Home
  By Author [ A  B  C  D  E  F  G  H  I  J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z |  Other Symbols ]
  By Title [ A  B  C  D  E  F  G  H  I  J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z |  Other Symbols ]
  By Language
all Classics books content using ISYS

Download this book: [ ASCII | HTML | PDF ]

Look for this book on Amazon


We have new books nearly every day.
If you would like a news letter once a week or once a month
fill out this form and we will give you a summary of the books for that week or month by email.

Title: Answering the Phone - A Farce
Author: Guptill, Elizabeth F.
Language: English
As this book started as an ASCII text book there are no pictures available.
Copyright Status: Not copyrighted in the United States. If you live elsewhere check the laws of your country before downloading this ebook. See comments about copyright issues at end of book.

*** Start of this Doctrine Publishing Corporation Digital Book "Answering the Phone - A Farce" ***

This book is indexed by ISYS Web Indexing system to allow the reader find any word or number within the document.



produced from images generously made available by The
Internet Archive)



[Transcriber's Note: Bold text is surrounded by =equal signs= and italic
text is surrounded by _underscores_.]


Answering the Phone



    New York    TULLAR-MEREDITH CO.    Chicago


THE LATEST ENTERTAINMENTS—JUST PUBLISHED



=KRIS KRINGLE’S MINSTRELS.=

By Effie Louise Koogle. The “totally different” Christmas
entertainment. Add to the attractiveness of the minstrel show idea the
distinction of having “His Royal Nibs” as Interlocutor, with equally
unique personalities as End Men, endow them with a program flashing
with fun, brilliant with beauty, enlivening with song and teeming with
specialties, and you have a scream of delight from start to finish. The
most novel novelty of the age. 25 cents.


=THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE.=

By Edith Palmer Painton. A class play in four acts and an epilog. 6
males, 6 females. We have prevailed upon the author to allow us to
publish this remarkably successful commencement play, which has been
leased in manuscript for several years, and which always scores a
brilliant success. It is the highest type commencement play. Acting
rights free to purchaser of 12 copies. 35 cents.


=VERA’S VACATION.=

By Louise Rand Bascom. 4 males, 5 females. This accomplished author
has done nothing better than this absorbing story of a summer vacation
and the marvelous transformation of a grouchy father into a genial
friend. The summer boarders are every one eccentric characters and
the opportunities are immense. Clean, wholesome, elegant. Strongly
recommended. 25c.


=THE CHARITY PUPIL.=

By Misses Rice and Clark. 14 females. A boarding school episode lively
with vivacious pranks and interesting situations. The plot is strong,
and culminates in a happy surprise. Stunts and specialties introduced.
A splendid class play. 25 cents.


=PETITE PLAYS.=

A capital collection of the spiciest comic dialogs, comedies and
farces by the best known writers in America. These plays are short,
strong, pithy and witty, easy to give, and require only from two to six
characters. Just right for schools. 30 cents.


=HUMOR UP-TO-DATE.=

The cleverest humor of modern times. Monologs, readings and
recitations, portraying the funny side of present-day notions and
doings. Fresh, crisp, snappy. For all ages. 25 cents.


The Famous Five-Cent Funny Farces.

  =AUNT JERUSHA AND UNCLE JOSH.= By Effie Louise Koogle.
    1 male, 2 females. These eccentric folk visit the
    school, producing no end of fun. 5 cents.

  =AUNT LUCINDY STAYS.= By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2
    females. Two darky characters make lots of fun. Clever
    and clean. 5 cents.

  =“BEAT IT!”= By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 1 female. A
    scolding wife makes trouble for everybody, the parson
    included. Oceans of fun. 5 cents.

  =THE BUGTOWN BAND.= By Archibald Humboldt. 4 males, 1
    female. More fun than you can imagine, and a little
    music which anybody can make. 5 cents.

  =THE BUZZVILLE NEWS.= By Effie Louise Koogle. 2 males,
    1 female. A breezy conversation between the manager and
    new editor. A sure hit. 5 cents.

  =BETTY AND BETSY.= By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2
    females. Betsy was advertised for sale, but he wanted
    Betty. Bright and pretty. 5 cents.

  =DOT ENTERTAINS.= By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 1 male, 1
    female. Dot entertains her big sister’s beau, and the
    things she tells him are a plenty. A big success. 5
    cents.

  =THE GOOSE FEATHER BED.= By Willis N. Bugbee. 4 males,
    1 female. A dandy little play for Irish and eccentric
    characters. Easy and amusing. 5 cents.

  =THE LUNATIC OR THE PROFESSOR.= By Louise Rand Bascom.
    2 males, 2 females. The lunatic is mistaken for the
    brain specialist, which is hard on the lunatic. Great.
    5c.

  =LOOK OUT FOR HEZIKIAH.= By Louise Rand Bascom. 3
    males, 1 female. Hayseed parents visit college dean.
    Splendid opportunity for clever acting. Bright and
    amusing. 5c.

  =LAUGHTER AND SONG.= By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males, 4
    females. Comic dialog interspersed with jolly songs,
    making a continuous funny story. 5 cents.

  =MORE TIME OUT.= By Carolyn F. Rice. 7 females. An
    amusing comedy dealing with the servant problem.
    The characters are strongly contrasted. Easy, but
    effective. 5 cents.

  =OH, YOU TEACHER!= By C. A. Donaldson. 8 males, 4
    females. A splendid comedy of school life, showing the
    amateur teacher’s trials. Funny and well suited for
    schools. 5c.

  =ONE ON THE AGENT.= By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1
    female. A clever skit, bright with telling repartee.
    Recommended for all occasions. 5 cents.

  =THE “PHYSICAL TORTURE” CLUB.= By Willis N. Bugbee. 2
    m., 2 f. Physical culture exercises for which Ma is too
    stout and Pa is too rheumatic. Killingly funny. 5 cents.

  =RASTUS BLINK’S MINSTRELS.= By Effie Louise Koogle. For
    any number. His “Kinky Koons” are killing. The jolliest
    minstrel show ever. A deluge of drollery. 5 cents.

  =THE SQUASHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE.= By Willis N. Bugbee.
    3 males, 2 females, and other firemen, if desired. A
    brisk and snappy little dialog. Easy and clever. 5
    cents.

  =“SCAT!”= By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female.
    Cunning attempt of an old maid to prove her youth. Very
    laughable. 5 cents.

  =SEEING THE ANIMALS.= By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2
    females. A swell hotel clerk, a suffragette, and a
    spoiled child make a lively time. A hit. 5 cents.

  =THE STUPID WITNESS.= 3 males. The lawyer and witness
    lock horns and have an awful time, but it’s fun for the
    audience. Swift and keen. 5 cents.

  =THE TRAIN LEAVES IN TEN MINUTES.= By Louise Rand
    Bascom. 1 male, 2 females. Will they catch the train?
    The awful suspense is punctured by fun and wit. 5 cents.

  =WANTED: A LICENSE TO WED.= By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 2
    males, 1 female. Humorous situation resulting from a
    misunderstanding. Irish dialect. 5 cents.

  =No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged.=



Answering the Phone

    A Farce



    By

    ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL



    _Price 10 Cents_



    _All Rights Reserved, Amateur Performance Permitted_


    [Illustration]

    _Tullar-Meredith Co._

    265 West 36th Street, New York 14 W. Washington Street, Chicago

    _Copyright 1914 by Tullar-Meredith Co
    International Copyright Secured_



Answering the Phone


Characters

Mrs. Courtney; Miss Eleanora Courtney, her daughter; Nora Flanagan, the
new hired girl.



SCENE I.

The living room of the Courtney home. Mrs. Courtney dressed ready
for the street. She gives finishing touches to her toilet before the
mirror, then steps to side door.


_Mrs. C._ If any one calls while I am gone, Nora, say I am out. Make
hot biscuits for tea, and open a jar of strawberries. Be sure to answer
the phone. The last girl I had didn’t know what a telephone was, and
ignored it all the afternoon. It made me a lot of trouble, and I had to
let her go. I will leave the door open so you can hear it.

_Nora._ (Without.) I’ll answer it, mem, to be sure.

_Mrs. C._ Very well. I’ll be back before tea time, but don’t tell any
caller so. Just say I’m out. If they ask when I’ll return, you don’t
know.

_Nora._ Faith an’ I do, thin—befoor tay time.

_Mrs. C._ I mean you must tell them you don’t know. Remember, now, and
be sure to answer the phone.

(Exit Mrs. C. by other side door. In a minute, Nora appears from
kitchen, looks toward that door.)

_Nora._ Sure an’ she didn’t lave the outside dure opin, so it must be
this dure she was afther manin’. So the last gurl didn’t know what
a tillyphone was, didn’t she? Will, sorra a bit more do I, but I’ll
answer it if it shpakes to me, civil-like. It must be in this room, for
this was the dure she lift open. Now is it a Polly Parrot, or what is
it? Begorry, its Nora Flanagan that don’t know at all, at all. Come,
Tilly, Tilly, Tilly! Come show yuresilf, and lit me hear the voice av
yez. Where in the wurruld doos yez kape yersilf? Come Phony, Phony,
Phony! Come, that’s a good baste! (She has been looking everywhere.
She now seats herself.) Stay where yez are, thin, bad ’cess to yez!
I naden’t answer yez if yez don’t shpake, that’s sure! (Phone rings;
Nora jumps, with a little scream.) Sure an’ I niver heard the durebell
sound as near as that! (Exit.) (Comes back muttering.) Bad ’cess to
thim byes! A rapping and a ringing and thin whin yez go to the dure,
no wan bees there, at all, at all! (Phone rings again. Nora runs out,
but comes back to put her head through the doorway.) Faith, an’ I’ll
watch fur ’em this toime, and ketch the crathers! (Exit Nora. Phone
rings again. Nora enters, and seats herself.) Sure, and that’s a quare
thing! That wasn’t the durebell at all, at all. I thought it sounded
in this room, but there’s no bell here, at all, at all! If this house
is haunted, its mesilf that won’t stay a night in the place, I don’t
wurruk where there’s witches nor ghosts, that’s flat. (Bell rings
again. Nora looks at phone.) Sure, and I belave it’s that little box
that’s makin’ all the noise. Perhaps that’s the phone, now. But how can
I answer it? There is no dure to open. (Bell rings again,) Shut up,
you sassy box! I aint goin’ to answer yez. (Bell rings again.) Well,
ting-a-ling-a-ling, thin. Doos that suit yez? (Enter Miss Courtney,
dressed for the street.)

_Miss C._ Why Nora, didn’t you hear the phone? You should answer it,
when we are not here.

_Nora._ Sure and I did answer it.

_Miss C._ Who was it?

_Nora._ Who was it? The Ould Harry himsilf, I belave. He kipt a ringin’
and a ringin’ but niver a wurrud did he say.

_Miss C._ That’s queer! (Bell rings again, Miss C. goes to phone. Nora
watches curiously.)

_Miss C._ Hello!—— Yes—— That’s too bad—— Something wrong with the
line, maybe. The girl said she answered—— I’m sorry, but I’m just going
out, and I must go the other way. Tell her I’ll run in tomorrow—— Yes——
Goodbye. (Hangs up receiver.) Now if it rings again, Nora, answer it.
I’ll be back to tea, but don’t say so to any one. Don’t know. Just say
I’m out, and that you’ll give any message.

_Nora._ I will do that same. (Miss C. goes out.)

_Nora._ So that box is the tillyphone, is it? Quare things they have
in Americky——little rooms that goes up or down with yez, pieanny’s
that play thimselves, trumpets that sing at yez, and boxes that talk to
yez! (Bell rings.) There goes the thing again. Well, she put this to
her ear, and talked through this. Hello!—— It’s mesilf—— Sure and it
isn’t. It’s number 12 Maple Avenue, Mrs. Coortney’s house—— Yis, I’m
the gurrul, Nora Flanagan—— No, she’s not at home, she’s gone out, and
the young lady too—— Sure, and she said she would be home at taytime——
-Oh, begorra, she said I wasn’t to know whin she’d be home. I’ll give
her a message if yez like—— Who did you say?—— Oh, yis, Mrs. Donahue——
No?—— Oh, Mrs. Van Houton? Is that roight?—— Yis, I’ll tell her yez
hollered through the little box, but I’ll not tell her yez called,
for yez didn’t. I niver set eyes on yez. I can lie, if I must, for my
misthress, but I shan’t lie to her—— Yis, goodbye to yez. (Hangs up
receiver.) Sure and I did that in foine shtyle. It’s Nora Flanagan can
learn the Yankee ways. Now where was that woman, I wonder? And how
did I hear the voice av her so plain? It’s witchcraft, I do belave.
Sure, and I’ll ask the praste, nixt toime I go to confession, if it’s
all roight fer a good gurrul to middle with. If not, I shan’t answer
the crather anny more. (Bell rings.) There it goes again. (Takes down
receiver.) Hello!—— Yis, it’s Nora, sure—— No, there’s no one ilse
here—— Sure, it’s a good hand yez are at coortin, but how do yez know
how pretty I am?—— Yis, av coorse it’s Nora—— Odd? Yis, maybe. Yez own
sounds odd, too—— Yis, I caught it, but I don’t care to have me ears
kissed—— Do I, now? Well I’m not sure—— Yis, I’ll tell yez tonight, if
yez come—— The theayter? Sure I will that same—— And a little supper,
did yez say, aftherwards? I’ll be there—— No, it’s no freak, it’s the
right voice av me—— Yis, I do thin, a little—— Well, goodbye thin, me
dear—— Yis, at eight, goodbye. (Hangs up receiver.) To think I’ve got
me a beau, so soon, and I’ve niver set eyes on him, nayther. Reginald!
It’s a pretty name, that it is. Whin did he see me, I wonder? (Primps
before glass.) Well there’s lots of Yankee gurruls not so good looking
as Nora Flanagan. I must hurry up the tay, and be riddy whin me young
man gits here. Bedad, I’ll be guessing he’s the perliceman that told me
the way here. He was a foine looking man, to be sure, and Irish, by his
look and brogue, but not by the name av him. Reginald! Real foine it
sounds! (Exit into kitchen.)


(CURTAIN)



SCENE II.


(Same setting as before. Mrs. C. and Miss C. just being let in by Nora.)

_Mrs. C._ And did any one call for me while I was out, Nora?

_Nora._ No mem, a Mrs. Donahue hollered through the tellyphone, and
wanted me to say she called, but she niver came near the dure at all,
at all. She didn’t seem to want nothin’ but to know what number this
was, and what my name was. Rather sassy, she was, I thought.

_Mrs. C._ Mrs. Donahue? I don’t know any Mrs. Donahue.

_Nora._ Sure and I thought she didn’t know yez, all the toime, mem. She
jist wanted to holler through the little bellbox.

_Mrs. C._ Is tea ready?

_Nora._ It is, mem.

_Miss C._ And did any one call for me, at the door or the phone?

_Nora._ Niver a sowl, Miss, (to Mrs. C.) Plaze mem, may I have me
avenin’ out tonight, instid av tomorry?

_Mrs. C._ Why, I don’t know. Why?

_Nora._ It’s invited out I am, by me young man, mem.

_Mrs. C._ But you told me you had no followers.

_Nora._ No more I did, thin, but I hev one now. He called me on the
phone, and I said I’d go. I must, mem, if I lose me place.

_Mrs. C._ What does he do, Nora?

_Nora._ He’s a perliceman, I belave, mem, and he has a swate way av
making love over the phone. Sure, and I didn’t know yez could kiss
through those little boxes.

_Miss C._ Oh! But where is he going to take you, Nora?

_Nora._ To the theayter, and a bit av a supper aftherwards, Miss. May I
go, mem?

_Mrs. C._ But who is he, Nora?

_Nora._ Me beau, mem.

_Mrs. C._ What is his name, I mean?

_Nora._ His Christian name is Reginald, mem.

_Mrs. C._ His last name?

_Nora._ I fergit, exactly, mem.

_Miss C._ (Suspiciously.) Are you sure it was you he called?

_Nora._ And who else should it be? He called me Nora darlint, and made
love over the phone in great shape. Sure, and he’s to git his answer
tonight, so I must go.

_Miss C._ Mamma! It was Reginald! He always calls me Nora.

_Nora._ Is that yez name?

_Miss C._ It’s Eleanora.

_Nora._ Well, it’s mesilf that don’t want yez beau, but nayther kin yez
hov moine. I’ll tell yez what I’ll do. We’ll both be riddy at eight,
and bedad, he kin choose betwixt us.

_Mrs. C._ Do you mean to say, Eleanora, that he would dare court you
over the phone?

_Miss C._ Well, he might. See here, Nora, I’ll show you my Reginald’s
picture, and if that’s the one that comes, bring him in and call me. If
not, you may have him. Is that fair? (Shows photo.)

_Nora._ Sure and if that’s the man, yez kin have him and wilcome. It’s
no city dude loike that, that Nora Flanagan wants. But bedad, if it
is him, yez’ll hev to say yis or no this noight, for I promised him
through the little phone that yez would. Good luck to yez, Miss, and
good luck to me, too. If I’ve made a mis larrago this toime, mebbe the
little bellbox’ll bring me a good Irish beau yit. Come out to tay, and
thin bedad, we’ll both git ready for our beaux, and good luck to the
both av us. Sure and it’s great fun answering the phone annyhow. (She
goes out, followed by the others.)

[Illustration]



Best Entertainments for Any Time.

Dialogs and Plays.


=A CORNER IN HEARTS.= By Edna Randolph Worrell. Parlor play for 4 young
men and 1 lady, or 5 men. Very amusing. All the lovers propose to the
same girl. Rich humor; pleasing situations. Excellent for any time. 25
minutes. 15 cents.

[Illustration]

=A DAY AT HAPPY HOLLOW SCHOOL.= By Lettie Cook VanDerveer. A new play
of the “Deestrick Skule” type. Up-to-date wit and clever drolleries. A
city automobile party in contrast with rural youngsters. Lots of fun.
Songs, etc., may be introduced. A capital play to make money for church
or school. 25 cents.

=A GOOSE AND SOME GEESE.= By Eleanor Stinchcomb. A Jolly Mother Goose
play with a very pointed climax. For 5 girls and 7 boys. Time, 15
minutes. 15 cents.

=A HALLOWE’EN ADVENTURE.= A lively play, by Effie Louise Koogle. Full
of ghostly excitement and spooky frolic. Specially suited for social
occasions. 8 males and 8 females, or more. 3 scenes. 1 hour. 15 cents.

=A LITTLE HEROINE OF THE REVOLUTION.= A play for all ages. By Elizabeth
F. Guptill. A little girl is sent ostensibly to play with a friend,
but really to carry a message to General Marion. She is captured by
the British, but by her cleverness deceives them, and reaches her
destination. Full of historic interest. 10 males, 5 females. More boys
may be added as soldiers, if desired. 25 cents.

[Illustration]

=AL MARTIN’S COUNTRY STORE.= A burlesque for from 15 to 30
participants, by Archibald Humboldt and Martelle Everett. Unsurpassed
for merriment, taking qualities and ease of production. A country
store with all its peculiar environments is depicted. The loafers, the
small customers, the gossipers, the lovers, the innocent fun makers,
all have parts. There is a graceful plot that gathers interest as the
play proceeds and culminates in a brilliant climax. Unquestionably the
greatest success as a popular entertainment. 25 cents.

=CONTEST OF THE NATIONS, THE.= A spectacular play or cantata, by
Elizabeth F. Guptill. The Goddess of Liberty and 12 nations compete for
the laurel crown. It embraces a fine march; splendid songs by Archibald
Humboldt. Very effective. 13 ladies. 25 cents.

=CABBAGE HILL SCHOOL.= A humorous play for children or young people,
by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Presents the trials of a new “skewlmarm” on
the opening day, and the performances of the pupils in the presence of
august visitors on closing day. A veritable mirth-provoker. Full of the
richest humor. 10 males. 16 female characters (or less). 25c.

[Illustration]

=CROWNING THE MAY QUEEN.= A spectacular play by Elizabeth F. Guptill.
Children go Maying, select and crown a queen, wind the Maypole, and
have a merry time. The frolic is quickly changed to great excitement by
the appearance of a gypsy, who attempts to abduct them. A very clever
plot and a happy arrangement. 9 boys and 8 girls, or 17 girls. 25 cents.

=CUPID’S JOKE.= A charming little drama in which Cupid plays an
Important part. A splendid society play for St. Valentine’s Day, or any
social occasion. 5 male and 5 female characters, and Cupid. 3 scenes,
45 minutes. By Effie Louise Koogle. 15 cents.

=DIALOGS FOR ANY TIME, ORIGINAL.= By Elizabeth F. Guptill. Interesting
and amusing. May be given in any room with very few property
requirements, by primary and intermediate grades. The author’s name is
a guarantee of their excellence. They are witty, spicy and lively. 25
cents.

=DISPELLING OF BIG JIM, THE.= A negro farce in one act, by Sterling C.
Brewer. Decidedly humorous. Big Jim is being tried by the officials
of Big Bethel Church for some misdemeanor. The trial is full of
interesting occurrences and culminates in an exciting event. Full of
darky humor. 8 male characters. 30 minutes. 15 cents.

=DOCTOR AND PATIENT.= By John M. Drake. 2 male characters. Very funny.
5c.

=DOIG’S EXCELLENT DIALOGS.= By Agnes M. Doig. Contains four excellent
dialogs for the primary grades. “Keeping Store,” 3 girls, 1 boy.
“Guessing,” 3 girls, 2 boys. “Playing School,” 4 boys, 4 girls.
“Christmas Eve,” 3 girls, 2 boys. 10 cents.

=DOLL DIALOG.= This is a very instructive dialog for 4 little girls. 5
cents.

=DOLLY SHOW, THE.= A dialog in rhyme for 7 little girls and 2 boys. The
girls have a baby show with their dollies, and each “mother” shows her
baby off to the best advantage. The judge is unusually wise, awarding
the prize to the satisfaction of each one. The sayings of the little
ones are cute, and the whole performance a great success. 15 cents.

=DOLLS’ SYMPOSIUM, THE.= A most unique and captivating play, by
Elizabeth F. Guptill. It combines spicy dialog, fascinating drills,
clever burlesque, entrancing songs and cunning antics. Children
impersonate the dolls and do the most amusing stunts. Unequaled as a
surprising fun maker. For any number from 16 to 60. One-half to one and
one-half hours, as desired. 25 cents.

=GOING TO MEET AUNT HATTIE.= A dialog by Mrs. Hunt. For 1 male and 3
female characters. 5 cents.

[Illustration]

=THE GOLDEN GOBLET.= An exceedingly clever farce, with female cast, for
Bachelor Girls’ and Women’s Clubs, Sororities, etc., by Louise Rand
Bascom, author of “_The Masonic Ring_.” Uproariously funny with absurd
situations and comical elaborations. A “hit” for any occasion. Easy to
produce. Any number of characters, but 12 required. 1 hr. 35c.

=HEIR OF MT. VERNON, THE.= A Colonial Society Play for any occasion, in
which Washington’s social life, sterling manhood and courteous manners
are portrayed. In one scene Christmas is celebrated in rare plantation
style. Lively with old plantation melodies and pranks. By Effie Louise
Koogle. For grammar grades or adults. 4 scenes, 8 boys and 8 girls, or
more will be better. 1 to 2 hours. 25 cents.


=No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged.=



POPULAR ENTERTAINMENTS


[Illustration]

=THE RAG SOCIABLE.= A quaint old fashioned entertainment which is
always sure to please. Libretto by Edith S. Tillotson. Music by various
Composers. The dialog is very spicy and interesting, and humor and
pathos are beautifully blended in the various musical selections. The
characters include Mrs. Winters and her two daughters Betsy and Maria,
Miss Jemima Rush, Mrs. Bassett, Mrs. Collins, Mrs. Salina Grey, the
Allen twins (elderly), Mrs. Martha Ann Hall, Miss Eliza Hall, Mrs. Jane
Tompkins and Amanda Tompkins. The list of characters may be extended
ad. lib. to meet local conditions.

A fine entertainment for a class of women or girls, Ladies’ Aid,
Christian Endeavor and Epworth League Societies, etc. Price. 25 cents
per copy.


=LOVE FINDS THE WAY, or Tho Detective That Father Hired.= Music by
Chas. H. Gabriel. Words by Rev. Wm. Danforth, author of “The Old
District School,” etc. A highly amusing farcical song-skit, with four
characters: A Determined Young Lover, an Irate Father, a Daughter with
a Will of Her Own, and an Aiding and Abetting Mother—parts: tenor,
basso, soprano and alto.

This composition consists of singing and dialog for each part and will
serve to enliven any entertainment. The music is moderately easy,
melodious and should be available in practically all communities. This
work consists of some 12 pages in sheet music form.

The story is as follows: A father, who objects to his daughter having
a beau, believing that she is planning to elope with an unknown young
man, advertises for a detective to ferret the matter out. The young
lover answers the advertisement, and the father hires him to detect
the culprit, promising to pay him “anything within reason.” When the
young lover’s true identity is disclosed, he demands as his reward, for
having detected himself, the hand of the daughter. The irate father
objects. The daughter eventually convinces him that true love was the
real detective in the case, and the parental consent is given. Price.
$1.50: 50 per cent. discount.


=THE OLD DISTRICT SCHOOL.= A farce in two acts (new version). Book by
Wm. Danforth. Music arr. by Geo. F. Rosche. This is a burlesque on the
district school of 100 years ago. Ezekiel Simpkins, the teacher, is
the central character. His costume is a tight Prince Albert coat, with
brass buttons, or a worn and faded “claw-hammer” coat, colored vest cut
low; stock collar, with large black tie; trousers, “high-water,” with
a patch of other color on one knee; well-worn shoes. Bald gray wig and
“side” whiskers. The costumes of the pupils are in keeping with those
of the teacher. The characters all read their lines from the book, so
that there is very little to be memorized and for this reason this work
can be prepared in a very short time. Price, postpaid, 50 cents per
copy.


=THE CHAPERON.= A humorous Operetta in three Acts. Libretto by Wm.
Danforth. Music by Geo. F. Rosche. “The Chaperon” is a humorous
operetta designed for church choir and young people’s societies. It
will be found available in all communities in which seven young men and
seven young ladies who sing can be found. The music is bright, tuneful,
easy to learn and easy to remember. The dialogue is witty, clean,
wholesome and entertaining. Price, postpaid, 60 cents per copy.


[Illustration]

=THE VISION OF HENSEL.= An evening with the old songs. The old songs of
childhood, youth, love, war and home. Libretto by Ellan N. Wood. There
is no friend like an old friend and after all there are no songs we
love quite so much as the old ones.

This cantata furnishes a beautiful medium for the introduction of the
old songs which we all know and love. There is just enough libretto to
the work to form a continuous chain of thought throughout, and we know
of no cantata that will afford such a pleasing entertainment at such a
small expenditure of labor. The book is well worth its price if only to
secure this fine collection of old home songs. Full of sentiment, humor
and pathos and decidedly new and fresh in construction. Price, 30 cents
per copy, postpaid; $3.00 per dozen, not prepaid; add 3 cents per copy
for postage.


=THE SPINSTERS’ CLUB.= A humorous operetta in two acts. Libretto by
Harriet D. Castle. Music by Geo. F. Rosche. “The Spinsters’ Club” is
a humorous operetta designed for church choirs and young people’s
societies. It will be found available in all communities in which a
church choir is found. The music is bright, tuneful, and yet easy to
learn and memorize. The dialogue is witty, pleasing and entertaining.
Price, postpaid 60 cents per copy.

=A returnable sample copy of any of the above mailed on receipt of 3
cents for postage; to be returned postpaid or paid for in Thirty days.=

       *       *       *       *       *


ILLUSTRATED PANTOMIMED HYMNS

=NEARER MY GOD TO THEE.= Posed under the direction of Eleanor H. Denig.
This is a particularly fine production and lends itself admirably for
a twelve-minute addition to an evening’s entertainment in the church
or hall. The instructions are very clear so that this pantomime may be
prepared by anyone with ordinary talent or ability. The fourteen full
figure halftone illustrations will be found an excellent help.

The music is very complete. The regular hymn tune is printed for mixed
voices; also an original quartet for voices of women and on original
setting for voices of men and an original duet for soprano and alto
by J. S. Fearis, thus furnishing a variety of music found in no other
publication of this sort. Price, 40 cents postpaid. “Not sent on
examination.”


=IT CAME UPON THE MIDNIGHT CLEAR.= Posed under the direction of
Eleanor H. Denig. This pantomime will be particularly interesting
during the winter season for a twelve-minute addition to church or
other entertainments. The directions are very elaborate, enabling any
person to prepare the same successfully. The music is very complete,
consisting of a hymn tune for mixed voices; an original setting for
voices of both women and men; also a very fine duet soprano and alto;
the latter by Chas. H. Gabriel. Price, 40 cents per copy postpaid. “Not
sent on examination.”



NEW PLAYS

By Elizabeth F. Guptill


[Illustration]

=The School at Mud Hollow.= A burlesque in two parts. 8 Males and 9
Females. Time about 2 hours. Price 35 cents.

PART I. In which is portrayed the difficulties encountered by
Miss Arabella Pinkham, who has come to “Mud Hollow” to assume the
responsible duties of “Teacher” in the school. In selecting “Mud
Hollow” she seeks a change from the city life she is accustomed to, and
finds plenty of it in the manners, customs and dialect of the pupils.
From start to finish there is nothing but fun.

PART II. Which represents the last day at the school, when the proud
parents are present to listen to the final examination of the class
by the Supervisor and enjoy the program which is rendered by the
pupils. Part II. offers an opportunity for about 60 minutes of the
finest fun possible. “_The School at Mud Hollow_” may be given in one
evening, but for those who would prefer to make two evenings of it, or
to give only one part, we offer the same work announced below under
the title of “_The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School_” and “_The Last
Day at Mud Hollow School_” either of which can be given as a complete
entertainment without regard to the other one.

=The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School.= Being Part I. of THE SCHOOL AT
MUD HOLLOW. 6 Males and 14 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents.

=The Last Day at Mud Hollow School.= Being Part II. of THE SCHOOL AT
MUD HOLLOW. 8 Males and 19 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents.


=Santa’s Rescue=

[Illustration]

Two mysterious pieces of paper fall into the hands of the children,
one being found by the BOYS and one by the GIRLS. The meaning of the
inscription on each remains a mystery until it is discerned that by
placing the papers together they have the message that the “Old Witch”
of the North has captured “Santa” and holds him in an ice prison at
the North Pole. Of course there could be no “Merry Christmas” without
their “patron saint”, so guided by the “Fairy Godmother” they start for
the North Pole to rescue him. The “Old Witch” endeavors to block the
rescuers’ way by the assistance of “Old Zero” and the “Snow Fairies”
but when they learn that the snow drifts they are piling up are to aid
in keeping “Santa” from his usual Christmas activities they get the
“Sunbeam Fairies” to come to their aid and melt the snow, while they
bind with a frozen cord the “Old Witch,” who is found indulging in a
nap which she takes only once every hundred years. With the “Old Witch”
powerless and in their control the Rescue of Santa is an easy matter.

Tho’ belated somewhat by his enforced stay at the North Pole, the
children are glad to become his “aides” in spreading a “Merry
Christmas” through all the world. This is a very clever plot, well
worked out, and will make a decided hit for the Christmas season. 4
Boys and 5 Girls with any number of Fairies. Time about 1 hour. Price
25 cents.


FARCES

=Taking the Census.= Mr. Cole, the Census Taker, has a funny experience
in an attempt to gather the facts required by the government from Mrs.
Almira Johnson, a “cullud lady,” and her young son Alexander. Three
characters only. Time about 10 minutes. Price 10 cents.


[Illustration]

=Answering the Phone.= Mrs. Courtney and her daughter have a most
trying experience with Nora Flanagan, the new “hired girl,” who in
their absence attempts to carry out the instructions given with special
reference to “answering the phone.” The final situation in which Nora
makes a date with Miss Courtney’s “intended” is ridiculous in the
extreme. 3 females. Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents.


=The Twins and How They Entertained the New Minister.= They have a
delightful time telling family secrets to the “New Minister,” who has
called for the first time. They explain the necessity of seeing their
mother to find out from her if she is “In,” for so often she is “Out”
when she is “In” and “In” when she is “Out.” 2 Males and 1 Female. Time
about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents.

  =NO ENTERTAINMENTS SENT “ON EXAMINATION”=

       *       *       *       *       *

Transcriber’s Notes:

Obvious punctuation errors repaired. Back cover advertisement had a
Library of Congress sticker obscuring part of the upper right text. It
was filled in using another cover’s text in the same series.

Inside back cover, “particuarly” changed to “particularly” (be
particularly interesting)





*** End of this Doctrine Publishing Corporation Digital Book "Answering the Phone - A Farce" ***

Doctrine Publishing Corporation provides digitized public domain materials.
Public domain books belong to the public and we are merely their custodians.
This effort is time consuming and expensive, so in order to keep providing
this resource, we have taken steps to prevent abuse by commercial parties,
including placing technical restrictions on automated querying.

We also ask that you:

+ Make non-commercial use of the files We designed Doctrine Publishing
Corporation's ISYS search for use by individuals, and we request that you
use these files for personal, non-commercial purposes.

+ Refrain from automated querying Do not send automated queries of any sort
to Doctrine Publishing's system: If you are conducting research on machine
translation, optical character recognition or other areas where access to a
large amount of text is helpful, please contact us. We encourage the use of
public domain materials for these purposes and may be able to help.

+ Keep it legal -  Whatever your use, remember that you are responsible for
ensuring that what you are doing is legal. Do not assume that just because
we believe a book is in the public domain for users in the United States,
that the work is also in the public domain for users in other countries.
Whether a book is still in copyright varies from country to country, and we
can't offer guidance on whether any specific use of any specific book is
allowed. Please do not assume that a book's appearance in Doctrine Publishing
ISYS search  means it can be used in any manner anywhere in the world.
Copyright infringement liability can be quite severe.

About ISYS® Search Software
Established in 1988, ISYS Search Software is a global supplier of enterprise
search solutions for business and government.  The company's award-winning
software suite offers a broad range of search, navigation and discovery
solutions for desktop search, intranet search, SharePoint search and embedded
search applications.  ISYS has been deployed by thousands of organizations
operating in a variety of industries, including government, legal, law
enforcement, financial services, healthcare and recruitment.



Home