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Title: How to Teach Manners in the School-room
Author: Dewey, Julia M.
Language: English
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      “Who misses or who wins the prize?
      Go, lose or conquer, as you can;
      But if you fail, or if you rise,
      Be each, pray God, a gentleman.”

      --_Epilogue to Dr. Birch and his Pupils._

[Illustration: (Publisher’s colophon)]




Importance of the definite teaching of manners. Children are close
imitators; they will learn some kind of manners, and one who
teaches positively or emphatically (or contrariwise) may often see
a miniature of himself in his young pupil. With this truth in mind
one can hardly attach too much importance to punctilious politeness
on the teacher’s part in his intercourse with pupils. But however
polite a teacher may be, the informal or unconscious teaching of
manners is not enough. The school-room does not afford opportunity
to exemplify all the necessary practices in good manners, and
there is no other way but to teach the various requirements of an
accepted code with reference to actual examples that may present
themselves at any time in life.

It is to be remembered that many children have no opportunity
of obtaining a knowledge of good manners, either by practice or
precept, except as it is afforded by the schools. And as habits
formed in childhood are the most enduring, a lack of early training
in good manners will show itself as long as life lasts. Many other
reasons weigh in favor of the definite teaching of manners, one of
which is, if courtesy is demanded of pupils.

The underlying principles of courtesy should be inculcated, that
children may know it is more than an empty show.

Children need to learn the definite language courtesy employs. This
to many children is a new language, and can only be accomplished by
definite teaching. Beside, if manners are considered of sufficient
importance to be counted a regular part of the school, they will
attract much more importance. Accompanying this by observance on
the part of teacher, the pupil acquires a valuable knowledge.

Good manners ever prove an invaluable aid in doing away with
many of the unpleasantnesses of school-life. Courtesy of manner
under all circumstances means great self-control, and a lack of
self-control in teacher or pupil is the origin of most misdemeanors
in school. Aside from the benefits to be derived in the
school-room, gentle manners help one on in the world wonderfully.
They are more powerful in many cases than their other knowledge.
“All doors fly open to the one who possesses them.”

“Manners are the shadows of great virtues.”--_Whately._ “High
thoughts seated in a heart of courtesy.”--_Sir Philip Sidney._
Mr. Calvert says: “A gentleman is never unduly familiar; takes
no liberties; is chary of questions; is neither artificial nor
affected; is as little obtrusive upon the mind or feelings of
others as on their persons; bears himself tenderly toward the weak
and unprotected; is not arrogant; cannot be supercilious; can be
self-denying without struggle; is not vain of his advantages;
habitually subordinates his lower to his higher self; is, in his
best condition, electric with truth, buoyant with veracity.”

_In a right conception of good breeding the moral element
predominates._ With this idea in view, no one should attempt to
instruct in good manners who has not the ability to instil into
the minds of children its _fundamental principles_. True courtesy
implies strict honor, self-possession, forbearance, generous and
refined feeling, all culminating in a polished deportment.

When teachers consider manners in this high sense, and teach them
accordingly, they give their pupils that which will bring them
much more happiness in life than any amount of knowledge teaching
without it.


1. To furnish material for lessons in manners suitable to be taught
in the schools, and adapted to different grades of pupils.

2. To furnish illustrative lessons showing the main lines of
thought to be pursued, the length of the lesson, and the simplicity
of method to be employed.

3. To impress both teachers and pupils with a need of the knowledge
of good manners.

“A _gentleman_ can have no better watchword than that sung at
Bethlehem: ‘Peace on earth, good will to men.’

      “Come wealth or want, come good or ill.
      Let old and young accept their part,
      And bow before the awful will,
      And bear it with an honest heart.

      “Who misses or who wins the prize,
      Go, lose or conquer as you can;
      But if you fall, or if you rise,
      Be each, pray God, a gentleman.

      “A gentleman, or old or young!
      (Bear kindly with my humble lay.)
      The sacred chorus first was sung
      Upon the first of Christmas days.

      “The shepherds heard it overhead;
      The Joyful angels raised it then:
      Glory to God on high, it said,
      And peace on earth to gentle--men.”

      --_Epilogue to Dr. Birch and his Young Friends._

      T. T. MUNGER in “On the Threshold.”



  INTRODUCTION,                                                      3

      Importance of the definite teaching of manners,                3

      The underlying principles of good manners,                     3

  Aim of the work,                                                   5


  General directions for teaching manners,                          13

  Special directions to teachers,                                   15

  Practical training in manners                                     18



  Lesson 1. Awakening an interest in manners in general,            21

         2. Kindness an element of politeness,                      22

         3. Seeking the happiness of others an element of good
                manners,                                            23



  Lesson 4. Kindness and unselfishness two underlying principles
                of good manners,                                    25

         5. To follow the example of the best people a reason
                for cultivating good manners,                       26

         6. Gaining the esteem of others a reason for cultivating
                good manners,                                       28



  _Illustrative Lessons._

  Lesson 7. The necessity of good manners in school,                29

         8. Regularity of attendance at school is a mark of
                good manners,                                       30

         9. Punctuality of attendance at school is a sign of
                good manners,                                       31

        10. Cleanliness is one sign of good manners in school,      33

        11. Care in keeping the school-room clean is a sign of
                good manners,                                       34

  _Subjects for Additional Lessons._

      1. Care of school-furniture,                                  35

      2. Care of halls, piazzas, walls,                             35

      3. Care of school-grounds,                                    35

      4. Care of books,                                             35

      5. Economy in using what is furnished by the school,          35

      6. Care in using and returning borrowed articles,             35

      7. Quiet conduct in the school-room at all times,             35

  Lesson 12. How pupils should conduct themselves toward
                 their teachers,                                    35

  _Subjects for Additional Lessons._

      1. Rendering assistance to teachers,                          36

      2. Care in not interrupting a teacher,                        36

      3. Kind treatment of school-mates,                            36

      4. Respectful treatment of the janitor,                       36

      5. Respectful treatment of visitors,                          36

      6. Respectful treatment of those who address the school,      36



  _Illustrative Lessons._

  Lesson 13. The necessity of good manners in school,               37

         14. Regularity of attendance at school is a sign of
                 good manners,                                      38

         15. Punctuality of attendance at school is the sign of
                 good manners,                                      40

         16. Cleanliness is one sign of good manners,               41

         17. Care for school-belongings is a sign of good manners,  42

  _Subjects for Additional Lessons._

      1. Care of books,                                             43

      2. Economy in using what is furnished by the school,          43

      3. Care in using and returning borrowed articles,             43

      4. Quiet conduct in the school-room at all times,             43

  Lesson 18. How pupils should conduct themselves toward
                 their teacher,                                     43



  _Illustrative Lessons._

  Lesson 19. Awakening an interest in home manners,                 45

         20. The attention due to home friends,                     46

  “Keys” suggested for additional lessons,                          47



  _Illustrative Lessons._

  Lesson 21. The polite attentions due to home friends,             48

  _Subjects for additional lessons._

      1. Special politeness to very old people in the family,       49

      2. Polite treatment of visitors,                              49

      3. Polite treatment of servants,                              49

  Reminders,                                                        49



  _Illustrative Lessons._

  Lesson 22. The necessity of good manners in the street,           51

         23. Undue curiosity shown in the street is impolite,       52



  _Illustrative Lesson._

  Lesson 24. The necessity of good manners in the street,           54

  _Subjects for Additional Lessons for Both Grades._

      1. Polite attention toward elderly people on the street,      55

      2. Polite attention towards strangers who make inquiries,     55

      3. Church manners,                                            55

      4. Manners at places of entertainment,                        55



  _Illustrative Lessons._

  Lesson 25. The necessity of good table manners,                   56

         26. Punctuality at the table is desirable,                 57

         27. Polite attention is specially due the lady of the
                 house,                                             58

         28. Selfishness at the table is a sign of bad manners,     59

         29. Some forms of polite expressions used at table,        60



  _Illustrative Lessons._

  Lesson 30. The necessity of good table manners,                   61

         31. The deference due the lady of the house at table,      62

         32. Some polite usages at table,                           63

  _Subjects for Additional Lessons for Both Grades._

      1. Use of fork and spoon, with practical illustrations,       63

      2. Impoliteness of rapid eating,                              63



  Lesson 1. To suggest the underlying principles of good manners,   64



  Lesson 2. The necessity of good manners in school,                66

         3. Regularity and punctuality of attendance are signs
                of good manners,                                    67

         4. Cleanliness is one sign of good manners in school,      67

         5. Care for school-belongings is a sign of good manners,   68

         6. How pupils should conduct themselves toward their
                teacher,                                            69

  Subjects for additional lessons,                                  71

  Reminders,                                                        71



  Lesson 7. The necessity of attention to personal habits,          73

  Suggestions for instruction relating to personal habits,          74



  Lesson 8. Some particulars of street manners,                     76

  Suggestions for further instructions,                             77

  Reminders,                                                        78



  Lesson 9. The importance of good table manners,                   81

  Subjects for additional lessons,                                  82

  Reminders,                                                        82



  Suggestions for lessons,                                          85

  Reminders,                                                        87



  Miscellaneous items,                                              90

  Suggestive stories, fables, anecdotes, and poems,                 91

      1. Little Jack.
      2. The Boy and the Sparrows.
      3. The Unhappy Boy.
      4. Which was the Gentleman?
      5. The Elder Brother.
      6. The Gnat and the Bull.
      7. A Real Lady.
      8. Cautions.
      9. Letter of Recommendation.
      10. A Gentlemanly Lad.
      11. A Series of Don’ts.
      12. Family Intercourse.
      13. The Drum and the Vase of Sweet Herbs.
      14. Love.
      15. Treatment of the Aged.
      16. Civility to Strangers.
      17. A Good rule.
      18. Character.
      19. Honor.
      20. Consideration for Others.
      21. Truthfulness.
      22. Delicacy.

  MEMORY GEMS,                                                     102


Chapter I.


=1.= In teaching manners to young children there is no better
example to be followed than that of a careful mother, who takes
advantage of incidents of every-day life to impress a truth upon
the mind of her child. By such means the ideal standard is kept
in close relation to the child’s conduct until it is taken up and
assimilated into his nature. For this reason it is better to begin
the definite teaching of manners with reference to the school,
and as far as possible to allow actual occurrences to suggest or
illustrate the point to be considered. The lesson that will fit
the needs of the occasion is the most effective. Just here it may
be remarked that, within bounds, a teacher is justified in taking
advantage of these opportunities, even if it somewhat disturbs the
formality of a rigid programme of school-work.

=2.= The mother’s method may be followed still farther in making
the definite lesson as informal as possible. Questions should be
asked to awaken thought, and the lesson should partake more of the
nature of a familiar conversation than of a school exercise. Pupils
should be allowed to tell what they know on certain points, and new
truths should be “developed” as in other subjects.

=3.= The instruction to older pupils may be given in a similar
manner, but less simply; or the item may be read with or without
comment. This lesson serves to instruct those ignorant of
prevailing forms, and to keep the matter before the minds of
others who are better informed. When pupils are old enough, if not
provided with a text-book on manners, it is well for them to make a
note of the directions given.

=4.= The time given to this subject must be regulated by the other
work in the school. A few minutes daily will amount to a great deal
in the course of years.

=5.= A plan that has been successfully pursued is to allow ten
minutes for the opening exercises of school, and to make a brief
lesson in manners a part of these exercises. It is not the aim
of the author that the illustrative lessons shall be arbitrarily
followed. That would be to aim at an impossibility. If success is
expected, it is even more necessary in this branch than in others
that the work be stamped with the individuality of the teacher.
There must also be a certain compass of expression and force and
earnestness of manner in giving these lessons which cannot be
imparted to the printed page.

=6.= Brevity is essential, as the effect sought would be lost if
the lesson became tiresome. Moreover, it is not intended to add
to the already overburdened curriculum of most schools. Teachers
should exercise care in selecting items adapted to the age and
capacity of their pupils. It is needless to add that as far as
there is opportunity teachers should see that precept and practice
go hand-in-hand.


=1.= =The manners of pupils are usually similar to those of the
teacher.= It is therefore of the utmost importance that he should
himself exemplify true courtesy, because he will be imitated. His
whole bearing and manner in the presence of pupils should be above
criticism. If not conversant with the details of a code of manners,
it is obligatory upon him to become so, and to conform his manners
to it.

=2.= =A high and loud tone of voice= should not have place in a

There is perhaps no more unrefining influence unconsciously exerted
by a teacher than that of a loud voice. Emerson says, “Loudness
is rude, quietness always genteel,” and in nothing is the truth
more apparent than in the voice. As children are close imitators,
if teachers speak in a loud and dictatorial manner, so will their

A teacher’s voice should be as melodious as nature permits, and its
effect should be heightened by all the modulations and intonations
used in polite conversation. Suitable language _voiced_ in this
manner not only has a most refining influence on the character and
manners of pupils, but is often the only instrumentality needed in
the formal “government” of the school.

=3.= =A teacher should assume no attitude in a school-room which
is not proper for the pupils.= Here again the natural propensity
of children to imitate should be remembered. Teachers have been
known to censure children for carelessness in posture when they
themselves were guilty of the same. There is no instruction of this
kind so impressive as that of example, and if teachers wish their
pupils to be patterns of propriety in attitude, motions, actions,
they themselves must furnish the model.

=4.= =Teachers should not be careless in personal habits.= Besides
formal instruction relative to habits of cleanliness and tidiness,
the teacher should show the importance of these habits by strict
adherence to them. Teachers should dress neatly and in good taste.
This does not necessarily involve expense. There should be no
gaudiness of dress, but due attention should be paid to harmony of
color and suitableness of fabric, and garments should be made in
prevailing styles. Attention to these details will help to refine
the tastes of pupils.

=5.= =Teachers should watch their tones and words with great care.=
It is not enough that expressions should be grammatical, but
they should be devoid of anything inelegant. All proprieties of
speech should be observed, even (or especially) with the youngest
children. _Severe_ expressions, arising from lack of self-control
on the part of the teacher, are productive of demoralization in the
school, and have a most unrefining effect on the pupils.

Let teachers observe the direction which they give to their

      “Guard well while you are young
      Ear and eye and _tongue_,--”

and it will be much more effectual than the memorizing of the
couplet. A polite request is at any time more refining and
effective than a stern command. Instead of saying “Do this” or
“Do that,” if teachers make a practice of asking “Will you kindly
do this?” or “Please do that,” they will find their wishes more
cheerfully complied with, and less selfishness displayed in the
requests made by pupils.

=6.= =Teachers should not only guard their words, but the
expression of their countenances.= The expression should be
pleasant and indicative of kindness and common sense. A stolid
expression or constant smiling are both exceedingly objectionable
in a school-room, as elsewhere.

Children are very susceptible either to smiles or frowns, and both
should be used with discretion. Approving smiles, like approving
words, may be given as rewards, but a too liberal use detracts from
their value. It may seem to be setting up an ideal standard to say
that when in the school-room an angry or a petulant look should
never come upon a teacher’s face. It is sometimes necessary to
express regret, sorrow, or severity in this manner, but anger and
irritability never, as that shows lack of self-control; and one of
the serious results of such a lack is impoliteness.

=7.= =Teachers should not indulge in modes of discipline that
are unrefining in their tendencies.= Happily the old barbaric
modes of punishment are passing away. If complete abolition of
corporal punishment does not seem feasible, any teacher ought to
be possessed of sufficient delicacy and refinement to avoid making
such punishment public. It should _never_ be inflicted in the
presence of the school.


=1.= Ask the children daily to tell what opportunity they have
improved of being kind and polite.

=2.= The teacher should remark on any improvement shown by the
pupils, and lead pupils to talk of it. It is well to allow them
to talk without restraint so as to obtain their real opinions.
Tact will be needed to ward off a feeling of self-gratulation or
conceit, which may otherwise be brought out when pupils tell of
their own polite acts.

=3.= Impress pupils with the idea that good manners is one of the
subjects pursued in the schools, and that it will help them in
life, and that practice shows progress in this particular branch.

=4.= Without seeming to demand it, teachers should lead children
to offer them any service that is _not menial_. Such attentions as
disposing of wraps, umbrellas, etc., fetching them when needed,
picking up things accidentally dropped, handing crayon, eraser,
etc., lifting or moving things, offering a chair, helping to put
things in their places at the close of school, should be rendered
to teachers by pupils. If, at first, in order to make children see
what offices are proper, the teacher must ask for them, it should
be as one would ask an equal, and not a servant; and any service
rendered should be most politely acknowledged.

=5.= The older children should be made to understand the propriety
of assuming some responsibility over the younger. This is almost
universally practiced in schools where “busy work” is done, when
the older pupils help to distribute materials for such work, and
to assist in its execution. They should also assist those who need
aid in putting on or taking off wraps, overshoes, etc. Children
should understand that girls need not necessarily assist girls,
and boys boys, but that help should be offered and accepted, as is

=6.= Children should be encouraged to try to settle disputes or
to quell disorder in any form. This does not imply a system of
monitorship. As young children are pleased to do these things, it
needs tact and watchfulness on the teacher’s part to keep down
an overbearing or officious spirit. This may be accomplished by
appointing certain pupils for a definite length of time, and by
removing them from “office” when they exceed their authority.
These advisers are not to be encouraged in tale-bearing. It should
be considered just cause for removal, unless the tale is told in
order to get the teacher’s advice as to the best mode of settling a

=7.= Pupils should be trained to receive and entertain those who
come to visit the schools. They should entertain as politely
in a school-room as in a parlor. When visitors come, a pupil
should answer the bell, politely invite the company to enter,
find them comfortable seats, take their wraps if they wish to
dispose of them, and offer any other attention the occasion may
seem to demand. To do this properly at the time implies previous
training--pupils acting as visitors. In this as in other things,
officiousness on the part of pupils should be guarded against. Give
opportunities to all pupils in turn to show these attentions.

=8.= Whenever it is possible, every direction in manners should
be exemplified in the school-room. When the school-room does
not furnish illustrations, directions should be made as real as
possible to the youngest pupils, as, for instance, they should
actually be shown how to hold the fork, how to drink from a
tumbler, how to enter a room, etc.

=9.= The polite phrases of society should be used by the teacher to
the pupil, and vice versa.

In the discipline of the school, when children have had training in
good manners, the question “Is this polite?” will oftentimes prove
more effectual than a severe reprimand. This has been demonstrated
by actual experience, even in schools difficult of control.

Chapter II.



For the Youngest Pupils.

=Purpose.=--To awaken an interest in manners in general.

=Method.=--A common incident in real life briefly described,
followed by questions and answers.

_The Lesson._

As I was sitting on the piazza the other evening, watching the
sunset and listening to the chirp of the birds, a boy passed along
the sidewalk, and as he looked up and saw me, he touched his hat
and smiled and said, “Good evening, Miss B.” I smiled back and
answered him, and as he passed on I thought about him. Why did I
think about him?

“Because he was so pleasant to you.”

Can you tell what I thought?

“You thought he was good.”

“You thought he was a nice boy.”

Why did I think so?

“Because he touched his hat.”

“Because he smiled.”

“Because he said, ‘Good evening, Miss B.’”

Yes, because he was polite to me. Can you tell why we should be

“It makes people think of us.”

“It makes people like us.”

What must we learn, then, if we wish people to like us?

“To be polite.”


=Purpose.=--To suggest kindness as an element of politeness.

=Method.=-A supposed incident is used, and questions given.

_The Lesson._

Suppose a new little girl should come into our room. Perhaps she
would come from a country far away from this place. Her dress might
be queer, and she might not look like any other little girl in the
room. What do you think these boys and girls would do?

“Look at her.”

Oh, I hope not, for how would she feel?

“I guess she wouldn’t like it.”

“I think she would be scared.”

“Perhaps she would cry.”

If she should speak in her own way, not like ours, what would
happen then?

“Like enough we should laugh.”

Oh, no, I hope not.

“I should feel sorry for her.”

What would you _do_ for her, May?

“I would go and stand by her and speak to her.”

What would you say?

“Please come and sit with me.”

What would you say of May, children, if she should do and say what
she thinks she would?

“That she is a good girl.”

“She is a kind girl.”

“And a polite girl.”

What would you say of those children who stared and laughed at her?

“They were not kind.”

“They were not polite.”

What do you mean by politeness?

“It is to speak kind words.”

“And to do kind acts.”

Yes. I will tell you what it is, in a pretty verse:

      “Politeness is to do and say
      The kindest thing in the kindest way.”

  _Note._--This couplet is to be memorized.


=Purpose.=--To suggest seeking the happiness of others as an
element of good manners.

=Method.=--A story told founded on an incident liable to happen at
any time, and a conversation deduced.

_The Lesson._

One day I looked out on the play-ground, where there were many
children playing and seeming to have the best kind of a time. On
the other side of the ground was one little girl looking as sad
and lonely as you can think. I was about to go and see if I could
cheer her up, when another little girl whose name was Jennie,
and who had been playing with all her might, happened to see her.
She left her place and went to the stranger, and said in a sweet
way, “Wouldn’t you like to come and play too? Come and take my
place.” And away they went hand-in-hand, looking as happy as two

Now, what do you think of Jennie?

“She was good.”

“She was kind.”

“She asked the new girl to go and play.”

Was that all?

“She gave up her place in the game that the little girl might play.”

Was that very kind?

“Yes, Miss B.”

How did it make the little stranger feel?


What do you say of such acts?

“They are polite.”

How, then, shall we be polite to others?

“By trying to make them happy.”

_Note._--Although all the underlying principles of politeness can
be taught unconsciously to the youngest pupils, it is better to
teach but two formally, without unfamiliar terms. The end sought in
the first year of instruction in this subject is to rouse thought
and interest, and to lead the pupil to make simple judgments. In
the next higher grade of lessons, other principles may be formally
taught, and new terms brought out. In the highest grade all
principles should be taught.

Chapter III.




=Purpose.=--To suggest kindness and unselfishness as two underlying
principles of good manners.

=Method.=--A familiar conversation.

_The Lesson._

Suppose a boy seated in the easiest chair in the room, reading and
enjoying himself, should rise on seeing his mother enter, and offer
her the chair. What would you say of that boy?

“That he was kind.”

Then what kind of a heart would you suppose he had?

“A kind heart.”

And of whom did this kind heart lead him to think?

“Of his mother.”

Do you suppose he disliked to give up the chair?

“I think he did.”

“I think he was glad to give it up.”

How could that be?

“Why, he wanted the chair, but he loved his mother so much he was
glad to give it up.”

Mary has told it very well. What can you say of him beside that he
was kind?

“He was unselfish.”

What is it to be unselfish?

“To think of others before ourselves.”

And to what do kindness and unselfishness lead?

“To politeness.”

There is a rule that may help you in being unselfish and polite,
and I wish you to learn it. It is this:

“Do to others as you wish others to do to you.”


=Purpose.=--To suggest as a reason for cultivating good manners
that we thus make our manners like those of the best people.

=Method.=--Questions and answers.

_The Lesson._

Of what did we talk in our last lesson?

“Of kindness.”

“And trying to make others happy.”

What is it to think of the happiness of others before our own?


And if we practice unselfishness, what can be said of us?

“That we have good manners.”

But do all kind and unselfish people have good manners?

(Some are in doubt.) Let us see. I do not think a truly kind heart
will allow any one to be rude, but how is it in this case? It is
not thought polite to eat with the knife. Have you ever known kind
people to do it?

“Yes, Miss B.”

Why do you think they do it?

“Because they know no better.”

Can they learn better?

“Yes, Miss B.”


“From other people.”

How from other people?

“They can watch, and do what they see nice people do.”

And how do these nice people know?

“Perhaps they have watched some other nice people.”

If one who has used his knife in eating learns better, what ought
he to do?

“To stop using it.”

And if he continues to use it, what will be thought of him?

“That he is odd or queer.”

Should you like to be thought odd or queer?

“No ma’am.”

Then what must you do?

“We must watch people who know what good manners are, and try to
make our manners like theirs.”

What kind of people are polite?

“The best people.”

If we learn to do as the best people do, how shall we be considered?

“To be _best_ people.”

Now tell me one reason why our manners should be good.

“Because the best people have good manners.”

And another?

“Because we wish to be considered _best_.”


=Purpose.=--To suggest gaining the esteem of others as a reason why
good manners should be cultivated.

=Method.=--A story.

_The Lesson._

A boy once wished to find a place to work. He went to a shop in
town where he had heard help was needed. Many were there before
him, and he thought he stood no chance at all of getting the work,
but much to his surprise he was employed. He said, “Why, sir, I
did not expect it when so many were ahead of me.” “Do you wish to
know why I hired you?” said the gentleman. “You came in quietly,
you took off your hat, you gave your chair to an old man, you stood
patiently until your turn came, and then you spoke pleasantly and
in a manly tone of voice; in fact, I saw you were a well-bred boy,
and that is the reason I hired you.”

If this boy had been rude, what would have happened?

“He would not have been employed.”

How did the gentleman feel toward him?

“He liked him.”

What was his one reason for liking him? He had never seen him

“His manners were good.”

If your manners are good, how will people feel toward you?

“They will like us.”

Tell me, then, a reason why you should be polite.

“We should be polite because people like us better for it.”

Chapter IV.





=Purpose.=--To show the necessity of good manners in school.

=Method.=--A guessing lesson.

_The Lesson._

Shall we have a guessing game to-day?


Very well. You may guess, Arthur, why I like to have a boy enter
this room quietly.

“Because you have told him to.”

What is it to do as I have told him?

“It is minding you.”

You may guess, Mary, what I should think of a boy who came in

“That he was rude.”

And the other boy was----?


Then if he minded me, it made him----?


You may guess, George, why I like to have Johnnie pick up my crayon
when I drop it.

“You want it.”

Yes, but I could get it for myself. Why do I like to have Johnnie
do it for me?

“It shows how kind he is.”

If he should not pick it up, would it be because he was unkind?

“Perhaps he wouldn’t think.”

What have we learned about those who try to think of doing others a

“That they are polite.”

You may guess how I feel toward Johnnie when he is kind and polite
to me.

“You like him.”

May I guess that you like me when I am kind and polite to you?

“Yes, Miss B.”

Suppose we should always be kind and polite to each other here in
school, what kind of a school should we have?

“A good school.”

“A pleasant school.”

Then we must try and make our manners in school good. I must be
polite to you, and you polite to me.


=Purpose.=--To show that regularity of attendance at school is a
mark of good manners.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

You may read a part of yesterday’s lesson, Susie.

“I can’t.”

Why not?

“I was not here yesterday, and I don’t know the lesson.”

Why were you not here?

“I did not wish to come.”

What did you lose by not coming?

“My lessons.”

Does that make any hard work for me, Susie?

“Yes’m. You will have to teach the lesson again.”

What will the rest of the class do while I am teaching you this

“They will have to wait for me.”

What is thought of a school when the pupils do not come steadily?

“That it is not a good school.”

Tell me, then, why it is unfair for pupils to stay away from
school, when they can come.

“It makes extra work for the teacher.”

“It keeps the rest of the class waiting.”

“It gives the school a bad name.”

Yes, and all this is unkind, and if unkind----?

“It is impolite.”


=Purpose.=--To show that punctuality of attendance at school is a
sign of good manners.

=Method.=--A contrast drawn and lesson deduced.

_The Lesson._

It is not a little boy in our room of whom I am about to tell you.
I hope there is not such a child in _our_ room. But there is a boy
_somewhere_ who has to be called and called in the morning, and
then he yawns, and takes another nap, and puts off getting out of
bed as long as he possibly can. He is late at breakfast, late in
doing his morning’s work, and late at school. He goes into his
school-room after the rest are at their work, and disturbs the
teacher and the children, feels very unhappy, and perhaps gets a
mark that he does not like.

There is another boy _somewhere_, and I guess right here in this
room. _He_ does not wait for his mother to call him, but when it is
time he springs out of bed, and is ready in time for his breakfast,
and gets his work done, and starts for school with a happy face,
and arrives there in time for a game with his school-mates and a
pleasant word with his teacher before school begins. Which one of
these boys would you rather be, John?

“The one who is not late.”


“Because it makes trouble when we come in late.”

How does it make trouble?

“We do not mind you, for you have told us not to be late.”

“Sometimes you have to stop the lesson and help us take off our

“And show us the place in the book.”

And how about the class?

“They look at us when we come in, and forget their lesson.”

If you are unkind enough not to mind me, and to disturb the class,
what are your manners?


Tell me how it is if you try not to be late.

“We are kind and polite.”


=Purpose.=--To show that cleanliness is one sign of good manners in

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

You may tell me what you do in getting ready to go on a visit.

“We bathe.”

“And comb our hair.”

“And clean our nails.”

“And put on our best clothes.”

Why should you do all this?

“Because we wish to look nice.”

Why do you care to look nice?

“People see us.”

What of that?

“We ought to make ourselves as nice as we can to other people.”

“They like us better if we are clean.”

Then what is one reason why you make yourselves tidy?

“To make people like us.”

Are there any people here whom you wish to like you?

“Yes, Miss B., you and our school-mates.”

Tell me one way to make us like you.

“To keep ourselves clean.”

“And our clothes clean.”

If you do this with the idea of pleasing others, what can we say of

“We are polite.”


=Purpose.=--To show that care in keeping the school-room clean is a
sign of good manners.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

There is a rug at the door, children. Why is it there?

“We are to clean our shoes on it when they are muddy.”

Jack did not know, did he, when he came in? What is the use of
cleaning your shoes?

“It keeps the floor clean.”

How else can you keep the floor clean?

“We need not throw paper on it.”

“Nor anything else.”

And why keep the floor clean?

“That our room may be nice.”

“You wish us to keep it clean.”

Once in a while some little children are careless about it. Do you
suppose they are thinking about you or me?

“No, Miss B., neither one.”

Then we must call them impolite.

In what way, then, can you show good manners?

“By trying to keep our school-room neat and clean.”


Care of school furniture.

Care of halls, piazzas, walls.

Care of school grounds.

Care of books.

Economy in using what is furnished by the school.

Care in using borrowed articles and in returning them.

Only quiet conduct permissible in the school-room at any time.


=Purpose.=--To show how pupils should conduct themselves toward
their teachers.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

Suppose when I wished to speak to you I should call you _boy_
instead of Harry, how would you like it?

“I shouldn’t like it.”

Well, I might call you _pupil_?

“I shouldn’t like that either.”

How would it do to call you _child_, Mary?

“No one would know which child.”

What must I call any of you that you may know who is meant?

“You must call us by our names.”

Do you like your own name?


Do you suppose I like my name?


Then what should you do when you speak to your teacher?

“We should call you by your real name.”


“Because it is polite if you wish it.”

  _Note._--A teacher’s name should be taught to pupils when they
  first enter school.


1. Rendering assistance to teachers.

2. Care in not interrupting a teacher.

3. Kind treatment of school-mates.

4. Respectful treatment of the janitor.

5. Respectful treatment of visitors.

6. Respectful treatment of those who address the school.

  _Note._--Subjects for many lessons may be found in Reminders,
  Chapter XII., etc.

Chapter V.





=Purpose.=--To show the necessity of good manners in school.

=Method.=--A suggestive incident related, followed by a

_The Lesson._

One time a little girl whom I knew had a birth-day party, and I was
invited. I went, and saw many little girls and boys wearing their
best clothes, their brightest faces, and pleasantest smiles. They
also had brought the best of something else. Do you know what?

“Their best manners.”

Yes. These same boys and girls were in my school, and as I saw how
lovely they could be at a party, it made me wish something. Do you
know what?

“That they would be so in school.”

What difference would it make?

“It would make the school pleasanter.”

“It would make it better.”

I wish you would all think what politeness in school would lead you
to do.

“We should be kind to you.”

“We should mind you.”

And then you would be what kind of pupils?


Yes. What else would you do?

“Learn our lessons.”

What kind of pupils would you be?

“Diligent pupils.”

“Industrious pupils.”

If you are obedient and industrious all day, how would you feel
when school closed?


How many think it will pay to be polite in school? How many will

If we study and practise good manners here, how will it be in other

“Our manners will be good.”

Give two reasons why our school manners should be good.

“Good manners help to make a pleasant school.”

“Good manners studied and practised in school aid in their practice

_Note._--Terms obedient, diligent, etc., are supposed to have been
given in moral lessons.


=Purpose.=--To show that regularity of attendance at school is a
sign of good manners.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

When I called the roll this morning, did every one answer to his

“No, Miss B., some were not here.”

Why do you suppose they were not here?

“Perhaps they were sick.”

“Perhaps they had to work.”

“Perhaps they had gone away on a visit.”

“Perhaps they did not wish to come.”

How many reasons does that make?


How many good reasons?


What are the poor reasons?

“That they are away on a visit.”

“That they do not wish to come.”

What do you say of children who often stay away from school.

“That they are not steady in coming.”

Yes, or that their attendance is not regular. Tell me how many
people wish you to be regular in your attendance at school.

“You do, because we lose our lessons if we stay away.”

“And our school-mates, because they have to wait for us to make up
lost lessons.”

“And our parents, and all good people who know us, because they
wish us to learn.”

“We all wish our school to have a good name.”

Then what do you think of an absence that can be helped?

“It is unkind.”

“It is impolite.”


=Purpose.=--To show that punctuality of attendance is a sign of
good manners.

=Method.=--A story followed by a conversation.

_The Lesson._

I once knew a little girl with blue eyes and rosy cheeks and lovely
golden hair. Everybody loved her because she was so sweet and
loving and kind. But even this dear little girl had some faults,
and one was in putting off whatever she had to do.

When her mamma would say, “Bessie, it is time to start for school,”
she would answer sweetly, “Yes, mamma, I shall go in a minute,” but
the minutes would fly and Bessie would not start. Of course she was
often late. What trouble did she cause by her tardiness?

“She had a tardy mark against her name, and spoiled the record of
the school.”

“She displeased her mamma.”

“And her teacher.”

“She disturbed the class by going in late.”

Then, even if she were a very nice little girl in most things, what
did this show her to be?

“Selfish and unkind and impolite.”


“Because she made others unhappy.”

What do you say of one who is always at school on time?

“We say he is punctual.”

What is one way by which politeness in school can be shown?

“By punctuality.”


=Purpose.=--To show that cleanliness is one sign of good manners.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

Suppose a boy should come to school with his face and hands
unwashed and his hair uncombed, what would you say of him?

“That he was not nice.”

How would you feel toward him?

“We should not like to look at him.”

“Nor sit beside him.”

“Nor touch him.”

What do you say of people whom you do not wish to see or touch?

“They are disagreeable.”

What must people expect when they make themselves disagreeable?

“That they will not be liked.”

If they show so little care for the good opinion of others, what
may be said of them?

“That they are disrespectful.”

And if they are disrespectful?

“They are impolite.”

Then how can pupils show politeness to teacher and school-mates?

“By being clean and tidy.”


=Purpose.=--To show that care for school belongings is a sign of
good manners.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

Think just two minutes of the question I am about to ask you, and
then, if you have something to say, raise hands. How can we keep
our school-rooms, school-buildings, and school-grounds in good
order? You may begin with our room, Mary.

“When it is muddy we must clean our shoes on the mat before we come

“We must not throw things on the floor.”

“We must keep things in their places.”

“We must not mark the desks.”

“Nor the wall.”

How is it with the steps, or piazzas, or the halls?

“We must take the same care of them as of the inside.”

What of the yard?

“We must not throw papers or anything else in it.”

“Nor trample down the grass.”

“Except on the playground.”

Suppose, instead of taking care of things in this way, some boy
should carelessly throw things about, mar the furniture, or trample
down the grass?

“He would be a bad boy.”

“Nobody would like him.”

“If he kept doing it, perhaps he would be sent home.”

If he kept doing it when he knew better, and when he was told not
to, what would you say of him?

“That he was disobedient.”

And what may be said of one who neglects the wishes of others?

“That he is impolite.”

Yes, or ill-bred. If pupils take good care of everything belonging
to school, what can be said of them?

“That they are well-bred.”


1. Care of books.

2. Economy in using what is furnished by the school.

3. Care in using borrowed articles and in returning them.

4. Only quiet conduct permissible in the school-room at any time.


=Purpose.=--To show how pupils should conduct themselves towards
their teacher.

=Method.=--A short incident related and conclusion drawn.

_The Lesson._

One time I heard a mother say to her two boys, “I wish you to do
some work for me. There are the chickens to be fed, Henry, and old
Doll is waiting for Charles to give her her morning’s meal.” The
boys both heard distinctly. This is how Henry’s face looked: round
as an apple, eyes bright, a pleasant smile on his lips, and with
an “all right, mother,” he started on a run to the barn where the
hens were. This is how Charles looked: a long face, eyes dull and
sober, a scowl on his forehead, as he moped along to feed old Doll,
after being repeatedly told to do so by his mother. Tell me what
the first face meant.

“It meant that Henry was the better boy.”

“It meant that he intended to obey his mother.”

“And to do so right off.”

“And in a pleasant way.”

What did the other face mean?

“It meant that Charles did not like to obey.”

“And he intended to take his own time.”

“And he was cross about it.”

Yes, you would know he was ill-natured by the scowl.

What do you say of Henry’s treatment of his mother?

“It was kind and polite.”

Did any of you ever act like Charles? And here in school? If you
treat me kindly and politely, how will you show it in one way?

“By obeying you immediately and cheerfully.”

Chapter VI.





=Purpose.=--To awaken an interest in home manners.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

Whom do you love best in all the world?

“Papa and mamma.”

Why do you love them best?

“They are good to us.”

“They take care of us.”

“They love us.”

How ought you to repay them?

“We ought to be kind to them.”

How kind?

“We ought to be kinder to them than to any one else in the world.”

What means about the same thing as kindness?


If so, ought you ever to be impolite to them?

“No, Miss B., we ought to be more polite to them than to any one

  _Note._--A similar lesson on politeness to brothers and sisters
  may be given here.


=Purpose.=--To specify attentions due to home friends.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

How ought we to treat everybody?


Whom should we treat the most politely of any one?

“Our father and mother.”

“And brothers and sisters.”

“And everybody at home.”

When you first see the people at home in the morning, do you ever
forget to speak to them?

“Yes, Miss B.”

And what else sometimes happens?

“We look cross.”

“And perhaps we cry.”

Would you like to know how you can always be pleasant and polite to
your own home friends in the morning?


I will tell you. There is a little key which you can all have,
and if you will not forget to use it, it will always make you
pleasant and polite in the morning. It is this: “Good-morning,
mamma!” “Good-morning, papa!” and a “Good-morning!” to all who are
present. But this must be said in a certain way. Can you tell me


And how should you look when you say it?


“We should smile.”

Yes, a pleasant “Good-morning!” and a smiling face will help to
make the whole family happy. I wish you to remember about this key,
and shall ask you to learn these words:

      “Good-morning! that’s the golden key
      That unlocks every day for me.”

  _Note._--Similar lessons may be given here, closing with the

      “When evening comes, ‘Good-night!’ I say,
      And close the door of each glad day.”

      “When friends give anything to me,
      I’ll use the little ‘Thank you’ key.”

      “‘Excuse me,’ ‘Beg your pardon,’ too,
      When by mistake some harm I do.”

      “Or, if unkindly wrong I’ve given,
      With the ‘Forgive me’ key I’ll be forgiven.”

Chapter VII.





=Purpose.=--To specify some polite attentions due to home friends.

=Method.=--A story told, followed by a conversation.

_The Lesson._

I once knew a little girl whom most everybody praised for being
polite. Whenever she met people away from home, or whenever there
was company at her home, she was very polite to them. She would
ask visitors to take the easiest chairs, she would bring a hassock
for their feet, she would watch their comfort in every way. She
said “Yes, sir,” and “No, Miss B.,” and “Excuse me,” and “I beg
your pardon,” and all those polite things. One day when I was the
visitor and had been treated very politely by the little girl, I
happened to hear her mother ask her to raise the shade. A little
while before, she had asked me, in the sweetest manner, if she
should lower this same shade for me; but in answer to her mother’s
request she frowned and did not move from her chair. Pretty soon
her little brother came to her to be amused, but she pushed him
away and said: “Go away, Harry, I can’t be bothered with you.”
When her father came in tired at night, and asked her to get his
slippers for him, she did it in a very ungracious manner.

Those who have something to say of this little girl may raise hands.

“She was not good to her father and mother.”

“Nor to little Harry.”

“She was polite to company.”

“But not to her own people.”

Why should we be polite to our home friends?

“Because they are kind to us, and love us.”

How should we be polite to them?

“We should look out for their comfort.”

“And always speak politely to them.”

(Here lead children to specify courtesies of act and speech.
Specially refer to a boy’s polite treatment of his mother.) 320.


Special politeness to very old people in the family.

Polite treatment of visitors.

Polite treatment of servants.


1. Be sure to say “Sir?” to your father when he calls your name,
and “Yes, sir,” and “No, sir,” in answer to a question. Cheerfully
wait upon your father. Never contradict him; mind him quickly.

2. Treat your mother as if she were the queen. Say “Yes, mamma,”
or “Yes, mother,” when she calls your name, and “No, mamma,” etc.,
in answer to her questions. Boys and girls should show their
mothers every polite attention due other ladies.

3. “Please” and “Thank you” should be said to servants. 108.

Chapter VIII.





=Purpose.=--To show the necessity of good manners in the street.

=Method.=--An incident related. Pupils allowed to comment.

_The Lesson._

The other day, as I was walking on the sidewalk, two or three boys
came running down the hill, and nearly pushed me over. They never
stopped to ask me to excuse them, but ran on, calling to everyone,
“Out of the way!” Some little girls on the other side of the street
were laughing very loudly and causing every one to look at them.

What do you say of these boys and girls?

“They were rude.”

“The boys were unkind.”

Ought not boys to run?

“Not against people.”

Ought not little girls to laugh?

“Not loudly in the street.”

Why not?

“Because it is not the custom of well-bred girls.”

How should people act on the street?

“They should give people their share of the walk.”

“They should not cause people to look at them.”

Yes, they should be little ladies and gentlemen on the street. 182.


=Purpose.=--To teach that undue curiosity shown on the street is

=Method.=--A story, followed by a conversation.

_The Lesson._

Once there was a little boy who was deformed.

Who will tell me what that means?

“It means that he was a hunch-back.”

“Or that he had a queer foot.”

Yes, this poor boy had not feet like yours, and could walk very
little without crutches. One day he was taking a walk with his
nurse, and was trying to take a few steps without his crutches. Of
course it was very hard work for him, and he went very slowly. Some
boys were skipping down the hill towards him, and he looked as if
he would give all he had in the world if he could skip too. But
what do you suppose these boys did as they came near? They stopped
still, and stared at the poor little fellow. It made him feel bad,
for his cheeks grew red and tears filled his eyes as he hobbled
away from them.

What would you have done, John, if you had been one of those boys?

“I would have walked right by without looking.”

“I would have looked at his face, but not at his feet.”

“I would have acted as if he were like other boys.”

Yes, that is the way to do. Think how you would like to be treated
if you were in this boy’s place.

Is it the custom of well-bred people to stare at one on the street?

“No, Miss B.”

We will try to remember then----

“Never to stare at people on the street.”

Chapter IX.





=Purpose.=--To show the necessity of good manners on the street.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

Suppose we play taking a walk to-day. Where shall we go, Belle?

“Around the square.”

Very well. You may start now, and Mary and Kate and Jennie may take
hold of hands, and as they go along the street they may talk and
laugh at the top of their voices. If they meet any one, they need
not take any trouble to give up a part of the sidewalk. What do you
say, Ned?

“That wouldn’t be right.”

Why not?

“Because it wouldn’t be nice for them to talk loud in the street.”

And you, Harry?

“They ought to let people pass on the sidewalk.”

Oh, I thought I saw some boys the other day who did not do it. Were
they wrong?

“Yes’m, they were.”

How should we act in the street?

“We should be quiet.”

“And we should not be selfish and take all the walk.”

Why should our behavior on the street be good?

“Because many people see us there, and notice if it is not good.”


Polite attentions towards elderly people on the street.

Polite attention towards strangers who make inquiries.

Simple instruction in church manners.

Simple instruction in manners at places of entertainment.

  _Note._--Many suggestions for these lessons may be found in
  lessons for advanced grades.

Chapter X.





=Purpose.=--To show the necessity of good table-manners.

=Method.=--A contrast drawn. Children allowed to comment.

_The Lesson._

A little girl came to the table very hungry. There were a good
many older people there, and as she had been taught to wait until
the older ones were served, she sat very still and waited very
patiently until every one else at the table was enjoying a nice
dinner. She grew hungry every minute, and could hardly keep the
tears back, but still did not ask for anything. When it was found
that she had been forgotten, but was so patient and well-behaved,
every one praised her, and you may be sure she had the best dinner
they were able to give her.

Another little girl came to another table very hungry. She waited
for no one, but immediately began to ask for this and that, and not
in the nicest way, either. She made herself so disagreeable that
every one at the table was glad to have her served first.

Did it pay the first little girl to wait?

“Yes’m. Everybody thought she was so nice.”

How about the other one?

“They thought she was a naughty girl.”

What is one way, then, by which you may make people like you?

“By behaving politely at the table.”


=Purpose.=--To show that punctuality at the table is desirable.

=Method.=--An incident related, followed by a conversation.

_The Lesson._

Johnnie, like many little boys, was fond of sleeping in the
morning. The bed always seemed the softest and his dreams the most
interesting just as the rising bell rang. He would wake just enough
to think there would be time enough before breakfast to go to sleep
again and finish out that one dream. But nap followed nap until
the sharp ting-a-ling-ling of the breakfast bell roused him. Then
he would _try_ to dress hurriedly, but every thing generally went
wrong, and he would get out to breakfast too late for the delicious
hot cakes the rest of the family had enjoyed. How do you think it
made him feel to eat a cold breakfast?


Tell me what you think of such a boy as Johnnie.

“He was lazy.”

“He didn’t do as his mother wished him to.”

Did he make his mother trouble?

“Yes’m. His breakfast had to be kept for him.”

“It would have been kinder if he had eaten with the rest.”

Think of Johnnie, and tell me what you mean not to do any more.

“To be late at the table.”


“Because it makes trouble and isn’t kind.”

And if not kind?

“Not polite.”

Does this mean the home-table only?

“No, Miss B. It means when we are at home or when we are visiting.”


=Purpose.=--To show that polite attention is specially due the lady
of the house, at table.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

Who sits at the head of the table?


Who, then, is the most honored one at the table?


And mother is sometimes called “the lady of the house.” How can we
tell when we ought to do certain things at the table?

“We can watch the lady of the house.”

Then how shall we know when to sit at the table?

“When the lady of the house sits.”

Yes, no one should sit until she does. And when the meal is over,
how long should we stay at table?

“Until the lady of the house rises.”

Suppose it is necessary to leave the table before that?

“We must ask the one at the head of the table to excuse us.”

Unless we do these things what will be thought of us?

“People will think we have not been taught good manners.”


=Purpose.=--To show that selfishness at the table is not a sign of
good manners.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

How many of you like oranges? I see that you all do. Suppose you
were to have oranges for breakfast, and when they were brought on
one should be much larger than the other, which would you want?

“The biggest one.”

Certainly, there is nothing wrong in that, but would you _take_ the
_largest_ one?

“No, Miss B.”

Why not?

“I would leave that for mamma.”

“It isn’t polite to take the largest and best for yourself.”

Who should have the best?

“Mamma and papa.”

Suppose grandmamma or grandpapa should be at the table?

“Then they should have the best.”

Tell me who should have the best when there is any choice.

“The older people.”

How should the others feel about it?

“They should be glad to give the best to others.”


=Purpose.=--To specify some forms of polite expressions used at

=Method.=--An incident related. Criticisms elicited from pupils.

_The Lesson._

I once sat down to dine at a table where there were three children.
They seemed to be nearly starved, although I knew they had eaten a
good breakfast. As soon as they had taken their seats they called
out, “I want some bread,” “Give me some meat,” “Pass that jelly;”
and when they were served they began to eat as if it were their
first meal in a long time. I think some of you would have been
surprised at those children’s manners. What have you to say about
them, Jennie?

“They ought to have kept still until they were served.”

“They ought to have said, ‘I would like some bread, if you please.’”

“And ‘Will you please give me some meat?’”

“And? ‘Will you be so kind as to pass the jelly?’”

Yes, that would have been much better. What should you say when
something is passed to you at table, and you do not wish it?

“Not any, I thank you.”

“I don’t care for any, thank you.”

If you remember to do these things, what will be said of you?

“That we know how to speak politely at the table.”

Chapter XI.





=Purpose.=--To show the necessity of good table manners.


_The Lesson._

Suppose you should see at any table a young lady, very pretty and
very nicely dressed, a perfect stranger to you, and she should say
to the servant, in quite a loud tone of voice, “Hurry, and bring me
my dinner.” What would you think of her, Henry?

“I should think she had not learned to be polite.”

Suppose she should eat very rapidly, putting the food to her mouth
with a knife, what would you think of her, Kate?

“I should think she knew very little about good manners.”

And if she should take the choicest of everything on the table for

“I should say she was very selfish.”

How have you formed these opinions of the young lady?

“From her table manners.”

Then good table manners are very important. Why?

“Because people judge us by them.”


=Purpose.=--To show the deference due the lady of the house at

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

Who is the lady of the house, usually?

“The mother of the family.”

What seat at table does she usually occupy?

“She sits at the head of the table.”

Is there any way of knowing when we shall take our seats at table?
Shall we take them just as it happens?

“We should take them when mother does, not before.”

Or if we are away from home?

“When the lady of the house does.”

Yes, or when the one who presides at the table sits.

How long should we sit at table, John?

“Until we have finished eating.”

It is not proper to leave as soon as we have finished.

Can any one tell when we should rise from the table?

“When the lady of the house rises.”

Yes. Suppose it is necessary to leave before that?

“We should ask to be excused.”

Can you think of any other politeness to be shown the mother, or
the lady of the house, at table?

“We should be prompt at meals.”


“Both at home and away from home.”


“Because it is impolite to keep people waiting for us.”


=Purpose.=--To specify some polite usages at table.

=Method.=--A conversation.

_The Lesson._

I would like you to tell me some things about table manners. You
may think of polite ways of asking for things at table, and I will
write them on the blackboard as you give them. But first you may
tell me whom you should ask.

“A servant, if there is one.”

And if not?

“Any one who can easily reach what is wanted.”

You may tell me _how_ to ask.

“Please pass the bread.”

“May I ask you for the bread?”

“Will you be so kind as to pass the bread?”

Yes, and if you are asked if you would like the bread, what should
you say?

“If you please.”

“And ‘Thank you,’ if you take it.”

If you should not wish it?

“No, I thank you.”

“Or, ‘Not any, I thank you,’”

How do you know these expressions are polite?

“Polite people use them.”


Use of fork and spoon, with practical illustrations.

Impoliteness of rapid eating.

Chapter XII.




=Purpose.=--To suggest the underlying principles of good manners.

=Method.=--Item to be read with or without comment, or questions to
be asked.

_The Lesson._

Some one says “True politeness consists in making every one
happy about you.” It is true that forgetfulness of self and
thoughtfulness of the comfort and happiness of others makes one’s
behavior very acceptable to others. A kind heart is undoubtedly
the foundation of good manners; but if this be so, there are
other qualities of equal importance that form a superstructure
on which good manners rest. We use the term gentleman and lady
with reference to outward appearance, but they also imply that a
person is honest and true and refined. Who would think of calling
one a gentleman if his word could not be trusted? Charles I. said
to the Commoners, “You have not only the word of a king but of a
gentleman.” Could a lady be guilty of indelicate language? Would
a real gentleman or lady ridicule the unfortunate? True courtesy
implies much more than an outside show. Even what seems a mere form
is usually founded in kindness and common sense. It is necessary
that we become familiar with these forms. We do not like to be
called odd or peculiar. We do not like to be considered ignorant
of what good and wise people have decided it proper and right to
do. We wish rather to copy the manners of the best people that
we may gain their esteem and be classed with them. If we learn
and practise good manners while we are young, when older we shall
practise them unconsciously, as they will have become a habit.

(_Questions to be used if preferred._)

What leads people to be polite?

How has some one defined true politeness?

What did Charles I. imply by his statement?

Why is it necessary to become familiar with the formalities of good
manners? Give illustration of some practice of polite society that
might be termed a formality. Enumerate the underlying principles of
good manners.

Chapter XIII.



=Purpose.=--To show the necessity of good manners in school.

=Method.=--Item to be read with or without comment, or questions to
be asked.

_The Lesson._

Young people sometimes seem to think good manners are to be put on
as fine clothes are, not for every-day wear, but for company only.
Those who put this theory into practice will find that good manners
fit them in company no better than garments cut for some one else.
If manners really spring from a kind heart, they will be practised
everywhere. Good manners in school continually practised will soon
become a habit. Courteous pupils rarely need reprimand or reproof.
They treat their teacher as they would a friend, and in this way
help greatly in making the school pleasant and profitable. Such
pupils remember their school-days with pleasure.

Questions. What is the appearance of one who is only occasionally

What is the real source of good manners?

Where should they be practised?

Are good manners as important in a school-room as in a parlor?

What is the effect of good manners in the school?


=Purpose.=--To show that regularity and punctuality of attendance
at school are signs of good manners.

=Method.=--Item to be read with or without comment, or questions to
be asked.

_The Lesson._

In all well-regulated schools, teachers and school-officers
place much stress upon regularity of attendance; consequently
an avoidable or inexcusable absence shows disrespect to school

When a pupil enters a school-room late it interrupts and disturbs
all who are present. An avoidable interruption or disturbance is,
of course, impolite. Any disregard of the rules of school shows a
lack of respect for teachers and school-officers. Lack of respect
and true politeness never go together.

Questions. What is the rule in this school relative to regularity
of attendance?

What in reference to punctuality?

What absences or tardinesses show disrespect to school authority?

How does disrespectful conduct affect the manners?

To what kind of manners do regularity and punctuality tend?


=Purpose.=--To show that cleanliness is one sign of good manners in

=Method.=--Item to be read with or without comment, or questions to
be asked.

_The Lesson._

Cleanliness of person and tidiness of dress are unmistakable signs
of good breeding. The minutest detail of the toilet should be
attended to. Frequent bathing and proper attentions to the hair,
the teeth, the nails, are of no slight importance. The clothing
also should be clean. Pupils who fail to observe these directions
not only show lack of respect for themselves, but for their
teachers and school-mates. Disrespect is impoliteness.

Questions. What opinion do you form of a person who is untidy?

What details of the toilet may be neglected?

How does slovenliness of dress affect the reputation of one who
indulges in it?

Of what does untidiness show a lack?

Is disrespectful treatment of another ever polite?


=Purpose.=--To show that care for school belongings is a sign of
good breeding.

=Method.=--Item to be read and questions asked.

_The Lesson._

Proper respect for the school will deter pupils from throwing on
school-grounds, or on the steps of buildings, or on the floors of
the corridors or of the school-room, whatever is unsightly.

The same may be said with reference to chalk or pencil marks, or
anything that defaces school-buildings or school furniture.

In stormy weather pupils should not enter a school-building without
first cleaning the shoes or removing rubbers. They should enter
quietly and _never_ be noisy or boisterous inside of a school-room.
Running or jumping, or stepping on the seats or desks, is not

Pupils should take care of what they use but do not own. Books
or any materials furnished by the school should be carefully and
economically used. Moreover, if pupils are well-bred their own
books will be devoid of finger-marks or cuts, or of marks and soil
of any kind except that which comes from constant use.

Questions. If pupils have the proper feeling for their school,
what care will they take of the grounds? Of the buildings? Of the

How show good breeding in economy?

What rule holds good in returning borrowed articles?

How should school-books be used even by their owners?

Show how all these things are indicative of good breeding.

Show how they are one step towards good citizenship.


=Purpose.=--To show how pupils should conduct themselves towards
their teachers.

=Method.=--Item to be read with or without comment.

_The Lesson._

1. When pupils are placed under the charge of a teacher it
is supposed the teacher knows what is for their best good;
consequently a teacher’s directions should be respected and obeyed.
In matters pertaining to conduct, pupils should yield their
opinions to that of a wise and faithful teacher, and should do it
with quick and cheerful obedience. Sulking, contradiction, or delay
in obeying are not only wrong, but inexcusably rude.

2. Oftentimes pupils seem to regard it as no impoliteness to
interrupt a teacher either by inattention, disorder, or questions,
when a lesson is in progress. There are times when certain
questions relative to lessons are in order, but irrelevant
questions, or unnecessary requests, or hand-raising or shaking
before a teacher has finished speaking, are just as impolite in
a school-room as elsewhere. There are, of course, certain usages
peculiar to a school-room which would not be considered in order
elsewhere, because unnecessary; but, generally speaking, good
manners in a school-room and in a parlor are the same.

3. Pupils should be kind and thoughtful in assisting teachers
whenever it is possible, by handing anything needed, or by waiting
upon them in any way. Boys, especially, should be quick to offer
help in erasing blackboards, in lifting heavy articles, or in
picking up anything accidentally dropped. All pupils should help to
put things in their proper places and to keep the school-room in
order. This is kindness and politeness.

4. Boys should always take off their hats before entering a
school-room, and should not put them on at dismissal, until they
reach the outside door. If a teacher should stand at that door,
hats should not be put on until the teacher is passed. When boys
meet a teacher in the street they should always raise their hats,
whether the teacher be a gentleman or a lady. Both in school and
out, when pupils speak _to_ or _of_ their teacher, they should
speak the real name, and not use the indefinite title, “Teacher.”


Kind treatment of school-mates: when they are under criticism;
when they are peculiar in dress, speech, or manner; when they are
unfortunate; when they are strangers.

Respectful treatment of the janitor.

Respectful treatment of visitors.

Respectful treatment of those who address the school.


1. Do not fail to say “Good-morning, Miss ----” to your teacher,
and “Good-afternoon Miss ----” when you leave her.

2. When you pass directly in front of your teacher, say “Excuse me.”

3. Never fail to say “Thank you” (not “Thanks”) for the smallest

4. Do not continually raise the hand, and never shake it in school,
to attract attention.

5. Never stand at your desk, or step forward raising your hand, and
shaking it at your teacher.

6. When a school-mate is reading or answering a question, do not
raise hands until he has finished.

7. Do not “fuss” with pencils, strings, pins, or anything else when
you ought to give your whole attention to your lesson.

8. When your hands are not occupied with books or other things, as
directed by a teacher, they should be clasped in your lap.

9. If you have a desk-mate, give him his full share of seat, desk,
and shelf.

10. When you pass directly in front of your school-mates, say
“Excuse me.”

11. Do not stare at strangers who enter the school-room.

12. Do not slide down in your seat nor lounge in a school-room.

13. When you stand to recite, stand erect, without leaning against
the desk. Stand on both feet.

14. Do not swing the feet, nor scrape them on the floor, nor keep
them in constant motion.

15. Always be provided with sponge or slate-cloth.

16. Hand a book right side up.

17. In handing a pointer, pencil, or pen, hand the blunt end.

18. Never call from the outside to a pupil in a school-room.

19. Do not call from the school-room to some one outside.

20. Do not look in at windows of a school-room.

21. Always rap before entering any school-room but your own, or any
teacher’s office.

22. Do not chew gum in school.

23. Do not eat in school.

  _Note._--When these “reminders” are given to young pupils they
  should be in the form of short lessons, and the thought should
  be brought out by relating incidents and by questioning as in
  illustrative lessons.

Chapter XIV.


_Note._--These directions, although exceedingly important, are not,
in many cases, agreeable topics of conversation. Therefore, in
giving them, teachers must use their good taste and discretion in
deciding whether to give arbitrarily or not. When they are given
without comment they should be impressed on the memory of the child
by calling for frequent repetitions of items, and by patient and
continued enforcement of directions, whenever the occasion presents
itself. The connection between the direction and the spirit of
kindness should be traced whenever it is possible to do so. Lessons
on manners in school may be taken as a guide when it is thought
best to enlarge upon any item. Whether or not a lesson be given to
the younger children on the importance of attending to personal
habits may be left to the discretion of a teacher.


=Purpose.=--To show the necessity of attention to personal habits.

=Method.=--An item read with or without comment.

_The Lesson._

Although personal habits are not pleasant topics of conversation,
it seems necessary to give them some consideration. Many young
people indulge in certain practices that are disagreeable and
impolite, perhaps not so much from lack of knowledge of what is
proper as from thoughtlessness and from not appreciating the
importance of giving these matters due attention. Young people
should realize that these matters, although seemingly trifling,
are sufficient to show whether they have been accustomed to polite
society or not. There is nothing which tells more quickly. Minute
attention to personal habits gives one an air of refinement and
attractiveness which can be gained in no other way.


1. Whatever has been said in reference to cleanliness in school
applies out of school as well. Cleanliness is a pretty certain sign
of good breeding. Every consideration of health and good taste and
refinement urges to cleanliness. Never think to hide uncleanliness.
If your habits are not neat, it will be known.

2. Never neglect the details of the toilet. Such toilet offices
as cleaning the nails, the ears, the nose, are proper only in the
privacy of one’s apartment. The nails should not be bitten. It
destroys their beauty, and is an impolite and unhealthy habit.

3. Many people have a habit of continually feeling of the face or
hair. This is not a mark of refinement of manners, and should not
be indulged in. “Fussing” with anything, twirling things, drumming,
should be avoided. When the hands are not necessarily employed,
they should be kept quiet.

4. The feet should not be kept constantly and unnecessarily in
motion, nor should they be brought into notice when possible to
avoid it. Young ladies should not sit with the feet extended and
crossed. No one should sit with the feet on the rounds of a chair.
Tapping on the floor with the foot is not in good form.

5. Spitting is a disgusting habit. Avoid it whenever it is
possible. Never give attention or refer to a sore on the face or
hands when others are present. Yawning and stretching in company
are considered rude. Hiccoughing and sneezing should be avoided, if

6. The mouth should be kept closed, unless there is some good
reason for opening it. One who has a habit of keeping the mouth
open continually is considered weak mentally, if not physically.

7. Incessant smiling or laughing is silly and disagreeable. Smiling
or laughing is allowable when there is something to laugh at.
Giggling is unpardonable. Hearty laughter is allowable in some
places, but boisterous laughter never. As a general thing the
countenance should be kept in repose. This implies neither a silly
nor a stern expression, but one indicative of kindness and common

8. A loud or otherwise disagreeable voice is not a mark of the best
manners. If such a voice is natural, it may be trained and toned
down as in singing. A person of real refinement may have a peculiar
voice, but not a disagreeably loud one. Humming is disagreeable and

9. Boys should not carry their hands in their pockets. Boys should
not whistle when it will disturb or annoy any one.

Chapter XV.



=Purpose.=--To specify some particulars of street manners.

=Method.=--Item read with or without comment.

_The Lesson._

No polite person will indulge in loud or boisterous conduct on the
street. Loud talk or laughter is very ill-mannered. Only a quiet
demeanor is allowable, and one who indulges in any other is guilty
of rudeness. A complaint often made against pupils is that they
are inclined to be rude and selfish in not giving those whom they
meet their due share of the walk in passing. Oftentimes boys in
their play are so heedless as to jostle against those passing on
the sidewalk. This is selfish and rude. If it happens accidentally,
suitable apologies should be made.

Questions.--In what tone of voice should one speak in the street?
What does loud laughter in the street indicate? What demeanor is
allowable? What fault is found with the manners of pupils on the
street? What are your own observations in the matter? What are your


In going to a place of amusement or entertainment it is not polite
to performers or audience to arrive late. Arrive in season, take
your seat quietly, and remain quiet and attentive throughout the
whole entertainment. If there is any delay before the entertainment
begins, the time should not be spent in loud laughing or talking.
Nothing should be done to attract attention. Eating candy, nuts, or
anything else at a place of entertainment is not in good form.

Too much cannot be said against talking or whispering or moving
about when an entertainment is in progress. It shows either a lack
of knowledge as to what is proper, or a disregard of propriety.
It is also a rudeness to the performers, and a great source of
annoyance to those who wish to listen. If the entertainment does
not prove interesting, it is still the part of a lady or gentleman
to remain through it all and to give respectful attention. It
is very impolite to leave the place before the entertainment is
concluded, in order to avoid passing out with the crowd.

Loud and long continued applause is impolite. It is proper to show
pleasure if the entertainment pleases, but it must be done without

Rapping on the floor with canes, stamping of feet, whistling, etc.,
are insults, and if continued should receive the attention of a

It is a sign of good breeding to be in church before the service
begins. If unavoidably late, enter very quietly, between parts of
the service. Never whisper or laugh in church. It is irreverent
and ill-bred. Never look around when people enter. Never be guilty
of rudeness or boisterousness in a church, whether on Sunday or
other days. Always show a proper respect for the place.

In your own church be polite to strangers. If it seems to be your
place to do so, show them to a seat. Let no peculiarity of dress
or manner on the part of strangers keep you from showing them
any civility in church. In attending a church not your own be
respectful in your conduct. Do not show curiosity nor ridicule
observances that may seem peculiar.


In giving these to the pupils seek to arouse discussion.

1. When walking on the sidewalk, if you meet a person, keep to the
right of the walk.

      “’Tis a rule of the land that when travelers meet
      In high-way or by-way, in alley or street,
      On foot or in wagon, by day or by night,
      Each favor the other and turn to the right.”

2. It is polite to recognize friends and acquaintances on the
street. It is a custom of gentlemen to take off their hats when
friends are met. They should take off their hats to gentlemen as
well as to ladies. Both boys and girls should show special respect
to any old person they may meet. The salutation should always be in
a pleasant and friendly tone of voice. The face should show respect
to acquaintances, and cordiality to friends. The name should be
added to the salutation, as “Good-morning, Mr. A.” Never give
the salutation as if it were a question. Never greet any one by

3. If a gentleman is walking or driving with a lady acquaintance,
he should take off his hat to any lady whom she recognizes.

4. When a lady accidentally drops anything in the street, any
gentleman near, whether an acquaintance or not, should pick it up
and hand it to her. The lady should not fail to acknowledge the
courtesy. As the gentleman passes on, he should touch his hat to
the lady. This civility of picking up things or assisting in any
way should be shown to elderly and infirm people by girls as well
as by boys.

5. It is impolite to turn and look at people after they have
passed. It is rude to stare at them if peculiar in dress or manner.
Special care should be taken not to stare at the deformed or
unfortunate. Put yourself in their places and think how you would
like to be treated.

6. It is considered impolite for people to gather in groups or
crowds on the sidewalk and to obstruct the way. If two people meet
who wish to converse with each other, one should turn and walk in
the direction in which the other is going. It is not considered
proper to stop for conversation on the street.

7. It is not the custom of well-bred people to chew gum, nor to eat
fruit, nuts, or anything else, on the street.

8. One of the rudest things a boy or girl can do is to call out
to a teacher or other person on the street. It is only the most
ill-bred who will do it. The law can punish for it.

9. If a stranger inquires the way, take great pains to direct him,
even if it requires some effort.

10. When in street cars or steam cars, if seats are lacking, it
is the rule that gentlemen give up their seats to ladies. Ladies
should not fail to thank gentlemen for this kindness.

Whenever any attention is shown a lady, such as opening or closing
a window, taking bundles from the racks, etc., the lady should
politely acknowledge it, and the gentleman should touch his hat as
he turns away.

No one should occupy more room than is necessary, if by so doing
others are deprived of a seat.

Chapter XVI.



=Purpose.=--To show the importance of good table manners.

=Method.=--An item read with or without comment or questions asked.

_The Lesson._

Perhaps the question of _how_ to eat is not of quite the importance
as _what_ to eat, but in some particulars pertaining to the laws
of health the two are of equal rank. _How_ to eat is of much
more importance than many young people think, inasmuch as it
is a certain test of delicacy and refinement. If a person eats
immoderately fast, no one truly refined will set him down as a
gentleman. If one defies the regulations which society has made
relative to table manners, he is classed as decidedly ill-bred
or ignorant. It is well to study the etiquette of the table, and
to put in use those practices that have been decided by the best
society as being proper.

Questions.--Should the rules of society as to table manners be
disregarded? What does a lack of good table manners indicate? Are
table manners indicative of character?


_Deference to the Lady of the House at Table._

=Suggestions.=--Do not be late at the home table. Never be late
when a guest. Do not take your seat at the table until the lady of
the house takes hers, nor rise from the table until she gives the
signal. If necessary to leave the table before the meal is over,
ask to be excused of the one presiding.

_Polite Phraseology of the Table._

=Suggestions.=--When it is desired that any article on the table be
passed, a servant should be asked, if there is one near. If not,
the request should be made of some one at the table, as follows:
“Please pass the bread,” “I would thank you for the bread,” “Will
you be kind enough to pass the bread?” etc.

When offered anything at the table, the acceptance should be
accompanied by “Thank you.” If anything is declined, it should be
with “No, I thank you,” or “Not any, I thank you.”

_Selfishness at Table._

=Suggestions.=--To take the best when there is any choice in the
food is to show a very selfish disposition. This does not apply
when urged to do so, but to seem to wish the best is inexcusable.


1. Sit reasonably near the table, neither too near nor too far
away. Never place the elbows on the table. Do not sit so far away
as to be obliged to lean forward. Do not bend over the plate. Do
not spread the elbows when cutting meat, etc.

2. Young people should wait patiently and quietly until the older
ones at table have been served. While waiting to be served, the
knife or fork or napkin ring, or any other table article, should be
left untouched. The hands should be quietly folded in the lap until
one is served. The napkin may be spread over the lap when one first
sits down at the table. Gentlemen do not now tuck the napkin under
the chin.

3. It is proper to begin eating as soon as served, although there
should be no indecorous haste. An exception to this rule is that no
one should begin to eat the dessert until all are served.

4. Do not help yourself first to anything on the table. Never put
your own knife, fork, or spoon into the food except as it has been
served to you. It is rude to reach across the table or to rise and
reach in order to help yourself. If servants are not near, ask
politely of some one at the table that the dish be passed.

5. Rapid eating is impolite and unhealthy. The mouth should not be
filled too full, and the food should be thoroughly chewed. Do not
chew the food so as to be heard. Do not smack the lips in eating.
Do not draw in the breath when eating soup, drinking milk, tea,
etc. Be careful not to show the food in your mouth. Do not attempt
to eat the last drop of soup nor the last morsel of food on the

6. The knife is used in cutting up the food, but it should not
convey the food to the mouth. The fork should be used for this
purpose. There is a proper way of holding knife and fork which can
best be learned by observing some one who does it properly. Soup
should be eaten from the side of the spoon.

7. When drinking tea or coffee, drink from the cup and not from the
saucer. When drinking from a goblet or tumbler, be careful not to
tip them too much. It is not in good form to throw the head back
and invert the tumbler. It is not well to drink much water while

8. If necessary to eject anything from the mouth while eating, use
the fork in conveying it from the mouth to the plate. Fruit stones
may be removed with the fingers and placed upon the plate.

9. When salt is taken from the salt-cellar, it should be put on the
plate and not on the table-cloth. Vegetables should be eaten with a
fork, if possible, rather than with a spoon. When small dishes are
used in serving vegetables, fruit, etc., they should not be taken
in the hand, but left on the table.

10. It is a disputed question what to do with the knife and fork
when the plate is passed for a second supply. It seems the better
plan not to leave them on the plate, as they are liable to fall
off or to be in the way, but to hold them in the right hand, or to
place them on the table in such a manner as not to soil the cloth.

11. Do not use a tooth-pick in public. It is a common practice,
but not with the best-bred people. Never indulge in the disgusting
practice of removing bits of food from the teeth with the tongue or
fingers. The teeth should receive attention in private.

Chapter XVII.



1. When a request is to be made, no matter how slight, it should
be given in the form of a request and not of a command. Such
expressions as “Please” and “Will you be so kind?” should be very
frequently used. When a request has been complied with, “Thank you”
should never be forgotten.

2. Gentlemen should not remain seated when there are ladies or
older people standing in the room. No young people should remain
seated when by so doing they oblige older people to stand.
Young people should not occupy the easiest chairs nor the most
comfortable places in a room when older people are present.

3. Whispering in company is ill-mannered. Laughing at something
not understood by the whole company, or at least by all who would
notice the laughing, is very impolite. Exchanging glances or
meaning smiles is rude. Boisterous laughter is always rude.

4. If asked to sing or play or to contribute in any legitimate way
to the entertainment of company, one should, if possible, comply
with the request without waiting to be urged. When one is trying to
entertain a company, the company should give respectful attention,
never annoying the performer by whispering or talking or moving
about. When games are proposed, unless there is some reason for
not doing so, every one who is invited to join in them should do
so with right good will. Good manners are based on kindness, and a
kind heart will lead any one to contribute as much as possible to
the enjoyment of all.

5. One should give respectful and kindly attention to another who
is talking to him. No matter if the conversation is not of great
interest, it should be listened to without interruption. This is
especially true when elderly people talk to those younger. When it
is necessary to discontinue the conversation, one should ask to
be excused. When two people begin to talk at the same time, each
should be ready with an “Excuse me,” or “I beg pardon,” to yield
the privilege of speaking first to the other.

6. It is a mark of good manners to show courtesy to servants or to
any in humble stations in life. A polite request is always better
than a stern command. Whoever shows disregard of the feelings of
a servant or one in humble station, gives unmistakable proof of

7. It is courteous to commend what is commendable. One should take
pains to express commendation in words to the one who deserves it.
This is really no more than common politeness. Many find it easy to
speak words of blame, but do not seem to think what gratification a
word of deserved praise affords.


1. When asked a question to be answered by Yes or No it is
considered more polite to say “Yes, Mrs. A.” than “Yes, ma’am.”
“Yes, sir” and “No, sir” are allowable, but “Yes, Mr. A.” is
better. When something is said, and the one to whom it is said does
not hear or understand, the following questions are proper: “Sir?”
“I beg pardon,” “What did you say, Mrs. A.?” When a person’s name
is spoken before a question is asked, the response should be “Sir?”
or “Yes, Mrs. A.?”

2. When entering a private house gentlemen should remove their
hats. Any one should remove rubbers. Umbrella, hat, overcoat, or
waterproof should be left in the hall.

3. In entering a parlor, host and hostess should be first sought
out and spoken to. If the family only be present, the one entering
may properly shake hands with all. This is partly a matter of
choice, but if it is either a formal or an informal call (not a
business call) it is highly proper. When the company is large, it
is unnecessary. The same direction applies in leaving.

4. When in company or when making a call, lounging or rocking
should not be indulged in. Sitting with the chair tipped in any
way, or with the feet on the rounds of the chair, is not allowable.
Ladies should not sit with the feet or knees crossed. Gentlemen
should not sit with the feet elevated. The feet should remain on
the floor, and should be as inconspicuous as possible. No one
should sit with the feet far apart.

5. Fumbling or fussing with the watch-chain or with a ribbon or
anything else should be avoided; also drumming with the fingers or
twirling things. When the hands are not necessarily occupied they
should be kept quiet. The same may be said of the feet. Swinging
the feet or keeping them in motion or prominently in sight is not
proper. Constant and unnecessary motion of hands or feet gives one
an appearance of restlessness which is not at all conducive to
elegance of manner. Repose of manner should be cultivated.

6. Avoid passing directly in front of people when possible. It is
better, however, to pass in front of others with a “Pardon me,” or
“Excuse me,” than to crowd behind them. A gentleman should allow a
lady to pass through a door before him, holding it open for her, if
necessary. Gentlemen should go up-stairs before a lady, and behind
her in coming down.

7. It is rude to stare at people in company, especially if they
are peculiar in any way. Seem not to notice any deformity or any
peculiarity of dress or manner. Remember the Golden Rule.

8. Demonstrations of affection are out of place in company or
anywhere else in public. Girls should not sit or walk with their
arms about each other, or clasp hands, or lean against each other.
A gushing manner is silly and impolite.

9. Reading to one’s self in company is not excusable. Reading aloud
is still worse, unless by special request.

10. When strangers are to be presented to each other, the
directions are as follows: Gentlemen should be presented to ladies
(as, Miss B., allow me to present Mr. C.), young men to elderly
men, young women to elderly women. People who have been introduced
should make some conversation with each other, and not turn rudely
away without a word.

11. When people make calls they should inquire at the door for
those whom they wish to see. They should also send in their names
if unknown to the one who comes to the door. When callers enter a
room, persons in the room not inquired for should soon leave. No
member of the family should enter the room when one is receiving
calls unless it is very necessary, and then an apology should be

Chapter XVIII.


1. Never enter a private room without rapping. Never look over a
person’s shoulder when he is reading or writing. Never read what is
designed for another person only. Be courteous in thought as well
as in act.

2. Take good care of borrowed articles, and return them in
reasonable time. Never lend borrowed articles. It is proper for
the one who borrows to return the article in person or to send by
a servant. To compel the owner to send for his property is a gross
violation of good manners.

3. When necessary to make an inquiry of a stranger it should be
prefaced with “Excuse me,” “Pardon me,” or “Will you kindly tell

4. In extending invitations for visits or parties it is proper to
state the time definitely. Punctuality in keeping all engagements
is a mark of good breeding in society as well as in business.

5. When gentlemen are walking with ladies it is a proper courtesy
to offer to relieve them of their parcels, parasols, shawls, etc.

6. When gifts or favors have been received, prompt acknowledgment
should be made. The slightest favor deserves acknowledgment.



      There was one little Jack, not very long back,
      And ’tis said to his lasting disgrace
      That he never was seen with his hands at all clean,
      Nor yet ever clean was his face.

      His friends were much hurt to see so much dirt,
      And often and well did they scour!
      But all was in vain, he was dirty again
      Before they had done it an hour.

      When to wash he was sent, he reluctantly went
      With water to splash himself o’er,
      But he left the black streaks all over his cheeks,
      And made them look worse than before.

      The pigs in the dirt couldn’t be more expert
      Than he was at grubbing about;
      And the people have thought the gentleman ought
      To be made with four legs and a snout.

      The idle and bad may, like to this lad,
      Be dirty and black, to be sure;
      But good boys are seen to be decent and clean,
      Altho’ they are ever so poor.

      --_Jane Taylor._


A boy once found a nest of young sparrows, and put them into his
hat. He then set the hat on his head, thinking no one would know
what was under it. As he walked through the streets, instead of
lifting his hat to bow to people, he held it fast upon his head.
This made everybody wonder. At last one man said, “Let me see
if his hat has grown to his head.” Away went the sparrows, as he
lifted the hat from the boy’s head. Everybody laughed; and now if
a boy does not lift his hat when he meets any one, people say,
“Perhaps he has sparrows under his hat.”--_Selected._


Once there was a king who had a little boy whom he loved. He gave
him beautiful rooms to live in, and pictures and toys and books. He
gave him a pony to ride, and a row-boat on a lake, and servants.
But for all this the young prince was not happy. He wore a frown
wherever he went, and was always wishing for something he did not
have. At length a magician came to court. He said to the king, “I
can make your son happy.” So he took the boy into a private room
and wrote something on a piece of paper. Next he gave the boy a
candle and told him to light it and hold it under the paper and
see what he could read. The boy did as he had been told, and white
letters on the paper turned into a beautiful blue. They formed
these words:--

  _Do a kindness to some one every day._

The prince made use of the secret and became the happiest boy in
the kingdom.--_Selected._


Master Frank Amory went to the picnic, and so did Jimmy Bell.
Frank’s father was a rich man. Jimmy’s father was a day-laborer.
Frank wore handsome new clothes, and Jimmy’s knees and elbows were
patched, his hat was torn, and he had no shoes. There was only one
barrel of ice-water, with one drinking-cup; and as it was a hot day
there was a crowd around the barrel most of the time. A half dozen
girls had just come to get a drink when Frank at the head of a file
of boys came running up, and snatching the cup rudely began to

“Shame on you, Frank!” said one of the girls. “Don’t you know you
always ought to let girls drink first?”

“I don’t know as girls are any better than I am,” said Frank, as he
started off again.

Not long after, Jimmy and some other boys had come to the barrel,
when shy little Minnie Carey came up. “Wait boys!” said Jimmy,
dipping out a cup of water. “Let Minnie drink first.” And he very
politely handed her the cup. Minnie drank, and thanked him as she
handed it back again.--_Selected._


      The sun was set. The twilight dim had gathered,
      And ’gainst the window-pane
      The fierce north wind sent sudden spiteful flurries
      Of mingled sleet and rain.

      My easy-chair was drawn before the fire,
      Benny was on my knee,
      When low he whispered, “I don’t see, Aunt Dolly,
      When folks are small like me,

      “How they get on without a nice big brother.
      Why, even Tommie Stead--
      Who bullies all my mates--don’t dare touch me;
      He’s afraid, you see, of Ned.”

      Just then he shyly pointed o’er his shoulder
      With such a proud, fond look
      At his tall brother Edward sitting near us,
      Intent upon a book.

      “He carries the umbrella when ’tis raining,
      And gives the most to me;
      And helps me find the very far off places
      In the geography,

      “And ‘splains’ the sums and makes the fractions easy.”
      Here Benny heaved a sigh.
      “I don’t like riffemtic; but Ned says, ‘Benny,
      Be brave, my lad, and try.’”

      “He has long patience, and he’s very clever.
      Why, once he made a cart,
      And once he made a trap that caught a sparrow,
      And ’cause it hurt my heart

      “To see the wild thing flutter, he soon freed it,
      And smiled when off it fled;
      And when I’m scared because it’s dark or lightens,
      He takes me in his bed.

      “Our pastor said, last Sunday, that Lord Jesus
      Up in the heavenly host,
      Our elder brother is. It made me love him
      Like my dear Ned--a’most.”

      The blue eyes closed. Perhaps the gentle sandman
      Had touched the golden head;
      For low it drooped. But smiles still curved the sweet lips;
      He dreamed, perhaps, of “Ned.”

      --_Elisabeth Cumings._


A gnat who had flown about until he was tired sat down to rest on
the horn of a bull. After sitting there a long time he thought he
would go home. So he made a loud buzzing noise and said to the bull:

“Would you like to have me stay longer or shall I go now?”

“Just as you please,” said the bull. “I did not know when you came,
and I am sure I shall not miss you when you go away.”

Little people often think themselves of greatest consequence.



A porter, an aged man, was passing along one of our streets with a
heavy package on his shoulder, when he dropped his bale-hook and
it rolled off the sidewalk into the gutter. Two or three young men
standing near laughed at his misfortune, and offered no help. An
elegantly dressed lady passing, quietly stepped into the street,
and with her delicately gloved hand picked the bale-hook from
the gutter and handed it to the old man. In trying to thank her,
his hat fell off and rolled into the gutter. Again she stepped
into the street, picked up his hat, and handed that to him. “God
bless you,” said he, and so the old man was made happier, the lady
was made happier, and the young men received a lesson which may
make their lives happier, if they have sense enough to act upon


      If you your lips would keep from slips,
        Five things observe with care:--
      To whom you speak, of whom you speak,
        And how, and when, and where.

      If you your ears would keep from jeers,
        These things keep meekly hid,--
      _Myself_ and _I_, and _mine_ and _my_,
        And how _I_ do or did.


A gentleman advertised for a boy, and nearly fifty applicants
presented themselves. Out of that number he selected one and
dismissed the rest. “I should like to know,” said a friend,
“on what ground you selected that boy, who had not a single
recommendation.” “You are mistaken,” said the gentleman. “He has a
great many. He wiped his feet when he came in, and closed the door
after him, showing that he was careful. He gave his seat instantly
to that lame old man, showing that he was thoughtful. He took
off his cap when he came in, and answered my questions promptly,
showing that he was gentlemanly. He picked up a book which I had
purposely placed on the floor, and replaced it on the table; and
he waited quietly for his turn instead of pushing and crowding,
showing he was orderly and honorable. When I talked to him, I
noticed that his clothes were brushed, his hair in order. When he
wrote his name, I noticed that his finger-nails were clean. Don’t
you call these things letters of recommendation?”--_Selected._


My idea of a gentlemanly boy is a lad who treats every young woman
as he would like his sister to be treated, and every older woman as
he would wish his mother to be treated.--_Selected._


Don’t slight a boy because his home is plain and unpretending.
Abraham Lincoln’s home was a log-cabin.

Don’t slight a boy because of the ignorance of his parents.
Shakespeare, the world’s poet, was the son of a man who was unable
to write his own name.

Don’t slight a boy because he chooses a humble trade. The author of
Pilgrim’s Progress was a tinker.

Don’t slight a boy because of physical disability. Milton was blind.

Don’t slight a boy because of dullness in his lessons. Hogarth, the
celebrated painter and engraver, was a stupid boy at his books.

Don’t slight any one. Not alone because some day they may far
outstrip you in the race of life, but because it is neither right,
nor kind, nor polite.--_Selected._


Family intimacy should never make brothers and sisters forget
to be polite and sympathizing to each other. Those who contract
thoughtless and rude habits towards members of their own families
will be rude and thoughtless towards all the world. But let the
family intercourse be true, tender, and affectionate, and the
manners of all uniformly gentle and considerate, and the members
of a family thus trained will carry into the world and society the
habits of their childhood. They will require in their associates
similar habits.--_Silvio Pellico._


A drum was once boasting to a vase of sweet herbs in this way:
“Listen to me! My voice is loud and can be heard far off. I stir
the hearts of men so that when they hear my bold rearing they march
out bravely to battle.”

The vase spoke no words, but gave out a fine, sweet perfume that
filled the air, and seemed to say: I cannot speak, and it is not
well to be proud, but I am full of good things that are hidden
within me, and that gladly come forth to give cheer and comfort.
But you, you have nothing in you but noise, and you must be struck
to make you give that out. I would not boast if I were you.--_Æsop._

14. LOVE.

      The night has a thousand eyes,
        And the day but one;
      Yet the light of the bright world dies
        With the dying sun.

      The mind has a thousand eyes,
        And the heart but one;
      Yet the light of a whole life dies
        When love is done.

      --_F. W. Bourdillon._


A play was to be performed at the principal theatre of Athens,
and the seats were soon taken. When the theatre was full, an old
man came in and looked around for a seat. He saw a party of young
Athenians beckoning to him. In order to get to them he had to climb
over seats and push his way through the crowd, and when at last he
reached them, they sat down, and, instead of giving him the seat he
had expected, took up all the room, leaving the old man standing.
In this theatre were some seats fitted up for strangers. These were
filled by young Spartans, who were much displeased at the conduct
of the Athenians, and beckoned to the old man to come to them.
When he was near them, they all arose and received him with great
respect. As the whole assembly saw this they burst into a shout
of applause. The old man then said, “The Athenians _know_ what is
right, but the Spartans practise it.”--_Selected._


It was through his civility to two strangers that Mr. Winans
of Philadelphia is said to have obtained, some years ago, his
invitation to go to St. Petersburg and manufacture locomotives
for the Russian Czar. The Russian agent had been shown with
indifference through the larger establishments of Philadelphia,
but on their coming to Mr. Winans, who owned a third or fourth
rate factory, he took so much pains to show all its parts and
workings, and was so patient in his explanations and answers to
their inquiries, that within a year he was surprised when asked
to transfer his works to Russia. He went, and accumulated a large


When you rise in the morning, form the resolution to make the day
a happy one to a fellow-creature. It is easily done: a left-off
garment to the man who needs it; a kind word to the sorrowful; an
encouraging word to the striving; trifles, in themselves as light
as air, will do at least for the twenty-four hours. And if you are
old, rest assured it will send you gently and happily down the
stream of time to eternity. By the most simple arithmetical sum
look at the result. If you send only one person happily through
the day, that is three hundred and sixty-five in the course of a
year. And suppose you live forty years after you begin that course,
you have made fourteen thousand six hundred persons happy, at all
events, for a time.


Nothing can compensate for the lack of manliness in a man,
and womanliness in a woman. The man may be a capable business
man, an eloquent speaker, and accomplished scholar; but if he
lacks manliness, he remains only half a man. The woman may be
intelligent, accomplished, refined; but if she lacks womanliness,
she lacks everything. In some of the Old-World universities there
are courses in “Humanity.” It is a pity that the teaching of
humanity in the wider sense of that which makes man man, and woman
woman, does not occupy a larger place in the catalogues of our
schools and colleges.--_Dr. Trumbull._

19. HONOR.

Mr. Smiles in one of his admirable books says that Wellington was
once offered half a million for a State secret, not of any special
value to the government, but the keeping of which was a matter of
honor. “It appears you are capable of keeping a secret,” he said
to the official. “Certainly,” he replied. “And so am I,” said the
general, and bowed him out.


Sir Ralph Abercrombie, when mortally wounded, found under his head
the blanket of a private soldier, placed there to ease his dying
pains. “Whose blanket is this?” “Duncan Roy’s.” “See that Duncan
Roy gets his blanket this very night,” said Sir Ralph, and died
without its comfort.


Calvert says, “A gentleman may brush his own shoes or clothes, or
mend or make them, or roughen his hands with the helve, or foul
them with dye-work or iron-work; but he must not foul his mouth
with a lie.”


The gentleman never _sees_ deformity. He will not talk to a beggar
of his rags, nor boast of his health before the sick, nor speak
of his wealth amongst the poor; he will not seem to be fortunate
amongst the hapless, nor make any show of his virtues before the
vicious.--_T. T. Munger._

Memory Gems.

      1. Hearts like doors can open with ease
         To very, very little keys;
         And ne’er forget that they are these:
         “I thank you, sir,” and “If you please.”

      2. Good boys and girls should never say,
         “I will,” and “Give me these.”
         Oh, no, that never is the way,
         But “Mother, if you please.”

      3. To do to others as I would
         That they should do to me
         Will make me honest, kind, and good,
         As children ought to be.

      4. I know a little girl, and who she is
         I’ll tell you by-and-by;
         When mother says, “Do this” or “that,”
         She says, “What for?” and “Why?”
         She’d be a better girl by far,
         If she would say, “I’ll try.”

      5. Be kind, little children,
         To those who are poor,
         And ne’er against sorrow
         And want shut the door.

      6. See, mamma, ’tis half-past eight;
         I must haste, or I’ll be late.
         Teacher says, “Make this your rule,
         Never to be late at school.”

      7. A little child may have a loving heart,
         Most dear and sweet,
         And willing feet.
         A little child may have a happy hand,
         Full of kind deeds
         For many needs.
         A little child may have a gentle voice
         And pleasant tongue
         For every one.

      8. Be kind and be gentle
         To those who are old,
         For dearer is kindness,
         And better, than gold.

9. True politeness consists in making every one happy about us.

      10. Deal with another as you’d have
          Another deal with you;
          What you’re unwilling to receive
          Be sure you never do.

11. Good manners cannot be put on at pleasure, like an outside
coat, but must belong to us.

      12. Children, do you love each other?
          Are you always kind and true?
          Do you always do to others
          As you’d have them do to you?
          Are you gentle to each other?
          Are you careful day by day
          Not to give offence by action,
          Or by anything you say?

      13. In the school-room while we stay,
          There is work enough to do;
          Study, study through the day,
          Keep our lessons all in view.

      14. By-and-By, is a very bad boy,
          Shun him at once and forever;
          For they who travel with By-and-By
          Soon come to the house of Never.

      15. Five minutes late, and the school is begun.
          What are rules for if you break every one?
          Just as the scholars are seated and quiet,
          You hurry in with disturbance and riot.
          Why did you loiter so long by the way?
          All of the classes are formed for the day.
          Hurry and pick up your reader and slate;
          Room at the foot for the scholar that’s late.

          --_Mrs. M. L. Rayne._

16. Give a boy address and accomplishments, and you give him the
mastery of palaces and fortunes, wherever he goes.--_Emerson._

17. Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.--_Emerson._

18. True courtesy is real kindness kindly expressed.--_Dr.

19. Love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.--_St. Paul._

20. The gentleman never sees deformity.--_Munger._

21. Sidney, at the battle of Zutphen, handed a cup of water for
which he longed with dying thirst to the wounded soldier beside
him, and said: “He needs it more than I.”

22. If one is centrally true, kind, honorable, delicate, and
considerate, he will almost, without fail, have manners that will
take him into any circle where culture and taste prevail over

23. A beautiful behavior is the finest of the fine arts.--_Emerson._


  Obvious typographical errors and punctuation errors have been
  corrected after careful comparison with other occurrences within
  the text and consultation of external sources.

  Except for those changes noted below, all misspellings in the text,
  and inconsistent or archaic usage, have been retained. For example,
  table-manners, table manners; playground, play-ground; monitorship;

  Table of Contents:
  Pg 7, Missing entry ‘Practical training in manners ... 18’ inserted.
  Pg 8, ‘treatment of schoolmates’ replaced by ‘treatment of
  Pg 8, Numbering 1-4 inserted for the four entries listed for page 43.
  Pg 9, ‘Subjects suggested ... 47’ replaced by ‘“Keys” suggested ... 47’.
  Pg 9, Missing entry ‘_Subjects for additional lessons_’ inserted,
  and the three subject items also inserted below it, all for page 49.
  Pg 9, page number ‘55’ added to line ending ‘... who make inquiries,’.
  Pg 10, Missing entry ‘_Subjects for Additional Lessons for Both
  Grades._’ inserted and the two subject items also inserted below it,
  both for page 63.
  Pg 11, ‘Practical training in manners, 90’ replaced by ‘Miscellaneous
  items, 90’.

  Main text:
  Pg 4, ‘courtesy employes’ replaced by ‘courtesy employs’.
  Pg 5, ‘good breading’ replaced by ‘good breeding’.
  Pg 24, ‘happpened to see’ replaced by ‘happened to see’.
  Pg 24, ‘Note.’ has been italicized for consistency.
  Pg 28, ‘he was empoyled’ replaced by ‘he was employed’.
  Pg 28, ‘gave you chair’ replaced by ‘gave your chair’.
  Pg 40, ‘sigh of good’ replaced by ‘sign of good’.
  Pg 49, ‘320.’ at the end of a paragraph has been retained. The
  meaning is not clear.
  Pg 49, ‘Additional Lesssons’ replaced by ‘Additional Lessons’.
  Pg 50, ‘108.’ at the end of a paragraph has been retained. The
  meaning is not clear.
  Pg 56, ‘show the necesssity’ replaced by ‘show the necessity’.
  Pg 63, ‘Bur first you’ replaced by ‘But first you’.
  Pg 68, ‘propor attentions’ replaced by ‘proper attentions’.
  Pg 87, ‘it is considred’ replaced by ‘it is considered’.
  Pg 89, ‘names if unkown’ replaced by ‘names if unknown’.
  Pg 100, ‘rest assurred’ replaced by ‘rest assured’.

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