.
We have all heard the expression, "The magic power of words." Is it a
magic power? Or to be more explicit, is conversation an art or a gift?
The answer must certainly be an art, for nature never gives that which
study accomplishes. And by study you can become a master of speech--you
can make words a veritable torch, illuminating you and your
surroundings. But words alone mean very little. It is the grouping of
words, expressions, phrases; the combination of thoughts that make real
conversation.
"In the beginning of the world," said Xanthes, "primitive man was
contented to imitate the language of the animals." But as we study the
evolution of human nature, we find that man was not long content to
imitate the sounds of the animals in the forests. He found the need to
express himself, his sensations, his thoughts, in more definite and
satisfactory manner. He wanted to share his joys with his neighbors, and
he wanted to tell others about his sorrows. And so, nature in her wise
judgment, decreed that he should speak, and in his speech should convey
his thoughts and ideas to those who listened.
We do not think of these things to-day when we "chatter" aimlessly among
ourselves, caring little whether or not we make the most of that
wonderful power bestowed upon us. Yes, speech is a power. It is a most
effective weapon, not only to social success, but to the very success of
life, if one does not ignore the power of its influence. And that is the
purpose of the following paragraphs--to help you realize and profit by
the powers of speech and conversation.
THE CHARM OF CORRECT SPEECH
It is strange, but true, that the spirit of conversation is often more
important than the ideas expressed. This is especially true in social
circles. Since speech is never used in solitude, we may take it for
granted that the spoken word is an expression of the longing for human
sympathy. Thus, it is a great accomplishment to be able to enter gently
and agreeably into the moods and feelings of others, and to cultivate
the feelings of sympathy and kindness.
Early in the seventeenth century the _causerie_ (chat) was highly
esteemed in France. This was a meeting, at the Hotel Rambouillet, of the
great nobles, literary people, and intelligent and brilliant women of
France, gathered together for the definite purpose of conversation--of
"chatting." Among these people, representing the highest intellectual
class in France at the time, there developed the taste for daily
talks--the tendency of which was toward profound, refined and elegant
intercourse according to the standards of that day, and the criticisms
offered by the members had a certain influence on the manners and
literature of the epoch.
Many years have passed since those days of harmonious gatherings, but we
mention them here to draw the comparison between those delightful
gatherings of long ago, and our own drawing-rooms and social circles
where brilliant men and women gather and converse on topics of immediate
interest. If one has imagination, a striking similarity can be noticed
between the two.
There is a certain charm in correct speech, a certain beauty in correct
conversation. And it is well worth striving for.
COURTESY IN CONVERSATION
A Crow Indian once said to Dr. Lowie, "You Whites show no respect to
your sisters. You talk to them." Other instances of how respect and
courtesy can be shown in conversation, is found in the traditions and
present-day practices of other countries.
In China, for instance, a young man will not introduce into
conversation, a topic which has not already been touched upon by his
elders. On the Fiji Islands, a woman does not talk to her mother-in-law,
and among the Sioux, a young man does not talk at all unless someone
else addresses him. These signs of courtesy in conversation have a
certain distinct significance in the countries where they are practiced.
Courtesy is the very foundation of all good conversation. Good speech
consists as much in listening politely as in talking agreeably. Someone
has said, very wisely, "A talker who monopolizes the conversation is by
common consent insufferable, and a man who regulates his choice of
topics by reference to what interests not his hearers but himself has
yet to learn the alphabet of the art." To be agreeable in conversation,
one must first learn the law of talking just enough, of listening
politely while others speak, and of speaking of that in which one's
companions are most interested.
There was a time when bluntness of manner was excused on the ground that
the speaker was candid, frank, outspoken. People used to pride
themselves upon the fact that in their conversation they had spoken the
truth--and hurt some one. To-day there are certain recognized courtesies
of speech, and kindliness has taken the place of candidness. There is no
longer any excuse for you to say things in your conversation that will
cause discomfort or pain to anyone of your hearers.
One should never interrupt unless there is a good reason for it and then
it should be done with apologies. It is not courteous to ask a great
many questions and personal ones are always taboo. One should be careful
not to use over and over and over again the same words and phrases and
one should not fall in the habit of asking people to repeat their
remarks. Argument should be avoided and contradicting is always
discourteous. When it seems that a heated disagreement is about to ensue
it is wise tactfully to direct the conversation into other channels as
soon as it can be done without too abrupt a turn, for to jerk the talk
from one topic to another for the obvious purpose of "switching someone
off the track" is in itself very rude.
Let your proverb be, "Talk well, but not too much."
THE VOICE
Ruskin said, "Vulgarity is indicated by coarseness of language." By
language he meant not only words and phrases, but coarseness of voice.
There can be nothing more characteristic of good breeding than a soft,
well-modulated, pleasing voice. This quotation from Demosthenes is only
another way of saying it: "As a vessel is known by the sound whether it
is cracked or not, so men are proved by their speeches whether they be
wise or foolish."
Conversation should be lively without noise. It is not well-bred to be
demonstrative in action while speaking, to talk loudly, or to laugh
boisterously. Conversation should have less emphasis, and more
quietness, more dignified calmness. Some of us are so eager, in our
determination to be agreeable in conversation, to dominate the entire
room with our voice, that we forget the laws of good conduct. And we
wonder why people consider us bores.
Don't be afraid to open your mouth when you talk. First know what you
want to say, be sure that it is worth saying, and then say it calmly,
confidently, _through your mouth_ and not through your nose. Too many
people talk through tightly closed teeth and then wonder why people
don't understand them. Enunciate clearly and give to your vowels and
consonants the proper resonance.
Another mistake to avoid is rapid speaking. To talk slowly and
deliberately, is to enhance the pleasure and beauty of the conversation.
Rapidity in speech results in indistinctness, and indistinctness leads
invariably to monotony.
EASE IN SPEECH
There are two languages of speech--voice and gesture. Voice appeals to
the ear, gesture to the eye. It is an agreeable combination of the two
that makes conversation pleasant.
"A really well-bred man," a writer once said, "would speak to all kings
in the world with as little concern and as much ease as he would speak
to you." Confusion is the enemy of eloquence. Self-restraint must be
developed before one can hope to be either a good conversationalist or a
social success. To create a pleasant, harmonious atmosphere, and at the
same time to make one's ideas carry conviction, one must talk with ease
and calm assurance.
Try to be naturally courteous and cordial in your speech. It is a
mistake to "wear your feelings on your sleeve" and resent everything
that everyone else says that does not please you. To become quickly
excited, to speak harshly and sarcastically is to sacrifice one's
dignity and ease of manner. Know what you want to say, be sure you
understand it, and when you say it, be open for criticisms or
suggestions from those around you. Do not become flustered and excited
merely because someone else does not agree with you. Remember that Homer
said, "The tongue speaks wisely when the soul is wise," and surely the
soul can be wise only when one is entirely calm, self-confident and at
peace with all the world!
LOCAL PHRASES AND MANNERISMS
It is not always easy to drop the local phrases, colloquial expressions
and mannerisms to which one has been accustomed for a long time. Yet
good society does not tolerate these errors in speech. For they _are_
errors, according to the standards of educated men and women.
To use such phrases as "How was that" when you mean "What was that" or
"How's things" when you mean "How are you" are provincialisms which have
no place in the cultured drawing-room. One must drop _all_ bad habits of
speech before claiming the "good English which is a passport into good
society."
Mannerisms in speech are evident in nasal expression and muffled words,
spoken through half-closed teeth. We were not meant to speak in that
unbeautiful manner, nor were we meant to gesticulate wildly as some of
our drawing-room orators persist in doing--to the amusement of everyone
else concerned. When you enter the world of good society, drop all your
colloquial phrases and mannerisms behind.
IMPORTANCE OF VOCABULARY
Simple expression has the same advantage over flowery language as a
simple and artistic room has over a room filled with gaudy, inharmonious
embellishments. One is effective, the other defective. And yet to
express ideas simply and correctly, with a regard for polish and poise,
one must have a good command of the language.
Make a resolve, right now, that you will never use a foreign word when
you can give its meaning in English. And also determine now, definitely,
that no matter how popular slang becomes in the less refined circles of
society, _you_ will never use it because you know that it is the badge
of vulgarity. There is nothing quite as beautiful as good, simple
English, when it is spoken correctly.
To know the right word in the right place, to know its correct
pronunciation and spelling, there is nothing more valuable than a good
standard dictionary. If you haven't one--a new revised edition--get one
right away. You can not hope to become a pleasing conversationalist
until you own and use a good dictionary.
An excellent way to increase your vocabulary and perfect your speech is
to talk less, and listen politely while others lead the conversation.
There's a lot of truth in that old maxim, "Speech is silver, but silence
is gold!"
INTERRUPTING THE SPEECH OF OTHERS
It was mentioned previously that the Sioux youth does not speak until he
is first spoken to. This is also true of the young Armenian woman. She
would be horrified at the idea of addressing a woman older than herself,
unless first spoken to. Many other countries observe these courtesies of
speech, with a wholesome effect upon the general culture of the people.
How often, here in our own country, even in the most highly cultivated
society, do we hear a man or woman carelessly interrupt the conversation
of another, perhaps an older person, without so much as an apology! It
is bad form, to say the least, but it is also distinctly rude. No person
of good breeding will interrupt the conversation of another no matter
how startling and remarkable an idea he may have. It will be just as
startling and remarkable a few minutes later, and the speaker will have
gained poise and confidence in the time that he waits for the chance to
speak.
Whispering in company is another bad habit that must be avoided. The
drawing-room or reception room is no place for personal secrets or
hidden bits of gossip. The man or woman commits a serious breach in good
conduct by drawing one or two persons aside and whispering something to
them.
TACT IN CONVERSATION
Be careful not to give too strong an expression of your likes and
dislikes. To master this important point of speech, it is wise to
examine carefully and frankly all your opinions before expressing them
in words. It is necessary that you understand yourself, before you are
able to make others understand you.
In carrying on a conversation in a public place be sure to keep the
voice modulated and do not mention the names of people about whom you
are talking in such a way that anyone overhearing the conversation by
chance could identify them. It is best to avoid all personal talk when
one is in public.
The person who is always trying to set other people right does not use
tact. If they wanted assistance, they would probably ask. People are
sensitive, and they do not like to have their shortcomings commented
upon by others.
Ask questions only if you are gifted with great tact. Otherwise you are
bound to create embarrassing situations. If you do ask questions, make
them of a general character, rather than personal. But never be curious,
because people resent inquisitiveness--and rightly so, for it is a very
undesirable trait to have, and each person has a right to privacy.
Never talk for mere talking's sake. Speak only when you have something
to say, and then talk quietly, deliberately and with sincerity. Never
criticize, antagonize or moralize--and your company will be sought by
everyone.
SOME IMPORTANT INFORMATION
If you mumble over your words and have difficulty in pronouncing
clearly, you will find it a great help to talk very slowly and take deep
breaths between each two or three words. For stammering, deep breathing
is also suggested before uttering the words upon which one is most
likely to come to grief.
Self-consciousness is the result of exaggerated humility. If you
concentrate upon what you are saying, and forget all about how you are
saying it, you will forget your shyness. Respect yourself, have
confidence in yourself--and nervousness and shyness in conversation will
vanish.
Lisping is a matter of defective speech, and although reading aloud and
dramatic recitations help, it is best to consult a specialist if
ordinary methods fail to prevent it. Such habits as hesitation,
coughing, or groping for a word, are often forms of nervousness and a
little will-power exerted in the right direction may easily control
them.
Above all, be simple and be sincere. Let interest in your subject lend
animation to your face and manner. Do not attempt to make yourself
appear brilliant and inspired, for you will only succeed in making
yourself ridiculous. Be modest, pleasant, agreeable and sympathetic, and
you will find that you win the immediate response of your audience,
whether it consists of two people or two hundred people.
WHAT TO TALK ABOUT
In this beautiful country, filled with charming woodland scenes,
landmarks of interest, museums, schools, monuments, libraries, there is
no excuse for the man or woman who finds that he or she has "nothing to
talk about." In the newspapers every day, in books, plays, operas, even
in the advertisements and posters, there is material for interesting
conversation.
Try it the next time you meet some friends and you find that
conversation lags. Talk about something, anything, until you get
started. Talk about the sunset you saw last night, or the little
crippled boy who was selling newspapers. As long as it is something with
a touch of human interest in it, and if you tell it with the desire to
please rather than impress, your audience will be interested in your
conversation. But to remain quiet, answering only when you are spoken
to, and allowing conversation to die each time it reaches you, is a
feature of conduct belonging only to the ignorant and dull. There are
many pleasant and agreeable things to talk about--argument and
discussion have no place in the social drawing-room--and there is no
reason why _you_ cannot find them and make use of them.
If you are forgetful, and somewhat shy in the company of others, it
might be well to jot down and commit to memory any interesting bit of
information or news that you feel would be worthy of repetition. It may
be an interesting little story, or a clever repartee, or some amusing
incident--but whatever it is, make the appeal general. It is a mistake
to talk only about those things that interest you; when Matthew Arnold
was once asked what his favorite topic for conversation was, he
answered, "That in which my companion is most interested."
Make that your ideal, and you can hardly help becoming an agreeable and
pleasing conversationalist.
CHAPTER II
DRESS
THE FIRST IMPRESSION
The two most important guides to one's personality are one's appearance
and one's manner of speech. Centuries of experience have shown that by
means of these one may almost without exception get at least a general
idea of the sort of person that lies back of them.
Dress is the most important factor in the first impression. An honest
heart may beat beneath the ragged coat, a brilliant intellect may rise
above the bright checked suit and the yellow tie, the man in the shabby
suit may be a famous writer, the girl in the untidy blouse may be an
artist of great promise but as a general rule the chances are against it
and such people are dull, flat, stale, and unprofitable both to
themselves and to other people.
Like advertising, dress should call attention not to itself but to the
person or product which it represents so that people will say, not,
"What an attractive gown!" but "What a lovely woman!" not, "What a
well-dressed man!" but, "I think I should like to know that man."
There is more room for originality, and by the same token for
freakishness in woman's dress, and therefore the greater responsibility
is hers. Her clothes should belong to her rather than merely to the era
in which she happens to be living. This means that they must be
individual but it does not mean that they should be outlandish. Again
the golden rule of the Greeks: Moderation in all things.
The attitude of a number of people is expressed in the old limerick:
As for looks I know I'm no star,
There are men better looking by far;
But my face I don't mind it
For I am behind it.
It's the folks out in front that I jar.
It is worth while now and then to think of the "folks out in front," and
pity for them, if no other feeling, should inspire one to be at all
times as well dressed as is within the compass of one's means and
ability.
MEN'S DRESS
In the morning when he goes out to business a man should wear a plain
serviceable suit of the prevailing cut. If he is invited to an elaborate
morning entertainment he may wear the regular cutaway coat and the usual
accessories that go along with it. It is always best to follow the local
customs with regard to dress and it is absurd for one man to appear at a
formal morning affair in the cutaway coat when he knows that all of the
other gentlemen present will be in their simple business suits.
For formal afternoon affairs the cutaway is worn while for dinner in the
evening full dress is prescribed as it is for any formal entertainment
which takes place after six o'clock. To informal garden parties and
other similar affairs in the afternoon during the summer, flannels may
be worn.
There are special sporting outfits designed for the man who golfs, plays
tennis, rides or motors and the best guide to all of these is a reliable
haberdasher. It is his business to keep up with the details of dress and
since these are constantly in process of change it is obviously
impossible for a book of etiquette to lay down precise rules as to what
should be worn.
If a man is to escort a woman he should adapt his costume to hers. If
she is to wear evening dress he should also, and if he is in doubt as to
whether she is to wear evening dress or a simpler costume, he should ask
her. In many cases it rests with the individual which shall be the order
of the day.
WOMEN'S DRESS
The woman who goes to business must dress inconspicuously. Clean,
freshly laundered white shirt waists with simple dark skirts form the
best of outfits. But with laundry bills at prohibitive prices, a
substitute must be found for them for the girl in moderate
circumstances. For this reason it is more sensible to wear dark serge,
silk, or satin fashioned into severely simple frocks relieved perhaps by
white linen or organdie collars and cuffs.
The woman who entertains at home in the morning wears a simple frock of
the sort in which she may appear on the street. Similarly, in the
afternoon unless the occasion is an elaborate one, when she may wear an
elegant reception gown or an informal tea, when she may wear one of the
exquisite creations especially designed for such occasions.
There is a semi-evening dress which may be worn to afternoon affairs or
to dinner and to all evening entertainments except very elaborate ones.
For these a woman's gown should be _décolleté_ and should be of
beautiful material. The color and design are at the discretion of the
individual but it is well to remember that those which are simplest are
most effective.
It is trite to remark that a woman's crowning glory is her hair, but it
is true. The manner in which it is arranged should depend upon the kind
of costume she is wearing. Only in the evening should she wear heavy
bandeaux, aigrettes, etc.
Scattered about elsewhere in these volumes under the theater, etc., more
details are given as to the proper kind of dress to wear. Remember this:
it is always better to be underdressed than to be overdressed.
THE STORY OF DRESS
It is interesting to note how closely the history of dress parallels the
history of civilization. With the awakening of shame came the virtue of
modesty. With modesty came the desire for clothes, and clothes brought
thoughts of higher ideals, wider desires than those merely of the
animal. Out of the desire to cover the body grew the love of decoration,
of beauty. Slowly, through the ages, as the love of beauty advanced and
was cultivated, an artistic sense developed which is the very flower of
our civilization.
Perhaps the most effective way to tell the story of dress is to make
this very striking comparison. First let us go back to the time of the
prehistoric cave-woman. In her breast the first thought of shame has
stirred, and she makes for herself a covering--a dress. She makes it of
the skin of a newly killed animal. It is raw and ugly and unpleasant.
But the owner feels naught but pride in its ownership, for it is a good
skin, impervious alike to the ravages of sun and rain--and its style is
exactly like that of the other women in the tribe.
Now let us stand for a moment on a corner of Fifth Avenue, New York's
famous avenue of fashion. We see a modern young woman on her way to the
theater. From the tips of her French-heeled slippers to the jaunty
little hat on her head, she is--perfect. Her gown seems to express in
every line the story of her own personality. The color-scheme might well
have been invented by Mother Nature herself. The wrap she wears is of
sable furs--but how different from the furs of her sister of ancient
days! Each skin is exquisitely glossed and dressed, and the whole
matched to perfection.
Another young woman passes. She is differently attired in trig tailored
suit and smart toque. A business girl. Also perfect. And countless
others, streaming endlessly along the wide avenue, men and women,
defying in the expression of their own taste and individuality, the
decrees of fashion; interpreting silks, cottons, fabrics and furs to
harmonize with their own particular personalities, and the story of
civilization is told in the clothes they wear.
THE DAWN OF FASHION
It was Cowper who said, "While the world lasts, Fashion will lead it by
the nose." And really, hasn't Fashion been a stern monarch throughout
the ages? It commanded the Chinese women to have tiny feet--and tiny
feet they had to have although it meant months of torture to the young
child. It commanded the monstrous ruff of the Elizabethan period, and
decreed dignified wigs for the gentlemen of the Colonial days. It
decided upon the mantle of the patriarch, the toga of the Roman, the fez
of the Turk. Its endless whims and vagaries made the study of dress one
of the most curious and fascinating in the world.
How was Fashion created, you ask? To answer thoroughly, we must once
more go back to those distant cave-man days when dress itself had its
inception. At first one simple costume for both men and women
distinguished each tribe. There was nothing different in the way the
skins were thrown over the body, no embellishments to render any one
costume different from those worn by the others. Even at a relatively
late date, uniformity of dress among people of one race was like a
national characteristic; it was worn by all.
But slowly, as the tiny beam of civilization struggled onward and
upward, there came a desire for something more than merely a protection
against cold and rain. There came a very intense desire for
ornamentation and personal adornment. Thus we find men and women in
Central Africa decorating their bodies with stripes of paint, and those
who were still more "fashionable" deforming themselves with most weird
series of cicatrices on their bodies and faces. In New Guinea we find
women who do not indulge in clothing at all, ashamed to appear in public
without bracelets on their arms and legs, and ornaments on their heads.
So intense did this love of ornament grow among women, that they began
to cover their bodies with fur, feathers, shell, beads and countless
ornaments. As late as the year 400 the primitive desire for
self-adornment is evident. In that year, it is recorded that the wife of
the Emperor Honorius died, and when her grave was reopened in 1544, the
golden tissues of her shroud were melted and amounted in weight to
thirty-six pounds.
Men and women alike hesitated to think for themselves in those earlier
periods. Thus, instead of creating "styles" for themselves, they chose
the easier method of imitating what others wore--changing it just enough
to meet with their own requirements, to satisfy their own undeveloped
tastes. One tribe copied what another wore, changing it only slightly
according to whim. We find that man soon realized that the accumulation
of coverings on his body hindered him in his strenuous activities. It
was quite natural, then, that simplicity should dominate his attire,
while to woman was left the development of the decorative art.
Fashion was born--and it has remained undisputed ruler ever since.
THE FASHIONS OF TO-DAY
It is not so much in the Fashion of days gone by that we are interested,
but in the very delightful fashions of to-day. We all know that the love
of beauty is inherent in all women--just as the pride of personal
appearance is inherent in all men. It is a heritage brought down through
generations of slowly developing culture. And we find to-day that
Fashion is the means of expressing individuality.
It would indeed be a Herculean task to attempt to write a discourse on
the ever-changing dictates of Fashion, on the constant whims and
vagaries of Style. Each season brings forth striking new dress
innovations--new colorings, new draperies, new lines. What is in vogue
to-day is cast aside to-morrow as "out-of-date."
In the world of good society, dress plays an important part in the
expression of culture. There is a proper dress for afternoon wear, and
another for evening functions. There are certain costumes for the
wedding, and others for the garden fête. The gentleman wears one suit to
business, and another to dinner. Where civilization has reached its
highest point, there has dress and fashion reached its finest and most
exquisite development.
But instinct can be carried to excess. Inherent love of beauty can be so
abused that it becomes a sign of vanity. Fashion can be made a series of
fads, and style an excuse for eccentricities. It is because men and
women, and especially women, are so eager to adopt any new style
creation offered to them by the vast army of "authorities," so impatient
always for something new, new--that the dress of to-day has earned the
censure of students of sociology. "Supply the demand" has ever been the
slogan of the producers, while they strive in every way to increase the
demand.
And yet, the study of dress is a beautiful one. Women are never so
lovely as when they are dressed well. Men are never so attractive as
when their garments are faultless. There is something romantic in the
gown and veil of the bride, just as there is something delightfully
refreshing in the sight of a young girl daintily attired on a hot
Summer's day. There is poetry in dress, just as there is in a towering
cathedral or in a well-molded statue.
HARMONY IN DRESS
One of the most important, in fact, _the_ important principle of dress
is harmony. Nature itself is a glorious example of all that is
harmonious. Picture, for instance, the delicate pansy, with its soft
blend of greens and yellows and purples. Think of the exquisite
china-aster with its pale colorings of violet and pink. And the
many-hued rainbow that glorifies the sky with a sudden brilliance. How
utterly irresistible are these harmonies of Nature, and how well we can
all profit by her example!
The spirit of the modern dress seems to be more definitely centered
around "sensation" than harmony. We see sport skirts worn with
high-heeled shoes, pinks indulged in where navy blue or dark brown would
be more appropriate, elaborate motifs and decorations where simplicity
should have been. And we see women, priding themselves upon being
fashionable, wearing gowns that are pretty enough, but that on them are
completely out of harmony.
The reason for this is that so many women, and men too, accept the
dictates of Fashion without stopping to determine whether or not these
new creations are suitable to their own particular type. They do not
realize that to be fashionable does not mean to follow conscientiously
every new fad, but to adjust the prevailing style to conform with the
lines of their individual faces and forms. To illustrate: it is
ridiculous for the very slim young lady to wear a severe straight-line
frock simply because it is the fashion, but she can adapt the
straight-line effect to her own figure, and add a bit of fluffiness.
Similarly, the stout woman need not wear tremendous, voluminous ruffles
and flounces because Fashion decrees that they shall be worn, but she
may gain the desired effect by using them in moderation.
Why is it that a gown may look thoroughly beautiful on a manikin, but
have an entirely different effect when you put it on? Because you have
distinct personality, you have little peculiarities of line and
coloring that require special consideration. To select lines that
harmonize with the lines of your body, colors that harmonize with your
own coloring, and styles that harmonize with your particular type, is to
dress well and attractively. Seek harmony first--and style afterward.
IMPORTANCE OF COLOR
"White was made for brides," but that is no reason why we, all of us,
cannot enjoy it in its cool daintiness, youthful simplicity. White may
always be worn--by young and old, at party and dance, in morning and
afternoon. It is, and always will be, the ideal color.
But Fashion, in a different mood, demands many hues both soft and
brilliant. And here again, whether she dictates pale pink or vivid
scarlet, one must be guided by one's own sense of taste and harmony.
The colors of the dress must blend with the natural colors if beauty is
to be obtained. Remarkable effects, as startlingly beautiful as the
somber afterglow of the setting sun, can be obtained by the correct use
of color. It may be contrast or harmony--but there must be a perfect
blend.
To illustrate for a few individual types: the sallow-complexioned
brunette must never wear yellow, even though it is the favorite color of
the season, for it brings out more clearly the yellow lurking in the
sallowness of her cheeks. The person with "coal black" hair must avoid
blues, light and dark; the colors that most become her are crimson,
orange, dark red. Pink is the ideal color for the blond woman with warm
coloring; black for the woman with fair skin. Pink and green are for
youth; purple and black are for age. The other colors may be used
according to the artistic sense of the wearer.
In selecting material for a gown, the fashionable modiste will first
consider the eyes of the lady who is to wear it. Though few but the
artist realize it, the eyes are the keynote of the entire costume. They
determine whether the dress shall be frivolous or demure, gay or somber,
vivid or soft. The color of the hair, also, is important in deciding the
color of the gown itself. The soft colors--pink, green, violet,
blue--are admirably adapted to blue eyes and light hair while the more
brilliant colors are suitable for dark eyes and black hair.
So large a part does color play in the creating of fashions that one
must give it correspondingly careful consideration in adapting it to
one's complexion and hair. A wrong color has the alarming propensity of
marring the beauty of the most charming gown--even as the use of the
right color enhances the beauty of the most simple gown. With harmony,
style and color the gown needs only the final touch of _personality_ to
make it perfect. And it is that of which we are now going to speak.
THE CHARM OF PERSONALITY
Dress is an index to character as surely as a table of contents is an
index to what a book contains. We know by looking at an over-dressed
young person, with a much-beruffled and ornamented frock, that she is
vain. We know by glancing at a young man who wears an orange tie,
checked hat, and twirls a bamboo cane, that he is inclined to be just
the least bit gay. We know by the simple dignity of an elderly woman's
dress that she is conservative and well-poised.
In the clothes we wear we reveal to the world the story of our ideals,
our principles. If we are frivolous, our clothes show it. If we have a
sense of the artistic, our clothes show it. If we are modest, bold, vain
or proud the clothes we wear reveal it for all the world to see.
But "Dress changes the manners," Voltaire tells us. It is true; on the
stage the "beggar" in his tattered clothes acts and speaks and looks the
part of a beggar. At dress rehearsals he plays the part to perfection,
but rehearsing in ordinary street clothes he is never quite
satisfactory. Something seems to be missing; and that something is
personality. The same is true of the rather studious young girl who is
also shy and retiring. In her somber clothes, she is perfectly content
in the gloomy solitude of her study; but dressed in a filmy little frock
of lace and net, with her hair youthfully marcelled, with buckled
slippers on her feet, she feels vaguely dissatisfied. She wants to skip
and dance and laugh and sing; if she knew psychology and the personality
in dress, she would be able to explain it to herself in this manner:
clothes so affect the mental outlook, that the wearer unconsciously
adopts the personality portrayed.
Can you imagine a Lord Chesterton in tattered clothes, a Queen Elizabeth
in a limp calico frock, a George Washington in a conspicuously checked
suit? Unmistakable qualities of character are discernible in the clothes
we wear--and for that reason we should be particularly careful to make
them a true expression of our personality.
Thus when you want to feel light-hearted and free from care, wear
delicate fabrics and bright hats. When you want to be thoughtful and
solemn, wear heavy clothes and large, drooping hats. Adapt your clothes
to your moods, or your moods to your clothes; but have always one ideal
in dress--yourself.
This holds equally true of the man. When weighty business matters are to
be attended to, dark suits with correspondingly somber ties and shirts
attract the desired mood of seriousness. For less sedate, though not
less important, occasions, brighter attire makes one forget the cares of
business and assume an air of gayety. One may recline in a full-dress
suit and strive vainly for rest; but the mere putting on of a smoking
jacket brings an immediate feeling of relaxation.
As Haliburton so pointedly said, "As soon as a person begins to dress
'loud' his manners and conversation partake of the same element."
GAUDINESS VERSUS GOOD TASTE
Striking attractiveness, rather than simple good taste, seems to be the
spirit of modern dress. To see a beautiful young woman in gaudy clothes
is as disappointing as seeing a romantic old Spanish tale bound in a
cheap paper cover.
How much more delightful is a simple frock, developed of rich materials,
and boasting only deep soft folds of the material as decoration, than an
elaborate gown with rows and rows of imitation gold lace! And yet, we
find that many of our most fashionable women, priding themselves on
having good taste, select clothes that are conspicuous and gaudy rather
than those that are simple.
Beauty of material and excellence of workmanship should be the primary
considerations in selecting a new gown or suit. If ornament is desired,
the laws of harmony, contrast and personality should be carefully
considered. Colors must blend; there must be no weird contrasts that jar
badly on one's artistic sense. Gaudiness, after all, defeats its own
purpose, for it expresses a certain vulgarity. The desire to attract
attention has no place in the world of good breeding.
Who wishes to be stared at, remarked upon, openly admired--if not the
ill-bred woman, the sorely uncultivated man? Good taste finds expression
in gowns that are simple, inconspicuous, yet well-cut and artistic; in
suits that are quiet, conservative and well-tailored. And the good taste
finds its reward in the genuine admiration and keen appreciation of
others.
"EXTRAVAGANCE THE GREATEST VULGARITY"
That is what Dr. Crane says--Dr. Crane, who has studied manners in all
their aspects. "Extravagance is the greatest vulgarity." How true it is!
How many of us adjust the expenditure for clothes in our households, not
by what we ourselves can afford, but by what our neighbors and friends
spend!
Fashion is a temptress. Smart gowns, exquisite hat creations, attractive
styles in bootery, all tempt us to spend more than is really quite
necessary. The extravagant woman fills her wardrobe with numerous
dresses, blouses and hats for which she has no real use. But how much
more sensible it is to have just enough for one's needs, a few stylish,
well-made garments--each one an expression of the wearer's own
personality.
There seems to be a false impression among men and women alike, that to
be fashionable one must have a new dress for every occasion, a different
suit for every day of the week. As a matter of fact, this is an
entirely mistaken idea. Fashion is not measured by the number of suits
or dresses we have, but by the good taste we display in their selection.
It is significant that the woman whose wardrobe is filled to
overflowing, invariably finds that she has "nothing to wear," while the
woman of taste, with her carefully selected wardrobe, always seems to be
dressed just right.
INAPPROPRIATENESS IN CLOTHES
Just as there are certain laws governing the manners and conduct of
society, there are certain laws governing the uses of dress. What is
correct for the dance, is entirely incorrect for street wear. What one
wears on a shopping trip may not be worn to the theater. The gentleman
must not wear his business suit to dinner. Occasion governs costume--and
its dictates must be heeded if one would be considered both fashionable
and well-bred.
There is, for instance, the modish young lady taking an afternoon stroll
in high-heeled satin slippers. What could be more inappropriate? Satin
slippers should be worn only with semi-evening or evening dress--never
with street clothes. Pumps with fur coats are strikingly inconsistent,
as are straw hats with winter attire, or velvet hats with dainty
summer-time frocks. True fashion does not profess to distort the
seasons, although the style authorities would often have us believe so
for their own material gain.
Then, of course, there is the young person who is athletically inclined,
and insists on wearing sport clothes on all occasions. We see her on a
shopping tour, blissfully unaware of how ridiculous her full-pleated
skirt and loose middy appear beneath her elaborate wrap. We see her at
a tea, enthusiastic over the glories of the eighteenth hole, and
interpreting the glances of her friends at her sport shoes and bright
sweater as glances of admiration rather than disapproval. Sport clothes
are for the tennis courts, golf links, skating rinks and similar places.
They have no place at teas and receptions.
Of the transparent blouses and silk dresses of the business woman, we
will speak later; but in drawing a comparison, we might say that they
are no more inappropriate than the eccentricities of dress assumed by
some of our women of fashion. The importance of this question warrants a
special paragraph.
THE ECCENTRIC DRESSER
Many men and women, in the mistaken belief that they are expressing
personality, adopt certain peculiarities of dress.
Eccentric dressing always attracts attention, and is therefore bordering
on the vulgar. There are, of course, many men and women who enjoy
attracting attention, who delight in being considered "different." In
such people we are not interested. It is the people of good taste that
we wish to advise against the mistake of wearing peculiar and
unconventional clothes.
There is a very old tale related about an Egyptian queen who owned a
chain of coral, strung on a strip of dried skin from one of their sacred
animals. She gloried in the possession of it, and in order to do full
justice to it, she forbade everyone in her kingdom to wear beads.
The man or woman of to-day who wears "different" clothes, unconventional
and in most cases unbecoming garments, is merely obeying the same vain
and selfish instinct that prompted that Queen of long ago to forbid the
wearing of beads.
As for personality, the man or woman who cannot express it in correct,
conservative and conventional clothes, certainly cannot express it in
grotesque and eccentric ones.
COMFORT IN CLOTHES
Beautiful dress alone is not enough. We may be attracted to a manikin,
but after five minutes or so it bores us. With beauty of dress there
must also be a grace and ease of manner without which no man or woman is
quite charming, for uncomfortable garments rob us of all poise and
grace.
Think of holding a quiet, serious, calm conversation while one's foot
aches painfully because of a tight shoe! Think of sitting gravely and
patiently through a long concert while one's too-tight collar grows ever
more and more irritating, while one's narrow jacket becomes constantly
more uncomfortable!
To be uncomfortable is to be conscious of what one is wearing; and we
know that well-dressed men and women are never conscious of clothes.
They know instinctively that they are well-dressed, and with the
knowledge comes a dignity that adds charm to the beauty of their
costumes. Thus they are able to enter whole-heartedly into conversation,
feeling neither constrained nor uncomfortable but enjoying that serene
satisfaction that comes when one is fully aware that one is
well-dressed.
The early Romans had two distinct costumes which were worn alike by rich
and poor--one simple, flowing garment for the ordinary activities of
every-day life, and one that was also simple but a bit more decorative,
for the ceremonial occasions. Perhaps the grace and ease of manner for
which the Romans of yore were noted was due to the delightful comfort of
their dress.
Tight shoes, extreme styles, uncomfortable wraps, coats or
suits--anything that in any way makes you conscious of what you are
wearing, should be rigidly avoided. You are truly a "slave of fashion"
if you allow yourself to suffer hours of torture merely to present an
appearance that would have been vastly more pleasing if it had been
accompanied by the graceful ease of manner of which discomfort robbed
you.
IF ONE IS NOT AVERAGE
We cannot all be perfect "sixteens" or perfect "thirty-sixes." Some of
us are taller than others. Some of us are inclined to be stout. Some of
us are short, and others very slender. We all have distinct
individualities that can be marred or "starred" in the manner of dress
we adopt.
We should all study our "good points" and wear the kind of clothes that
will emphasize them at the same time that it will conceal our defects.
Clothes have the power of magnifying imperfections. The too-stout woman
can wear dresses that will make her look twice as stout. The short man
can wear suits that make him look very much shorter. Intelligence, good
judgment and a sense of beauty will achieve remarkable results for the
man or woman who cares about his or her appearance.
There is the very thin woman, for instance. She must avoid the severely
straight up-and-down lines that are so appropriate for other women who
are built differently. Her forte is tunics, large collars, ruffles,
overblouses and bows. Soft, filmy materials that fall in graceful lines
are especially becoming, as are checked and flowered materials. Stripes
in all forms must be strictly avoided as they accentuate the
slenderness. For the thin woman, an easy, graceful manner is most
important. When she develops such a manner, and combines it with the
fluffiest and most frilly of feminine fashions, one will see how very
charming she can be.
The too-stout woman faces a more difficult problem. She must carefully
consider each detail of her dress, making sure that it does not in any
way accentuate her fleshiness. She must avoid the checked and
brightly-colored materials that her slender friends may wear. Long lines
should be worn, and it should be remembered that clothes without
waistlines work wonders for the stout woman--just as the coat without a
belt improves the appearance of the stout man. Such edicts of fashion as
the tight sleeve, round neck or short waist are not for the stout woman.
The ideal dress for her is one long and sweeping in line. The length of
the skirt, as well as details of style, must be adapted to her own
particular requirements. She will find that she will be much happier
(and her friends, too!) if she forgets that she is stout, and does not
constantly bewail the fact to those who are with her. It is not
deplorable to be stout, but it certainly is deplorable to dress in a
manner which emphasizes that stoutness.
TALL AND SHORT PEOPLE
Tall people have a distinct advantage. They are able to wear all styles,
all colors, unless they are extremely tall. They seem to have a certain
natural grace that lends charm to whatever they wear. But there is the
too-tall person who must be careful of what he or she wears. The very
tall woman should avoid stripes as they add to her height. She must not
wear high collars, nor severely tailored blouses. The tailored suit,
however, becomes her. She should avoid bright colors and indulge a great
deal in blacks and "midnight" blues. The tall man may wear whatever he
pleases--as long as it is not conspicuous. He almost invariably presents
an imposing and dignified appearance if he is well dressed.
Short people, especially short women, must exert special care in the
selection of their wardrobes. The short woman must select only those
gowns that have long lines, long-waisted effects. Bright colors are not
for her--except a touch here and there. Short skirts are more becoming
than long ones, just as stripes are more becoming than checks. Two
extremes that the short woman must never indulge in, are large, drooping
hats and extremely high heels. The hat cuts her height, and the heels
give her a tilted appearance.
Whether you are tall or short, stout or slender, you have some
particular attractiveness, and you should not allow the knowledge of
your imperfections to make you timid or awkward. It needs only the
correct dress and the proper spirit of pride and dignity to accentuate
your personal charms. Remember that it is personality that
counts--personality and character--and while some of the world's
greatest personalities have been exceptionally tall, just as many of
them have been extremely short!
THE WELL-DRESSED WOMAN
Someone once said there is nothing more beautiful than a beautiful
woman. A pretty sentiment, but not quite complete. We would have it
read: There is nothing more beautiful than a beautiful woman
well-dressed.
When is a woman well-dressed? It cannot be when she is merely
fashionable, for when we glance at the fading portrait of some forgotten
ancestor, graceful in her Colonial gown with its billows and billows of
creamy white lace, we feel instinctively that she is well-dressed. And
yet, we cannot call her fashionable. It cannot be elaborate attire, for
we know that the stylish young miss in her severely tailored suit and
sailor hat is certainly well-dressed. It cannot be distinctiveness--or
individuality--for many a delightfully well-dressed young woman buys all
her frocks and suits in the shops.
No, it is neither of these--and yet, it is all of them. The well-dressed
woman has the faculty of charming you--and yet you yourself know not
why. You know that she is well-dressed, but when she is gone you cannot
remember just what it was that she wore. You have only a faint
recollection of a perfect harmony of line and color.
She is fashionable, yes; and elaborate, too, if the occasion warrants
it. She is distinctive, but not obviously so. But if she is truly
well-dressed, her clothes are of the best materials and the workmanship
is faultless. Style, color and line are all incidental to these two
dominating principles of dress--material and workmanship.
The striking characteristic of the woman who is well-dressed is her
poise, her grace and ease of manner, on all occasions. She is never
self-conscious, never uncomfortable. She never is the center of
attraction because she is never conspicuous. She is simply yet smartly
dressed, graceful yet dignified, attractive yet inconspicuous. Above
all, she is _always_ well-dressed--not only on festive occasions.
Every woman has within her the possibilities of being charming--if not
beautiful. It requires only the knowledge of correct dress, of harmony
and beauty in costume. There is, of course, the woman who insists that
she does not care at all about clothes, that she does not care how she
is dressed. But she is the exception, and we are interested in the rule.
Woman does herself an injustice by being dowdy, careless or commonplace
in dress. She puts herself at an unfair disadvantage. Charm and beauty
are the heritage of woman, and the world expects it of her.
NOT A SLAVE TO FASHION
The woman who is ruled by fashion may not consider herself a
well-dressed woman. If her sense of beauty is developed, if she knows
the value of art and harmony, she will not be the slave of a stupid
mode. She will not worship at the pedestal of fashion, trembling as each
new decree is announced lest she be not among the very first to observe
it. Style does not dominate her personality; rather, her personality
dominates style.
And after all, is it not absurd to adhere slavishly to that which is in
vogue, without attempting to adapt those modes to one's own
individuality? There is, for instance, the woman who discards an
otherwise attractive and fashionable gown merely because the sleeves are
slightly puffed instead of severely tight-fitting as the whim of Fashion
demands. She does not stop to consider that puffed sleeves are
infinitely more becoming to her. They are not the "latest"--and that
fact alone is enough to cause her to discard the gown.
An excellent thought for the girl or woman who wishes to be
well-dressed, to remember, is: always dress as though you were going to
the photographer to have your picture taken--a picture that you are
going to leave to your children to remember you by. If you keep this in
mind, you will never wear commonplace clothes nor clothes that are
extreme in style, but you will dress with simplicity and taste, being
sure to add here and there a touch of your very own personality--perhaps
a corsage of violets to show your love of flowers, or a rare old cameo
brooch to show your reverence for the things grown old.
THE WELL-DRESSED MAN
Few men realize the tremendous importance of clothes both in the social
and business worlds. The effects of dress are far-reaching--and they are
certainly no less so among men than women.
There is the story of the man who gained admittance to the Athenaeum
Library in Boston, although he was not a member. After spending a very
pleasant morning reading, he prepared to leave. It was then that he was
attracted to a rather dowdy individual who was remonstrating indignantly
with an official at the door. "I am a member, I tell you!" he exclaimed.
"Well, you certainly don't look it," the other retorted.
The man who had spent a morning in the library hastened away. He had not
known that use of the reading rooms was restricted to members. But no
one had questioned him, as he _looked_ the part of a member. Yet, the
man who really did belong, had to submit to the indignity of questioning
and of submitting proof, because his appearance--his clothes--did not do
justice to his position.
We know that first impressions are the most important, especially in
business. The man whose clothes are gaudy, ill-fitting or extreme, will
find that he is not making as rapid a stride forward as his abilities
warrant. Incorrect dress is a serious handicap. In the social world, it
is not only a handicap, but a barrier. The oft-repeated Dutch proverb
may be a bit exaggerated, but it certainly has a suggestion of
truth--"Clothes Make the Man."
And so we say to the young and the old man alike, dress well. Dress, not
as a fashion-plate, but with a regard for appropriate style--and with an
especially keen regard for fine materials and excellent workmanship. Do
not be content with an ordinary suit, but be sure that each one you wear
imparts that poise and dignity which is so essential to the true
gentleman. Your wardrobe need not be filled with suits for every day and
every occasion; but a few carefully selected garments, well-tailored and
smartly styled will earn for you the enviable distinction of "a
well-dressed man."
One might remember, to quote once again from the proverbs of the Dutch,
that "A smart coat is a good letter of introduction."
THE CHARM OF OLD AGE
Youth may not claim sole possession of charm. Old age has a charm all
its own--a silver charm that makes one think of mellowed roses, and
fading sunsets.
A delightful gray-and-lilac grandmother, reposing quietly in the depths
of a great armchair, perhaps dreaming of a golden youth--this is a
picture that artists have long loved to paint. There is something
strangely irresistible in old age, especially when old age is
beautiful. And to make it beautiful requires only a calm assurance and
kind heart combined with clothes that are in good taste and in harmony
with one's years and personality.
Of course, one does not expect one's grandmother to wear the same kind
of gay creations that young Miss Seventeen delights in; nor would one
expect one's grandfather to flaunt the same style of suit one's son
wears at college. The sound of rustling silk and sweeping petticoats is
one of the charms of the elderly lady--but an abbreviated skirt would
certainly make her appear ridiculous. Similarly, the elderly gentleman
finds dignity and distinction in a black frock coat, but one is inclined
to smile when he appears in the jaunty black-and-white checked Norfolk
suit that would better become his son.
Yes, age has a charm that is well worth striving for. There is something
decidedly imposing and impressive about a handsome old man immaculately
dressed; and there are no words beautiful enough to describe the
enchantment of the silver-haired old lady in delicate colors and
fabrics, and flowing styles reminiscent of the days of powdered wigs.
Old age has its compensations; youth can never have its charming repose
and calm.
THE ELDERLY WOMAN
In these days, when daughter and grandmother enjoy the same
entertainments, and attend the same affairs, the clothes of the elderly
woman are just as important as those of the younger. We shall describe
here several kinds of costumes that invariably add charm to old age, so
that grandmother may appear to advantage beside the youthful bloom of
the young girl.
There is, for instance, the soft, wide lace fichu so becoming to the
elderly woman--but that the young miss cannot very well wear. Combined
with a dress of brocaded satin, with a full skirt that takes one back to
the days of the Quakers, the lace fichu is most attractive. Then there
is always the shadowy charm of black velvet and black lace. For the more
formal occasions when the elderly woman wishes to be particularly
well-dressed, yet not conspicuous, a dress of black velvet, with wide
frills of black Chantilly lace, makes a most appropriate costume. The
lace may be used to veil the skirt and as sleeves.
The elderly woman may choose any dark color that becomes her--gray, dark
blue and black are perhaps the three colors most favored. There are
several light colors that are appropriate, chief among them, gray and
lavendar. Materials worn by the woman-who-is-older are taffeta, velvet,
_crêpe de chine_ and satin. She should avoid such materials as organdie,
georgette and tulle--they are meant for youth.
IMITATION AND OVER-DRESSING
Two of the most common faults of elderly women are imitation and
over-dressing. Both rob old age of its charm, and the wise woman will
conscientiously avoid them.
By imitation, we mean the following of fashions and styles meant for the
young person. We see women celebrating their fiftieth wedding
anniversaries wearing "fashionable" dresses that are in absolute discord
with their years and personality. Short skirts and straight-line
silhouettes may be perfectly all right, but they certainly do not give
to old age the imposing dignity that is its main charm.
One instinctively respects and admires the white-haired woman whose
skirts are of a length commensurate with her age and dignity, and who
carries herself with calm poise. More than that, one _appreciates_ her.
But the woman who is growing old and insists upon keeping herself young
by wearing inappropriate and inharmonious clothes, is merely making a
farce of herself. There can be nothing more ridiculous than a woman past
fifty in gown and wrap obviously created for the young person of
seventeen. Instead of improving her appearance, the elderly woman
deprives herself of the charm that should rightfully be hers.
As for over-dressing, it is so utterly bad form and bad taste that it
requires only passing notice. Just as simplicity enhances the beauty of
youth, so does simplicity enhance the charm of old-age. Ostentation of
any kind, jewels, bright colors, gaudy styles--all these make old age
awkward, unpresentable and unrefined.
THE OLDER GENTLEMAN
One can be a good many years past fifty and still enjoy the theater, the
opera. And one can easily retain the presentable dignity of earlier days
by wearing clothes that are just as appropriate as those of those
earlier days.
For afternoon wear the elderly man will find the black frock coat with
gray trousers most effective. He should wear white linen, wing collar
and small black tie. This costume is also appropriate for morning wear.
In the evening the gentleman always wears full dress, irrespective of
age.
In the warmer climates, gentlemen of more mature years find keen
pleasure in the early morning and afternoon costume consisting of black
and white patterned homespun jacket, slacks and waistcoat of white
flannel, white linen and foulard tie. Black and white sport shoes and a
light panama hat complete the costume admirably.
A TRIP TO THE SOUTH
Because it is the trip about which people are most in doubt when it
comes to deciding what to take along we give here below a few
suggestions about the wardrobe for a person about to start South.
To visit the balmy sunshine of the South, is to require a wardrobe that
will harmonize with the lazy mood of the skies of Havana or Miami. Even
though the snows may have tied up traffic in one's own home town,
clothes for the Southland trip must be delicate, "summery" and flimsy.
One includes a bathing suit, too, although the lake back home is frozen
over.
The wardrobe one takes to the South depends largely upon the duration of
the visit and the extent of one's purse. The one described here is for
the average requirements of both.
For the mornings there must be several crisp, demure little frocks that
are easy to launder. Bright colors match bright skies, and wide sashes
are most becoming. For afternoon wear, frocks of taffeta, silk and
organdie are suggested--colorful little frocks made with a regard for
easy packing and attractiveness. Canton crêpe is a lovely material,
especially when it is of pale apricot or Nile green--and it does not
crush as easily as taffeta or organdie. A delightful frock for Southern
wear is hand-sewn voile in a soft old rose shade. With it may be worn a
large-brimmed straw hat of old rose.
Bright sweaters, sport skirts, sport coats, blouses, oxfords--all these
are of course indispensable to the wardrobe for the southern visit. The
number of sweaters and blouses taken depends upon the length of the
visit. One should include a bathing suit, a beach coat and a brightly
colored parasol. And the smart frock for evening strolls must not be
forgotten.
At least one elaborate evening gown, and two or three semi-evening gowns
will be necessary even if the visit to the South is a short one. And we
would heartily recommend a fluffy little evening wrap to go with the
gown. Then, of course, there are the little strapped slippers and the
low-cut sports shoes to be considered.
One is pretty sure to be happy under the blue skies of the tropics if
one's wardrobe contains a plentiful supply of gay, colorful frocks,
blouses and sports things. But one need not postpone the visit because
clothes seem to be expensive; common sense, good judgment and a small
purse go a long way.
FOR THE GENTLEMAN
Plenty of white duck trousers, white linen, light sack coats and sports
clothes are necessary for the man who winters in the South. He will find
the patterned homespun jacket very smart indeed, with slacks and
waistcoat of white flannel. This outfit may be worn with panama hat,
colored foulard tie and black and white sports shoes.
A brown or gray flannel sack suit is convenient for Southern
wear--especially in the morning and early afternoon. It is attractive
when worn with tan oxfords, colored linen and straw hat. Flannel suits
are often worn with white oxfords, and sometimes blue serge sack jackets
with white duck trousers.
The wise man will include a suit for motoring in his wardrobe. With it
he should include a motor cap, and a light raglan coat or a coat of
unshorn homespun. An attractive tennis jacket for Southern wear is of
blue and black striped English flannel, with a wide roll collar; worn
with white linen and white flannel trousers. White tennis shoes should
be included for wear with this outfit.
For the afternoon, an attractive costume for the gentleman in the South
is a single-breasted jacket of diamond weave homespun, a double-breasted
vest to match, white flannel trousers and white linen. A black tie with
polka dots of white, and black and white sports shoes add just the right
note of smartness.
A dinner jacket and full dress suit must have place in the wardrobe one
prepares for the South. Patent leather pumps should not be forgotten,
nor a silk hat for the very formal occasions. Of course, there must be
plenty of white and colored linen, and a generous supply of bright ties
and sports shoes and hose. As for bathing suit, golf togs and riding
habits, we leave these to the taste and discrimination of the gentleman
who is contemplating the visit.
CHAPTER III
THE BUSINESS WOMAN
WOMAN IN THE BUSINESS WORLD
There was a time, not so very long ago, when woman's activities were
confined to the home. For a woman to be actively engaged in some
business or profession of her own meant one of two things: either she
was an "old maid" or she was "queer." Naturally, the social standing of
such women was rather doubtful.
But to-day, with the equal franchise that has given woman her
long-denied vote, she has allowed her talents and capabilities to find
outlet in other wider fields than those limited merely to the home.
There are women in law offices, women in courts as reporters and
interpreters, women in the stock exchange, women editors, women
directors--women in every conceivable branch of art, industry and
commerce. That they are succeeding, admirably so, is evident in their
social status.
Years of blind adherence to false tradition have robbed woman of her
proper development along business lines. That explains why there is
still a difference in the business status of men and women. Then, of
course, there is the sex difference; and advanced though she prides
herself on being, woman is still considered mentally inferior--for the
simple reason that she is a woman. It may take many years of slow
development before woman is considered man's absolute equal--in
business as in politics. And until that time arrives, it behooves every
woman who is interested in the progress of womanhood, to do her little
share in hastening that glorious time of complete equality.
One of the seemingly small, but really vital things woman can do, is to
dress so well and so wisely in business that the most exacting man can
find no excuse to condemn her as a "slave of fashion."
SELF-CONFIDENCE
Poise, self-confidence, dignity--all these come with the knowledge that
one is well-dressed. The business woman cannot afford to sacrifice
self-confidence, if she wishes to make a success. Self-confidence brings
with it a certain forcefulness of manner, a certain dignity of bearing
that is convincing at the same time that it is impressive.
And clothes play a large part in the development of this
self-confidence! Yes, clothes, for it is when one knows and feels
instinctively that one is perfectly attired, yet inconspicuous, that one
is in full command of one's thoughts and bearing. The woman who would be
a success in business, must remember that she cannot do justice to the
business of the moment, if she is wondering whether her skirt falls just
right, whether her blouse is still crisply laundered, whether the colors
she is wearing are not too bright. She becomes embarrassed,
flustered--and she fails to do justice to whatever should have been
claiming her attention.
Recently, we read in the newspapers about a woman lawyer defending a
young man accused of murder. We read with a great deal of interest, that
she was a comparatively young woman, and inclined to be eloquent in her
speech. We read parts of her rebuttals to the court, and we tried to
picture her standing in the center of the huge room, surrounded by eager
spectators, facing the jury,--in a gown that was fashionable, becoming,
yet inappropriate and uncomfortable. We could not do it. We _knew_ that
she could never have made the impassioned appeal that freed the
defendant if she had been thinking of her clothes, rather than of the
case. We pictured her in a conservative suit, with high-necked waist,
strictly tailored throughout, and giving the appearance of being
well-dressed without anyone even stopping to think about it. Later we
were gratified to learn definitely that we were correct--this woman
lawyer who had made so tremendous a success was an extremely
conservative dresser, with simple good taste.
Self-confidence, poise and dignity are valuable assets to have in
business. Correct dress aids materially in their development.
THE SLATTERN
It hardly seems necessary in a book of this kind to speak about the
slattern. And yet, some bits of advice we can give may be of value to
some--and therefore we will not omit them.
By a slattern we mean a woman who shows lack of care and thought in
clothing. The girl whose blouse sags is a slattern. The woman whose
dress hangs loosely and does not fit well is a slattern. The woman who
looks as though she had jumped into her clothes quickly, dashed off to
the office without glancing in the mirror, and then forgotten all about
straightening her hat and belt, is a slattern. Broadly speaking, any
woman is a slattern who is not scrupulously careful in her attire, who
does not show by her very appearance that she is well-groomed, well
cared for.
One can be perfectly groomed with the possession of just one suit. A
girl who is planning to have an illustrious career, and who wishes to
put aside her earnings with a view towards future investments, need not
spend large sums on clothes. With one very smart, tailored suit of a
good material, and several attractive blouses, she can always look neat
and well-dressed. Satin blouses, tucked and high-necked, are excellent
for the office. A soft, fluffy little blouse of georgette transforms the
suit into a quite appropriate costume for visiting and entertaining.
There can be no excuse for the girl or woman who does not always look
her best at business as well as when she is attending to her social
duties. And being well-dressed does not mean expensively or elaborately
dressed. Some of the best groomed women wear clothes that are striking
because of their very simplicity.
FOLLOWING THE FASHIONS
Changing constantly as they do, Fashions must be followed wisely. To
adopt each new style as it is presented, stopping to question neither
its authenticity nor permanency, is to become very soon a literal "slave
of fashion." To avoid this, women of good taste adopt only those new
fashions that are conservative and not obviously "new." Anything
radically different, anything extreme, should be strictly avoided.
The business woman should pay particular attention to the selecting of
styles for her dresses, blouses and suits. She should never select a
dress that is made with some distinct feature that may be worn for a
month or two and then discarded. She should never search among the
"fads" for her blouses, but choose instead those simple, tailored,
becoming waists that are so appropriate for business. Her suits should
always be dark in color, of excellent material, and of a style that is
amply conservative enough to be worn two seasons if necessary.
If fashions are chosen wisely, with a regard for simplicity; if, in
fact, clothes are chosen for good cut and fine material rather than
attractive style, the business woman will soon find that she is gaining
a reputation for being at all times well-dressed. And it is a reputation
she will find valuable.
GAUDY ATTRACTION
One need only step into a modern office for a moment, and glance around
at the stenographers in their thin georgette blouses and high-heeled
shoes, to realize how inappropriate gaudy, attractive clothes are in the
business atmosphere. The stenographers may continue to wear their flimsy
waists and gaudy clothes without ever feeling sorry for it, but the
business person who expects to have a worthy career, will find
ostentation in clothes, and especially gaudy display, fatally
detrimental to her ultimate success.
There is nothing more conducive to respect, trust and honor in business
than quiet tastes--in clothes as in everything else. One instinctively
respects the young lady who is smartly attired in dark, simple clothes,
ideally adapted to the business environment. How much more sensible she
looks, how much more eager one is to trust her with confidential
information, with responsible duties, than the flippant person who wears
gaudy clothes! The wise woman will never allow bad taste to influence
her to wear bright, attractive things to business; what she lacks in
good taste and the knowledge of correct dress, she will make up in good
common sense.
Someone once said, "There must be a reason for everything." There must
be, then, a good reason for everything we wear. And surely there can be
no reason for a bright orange georgette waist, or a finely plaited white
_crêpe de chine_ skirt worn to business. Women who wish to succeed in
business, should avoid all that is gaudy, useless and inappropriate in
dress, wearing only what is simple, becoming and neat.
THE BUSINESS SUIT
The correctly-tailored, neat business suit is indispensable--as any
business woman will attest. There seems to be a dignity about a suit
that is lacking in any other business garment. Perhaps it is because of
its simplicity.
For the woman who wishes to be tailored, we suggest the smart English
tweed suits that are always in good taste. They may be simple, belted
models with large patch pockets and straight-line jackets. Heather is a
good color, or gray or brown mixture. Worn with plain white lawn or
white batiste blouses, suits of this kind are ideal for business wear.
Jersey suits are also appropriate, if they are developed in dark colors,
and simple styles. Loose, belted jackets are always in style, or they
may be slightly fitted at the waist. Most popular and most becoming of
all is the navy blue serge suit. It is always appropriate. It can be
worn with white or colored blouses, and always presents a neat
appearance. If it is well made and fits perfectly it will impart that
well-groomed look so important to business women. For exact style of
suit, fashion magazines or personal tailors must be consulted.
In the summer a woman may with propriety wear simple frocks of gingham,
chambray, linen, and other washable materials.
THE BUSINESS DRESS AND COAT
Dark colors and heavy materials are always better form for business
frocks than light, colorful materials. Good taste is undeniably evident
in the simple, one-piece business dress of navy blue serge or tricotine.
A bit of lace at the neck, or perhaps some touch of bright color,
relieves the sombre darkness of the dress yet does not add any undue or
inappropriate attraction.
Please remember we are not trying to preach here, or lecture you on the
extremes of style. What we are attempting to do is merely point out for
you what is correct and incorrect to wear in business circles, and we
feel sure that you can make no mistake by following our advice.
For instance, there is the woman who is seeking valiantly to make a
success in some line of business hitherto barred to women. Yet she wears
an expensive fur coat and attractive frocks that would be better fitted
to the dance floor. She wonders why her superiors hesitate to trust her
with important responsibilities. She does not realize that her lack of
discrimination in dress, her evident lack of knowledge of what is
correct to wear at business, has caused them to lose confidence in her.
The business coat should be of cloth, never completely of fur unless
one's position is high enough to warrant it--and even then it should be
only of one fur, instead of a combination of two or three, and made with
a regard for simplicity and inconspicuousness. However, the most
appropriate business coat is made of a heavy cloth, plain or fur-trimmed
for winter, and light-weight, dark-colored material for the warmer days.
The hat, of course, follows the general note of simplicity and is
usually small and dark. A turban is excellent, and it is one of the few
fashions in hats that remains always popular.
AN APPEAL TO BUSINESS WOMEN
It took many centuries of hammering before the portals of business and
industry and art were thrown wide open to women. Now that that has
happened it is her duty and pride to conduct herself in such a way that
there can be no regrets and vain longings for the return of the woman of
yesterday. By her manner and her dress a woman determines her place, and
the women who are careless of their appearance and careless of their
standard are the ones who are hindering the progress of women toward the
goal of perfect womanhood.
When she enters business she must realize that she is on an equal
footing with men and she should not demand or expect privileges simply
because she is a woman. What she does and says and wears during the
hours of her social life is entirely distinct from her business life,
though, of course, she is always courteous, however hard it may be
sometimes to control herself under the grinding of the routine work at
the office.
CHAPTER IV
ON THE STREET
THE TRUE ETIQUETTE
Etiquette, in its truest sense, is an exponent of _self_, rather than a
manifestation towards _others_. We do what is right and courteous
because no other behavior possibly could be consistent with our claim to
be well-bred.
As Shakespeare has said,
"To thine own self be true;
And it must follow as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
Instinctively, and with no thought of impressing others, the well-bred
man does and says what is correct. And his manners are as polished and
cultivated in his home, at business and in public, as they are at the
most formal social functions.
It is not enough to observe the conventions of society when you are in
the elaborate ballroom or at a fashionable dinner. You must be always,
at all times, in all places, as courteous and well-mannered as you would
be in the most impressive surroundings. The world judges you by your
manners in the street car and on the avenue just as severely as it does
in private homes and at social functions.
Do what is correct because you are well-bred, and not because some
important person is watching you. Then you will truly be following the
rules of courtesy.
POISE IN PUBLIC
"Mightiest powers by deepest calms are fed" says the proverb. And Dr.
Crane, himself a mighty power, supplements the saying by one of his
own--"The silent sun is mightier than the whirlwind."
It is the quiet well-mannered person who inspires respect and liking.
The loud laugh bespeaks the vacant mind and noisy, boisterous conduct
has a tendency to irritate and make nervous the people who have to come
into contact with it. In public and elsewhere you are accredited with as
much refinement and gentility as your manners display--no more.
It is a mark of extreme good breeding to be able to meet all emergencies
calmly and without uncontrolled anger or excitement. In training in the
etiquette of calm behavior, there can be no better test than that of
controlling the temper. Do not confuse this serenity of manner with
cowardice; for the calm dignity that forbids one to be ill-mannered also
forbids one to endure insolence. By learning to control the temper, one
develops that kind of poise which is undeniably one of the greatest
assets in the social and business worlds.
THE CHARM OF COURTESY
Real culture has a tendency to avoid excessive individuality. Instead,
it requires that all people be treated with equal courtesy, whether they
are strangers in the street of friends in the drawing-room. And it is
this very charm of courtesy that has made etiquette so important a
factor in civilization.
"All doors open to courtesy," the proverbs tell us. The "general public"
so sadly abused in book and speech, is quick to recognize courtesy and
eager to respond to it. Before a pleasant face and a courteous manner,
all obstacles vanish, and we find ourselves progressing easily through
the world, making friends as we go.
Some of us vainly pride ourselves upon being frank and candid in our
association with others. This is a serious blunder which many men and
women make. It is not commendable to be frank, when courtesy is
sacrificed. Be truthful and just, but do not be unkind. And it certainly
is unkind to repeat bits of gossip or scandal, unless there is a special
reason why it should be done. How much better it is to gain the
reputation of being considerate than the reputation of being brutally
frank!
There are countless trifling tests of good manners that distinguish the
well-bred. And these same tests prove that a careful attention to the
rights and comforts of others, is one of the most decided marks of good
breeding. For instance, at the postoffice one can immediately discern
the well-bred man. He stands quietly in line until there is room for him
at the window. He does not crowd. He does not attempt to push ahead of
others to reach the window before his turn. He does not interfere with
other people's business; he would be horrified at the thought of
deliberately loitering near a window to overhear the private affairs of
some other man. He is quiet, unobtrusive and considerate, moving quickly
away from the window for the next person's convenience. In manner and
speech, he is essentially _courteous_.
It is impossible to be a lady or gentleman without _gentle_ manners. And
it is impossible to have gentle manners without being _courteous_. The
word "courtesy" to-day should carry the same meaning of beauty and
charm that the word "chivalry" did in the eighteenth and nineteenth
centuries.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
There was a time, not so long ago, when a most marked reserve was
required between men and women in public. But to-day, with the advent of
women into almost every branch of business, art and profession, there is
a tendency to loosen this social barrier and create a more friendly
relationship between men and women. The stiff formalities of a decade
ago have given way to a much more pleasing social harmony and
understanding.
"Etiquette requires that the association of men and women in refined
circles shall be frank without freedom, friendly without familiarity"
declares a recent writer on good manners. There is no longer need for
the strained reserve formerly felt when women were in the company of men
in public. If the correct rules of etiquette are observed, and courtesy
and poise follow in their wake, the man and woman in public may be as
entirely at ease and unrestrained as they would be in a drawing-room or
at an informal dinner.
American gentlemen have the reputation of being more chivalrous than the
gentlemen of any other country. American ladies are acclaimed the most
charming and intelligent in the world. Thus, when the speaker on the
platform addresses the public audience as "Ladies and Gentlemen" the
expression should mean something more than merely a careless formality.
WHEN TO BOW IN PUBLIC
To bow or not to bow is often a puzzling question! Some authorities on
etiquette claim that "it is correct to bow first to a person of higher
social position." Others assert that social position has nothing to do
with it, and that it is age alone that determines who shall bow first.
The question devolves upon several very important rules that should be
rigidly observed.
The first, and invariable rule, is that the woman always bows first when
meeting men acquaintances. Her bow assumes the proportions of a simple
greeting; the head is slightly inclined, she looks directly at the man
recognized, and smiles cordially. To the woman, therefore, is given the
privilege of recognizing or refusing to recognize a man acquaintance.
However, the really well-bred woman will never ignore in public a
person, man or woman, with whom she has had even a slight
acquaintance--unless she has a very good reason to do so.
Two young women meeting in public greet each other with a certain degree
of spontaneity which consequently eliminates any question regarding the
first bow. But when one of the women is married and the other unmarried,
the first bow invariably comes from the former. Younger people, of the
same sex, always wait for the first sign of recognition from the older
person.
Young women who are dance partners or partners at the dinner table with
men who are not personal friends, incur the social obligation of bowing
courteously when chance meetings are made in public, even though there
is no desire to continue social acquaintanceship. Also, when a man or
woman has been invited to an entertainment at a house through the good
offices of a friend of the hostess, he or she must wait to receive first
recognition from that hostess when meeting in public.
Gentlemen meeting each other in public observe the same rule as that
outlined for two women,--the younger waits for first recognition from
the elder. If both are of the same age, the question of first bow is
unimportant. People meeting often during the day need not bow
elaborately each time; a simple smile or glance of recognition is
sufficient.
It is extremely rude and unkind to "cut" an acquaintance publicly by
staring coldly in response to a courteous bow and smile. There are so
many more dignified methods of terminating an undesirable
acquaintanceship. It is necessary only to keep one's eyes averted,
persistently but not obviously if one wishes to avoid greeting an
undesirable acquaintance. Or if one wishes one may bow with extreme
formality, but a bow and smile in public should always receive some kind
of acknowledgement, no matter how severely formal.
WALKING IN PUBLIC
First in importance to remember when walking in public is poise and
balance of bearing. The expression "the _débutante's_ slouch" is a
direct result of the lazy manner of walking recently adopted by a number
of young women. Aside from its bad effect upon health, this manner of
walking is both ungraceful and unattractive. Men and women both should
remember that an erect, well-poised bearing is more impressive than the
most elaborate costume.
A lady does not take a gentleman's arm when walking with him in the
daytime unless she is elderly or infirm. It is only after dark that she
properly accepts the support of her escort. In this case, she merely
rests the palm of her hand lightly within the curve of his elbow. It is
extremely bad form, as well as ungraceful, for her to link her arm
through his. The gentleman always walks nearest the curb unless on a
special occasion when the street is very crowded and he wishes to
protect her from the jostling crowds. He may offer his arm to the lady
in crossing dangerous streets or to guide her through congested traffic.
When walking with two ladies, a gentleman's proper position is not
between them; if it is in the evening, he offers his arm to the elder
lady and the other friend walks by her side. There seems to be a
mistaken belief that a gentleman walking with two ladies must "sandwich"
himself between them, but correct social usage teaches that this is
entirely wrong. The ladies always walk side by side.
On no occasion may a gentleman take a woman's arm. Good society regards
this as a disrespectful freedom. Thus, whenever he feels that she needs
his protection, a gentleman should offer a lady his arm, but never
attempt to thrust his hand through her arm. It is not even correct for
him to grasp her by the elbow (as so many young men insist upon doing!)
when crossing a street.
STOPPING FOR A CHAT
Very often we meet, in the course of our daily strolls, old friends or
acquaintances with whom we are eager to have a little chat. This is
entirely permissible, if certain laws of good conduct are observed. One
should never stop on the street to talk, but should walk on slowly with
the person with whom one wishes to converse.
Remember that primarily all conduct in public should be characterized by
reserve. While it is entirely allowable to call a jolly "Hello!" to a
friend one meets in a country lane, even though one still is fifty rods
away, it would be extremely bad form on Broadway or Fifth Avenue--or
Main Street in any town. A cordial but quiet greeting shows good
breeding; a greeting so conspicuous that it attracts attention is never
in good form.
Conversation should be carried on in quiet and subdued tones. Above all,
be natural in your speech. Do not attempt to be flowery in your
language, or "different" merely because there are strangers around to
hear--and admire. And if you do stop to converse with your old friend,
be sure that you speak sensibly of things of mutual interest; there is
no excuse to stop merely for the sake of exchanging inanities.
Whispering is as rude in public as it is in the ballroom or at the
dinner table. Confidential business should not be discussed on the
street or in the department store; the proper place for such private
affairs is in the office or parlor.
If addressed by a stranger seeking information regarding a certain
street or number, show a cheerful and kindly interest. It is perplexing
and often embarrassing to be in an unfamiliar town or country, and
whatever information you give should be in an interested and courteous
manner.
Someone once said, "If you must do a thing, do it with all your heart.
To do it half-heartedly is to rob it of all its charm." Let this be your
motto in regard to the courtesy extended strangers who seek your aid.
WHEN ACCIDENTS HAPPEN
Gibbon said, "Accident is commonly the parent of disorder." But where
there are only people of culture and fine breeding, an accident is
devoid of all haste, hysteria or other indications of disorder of any
kind. It is the final test of correct manners, this being able to
conduct oneself with calmness and dignity even in moments of most
distracting circumstances. And besides its cultural aspects, calmness in
time of danger or accident is often the means of saving lives.
The rules of good breeding are nothing more than the rules of good sense
and these are never put to a more severe test than when an accident
occurs. The person who can keep his head during a fire will be much more
likely to get out of the building than one who loses all control of
himself and becomes hysterical. Presence of mind when someone faints or
is hurt or is in danger often prevents a serious or fatal mishap and
always eliminates a large part of the disorder incidental to such
occasions.
When an automobile or railroad disaster occurs, it is the calm person
who is most helpful. And surely helpfulness is one of the basic terms of
good conduct everywhere.
ACCEPTING COURTESIES FROM STRANGERS
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, writing about etiquette, said "Etiquette is another
name for kind thought. The man who says 'I know nothing about etiquette'
does not realize that he is saying 'I know nothing about courtesy to my
fellow beings.'" One of the reasons why America has truly been the land
of golden promise to so many strangers from other shores, is that there
are always so many men and women eager to help, eager to show those
little courtesies that warm the heart and rekindle the dying spirit.
Etiquette and courtesy are synonymous.
But it is not alone with the giving of courtesies that we are
interested. It is important that we know the correct way to accept
them. And it is particularly important that we know the correct way to
accept courtesies extended to us in public. There can be nothing more
discouraging to the lover of social etiquette than to see a man give up
his seat in the car to a woman who accepts it without a word of thanks
or a smile.
The question has often been asked whether or not it is correct for a
woman to accept the offer of shelter of an umbrella offered her by a
gentleman who is a perfect stranger. To settle this definitely, we say
that it is absolutely bad form for a woman to accept this courtesy no
matter how hard it is raining and how important the need of saving her
clothes may be. She may, however, accept the courtesy if it is offered
by a gentleman to whom she has been introduced at a dinner, dance,
theater party, or other social function.
If a woman drops her bag or gloves and they are retrieved by a passing
man, it is necessary only to smile and say "Thank you." No further
conversation is permissible. But if a man saves her from some grave
danger, such as being thrown down by a horse, or run over by a car, it
is not only necessary for her to thank him but the woman should ask,
"May I have the pleasure of knowing to whom I am indebted?" To offer
further expression of her obligation the woman would later send some
male member of her family, a brother or husband, to the home of the man
who has been of service to her. She should never offer money in
appreciation of the service, unless it is evident that he is a working
man; and even then she should use tact.
Such courtesies as assisting to pick up bundles that have dropped to the
ground, opening a door that has stuck or giving desired information,
require only the conventional "Thank you." No courtesy, however slight,
should be accepted without evidence of gratification, even though it be
but a slight smile.
RAISING THE HAT
When bowing to a woman or in acknowledgment of a greeting, when walking
with a woman and bowing to another man of his acquaintance, a gentleman
raises his hat. Similarly, when bowing to a man who is accompanied by a
woman, the courtesy is observed and also when a man is walking with
another man who lifts his hat in greetings to a friend, whether or not
that friend is known to him personally. The hat is also raised whenever
a gentleman offers a civility to a lady, whether she be friend or
stranger.
Elderly men, superiors in office, clergymen and men of distinction are
entitled to the courtesy of lifting the hat. "Hat in hand goes through
the land" say the Germans. And "Cap in hand never did any harm" is the
gem we find among the Italian proverbs. When in doubt, raise your hat.
Surely it is better to be too polite (if such a thing were possible)
than to be rudely discourteous to someone.
The question of whether or not the hat should be removed in the elevator
is perplexing. Some contend that the elevator is the same as a small
room in a private home, and therefore that the hat should be removed.
Others just as positively declare that the elevator is the same as the
street, and that it is unnecessary to raise the hat. The question of
drafts and colds in the head have entered into the discussion--but
ultimately all writers of etiquette reach the same conclusion: as the
elevator is so small and boasts a ceiling, it may be considered in the
same class as a room, and the polite man will keep his head
uncovered--especially while there are women in it. The man who is very
susceptible to colds may lift his hat upon entering the car and replace
it immediately. But it is not courteous to retain the hat entirely.
HOW TO RAISE THE HAT
It is not enough to know when to raise the hat, one must also know the
accepted manner of doing it. Profound and elaborate bows are
old-fashioned and un-American. While lifting the hat one should incline
the head slightly and smile. But it must be remembered that the
unmannerly habit of touching the hat, instead of lifting it is an
indication of sheer laziness and a lack of gallantry.
"A hat raised half-heartedly is a courtesy without charm" is a proverb
well worth remembering. Why raise your hat at all, if you do it only as
an annoying duty that must be gotten over as quickly as possible? If you
want to be courteous and polite show by your manner that you _are_
polite. A graceful lifting of the hat is entirely incompatible with an
unsmiling face. But both together--a sincere smile and a graceful
lifting of the hat--are most pleasing to the person for whom the
greeting is intended.
Many gentlemen, while speaking to ladies in the street, stand with their
heads uncovered. While it is a polite custom, it is dangerous to the
health and therefore should not be indulged in except in warm weather.
The most usual method is to lift the hat upon meeting, slowly replace it
during the conversation or while walking beside the lady, and lift it
again when taking leave of her.
IN THE STREET CAR
"The world is on wheels!" declares a modern writer. "Everyone is going
somewhere, and all the world is moving!" And Dr. Eliot of Harvard, in a
recent newspaper article, deplores the fact that the "younger
generation" is losing in courtesy and good manners that which it is
gaining in this rapid onward rush of the world's affairs.
"There is a general coarsening of manners" declares the president
emeritus of Harvard University. "Young women expect to encounter
rudeness from young men and they do not resent it" and when one watches
the rough-and-tumble manners of people in subways and street cars every
day one is inclined to agree with him.
The custom of relinquishing one's seat, for instance, is not as marked
as it was a decade ago. Perhaps the new suffrage amendments may have
something to do with it. Perhaps the war and woman's changed status is
the reason. Or it may just be a "coarsening of manners." But whatever it
is, we do not find our young men of to-day as eager to relinquish their
seats in the car as they were several years ago.
Women should never indicate by word or glance that they wish a man to
give up his seat. But the woman who is ill, or who is extremely tired
should feel no hesitancy in making the request if her need is really
great. When the seat is given, the owner should be thanked for his
kindness. This holds true whether the courtesy has been requested or
whether it has been spontaneous.
Boisterous action in the street car is inexcusable--as it is anywhere
else. The girl of mirthful disposition who laughs loudly may not be
doing it to attract attention to herself but merely to give vent to her
gay spirits, but it is most unattractive. "All noise is waste"--but it
is more than waste in public where it reflects ill-breeding upon the
person who is the perpetrator.
ENTERING THE CAR
In ascending a car on an omnibus, a man assists the woman he is
escorting by a slight touch at the elbow. He enters after her, finding
her a seat and taking his place next to her. If there is only one empty
place in the car, he stands directly in front of her, or as near as
possible. If a man relinquishes his seat to the woman, the escort must
lift his hat and offer a word of thanks for the kindness. A smile from
the woman is sufficient. In leaving the car the order is reversed; the
gentleman leaves first and assists the woman in alighting.
A man pays all fares and fees for the woman he is escorting. But when a
man meets a woman in the street by chance and they both enter a car
together, he is not under obligation to pay her fare. Common sense has
made a rule of its own in this matter, and some men insist upon paying
the fare of women they meet even inside the car. But etiquette tells us
that only an escort is under obligation to pay the fare of a woman.
IN THE TAXICAB
Here again the woman enters first, assisted by her escort. There is no
rule as to which side she should take in the car; she enters first and
takes the furthest seat, whether it be to the right or left. In
alighting the man again leads the way, assisting the woman to reach the
ground safely.
A word of caution will not be amiss here. No woman or girl should ride
in a taxicab with a man who is not her escort, unless she has a very
good reason for doing so. It is not conventional, and in most cases it
is not prudent. The woman with a fine regard for all the little niceties
of good conduct, who wishes to observe the rules of etiquette in their
truest sense, does not ride in a taxicab with a man, and allow him to
pay the bill, unless he is acting as her escort. And ordinarily, a
gentleman of polished manners does not ask a lady to ride with him
unless he is taking her to a social function such as a dance, formal
dinner or theater party.
If the taxicab has double seats, the man should take his place with his
back facing the driver, unless he is an old friend of many years'
standing. A new acquaintance should not take the liberty of sharing a
seat in the taxicab with a young woman unless she has particularly asked
him to do so.
SOME SOCIAL ERRORS
Reserve should not be confused with haughtiness. The first is a
necessary social attribute; the second is a regrettable social evil that
should be carefully avoided.
To be haughty, proud, superior, is to indicate that you hold those
beneath you in contempt. When etiquette is based on courtesy and a
consideration for the rights and comforts of a fellow-man, one readily
sees why this is a mistake. A haughty person is a conceited person. A
haughty person is an unkind person. And therefore, a haughty person is
an uncultured person.
Reserve, on the other hand, is a calm dignity that comes with the
knowledge that one does and says only what is entirely correct. It is
that certain well-poised sureness of oneself entirely devoid of all
semblance of pride,--yet with sufficient self-respect to attract
instinctively the respect of others. Reserve is that which is developed
only after close application to, and experience in, the laws of good
conduct. Haughtiness is merely a sham drapery used to cover the defects
of uncultured manners.
The other extreme of haughtiness is self-consciousness. Both faults are
the result of too much self-thought. To overcome self-consciousness,
which makes you awkward, easily embarrassed, and ill at ease--think less
of yourself! Think of the books you have read, of the people you have
met, of the new scenes you have observed. Take a more keen interest in
people. Speak to them. Don't be afraid of them. But most important of
all, forget yourself. And before you realize it, you will have developed
sufficient poise and _unself-consciousness_ to be confident to appear in
the most elaborate drawing-room, among the most brilliant and highly
cultured people, without feeling the least bit ill at ease.
"Our personal appearance is our show window where we insert what we have
for sale, and we are judged by what we put there." If you remember to
observe this bit of philosophy of Orison S. Marden's--not only in dress,
but in speech and manners and bearing--you will invariably do and say
and wear what is correct in public.
CHAPTER V
AT THE THEATER AND THE OPERA
DRESS AT THE THEATER AND OPERA
For a matinee a simple street dress of a dark material is appropriate
except during the summer months when one may wear dainty fabrics and
light colors.
In the evening if one is to sit in a box one should wear evening dress,
not so elaborate, however, as that worn at a ball or dance. If one is to
sit in the orchestra full or semi-evening attire is appropriate but in
the cheaper seats such attire is out of order. Plain street dress should
be worn.
ENTERING THE THEATER
There is one law of good conduct that cannot be over-emphasized--and
that is the law of making oneself inconspicuous. A man or woman who is
the "center of attraction" when the occasion does not merit it, cannot
claim the distinction of being entirely well-bred. There seems to be a
certain dignified simplicity and modesty in dress, speech and behavior
that distinguishes well-bred people and enables them to move with ease
and unconscious grace among people of every status and position.
ARRIVING LATE
Whether it be the theater, opera, lecture or some other public
entertainment, it is exceedingly bad form to arrive late. People who are
considerate always make it a point to arrive five or ten minutes before
the hour set for the performance.
When one is unavoidably detained and reaches the theater after the
curtain has been raised, it is polite to remain at the rear of the
auditorium until the first intermission. It is permissible to take one's
place quickly and quietly while the audience is applauding; but it is
rude and inconsiderate to attempt to find your place while the
performers are on the stage and the attention of the audience has been
fixed.
It is good form for the man or woman who arrives late to excuse himself
or herself to the people who are disturbed while the vacant place is
being reached. One may say, "I am sorry to disturb you," or, "Pardon
me." Those who are seated should rise to allow passage if the place is
very narrow, but if there is sufficient room for them to pass without
stumbling it is better for those who are already seated to keep their
places, drawing aside to facilitate matters for the new-comers.
ABOUT WRAPS
It is customary for a woman to slip off her wrap in the lobby and carry
it on her arm to her place, where it may either be placed over the back
of her chair or folded in her lap. Some big theaters now have checking
rooms for women, where wraps may be left until after the performance.
Other theaters arrange for a wrap-checking service in the ladies'
dressing-room. Individual preference must decide whether the wrap shall
be checked or kept with one. But to stand up after the play has begun,
and leisurely divest oneself of one's wraps, is a breach of good
manners. If her wrap is a light one a woman may keep it on until she is
seated and then slip it off her shoulders and let it fall over the back
of her chair.
Hat and veil are usually removed after one has been comfortably seated.
Or, if one prefers, they may be checked in the dressing-room. In the
evening, when _décolleté_ is worn with an evening veil and no hat, the
veil may be dropped over the shoulders and kept throughout the evening.
A very common fault is to begin to put on wraps and hats before the
performance is over. This is rude to the performers and unjust to the
people around you. Wraps should not be touched until the curtain has
fallen for the last time, even though one is anxious to leave.
Politeness is a vital law of good conduct, and certainly nothing could
be more impolite than to interrupt an actor or lecturer by fussing with
clothing.
Gentlemen usually check their hats and coats in the lobby; otherwise
they remove them both before taking their places. The hat is deposited
under the chair, and the coat may either be folded and placed over the
knees, or over the back of the seat.
ORDER OF PRECEDENCE
There seems to be some doubt as to the correct order of precedence upon
entering and leaving the theater or concert hall. Some authorities on
etiquette claim that the correct order is for the usher to lead the way
to the seats, the lady following immediately behind him, and after the
lady, her escort. But more modern usage has changed this order of
precedence.
To-day it is correct for the usher to lead the way, a few feet ahead of
the gentleman. Immediately behind the gentleman follows the lady. The
reason for this change is that it enables the gentleman to stop before
their places and hand the lady to her seat. Otherwise this duty devolves
upon the usher. However, as the lady precedes the gentleman in almost
everything else, it is safe to assume that both methods of precedence
given above are correct.
One thing is certain--it is absolutely incorrect for lady and gentleman
to walk down the aisle together, arm in arm.
BEFORE THE PLAY
Upon entering a theater or concert hall a few moments before the curtain
is drawn, one becomes immediately conscious of the gentle buzz of voices
throughout the audience. While it is entirely permissible to carry on a
conversation before the play begins, it is most offensive to those who
are sitting near for one to act in a noisy, conspicuous manner. Low
tones are a mark of cultivation. As a matter of fact, loud noise of any
kind is an exhibition of thoughtlessness, and it can be so easily
avoided by a little caution.
Another reprehensible habit often indulged in before the play is that of
standing up and glancing around one in the search of a familiar face,
then nodding and smiling conspicuously to a friend in some other part of
the auditorium. After having once been seated one should remain so,
instead of rising and disturbing others. It is merely a form of vanity
to search for friends among the audience and endeavor to attract their
attention.
A certain gayety of manner is, of course, in harmony with the occasion,
but it should be the kind of gayety that is under control. It is
commendable to be smiling and cheerful--but be careful that you do not
laugh boisterously or talk loudly.
WHEN THE CURTAIN IS DRAWN
The first chord of the orchestra should be the sign for absolute quiet
in the theater. There can be nothing quite as rude as continuing a
conversation while the musicians are doing their best to entertain you.
Usually, when the orchestra begins, programs are hastily opened and
scanned. This causes an unpleasant rustling sound that mars the effect
of the music and is sometimes very disturbing to music-lovers who are
sitting near you. The time to glance through the program is while you
are waiting for the play to begin, and before the musicians have taken
their places. Then it should not be referred to again until during
intermission.
People who arrive while the orchestra is playing should be particularly
quiet. Care should be taken that chairs are not clattered or allowed to
drop noisily.
DURING THE PERFORMANCE
It hardly seems necessary to say that talking or continued whispering
during a performance is ill-bred and rude. Young people are most at
fault in this matter. They must learn to curb their enthusiasms and
criticisms until after the performance or during the intermissions.
"The _intelligent_ listener never interrupts" declares an eminent
authority. Complete quiet should be maintained during a performance or
concert; all talking or whispering is interruption. Beating time to the
music, whistling or rustling programs are also unmannerly.
If anyone near you is inconsiderate enough to talk or hum during the
performance, it is entirely proper to turn and in quiet tones request
that he or she be more quiet. It is necessary, though that you do not
speak in a curt or offensive manner that will cause antagonism on the
part of the stranger. A kind request always meets with an immediate
response. You might say, "Pardon me. Do you mind speaking a little
lower?" or "Would you mind speaking more quietly?" It is polite, also,
to offer a reason, as "I cannot hear very well. Will you please speak
more softly?" If the person thus addressed complies with your request
and answers you politely, you should acknowledge it with a very
courteous "Thank you." But there should be no further conversation
during the performance.
THE OFFENDING HAT
The polite woman removes her hat as soon as she is comfortably seated.
To wear a hat that obstructs the view of the people behind is
inconsiderate--and anything that is inconsiderate is also ill-bred.
If you find that it is necessary to ask the woman sitting before you to
remove her hat, be sure that you couch your request in terms of careful
politeness. This is very important. The cultured man or woman is polite
at all times, and especially so when reminding someone of a politeness
that has been overlooked. It should be remembered that a hearty smile
and a friendly manner go a long way in winning a similar response.
"Pardon me, madam, but may I ask that you remove your hat?" is the form
usually used. But a better way is to offer some explanation, as, "I am
sorry to disturb you, but your hat is in my way. Will you kindly remove
it?" The simple form "Will you please remove your hat?" is sufficient if
it is accompanied by a pleasant smile. But under no circumstances is a
curt, "Take off your hat" permissible. If one hesitates to speak to a
stranger he or she may call the usher and request him to ask the
offender to remove her hat.
The woman thus addressed may, upon complying with the request, either
smile and remain silent, or say simply, "Yes, indeed." Other forms
frequently used are "Certainly," "I am sorry," or, "Pardon me." The two
latter forms are perhaps the best, for they indicate that the offender
realizes her lack of politeness and is sorry.
APPLAUSE
Clapping hands is a natural language of delight. Very young infants clap
their hands when they are happy. Children clap their hands to express
their pleasure. And older people clap their hands to show appreciation
and enjoyment.
But stamping of feet, whistling, or noisy acclamation of any kind is bad
form. This may seem superfluous in a book of etiquette, but it is
surprising how many otherwise cultured men stamp noisily or whistle when
something said or done upon the stage particularly pleases them.
Ill-timed or continual applause is disturbing to performers and audience
alike. Indiscriminate hand-clapping is not only annoying, but reflects
poor judgment upon the offender. When you feel that an actor or lecturer
merits applause, give him a short and hearty hand-clapping, but do not
make the mistake of clapping noisily and excessively each time the
opportunity presents itself.
It should be particularly remembered that ill-timed applause hinders the
progress of the performers.
DURING INTERMISSION
At a theater party, when there are several men and women in the party,
the men may take advantage of the intermission to leave their places for
a few moments. But they must not indulge in this privilege more than
once during a performance, if they wish to be polite and considerate to
the ladies. And they should not go without excusing themselves to the
ladies whom they are escorting.
When a young man and woman are together, it is the height of
ill-breeding for him to leave her alone during intermission. If he
wishes water or candy or programs, the usher will attend to it for him.
He must not leave the lady alone unless she requests him to get
something for her. A gentleman alone may, of course, come and go as he
pleases during intermission.
If one must walk past strangers to leave one's seat for intermission, or
if one wishes to leave before the performance is over, a courteous
apology must be made to the people who are disturbed. "I beg your
pardon," or, "May I trouble you to pass?" are the forms most frequently
used. When the aisle is reached, it is polite to acknowledge the
obligation by smiling and saying, "Thank you."
[Illustration:
Photo by George H. Davis, Jr. Courtesy of the _Woman's Home Companion_.
THE BUFFET LUNCH
The informality of the buffet lunch permits the use of paper napkins but
the hostess may use linen ones if she prefers]
During intermission it is permissible to step across the aisle or into
another box to greet a friend. Often introductions are made, but they
are not formal and need not gain future recognition. As soon as the
curtain begins to rise, the caller must return to his own place.
LEAVING THE THEATER
If you wish your acquaintances to recognize your charm and cultivation,
you should conduct yourself at the conclusion of the performance with
the same quiet dignity that you observed when you entered the theater
and while you were waiting for it to begin. Speak in low tones, smile
but do not laugh, discuss the play but do it in so quiet a manner that
no one but your companion will hear you. It is bad form to gather in
small groups and discuss the play in loud tones. Leave the theater as
quickly as possible. The attendants are waiting to close it.
It usually takes a long time for a large theater to be emptied because
many inconsiderate people block the aisles and loiter at the rear of the
auditorium. As soon as the curtain has fallen for the last time, gather
your wraps together, slip them on if it is convenient and move quickly
down the aisle to the rear. Then pass quickly out of the theater and out
of the way. But if you still carry your wraps, you may either go to the
dressing-room or remain a moment or two in the lobby until you have
arranged them.
Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage." If this is true, do we not
owe the stage the same courtesy, respect and honor that we owe the world
of fellow-men? Be as well-mannered and courteous at the theater and
opera as you would in the most fastidious drawing-room.
CHAPTER VI
HOTEL ETIQUETTE
AT THE HOTEL
There is a very distinct code of ethics by which the lady and gentleman
must be governed when stopping at a hotel. It is a mistaken idea that
one may act as one pleases, merely because the hotel is public. But it
is as important to remember one's social obligations as it is in the
home of a friend.
Indeed, the hotel is one place where men and women are most likely to
make embarrassing blunders and commit humiliating mistakes. This is
especially true of the man or woman from a small town who stops for a
day or two at a big hotel in the city. Only by knowing thoroughly the
laws of good conduct, as adapted to hotel life, can one expect to move
smoothly and with ease through its often puzzling social intricacies.
At home, or even when visiting at a friend's home, a boor may remain
undetected. But how quickly the truth appears after he has registered at
a hotel! There are numerous little tests of good breeding that betray
him; the servants themselves soon discover whether or not he is
cultivated, well-bred. And they invariably treat him accordingly.
The definite rules will be given in the following paragraphs. But for
one's general conduct it should be remembered solely that the
hospitality of a hotel is no less worthy of courtesy and consideration
than the hospitality extended by a friend.
THE WOMAN GUEST
To-day women stop at hotels much more frequently than they did a decade
ago. The war brought with it a widened horizon for the women of America,
and they travel all over the country on political, professional and
business enterprises as well as for pleasure. It is, consequently,
necessary for them to stop often at hotels; thus they must know exactly
how to conduct themselves.
Some hotels, in smaller towns, have ladies' entrances. The woman visitor
should first ascertain whether or not there are such entrances, and if
so should govern her actions accordingly. But in large cities, hotels
generally have but one large entrance where the woman may enter without
embarrassment. Business often takes the modern woman into strange towns,
and there is no reason why she should feel the least hesitancy in
stopping at a hotel--providing she knows how to conduct herself.
Hand baggage should be relinquished at the door to attendants of the
hotel. The woman should make her way immediately to the desk-clerk,
register, and then follow the page assigned to her, to her room. It is
not good form to loiter in the lobby before going to one's room after
one has registered. A wise plan is to call the hotel on the telephone
beforehand, requesting them to reserve a room or suite of rooms as the
case may be. This will eliminate any possibility of having to leave the
hotel because there is no room. It is always a wise plan for a woman to
reserve a room in advance, especially if she is to arrive late at night
since certain hostelries refuse to admit women after a certain hour.
The day of the chaperon is practically over, except in the cases of very
young girls. But women to-day travel very often in the company of their
maids. Whether one double room or two single rooms adjoining each other
are chosen, depends upon the degree of intimacy between mistress and
maid, and also upon convenience and accommodation at the hotel. The
usual form is to reserve two adjoining rooms.
A woman never stops at a hotel without baggage. Even though she intends
to stay only over-night, she should carry a small handbag with her. A
woman traveling across country with a great deal of baggage may have her
trunks sent on ahead to the hotel if she reserves rooms previously. On
no occasion should the woman approach the clerk's desk laden with
valises and bags. A hotel attendant should take them from the car and
deposit them on the floor near the desk; or the guest's chauffeur should
deposit them at the entrance of the hotel, to be attended to by one of
the hotel attendants.
RECEIVING MASCULINE GUESTS
A gentleman calling upon a lady who is stopping at a hotel, gives his
name to the desk clerk. It is not necessary to offer a card. The form in
most common usage is, "Mr. Roberts to see Miss Nelson." The clerk will
call Miss Nelson on the telephone or will direct him to one of the
telephones in the lobby, and advise her of the visitor. If she is ill
and does not wish to see him, she will say, "Please tell Mr. Roberts I
am indisposed and I am sorry that I cannot see him to-day." But she
should not refuse to see a visitor without offering some sort of
legitimate excuse. If she is not ready to greet visitors, she may say to
the clerk, "Tell Mr. Roberts I shall be downstairs in a half-hour." That
is the maximum amount of time it is permissible to keep a visitor
waiting.
Ladies receive the gentlemen who call on them in the parlor or reception
room of the hotel. They may be hatless and gloveless, if they wish,
observing the same rules of etiquette that they would observe in their
drawing-room at home. But if the visits are entirely of a business
nature, it is always advisable for the woman to wear a hat.
To welcome a man in one's room is to break a convention that has many
years of strict practice to uphold it. It is a serious blunder in hotel
etiquette.
If a gentleman calls upon a lady at a hotel, whether it be in a business
or social capacity, and finds that she is not in, he may leave his card
with the desk clerk to be forwarded to her. It is necessary, however,
that he write on the back of the card for whom it is intended; for the
memories of desk clerks are not quite as retentive as some of us think
they are, and there is a possibility of the card being sent to the wrong
guest.
MAKING FRIENDS AT THE HOTEL
Hotels have the alarming propensity of making one feel extremely lonely,
especially if one is stopping there all by oneself. And there is the
very strong temptation to forget all about conventionalities and speak
to the friendly-looking old gentleman at the next table, or the charming
young woman in the dressing-room. But everyone, and the woman
especially, should be extremely careful in making friends and
acquaintances at the hotel.
Self-introductions are not unusual at the hotel. In the dining-room, in
the lobby, in the rest-rooms, conversations are often started that
result in self-introductions and subsequent acquaintanceships. But one
should be prudent. It is not wise to go beyond the usual civilities of
greetings and casual conversations or to take anyone into your
confidence.
While conducting yourself with all due courtesy and consideration for
the hospitality extended by the hotel, it is important to remember that
after all the hotel is not a private home, but a temporary one for
travelers--for the public. The conventions you observe in public must
therefore also be observed at the hotel. Strangers still remain
strangers, even though you sleep under the same roof with them.
If a gentleman becomes interested in another gentleman, either in the
hotel lobby or the dining-room, and he wishes to become acquainted with
him either for business or social reasons, he may request the manager of
the hotel to make the necessary introduction. He may also indulge in the
self-introduction, but it is never as effective as the introduction made
by a third person.
HOW TO REGISTER
It is not considered dignified for a woman traveling alone to sign
herself in the hotel register without the title of "Mrs." or "Miss." A
married woman should register as "Mrs. Harris K. Jennings," an unmarried
woman as "Miss Mildred Jennings." It is decidedly bad form to sign
oneself "Millie Jennings," or "Flossie Jennings" for Florence. The full
first and last name should be written out and preceded by the correct
title of "Miss" or "Mrs." Only the eldest daughter, or only daughter, of
a family may sign herself, "Miss Jennings."
When traveling together, a mother and daughter register as "Mrs. Harris
K. Jennings, Miss Mildred Jennings." Even a very young girl is
registered in this manner. A small boy's name appears in the register as
"Master Edward Jennings." A husband and wife register as "Mr. and Mrs.
Harris K. Jennings." To use the expression "Mr. Harris K. Jennings and
wife" is considered very bad form indeed. Only those who are ignorant of
the best rules of hotel etiquette make this blunder.
After the name, the town and state from which the visitors have come
should be written in the register. Thus the complete entry of a young
lady would be, "Miss Mildred Jennings, Cambridge, Mass." A gentleman
would register in this manner, "Mr. Harris K. Jennings, 681 Fifth Ave.,
New York." Even if he lives in New York and stops at a hotel in that
city, he must write "New York" after his name. Nor is it correct for him
to omit the "Mr." from before his name.
Deep flourishes and illegible handwriting should be avoided. The
well-bred man or woman registers neatly in a clear, small, legible
script.
IN THE PUBLIC DINING-ROOM
"A gentleman is known by the way he eats," declared a well-known writer
recently in one of his newspaper articles. And this is particularly true
in the hotel dining-room, where one is judged--or misjudged--by one's
table manners; and one should remember to make them as gracefully
correct as if the dinner were a most formal one in a private home.
If you drop a fork or other part of the table service, do not stoop to
pick it up. Simply ignore the incident and leave it to the waiter to
attend to. A most reprehensible habit is to pick up a knife or fork that
has been dropped, wipe it carefully with the napkin, and proceed to use
it. The correct thing to do is to leave the fork or knife on the floor
where it has fallen and request another one from the waiter in charge.
It is optional with the ladies whether or not they wear their hats to
dinner. In the dining-rooms of the larger hotels, however, women
generally do not appear hatless. Even though one is a permanent guest
and a special table is reserved for one each evening, it is better to
wear a hat to dinner at the hotel.
Loud laughing and talking reflect ill-manners. And this applies not only
to the dining-room, but to the private rooms as well. As a rule, the
partitions in hotels are thin and talking that is the least bit loud can
be heard in the next room. For this reason, it is also discourteous to
play any musical instrument at such times of the day when it would be
likely to disturb those whose rooms adjoin. At the table, conversation
may be conducted only when low, natural tones of voice are used. Loud
talking should be avoided.
Guests who wish to eat in their rooms should request that a waiter be
sent to the room with a menu. The order is given, and the waiter will
see that it is satisfactorily filled. For this service he should receive
an extra fee from the guest.
HOTEL STATIONERY
Hotels invariably place a supply of writing paper in the room. This is
meant for the business or social correspondence of the guest. More of
this paper is usually found in the writing-room.
Do not waste the hotel stationery. Use it only if you have to. You would
not waste the stationery provided for your use at the home of your
friend. Then why take advantage of the courtesies extended by your
hotel? Just as one adapts oneself to the routine at the home of a
friend, so should one accustom and adapt oneself to the rules and
regulations of the hotel.
Never take any of the hotel stationery away with you. It is as wrong in
principle as carrying away one of the Turkish towels. Use only as much
as you need for your correspondence, and leave the rest behind you.
REGARDING THE SERVANTS
Arrogance is only another form of selfish pride. The man or woman who is
cultured is never arrogant. After all, isn't it sham--sham adopted to
cover the defects of manner and bearing?
If you are dissatisfied with some service performed by one of the hotel
attendants, if one of them is inattentive to your wants or negligible in
his duties, complain to the manager. Do not scold the servants
themselves, or order them in a peremptory manner to do such and such a
thing correctly. The greatest vulgarity--and you will do well to
remember this--is to look down upon a person as inferior merely because
he or she has to earn his or her own living. There is nothing to be
ashamed of in good, honest, faithful toil. But the person who ridicules
it has a great deal to be ashamed of.
Be considerate to the hotel attendants. Do not expect the maid to come
hurrying to your room when you ring at one o'clock in the morning. The
guest who is kind and thoughtful will receive twice as much service as
the person who is constantly complaining and scolding.
LEAVING THE HOTEL
When you are ready to leave the hotel, call an attendant to carry your
baggage down to the entrance. Do not attempt to carry it down yourself,
whether you are a man or woman, unless you have only one or two small
valises.
Different hotels have different rules with regard to keys. Some require
that the key be returned to the desk clerk. Others require that it be
left in the room. When in doubt, the best form is to return the key at
the desk before asking the cashier for one's bill. After this is paid,
ring for a servant to call a car; never do this yourself.
Tipping, though an entirely un-American custom, is still widely
practiced. When leaving the hotel, it is necessary to tip, or fee, those
hotel attendants who have been of service.
CHAPTER VII
TRAVEL ETIQUETTE
THE RESTLESS URGE OF TRAVEL
Man is essentially a restless being. Ever since the world began, men and
women have found themselves growing impatient, eager for new scenes, new
faces, new experiences. First they packed up their few belongings and
moved by foot to another place a few miles away. Then they took down
their tents and put them up in some other place. Soon we find them
building houses, and at different periods moving to other houses.
Gradually, through the ages, as man's desire for wider experiences and a
wider radius for travel and exploration developed, the horse-drawn
carriage appeared, then the steamboat, then the locomotive, the surface
car, the subway, the automobile and airplane.
Diogenes with his lantern could not find an honest man, and he would
have just as difficult a task to-day to find a man, woman or child who
does not love to travel. Everyone likes to see new scenes, meet new
people, enjoy new experiences; and the easiest way to accomplish this is
through traveling.
THE CUSTOMS OF COUNTRIES
In America, where almost everyone is something of a tourist, the
etiquette of travel must not be neglected. And it is particularly
important that the customs of foreign countries be respected, especially
now that the world is becoming one great family and intercourse among
the nations is increasing every day.
Somehow, we Americans feel that there is no other country in the world
quite as wonderful as our dear United States. There is, of course, no
reason why we should not believe this; but it is bad form and poor
judgment to show by action and speech in other countries that you
believe it. The man or woman who affects a supercilious disdain of all
foreign countries and their forms and customs, is not impressing the
natives with his vast superiority, but is really convincing them that he
or she is an ill-bred simpleton. And even our beloved America is hardly
perfect enough to warrant a great deal of boasting.
In traveling abroad, every national prejudice, every custom of every
little town or village, should be observed as nearly as possible. "When
in Rome do as the Romans do" is the truest courtesy that can be observed
by those who travel. Well-bred and polite people conform to native
customs no matter how strange they may appear. And they do it
gracefully, with a smile of friendliness rather than one of disdain.
In her book "Fear and Conventionality," Elsie Parsons relates an
incident during her visit to Tokyo. She and her companions were the
guests of Japan. As they were on their way to the station, the natives
stole up furtively and placed cards in their carriages. Realizing that
it must be some native custom, the occupants of the carriages merely
smiled and allowed the cards to remain. Perhaps if they had been haughty
individuals they might have scowled at the seeming intrusion, thrown
aside the cards, and won the everlasting hate of the natives not only
for themselves but for all future American tourists. For one ill-bred
traveler makes it hard for the next people who pass along the same
route, however courteous they may be. The best way to make a pleasant
journey is to adapt oneself graciously and courteously to varying
circumstances and conditions.
THE TRAVELER'S WARDROBE
It is not wise to overburden oneself with numerous clothes when
traveling. Wardrobes can always be replenished if the necessity arises,
in other countries, and there is really no need to impede one's journey
with numerous trunks and handbags that must be constantly checked,
looked after and traced. Many people have journeyed happily all over
Europe with only a suit case or two.
Women should dress quietly and inconspicuously when traveling. A dark,
tailored suit with light blouses is in excellent taste, especially when
worn with a small dark turban or toque. In her wardrobe should be
simple, but smart frocks for the afternoon, an evening gown, numerous
fresh blouses and perhaps a sport outfit or two. An abundant supply of
fresh undergarments is essential, but even these can be bought during
the trip if the supply does not hold out. Remember that it is a wise
rule to take too little rather than too much. An experienced traveler
can usually be distinguished by the small amount of luggage he carries.
The wardrobe of the gentleman traveling should also be as small as
possible. Of course the number of suits and the quantity of linen he
takes with him depends upon the length of his trip and the social
activities he expects to indulge in.
If the trip is to be one of long duration the porter will provide a
paper bag in which the hat may be placed. On a trip of this kind it is
permissible to make oneself at ease by removing hat and wraps and
leaning against a pillow which the porter will furnish upon request.
IN THE TRAIN
An ill-bred person is always known by his selfishness and discourtesy in
the train. He will claim more service and comfort than he is entitled
to. He will scold the attendants and make himself generally a nuisance.
He will encroach upon the rights of others, assume an air of importance,
and make himself conspicuous by his actions and manners.
When in the train, be as solicitous of the passenger's comforts as you
would be of your dearest friend's, if he or she were traveling with you.
Do not keep your window open if you know that it is causing discomfort
to others. Do not spread your hand-luggage into the aisles where other
passengers will be likely to trip over it. It is good nature, courtesy
and an affable adaptation to unexpected circumstances that mark the lady
and gentleman in traveling.
If someone opens a window that places you in a draught or exposes you to
flying cinders or other discomforts, it is permissible to request
politely that the window be lowered again. The courteous man or woman
will do so immediately without impatience or annoyance.
All boisterous behavior, loud laughing and talking, are as reprehensible
in the train as they are in the drawing-room. Composure of manner and a
calm, easy grace distinguish the cultured traveler. He who is restless,
excitable, fidgety, who talks in loud tones, walks back and forth to
the water cooler many times, arranges and rearranges his belongings, is
merely advertising to the other passengers in the train that he is
traveling for the first time, and that he does not know how to conduct
himself.
It should be remembered that the railroad train is a public place, and
therefore it is not correct to discuss family affairs or converse loudly
about people who are absent while you are traveling on it. This habit of
talking about people who are absent is most uncivil. How often do we
overhear conversations in which some unfortunate man or woman is "picked
to pieces" by inconsiderate friends or acquaintances who mean no harm
and bear no malice but having nothing else to talk about, choose their
friend as the subject of their conversation. It is unkind, and it is
certainly bad form.
IN THE SLEEPING CAR
In traveling on the sleeping car the person who has the lower berth is
entitled to the seat facing forward while the one with the upper berth
has the seat facing backward. If a lady was unable to procure a lower
berth and the gentleman beneath her offers to exchange she may at
discretion accept the offer.
When one is ready to go to bed he rings for the porter to prepare the
berth. In crowded trains it may be some time before this can be done and
the owner of the berth must be patient until his turn comes. It is
courteous to consult one's seat mate before asking to have the beds made
for the night, and if one wishes to go to bed early because of fatigue
or slight illness, he may politely beg of his partner to allow him to do
so.
The person who is to spend the night on the train should provide himself
with a dressing gown, a traveling toilette case containing the necessary
accessories such as brushes, soap, tooth-paste, pins, etc. One may dress
and undress in the regular dressing room but many people prefer to
accomplish the greater part of their toilette in their berths. It is not
permissible to take exclusive possession of the dressing-room or to
spread one's belongings out so as to be in the way of the other
travelers.
TRAIN COURTESY
A gentleman always steps aside to permit a woman to enter a train first.
He does not rush ahead of her for a choice seat, nor does he open a
window near her without having first requested and obtained her
permission to do so.
Civility of the highest sort is possible when traveling in a train. One
may be courteous to the gruff ticket collector and polite to the
bustling expressman. A "soft answer turneth away wrath"--and we usually
find that a curt, peremptory order receives response that is no less
curt; but a kind and courteous request invariably receives an immediate
friendly response. "Thank you" is never superfluous, and it is only the
exceedingly impolite man who fails to say it when some service, no
matter how trivial, has been performed for him.
When a gentleman sees that a woman passenger is having difficulty in
raising a window, he need feel no hesitancy in offering to assist her.
However, the courtesy ends when the window has been raised; he resumes
his seat and the incident is closed. It is incorrect for him to attempt
a conversation with her or to intrude upon her in any way. The gentleman
should also offer his seat to a woman standing in an overcrowded train,
or to a man very much older than himself. A man or woman carrying a
child should never be permitted to remain standing.
A gentleman never allows a woman to feel incumbent upon him for monetary
assistance. For instance, if a young and inexperienced woman is
traveling alone and seems to be in doubt as to where she will be able to
get something to eat, the gentleman may offer to send a porter to take
her order. Or if no porter can be found, he may himself get her a
sandwich and a glass of milk. But he must absolutely accept the money
expended for these articles, otherwise the young woman will undoubtedly
feel embarrassed.
THE WOMAN TRAVELER
Women travel about much more independently to-day than ever before. We
find young and elderly women traveling across country for business
purposes, for relaxation, and for pleasure. And though conventions are
no less strict than they were twenty-five years ago, these women who
travel are enjoying a much wider and more untrammeled freedom than their
grandmothers ever enjoyed.
Women who have not had much experience in traveling, who are ignorant of
the laws of good conduct while _en route_, are prone to expect a great
many courtesies and much attention from the train officials and from the
gentlemen passengers. Very often they make themselves appear rude and
ill-bred by their assumed manner of haughtiness. It is the quiet,
dignified manner that commands respect; not the exacting, fault-finding
and imperious one that so many women like to affect.
The woman on a train should never sacrifice the comfort of the people
around her for her own. It is exceedingly discourteous to insist upon
having a window open, when you know that others around you object, even
though they are all men. And it is just as discourteous to accept a seat
that a gentleman has kindly relinquished, or to accept any other
courtesy, without offering polite thanks.
It is bad form to get excited over every little thing that happens. A
two-minute delay, a brief unexplained stop, is enough to make some women
fret and fume.
The woman who travels alone should maintain a great deal of dignity and
reserve. She should not make an acquaintance of any fellow-passengers of
either sex, and she should not accept courtesies from anyone without
cordial thanks. But beyond those few conventional words of thanks, there
should be no conversation with a man or woman she does not know. And
yet, when the journey is a very long one, lasting perhaps more than a
day, what harm can it be for a woman to chat a bit about the scenery or
the newest "best-seller" with the motherly looking woman beside her?
Common-sense is often the better part of etiquette.
THE WOMAN WHO TRAVELS WITH AN ESCORT
When a man serves as escort to a woman who is traveling by train, he
incurs all expenses. He buys her ticket at the station, attends to the
checking and directing of her luggage, carries her hand-bags and sees
that she is comfortably seated. He pays for all magazines and
newspapers that she wishes and fees the porter that has helped her. He
also buys and pays for all refreshments taken during the trip.
A lady invariably precedes her escort down the aisle of the train. She
takes the inside seat and leaves the arranging of the luggage and wraps
to the gentleman. He may, if he excuses himself, spend part of the trip
in the smoking car, but it is exceedingly rude of him to leave the lady
by herself throughout the trip. In fact, it is wise after the first few
hours of travel, to leave the lady to her own devices for she may want
to nap or to read a book. Even one's dearest friend, or one's favorite
brother can become monotonous and tiresome after four or five hours of
continuous conversation on a noisy train.
IN THE DINING-CAR
When a man meets a woman on a train, and after a brief conversation,
invites her into the dining-car, she may assume that he wishes to be the
host and that he would be offended if she refused to allow him to pay
for her meal. However, the woman who travels alone must be extremely
circumspect in her conduct, and she must not incur monetary obligations
from men who are almost strangers to her.
For instance, if a man and woman who have met just once before and who
are not really friends but slight acquaintances, find that they are
traveling to the same place at the same time, they may for mutual
pleasure's sake, elect to travel together. This is especially true when
the journey is one of four or five hours' duration, when a bit of
conversation would enliven the monotony of the trip. In this case, if
both decide to go into the dining-room together, the woman must by no
means allow the man to pay her bill. He may pay the tip, if he wishes,
but he must accept the money that she offers him to pay for her share of
the bill. A considerate woman will wait until they are back at their
seats before venturing to reimburse her companion. It is better to have
the waiter present separate bills. This does away with all awkwardness
and embarrassment.
A gentleman who is escorting a lady on a trip should not be expected to
pay for her meals on the train, unless there is only one and he feels
that it would be a pleasure for him to serve as host on that occasion.
But if the trip lasts several days, the woman should insist that she pay
her own expenses. This is especially important if the escort is a friend
and not a relative; she should by no means allow him to pay her bills.
CHILDREN ON THE TRAIN
Very often it is necessary for parents to travel with their children.
The mother must see that her youngsters observe the most careful order
while they are in the train and that they do not disturb the other
passengers.
It is not very pleasant for young children to sit quietly for three or
four hours, and the wise mother will see that they have something to
amuse themselves with. A big picture book for the boy, a doll for the
girl or some other equally interesting diversion will keep the child
from becoming impatient and restless.
It is very wrong to permit children to race up and down the aisles, to
climb over the backs of the seats, to play noisy games or in any other
manner disturb the other passengers. Nor is it proper for them to eat
continually, crumbling cake and dropping fruit stones upon the floor of
the train. Correct, well-bred little boys and girls will remain quietly
seated in their places, watching the scenery or looking at the pictures
in the book; and if they converse at all, it will be in a low tone that
does not annoy the man or woman in front who is reading. It is never too
early to teach children the golden rule of courtesy and respect.
If a child is addressed by a kindly neighbor, he should answer politely;
but he must not leave his place and go over to that neighbor to be
flattered and indulged, and perhaps plied with sweets that will do him
more harm than good. Courtesies extended children should be gratefully
acknowledged both by the child himself and by his mother.
IN THE TAXI CAB
When one arrives at a station one usually has to summon a taxi to the
hotel. It is hardly safe for a young woman traveling alone at night to
ride in a taxi by herself especially if the ride is to be a long one.
The best way to avoid it is for her if possible to time her trip so as
to arrive in the day time. If this cannot be done she must perforce
accept the alternative.
If a man and woman are traveling together he helps her in before getting
in himself. At the end of the ride he first helps her out and then pays
and tips the driver. Ten per cent. of the amount of the fare is the
usual rate. Unless a man is acting as a woman's escort he should not pay
her fare.
BON VOYAGE GIFTS
Many people like to send their friends _bon voyage_ gifts of flowers,
books, fruit or candy when they are going away. Steamer letters are
always acceptable and if they are arranged in some novel way they may
be most delightful. A series of letters or small packages, one to be
opened each day, go a long way toward relieving the tedium of the
journey. Similar gifts may be sent to friends who are going on a long
railway trip. The address of packages sent to steamers should include
the name of the vessel and of the line to which it belongs and the
number of the pier.
ON BOARD THE SHIP
The only place where formal introductions are not necessary is at sea.
Life on shipboard is more or less free from conventionality,
fortunately, especially for those who are making the voyage alone. The
days would be long and tedious if one refused to speak to any of the
other passengers because they had not been formally presented. It is
quite permissible, if one feels so inclined, to speak to the person
whose steamer chair is near or to the people who share one's table in
the ship's dining-room.
COURTESY ON THE SHIP
Although the barriers of social etiquette are let down on board the ship
to the extent of permitting passengers to talk to one another without
formal introductions, there is no excuse for lack of courtesy. The man
or woman who encroaches upon the rights of other passengers, who is
discourteous or rude, will undoubtedly be shunned and avoided by the
others.
It is, for instance, very bad form to use someone else's pillow,
deck-chair or book, without having first requested permission to do so.
It is also impolite to speak in loud tones, or to read aloud, where it
would disturb others who are trying to nap or to read. Noisy conduct of
any kind is an evidence of ill-breeding, and it is only the extremely
ill-bred people who will sit in little groups and discuss and comment
upon each passenger on board the ship.
Passengers are never permitted to interfere with the mechanisms of the
ship. Not only is it very incorrect to do so, but it may be criminal or
unsafe. To inspect certain parts of the ship barred to all but employees
is to risk one's own life and the lives of the other passengers. Remain
in your stateroom or on deck, but do not wander into places where
ship-ethics forbid you.
THE WOMAN CROSSING THE OCEAN
It is not usual for a woman to travel across the ocean alone. But very
often a young woman correspondent or journalist, or perhaps a woman
buyer for some large fashion establishment, finds that business takes
her abroad. She need feel no hesitancy or embarrassment in attempting
the trip, if she knows and understands all the little rules of good
conduct that govern railroad, steamship and hotel etiquette.
The young lady who is alone, should be careful that she does not make
haphazard acquaintances among the gentlemen on board the ship. It is
much wiser for her to find companions among the women passengers, and
later they will undoubtedly introduce her to their gentleman
acquaintances. She must never allow a man whose acquaintance she made
only on board the ship, to assume any of her expenses. Nor should she
sit up on the deck after eleven o'clock with one of her new
acquaintances. She must be extremely careful of her conduct, and she
must not give anyone the opportunity to talk about her and comment upon
the fact that she is traveling without a chaperon.
When there is a dance on board the ship, the woman who is traveling
alone may accept an invitation to dance from a gentleman she has not
formally met; but it is always wiser to find some excuse to avoid
dancing with a man who is a total stranger.
A CONCERT AT SEA
Very often, as the sea voyage draws near an end, a concert or
entertainment is held for the benefit of some special charity fund, or
merely for the amusement of the passengers. All those who are
accomplished in any way--who can sing, dance, recite or play a musical
instrument, are expected to volunteer their services for the occasion.
Those who are specially requested to do so, should consent amiably; it
is very rude, indeed, to refuse without some very good reason.
The passenger who absents himself from the concert which all other
passengers attend, is both impolite and ill-bred. Whether he cares to or
not, he should attend for the sake of courtesy. And everyone should
contribute to the fund if one is raised after the concert. Only a very
selfish and unkind person will refuse to contribute to a fund of this
kind.
AT THE JOURNEY'S END
In the excitement of reaching _terra firma_ once again, a few people are
inclined to forget the courtesies due the other passengers.
A little while before the ship reaches the dock, cordial farewells
should be made to all those with whom one has been friendly.
Hand-shaking is in order, and a polite phrase, such as, "Good-by, Mrs.
Jones, I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you again," is most
appropriate. If it is desired, an exchange of cards may accompany this
leave-taking, especially if one really wishes to continue the
friendship.
Farewells on board a ship should be brief but cordial. Long, sentimental
farewells should never be indulged in for, at the most, they cause only
sorrow at the parting of a brief friendship that may perhaps never be
resumed. A warm handclasp, a sincere word or two of farewell--and it
should be over.
AT HOTEL AND RESTAURANT
When arriving in a strange city, a traveler immediately asks to be
driven to whatever hotel he has previously decided upon. Here he
registers, using the same form that appears on his visiting card but
adding to it the name of the city from which he has come.
The woman who is traveling alone does well to wire or phone ahead to the
hotel and request that they reserve a room for her. While at the hotel,
her conduct must be unimpeachable. She must not entertain masculine
visitors in her private rooms, but only in the public reception room of
the hotel. She must not return to the hotel after midnight, and she
should not dine alone in the hotel dining-room after eight o'clock.
When a large party is to dine at a hotel, the table should be reserved
and the dishes chosen in advance. This will save a great deal of
confusion and waste of time. If the dinner is not arranged for in
advance, the host or hostess should do all the ordering, subjecting it,
of course, to the approval of the guests.
AT TEA-ROOM AND ROOF GARDEN
There seems to be something about a tea-room, whether it be at home or
in some strange city or town, that is conducive to quiet and
peacefulness. Loud talking and boisterous laughter is entirely out of
place, and those who are guilty of indulging in these two improprieties
condemn themselves as ill-bred.
At the tea-room the lady always retains her hat. Gloves are removed and
wraps may either be slipped off the shoulders or completely removed. At
the roof garden, hats are also worn, except in the evening when full
evening dress is worn. Here also, it is important that a quiet reserve
of manner characterize the lady and the gentleman. No amount of
frivolity and gayety in the atmosphere of one's environment can excuse
noisy, ill-mannered conduct.
TO THOSE WHO LOVE TO TRAVEL
Almost everyone enjoys traveling, but there are comparatively few people
who really appreciate it. To those who love to travel, who find it an
inspiration and a delight, the following bits of information may be of
interest.
If you want to enjoy a trip to a foreign country--let us say
France,--spend a week or two reading about the history and literature of
that country. Make notes while you are reading, give your imagination
full rein, and absorb just as much knowledge as you can of the habits
and customs of the French people. The cultivation of the imagination is
especially important; while you read about France, picture the tiny
villages and big cities to yourself, try to visualize the people and
their homes. And when you do arrive in France, you will find keen
enjoyment in seeing the people and places that lived first in your
imagination. We promise that you will enjoy your trip a great deal more
than if you neglected to devote a little time to the reading up of the
important facts about the country you intended to visit.
Another very good plan is to buy a French-and-English or a
Spanish-and-English dictionary before or as soon as reaching those
countries. Whether one knows the language or not, it is always safest to
have one of these little volumes handy. They are absolutely
indispensable to those who expect to travel in a country the language of
which is entirely unknown to them.
Wise tourists carry a map of the countries they intend visiting. It
saves them much time, and often prevents mistakes. These maps may be
obtained of most reliable stationers, and they take up very little
space. There are times, during the journey, when their help is well nigh
invaluable; and a map is nearly always a safer guide than a native.
A camera is a splendid thing to have along on one's trips abroad. No
matter how vivid an impression a certain scene makes upon one's mind, it
is bound to fade with the passing of a year or so. But a clear snap-shot
taken of that scene will keep it fresh indefinitely, for one needs only
to glance at the picture to have all associations with the scene
recalled. The latest cameras have a device for writing the date and name
of the place on the negative, to be printed with the picture. It is
most convenient for the tourist.
There are too many of us who rush through the world seeing nothing. We
race through one country after another, hustling and bustling, feeling
important and acting the part--and we feel that we have traveled. But
that is not travel. True travel is when a man or woman visits a strange
country and carries back with him, or her, to be remembered forever,
impressions of the people and customs of that country--valuable
impressions that make his or her life fuller, wider, more in sympathy
with the great world of fellow-men. Better stay at home and read good
books about foreign countries, than rush through them with unseeing
eyes, merely to be able to tell those at home that you have "been
abroad."
CHAPTER VIII
TIPPING
AN UN-AMERICAN CUSTOM
Everyone knows that tipping is a European custom and is entirely
un-American in principle. But while the custom is observed as widely in
this country as it is to-day, it is both inconsiderate and bad form to
ignore it. The wages of waiters end waitresses, porters and hotel
servants are outrageously small, for the reason that they receive tips
for each service they perform for individual guests and travelers. If
the tipping custom were abolished, the wages of these people would be
correspondingly increased; but as things are now, it is inconsiderate to
deprive them of the tips that both they and their employers expect that
they will receive.
In a little tea shop in Fifth Avenue in New York, the following is
printed on the back of each menu: "Tipping is an un-American custom.
Help us abolish it by adding 10c to the amount of your bill. At the end
of the week, the waiter will receive the entire amount added to his
wages." Patrons have greeted this plan enthusiastically. They feel that
it presages the ultimate abolition of a custom that has long been in
disrepute because it is so distinctly un-American. The waiters in this
progressive little tea-room serve each patron with the same degree of
courtesy and respect; there is no fawning servility, no unfair dividing
of service between two patrons.
Let us hope that before long all restaurants and hotels will follow the
lead of the little tea-shop that revolts against the undemocratic custom
of tipping. But for the present, while it remains a national custom, we
must know when to tip and how to tip, and the correct amounts.
In certain states, as in South Carolina, tipping is illegal. In this
case as in all others of a like nature, the rules of etiquette are set
aside in favor of the statutes of the law.
LAVISH TIPPING
The man or woman who gives a waiter or a porter a tip that is entirely
incommensurate with that individual's services, is not impressing by his
generosity, but is earning the derision of the servants for his lack of
_savoir faire_. Extravagance in tipping is like extravagance in any
other form--it is decidedly vulgar.
A servant should be tipped according to the amount of service rendered.
The hall-boy who brings you a pitcher of ice-water should not receive
the same amount as the waiter who serves a full course dinner. Nor
should the maid who cares for your room be forgotten while the porter
who carries your trunks is handsomely rewarded for his few minutes'
service.
IN DINING-ROOM OR DINING-CAR
At a hotel, when a guest expects to stay for a long time, he may reward
the waiter in the dining-room for his services at the end of each week.
One dollar is considered the correct amount for a woman guest for a
week's service in the dining-room, and one dollar and a half for the
gentleman guest. Individual tips should amount to ten per cent. of the
bill.
In the dining-car a tip of twenty-five cents is sufficient for the
services rendered a man or woman. The woman who travels alone may leave
twenty-five cents for the waiter in the dining-car. The man who travels
alone should leave ten per cent. of the bill, or more according to the
services received.
The woman who travels with children and stops at a hotel dining-room or
a restaurant along the route, for dinner, should remember that children
always require extra service and trouble, and the waiter or waitress
should be tipped accordingly. A woman with one child should leave a
twenty-five cent tip; and when there are more children the tip should be
increased so as to be commensurate with the services received.
AT THE HOTEL
Women are never expected to tip as generously as men. At a hotel, the
woman should remember the hall-boy, the chamber-maid, the porter, and
the waiter in the dining-room. When her stay is a short one, twenty-five
cents apiece is sufficient for each one, except the hall-boy, who is
given a tip of ten cents whenever he performs an individual service. If
her stay is longer, she should tip according to the amount of service
received from each servant.
The man at the hotel is not expected to tip the chamber-maid unless she
performs some very special service for him. But he tips all others who
serve him in any way. The porter should receive ten cents for each
trunk that he carries to the room, and more if he performs additional
service. Ten cents is adequate compensation for the bell-boy whenever he
performs some service, and it should be forthcoming immediately upon the
completion of that service.
Both men and women guests are expected to tip a hotel employee whom they
send out on an errand in proportion to the services rendered. If the
trip to be taken is a long one, and entails a great deal of trouble. The
tip should be a generous one.
THE TAXI-DRIVER
In large cities where taxicabs are fitted with meters that give the
exact amount of ground covered and the corresponding cost, the traveler
has nothing to fear. He may pay the amount with full confidence that he
is not being over-charged. His tip should be fifteen or twenty-five
cents, according to the length of the trip; or if the taxi-driver has
been specially requested to make the trip in the shortest possible time,
and if the distance covered is unusually long, a tip of fifty cents
should be forthcoming.
But in some small towns where taxicabs have no meters, unsuspecting
strangers are often forced to pay twice or even three times as much as
the trip is actually worth. For this reason, it is always wise to know
exactly the values of certain trips, and the careful man or woman will
know when it is worth one dollar and when it is worth three. To
remonstrate with the driver when you feel that he has excessively
overcharged is to discourage his future attempts to do the same thing to
others. A distance of twenty city blocks--or one mile--should never
amount to more than fifty cents; from this figure it should be easy to
compute what longer trips should cost.
There is no more reason why exorbitant tips should be paid the
taxi-driver than the waiter. He performs no greater service, except in
unusual cases, such as catching a train in time or getting you to a
physician quickly. The amount of the tip should be in proportion to the
amount of the bill, if the trip is just an ordinary one.
ON THE TRAIN
The man in the baggage room who gathers together and checks the trunks
will expect a tip of at least twenty-five cents. A woman may offer less
than this--but never less than ten cents. To the porter who carries the
hand luggage aboard the train and finds a comfortable seat for the
traveler, a tip of fifteen or twenty-five cents should be given, and the
parlor car porter who performs many little services during the trip
should be similarly tipped.
When the railroad journey is longer than twenty-four hours, the man and
woman will find that they have several people to tip in the sleeper. The
porter who makes the beds and blackens the boots will expect nothing
less than twenty-five cents, and for extra service he is entitled to
extra compensation. Others who perform services are tipped in amounts
that are commensurate with the services rendered, and immediately upon
the performance of those services.
CROSSING THE OCEAN
It was on a German steamship that the custom of raising a contribution
for the band of musicians originated. Some steamships to-day still
observe this custom, but on better ships, where the musicians are of a
high order, it has been abolished. If the collection is made, at the end
of the journey, each passenger should feel it incumbent upon him to
contribute at least twenty-five cents. Fifty cents is not too much, and
some people who have particularly enjoyed the music, offer one dollar or
even more. It is very bad form, indeed, to refuse to contribute to this
fund.
The servants to be remembered on the steamship are the bedroom steward,
the table, deck and bathroom stewards, the stewardess, and the boy who
blackens the boots. Masculine passengers do not tip the stewardess
unless she has rendered them special service. Tips to the servants
mentioned above should be governed by the amount of service rendered.
For instance, if a woman passenger has been ill all the way across, she
is expected to give a generous tip to the stewardess who has nursed her.
Five dollars would not be considered extravagant in this case. The man
who has been ill should be just as generous with the bedroom steward and
all others who have attended him.
When leaving the ship, no one who has been of any service whatever
should be forgotten. The porter who helps you with your hand luggage and
sees you safely down the gang plank should be rewarded with no less than
twenty-five cents.
TIPS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES
Americans in Germany, England or France should learn at once the values
of German, English and French money. Otherwise they may make mistakes
that will cost them quite a bit. For instance, an American woman in
England recently gave a crown to a hotel maid, thinking that it was
equivalent to our quarter. The maid realized that the woman did not know
the value of it, and she explained it to her. But the traveler must
remember that not all servants are so scrupulous.
Tips in foreign countries should be given on the same basis as the ones
given to those who serve us here in America. Extravagance is bad form,
and not to give at all is niggardly. The amount of the tip should always
be commensurate with the service performed. Americans have every right
to expect respectful and courteous treatment wherever they chance to be,
and they must not feel that they are expected to pay exorbitant fees to
obtain it.
CHAPTER IX
ETIQUETTE ABROAD
THE AMERICAN IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES
The American who goes abroad and expects to learn in a few days the
customs, manners and even the language of the countries he visits, is
like the proverbial Irishman who comes to America and expects to find
the streets paved with gold. Both are doomed to disappointment.
One of the most undesirable features of travel abroad is to be forced to
depend upon the half-incorrect interpretations of guides for one's
comfort and pleasure. How much better it is to be able to talk to the
natives of the country themselves, and to understand them and their
ways! A little preliminary preparation before the trip, or while one is
on the way, serves as an excellent foundation upon which to build one's
knowledge of the language and customs of a foreign country.
Good manners are, of course, universal; and the man who is well-bred in
America is sure to be correctly-mannered when he is in France or
England. And yet there are slight differences between the etiquette of
America and the etiquette of foreign countries. They do not affect one's
courtesy or kindliness of manner, but they do affect those daily little
conventionalities, such as greetings, farewells, table etiquette,
addressing clergy and royalty, etc. To be ignorant of these rules is to
be susceptible to embarrassment and uncertainty, and to incur the
displeasure and unfriendliness of foreigners of good social standing.
The following paragraphs will, we hope, help the man or woman who is
traveling abroad, for they contain all the important details of foreign
etiquette. But in addition, we have suggested that those who intend to
visit France or Germany or any other foreign country, spend a little
time reading about that country and learning a bit about the language.
There are many good books available in public libraries and elsewhere,
that teach one a great deal about the people, interesting places, and
language of foreign countries.
ON ENGLISH SOIL
Perhaps it is because America and England have so much in common, that
their etiquette is so very similar. We find that balls and receptions
and entertainments, dinners, calls, funerals and weddings, in fact,
almost all social functions are celebrated in practically the same
manner as is considered best form here in America. The changes are so
slight that they are not important enough to mention.
But there is one radical difference between English and American
conventionalities that usually cause difficulty to the tourist. We refer
to the royal society of England which requires a very special kind of
recognition. The traveling American who visits an English court will
expose himself to a great deal of embarrassment if he does not know the
correct court etiquette--if he does not know the proper titles and their
recognition, how to address the King or Queen, how to conduct himself
while in the presence of royalty.
ADDRESSING ROYALTY
Although every American tourist delights in being presented at court, or
to a royal personage, it is usually regarded as a nervous and
embarrassing business--for the reason that one does not quite know just
what is correct to say and do. When addressing the King, there are two
correct forms and no others that may be used. One may say either, "Your
Majesty" or "Sir." There are also two forms that may be used when
addressing the Queen. They are, "Your Majesty" or "Madame." When
answering a question put by either of these rulers, one may not use the
brief "No" or "Yes." "No, madame," or "Yes, sir," are the correct forms.
When addressing the King, the form "Your Majesty" is used.
All children of the King and Queen are addressed as "Your Royal
Highness." This same title is used when addressing the brother or sister
of the reigning monarchs, or the brother or sister of the late King. In
speaking to royalty, one does not use the simple expression "you," but
expresses oneself in this manner, "Has your Royal Highness been to
America recently?"
One rule that all Americans should observe when in the presence of
foreign royalty is to wait until they are addressed by the persons of
rank. They themselves should not volunteer remarks but should enter into
the conversation only when they are directly addressed. To use a title
of rank, such as "Your Majesty" or "Your Royal Highness" incessantly, is
to make it seem superficial. It should be used only when respect and
convention demand it.
When presented to royalty, a man is expected to bow, a woman to
courtesy. The hand is never offered in greeting, unless the person of
rank makes the first motion. In the presence of the Queen everyone
should show some mark of respect--men stand with heads uncovered and
women bow slightly. Americans should follow these customs if they do not
wish to earn the enmity of their English brothers and make their stay in
the country unpleasant. But most of all, they should do it because it is
the _polite_ and _proper_ thing to do. Americans should also remain
standing at the theater or opera when the national anthem, "God Save the
Queen," is sung, or while the rest of the audience stands in respect for
a member of the royal family who has not yet been seated.
OTHER ENGLISH TITLES
An American in England is very likely to meet some persons of high
hereditary title, if they are not presented at the court itself. When
speaking of a Duke, one says, "The Duke of Lancastershire." When
addressing him, one says, "Your Grace" or "My Lord Duke." Familiarly, by
those who know him well and address him as an equal, the Duke is
addressed merely as "Duke." The same rule applies to the Duchess.
Formally she is addressed as "Your Grace"; familiarly she is addressed
as "Duchess."
The eldest son is entitled to the highest of the lesser titles of his
father. Thus, the eldest son of a Duke who was a Marquis immediately
before receiving his ducal degree, is known as the Marquis, and is
addressed as "Lord Barrie" (if Barrie happened to be the surname of the
family). Earls, Viscounts and Barons are addressed in the same manner,
when their titles are given them as courtesies, as the eldest sons of
Dukes.
The wife of anyone of the titled men mentioned above would be addressed
as "Lady Barrie." A curt "No" or "Yes" is extremely rude on the part of
an American when answering a question put by the wife of a person of
nobility. One should say, "No, Lady Barrie."
The younger sons of a Duke are addressed as "Lord James" or "Lord Sidney
Barrie." Daughters are addressed as "Lady Helen" or "Lady Louise
Barrie."
A Marquis (not the eldest son of a Duke, but a recognized Marquis by
English law) is entitled to the formal title of "My Lord" or "Your
Lordship" when addressed by traveling Americans--or by their own
country-people. By his friends or equals he is addressed as "Lord
Denbigh" or "Marquis." On formal occasions, or by those of lesser rank,
a Marchioness is addressed as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship." But her
friends and equals call her "Lady Penhope" or "Marchioness."
Just as the eldest son of a Duke bears a "courtesy title," so does the
eldest son of a Marquis. This eldest son is called "Lord Denbigh." The
daughters of the Marquis are "Lady Helen" or "Lady Janet," and they are
addressed in this manner by their friends and equals. Formally, an Earl
is addressed as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship." The wife of an Earl is
formally addressed as is the Marchioness. But by her intimate friends
and her social equals she is addressed as "Countess" or "Lady Hendrick."
The eldest son of an Earl bears his father's second title. There are no
titles for the younger sons of an Earl. His daughters are addressed in
the same manner as are the daughters of a Marquis. A Viscount is
addressed formally as "My Lord" and his friends and equals address him
familiarly as "Lord Roberts." In addressing the wife of a Viscount, one
uses the same forms outlined for the wife of an Earl. The sons and
daughters of a Viscount, when addressed or spoken about, are referred to
as Mr. or Miss Roberts, but when formally introduced, this form is used,
"The Honorable Henry Roberts."
---- AND STILL OTHER TITLES
The American traveler in England will certainly have a great many titles
to remember, especially if he expects to mingle to any extent with the
royal society. There are still others besides those outlined above. The
following are "lesser" titles, but are used perhaps even more frequently
than those given in the preceding paragraphs.
There are the Baron and Baroness, for instance, who are addressed
respectively as "My Lord" and "Your Ladyship." Their children have the
same titular rank and are addressed in the same manner. The Baronet is
addressed formally and familiarly as "Sir Thomas" without the addition
of his surname. His title is really only an hereditary privilege. But
his wife enjoys the title of "Lady Merick" or "Lady Carol," instead of
just "Lady Sylvia." The children of a Baronet have no title.
A Knight is addressed as "Lord Henry" or "Lord James," both formally and
familiarly. His wife is addressed in the same form as that used for the
wife of a Baronet. The children of a Knight are called merely Mr. or
Miss.
ADDRESSING CLERGY ABROAD
Another difficulty that often confronts the stranger in England, is that
of correctly addressing the clergy. England is a land of titles, and to
be at ease one must know how to place each title properly and pay proper
respect where it is due.
In England the Archbishops of Canterbury and York and all the bishops
(with the exception of two) are called "Lords Spiritual." They enjoy the
privilege of sitting in the House of Lords. Thus, when addressing them
formally, the form "Your Grace" should be used. "Archbishop" may be used
only by those who are addressing that dignitary familiarly as a friend
or an equal. Bishops should be formally addressed as "Your Lordship" or
"My Lord," but merely as "Bishop" by their friends. Their wives, and the
wives of archbishops, have no title, nor do the children of either
archbishop or bishop have any title other than Mr. or Miss.
Following the bishop in rank, comes the Dean, addressed simply as "Dean
Harris." His wife is known only as "Mrs. Harris." The same forms apply
to the Archdeacon and his wife. Other clergymen--canons, vicars, rectors
and curates--have no titles and are addressed simply as "Mr. Brown" or
"Mr. Smith" as the case may be.
LAWYERS, STATESMEN AND OFFICIALS--HOW TO ADDRESS THEM
While traveling about in merry England, one may find it necessary to
seek legal advice or the protection of a court. The etiquette is
slightly different from that observed in America.
The members of the judiciary, for instance, are not spoken of as "Judge
Brown" and "Judge Harris," but as "Mr. Justice Brown" and "Mr. Justice
Harris." While presiding in his court, the member of the judiciary is
addressed as "My Lord," "Your honor," "Your worship," according to the
position occupied. In private life, however, he is plain "Mr. Smith."
Whether addressed formally or familiarly, the members of the Cabinet,
and the prime minister are simply Mr. Blank, unless they have titles
conferred upon them by the King or inherited. In this case they use
their titles constantly and are addressed accordingly.
The Lord Mayor of London is entitled to the honorary title of "His
Lordship." He may also be addressed as "My Lord Mayor" at social
gatherings.
AT THE COURT OF ENGLAND
The social activities of the English Court, and the etiquette governing
these activities, should be known and thoroughly understood by every
American who ever intends to visit that country. The war interfered
slightly with the functions of the court, but with the return to normal
these have been resumed with all their pre-war ceremony.
Usually four Courts are held every season, two in the early part of
spring, and two at equal intervals later on. This may be altered,
however, to suit conditions; as, for instance, in Nineteen-Fourteen
there were only three Courts, and in Nineteen-Fifteen there were none at
all.
American women who wish to be presented at Court may either be presented
by the wife of the American Ambassador or by some English woman of title
and position who has herself been received by the Queen. The American
Ambassador has the privilege of sending to the authorities in whose
hands the matter rests, the names of several American women suitable
for presentation at Court. Those who wish this privilege, should
register their names at the offices of the Embassy in London,
sufficiently ahead of time for due consideration.
In addition to the registering of her name at the Embassy, the woman who
wishes to be presented at Court should bring to the Ambassador a letter
of recommendation from some member of the American government who is
well known to the Ambassador. Then, if the application is accepted, her
name and credentials will be sent to Buckingham Palace, from whence
invitations will be issued if the Ambassador's list is approved.
Having gained the coveted invitation to appear at the Court of Her
Majesty, the Queen, the American woman must be careful that she knows
exactly what to wear.
WHAT TO WEAR TO COURT
Before attempting to appear at Court, the American woman should consult
a reliable modiste. She will be able to tell her exactly the correct
thing to wear at her presentation.
Court gowns invariably have trains, and the head dress is always
elaborate. The dress itself must be fashioned according to the style of
the moment, and in this the woman must be guided by her dressmaker. For
a young, unmarried woman a dress of thin, light-colored material is
suggested, unadorned by jewels of any kind. The matron may wear diamonds
or pearls, but must not attempt to emulate the gaudiness of a Queen
Elizabeth.
The well-bred woman will not feel awkward in the vast room where all the
great personages are assembled. She will learn beforehand, just how to
enter the room, how to kiss the Queen's hand and how to conduct herself
with poise and grace during the period of presentation.
THE KING'S LEVÉES
The American gentleman who wishes to be presented to His Majesty, may
arrange through his Ambassador to attend one of the levées which the
King holds at St. James' Palace. These levées are not quite as
ceremonious as the Courts which the Queen holds, but they require a
certain definite etiquette which must not be overlooked.
For instance, the American who is not in uniform, must wear the correct
dress prescribed for the occasion. It is known as levée dress, and a
competent London tailor will be able to inform the American gentleman of
just what it consists. He must not attempt to appear at the levée in any
other than these conventional clothes. Slight variations take place in
these levée costumes, from time to time, and the American in England
should make sure by consulting with a fashionable tailor.
It is wise also, before attending a levée, to have a little chat with a
friend or acquaintance who has already attended one, and learn from him
the correct way to conduct oneself throughout the presentation.
IN FRANCE
France is a land of polished manners. Here one is either cultured or
uncultured. Mistakes in etiquette, divergence from the path of good
form, are not tolerated in good society. The American in France must
know exactly what is correct to do and say in that country, if he
wishes to enjoy his visit.
The brief expressions "Yes" or "No" are never used in France when one
wishes to be polite. It must be followed by the correct title, such as
"Yes, Monsieur" or "No, Madame." In the morning, upon greeting an
acquaintance, no matter how slightly you know him, it is correct to say,
"Bonjour, Monsieur." When expressing thanks for a courtesy or for
requested information, one says, "Merci, Madame." And the customary
farewell is "Au revoir, Mademoiselle."
Politeness is universal in France. One greets shop clerks as cordially
as one greets one's best friend. Upon entering the French shop one
should say "Bonjour, Monsieur" to the floorwalker, and "Bonjour, Madame"
to the saleslady. In the restaurant it is proper to say "Merci,
Monsieur," to the head waiter who shows you to your place. The waiters
are addressed as _garçon_, but the waitresses are called _Madame_ or
_Mademoiselle_.
If one happens to brush against someone accidentally, or to get into
someone's way, it is very important that polite apologies be offered. To
hurry on without so much as saying, "Pardon, Monsieur," is extremely
rude, and Frenchmen are quick to notice it. They are very courteous and
they expect visitors to be the same.
ADDRESSING TITLED PEOPLE IN FRANCE
"Monsieur le Comte" is the correct mode of address to employ towards a
Count in France. A Baron is addressed as "Monsieur le Baron." His wife,
however, is called simply "Madame----."
Officers in the Army are addressed in the following manner: "Mon
Capitaine," "Mon Général," etc. It is a decided breach of good conduct
to address an officer in the French army as "Monsieur," especially when
he is in uniform. When speaking about a certain officer, one may say,
"Le Général Denbigh."
The concierge and his wife are known merely as Monsieur and Madame. The
parish priest, however, is spoken of and to as, "Monsieur le curé." A
nun is addressed always as "Ma Sœur."
Be careful not to forget the correct forms of address in France, for
Frenchmen are quick to take offense and much ill-will may unwittingly be
incurred by the American man or woman who does not pay proper respect
where it is due, who does not use the correct titles at the correct
time. And the American traveler in France should remember that his
manners and conduct in that country reflect not only upon his own
manners and breeding, but upon the manners and customs of the country he
represents.
CERTAIN FRENCH CONVENTIONS
In France the first recognition of acquaintanceship must come from the
gentleman. For instance, if a young American man makes the acquaintance
of a young French woman, she will expect him to raise his hat when they
meet again, before she nods to him. In America it is the reverse--the
young lady has the privilege of acknowledging or ignoring an
acquaintanceship.
Not only must the hat be raised to women, in France, but to men also. A
young American and a young Frenchman who are known to each other raise
their hats simultaneously when they encounter each other on the street.
But when the Frenchman is the elder of the two, or the more
distinguished, the American is expected to wait until he makes the first
motion of recognition.
The American who stops at a small hotel in France for a period of two
days or more, should feel it his duty to nod courteously to every woman
guest of the hotel he chances to meet, whether or not she is a total
stranger. This is considered a conventional courtesy which all well-bred
people in France observe. However, it does not serve the purpose of an
introduction, and the American must not make the mistake of thinking
that this privilege entitles him to address the women guests without the
introduction of a mutual friend or acquaintance.
Frenchmen always stand with heads uncovered when a funeral passes, and
women bow for a moment. The well-bred American man and woman in France
will also observe this custom. Nor will they neglect to remain standing
while the _Marsellaise_ is being sung.
DINNER ETIQUETTE
An invitation to dine should be accepted or declined promptly when one
is visiting in France. And one may not decline unless one has a very
good excuse, such as having a previous engagement, or being called away
on the day set for the dinner.
It is considered polite to arrive twenty minutes or a half-hour before
dinner is served. If it is a formal and elaborate dinner, evening dress
should be worn; but afternoon or semi-evening dress is appropriate for
the informal dinner. It is not at all incorrect, if one is in doubt, to
ask the host or hostess whether one should wear full dress or not. It is
certainly wiser than to make oneself conspicuous by wearing different
dress from all the other guests.
In France, the order in which the guests proceed to dinner is as
follows: the host leads the way with the woman guest of honor, or the
most distinguished woman guest, on his arm. Directly behind him follows
the hostess on the arm of the masculine guest to be honored; and they
are followed by the other guests, who proceed arm in arm.
According to the latest dinner etiquette in France, coffee is served for
both the men and women at the dinner table. But when the dinner is very
large and fashionable, it is still customary for the women to retire to
the drawing-room, where the hostess presides over the coffee-urn. When
men and women leave the dining-room together, they resume the same order
as they observed when they entered it.
The American who is a guest at a formal dinner in France should pay a
call upon the hostess within a week's time. This call is known as the
"_visite de digestion_."
FRENCH WEDDING ETIQUETTE
Weddings are occasions of solemn dignity in every country, but in France
they are perhaps more dignified than anywhere else. Here no rice and old
shoes are cast after the bride and bridegroom--it would be considered a
most shocking thing to do. Good wishes, politely expressed, are the only
good-by offerings of friends and relatives.
There are usually two ceremonies to be celebrated at the French
wedding--first the civil, and later the religious, marriage. At the
civil wedding, which is held two or three days before the religious
ceremony, only a few intimate friends and relatives of the two families
are present. But the ceremony at church is a very important affair and
all friends and acquaintances of both families are invited to attend.
Those who cannot attend should send cards of regret to the bride's
parents.
BALLS
Very elaborate and gay indeed are the balls of France. There is, for
instance, the _bals blancs_, at which all ladies are gowned in pure
white and only maidens and bachelors are expected to be present. Men
guests at the _bal blanc_ wear the conventional evening dress.
At a ball in France, a gentleman may request to dance with a lady
without having first been introduced to her. Even a total stranger may
approach a lady on the ballroom floor and ask for a dance. But it is
considered very bad form for a young man and woman to "sit out" a dance
together or retire to the veranda or lawn.
ABOUT CALLS AND CARDS
If one expects to remain in France any length of time at all, it is
important that one know and understand the etiquette of calls and cards
in that country.
Calls are paid just as frequently in France as they are in America.
Between two and six o'clock in the afternoon is the correct time for
calling in the former country. One observes very much the same
conventions of calling that one does here in America, except that the
gentleman wears both his gloves when entering a drawing-room, and that
the hostess does not rise to welcome a masculine caller. (However, the
French hostess always does rise to greet an elderly gentleman, a
distinguished person, or a member of the clergy.)
French introductions are never haphazard, never careless. The hostess
introduces freely all the guests that assemble in her home, but she is
not, as the American hostess sometimes is, careless and hurried. In
acknowledging an introduction, a brief, polite greeting should be
expressed; French people rarely shake hands.
The significance of the bent visiting card still remains in France,
though here in America it has been almost entirely eliminated. When a
hostess finds the card of a friend or acquaintance, with one of its
corners turned down, she knows that that friend called for the purpose
of a visit but found no one at home. In fact, that is almost the only
time when cards are left in France--when the person called upon is not
at home. However, a dinner call is often paid by the simple process of
card-leaving.
CORRESPONDENCE
The French people are very particular in their correspondence. Certain
set rules of salutation and closing are observed, and the margins
themselves have a particular significance. For instance, when writing a
letter to a French person, a wide margin should be left on the left side
of the sheet; and the greater the social prestige and distinction of the
person addressed, the wider this margin must be.
A man writing to another man who is an intimate friend begins his letter
in this manner: "Mon cher Frederick," or "Mon cher ami." The closing to
this letter would be, "Bien à vous," or "Bien cordialement à vous." When
the two men are not intimate friends, a letter should begin, "Cher
Monsieur," or "Mon cher Monsieur Blank," and should end with "Croyez à
mes sentiments dévoués." Strangers address each other merely as
"Monsieur," and close with "Recevez je vous prie l'assurance de ma
consideration distinguée."
When writing to a woman friend, a man begins his letter with "Chère
Madame et ami," or "Chère Mademoiselle." But when he is a stranger or
just a slight acquaintance, he begins his letter with "Madame" and
concludes it with "Veuillez, Madame, reçevoir l'expression de tout mon
respect." The French have very pretty expressions of greeting and
conclusion, and they expect every well-bred person to use them.
A woman writing to a gentleman addresses him in the following manner, if
he is an intimate friend: "Monsieur," or "Cher Monsieur Brown," and she
closes the letter with the courtesy phrase, "Agrèez, cher monsieur,
l'expression de mes sentiments d'amitie." Greetings and closings are
more formal when the woman addresses a masculine stranger or slight
acquaintance by letter. She begins simply with "Monsieur," and closes
with, "Veuillez, monsieur, reçevoir l'expression de mes sentiments
distingués."
Special forms of address and conclusion are used when writing officers
in the French army. A general or commander are addressed in the
following manner: "Monsieur le général," or "Monsieur le commandant."
The letter should be couched in terms of most exact respect.
Tradespeople in France are addressed by letter in the following manner:
"Monsieur C.," or "Madame C.," and the conclusion should be, "Agrèez,
Monsieur C., mes civilités." A servant should be addressed with "Je prie
M. Smith (or Mad. Smith) de vouloir bien."
In France abbreviations on the envelope are considered very bad form.
M. may never be used for Monsieur, nor may Mlle, be used for
Mademoiselle. The full title and name must appear on the envelope.
THE AMERICAN IN GERMANY
The American who finds himself in Germany for the first time is likely
to be puzzled and embarrassed by the numerous different manners and
customs in each little town and duchy. What is correct in one place, may
be incorrect elsewhere. Thus it is impossible to give certain rules of
etiquette to be followed by the American in the German Empire. He must
be guided by good judgment and by the advice of his German friends.
However, one may be certain of one thing--throughout the length and
breadth of the German empire the greatest ceremony is observed in
correspondence of all kinds. As great courtesy and respect is paid the
stranger as the friend. When writing to a man or woman of social
distinction, this impressive inscription appears on the envelope and
begins the letter: "To the high and well-born Mrs. Robert Smith." It
sounds, perhaps, a trifle crude in the English, but in the native German
it is a pretty and courteous phrase and a true expression of respect.
When writing to a person of lesser social importance, as a business
letter, for instance, one should begin with "Honored Sir." The
expression, "Lieber Freund," should be used only when writing informally
to a dear friend. In fact, the same method of address as is used in
writing English letters may be used when writing to friends and
acquaintances in Germany.
The hours for paying calls and leaving cards differ in the various
localities. Ordinarily, the correct time would be between half-past
three and half-past four o'clock in the afternoon, although in some
localities calls are not considered correct before five o'clock. In
Germany, card-leaving should be followed in the same manner as
card-leaving in the United States.
When meeting a feminine acquaintance in Germany, the American gentleman
does not wait for recognition to come from her, but immediately bows and
raises his hat. As in France, he may request a lady to dance with him,
at a ball, without having first requested an introduction. And also, as
in France, it is considered polite to bow and raise one's hat to the
ladies who are at the same hotel, although here again, the privilege
does not serve as an introduction.
At all times, men and women in Germany should be given full recognition
of their titles and positions. A German woman always enjoys the title
bestowed upon her husband. The wife of a general expects to be addressed
as "Mrs. General Blank," and the wife of a doctor should be called "Mrs.
Doctor Blank." Men of official or professional rank and titles are
addressed as, "Mr. Professor, Mr. General, Mr. Doctor, etc." "Herr
Doktor Smith" is the correct German form--and to omit the _Herr_ is a
breach of good conduct.
THE PERFECT AMERICAN TOURIST
Unfortunately, there are some Americans who go abroad each year merely
because it is the "fashion" to do so, and because they wish to impress
their friends and acquaintances at home with their social distinction
and importance. These people are wont to let their money talk for
them--instead of their manners. But there are many things that wealth
will not excuse; and among them is lack of courtesy and breeding.
The American abroad, whether he is traveling for pastime, pleasure or
business, should remember primarily that he is a representative of the
United States, and that as such he owes his country the duty of making
his manners a polished reflection of the manners of all Americans. He
must be courteous, polite, kind, _gentlemanly_. He must conform with the
customs of the country he chances to be in, and he must avoid all
suggestion of superiority on his part, or disdain for the customs of the
other country.
There is a certain fellow-feeling, a certain sympathy and kindliness
that can take the place of conventionalities when one is not sure of the
customs of certain countries. Perhaps you do not know the French
language, and you wish to have a window raised while you are traveling
on a French railroad. Is it forgivable to bend across a man or woman and
raise the window without a word of excuse, or a cordial smile of
understanding? And yet how often do we see this thing done! Many a
seemingly well-bred man or woman will raise the window next to another
man or woman without so much as asking permission to do so! The proper
thing to do when one does not know the language, is to smile in a
cordial manner to the person or persons in the vicinity of the window,
indicate that you would like to have it raised, and wait until your
request is understood and granted before you venture to raise it. Then a
polite "Merci," which means "Thank you," and which everyone should know
and remember, should be given.
It is not always easy to do and say what is absolutely correct when one
is in a strange country among people who speak a strange language. But
he who is kind and courteous at all times, who has a ready smile and a
polished manner, will avoid much of the embarrassment that awaits the
tourist who is indifferent and careless. The proverb, "All doors open to
courtesy," is as true in France and England as it is in America.
_APPENDIX_
FOREIGN WORDS IN FREQUENT SOCIAL USAGE
Ad infinitum, L., to infinity.
À la carte, Fr., according to the bill of fare at table.
À la mode, Fr., according to the mode or fashion.
À la Russe, Fr., according to the Russian fashion (individual portions).
A propos, L., to the point.
Au fait, Fr., well-versed in social custom.
Au revoir, Fr., good-by till we meet again.
Ben educato, It., well educated.
Billet d'amour, Fr., love letter.
Blasé, Fr., world-weary.
Bona fide, L., in good faith.
Bonbonnière, Fr., bonbon dish.
Bon jour, Fr., good morning; good day.
Bon ton, Fr., fashionable society.
Bon voyage, Fr., good journey to you.
Bouillion, Fr., a clear broth.
Boutonnière, Fr., a flower for the buttonhole.
Buffet, Fr., a sideboard for china, silver or glass.
Carte blanche, Fr., unconditional permission.
Chancel, L., space in church reserved for the officiating clergy.
Chère amie, Fr., dear friend (fem.).
Coiffure, Fr., dressing of the hair.
Collation, Fr., a light repast.
Compotiers, Fr., dish for served stewed fruits or bonbons.
Corsage bouquet, Fr., flowers fastened on bodice.
Cortège, Fr., a formal procession.
Coterie, Fr., a social set; a clique.
Cotillon, Fr., a dance for four couples.
Coup d'état, Fr., a sudden decisive blow in politics.
Débutante, Fr., a young lady just introduced to society.
Décolleté, Fr., fashionably low-cut for evening wear.
De luxe, Fr., of luxury; made with unusual elegance.
Dénouement, Fr., the issue.
Dramatis personæ, L., characters in the play.
De trop, Fr., too much, too many.
Demoiselle, Fr., young lady.
Éclat, Fr., renown, glory.
Élite, Fr., better society.
En buffet, Fr., served from the buffet; no tables.
En déshabille, Fr., in undress; négligée.
En masse, Fr., in a mass.
En route, Fr., on the way.
En suite, Fr., in company.
En toilette, Fr., in full dress.
Entrée, Fr., a side-dish, served as one course of a meal.
Entre nous, Fr., between ourselves.
Ensemble, Fr., all together.
E pluribus unum, L., one out of many.
Et cetera, L., and everything of the sort.
Et tu, Brute, L., and thou also, Brutus.
Eureka, Gr., I have found it.
Fête, Fr., a festive social occasion.
Fête champêtre, Fr., an open-air festival or entertainment.
Filets mignon, Fr., small pieces of beef tenderloin, served with sauce.
Finesse, Fr., social art in its highest conception.
Fondant, Fr., soft icing or glacé.
Finis, Fr., the end.
Garçon, Fr., boy.
Grace à Dieu, Fr., grace of God.
Hors d'œuvre, Fr., out of course; special course.
In memorium, L., to the memory of.
Le beau monde, Fr., the fashionable world.
Lettre de cachet, Fr., a sealed letter.
Ma chère, Fr., my dear (fem.).
Mal de mer, Fr., sea-sickness.
Mardi gras, Fr., Shrove Tuesday.
Mayonnaise, Fr., a salad sauce of egg, oil, vinegar and spices beaten
together.
Menu, Fr., bill of table fare.
Mon ami, Fr., my friend (mon amie, fem.).
Musicale, Fr., private concert.
Négligée, Fr., morning dress; easy, loose dress.
Noblesse oblige, Fr., rank imposes obligations; much is expected from
one in good position.
Nom de plume, Fr., an assumed name of a writer.
Notre Dame, Fr., Our Lady.
O Tempora! O Mores! L., Oh the times! Oh the manners!
Passé, Fr., out of date.
Penchant, Fr., a strong or particular liking.
Pièce de résistance, Fr., something substantial by way of entertainment;
most substantial course of a dinner; literally, a piece of resistance (a
main event or incident).
Pour prendre congé, Fr., to depart, take leave. (P.p.c. on calling
cards meaning the departure of a caller for a long voyage, hence a
parting call.)
Prima donna, Ital., the chief woman vocalist of a concert.
Pro patria, L., for our country.
Protégée, Fr., under the protection of another.
Rendezvous, Fr., an appointed place for a meeting.
R.s.v.p., Fr., (Répondez s'il vous plaît), please reply.
Requiescat in pace, L., may he (she) rest in peace.
Résumé, Fr., a summary or abstract.
Salon, Fr., a drawing-room; the room where guests are received.
Sang froid, Fr., coolness, indifference.
Sans souci, Fr., without care.
Savoir faire, Fr., knowledge of social customs; tact.
Table à manger, Fr., dining-table.
Table d'hôte, Fr., a public dinner at hotel or restaurant.
Trousseau, Fr., the bridal outfit.
Tout de suite, Fr., immediately.
Tout ensemble, Fr., all together.
Veni, Vidi, Vici, L., I came, I saw, I conquered.
Verbatim, L., word for word.
Vis-à-vis, Fr., face-to-face.
Voilà, Fr., behold; there you are!
* * * * *
The following changes have been made: (note of etext transcriber)
because of someone's else magnificent parties=>because of someone else's
magnificent parties
avalance=>avalanche
ones own sense=>one's own sense
Many gentlemen, while speaking to ladies in the street, stand with their
uncovered=>Many gentlemen, while speaking to ladies in the street, stand
with their heads uncovered
adddressed=>addressed
Repondez s'il vous plâit=>Répondez s'il vous plaît
the the elderly woman=>the elderly woman
be be paid the taxi-driver=>be paid the taxi-driver
be ill at east=>be ill at ease
*** End of this LibraryBlog Digital Book "Book of Etiquette, Volume 2" ***
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