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Title: Anguish Languish
Author: Chace, Howard L.
Language: English
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Copyright Status: Not copyrighted in the United States. If you live elsewhere check the laws of your country before downloading this ebook. See comments about copyright issues at end of book.

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ANGUISH LANGUISH

[Illustration: _Horse waif enjoin toil-evasion._]



                                 ANGUISH
                                LANGUISH

                                   _by
                            Howard L. Chace_

                             [Illustration]

                           PRENTICE-HALL, INC.
                         ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, N. J.

                           © Copyright 1956 by
                           Prentice-Hall, Inc.
                         Englewood Cliffs, N. J.

                All rights reserved, including the right
                 to reproduce this book, or any portions
              thereof, in any form except for the inclusion
                    of brief quotations in a review.

             LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOG CARD NUMBER 56-8160

                _PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA_
                                  03708



CONTENTS


    INTRODUCTION                                 7

    1. FURRY TELLS                              19

        _Ladle Rat Rotten Hut_                 _19_

        _Guilty Looks Enter Tree Beers_        _23_

        _Center Alley_                         _28_

    2. NOISIER RAMS                             35

        _Marry Hatter Ladle Limb_              _35_

        _Sinker Sucker Socks Pants_            _37_

        _Effervescent_                         _39_

        _Oiled Murder Harbored_                _40_

        _Pitter Paper_                         _40_

    3. FEY-MOUSE TELLS                          41

        _Casing Adder Bet_                     _41_

        _Violate Huskings_                     _47_

    4. LATH THING THUMB THONGS!                 57

        _Fryer Jerker_                         _57_

        _Alley Wetter_                         _59_

        _Door Oil Gory Mayor_                  _59_

        _Dare Ashy Turban Inner Torn_          _60_

        _Fur Hazy Jelly Gut Furlough_          _61_

        _Hive Ban Walking Honor Roil Rut_      _61_

        _Hurl, Hurl, Door Gong’s Oil Hair_     _63_

        _Hormone Derange_                      _63_



INTRODUCTION

THE ANGUISH LANGUISH


English words are astonishingly versatile and could readily be made to
serve a new and extraordinary purpose, but nobody seems to care about
this except SPAL (Society for the Promotion of the Anguish Languish).[1]
In keeping with its lofty ideals and its slogan, ANGUISH FOR EVERYBODY,
the Society is sponsoring this little text, which has three aims:

    1. To improve the public’s understanding of the Anguish
    Languish.

    2. To improve the academic standing of the Anguish Languish.

    3. To improve the social _and_ financial standing of the
    Society.


☛ Policemen and Magicians

A visiting professor of Anguish, Dr. ——[2], who, while learning to
understand spoken English, was continually bewildered and embarrassed
by the similarity of such expressions as _boys and girls_ and _poisoned
gulls_, used to exclaim:

“Gracious! What a lot of words sound like each other! If it wasn’t
(_sic_) for the different situations in which we hear ’em, we’d have a
terrible time saying which was which.”

Of course, these may not have been the professor’s exact words, because
he often did his exclaiming in Anguish rather than in English. In that
case he would say:

“_Crashes! Water larders warts sunned lack itch udder! Effervescent
further deferent saturations an witch way harem, wade heifer haliver tam
sang witch worse witch._”

Dr. —— was right, both in English and Anguish. Although other factors
than the pronunciation of words affect our ability to understand them,
the situation in which the words are uttered is of prime importance.
You can easily prove this, right in the privacy of your own kitchen, by
asking a friend to help you wash up a dozen cops and sorcerers. Ten to
one, she’ll think you said a dozen _cups and saucers_, and be genuinely
surprised if you put her to work cleaning up even _one_ police officer,
let alone all the others, and the magicians, too.

If you think that she misunderstands merely because the two phrases sound
somewhat alike and _not_ because of the situation, read what SPAL’s
Committee on Housewives has to say:

“Presented with a dishes-piled-in-sink situation, several hundred
well-adjusted housewives thought that _cops and sorcerers_ referred
to dishes, but seldom did normal subjects, interviewed under the same
conditions, make the opposite mistake. When they were asked to help us
wash _cups and saucers_, some women consented, some made stupid excuses,
and some told us bluntly to go wash them ourselves, but _practically no
one thought that we were talking about policemen and magicians_.”

[Illustration:

    “_Are empty mustard off mar fate_
    _Are empty catsup off mouse hole._”]


What Anguish Really Is. ☚

The experiments described above, and hundreds of similar ones conducted
by SPAL show that _an unbelievable number of English words, regardless
of their usual meanings, can be substituted quite satisfactorily for
others_. When _all_ the words in a given passage of English have been so
replaced, the passage keeps its original meaning, but all the words have
acquired new ones. _A word that has received a new meaning has become
a ~wart~, and when all the words in the passage have become warts, the
passage is no longer English; it’s ~Anguish~._


Are There Any Good Reasons to Study Anguish? ☚

This is not an altogether silly question, and it deserves the prompt and
unequivocal answer any Anguish Languish enthusiast will give it.

“_Watcher mane, ardor rainy gut raisins toe sturdy anguish?_” he will
say, and will probably give you an impressive list of them which will
certainly include the following:


_1. Anguish is fun._

You and your friends can make a game out of learning Anguish, and you’ll
have fun developing your own style and observing each other’s efforts.
How to begin will be explained later.


_2. Anguish Languish means verbal economy._

If words can be made to do double, triple, or even quadruple duty, it is
obvious that we don’t need so many of them. Wouldn’t it be a comfort to
know that, in the event of some unpredictable disaster wiping out half of
our English vocabulary, we could, if we had learned Anguish, get along
nicely with what we had left?[3]


_3. Anguish helps out in certain social situations._

People who aren’t sure of themselves should learn Anguish. Suppose you
have been asked to dinner by the president of your company and his wife.
Since you haven’t met your hostess, you have spent some time, before
going, thinking up something to say that will really interest her.
Finally you decide to ask, during the dinner:

“Mrs. Bellowell, didn’t I hear that your brother Henry was discovered to
be in collusion with those election crooks?”

The moment arrives, but you no sooner get her attention than you have
sudden misgivings. Too late to change your subject, you slip deftly into
Anguish:

“Mrs. Bellowell ... deaden are hair ditcher broader Hennery worse
dish-cupboard toe bang collision wet dozer liquor-chin crocks?”

Chances are that everyone will be so fascinated by the graceful form of
your question that not even your hostess will attach much importance to
what you’ve asked.

[Illustration: EUROPE OILY DISK MOANING!

DOILY BOARD CASHES OR WARM!]


_4. Anguish relieves that terrible craving to tell dialect stories._

People who are addicted to telling dialect stories, or chronically
frustrated because they can’t tell them without Scotch brogue or
Brooklynese getting mixed up with Deep South, will be overjoyed with
Anguish. _Anguish is definitely ~not~ a dialect, since it consists ~only~
of unchanged English words which anyone can pronounce._ By imparting
a delicate and indefinably exotic accent to one’s speech, however, it
not only provides a socially acceptable substitute for telling dialect
stories, but adds to one’s personal charm.[4]


_5. Anguish improves your English._

As your Anguish vocabulary increases, you’ll find that your English
vocabulary does, too, but you must be careful not to mix them
up—something which people orphan do when they begin to use words
accordion to the way they sound rather than how they’re spelled. Words
which are rare in English are often common enough in Anguish, so you
have new opportunities to see them. Suppose you’re spending a week-end
reciting nursery rhymes in Anguish to a happy group of children or
immature adults, and come across _SING A SONG OF SIXPENCE, A POCKET FULL
OF RYE_. In Anguish, this, of course, is _SINKER SUCKER SOCKS PANTS,
APOCRYPHAL AWRY_. This will give you an unexpected chance to use the last
two words.

You’d be surprised to know how many people haven’t the faintest idea
what a xyster is until they hear a SPAL member talking about his fodder,
murder, broader, and xyster. This makes them want to look _xyster_ up.
When they do, they find that, although _xyster_[5] in Anguish, may mean
_sister_, in English it’s nothing in the world but a common raspatorium.
Now raspatoria, and, therefore xysters are important surgical
instruments, nice to know about before being scheduled for an aberration.

Speaking of xysters, hominy people know what _higglery_ is? Very few, yet
it occurs in the Anguish Languish version of something as well known as:

    “Murder, mare argo art toe swarm?”
    “Yap, mar doling dodder,
    Hank yore clues honor higglery larme
    An dun gore norther warder!”

While you’re looking up _higglery_, you might find _larme_, just a few
pages away in Webster’s Unabridged.

[Illustration: “—_wail, debt worse inner laest wake off Dismember—nor,
inner foist wake off Janizary—Doctor Smatters (haze mar surging) gummier
fun cull wan moaning, an set: ‘Gut moaning, Messes Huffywate, heresy
ladle bat noose furrier—yore garner heifer heifer nodder aberration.’
Wail, whinny set ~debt~—” etc., etc._]


_6. Practical Anguish._

Anguish can be used for group study at parties and entertainments; as a
psychological test of something or other (we don’t know just what),[6]
and as practice material in Speech and Typing classes.


How Can One Learn Anguish? ☚

1. Read everything in this text aloud, and preferably in a group. Make a
game of it.

You’ll find it easier to understand Anguish when you _hear_ it than when
you see it. If you have trouble, listen to someone else read it to you,
preferably someone who doesn’t quite know what he’s reading. This often
gives the best effect. Watch what happens when the listeners understand
better than the reader.

2. Don’t try to read too fast and be sure to give all words their
usual English pronunciation, regardless of the new meaning the word
has acquired. An accurate pronunciation and good intonation are most
effective.

3. Don’t worry if you seem to have suddenly acquired a slight accent;
your friends will tell you that this is most attractive.

    [1] The members of SPAL are the persons who have written to
    the author concerning the Anguish Languish, especially the
    thousands who wrote to request copies of LADLE RAT ROTTEN
    HUT after Arthur Godfrey’s inimitable reading of it, on his
    television show. The society is very poorly organized, in
    fact few of the members even know they belong. There are no
    officers, no meetings, no convention, and, worst of all, from
    the point of view of the author and founder, no dues.

    [2] This isn’t his real name, nor is it intended to be the name
    of any other Anguish Languish professor, living or dead.

    [3] Whether or not such a calamity is likely to occur seems
    entirely beside the point; in times like these one should be
    prepared for any emergency.

    [4] _ANGUISH ANONYMOUS_, an organization of former dialect
    story tellers, sponsored by SPAL, can be called in difficult
    cases.

    [5] The plural of _xyster_ in Anguish, is _cisterns_. See, in
    this book, the story of _Center Alley_.

    [6] A research psychologist plans to use _Anguish Languish_
    to provide data for a study entitled: “_Individual and Sex
    Differences in Configurational Perception of Artificially
    Contrived but Phenomenologically Comprehensible Auditory
    Stimuli._” This sounds as if it should mean something.

       *       *       *       *       *

The first item in this collection is a story familiar to all
readers—LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. Or, as you can probably say now in
Anguish, LADLE RAT ROTTEN HUT.

_Heresy ladle furry starry toiling udder warts—warts welcher altar girdle
deferent firmer once inner regional virgin._ This sentence means: “Here
is a little fairy story told in other words—words which are altogether
different from the ones in the original version.”

ORIOLE RATTY? DEN LESS GAT STUTTERED!



1

FURRY TELLS



LADLE RAT ROTTEN HUT


Wants pawn term dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner
ladle cordage honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist. Disk ladle gull
orphan worry putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk
raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.

[Illustration]

Wan moaning Ladle Rat Rotten Hut’s murder colder inset.

“Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter an
shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking tutor cordage offer groin-murder
hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist. Shaker lake! Dun stopper
laundry wrote! Dun stopper peck floors! Dun daily-doily inner florist, an
yonder nor sorghum-stenches, dun stopper torque wet strainers!”

“Hoe-cake, murder,” resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, an tickle ladle
basking an stuttered oft.

Honor wrote tutor cordage offer groin-murder, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut mitten
anomalous woof.

“Wail, wail, wail!” set disk wicket woof, “Evanescent Ladle Rat Rotten
Hut! Wares are putty ladle gull goring wizard ladle basking?”

“Armor goring tumor groin-murder’s,” reprisal ladle gull. “Grammar’s
seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden barter an shirker cockles.”

“O hoe! Heifer gnats woke,” setter wicket woof, butter taught tomb shelf,
“Oil tickle shirt court tutor cordage offer groin-murder. Oil ketchup
wetter letter, an den—O bore!”

Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, an whinny retched a cordage offer
groin-murder, picked inner windrow, an sore debtor pore oil worming
worse lion inner bet. Inner flesh, disk abdominal woof lipped honor
bet, paunched honor pore oil worming, an garbled erupt. Den disk ratchet
ammonol pot honor groin-murder’s nut cup an gnat-gun, any curdled ope
inner bet.

Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft attar cordage, an ranker
dough ball. “Comb ink, sweat hard,” setter wicket woof, disgracing is
verse.

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity bet rum, an stud buyer groin-murder’s bet.

“O Grammar!” crater ladle gull historically, “Water bag icer gut! A
nervous sausage bag ice!”

“Battered lucky chew whiff, sweat hard,” setter bloat-Thursday woof,
wetter wicket small honors phase.

“O, Grammar, water bag noise! A nervous sore suture anomalous prognosis!”

“Battered small your whiff, doling,” whiskered dole woof, ants mouse
worse waddling.

“O Grammar, water bag mouser gut! A nervous sore suture bag mouse!”

Daze worry on-forger-nut ladle gull’s lest warts. Oil offer sodden,
caking offer carvers an sprinkling otter bet, disk hoard-hoarded woof
lipped own pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut an garbled erupt.

       *       *       *       *       *

MURAL: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls stopper torque wet
strainers.



GUILTY LOOKS ENTER TREE BEERS


Wants pawn term dare worsted ladle gull hoe hat search putty yowler coils
debt pimple colder Guilty Looks. Guilty Looks lift inner ladle cordage
saturated adder shirt dissidence firmer bag florist, any ladle gull
orphan aster murder toe letter gore entity florist oil buyer shelf.

“Guilty Looks!” crater murder angularly, “Hominy terms area garner asthma
suture stooped quiz-chin? Goiter door florist? Sordidly NUT!”

“Wire nut, murder?” wined Guilty Looks, hoe dint peony tension tore
murder’s scaldings.

“Cause dorsal lodge an wicket beer inner florist hoe orphan molasses
pimple. Ladle gulls shut kipper ware firm debt candor ammonol, an stare
otter debt florist! Debt florist’s mush toe dentures furry ladle gull!”

Wail, pimple oil-wares wander doe wart udder pimple dum wampum toe doe.
Debt’s jest hormone nurture. Wan moaning, Guilty Looks dissipater murder,
an win entity florist.

Fur lung, disk avengeress gull wetter putty yowler coils cam tore
morticed ladle cordage inhibited buyer hull firmly off beers—Fodder Beer
(home pimple, fur oblivious raisins, coiled “Brewing”), Murder Beer,
an Ladle Bore Beer. Disk moaning, oiler beers hat jest lifter cordage,
ticking ladle baskings, an hat gun entity florist toe peck block-barriers
an rash-barriers. Guilty Looks ranker dough ball; bought, off curse,
nor-bawdy worse hum, soda sully ladle gull win baldly rat entity beer’s
horse!

Honor tipple inner darning rum, stud tree boils fuller sop—wan grade bag
boiler sop, wan muddle-sash boil, an wan tawny ladle boil. Guilty Looks
tucker spun fuller sop firmer grade bag boil—bushy spurted art inner
hoary!

“Arch!” crater gull, “Debt sop’s toe hart—barns mar mouse!”

Dingy traitor sop inner muddle-sash boil, witch worse toe coiled. Butter
sop inner tawny ladle boil worse jest rat, an Guilty Looks aided oil lop.

Dingy nudist tree cheers—wan anomalous cheer, wan muddle-sash cheer, an
wan tawny ladle cheer. Guilty Looks set darn inner ladle cheer, bushy
worse toe bag ferret, ant soddenly bustard.

Clamming upper stars tutor beer’s bet-rum, Guilty Looks dish-cupboard
tree bets—wan grade bag bet, wan muddle-sash bet, an wan tawny ladle bet.
Failing torrid, shay flunker shelf honor ladle bet, an, jester cobbler
menace letter, worse sunder slip an snorting.

[Illustration]

Inner ladle wile, donors offer cordage cam beck firmer barrier-pecking
extradition, currying baskings fuller rash-barriers. Whinny entity
darning rum, Fodder Beer stuttered snuffing an gruelling tomb shelf.

“Warts ban goring earn hair?” crumpled dole beer, “Conjure small
psalm-sing deferent a boarder horse?”

“Crashes!” crater murder beer, ashy castor quack glands adder tipple,
“Hose ban muddling wet debt sop?”

Ladle Bore Beer stuttered crayon.

“Jest locket mar ladle boiler sop—oil garbled dope! An locket mar itchy
pitchy cheer—oil bustard!”

Locking adder bustard cheer, Murder Beer bay-gander gat historical, an
stuttered hurling tore horsebarn:

“Brewing! Brewing! Way gut BURGHERS inner horse. HORSE BURGHERS! Quack!
Coiler place! Wail, dun stun dare lacking end-bustle during nosing!
Coiler Place Deportment, quack!”

“Harmer garner coiler Place Deportment wen way dun heifer toiler-fun?”
resplendent Brewing, inner trampling verse. “Set darn, worming, an cape
quoit! Yore oil-wares thanking dare burghers inner horse!”

Oiler shame, Brewing worse jesters scarred aster udders; infect, haze
niece war shagging.

Finely, Fodder Beer gutter grade bag short-gum, Murder Beer gutter
muddle-sash haunting raffle, an Ladle Bore Beer gutter tawny ladle
pestle, an oiler beers crypt upper stars, ware Guilty Looks worse line
honor bet, sunder slip an snorting. Herring door beers, shay weakened,
lipped otter door windrow, an dished aware harm jesters fascist shagged
scrabble.

Oiler beers tar darner stars, an stuttered toe locker doers an windrows.

“Fodder,” aster ladle bore beer, finely, “Wart _worse_ debt discussing
crasher honor bet? Wart _worse_ debt ogling ammonol wet oil debt yowler
far honor had, an hoe dint half nor far atoll honor beck? Wart _worse_
debt hobble lurking crasher, Fodder?”

Fodder Beer shuttered.

“Comb hair, mar bore. Heresy gut lessen furrier! Debt discussing crasher
worsen HORMONE BANG! Kipper ware firm debt candor ammonol! Dare nor gut!
Warts mar, are dun wander catcher goring entity florist oil bar yore
shelf. _Debt florist’s mush toe dentures furry ladle beer!”_



CENTER ALLEY


Center Alley worse jester pore ladle gull hoe lift wetter stop-murder an
toe heft-cisterns. Daze worming war furry wicket an shellfish parsons,
spatially dole stop-murder, hoe dint lack Center Alley an, infect, word
orphan traitor pore gull mar lichen ammonol dinner hormone bang. Oily
inner moaning disk wicket oiled worming shorted, “Center Alley, gad
otter bet, an goiter wark! Suture lacy ladle bomb! Shaker lake!” an firm
moaning tell gnat disk ratchet gull word heifer wark lacquer hearse toe
kipper horsing ardor, washer heft-cistern’s closing, maker bets, gore
tutor star fur perversions, cooker males, washer dashes an doe oily udder
hoard wark. Nor wander pore Center Alley worse tarred an disgorged!

Wan moaning, Center Alley herder heft-cisterns tucking a boarder bag boil
debtor prance worse garner gift toiler pimple inner lend.

“O stop-murder,” crater ladle gull, “Water swill cerebration debt boil’s
garner bay! Are sordidly ward lacquer goiter debt boil!”

“Shed dope, Center Alley,” inserter curl stop-murder, “Yore tucking
lichen end-bustle! Yore nutty goring tore debt boil—_armor_ goring tutor
boil wet yore toe heft-cisterns. Yore garner stair rat hair, an kipper
horsing ardor an washer pods an pens! Gore tutor boil? Hoar, hoar! Locket
yore close—nosing bought racks!”

Soda wicket stop-murder any toe ogling cisterns pot honor expansive
closing, an stuttered oft tutor boil, living pore Center Alley setting
buyer far inner racket closing, wit tares strumming darner chicks.

Soddenly, Center Alley nudist debt annulled worming hat entity rum, an
worse setting buyer site. Disk oiled worming worry furry gourd-murder.

“Center Alley, Center Alley,” whiskered dole worming, “watcher crane
aboard? Ditcher wander goiter debt boil? Hoe-cake, jest goiter yore
gardening an pickle bag pomp-can; den goiter yore staple an gutter bag
rattletrap witch contends sex anomalous ratch. Wail, watcher wading fur?
Gat goring!”

Center Alley garter pomp-can any sex bag ratch. Inner flesh, dole worming
chintz door pomp-can intern anomalous, gorges, courage. Dingy chintz
door sex beg ratch enter sex wide hearses. Oil offer sodden, Center
Alley real-iced dashy worse warring putty an expansive closing—sulk an
sadden—an honor ladle fate war toe putty ladle gloss slobbers.

[Illustration]

Center Alley, harpy acid lurk, clammed entity gorges courage, any sex
wide hearses gobbled aware tutor prance’s boil.

“O bore!” crater prance, whinny sore Center Alley, “Hoes disk putty ladle
checking wetter gloss slobbers?” any win ope toe Center Alley an aster
furry dense, den fur servile udders. Door prance dint wander dense wet
dodder gulls—jest wet Center Alley.

Pimple whiskered, “Jest locket debt gnats-lurking cobble! Door prance
sordidly enter-stance harder peck gut-lurking worming!”

Ladle Center Alley worse door bail offer boil.

Door wicket stop-murder any toe ogling cisterns wore trampling wet anchor
an forestation.

“Courses, courses!” crater stop-murder. “Hoes debt ladle Manx wetter
gloss slobbers? A nervous sore suture ladle horsey, any prance axe
lackeys knots a barter! Lucks lackeys garner dense wetter oil gnat, wile
oil ware during aster set hair an kipper cheers worm! Courses!”

Oil offer sodden door cluck stork mit-gnat. Inner flesh, Center Alley’s
putty closing chintz backer racks, enter pore gull hatter dasher ware
firmer boil. Goring donor steers, Center Alley caked offer ladle gloss
slobber. Door prance traitor casher, bought oily gut worse door slobber.

Necks moaning door Prance set: “Arm goring toe fine debt putty gull hoe
worse warring disk slobber. Shale bay mar waif, debt’s fur shore, an oil
bare horsebarn.”

Den, lipping honors hearse, door prance gobbled aware.

Whinny prance retched Center Alley’s horse, door stop-murder an toe
heft-cisterns wandered toe traitor pot honor gloss slobber.

“Arch, arch! Debt hearts!” crater cisterns. “Are fates toe bag fur debt
slobber!”

“Arch, arch! Ticket oft!” shorted door stop-murder, “Wart inhale yore
during, Prance? Debt slobber’s toe ladle furry hormone bang! Ticket oft!”

Wile ticking offer slobber, door prance nudist Center Alley setting buyer
far, any set: “Hoes debt ratchet ladle crasher? Props debt pore gull cut
pot honor gloss slobber.”

Door abdominal stop-murder any toe wicket heft-cisterns bust art luffing.

“Hoar, hoar, hoar! Debt’s jest Center Alley. Yore wooden wander half
suture discussing parson furry waif! Lock attar hens and phase—oil
cupboard wet dart! Locket doze close—nosing bought racks!”

“Jester seam,” resplendent door prance, gadding impassioned, “arm garner
traitor pot disk slobber honor ladle fort. Comb hair, Center Alley.”

Wail, bores and gulls, badger canned gas wart hopping! Center Alley
tickle ladle slobber an potted earn. Den, oil offer sodden, door prance
potters alms rounder ladle gull an caster—rat honor mouse!

Fur lung, wadding balls war wrangling, an Center Alley winter wear firmer
wicket stop-murder’s horse, an becalm door mattress offer prance’s gorges
mention. Center Alley worse jest knots aboard disk hansom horsebarn, an
lift, yonder daze harpy sorghum-stenches, furry lung, lung, tam.

       *       *       *       *       *

MURAL: Ladle gulls shunt bay disgorged; warts garner hoppings garner
hopping.



2

NOISIER RAMS



MARRY HATTER LADLE LIMB


    Marry hatter ladle limb
    Itch fleas worse widest snore.
    An ever-wear debt Marry win
    Door limb worse shorter gore.

[Illustration]



SINKER SUCKER SOCKS PANTS


    Sinker sucker socks pants
    Apocryphal awry
    Foreign turnkey blank boards
    Bagged inner pyre.
    Whinny pious orphaned
    Door boards bay-gander sink.
    Worsen dizzy jelly ditch
    Toe setter furry kink?
    Door kink worse inner conning horse
    Conning otters moaning.
    Door coin worse inner panda
    Aiding burden honing.
    Door mate worse inner gardening
    Hankering ardor cloys.
    A lung camel blank board
    An sniffed offer noise!

[Illustration]



EFFERVESCENT


    Effervescent further ACHE
        dare wooden bather CHECKING.
    Effervescent further PEG
        way wooden heifer BECKING.
    Effervescent further LESSENS
        dare wooden bather DITCHERS.
    Effervescent further ODDEST
        way wooden heifer PITCHERS
    Effervescent further CLASHES
        way wooden kneader CLASH RUMS.
    Effervescent further BASH TOPS
        way wooden heifer BASH RUMS.
    Effervescent further TUCKING
        way wooden heifer LANGUISH.
    Effervescent fur daze phony WARTS
        nor bawdy cud spick ANGUISH!



OILED MURDER HARBORED


    Oiled Murder Harbored
    Wen tutor cardboard
    Toe garter pore darker born.
    Wenchy gut dare
    Door cardboard worse bar
    An soda pore dark hat known.



PITTER PAPER


    Pitter Paper peeked or parker peckled paupers
    Or packer peckled paupers pitter paper peeked
    Aft Pitter Paper peeked or packer peckled paupers
    Ware aster packer peckled paupers debt pitter paper peeked?



3

FEY-MOUSE TELLS



CASING ADDER BET

    _Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;_
    _The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,_
    _And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;_
    _But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Casey has struck out._

                                          ERNEST LAWRENCE THAYER


Heresy borsch-boil starry a boarder borsch boil gam plate lung, lung a
gore inner ladle wan hearse torn coiled Mutt-fill.

Mutt-fill worsen mush offer torn, butted hatter putty gut borsch-boil
tame, an off oiler pliers honor tame, door moist cerebrated worse Casing.
Casing worsted sickened basement, any hatter betting orphanage off .526
(punt fife toe sex).

Casing worse gut lurking, an furry poplar—spatially wetter gull coiled
Any-bally. Any-bally worse Casing’s sweat-hard, any harpy cobble wandered
toe gat merit, bought Casing worse toe pore toe becalm Any-bally’s
horsebarn, (Boil pliers honor Mutt-fill tame dint gat mush offer celery;
infect, day gut nosing atoll.)

Bought less gat earn wetter starry.

Wan dare, inner Mutt-fill borsch boil pork, door scar stud lack disk
inner lest in-ink:

    MUTT-FILL    2
    UDDER TAME   4

Water disgorging saturation! Oiler Mutt-fill rotors setting inner
grin-stance, war failing furry darn inner mouse.

Bought, watcher thank hopping? Soddenly wan offer Mutt-fill pliers hitter
shingle, an an-udder plier gutter gnats toe beggar! Soda war ptomaine
earn basis. Bust off oil, Casing ham-shelf, Mutt-fill’s cerebrated
better, worse combing ope toe bet!

Whinny kraut inner grin-stance sore Casing combing, day stuttered toe
clabber hens an yowl, “Dare’s CASING! Attar bore, Casing!” An whinny
hansom sickened basement sundered confidentially ope tutor plat, oiler
Mutt-fill rotors shorted:

    “CASING ROAR!
    CASING ROAR!
    ROAR, ROAR, CASING!”

Putty ladle Any-bally, setting oil buyer shelf inner grin-stance, worse
furry prod offer gut lurking loafer. Lack oiler udder pimple, Any-bally
worse shore debt Casing worse garner winner boil gam fur Mutt-fill.

Casing weaved tutor kraut, an castor sweat glands add Any-bally, den
retched darn tutor grunt an robbed dart honors hens, an warped haze hens
honors pence.

“PLY BOIL!” shorted door empire, gadding impassioned.

Casing pecked upper bet, an locked adder patcher, any set tomb shelf:

“Latter comb! Arm garner smirk disk boil rat offer defense!”

ZOMBIE! Door boil short pest Casing lacquer canning boil. Casing dint
peony tension turret.

“STORK WARN!” crater empire.

Door kraut inner grin-stance stuttered shorting an coursing.

“Wart inhale’s madder wet debt empire’s ICE? Hazy gun BLAND?”

“Lessen, empire—Java heifer ICE exempted? Batter goiter seeder
obstetrician!”

“Boor! Boor! B-o-o-r!”

“O water bag BOMB!”

Door patcher warn dope akin, any boil short pest Casing lacquer bullock
firmer raffle.

“STORK TOE!” setter empire, lurking unctuously adder kraut.

Oiler Mutt-fill fens an rotors war hurling wet anchor! Servile bear
bordels an corker cooler bordels cam firmer grin-stance, an fail honor
grunt, nut for firmer pore empire’s fate.

Inner grin-stance, ladle Any-bally, hoe dint lacquer seer loafer mucker
bag foal otter ham-shelf, bay-gander wiper ice wetter tawny ladle lazy
hanker-sniff.

Wants akin, Casing locked adder patcher, disk term wetter lock off gram
razor-lotion honors phase.

“Jest locket Casing!” whiskered door kraut, “Disk term, Casing manes
baseness. Badger Casing’s garner smirk debt borsch-boil rat offer
defense!”

SWASH! Casing swank adder boil wet oilers farce! Water swank! Wart
anomalous farce! Wart gram razor-lotion!

Water sham debt Casing dint hitter boil!

[Illustration]

“Stork tree—yore art!” whiskered door empire, trampling, an gadding ratty
toe dock corker cooler bordels an bear bordels.

Door kraut worse stunt.

Any-bally worse sopping historically inner tawny ladle lazy hanker-sniff.

Wail, yawl nor debt putty pacer pottery coiled CASING ADDER BET—spatially
doze lest melon-colic versus:

    “_O psalm-war an disk fevered lend, door soreness shunning brat;_
    _Door benders plying psalm-war, an psalm-war hurts alite,_
    _An psalm-war manor luffing, an psalm-war chaldron short;_
    _Butter ash nor jarring Mutt-fill—muddy Casing hash stork art!_”

Bought lessen, forks! Wander nor wart _rally_ hopping? Wail, doze putty
versus becalm cerebrated—an Casing becalm cerebrated, toe! Suture bag
kraut off pimple cam toe Mutt-fill toe shag hens wetter hansom borsch
boil plier debt Casing win enter parlor-tricks, an gat retch. An, whinny
gut retch (conjure gas?) Casing becalm door diverted horsebarn off putty
ladle Any-bally.



Violate Huskings

ore

Ornery Aboard Inner Gelded Ketch


POT 1

_Darn Honor Form_

Heresy rheumatic starry offer former’s dodder, Violate Huskings, an wart
hoppings darn honor form.

Violate lift wetter fodder, oiled Former Huskings, hoe hatter repetition
fur bang furry retch—an furry stenchy. Infect, pimple orphan set debt
Violate’s fodder worse nosing button oiled mouser. Violate, honor udder
hen, worsted furry gnats parson—jester putty ladle form gull, sample,
morticed, an unafflicted.

Wan moaning Former Huskings nudist haze dodder setting honor cheer,
during nosing.

“VIOLATE!” shorted dole former, “Watcher setting darn fur? Denture nor
yore canned gat retch setting darn during nosing? Germ pup otter debt
cheer!”

“Arm tarred, Fodder,” resplendent Violate warily.

“Watcher tarred fur?” aster stenchy former, hoe dint half mush symphony
further gull. “Are badger dint doe mush woke disk moaning! Ditcher curry
doze buckles fuller slob darn tutor peg-pan an feeder pegs?”

“Yap, Fodder. Are fetter pegs.”

“Ditcher mail-car caws an swoop otter caw staple?”

“Off curse, Fodder. Are mulct oiler caws an swapped otter staple, an
fetter checkings, an clammed upper larder inner checking-horse toe gadder
oiler aches, an wen darn tutor vestibule guarding toe peck oiler bogs
an warms offer vestibules, an watched an earned yore closing, an fetter
hearses an....”

“Ditcher _warder_ oiler hearses, toe?” enter-ruptured oiled Huskings.

“Nor, Fodder, are dint.”

“Dint warder mar hearses? Wire nut?”

“Arm surrey, Fodder, butcher hearses jest worsen Thursday. Yore kin
leader hearse toe warder, Fodder, butcher cannon maggot drank. Lessen,
Fodder, arm tarred!”

“Oil-wares tarred!” crumpled Huskings. “Wail, sense yore sore tarred, oil
lecher wrestle ladle, bought GAD OFFER DEBT CHEER! Wile yore wrestling,
yore kin maker bets an washer dashes.”

Suture fodder! Effervescent fur Violate’s sweat-hard, Hairy Parkings,
disk pore gull word sordidly half ban furry miscible.


POT 2

_Moan-late an Roaches_

Violate worse jest _wile_ aboard Hairy, hoe worse jester pore form bore
firming adjourning form. Sum pimple set debt Hairy Parkings dint half gut
since, butter hatter gut dispossession an hay worse medley an luff wet
Violate. Infect, Hairy wandered toe merrier, butter worse toe skirt toe
aster.

Wan gnat Hairy an Violate war setting honor Huskings’ beck perch inner
moan-late, holing hens.

“O Hairy,” crate Violate, “Jest locket debt putty moan! Arsenate
rheumatic?”

“Yap,” inserted Hairy, lurking adder moan.

“O Hairy,” contingent Violate, “Jest snuff doze flagrant orders combing
firmer putty rat roaches inner floor guarding! Conjure small doze orders,
Hairy? Conjure small debt deletitious flagrancy?”

“Yap,” set Hairy, snuffing, lacquer haunting dug haunting fur rapids.

[Illustration]

“Lessen, Hairy,” whiskered Violate, “Arm ... arm oil-moist _shore_ yore
gut sum-sing toe asthma. Denture half sum-sing impertinent toe asthma,
Hairy? Denture?”

Pore Hairy, skirt oil-moist artifice wets, stuttered toe trample, butter
poled ham-shelf toe-gadder, an gargled:

“Ark ... yap, Violate ... are gas ... are gas are gut sum-sing ... O
shocks, Violate!”

“Gore earn, Hairy, gore earn!” encysted Violate, gadding impassioned.
“Dun bay sore inhabited! Nor, den, watcher garner asthma?”

“Wail, Violate, arm jester pore form bore, an dun half mush moaning....”

“Hoe cars aboard moaning, Hairy? Pimple dun heifer bay retch toe gat
merit, bought day order _lack_ itch udder. Merit cobbles hoe _lack_ itch
udder gadder lung mush batter den udder cobbles hoe _dun_ lack itch
udder. Merit pimple order bay _congenital_, an arm _shore_, Hairy, debt
wail bay _furry_ congenital an contended, an, fur debt raisin, way dun
heifer half mush moaning.”

Furry lung, lung, term disk harpy cobble set honor beck perch inner
moan-late, holing hens an snuffing flagrant orders firmer floors inner
floor guarding. Finely Violate set:

“Bought lessen, Hairy—inner moaning yore gutter asthma fodder.”

       *       *       *       *       *

Radar, conjure gas wart hopping? Hairy aster fodder, hoe exploited wet
anchor, an setter larder furry bat warts. Infect, haze languish worse
jest hobble. Yonder nor sorghum-stenches wad disk stenchy oiled mouser
lettuce dodder asepsis pore bore furry horsebarn. Hairy, shagging wetter
motion, toll Violate water fodder hat set.

“Dun bay disgorged,” set Violate. “Wail jest waiter wile. Pimple hoe
wander gat merit gutter half passions.”


POT 3

_Evanescent Wan Think Itching Udder._

Wan moaning, servile wicks letter, Violate worse inner fodder’s
vestibule guarding darn honor hens an niece, pecking bogs an warms offer
vestibules. Soddenly shay nudist annulled badger-lore, home pimple cold
“Carnal” Gatretch, combing entity guarding. (Gatretch worsen rallier
carnal—hay worse jester retch oiled stork-barker hoed madder mullion
dullards soiling storks an barns, an hoe lift inner palatal an luxuriant
mention nut fur firmer Huskings’ form.)

“Gut moaning, Carnal Gatretch,” set Violate respectively. “Europe oily
disk moaning.”

“Doily board cashes a warm!” resplendent Gatretch wetter wicket charcoal.
“Arming oily board—an yore jester putty ladle warm.”

“Arm shore yore jest jerking, Carnal,” setter gull, wetter morticed
blotch, “Warts mar, arm nutty warm—arm Violate Huskings.”

“Nutty warm?” aster carnal, “Den watcher during darn honor hens an niece
inner mutton dart? O water sham, water sham, debt search putty ladle wide
hens shut bay oil cupboard wet mutton dart! Comb hair, Violate! Lessee
doze putty ladle hens! _Arm_ garner trait doze hens mar respectively.”

“Jest warts yore porpoise, Carnal?” aster gull. “Jest watcher
incinerating?”

“Conjure gas mar porpoise, doling?” whiskered dole stork-barker. “Conjure
gas wart arm incinerating? Wail, arm nutty garner baiter rounder borsch.
Heresy hull think inner nuptial—arm garner gat merit, an _yore_ garner
bay Messes Gatretch. Yore gamer heifer palatal an luxuriant mention an
storks an barns any cobble off Cattle-hacks, an yule bay warring manx an
udder gorges closing, an damnings an perils an udder jowls....”

Violate shuttered.

“Kip yore manx an damnings an perils an udder retches, Carnal! Are dun
wampum! Are dun wander merry nor-bawdy sceptor manor luff—an debt’s
Hairy Parkings!”

“Hairy Parkings!” crumpled Gatretch, wetter snare honors phase, “Watcher
wander merry debt end-bustle fur? Hairy’s jester bomb!”

Trampling wet indication, Violate stupid darn, pecked upper bag hen-furl
off dart an flunk disk dart rat inner oiled stork-barker’s phase!

“Gat otter mar fodder’s vestibule guarding!” crater gull. “An dun comb
beck!”

“Hoe-cake, hoe-cake,” murdered Gatretch, “bought lessen hair, gull, yore
garner heifer changer mine! Arm garner torque baseness wet yore fodder.
Arm garner muck yore fodder servile ladle prepositions. An _arm garner
bay yore horsebarn_!”

Fleshed wet anchor, an crumpling tomb-shelf, Gatretch win beck tutor
Huskings’ horse toe torque tutor stenchy oiled mouser.


POT 4

_Wadding Balls an Better Tares._

Dole stork-barker worse rat. Former Huskings ascended tutor carnal’s
wicket preposition, an fur lung, Violate, sopping historically, an wet
better tares strumming darner chicks, worse becalming Messes Gatretch.
Censor fodder worse toe stenchy toe heifer wadding, Violate enter Carnal
war stunning inner orifice offer Jesters offer Pace, lessening tutor
jesters raiding doze fetal warts:

“Carnal, door yore tick disk worming furrier awful waif?”

(“Shore,” setter stork-barker.)

“Violate, door yore tick disk carnal furrier awful horsebarn?”

(“Y-Yap,” set Violate, sopping historically.)

Pimple shirker hets an set:

“Water sham! Suture putty gull an suture disherpated oiled badger-lore!
Suture think shunt hopping tore gnats gull lack Violate!”

“Pore Violate! Violate’s garner bay ornery aboard inner gelded ketch!”

Hairy Parkings worse melon-colic, butter worsen disgorged, any set
tomb-shelf:

“Carnal Gatretch’s jester cat-napper hoe cat-napped mar sweat-hard.
Wail, jest waiter wile—props Hairy Parkings kin doer ladle cat-napping
ham-shelf.”

Servile wicks pest.

Wan dock gnat, wile Violate’s horsebarn worse aware honor baseness trap,
Hairy gutter lung larder, an clammed ope toe Violate’s bet-rum windrow.

“Violate!” Hairy whiskered. “Germ pup! Itch yore loafer! Itch Hairy!”

Violate, herring debt farm-oilier verse, lipped otter bet, pot honor
putty ladle bet-rum slobbers, an expansive four-laned, hen-an-bordered
horse-court, an cam tutor windrow.

“Lessen, Violate,” set Hairy, “Armor goring aware. Armor goring tumor
groin-murder’s form, darning Messy-soupy, an armor garner peck carton fur
mar groin-murder. Peck yore begs, Violate! Gad otter disk gelded ketch!
Clam darner larder, an wail goiter garter dam toe Messy-soupy!”

Furry mint, Violate dint yonder-stander loafer’s preposition, den, wetter
harpy, harpy, lurk honor phase, shay set:

“Yore rat, Hairy. Arm jester pore ladle retch gull—ornery aboard inner
gelded ketch. Bought O bore! Water SWILL ketch! Dun heifer feeder pegs!
Dun heifer mail-car caws an swoop otter caw staple! Dun heifer feeder
checkings an gadder aches an peck warms offer vestibules! Dun heifer
doe nor watching an earning, dun heifer warder hearses an maker bets an
washer dashes! Door yore thank armor garner flier ware firm oil disk
lechery? Known date! Sordidly nut! An lessen, Hairy; heresy ladle gut
adverse: Wile yore darning Messy-soupy, dun stutter peck carton furrier
groin-murder. Kipper _ware_ firmer form, an finer swill possession inner
stork-barker’s orifice. Soil storks an barns, an maggot mullion dullards.
DEN comb beck tumor windrow wet yore larder!”



4

LATH THING THUMB THONGS!



FRYER JERKER


    Fryer Jerker, Fryer Jerker,
    Dormer-view? Dormer-view?
    Sunny lay martini!
    Sunny lay martini!
    Drink, drank, drunk.
    Drink, drank, drunk.

[Illustration]



ALLEY WETTER


    Alley wetter, jaunty alley wetter,
    Alley wetter, shutter plumber ray.
    Shutter plumber railer tat
    Shutter plumber railer tat
    Ale a tat, ale a tat
    Ale a tat, ale a tat
    O,

    Alley wetter, jaunty alley wetter,
    Alley wetter, shutter plumber ray.



DOOR OIL GORY MAYOR


    Odor oil gory mayor, shay ant washy oyster bay
    Ant washy oyster bay,
    Ant washy oyster bay!
    Door oil gory mayor, shay ant washy oyster bay
    Money lung yares a gore!



DARE ASHY TURBAN INNER TORN


    Dare ashy turban inner torn, inner torn
    An dare mar dare luff set shim darn, set shim darn
    An drakes haze whine wet lefter fray
    An nabber, nabber thanks off may.
    Farther wail fur arm moist leaf year,
    Doughnut letter parroting grave year,
    Enter member debtor bust off fronts moist port, moist port.
    Adjure, adjure, canned fronts, adjure, adjure, adjure;
    Are kin nor lunger stare wet your, stare wet your.
    Oil hank mar hop honor warping wallow tray,
    An murder whirl gore wail wet they.



FUR HAZY JELLY GUT FURLOUGH


    Fur hazy jelly gut furlough
    Fur hazy jelly gut furlough
    Fur hazy jelly gut furlough
    Witch nor bawdy candor nigh



HIVE BAN WALKING HONOR ROIL RUT


    Hive ban walking honor roil rut
    Oiler laugh lung dare;
    Hive ban walking honor roil rut
    Jester pester tam aware.
    Conjure herder weasels blurring,
    Blurring sore oily inner moan?
    Conjure herder chaldron shorting,
    Diner want chew blur debt hone?

[Illustration]



HURL, HURL, DOOR GONG’S OIL HAIR


    Hurl, hurl, door gong’s oil hair!
    Moisten satyr knotty wart!
    Moisten satyr knotty wart!
    Hurl, hurl, door gong’s oil hair!
    Wart inhale dough way cur, nor?



HORMONE DERANGE


    O gummier hum warder buffer-lore rum
    Enter dare enter envelopes ply,
    Ware soiled’em assured adage cur-itching ward
    An disguise earn it clotty oil die.

    Harm, hormone derange,
    Warder dare enter envelopes ply,
    Ware soiled’em assured adage cur-itching ward
    An disguise earn it clotty oil die.



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