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Title: Christmas at Punkin Holler
Author: Guptill, Elizabeth F.
Language: English
As this book started as an ASCII text book there are no pictures available.
Copyright Status: Not copyrighted in the United States. If you live elsewhere check the laws of your country before downloading this ebook. See comments about copyright issues at end of book.

*** Start of this Doctrine Publishing Corporation Digital Book "Christmas at Punkin Holler" ***

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[Transcriber's Note: Bold text is surrounded by =equal signs= and italic
text is surrounded by _underscores_. Superscripted numbers are preceded
by carets and surrounded by curly braces.^{9}]



Christmas _at_ Punkin Holler

_by_ Elizabeth F. Guptill

[Illustration]

    PAINE PUBLISHING CO.
    DAYTON, OHIO



New Entertainment Songs

By Edna Randolph Worrell.


These songs can be used in all manner of entertainments. The music is
easy, and both music and words are especially catchy. Children like
them. Everybody likes them. Sheet music. =Price 25 cents each. Five
copies, $1.00.=

=WE HOPE YOU’VE BROUGHT YOUR SMILES ALONG.= A welcome song that will
at once put the audience in a joyous frame of mind and create a happy
impression that will mean half the success of your entire program.
Words, bright and inspiring. Music, catchy.

=WE’LL NOW HAVE TO SAY GOOD-BYE.= This beautiful song has snap and go
that will appeal alike to visitors and singers. It is just the song to
send your audience home with happy memories of the occasion.

=WE’VE JUST ARRIVED FROM BASHFUL TOWN.= This song will bring memories
to the listeners of their own bashful school days. Words, unusually
clever. Music, decidedly melodious. A capital welcome song, or it may
be sung at any time on the program with assured success.

=MY OWN AMERICA, I LOVE THEE.= A song that will bring a thrill of
patriotism to the heart of every one who hears it. The children and
grown-ups just can’t resist the catchy music. It makes a capital
marching song.

=COME AND PARTAKE OF OUR WELCOME CAKE.= A merry welcome song and a
jolly one, too. The audience will be immediately curious about the
Welcome Cake, and the children will love to surprise the listeners with
the catchy words. Music, easy and tuneful.

=LULLABY LANE.= The music and words blend so beautifully that people
will be humming the appealing strains long after they hear this
charming song. A wonderfully effective closing song, whether sung by
the school or as a solo by a little girl, with a chorus of other little
girls with dolls.

=JOLLY PICKANINNIES.= Words by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Music by Edna R.
Worrell. This spicy coon song will bring down the house, especially if
you use the directions for the motions which accompany the music. The
black faces and shining eyes of the pickaninnies will guarantee a hit.
The words are great and the music just right.

=THE LITTLE BIRD’S SECRET.= Here is just the song for those two
little folks to sing together. They won’t have to be coaxed to sing
it, especially when they find that the whole school is to whistle the
chorus. This is a decided novelty, and will prove a rare treat to your
audience.

=A GARDEN ROMANCE.= This is a dainty little song telling of the romance
and wedding of Marigold and Sweet William. It is just the song for
dainty little girls to sing.

=COME TO THE NURSERY RHYME GARDEN AND PLAY.= Here is something
different for the little folks to sing. The Nursery Rhyme Folk are so
familiar to children, it will be no trick for them to remember the
words. The music has a most captivating swing.


    Paine Publishing Company     -   -   Dayton, Ohio



    Christmas at Punkin Holler

    A CHRISTMAS PLAY
    BY
    ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL

    Author of “Christmas at McCarthy’s,”
    “A Topsy Turvy Christmas,” Etc.


    [Illustration]


    PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY
    Dayton, Ohio



Cast of Characters


    MISS PEPPERGRASS                       The Teacher.
    AUNT HEPSEY      A queer character of the district.
    HIRAM    }
    JACOB    }
    LUCINDY  }
    JOHNNY   }
    SAMMY    }
    PATTY    }
    BETSEY   }
    PETER    }                                  Pupils.
    REUBEN   }
    AARON    }
    MOSETTA  }
    MIRIAM   }
    FAITH    }
    SALLY    }
    PATIENCE }


    Copyright, 1916, by Paine Publishing Company.



Christmas at Punkin Holler



_SCENE:_ _The schoolroom. The necessary articles of furniture are the
teacher’s desk and chair, and a couple of long wooden benches, or
settees, if the benches are not to be easily obtained. The pupils are
moving around, talking, laughing, and romping; making considerable
noise and confusion. Miss Peppergrass enters, in hood and shawl, and
speaks, but fails to make herself heard. She removes her wraps, hanging
them on a nail near her desk, and rings bell smartly. School slowly
becomes quiet, but the pupils do not seat themselves. Instead, they
stare, wonderingly, at teacher._


MISS P.—Take your seats.

HIRAM—Don’t hafter. It’s a hollerday.

MISS P.—I should say as much, judging by the noise you were making; but
we can not rehearse for the entertainment to-night in the midst of such
a racket as that. It sounded like a den of wild beasts.

JACOB—So ’twas, Teacher—a regular circus. I’m a lion, and I’m a-goin’
to eat Sally up! (_Pounces on Sally, and begins to growl, and to
pretend to eat her. Sally screams._)

MISS P.—(_ringing bell again_) That will do, Jacob. Now, children, take
your seats. We must have it quiet. (_Children crowd into seats. Johnny
tries to pass the end of one seat, but is held back by Lucindy. He
struggles._)

MISS P.—What’s the trouble there, Lucindy?

LUCINDY—Johnny won’t set down.

JOHNNY—No such a thing, Teacher. I was a-goin’ ter set down, and she
grabbed onto me.

LUCINDY—He wasn’t! He was a-goin’ right by.

JOHNNY—Well, I was a-goin’ to set down in my own seat. I don’t like to
set there.

MISS P.—But we are reserving the seats for the visitors. There will be
a great many here to-night, you know. Don’t you want to be a little
gentleman, and give up your seat to some one—your mamma, perhaps?

JOHNNY—Huh! Ma couldn’t git herself into _that_ seat. She’s too fat.
Pa’s a-goin’ to bring a chair for her, ’cause she couldn’t git into
_any_ seat, ’thout you tooked away the desk first!

MISS P.—Well, some one may want it.

JOHNNY—They do. I want it.

MISS P.—(_sharply_) Well, you can’t have it! Now sit down at once in
the place assigned you, or—(_she takes a switch from her desk._)

JOHNNY—(_seating himself_) You don’t give up your seat.

MISS P.—Ah, but I shall to-night, Johnny. I shall give it, as the seat
of honor, to our supervisor, Mr. Barker. I shall be glad to give it to
him, Johnny.

JAKE—(_aside_) Sure she will. She’s settin’ her cap for him.

MISS P.—(_sharply_) What’s that, Jacob?

JAKE—I wish you wouldn’t call me Jay _Cup_. Nobody else ever did. I’d
as lief be called Jay Saucer, any day.

MISS P.—We won’t argue the matter, Jacob. I asked you what you said to
Johnny.

JAKE—I was jest a tellin’ him thet you was more politer than him,
that’s all.

MISS P.—Indeed! We will rehearse now, for this evening.

SAMMY—Be n’t we a goin’ ter trim that ere tree?

PATTY—We brung a heap o’ popcorn, Teacher, all strung.

BETSEY—And we’ve made paper chains, ’n tied up a lot o’ but’nuts in
colored paper.

PETER—’N ma’s made doughnuts ’n tied ’em up in blue ribbing.

SAMMY—Please can’t we trim it fust?

MISS P.—No indeed, you must all rehearse your parts first.

JACOB—Can’t we lug it in?

SALLY—Then we could look at it while we was ’hearsin’.

MISS P.—It might take your attention. No, let it remain where it is for
the present.

JOHNNY—It wants ter be brung in here fer the presents. ’Sides, there
ain’t no presents ben brung yit.

MISS P.—It must remain outside until after the rehearsal.

SAMMY—Somebody may steal it.

MISS P.—I hardly think so, with woods all around us. A tree would
hardly be worth stealing, Sammy. Silence now.

SAMMY—(_aside_) Somebody may steal it, all the same.

HIRAM—Kin we rehearse in custum?

MISS P.—In what, Hiram?

HIRAM—In custom. In our other rigs—our fol-de-rols ’n doodads that
we’re go’n ter wear to-night?

MISS P.—Oh, your costumes? Certainly, if you have brought them. (_Those
who are to change clothing, rush out, pellmell._)

REUBEN—Cuss is a bad swear word, Teacher. Ma licked me when I said it.

MISS P.—I should suppose she would. Little boys mustn’t say naughty
words.

REUBEN—But you said it.

MISS P.—I? Oh no, Reuben, I wouldn’t say a naughty word.

REUBEN—But you did say it, jest the same. You told ’em ter put on their
cuss tunes, ’n ef it’s bad ter call er cow a cuss, it’s bad ter call a
tune one.

MISS P.—Their costumes, Reuben. Their other clothes.

REUBEN—Oh! (_aside, as Aunt Hepsey enters_) But she did say it, ’n she
said it agin.

AUNT HEPSEY—How de do, Miss Peppergrass! I thought I’d jest drap in to
hear the perliminaries, bein’s I couldn’t git out to-night.

MISS P.—(_offering chair_) You are very welcome, Miss Bascom. But do
come to-night.

AUNT HEPSEY—(_sitting down heavily_) Suz me, child, I dassn’t! I kaint
posserbly go out arter dark, count ’o my rheumatiz. Cripples me all up.
I’ll enjy it jest as well now, though, so jest go right ahead, same’s
ef I warn’t here.

SAMMY—Was that ere tree all right when you come in, Aunt Hepsy?

AUNT HEPSY—Land, yes, Sammy. Why shouldn’t it be?

LUCINDY—Sammy’s afraid a bear’ll come along ’n eat it.

SAMMY—Haint neither, but I’m worried ’bout that ere tree. Somebody
might steal it.

(_Re-enter Hiram. He has pulled on the Santa Claus trousers over his
overalls, and stuffed a pillow in front. He is endeavoring to place one
behind._)

REUBEN—That’s a cuss tune all right.

MISS P.—Reuben!

REUBEN—Well, you say it.

MISS P.—I certainly did not. Say costume, Reuben.

REUBEN—You don’t like it when I say it.

MISS P.—You haven’t said it yet. Say it.

REUBEN—(_sulkily_) Cuss tune.

MISS P.—No, not cuss, cos. Cos-tume. Say it correctly or I shall punish
you.

REUBEN—Cuss, cuss tune.

MISS P.—(_shaking him_) Cos! Say cos.

REUBEN—(_whimpering_) Cu—cuss—cos!

MISS P.—(_shaking again_) Tume.

REUBEN—(_whimpering louder_) Tune.

MISS P.—No, tume. Now say costume.

REUBEN—Coss—tume! Boo, hoo, hoo!

MISS P.—Now sit down and behave yourself. (_Reuben sits down, and
sulks._) (_Hiram has been industriously stuffing in the back pillow,
but the front one has fallen on the floor._)

HIRAM—I kaint git on these ere britches ter save my gizzard.

AUNT HEPSY—Well, I sh’d think you might, Hi, I sure do. They’re big
enough for old Paul Clear, let alone Hi Whittaker.

HIRAM—Big enough! Guess they be, Aunt Hepsy, but fast ez I git the
front piller in, aout it draps while I’m a gittin’ in the one behint.

MISS P.—Let me help you.

HIRAM—Guess I’ll hafter, Teacher, sure. Nice big baby I be, kain’t
dress myself.

MISS P.—Bring in the tunic, and then we’ll see.

HIRAM—The two whats?

MISS P.—The tunic. The blouse. The rest of the suit.

HIRAM—Oh, the jacket? But there ain’t but one, less ’n you count the
belt.

MISS P.—Bring the whole of it here.

HIRAM—And the mask? ’N the cap ’n whiskers.

MISS P.—Yes, the whole of it, and hurry.

AUNT HEPSEY—Jest you come here, Hi. I’ll fix you up. Go right on ’ith
your programmy, Miss Peppergrass. I’ll tend ter him. I’ve rigged many a
Santy Claws in my day.

(_She assists Hiram, while the rehearsal goes on._)

MISS P.—Now, children, we must get to work, or we will not be through
by the time they want to trim the tree.

SAMMY—Somebody’ll steal it afore then. Better bring it in, Teacher.

MISS P.—The tree is all right, Sammy. Now I have the programme all
arranged, and we will proceed just as we shall to-night. First will be
the welcome song.

RHODA—Ma says Ruby oughter say his welcome piece fust.

MISS P.—Oh no. We will sing first, then Reuben will speak his piece.

REUBEN—(_starting up_) I’m a-goin’ ter speak first. Ma said so.

MISS P.—Sit down, Reuben, till I call your name.

REUBEN—(_still standing_) Call it first, then. Ma says I gotter say it
first.

AUNT HEPSY—Reckon he’ll hafter, ef his ma says so.

MISS P.—I’m running this school.

AUNT HEPSY—Mebbe so, mebbe so; but you don’t know Hanner Ann Jenkins ’s
well ’s I do, or you’d know thet ef she’d made up her mind thet Ruby
sh’d speak first, she’ll have him do it, ef it breaks up the whole
entertainment. Hev’n’t you ever noticed thet Ruby was kinder sot in his
ways for a youngster? He takes it from his ma, she thet was Hanner Ann
Bean. I’d let him say it fust, ef I was you, I really would.

MISS P.—But I have my programme all arranged.

AUNT HEPSEY—Change it, child. Ef ’twas jest Ruby, you could lick him
inter mindin’, but Hanner Ann is six feet high, ’n weighs over two
hundred. Do let’s have peace at Christmas time. ’N ’twill be anythin’
but peace ef Ruby don’t say that ere leetle varse fust. Go ahead ’n git
it over, Ruby.

(_Reuben comes out, and speaks._)

  Welcome,^{1} Mr. Supervisor, welcome,^{2} friends and pairients dear.
  On thet^{3} tree I think you’ll find a gift for everybody^{4} here.
  Hope^{5} I get a jumpin’ jack, and a bag of candy sweet.^{6}
  ’N now I’ve said my little piece, I’ll make my bow,^{7} and take my
        seat.^{8}

(_At 1, he bows elaborately to Aunt Hepsy, in the teacher’s chair. At
2, he bows to school. At 3, he points to side of room. At 4, he opens
his arms, flinging his hands widely apart. At 5, he clasps his hands,
with a loud clap, gazing upward. At 6, he smacks his lips. At 7, he
bows again. At 8, he runs to seat._)

RHODY—He didn’t say it right, teacher. It’s “Hope I get a pretty toy.”

REUBEN—Well, a jumpin’ jack’s a pretty toy, aint it? It’s what I want,
anyhow.

RHODY—Ma’ll lick you, ef you say it so.

TEACHER—That will do, Rhoda. Let him fight it out with his mother
himself. If he gets a whipping, it’s no more then he deserves.

RHODY—But Ma said for you to make him say it right.

MISS P.—If he’s to say it when he pleases, he may say it as he pleases,
for all I care.

AUNT HEPSY—She’ll skin him alive, ef he does say it wrong. Hanner Ann
writ that ere little varse herself, ’n she’s prouder of it than a
kitten with its fust mouse. Better say “pretty toy,” Ruby, ef your ma
says so.

REUBEN—A jumpin’ jack is a pretty toy.

MISS P.—We will now sing our welcome song. (_Several begin to sing, in
different keys. Miss P. raps on her desk and they stop._)

MISS P.—No, no, children. Wait till I give you the key. I will start
the songs, and you must wait for me. Why, what would people think if
you started in like that, all out of tune?

AUNT HEPSY—Think it was a lot o’ sheep a blartin’, most likely.

(_Children laugh. Miss P. raps for order, gets the key, with an
old-fashioned tuning fork, if one can be obtained, and starts the
song. All stand up to sing. Tune: “Tramp, tramp, tramp, the boys are
marching.”_)


SONG.

  We are gathered^{1} here to-night, on this Christmas Eve so bright,
    Just to show you all^{2} the things that we can do.
  We are glad^{3} to see you here, friends and parents kind and dear,
    And we give^{4} a hearty welcome now to you.

Chorus:

  Welcome,^{5} welcome, friends and parents!
    Welcome, welcome now to you.
  We^{6} will speak and we will sing, and some music we will bring,
    And we’ll do it every bit,^{7} kind friends, for you.^{8}

  Just^{9} behold that Christmas tree, loaded^{10} down for you and me,
    Presents^{11} hanging from its boughs for great and small.
  There are dolls^{12} and toys and drums, apples, cakes, and sugarplums,
    Something nice^{13} is there, I’m sure, for one and all.^{14}

  Santa Claus^{15} is drawing near. He will be here, never fear^{16}.
    With a pack^{17} well loaded, he’ll come down^{18} the flue.
  Soon we’ll hear^{19} his sleighbells’ chime, while the reindeer’s^{20}
        hoofs beat time,
    And whatever^{21} you want most he’ll bring to you^{22}.

(_In singing, let some do the motions well, some awkwardly, while some
exaggerate them._)

(_Motions—1, Clasp hand on breast. 2, hands together, throw them
widely apart. 3, boys bow elaborately, girls courtesy. 4, hold out
hands, in greeting. 5, clap hands, through two lines. 6, touch breast,
with both hands. 7, gesture with right forefinger. 8, throw right
hand out, forefinger pointing. 9, point to where tree is to be. 10,
bend forward. 11, both hands high, drooping from wrists. 12, point to
imaginary articles, making little jabs in air, here and there, as each
is mentioned. 13, clasp hands. 14, throw hands widely apart. 15, clap
softly. 16, shake forefinger to music. 17, hold arms to designate large
pack. 18, hands high, bring down together. 19, hand to ear, listening.
20, beat time, with right foot. 21, clasp hands. 22, gesture with right
hand._

_Hiram sings from where Aunt Hepsy is dressing him, and Patty and Faith
step inside door and sing, then pop back into entry. Patty may be
partly dressed, and Fay partly undressed._)

AUNT HEPSY—(_clapping_) Brayvo, children, brayvo! Where ever did
you find sech a proprate song as that, Miss Peppergrass? (_Miss P.
simpers_) You never writ it your own self, did you? Wal, I guess
that’ll take the wind outen Hanner Ann Jenkinses sails. I allers
thought a heap o’ po’try, myself, but I s’posed it took a lot o’
brains to write it. Did it take you days ’n days? And what was all the
flumadoodles with their hands for?

MISS P.—Why, motion songs are very popular in the cities, I’ve heard,
so I thought we would give some at our entertainment.

AUNT HEPSY—Yes, indeedy! Punkin Holler allers did pride itself on
keepin’ right up to date. We’re no hayseeders in this commoonerty.

MISS P.—Don’t you think the motions were very graceful?

AUNT HEPSY—I haint a doubt they was, Miss Peppergrass, not a mite o’
doubt; but I was so flabbergasted at hearin’ them ere new words sung to
thet old tune and so dumfounded at seein’ all them young ’uns a wavin’
their paws, wild like, in the air, thet I never once noticed if it war
graceful. It sure was, though, an’ that’s a fact.

MISS P.—Next will be a recitation by Lucinda Lowe. An old poem, with
new variations. (_Lucinda advances, bows very low, and recites. She
announces the name of her piece, as do all, in the old-fashioned way._)


MARY’S LAMB AT CHRISTMAS.

    Mary had a little lamb
      With kinky, soot-black wool.
    He tagged her everywhere she went,
      Just like a little fool.

AUNT HEPSY—Fool be’nt a pretty word, Lucindy. Why don’t you say
numb-head?

LUCINDY—’Twon’t rhyme.

AUNT HEPSY—But it’s a deal high-toneder.

LUCINDY—All right. I don’t care. (_Announces title again, and begins._)

    Mary had a little lamb,
      With kinky, soot-black wool.
    He tagged her everywhere she went,
      Just like a little-numb-head.

    He tagged along to school one day,
      Agin the teacher’s rule.
    He kicked up his heels, and blarted right out,
      To see a Christmas tree in school.

    The teacher tried to turn him out,
      But, nimble as a cat,
    He sent his little hind heels out,
      And knocked the teacher flat.

    “What makes the critter act that way?”
      The eager children cry.
    “Because it is a holiday,”
      Was Mary’s quick reply.

    The lamb he danced around the tree,
      And blarted out his song,
    As if upon the program-mee
      He really did belong.

    He bunted down some candy bags
      And frisked around some more,
    Till Mary caught him by the ears,
      And pulled him through the door.

    Now take a warning from this tale,
      And tie your critters tight,
    So no ungainly beast shall spoil
      Our Christmas tree to-night.

(_Bows, and takes seat._)

HIRAM—Look out, Sammy. She’s put that lamb of hers out doors, and he’ll
eat up the Christmas tree.

SAMMY—Can’t we bring it in now, teacher?

MISS P.—You can _not_. (_as Sammy tries to speak_) No, no one will
steal it.

SAMMY—Some one may eat it.

MISS P.—I hardly think any one will be hungry enough for that. People
do not eat trees.

SAMMY—Deers do, ’n bears, ’n—’n—moose! Jes’ s’pos’n a big moose comed
along, ’n et off all the branches!

MISS P.—We’ll risk it, I think. Next on the programme is a duet by
Jacob Toothaker and Rhoda Jenkins.

(_They come out, bow to the chair, then to the school, then,
elaborately to each other, and sing to the tune, “Reuben, Reuben, I’ve
Been Thinking.”_)

RHODA—

    Jacob, Jacob, I’ve ben thinkin’
      What a grand good thing ’twould be
    If each day could jest be Christmas,
      With a great big Christmas tree.

(_Pauses. Looks inquiringly at Jake, who looks sulkily at her._)

AUNT HEPSY—Wal, why in tunket don’t ye go on?

RHODA—’Taint my turn. It’s his’n.

AUNT HEPSY—Chirp it up, Jake.

JAKE—Sha’n’t.

MISS P.—Come, Jacob sing your verse.

JAKE—I won’t sing it, ’n I won’t sing it ternight, nuther, ef she calls
me Jay Cup! ’Taint my name, ’n I don’t keer ef ’t does sound stylisher,
so there! My name’s allers been Jake tel this term er school. By next
it’ll be Jake Platter, I expect.

RHODA—But Jake hasn’t got syllerbles ernough.

AUNT HEPSY—Sing it (_sings_) “Jakie, Jakie, I’ve ben thinkin’.” That’ll
go all right.

JAKE—’Twon’t nuther. Jakie’s a kid’s name. It’s Jake er nuthin’. Ef she
sings it so, I’ll sing back, ’n ef she don’t, I won’t.

MISS P.—I never saw such stubborn children in my life. Did ever you,
Miss Bascom?

AUNT HEPSEY—Land, yes, child. His pa’s jest like him. Him ’n me was
promised, once, ’n he wouldn’t git spliced less’n I’d wear a blue
delaine he’d bought fer me. Course, _I_ warnt so mulish az he war, but
I’d sot my heart on a white dimity, ’n bein’s I war the one to wear it,
twar his place to give in. But he wouldn’t—no siree! ’N we bickered ’n
bickered bout it, ’n I went right on a makin’ up the white dimity ’n
finally he says, says he, “Hepsey, it’s me an’ the blue delaine, or the
white dimity for an ole maid.” “Land sakes!” says I, “You don’t say so?
Wal, you kin jes’ take yer old blue delaine, ’n hunt ye up a gal meek
enough ter be married—’n buried, in it,” says I, ’n off he went, mad as
a hatter. Much ’s ever he speaks to me yit, but I was married—in the
white dimity—two year afore he found a gal that ’d have him, ’n could
wear that blue delaine. You see, I’d cut ’n made it, ’n I was slender
in those days—the slenderest gal in town. Yes, Ezry Toothaker’s some
sot, ’n Jake comes nat’rally by it. Sing it to suit him, Rhody, do!
’Tain’t ’s ef ’twas fer allers. It’s jest ternight.

RHODA—But there’s two notes, Aunt Hepsy.

AUNT HEPSY—Draw out the Jake good ’n long, ’n it’ll go. This way.
(_sings_) “Jake, Jake, I’ve been thinkin’.”

RHODA—(_sings_) (_She makes the “Jake” decidedly jerky._)

    Jake,^{1} Jake, I’ve ben thinkin’
      What a grand^{2} good thing ’twould be
    If each day could jest be Christmas,
      With a great^{3} big Christmas tree.

JAKE—(_sings_)

    Rhody,^{4} Rhody, I’ve ben thinkin’
      What a grand^{5} good thing ’twould be,
    If we never had no Christmas,
      ’Cos it costs too much, you see.

BOTH—

      Too^{6}-ra-loo-ra-loo^{1}-ra laddie,
      Too^{7}-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra lay.
    If it { always^{8} } could be Christmas,
          { never^{9}  }
    Wouldn’t^{10} that be grand and gay?

RHODA—

    Jake,^{1} Jake, I’ve ben thinkin’
      That upon yon^{3} Christmas tree,
    Hangs a present from your sweetheart^{11},
      Something nice^{12} it’s sure to be.

JACOB—

    Rhody^{4}, Rhody, I’ve been thinkin’
      That there hangs on that^{13} ere tree,
    A leetle^{14} box for my young sweetheart.
      Cost a quarter^{15}. Yes-sir-ree!
      (_Both sing chorus, as before._)

RHODA—

    Jake^{16}, Jake, I’ve ben thinkin’
      If a ring^{17} the thing should be,
    It^{18} would be the finest Christmuss,
      That has ever come to me.

JAKE—

    Rhody^{19}, Rhody, you have guessed it.
      ’Tis a fine brass ring, you’ll see,
    With a big red stun set in it,
      Jest to bind you unto me.
      (_Chorus as before._)

RHODA—

    Jake^{20}, Jake, when we’re wedded,
      Will you keep each Christmas Day?

JAKE—

    No, by hemlock!^{21} In my wallet,^{22}
      All my money then will stay.
      (_Chorus._)

RHODA—

    Then^{23} you’d better keep your ring, sir,
      I’ll not have a stingy man!

JAKE—

    ’Tis a frugal wife I’m wanting.

RHODA—

    Jest you find^{24} one if you can.

BOTH—

    Too^{25}-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra-laddie,
      Too^{26}-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra-lay
    I’ll^{27} not have { a stingy husband
                       { a spendthrift wife, Miss,
      So I’ll bid you { Sir,  } good-day^{28}.
                      { Miss, }

(_Motions—1, shake finger, coquettishly. 2, clasp hands. 3, wave hand
toward place where tree is to stand. 4, beat time with right fist on
left palm. 5, clap hands. 6, join right hands, trip around, stop,
facing, on opposite side. 7, join left hands, and repeat 6. 8, nod.
9, shake head. 10, join both hands, and dance around. 11, put head to
one side, and smirk. 12, both hands clasped on breast. 13, point with
right forefinger. 14, measure with thumb and forefinger. 15, clap hand
over hip pocket. 16, hang head bashfully, step nearer. 17, hold up left
hand, and look at ring finger. 18, place hands on Jake’s shoulders.
19, shake her gently. 20, place hands against Jake’s breast, look up
earnestly. 21, starts back. 22, slaps pocket. 23, steps back, head
high. 24, nods emphatically. 25, turn backs toward each other, heads
high. 26, look over shoulder. 27, face about. 28, bow elaborately.
Rhoda dances to seat. Jake stalks glumly to his, hands in pockets._)

AUNT HEPSY—(_clapping_) Good, good enough! Ef you writ that ere song,
Miss Peppergrass, you’re a genyus. It’s the truest and funniest thing I
ever heerd. And the funniest part of it is, the men folks’ll never know
how funny it reely is! It’s human natur, sure enough. ’Twas wuth comin’
in, jest to hear that one song. What’s next on the programmy?

MISS P.—“Santa Claus.” An original composition by Betsey Jones.

(_Betsey comes out, unfolds her composition very deliberately, and
reads her title with emphasis._)

BETSEY—“Sandy Claws!”

AUNT HEPSEY—Hain’t you pernouncin’ his name kinder odd-like, Betsey?

MISS P.—That’s what I think, but—

BETSEY—’Tis Sandy Claws. Uncle Sol says so, and he’s the oldest man in
this town. He says folkses allers used to say it so, and it’s jest a
new-fangled notion to change it. ’N he said if I’d read it jest as I
writ it, he’d give me ten cents, ’n I’m a goin’ to do it. I never had
ten cents to once’t before, ’n I’m a goin’ to get it.

AUNT HEPSEY—Don’t blame ye a bit. Ef anybody kin git ten cents outen
old Sol Perkins, it’s their bounden duty to do it, say I. Go on,
Betsey, ’n read it up good ’n loud.

BETSEY—“Sandy Claws.”—Sandy Claws is an old, old man, older than
Methuselah ever dreamed of be_ing_. He lives in a big snow house,
built around the North Pole, and uses the Pole for a flag staff. He is
very fat and jolly, with a big ponderosity in front. His belt is so
long it has to be made to order. His eyes are the kind that twinkle
and laugh all by themselves. His nose is round and red, like a little
apple. His cheeks are, too, what you can see of ’em. They are mostly
covered by his whiskers. His whiskers are very predominant. They grow
as thick as a crop of well fertilized clover in a good hay year. His
hair is long, thick, and curly, so that if he bumps his head gett_ing_
down a chimbley, it won’t hurt him none—I mean not any. These hair and
whiskers are of a sandy color, which is one reason he is called _Sandy_
Claws. The other reason is because he has claws.

AUNT HEPSEY—Hold on there, Betsey! I’ve seen many a picture of Sandy
Claws in my day, but nary a one that had claws.

MISS P.—Nor, I, Miss Bascom, but if Uncle Sol says so—

AUNT HEPSEY—Land yes, there’s no disputin’ Sol Perkins. He’s sailed
around the world, ’n lived with the Feejees ’n the Hottentots, ’n if
you doubt ary one o’ his sailor yarns, he’ll up ’n say, “Wal, was _you_
ever there?” ’n course you never wasn’t ’n there ’tis. But claws on
Sandy Claws is most too much ter swaller.

BETSEY—Uncle Sol’s seen old Sandy Claws with his own eyes, ’n he
_knows_. Sandy saved him when he was wrecked in Baffin Bay, ’n he lived
with him most six months, till it come Christmuss again.

AUNT HEPSEY—Wal, wal! I knew Sol had ben wrecked some two or three
hundred times, but I never heered of _that_ time afore.

BETSEY—Nor I, till I hed this ere comporishing to write, ’n then he
told me. He’d allers kep it a secret afore. (_reads_) His claws are
not on his fingers, but on his toes, ’n when he finds a bad child
a-sleepin’ (I mean sleep_ing_ with his stock_ing_ hang_ing_ up by the
chimbley), he jest scratches him good ’n hard with them claws o’ his’n,
and whops up chimbley again, ’n leaves it hang there empty, less’n he
puts in a stick. He brings beautiful things to good girls and boys, and
I hope he’ll bring me a diamond necklace this year, or at least a gold
chain with a diamond locket. I’ve wished for them every year since I
was a child, and although he has not brought them, I haven’t given up
hop_ing_ yet.—Betsey Euphemia Perkins, aged 12.

There, Teacher, didn’t I say them “ings” good? I never dropped none.

MISS P.—Very good indeed, Betsey, and your composition is certainly
original, with your Uncle Sol, at least. (_Betsey takes seat._)

AUNT HEPSEY—That’ll please Sol—that ere compliment. He doos hate ter
have any body doubt his stories—and after all, _we’ve_ never went to
sea.

MISS P.—Next is a recitation by Aaron and Mosetta Peaslee.

AUNT HEPSEY—What’s the name ont?

AARON—(_as he and his sister come out_) Name’s “Aaron and Moses.”

MISS P.—But I told you that wouldn’t do for a piece, and you were to
learn another.

MIRIAM—(_rising_) ’Tis another, Teacher—or rather it’s the same one
made longer. Ma she said it was too bad to change it when ’twas so
’proprate, ’n Reuben’s mother she fixed it up fer ’em. It’s good, now,
Teacher, really, ’n Ma she says it’s that or nothin’. ’N if they can’t
speak it, we can’t any of us come to-night.

MISS P.—Well, let’s hear it, children.

(_Children bow to chair, then to school, then to each other._)

AARON—Says Aaron to Moses, “Let’s cut^{1} off our noses,”

MOSETTA—Says Moses to Aaron, “It’s the fashion to wear^{2} ’em.”

AARON—Says Aaron, “With my shearses^{3}, we’ll trim off our earses^{4}.”

MOSETTA—Says Moses, “I fearses ’twould bring the tearses.”^{5}

AARON—Says Aaron, (that’s me, then) “Let’s stay as we be,^{6} then.”

MOSETTA—Says Moses, “We’ll do so,^{7} like Robinson Crusoe.”

  BOTH—And Aaron^{8} and Moses will stay as they be,
        And come^{9} hand in hand, to this fine^{10} Christmas tree.^{11}

(_Motions—1, hit nose with forefinger, with downward stroke. 2, smooth
nose, and down on cheeks with both forefingers, holding head up, rather
haughtily. 3, cross forefingers, work them back and forth, like shears.
4, take tips of ears between thumbs and forefingers. 5, wipe first
one eye, then the other, with corner of handkerchief. 6, clap hands
together. 7, nod. 8, join hands. 9, walk to corner where tree is to
stand. 10, spread hands apart, motioning toward corner, and looking
up. 11, stand a moment in position. 10, then turn and bow, hands still
apart. 11, join hands, march to front, bow, and take seats._)

MISS P.—Well, of all the poems I ever heard!

MIRIAM—Yes, warn’t it a nice one, teacher? Hanner Ann Jenkins is goin’
to hang ’em each a present for speakin’ it, ’n ma’s goin’ to hang one
for Hanner Ann for writin’ it. She wouldn’t take a cent, ’n it took
her three hours. It’s wuth ten cents an hour, ma says, ’n that there
present’s goin’ to be wuth every bit of thutty cents.

MISS P.—But—

AUNT HEPSEY—Least said soonest mended, child. Best keep still, and go
on with the programmy.

MISS P.—Music by the orchestra. “While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks
By Night.” (_Peter, Jacob, Rhoda, Miriam, Betsey, and Sammy come out._)
(_Sammy has a drum, Peter “bones” or “clappers,” Jacob a jewsharp, or
harmonica if he can play the tune on it, Rhoda has a triangle, and
Miriam and Betsey have paper covered combs._)

HIRAM—(_from doorway_) Shell I come, teacher? I’m all rigged out in
these doodads.

MISS P.—Yes, come and take your part. Santa Claus has a right to
whistle at a Christmas entertainment.

(_Hiram takes place in line, and whistles the tune. Any other tune
will do as well, providing it is old-fashioned. They should have some
difficulty in getting started. Miss P. “beats time” with a ruler._)

AUNT HEPSEY—(_at close_) Wal, wal! So that’s an orchestry! I’ve often
read in the papers, “Music by sech and sech an orchestry,” but I never
knowed what an orchestry was. They did real well I’m sure. They’d ought
to hev a wong kore piece. The folks’ll be sure to clap ’em back.

MISS P.—They have, Aunt Hepsey. Play “Glory Hallelujah,” children.

(_They do so._)

HIRAM—Now shall we play “Ole Hundred”?

MISS P.—No, that is to conclude the programme. That will do.

(_They take seats._)

MISS P.—Next is a song by Faith Toothacre, “A Christmas Fairy.”

(_Faith runs from entry, dressed as a fairy, in short white skirts,
with many ruffles, paper wings, flowing hair, with a paper crown, and a
long slender stick in her hand. Bows lightly and waves wand._)

FAITH—Ma, she ain’t got the star fastened to the end of my wand yet,
and she said this’d have to do till to-night. It’s the peskiest thing
she ever tried to make stay, she says, but it’s got to stay, somehow.

MISS P.—Very well. Now sing. (_Faith starts it, first too low, then too
high, then Miss P. starts it, and she sings._)

FAITH—(_sings_) Tune: “Lightly Row.”

    Lightly,^{1} oh, lightly, oh, comes the Christmas Fairy, oh.
    Brightly,^{1} oh, sprightly, oh, tripping^{2} o’er the snow.
    Coming^{3} from a land of light, just to make your Christmas bright.
    Lightly,^{1} oh, lightly, oh, tripping^{2} o’er the snow.
    Lightly,^{1} oh, lightly, oh, weaveth she a spell, just so.
    To^{4} and fro, to and fro, tripping o’er the snow.
    Singeth she a carol sweet, as^{5} she comes with dancing feet,
    To^{4} and fro, to and fro, tripping o’er the snow.
    Clear^{6} the way, clear the way, for the happy Christmas Fay.
    Joy^{7} she brings on^{8} her wings, as she softly sings.
    Spreading^{9} cheer and joy and mirth, over all the snow clad earth,
    Light^{10} and gay, light and gay, comes the Christmas Fay.

(_Motions—1, sway wand lightly, to and fro. 2, trip lightly to one
side, (at next 2, trip back.) 3, wand high, to right, bring down,
obliquely. 4, trip back and forth, a few steps. 5, stand still in
place, but dance lightly up and down. 6, wand to left, against body,
bring to right, and out, with sweeping motion. 7, hands out, in front.
8, look around, over left shoulder, at wing. 9, wave wand low. 10, hold
wand high, dance around in place. At close, bow airily, and dance to
seat._)

AUNT HEPSEY—Wal, ef that aint the purtiest thing I ever saw! And Fay
makes a sweet fairy. Now you writ that, I’m sure, Miss Peppergrass. Oh,
you needn’t acknowlidge it, ’nless you wanter, kaze I kin tell, by the
way you blush, ’n simper. You needn’t be ’fraid ter own it, fer it’s as
good as anythin’ Longfeller ever writ, I’m sure.

MISS P.—NEXT A RECITATION BY JOHNNY LOWE—“Hang Up Your Stocking.”

JOHNNY—(_he speaks very low and fast._)

    Hang up your stockin’ on Christmas Eve;
    That is, if you’ve been good,
    And don’t disobey, nor try to deceive,
    But do as a little boy should.
    For if you’re good, there’ll be sugarplums,
    And toys in it, too, I know.
    But if you’re bad, there’ll be just a stick
    To wallop you with. Oh, ho!

AUNT HEPSEY—Massy me, Johnny! I couldn’t hear a word of it. What was it
about?

MISS P.—Say it louder, Johnny.

JOHNNY—Yes’m. (_says first line very loud and fast._)

MISS P.—No, no, Johnny. Say it slower. (_Johnny says two lines, very
slowly._)

MISS P.—A little faster, Johnny, and loud, too. (_Johnny tries again,
and does well, but speaks very loud._)

AUNT HEPSEY—Wal, even deef old Joe kin hear that, I reckin.

MISS P.—Recitation by Sally Whittaker. (_Sally comes out, and puts
finger in mouth a minute, then bows, puts in finger again, takes it
out, bows again. Does so two or three times._)

MISS P.—Speak your piece, Sally, like a nice girl.

SALLY—I’th forgot it.

MISS P.—The oak—

SALLY—Oh yes, the oak.

    The oak an’ the apple, the pine and the peath,
    Are very fine treeth, you thee.
    But the betht tree I know, with the bethtetht fruit
    Ith that tree—the Chrithmuth tree. (_Points to tree._)

AUNT HEPSY—Good for you, Sally.

MISS P.—Next, a recitation by Patience Toothacre, “Watching for Santa.”

(_Patty comes from entry, dressed in long nightie. She has bare feet
and flowing hair, and carries a candle._)

AUNT HEPSY—For the land sakes, Patty Toothacre! Go dress yourself.

PATTY—(_indignantly_) I _is_ dressed, underneath. This is my—my—

REUBEN—Cuss tune.

MISS P.—Reuben!

REUBEN—That’s what you called it.

PATTY—

    I’se watching for Santa. I hope he’ll come soon.
      ’Cause every one’s ’sleep in this house except me.
    He hasn’t come yet, for my stocking’s not filled,
      I lit me a candle and crept down to see.

    I’ll sit^{1} down and watch for him, here on the floor.
      And tell him I need a new dolly to-night.
    My eyes^{2} are so sleepy I just have to shut ’em,^{3}
      But^{4} I’ll keep awake to catch Santa, all right.^{5}

(_Motions—1, sits down. 2, rubs eyes. 3, closes eyes. 4, lies down
on floor. 5, sit up, open eyes, stretch sleepily, lie down and go to
sleep. Hi tiptoes in, and carries her out._)

MISS P.—Now the orchestra will play the closing piece, (_to Sammy, who
is wildly waving hand_) What is it, Sammy?

SAMMY—Please kin I g’wout?

MISS P.—Yes. (_Sammy tiptoes out. Orchestra begins “Old Hundred,” and
Sammy bursts wildly in._)

SAMMY—Teacher, oh teacher! Somebody’s been and gone and done it! I told
you they would! I told you so! Oh dear! Oh dear!

MISS P.—Why, Sammy, what is the matter? What has happened?

SAMMY—Somebody’s gone and stole that ere tree!

(_School breaks up in wild confusion, every one running out to see._)



Christmas Entertainments


=CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER.= A new Christmas play by Elizabeth F.
Guptill that abounds in clean, wholesome fun from beginning to end. It
depicts the trials of the teacher of an old-fashioned “deestric school”
in conducting the last rehearsal for the Christmas Entertainment. Some
of the pupils are in “custom,” as big Jake puts it, and “Sandy Claus”
is there. The children go through their parts with gusto and more or
less success. May be given in any schoolroom by any number. Easy to
produce. Costumes simple. Children and grown-ups will be delighted with
CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER. Price, 15 cents.

=A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS.= Another new Christmas play by Elizabeth F.
Guptill. It is decidedly humorous from start to finish. The characters
are strong and at every turn of the play there is a happy surprise for
the audience. The children are tired of “minding,” and the everything
being “just so,” so they start to find a place where they will find
things different. They find it in Topsy Turvy Land, where they have
strange experiences. When at last they have a Topsy Turvy Christmas,
they are ready to go home and be satisfied with things just as they
are. May be given in any schoolroom by any number of children not less
than fifteen. In two short scenes. This clever play will prove a sure
winner wherever produced. Price, 15 cents.

=CHRISTMAS AT McCARTHY’S.= Elizabeth F. Guptill. Here is a new
Christmas play for the older children and as many young children as
are available. It combines in a marked degree the gentlest pathos and
the most sparkling humor. Several nationalities are represented in the
tenement and there is opportunity for the introduction of specialties
if desired. Circumstances cause Elsie, the tenement orphan, to believe
Jimmy, the newsboy, will buy her a Christmas present, and it seems
it is up to Jimmy to do it. Christmas is an unknown quantity at the
tenement, but all agree that Elsie must not be disappointed, and plan
to have one somehow. The entertainment is given by the “inhabitints
thimsilves,” at McCarthy’s. In the midst of the fun, Elsie’s lost
father walks in, and the finale is a general rejoicing. Price, 25c.

=CHRISTMAS DIALOGUES.= By Cecil J. Richmond. A book full of the
choicest new and original dialogues for Christmas, parts for both boys
and girls being well provided for. Some are for the little folks, in
rhyme; some are for intermediate grades, and others for older children.
Every dialogue in this book is decidedly to the point and easy to
prepare. They will delight young and old alike. Contents: Is There
a Santa Claus? 2 small children, Santa Claus and chorus; Herbert’s
Discovery, 2 boys; The Christmas Dinner, 2 little girls, 1 larger girl
and 2 boys; Playing Santa Claus, 1 small and 2 larger boys; A Double
Christmas Gift, 2 small girls, 2 larger girls, and 3 boys. Price, 15
cents.

=EVERGREEN AND HOLLY—SONG AND DRILL.= By Elizabeth F. Guptill. A drill
for any even number of boys and girls, or all girls. The girls carry
garlands of evergreen while the boys carry wreaths of the same. After a
spectacular drill and fancy march they all sing a beautiful Christmas
song, which accompanies the drill. Following the song they wind a
spiral to the center of the stage, unwind same and march off. Complete
instructions are given. It is the best Christmas drill ever published;
easy to produce and decidedly novel. Price, 15 cents.

=PEARL’S CHRISTMAS.= Original, pleasing and interesting Christmas
dialogue with an excellent moral, for 3 boys and 4 girls. Price, 5
cents; seven copies, 25 cents.

=SITTING UP FOR SANTA CLAUS.= A humorous dialogue for 6 girls, 5 boys,
and Santa Claus. If you expect to have a Christmas entertainment, you
surely want this. Single copy, 10 cents; or 10 copies, 60 cents.

    Paine Publishing Company.       Dayton, Ohio.



READINGS AND RECITATIONS


=COMIC ENTERTAINER, THE.= Edited by H. L. Williams. An up-to-date
collection of the choicest humor. Such a variety in prose and poetry as
to suit almost any occasion. The book also contains four monologues,
two for male and two for female characters; also four short dialogues.
=Price, twenty-five cents.=

=HUMOROUS MONOLOGUES. By Mayme R. Bitney.= A fine collection of
twenty-nine original monologues designed for the use of the amateur
and the professional monologist. Practically suitable for ladies. The
author has brought out with skill the humorous incidents that help make
up the life of the country girl and woman, while the fashionable woman
of the city, who is interested in parties, teas and golf, is just as
truthfully depicted. =Price, twenty-five cents.=

=THE EXCELLENT SCHOOL SPEAKER.= The “Excellent”—is true to name. A
book of over one hundred pages, especially compiled for us by C. S.
Bradford, containing selections of poetry and prose, new and fresh.
Full of good things. You can make no mistake in securing this speaker.
=Price, fifteen cents.=

=HOWE’S COMIC SCHOOL SPEAKER.= Full of short, pithy, comic, and
humorous recitations. This book should be in every school. =Price,
fifteen cents.=

=HOWE’S EXHIBITION SCHOOL SPEAKER.= Contains about one hundred pages of
selections of great range from the choicest literature of our country,
suitable for schools, homes and exhibitions. It is the best thing out.
Send for it. =Price, fifteen cents.=

=THE JUVENILE SPEAKER.= Every piece in this little book can be used and
is worthy of its place in this useful work. It is undoubtedly the best
book of the kind, for the money, published; and is highly recommended
by teachers everywhere. =Price, twenty cents.=

=LITTLE PIECES FOR LITTLE PEOPLE.= Each set has twenty cards containing
twenty-nine bright, pretty recitations for boys and girls, from five to
ten years of age. Teachers like the pieces because of their convenient
form. Being printed on cards, all wearisome copying is avoided. =Price,
fifteen cents.=

=MONOLOGUES FOR YOUNG FOLKS. By Mayme Riddle Bitney.= Fifty-four
original, clever, humorous monologues for young people from six to
sixteen, or for monologists who impersonate children. A recitation may
be a recounting of incidents, but a monologue has action; it becomes
alive, and you are carried along with intense interest. A great variety
of subjects. Also twenty-eight selections as follows: For Washington’s
Birthday (4). For Labor Day (4). For Memorial Day, Flag Day, and other
Patriotic Occasions (3). For Thanksgiving Day (8). For Christmas (9).
=Price, twenty-five cents.=

=RECITATIONS FOR PRIMARY GRADES, ORIGINAL AND UNIQUE. By Elizabeth F.
Guptill.= A collection of an unusual sort. Every one is as interesting
as a story, and every one has a very decided point. Not a recitation in
the collection that is dull or impractical. =Price, fifteen cents.=

=THE NORMAL SPEAKER.= A book suited to the wants of all, from the
smallest school-child to the oldest reader. Do you want the most
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ludicrous descriptions and characterizations? Do you want the richest,
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interest in literature and elocution among your pupils? Do you want
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the family or private reading room? Buy the Normal Speaker and you will
be sure to find in it something that will supply your wants. =Price,
fifty cents.=

Our large Entertainment Catalogue sent on request.


PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY, DAYTON, OHIO.

       *       *       *       *       *

Transcriber’s Notes:

Play changes characters' names to nicknames and back again at times.
Dialect is inconsistent in spelling. For example “haint” and “hain’t.”
Obvious punctuation errors repaired.

Page 4, “rehease” changed to “rehearse” (rehearse your parts)

Page 5, “On” changed to “Oh” (Oh no, Reuben)

Page 11, “fashinoned” changed to “fashioned” (in the old-fashioned)

Page 15, superscript 24 changed to 21. (No, by hemlock!^{21})

Page 19, “going’” changed to “goin’” (goin’ to hang one for)

Page 22, “Hallelulah” changed to “Hallelujah” (Glory Hallelujah)

Back cover: “Chistmas” changed to “Christmas” (sing a beautiful
Christmas)





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