Title: "Mr Punch's" Book of Arms
Author: Reed, Edward Tennyson
Language: English
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'Mr. Punch's' Book of Arms.



    "M^{R.} PUNCH'S"
          BOOK
           OF
          ARMS

  DRAWN & WRITTEN BY

        E T REED


         LONDON
 BRADBURY, AGNEW & C^{o.}



             Tonbridge
 Printed by Bradbury, Agnew, & Co. Ld.
             MDCCCXCIX.



 Contents.


 First Baron Russell of Killowen                       i

 The Right Hon. Sir William Vernon
 Harcourt, P.C. M.P.                                 iij

 Joseph, first Earl of Birmingham                     vj

 Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman, G.C.B. M.P.          viij

 Horatio Herbert, first Viscount Kitchener
 of Omdurman                                          xj

 M. le President, Felix Faure                       xiij

 Lord Kipling of Mandalay                            xvj

 The Earl of Barnato                               xviij

 Viscount Stanley of the Congo                        xx

 Oom Paul, first Earl of Krugersdorp                xxij

 Viscount Gatti of the Strand                       xxiv

 The London County Council                          xxvj

 The Marquis of Hooley                            xxviij

 Mr. Justice Darling of Deptford                     xxx

 The Duke of Rhodes                                xxxij

 Hall Caine, first Lord Manxman                    xxxiv

 Baron Maple of Tottenham Court                    xxxvj

 Louis, first Baron Island de Rougemont          xxxviij

 'Appy 'Ampstead                                      xl

 Lord Leno                                          xlij

 Prince Kumar Shri Ranjitsinhji, Duke
 of Sussex                                          xliv

 Marie, Countess Corelli                            xlvj

 Baron Lecky of Dublin                            xlviij

 Viscount Labouchere of Twickenham                     l

 George Nathaniel, first Earl Curzon of the Pamirs
 +specially granted+                                 lij

 Thomas, Viscount Bowles of the Bosphorus            liv

 Baron Bartlett of Sheffield                         lvj

 Henry, first Baron Hawkins of Tryham
 Fairleigh and Sentensham                          lviij

 Mr. Punch                                           lxj


 [Illustration]



 [Illustration: HARICONES AD MENDICOS DEBENTUR

(I'D GIVE THE BEGGARS BEANS)]

First Baron Russell of Killowen.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= emergent paly from a legal orle of reception,
a civic beak newly chained or, robed and garnished proper with bullion,
slightly debruised with thunderbolts issuant from a chief justifiably
rampant in invective robed and wigged proper with sleeves turned up
ermine gorged with a choler of justice / =ij= at a bend of the field on
a turf vert under the heraldic rose a sporting veteran wary to the last
putting a bit proper on a likely mount turning up trumpy on the post
/ =iij= several salted guinea-pigs debrettees richly gilt and voided
of scruple charged with marketable coronets bartered in lure / =iiij=
on a ground of promotion a partisan of renown semee with shamrocks and
shillelaghs and wreathed with laurels elevated and erased all proper.
=Crest= / rising from a bar barry a tower of strength armed at all
points and charged with a snuff-box of resort furtively employed for
solace. =Supporters= / dexter, a female figure of justice scaly on
the pounce reguardant sundry bubbles of finance issuant in fraud /
sinister, an Irish disunicorn, brogued proper, chronically rampant in
quest of autonomy.



[Illustration: SORS DULCIS, TAM PREMENS

(NICE LOT! SO PRESSING!)]

The Right Hon. Sir William Vernon Harcourt, P.C. M.P.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= on a ship party-coloured, shattered, dismasted
and waterlogged, a crew prone to mutiny reguardant in complacence
over the side a tried and weather-beaten chief avoirdupois proper,
incontinently jettisoned without scruple or remorse / =ij= on a
ground of grievance two tents of Achilles, freely canvassed in the
press, conjoined morly in tension and possibly somewhat overstrained
/ =iij= a masterly heraldic bouget of finance, charged with a fleece
of gold lifted proper from sundry millionaires gorged or, collared in
transit on the hop / =iiij= on a ground protestant kensittee a veteran
campaigner statant single-handed "on his helmet the motto 'Ut veniant
omnes!'--'Let 'em all come!'" bearing a plume mordant guttee de l'encre
transfixing several anglican traitors foxy to the last but exposed
proper in mummery. =Crest= / emergent from a crown of the Plantagenets,
a rogue-elephant of the forest jumbonee, thwarted circumvented
and finally ousted with alacrity. +=Motto= / 'Contra dexter et
audax'--'Skilful and bold in opposition.'+ =Supporters= +'otherwise
engaged!--mainly in accepting resignations by return of post--but
in place thereof possibly the following will answer the purpose'+
/ dexter, an eminent litterateur similarly isolated and unique in
courtesy, and gratitude, charged with a colossal biography proper /
sinister, an heraldic sun luluois radiant in geniality, exemplarily
staunch and filial to the core. =Second Motto= +Welsh translation+ /
'Lyddthe ryfraf, dydd yu effyr, nod yff y nowydd!'



[Illustration: "HOW IS M^{RS} KRUGER?". (REPLY PAID)]

Joseph, first Earl of Birmingham.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= an antique Boer in his glory regarding a
lion spotted over a bordure 'chartered' componee, partly white-washed
/ =ij= an heraldic bartlet cuffed and erased under a chapeau doubled
up carmine / =iij= an Irish shamrock, barred in perpetuity on a
ground orange of prejudice / =iiij= a mysterious libel voluntarily
erased sable, rendered more or less illegible after the manner of
the new journalism / over all, on an escutcheon of pretence, several
ministerial billets of the best, clawed and collared in advance.
=Crest= / a lion of debate langued mordant, bearing in dexter paw
the union flag flowing to the sinister, dropping in his progress
a Phrygian or republican cap of liberty 'turned up' and refaced
ermine. =Supporters= / two highly crusted pillars of the constitution
+sang-+azure in a demi-furious state of suppression.



[Illustration: AMANS NOSAE EASI TOGET FORUT!]

Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman, G.C.B. M.P.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= on a sea of turbulence vert a jovial
commodore, braided and epauletted proper in bullion, and wearing
the insignia of the grand cross of the bath, mounting nimbly the
bridge of a fighting-ship, drifting derelict and awash, barnacled,
scuttled, riddled, and gutted / =ij= under a chief radiant in suavity,
several heraldic partibores urgent, armed with queistions perennially
brandished out of season, diplomatically exorcised, muzzled, and
suppressed / =iij= on a ground semee of thistles, an elder of the
auld licht lichtsome, kaily canny pawky silvendy to the fu', bearing
an heraldic weebit cruizey or Scottish lantern, findin' salvation
in the langsyne proper / =iiij= a rugged elephant of the New Forest
on the war-path, sturdy in protestantism, and fully versed in the
rubric, insulated by instincts antijingonee, turned up passee by the
rest. =Crest= / a Scottish knight-in-armour, reluctant in temperament,
but cedant under stress of suasion, haled, elected and ensconced
proper in a cul-de-sac, conjoined Kimberley in opposition, portly for
the nonce, but will probably gobony in harness. +=Motto= / 'Locus
dulcis!'--'Cheerful post, eh!.'+ =Supporters= / dexter, a typical
antique radical of retrenchment, straitened in view +kindly lent
by the British Museum+, arrayed gudee gudee exeterallois to the last
reguardant paly in dismay the trend gory of the times / sinister, a
modern liberal of imperialism fashodee, statant sanguine on a stricken
field, acquiescent in annexation, charged with a shamrock of home-rule
slipped vert and demi-erased. =Second Motto= / 'Cordate si non
cordite!'--'Wisely if without high explosives!'

[Illustration]



[Illustration: GOING UP HIGHER]

Horatio Herbert, first Viscount Kitchener of Omdurman.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= a series of cataracts neatly and punctually
surmounted while you wait / =ij= a Gallic cock marchant in chicane and
emergent theatrical in advance collared in trespass and +we trust+
given the chucque proper / =iij= a British lion radiant in his glory
sheathing an avenging sword rusted with age but trenchant to the full
/ =iiij= several stars of journalism rampant and purpure with fury
incontinently ordered to Cairo. =Crest= / on a mount urgent with the
hump a caliph proper of the Soudan imbrued gory to the last, dropping
in his flight on a ground sable sundry spouses reluctant puffy without
mules. =Supporters= / dexter, an Egyptian soldier drilled armed and
furnished with a backbone made in England, crowned with laurels and
bearing in his right hand the black banner of the Khalifa / sinister, a
British trooper in triumph similarly charged and wreathed with laurels
in augmentation, holding in his left hand a lance and in the right a
return ticket proper to Khartoum available for a month. =Second Motto=
/ 'Dwell as if about to depart'--ahem! proper.



[Illustration: MOI ET NICOLAS]

M. le President, Felix Faure.


=Arms=/ quarterly / =i= on a ground virulent two crosses of the legion
of honour couped by a presidential hand sinister from the breast of
two dreyfusards of repute, steadfast in rectitude / =ii= under the
shield of the chief of the state tainted with bias, several dapper
heraldic scoundrelles of the staff, plumed proper, braided gold to the
waist, all banded together and rampant in tort / =iij= a series of
highly-strung journalistic lyres in parry on the garble proper falsette
in unison / =iiij= on a rock of degradation, interned in exile, a
military scapegoat charged with treason, loaded with chains of evidence
designed forged and welded in fraud, on the horizon, the first rays of
a dawn of hope breaking through clouds of fury. =Crests= / =i= on a
cap of liberty query, stained spotted and ensanguined gules, a peacock
in pride proper, his head slightly turned, charged with the riband and
star of the order of St. Andrew and a penchant for display verging
on puerility / =ii= on a bend of the upper Nile a tricolourd African
interlope of civilisation, dumped down squatty on the bank, collared
eradicated and reflexed in agony. =Supporters= / dexter, a Russian
bear sable, imperially crowned and gorged with loans hysterically
courted and caressed ad nauseam, simpery bowy bendy to the last, but
reluctant in committal / sinister, a double-faced eagle of Muscovy
reguardant azure in dismay a kettle of fish a la parisienne. =Second
Motto= / 'Felix fortunatus caesaris sociusque amicus.'

=Additional Motto= / 'Felix ill-egalite.'

[Illustration]



[Illustration: THE IDEA OF A-ST-N BEING--BUT THATS ANOTHER STORY!]

Lord Kipling of Mandalay.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= a review laudatory richly deserved quite
proper / =ij= an heraldic jungle-bok rampant under several deodars or
mem-sahibs or words to that effect / =iij= a lordly elephint a pilin'
teak / =iiij= an argot-nautical vessel +in verse+ in full sale, classed
A1 at Lloyds, charged with a cargo of technicalities all warranted
genuine. =Crest= / on a charger argent the head of a publisher urgent.
=Supporters= / dexter, a tommy atkins in all his glory, arrayed proper
by a plain tailor from the hills / sinister, a first-class fighting
man or fuzzy wuzzy of the Soudan, regardant sable on a British square
charged with an elan effrontee.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: I AM BUILDING A HOUSE]

The Earl of Barnato.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= +of the month+ a regal cheque in advance
proper / =ij= fretty but checky / =iij= a Boer rampant and bristled /
=iiij= grand quarters +in Park Lane+, behind heraldic scaffolding a
castle garnished all proper. =Crest= / South African lion rampant
ducally gorged or. =Supporters= / dexter, a bull / sinister, a bear,
both proper, plain collared +celluloid+ and chained or.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: EMINENT TRAVELLERS RESCUED WHILE YOU WAIT--WITH
EXPEDITION AND DESPATCH]

Viscount Stanley of the Congo.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= two dwarfs of the forest of perpetual night
proper, journalistically exploited to the nines / =ij= a continent
sable, crossed by a small white band issuant from the interior / =iij=
a New York herald blowing a trumpet of his own in exultation over
repeated columns of copy sensational to the last / =iiij= a missionary
of renown discovered in solitude near U-jiji sable. =Crest= / out of
a demi-terrestrial globe +southern hemisphere+ a spread-eagle proper
emergent in his glory gorged with honorary degrees +south latitude+,
bearing in dexter claw an American flag, in sinister an union-jack.
=Supporters= / dexter, a neutral monarch crowned, sceptred, and habited
proper in a can't-go-free state / sinister, a publisher radiant
charged in the arms with a colossal profit on the books of the present
viscount. =Second Motto= / 'Mr. Speaker, I presume?' +on very rare
occasions+.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: DONTJE UISCHJE MAGET HET!]

Oom Paul, first Earl of Krugersdorp.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= two British cage-birds still vulning
themselves on a ground of excessive patriotism / =ij= a pair of
scales-of-justice patent controllable and adjustable at will proper /
=iij= a lion in cachinnation roaring over a boar charging to absurdity
for moral and intellectual damage / =iiij= a dog's-eared 'hym-bok'
bound in veldt with covert designs. =Crest= / a reform tortoise of the
rand emergent couped at the neck proper disarmed and voided of assets.
=Supporters= / dexter, a burgher rampant in piety armed to the teeth /
sinister, an antique dopper also in piety habited proper in broadcloth
home-made and moth-eaten to the last / both singing in unison falsette
the indermiddel from 'simplicita rusticana.' =Second Motto= / 'Who said
Rhodes?'

[Illustration]



[Illustration: ALWAYS READY]

Viscount Gatti of the Strand.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= argent a cruet charged extra / =ij= a magnum
or tres sec / =iij= six native oyster-shells all passable / =iiij= a
cotelette de mouton charged twice over. =Crest= / =i= a waiter passant
charged with a salver argent, sinister arm a serviette / =ij= a
demi-customer rampant holding in the sinister hand a parapluie vert.
=Supporters= / two jeunesses dorees flippant regally gorged or.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: LET YOUR (SUB) WAYS BE OPEN AND ONLY YOUR PARKS BE
SHADY!]

The London County Council.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= three music-hall stars blatant voided of
guile charged with double-entendres studded azure / =ij= issuant from
a 'ring' sinister spotted and exposed proper a balance-sheet doctored
and distinctly fichee to the last, all under a cloud sable / =iij= a
civic turtle pommelled and affronted proper charged in the middle
for betterment with a belabour member poignant in satire or Battersea
cough-drop rampant / =iiij= two party-coloured fighting-cocks dancette
in fury chronically embroiled proper on a ground litigious in the
main. =Crest= / a prude vigilant on the pounce armed with pince-nez
and reticule highly proper / in her bonnet an heraldic bee rampant.
=Supporters= / on either side an antique civic effigy habited proper up
to date, the dexter bearing a special globe gules, and the sinister a
star extra-special vert.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: BE(EF) FIRM AND NO SIDE-SLIPS]

The Marquis of Hooley.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= an ecclesiastical service of plate richly
chased and displayed or / =ij= a gratuitous advertisement under
editorial protest erased quite improper / =iij= a Scotch moor sable
dancette the ballet Hooley or hieland Hoolichan / =iiij= two rural
advowsons legally acquired over the counter on a human hand proper.
=Crest= / an heraldic bovricycle urgent, tyred and inflated all proper,
except driving-wheel sinister, which shows signs of puncture on a flint
passe. =Supporters= / dexter, a full page puffy in advance announcing
new company on a capital of two millions / sinister, a dean complaisant
and recipient sable.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: ALL GOOD THINGS COME FROM ABOVE!]

Mr. Justice Darling of Deptford.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= on a bench tory under a chapeau-de-soie glossy
a mannikin caustic and mordant in retort / =ij= a ground-plan proper of
guidance of the royal courts of justice +enabling a complete stranger
to find his way proper to his own court+ / =iij= a fountain of honour
spotted and displayed proper on the hop / =iiij= on a ground shady
to the last several old hands barry passed over rampant. =Crest= / a
legal spark +or 'scintilla juris'+ dapper in his glory elevated ermine.
=Supporters= / dexter, the junior b+ar wigged and gowned rampant in
frenzy / sinister, the senior b+ar similarly enfuriated arrayed silk
for difference.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: REMEMBER KRUGERSDORP]

The Duke of Rhodes.


=Arms= / sable, a British lion trippant, collared, chained, and muzzled
/ charged with a raid over a bordure all improper bearing the British
flag depressed. =Crests= / =i= a Boer's head couped at the neck / =ij=
a hand grasping a sword sinister. =Supporters= / dexter, a blackamoor
semee of pellets and guttees de sang +Loben+gules / sinister, a
chartered company trooper gorged with laurels.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: THROUGH THE PRESS TO THE FRONT!]

Hall Caine, first Lord Manxman.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= three human legs conjoined at the thigh and
flexed in a triangle garnished and hygienically knickered proper
running galy through several editions / =ij= under a flourish
proper of trumpets a christian in broadcloth issuant pele-mele from
a printing-press / =iij= sable a scapegoat preceded in triumph
by a bondsman more or less accurately portrayed / =iiij= two Manx
cats passant with sensational tales sported and displayed specially
contributed by the present holder of the title. =Crest= / an author
of distinction aesthetically habited proper, charged in outrecuidance
with a sprig of the Ma+n+x Beerbohm effrontee for reclame. =Supporters=
/ dexter, an ancient statesman void of guile inveigled drawn and
exploited to the full / sinister, a dignitary of the church radiant in
approbation scenting purple patches for delivery in a rural diocese
arrayed proper to the nines. =Second Motto= / 'And the harvest shall be
mine.'

[Illustration]



[Illustration: MY COUNTRY IS DEAR, BUT LIBERTY IS DEARER]

Baron Maple of Tottenham Court.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= five dining-room chairs +a bargain+ / =ij=
three race-horses sable just rounding Tottenham Cour--no, Tattenham
Corner / =iij= a winter sale +at greatly reduced prices+ proper /
=iiij= an art sofa of the very latest, vert, azure, or gules. =Crest=
/ a pegasus rampant, new wings furnished throughout by Maple & Co.
=Supporters= / two shop-walkers monstrant frock-coated sable.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: MODESTY FORBIDS ME TO BARE THESE ARMS]

Louis, first Baron Island de Rougemont.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= a thorough-bred riding-turtle naiant and
ridden on the curb, thereon a Swiss gentleman rouge-monte proper in
nudity dirigeant with the big toe / =ij= a flight of wombats volant,
soaring in desuetude on the wing across a setting sun / =iij= under
a chief nunes, adept and ubiquitous in reclame, several gulls of
science landed and exploited proper ad nauseam / =iiij= looking up
a genealogical tree shady or insufficiently endorsed, an enquiring
editor spectacled or +Massingham+ chronically reguardant in scepticism
a series of travellers' tails artistically garnished and flaunted
in the press. =Crest= / emergent from a southern hemisphere, a lion
of adventure jaded and fretty, charged in the mane with a hatchet
of romance slung proper. =Supporters= / dexter, a private of the
Royal Marines, traditionally facile in credulity, gently closing the
alternate eye proper / sinister, an Australasian blackamoor rampant in
cannibalism bearing a long bow drawn and flexed to the full.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: 'APPY 'AMPSTEAD]


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= a pyrotechnic carnival displayed proper / =ij=
three tropical cocoa-nuts statant sable +three shies a penny+ / =iij=
an ancient British barrow, supposed to be charged with body of Queen
Boadicea / =iiij= an arry issuant from three bars blatant on a field
dotty. =Crest= / an ass's head regardant reproachful, probably charged
on the body with a juggins rampant. =Supporters= / dexter, an arriet
plumed and garnished somethink like, I tell yer / sinister, a coster
arrayed pearly to the nines, charged with a concertina all proper.
=Second Motto= / 'A regular beno.'

[Illustration]



[Illustration: UBIQUE ET SEMPER VIRIDIS

(ALL OVER THE SHOP AND ALWAYS FLOURISHING)]

Lord Leno.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= three bars wait fretty in the wings / =ij= an
heraldic pavilion, or changing-tent proper, outside a pair of heraldic
dancing-pumps also fairly accurate / =iij= inside three 'alls a
+k+night / =iiij= a professional's brougham passant between two 'alls
'eraced. =Crest= / a lion comique rampant in garb base to the last
degree, holding in dexter hand an heraldic parapluie slightly out of
repair all proper. =Supporters= / dexter, one of the 'gods' regardant,
inclined to repartee / sinister, a denizen of the fauteuils d'orchestre
cachinnatory to the last, charged on the breast for distinction with a
solitaire of the first water.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: I BEAT EVEN ABEL WITH THE CANE]

Prince Kumar Shri Ranjitsinhji, Duke of Sussex.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= sable a star of India radiant in splendour /
=ij= on a field vert several long hops volleyed and despatched proper
to the boundary / =iij= on a ground semee with centuries under an
heraldic pavilion a champion of renown reguardant in envy bearded to
the full and inclined to embonpoint / =iiij= two canards conjoined or
double duck proper collared with an eastern coronet wanting employment.
=Crest= / an Indian panther of agility capped and sashed azure glancing
furtively to leg sinister. =Supporters= / two umpires smocked and
habited for distinction proper. =Second Motto= / 'Ad canga runem ibit
rangit singe.'

[Illustration]



[Illustration: "NON HÆC SINE NUMINE."

(THESE THINGS ARE NOT DONE WITHOUT INSPIRATION!!)]

Marie, Countess Corelli.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= on a ground sable of reserve, invincible
to the last, a log proper constitutionally averse to being rolled
under a column and a half / =ij= in a servants' 'orle, a dog's-eared
volume melodramatic and transpontine to the full, circulating urgent /
=iij= two wild horses at speed, trainant from a studio a startling
portrait of a talented authoress, painted under protest, and exhibited
with obvious reluctance by the victim +members of the press and
aristocracy most welcome, 4.30 to 7+ / =iiij= hidden under a bushel
proper +of plate-glass+ a light of literature, shining in reclame /
over all, on an escutcheon of reticence, a trumpet of glory, usually
blown automatically, but quite at the service of the press, gratis.
=Crest= / a startled fawn, proper, of timidity, seeking shelter urgent,
from a wreath of laurels issuant from the suburbs. =Supporters= /
dexter, a curate habited sable proper, and guileless to the verge of
inanity passant in perusal proper of 'The Botherations of Beelzebub' /
sinister, a cook-general proper guttee-de-larmes palpitant in pathos
absorbent the 'Sorrers o' Syt'n.' =Second Motto= / 'If I am forgotten,
it won't be my fault!'



[Illustration: I HOPE I DON'T INTRUDE!]

Baron Lecky of Dublin.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= a highly cultured fish out of water guttee
de larme / =ij= on a field+-night+, five lozenges emollient for the
voice / =iij= on a ministerial bench highly proper a sage of renown
souffrant under a surfeit of bores rampant / =iiij= on ground repugnant
fretty a lecky-daisy or Irish sensitive plant verdant +green+.
=Crest= / an Irish harpy surcharged financially on the pounce proper.
=Supporters= / dexter, a British lion +LL.D.+ of literature indented
sable, and suitably arrayed in gants-de-suede and shoes elastically
sided / sinister, an heraldic camelopard sejant flexed at all joints,
academically habited, collared, capped, and gowned.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: WITHOUT TRUTH NO HOUSEHOLD IS COMPLETE!]

Viscount Labouchere of Twickenham.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= spotted before a beak several crafty
mendicants exposed proper / =ij= inside a Westminster orle a British
lion of rectitude dancette on a charter componee, charged with
little games sinister under a cloud proper / =iij= on a ground
party-coloured of revolt a primrose of nobility barred and erased
/ =iiij= in a pillory an heraldic pigott displayed in contumely /
over all, on an escutcheon the family coat of Baron Taunton. =Crest=
/ issuant from a club +National Liberal+, a hawk-eyed lynx rampant
in his glory, gorged with a banquet for popularity. =Supporters=
/ dexter, a classical figure representing Little England suitably
attired, her defences somewhat neglected perhaps, statant on the pale
of civilisation / sinister, an elector of Northampton proper. =Second
Motto= / 'Britannia needs no bulwarks--they come too expensive!'

[Illustration]



[Illustration: WHY DRAG IN PITT AND CANNING?]

George Nathaniel, first Earl Curzon of the Pamirs 'specially granted'.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= under a chief wavery ermine charged with
a marquess's coronet for hauteur, a popinjay rising on a ground of
undoubted ability / =ij= a Cretan lyre employed during the European
concert charged with 'wires' strained improper 'probably wholly
inaccurate' / =iij= a sun +of a peer+ in his meridian glory who
declines to set upon the British dominions / =iiij= a lion erased,
muzzled and depressed, regarding on a bastion the flags of the
powers flowing in futility / over all, on an escutcheon of pretence
'as a minister of the crown' a slip verdant. =Crest= / a peacock
in pride ruffled and displayed proper rising from a ministerial
bench. =Supporters= / on either side an heraldic superior purzon
erect omniscient pluming himself on a garb highly proper lined silk
throughout. =Second Motto= / 'D.V. I shall go higher.'

[Illustration]



[Illustration: 'BUT ITS THANK YOU M^R G-BS-N B-WL-S WHEN THE LIBERALS
ARE IN POWER'!]

Thomas, Viscount Bowles of the Bosphorus.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= an heraldic cap'en or cuttle-fish sapient,
holding in sinister tentacle a master-mariner's certificate / =ij= two
pairs of ducks, worn alternately for distinction, displayed proper /
=iij= on a mount arabesque a diminutive cavalier in his glory urgent
+motto, 'Noctem in rotingro'+ / =iiij= an eastern khalif or sultan on
a field sanguine, charged with a halo for benevolence. =Crest= / a
demi superior purzon erect collared, semee of hurts displaying regal
hauteur, charged in the middle with a nautical telescope effrontee.
=Supporters= / two sea-dogs or antique 'saults' regardant timbretose,
arrayed all proper, couped at the elbow and knee, and the limbs
replaced by artifice.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: WE CAME OVER WITH THE CUNARDERS]

Baron Bartlett of Sheffield.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= sable a Turkish imperial star and crescent
quixotically flaunted +motto, 'Without stain'+ / =ij= a Swazi
chieftain dancette, labelled 'Silomo,' armed and accoutred proper,
and habited--well, ahem!--suitably to a tropical climate / =iij=
on an heraldic provincial platform a knight rampant and demonstrant
charged with a peroration grandiloquent to the last / =iiij= a private
chart proper, showing the principal ports and soundings on the coast
of Poland, discovered and surveyed by the present baron. =Crest= / an
American or spread-eagle bearing the union-jack displayed, over all
a sun in splendour which never sets. =Supporters= / dexter, a more
or less British lion in fury bearing a fire-arm proper periodically
discharged at random / sinister, a Russian bug-bear passe and out at
elbows, suitably bound for transport to the wilds of hysteria. =Second
Motto= / 'Oh, Swaziland! my Swaziland!'

[Illustration]



[Illustration: LUDUSCULIS OMNIBUS SUPPAR!

(I'M PRETTY WELL UP TO ALL THEIR LITTLE GAMES!)]

Henry, first Baron Hawkins of Tryham Fairleigh and Sentensham.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= in a paddock vert, under a chapeau-de-soie
jauntily poised with a rake chirpy, a seasoned sportsman of bonhomie
endossed turfy to the last +motto, 'Frustum rectissimum!'--'A
little bit of all right!'+ / =ij= an historic claimant adipose
ortonee, brazen and effrontee in perjury, punctured, pilloried and
exposed proper by counsel / =iij= under a judicial bench cosy but
ennuyee and chafy in the dark, a fox-terrier proper of renown +since
deceased+ constant in fidelity +suggested epitaph, 'Nox et foxterea
nihil'+ / =iiij= under a sword of justice suspended in imminence by a
hair proper a sinister scoundrel of criminality, chained cringeant and
paly, appraised proper from the first, justly doomed and handed over
damnee in charge to the jury. =Crest= / out of a wreath of laurels
vert, a veteran hawk-eyed eagle of the law, robed sanguine and wigged
proper poudree in horse-hair, collared, furred and laced, reguardant
in pince-nez. +=Motto= / 'Aquila non capit muscas!'--'Flies don't
settle on him!'+ =Supporters= / dexter, a typical counsel of
the common-law bar guttee de larmes, robed silk, fairly prostrate in
bereavement, and wielding with laudable vigour an heraldic mouchoir /
sinister, an old bailey, gorged proper with causes celebres lurid and
transpontine to the full, collared freely in advance for preference.

[Illustration]



[Illustration: 'UBIQUE-ET-ÆRE PERENNIUS!'

(ON ALL THE BOOKSTALLS-AND-FOR THE OLD RIDICULOUS SUM IN COPPERS!)]

Mr. Punch.


=Arms= / quarterly / =i= in a field of drollery of his own, unique
in satire and fertility, an artistic leech of renown / =ij= a
knight-veteran of the pencil, or heraldic tenniel proper cartonee,
historic in achievement and masterly in technique, most ably seconded
sambornois / =iij= two hemispheres proper representing all the world
and his wife purpure in mirth, reguardant hilarious a charivari of the
town, under a dexterous editorial baton urgent burnandy, going strong
/ =iiij= in a gallery of the press an alert dog-tobee fleur-de-lucee
reguardant watchful and wary a party-coloured parliament-house
embattled nightly in session. =Crest= / leaning on a staff of
permanence all jules, gorged weekly in conclave and rompy in debate,
a hunch-backed polichinelle proper of embonpoint rosy and humpy to
the full. =Supporters= / two publishers of geniality arrayed gaudy in
their splendour / dexter, a thorough-bassed sportsman agnulee garbed
chasy to the nines, adept in counterpoint / sinister, a connoisseur
bras-de-buree in heraldry, ardent in golf, conversant with stymies,
cleeks, and brassies with an occasional bunker for difference. +=Motto=
/ 'Sentio eadem!'--''E 'ave my sympafy!'+

=Additional Motto= / 'Si monumentum quaeris circumspice.'


       *       *       *       *       *

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES


Italic text is denoted by _underscores_ and bold text by =equal signs=.

Obvious punctuation errors repaired.

The original is in a pseudo black-letter font. Some of the original
text is in a red color.

The caption with each illustration is the motto on the coat of arms.





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