Title: The Electric Man
 - Being the One Act Version of the Three Act Farcical Comedy of the Same Name
Author: Hannan, Charles
Language: English
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 - Being the One Act Version of the Three Act Farcical Comedy of the Same Name" ***


THE ELECTRIC MAN



  THE ELECTRIC MAN

  BEING THE ONE ACT VERSION OF THE
  SUCCESSFUL THREE ACT FARCICAL
  COMEDY OF THE SAME NAME

  By

  CHARLES HANNAN

  _Author of_

  “_A Cigarette Maker’s Romance_,” “_Master of the Situation_,” “_The
  Coachman with Yellow Lace_,” “_Iron Hand and Velvet Glove_,”
  “_The World’s Way_,” “_United States_,” “_Sweet Olivia_,”
  “_Richard Wye_,” “_The New Groom_,” “_The Setting
  of the Sun_,” “_The Gipsy_,” “_A Fragment_,” “_The
  Lily of the Field_,” _etc., etc., and in
  collaboration with Wilson Barrett_,
  “_Our Pleasant Sins_.”

  COPYRIGHT, 1910, BY SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD


  NEW YORK
  SAMUEL FRENCH
  PUBLISHER
  28-30 WEST 38TH STREET

  LONDON
  SAMUEL FRENCH LTD
  26 SOUTHAMPTON STREET
  STRAND



Any costumes, wigs or properties used in the performance of “The
Electric Man” may be hired or purchased reasonably from Messrs. C. H.
Fox, Ltd., 27, Wellington Street, Strand, London.



THE ELECTRIC MAN.


The three act successful farcical comedy, “The Electric Man,” which may
be obtained in manuscript from Messrs. Samuel French, Ltd., was first
presented at the King’s Theatre, Hammersmith, with Mr. Harcourt Beatty
in the leading rôle, and was subsequently put on for a West End run
at the Royalty Theatre on November 10, 1906, with Mr. Harry Nicholls
as the Electric Man, the piece being transferred to the Shaftesbury
Theatre on Boxing Day of the same year.

       *       *       *       *       *

Mr. Harry Nicholls at the Chelsea Palace and Metropolitan Halls with
the greatest success on July 29, 1907, cast thus:--

  WALTER EVEREST and THE ELECTRIC MAN              _Mr. Harry Nicholls_.
  DR. JACK STRANGE, a young physician, his friend  _Mr. Loring Fernie_.
  STELLA, Jack’s sister, Walter’s fiancée          _Miss Fitzgerald_.
  MRS. ANDERSON, his landlady                      _Miss Nellie Dade_.
  JOBBINS, a private detective and inquiry agent   _Mr. Thorpe Tracey_.

  _Period_: Present day. Morning.

  _Time of representation_: Twenty-six minutes.

       *       *       *       *       *


NOTES.

Walter and the automaton are never upon the stage together, so that
throughout the play Walter takes the figure’s place by entering the
cupboard “off.” A super is required, however, to play “dummy,” but when
this happens the figure is seated in the cupboard with its back to
audience.

COSTUME for Walter and for the automaton: Walter wears a brown coat or
jacket and trousers of the same, with a white waistcoat. The automaton
is dressed exactly the same as to trousers and waistcoat, etc., but
wears a black frock coat, and as they both usually keep the coat
buttoned, the waistcoat is seldom seen.

“_Funeral March of a Marionette_” to accompany the automaton’s scenes.
The automaton walks very stiffly and jerkily, and moves his arms like a
doll.

[Illustration: PLAN OF SET.

D in F indicates the opening leading to hall.

R the entry to drawing-room.

There are curtains at each side of the window recess,

And a Grandfather’s clock against wall, front of china cupboard.]



THE ELECTRIC MAN


  SCENE.--_WALTER’S rooms in London. Moderately furnished sitting-room._

  _On table R. a newspaper and two unopened letters._

  _The table up in the alcove is set for luncheon._

  _WALTER’S brown bowler is lying on chair or sofa L._

  _The cupboard door has a spring so that it closes of itself when left
  open, a string being also tacked across the inside of the door so
  that WALTER can pull the door to after him at end of play. A large
  bamboo rocking-chair is used for the figure, and is easily moved and
  turned as directed._

  (_Enter JACK and MRS. ANDERSON D. in F._)

MRS. ANDERSON. It’s as I thought, sir, the pore young gent isn’t up.

JACK (_looks at his watch_). Was he late last night?

MRS. ANDERSON. Oh, yes, sir, as I happens to know being woked up
sudden, thinkering to hear a burgular, which was only Master Walter
Everest, the gent I does for, a-creepering and a-crawlering upstairs.

JACK. Is he often like that? (_Takes up and looks at letters on table
and puts them down again._)

MRS. ANDERSON. Lawk a floury! no, sir, only breaks out occasional when
his work’s bad. Mr. Everest is a chemist and electerician.

JACK. Been working hard lately?

MRS. ANDERSON. I believes as he have something very musterious and
secret inventering at this here identical period of time, some mustery
as he keeps in that there cupboard which the door is always locked
constant. Oh, very musterious--and queer smells a-penetratering and
perfuncteroring the house. Oh, here he are, sir.

  (_WALTER’S door L. opens. She exits D. in F._)

  (_WALTER stumbles in L. He is not to look dissipated, but to act it._)

WALTER. Hullo, hullo! whose head is this? It isn’t mine, it can’t be
mine. Stop! (_Sits top of R. table._) Stop! (_Picks up newspaper._)
Morning paper, who wants morning paper? (_Throws it on floor behind
him, and JACK, who is watching him, picks it up. WALTER opens letter._)
Letters, who wants letters?--oh, one from my tailor, “We greatly regret
delay in delivery of your new black coat. We will despatch it to
reach your residence without fail to-day. May we remind you that your
account----?” No, you may _not_ remind me.

  (_JACK gives him a rousing smack on the back._)

Hullo, Jack, where did you spring from?

JACK. Came to town this morning. (_Clasp hands._)

WALTER. Jack, I’m very ill. I haven’t been out of doors till last
night for weeks. Nothing but work at what my father left me. He gave
_his_ lifetime to it and then left it to me. It ought to have been the
invention of the age. I went on the spree last night, when the whole
thing failed.

JACK. I have some news for you about your stepmother, Mrs. Everest.
By the idiotic conditions of your late father’s will--if the old lady
marries again before your birthday on Monday next the whole fortune he
left becomes not yours but hers.

WALTER. He meant it the other way about.

JACK. Yes, but that is how the will reads--instead of writing “_He_
shall inherit,” your father wrote “_she_ shall inherit.” She is the
“she.” About forty-five thou., isn’t it?

WALTER. Nearer fifty.

JACK. An adventurer named Potterfield has lately come to the village,
found out about the will, made love to the old lady, got a special
license, and is bringing her to town to marry her to-morrow.

WALTER. What?

JACK. Stella is coming here directly. This wedding must be stopped or
postponed.

WALTER. Jack, something’s got to be done--suppose I were taken
ill--very ill.

JACK. No good at all.

WALTER. Well, suppose that--no, that’s no use--suppose again that--no,
that’s no good either. I have a dim kind of idea that in some way my
invention is going to help us.

JACK. You said it had failed.

WALTER. It failed living; it might be of use dead. (_Swiss Jodel._)
Hullo, tra la la! (_Momentary dissipated business._)

  (_STELLA enters D. in F._)

WALTER. Hullo, Stella how are you? Jack has told me all about this
adventurer, Potterfield. I’ve an idea to checkmate my stepmother.
(_Gives her seat._) I’m going to postpone their marriage not by being
ill--I’m going to die. What do you think of that?

JACK. I think it’s the weakest thing I ever heard of.

WALTER. In that cupboard there is a figure exactly like myself which
was timed to spring into existence yesterday at 5 p.m.--only it didn’t.
It’s the work my father never completed. Something went wrong. There
the figure is and will remain, dead as a nut. I even dressed it in my
best clothes, gave it a name, too, christened it Cyril Davidson.

STELLA. Cyril Davidson? (_Laughs._)

JACK. What was the little idea of making it like yourself?

WALTER. My father’s instructions were to make the man I was creating
a handsome, good-looking fellow, according to the very best available
model. All you’ve got to do is to produce the dead figure and say it’s
me. I’ll go away to Brighton; they can’t in common decency marry before
the funeral.

JACK. Then it seems you made an electric man. _My_ chief doubt is it
won’t be like enough.

WALTER. Come and see!

  (_Music. He takes key from pocket, unlocks door of cupboard, and a
  man in black frock-coat, with black bowler, is seen seated with back
  to audience._)

STELLA. Oh, how wonderful! (_Looking in._)

JACK. Wonderful! (_Looking in._)

STELLA. Walter, that _is_ you!

  (_Bell rings off D. in F._)

WALTER. Bell!--that may be my stepmother! (_He quickly closes
cupboard._) We might go into the other room. I call it my drawing-room,
because there is a piano and three gold-fish in a bowl.

  (_STELLA goes into room R._)

Jack, in case she comes I’d better be off. Can you lend me any cash?

JACK. How much do you want? (_Producing loose cash._)

WALTER. Two or three pounds. (_Looks in JACK’S hand._) I’ll take four.
(_Does so._) Stop, I’ll give you a duplicate key of the cupboard.
(_Gives key._) The figure has got my black coat on, and I want it for
Brighton. When you come back, it will be wearing _this_ one. (_Pointing
to coat he is wearing._)

JACK. Right.

WALTER. Explain that to Stella.

JACK. Right oh! (_JACK goes into drawing-room R._)

  (_WALTER picks up and puts on his brown bowler, goes quickly up,
  unlocks cupboard, puts key back in pocket, then goes in after
  saying:_)

WALTER. Now, Mr. Davidson, my coat, if you please.

  (_He opens door wide, showing figure seated as before, then goes in
  and the door closes._)

  (_He is then heard calling loudly in cupboard:_)

I say! let me go! confound you--Jack--Jack--I say! the thing is moving!

  (_Loud noise of struggle._)

Hold on, damn it! don’t hit me on the head! Do you want to STUN me?
Jack!

  (_A loud cry and two thumps, then the cupboard door slowly opens,
  AUTOMATON puts head out--the actor having had time to change into
  the black coat before entering as the automaton. It creeps out, not
  opening the door more than necessary--business, tries to re-open
  door by hitting it. It wears the black bowler set to one side of
  head. Comes down C., stiffly, and remarks, “Yow,” then goes up. MRS.
  ANDERSON enters D. in F. with dishes and sets table in recess with
  back to audience. He goes towards MRS. ANDERSON. She starts on seeing
  his strange manner. He turns and goes across and straight off D. in
  F., she goes after him._)

MRS. ANDERSON (_calling after him_). Mr. Everest, sir!

  (_Exit AUTOMATON D. in F._)

  (_Exit MRS. ANDERSON D. in F._)

  (_JACK and STELLA enter from R._)

JACK. I left him changing his coat.

STELLA (_looking out of window_). There he is turning the corner; he
_has_ changed his coat.

JACK. Let’s have a proper look at this wonderful thing before the old
lady comes.

  (_They fetch out chair with WALTER seated on it and bring it down
  stage, where they wheel the chair right round so that the stunned
  WALTER faces audience. He is hatless._)

STELLA. Hasn’t it slipped down in the chair since we saw it last?

JACK. I don’t think so.

STELLA. Look at its eyes--Jack, they’re opening--it’s moving!

JACK. Great Heavens! it’s being born!

WALTER (_half stunned and waking_). Where am I?

STELLA. It speaks!

JACK. It’s living!

WALTER. I want a drink!

JACK. Good lord! It drinks!

  (_STELLA screams and falls on seat. Bell again rings loudly off R._)

Hullo! there’s Mrs. Everest! (_He takes WALTER, who has risen, by the
arm._) Come with me, sir (_leads him to bedroom L._). In there with
you, quick!

  (_Kicks him in quickly, and locks door._)

  (_STELLA meantime has hurried up with the chair and put it in cupboard
  and closes door._)

Phew! this is the most extraordinary thing! (_Hurries down, saying:_)
Where are the telegraph forms?

  (_As he snatches them from nail on wall, and sits to write R., MRS.
  ANDERSON enters D. in F. out of breath and with a telegram; she is
  in process of dressing, her hair being in disorder, and she wears a
  dressing jacket._)

MRS. ANDERSON. Telegrapheram, sir. (_Down and gives it._)

JACK (_looking at telegram_). From Mrs. Everest--“Have missed
train, don’t wait lunch--coming by next.” Thank goodness! (_To MRS.
ANDERSON._) I suppose you don’t know where I can find a detective?

MRS. ANDERSON. Yes, sir, I does. Being my own nephew as lives in the
attic.

JACK (_writes several telegrams, as:_) I want him at once----

MRS. ANDERSON. Lawk a floury me!

  (_Hurries out D. in F._)

STELLA. What are you writing? (_Takes up one of the telegrams._)
“Walter Everest, _Ship Hotel_, Brighton. Cyril Davidson is living. Come
home.”

  (_WALTER knocks loudly at bedroom door._)

Jack! listen!

JACK (_still writing--knocking repeated_). Coming--coming.

  (_Knocking ceases--he continues._)

This goes to every hotel in Brighton.

STELLA. He may not be at an hotel.

JACK. That’s why I’ve sent for a detective----

  (_JOBBINS enters, hat in hand and umbrella under arm; he is a stout
  man, rather shabbily dressed in tweed, with tweed frock-coat, and has
  a square-topped bowler._)

JOBBINS. My name is Jobbins, sir. (_Gives large card._) Private inquiry
and detective agent, utmost secrecy and despatch, parties watched,
missing relatives traced, divorces ensured.

JACK. This is a very simple matter, Mr. Jobbins. The gentleman who
resides here left home suddenly. I want him fetched back at once.
(_Sits and writes note as:_)

JOBBINS. Yes, sir (_goes up, then returns_), where is he? (_With
notebook open to take notes._)

JACK. Brighton.

JOBBINS (_notes_). Brighton--what hotel, sir?

JACK. Do you think if I knew what hotel I should require a detective?

JOBBINS. Then how am I to find him?

JACK. The best thing will be to take the first train to Brighton.

JOBBINS (_notes_). First train to Brighton.

JACK. He may be at a boarding-house.

JOBBINS (_notes_). Possibly a boarding-house.

JACK. When you find him give him this note (_closing it and giving
it_), and send me a wire. (_Gives five-pound note._) There is some cash
for your expenses.

STELLA. How is he to know Walter?

JACK. Isn’t there a photograph? (_Finds one on mantel R._) Here we are.
(_Gives it._)

JOBBINS. I’ll walk about the Brighton streets with this--why, I seen
this gent in the public gardens five minutes ago.

JACK. Then after him and bring him back.

JOBBINS (_at D. in F._). You’ll hear from me--BY WIRE.

  (_Exit._)

JACK (_calls out after him_). Follow him to Victoria; if you miss him,
go right on. (_Comes down._) I’ve forgotten these telegrams.

STELLA. I’ll take them.

JACK (_gives them_). Have you any cash?

STELLA. Yes. (_Hurries out D. in F._)

  (_A very loud peremptory knocking at D.L. JACK listens a moment--it is
  repeated._)

JACK. Getting nasty! (_Loud knocking._)

WALTER (_off, calls_). I say--let me out!

JACK. Now if I had not known, I should have said that was Walter. The
voice was a trifle thick at starting, but now its identical.

WALTER (_off_). Let me out. (_Loud knocking._)

JACK. I suppose I’ll have to.

  (_He goes and unlocks door and returns to R. front--WALTER comes
  out._)

WALTER. What is the meaning of all this?

JACK. That’s exactly what I want to know.

WALTER. Locking a fellow in a bedroom.

JACK (_aside_). Calls itself a fellow and knows it’s a bedroom!

WALTER. I feel as stupid (_he is still half-stunned_) as an owl. Where
is Stella?

JACK. Knows about Stella!

WALTER. What are you muttering?

JACK. Knows I’m muttering!

WALTER. Well?

JACK. Well.

WALTER. Why the devil don’t you speak?

JACK. Knows there’s a devil! I really don’t quite know what to do with
you till your creator returns.

WALTER. What?--How?

JACK. What or how--same thing. This is a pretty pickle, Mr. Cyril
Davidson.

WALTER. Mr. _What_?

JACK. Of course you don’ know your name yet; that is what you were
christened, Cyril Davidson, so I call you Cyril Davidson.

WALTER. Oh, you do, do you? that’s very clever of you. My mind’s a
blank, I can’t remember what happened before I woke up on that chair.

JACK. No one remembers what happened before they were born.

WALTER (_bangs a book down on table_). Oh, damned nonsense!

JACK. I wonder what you think of the world now you’ve come into it;
what are your general impressions of mankind?

WALTER. Was this why you locked me in the bedroom?

JACK. Exactly.

WALTER. And are you going to keep this up?

JACK. Decidedly.

WALTER. I can’t see much sense in it myself; however, if it pleases
you--I’m going to have some lunch. (_Goes up to table in recess._)

JACK (_calls up_). Mr. Davidson! (_No answer._) I’ve made it angry.
(_Calls._) Mr. Davidson--I say, Davidson--Mr. Cyril Davidson--sir,--oh,
it’s in a pet and declines to answer me.

  (_STELLA enters D. in F._)

STELLA. Jack, a boy brought this. (_Gives note._)

JACK (_tears it open_). Jobbins is something like a detective. “Just
seen Mr. Everest, he is running. Jobbins.”

STELLA. Running?

JACK. The electric individual is in there.

STELLA. You let it out? What is it doing?

JACK. Lunching.

WALTER (_at table in alcove, mixing salad_). Nothing here but salad!
(_With beer bottle._) Beer, who wants beer?

JACK. Knows all about everything!

STELLA. It’s been listening in the cupboard before it lived. (_Pause
and then asks._) Should we speak to it?

JACK. It’s very bad-tempered, but I daresay it won’t hurt you. (_They
go up._) I say, Davidson!

WALTER. Bah! (_They start back._)

STELLA. Poor thing! tell it it’s amongst friends.

  (_They again approach._)

JACK. This young lady is very anxious to make your acquaintance, Mr.
Davidson!

  (_WALTER smashes crockery with a beer bottle; they start and come down
  in fright, then approach again._)

STELLA. Please, Mr. Davidson!

WALTER (_turns_). Oh, _you’ve_ come back; has Jack told you what he’s
playing at?

  (_He comes down a little--they retreat from him._)

JACK. Isn’t it wonderful! Calls me Jack!

WALTER (_as they are staring at him_). When you’ve done staring,
perhaps you’ll drop this.

STELLA. Jack, I can’t believe it! (_WALTER walks about in rage._)

JACK. At first I couldn’t, but there is a difference, I begin to see
it, a very subtle difference; watch how it moves; aren’t its joints a
little stiff and so on?

WALTER (_quick step to him_). You thick-headed-addle-pated numskull!

  (_JACK in fright falls headlong backwards over sofa L., STELLA runs
  and crouches R., then they rise on knees and wave to pacify him._)

JACK. Gently, gently!

STELLA. Oh, please, Mr. Davidson, please don’t be so angry; we are both
awfully interested in you and really sorry for you. It must be terrible
to be born full grown.

WALTER. Am I mad, or are you?

JACK. _You_ are.

WALTER. That’s settled.

STELLA. Of course, you think you’re real, but we _know_. You’re only a
made thing, like a cheese or a pudding.

WALTER (_hand to head_). You honestly say and believe that I am my own
invention? (_They nod solemnly._)

WALTER. Am I myself, or am I the thing I made?

JACK. You are the thing you made.

WALTER. Then where is myself--the other fellow?

JACK. Your esteemed creator left home before you began to exist,
changed coats and went.

WALTER. Changed coats? I never changed coats at all!

JACK.   }
        } What?
STELLA. }

WALTER. The moment I tried to, the figure rose up and stunned me.

STELLA (_up to him, throws arms round him_). It’s Walter!

  (_Enter MRS. ANDERSON with telegram D. in F., and gives it. JACK opens
  it._)

MRS. ANDERSON (_seeing WALTER_). Ow! Ow! Lawk a floury me!

  (_Exit._)

JACK. Jobbins is somewhere near Euston. (_Gives telegram to STELLA._)

WALTER. Who’s Jobbins?

JACK. The detective who’s gone after you to bring you back.

WALTER. Then it really went out?

STELLA (_reading telegram_). “Have taken a cab, he’s still running.”
What will happen if Mr. Jobbins catches it?

WALTER. I expect he _will_ catch it.

JACK. Another telegram! (_Going up to D. in F._)

  (_MRS. ANDERSON hands in a telegram and retires._)

  (_Coming down, reading:_) “He has smashed some more windows, and is
  still running.”

STELLA (_taking the telegram_). More windows!

JACK. “The crowd are still after him.”

WALTER. Crowd?

JACK. “He has just climbed a tall chimney stack marked Bovril, and is
now sitting on the top.”

WALTER. Good Lord!

JACK. “Marked Bovril,” is this to be your fate, alas, my poor brother!

WALTER (_snatches the wire and reads_). “They are fetching a fire
escape. He keeps yowling.”

STELLA (_taking telegram_). Yowling?

WALTER. Suppose the police get him and think it’s me, I’ll be blamed
for all this damned thing. We must catch him. We’ll buy a gag and
handcuffs as we go along.

STELLA. Gag? Why?

WALTER. Because he’s yowling! Stop! Stella must stay in case Mrs.
Everest comes. (_Calls._) Mrs. Anderson! I want a cab!

  (_He and JACK rush out D. in F._)

STELLA. I’m so excited I think I’ll play the piano in the other room.

  (_Exit R. to drawing-room and immediately plays and sings
  “Caressante.”_)

  (_AUTOMATON enters D. in F., in black frock-coat, but now hatless,
  goes to cupboard, paws at the door, goes and knocks over chair, then
  to table up L. and takes up a tumbler, brings it down mechanically to
  front C., half raises it, then lets it fall on the floor and sits by
  table R., facing audience and says:_)

AUTOMATON. Tick-tick-Yow.

  (_MRS. ANDERSON enters D. in F. with a black frock-coat in tailor’s
  parcel, places it on table R. top end, then sees AUTOMATON and comes
  out C., to speak._)

MRS. ANDERSON. Oh, he’s there, are he? (_Using handkerchief as she
speaks._)

AUTOMATON. Yow.

MRS. ANDERSON. There’s a parcel from the tailoring folks with a message
hopering as it were in time.

AUTOMATON. Yow-Yow. (_She starts a little._)

MRS. ANDERSON. The pore young lady is a-sittering in there.

AUTOMATON. Tick-tick. Yow-yow! (_Same business._)

MRS. ANDERSON. Ain’t you in good ’ealth, Mr. Everest, sir?

AUTOMATON. Yow-chuck, Yow-yow.

  (_Rises and makes mechanical exit to bedroom L._)

MRS. ANDERSON (_watching him_). Pore-young-man!

  (_Enter STELLA R._)

Mr. Everest have come back, mum; gone in his bedroom, mum; been to the
pub.-house again, or I’m much mistook. Pore-young-man!

  (_Exit D. in F._)

STELLA (_calls across_). Walter, here’s a parcel--Walter!

  (_AUTOMATON enters door L., but does not come out, she sees him._)

Walter, why have you left Jack? Is anything wrong?

AUTOMATON. Yow! (_Turns and goes in again D.L._)

STELLA (_crossing to the door_). Walter! (_Door shuts._) How very
polite of you! Are you changing? (_Voice off says, “Yow.”_) Oh, very
well, if you won’t answer me. I’m in the drawing-room all alone!

  (_Has crossed back to R., and goes in._)

AUTOMATON (_enters L._). Tick-chuck-yow. (_Goes up, hits door of
cupboard twice._) Chuck-yow-yow.

  (_Goes to recess, knocks over a chair, hits clock, etc., and goes
  into china cupboard in recess L. A loud noise of smashing of crockery
  off. STELLA through this is playing and singing same air as before._)

  (_WALTER comes in D. in F., as soon as ever he can, walking quite
  quietly as contrast to the very quick exit of AUTOMATON. Brown
  jacket._)

WALTER (_comes to table R., calling_). Stella! I want you. Stella!

STELLA (_stops singing a moment to call_). I’m not coming! (_Resumes
song off._)

WALTER (_takes up parcel_). My new coat at last. The moment I get
Davidson under lock and key I’m going to change into this and get away
to Brighton. (_Puts parcel down._)

  (_STELLA enters R._)

Why wouldn’t you come a minute ago?

STELLA. Why did you shut that door in my face?

WALTER. When?

STELLA. After you went out.

WALTER. After I went out--before I came home? Did I speak?

STELLA. No.

WALTER. It’s as plain as a pikestaff, it’s come home!

STELLA (_slowly and firmly_). I believe you’re right. Now I’ve seen you
both I’ll never mistake again.

WALTER. It must be somewhere on the premises now.

  (_They hurriedly look about under furniture, and meet and collide up
  C., and say, “Oh!” Noise in china cupboard._)

WALTER. It’s in the bedroom. Run down to Mrs. Anderson and borrow the
very largest blanket.

STELLA. Why?

WALTER. I want something to throw over it.

  (_STELLA exit D. in F._)

WALTER (_listens to fresh sounds_). No! It’s in the china cupboard!

  (_A wooden hand with fingers extended is mysteriously thrust out of
  china cupboard door. He gets a plate and smashes it on this hand,
  which is at once withdrawn. This can be done with a real hand and
  smash plate on door near it._)

  (_He quickly turns key._)

WALTER. Got it--got it!

  (_He jubilantly dances down C., then goes and calls out D. in F._)

Stella, Stella, I’ve locked it in the china cupboard. I don’t want
the blanket. (_Returns._) Gone in the kitchen, I suppose! (_Takes up
parcel._) Change my coat at last and get away! (_Goes into bedroom L._)

  (_Immediately on his exit a loud smashing in china clipboard, then
  the door flies into splinters and is knocked down, and AUTOMATON
  enters quickly, hurries right round C., and into bedroom after
  WALTER._)

WALTER (_within, as loud noise in bedroom_). Hi! stop!

AUTOMATON (_within_). Yow-yow.

WALTER (_rushing in, dressed in black coat_). By Jove! what an escape!

  (_JACK, carrying blanket of green flannel or red, enters with STELLA,
  who has gag and handcuffs--enter D. in F._)

  (_WALTER makes signs to them, pointing to bedroom and beckoning them
  to follow him there._)

JACK. Is that it?

STELLA. Yes, yes, Jack, yes!

  (_JACK throws blanket over WALTER, and they get him on chair C._)

JACK. Hurrah! we’ve got him now! (_Business: secure him with rope round
his legs and gag, then take blanket off._) (_WALTER, gagged, groans._)
No more climbing tall chimney stacks! (_WALTER groans._)

STELLA. Is it in pain?

JACK. Of course not.

STELLA. It groans so!

JACK. Rather mad at being caught.

STELLA. Is it wax-work?

JACK. More like indiarubber. I suppose you do see the difference this
time?

STELLA. Rather.

JACK. That’s not flesh and blood. (_Pulling its nose._)

STELLA. It seems to want to explain something.

JACK. It will never get the chance of that. (_Lighting a candle from
mantel R._)

STELLA. Poor thing! are you tired of living? (_Groan._)

JACK. How can it answer you?

STELLA. I believe it could if you took the gag out of its mouth.

JACK. Hold the candle under its nose. (_Groan._)

STELLA. No, no, no! (_JACK puts candle on table._)

JACK (_with pin from waistcoat_). I want to see what it will do when I
stick this pin in it. (_Groan._)

STELLA. No, no!

JACK. In its leg, you can nip its arms and legs. (_Does so--groan._)

STELLA. It doesn’t seem to like being nipped.

JACK. In the interests of science I’m going to bleed it. (_Loud
groans._) Give me a carving knife. (_Groans._)

  (_MRS. ANDERSON has entered and come down--sees WALTER, screams. They
  start._)

MRS. ANDERSON. The gent I does for came down the other stair from the
bedroom (_pointing L._) and is in the kitchen premises at this here
identical period of time.

JACK. What! _Is_ he?

MRS. ANDERSON. Here have I been a-doing for two twins at the price of
one.

JACK (_bustles MRS. ANDERSON to D. in F._). Send Mr. Everest up at
once! (_Exit MRS. ANDERSON._)

JACK. Now to make an end of this fiend!

  (_WALTER, who has been watching them as well as he could, now pretends
  to be dead._)

Hullo! I don’t think I’ll want any instruments, it’s passing away!
(_Business._) Not breathing! (_Looks at watch._) It’s eyes are closed.
Oh! it’s run down. I believe we’d be quite safe to unbind it. Just help
me with this rope. Let it pass away quietly on the sofa. There is
something pathetic even in the death of a doll.

  (_They unbind WALTER and raise him, he opens his eyes and bounds upon
  JACK--commotion._)

Confound it, it’s living again!

  (_STELLA runs in room R., JACK runs in room L._)

WALTER (_as JACK looks in L., and STELLA looks in R._). I say! (_They
at once withdraw._) Jack! Stella! (_Heads appear again._) I say! Jack!
(_Heads disappear._) Come out, you bounder! (_Heads appear._) Why are
you making such idiots of yourselves?

JACK (_coming in_). Who are you?

WALTER. Walter Everest.

JACK. The other fellow said that.

WALTER. I _am_ the other fellow.

JACK. Then I’ve let the automaton escape!

WALTER. Escape?

JACK. _It_ must be in the kitchen now!

WALTER. I have a particularly heavy poker in my room, I’ll just fetch
it.

JACK. And then?

WALTER. We’ll see what then! (_Has gone into bedroom L._)

JACK. This _is_ a nice muddle! What asses we’ve been!

STELLA. Yes, haven’t we?

JACK. By Jove! we have.

  (_AUTOMATON comes in D. in F., followed by MRS. ANDERSON with a
  telegram--they both go quickly into drawing-room R._)

MRS. ANDERSON (_calling as she goes_). Telegrapheram, Mr. Everest, sir!

STELLA (_down L. with JACK points up to them as they go out_). Jack!
look!

  (_Piano is smashed off R._)

Oh, what’s that?

JACK. That’s the piano! (_Glass is smashed off R._) That’s the three
gold-fish in the bowl!

  (_WALTER with poker enters L._)

MRS. ANDERSON (_off_). Oh, help! (_She rushes in from R. in a fainting
condition and gasps._) Mr. Everest have fell out of the window into the
street!

WALTER. Mrs. Anderson, I am here.

  (_She gives a loud yell of fright in his face and rushes into bedroom
  L. STELLA hastens after her._)

WALTER. There’s going to be no mistake this time, I’m going after it
myself. (_Exit D. in F._)

  (_JOBBINS enters D. in F., his hat bashed, a black eye, and one arm
  in a sling. He is in a miserable condition._)

JACK. Great goodness! Jobbins!

JOBBINS. What’s left of him, sir!

AUTOMATON (_off at back_). Yow-yow.

JOBBINS (_on his knees clings to JACK_). I calls on you to protect me!

JACK. We must search this house from top to toe. You chase up, I’ll
chase down. And if we don’t find him, meet here.

JOBBINS. I’ll do that (_they go up_), meet here!

  (_Exeunt._)

STELLA (_looks in L._). Jack, she’s getting better--Jack! where are
you? (_Goes in again._)

  (_JOBBINS enters D. in F., comes down, saying:_)

JOBBINS. Missed him! (_Sits L. of R. table_). I’ll just make out my
little bill.

  (_As he is doing this, AUTOMATON enters D. in F., comes down and has
  a spasm with his hands, knocking off JOBBINS’ hat. JOBBINS with a
  loud yell rushes out D. in F. AUTOMATON knocks furniture about, etc.,
  and goes into china cupboard. (He may throw a chair out of window
  first.) STELLA comes in L. to see his final exit. She then goes up,
  looks into china cupboard after him--then comes downstage, calling in
  fright:_)

STELLA. Help! Help! Help!

  (_JACK and JOBBINS bring WALTER on between them D. in F., and bring
  him down C., and MRS. ANDERSON enters L._)

WALTER. Let me go, let me go, I say!

STELLA. Jack, you’ve got the wrong man!

  (_They release him._)

MRS. ANDERSON. There’s a telegrapheram, sir; is it for you or your twin?

JACK (_snatches it and reads_). From Mrs. Everest--“Potterfield fell
out of his dogcart and broke his leg. The wedding is postponed.”

STELLA. Postponed!

JACK. Congratulate you, old chap (_shaking hands_). Your fortune’s safe.

  (_Noise off and lights down as:_)

WALTER. Hush, hush! all of you. It’s coming out to die!

  (_STELLA hides on floor front of sofa L. MRS. ANDERSON hides on
  knees front of table R. JOBBINS stands by clock against wall up L.
  JACK sets cupboard door open with chair against it and then goes and
  stands in recess to R., side of same, and WALTER goes off to hide
  behind the curtain of recess L., side where there is a secret exit,
  so that he at once comes on as AUTOMATON from the china cupboard._)

  (_A man’s hand holds out the curtain behind which WALTER is supposed
  to be hiding. Dying scene for AUTOMATON. Jerky business, frightens
  JOBBINS who crouches back from it, then goes C., stoops and grows
  faint, has a spasm of strength and hurries to table R., frightening
  MRS. ANDERSON, who gets under table. It then leans dying against
  table, then has a fresh spasm, hurrying across to STELLA, who lies
  away from it on floor to avoid it._)

  (_Then up to cupboard door, which JACK set open with a chair.
  AUTOMATON dies with back to inside of door, pushing the chair clear
  of it in his spasm, business, finally shutting himself in as he
  collapses by letting the door close after him._)

  (_Red limes changing to green through above, and dark floats._)

  (_Lights up--all rise._)

STELLA (_cries_). Walter! (_Music of “Caressante.”_)

  (_WALTER comes out from behind curtain L. and down to STELLA C., takes
  her in his arms._)

WALTER. It’s Walter this time, and if you want proof, open the cupboard
and you’ll find all that remains of


THE ELECTRIC MAN.


CURTAIN.

       *       *       *       *       *

  Charles Hannan’s one act plays, “The Setting of the Sun,” “The New
  Groom,” “Richard Wye,” “The Gipsy,” “A Fragment,” “The Clock,” “The
  Lily of the Field,” may also be obtained from Messrs. SAMUEL FRENCH,
  LTD.

[Illustration: BUTLER & TANNER

THE SELWOOD PRINTING WORKS ·· FROME ··]



TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES:


Italicized text is surrounded by underscores: _italics_.

Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.





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