Title: Blottentots and How to Make Them
Author: Carmel, John Prosper
Language: English
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Transcriber's Note:

  Inconsistent hyphenation and spelling in the original document have
  been preserved. Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.



  [Illustration]

     O, I AM PRINCE OF THE INKY IMPS
       AND KING OF THE BLOTTENTOT CREW;
     MY ANCESTREE HAS A PEDIGREE
       OF A ROYAL PURPLISH HUE.

     ONCE MY LOT WAS A DARK BLUE SPOT
       FLIPPED ON A MILK-WHITE SEA,
     A CREASE AND A FOLD--AND A BUCCANEER BOLD
       OUT JUMPED--AND THAT WAS ME!



     BLOTTENTOTS
     AND HOW TO MAKE THEM

     BY
     JOHN PROSPER CARMEL

     [Illustration:

     If you've never made a
       Blottentot
     This book will help you
       quite a lot!]

     PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY
     SAN FRANCISCO AND NEW YORK



     Copyright, 1907, by Paul Elder & Company.

     Entered at Stationers' Hall, London.



     These were made for Dymphna



  [Illustration]


HOW TO MAKE BLOTTENTOTS


     To make a funny Blottentot,
       First take a piece of paper,
     Splash on some ink, a single spot,
       Crease, press, but cut no caper.

     Don't crease exactly at the blot--
       You'll have a fearful muddle;
     Press gently, too, and not a lot,
       Unless you want a puddle.

     With everything we humans do,
       Practice makes us apter:
     So start at once, you'll find it true
       At the end of your first chapter.



  [Illustration]


A FLIT-FLIT FLITTER


     In the realms of wonderland
       Such flies do gaily flitter,
     But when they're just a blot of ink
       Of course they cannot glitter.

     They flitter, flutter round about,
       These Flitter-Flitter-Flitters,
     O'er dewy flow'ry sunny meads,
       The lightest, brightest critters.



  [Illustration]


A GOBBLE-ME-UP


     Weedy, greedy Gobble-Me-Up,
       Your mouth is a fearful size.
     Do you live on little girls and boys,
       Or merely cakes and pies?



  [Illustration]


TWO BUCKING NIGHTMARES


     Two bucking nightmares ran out to neigh,
     Thinking it night, but found it day,
     So took to their heels in sore dismay,--
     I'm 'fraid they still are running away.



  [Illustration]


STRANGE BUT TRUE


     Now it seems to be scarcely credible,
       A difficult thing to think,
     That such a strange grotesquerie
       Was pressed from a drop of ink.

     But word for word I tell you,
       As true as word can be,
     That in its making there was naught
       But the blindest chancerie.



  [Illustration]


LAW-MAKERS


     Tom and Johnny Make-the-law,
       Talkative and lazy,
     Standing on a Thingumajig
       Comical and crazy.
     You are just a pair of Imps,
     With but one leg that badly limps.



  [Illustration]


MISTRESS NELL


       Gadzooks, Nell Gwynne!
       How did you get in?
     Did you walk or were you brought
         in your chair?
       Your dress is perfection
       To the smallest section
     Of stomacher, quilting and hair.



  [Illustration]


A PROFESSIONAL TIFF


     Said Dr. Spindleshanks,
     "I'll stand no silly pranks!"
     "You're nothing but a prig!"
     Said Dr. Funnywig.
     Then, making each a face,
     They went off at a pace.



  [Illustration]


SAFE AT A DISTANCE


       You big Bugaboo!
       We didn't want you,
     But really now that you've come,
       If you keep far away
       We'll permit you to stay,
     Just as long you keep quite dumb.



  [Illustration]


TEENY AND TINY


     Teeny and Tiny Pugnoses
     Have discovered two beautiful roses,
       But the stems are so tall
       They can't reach them at all,
     Though they stand on the tips
           of their toeses.



  [Illustration]


IMPISH


     You can see by the look of this
           big-footed Sprite,
       That just the one thing that
           affords him delight
     Is to give a high jump and land
           on your toe,
       On the very same spot where
           the biggest corns grow.



  [Illustration]


A LITTLE GRASS MIDGET


     This is a little grass Midget,
     As you know a most terrible fidget.
     For a month every year
     He makes it quite clear
     That he is a little grass Midget.



  [Illustration]


SIAMESE TWINS?


     I hope they're on pegs,
     Because if they're legs,
     They are altogether shocking.
     They have no feet,
     And almost meet,
     And haven't the sign of a stocking.



  [Illustration]


A KANGAR-ROOSTER-ROO


     Why, here's our dear old hopper,
       Our Kangar-rooster-roo!
     And seeing he's such a whopper,
       I'll certainly not say "Shoo"!

     Then there are two, you see,
       So I'd better hold my peace,
     Or they may sit on me
       And leave me a crumpled crease.



  [Illustration]


A SURPRISE


     A Squidgeecumsquee
       Got up in a tree,
     And found another--
       The fac simile.
     "Oh dear! oh my!"
       He said jumping high,
     "It's surely my brother--
       What a horrible guy!"



  [Illustration]


CONSIDERATE


     "You jump over to me," said Sue.
     "I wish you would come to me,"
         said Loo;
     "As sure as I jump
     I'll kick that stump,
     So really I'd rather let you."



  [Illustration]


RISKY


     Now this is just the funniest rogue,
       A Brownie as black as ink,
     And what he's doing perched up there,
       I'm sure I cannot think.

     He's holding his arms like a pair of sails;
       Perhaps he's trying to fly.
     Let's hope he won't be playing that game
       When you and I pass by.



  [Illustration]


DOGGEREL


     Here are the strangest pair of dogs,
       What sort I cannot tell,
     But judging by their noses sharp
       They have the sense of smell.

     Their tails are very, very long,--
       But does it really matter?
     By the very way they stare and start
       They're mad as any hatter.



  [Illustration]


A WARNING


     Are these Quumps or Zagabogs,
       Golliwogs or Quees?
     Anyhow, you'd best look out,--
       They're just about to sneeze!



  [Illustration]


THE LATEST DISCOVERY


     I've just discovered a marvelous way
       Of making these Blottentots mottled and gray;
     If you promise you never will show any one
       I'll tell you the secret of how it is done.

     Take two bottles of ink, one thick and one thin,
       Of different blacks, and dip your pen in;
     From each splash a drop at the very same spot,
       Then do as before, only pressing a lot.



  [Illustration]


SORRY GRIGS


     What makes these little Grigs so sad?
       They're standing most dejected.
     Have they been up to something bad
       And in it got detected?



  [Illustration]


LANKY DOODLE


     Lanky Doodle came to town
       Without his little pony,
     Stuck a feather in his hat
       With bits of macaroni.



  [Illustration]


THE DANCE


     Jingle your bells and your tambourine
     For just such a dance as you never have seen;
     Such swishing of skirts, and glancing of feet,
     Such bowing and parting, then running to meet;
     So jingle your bells and your tambourine,
     And keep them a-dancing from morning till e'en.



  [Illustration]


LOOK OUT FOR HIM!


     He's flying in the air,
       So you are safe and sound;
     But you had better skip
       When he lights upon the ground.



  [Illustration]


MACBETH

Act I, Scene I.


     "When shall we 'two' meet again--
     In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"
     "When the hurly-burly's done,
     When the battle's lost and won."



  [Illustration]


PERPLEXING


     A queer little wight,
     Very strangely dight,
     Looked so much like his brother,
     That, believe me, it's true,
     No one ever knew
     How to tell one from t'other.



  [Illustration]


MERELY ACCIDENTAL


     Such angular shapes
     In such beautiful capes
     Are the silliest contradiction,
     But they simply "came,"
     So I'm not to blame;
     With Blottentots there's no restriction.



  [Illustration]


BIRDS OF A FEATHER


     "Now really it is shocking!" irately said
           Miss B,
     "To think that you are mocking and
           making fun of me.
     You have your wings and rufflings
           the very same as I,
     So you need not turn your nose up,
           with a twinkle in your eye."



  [Illustration]


A DE-DUCK-TION


     Pluck
     A duck
     Of a wing.
     Alack!
     He'll quack,
     And not sing.



  [Illustration]


AN OVERSIGHT


     Two Rabbits met and shook hands one day
     In the gravest possible kind of a way.
     But what was the cause of their serious mien
     From our picture is not very easily seen.
     They'd been jollier far if they'd stopped to sup
     The honeyed mead from the buttercup.



  [Illustration]


QUITE THE THING


     Words fail
     To detail,
     I can only smile.
     Your salute
     Is cute
     And just perfect style.



  [Illustration]


QUAINT AND QUEER


     Quaint and Queer,
     A funny pair,
     The funniest you could see,
     Met one day
     In a strange array,
     The strangest that could be.

     Each stood and stared
     As if he feared
     That he would get a poke;
     But laughed to find
     The other kind,
     And thought it all a joke.



  [Illustration]


FINIS


     Before, I had some Cassowaries,
       Now I have two Dromedaries.
     So just to leave some shapes for you,
       I'll doff my cap and say adieu.





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