Title: Grammar-land: Grammar in Fun for the Children of Schoolroom-shire
Author: Nesbitt, M. L.
Language: English
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[Illustration: COURT GRAMMARLAND]



  GRAMMAR-LAND

  OR,

  GRAMMAR IN FUN FOR THE CHILDREN OF
  SCHOOLROOM-SHIRE

  BY
  M. L. NESBITT

  _With Frontispiece and Initials by_ F. WADDY.

  [Illustration]

  NEW YORK
  HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY

  1885.



[Illustration]

  TO ALL LITTLE CHILDREN
  WHO THINK GRAMMAR HARD AND DRY,

  =This Book is Dedicated=,

  BY ONE WHO LOVES TO SEE
  SUNSHINE IN SCHOOLROOM-SHIRE.



[Illustration]

PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION.


The favourable reception that the former Editions of this little book
have met with, calls for a word of acknowledgment. It seems that not
only the little folks for whom it was intended, but children of a
larger growth have read it with interest; and students, who spend days
and nights “with weary eyesight poring over miserable books,” have
condescended to turn over these pages, and laughingly admit that the
imagination may sow even the dustiest of book-shelves with flowers.

Teachers of the younger classes in schools have found this little
volume extremely useful; and it is suggested, that though children
will often read it with pleasure by themselves, they will derive much
more profit from it when it is made the text-book for a lesson. The
simple exercises appended to each chapter will then be found both
useful and entertaining.

[Illustration]



[Illustration]

CONTENTS.


                                                           PAGE

  INTRODUCTION--JUDGE GRAMMAR AND HIS SUBJECTS                1

  CHAPTER I.
          MR. NOUN                                            7

  CHAPTER II.
          LITTLE ARTICLE                                     15

  CHAPTER III.
          MR. PRONOUN                                        20

  CHAPTER IV.
          SERJEANT PARSING’S VISIT TO SCHOOLROOM-SHIRE       28

  CHAPTER V.
          MR. ADJECTIVE                                      30

  CHAPTER VI.
           MR. ADJECTIVE TRIED FOR STEALING                  37

  CHAPTER VII.
          THE QUARREL BETWEEN MR. PRONOUN AND MR. ADJECTIVE,
            AND LITTLE INTERJECTION                          45

  CHAPTER VIII.
          DR. VERB                                           54

  CHAPTER IX.
          DR. VERB’S THREE TENSES, NUMBER, AND PERSON        62

  CHAPTER X.
          SERJEANT PARSING IN SCHOOLROOM-SHIRE AGAIN         70

  CHAPTER XI.
          THE NOMINATIVE CASE                                73

  CHAPTER XII.
          ADVERB                                             80

  CHAPTER XIII.
          PREPOSITION                                        86

  CHAPTER XIV.
          PREPOSITIONS GOVERN THE OBJECTIVE CASE             93

  CHAPTER XV.
          CONJUNCTION                                        99

  CHAPTER XVI.
          ACTIVE VERBS GOVERN THE OBJECTIVE CASE            106

  CHAPTER XVII.
          THE POSSESSIVE CASE; AND WHO’S TO HAVE
            THE PRIZE?                                      114

[Illustration]



[Illustration]

GRAMMAR-LAND.

INTRODUCTION.

JUDGE GRAMMAR AND HIS SUBJECTS.


[Illustration: JUDGE GRAMMAR RULES IN EVERY LAND.]

What is Grammar-land? Where is Grammar-land? Have you ever been to
Grammar-land? Wait a minute and you shall hear. You will not find
Grammar-land marked on the globe, and I never saw a map of it; but
then, who ever saw a map of Fairy-land? and yet you have all heard of
that, and know a great deal about it, of course. Well, Grammar-land is
a place every bit as real as Fairy-land, and much more important. The
Fairy Queen is all very well, and a very great little queen in her way;
but Judge Grammar! great, stern, old Judge Grammar, is far mightier
than any Fairy Queen, for he rules over real kings and queens down
here in Matter-of-fact-land. Our kings and queens, and emperors too,
have all to obey Judge Grammar’s laws, or else they would talk what is
called _bad grammar_; and then, even their own subjects would laugh at
them, and would say: “Poor things! When they were children, and lived
in Schoolroom-shire, they can never have been taken to Grammar-land!
How shocking!” And Judge Grammar himself--well, I cannot say what he
would do, as I suppose such a thing never really happened; for who
could imagine a king or queen saying, “_I is_,” or “_you was_,” or “_it
wasn’t me_.” No one speaks in that way except people who have never
heard of Judge Grammar.

Ah! I wish you could see him--this great Judge--sitting on his throne
in his court, and giving orders about his precious words, which are
the riches of Grammar-land. For Judge Grammar says that all the words
that you can say belong really to him, and he can do what he likes with
them; he is, in fact, King as well as Judge over Grammar-land. Now, you
know that when William the Conqueror conquered England he divided the
land among his nobles, and they had it for their own so long as they
obeyed the king and helped him in his wars. It was just the same with
Judge Grammar when he took possession of Grammar-land; he gave all the
words to his nine followers, to take for their very own as long as they
obeyed him. These nine followers he called the nine Parts-of-Speech,
and to one or other of them every word in Grammar-land was given.

They are funny fellows, these nine Parts-of-Speech. You will find out
by-and-by which you like best amongst them all. There is rich Mr. Noun,
and his useful friend Pronoun; little ragged Article, and talkative
Adjective; busy Dr. Verb, and Adverb; perky Preposition, convenient
Conjunction, and that tiresome Interjection, the oddest of them all.

Now, as some of these Parts-of-Speech are richer, that is, have more
words than others, and as they all like to have as many as they can
get, it follows, I am sorry to say, that they are rather given to
quarrelling; and so it fell out that one day, when my story begins,
they made so much noise, wrangling and jangling in the court, that they
woke Judge Grammar up from a long and very comfortable nap.

“What is all this about?” he growled out, angrily. “Brother Parsing!
Dr. Syntax! here!”

In an instant the Judge’s two learned counsellors were by his side.

Serjeant Parsing (Brother Parsing, the Judge calls him) has a sharp
nose, bright eyes, a little round wig with a tail to it, and an
eye-glass. He is very quick and cunning in finding out who people
are and what they mean, and making them tell “the truth, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth.” It is of no use to say “I don’t
know” to Serjeant Parsing. He will question you, and question you,
till somehow or other he makes you know, and finds out all about you.
When I say he will question _you_, of course I mean he will question
the Parts-of-Speech, for that is his business, and that is why Judge
Grammar summoned him. For whenever there is a fuss in Grammar-land,
Serjeant Parsing has to find out all about it, and Dr. Syntax has to
say what is right or wrong, according to the law.

“Brother Parsing,” said the Judge, “this racket must be stopped. What
are they fighting about? I divided the words clearly enough once
amongst the nine Parts-of-Speech. Why cannot they keep the peace?”

“My lord,” answered Serjeant Parsing, “the fact is that it is a long
time since you portioned out the words, and the Parts-of-Speech since
then have been left to do pretty much as they like. Some of them are
greedy, and have stolen their neighbours’ words. Some of them have
got hold of new words, which the others say they had no right to
make; and some of them are even inclined to think that Dr. Syntax is
old-fashioned, and need not be obeyed. In fact, unless your lordship
takes the matter in hand at once, I am afraid the good old laws of
Grammar-land will all go to wreck and ruin.”

“That must never be,” said the Judge, solemnly shaking his wig: “that
must never be. We must stop it at once. Go and summon all my court
before me.”

“Certainly, my lord,” answered Serjeant Parsing; “but may I ask if
there is any Part-of-Speech you wish for in particular?”

“I wish for them all, sir, every one,” replied the Judge. “They shall
all come before me, and you shall question them in turn, and make them
say what right they have to the titles and the words which they claim;
and then if there is any disagreement between them, I will settle the
matter once for all.”

“Quite so, my lord,” said Serjeant Parsing; “and shall I invite our
friends in Schoolroom-shire?”

“Our friends in Schoolroom-shire? By all means let them come,” replied
the Judge. “If we wish to have peace among the Parts-of-Speech it is
most important that the people of Matter-of-fact-land should know how
to use them well. And as the people of Matter-of-fact-land generally
spend at least a part of their lives in Schoolroom-shire, we cannot
do better than send our invitation there. Go, Brother Parsing,
and request them to come, and to bring their slates and pencils
with them, that they may keep an account of what we do, and let our
Parts-of-Speech prepare to come before us at once.”

Away went Serjeant Parsing, as quick as thought, and soon the whole
court was assembled. There was Judge Grammar on his throne, with a
long flowing wig and gorgeous robes. At the table below him sat his
two counsellors, Serjeant Parsing and Dr. Syntax. Dr. Syntax is very
tall and thin and dark. He has a long thin neck covered up with a
stiff black tie, which looks as though it nearly choked him. When he
speaks he stands up, looks straight through his spectacles, sticks out
his chin, and says his say in a gruff and melancholy voice, as if he
were repeating a lesson. He is the terror of all little boys, for he
never smiles, and he is so very, very old, that people say he never
was young like other folks; that when he was a baby he always cried
in Greek, and that his first attempt at talking was in Latin. However
that may be, there he sat, side by side with Serjeant Parsing, while
the company from Schoolroom-shire, armed with slates and pencils,
prepared to listen to the examination that was to take place, and the
Parts-of-Speech crowded together at the end of the court, waiting for
their names to be called.



[Illustration]

CHAPTER I.

MR. NOUN.


[Illustration:

  COMMON NOUNS
    BIRD HORSE CAT
  PROPER NOUNS
    VENUS ALICE BOB FIDO]

The first Part-of-Speech that was called was Mr. Noun. He is a stout
big fellow, very well dressed, for he does not mind showing that he is
very rich.

As Mr. Noun came forward, Serjeant Parsing rose, put his pen behind his
ear, arranged his papers on the table before him, and looking at Mr.
Noun through his eye-glass, asked: “What is your name?”

“Name,” answered Mr. Noun.

“Yes, your name?” repeated Serjeant Parsing.

“Name,” again answered Mr. Noun.

“Do not trifle, sir,” said the Judge, sternly; “what is your name?
Answer at once, and truly.”

“I have answered truly,” replied Mr. Noun. “My name is _Name_, for
_noun_ means _name_. The name of everything belongs to me, so I am
called Mr. Name, or Mr. Noun, which means the same thing, and all my
words are called _nouns_.”

“The name of _everything_ belongs to you?” asked Serjeant Parsing, in
surprise.

“Yes,” answered Mr. Noun, “the name of everything.”

“What? Do you mean to say that the name of everything I can see round
me now is one of your words, and is called a noun?”

“I do indeed,” said Mr. Noun. “The name of everything you can see, or
touch, or taste, or smell, or hear, belongs to me.”

“What,” said Serjeant Parsing, “is this _desk_ yours then, and the
_ink_ and the _pen_ and the _window_?”

“The _words_ that _name_ them are all mine,” said Mr. Noun. “Of course
I have nothing to do with the _things_. No gentleman in Grammar-land
has anything to do with _things_, only with words; and I assure you,
you cannot _name_ anything that you can see, or touch, or taste, or
smell, or hear, without using one of my words. _Desk_, _pen_, _ink_,
_window_, _water_, _wine_, _fire_, _smoke_, _light_, _lightning_,
_thunder_, a _taste_, a _smell_, a _noise_, all these words belong to
me, and are called nouns.”

“I see,” said Serjeant Parsing; “you can _hear_ thunder, and _smell_
smoke, and _taste_ wine. And I suppose _dinner_ and _tea_ are yours
also?”

“Certainly, the _words_ breakfast, dinner, and tea, are mine,”
replied Mr. Noun. “The _things_ are what the people live upon in
Schoolroom-shire, but they could not name what they eat without using
my words. The servant would have to make signs to let people know that
dinner was ready; she could not _say_ so unless I allowed her to use my
noun _dinner_.”

“Well,” said Serjeant Parsing, “if you have the name of everything we
can see, touch, taste, smell, or hear, all I can say is, I hope you are
satisfied, and do not claim any more words besides.”

“Indeed,” replied Mr. Noun, drawing himself proudly up, “I have not
mentioned nearly all my words. I told you at first that I have the name
of _everything_, and there are plenty of things that you know about,
although you cannot see, or touch, or taste, or smell, or hear them.
For instance, _love_, or _anger_, or _happiness_. You can feel them in
your heart, and know they are there, although you cannot touch them
with your fingers, or taste them with your tongue, or find them out by
any of your five senses.”

“Do you mean to say, then,” asked Serjeant Parsing, “that when a child
feels naughty in its heart----?”

“Naughtiness is mine,” said Mr. Noun; “the _word_ naughtiness, for it
is the _name_ of the something bad that the child feels.”

“And when it is kind?”

“Kindness is mine, because it is the _name_ of the something kind
and nice it feels _there_. I have a good many more words that end
in _ness_, and that are the names of things you can find out about,
and talk about, though you cannot tell what shape or colour or smell
or taste they have; like _cleverness_, _silliness_, _idleness_,
_ugliness_, _quickness_.”

“I see,” said Serjeant Parsing. “You cannot tell what shape or colour
cleverness is, but you can soon find out whether a boy has any of it by
the way in which he does his lessons.”

“Yes,” said Mr. Noun; “and the names of his lessons are mine too,
for the lessons are things that you can learn about; _geography_,
_history_, _writing_, _arithmetic_, all these names belong to me.”

“Really Mr. Noun,” said Serjeant Parsing, “you do claim a big share of
words. You will be making out that the names of _persons_ belong to you
next.”

“So they do,” replied Mr. Noun; “no matter who the persons are, their
names belong to me. I have the name of every person in the world from
good Queen Victoria on her throne to the raggedest beggar-boy in the
street. There is not a child in Schoolroom-shire whose name is not a
noun. And I have not the names of _people_ only, but of all pet dogs,
cats, birds, horses, or rabbits: _Fido_, _Tabby_, _Bright-eye_, _Tiny_,
_Shag_, and any other pet names you can think of. Indeed, I am very
particular about such names. I call them _proper nouns_, and expect
them always to be written with a capital letter.”

“Proper nouns?” repeated Serjeant Parsing. “Then what are the other
nouns called?”

“They are only _common_ nouns,” answered Mr. Noun, carelessly.

“Then all names are common nouns, except the names of persons or
animals, are they?” asked Serjeant Parsing.

“No, no, no,” said Mr. Noun, quite crossly: “the name of an animal is
not a proper noun unless it is the own special name of one animal, that
marks it from other animals of the same kind. _Dog_ is the name given
to all dogs, they have the name in common between them; but _Fido_ is
the name of one particular dog, his own proper name by which his master
calls him. So _dog_ is a common noun, _Fido_ is a proper noun.”

“Oh, I see,” said Serjeant Parsing. “Then the particular name of any
person or animal is a proper noun, and all other names are common
nouns.”

“I never said that,” exclaimed Mr. Noun. “How very stup---- I mean, you
do not understand me, my dear sir. I never said that the particular
name of a place or thing was not a proper noun too. Every particular
and special name, whether of a person, an animal, a place, or a thing,
is a proper noun. Every place has its own proper name, or should have.
Every country and mountain and river and town in Europe is named with
a _proper_ noun. Why, you would not call _England_ a common noun, I
should hope? There are plenty of countries in the world, but there is
only one country that is called by the proper name of dear old England.
_Country_ is a common noun, all countries have it in common, but when
you want to speak of any particular country you use the proper nouns,
_England_, _Scotland_, _Ireland_, _France_, _etc._, _etc._”

“Well, I think we can understand that the particular names of _places_
are proper nouns,” said Serjeant Parsing; “but you spoke about _things_
also. Surely things have no proper names? You do not give names to
chairs and tables, and call them Mr. Leanback or Squire Mahogany?”

“Not exactly,” answered Mr. Noun; “we do not name chairs and tables
with proper names, but what do you say to houses? They are _things_,
are they not? And you may have heard of such names as _Marlborough
House_, _Springfield Cottage_, _Ivy Lodge_.”

“Well, no other things besides houses have proper names, have they?”
said Serjeant Parsing.

“Books are things,” said Mr. Noun, “and they all have proper names. So
have ships and boats, _Warrior_, _Seafoam_, _Fairy_, or something of
that sort. I have heard of a cannon which was called _Roarer_, and you
ought to know that King Arthur’s sword was named _Excalibur_. Indeed,
you can give a proper name to anything you like that you want to
distinguish from other things of the same sort.”

“And all such proper names, or proper nouns, as you call them, must be
written with a capital letter, must they? Whether they are the names of
persons, animals, places, or things, little or big?”

“Sir,” answered Mr. Noun, “littleness or bigness makes no difference.
If you had a pet fly, and called it Silver-wing, Silver-wing must be
written with a capital S, because it is a proper noun.”

“Well, Mr. Noun,” said Serjeant Parsing, “your ideas of what is
_proper_ seem to me rather peculiar, but I suppose Dr. Syntax has no
objection, so I will say nothing.”

Dr. Syntax silently bowed his head.

The Judge then spoke. “Mr. Noun, you have claimed a great many words,
and it remains to be seen whether all the other Parts-of-Speech agree
to these words being yours. In order to find out whether they do or
no, I will ask our friends from Schoolroom-shire to write out, each of
them, a list of twenty names, the names of anything they can _see_,
_hear_, _touch_, _taste_, _smell_, or _think about_, or the _proper_
names of any persons, animals, places, or things they know; and when
next we meet I will read out what they have written, and we shall hear
whether any one has any good reason to give why they should not be
called nouns.”

The Judge then rose from his seat, and every one left the court.

[Illustration]



[Illustration]

CHAPTER II.

LITTLE ARTICLE.


[Illustration:

    the     a
  LITTLE·ARTICLE]

When Judge Grammar next took his seat in court, a number of papers
covered with words were handed up to him by Serjeant Parsing.

“They are the lists of names, my lord,” he said, “which you asked the
people of Schoolroom-shire to write for you.”

“Very good,” said the Judge. “I will read some of the words aloud, and
if any one thinks that they are not _nouns_, let him come forward and
say so. And he began to read: _the garden_, _the house_, _the sky_, _a
book_, _a bird_, _a fly_,” when suddenly he was interrupted by a sound
of bitter sobbing and crying.

“What is the matter?” he asked. “Who dares to interrupt the court?”

“It is this tiresome little Article, your lordship,” said Serjeant
Parsing, pushing forward a ragged little fellow, who was rubbing both
fists into his eyes and crying bitterly. “He says he is being cheated,
my lord; that he has only two words of his own in all Grammar-land,
and that they are being used on these lists as if they belonged to Mr.
Noun.”

“Bring him up before me,” said the Judge. “What is your name, sir?”

“My name is Article, or Little-joint,” replied the little fellow. “I
have only two words in all Grammar-land, _a_ and _the_. I lend them to
Mr. Noun whenever he asks for them fairly; but, your lordship, it is
very hard,” and here he began to cry again, “that they should be read
as your lordship was reading them just now, as if they belonged to Mr.
Noun, when he is so rich, and I am so very, very poor.”

“Is it true, Brother Parsing,” asked the Judge, “that little Article is
always ready to wait upon Mr. Noun?”

“Quite true, my lord,” answered Serjeant Parsing. “Indeed, I have
often been able to discover Mr. Noun by catching sight of little
Article running before him, for whenever you see an _a_ or a _the_,
you may be sure that Mr. Noun will have a word of his own in somewhere
near. The chief use of little Article is to point out that a noun is
coming, for you may be sure that if you can put an _a_ or a _the_
before a word, that word is a noun, as _a bird_, _the sky_.”

“And do you use him as much before your pet proper nouns, sir?” asked
Judge Grammar of Mr. Noun.

“No, your lordship,” replied Mr. Noun, “that I do not. Indeed, _I_
cannot see that little Article is of much use to me at any time; but he
has an old habit of coming with me wherever I go, and when I have no
one else I do not mind having him.”

“Well,” said Judge Grammar, “if you do have him, take care that you use
him well; and pray, Brother Parsing, tell the Schoolroom-shire children
to give him a separate mark for himself, and not to put his words with
Mr. Noun’s.”

“Certainly, my lord,” said Serjeant Parsing, “but I have one question
to ask first. This little Article said that he had only two words in
all Grammar-land, _a_ and _the_. I wish to ask him what he says to
_an_, as you say _an_ egg, _an_ apple? Surely _an_ belongs to him also.”

Article was just beginning to answer when he suddenly stopped, turned
pale, trembled, and looked as if he would have tumbled to pieces in
terror, for he saw Dr. Syntax rise.

Dr. Syntax stood upright, looking very tall and thin and black: he
spoke in very stern voice, but all he said was, “_An_ is only used
before a vowel or an _h_ mute.” Then he sat down again.

“Ah!” said Serjeant Parsing, drawing a long breath, “thank you. Now,
little Article, say what you have to say.”

“I have only to say,” remarked Article, recovering his courage, “that
_a_ and _an_ are really one and the same word; _a_ is only _an_ with
his coat off. I like to use it best as _a_ without its coat, but
before a vowel or an _h_ mute I am obliged,” and here Article gave a
frightened look at Dr. Syntax, “I am obliged to keep its coat on and
call it _an_.”

“And do you know what you mean by a vowel or an _h_ mute?” asked Judge
Grammar.

“O yes, my lord: there are five vowels, _a_, _e_, _i_, _o_, _u_,”
answered Article.

“And what is an _h_ mute?” asked the Judge.

“An _h_ that is not sounded, as in _an hour_, _an honour_,” answered
Article, rather impatiently, for he was getting very tired of being
questioned.

“And you are to use _an_ before any word that begins with a vowel, _a_,
_e_, _i_, _o_, or _u_, or an _h_ mute, are you?” asked the Judge.

“Yes, my lord,” said Article, “I told you so before.”

“Give us some examples of words beginning with each of these,” said the
Judge, “and show us how you use _an_ before them.”

Article held up one hand, with the thumb and four fingers stretched
out, and pointing to each one in turn, beginning with the thumb, he
answered: “_An_ apple, _an_ eagle, _an_ idol, _an_ ox, and _an_ ugly,
uncomfortable, unkind old Judge, to keep me here so long answering
questions.” Saying which, little ragged Article turned and scampered
off as fast as his legs could carry him.

Serjeant Parsing then said that as Article had behaved so badly, he
hoped the Judge would give him a severe punishment, by allowing the
children of Schoolroom-shire to use his words as often as they liked in
their new lists.

“Certainly,” said Judge Grammar. “I request that each of you will write
six new nouns, and will use an article before every one of them.”

The court then rose, after Serjeant Parsing had handed the
Schoolroom-shire children the following verse, begging them to find out
all the nouns and articles in it:--

  Once there was a little boy,
    With curly hair and pleasant eye;
  A boy who always spoke the truth,
    And never, never told a lie.



[Illustration]

CHAPTER III.

MR. PRONOUN.


[Illustration: Allow me to go instead of you--Mr. Noun, it will save
trouble

  NOUNS
  MR. PRONOUN SPEAKS]

When the court next assembled, the Judge read aloud all the nouns and
articles on the lists, casting a stern glance at little Article at each
_a_, _an_, or _the_ that he came to, in order to show that they were
put in as a punishment for Article’s impudent behaviour the day before.
Poor little Article said nothing, and no one having objected to any of
the words, the Judge said: “Mr. Noun and Article, since no one finds
fault with the words that you claim, I declare them to be lawfully
yours. Now, stand aside, and let Mr. Pronoun come forward.”

At these words Mr. Pronoun stood before the Judge. He is something like
Mr. Noun, only he is thinner, and looks as if he worked harder.

“Mr. Pronoun?” said Serjeant Parsing, standing up to begin his
questioning.

Mr. Pronoun bowed.

“Why are you called Pronoun, sir, and what words do you possess?”

“I am called Pronoun, because I often do the work for my rich
neighbour, Mr. Noun. _Pro_ means _instead of_, so _pronoun_ means
_instead of noun_, and my words are called _pronouns_ because they
stand _instead of nouns_. Mr. Noun, though he is so rich, does not like
to have his words used over and over again--he says it wears them out;
so to save trouble I put in _my_ little words, which do just as well.”

“And you are not afraid of _your_ words being worn out?” asked the
Judge.

“O dear no! my lord,” answered Pronoun. “I think my words are like the
iron rails on the railway--the more they are used the brighter they
look; it is only the idle ones that get rusty and spoilt. And it is not
many of _my_ words that get rusty, I can tell you, my lord. Serjeant
Parsing knows how he was one day trying to make sense of Dr. Faustus
without me, and what a muddle he made of it. If he will kindly repeat
it now, I will show you.”

So Serjeant Parsing said:--

  Dr. Faustus was a good man;
  Dr. Faustus whipped Dr. Faustus’s scholars now and then
  When Dr. Faustus whipped the scholars Dr. Faustus made the
      scholars dance
  Out of England into France.

“There!” said Pronoun. “Let any one try to sing that, and he will
find how awkward it is. Now, if you will use my little _he_ or _his_,
instead of saying Dr. Faustus so often, and put _them_ instead of
scholars, it will sound much better. Just listen. Please, Mr. Parsing,
say it again, and I will come in when I am wanted.”

So Serjeant Parsing said: “Dr. Faustus was a good man.”

“_He_ whipped _his_,” shouted Pronoun.

“He whipped his scholars now and then. When----”

“_He_ whipped _them_,” shouted Pronoun.

“When he whipped them,” continued Serjeant Parsing.

“_He_ made _them_ dance,” cried Pronoun.

“When he whipped them he made them dance,” repeated Serjeant Parsing,
“out of England into France.”

“Ah,” said the Judge, “yes! It is certainly better so. Mr. Noun’s words
are not used so often, and all parties are pleased. Then _he_, _his_,
and _them_, are pronouns, as they stand instead of nouns. Now tell us
what other words you have, Mr. Pronoun.”

“First of all, my lord, I have words which are used instead of the
names of people when they are talking of themselves, such as _I_ or
_me_, _we_ or _us_. When a person is speaking of himself he does not
name his own name, but says instead, _I_ or _me_. Except, indeed, very
little children, who say, ‘Baby wants more,’ or, ‘Give baby milk.’
Reasonable persons say, ‘_I_ want more,’ ‘Give _me_ some milk.’”

“The Queen says _we_ in speaking of herself,” remarked the Judge.

“Yes, my lord,” said Pronoun, “the Queen is of course allowed to use
_we_ or _us_ when she means only herself; but other people do not use
_we_ or _us_ unless they mean more than one person.”

“Then _I_ or _me_, _we_ or _us_, are the pronouns used instead of
the names of people speaking of themselves, are they, Mr. Pronoun?”
inquired Serjeant Parsing.

“Certainly,” replied Pronoun: “and the words used instead of the names
of persons you are _speaking to_ are _thou_, or _thee_, and _you_. When
I am speaking to you, Mr. Parsing, I say, I tell _you_; I do not say, I
tell Serjeant Parsing.”

“Quite so,” answered Serjeant Parsing; “but why do you not say, I tell
_thee_.”

“Why, the fact is,” replied Mr. Pronoun, “that _thou_ and _thee_ really
stand for one person only, and _you_ stands for more than one. But long
ago people took it into their heads to fancy that it would be _very_
polite to talk to one person as if he were at least as good as two.
It is a very vulgar thing to be only one person, but to be two people
rolled into one would be very grand indeed. So when a man was talking
to a grand neighbour he called him _you_ instead of _thou_, and the
grand neighbour was so much pleased that it came to be the fashion to
say _you_ to every one, and my poor little _thou_ and _thee_ were quite
set aside.”

“And are they never used now?” said Serjeant Parsing.

“O yes, they are used,” said Mr. Pronoun; “but as people neglected them
in former days, I won’t have them used in common now. _You_ is quite
good enough for everyday talk.”

“Well,” said Serjeant Parsing, “you have shown that _I_ or _me_, _we_
or _us_, _thou_ or _thee_, and _you_, are all your words. Have you any
others?”

“Plenty more,” answered Pronoun. “I have _he_, _she_, _it_, and _they_,
to stand instead of persons or things you are talking about.

  Tom took Maria on the ice;
    _It_ broke, and _she_ fell in;
  _He_ got a rope, and in a trice
    _He_ pulled _her_ out again.
  If _they_ had both been drowned, you know,
  Folks would have said, “I told you so.”

“There _it_ stands for _ice_, and _she_ for _Maria_, and _he_ for
_Tom_, and _they_ for _Tom_ and _Maria_ together. So you see clearly
that _he_, _she_, _it_, and _they_ are pronouns.”

“I do not think any one could deny it,” said Serjeant Parsing. “Have
you any other words?”

“O yes, there are plenty more words that stand instead of nouns. _My_,
_thy_, _his_, _our_, _your_, _their_, which are used to show that
something belongs to the person these words stand instead of. Just as
instead of saying _Dr. Faustus’s_ scholars, we said _his_ scholars; and
as in speaking to you, my lord, I should not say Judge Grammar’s wig,
but _your_ wig.”

“You need not say anything about my wig,” said the Judge, rather
testily. “Mind your own words, sir, and tell us what others you have.”

“I have _who_ and _which_,” replied Pronoun. “Instead of saying, ‘I met
a man, the man had no eyes,’ you say, ‘I met a man _who_ had no eyes;’
so my little _who_ saves Mr. Noun’s man. Instead of saying, ‘I will
tell you a tale, a tale was told to me,’ you can say, ‘I will tell you
a tale _which_ was told to me;’ so _which_ stands instead of _tale_.”

“We understand,” said the Judge. “No more of your tales now, if you
please. You have no more words, I suppose?”

“Indeed I have, my lord. _This_ and _that_, _these_ and _those_, are
pronouns. For when you say, ‘Look at _this_,’ you mean a picture, or
a sum, or anything else that _this_ may happen to stand for; and when
you say, ‘Take _that_,’ _that_ stands for a halfpenny, or a kick,
or anything else you may be giving at the time. And if you sing to
a child--if your lordship ever does sing--which does not seem very
likely----”

“Mind your words, sir,” said the Judge, again. “If we sing what?”

“If you sing ‘_This_ is the way the lady goes,’ then _this_ stands for
the jogging up and down of my knee, the way the lady goes.”

“Really, Mr. Pronoun,” said the Judge, “you are very childish. The
Schoolroom-shire people are quite ashamed of you. We shall ask for no
more of your words to-day, for I suppose, after all, they are easy
enough to find out.”

“All words that stand instead of nouns belong to me,” said Pronoun;
“but they are not quite so easy to find out as you suppose. Those that
stand instead of persons, like _I_, _thou_, _he_, _we_, _you_, _they_,
any one can find out. I have told you about a good many others, and if
Serjeant Parsing wishes to discover the rest for himself----”

“He does, sir,” said the Judge, who was getting very tired and hungry.
“You may go. I will only ask you to assist our Schoolroom-shire
friends in making the following verses right. They read very queerly
at present; but if you can set them right, I think we shall agree that
what you have been saying of your words is true.”

The Judge then wished them all good-morning, and went to lunch off a
few pages of dictionary.

Here are the verses.

  There was a man, the man had no eyes,
  And the man went out to view the skies;
  The man saw a tree with apples on,
  The man took no apples off, and left no apples on.

  Little Bo-peep has lost Bo-peep’s sheep,
  And does not know where to find the sheep;
  Leave the sheep alone till the sheep come home,
  And bring the sheep’s tails behind the sheep.

  Matilda dashed the spectacles away
  To wipe Matilda’s tingling eyes;
  And as in twenty bits the spectacles lay,
  Matilda’s grandmamma Matilda spies.



[Illustration]

CHAPTER IV.

SERJEANT PARSING’S VISIT.


[Illustration: SERGEANT PARSING]

Serjeant Parsing paid a visit to Schoolroom-shire.

“My young friends,” he said, in his most amiable voice, “may I trouble
you with a little piece of business for Judge Grammar to-day. I have
here a story, and the Judge requests that you will kindly find out how
many of the words in it belong to Mr. Noun, how many to Mr. Pronoun,
and how often little ragged Article comes in. The best way to do this
is to get your slates, and mark off a piece for Mr. Noun, another for
Mr. Pronoun, and a corner somewhere for little Article. Write their
names in each. Now I will read the story, and whenever I come to a
noun, give Mr. Noun a mark; whenever I read a pronoun, give a mark to
Mr. Pronoun; and if I read an _a_, _an_, or _the_, put down a mark to
little Article. When it is finished we will count up and see who has
the most marks.”

Serjeant Parsing then read the following story:--

“Some sailors belonging to a ship of war had a monkey on board. The
monkey had often watched the men firing off a cannon, so one day when
they were all at dinner he thought he should like to fire it too. So
he took a match, as he had seen the men do, struck it, put it to the
touch-hole, and looked into the mouth of the cannon, to see the ball
come out. The ball did come out, and alas! alas! the poor little monkey
fell down dead.”

[Illustration]



[Illustration]

CHAPTER V.

MR. ADJECTIVE.


[Illustration:

  A BRAVE PRINCE
  A GOOD QUEEN
  ADJECTIVES QUALIFY NOUNS]

The next Part-of-Speech called up before Judge Grammar was Mr.
Adjective.

“My young friends in Schoolroom-shire,” said Serjeant Parsing, “must
know Mr. Adjective well. He is the greatest chatterbox and the veriest
gossip that ever lived. You never in all your life, my lord, knew any
one who could say so much about one thing as Mr. Adjective. Mr. Noun
cannot mention a word, but Mr. Adjective is ready to tell all about
it, whether it is _little_ or _big_, _blue_ or _green_, _good_ or
_bad_, and mischief enough he does in Schoolroom-shire. For instance,
if Noun mentions Willy’s pen--‘_Nasty_, _spluttering_, _cross-nibbed_
thing,’ whispers Adjective, and Willy thinks that is why he wrote such
a bad copy, and did not dot his _i_’s. If Mr. Noun points out pussy,
who is coming into the room, purring and rubbing her head against
the leg of each chair as she passes, Adjective whispers that she is
a ‘_dear_, _sweet_, _soft_, _warm_, _little_ pet,’ so Milly leaves
off her sums to pick her up and play with her. Ann, the housemaid,
finds dirty boot-marks on her nice clean stairs, and as soon as she
sees Tom she tells him he is a ‘_tiresome_, _untidy_, _disobedient_,
and _naughty_ boy,’ not knowing that Mr. Adjective was whispering all
those words in her ear. Indeed, Mr. Adjective causes more quarrels in
Schoolroom-shire, and other places too, than any one can tell. Only
yesterday Jane and Lucy had a quarrel, I hear, because Jane pulled the
arm off Lucy’s doll. If Adjective had not put into Lucy’s head to call
Jane _naughty_ and _unkind_, Jane would not have answered that Lucy was
_cross_ and _disagreeable_. She would most likely have said, ‘I beg
your pardon, I did not mean to do it,’ and they would have been friends
again directly. See how much mischief is caused by talkative, gossiping
Mr. Adjective.”

“Really, Mr. Parsing,” remarked Adjective, now putting in his word for
the first time, “you have made a long speech to show how mischievous I
am. Pray, have you nothing to say about the good that my kind, loving
words do?”

“Oh, certainly, my dear sir,” said Serjeant Parsing, suddenly changing
his tone. “When you like any one you are a very good-natured fellow,
and can say all sorts of sweet things. I heard you in Schoolroom-shire
telling Mary that her mamma is her _own_ _dearest_, _kindest_,
_sweetest_ mother--that baby is a _bright_, _bonny_ _little_
darling--that Fido is a _good_, _faithful_ _old_ doggie--and that home
is the _happiest_ place in the _whole wide_ world. Oh, yes,” continued
Serjeant Parsing, “you can call people good names as well as bad.”

“I do not call people names,” said Adjective, indignantly. “I
_qualify_ them. I could qualify you, Mr. Parsing, and say you are an
_impertinent_, _rude_----”

“That will do, Mr. Adjective,” interrupted the Judge. “We understand
what you mean by _qualifying_. But tell us, are your words always
placed _before_ nouns?”

“Oh, no, my lord,” answered Adjective. “They _can_, almost all of them,
be used before a noun, but they are often used after it, in this way:--

  The sky is _blue_,
    The sun is _bright_,
  My words are _true_,
    The snow is _white_.

“You could also say, _blue sky_, _bright sun_, _true words_, _white
snow_, but it does not sound so well, I think. And when a pronoun
stands instead of a noun, and my words qualify it----”

“Oh, you qualify pronouns as well as nouns, do you?” asked Serjeant
Parsing.

“I am obliged to do so sometimes,” said Mr. Adjective, rather sulkily.
“I will not have my words used before a pronoun, as they are before a
noun. You can say:--

    _I_ am _right_,
  And _you_ are _wrong_;
    _It_ is _late_,
  And _we_ are _strong_.

But you must not say: _right I_, _wrong you_, _late it_, or
_strong we_.”

“I should think not,” said Serjeant Parsing, laughing. “Then we are
to understand that adjectives are used to qualify nouns and pronouns,
and that they may be used before a noun or after it, but not before a
pronoun.”

“Quite right, so far,” said Mr. Adjective; “but I can do other things
besides qualifying nouns.”

“What can you do?”

“I can tell how many there are of the thing the noun names, _one_,
_two_, _three_, _four_, and so on. And whether the thing is the
_first_, _second_, _third_, or _fourth_, and so on. And whether there
are _some_ things, _many_ things, _few_ things, _more_ things, _no_
things.”

“And all these words are adjectives, are they?”

“Yes,” answered Adjective. “All words that can be put before _thing_ or
_things_ are adjectives.”

“_A_ thing, _the_ thing,” remarked little Article, looking up with a
cunning smile at Adjective. “_A_ and _the_ are both articles.”

“_A_ and _the_ don’t count, of course,” said Adjective, impatiently.
“Besides, they were adjectives once, people say, only they got so
worn out, that I let my ragged little cousin Article have them. But
except _a_ and _the_, there is no word that you can put before _thing_
or _things_ that is not an adjective. A _beautiful thing_, an _ugly
thing_, _bad things_, _good things_, _green things_, _yellow things_,
_large things_, _little things_; and so you can say, _one thing_, _two
things_, _some things_, _any things_; and also, _this thing_, _that
thing_, _these things_, _those things_.”

“That seems a very easy way of finding out an adjective,” remarked the
Judge. “I hope it is a correct way.”

“Indeed it is, my lord,” said Adjective, earnestly. “See, I can give
you many more examples.

  A _lovely_, _graceful_, _beautiful_ thing,
  A _useful_, _homely_, _dutiful_ thing;
  _Foolish_, _childish_, _useless_ things;
  _Handsome_, _rich_, and _priceless_ things.”

“My lord,” said Mr. Noun, coming forward and speaking in a solemn
voice, “I accuse Mr. Adjective of stealing, and wish him to be sent to
prison.”

“Indeed!” said the Judge; “but he must be tried first, and you must
prove him guilty before I have him punished. What do you say he has
stolen?”

“My lord, he is constantly stealing my words, and only just now he
used these without my leave, in open court: _love_, _grace_, _beauty_,
_use_, _home_, _duty_.”

“Enough,” said the Judge. “I certainly heard him use some such words
only just now. Critics,” he called to the policemen, for that is the
name they have in Grammar-land, “seize Mr. Adjective, and keep him safe
until the court meets again, when he shall be tried for stealing.” Then
turning to the people of Schoolroom-shire, the Judge continued, “My
friends, I shall be much obliged if you will look over the following
story, and strike out of it all the words belonging to Mr. Adjective. I
cannot allow them to remain side by side with other words, until it is
proved that Mr. Adjective is not guilty of stealing them.”

The Judge then rose, and poor Mr. Adjective was led out of the court,
with his hands bound.

The following is the story which the Judge sent to the people of
Schoolroom-shire.

THE MAIDEN PRINCE.

A long, long time ago, there lived in a grey old castle, a widowed
queen, who had one only child, a beautiful bright boy. “My good husband
was killed in the terrible war,” said the timid queen, “and if my dear
son grows up to be a strong man, I fear that he will go to the cruel
wars, too, and be killed. So he shall learn nothing about rough war,
but shall be brought up like a simple maiden.” So she taught him all
maidenly duties, to spin, and to weave, and to sew, and she thought
he was too simple and quiet to wish to go to war; but one day there
came to the great castle gate a noble knight riding a gallant charger.
“Come,” he cried to the young prince, “come, follow me. I ride to fight
with the wicked and strong who are oppressing the weak and the poor.”
Up sprang, in a moment, the fair young boy, flung aside his girlish
work, seized his father’s battered sword, and leaped into the saddle
behind the noble knight. “Farewell, dear mother,” he cried, “no more
girlish work for me. I must be a brave man, as my father was, and
conquer or die in the rightful cause.” Then the foolish queen saw that
it was useless to try to make a daring boy into a timid maiden.



[Illustration]

CHAPTER VI.

MR. ADJECTIVE TRIED FOR STEALING.


[Illustration:

  ful
  like
  ly
  y
  ous
  less
  en
  ern

CLEVER MR. ADJECTIVE]

There was great excitement in the court the next day; and when every
one was assembled, except Adjective, the Judge called out: “Bring the
prisoner in;” and poor Adjective was led in between two Critics, with
his hands tied behind him, and placed before the Judge.

Serjeant Parsing rose, and began to question him.

“Is your name Adjective?” he said. “It is,” answered Adjective.

“And you possess all the adjectives in Grammar-land?”

“I do.”

“What is an adjective?”

“A word used to qualify a noun.”

“What is a noun?”

“Please, my lord, need I answer that?” asked Adjective.

“Certainly,” replied the Judge.

“It is not fair,” said Adjective; “nouns are not my words.”

“But you must know what a noun is, in order that you may use your
adjectives properly.”

“Of course I know what a noun is--it is a _name_, the name of anything.”

“Then do you know the difference between a noun and an adjective?”
asked Serjeant Parsing.

“Certainly. A _noun_ is the name of a thing. An _adjective_ tells you
something about the thing the noun has named; whether it is large or
small, or what colour it is, or how much there is of it, or whether
there are few things or many, or something of that sort.”

“Quite so; but can you find out at once, without much thinking, whether
a word is a noun or an adjective?”

“If you can put an article before a word, then it is a noun,” answered
Adjective; “as, _a_ man, _the_ dog.”

“Then when I say, ‘Pity the poor,’ of course _poor_ is a noun, is it?”

“No,” said Adjective, quickly; “_poor_ is my word, I know, for you can
say _poor_ child, a _poor_ thing. ‘Pity the poor’ really means, ‘Pity
the poor people;’ but Mr. Noun is so stingy, that when he thinks the
sentence will be understood without his word, he just leaves it out,
and then people say the noun is _understood_.”

“Exactly so; but your way of finding out a noun does not answer, you
see, for the first time I try it, you tell me the word I have found is
an adjective.”

“It always answers unless there happens to be a word understood,”
replied Adjective, “and then it answers if you use your reason; for any
one would know that you are not asked to pity a thing called a _poor_,
but to pity poor people. But it is not fair, my lord,” continued
Adjective, turning to the Judge. “Here am I, a poor prisoner, unjustly
accused of stealing, and Mr. Parsing is trying to puzzle me as much as
he can.”

“Not at all,” replied Serjeant Parsing. “I only want you to be sure
that you know clearly the difference between a noun and an adjective.”

“I do,” answered Adjective, “quite clearly.”

“Well, then, answer this question. What is the word _beauty_?”

“Beauty?” repeated Adjective, getting rather red; “_beauty_ is a noun.”

“Yes,” said Serjeant Parsing; “and _grace_, and _home_, and _duty_?”

“They are all nouns,” answered Adjective, looking uncomfortable.

“Yes; now another question. What is _beautiful_?”

“Beautiful?” repeated Adjective, looking _very_ red now; “_beautiful_
is an adjective.”

“Very well. Now, Mr. Adjective,” said Serjeant Parsing, “kindly tell me
how you got the adjective _beautiful_?”

“I made it,” answered Adjective, with his eyes on the ground.

“How did you make it?”

“I stuck _ful_ on to _beauty_. When I want to say a thing is full of
beauty I call it _beautiful_.”

“And how did you get _beauty_, since it belongs to Mr. Noun?” asked
Serjeant Parsing.

“I took it,” replied Adjective, still looking down.

“Which means to say that you stole it. It is quite clear that you stole
it, and that you did the same to _grace_, _home_, _duty_, and others,
to make _graceful_, _homely_, _dutiful_, and the rest. My lord, I think
I need say nothing more: the prisoner himself owns that he took these
words; it only remains for you to give him his punishment.”

The Judge looked very grave, and was beginning to say, “Mr. Adjective,
I am very sorry----” when Serjeant Parsing interrupted him, and said:--

“Please, my lord, I am going to take the other side now. Will you order
Mr. Noun to come forward to be questioned?”

“Certainly,” said the Judge; and Mr. Noun approached.

“Mr. Noun?” said Serjeant Parsing.

“The same, sir,” said Mr. Noun; “all nouns belong to me.”

“You know a noun when you see it?”

“Of course I know my own words.”

“And you know an adjective?”

“Yes; an adjective is a word that tells something about one of my
nouns.”

“Very good. Now can you tell me whether _happy_ is a noun?”

“Certainly not. It is an adjective. You can say a happy boy, a happy
thing.”

“Exactly so. Now will you tell me what _happiness_ is?”

“Happiness,” repeated Mr. Noun, getting suddenly very red, for he saw
what was coming; “happiness is a noun, it is mine.”

“Oh!” said Serjeant Parsing; “how did you get it?”

“I made it.”

“How?”

“I joined _happy_ and _ness_ together.”

“H’m!” said Serjeant Parsing. “I will not ask you where you found such
a silly word as _ness_, but _happy_ you said just now belongs to Mr.
Adjective, so of course you took it from him.”

Mr. Noun did not answer, but looked down, exceedingly red and
uncomfortable.

“My lord,” said Serjeant Parsing to the Judge, “need I say any more.
This Mr. Noun, who would have Adjective put in prison for stealing,
has been doing the very same thing himself. _Happiness_, _prettiness_,
_silliness_, _cleverness_, and almost all the words that end in _ness_,
are nouns made from adjectives. If Mr. Noun would give them all up,
I have no doubt Mr. Adjective would then give up his _beautiful_,
_useful_, _graceful_, and other adjectives that are made from nouns.”

“No, no,” said the Judge; “I will have no giving up. When a word is
once made it is made for good, and instead of blaming those who take
their neighbour’s words to make new ones for themselves, I consider
that they are very much to be praised. Critics, untie Mr. Adjective’s
hands. Mr. Adjective, I am glad to hear you are so clever in making new
words, and I give you full permission to make as many more as you can,
by borrowing either from Mr. Noun or from any other Part-of-Speech.
Have you any other ending to put on besides _ful_?”

“My lord,” said Adjective, whose hands were now untied, and who was
standing free and upright before the Judge, “my lord, I have a whole
string of tails which I keep ready to make adjectives with. Here are
some of them: _ful_, _like_, _ly_, _y_, _ous_, _less_, _en_, and _ern_;
and this is the way I stick them on: _beautiful_, _ladylike_, _manly_,
_dirty_, _poisonous_, _careless_, _golden_, _western_, and with your
lordship’s kind permission, I will make such words as often as I can.”

“Do so,” replied the Judge. “And you, Mr. Noun, remember, that you
are to allow Adjective to take your words whenever he requires them,
for you ought to know that words in Grammar-land are not like pennies
in Matter-of-fact-land. _There_, if some one steals a penny from you,
he has it and you have not; but _here_, in Grammar-land, when any one
takes your words to make new ones, it makes him richer, but you are
none the poorer for it. You have _beauty_ still, although Mr. Adjective
has made _beautiful_; and you have _lady_, and _man_, and _gold_,
although Mr. Adjective has made _ladylike_, and _manly_, and _golden_.
You ought to have known this, Mr. Noun, and not to have accused Mr.
Adjective of stealing. Therefore, as a punishment, I require you to
send into Schoolroom-shire a list of nouns that may be made into
adjectives by the addition of some of Mr. Adjective’s tails.”

The Judge then left the court, and this is the list that Mr. Noun sent
into Schoolroom-shire.

_Nouns to be made into Adjectives._

  Truth    Lady    Child    Dirt
  Faith    Man     Baby     Wood
  Hope     Love    Fool     Fire

  Care     Gold    North    Poison
  Sleep    Wood    East     Danger
  Sense    Silk    West     Virtue

_Adjective endings that may be added to Nouns._

  _ful_    _like_ or _ly_    _ish_    _y_
  _less_    _en_             _ern_    _ous_ (meaning
                                              full of)

[Illustration]



[Illustration]

CHAPTER VII.

THE QUARREL BETWEEN MR. ADJECTIVE AND MR. PRONOUN AND LITTLE
INTERJECTION.


[Illustration:

  ADJECTIVE-PRONOUN
      A | P]

It is sad to tell that nearly the first thing Mr. Adjective did when he
was set free was to have a quarrel with Pronoun.

When the Judge came into court the next day he found them both much
excited.

“It is mine, I know it is,” said Pronoun.

“And I know it is mine,” cried Adjective. “I’ll ask the Judge if it is
not.”

“I’ll ask him, too,” said Pronoun. “My lord,” he continued, coming
forward, “_her_ is mine, and Adjective wants to take it from me. But
when I claimed it in court before, he said nothing about it.”

“I thought the more,” returned Adjective, “but I supposed that you
would give it up quietly without all this fuss in court.”

“I would willingly give it up if it were yours,” said Pronoun; “but it
is not.”

“It is,” cried Adjective, angrily; “I tell you it is.”

“Silence!” said the Judge, sternly. “Brother Parsing, be kind enough to
question both Adjective and Pronoun, that we may know the cause of this
quarrel, and hear what each has to say for himself.”

“Certainly, my lord,” answered Serjeant Parsing. “Adjective, what words
do you claim?”

“_My_, _thy_, _his_, _her_, _its_, _our_, _your_, and _their_,” replied
Adjective.

“Well, Mr. Pronoun, tell us how you make them out to be yours.”

“Nothing is easier,” answered Pronoun. “These words stand instead of
nouns, and therefore they must be pronouns. When you say ‘_my thumb_,’
my lord, you mean Judge Grammar’s thumb, so _my_ stands instead of
the noun Judge Grammar. And when you say, ‘Little Bo-peep has lost
_her_ sheep,’ you mean _little Bo-peep’s_ sheep, therefore _her_ stands
instead of _little Bo-peep_. So _my_ and _her_ are clearly pronouns;
and _thy_, _his_, _its_, _our_, _your_, _their_, are used in just the
same way, and therefore must be pronouns too.”

“It would seem so,” said the Judge. “What has Mr. Adjective to say to
that?”

“I will soon tell you, my lord,” replied Adjective. “You will, of
course, allow that an adjective is a word that may be used before a
noun, to tell something about the thing that the noun names. It has
been said that if you can put thing or things after a word, that word
(not counting _a_ or _the_, of course) is sure to be an adjective;
as, a _good thing_, a _bad thing_, _large things_, _little things_,
and so on. Well, I am sure you can say _my_ thing, _thy_ thing, _his_
thing, _her_ thing, _its_ thing, _our_ thing, _your_ thing, and _their_
thing. Therefore, _my_, _thy_, _his_, _her_, _its_, _our_, _your_, and
_their_, must be adjectives.”

“H’m! It is all very well to say _must_,” remarked the Judge, “but then
Pronoun says they _must_ be pronouns. Are there any more of your words,
Mr. Pronoun, that Adjective claims in the same way?”

“My lord,” answered Pronoun, “he claims all the words of mine that
may be used before a noun. _This_, _that_, _these_, and _those_, for
instance.”

“Of course I do,” said Adjective; “for when you say _this_ bird,
_that_ horse, _these_ rabbits, _those_ people; _this_, _that_, _these_,
and _those_ are clearly used with a noun, but do not stand instead of
one.”

“Ah!” said Pronoun, “but when you say ‘look at _this_,’ ‘take _that_,’
‘may I have _these_?’ ‘burn _those_;’ _this_, _that_, _these_, and
_those_ are _not_ used _with_ a noun, but clearly stand _instead of_
one, and therefore they are pronouns.”

“It seems to me,” said the Judge, half to himself, “that sometimes they
are adjectives, and sometimes they are pronouns.”

“That is just what I say, my lord,” cried Adjective, “and if you
will allow it, I think I know of a way that will make peace between
us directly. Let us call them _Adjective-Pronouns_, and have them
between us. When they are used, not with a noun, but instead of one,
then Pronoun may have them all to himself; but when they are used like
adjectives, before a noun, then we will have them between us, and call
them _Adjective-Pronouns_.”

“That seems very fair,” replied the Judge, “and I certainly allow it.
Mr. Pronoun, be kind enough to give us a list of your words, and Mr.
Adjective will point out any that may be used as _Adjective-Pronouns_.”

So Mr. Pronoun began: “_I_, _thou_, _he_, _she_, _it_, _we_, _you_,
_they_, _mine_, _thine_, _his_, _hers_, _its_, _ours_, _yours_,
_theirs_; _my_, _thy_, _his_, _her_, _its_, _our_, _your_, _their_.”

“Those last eight are between us,” said Adjective, “for they can all be
used before a noun.”

“_Myself_, _thyself_, _himself_, _herself_, _itself_, _ourselves_,
_yourselves_, or _yourself_, _themselves_,” said Pronoun, with a little
toss of his head, “those, at least, are all mine, Mr. Adjective.”

“Continue repeating your words, sir,” said the Judge, sternly; “do not
stop to talk.”

“_This_, _that_, _these_, _those_,” continued Pronoun.

“Adjective-pronouns, all four of them,” remarked Mr. Adjective; “we
have shown that already.”

“_Each_, _either_, _neither_, _one_, _other_,” continued Pronoun.

“Stop,” said the Judge; “we have not had these words before. You must
give us some sentences to show that they are pronouns.”

Pronoun replied:--

  Two sparrows had a fight to-day,
  _Each_ wished to take a worm away;
  _One_ pulled at it, so did the _other_,
  _Neither_ would yield it to his brother.
  Had _either_ given up at least,
  His brother would have had the feast;
  But while they fought a thrush came by,
  And with the worm away did fly.

“There, my lord,” continued Pronoun, “all the words, _each_, _one_,
_other_, _neither_, _either_, stand for sparrow in those lines, and as
sparrow is a noun, they must be pronouns.”

“They are adjective-pronouns sometimes,” remarked Mr. Adjective, “for
you can say, ‘_each_ boy,’ ‘the _other_ day,’ ‘on _either_ side.’”

“Certainly,” said the Judge. “Have you any more, Mr. Pronoun?”

“_Who_, _which_, _what_,” continued Pronoun.

“You must show that they are pronouns,” said the Judge.

“‘Here is the man _who_ shot the tiger,’” said Pronoun. “‘Here are two
apples; _which_ do you choose?’ ‘I know _what_ I want.’ _Who_ stands
instead of the _man_, because you could say, ‘Here is the man; the
man shot the tiger.’ _Which_ stands instead of one of the apples, and
_what_ stands instead of the thing that I want, whatever it may be.”

“Yes,” said Serjeant Parsing. “But if _who_ and _what_ are used to ask
questions, as, ‘_who_ is there?’ ‘_what_ is that?’ then what do _who_
and _what_ stand instead of?”

“If you will answer the questions, and tell me who was really there,
and what that really was, then I will tell you what nouns _who_
and _what_ stand instead of; but if you do not know any answer to
your own questions, then of course I cannot tell you what noun my
little pronouns stand for; I can only tell you they stand instead of
something, and therefore are pronouns.”

“_Which_ and _what_ are used before nouns sometimes,” cried Adjective:
“‘_which_ way are you going?’ ‘_what_ bell is that?’ therefore they are
adjective-pronouns too.”

“At any rate,” said Pronoun, haughtily, “_who_ is altogether mine, for
you cannot say, ‘who way,’ ‘who book,’ ‘who man,’ or anything of that
sort.”

“Hoo! hoo! hoo! ha! ha! ha! he! he! he!” cried a voice among the crowd.
“Old Adjective beaten! hurrah! bravo!”

Every one in the court looked round to see where such strange sounds
came from.

“It is Interjection,” said Serjeant Parsing, angrily, making a dive
at the crowd behind him, to try and catch hold of some one in it.

“Critics,” cried the Judge, “seize that fellow, and bring him here.”

But that was more easily said than done, for little Interjection was
as quick and active as any street boy in London. He dodged in and out
amongst the other Parts-of-Speech, and was here, there, and everywhere,
till at last he tumbled up against Serjeant Parsing, who held him fast
till the Critics came up. He is such an odd little creature, that you
could hardly tell what he is like. One moment he is crying bitterly,
and the next he is in fits of laughter; when you look at him again he
is perhaps shrieking for fear, and in another minute he is standing on
his head for joy. He is so fond of standing on his head, that people
say he had his portrait taken so once (!), and that is why they put a
note of exclamation (!) after his words; but that is all nonsense, of
course.

“Interjection!” said the Judge, sternly, “you are the last of all the
Parts-of-Speech, and have no business to interrupt the court now. Let
me not hear you again until your turn comes.”

“Alas! alas!” cried Interjection, wringing his hands. “Mr. Parsing
says I am only a poor little fellow thrown in (that is what my name
interjection means, _thrown in_), to express surprise or fear, joy or
sorrow. When folks do not know what to say next, one of my little words
pops in, and poor Mr. Parsing is at his wit’s end to know what to do
with it, ah! ah! Off! off!” he cried, changing his tone, and suddenly
jerking himself out of the policeman’s hold. “Away! away!” he shouted,
springing to the door; and before they could catch him he was indeed
away, and they heard his “ha! ha! ha!” die away in the distance.

Serjeant Parsing then turned to the Schoolroom-shire folks, and
asked them to mark off on their slates places for Mr. Noun, Pronoun,
Adjective, and little Article, and a corner somewhere for tiresome
Interjection; and while he read to them, to put down a stroke in the
right place for each word that they knew. “And when you come to an
adjective-pronoun used _with_ a noun,” continued Serjeant Parsing, “put
a stroke on the line that divides Adjective’s ground from Pronoun’s.
That will be like a little man sitting astride on the wall, with one
leg for Pronoun to pull and one for Adjective. Of course if it is used
_instead_ of a noun, and _not_ with one, then Mr. Pronoun must have the
stroke all to himself. Whichever Part-of-Speech gets the most strokes
gains the game.”

This is what Serjeant Parsing read.

“Alas! alas! that naughty boy,” said Harry’s mother, as she waited for
him to come back from school. “He must have gone to play with the other
boys at the big pond, and he will certainly fall in, for the boys are
sure to try the ice, and it is too thin to bear them yet. Oh! my poor,
dear boy! what shall I do? If he falls into the black, cold water, he
will certainly be drowned. My darling Harry! ah! why does he not come
home? If I had any one to send.... Why, there he is, I declare, with
his hands full of oranges. Oh! the naughty boy! I will give him a great
scolding. To give me a fright, and keep me waiting while he was buying
oranges! Harry, you are a naughty, careless, tiresome---- What! kissing
me, you little rogue, to stop my mouth. There! there! do not pull down
my hair, and never give your poor mother such a fright again; and now
come in and see the lovely Christmas-box I have for you.”



[Illustration]

CHAPTER VIII.

DR. VERB.


[Illustration: VERBS ARE OF 3 KINDS ACTIVE·PASSIVE & NEUTER--LINDLEY
MURRAY]

The next Part-of-Speech called up before Judge Grammar, to give an
account of himself, was Dr. Verb.

He came bustling up with an air of great importance.

“My lord, my name is Verb. I am called Verb because _verb_ means
_word_, and the verb is the most important word, _the_ word, in fact,
in every sentence.”

“The _most important word_!” cried Mr. Noun, interrupting him. “My
lord, he says the verb is the most important word in every sentence!
Why, Dr. Verb, you know that _you_ cannot give the name of a single
thing, for all names are nouns, and belong to me. The _verb_ the most
important word, indeed, when I have the name of everything!”

“I know that,” answered Dr. Verb, “I know very well that when people
want to name a thing they must use a noun. But do you suppose that when
they have simply named a thing they have made a sentence? Not a bit of
it. To make a sentence you must tell something about the thing that you
have named; you must say whether it _is_ or _has_ or _does_ anything,
as: ‘Ice _is_ cold,’ ‘Puss _has_ a tail,’ ‘Blackbirds _sing_.’ _Is_,
_has_, _sing_, are verbs, and so are all words that speak of _being_,
_having_, or _doing_, and without some such word you cannot make a
sentence.”

“You think so, Dr. Verb,” said the Judge, “but I should like it to be
proved. Brother Parsing, just call some of the other Parts-of-Speech
forward, and let them try to make a sentence without Dr. Verb.”

“I will, my lord,” answered Serjeant Parsing. “Noun, Adjective, and
Article, be kind enough to step forward, and each of you give me a
word.”

“_Sun_,” said Mr. Noun.

“_Bright_,” said Adjective.

“_The_,” said little Article.

“Very good,” said Serjeant Parsing, “now I will put them together;
‘_sun bright the_;’ ‘_the bright sun_;’ ‘_the sun bright_.’ They do not
seem to make quite a proper sentence, my lord, any way.”

“Of course not,” said Dr. Verb, interrupting; “for when you say ‘_the
bright sun_,’ which sounds the best of the three ways, you still have
not made a sentence, for you have not said whether the bright sun is
shining, or is not shining, or whether you can see it, or what it does.
‘_The sun bright_’ of course is nonsense; but say the sun _is_ bright,
and then you tell a fact about the sun, and you have made a sentence
fit to set before the king.”

“You had better try Mr. Noun again, Brother Parsing,” said Judge
Grammar. “Perhaps he can give you a more convenient word.”

Serjeant Parsing turned again to Mr. Noun, and asked for another word.

“_Hippopotamus_,” answered Mr. Noun. Mr. Adjective gave _fat_.

“Now, little Article, give me _a_,” said Serjeant Parsing, “and I will
put them together. ‘_Hippopotamus fat a_;’ ‘_a fat hippopotamus_;’ ‘_a
hippopotamus fat_.’ H’m! it sounds odd.”

“‘_A fat hippopotamus_’ does not sound wrong,” put in Mr. Noun.

“Not wrong, of course,” answered Dr. Verb. “You may mention a fat
hippopotamus, if you like, or any other animal, but unless you tell
something about it you have not made a sentence. Say that it _is_, or
_has_, or _did_ something, if you want to make a sentence; like ‘a
fat hippopotamus is here;’ or ‘a hippopotamus has a fat body;’ or, ‘a
hippopotamus ate me up,’ or, ‘swam away,’ or something of that sort.
Then you will have some famous sentences, but you will have had to use
verbs to make them, for _is_, _has_, _ate_, _swam_, are all verbs, for
they are all words that speak of _being_, _having_, or _doing_.”

“How can we always find out if a word is a verb?” asked Serjeant
Parsing.

“It is sure to be a verb if you can put a little _to_ before it,”
answered Dr. Verb; “_to be_, _to have_, _to do_, _to eat_, _to drink_,
_to swim_, _to fly_, _to speak_, _to think_, _to run_, _to dance_, _to
play_, _to sing_, _to sleep_, _to wake_, _to laugh_, _to cry_, _to
call_, _to fall_;” and Dr. Verb stopped, quite out of breath.

“That sounds very easy,” said Serjeant Parsing. “Let me try it with the
words that you said were verbs; _to is_, _to has_, _to ate_, _to swam_.”

“Stop, stop,” cried Dr. Verb; “not like that. You must not put _to_
before any part of the verb you like. _Is_ is part of the verb _to be_,
_has_ is part of the verb _to have_.”

“_Is_, part of the verb _to be_?” said Serjeant Parsing. “What do you
mean? why, the two words have not a single letter alike.”

“True; but still they mean the same sort of thing. When a countryman
says ‘he _be_ a brave lad,’ he means the same thing as ‘he _is_ a
brave lad;’ or when he says, ‘I _be_ too tired,’ he means, ‘I _am_
too tired.’ _Is_ and _am_ ought to be used according to the laws of
Grammar-land instead of _be_, but as they both express something about
_being_ they are said to be parts of the verb _to be_. In the same way
_has_ is part of the verb _to have_, _ate_ is part of the verb _to
eat_, and _swam_ is part of the verb _to swim_.”

“That is very learned, I daresay,” said Serjeant Parsing, “but will you
kindly tell us, Dr. Verb, how we are to guess that _am_, or any other
word that has neither a _b_ nor an _e_ in it, is part of the verb _to
be_?”

“You cannot _guess_, of course,” retorted Dr. Verb, sharply. “I never
said you were to guess. You must use your reason, to find out whether
they have the same sort of meaning. Or if you like it better, learn the
song that Mr. Pronoun and I have made up, to bring in all the different
parts of the verb.”

“A song?” said Judge Grammar, in surprise. “I did not know that you
could sing, Dr. Verb; but let us hear your song, by all means.”

“If you will not interrupt me, my lord, I will give you three verses of
it,” answered Dr. Verb.

“No, we will not interrupt,” said the Judge.

So Dr. Verb began:--

THE SONG OF THE VERB “TO BE.”

_Present Tense._

  I am
  Thou art
  He is
  We are
  You are
  They are

_Past Tense._

  I was
  Thou wast
  He was
  We were
  You were
  They were

_Future Tense._

  I shall be
  Thou wilt be
  He will be
  We shall be
  You will be
  They will be

When he had finished, every one burst out laughing.

“And you call that singing, do you, Dr. Verb?” said the Judge.

“Dr. Syntax, there, calls it _conjugating_, I believe,” said Dr. Verb;
“but I think _singing_ is a prettier and easier name for it.”

“But it is not a song at all,” said the Judge, nearly laughing again;
“there is no tune in it, and no rhyme.”

“It is the best that Pronoun and I could make alone,” said Dr.
Verb, angrily. “But it can be easily made to rhyme if the other
Parts-of-Speech will help. Listen.

PRESENT TENSE.

  _I am_ an Englishman merry and bold,
  _Thou art_ a foreigner out in the cold,
  _He is_ a beggar-man hungry and old;
  _We are_ not happy to see you out there,
  _You are_ too snug and warm ever to care,
  _They are_ at home with us now, I declare.”

“That will do,” interrupted the Judge; “we do not want to hear any more
to-day. Another day I shall want to know what you mean by calling the
verses _Present Tense_, _Past Tense_, and _Future Tense_--why you have
just six of your words in each tense,--and whether other verbs can be
_conjugated_ in the same way.”

“I can answer at once that they can, my lord,” said Dr. Verb. “Indeed,
very few verbs change as much as the verb _to be_, so that they are all
easier to _conjugate_; as, _I have_, _thou hast_, _he has_; _we have_,
_you have_, _they have_. _I live_, _thou livest_, _he lives_; _we
live_, _you live_, _they live_.”

“Enough for to-day, Dr. Verb,” interrupted the Judge once more; “we
will hear about them next time. Meanwhile, as we shall have further
examination of this verb _to be_, I should like my friends in
Schoolroom-shire to make a copy of it, to bring with them. I shall also
request them to find out all the verbs in the following verses:--

  “Sit to your task,” a father said,
    “Nor play nor trifle, laugh nor talk,
    And when your lesson well is read,
      You all shall have a pleasant walk.”
    He left the room, the boys sat still,
      Each gravely bent upon his task,
    But soon the youngest, little Will,
      Of fun and nonsense chose to ask.
  “My ball is lost,” the prattler cried,
    “Have either of you seen my ball?”
  “Pray mind your book,” young Charles replied.
    “Your noisy words disturb us all.”

The court then rose.

[Illustration]



[Illustration]

CHAPTER IX.

DR. VERB’S THREE TENSES AND NUMBER AND PERSON.


[Illustration: TENSE OR TIME

  TIME
  FUTURE
  PAST
  PRESENT]

“Now, Dr. Verb,” said Judge Grammar, the next day, “we have well
examined this that you call your ‘Song of the verb To be.’”

“Conjugation, my lord, if you like,” said Dr. Verb, bowing.

“I _do_ like, certainly,” replied the Judge. “Conjugation is a much
better word than _song_--longer and more respectable, and in every way
more suited to Grammar-land. Con-ju-ga-tion--this conjugation of the
verb ‘to be.’ We require you to explain it.”

“With pleasure, my lord. You see, it is divided into three verses.”

“Verses!” exclaimed Serjeant Parsing. “You know it is not to be called
a song, Dr. Verb.”

“Quite so, quite so,” said Dr. Verb, bowing again. “Well, Tenses, then.
It is divided into three tenses, the Present Tense, the Past Tense,
and the Future Tense, which mean the present time, the past time, and
the future time; and your lordship knows that all time must be either
present time, or past time, or future time. Just as when you are
reading a book. There is the part you have read, that is the past; the
part you are going to read, that is the future; and the part you are
reading now, that is the present.”

“We understand,” said Judge Grammar; “but pray explain why you divide
your _verbs_ into these three parts.”

“To show how my verbs change when they have to mark the present, past,
or future time. You see, the verb ‘to be’ takes _am_ for the present,
_was_ for the past, and adds on _will_ or _shall_ for the future. _I
am_ in the present time talking to your lordship. I _was_ in the past
time talking to your lordship. I _shall be_ in the future time talking
to your lordship.”

“Indeed, I hope not,” cried the Judge, putting his hands to his ears.
“Pray do not go on forever talking to me. I have heard quite enough
of your voice already. Step back, and allow Mr. Pronoun to take your
place, and explain the rest of the conjugation to us.”

“Allow me to say one thing more,” said Dr. Verb. “Please, Mr. Parsing,
whenever you see a _will_ or _shall_, or any other little verb put in
to show the time, will you remember that it is only a little helping
verb, used to make up the tense of some other verb, and therefore to be
counted in with that, and not taken alone.”

“Just give an example of what you mean,” said Serjeant Parsing; “I do
not quite understand.”

“I mean to say that when you see ‘he will go,’ you must take _will
go_ as part of the verb _to go_; and when you see _am coming_, _was
dancing_, _has eaten_, _had fought_, you must take them as parts of
the verbs to come, to dance, to eat, to fight. The first words, _am_,
_was_, _has_, _had_, are very good and respectable words by themselves,
of course; but when they are used with another verb, they are never
offended if you just take them as part of that other verb.”

“Thank you. I will remember,” said Serjeant Parsing, laughing. “Now
please to stand back, and allow Mr. Pronoun to answer.--Mr. Pronoun,
pray why do you use these particular six words, _I_, _thou_, _he_,
_we_, _you_, and _they_, to make up Dr. Verb’s tenses?”

“I use _I_ and _we_,” answered Pronoun, “to stand for the first person;
_thou_ and _you_ to stand for the second person; and _he_ and _they_ to
stand for the third person.”

“What do you mean by the first person?” asked Serjeant Parsing.

“My lord,” answered Mr. Pronoun, turning to Judge Grammar, “may I ask
you who is the first person in Grammar-land?”

“_I_ am, of course,” answered the Judge.

“That is what I find all my friends answer,” said Pronoun. “When I ask
them who is the most important, the first person in the world to them,
they say _I_ am; so my little _I_ stands for the person who is speaking
about himself, and I call it the _first_ person.”

“Then who is the _second_ person?” asked the Judge.

“_You_ are, my lord,” answered Pronoun, bowing politely.

“You said just now that _I_ was the _first_ person,” said the Judge.

“Yes, my lord,” replied Mr. Pronoun, putting his hand on his breast;
“_I_ first, and _you_ second.”

“But it ought to be _I_ first, and _you_ second,” said the Judge,
angrily.

“That is exactly what I said, my lord,” repeated Pronoun. “_I_ first,
and _you_ second.”

The Judge was getting so angry, that Pronoun’s friends began to
tremble for his head, when suddenly Dr. Syntax rose and said: “The
first person is always the person speaking, and the second is the
person spoken to. Let every one in the court say, ‘_I_ am the first,’
and we shall all be right, and all satisfied.”

“_I_ first, _we_ first,” they all shouted; “and _you_, _you_, _you_,
only the second.”

The noise was tremendous, and the Judge, finding himself only one
against a number, thought he had better turn the subject; and clapping
his hands loudly, to call for silence, he called out:

“But if we are all firsts and seconds, pray where is the third person
to go?”

“Oh, the third person,” said Pronoun, contemptuously, “is only the one
we are talking about. He may not be here, so it cannot matter if we
call him only the third person.”

“And what is the use of your having pronouns to stand for all these
three persons in Dr. Verb’s tenses?” asked Serjeant Parsing.

“Dr. Verb and I agree together to alter our words according to the
person they represent,” said Mr. Pronoun. “When my pronoun is in the
first person, Dr. Verb has to make his verb in the first person too. He
has to say _am_ when I have put _I_, and _are_ when I have put _we_. _I
is_, or _we art_, would make Dr. Syntax there very angry.”

“And he would be rightly angry,” replied the Judge. “You know that very
well.”

“Oh, I am not complaining, my lord,” answered Pronoun; “I was merely
stating a fact. Of course I am rather pleased than otherwise that Dr.
Verb should have to alter his words to make them agree with mine.
My pronouns show the person (that is why, you know, they are called
personal pronouns), and then Dr. Verb has to make his words agree with
them.”

“Very fine!” remarked Serjeant Parsing, “But tell us, Mr. Pronoun,
why, when there are only three different persons, you should have six
different pronouns in each tense?”

“Three of them are for the singular number, standing for only one--_I_,
_thou_, _he_,” replied Pronoun; “and the other three are for the plural
number, standing for as many as you like--_we_, _you_, and _they_.”

“Singular number only one, _I_, _thou_, _he_; plural number more than
one, _we_, _you_, _they_;--that is it, is it not, Mr. Pronoun?” asked
Serjeant Parsing.

“Yes, sir,” replied Pronoun, “that is it exactly; I could not have
explained it better myself. And whatever number the pronoun is, that
the verb must be also.”

“You mean that when the pronoun only stands for one thing or person,
then both it and the verb that comes after it are said to be in the
singular number: is it not so?” said Serjeant Parsing.

“Quite so, Mr. Parsing,” said Pronoun, delighted; “the verb has to
agree with the pronoun in number, just as it has to do in person. If my
pronoun stands for only one, then it and the verb are called singular
number; but if my pronoun stands for more than one thing, then it and
the verb are said to be in the plural number. You quite understand me,
I see, my dear Mr. Parsing, and I am sure you will take care to see
that the verb always agrees with me in number and person.”

“Whenever it is proper that it should,” replied Serjeant Parsing,
gravely.

“But it ought always to agree with my words when we are conjugating a
verb together,” said Pronoun, eagerly; “that is the very reason why it
is useful to conjugate verbs. In every tense you have the first person,
second person, and third person in the singular number; and the first
person, second person, and third person in the plural number; and then
you see how the verb alters each time to agree with the pronoun.”

“It does not alter every time,” put in Dr. Verb; “in some tenses it
hardly alters at all. Just listen,--‘I had, thou hadst, he had, we
had, you had, they had; I lived, thou livedst, he lived, we lived, you
lived, they lived; I sang, thou sangest, he sang, we sang, you sang,
they sang; I rang, thou rangest, he rang, we rang, you rang, they
rang.’”

“That will do, that will do, Dr. Verb,” cried the Judge. “We have had
your talking in the past tense, we do not want it in the present tense,
and if we should happen to require it in the future tense, we will let
you know another time. Instead of talking here, you had much better
go to Schoolroom-shire, and help the people there to write out the
present, past, and future tenses of the verbs you have mentioned--_to
have_, _to live_, _to sing_, _to ring_; and show them how the words
alter, not only to mark the different times, but to agree with Mr.
Pronoun’s words in number and person.”

“I shall be most happy, my lord,” said Dr. Verb; “but Mr. Pronoun must
come too, to help me.”

“With great pleasure, my dear Doctor,” said Mr. Pronoun, gaily: “there
is no one in Grammar-land I can work with so easily as you, because you
agree with me so beautifully.”

Then, bowing to the Judge, he and Dr. Verb walked out of the court,
arm-in-arm, humming the present tense of the verb _to be_, and the
Schoolroom-shire people, with their help, easily wrote out the four
verbs mentioned,--_to have_, _to live_, _to sing_, and _to ring_.



[Illustration]

CHAPTER X.

SERJEANT PARSING IN SCHOOLROOM-SHIRE AGAIN.


[Illustration: A · GOOD ♥ IS · BETTER THAN · RICHES]

Before the court met again, Serjeant Parsing paid another visit to
Schoolroom-shire.

“My dear young friends,” he said, “will you kindly get your slates,
and divide them into four parts, writing at the top of each part, the
name of Mr. Noun, Mr. Pronoun, Mr. Adjective, and Dr. Verb. Then cut
off two corners somewhere, for little ragged Article and Interjection.
Then listen to the following story, and when any word that you know
is read out, give a mark to the Part-of-Speech to whom it belongs. If
you come to an adjective-pronoun, of course you must put a little man
astride between Mr. Pronoun’s ground and Mr. Adjective’s; and whenever
you come to a verb, please to say whether it is in the present, past,
or future tense. When you have done, we will count up, and see which
Part-of-Speech has gained the most marks.

“This is the story:--

“THE TWO NEIGHBOURS.

“A man lived by his labour; and as he had strong arms and a brave
heart, he supported, easily, his wife, his little children, and himself.

“But a famine came upon the land, and work failed.

“The man spent all the money which he had saved, until he had not a
penny to buy food for his children.

“Then he went to a rich neighbour, and said: ‘My little children are
crying for food, and I have no bread to give them. Help me.’

“And the rich man said:--

“‘I am a just man; I always pay my debts; but I owe you no money. Go! I
cannot give you charity.’

“Then the poor man went to another neighbour, almost as poor as himself.

“‘Give me food for my little children,’ he said.

“‘Brother,’ said the poorer neighbour, ‘we have not much ourselves, but
you shall share with us as long as a crust of bread remains.’

“Then they divided between them the little food that was left, and that
food lasted until the hard times had passed.”

[Illustration]



[Illustration]

CHAPTER XI.

THE NOMINATIVE CASE.


[Illustration: THE NOMINATIVE CASE

THE·STAG·RUNS]

The next day, Dr. Verb came bustling into the court, looking very
cross, and calling out loudly for justice.

“What is the matter?” asked the Judge; “state your case quietly.”

“It is not _my_ case, it is Pronoun’s case, that is the matter,”
answered Dr. Verb; “though I do not say it is his fault. We should get
on very well if people would only mind their own business.”

“If you will not tell me the state of the case clearly, I cannot help
you,” said the Judge.

“Well, my lord, if you will listen for a minute, I will try to
explain it, so that every one can understand. As you know very well,
I am constantly agreeing with Mr. Pronoun. I showed you how I alter
to suit his number and person, and it is only fair that he should
alter sometimes to suit me. I only agree with him when he is in the
‘Nominative Case.’”

At the words “Nominative Case” there was a real cry of horror from
nearly every one in court. You might have thought they had all turned
into interjections, they made such a fuss.

“Nominative Case!” cried Noun; “shame, shame!”

“Shameful! awful! shocking!” cried Adjective.

“Fie! fie! fie!” cried Interjection, and turned three times over head
and heels.

“Pray do not use such words, Dr. Verb,” said Judge Grammar, “but tell
us what you mean.”

“Really, my lord,” said Dr. Verb, “I did not mean any harm. Nominative
is not such a _very_ long word, that people should make such a fuss
about it. I am sure the ladies and gentlemen of the jury will not be
angry at my using it.”

“That depends on how you explain it,” said the Judge; “What does it
mean?”

“It means the person or thing that _is_ or _does_ whatever my verb says
about him. _The cat purrs_. It is the _cat_ that does what the verb
mentions. You have only to put ‘who’ before the verb in any sentence,
and the answer will give you the Nominative. ‘Who purrs?’ The answer is
the _cat_, so _cat_ is the nominative to the verb _purrs_. That is the
way that _I_ find out whom I am to make my verb agree with.”

“Is that _your_ way, Brother Parsing?” asked the Judge.

“Yes, my lord,” answered Serjeant Parsing, “that is my way, and
therefore, of course, it is the best way. My way is always the best
way. Now there is a sentence all ready for you: _My way is always the
best way._ I’ll find the nominative before you can dot an _i_. ‘_What_
is always the best way?’ Answer, _my way_ is always the best way;--so
_my way_ is the Nominative.”

“But you asked ‘what?’ not ‘who?’ there, Brother Parsing,” remarked the
Judge.

“Because _way_ is a thing, not a person, my lord. When we are talking
of a thing, then we ask ‘what?’ instead of ‘who?’ If you said ‘the
pudding is boiling in the pot,’ I should say ‘_what_ is boiling?’
not ‘_who_ is boiling?’ for I should hope you would not be boiling
a _person_ in a pot, unless you were the giant in Jack and the
Beanstalk.”

“Fi! fo! fum!” said Interjection, standing on his head, and clapping
his heels together.

“Silence, sir!” cried the Judge. “Brother Parsing, please not to talk
about giants till we have done with the Nominative Case. Has any
gentleman anything more to explain about it?”

“Please, my lord,” said Pronoun, “Dr. Verb complains that he has to
agree with me when I am in the Nominative Case. But he has to agree
with Mr. Noun just as much. It is no matter what part of speech stands
as the Nominative in a sentence, Dr. Verb must agree with it; so he
need not grumble at me more than at any one else.”

“I am not grumbling at you----,” Dr. Verb began.

“Wait a minute, Dr. Verb,” interrupted the Judge; “let us first fully
understand this case. You say there is a verb in every sentence?”

“Certainly, my lord,” said Verb.

“And there is a Nominative in every sentence?”

“Exactly so, my lord,” answered Serjeant Parsing.

“And this Nominative may be a noun or a pronoun?” continued the Judge.

“It may, my lord,” chimed in both Mr. Noun and Mr. Pronoun.

“And this verb must agree with this Nominative, whether it likes or
not?” asked the Judge.

At that question Dr. Syntax suddenly started up like a jack-in-the-box,
and standing bolt upright, said, “A verb must agree with its Nominative
case in number and person. A verb must agree with its Nominative case
in number and person;” and then sank down again.

“Ah!” said the Judge. “Very good. So you see, Dr. Verb, when you have
a sentence like ‘ducks swim in ponds,’ you are first to find your own
word swim, then to put _who_ or _what_ before it--‘who swim?’ or ‘what
swim?’ The answer will be _ducks_, the Nominative. Then you are to
be sure that the verb agrees with it. You must say ‘ducks swim,’ not
‘ducks swims;’ and as ducks is the third person and plural number, swim
will be third person and plural number too.”

“Please, my lord,” said Pronoun, “when I am Nominative you need very
seldom take the trouble to ask any question to find out the Nominative,
for most of my words show at once what they are in. _I_, _thou_, _he_,
_she_, _we_, and _they_ will never allow themselves to be used except
as Nominatives. They were born Nominatives, they say, and will not
degrade themselves by being anything else. They are rather angry with
_you_ for letting people use _him_ in any way they like, but he is a
good-natured little fellow, and does not mind any more about the case
than he does about being called singular when he is really plural.
But _I_, _thou_, _he_, _she_, _we_, and _they_, are exceedingly
particular, and always are and will be Nominatives, so you need not ask
any question when you see one of them in a sentence.”

“You may just as well make it a rule to ask ‘who?’ or ‘what?’ in every
sentence, to find the Nominative,” said Serjeant Parsing. “It is such
an easy way of finding the case that a baby in arms could understand
it.”

“Tut! tut! tut! tut!” laughed Interjection again.

“Oh! be quiet, do!” said Serjeant Parsing; “and, my lord, if the ladies
and gentlemen of Schoolroom-shire like to find out the Nominatives in
these verses----”

“Yes,” said the Judge; “hand them up, brother. No, do not begin again,
Dr. Verb; no more complaints to-day. And remember, friends, that in
these lines every verb must have a Nominative, unless there is a
little _to_ before the verb. Then it has none--it does not agree with
anything. And remember, too, that every noun or pronoun that is in the
Nominative case is to get an extra mark on your slates. I wish you
good-morning, gentlemen.”

So saying, the Judge rose. The verses were handed to the people of
Schoolroom-shire, and the court was cleared.

SERJEANT PARSING’S VERSES.

  The hen guards well her little chicks,
    The useful cow is meek;
  The beaver builds with mud and sticks,
    The lapwing loves to squeak.

  In Germany they hunt the boar,
    The bee brings honey home;
  The ant lays up a winter store,
    The bear loves honeycomb.

  I lost my poor little doll, dears,
    As I played on the heath one day;
  And I cried for her more than a week, dears,
    But I never could find where she lay.

  The maidens laughed, the children played,
    The boys cut many capers,
  While aunt was lecturing the maid,
    And uncle read the papers.

[Illustration]



[Illustration]

CHAPTER XII.

ADVERB.


[Illustration: LUCY READS VERY OFTEN

ADVERB]

“Now Dr. Verb,” said Judge Grammar, next day, “I am ready to hear what
is your great complaint against Pronoun.”

“Why, my lord, when he is in the Objective Case----”

“I object, I object!” exclaimed the Judge, while a general murmur of
disapproval ran through the court. “No, no, we have had enough with the
Nominative Case; we will not have another case brought in. You ought
to be ashamed of yourself, sir, to keep us listening to your nonsense
about an Objective case, while your devoted friend Adverb is waiting to
be heard. Sit down, and let Adverb speak.”

“Devoted friend!” muttered Dr. Verb, as he obeyed. “I am sure I often
wish he would leave me alone. He sticks on to me so tight sometimes,
that we look like one instead of two, and he is a good weight to carry.
Besides, he is always teasing by asking _why_, and _when_, and _how_
everything is done. Friend, indeed!”

But Adverb did not hear what Dr. Verb was muttering. He came forward,
bowing politely, and rubbing his hands together, as if he were washing
them.

“_Very much_ obliged, indeed,” he said, smoothly; “_very_ kind of my
friend Dr. Verb to give way to me! _So_ like him!”

“You seem to be fonder of him than he is of you,” remarked the Judge.
“Pray, why do you follow him so closely?”

“I like to hear what he says, and to point out to others _how
exceedingly well_ he speaks,” answered Adverb.

“He is always exaggerating my words,” grumbled Dr. Verb. “If I say I
like anything, Adverb puts in _very much indeed_ or _extremely well_,
or some such silly words; or, if he is in a bad temper, then he flatly
contradicts me, and says, _no_, or _not_, or _never_. If I say _will_,
he adds _not_, and makes it _will not_; if I say _can_, he makes it
_cannot_, even sticking his word on to mine as if it were part of it.
Sometimes he does worse. He actually dares to alter my word after he
has stuck his tail on to it, and so he makes _will not_ into _won’t_,
_cannot_ into _can’t_, _shall not_ into _sha’n’t_, and so on. The
_wo’_, and _ca’_, and _sha’_, is all he has left me, and the _n’t_ is
his.”

“Has he always treated you in this way?” asked the Judge.

“As long as I can remember, my lord,” answered Dr. Verb. “That is why,
when we were at school together, the boys called him _Adverb_, because
he was always _adding_ his words on to mine. And he has kept the name
ever since.”

“Your lordship must remember,” remarked Adverb, in a mild tone, still
rubbing his hands very smoothly together, “that Dr. Verb is _rather_
out of temper this morning, and is, _perhaps_, _not quite_ just. For
_indeed_ it is a fact that I make his words _much more_ useful than
they _otherwise_ would be. Besides, I treat Mr. Adjective in _much_ the
same way, and he does not complain.”

“It is quite true,” remarked Adjective, coming forward, delighted to
get a chance of using his tongue; “it is quite true that Adverb has
his word to say about me, just as much as about Dr. Verb. He is always
putting _very_, _quite_, _more_, _most_, and words of that sort, before
my adjectives, and exaggerating them: as, _very_ beautiful, _quite_
charming, _more_ obstinate, _most_ provoking, and I do not complain of
him for that. But one thing I do complain of, my lord, and that is,
that Adverb will take my words, right good adjectives, stick a _ly_ on
to them, and call them his adverbs. For instance, he takes _bright_,
puts _ly_ to it, and makes it _brightly_; he takes _bad_, and makes
it _badly_; _nice_, and makes it _nicely_; _beautiful_, and makes it
_beautifully_.”

Judge Grammar at this held up his forefinger, and solemnly shook his
head, till he nearly shook his wig off.

“Mr. Adjective, Mr. Adjective!” he said, “I am surprised at you. You
complain of Adverb for doing the very thing that you do yourself. We
all know that you keep your pockets full of tails ready to stick on to
your neighbours’ words--_ful_, _ous_, _able_, _like_, _ly_, and plenty
more, and you use them as often as you can with other people’s words.
But when Adverb uses his one little _ly_ with _your_ words, then you
are up in arms directly. And yet you know very well that according to
the laws of Grammar-land every Part-of-Speech may make as many new
words out of old ones as he likes, and is to be praised, not blamed,
for it. Adverb may put his _ly_ on to as many of your words as he can,
and you have no right to find fault. I wonder at both you and Dr. Verb.
You ought to agree with Adverb better.”

“We none of us agree with him,” remarked Pronoun, “nor he with us.”

“He certainly has no number, or person, or case,” replied the Judge;
“but he is none the worse for that. He gives Serjeant Parsing less
trouble than some of you. What did you say about asking questions,
Adverb?”

“I teach the game of _how_, _when_, and _where_,” replied Adverb;
“_how_, _when_, and _where_, are all my words, and so are the answers
to them.

  _How_ do you like it? pray you tell?
  _Not too much_, _extremely well_.
  _When_ do you like it, tell me _when_?
  _To-day_, _to-morrow_, _now_, and _then_.
  _Where_ do you like it, answer fair?
  _Here_ and _there_ and _everywhere_.

All these words that answer _how_, _when_, and _where_, are mine,”
continued Adverb, “and so are the forfeit words _yes_, _no_, or _nay_.”

“Ah! but _black_, _white_, and _grey_ are mine,” said Adjective,
interrupting; “and please, your lordship, you were mistaken in saying
that Adverb has only one tail, _ly_, to put on to other people’s words.
What do you think of _upwards_, _downwards_, _homeward_, _forward_?”

“Yes, they are certainly adverbs,” said the Judge, “and you might say
that _wards_ and _ward_ are the tails he has added on to _up_, _down_,
_home_, _for_; but these words are not yours, Mr. Adjective, so you
have no right to interfere.”

“Well, my lord,” replied Adjective, “at any rate I have a right to
speak about _once_, _twice_, _thrice_, for Adverb has stolen them from
my _one_, _two_, _three_.”

“_Once_, _twice_, _thrice_,” repeated the Judge; “is that all?”

“He has not got a word for four times,” answered Adjective; “_once_,
_twice_, _thrice_, and _away_, is all that he can say.”

“Then I think,” said the Judge, “that you ought to be ashamed to grudge
them to him, when you have _one_, _two_, _three_, and as many more
as you can count; besides _first_, _second_, _third_, _fourth_, and
all that list. I do not like such greedy ways, and as a punishment, I
order you to hand up a list of adjectives to be turned into adverbs.
Our friends may take them to Schoolroom-shire and put a _ly_ to each
of them; then they will be adverbs, and will answer to one of Adverb’s
questions, _how_, _when_, or _where_.”

This is the list Mr. Adjective made out.

  quick
  bright
  soft
  strong
  distinct
  clear
  neat
  sharp
  sudden
  late
  punctual
  regular
  sly
  cunning
  false
  true
  pretty
  dainty
  funny
  free
  happy
  awful



[Illustration]

CHAPTER XIII.

PREPOSITION.


[Illustration: UP A LADDER

DOWN THE HILL

PREPOSITIONS·]

“_To_, _from_, _of_, _for_, _over_, _under_, _on_, _near_, _at_, _by_,
_in_, _among_, _before_, _behind_, _up_, _down_---- Pray, who is the
owner of all these little creatures?” said Judge Grammar, the next day.
“Mr. Noun, are they yours?”

“No, indeed, my lord,” answered Mr. Noun, “they are not the names of
any one or anything that I ever heard of.”

“Dr. Verb, are they yours?”

“I should not object to having them, my lord,” answered Dr. Verb, “if
I could do anything with them; but they seem to me neither _to be_ nor
_to do_, nor _to suffer_ any----”

“That will do,” interrupted the Judge, afraid that Dr. Verb was
beginning one of his long speeches. “Mr. Adjective, do you claim them?”

“They do not qualify anything, my lord,” answered Adjective; “indeed,
they seem to me _poor_, _useless_, _silly_, _little_----”

“We do not want you to qualify them, thank you,” said the Judge, “but
to tell us if they are yours. Article, we know, has only _a_ or _an_
and _the_, so they cannot be his. Mr. Pronoun, do they belong to you?”

“No, my lord,” answered Pronoun. “As Mr. Noun has nothing to say to
them, neither have I. They do not stand instead of any name.”

“Well,” said the Judge, “we know they do not belong to that tiresome
little Interjection. Are they yours, Adverb?”

“I should be _extremely_ glad to have them, my lord,” answered Adverb,
smoothly washing his hands, as usual. “I have no doubt I could make
them _exceedingly_ useful----”

“That is not what I asked,” said the Judge; “are they yours?”

“I cannot say they are _exactly_ mine,” said Adverb; “but----”

“That is all we want to know,” interrupted the Judge. Then raising his
voice, he continued: “If there is any one in this court to whom these
words, ‘to, from, of, for,’ etc., do belong, let him come forward.”

At these words, a sharp, dapper little fellow stepped forward, and
looking around the court with a triumphant air, exclaimed, “They belong
to me.”

“And who are you?”

“Preposition, my lord. My position is just before a noun or pronoun. My
words point out to them their proper position. I keep them in order.”

“You keep them in order?” said Judge Grammar, looking down at him
through his spectacles; “how can a little mite like you keep Mr. Noun
in order?”

“Little or big, my lord, that’s what I do,” said Preposition. “I settle
the position of every one and every thing, and show whether they are to
be _on_ or _under_, _to_ or _from_, _up_ or _down_.”

“_Kindly_ forgive me for interrupting you,” said Adverb, coming
forward. “I _really_ must remark that _up_ and _down_ are my words.”

“How do you make out that?” asked the Judge.

“I will show you _directly_, my lord,” answered Adverb. “By the help
of my questions _how_, _when_, and _where_, which, you know, I alone
can answer. If you say, ‘sit up,’ I ask, ‘_how_ am I to sit?’ The
answer is, ‘_up_.’ ‘Lie down;’ ‘_how_ am I to lie?’ The answer is,
‘_down_.’ _Up_ and _down_, therefore, answer to my question _how_, and
are mine.”

“Stop a minute,” said Preposition. “I also can answer to your favourite
questions _how_, _when_, and _where_. Listen:--

  _How_ do you like it? tell me true.
  Made _of_ sugar, dressed _in_ blue.
  _When_ do you like it? answer me.
  _At_ my dinner; _after_ tea.
  _Where_ do you like it? say, if you’re able.
  _On_ my lap or _under_ the table?”

“_Really_,” said Adverb, smiling politely, “that is _very cleverly_
done. But allow me to make _just_ one remark. You have not answered
one single question without the help of some other part of speech. Mr.
Noun has helped you with ‘sugar,’ ‘dinner,’ ‘tea,’ ‘lap,’ ‘table;’ Mr.
Adjective lent you ‘blue;’ Mr. Pronoun, ‘my;’ and so on. Now I, without
any help, answer the questions quite alone.”

“You cannot expect a little fellow like me to stand quite alone,” said
Preposition; “I don’t pretend to do it. I told you at first that my
right position is before a noun or pronoun, or some such word. All I
mean is that I help to answer the questions, and that neither Mr. Noun
nor Mr. Pronoun could answer them without me.”

“Is that true, Brother Parsing?” asked the Judge.

“Quite true, my lord,” answered the learned Serjeant. “When I find the
questions ‘how?’ ‘when?’ or ‘where?’ answered by one word alone, I put
that word down to Adverb. But when I find them answered by Mr. Noun or
Mr. Pronoun, helped by another little word, then I know that that other
little word belongs to Preposition.”

“Yes, my lord,” continued Preposition; “so if you say ‘_up_ a ladder’
or ‘_down_ a hill,’ _up_ and _down_ are mine; they show your position
on the ladder or the hill; they are the little prepositions put before
Mr. Noun’s words _ladder_ and _hill_. But, of course, if you were to
ask how I am to step _up_ or _down_? then Adverb could call up and down
_adverbs_, because they are added on to the verb ‘step,’ and they have
nothing to do with a noun or a pronoun.”

“_Precisely_,” said Adverb; “my friend Preposition is _perfectly_
correct. I _immensely_ admire my young friend, although he does not
move in _quite so_ select a circle as myself.”

“Don’t I?” said Preposition, with a knowing little nod.

“I think Mr. Noun quite as good company as Dr. Verb, any day. Besides,
even grand Dr. Verb is glad enough to have my little _to_ to put before
his verbs. When he makes up his ‘songs,’ as he calls them, he always
puts my little _to_ before the name at the top. He is glad enough
to have it to point out his verbs, and does not despise me at all,
though I do not stick on to him like a leech, as some people do;” and
Preposition nodded his head very fast a great many times at Adverb.

“Dr. Verb does not agree with you, though,” remarked Pronoun, quietly.

“No,” said Preposition, “I do not alter for him, nor he for me. But he
does not agree with Adverb either. Poor Adverb agrees with nobody, and
nobody agrees with him; and he, poor fellow! cannot govern anybody,
either. Now I govern every noun or pronoun that I come before, for I
put them in the Objective Case.”

“I object,” cried the Judge. “I will not have that word brought into
court. I said so before, and I say so again. Nominative Case is bad
enough, but Objective Case is enough to turn a brown wig grey in a
single night. Break up the court! Critics, clear the room!”

And Judge Grammar rose hastily from his seat, and stalked angrily out,
while all the Parts-of-Speech stood looking speechlessly at each other
till the policemen came, bundled them all out, and locked the doors
behind them.

In spite of the hurry, however, Serjeant Parsing managed to hand up to
the people of Schoolroom-shire the following verses, begging the ladies
and gentlemen there to find out all the prepositions in them, and to
count how many lines there are in which Preposition has nothing to say.

THE FAIRY-RING.

  Beside a bluebell on the heath,
    Among the purple heather,
  A fairy lived, and crept beneath
    The leaves in windy weather.

  She drank the dewdrops from the stalk,
    She peeped into the flower;
  And then she went to take a walk,
    Or ride for half-an-hour.

  She rode upon a cricket’s back,
    She came before the Queen,
  The fairy Queen, with all her court,
    Within the forest green.

  They had a dance upon the grass,
    Till larks began to sing;
  And where they danced, as all may know
    They left a fairy-ring.

  Oh, pretty fairies! why not stay,
    That we at you may peep?
  Why will you only dance and play
    When we are fast asleep?

[Illustration]



[Illustration]

CHAPTER XIV.

PREPOSITIONS GOVERN THE OBJECTIVE CASE.


[Illustration: LOOK AT ME

PREPOSITIONS GOVERN THE OBJECTIVE CASE]

“When the Parts-of-Speech found themselves so suddenly turned out of
the court, they collected in a group before the door, and looked at
each other in astonishment.”

“Here is a pretty thing!” said Mr. Noun, indignantly. “Fine way to
treat us, indeed!”

“And after all, I only said what is true,” said Preposition. “I do put
every noun or pronoun that comes after my words in the Objective Case,
do I not, Dr. Syntax?”

“Prepositions govern the Objective Case,” said Dr. Syntax, in his usual
monotonous voice; then lifting his spectacles, he twisted his head
round to look at Preposition, and actually deigned to explain his words
by saying: “Whatever noun or pronoun a preposition is placed before and
refers to, must be in the Objective Case.”

“Speak to him,” murmured Serjeant Parsing, as if he were talking to
himself: “_him_, a pronoun, objective case, governed by the preposition
_to_.”

“Mr. Pronoun, you hear that!” exclaimed Mr. Noun. “This little
Preposition is said to govern us, you and me, in the Objective Case.
Very impertinent, on my word!”

“On my word!” again muttered Serjeant Parsing. “Word, a noun, Objective
Case, governed by the preposition _on_.”

“However, it does not matter to me,” continued Mr. Noun, without taking
any notice of Serjeant Parsing. “It will make no difference to me;” and
he turned away, with his hands in his pockets, and began to whistle a
tune.

“It does matter to me, though,” said Pronoun, “for I have to alter my
words according to the case they are in. _I_ is only in the nominative
case, _me_ in the objective; _we_ is nominative, _us_ objective; _he_
nominative, _him_ objective, and so on. You cannot say ‘look at _I_;’
you must say ‘look at _me_.’”

“Look at me,” echoed Serjeant Parsing, in the same quiet tone: “_me_,
Objective Case, governed by the preposition _at_.”

“Quite so,” continued Pronoun, turning to Serjeant Parsing. “I am
objective there, I cannot help it; I must be objective after a
preposition.”

“Yes,” said Serjeant Parsing, aloud, “and it is very convenient for me
that you must. It often helps me to find out whether a word is really
a preposition or no. I just try whether it wants _I_ or _me_ after it.
Take _when_ or _if_, for instance. You can say, when _I_ go, if _I_
were; so _when_ and _if_ are not prepositions. But you cannot say ‘for
I,’ or ‘from I;’ you must have the Objective Case, and say for _me_,
from _me_; so _for_ and _from_ are prepositions governing the Objective
Case.”

“You had better take care,” said Preposition; “you keep on saying
Objective Case, and if you say it before Judge Grammar, you know you
will get us all into trouble again.”

“Oh, never fear,” said Serjeant Parsing; “the Judge will listen to us
patiently enough, next time. Besides, he must hear about Objective
Case, whether he likes it or no, because the prize will partly depend
upon it.”

“The prize! what prize?” cried every one.

“Listen. There is to be a grand trial or examination soon. All
the Schoolroom-shire children are to be invited, and all you
Parts-of-Speech are to make up a story between you. You will each get
a mark for every word you give, and whoever gets the most marks will
get----”

“Yes, what? what will he get?” they all cried out eagerly.

“Ah! that is a secret. What I want to tell you is, that any word that
governs another will get an extra mark. For instance, when I say
‘Listen to me,’ the preposition _to_ puts _me_ in the Objective Case,
so _to_ will get an extra mark.”

“That is splendid!” cried little Preposition, clapping his hands and
jumping about for joy. “I always govern a noun or pronoun in the
Objective Case, so I shall get two marks every time I come in.”

“Not quite so sure,” interrupted Dr. Verb. “Sometimes you come before
a verb, _to_ eat, _to_ sleep, _to_ fly, and then you can only get one
mark, for you do not govern me, my little dear, seeing that verbs do
not have a case at all.”

“Ah, but you have to agree with your Nominative Case, Dr. Verb,” said
Pronoun; “so I suppose, when I am nominative, I shall have an extra
mark, for I might be said to govern you in a sort of way.”

“No, no,” said Serjeant Parsing, putting in his word, “you are not said
to govern Dr. Verb; he agrees with you, that is all; but the Nominative
Case, being a very honourable one, will always get two marks.”

“Then,” said Mr. Noun, suddenly stopping his whistling and taking an
interest in the conversation, “I am of course to get two marks for
every noun in the Nominative Case?”

“Certainly,” answered Serjeant Parsing.

“And in the Objective Case also?” asked Mr. Noun.

“No, no,” said Serjeant Parsing, laughing; “that would be too much of
a good thing, since your words are nearly always either nominative or
objective. No, no; on the contrary, the Objective Case, being governed
by other words (even such little trifles as prepositions), is not
considered at all an honourable case, and therefore will not only give
a noun or pronoun no extra marks, but will take away one of those it
already has. For instance, if I am parsing ‘Come to me,’ and I give Mr.
Pronoun a mark for _me_, I must strike out that mark as soon as I find
that _me_ is in the Objective Case, and must give it to Preposition for
his little word _to_, which governs _me_.”

Mr. Noun and Mr. Pronoun both looked very dismal at these tidings, and
then Mr. Noun said:--

“I hope no one else except Preposition can put me into the Objective
Case.”

“O yes, indeed, I can,” cried Dr. Verb, bustling up, eagerly; but
Serjeant Parsing stopped him.

“No, no, Dr. Verb,” he said, “we are not going to begin that question.
No notice will be taken of any noun or pronoun’s being in the Objective
Case, unless it is governed by a preposition. That is the rule for
this trial; another time, perhaps, your rights will be considered.”

Serjeant Parsing then took the following lines to Schoolroom-shire,
that every Objective Case governed by a preposition might be found
out:--

  Tom called for me, I went with him,
    We climbed upon a rock;
  There over the sea we looked for thee,
    Till seven of the clock.
  And then a white sail over the main,
  Brought back our sailor-boy again.

Fill up the blanks with a noun or pronoun, and say whether it will be
nominative or objective.

.... went for a walk yesterday, .... walked through a dark .... under
tall ....; suddenly, when .... were in a very lonely ...., .... heard
the steps of some .... crashing through the .... “What can it be?” ....
cried .... stopped to listen; the .... came nearer, two bright eyes
gleamed at us through the ...., and in another .... out bounded, with a
deep .... that made echoes all round us, our own dear old ...., who had
broken his chain, escaped from the ...., and had come out to look for
....



[Illustration]

CHAPTER XV.

CONJUNCTION.


[Illustration:

  AND
  BUT
  SO
  &c

BE GOOD AND YOU·WILL·BE·HAPPY

CONJUNCTION]

“My lord,” said Serjeant Parsing, the next time that the court
assembled, “I must beg for your assistance. I have here a story--a very
excellent story, as it seems to me; but somehow or other it will not go
right--it has what you might call a jerky sound--as if you were riding
over a corduroy road in a cart without springs, and were trying to talk
between the bumps. I have asked all the Parts-of-Speech that are in
court to help me, but none of them can give me any assistance.”

“Read the story aloud,” said the Judge, “and let us hear it.”

So Sergeant Parsing read--

“THE EAGLE ... THE RAVEN.

“An eagle pounced on a little lamb .... carried it off in his claws. A
raven saw him fly .... thought he could do the same; .... he chose out
the best .... biggest sheep of the flock, .... pounced down upon it;
.... lo! .... behold! it was much too heavy .... it was much bigger
.... himself, .... poor Mr. Raven only got his claws entangled in the
wool .... when he tried to fly away he found it impossible to get free
.... he was struggling .... the shepherd came .... caught him .... put
him in a cage.”

“I see, I see,” said the Judge, “you want some words to join your
sentences together. Noun, Pronoun, Article, Adjective, Verb,
Adverb, Preposition, none of these will do. I have only two other
Parts-of-Speech left on my list: that tiresome Interjection, who is, of
course, no use, and Con----”

“Conjunction! Here you are, my lord,” said a bright cheery voice at the
door, and Conjunction walked into court.

He had on a coat with brass buttons, and a cap like a railway guard’s,
with C. J. marked on the front. Under his arm he had a bundle of iron
hooks or tools--at least what you would have thought were iron hooks or
tools, if you had seen them down in Matter-of-fact-land, and had not
known any better. They were really his words.

“You are late, sir,” said the Judge, very sternly; “where have you
been?”

“To tell you the truth, my lord,” answered Conjunction, “I have been
for a little holiday trip on the Grammar-land Railway. The fact is, my
turn was so long in coming, and the last time I was here your lordship
broke up the court in such a temp----”

“A what, sir?” interrupted the Judge, angrily.

“A hurry, my lord,--in such a hurry, that I did not think we should
meet again for some time; and so I just amused myself by a trip on the
railway, where I am so often at work.”

“Very improper, indeed!” replied the Judge, “as if you were made to
amuse yourself. Such a thing was never heard of before in Grammar-land.
Ask Dr. Syntax whether conjunctions are used for amusement.”

“Conjunctions are used to connect words or sentences,” said Dr. Syntax,
in his solemn unchanging voice, standing up to speak, and sinking down
the moment he had finished.

“There!” said the Judge, “you hear what you are used for--to connect
words or sentences--that is your work, and that is just what we have
been wanting you for. You have kept the whole court waiting, while you
have been taking a holiday, forsooth! Your very cap ought to shame
you. Pray what does C. J. stand for?”

“Well, my lord, the folks in Matter-of-fact-land say that it stands for
Clapham Junction, which is a big station down there, where a great many
railways are joined together; and they say that I am the pointsman, who
moves the rails and makes the trains run together, or apart, as the
case may be; and I don’t know but what that’s as good a description of
my work as the folks in Matter-of-fact-land could give. Only they ought
to understand that our trains in Grammar-land are sentences, and my
tools with which I join them together are my words--_and_, _but_, _if_,
_also_, and so on. And here they are, Mr. Parsing, and heartily at your
service, sir, if you like to make use of them;” and pulling the bundle
from under his arm, Conjunction laid them down before Serjeant Parsing,
with a bow.

“Thank you, my man,” said Serjeant Parsing, “one at a time, if you
please. I will read my story again, and do you hand up a word that will
fit, whenever I stop for it.”

So he read it again, and Conjunction put in the words as follows:--

“THE EAGLE _AND_ THE RAVEN.

“An eagle pounced on a little lamb _and_ carried it off in his claws.
A raven saw him fly, _and_ thought he could do the same; _so_ he chose
out the best _and_ biggest sheep of the flock, _and_ pounced down upon
it; _but_ lo! _and_ behold! it was much too heavy, _for_ it was much
bigger _than_ himself, _so_ poor Mr. Raven only got his claws entangled
in the wool, _and_ when he tried to fly away, he found it impossible
to get free; _and whilst_ he was struggling, the shepherd came _and_
caught him _and_ put him in a cage.”

“Ah,” said Judge Grammar, “yes, that is an improvement. I see,
Conjunction, you have put in _and_, _so_, _but_, _than_, _for_,
_whilst_. What other words have you?”

“I have _because_, my lord,” answered Conjunction. “Mr. Adverb asks
‘why?’ but I answer ‘because,’ which is much more useful. Any one can
ask ‘why?’ but it is only a fellow like me, that knows how things work,
that can answer ‘because.’”

“You need not boast,” said the Judge; “you only join the trains
together, you know; you do not make them. _Because_ is only useful on
account of what comes after it; it would not tell us much if it stood
alone. But what others have you?”

“I have _if_, my lord; and though it is only a word of two letters, it
makes a mighty difference many a time. How happy we should all be _if_
we could get just what we want.”

“Yes, yes, we know,” said the Judge; “‘_if_ wishes were horses,
beggars would ride;’ but it is a very good thing they are not. Now,
Conjunction, _if_ you have any more words, let us hear them.”

“Except that I sometimes use my neighbours’ words as conjunctions, my
lord,” answered Conjunction, “I think I have told you pretty well all.
Here is a packet I put together:--

  _If_, _because_, _and_, _so_, _that_, _or_,
  _But_, _although_, _as_, _also_, _nor_.”

“One more question,” said the Judge; “do you govern or agree with any
of your neighbours?”

“Not I, my lord, I leave that for my betters. I am quite satisfied to
join them together, and then leave them alone,” answered Conjunction.

“Then that will do for to-day. Brother Parsing, be good enough to
send the following story to Schoolroom-shire, and tell them to give
Conjunction a place on their slates among the other Parts-of-Speech,
and mark down all his words for him. When that is done, I shall have
some good news to tell you.”

The court then rose.

A NARROW ESCAPE.

A traveller in India one day strayed away from his companions, and
went to sleep under a tree. When he awoke he saw, to his horror, the
two bright eyes of a tiger, ready to spring upon him from a high
bank. He leaped up to run away, but fell back again directly, for a
large crocodile was coming towards him, with its great mouth open. He
shut his eyes and waited in terror, for he heard the tiger spring. A
tremendous noise followed; but he felt nothing. He opened his eyes, and
lo! the tiger had sprung into the mouth of the crocodile; and while the
two wild beasts were struggling, the traveller sprang up and ran away.

[Illustration]



[Illustration]

CHAPTER XVI.

ACTIVE VERBS GOVERN THE OBJECTIVE CASE.


[Illustration: ACTIVE·VERBS ·GOVERN· THE·OBJECTIVE·CASE]

“And now, gentlemen,” said Judge Grammar, when next they were
assembled. “But what is the matter, Dr. Verb? What is this about?” he
asked, interrupting himself, for Dr. Verb had gone down on one knee
before the Judge, and was holding out a paper to him.

“A petition, your lordship,” said Dr. Verb, solemnly; “I beg for
justice. No, Preposition, it is of no use to try to hold me back, and
to whisper that his lordship will be very angry. You have had your
rights given you, and I am going to claim mine. My lord, I beg for the
right of an extra mark whenever any word of mine governs a noun or
pronoun in the Objective Case.”

At the words “Objective Case,” every one in the court held his breath,
expecting the Judge to burst into a rage; and certainly a sudden flush
did overspread his face, and rise to the very roots of his wig. For
a moment he sat silent with compressed lips, then lifting his head
haughtily, he said:--

“Do not apologise, Dr. Verb; I forgive you; but on one condition--that
you show clearly and at once how to discover an Objective Case that is
governed by a verb.”

“Certainly, my lord,” said Dr. Verb, joyfully; “it is the easiest thing
in the world. Just as you have to ask the question, ‘who?’ or ‘what?’
_before_ the verb, to find out the Nominative Case, so you must ask the
question, ‘whom?’ or ‘what?’ _after_ the verb, to find the Objective
Case. For the nominative tells you who did the thing, and the objective
tells you to whom the thing was done. Here is an example:--‘Harry
kicked the cat.’ You ask, ‘who kicked?’ to find the nominative, and the
answer is _Harry_. You ask, ‘Harry kicked what?’ to find the objective,
and the answer is, _the cat_. Is that clear?”

“The cat would certainly object,” muttered the Judge; “but I suppose
that is not why it is called objective, because if the verb had been
_fed_, _cat_ would have been objective all the same. Well, Brother
Parsing,” he continued aloud, “did Dr. Verb explain the matter clearly?
Could you find out the objective in that way?”

“Certainly, my lord,” answered Serjeant Parsing, readily. “I will give
you an example to prove it. ‘I ate my dinner.’ I find the nominative by
asking ‘who ate?’ answer: _I_. I find the objective by asking ‘I ate
what?’ answer: _dinner_; and dinner is clearly the objective, for it
was the object for which I sat down to eat.”

“Must all verbs have an Objective Case after them?” asked the Judge.

“They cannot all govern the objective,” Serjeant Parsing began, when he
was interrupted by a solemn voice near him, as Dr. Syntax suddenly rose
and said, “Active verbs govern the Objective Case; active verbs govern
the Objective Case;” and then sat down again.

“I know what he means by that,” said Dr. Verb. “Active verbs are
those whose action passes on to some one or something else, as in the
sentence, ‘Harry kicked the cat,’ the action of kicking passed on to
the poor cat; and in ‘I ate my dinner,’ the action of eating passed on
and consumed the dinner; so _kick_ and _eat_ are both active verbs, and
govern an Objective Case.”

“Well, then,” said the Judge, “must all _active_ verbs have an
Objective Case?”

“They should have one, my lord, if you want to make the sentence
complete. You must give them an _object_ for their activity. Every
active boy can do _something_, though it may not be Latin, and the
same with every active verb. If it is an active verb you can always
put _some one_ or _something_ after it; as to _eat_ something, _drink_
something, _see_ something, _love_ somebody.”

“And if the verb is not active?” asked the Judge.

“Then it usually has a preposition between it and the noun or pronoun
after it, as, ‘I think _of_ you.’ And the preposition gets all the
honour and glory of governing the Objective Case, and gets an extra
mark besides.”

“Well,” said the Judge, “you have explained it pretty clearly. I
suppose I must allow you an extra mark for every verb that governs an
Objective Case.”

“But, please, my lord,” said Mr. Noun, coming forward, “I suppose that
Pronoun and I are not to lose a mark for every word of ours that is
governed by a verb. That would be very hard.”

“No, no,” said the Judge. “There is no dishonour in being governed by
an active verb; it is only when you allow yourselves to be governed by
a little mite like Preposition, that you are to lose a mark.”

“Allow ourselves to be governed,” muttered Mr. Noun. “As if we could
help it, when Dr. Syntax has once made the rule.”

“Brother Parsing,” said the Judge, “let us have a sentence to ‘parse,’
as you call it, that we may see clearly how it is done.”

“Certainly, my lord,” said Serjeant Parsing, turning over his papers.
“Here is an excellent sentence, or rather, I should say, two sentences,
for there are two verbs: ‘Jack suddenly gave a loud cry, for lo! a
tiger appeared before him.’ Now let each Part-of-Speech claim the word
as I read it. _Jack._”

“Mine,” said Mr. Noun. “_Jack_ is a proper noun.”

“_Suddenly_,” said Serjeant Parsing.

“Certainly _suddenly_ is mine,” said Adverb, smoothly.

“_Gave_,” said Serjeant Parsing.

“_Gave_ is mine,” said Dr. Verb, “and it agrees with its nominative,
_Jack_. For ‘who gave?’ _Jack_ gave, so _Jack_ is the nominative; and
please, Mr. Noun, what number and person is _Jack_, for _gave_ must be
the same?”

“_Jack_ is singular number, of course,” said Mr. Noun, “for there is
only one Jack mentioned; and it is third person, for you are talking
about him, not _to_ him, and, of course, he is not talking of himself;
my words never do that.”

“Oh,” said Dr. Verb, “then _Jack_ is third person singular, is he?
then _gave_ is third person singular, too; and it is an active verb,
and has an Objective Case. ‘Jack gave what?’ a _cry_--_cry_ is the
objective, governed by the active verb gave; so an extra mark for me,
please Serjeant Parsing.”

“All right,” said the learned Serjeant. “_A_ is the next word.”

“Mine,” said little Article.

“_Loud,_” continued Serjeant Parsing.

“_Loud_ is mine,” said Adjective; “it qualifies cry--tells what sort of
a cry he gave.”

“Good,” said Serjeant Parsing; “now, _cry_.”

“Mine,” said Mr. Noun; “a common noun this time, and Objective Case;
but it does not lose a mark, as it is governed by an active verb, not
by a preposition.”

“_For_,” continued Serjeant Parsing.

“Mine, sir,” said Conjunction; “it joins the sentences. ‘Jack gave a
loud cry,’ _for_ ‘lo! a tiger appeared before him.’”

“Lo! lo! lo! that is mine,” cried little Interjection, before Serjeant
Parsing had time to continue.

“_A_,” called out the Serjeant, without noticing him.

“An article, again,” said little Article.

“_Tiger_,” continued Serjeant Parsing.

“Mine,” said Mr. Noun; “a common noun, but nominative this time to the
verb _appeared_.”

“You should not tell my words, Mr. Noun,” said Dr. Verb. “Please, sir,
_appeared_ is a verb, not active, because it does not say that the
tiger appeared to anybody or anything; it appeared _before_ somebody,
and that little preposi----”

“Now you’re telling, Dr. Verb,” cried Preposition. “Please, sir,
_before_ is mine--a preposition, showing the position of the tiger with
regard to poor Jack, and governing _him_ in the Objective Case; so two
marks for me, please, sir.”

“One more word,” said Serjeant Parsing; “_him_.”

“_Him_ is mine,” said Pronoun, sadly; “it is a personal pronoun, third
person and singular number, standing instead of the noun _Jack_; but,”
he added, with tears in his eyes, “it is of no use to give me a mark
for it, as I shall lose it again on account of the case. _Him_ is the
objective case, governed by the preposition _before_;” and Pronoun
turned away with a sob.

“Well, gentlemen,” said Judge Grammar, “you see what the learned
Serjeant means by ‘parsing.’ Only let our Schoolroom-shire friends
parse a few sentences in the same way, and they will be perfectly
prepared for the great trial that is coming on. Brother, pray hand them
up a few.” Then pulling out his watch, the Judge continued: “I find,
gentlemen, that the present time will soon be past, and we shall be
stepping into the future if we go on much longer; therefore I must put
off, until the next time we meet, the announcement I was going to make
to you to-day.”

The Judge then left the bench, and Serjeant Parsing prepared the
following sentences for parsing:--

  We took a walk in the garden.
  I see a bee in your bonnet.
  The dragon ate a dragon-fly.
  You never saw a blue rose.
  Ah! I have a bone in my leg.
  I will ride behind you on your horse.
  Tom picked a flower for me.
  Willy is riding on the rocking-horse.
  A spider has eight legs.



[Illustration]

CHAPTER XVII.

THE POSSESSIVE CASE; AND WHO’S TO HAVE THE PRIZE?


[Illustration: ‘S S’

  THE QUEEN’S CROWN
  TOM’S BAT
  AMY’S PARASOL
  THE POSSESSIVE CASE]

The court was again assembled, and the Judge was just going to speak,
when he stopped--for there was Mr. Noun, who had gone plop down on one
knee before him, just as Dr. Verb did before, and was holding out his
petition.

“Dear me,” exclaimed the Judge, “you too! What can you have to complain
of?”

“I have lost a Case, my lord,” said Mr. Noun, still kneeling.

“Get up, sir,” said the Judge, “and say out quickly what you mean. Am I
never to have done with these tiresome Cases?”

“Please, my lord, it is just this,” said Mr. Noun, standing up. “You
have seen how my words can be Nominative Case or Objective Case; but
there is a case in which they are neither of these two. For instance,
in the sentence, ‘The monkey pulled the cat’s tail,’--_pulled_
is the verb; _monkey_ is the nominative, for the monkey did the
pulling; _tail_ is the objective, for ‘what did the monkey pull?’
The _tail_--but then what case is _cat’s_? It is not nominative nor
objective.”

“Don’t ask me what case it is,” said the Judge, indignantly; “say out
at once yourself.”

“But you will be angry at the long word, my lord,” said Mr. Noun.

“Nonsense, sir,” said the Judge, getting very red. “Speak at once, when
I order you to do so.”

“Then _cat’s_ is said to be in the Possessive Case,” said Mr. Noun,
“because it shows who possessed the tail that was pulled by the monkey.
Any noun that shows to whom a thing belongs--who is the possessor of
it--is said to be in the Possessive Case.”

“Oh!” said the Judge. “Then if I say, ‘This knife belongs to Harry,’
_Harry_ will be in the Possessive Case, will it?”

“No, my lord,” said Mr. Noun, looking a little confused, “because there
is a little preposition _to_ before Harry, and prepositions----”

“Prepositions govern the Objective Case,” said Dr. Syntax, solemnly.

“Yes, yes, we know,” said Mr. Noun, impatiently; “but I mean any noun
that shows possession, without the help of any preposition, as if you
said, ‘This is Harry’s knife.’ _Harry’s_ is in the Possessive Case, for
it shows who possesses the knife, not by the help of any preposition,
but by making it Harry’_s_ instead of _Harry_. I might have said in the
other sentence, ‘The monkey pulled the tail belonging to the cat,’ but
it is much better and shorter to use a Possessive Case, and say, ‘The
monkey pulled the cat’s tail.’”

“It certainly seems a convenient case,” said the Judge.

“It is, my lord,” said Mr. Noun; “and, therefore, I think I have a
right to ask for an extra mark for it.”

“Oh! that is what you want, is it?” said the Judge. “Well, I will grant
your request, provided you can show me an easy way of finding the
Possessive Case at once.”

“You may always know it by the little apostrophe (’) either before or
after an _s_ at the end of the word,” answered Mr. Noun; “as, ‘Mary’s
doll,’ ‘Tom’s dog,’ ‘the baby’s milk,’ ‘the children’s toys,’ ‘the
boys’ hats,’ ‘the girls’ gardens.’ Is not that easy, my lord?”

“Yes, that is simple enough,” replied the Judge; “therefore, although I
think it rather impertinent of you to have brought so many Cases before
me, I will grant your request. You are to have then an extra mark for
every Nominative Case and for every Possessive Case, but none for the
Objective Case; and you will lose a mark every time you are governed by
a preposition. Are you satisfied?”

Mr. Noun bowed, and took his seat.

“And now, gentlemen,” continued the Judge, addressing the nine
Parts-of-Speech, “as you have all appeared before me, and shown clearly
who and what you are----”

“And me! oh! oh! poor little me!” cried Interjection.

“I have not called you up before me,” said the Judge, sternly, “because
we have all heard quite enough about you already. Once is quite enough
to have heard such an unruly, odd little creature as you are; and you
have thrown yourself in more than once while the people were speaking.
We all know that you neither govern nor are governed by any one else,
and that you agree with nobody. Therefore, stand aside and be quiet.”

“Ah, well!” chuckled Interjection, as he obeyed, “if I do not govern
any one, at least I can take my neighbours’ words, as other people can,
and make them my own. Marry! forsooth! indeed! that I can!”

“_Marry_ is mine,” said Dr. Verb, bustling up.

“Indeed, _indeed_ is mine,” said Adverb, blandly.

“Pray, do not quarrel with him,” said the Judge; “let him have a few
words to keep him quiet.”

“There is one thing,” said Dr. Verb, laughing, “no one would be in a
hurry to steal Interjection’s words, for they are not worth it. Who
could ever make a decent word out of _oh_! or _fie_! or _pshaw_! or
_ugh_!”

“Laugh as you like, Dr. Verb,” cried Interjection, “my words can stand
alone, and make sense all by themselves, and mean as much as a whole
string of other words. For instance, when I say ‘Fie!’ that is as good
as saying, ‘You ought to be ashamed of yourself;’ and when I say ‘Ah!’
that means, ‘I see through all your fine airs and graces, Dr. Verb, and
know all about you.’ Ha! ha! what do you say to that?” And Interjection
once more took a turn over head and heels.

“Keep him quiet, will you,” said the Judge. “And now, gentlemen,”
he continued, for the third time, “I hope we shall all be prepared
for the great trial that is to take place this day week. The people
of Schoolroom-shire are all invited to attend, and to bring their
slates and pencils with them. You all, my nine Parts-of-Speech, will
together make up a story which Serjeant Parsing will have in his
hand. He will then carefully examine every word, and the children of
Schoolroom-shire, who will have a place for each of you on their
slates, will put down a mark to each one who deserves it. In the end,
they will count up all the marks, and the Part-of-Speech who has the
most will get--will get----”

Just at this moment, when every one was listening most anxiously to
hear what the prize was to be, clouds of dust were observed arising
from behind his lordship’s throne. In fact, the Critics, tired of
doing nothing, had begun to turn out whole piles of mouldering old
books, Murray’s Grammars, old dictionaries, and I know not what; and
the venerable dust therefrom, getting into his lordship’s eyes, nose,
and mouth, brought on such a violent fit of coughing and choking, that
it was impossible to get another word from him. He did not then, nor
has he since, informed his loving subjects what the prize was to be.
Therefore, it is left to the children of Schoolroom-shire to decide.
In examining the following story they must be both judge and jury, and
decide not only which Part-of-Speech deserves the most marks, but also
what is a fitting reward for the happy being who shall win the great
prize of Grammar-land.

_Serjeant Parsing’s Story for the Examination._

THE SAD FATE OF OUR SQUIRREL

Once, when I was walking in the garden, I found a young squirrel on the
ground at the foot of a tall tree. It had fallen from the nest. I took
the little soft warm creature in my hand, and I carried it carefully
into the house. There we fed it with warm milk, and it quickly revived.
It soon sat up, with its pretty curly tail over its back, and then it
rubbed its nose with its paws. It seemed to look to me as if it knew
me for a friend. When night came, I made a soft bed for it beside
me, and it slept cosily. In the morning, I took it to my cousin. “It
wants breakfast,” she said; “I will warm some milk for it in my doll’s
saucepan.” So she boiled some milk in a little green saucepan, and
we fed our pet. “Ah!” I cried, “is it ill? It is struggling as if it
were in pain.” We tried to warm it, and we gave it another spoonful of
milk; but, alas! the poor little creature gave a pitiful moan, and we
soon saw that it was dead. The green paint on the doll’s saucepan was
poisonous, and we had killed our little squirrel while it was lying in
our arms.

[Illustration]



Transcriber’s Note:

The following changes have been made to the original publication:

  Page 16
    _a bird_, _a fly_, when suddenly _changed to_
    _a bird_, _a fly_,” when suddenly

  Page 47
    therefore her stands _changed to_
    therefore _her_ stands

  Page 51
    some one in it.” _changed to_
    some one in it.

  Page 58
    of the verb _to swim_. _changed to_
    of the verb _to swim_.”

  Page 84
    How do you like it _changed to_
    _How_ do you like it

  Page 92
    See peeped into the flower; _changed to_
    She peeped into the flower;

  Page 104
    let us hear them. _changed to_
    let us hear them.”

  Page 117
    I can take my neighbours words _changed to_
    I can take my neighbours’ words

  Page 119
    In fact, the critics, tired of _changed to_
    In fact, the Critics, tired of



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